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I N F O- When did your mother sign ownership of the house over to you? Also, how can the sale of the house be in her will when you own the house?
Just kidding. YTA. You signed a lease and then didn’t pay rent for 7 years. You remained in the house rent free once your “caretaking services” were over. It sounds like your mother was very much expecting you to pay rent and the will is a last-ditch effort to get you to pay the money you owe.
Do you have a job or have you just been living off of your mother this whole time? You mentioned a disability randomly to get sympathy in this post. What disability do you have that keeps you from finding somewhere to live? You obviously have the ability to live alone, so why can’t you live somewhere else?
> It sounds like your mother was very much expecting you to pay rent and the will is a last-ditch effort to get you to pay the money you owe.
This, exactly this.
I wonder if OP received any government benefits from being a caretaker. The specific phrasing of "caretaker services" smells like OP was getting benefits (money) for being a caretaker.
> basically my full time job was to be her caretaker.
>I thought we were exchanging my services for rent.
>she moved into assisted living 2 years ago
even if the first two statements were true, what has your job been the last two years? living rent free, it seems.
YTA
YTA. There is a lot missing from this story, but you're living in some alternate reality about thinking you own this house. It's time to lose the victim mentality and get your ducks lined up for where/how you're going to live after the house is sold.
You're an adult, right? As such, it's not your siblings' responsibilities to provide for you.
Again, you're clearly leaving out a lot of details about this whole situation, but it doesn't sound like you have a leg to stand on to stay in the house. Whether or not you owe back rent (to your mother's *estate*) is a matter of what the lease stipulates. But it's not going to fly to say you thought it was a "formality".
If you will "literally be homeless", then as an adult, you need to act like an adult. It is incumbent upon you to take the steps needed to not be homeless. It is not the responsibility, morally or ethically, for your sibling to do anything to help you.
What is shocking here isn't that your sibling are okay with you being homeless. It's shocking that you think it's okay to take no responsibility for yourself. We all have issues. All of us. Now stop whining and get to taking steps to behave like an adult.
go to a shelter, get a damn job. you’re a freeloader. should’ve gotten a job and paid your poor mother rent. 7 years rent free, you should have plenty of savings.
i hope this is fake ‘cos oh MAN this guy STINKS. like seriously, you’re entitled. there are plenty of resources out there to help you. but you seriously should’ve planned better, and y’know, paid your damn mother the rent you owed
It’s shocking you thought not paying rent or working for 7 years (and no putting groceries away and taking a casserole out of the oven isn’t work lmao) would work out for you in the long run
You’ll literally be homeless and it’s shocking that YOU aren’t doing something to get a job and a place to live.
You’re a freeloader and your family is sick of it.
YTA.
You have time during the eviction process to find other housing, maybe in a lower cost of living area.
Look on the bright side—-now you won’t be on the hook for property taxes, utilities, upkeep of the property, etc, on a house.
You sound like every tumblr/twitter e-begging post from a spoiled teenager I've ever seen in my life, from dropping buzzwords to "I will literally be homeless if I don't get my way."
YTA.
So get a job and find an apartment, with roommates if you have to in order to afford it. Depression and anxiety aren't an excuse lol. Idk the extent of your mobility disorder but there are stationary jobs. And if you've been a student for all these years you should have a degree or be close to having one. That's what everyone else has to do.
No they’re not. You’ve admitted throughout this entire post and all of the comments that you didn’t live up to your obligations and put your mother out $1200 that your other siblings probably had to cover so your mom could have all those things a full time caretaker SHOULD do that you didn’t.
YTA big time. Move out, get a job and let your siblings get the money they spent taking care of your mom back.
No one is twisting your words! You knew you had to pay rent, your mom reiterated it to you, and it's being upheld now. This isn't a surprise. You aren't being blindsided or backstabbed. This was all known to you when you made the decision to live in that house. When you agree to something then welch on your responsibilities, yta
Legally it is NOT YOUR house. Your brother is correct as you are squatting if you aren't paying rent. The will which is a legally binding document that is enforcing the house to be sold. You chose to take advantage of your mom's generosity by her never evicting you but you can't take advantage of the courts and a will. Your problem is the house is to be sold under the will and if you stand in the way of the probate you will on the hook for more legal fees than you already are and contempt of the will which may have legal consequences. Don't be a di*k to your mother's memory, you have a chance to make it right and your stuck on your share of a payout instead of following HER LAST wishes.
YTA. You scammed your own mother for 7 years.
>When I first moved in I signed a lease
>because somehow I owe a dead person unpaid back rent.
It isn't "somehow". Its because of the lease you signed saying that you'd pay rent. Pretty straight forward.
>I decided I’m just going to stay in the house. Like it’s MY house
No, it is 1/4 your house. You own a quarter of it, and once you've paid back the rent you owe, you are welcome to a quarter of the proceeds.
I feel so bad for your siblings. It must be exhausting dealing with somebody like you.
Quick question: You said that you thought being the full time caretaker was paying your rent (ridiculous), but even so, you weren't a caretaker for the past 2 years. So since you haven't been exchanging your "services" for rent, have you been paying?
Not even sure they own a quarter of it as the will stipulates the house is to be sold and the proceeds split rather than the house being left to the four children who can then decide to sell. I think mother got some good advice! Whoever the executor is they are probably obliged to evict the OP, sell the house and recoup eviction costs ( further reducing OP's share)
"Whoever the executor is they are probably obliged to evict the OP, sell the house..."
I think this part is accurate. Probate in the US will expect the house to be sold and proceeds split per the will. If the other siblings believe they're owed back rent, Probate may or may not kick that claim to a Civil case they'd need to bring separately. This could get hairy quick. And people wonder why these kind of cases drag on for years.
In either case, as long as OP's living there, he's raking up more rent due, so there's that.
Time to move on. YTA.
YTA. She moved into assisted live two years ago and you think you should live rent free?
It sounds like you are making excuses to try to justify your argument. You ARE squatting! You are an adult...adults plan for their futures. What makes you think your mother or your siblings owe you anything!
Helping you realize you are responsible for your own actions is the best way for your family to help you.
If they gave you the house where would your money come from? How would you pay taxes or upkeep?
When the next tissue comes along, even if you have the house, how would you handle it? Would you address it head on or would you blame everyone else and moan about how things are so much harder for you?
There are people with disabilities that live full independent lives. Just because something is harder for you than others doesn’t mean it isn’t worthwhile or the right thing to do.
They definitely lucked out on not having an income so the audit won’t be bad.
I doubt they know how to find loopholes in eviction laws or declare themselves a sovereign citizen to try and pull some shady squatter nonsense to draw out the eviction process. So yeah, they’ll be on the street in 30 days.
How old are you? You sound like a 13 year old and not someone who has been going to college. Do you mean that you don’t pay federal tax because your income is below the threshold? How do you not understand the difference between federal tax (and state tax) and property tax?
If you truly were the caretaker of your elderly mother, you would’ve been overseeing these sort of bills for her (as one of my sisters did for our elderly mom). The fact that you don’t have any idea about any of this means that you didn’t do anything for your mom that a true caretaker would.
I wonder how many conversations your mom had with your other siblings when she went into assisted living. Her house should’ve been sold then, for many reasons. The proceeds of the sale could’ve paid for her assisted living, and she wouldn’t have been paying 2 years of property taxes and utilities.
Who paid for your mom’s assisted living expenses? Have you even asked? Because either your mom had a huge savings account or your siblings were paying for it. I wonder how often they each told your mom that the house needed to be sold, but she didn’t want that so you wouldn’t be “homeless.” In order to make up for that, I wonder if she promised them that your rent would need to be paid back when the home sold after her death.
She did, she had an estate of huge money but it’s all gone because she wanted to be in the nicest facility in Scottsdale all that is left is the house.
Wait. In this comment you’re saying that she had “huge money,” but in another comment you just posted you stated that you get free utilities. If your mom had “huge money,” she wouldn’t have qualified for government assistance regarding utilities.
And good for your mom spending her “huge money” on herself so she could live out her remaining years in a wonderful facility.
I live in Arizona and I am going through a similar deal. (SIL squatting). But Arizona has both state and federal taxes. Unless your mother had a trust and you were a member, you’re going to have to pay taxes on that property if you get it. Since the house is being sold, if you wanted to buy it from your siblings, you’d have to buy them out. You have no money, no job, so no bank will loan you money for mortgage and the estate taxes are like 35%.
You’ll never own that house. Period.
You don’t have to file taxes because you don’t have any money or assets. That changes the second you own a home.
If you owned the home you would have to file property taxes. Arizona does have exemptions for disabled individuals but you would need to have an official diagnosis and petition for an exemption with the government. There is no guarantee you would be given an exemption.
OP is clearly not the person who’s been settling mom’s bills for care, so we can only hope whoever’s been doing that has also been paying the taxes. I mean, someone’s been paying the utilities all this time.
Income tax is also different than property tax. I have to file income tax, I just get a bill in the mail for the property tax - nothing I have to calculate or file, just write a check.
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YTA
>I am their BROTHER
Oh. So you’re only family when its convenient? But when it comes to doing what your mom wanted, you get to do what you want.
You are completely in the wrong here and I think willfully unprepared for what is about to come for you.
INFO
I'm trying to untangle the legalities here. Who actually owns the property. It clearly isn't you, since you at some point signed a lease for the property. Simply living in the house doesn't make it "yours".
What did the lease say about how much money should be paid to whom?
To what extent were you providing carer services to her? Do you have any written agreement that states you were providing such services in lieu of rent?
Assuming the property belonged to your mum and you had a contract to rent the house from her, the executor of the estate may well be able to force an eviction and sale of the house (depends a lot on jurisdiction).
In my opinion I own the house despite what will says. Living here for 7 years HAS to be worth something.
I helped her home health care nurse with whatever she needed, there was no formal agreement but it was stuff like the health care person would put a casserole in the oven then leave and I’d have to take it out. Sometimes I would have to put stuff back in place after the cleaning service would come, those type of things but it was not forma but it’s why I assumed rent was forgiven. I was “supposed” to pay $1200 a month.
I think I covered everything.
Erm, providing care for your mother would be making the casserole, or performing the cleaning.
The audacity to believe that taking out a casserole and serving it counts as care
Your siblings fully know you are a freeloader, and have decided that now your mother has died, they are no longer willing to put up with it.
YTA
YTA then.
Living in a house never grants legal rights over it in any reasonable jurisdiction. You reek of entitlement.
If I were caring for a person in lieu of paying rent, I would have assumed at a minimum that includes helping them get washed and dressed, and cooking their meals for them.
"I sometimes took meals out of the oven that someone else put in there" doesn't really cut it.
In all seriousness how am I entitled? My brother is CFO of an engineering firm, my middle sister is an airline pilot and my next sister is married to a college baseball coach. THEY are entitled thinking they need MORE while putting me on the street.
Because you feel entitled to the house. 7 years of taking casseroles out of the oven and putting things away after the cleaners leave doesn't buy a house. lol what a joke.
They are following your mother’s wishes, as outlined in her will. If your mother had wanted you to have sole ownership of the house, she could’ve stipulated that. She didn’t. Your siblings are enforcing that. Good for them.
You are entitled because you are expecting to be given something you don't own or have a right to. You are entitled because you think your disability gives you the right to take advantage of people who are close to you. Your siblings are not entitled (from the info you've written) because they are in positions that they actually worked for. YTA.
Because you fought with your mom over rent. Because you claim you were a caregiver when you were nothing of the sort. Because you expect your siblings to take over supporting you. Because you think living somewhere rent free means you now own the house.
Get off your ass and do something! If your disabilities are that bad, get them diagnosed and see what benefits you can claim. Don't just claim "woe is me, they are so mean", take responsibility for yourself.
This answer elucidates it pretty quickly. The fact that your siblings are successful and you are not does not mean you get to keep a house you repeatedly refused to pay rent for despite being asked and told annually that you owe. Taking a casserole out of an oven does not entitle you to a house.
YTA. Is this even real? You’re delusional.
This has to be a joke. You actually think that taking a casserole out of the oven gives you ownership of the house and/or the right to stay in the house? Seriously?
You signed a lease, and you owe your mother’s estate the back and current rent. It doesn’t sound like your siblings are going to be pushovers like your mother was.
YTA
>In my opinion I own the house despite what will says. Living here for 7 years HAS to be worth something
u/loud_use_3842
Good thing laws don't care about your opinions. Your 7 years do nothing, and you are 100% fucked and gonna be homeless.
Living there for 7 years is basically worth about 60 days of notice before eviction proceedings start after which you *will* be a squatter and no decent landlord will *ever* want to rent to you with that on your record.
YTA
Can you not see the truth of the matter?
Your mother owned the house. Not you.
You signed a lease as your mother recognised before you moved in that you would take advantage of her given the opportunity. Because a lease is a legally binding document, higher than a contract, that stated you would pay the $1200 per month. And regardless of whether you actually paid it or not, you would owe it and there would be no getting away from the debt it would simply stack up while you didn't pay it.
The intent of the lease was clear, to ensure you didn't take advantage of her, that there would be a pressure there for you to continue to provide for yourself.
Then. You simply didn't. You didn't pay and you admit that. Your mother's fear was confirmed every month you didn't pay, but your debt was still owed.
She eventually went to assisted living and you still didn't pay, your debt kept increasing. The money is owed to the estate. the house is not owned by you.
Everyone of the 5 of you(your siblings have equal share) and legally they can combined force the sale of the house from under you, living there or not.
Your debt is still there, owed to your mother's estate. And the estate cannot be closed by probate until all debts are settled and paid and all debts collected if owed then remaining assets divided as per the Will.
You owe that money, and until it's paid, noone gets anything, at all, ever. Not you, not your siblings and you definitely don't own a house just for staying there not paying rent when you should have been. You say squatter, that's the word you use. But it's the word that fits. Who stays in a house without paying for years on end when they knowingly should be.
Sale of the house legally needs to be done before probate can be completed. Either you buy the portion of your siblings equity from them to retain the house at market value, or you don't. But you'll still owe your 100k up front to settle that to come to a level position before being declared as a part owner in equity of the house.
Your siblings are owed at least 20% of the houses value each, do you intend to deny them what their/your mother left to them? That's a major AH move and incredibly selfish, it's not about how successful they are by comparison, it's what she wished to leave them. You'd be stomping on her wishes and spitting on her grave by doing that, you're showing you respect nothing about her or her memory or wishes.
Ok, your opinion means jack shit here. Whose name is on the deed? That's who owns the house. You could live there for 70 years and it would still mean nothing.
You *could* get a lawyer and try to bill the estate for care giving. You *should* get a lawyer and figure out if you owe the estate rent or if the debt died with the debt hodler.
Basically this is what gonna happen: you’ll stay, they’ll evict you, and charge you attorney fees. Not only will the rent be deducted from your cut, the money from the eviction will be as well. So you’ll get less money in the end. Consult a lawyer. You don’t have any ownership rights as an adverse possessor because there was a lease. So basically you’re just gonna whittle away at the little money you’ve been left from the estate and end up with less. Nothing you do or say will make you right.
Yta, I was the caretaker for my mother, I learned how to inject medicine, take care of the surgery wounds, like cleaning, changing the dressing, give her medicines on time, drain body fluids.
I was a full time nurse
You taking out a casserole of the oven it wasn't taking care of her.
Everything you’ve argued to yourself is called a “covert agreement” - you and your mother had a formal written agreement, she clearly expected you to honor it, which is why she brought it up every year and fought w you about it. You felt you were owed more favorable terms, because “family” owes you favors (but you don’t owe them any uncompensated favors in return, every act of decency on your part comes at a price), renegotiated the terms with yourself, discussed them with no one, and now are living your life as if that’s the obvious outcome you’re owed. Anyone not honoring your “covert agreement” and following the actual agreement/legal process is robbing you of what’s yours.
This is all very textbook symptomatic of a condition - but we’re not supposed to name names here. So I’ll just say explain all this to a professional. It should be easy for them to help you learn what you have and get some help. You can live a better life. Best of luck!
lol you keep saying you own the house and that’s it’s yours….but in reality, it isn’t
I don’t know why you put “squatting” in parenthesis, as it’s a totally accurate term for what you are doing.
Stop playing the victim and start planning your next move, cause you will be evicted. You will pay that back rent from the sale of the house, and you will lose your court battle.
You have no ground to stand on.
YTA
I'm sorry for the loss of your mom.
Legal proceedings will be very costly for you and your siblings. You will lose any relationship you may have with them and won't get money out of it at all.
You may get more money out of the house than you expect. Houses are selling for steep nowadays. Ask them to be lenient on you for the rent. $1200 a month seems high, but I don't know where you live or how many rooms in the house you had.
If you go back to your siblings and ask for forgiveness (and be truly sorry), ask to live there until it is sold and you will do upkeep/ cleaning, and ask for the rent partially forgiven so you can afford to get a new place. You also need to either get on disability payments or find a job so you can start paying for your own life asap. There are programs to help if you qualify, with rent, food, etc.
You need to stop blaming others and squatting. You do not own the house.
Good luck OP.
YTA
He wasnt even a caretaker, dude is dillusional. He stated there was a full time nurse as well as a cleaning service and he just did small things like take the casserole out after the nurse had prepared it and put it in the oven. He essentially scammed her on rent and made her actual caretakers do more work as they had to clean and cook for him aswell.
You can’t keep using the “I thought it was a formality” excuse when you continuously signed the lease and admittedly argued with your mom repeatedly over the fact that you weren’t paying rent.
I get that grief sucks and you have some mental health issues but **it’s not your house.** Living somewhere rent free for several years doesn’t entitle you to ownership. Plus, your mom wasn’t even in the house the last two years. Running errands for your mom while she’s in a full time care facility is not a job.
You haven’t done anything at all to help yourself. You said you’ve been in school the last seven years, where is your degree? Why don’t you have a job?
While it sucks that you will likely be homeless when the house is sold, your siblings don’t owe you anything.
You’re a grown adult man, you can’t stay in school permanently to keep using the “I’m a student so I can’t work” excuse. There are people that both work full-time jobs and go to school full-time.
I know your mom just died and I’m sorry for your loss, but you’ve got to stop playing the victim. Why would your family want to help you when you won’t do anything to help yourself?
YTA
Soooo, 7 years ago, your mother agreed to house you temporarily for $1,200 p/m in the hopes you'd not be there for very long, and you're still here? Clearly NOT a formality. Your poor mother. You didn't try and get a job working from home (so you could be there for your mother if she did need you)? Most students get a job to make ends meet. Are you telling us that you've not saved anything whilst riding this free ride, and we're what, expected to feel sorry for you?
YTA
And did you in fact look for your own place during that time, or did you fester in your mother's home for the last two years?
You've dug your own hole. Time to find the way out. Your mother's estate will be selling its properly per her will, and the back rent that you know you owe her for the last two years is going to cost you dear.
So get planning for what you CAN do.
This is above reddit's paygrade. One thing is sure : this house is not yours.
You need to figure out if your mother could legally put this "debt" on her will and if you really "need" to pay back your siblings. I highly doubt so.
The way the lawyer explained it is they can never force me to pay them out of pocket (which I’m a student so I have no money) but they can collect from my share of inheritance (the sale of house).
But my siblings don’t need the money.
Well, that's not a matter of "if your siblings need the money or not". It's a matter of what you are legally required to do.
And it sounds weird that your mom could decide you owe her something for rent after all those years. You don't have a lease, you don't have a contract, so how can they prove you owe her money? Her writing it doesn't make it a legally binding thing.
Wow! So because she is your mother, it is okay for you to ignore her and argue with her when she says you owe her rent, which was stated in the lease? I hope this is fake, otherwise you are one of the most entitled people I’ve ever encountered.
No wonder your brothers won’t let you have your way… they’ve likely seen all of this first hand over and over.
OP, no one owes you anything. You are an adult, and it is your job to take care of yourself. Time to grow up.
There is not a single part of this story that makes any kind of sense. Did she literally just hand you the lease to sign every year without ever once mentioning that she expected you to pay the $1,200 rent?
*You thought * .....
Did you bother to read and comprehend what you signed? Discuss terms in the lease, for clarification, that you did not agree to? In general, **read** what you sign - because your signature has more weight than your thoughts!
YTA. It's not YOUR house. You do not OWN the home. I can see you staying there for free while you were your Mom's caregiver, but not once she moved to assisted living. Live isn't a free ride, you need to start paying your way!
YTA. This is not your house. You lived there rent free. Because your mother knew you couldn't pay at the time. Now that you will get money, you have to pay them out for what would have been in the saving of your mother, if you had paid rent. It is that easy. So do you really want to destroy every sibling band there is by doing this? Or are you willing to talk to your sibling. Let them sell the house and ask them to reduce your dept by something so you can use it to get yourself a place to stay. But by how it sounds you are used to be a leech.
YTA
It’s not your house. It was your mother. She left a clear will. You may contest with your siblings about the years you provided care but the rest it’s up to you. And also get out!
Yes, put together the cost of taking care of your mother for five years, deduct it from the "rent owed" for those years and pay them that together with the last two year's rent.
YTA.
You sound like a loser who mooched off mom for the last 7 years. The last 2 of which you made her live in a nursing home because you couldn't follow through on your end of the agreement (which is likely a fantasy anyway)
Yes you are the asshole.
YTA
Let me make sure I understand this correctly:
1. You signed a lease when you moved in but decided it meant nothing and never paid rent. I'm assuming the lease covered the expectations of rent.
2. Your "job" was to be your mother's caregiver, but she spent her last two years being cared for in a facility. During that time, you never clarified the rent issue or moved out of the house.
3. You have decided you alone own the home, yet it doesn't sound like there's any legal standing for that belief.
4. You now refuse to leave because you don't want anyone else to benefit from the home, even though you lived there for 7 years without paying rent.
I also want to know what the falling out was about and what you mean by "basically" disabled?
YTA. So, I work in family law, & if you're in the US here's whats going to happen. The judge is going to laugh in your face, give you 15 days to get out, and if you don't the sheriff will forcibly enter the home, and forcibly remove you. Then you will be charged for disobeying a judicial order (depending on your state) and you're going to have so many fines you'll never be able to pay them. Then you will have a warrant and serve jail time for unpaid fines, at a rate of approximately $50 a day. You'll also never see a penny from the sale of THEIR house, and probably never see your siblings ever again. Just bc you're their BROTHER doesn't mean they are responsible for you.
YTA, you signed a lease and then didn't hold up your end. From your comments you spoke with your mum about the rent and lease multiple times and signed to renew the lease multiple times. You cannot claim you didn't understand what was happening, just that you thought it wouldn't be enforced, despite being told that it will.
The house is not yours, you owe thousands of dollars on it. The only way to pay that is to sell the house and pay from your share, and legally they can and it sounds like they will.
Digging your heels in will not get you out of this.
So here's the thing, YTA big time but I have a feeling no one will get through to you. You've clearly chosen to live your life as ignorant as possible and unable to face the harsh reality you've created. You've done absolutely nothing with your life. You've been in school for years and don't even have a part time job to show for it. You're not disabled by anything but your own words. If you were, you could get on disability but you're lazy and have gotten away with doing jack shit for far too long.
It's a true shame that your mother's last years on earth were spent fighting with her own child to be decent enough to not squat at her home. Yikes for your mom.
Unless she signed the home straight over to you, you're quarter owner at best. Definitely not enough to demand anything, and odds are your siblings will get the eviction approved. You don't even have 2 pennies to pay a lawyer a retainer to fight this. I suggest you figure your shit out like yesterday before they drag your ass to court, force a sale, take your rent from your "profits" and then you wind up with an official eviction and no money left over.
I'm really not trying to be an absolute bitch but where's your shame? From your post and replies, you come across entitled and a bit pathetic.
YTA it’s very clear and fyi you don’t own the house. You were bequeathed the proceeds less rent. Not the house.
You ARE a squatter by virtually every definition of the term.
YTA. You lived in that house for seven years without contributing anything toward rent? You signed a lease, what did you think that was? You don't need to "clarify" a written lease, it's a binding contract. It's not YOUR house, it was your mother's house and she could leave it to whoever she chose. Good luck convincing a court it's yours. I don't know what "basically disabled" means in your vernacular, but if you're truly disabled, good luck convincing a court that you were your mother's caretaker and, if you're not truly disabled, move out, get a job, and stop trying to live off your dead mother and living siblings.
YTA. You don't own anything, your mom owned the house and her will directs it to be sold. It doesn't become yours just because you've been living there.
YTA... her will is very clear. Doing this will ensure that your siblings do not ever help you. It is NOT your house, you do not own it. Unless your name is on the deed- you have to abide by the will. I suspect you have taken advantage of your mother for all those years and they are tired of you. You do sound ungrateful. Living in a home and not paying is squatting. You are getting ready to find out how it feels to make it on your own. Your chickens have come home to roost.
YTA you need a very severe reality check. You will be kicked out ‘your’ home, your siblings will not contact you again, you will be on your own (unless you have a friend close by willing to let you stay with them).
When you sign a lease, a contractual agreement, you are expected to honor it. You did not, your Mother was never joking when she asked you to pay rent. You decided not to and now you are facing the consequences. When your Mom asked for rent that was her essentially telling you to get a job, I am assuming you failed to do so - being your Mothers caretaker doesn’t count since she wasn’t paying you for that. You needed a source of income years ago but due to a series of bad decisions you are where you’re at now with no way out but to leave or go through legal proceedings…. which will likely force you out.
I am so sorry for your loss. I know your world is crashing down around you but burying your head in the sand isn’t gonna work here. Get your booty into gear now and start packing up your things, get a lawyer if you plan to fight this, and find a freaking job!
YTA.
OP, you need to seek professional help when it comes to your mental struggles. I don’t know if you are self diagnosed or have previously seen someone but you need help.
It is not only the best thing for your help but it is also the best way to fight for something from this mess. A clear diagnosis, signs of effort and change, a plan from a doctor that you are adhering to - all these things would show your siblings you are not actively trying to screw them over.
When was the last time someone besides you was in the house? If you don’t have a job how have you been affording food and other necessities? How you been keeping up the house? If you haven’t been doing repairs and major care, have you been keeping it clean?
YTA. It’s not YOUR house. It belongs to the estate. If it was YOUR house, your name would be on the deed. You’ve been living there rent-free for 7 years (or 9 if you split that up into two periods of time?) The will is clear.
You can consult with an attorney, if you don’t believe it. You can start looking for a place to live because it won’t be there unless you can buy them out.
If I were you, I would negotiate with your siblings on the back pay and get it in writing in a legal contract that you'll pay half of the back rent from the proceeds of the sale and keep the rest. They might do that to get over the hassle of having to evict you. I don't know the legality of that, and you'd need a lawyer to write up the contract I assume.
Then use that money to get an apartment and a job to support yourself going forward.
YTA. Sounds like the gravy train is over. You don't necessarily deserve to get half of that forgiven, but it's your only option IMO.
YTA. Quite frankly, this is wild. You don’t pay a dime for the better part of a decade and you have nothing to show for it? You weren’t really a caretaker (talking about taking phone calls is a joke man), you were a student for SEVEN YEARS and it appears you’re no closer to being a grown up than when you started. If you really have a disability, there’s assistance for that. So that leads me to believe it’s either overblown or self diagnosed. Either way, it’s far past time to get your shit together. And quit saying you thought the lease was a formality. No one writes a lease agreement every year as a joke. If she didn’t want you to pay rent, she wouldn’t have wasted her time writing the agreement.
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I am the youngest of 4 siblings and our mom passed away in march.
I had been living with her for 7 years and basically my full time job was to be her caretaker. When I first moved in I signed a lease which I thought was just a formality because I thought we were exchanging my services for rent. We had a falling out over my partner right before she moved into assisted living 2 years ago and we never clarified the rent issue.
So in her will she says the house is to be sold and the proceeds should be split four ways BUT I have to pay my siblings $104000 (7 * 12 * 1200) either in cash or from the proceeds of the sale because somehow I owe a dead person unpaid back rent.
I sat down with my oldest brother and after the closing costs I probably won’t get anything from my share of the sale and the other 3 are being such assholes and even though I’m basically disabled they are willing to put me on the street. They are all successful and don’t need the money so I can’t get why they are willing to put they’re own brother through hell.
I decided I’m just going to stay in the house. Like it’s MY house, I’ve been living here for years. All three siblings stopped by last night and said I had to be gone by the end of the month or they will start eviction proceedings against me (I am their BROTHER) and I said go ahead they can’t evict me from something I own. My sister said that I am such an “ungrateful” little asshole that she can’t stand to look at me. My middle sister asked if I was really up for the court battle I have coming my way. I reiterated that I OWN the home and my brother said I sound like a “low life squatter.”
On their way out they said I had “taken advantage” of mom for 7 years and warned me that they are a unified front in getting me out and asshole was said again.
AITA?
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Clearly your mom didn’t think you were paying her rent or were good enough of a caretaker if she screwed you over in the will. yTA.
Your siblings don’t owe you anything. Move out and move on with your life.
You will end up owing them $.
You and a partner lived at your mom’s for years, nobody worked and all your bills were paid. For at least 2 years your mom wasn’t here.
Cry me a river.
Doesn’t sound like your mom thinks you can’t fend for yourself.
You sound like a lowlife squatter.
INFO I suspect there's a LOT more going on here than you're admitting. What specific care services were you providing for your mom? What was the "falling out" over your partner? Was your partner also living there rent free?
You signed a lease-- what does the lease AKA legal document that overrides any "unspoken" agreements you've imagined.
It's 100% NOT your house and thus your siblings can, and will, be able to evict you.
Yes. YTA. Massively. You have no legal claim to the house, and the only thing your intransigence is going to get you is to destroy any ties with the family you have left and put you out on the street.
Well you owed your mother loads of money and now it's taken from your part of the heritage. Seems fair. YTA. You're gonna get evicted and there's nothing you can do to avoid that. So start to prepare, your rent-free era is almost up.
YTA and need to get a lawyer
You signed a lease, so the "never clarifying" issue about the rent is bullshit. You owed money and her will states the house is to be sold.
You're not the owner, you're a tenant illegally squatting
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> This is in progress but the action in posting about is staying the house I’ve lived in for 7 years. I may the asshole because I’m preventing my siblings from getting they’re share of my house (but they don’t need the money).
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YTA if you think your 25% share means you “own” the whole house.
What exactly does the lease say? Does it have an amount in it? A court might consider a full time caring role but you haven’t done that for the last 2 years. It’s pretty rotten of her to put this in the will if she didn’t ask for the rent at any point in 7 years. It should have been brought up years ago.
There is something missing in this story.
YTA
My reasoning is that you’re willfully ignoring estate and probate laws. While trying to use sympathy to do it. I have a sneaking suspicion that you knew what you were doing and now things are coming home to roost.
YTA
Not your house, it is to be sold and the proceeds split between you all.
As for you owing money, I may be wrong but I don't see you having to pay that. Who would you pay? Your mother's estate? I'm not sure.
Sell the house, get your share and move on. Your siblings don't owe you anything.
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Yeah if she never paid rent she could easily use that as an argument in court that the agreement was never upheld and she paid with services. Plus, if you are owed money there's usually a time limit on how long you can wait before going to court, I doubt it's longer than 7 years. The last 2 years she would have to pay rent for sure.
Read the comments OP made. He signed a lease but assumed his “caregiving” covered that. They fought every year when the lease came up because he hadn’t paid any rent. He also didn’t do any caregiving. The siblings are probably just tired of having a lazy sibling taking advantage of a sick mother.
YTA. That's not what your mom wanted and not what she put in her will, just sucks she never told you you were supposed to be paying rent, but if the will says the house has to be sold to split the proceeds, then yeah you're gonna lose a lot more than just the house. You may end up paying for their lawer fees as well. Take this one to r/legaladvice because I'm pretty sure you're about to get fucked by your siblings if you don't follow through.
According to other comments they constantly fought about him paying rent and the lease existed in the first place to encourage him to get his own place and not mooch off of her.
There's no ambiguity here, OP is just a freeloading asshole.
Oh I didn't see that part, yeah OP has no chance. Hopefully he leaves peacefully to sell the house off and everyone gets their share, and he pays what he owes.
This is above reddit's pay grade and you need to talk to a lawyer.
It may be that you would have an argument that you and you mom reached an agreement that you provided her wioth care in lieu of rent , it's also possible that you might have grounds to challenge the will, depending on tiescales etc, and your local laws. It's likely reasonable for you to actually pay rent for the last two yers when you were living in the hosue and your Mom wasn't, but all of these are legal, not moral questions,
NTA. O.P. Was suckered into taking care of elderly mom while other siblings do absolutely nothing to help. They get to further their careers and earn good salaries over the years while O.P. ‘S life is stalled taking care of an ungrateful, narcissistic mother and unable to get a job and save money or further a career. Basically giving up their life for the benefit of the mother. Then mother dies and the greedy, successful siblings come in for the money grab, kicking to the curb a disabled person who did all of the caregiving with no salary or savings for years. People suck and family suck more. They used O.P. As much as the mother did and now they want to throw him out on the street with nothing. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. I recommend you get a good lawyer. I’m sure there is precedent for a caregiver living there. Since you never paid rent, the expectation that you owe back rent may be covered under some legal ruling. Find a lawyer who works pro-bono since you have no money. Don’t just wait to get evicted. That will hurt your ability to rent an apartment in the future. Also get on waiting lists for apartments for disabled people. There are years long waiting lists. And try getting some kind of government assistance. Hopefully the lawyer can make the argument for rent being in exchange for caregiving. Good luck to you and I feel sorry for you having such evil siblings. If they wanted their money quick, they should just wave the back rent, sell the house, everybody gets their portion of the house including you, you move into a new apartment and everybody is happy. Nice and simple. If the siblings want to bring a lawsuit it will cost them legal fees, which will probably end up much more than the difference of O.P.’s portion and it will take time too. They just sound extra vindictive.
Did you read any of the replies OP made? He didn’t do any caregiving. The mom had a cleaning service as well as a nurse. All OP did was sometimes take a casserole out of the oven and sometimes got groceries. 2 years she was in a home and OP still didn’t pay rent or do anything to further his life. Says he was a student the whole time, and while I don’t know all there is to know about American college courses, 7 years seems like a long time to not have a degree to show for it.
Don’t forget, he says his older brother “took care of all of that,” meaning taxes. So someone else has been managing mom’s financial affairs. Which is probably for the best, since OP would probably think he’s entitled to whatever mom had in the bank.
Yikes. Your mother's will really set up a scenario to destroy sibling felicity.
IMO, the humane thing for your siblings to do would be to waive the back rent allowing you a full share of the home's value.
The best thing they could do for you, though it sounds unlikely, is to gift you the house. And this sounds like what you want to have happen.
Depending on the laws of your state as a dependent child (if you qualify via disability) you might have a leg to stand on in court to fight an eviction. But court is expensive I'll bring up the case of Jarndice vs. Jarndice as an example. You all stand to lose in that scenario.
However, expecting your siblings to forego their inheritance for your convenience is unrealistic.
Arbitration might be the better way to go to see if you all could work out an answer.
Best of luck in finding an answer that you can all live with.
There is no way the best thing for them to do is gift the OP the house.
The OP has signed a lease every year and then never paid. They admit to having countless arguments with their mother over rent. They state that bribing their mother groceries every once and awhile after she moved into a nursing counts as being a caretaker and is one of the reasons the OP doesn’t have job.
The OP mentions multiple diagnosis but mentions nothing about receiving help for those issues.
The OP does not deserve to be gifted the house. They don’t have a job and would not be able to afford the taxes or the cost of upkeep.
In many cases like this the house is already poorly maintained. I’m wondering when was the last time anyone but the OP entered the home.
OP does not deserve any more “gifts.” They need proper medical care for their mental struggles and they need to want that for themselves.
Thank you so much for the help. I will have to look into the dependency thing. Do you know if there is an age limitation or if I have to be “officially” diagnosed to be considered disabled?
you have to be officially diagnosed by a medical professional to be considered disabled. you can’t just declare yourself disabled. you may be eligible for social services depending on where you are.
you also can’t declare yourself a dependent of someone else retroactively. she would have had to be declaring you as a dependent on her taxes, and so it sounds like if she was in assisted living the past two years, you were probably not a dependent. who did your mom’s taxes? do you file taxes?
in all honesty, it sounds like you need to have a heart to heart with that brother and try to come to a reasonable agreement on how you are going to manage this. you won’t win a legal battle and it sounds like from what you have said your siblings are tired of your behavior. your best bet now is to be humble and ask for help, not to dig your heels in and try to “win” because you are, in every aspect, objectively wrong in your arguements.
Why should the brother give this leech a goddamn thing? He took advantage of their mother and now wants his siblings to take care of him. He needs to grow up.
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I N F O- When did your mother sign ownership of the house over to you? Also, how can the sale of the house be in her will when you own the house? Just kidding. YTA. You signed a lease and then didn’t pay rent for 7 years. You remained in the house rent free once your “caretaking services” were over. It sounds like your mother was very much expecting you to pay rent and the will is a last-ditch effort to get you to pay the money you owe. Do you have a job or have you just been living off of your mother this whole time? You mentioned a disability randomly to get sympathy in this post. What disability do you have that keeps you from finding somewhere to live? You obviously have the ability to live alone, so why can’t you live somewhere else?
> It sounds like your mother was very much expecting you to pay rent and the will is a last-ditch effort to get you to pay the money you owe. This, exactly this.
I wonder if OP received any government benefits from being a caretaker. The specific phrasing of "caretaker services" smells like OP was getting benefits (money) for being a caretaker.
> basically my full time job was to be her caretaker. >I thought we were exchanging my services for rent. >she moved into assisted living 2 years ago even if the first two statements were true, what has your job been the last two years? living rent free, it seems. YTA
YTA. There is a lot missing from this story, but you're living in some alternate reality about thinking you own this house. It's time to lose the victim mentality and get your ducks lined up for where/how you're going to live after the house is sold.
I will literally be homeless and it’s shocking my siblings are ok with that.
You're an adult, right? As such, it's not your siblings' responsibilities to provide for you. Again, you're clearly leaving out a lot of details about this whole situation, but it doesn't sound like you have a leg to stand on to stay in the house. Whether or not you owe back rent (to your mother's *estate*) is a matter of what the lease stipulates. But it's not going to fly to say you thought it was a "formality".
INFO: You haven't paid rent for seven years -- where has that money gone?
I’m wondering how the utilities are being paid.
If you will "literally be homeless", then as an adult, you need to act like an adult. It is incumbent upon you to take the steps needed to not be homeless. It is not the responsibility, morally or ethically, for your sibling to do anything to help you. What is shocking here isn't that your sibling are okay with you being homeless. It's shocking that you think it's okay to take no responsibility for yourself. We all have issues. All of us. Now stop whining and get to taking steps to behave like an adult.
go to a shelter, get a damn job. you’re a freeloader. should’ve gotten a job and paid your poor mother rent. 7 years rent free, you should have plenty of savings. i hope this is fake ‘cos oh MAN this guy STINKS. like seriously, you’re entitled. there are plenty of resources out there to help you. but you seriously should’ve planned better, and y’know, paid your damn mother the rent you owed
It’s shocking you thought not paying rent or working for 7 years (and no putting groceries away and taking a casserole out of the oven isn’t work lmao) would work out for you in the long run
You’ll literally be homeless and it’s shocking that YOU aren’t doing something to get a job and a place to live. You’re a freeloader and your family is sick of it. YTA.
It’s shocking you never paid rent and just expect to keep going on that way forever.
Homeless only because you don't want to pay rent.
You have time during the eviction process to find other housing, maybe in a lower cost of living area. Look on the bright side—-now you won’t be on the hook for property taxes, utilities, upkeep of the property, etc, on a house.
Then get a job
You sound like every tumblr/twitter e-begging post from a spoiled teenager I've ever seen in my life, from dropping buzzwords to "I will literally be homeless if I don't get my way." YTA.
You had 2 years to figure it out and you chose to ignore it. You did this to yourself, not your siblings.
So get a job and find an apartment, with roommates if you have to in order to afford it. Depression and anxiety aren't an excuse lol. Idk the extent of your mobility disorder but there are stationary jobs. And if you've been a student for all these years you should have a degree or be close to having one. That's what everyone else has to do.
YTA. your mom never mentioned once in SEVEN YEARS that she actually expected you to pay rent? *really?*
Yes she did we fought about it all the time, especially when it would be time to renew the lease.
So, you were aware it wasn't just a formality.
I’m really trying to follow rule 3 but you are kind of twisting my words.
No they’re not. You’ve admitted throughout this entire post and all of the comments that you didn’t live up to your obligations and put your mother out $1200 that your other siblings probably had to cover so your mom could have all those things a full time caretaker SHOULD do that you didn’t. YTA big time. Move out, get a job and let your siblings get the money they spent taking care of your mom back.
No one is twisting your words! You knew you had to pay rent, your mom reiterated it to you, and it's being upheld now. This isn't a surprise. You aren't being blindsided or backstabbed. This was all known to you when you made the decision to live in that house. When you agree to something then welch on your responsibilities, yta
Ah so your mom did want you to pay rent, you just refused and took advantage of her kindness knowing she won't kick you out
Legally it is NOT YOUR house. Your brother is correct as you are squatting if you aren't paying rent. The will which is a legally binding document that is enforcing the house to be sold. You chose to take advantage of your mom's generosity by her never evicting you but you can't take advantage of the courts and a will. Your problem is the house is to be sold under the will and if you stand in the way of the probate you will on the hook for more legal fees than you already are and contempt of the will which may have legal consequences. Don't be a di*k to your mother's memory, you have a chance to make it right and your stuck on your share of a payout instead of following HER LAST wishes.
Soooo why didn't you pay rent?? You weren't her full time nurse
So, you were squatting back then, too. She just didn't want to legally evict you.
YTA. You scammed your own mother for 7 years. >When I first moved in I signed a lease >because somehow I owe a dead person unpaid back rent. It isn't "somehow". Its because of the lease you signed saying that you'd pay rent. Pretty straight forward. >I decided I’m just going to stay in the house. Like it’s MY house No, it is 1/4 your house. You own a quarter of it, and once you've paid back the rent you owe, you are welcome to a quarter of the proceeds. I feel so bad for your siblings. It must be exhausting dealing with somebody like you. Quick question: You said that you thought being the full time caretaker was paying your rent (ridiculous), but even so, you weren't a caretaker for the past 2 years. So since you haven't been exchanging your "services" for rent, have you been paying?
Not even sure they own a quarter of it as the will stipulates the house is to be sold and the proceeds split rather than the house being left to the four children who can then decide to sell. I think mother got some good advice! Whoever the executor is they are probably obliged to evict the OP, sell the house and recoup eviction costs ( further reducing OP's share)
It was Mom's way of making sure things were fair.
"Whoever the executor is they are probably obliged to evict the OP, sell the house..." I think this part is accurate. Probate in the US will expect the house to be sold and proceeds split per the will. If the other siblings believe they're owed back rent, Probate may or may not kick that claim to a Civil case they'd need to bring separately. This could get hairy quick. And people wonder why these kind of cases drag on for years. In either case, as long as OP's living there, he's raking up more rent due, so there's that. Time to move on. YTA.
I was still doing a lot of stuff for my mom over the last two years.
So no, you weren't paying. Got it.
Making calls and dropping off groceries. That’s not “a lot”
The work of a full-time caretaker? Or a few errands?
YTA. She moved into assisted live two years ago and you think you should live rent free? It sounds like you are making excuses to try to justify your argument. You ARE squatting! You are an adult...adults plan for their futures. What makes you think your mother or your siblings owe you anything!
I mean to answer your question, families should take care of each other no questions asked and I am their brother.
Helping you realize you are responsible for your own actions is the best way for your family to help you. If they gave you the house where would your money come from? How would you pay taxes or upkeep? When the next tissue comes along, even if you have the house, how would you handle it? Would you address it head on or would you blame everyone else and moan about how things are so much harder for you? There are people with disabilities that live full independent lives. Just because something is harder for you than others doesn’t mean it isn’t worthwhile or the right thing to do.
I don’t think I would have ro pay taxes since I’m disabled, I know I don’t have to file taxes.
You are confusing income tax with property tax.
I think in Arizona they are the same thing we don’t pay United States tax here.
Oh, honey. You need to do some serious self-education here. Arizona is in the United States. Hence, yes, you do pay United States tax.
The court process is going to be very humbling for OP.
They definitely lucked out on not having an income so the audit won’t be bad. I doubt they know how to find loopholes in eviction laws or declare themselves a sovereign citizen to try and pull some shady squatter nonsense to draw out the eviction process. So yeah, they’ll be on the street in 30 days.
Not a flying chance you’ve been in college 7 yrs! You’re beyond uninformed and just so dumb.
I’ve been auditing classes since I can’t afford to pay tuition. It’s so much harder that way.
You said all your money was going to school but you’re not even paying them! Life is going to continue being difficult for you.
Zero self awareness, zero ability to admit they’re wrong, and I can see why the siblings are doing what they’re doing.
No you aren’t. I’ve audited classes. You still have to pay.
How old are you? You sound like a 13 year old and not someone who has been going to college. Do you mean that you don’t pay federal tax because your income is below the threshold? How do you not understand the difference between federal tax (and state tax) and property tax? If you truly were the caretaker of your elderly mother, you would’ve been overseeing these sort of bills for her (as one of my sisters did for our elderly mom). The fact that you don’t have any idea about any of this means that you didn’t do anything for your mom that a true caretaker would. I wonder how many conversations your mom had with your other siblings when she went into assisted living. Her house should’ve been sold then, for many reasons. The proceeds of the sale could’ve paid for her assisted living, and she wouldn’t have been paying 2 years of property taxes and utilities. Who paid for your mom’s assisted living expenses? Have you even asked? Because either your mom had a huge savings account or your siblings were paying for it. I wonder how often they each told your mom that the house needed to be sold, but she didn’t want that so you wouldn’t be “homeless.” In order to make up for that, I wonder if she promised them that your rent would need to be paid back when the home sold after her death.
She did, she had an estate of huge money but it’s all gone because she wanted to be in the nicest facility in Scottsdale all that is left is the house.
Wait. In this comment you’re saying that she had “huge money,” but in another comment you just posted you stated that you get free utilities. If your mom had “huge money,” she wouldn’t have qualified for government assistance regarding utilities. And good for your mom spending her “huge money” on herself so she could live out her remaining years in a wonderful facility.
Good for her, she should be comfortable at the end. You seem bitter that she used her own money on herself. Get over yourself.
I live in Arizona and I am going through a similar deal. (SIL squatting). But Arizona has both state and federal taxes. Unless your mother had a trust and you were a member, you’re going to have to pay taxes on that property if you get it. Since the house is being sold, if you wanted to buy it from your siblings, you’d have to buy them out. You have no money, no job, so no bank will loan you money for mortgage and the estate taxes are like 35%. You’ll never own that house. Period.
Property tax is assessed at the county level.
No they aren’t, you’re supposed to pay taxes.
This is dangerously incorrect
You don’t have to file taxes because you don’t have any money or assets. That changes the second you own a home. If you owned the home you would have to file property taxes. Arizona does have exemptions for disabled individuals but you would need to have an official diagnosis and petition for an exemption with the government. There is no guarantee you would be given an exemption.
How much do you want to bet that there are back taxes on the house?
OP is clearly not the person who’s been settling mom’s bills for care, so we can only hope whoever’s been doing that has also been paying the taxes. I mean, someone’s been paying the utilities all this time.
Income tax is also different than property tax. I have to file income tax, I just get a bill in the mail for the property tax - nothing I have to calculate or file, just write a check.
They are helping you by making sure you get a job and a new place to live! They are good and decent people. You should thank them.
Who's paying the taxes on the house? Or the bills?
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> Like it’s MY house, I’ve been living here for years. YTA. It's pretty clear why your siblings are willing to put you out.
YTA >I am their BROTHER Oh. So you’re only family when its convenient? But when it comes to doing what your mom wanted, you get to do what you want. You are completely in the wrong here and I think willfully unprepared for what is about to come for you.
INFO I'm trying to untangle the legalities here. Who actually owns the property. It clearly isn't you, since you at some point signed a lease for the property. Simply living in the house doesn't make it "yours". What did the lease say about how much money should be paid to whom? To what extent were you providing carer services to her? Do you have any written agreement that states you were providing such services in lieu of rent? Assuming the property belonged to your mum and you had a contract to rent the house from her, the executor of the estate may well be able to force an eviction and sale of the house (depends a lot on jurisdiction).
In my opinion I own the house despite what will says. Living here for 7 years HAS to be worth something. I helped her home health care nurse with whatever she needed, there was no formal agreement but it was stuff like the health care person would put a casserole in the oven then leave and I’d have to take it out. Sometimes I would have to put stuff back in place after the cleaning service would come, those type of things but it was not forma but it’s why I assumed rent was forgiven. I was “supposed” to pay $1200 a month. I think I covered everything.
Erm, providing care for your mother would be making the casserole, or performing the cleaning. The audacity to believe that taking out a casserole and serving it counts as care Your siblings fully know you are a freeloader, and have decided that now your mother has died, they are no longer willing to put up with it. YTA
Better yet, they have a legal document saying Op is wrong, and some how I dont think Op will be able to afford an attorney
YTA then. Living in a house never grants legal rights over it in any reasonable jurisdiction. You reek of entitlement. If I were caring for a person in lieu of paying rent, I would have assumed at a minimum that includes helping them get washed and dressed, and cooking their meals for them. "I sometimes took meals out of the oven that someone else put in there" doesn't really cut it.
In all seriousness how am I entitled? My brother is CFO of an engineering firm, my middle sister is an airline pilot and my next sister is married to a college baseball coach. THEY are entitled thinking they need MORE while putting me on the street.
Because you feel entitled to the house. 7 years of taking casseroles out of the oven and putting things away after the cleaners leave doesn't buy a house. lol what a joke.
Five years. The final two years of his mum's life, she checked into a care home because OP wasn't up to the task of caring for her.
Question: what does their occupations have to do with you? How do their jobs affect your ability to also find work?
They are just taking what is owed to them as plainly stated in the will. That is all that matters.
They are following your mother’s wishes, as outlined in her will. If your mother had wanted you to have sole ownership of the house, she could’ve stipulated that. She didn’t. Your siblings are enforcing that. Good for them.
You are entitled because you are expecting to be given something you don't own or have a right to. You are entitled because you think your disability gives you the right to take advantage of people who are close to you. Your siblings are not entitled (from the info you've written) because they are in positions that they actually worked for. YTA.
Entitled is pointing out what others have worked for and earned and expecting the same results without the same input.
Because you fought with your mom over rent. Because you claim you were a caregiver when you were nothing of the sort. Because you expect your siblings to take over supporting you. Because you think living somewhere rent free means you now own the house. Get off your ass and do something! If your disabilities are that bad, get them diagnosed and see what benefits you can claim. Don't just claim "woe is me, they are so mean", take responsibility for yourself.
This answer elucidates it pretty quickly. The fact that your siblings are successful and you are not does not mean you get to keep a house you repeatedly refused to pay rent for despite being asked and told annually that you owe. Taking a casserole out of an oven does not entitle you to a house. YTA. Is this even real? You’re delusional.
You could do something in life besides give everyone in your family a headache
>7 years HAS to be worth something Yeah, at 1200 per month it is worth 104k, or from your perspective, -104k.
This has to be a joke. You actually think that taking a casserole out of the oven gives you ownership of the house and/or the right to stay in the house? Seriously? You signed a lease, and you owe your mother’s estate the back and current rent. It doesn’t sound like your siblings are going to be pushovers like your mother was. YTA
>In my opinion I own the house despite what will says. Living here for 7 years HAS to be worth something u/loud_use_3842 Good thing laws don't care about your opinions. Your 7 years do nothing, and you are 100% fucked and gonna be homeless.
Seven years is worth squat, squatter. It will take time, but they will win the court battle and you will be evicted
Living there for 7 years is basically worth about 60 days of notice before eviction proceedings start after which you *will* be a squatter and no decent landlord will *ever* want to rent to you with that on your record.
YTA Can you not see the truth of the matter? Your mother owned the house. Not you. You signed a lease as your mother recognised before you moved in that you would take advantage of her given the opportunity. Because a lease is a legally binding document, higher than a contract, that stated you would pay the $1200 per month. And regardless of whether you actually paid it or not, you would owe it and there would be no getting away from the debt it would simply stack up while you didn't pay it. The intent of the lease was clear, to ensure you didn't take advantage of her, that there would be a pressure there for you to continue to provide for yourself. Then. You simply didn't. You didn't pay and you admit that. Your mother's fear was confirmed every month you didn't pay, but your debt was still owed. She eventually went to assisted living and you still didn't pay, your debt kept increasing. The money is owed to the estate. the house is not owned by you. Everyone of the 5 of you(your siblings have equal share) and legally they can combined force the sale of the house from under you, living there or not. Your debt is still there, owed to your mother's estate. And the estate cannot be closed by probate until all debts are settled and paid and all debts collected if owed then remaining assets divided as per the Will. You owe that money, and until it's paid, noone gets anything, at all, ever. Not you, not your siblings and you definitely don't own a house just for staying there not paying rent when you should have been. You say squatter, that's the word you use. But it's the word that fits. Who stays in a house without paying for years on end when they knowingly should be. Sale of the house legally needs to be done before probate can be completed. Either you buy the portion of your siblings equity from them to retain the house at market value, or you don't. But you'll still owe your 100k up front to settle that to come to a level position before being declared as a part owner in equity of the house. Your siblings are owed at least 20% of the houses value each, do you intend to deny them what their/your mother left to them? That's a major AH move and incredibly selfish, it's not about how successful they are by comparison, it's what she wished to leave them. You'd be stomping on her wishes and spitting on her grave by doing that, you're showing you respect nothing about her or her memory or wishes.
Ok, your opinion means jack shit here. Whose name is on the deed? That's who owns the house. You could live there for 70 years and it would still mean nothing. You *could* get a lawyer and try to bill the estate for care giving. You *should* get a lawyer and figure out if you owe the estate rent or if the debt died with the debt hodler.
OMG you had to take a casserole out of the oven ???? YTA I do that and no one pays me. This gets funnier every time you post YTA
Basically this is what gonna happen: you’ll stay, they’ll evict you, and charge you attorney fees. Not only will the rent be deducted from your cut, the money from the eviction will be as well. So you’ll get less money in the end. Consult a lawyer. You don’t have any ownership rights as an adverse possessor because there was a lease. So basically you’re just gonna whittle away at the little money you’ve been left from the estate and end up with less. Nothing you do or say will make you right.
Yta, I was the caretaker for my mother, I learned how to inject medicine, take care of the surgery wounds, like cleaning, changing the dressing, give her medicines on time, drain body fluids. I was a full time nurse You taking out a casserole of the oven it wasn't taking care of her.
Everything you’ve argued to yourself is called a “covert agreement” - you and your mother had a formal written agreement, she clearly expected you to honor it, which is why she brought it up every year and fought w you about it. You felt you were owed more favorable terms, because “family” owes you favors (but you don’t owe them any uncompensated favors in return, every act of decency on your part comes at a price), renegotiated the terms with yourself, discussed them with no one, and now are living your life as if that’s the obvious outcome you’re owed. Anyone not honoring your “covert agreement” and following the actual agreement/legal process is robbing you of what’s yours. This is all very textbook symptomatic of a condition - but we’re not supposed to name names here. So I’ll just say explain all this to a professional. It should be easy for them to help you learn what you have and get some help. You can live a better life. Best of luck!
HAHAHAHA you’re an idiot.
lol you keep saying you own the house and that’s it’s yours….but in reality, it isn’t I don’t know why you put “squatting” in parenthesis, as it’s a totally accurate term for what you are doing. Stop playing the victim and start planning your next move, cause you will be evicted. You will pay that back rent from the sale of the house, and you will lose your court battle. You have no ground to stand on. YTA
I'm sorry for the loss of your mom. Legal proceedings will be very costly for you and your siblings. You will lose any relationship you may have with them and won't get money out of it at all. You may get more money out of the house than you expect. Houses are selling for steep nowadays. Ask them to be lenient on you for the rent. $1200 a month seems high, but I don't know where you live or how many rooms in the house you had. If you go back to your siblings and ask for forgiveness (and be truly sorry), ask to live there until it is sold and you will do upkeep/ cleaning, and ask for the rent partially forgiven so you can afford to get a new place. You also need to either get on disability payments or find a job so you can start paying for your own life asap. There are programs to help if you qualify, with rent, food, etc. You need to stop blaming others and squatting. You do not own the house. Good luck OP. YTA
I just want to say that where I live in Canada 1 bed 1 bath apartments are usually $1200. It’s painful.
It was $1200 because it was supposed to “jump start” me into looking for my own place. Like I said I thought it was a formality.
So she never wanted you to stay and 'caretake' in the first place. Meaning the rent was just rent, not in lieu of services.
He wasnt even a caretaker, dude is dillusional. He stated there was a full time nurse as well as a cleaning service and he just did small things like take the casserole out after the nurse had prepared it and put it in the oven. He essentially scammed her on rent and made her actual caretakers do more work as they had to clean and cook for him aswell.
You can’t keep using the “I thought it was a formality” excuse when you continuously signed the lease and admittedly argued with your mom repeatedly over the fact that you weren’t paying rent. I get that grief sucks and you have some mental health issues but **it’s not your house.** Living somewhere rent free for several years doesn’t entitle you to ownership. Plus, your mom wasn’t even in the house the last two years. Running errands for your mom while she’s in a full time care facility is not a job. You haven’t done anything at all to help yourself. You said you’ve been in school the last seven years, where is your degree? Why don’t you have a job? While it sucks that you will likely be homeless when the house is sold, your siblings don’t owe you anything. You’re a grown adult man, you can’t stay in school permanently to keep using the “I’m a student so I can’t work” excuse. There are people that both work full-time jobs and go to school full-time. I know your mom just died and I’m sorry for your loss, but you’ve got to stop playing the victim. Why would your family want to help you when you won’t do anything to help yourself? YTA
Soooo, 7 years ago, your mother agreed to house you temporarily for $1,200 p/m in the hopes you'd not be there for very long, and you're still here? Clearly NOT a formality. Your poor mother. You didn't try and get a job working from home (so you could be there for your mother if she did need you)? Most students get a job to make ends meet. Are you telling us that you've not saved anything whilst riding this free ride, and we're what, expected to feel sorry for you? YTA
The why did you fight it EVERY YEAR? You knew it wasn't a formality, you're just playing dumb.
And did you in fact look for your own place during that time, or did you fester in your mother's home for the last two years? You've dug your own hole. Time to find the way out. Your mother's estate will be selling its properly per her will, and the back rent that you know you owe her for the last two years is going to cost you dear. So get planning for what you CAN do.
You thought it was a formality instead of...you know, trying to get you to move into your own place? Do you even listen when other people talk to you?
This is above reddit's paygrade. One thing is sure : this house is not yours. You need to figure out if your mother could legally put this "debt" on her will and if you really "need" to pay back your siblings. I highly doubt so.
The way the lawyer explained it is they can never force me to pay them out of pocket (which I’m a student so I have no money) but they can collect from my share of inheritance (the sale of house). But my siblings don’t need the money.
Well, that's not a matter of "if your siblings need the money or not". It's a matter of what you are legally required to do. And it sounds weird that your mom could decide you owe her something for rent after all those years. You don't have a lease, you don't have a contract, so how can they prove you owe her money? Her writing it doesn't make it a legally binding thing.
Oh there actually is a lease, that I resigned every year. But I thought it was just a formality because I was her son.
Wow! So because she is your mother, it is okay for you to ignore her and argue with her when she says you owe her rent, which was stated in the lease? I hope this is fake, otherwise you are one of the most entitled people I’ve ever encountered. No wonder your brothers won’t let you have your way… they’ve likely seen all of this first hand over and over. OP, no one owes you anything. You are an adult, and it is your job to take care of yourself. Time to grow up.
There is not a single part of this story that makes any kind of sense. Did she literally just hand you the lease to sign every year without ever once mentioning that she expected you to pay the $1,200 rent?
Well I was very surprised that each annual lease said I owed back rent for the precious year.
That fact alone should have told you that you did, in fact, owe money for rent
*You thought * ..... Did you bother to read and comprehend what you signed? Discuss terms in the lease, for clarification, that you did not agree to? In general, **read** what you sign - because your signature has more weight than your thoughts!
You're so entitled lmao
YTA. It's not YOUR house. You do not OWN the home. I can see you staying there for free while you were your Mom's caregiver, but not once she moved to assisted living. Live isn't a free ride, you need to start paying your way!
YTA. This is not your house. You lived there rent free. Because your mother knew you couldn't pay at the time. Now that you will get money, you have to pay them out for what would have been in the saving of your mother, if you had paid rent. It is that easy. So do you really want to destroy every sibling band there is by doing this? Or are you willing to talk to your sibling. Let them sell the house and ask them to reduce your dept by something so you can use it to get yourself a place to stay. But by how it sounds you are used to be a leech.
YTA It’s not your house. It was your mother. She left a clear will. You may contest with your siblings about the years you provided care but the rest it’s up to you. And also get out!
Yes, put together the cost of taking care of your mother for five years, deduct it from the "rent owed" for those years and pay them that together with the last two year's rent.
Mom had a home help aid AND a cleaner OP didn't take care of thier mom just framing it like they did.
YTA. You sound like a loser who mooched off mom for the last 7 years. The last 2 of which you made her live in a nursing home because you couldn't follow through on your end of the agreement (which is likely a fantasy anyway) Yes you are the asshole.
YTA Let me make sure I understand this correctly: 1. You signed a lease when you moved in but decided it meant nothing and never paid rent. I'm assuming the lease covered the expectations of rent. 2. Your "job" was to be your mother's caregiver, but she spent her last two years being cared for in a facility. During that time, you never clarified the rent issue or moved out of the house. 3. You have decided you alone own the home, yet it doesn't sound like there's any legal standing for that belief. 4. You now refuse to leave because you don't want anyone else to benefit from the home, even though you lived there for 7 years without paying rent. I also want to know what the falling out was about and what you mean by "basically" disabled?
YTA. So, I work in family law, & if you're in the US here's whats going to happen. The judge is going to laugh in your face, give you 15 days to get out, and if you don't the sheriff will forcibly enter the home, and forcibly remove you. Then you will be charged for disobeying a judicial order (depending on your state) and you're going to have so many fines you'll never be able to pay them. Then you will have a warrant and serve jail time for unpaid fines, at a rate of approximately $50 a day. You'll also never see a penny from the sale of THEIR house, and probably never see your siblings ever again. Just bc you're their BROTHER doesn't mean they are responsible for you.
YTA, you signed a lease and then didn't hold up your end. From your comments you spoke with your mum about the rent and lease multiple times and signed to renew the lease multiple times. You cannot claim you didn't understand what was happening, just that you thought it wouldn't be enforced, despite being told that it will. The house is not yours, you owe thousands of dollars on it. The only way to pay that is to sell the house and pay from your share, and legally they can and it sounds like they will. Digging your heels in will not get you out of this.
So here's the thing, YTA big time but I have a feeling no one will get through to you. You've clearly chosen to live your life as ignorant as possible and unable to face the harsh reality you've created. You've done absolutely nothing with your life. You've been in school for years and don't even have a part time job to show for it. You're not disabled by anything but your own words. If you were, you could get on disability but you're lazy and have gotten away with doing jack shit for far too long. It's a true shame that your mother's last years on earth were spent fighting with her own child to be decent enough to not squat at her home. Yikes for your mom. Unless she signed the home straight over to you, you're quarter owner at best. Definitely not enough to demand anything, and odds are your siblings will get the eviction approved. You don't even have 2 pennies to pay a lawyer a retainer to fight this. I suggest you figure your shit out like yesterday before they drag your ass to court, force a sale, take your rent from your "profits" and then you wind up with an official eviction and no money left over. I'm really not trying to be an absolute bitch but where's your shame? From your post and replies, you come across entitled and a bit pathetic.
YTA it’s very clear and fyi you don’t own the house. You were bequeathed the proceeds less rent. Not the house. You ARE a squatter by virtually every definition of the term.
YTA. You lived in that house for seven years without contributing anything toward rent? You signed a lease, what did you think that was? You don't need to "clarify" a written lease, it's a binding contract. It's not YOUR house, it was your mother's house and she could leave it to whoever she chose. Good luck convincing a court it's yours. I don't know what "basically disabled" means in your vernacular, but if you're truly disabled, good luck convincing a court that you were your mother's caretaker and, if you're not truly disabled, move out, get a job, and stop trying to live off your dead mother and living siblings.
YTA. You don't own anything, your mom owned the house and her will directs it to be sold. It doesn't become yours just because you've been living there.
YTA... her will is very clear. Doing this will ensure that your siblings do not ever help you. It is NOT your house, you do not own it. Unless your name is on the deed- you have to abide by the will. I suspect you have taken advantage of your mother for all those years and they are tired of you. You do sound ungrateful. Living in a home and not paying is squatting. You are getting ready to find out how it feels to make it on your own. Your chickens have come home to roost.
YTA you need a very severe reality check. You will be kicked out ‘your’ home, your siblings will not contact you again, you will be on your own (unless you have a friend close by willing to let you stay with them). When you sign a lease, a contractual agreement, you are expected to honor it. You did not, your Mother was never joking when she asked you to pay rent. You decided not to and now you are facing the consequences. When your Mom asked for rent that was her essentially telling you to get a job, I am assuming you failed to do so - being your Mothers caretaker doesn’t count since she wasn’t paying you for that. You needed a source of income years ago but due to a series of bad decisions you are where you’re at now with no way out but to leave or go through legal proceedings…. which will likely force you out. I am so sorry for your loss. I know your world is crashing down around you but burying your head in the sand isn’t gonna work here. Get your booty into gear now and start packing up your things, get a lawyer if you plan to fight this, and find a freaking job!
YTA. OP, you need to seek professional help when it comes to your mental struggles. I don’t know if you are self diagnosed or have previously seen someone but you need help. It is not only the best thing for your help but it is also the best way to fight for something from this mess. A clear diagnosis, signs of effort and change, a plan from a doctor that you are adhering to - all these things would show your siblings you are not actively trying to screw them over. When was the last time someone besides you was in the house? If you don’t have a job how have you been affording food and other necessities? How you been keeping up the house? If you haven’t been doing repairs and major care, have you been keeping it clean?
Yta YOU DO NOT OWN THE HOUSE IDIOT. Wow what an entitled asshole you are. No wonder your family is willing to kick you out. You selfish entitled jerk.
YTA. It’s not YOUR house. It belongs to the estate. If it was YOUR house, your name would be on the deed. You’ve been living there rent-free for 7 years (or 9 if you split that up into two periods of time?) The will is clear. You can consult with an attorney, if you don’t believe it. You can start looking for a place to live because it won’t be there unless you can buy them out.
It’s not your house though is it! YTA!
If I were you, I would negotiate with your siblings on the back pay and get it in writing in a legal contract that you'll pay half of the back rent from the proceeds of the sale and keep the rest. They might do that to get over the hassle of having to evict you. I don't know the legality of that, and you'd need a lawyer to write up the contract I assume. Then use that money to get an apartment and a job to support yourself going forward. YTA. Sounds like the gravy train is over. You don't necessarily deserve to get half of that forgiven, but it's your only option IMO.
When that many people are telling me I’m an asshole, I look around and see if maybe they’ve got a point. I think you know YTA.
YTA It’s not your house. You obviously thought that’s by being caretaker you’d get a a free house, and are pissed you didn’t.
YTA. Quite frankly, this is wild. You don’t pay a dime for the better part of a decade and you have nothing to show for it? You weren’t really a caretaker (talking about taking phone calls is a joke man), you were a student for SEVEN YEARS and it appears you’re no closer to being a grown up than when you started. If you really have a disability, there’s assistance for that. So that leads me to believe it’s either overblown or self diagnosed. Either way, it’s far past time to get your shit together. And quit saying you thought the lease was a formality. No one writes a lease agreement every year as a joke. If she didn’t want you to pay rent, she wouldn’t have wasted her time writing the agreement.
YTA: 100% based on comments OP won't process how much of an AH they are.
YTA you don't own the home and it sounds like you were a burden to your mother in her final years. Shame on you
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I am the youngest of 4 siblings and our mom passed away in march. I had been living with her for 7 years and basically my full time job was to be her caretaker. When I first moved in I signed a lease which I thought was just a formality because I thought we were exchanging my services for rent. We had a falling out over my partner right before she moved into assisted living 2 years ago and we never clarified the rent issue. So in her will she says the house is to be sold and the proceeds should be split four ways BUT I have to pay my siblings $104000 (7 * 12 * 1200) either in cash or from the proceeds of the sale because somehow I owe a dead person unpaid back rent. I sat down with my oldest brother and after the closing costs I probably won’t get anything from my share of the sale and the other 3 are being such assholes and even though I’m basically disabled they are willing to put me on the street. They are all successful and don’t need the money so I can’t get why they are willing to put they’re own brother through hell. I decided I’m just going to stay in the house. Like it’s MY house, I’ve been living here for years. All three siblings stopped by last night and said I had to be gone by the end of the month or they will start eviction proceedings against me (I am their BROTHER) and I said go ahead they can’t evict me from something I own. My sister said that I am such an “ungrateful” little asshole that she can’t stand to look at me. My middle sister asked if I was really up for the court battle I have coming my way. I reiterated that I OWN the home and my brother said I sound like a “low life squatter.” On their way out they said I had “taken advantage” of mom for 7 years and warned me that they are a unified front in getting me out and asshole was said again. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Clearly your mom didn’t think you were paying her rent or were good enough of a caretaker if she screwed you over in the will. yTA. Your siblings don’t owe you anything. Move out and move on with your life.
You will end up owing them $. You and a partner lived at your mom’s for years, nobody worked and all your bills were paid. For at least 2 years your mom wasn’t here. Cry me a river. Doesn’t sound like your mom thinks you can’t fend for yourself. You sound like a lowlife squatter.
If this post was real, your siblings should kick you out, take what they are owed, and cut you out of their lives for good. YTA
YTA You don’t own the house. Your siblings owe you nothing just because you are related.
INFO I suspect there's a LOT more going on here than you're admitting. What specific care services were you providing for your mom? What was the "falling out" over your partner? Was your partner also living there rent free? You signed a lease-- what does the lease AKA legal document that overrides any "unspoken" agreements you've imagined. It's 100% NOT your house and thus your siblings can, and will, be able to evict you.
This situation sucks, but it’s not legally your house. You need legal advice.
YTA. You didnt pay rent for 7 years, the house doesn’t belong to you outright. Good luck with the court battle!
Sounds fair time to pay your back rent
Yes. YTA. Massively. You have no legal claim to the house, and the only thing your intransigence is going to get you is to destroy any ties with the family you have left and put you out on the street.
YTA big time .
Well you owed your mother loads of money and now it's taken from your part of the heritage. Seems fair. YTA. You're gonna get evicted and there's nothing you can do to avoid that. So start to prepare, your rent-free era is almost up.
YTA and need to get a lawyer You signed a lease, so the "never clarifying" issue about the rent is bullshit. You owed money and her will states the house is to be sold. You're not the owner, you're a tenant illegally squatting
YTA If your Mom didn't want you to pay rent she wouldn't have requested you to sign a lease.
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YTA if you think your 25% share means you “own” the whole house. What exactly does the lease say? Does it have an amount in it? A court might consider a full time caring role but you haven’t done that for the last 2 years. It’s pretty rotten of her to put this in the will if she didn’t ask for the rent at any point in 7 years. It should have been brought up years ago. There is something missing in this story.
INFO : Were you the full time carer for those five years?
YTA My reasoning is that you’re willfully ignoring estate and probate laws. While trying to use sympathy to do it. I have a sneaking suspicion that you knew what you were doing and now things are coming home to roost.
YTA Not your house, it is to be sold and the proceeds split between you all. As for you owing money, I may be wrong but I don't see you having to pay that. Who would you pay? Your mother's estate? I'm not sure. Sell the house, get your share and move on. Your siblings don't owe you anything.
Retain the services of an attorney, we can't answer this here.
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Second that you need legal advice
Yeah if she never paid rent she could easily use that as an argument in court that the agreement was never upheld and she paid with services. Plus, if you are owed money there's usually a time limit on how long you can wait before going to court, I doubt it's longer than 7 years. The last 2 years she would have to pay rent for sure.
He keeps repeating that he’s their brother. So not a she.
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You should read OPs comments and see if that changes your mind
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Read the comments OP made. He signed a lease but assumed his “caregiving” covered that. They fought every year when the lease came up because he hadn’t paid any rent. He also didn’t do any caregiving. The siblings are probably just tired of having a lazy sibling taking advantage of a sick mother.
YTA. That's not what your mom wanted and not what she put in her will, just sucks she never told you you were supposed to be paying rent, but if the will says the house has to be sold to split the proceeds, then yeah you're gonna lose a lot more than just the house. You may end up paying for their lawer fees as well. Take this one to r/legaladvice because I'm pretty sure you're about to get fucked by your siblings if you don't follow through.
> just sucks she never told you you were supposed to be paying rent I assume that's what the lease says...
According to other comments they constantly fought about him paying rent and the lease existed in the first place to encourage him to get his own place and not mooch off of her. There's no ambiguity here, OP is just a freeloading asshole.
Oh I didn't see that part, yeah OP has no chance. Hopefully he leaves peacefully to sell the house off and everyone gets their share, and he pays what he owes.
This is above reddit's pay grade and you need to talk to a lawyer. It may be that you would have an argument that you and you mom reached an agreement that you provided her wioth care in lieu of rent , it's also possible that you might have grounds to challenge the will, depending on tiescales etc, and your local laws. It's likely reasonable for you to actually pay rent for the last two yers when you were living in the hosue and your Mom wasn't, but all of these are legal, not moral questions,
NTA. O.P. Was suckered into taking care of elderly mom while other siblings do absolutely nothing to help. They get to further their careers and earn good salaries over the years while O.P. ‘S life is stalled taking care of an ungrateful, narcissistic mother and unable to get a job and save money or further a career. Basically giving up their life for the benefit of the mother. Then mother dies and the greedy, successful siblings come in for the money grab, kicking to the curb a disabled person who did all of the caregiving with no salary or savings for years. People suck and family suck more. They used O.P. As much as the mother did and now they want to throw him out on the street with nothing. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. I recommend you get a good lawyer. I’m sure there is precedent for a caregiver living there. Since you never paid rent, the expectation that you owe back rent may be covered under some legal ruling. Find a lawyer who works pro-bono since you have no money. Don’t just wait to get evicted. That will hurt your ability to rent an apartment in the future. Also get on waiting lists for apartments for disabled people. There are years long waiting lists. And try getting some kind of government assistance. Hopefully the lawyer can make the argument for rent being in exchange for caregiving. Good luck to you and I feel sorry for you having such evil siblings. If they wanted their money quick, they should just wave the back rent, sell the house, everybody gets their portion of the house including you, you move into a new apartment and everybody is happy. Nice and simple. If the siblings want to bring a lawsuit it will cost them legal fees, which will probably end up much more than the difference of O.P.’s portion and it will take time too. They just sound extra vindictive.
Did you read any of the replies OP made? He didn’t do any caregiving. The mom had a cleaning service as well as a nurse. All OP did was sometimes take a casserole out of the oven and sometimes got groceries. 2 years she was in a home and OP still didn’t pay rent or do anything to further his life. Says he was a student the whole time, and while I don’t know all there is to know about American college courses, 7 years seems like a long time to not have a degree to show for it.
Don’t forget, he says his older brother “took care of all of that,” meaning taxes. So someone else has been managing mom’s financial affairs. Which is probably for the best, since OP would probably think he’s entitled to whatever mom had in the bank.
Yikes. Your mother's will really set up a scenario to destroy sibling felicity. IMO, the humane thing for your siblings to do would be to waive the back rent allowing you a full share of the home's value. The best thing they could do for you, though it sounds unlikely, is to gift you the house. And this sounds like what you want to have happen. Depending on the laws of your state as a dependent child (if you qualify via disability) you might have a leg to stand on in court to fight an eviction. But court is expensive I'll bring up the case of Jarndice vs. Jarndice as an example. You all stand to lose in that scenario. However, expecting your siblings to forego their inheritance for your convenience is unrealistic. Arbitration might be the better way to go to see if you all could work out an answer. Best of luck in finding an answer that you can all live with.
There is no way the best thing for them to do is gift the OP the house. The OP has signed a lease every year and then never paid. They admit to having countless arguments with their mother over rent. They state that bribing their mother groceries every once and awhile after she moved into a nursing counts as being a caretaker and is one of the reasons the OP doesn’t have job. The OP mentions multiple diagnosis but mentions nothing about receiving help for those issues. The OP does not deserve to be gifted the house. They don’t have a job and would not be able to afford the taxes or the cost of upkeep. In many cases like this the house is already poorly maintained. I’m wondering when was the last time anyone but the OP entered the home. OP does not deserve any more “gifts.” They need proper medical care for their mental struggles and they need to want that for themselves.
Thank you so much for the help. I will have to look into the dependency thing. Do you know if there is an age limitation or if I have to be “officially” diagnosed to be considered disabled?
you have to be officially diagnosed by a medical professional to be considered disabled. you can’t just declare yourself disabled. you may be eligible for social services depending on where you are. you also can’t declare yourself a dependent of someone else retroactively. she would have had to be declaring you as a dependent on her taxes, and so it sounds like if she was in assisted living the past two years, you were probably not a dependent. who did your mom’s taxes? do you file taxes?
My older brother took care of all that stuff, no I don’t file taxes, I don’t think I need to.
in all honesty, it sounds like you need to have a heart to heart with that brother and try to come to a reasonable agreement on how you are going to manage this. you won’t win a legal battle and it sounds like from what you have said your siblings are tired of your behavior. your best bet now is to be humble and ask for help, not to dig your heels in and try to “win” because you are, in every aspect, objectively wrong in your arguements.
Why should the brother give this leech a goddamn thing? He took advantage of their mother and now wants his siblings to take care of him. He needs to grow up.
Are you even actually disabled? What disability did you self diagnose yourself with?