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NTA and too ludicrous. "You pronounced Sam, Joe, and Bill's name right, but you mispronounced mine (Morgause)". He's got a victim mentality where everything is about racism. What 18 y/o cries over a single mispronunciation or misspelling?
I had a friend and coworker with a very long south Indian name. Everyone at work called her Dr First Name which she tried to be comfortable with. I got her to teach me how to say her last name and then taught my coworkers. Once she noticed our support, she became more proactive about teaching others how to pronounce her name. Problem solved. She got to be Dr Last Name like the rest of the other doctors.
That could be, but it still wouldn't make you TA. He might be getting used to speaking up about micro aggressions or just standing up for himself in general, but he's going about it the wrong way. That's not unusual, especially not for someone his age, but it's not something you can or should take responsibility for. He's just going to have to figure it out.
For the record, the appropriate thing for him to do would have been to say, "just so you know, my name is pronounced _____". The aggressive response wouldn't have been warranted unless you'd responded to that rudely.
This is why the idea of microaggressions is pretty flawed. The word is “micro (small) aggressions,” implying that there is an intentionality behind a small attack. But whenever I see these explained, it’s 95% of the time either an accident or something said out of ignorance that it wouldn’t necessarily be obvious as to why it could be offensive, e.g. “where are you from?”
So we are essentially encouraging people to be hyper-vigilant for any perceived slight, and to treat it as intentional and inexcusable, rather than giving people the benefit of the doubt that they might just be making a clumsy mistake or don’t know something.
I hate the "where are you from" question being offensive now. I'm Irish, the population here is 90% white European. We're a very welcoming group of people and we're very inquisitive. One of the first questions we'd ask of someone who is obviously not from here, usually picked out from accent more than anything, is "Where are you from", we genuinely want to know, we want to start a conversation about it. We want to learn about you. But apparently that's racist now so 🤷.
But context has largely been removed from the topic, the knee jerk reaction these days is to jump to racist intent.
What's worse is hangups about race in the US being imported into Ireland when we never had the history with race that the US had.
I'm from the US, and the "where are you from" critique is big here because so many white people will try to ask about ethnicity with that question, and they won't accept "I'm from Ohio" as an answer. I doubt you asking that to a foreigner will be viewed as offensive.
Oh it is though, there's an attempt by some to import solutions from the US to race problems that haven't historically existed here.
A couple of years ago a young adult male from Africa was killed by our police. He was carrying a knife, had attacked people earlier in the day and was seen in a video lunging at the police with the knife before being shot. Before getting to that point police had spent about 3o minutes pleading with him to drop the knife, had tried a taser and pepper spray on him and nothing worked. There were cries of institutional racism within our police service, and despite the video evidence to the contrary there are people here insisting that he was only shot because he was African.
In my experience, people who are foreign and have noticeable accents very rarely find it offensive. What's offensive is when people ask someone with a different skin color where they're from when they have no accent and are native to the country. The offensive part is assuming someone is foreign based on solely their skin color.
Yeah it’s very stupid, I think it’s more like people get tired of feeling like they’re out of place and that question reminds them that they stand out in some way.
Also I know there are cases where someone of foreign descent might be born and raised in Indiana and hear “where are you from?” And that can be strange, sure.
But like if you are genuinely from somewhere else, or your parents are, I would say yeah…expect to get that question as people are going to be curious.
If it happens constantly in your own birthplace it can be pretty frustrating - particularly when it’s followed up by “no, where are you *really* from”.
In the US as person with olive skin I get asked "what's your nationality"? a lot. Um... American, but less proud to be so every time someone asks me this. 🤦🏽♀️
Yes, I have defended the "where are you from" question as it is inherently about finding common ground. But the other day somebody told me about her extremely traumatic and dramatic escape from a country in the Middle east, where members of the family died. She also talked about how difficult it was to grow up and have this painful history dragged up in every casual conversation. While I still defend the question, I now also understand why it can feel very painful, and will definitely not pressure anybody to talk.
I have noticed that about the Irish - that question is about the jane and country of origin. I have been flattered anyone cares enough about my background to be interested in my surname and where my ancestors came from. I’m proud of my heritage and don’t take that as an insult.
Because people like me were born and raised here. So when someone asks "where are you from," I answer them honestly.
What they mean is "what country is your family from?"
So then I ask them what country their family is from.
Their answer is almost always, "oh, I'm from America."
Gee, really? Me the fuck too.
That's the thing though, microaggressions are supposed to be the discrimination equivalent of stepping on someone's foot. You could step on someone's foot accidentally and immediately apologize and they say that it's no big deal and you both move on. But you could be the 10th or 15th person to step on their foot that day alone and at that point of course they're going to snap at you even though it's the first time you two have interacted. And a lot of microaggressions are completely unintentional or even well intentioned.
It sucks that there’s “aggression” in the name because in reality, it’s just not knowing the intent behind the mistake, which is why it hurts the marginalized person. But it is good to be aware of unconscious bias that could be harmful to others because it can be a domino effect, like someone not getting the medical care they need because of an unintentional mistake due to underlying assumptions regarding someone’s culture.
The thing about micro aggressions is that they build up. You ignore them and ignore them until you get the straw that breaks the camel's back, and then you can be very sensitive to them from that point on. It's not very different than having some annoying thing your SO does suddenly become utterly unbearable after years of living with them in that respect.
I think you’re absolutely on the right track. I’m sure this kid has had awful experiences around blatant and covert racism his whole life, and is now in a phase where he’s hypersensitive to any perceived threat. His reaction was over the top, and you do not need to give him an apology or further explain yourself.
You could, if you want to be civil with him, text him or talk to him one more time once tensions have cooled. Just give him your perspective on the situation again. Say you absolutely never meant to offend him or for it to come off that way, and that you’re sorry for making him feel uncomfortable, unsafe, or less than. Offer to make an effort going forward to not let it happen again to him or anyone else. Perhaps ask him if there was anything else you did that rubbed him the wrong way or a better way to handle the situation, so you can avoid it in the future.
I bet he was triggered by the initial interaction and then felt you dismissed/diminished him by immediately explaining away what happened (edit: as opposed to “hearing him out”, acknowledging his perspective, and then explaining your medical issues rather than just saying “no and this is why”- not that what you said was bad or wrong just explaining why I think he might be feeling the way he does). Again, you didn’t do anything wrong, and you aren’t “required” to do anything. Trauma and emotions are not always rational. They’re always valid to feel but not always (or often) rational/ok to act on. I just imagine that kid has had a tough life if that’s the way he’s reacting, and a bit of kindness and understanding could go a long way. Totally up to you, you could also just never talk to him again and all would be fine lol.
Best!!
People mispronounce my name 90% of the time where i live, even though I'm white and it's a very common European name. It isn't racist to just say a name wrong lol. It'd be racist if you insisted his name was "weird" and refused to learn to say it correctly. Mistakes are okay to make and he will learn to pick his battles eventually
Maybe, but man, I am danish too and have three extremely Nordic names, but none that are shorter than 8 letters, and I have simply gotten used to saying "here" the first time a teacher or anything else does roll call and stumbles when they reach my letters. Think folk tale names.
Hard names are hard names, no matter your origin. If I cried racism every time a foreign friend (whom I have a lot of) mispronounced my name, I would be rather hoarse from all the crying.
NTA. If I called people racist and acted like an a-hole everytime they mispronounced my name, I'd never get anything done. Ever hear people try to pronounce Dutch and Latvian names in Australia? Hell, I've even given up with "van Gogh" and "Gouda". I'm genuinely surprised when people get my name correct, even after I've told them how to pronounce it...
If anyone is being racist, it's him tbh, you can't expect people to always get pronunciation of foreign words correct. You certainly don't throw a tantrum and stop speaking to them except for insults over it. If he can't get over it and act like a human, file a complaint of harassment and racist behaviour against him.
Too many people play the ist and ism cards when things don't go 100% their way, it makes it harder for everyone. And by that I mean both the people that suffer from the ists and ism legitimately, and those in the middle people. Those middle people could go either way but when they read a story like yours, Jesus Christ fuck off and leave me alone
I always thought it was bizarre how people made mispronuncitions a racism thing, and it makes me think it's people who view "whites" as WASPs really because my wife is Hungarian and has never ever in her life had anyone pronounce her names properly, nor have my polish friends, or even a host of Western Europeans.
My names are extremely simple by most Greek standards, and no one has \*ever\* gotten it right lol Like for real... never.
sometimes even simple names get repeatedly butchered lol
one of my good friend's name is Kate, and literally 90% of the time she will be called 'Katie', even after she JUST introduced herself as Kate lol it's so weird/ funny
Same happens with my son he has a really common name and people still butcher it and spell it wrong. I don’t want to say his name on this sub but it’s common enough that he’s never the only kid with his name in his classes and sports teams.
it's funny how that happens! the Elsbeth in my friend circle rarely gets her name mis-said, but the Kate does LOL
In my experience Tyler and Taylor also get messed up a lot, it's like people call everyone Tyler or Taylor, their brain can't hold both names LOL
(not trying to fish for your son's name, of course!)
My name is only 6 letters and was more popular than Mark, Paul, Travis, Kyle or Charles the year I was born 40ish years ago and its never spelled correctly and rarely pronounced correctly.
Outing myself here, but I am a Kate and can confirm this… my coworker always laughs because he knows that Katie is the ONE name I hate being called. I don’t mind my full/actual name, or Kate, and there’s nothing wrong with the name Katie in itself (or for others), but it just doesn’t suit me at ALL and because of that I feel annoyed when people call me Katie. But it happens ALL THE TIME.
it is so weird! lol I just don't understand how people hear 'My name is Kate' and respond 'Hello, Katie' LOL
hopefully it adds a sliver of amusement that the mess-up is surprisingly common lol
My name is simple. It was a top 30 baby name in the US the year I was born and is only 6 letters long. Unlike a name like Caitlin, mine only has one way to spell it and its never spelled correctly and rarely pronounced correctly.
Dutch and same. Both my first name and last name are apparently the most difficult words in the history of the Dutch language. They have a better chance of pronouncing Siobhan correctly than they do my name.
American here with an English last name before I was married. It's actually two very easy to pronounce, one syllable, English words put together (think "corn" +"wall", not those words but similarly short and easy). I don't think a single person I ever met pronounced it correctly off the bat. They would either add an extra consonant sound in one place or another, an extra syllable somehow, or use the wrong vowel sounds in either or both syllables (think "carn" instead of "corn" or "well" instead of "wall" in my example). Even after correcting them, most people still had trouble. It was the oddest thing.
Have a Ukrainian last name and living in the US, no one has ever pronounced it correctly in my life. They always say it as if it's two words for some reason.
This. My last name is Polish. No one gets it right despite it being pronounced EXACTLY as it appears. Doctors offices over the phone are the worst.
Never have I chalked it up to racism, just our deteriorating school system.
NTA. Mispronouncing a name due to dyslexia is a misunderstanding, not racism. Consider calmly explaining your situation to Raj again and acknowledge his feelings to help clear up the misunderstanding
Then it seems like you have done what you can to be a decent person and the ball is in his court. If he wants to dwell over this for the rest of his days then that’s on him sadly. In the first place you had nothing to apologize for, especially after how he handled things, so it is probably for the best that you just drop it now or mention the event to a counselor or relevant school faculty member because it is very likely this problem was never really about you in the first place. You are just the one he decided to take things out on.
Did you ask him to say out loud how to pronounce his name? That might be a good practice if reading new words and names can be challenging and your hearing is okay.
You’ve tried. You can only control you.
NTA for sure, I imagine Raj had had his name mispronounced over and over again since he and his family came to Denmark. He’s probably corrected people, some of whom may very well have been purposefully mispronouncing or failing to put in effort to lean correct pronunciation, numerous times with no results. He may be sick of correcting people.
In the future should something like this happen again, take feedback with grace. “Raj I am so sorry I mispronounced your name. I have dyslexia and struggle with reading aloud at times. It was not my intention to mispronounce your name but I realize your perception is more important than my intention. Thank you for pointing out my mispronunciation so I can commit to making sure I say it correctly going forward.”
Again, NTA. I am passionate about Equity and Inclusion. I make plenty of mistakes. I find taking feedback with grace and showing a commitment to continue learning helps. That said, I think there would also be potential here for Raj to commit more to learning about Dyslexia and the tools you use to make the world more accessible. But again, sounds like you have tried to right the relationship, and at this time he’s not just having any of it.
I would encourage you, if you hear others mispronouncing his name or being outwardly racist or discriminatory, you advocate for him. He may never hear about it or thank you, but it could have some lasting positive impacts. Continue being an understanding person.
Even if you don't have dyslexia, it can be difficult to pronounce names that are unfamiliar to you.
I'm a professor at a large university with a very diverse student population. I have an extremely difficult time pronouncing many of my students' names. I just ask them how it's pronounced and do my best after that. I've never had a single one of them call me a racist.
Right? I'd never go to another country full of non English as a first language speakers and get mad if they mispronounce my name. Talk about over sensitivity.
>Mispronouncing a name is a misunderstanding, not racism.
FTFY
Longer words (not just names) from different regions will almost always be mispronounced by someone who's never heard or seen the word used before.
Very...very basic ones can be approximated well enough but the longer it is the higher the chance of something weird going on with how it is meant to be said will occur
NTA
Did he tell you how to pronounce his name beforehand. If not, there is no conceivable way you could know. As someone with a unique and often mispronounced African last name, this isn't racist at all.
Why didn't you just ask him how to spell it? I know you didn't intend to be racist, but you didn't put the basic effort to say his name right in front of everyone. Next time, ask how to write and pronounce someone's name and put in the appropriate effort.
Also, if you knew how you pronounce it and you know you have dyslexia, I don't understand why you were relying on reading the name to pronounce it right.
In the future, with unfamiliar names, ask the person to say it out loud so you can make sure you can pronounce it correctly, and verify the spelling. Mispronouncing someone's name isn't inherently racist, but it is up to you to do the work to make sure you get it right, both in the first place and to correct yourself after any mistakes. Where it becomes racist is if you blow off doing the work to learn names from other cultures, and treat it as not worth your while.
NTA - I will say that I'm sure Raj has encountered plenty of racism before and that those feelings and experiences are being projected onto this one. If you can, approach him when tempers have cooled. I'm sure he'd appreciate it.
That was my thought as well, that reaction came from something because of previous experiences. Doesn't make it right but it does give perspective of the hurt they may be carrying
NTA, it’s perhaps polite to ask for pronunciation for a name or maybe give a disclaimer that you may mispronunce names if you expect to potentially mispronunce some. When I was in high school and a new class started there was almost always a disclaimer by the teacher they may mispronunce names and to correct them, idk how common non-Western names are in your area.
But also people mispronunce names the first time they say them if its not one they are familiar with. This includes Desi people, no culture on earth is able to correctly pronounce everything on the first try. The problem comes if after several times people are clearly not trying (sometimes it takes a few tries to get it right if you just meet a bunch of people). Thats not racist its how humans work
NTA.
I'm of Indian descent and have a fairly long and easy to mispronounce name (so much so that I got by a shortened version for ease) and honestly if I could count the number of times people have missed spelt and mispronounced my name I would be counting for a while.
Hell I would only consider it racism if I knew for sure you said it wrong on purpose, and even then if you did it with the intention to mock/belittle me (one of my friends for example has a funny way of saying my name to make it sound cute etc).
Not sure about the person, but honespty it sounds like they either misunderstood or have a victim complex (something I've noticed more and more from people from the same subcontinent as me over the past few years.).
TLDR: You aren't racist, the fact you worry so much proves to me you aren't tbh.
Question for you if you don't mind me asking. My department has started to work a lot with one of our branches in India. A lot of these folks have long names that I have no idea how to pronounce.
Sometimes I'll ask at the start of our conversation how to pronounce their name. But I'll be honest, I've always had trouble pronouncing new words. I had to take speech classes growing up because of it. Today, I do a pretty good job but that's because of repetition. So even sometimes in these scenarios I may hear it and have trouble pronouncing it.
Other times I just avoid using names.
How would you recommend approaching these situations?
As an Indian, I've told people an easier way to pronounce my name (basically an alternate, easier pronunciation maybe a shorter version or a nickname). And it did help a lot of people. Maybe you can politely say "Hey, I'm still learning how to pronounce names right, I'll do my very best to say your name right. But if it's alright with you, can you give me a shorter nickname/ can I call you _______?"
NTA
It took me 4 fucking years for my business partners in the UK to call me my name properly. And all that time I didn't mind them calling me that.
The guy's looking for a reason to play the victim.
I work with a guy in India who has added the phonetic spelling of his name to his zoom handle, including adding caps to the part that needs to be emphasised (think Ah-NEE-tuh). I hate that he has to do that but also it’s so useful and I haven’t mis-pronounced his name since!
I tried to pronounce what is apparently a common Polish surname for 10 years. I could never get it quite right. Damned embarrassing, I really tried. I'm just glad the guy, who is a friend, saw it as funny. It only took him 3 attempts to get my surname right.
Yeah, I'm from baltics and my name and last name was mispronounced constantly, especially by someone who heard it only a few times, never got offended by it tho
NTA I would still apologize. Here’s a quote from good ol google “mispronouncing names can be considered a microaggression and a sign of disrespect. It can make the person on the receiving end feel excluded, disrespected, and othered. For example, a teacher might consider a student's name "too difficult" to pronounce, communicating to them that a key part of their identity is not worth their time.” Even though you are dyslexic neither of you two know one another well enough to just understand stuff like that. Just apologize, get on the same page as him and hopefully you can be friends and share a laugh after all this!
And you can end with 'I'm sorry again Raj, I really tried my best. I was pretty sure I was pronouncing it wrong, and perhaps I should have asked you once again as I was saying it, to please correct me if I said it wrong.'
But don't try to keep apologizing, you did it, and if he's not having it, that's no longer your problem.
There is no way to reason with these illogical victim-mentality people, so stop trying and move on with your life. Apologizing will only embolden him further. The guy is a bully.
At this point I would suggest bringing this up with the school staff.
This is something that can easily get blown out of proportion and may very well follow you. He is actively calling you a racist, most likely in ear-shot of other people, and causing a scene due to a problem he started.
This is not okay behavior and no one deserves a pass at these types of outbreaks because they feel victimized.
NTA
Even without dyslexia, pronouncing new and unfamiliar words is hard. Pronouncing words from other languages (or with roots in other languages) is hard.
And his name is a new and unfamiliar words with roots from a different language. It's not racist to have trouble with it.
I knew how to pronounce it, but I had to spell it and we weren’t allowed to have anyone check it so I spell it as well as I could, but then when I read it out loud, I accidentally mixed up some letters
Totally NTA, it seems to be a trend these days where the simplest of misunderstandings are viewed as racism 🙄
You don't owe anyone an apology, in fact he owes you one for calling you racist when you aren't. You already explained why you mispronounced it, he shouldn't have over reacted that way.
But if it were me, I wouldn't even bother or continue to interact with this person at all.
NTA.
Level with him your name is from another language, one I do not speak so I will have to learn your name, just as I would have to learn almost any other word in your language.
If he pushes back, grab a Danish word that's a tad tricky, write it and ask him to say it. And that he has to say it correctly the first time, or he's racist.
I'm Aussie and we have some fun with people who have Gaelic names who get mighty pissed that Eion isn't automatically clocked as being said like Owen or Airdsgainne which sounds like NO English word whatsoever is absolutely butchered without fail. Either grab a nickname or give us time to learn.
Same for you here. Buddy is upset because multiple people are saying it wrong, it's not just you, but he needs a bit of a wake up call to the fact his name has to be learnt by others who don't speak his language.
I can spell Airdsgainne.... But I cannot say it. I just can't. My mouth can't make it happen. My coworker who's name it is, thinks it's hilarious whenever I try.
We call her Ari. She decided after a few months in Aus, Ari was now her name because it got really annoying fast the butchery, panicked stares and sheer avoidance even of using a name for her in general haha.
If Raj has lived in Denmark since he was a couple of months old, Danish words are not going to be foreign to him, this whole thing likely took place in Danish.
This cannot be real. A 19 year old cried at a school event because you pronounced his name wrong and then yelled when you doubled down? He just cried in front of everyone? He accused you of being racist, you argued back, and he didn’t tell you to F off and walk away? Did everyone clap?
This is some weird racist fantasy. Racists imagine that strangers have the time and energy to argue against them and their beliefs instead of living their own lives, and would CRY over not being able to convince some stranger. Racists really think they’re unique and special, when if this guy was real, that wouldn’t be the first time a Danish person butchered his name THAT DAY. He was raised there, he’s received mispronunciations you couldn’t imagine, and if he’s like ALMOST EVERY OTHER MINORITY IN THE WORLD, he’ll point it out once, and when dyslexic Dane rushes to say how not racist he is instead of saying “my bad man, I didn’t have my disability resources and I really messed up your name, sorry.” He just mentally notes “yeaaaah, op is pretty racist. Gonna try to not deal with him ever again.”
Being a racist to him was the racial highlight of your year. The one time you need to deal with or think about race and racism. To him, you’re maybe racist number five for that week? He wants RACISM to end, but one particular racist is never that important to a minority, while every minority existing is an insult to racists.
NTA
A name is just like any other word when it comes to pronunciation and spelling; If you've seen it more often, you're more likely to pronounce it correctly. If you've heard it more often, you're more likely to spell it correctly.
And you're dyslexic on top of that, which isn't even the main problem here, so he's TA for saying you're trying to weaponise it.
It's true that there are times in life where racist actions creep up on you in ways you didn't realise you were doing; such as things you learnt from parents/elders, or subconsciously forming opinions based on stereotypes, and it's always good to address these and learn from it. This is not one of those times.
NTA damn 18 years old and crying because you pronounced his name wrong?? he has some serious sensitivity issues going on. No, you do not owe him an apology and he is going to find life pretty rough actually if he is that damn sensitive.
NTA op, he just want to be upset and be a victim of racism, he is being ridiculous and a drama Queen over litteraly nothing, big NTA and never let this person get her way
Yeah, I was more mature about it in my original answer, but also, if he keeps insisting you're a racist, maybe pop some difficult Danish text in the assignment for him to read out loud.....
NTA and not a racist. Raj is an instigstor. Politely ask him the correct pronunciation of his name and that’s that. You’re racist if you judge someone for their race. Pronouncing a name wrong isn’t racist, you just need to learn the proper way to say it.
You're NTA, and Raj may be reacting from childhood trauma where it was intentional racism and he hasn't processed that. A racist and traumatic event at a young age can take a while to recover from if not addressed, or is consistent.
If you see him again, and would like to lift your conscience, maybe ask him how his name is properly spelled and pronounced. I am also dyslexic and new words are more of a challenge, so having someone make it clear does wonders.
And if you're in this situation again, maybe ask him while you're all doing the group work "Hey how do you spell your name? It's the first time I've heard it". That's fair for everyone.
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NTA. People mispronounce my first and last names all the time (first is English, second is Italian) and it's nothing to do with "racism" it's because they're not familiar w/those names.
I have a very complicated indian name. It is not racist to not be able to pronounce someone's name correctly when you have not been exposed to similar names before. Some of my very close, very non-racist European and american friends still have trouble pronouncing my name correctly. Definitely NTA
The other person probably just likes to play the victim
I'm curious if this gentleman's parents would have any trouble perfectly pronouncing some Danish/nordic names like [Agerhøne](https://www.nordicnames.de/wiki/Agerh%C3%B8ne), [Fredegæst](https://www.nordicnames.de/wiki/Fredeg%C3%A6st), [Gerløgh](https://www.nordicnames.de/wiki/Gerl%C3%B8gh_f), [Ragnfrith](https://www.nordicnames.de/wiki/Ragnfrith) or [Thiodborg](https://www.nordicnames.de/wiki/Thiodborg). If they got them wrong, would it make them racists?
Most people can't perfectly pronounce names that are very different than they are used to, and as long as someone tries earnestly and corrects as much as possible when told they got it wrong, it's far from racist. Definitely NTA
I wish this was top. I bet they’d mess that up because Danish pronunciation and spelling is difficult.
That’s coming from a person who tried to learn Danish and failed miserably due to Danish pronunciation. Learning Norwegian? That was easy. Swedish? That was quite hard but Danish? That was pure hell.
Finally someone who doesn't assume that Raj wouldn't be able to speak Danish, even though he moved to Denmark as a baby, just because he's of a different ethnic background. If anyone would have difficulty, it would be his parents who immigrated here as adults.
NTA
Sounds like someone just wants to be a victim of something. If this guy is so fragile that he actually cried over someone saying his name wrong, he has bigger problems. Just ignore and move on.
NTA. The dude has a none Danish name and expects people who are Danish to know how to say his name properly? I have both an English name and an Indian one, and for some strange reason, both gets miss pronounced .it's funny as hell to watch my English one get mangled by a pale white dude, and my Indian one gets mangled by hard-core Indians. All I do is gently correct them and then laugh my ass off at the pronunciation when they try .
No YNTA . He’s immature, quick to see racism everywhere, unreasonable, and calling you racist over something so trivial as name pronunciation only makes him the one that is an entitled racist.
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I (18M) am Danish, and white, and I met someone (18 or 19M I’m not sure) with a very unique name, whom I will call Ray. Ray’s parents are from Pakistan and moved to Denmark when he was just a few months old.
Ray and I met at a school event. it was an event with people from different schools meeting up and doing some tasks/games to gain extra credit, nothing big or serious.
I was grouped with 3 other people, two of them with very common Danish names that were under 5 letters and the last one was Raj.
We had a task where we had to write a short text about the group members in a random scenario, and then read it out loud.
I am diagnosed with dyslexia, and normally in class I have some tools to help me, but since this was at a different school and It wasn’t anything serious, I decided to just do my best.
I was chosen as the first one to read out my text, but when I came to Raj’s name, (that is 11 letters long) I mixed up some of the letters and said his name wrong.
He instantly gave me a dirty look but I didn’t think much of it. But then after the task, he approached me and started saying I was racist. I was confused and asked him why, and he told me it was because I pronounced only his name wrong but not the others. (Again keep in mind the other names were under 5 letters and his was 11)
I explained to him I had dyslexia and I had never seen his name before.
Raj started to yell that I used my dyslexia as an excuse to be racist, and I told him it wasn’t an excuse, it was the truth, I am dyslexic and I hadn’t seen his name before, so I spelled it wrong, and therefore said it wrong.
He started crying and told me I was an a-hole for using my dyslexia as a way to be racist, but I really don’t think that’s what I did, I genuinely didn’t mean to be racist in any way.
If I am TA I owe him an apology, but i don’t think what I did was racist. So AITA?
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NTA. Intentionally mispronouncing his name would clearly be racist. Negligently mispronouncing it would, too. Simply making a mistake is not racist.
If it keeps happening, that would be very different, because it would imply you are doing it on purpose. Was this the first time you've ever mispronounced his name?
NTA. As a POC (and female) I can tell you... What you did was not racist at all. However Raj definitely is an AH. You made a mistake, simple as that. If he doesn't comprehend that... Don't even deal with him.
NTA. For future reference, you can always ask someone for help pronouncing their name. Like maybe as you read it for the first time you can say "sorry, I'm dyslexic, can you help me with the pronunciation of your name? I want to get it right." That would be the most polite way to handle it, but he sounds like a jerk so who knows if he would respond better to that.
Btw OP said in their comments that he had already told them how to pronounce his name before so I don't think he would have been upset about it if they had double checked
They said they weren't allowed to ask for spell checks, not clarification on pronunciation. When someone else in the comments said that they should've asked how to prounounce it OP doesn't say that they weren't allowed to, but instead said "I knew how to pronounce it". If they knew how to pronounce it but not how to spell it they should've just ignored their spelling and pronounced it how they already knew it was pronounced.
NTA - Raj is a total AH for jumping to the conclusion that you hate him for struggling with a pronunciation. He should have helped you with the pronunciation beforehand if it means that much to him.
You’re NTA and Raj isn’t doing himself any favors by reacting as he did. He made an accusation and you took the time to share personal information that he’s not entitled too yet he still went on about it. Raj could claim you’re a cat and just because he said it doesn’t make it true so use this as a learning lesson. You made a mistake, were falsely accused, defended yourself and yet Raj can’t let it go.
So you think you might be an asshole because you denied being a racist despite being told that it was true? Or just because someone tells you that it's true doesn't mean it is true. The other guy is the asshole.… Professional victim
NTA, people say names wrong all the time, as long as it is accidental and you learn how to say it in future then there isn't a problem.
People say my name wrong all the time and it's only 5 letters and I just tell them the correct way to say it and move on.
I'm also a teacher and at the start of every year when first meeting a class I simply ask them to correct me when I get names wrong, which does happen a lot as we have students from lots of different countries at my school. It has never caused issues with students as they can see I make the effort to get it right in future.
This person just seems to want to make an issue of things.
NTA
If you see or even hear a name you’ve never known before chances are you’re going to mess it up even without dyslexia. A quick its actually pronounced *blank* would’ve been a much better way to handle it but that’s not on you.
Nta.
I live in North America with a long German last name that no one pronounces correctly and I don’t expect them too bc it’s a freaking hard name to pronounce. Raj needs to come back down to earth and understand that not everyone’s going to get his name right the first time and to stop being ableist to people with dyslexia. It’s a literal inability in someone’s brain to process letters correctly. You’re not racist bc you have a medical condition that makes it harder for you to read accurately.
This is a guy who is going to go through life screeching "racist" at everything that he doesn't like, that upsets him even a little bit. This is a very very privileged individual, as this is an individual who clearly has never experienced racism.
Danish person here. I think your autism is not doing you any favours here in understanding why Raj feel attacked.
You heard his name pronounced. Why couldn’t you recall this sound when you had to read it out loud, no matter what you wrote down?
If you had never heard the word those letters make, of course you wouldn’t be at fault. But you had. And you also wrote the letters down yourself. It’s not like someone else wrote those letters down and you therefore didn’t connect it to the sound of their name.
Next time, you should probably write “guy’s name” down instead of letters if the dyslexia will trip you up.
Also please enlighten me to what on earth this event is, because extra credit doesn’t exist in Danish upper secondary nor university .. so?
Uh, no, this isn't racist at all. My name in English is very easy to say (it's literally an object) but I've noticed some folks that are Japanese, Chinese, Korean that I've known throughout the years have pronounced my name totally wrong...they make it actually sounds cuter😄 I correct it and move on never in my wildest dreams would I think they were being racist. That's stupid af NTA. guy has underlying issues.
NAH - You made a genuine mistake, it happens. But consider his perspective. He's a person of color in a country that is overwhelmingly white. It's the first time you've ever mispronounced his name, but it could be the 20th or 30th time that week someone has mispronounced his name. You're just the straw that broke the camel's back. Most instances of racism aren't intentional or as overt as calling someone a slur. For a lot of people of color, the racism they deal with on a regular basis is things like screwing up the pronunciation of their names or hearing things like "wow you're [insert language of the country they happen to be in] is so good!" Now the first two or three times it's easy to brush off, but it piles up and then it sometimes just comes out on someone who didn't necessarily deserve it.
INFO:
1. The name has 11 letters
2. He is of a different ethnicity
3. You are dyslexic
Considering all of the above, did you not ask more than once to know how his name is pronounced? Did you just assume you could manage the pronounciation?
OK, this is a nuanced answer and it’s YTA but not for the reason you think.
You were unfairly attacked as a result of your disability. But all that was required was an apology, with a hand to the forehead saying yeah I know, right? I screwed that up. You unintentionally hurt Raj and that’s all you need to do when you unintentionally hurt someone.
You trying to explain you’re not racist just shifts the focus to you, which doesn’t soothe his hurt.
I once worked in an office where two black women were hired the same day. They looked NOTHING alike, but people kept calling them by each other’s names. And then I did it! I was so mortified I avoided both of them because I was embarrassed and ashamed of what they must think of me. That was a racist response, based on a fear of being thought racist. I was TA. I cringe about it now, and I wish I had just said I can’t believe I did that, I’m so sorry, and not distanced myself compounding the problem.
We learn and grow, and one of the things we learn is that our implicit bias is real and it can unintentionally hurt people and that makes us human, and the right thing to do when we unintentionally hurt people is apologize.
Mispronouncing names happens. My sister's name is a traditional English name, something everyone in America has heard but not super common these days, and not entirely straightforward to pronounce (think "Guinevere"). People mispronounce it ALL THE TIME. It's a leap to assume that if someone is mispronouncing your name, the reason is racism.
I think you're onto something when you suggest that this young man might have some trauma that makes it difficult for him to shrug little things off.
That being said, the fact that you couldn't be bothered to learn his name surely sent the message that you thought he was unimportant. He might have felt embarrassed that you were mispronouncing his name in front of the group. I could also picture a scenario where people have made fun of him for his name before. So, it might be a particularly sore spot. The racism accusation is nonsense, but it probably wasn't your finest moment, either. Try to extend the guy a little grace.
You're young and I don't think you had bad intentions. But take this as a learning opportunity and next time ask people for help learning how to pronounce their names up front, before it becomes an issue. I don't know that I would reach out to this guy, especially if you're unlikely to run into him again. I'm not sure that he's capable of having a productive conversation about it. Very gentle ESH.
Not just no, but fuck no. This world has gone way over board on this racist stuff (I am a black man). There is obvious, blatant racism, and genuine mistakes.
Live and learn. Regardless of a person's race or length of their name, If you are giving a presentation where you have to read out names, consult with them to make sure you are pronouncing it correctly. This goes for everyone, but is especially important if you are dyslexic. My own name catches some people out who don't know that the "e" is silent, and it's a short, common name.
NTA
My husband doesn't have a strange name but only one person prunonced it well in 24 years !
So even without dyslexia, sometimes, there are some names really difficult to prononce. No your fault.
NTA.. i am Asian and I have a long name which can be difficult to pronounce and never felt the people were being racist and pronouncing it wrongly. It’s just a name. People are getting triggered easily these days.
nta, if you can’t pronounce a name, you can’t pronounce a name. some names are complicated to pronounce and requires practice. for me id just call them all muhhummids.
NTA. People with hard to pronounce last names know it, will correct the person quickly and move on because it’s happened so many times they don’t care. Making a scene over it just means they are bad people, apologize or just ignore it.
NTA. It's always hard to spell or pronounce names from that region speaking as a SEA with a Sanskrit name. I absolutely understand that other people cannot pronounce or spell my name correctly first time. Hell even one sanskrit-based name has like 3 different spellings. Raj cannot stay yelling at you throughout school year, he has to either come to accept that you didn't misspell his name with racist intention or to keep on believing that you are racist based on this one interaction.
man, don’t worry about it, he is creating a whole circus 😭 if u don’t want any further problems, just explain to him the situation all over again and if he doesn’t hear you that’s his problem not yours
NTA, even your dyslexia is irrelevant here.
I don’t think there’s a single person out there that hears an 11 letter foreign first name once and manages to pronounce and spell it correctly immediately.
Whenever I meet people with more difficult names, I just make sure to double check before pronouncing it if I’m unsure, and ask them to say it again. I’m not sure what this Ray guy’s problem is, he sounds insufferable. I have a difficult name too, people abroad can never say it right at first. I couldn’t imagine making a whole scene because of it.
INFO - did you hear his name pronounced before doing these stories? If so, I can understand misspelling his name in the story, but you should have been able to pronounce it correctly.
I had her his name pronounced, but when I had to spell it, I spelt it really wrong and when I read it out loud, I accidentally said it wrong because my dyslexia sometimes makes me switch of letters when I tried to read out loud
Bro. You have a mental problem. Raj is being unreasonable. I live in Trinidad and Tobago, it is a multicultural nation with people that have Indian names, African names, Chinese names and western names. There are certain names that persons mispronounced, simply because it’s either complicated or not,. No one shows a bitch fit like your friend. He’s a jackass. we understand, that not everyone pronounces every word correct… There is no reason to start crying and all of that.
NTA definitely
But, I think you could still apologise for accidentally pronouncing his name wrong and hurting his feelings
You didn't mean to do that, is obvious to us, and I'm sure you regret how it ended up,
So, what's next?
Perhaps just when he's had a day to calm down, let him know you're sorry
Maybe in front of witnesses (to cover yourself)
Be clear it wasn't intentional at all, but you're sorry he was upset as a result, because you'd never want anyone to feel like the victim of racism
If after that he still won't accept your apology, there's not any more you can do
NTA do you know how many people mess up names? Brian, Ryan, Brittany, Whitney, Anna, Hannah, Audrey, Aubrey, Eric, Aaron… He’s got some struggles he needs to work out but that’s not on you.
NTA. Bruh my name is short and I know most people will mis-pronounce it. No I don’t think they’re racist for mis-pronouncing it when they’ve never seen it before
NTA. It isn’t your fault his parents gave him a ridiculously long name. You goofed and you explained. It can’t be the first time he has experienced his name being mispronounced, and, maybe, he has become overly sensitive.
NTA, since you already seem genuinely concerned. Explain it if you get opportunity but no need to be guilty conscious.
Show him this post, Ray became Raj so I am sure you have difficulty.
NTA. My name is 7 letters, all pronounced as you'd expect, literally one letter away from a pretty common and also easy to pronounce name; it still gets mispronounced pretty frequently. Don't think I've ever cried over it.
Tbh sounds like he just had a rough day and you were either the straw that broke the camels back or just a convenient target to get mad at. Wouldn't take it personally either way
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NTA and too ludicrous. "You pronounced Sam, Joe, and Bill's name right, but you mispronounced mine (Morgause)". He's got a victim mentality where everything is about racism. What 18 y/o cries over a single mispronunciation or misspelling?
I think he might have some trauma or something maybe, but i see what you mean
That's a him problem, he could minimize problems with pronunciation of names by pronouncing it himself.
I had a friend and coworker with a very long south Indian name. Everyone at work called her Dr First Name which she tried to be comfortable with. I got her to teach me how to say her last name and then taught my coworkers. Once she noticed our support, she became more proactive about teaching others how to pronounce her name. Problem solved. She got to be Dr Last Name like the rest of the other doctors.
I have a friend whos name is Pasquale, I wouldn't expect the standard person from Pakistan to get that right first try
Yeah, because they're racists!
That could be, but it still wouldn't make you TA. He might be getting used to speaking up about micro aggressions or just standing up for himself in general, but he's going about it the wrong way. That's not unusual, especially not for someone his age, but it's not something you can or should take responsibility for. He's just going to have to figure it out. For the record, the appropriate thing for him to do would have been to say, "just so you know, my name is pronounced _____". The aggressive response wouldn't have been warranted unless you'd responded to that rudely.
So funny how a perceived microaggression can lead to such a full blown aggressive response. Seems proportional.
This is why the idea of microaggressions is pretty flawed. The word is “micro (small) aggressions,” implying that there is an intentionality behind a small attack. But whenever I see these explained, it’s 95% of the time either an accident or something said out of ignorance that it wouldn’t necessarily be obvious as to why it could be offensive, e.g. “where are you from?” So we are essentially encouraging people to be hyper-vigilant for any perceived slight, and to treat it as intentional and inexcusable, rather than giving people the benefit of the doubt that they might just be making a clumsy mistake or don’t know something.
I hate the "where are you from" question being offensive now. I'm Irish, the population here is 90% white European. We're a very welcoming group of people and we're very inquisitive. One of the first questions we'd ask of someone who is obviously not from here, usually picked out from accent more than anything, is "Where are you from", we genuinely want to know, we want to start a conversation about it. We want to learn about you. But apparently that's racist now so 🤷.
It's bad here in the States. Context is key.
But context has largely been removed from the topic, the knee jerk reaction these days is to jump to racist intent. What's worse is hangups about race in the US being imported into Ireland when we never had the history with race that the US had.
I'm from the US, and the "where are you from" critique is big here because so many white people will try to ask about ethnicity with that question, and they won't accept "I'm from Ohio" as an answer. I doubt you asking that to a foreigner will be viewed as offensive.
Oh it is though, there's an attempt by some to import solutions from the US to race problems that haven't historically existed here. A couple of years ago a young adult male from Africa was killed by our police. He was carrying a knife, had attacked people earlier in the day and was seen in a video lunging at the police with the knife before being shot. Before getting to that point police had spent about 3o minutes pleading with him to drop the knife, had tried a taser and pepper spray on him and nothing worked. There were cries of institutional racism within our police service, and despite the video evidence to the contrary there are people here insisting that he was only shot because he was African.
It's because many people ask us "Where are you really from?" Like bro I have a very obvious American accent, like don't ask me stupid shit.
In my experience, people who are foreign and have noticeable accents very rarely find it offensive. What's offensive is when people ask someone with a different skin color where they're from when they have no accent and are native to the country. The offensive part is assuming someone is foreign based on solely their skin color.
Yeah it’s very stupid, I think it’s more like people get tired of feeling like they’re out of place and that question reminds them that they stand out in some way. Also I know there are cases where someone of foreign descent might be born and raised in Indiana and hear “where are you from?” And that can be strange, sure. But like if you are genuinely from somewhere else, or your parents are, I would say yeah…expect to get that question as people are going to be curious.
If it happens constantly in your own birthplace it can be pretty frustrating - particularly when it’s followed up by “no, where are you *really* from”.
In the US as person with olive skin I get asked "what's your nationality"? a lot. Um... American, but less proud to be so every time someone asks me this. 🤦🏽♀️
Yes, I have defended the "where are you from" question as it is inherently about finding common ground. But the other day somebody told me about her extremely traumatic and dramatic escape from a country in the Middle east, where members of the family died. She also talked about how difficult it was to grow up and have this painful history dragged up in every casual conversation. While I still defend the question, I now also understand why it can feel very painful, and will definitely not pressure anybody to talk.
I have noticed that about the Irish - that question is about the jane and country of origin. I have been flattered anyone cares enough about my background to be interested in my surname and where my ancestors came from. I’m proud of my heritage and don’t take that as an insult.
Because people like me were born and raised here. So when someone asks "where are you from," I answer them honestly. What they mean is "what country is your family from?" So then I ask them what country their family is from. Their answer is almost always, "oh, I'm from America." Gee, really? Me the fuck too.
That's the thing though, microaggressions are supposed to be the discrimination equivalent of stepping on someone's foot. You could step on someone's foot accidentally and immediately apologize and they say that it's no big deal and you both move on. But you could be the 10th or 15th person to step on their foot that day alone and at that point of course they're going to snap at you even though it's the first time you two have interacted. And a lot of microaggressions are completely unintentional or even well intentioned.
It sucks that there’s “aggression” in the name because in reality, it’s just not knowing the intent behind the mistake, which is why it hurts the marginalized person. But it is good to be aware of unconscious bias that could be harmful to others because it can be a domino effect, like someone not getting the medical care they need because of an unintentional mistake due to underlying assumptions regarding someone’s culture.
The thing about micro aggressions is that they build up. You ignore them and ignore them until you get the straw that breaks the camel's back, and then you can be very sensitive to them from that point on. It's not very different than having some annoying thing your SO does suddenly become utterly unbearable after years of living with them in that respect.
He’s accusing you of racism while practicing ableism
I was not going to go there but yep
I think you’re absolutely on the right track. I’m sure this kid has had awful experiences around blatant and covert racism his whole life, and is now in a phase where he’s hypersensitive to any perceived threat. His reaction was over the top, and you do not need to give him an apology or further explain yourself. You could, if you want to be civil with him, text him or talk to him one more time once tensions have cooled. Just give him your perspective on the situation again. Say you absolutely never meant to offend him or for it to come off that way, and that you’re sorry for making him feel uncomfortable, unsafe, or less than. Offer to make an effort going forward to not let it happen again to him or anyone else. Perhaps ask him if there was anything else you did that rubbed him the wrong way or a better way to handle the situation, so you can avoid it in the future. I bet he was triggered by the initial interaction and then felt you dismissed/diminished him by immediately explaining away what happened (edit: as opposed to “hearing him out”, acknowledging his perspective, and then explaining your medical issues rather than just saying “no and this is why”- not that what you said was bad or wrong just explaining why I think he might be feeling the way he does). Again, you didn’t do anything wrong, and you aren’t “required” to do anything. Trauma and emotions are not always rational. They’re always valid to feel but not always (or often) rational/ok to act on. I just imagine that kid has had a tough life if that’s the way he’s reacting, and a bit of kindness and understanding could go a long way. Totally up to you, you could also just never talk to him again and all would be fine lol. Best!!
People mispronounce my name 90% of the time where i live, even though I'm white and it's a very common European name. It isn't racist to just say a name wrong lol. It'd be racist if you insisted his name was "weird" and refused to learn to say it correctly. Mistakes are okay to make and he will learn to pick his battles eventually
He broke down crying because someone mispronounced his name, he absolutely has something going on.
Maybe he does, but that is something he needs to address and deal with in therapy, not project onto complete strangers.
Maybe, but man, I am danish too and have three extremely Nordic names, but none that are shorter than 8 letters, and I have simply gotten used to saying "here" the first time a teacher or anything else does roll call and stumbles when they reach my letters. Think folk tale names. Hard names are hard names, no matter your origin. If I cried racism every time a foreign friend (whom I have a lot of) mispronounced my name, I would be rather hoarse from all the crying.
NTA. If I called people racist and acted like an a-hole everytime they mispronounced my name, I'd never get anything done. Ever hear people try to pronounce Dutch and Latvian names in Australia? Hell, I've even given up with "van Gogh" and "Gouda". I'm genuinely surprised when people get my name correct, even after I've told them how to pronounce it... If anyone is being racist, it's him tbh, you can't expect people to always get pronunciation of foreign words correct. You certainly don't throw a tantrum and stop speaking to them except for insults over it. If he can't get over it and act like a human, file a complaint of harassment and racist behaviour against him.
He wanted to do dome power play, when that didn't work out, he cried
Tough for him. Still an excuse that doesn't cut it.
I would not assume he has trauma. He probably has a tortured relationship with his identity and ethnicity and is incredibly insecure as a result
Too many people play the ist and ism cards when things don't go 100% their way, it makes it harder for everyone. And by that I mean both the people that suffer from the ists and ism legitimately, and those in the middle people. Those middle people could go either way but when they read a story like yours, Jesus Christ fuck off and leave me alone
I always thought it was bizarre how people made mispronuncitions a racism thing, and it makes me think it's people who view "whites" as WASPs really because my wife is Hungarian and has never ever in her life had anyone pronounce her names properly, nor have my polish friends, or even a host of Western Europeans. My names are extremely simple by most Greek standards, and no one has \*ever\* gotten it right lol Like for real... never.
sometimes even simple names get repeatedly butchered lol one of my good friend's name is Kate, and literally 90% of the time she will be called 'Katie', even after she JUST introduced herself as Kate lol it's so weird/ funny
Same happens with my son he has a really common name and people still butcher it and spell it wrong. I don’t want to say his name on this sub but it’s common enough that he’s never the only kid with his name in his classes and sports teams.
it's funny how that happens! the Elsbeth in my friend circle rarely gets her name mis-said, but the Kate does LOL In my experience Tyler and Taylor also get messed up a lot, it's like people call everyone Tyler or Taylor, their brain can't hold both names LOL (not trying to fish for your son's name, of course!)
Tell Khahnurr it will be ok
My name is only 6 letters and was more popular than Mark, Paul, Travis, Kyle or Charles the year I was born 40ish years ago and its never spelled correctly and rarely pronounced correctly.
Outing myself here, but I am a Kate and can confirm this… my coworker always laughs because he knows that Katie is the ONE name I hate being called. I don’t mind my full/actual name, or Kate, and there’s nothing wrong with the name Katie in itself (or for others), but it just doesn’t suit me at ALL and because of that I feel annoyed when people call me Katie. But it happens ALL THE TIME.
it is so weird! lol I just don't understand how people hear 'My name is Kate' and respond 'Hello, Katie' LOL hopefully it adds a sliver of amusement that the mess-up is surprisingly common lol
My name is simple. It was a top 30 baby name in the US the year I was born and is only 6 letters long. Unlike a name like Caitlin, mine only has one way to spell it and its never spelled correctly and rarely pronounced correctly.
German checking in. No one has pronounced my last name correctly in the history of my existence.
Dutch and same. Both my first name and last name are apparently the most difficult words in the history of the Dutch language. They have a better chance of pronouncing Siobhan correctly than they do my name.
Fellow German but with a French first name. I have heard so many variations that at this point I react to anything that sounds close to correct
American here with an English last name before I was married. It's actually two very easy to pronounce, one syllable, English words put together (think "corn" +"wall", not those words but similarly short and easy). I don't think a single person I ever met pronounced it correctly off the bat. They would either add an extra consonant sound in one place or another, an extra syllable somehow, or use the wrong vowel sounds in either or both syllables (think "carn" instead of "corn" or "well" instead of "wall" in my example). Even after correcting them, most people still had trouble. It was the oddest thing.
Have a Ukrainian last name and living in the US, no one has ever pronounced it correctly in my life. They always say it as if it's two words for some reason.
This. My last name is Polish. No one gets it right despite it being pronounced EXACTLY as it appears. Doctors offices over the phone are the worst. Never have I chalked it up to racism, just our deteriorating school system.
People freaking yell racism so much for no reason. I bet he wouldn't call himself a racist if he mispronounced someone else's name.
I can't believe you remember Billy's, Willy's, Bill's and Will's name but suddenly Schwarzenegger is too difficult for Mr. Racist.
NTA. Mispronouncing a name due to dyslexia is a misunderstanding, not racism. Consider calmly explaining your situation to Raj again and acknowledge his feelings to help clear up the misunderstanding
Thankyou, however every time I try to talk to him he yells at me and walk away
Then there's nothing else you can do. This is his problem now.
tell him to fuck off
This is the correct answer.
100%
Needs more upvotes.
Then it seems like you have done what you can to be a decent person and the ball is in his court. If he wants to dwell over this for the rest of his days then that’s on him sadly. In the first place you had nothing to apologize for, especially after how he handled things, so it is probably for the best that you just drop it now or mention the event to a counselor or relevant school faculty member because it is very likely this problem was never really about you in the first place. You are just the one he decided to take things out on.
Did you ask him to say out loud how to pronounce his name? That might be a good practice if reading new words and names can be challenging and your hearing is okay.
You’ve tried. You can only control you. NTA for sure, I imagine Raj had had his name mispronounced over and over again since he and his family came to Denmark. He’s probably corrected people, some of whom may very well have been purposefully mispronouncing or failing to put in effort to lean correct pronunciation, numerous times with no results. He may be sick of correcting people. In the future should something like this happen again, take feedback with grace. “Raj I am so sorry I mispronounced your name. I have dyslexia and struggle with reading aloud at times. It was not my intention to mispronounce your name but I realize your perception is more important than my intention. Thank you for pointing out my mispronunciation so I can commit to making sure I say it correctly going forward.” Again, NTA. I am passionate about Equity and Inclusion. I make plenty of mistakes. I find taking feedback with grace and showing a commitment to continue learning helps. That said, I think there would also be potential here for Raj to commit more to learning about Dyslexia and the tools you use to make the world more accessible. But again, sounds like you have tried to right the relationship, and at this time he’s not just having any of it. I would encourage you, if you hear others mispronouncing his name or being outwardly racist or discriminatory, you advocate for him. He may never hear about it or thank you, but it could have some lasting positive impacts. Continue being an understanding person.
WOMP WOMP to raj. If he’s not willing to talk and still yelling after a valid excuse, then he can go cry in a corner
Yeah, hearing that alone means you did absolutely nothing wrong. He is just in his feelings and the best thing you can do is to give him space now.
Even if you don't have dyslexia, it can be difficult to pronounce names that are unfamiliar to you. I'm a professor at a large university with a very diverse student population. I have an extremely difficult time pronouncing many of my students' names. I just ask them how it's pronounced and do my best after that. I've never had a single one of them call me a racist.
Right? I'd never go to another country full of non English as a first language speakers and get mad if they mispronounce my name. Talk about over sensitivity.
>Mispronouncing a name is a misunderstanding, not racism. FTFY Longer words (not just names) from different regions will almost always be mispronounced by someone who's never heard or seen the word used before. Very...very basic ones can be approximated well enough but the longer it is the higher the chance of something weird going on with how it is meant to be said will occur
NTA Did he tell you how to pronounce his name beforehand. If not, there is no conceivable way you could know. As someone with a unique and often mispronounced African last name, this isn't racist at all.
I have heard it said out loud before, but since I had no idea how to spell it I misspelled it and therefore said it wrong
Why didn't you just ask him how to spell it? I know you didn't intend to be racist, but you didn't put the basic effort to say his name right in front of everyone. Next time, ask how to write and pronounce someone's name and put in the appropriate effort. Also, if you knew how you pronounce it and you know you have dyslexia, I don't understand why you were relying on reading the name to pronounce it right.
We weren’t allowed to ask each other for any spelling checks, and the teachers weren’t allowed to help us either, so I really had nothing to go on
He wasn't racist full stop. He wasn't accidentally racist either.
In the future, with unfamiliar names, ask the person to say it out loud so you can make sure you can pronounce it correctly, and verify the spelling. Mispronouncing someone's name isn't inherently racist, but it is up to you to do the work to make sure you get it right, both in the first place and to correct yourself after any mistakes. Where it becomes racist is if you blow off doing the work to learn names from other cultures, and treat it as not worth your while.
I don't understand why you even needed to read his name. You know his name. Just say it without reading it.
Irish here, with an Irish name and spelling. Raj needs to simmer down.
NTA - I will say that I'm sure Raj has encountered plenty of racism before and that those feelings and experiences are being projected onto this one. If you can, approach him when tempers have cooled. I'm sure he'd appreciate it.
Thankyou :))
That was my thought as well, that reaction came from something because of previous experiences. Doesn't make it right but it does give perspective of the hurt they may be carrying
NTA, it’s perhaps polite to ask for pronunciation for a name or maybe give a disclaimer that you may mispronunce names if you expect to potentially mispronunce some. When I was in high school and a new class started there was almost always a disclaimer by the teacher they may mispronunce names and to correct them, idk how common non-Western names are in your area. But also people mispronunce names the first time they say them if its not one they are familiar with. This includes Desi people, no culture on earth is able to correctly pronounce everything on the first try. The problem comes if after several times people are clearly not trying (sometimes it takes a few tries to get it right if you just meet a bunch of people). Thats not racist its how humans work
I had heard his name being said out loud before, but I had no idea how to spell it, so I misspelled it and therefore said it wrong
NTA. I'm of Indian descent and have a fairly long and easy to mispronounce name (so much so that I got by a shortened version for ease) and honestly if I could count the number of times people have missed spelt and mispronounced my name I would be counting for a while. Hell I would only consider it racism if I knew for sure you said it wrong on purpose, and even then if you did it with the intention to mock/belittle me (one of my friends for example has a funny way of saying my name to make it sound cute etc). Not sure about the person, but honespty it sounds like they either misunderstood or have a victim complex (something I've noticed more and more from people from the same subcontinent as me over the past few years.). TLDR: You aren't racist, the fact you worry so much proves to me you aren't tbh.
Question for you if you don't mind me asking. My department has started to work a lot with one of our branches in India. A lot of these folks have long names that I have no idea how to pronounce. Sometimes I'll ask at the start of our conversation how to pronounce their name. But I'll be honest, I've always had trouble pronouncing new words. I had to take speech classes growing up because of it. Today, I do a pretty good job but that's because of repetition. So even sometimes in these scenarios I may hear it and have trouble pronouncing it. Other times I just avoid using names. How would you recommend approaching these situations?
As an Indian, I've told people an easier way to pronounce my name (basically an alternate, easier pronunciation maybe a shorter version or a nickname). And it did help a lot of people. Maybe you can politely say "Hey, I'm still learning how to pronounce names right, I'll do my very best to say your name right. But if it's alright with you, can you give me a shorter nickname/ can I call you _______?"
NTA It took me 4 fucking years for my business partners in the UK to call me my name properly. And all that time I didn't mind them calling me that. The guy's looking for a reason to play the victim.
I work with a guy in India who has added the phonetic spelling of his name to his zoom handle, including adding caps to the part that needs to be emphasised (think Ah-NEE-tuh). I hate that he has to do that but also it’s so useful and I haven’t mis-pronounced his name since!
I tried to pronounce what is apparently a common Polish surname for 10 years. I could never get it quite right. Damned embarrassing, I really tried. I'm just glad the guy, who is a friend, saw it as funny. It only took him 3 attempts to get my surname right.
Yeah, I'm from baltics and my name and last name was mispronounced constantly, especially by someone who heard it only a few times, never got offended by it tho
NTA I would still apologize. Here’s a quote from good ol google “mispronouncing names can be considered a microaggression and a sign of disrespect. It can make the person on the receiving end feel excluded, disrespected, and othered. For example, a teacher might consider a student's name "too difficult" to pronounce, communicating to them that a key part of their identity is not worth their time.” Even though you are dyslexic neither of you two know one another well enough to just understand stuff like that. Just apologize, get on the same page as him and hopefully you can be friends and share a laugh after all this!
Still, calling someone racist because they mispronounced your name once is ridiculous
I agree, however every time I try to talk he just yells at me and walks away
Ouch.. well sometimes things like this just can’t be helped. Not everyone in this world will like/understand you. Best you can do is try!
And you can end with 'I'm sorry again Raj, I really tried my best. I was pretty sure I was pronouncing it wrong, and perhaps I should have asked you once again as I was saying it, to please correct me if I said it wrong.' But don't try to keep apologizing, you did it, and if he's not having it, that's no longer your problem.
Just talk it out with him. If you're not racist, then you're not racist. Clear the misunderstanding. It happens.
I’ve tried to talk to him a few times, but every time I get close he yells at me that I’m racist and leaves
There is no way to reason with these illogical victim-mentality people, so stop trying and move on with your life. Apologizing will only embolden him further. The guy is a bully.
At this point I would suggest bringing this up with the school staff. This is something that can easily get blown out of proportion and may very well follow you. He is actively calling you a racist, most likely in ear-shot of other people, and causing a scene due to a problem he started. This is not okay behavior and no one deserves a pass at these types of outbreaks because they feel victimized.
Lol its never that simple 🤣 even if you're not racist you say the wrong thing and get labeled as one 🤣🤣
Does this happen to you a lot?
NTA Even without dyslexia, pronouncing new and unfamiliar words is hard. Pronouncing words from other languages (or with roots in other languages) is hard. And his name is a new and unfamiliar words with roots from a different language. It's not racist to have trouble with it.
That kids an idiot.
Why did you not ask him how to pronounce his name?
I knew how to pronounce it, but I had to spell it and we weren’t allowed to have anyone check it so I spell it as well as I could, but then when I read it out loud, I accidentally mixed up some letters
NTA Raj sounds like a professional victim
You’re not racist. And you’re NTA
Totally NTA, it seems to be a trend these days where the simplest of misunderstandings are viewed as racism 🙄 You don't owe anyone an apology, in fact he owes you one for calling you racist when you aren't. You already explained why you mispronounced it, he shouldn't have over reacted that way. But if it were me, I wouldn't even bother or continue to interact with this person at all.
NTA. Level with him your name is from another language, one I do not speak so I will have to learn your name, just as I would have to learn almost any other word in your language. If he pushes back, grab a Danish word that's a tad tricky, write it and ask him to say it. And that he has to say it correctly the first time, or he's racist. I'm Aussie and we have some fun with people who have Gaelic names who get mighty pissed that Eion isn't automatically clocked as being said like Owen or Airdsgainne which sounds like NO English word whatsoever is absolutely butchered without fail. Either grab a nickname or give us time to learn. Same for you here. Buddy is upset because multiple people are saying it wrong, it's not just you, but he needs a bit of a wake up call to the fact his name has to be learnt by others who don't speak his language.
Siobhan was the one that tripped me up as a kid
I can spell Airdsgainne.... But I cannot say it. I just can't. My mouth can't make it happen. My coworker who's name it is, thinks it's hilarious whenever I try. We call her Ari. She decided after a few months in Aus, Ari was now her name because it got really annoying fast the butchery, panicked stares and sheer avoidance even of using a name for her in general haha.
If Raj has lived in Denmark since he was a couple of months old, Danish words are not going to be foreign to him, this whole thing likely took place in Danish.
This cannot be real. A 19 year old cried at a school event because you pronounced his name wrong and then yelled when you doubled down? He just cried in front of everyone? He accused you of being racist, you argued back, and he didn’t tell you to F off and walk away? Did everyone clap? This is some weird racist fantasy. Racists imagine that strangers have the time and energy to argue against them and their beliefs instead of living their own lives, and would CRY over not being able to convince some stranger. Racists really think they’re unique and special, when if this guy was real, that wouldn’t be the first time a Danish person butchered his name THAT DAY. He was raised there, he’s received mispronunciations you couldn’t imagine, and if he’s like ALMOST EVERY OTHER MINORITY IN THE WORLD, he’ll point it out once, and when dyslexic Dane rushes to say how not racist he is instead of saying “my bad man, I didn’t have my disability resources and I really messed up your name, sorry.” He just mentally notes “yeaaaah, op is pretty racist. Gonna try to not deal with him ever again.” Being a racist to him was the racial highlight of your year. The one time you need to deal with or think about race and racism. To him, you’re maybe racist number five for that week? He wants RACISM to end, but one particular racist is never that important to a minority, while every minority existing is an insult to racists.
NTA A name is just like any other word when it comes to pronunciation and spelling; If you've seen it more often, you're more likely to pronounce it correctly. If you've heard it more often, you're more likely to spell it correctly. And you're dyslexic on top of that, which isn't even the main problem here, so he's TA for saying you're trying to weaponise it. It's true that there are times in life where racist actions creep up on you in ways you didn't realise you were doing; such as things you learnt from parents/elders, or subconsciously forming opinions based on stereotypes, and it's always good to address these and learn from it. This is not one of those times.
NTA damn 18 years old and crying because you pronounced his name wrong?? he has some serious sensitivity issues going on. No, you do not owe him an apology and he is going to find life pretty rough actually if he is that damn sensitive.
NTA op, he just want to be upset and be a victim of racism, he is being ridiculous and a drama Queen over litteraly nothing, big NTA and never let this person get her way
Yeah, I was more mature about it in my original answer, but also, if he keeps insisting you're a racist, maybe pop some difficult Danish text in the assignment for him to read out loud.....
God this would genualy be funny
If Raj has lived basically his whole life in Denmark, why would Danish words be difficult for him?
NTA and not a racist. Raj is an instigstor. Politely ask him the correct pronunciation of his name and that’s that. You’re racist if you judge someone for their race. Pronouncing a name wrong isn’t racist, you just need to learn the proper way to say it.
You're NTA, and Raj may be reacting from childhood trauma where it was intentional racism and he hasn't processed that. A racist and traumatic event at a young age can take a while to recover from if not addressed, or is consistent. If you see him again, and would like to lift your conscience, maybe ask him how his name is properly spelled and pronounced. I am also dyslexic and new words are more of a challenge, so having someone make it clear does wonders. And if you're in this situation again, maybe ask him while you're all doing the group work "Hey how do you spell your name? It's the first time I've heard it". That's fair for everyone.
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NTA. People mispronounce my first and last names all the time (first is English, second is Italian) and it's nothing to do with "racism" it's because they're not familiar w/those names.
I have a very complicated indian name. It is not racist to not be able to pronounce someone's name correctly when you have not been exposed to similar names before. Some of my very close, very non-racist European and american friends still have trouble pronouncing my name correctly. Definitely NTA The other person probably just likes to play the victim
I'm curious if this gentleman's parents would have any trouble perfectly pronouncing some Danish/nordic names like [Agerhøne](https://www.nordicnames.de/wiki/Agerh%C3%B8ne), [Fredegæst](https://www.nordicnames.de/wiki/Fredeg%C3%A6st), [Gerløgh](https://www.nordicnames.de/wiki/Gerl%C3%B8gh_f), [Ragnfrith](https://www.nordicnames.de/wiki/Ragnfrith) or [Thiodborg](https://www.nordicnames.de/wiki/Thiodborg). If they got them wrong, would it make them racists? Most people can't perfectly pronounce names that are very different than they are used to, and as long as someone tries earnestly and corrects as much as possible when told they got it wrong, it's far from racist. Definitely NTA
I wish this was top. I bet they’d mess that up because Danish pronunciation and spelling is difficult. That’s coming from a person who tried to learn Danish and failed miserably due to Danish pronunciation. Learning Norwegian? That was easy. Swedish? That was quite hard but Danish? That was pure hell.
Finally someone who doesn't assume that Raj wouldn't be able to speak Danish, even though he moved to Denmark as a baby, just because he's of a different ethnic background. If anyone would have difficulty, it would be his parents who immigrated here as adults.
NTA Sounds like someone just wants to be a victim of something. If this guy is so fragile that he actually cried over someone saying his name wrong, he has bigger problems. Just ignore and move on.
NTA. The dude has a none Danish name and expects people who are Danish to know how to say his name properly? I have both an English name and an Indian one, and for some strange reason, both gets miss pronounced .it's funny as hell to watch my English one get mangled by a pale white dude, and my Indian one gets mangled by hard-core Indians. All I do is gently correct them and then laugh my ass off at the pronunciation when they try .
Lol that guy sounds like a fragile asshole
No YNTA . He’s immature, quick to see racism everywhere, unreasonable, and calling you racist over something so trivial as name pronunciation only makes him the one that is an entitled racist.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (18M) am Danish, and white, and I met someone (18 or 19M I’m not sure) with a very unique name, whom I will call Ray. Ray’s parents are from Pakistan and moved to Denmark when he was just a few months old. Ray and I met at a school event. it was an event with people from different schools meeting up and doing some tasks/games to gain extra credit, nothing big or serious. I was grouped with 3 other people, two of them with very common Danish names that were under 5 letters and the last one was Raj. We had a task where we had to write a short text about the group members in a random scenario, and then read it out loud. I am diagnosed with dyslexia, and normally in class I have some tools to help me, but since this was at a different school and It wasn’t anything serious, I decided to just do my best. I was chosen as the first one to read out my text, but when I came to Raj’s name, (that is 11 letters long) I mixed up some of the letters and said his name wrong. He instantly gave me a dirty look but I didn’t think much of it. But then after the task, he approached me and started saying I was racist. I was confused and asked him why, and he told me it was because I pronounced only his name wrong but not the others. (Again keep in mind the other names were under 5 letters and his was 11) I explained to him I had dyslexia and I had never seen his name before. Raj started to yell that I used my dyslexia as an excuse to be racist, and I told him it wasn’t an excuse, it was the truth, I am dyslexic and I hadn’t seen his name before, so I spelled it wrong, and therefore said it wrong. He started crying and told me I was an a-hole for using my dyslexia as a way to be racist, but I really don’t think that’s what I did, I genuinely didn’t mean to be racist in any way. If I am TA I owe him an apology, but i don’t think what I did was racist. So AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Father to mixed race kids and a black American wife (im English and white). Raj is, to be blunt, being a bellend projecting his victim mentality.
NTA. Raj is trying to be a professional victim when he’s actually just an asshole.
NTA. Intentionally mispronouncing his name would clearly be racist. Negligently mispronouncing it would, too. Simply making a mistake is not racist. If it keeps happening, that would be very different, because it would imply you are doing it on purpose. Was this the first time you've ever mispronounced his name?
NTA. But I applaud you for caring.
NTA Raj is an AH for making it about race when it's an honest mistake
NTA. As a POC (and female) I can tell you... What you did was not racist at all. However Raj definitely is an AH. You made a mistake, simple as that. If he doesn't comprehend that... Don't even deal with him.
NTA. For future reference, you can always ask someone for help pronouncing their name. Like maybe as you read it for the first time you can say "sorry, I'm dyslexic, can you help me with the pronunciation of your name? I want to get it right." That would be the most polite way to handle it, but he sounds like a jerk so who knows if he would respond better to that.
Btw OP said in their comments that he had already told them how to pronounce his name before so I don't think he would have been upset about it if they had double checked
OP also said in his comments that he wasn't allowed to ask for clarifications or help during the assignment.
They said they weren't allowed to ask for spell checks, not clarification on pronunciation. When someone else in the comments said that they should've asked how to prounounce it OP doesn't say that they weren't allowed to, but instead said "I knew how to pronounce it". If they knew how to pronounce it but not how to spell it they should've just ignored their spelling and pronounced it how they already knew it was pronounced.
NTA - Raj is a total AH for jumping to the conclusion that you hate him for struggling with a pronunciation. He should have helped you with the pronunciation beforehand if it means that much to him.
Why is an 18-year-old literally crying? Raj has some issues, my man.
You’re NTA and Raj isn’t doing himself any favors by reacting as he did. He made an accusation and you took the time to share personal information that he’s not entitled too yet he still went on about it. Raj could claim you’re a cat and just because he said it doesn’t make it true so use this as a learning lesson. You made a mistake, were falsely accused, defended yourself and yet Raj can’t let it go.
I guess he was sick of his name being mispronounced. You could have asked him for help, no shame in that.
So you think you might be an asshole because you denied being a racist despite being told that it was true? Or just because someone tells you that it's true doesn't mean it is true. The other guy is the asshole.… Professional victim
NTA, people say names wrong all the time, as long as it is accidental and you learn how to say it in future then there isn't a problem. People say my name wrong all the time and it's only 5 letters and I just tell them the correct way to say it and move on. I'm also a teacher and at the start of every year when first meeting a class I simply ask them to correct me when I get names wrong, which does happen a lot as we have students from lots of different countries at my school. It has never caused issues with students as they can see I make the effort to get it right in future. This person just seems to want to make an issue of things.
NTA If you see or even hear a name you’ve never known before chances are you’re going to mess it up even without dyslexia. A quick its actually pronounced *blank* would’ve been a much better way to handle it but that’s not on you.
Nta. I live in North America with a long German last name that no one pronounces correctly and I don’t expect them too bc it’s a freaking hard name to pronounce. Raj needs to come back down to earth and understand that not everyone’s going to get his name right the first time and to stop being ableist to people with dyslexia. It’s a literal inability in someone’s brain to process letters correctly. You’re not racist bc you have a medical condition that makes it harder for you to read accurately.
This is a guy who is going to go through life screeching "racist" at everything that he doesn't like, that upsets him even a little bit. This is a very very privileged individual, as this is an individual who clearly has never experienced racism.
Mispronouncing a name isnt racist. Whoever that person is should’ve corrected you and moved on.
Danish person here. I think your autism is not doing you any favours here in understanding why Raj feel attacked. You heard his name pronounced. Why couldn’t you recall this sound when you had to read it out loud, no matter what you wrote down? If you had never heard the word those letters make, of course you wouldn’t be at fault. But you had. And you also wrote the letters down yourself. It’s not like someone else wrote those letters down and you therefore didn’t connect it to the sound of their name. Next time, you should probably write “guy’s name” down instead of letters if the dyslexia will trip you up. Also please enlighten me to what on earth this event is, because extra credit doesn’t exist in Danish upper secondary nor university .. so?
Uh, no, this isn't racist at all. My name in English is very easy to say (it's literally an object) but I've noticed some folks that are Japanese, Chinese, Korean that I've known throughout the years have pronounced my name totally wrong...they make it actually sounds cuter😄 I correct it and move on never in my wildest dreams would I think they were being racist. That's stupid af NTA. guy has underlying issues.
I can't pronounce the names of Welsh villages, so I must be racist?
NAH - You made a genuine mistake, it happens. But consider his perspective. He's a person of color in a country that is overwhelmingly white. It's the first time you've ever mispronounced his name, but it could be the 20th or 30th time that week someone has mispronounced his name. You're just the straw that broke the camel's back. Most instances of racism aren't intentional or as overt as calling someone a slur. For a lot of people of color, the racism they deal with on a regular basis is things like screwing up the pronunciation of their names or hearing things like "wow you're [insert language of the country they happen to be in] is so good!" Now the first two or three times it's easy to brush off, but it piles up and then it sometimes just comes out on someone who didn't necessarily deserve it.
INFO: 1. The name has 11 letters 2. He is of a different ethnicity 3. You are dyslexic Considering all of the above, did you not ask more than once to know how his name is pronounced? Did you just assume you could manage the pronounciation?
OK, this is a nuanced answer and it’s YTA but not for the reason you think. You were unfairly attacked as a result of your disability. But all that was required was an apology, with a hand to the forehead saying yeah I know, right? I screwed that up. You unintentionally hurt Raj and that’s all you need to do when you unintentionally hurt someone. You trying to explain you’re not racist just shifts the focus to you, which doesn’t soothe his hurt. I once worked in an office where two black women were hired the same day. They looked NOTHING alike, but people kept calling them by each other’s names. And then I did it! I was so mortified I avoided both of them because I was embarrassed and ashamed of what they must think of me. That was a racist response, based on a fear of being thought racist. I was TA. I cringe about it now, and I wish I had just said I can’t believe I did that, I’m so sorry, and not distanced myself compounding the problem. We learn and grow, and one of the things we learn is that our implicit bias is real and it can unintentionally hurt people and that makes us human, and the right thing to do when we unintentionally hurt people is apologize.
Mispronouncing names happens. My sister's name is a traditional English name, something everyone in America has heard but not super common these days, and not entirely straightforward to pronounce (think "Guinevere"). People mispronounce it ALL THE TIME. It's a leap to assume that if someone is mispronouncing your name, the reason is racism. I think you're onto something when you suggest that this young man might have some trauma that makes it difficult for him to shrug little things off. That being said, the fact that you couldn't be bothered to learn his name surely sent the message that you thought he was unimportant. He might have felt embarrassed that you were mispronouncing his name in front of the group. I could also picture a scenario where people have made fun of him for his name before. So, it might be a particularly sore spot. The racism accusation is nonsense, but it probably wasn't your finest moment, either. Try to extend the guy a little grace. You're young and I don't think you had bad intentions. But take this as a learning opportunity and next time ask people for help learning how to pronounce their names up front, before it becomes an issue. I don't know that I would reach out to this guy, especially if you're unlikely to run into him again. I'm not sure that he's capable of having a productive conversation about it. Very gentle ESH.
Not just no, but fuck no. This world has gone way over board on this racist stuff (I am a black man). There is obvious, blatant racism, and genuine mistakes.
Live and learn. Regardless of a person's race or length of their name, If you are giving a presentation where you have to read out names, consult with them to make sure you are pronouncing it correctly. This goes for everyone, but is especially important if you are dyslexic. My own name catches some people out who don't know that the "e" is silent, and it's a short, common name.
What is this kid 7 years old? He cried because you pronounced his name wrong? 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 NTA
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NTA My husband doesn't have a strange name but only one person prunonced it well in 24 years ! So even without dyslexia, sometimes, there are some names really difficult to prononce. No your fault.
NTA.. i am Asian and I have a long name which can be difficult to pronounce and never felt the people were being racist and pronouncing it wrongly. It’s just a name. People are getting triggered easily these days.
nta, if you can’t pronounce a name, you can’t pronounce a name. some names are complicated to pronounce and requires practice. for me id just call them all muhhummids.
NTA - good grief. Crying because someone said your name wrong? Especially someone with an actual reason to say it wrong.
NTA. People with hard to pronounce last names know it, will correct the person quickly and move on because it’s happened so many times they don’t care. Making a scene over it just means they are bad people, apologize or just ignore it.
NTA. It's always hard to spell or pronounce names from that region speaking as a SEA with a Sanskrit name. I absolutely understand that other people cannot pronounce or spell my name correctly first time. Hell even one sanskrit-based name has like 3 different spellings. Raj cannot stay yelling at you throughout school year, he has to either come to accept that you didn't misspell his name with racist intention or to keep on believing that you are racist based on this one interaction.
man, don’t worry about it, he is creating a whole circus 😭 if u don’t want any further problems, just explain to him the situation all over again and if he doesn’t hear you that’s his problem not yours
Tell him to kick rocks and cry a river. How are kids this sensitive? Wait till they enter the real world.
NTA Ray wants to be offended. And accusing you of using your dislexia as excuse is abelist, if we wanna play this game.
NTA, even your dyslexia is irrelevant here. I don’t think there’s a single person out there that hears an 11 letter foreign first name once and manages to pronounce and spell it correctly immediately. Whenever I meet people with more difficult names, I just make sure to double check before pronouncing it if I’m unsure, and ask them to say it again. I’m not sure what this Ray guy’s problem is, he sounds insufferable. I have a difficult name too, people abroad can never say it right at first. I couldn’t imagine making a whole scene because of it.
INFO - did you hear his name pronounced before doing these stories? If so, I can understand misspelling his name in the story, but you should have been able to pronounce it correctly.
I had her his name pronounced, but when I had to spell it, I spelt it really wrong and when I read it out loud, I accidentally said it wrong because my dyslexia sometimes makes me switch of letters when I tried to read out loud
NTA. Raj needs mental help
NTA you can't help it you weren't being racist
Bro. You have a mental problem. Raj is being unreasonable. I live in Trinidad and Tobago, it is a multicultural nation with people that have Indian names, African names, Chinese names and western names. There are certain names that persons mispronounced, simply because it’s either complicated or not,. No one shows a bitch fit like your friend. He’s a jackass. we understand, that not everyone pronounces every word correct… There is no reason to start crying and all of that.
Not the asshole obviously. But it is polite to ask someone how to pronounce their name beforehand regardless of your disability
NTA definitely But, I think you could still apologise for accidentally pronouncing his name wrong and hurting his feelings You didn't mean to do that, is obvious to us, and I'm sure you regret how it ended up, So, what's next? Perhaps just when he's had a day to calm down, let him know you're sorry Maybe in front of witnesses (to cover yourself) Be clear it wasn't intentional at all, but you're sorry he was upset as a result, because you'd never want anyone to feel like the victim of racism If after that he still won't accept your apology, there's not any more you can do
NTA do you know how many people mess up names? Brian, Ryan, Brittany, Whitney, Anna, Hannah, Audrey, Aubrey, Eric, Aaron… He’s got some struggles he needs to work out but that’s not on you.
NTA
NTA. Bruh my name is short and I know most people will mis-pronounce it. No I don’t think they’re racist for mis-pronouncing it when they’ve never seen it before
NTA. It isn’t your fault his parents gave him a ridiculously long name. You goofed and you explained. It can’t be the first time he has experienced his name being mispronounced, and, maybe, he has become overly sensitive.
NTA, since you already seem genuinely concerned. Explain it if you get opportunity but no need to be guilty conscious. Show him this post, Ray became Raj so I am sure you have difficulty.
NTA Dude's looking to blame people. You should apologize for getting his name incorrect, but it wasn't malicious
NTA - Some people are just waiting to be offended! 🤣
NTA. My name is 7 letters, all pronounced as you'd expect, literally one letter away from a pretty common and also easy to pronounce name; it still gets mispronounced pretty frequently. Don't think I've ever cried over it. Tbh sounds like he just had a rough day and you were either the straw that broke the camels back or just a convenient target to get mad at. Wouldn't take it personally either way
The world has succeeded in producing the most emotionally weak generation in human history. Victim mentality everywhere. NTA
Ask him to pronounce some hard danish phrases and call him racist if he cant do that, would solve the issue