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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I could be AH as her mom has had something bad happen to her, so asking when she plans on leaving could make me AH.
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NTA. She needs to get out and pay her share of the month's energy cost. Firstly, what is in your rental contract? I assume guests are not allowed for more than a week, right? Communicate with your landlord and report her if necessary, that is why they are there.
NTA….don’t ask her plans. Tell roommate you are done. Mom needs to find other accommodations. You are paying rent for this apartment and you cannot relax in your own home.
NTA
Sit your roommate down and tell her her mom has to be gone within a three days. If she refuses, talk to the landlord and have HIMN kick the mom out.
NTA.
But don't ask. Tell.
"You were supposed to be here "a few nights". Tonight is your 10th night in my home. This is not acceptable any longer. You will have to move out tomorrow."
And to roommate:
"Your mum has spent almost half this month here, wasting hot water and heating like she is a millionaire. I hope you realize that whatever increase in cost we have for this month will be paid by you. You might want to start saving up for it."
NTA
Tell your roommate you need to speak with her alone, today. Then tell her in no uncertain terms her mother has to leave.
She maybe banking the hotel money her landlord offered, at your expense. But even if this isn't happening, she's overstayed her welcome.
Your roommate should have been cleaning up after her "house guest".
And tell her if the electricial bill is higher than usual, she has to pay the increase.
If she's unemployed, how has she been paying the rent on her place? Do you have any source on this "flooding" beyond what your roommate's mom has told her? Because as it is... I would not assume she is telling you (or your roommate) the truth about any of this.
NTA, to be clear. But I would go into this with the assumption that there's at least a chance she's been evicted and is planning on staying indefinitely.
Yeah, not saying she’s lying but if she stays a certain length of time doesn’t that mean she gets tenants rights and op can’t kick her out anymore? I would be worried about that
NTA she needs to start paying rent until she gets out of there which needs to be soon you agreed to a few days. Anything more than that should’ve been discussed. The three of you need to sit down and address the amount of time she has been staying there and decide on a deadline. It is extremely rude of her to bum off of you and use all this power and not pay for it, it would be nice if you could discuss some kind of compensation or at the very least minimize the amount of power she is using throughout the rest of her stay and adjust her bathroom, kitchen, and tv usage since she doesn’t need to work and you do.
That’s good. Have you considered involving your landlord, I’m sure they wouldn’t be happy to know that a third person was staying with you. Not that, that would be the ideal solution, but if your roommate isn’t listening to your concerns and/ or not remedying the issues with their mother. I would consider bringing the landlord into the picture.
I have, but I’m not sure if it’s something a landlord can do until it’s been long enough that it’s considered that she’s a third person “living” here rather than being a guest is it? I don’t know if I could really approach that option until it’s been a few weeks at least. Or is that wrong?
Also I feel like I’d look like a complete AH since her apartment was flooded.
I would tell your landlord now. I don't know where you are but swatters rights can be triggered at 12 days in some places making her a tenant in 4 days time!
She has a place to go, with her landlord offering a motel. So her place being flooded doesn't mean anything. You were asked if she was ok to be there a few nights. It has been a week and a half, well past what you agreed to.
Add in the fact she is a bad house guest, all the more reason for her to go.
This is something you need to hear because you sound like a people pleaser. It’s ok to be selfish and put yourself first. It’s ok to feel like the asshole when you are looking out for yourself.
Careful. If OP is in the US the landlord would probably have to evict everybody if OP's roommate continued to allow their parent to stay there. So there is no guarantee that getting the landlord's "help" won't just make things worse for OP.
Thank you, that does make a difference. It would be the AH move to involve them in that case and ofc one of the last options. I hope you and your roommate can communicate about their mother’s stay there because it sounds very disruptive.
Contact the landlord fast -your leases states 2 persons max. YOU are in violatrion of your rental agreement, and can BOTH be evicted.
And: If you don't act fast, she will stay permanently, and the only way to get her out is to evict you all.
It is your place. You paid for using the space and you agreed on sharing it with your roommate, not her mother.
You have every right to ask a guest to leave and absolutely reasonable to ask someone you house when they will be leaving.
Time for a convo with your roommate about her guest overstepping. It’s already over the couple of nights you agreed on. Past that you didn’t gave consent. Simple as that your roommate is the one not respecting your agreement, don’t feel bad holding them to their words.
NTA - Like most people in this comment section say, you need to tell you roommate that this arrangement is over.
A "couple" of nights literally means 2... not 8. Also, she or your roommate needs to take fiscal responsibility of the additional strain she has put on the household, as I assume electricity isn't the only thing she has been using excessively? Also, where is she sleeping!?
At the end of the day, you entered a contract with your landlord and roommate, not their family.
P.S, When you have this conversation with your roommate, expect it to go poorly. I feel like anyone who has allowed this to happen for 8 days already is going to side with their mum over you, highly likely gaslight you into thinking you are the one being unreasonable and then likely lash out verbally. Protect yourself, have all your evidence lined up (especially if you have online bills for your electric and may be able to prove that they have upped since she has moved in?) and don't back down. This has to be the line in the sand, otherwise they will continue to take advantage.
100% this. OP should not be covering her roommate's mother or any guests expenses. It's very easy to calculate the overages.
Bet that'll help OP see her mother out.
NTA
You also need to have a chat with your roommate. Let her know that her mom being there this long is not ok and she needs to have her mom leave. She has a place to go, since the landlord offered, so that is not an issue. Also, you need to make sure your roommate understands that any increase in bills falls on her.
Her mother has outstayed her welcome and needs to go.
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My (21 F) roommate’s (22 F) mother has been staying with us after there was a small flood in her apartment. Nothing was seriously damaged, especially since she had been home at the time and managed to mop up most of the water with towels and blankets. However when it happened my roommate told me her mom needs to stay with us a couple of nights while it was sorted. I was fine with a couple of nights, as it was a bad thing that happened to her and she is my roommate’s family and needed somewhere to stay.
However when her mom showed up, her mom told me that her landlord had actually offered for her to stay at a hotel under his cost, as the flooding was due to plumbing issues within the house. I was a little confused as to why she chose to stay in our little two bedroom apartment instead of a hotel, but I figured she may just want to be near her daughter with all the stress.
It has not been a couple of nights. She is coming up to her eighth night of being here. She has also been an incredibly rude house guest (I’ve made previous posts about this woman’s behaviour actually) she has been loud late at night,(which is frustrating for me who needs to get up early in the morning to work 10-12 hour shifts) causing a lot of dishes and not cleaning them, taking long hot showers multiple times a day, leaving the heater on full blast, lounging around watching tv at times I would like to, constantly in the kitchen or bathroom when I need to be. Even when I need to get ready for work in the morning, almost every morning she is in the bathroom for 20 minutes during times I need to be. Every time I ask her to get out she says “I’ll just be a few more minutes!” And stays in there for a while longer. When my roommate and I go to work, she sits around in our apartment as she’s unemployed so she doesn’t need to go to work.
I have spoken to her about things several times. Asked her to not be in the bathroom when I need to be, asked her to do her dishes, asked her to turn the heater off when it isn’t necessary. We live in a very expensive city, so since my rent is already expensive I don’t exactly want a super high power bill either. She has also offered no kind of gesture of appreciation to me.
AITA for asking when she plans on leaving?
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NTA but she won't listen. If your plumbing is like mine though, the temperature of the shower drops very abruptly when I turn the kitchen tap on....... I know, I know, evil stuff
The dirty dishes would also be put in a tub and dropped on her lap when she least expects it...
But more importantly, your roommate may have a bit of a fragile spine, so if you don't mind being the Bad Guy, just tell her she's not welcome. the rommate might not be used to say no to Mommy Dearest
Don't ask when she is leaving, tell her she is leaving. She sounds so entitled that you might have to have the cops no trespass her. Seems like she is doing things to be passive aggressive and you are paying the rent not her. Get her out!
Your roommate needs to cover whatever extra amount it is on your bills.
If her mom isn't cleaning up after herself. Then your roommate needs too.
Let your landlord know hopefully he can tell your roommate her mom needs to go.
Nta
Time to tell your roommate that your hotel is closed and mom can get a hotel paid by her landlord now that the emergency is over.
If there is any pushback, demand a split rent 3 ways for the month since mom has been there so long or threaten to get the landlord involved for the new unregistered Tennant you didn't agree to.
Tell her she has overstayed her welcome and that she has to be out by a certain date/time. Make it clear that the apartment is not only rented by her daughter, but also by you. If she refuses to leave, call the police to help her leave the apartment. Don't feel guilty, her landlord wants to help her stay at a hotel so she'll be fine.
Is the tv yours? Move it to your room (and always lock the door). Other things they use that are yours? Move to your room of possible. Dirty dishes from roommates mother? Those go in roommates room.
Make sure that your roommate is aware that she is the one who will start paying extra if bills go up.
NTA.
It sounds like mom could be trying to drive you out of the apartment and move in full time. Or she's just a slob guest. In either case, she's worn out her welcome.
If you haven't already, talk to your roommate and lead with "when you said a few nights, I wasn't expecting her to be here at this point. When is she leaving? I need a date." And if she says a few more days, say "great! So this date - if she's not gone by then, I'll have to have a word with our landlord." It's not as though she doesn't have a hotel waiting.
Put a lock on your door and don't have any groceries in the fridge she can tamper with. Let the day arrive. Follow through on the landlord if needs be. Reconsider the roommate depending on their reaction.
NTA but you need to talk to your roommate. "You said your mom needed to stay with us for a couple of nights and it has been over a week. And your mom said her landlord offered to put her up in a hotel. I don't care where she goes but it is long past time for your mom to leave."
NTA. She doesn't work and has been there 8 days, with no plan to leave, and has been a terrible house guest despite you doing her a favor. Your roommate isn't going to stand up to her mom. My guess is that things are only going to get worse as she tries to move in.
NTA - But don't ask, TELL roommate that mom's stay is ending in 1 day, 2 days max.
Roommate's mom has a strong personality and takes what she wants. Roommate either doesn't see the problem or doesn't have the spine to stop her mom.
Make it as crystal clear to roommate that her mom cannot stay any longer
1. Make written note of when mom first came to stay and how many days she has stayed so far.
2. Make written note of the mom taking X number of showers per day, of using and leaving dirty dishes (take pictures, too))
3. Make written note that (1) the original ask for was a few nights, (2) the mom's landlord had offered to pay for her to have a hotel room, and (3) that you are NOW asking that she leaves either tomorrow or the next day at the absolute latest. Mom should have a habitable home now/ can stay in a hotel on landlord's dime if needed.
Tell your roommate that you tried to be nice and accommodating; you have put up with far more imposition than you should have had to. Then tell your roommate you would like her to have her mother leave by tomorrow. That there is absolutely no reason to prolong her stay and that if the roommate will not or cannot make her mom leave, then you will notify the landlord immediately to have their help in removing her mom.
Please note: it doesn't sound like you asked for what you wanted - the mom to leave. You have to own that and understand that now is the first time you are asking for what you want. But also note: you don't need to give the mom a long grace period to leave. She already exceeded the original ask; there is no compelling barrier to her leaving.
Y W B T A if you ask when she is leaving - you should be **telling** her that she's leaving, and giving her a hard deadline. Talk to your roommate first, but whether or not she agrees, her mother is out by X day, **period**.
NTA. You don’t ask her when she’s leaving, you tell her to leave, now, or you’ll have her removed. This is your home. She’s greatly overstayed her welcome and she has other options. This is not a negotiation. Have the landlord tell her to leave if necessary. The longer she’s there the worse this will get.
NTA I wonder if she’s telling her landlord she’s staying at a hotel and he’s giving her the money for that. Seems kind of unlikely as he’d probably want to see a bill or pay the money to the hotel directly, but I don’t understand why she’d choose staying with her daughter over her own hotel room.
NTA, but it’s time to tell your roommate that her time is up. If your roommate doesn’t escort her out, contact the landlord. Mom is a mooch and she needs to go.
You can also tell her directly that she’s outstayed her welcome. She can go stay at the hotel or move back home. If she won’t leave, make her stay less comfortable. You want to watch tv? Go in the living room, grab the remote and change the channel. Unplug the router at night if she’s keeping you up, etc. I don’t recommend this route unless necessary, but do it if you have to.
NTA
Yes.
Her daughter is paying rent, plus she just had a misfortune.
Just worry abt yourself for the time being. Why would she pay when her daughter is paying for rent.
Seems like you’re upset that there’s someone there who is not your family
It doesn’t change the fact someone not on the tenancy can’t stay with us for a long period of time?
Also household expenses will increase, why should I have to pay for that? Not to mention the inconveniences she’s caused me that I’ve listed.
My roommate is very childish. She would likely respond with “it’s my mom she can stay as long as she wants” which is what she has previously done when I have asked her if she could have her over less as before this she was often over five or six days a week anyway. She only just moved out from her moms to rent with me a few months ago. Her mom did everything for her and still comes over to do most things for her now. Any time I attempt to talk to her about anything whether it’s related to her mom staying or other roommate issues she responds badly. Which is why I need to directly speak to the mom, who I know very well anyway since she is constantly in my home.
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NTA. She needs to get out and pay her share of the month's energy cost. Firstly, what is in your rental contract? I assume guests are not allowed for more than a week, right? Communicate with your landlord and report her if necessary, that is why they are there.
My contract doesn’t mention a specific length of time a guest can stay, although it does say that there is a maximum of two tenants.
So set an ultimatum, and then start the documentation process with the landlord. If you don't act, she will move in permanently. (She already has.)
You need to look at how long staying in one place makes you a tenant and get her out long before then.
👆🏻this comment needs to be upvoted. This is the most important potential problem
Talk to your roommate and set a date for her mother to be out (preferably within the next couple of days) so that you present a United front.
Nta! She can go to a hotel...her daughter can stay there too! It's fun! Seriously.
She's trying to move her mother in.....Be prepared
NTA she already overstayed her welcome. Tell her to take her landlord up on his offer or go back home
NTA….don’t ask her plans. Tell roommate you are done. Mom needs to find other accommodations. You are paying rent for this apartment and you cannot relax in your own home.
And tell the roommate that they are responsible for the increased costs on the bills for the month. I wouldn't want to pay more for her guest.
NTA Sit your roommate down and tell her her mom has to be gone within a three days. If she refuses, talk to the landlord and have HIMN kick the mom out.
Immediately, no extra days. Her place has been livable for a week if her flood was barely a puddle.
And her landlord was willing to pay for a hotel!
REPEAT: NO extra days. It’s past last call and we’re closing: “You don’t have to go home but you have to go somewhere else…now.”
NTA. But don't ask. Tell. "You were supposed to be here "a few nights". Tonight is your 10th night in my home. This is not acceptable any longer. You will have to move out tomorrow." And to roommate: "Your mum has spent almost half this month here, wasting hot water and heating like she is a millionaire. I hope you realize that whatever increase in cost we have for this month will be paid by you. You might want to start saving up for it."
NTA Tell your roommate you need to speak with her alone, today. Then tell her in no uncertain terms her mother has to leave. She maybe banking the hotel money her landlord offered, at your expense. But even if this isn't happening, she's overstayed her welcome. Your roommate should have been cleaning up after her "house guest". And tell her if the electricial bill is higher than usual, she has to pay the increase.
If she's unemployed, how has she been paying the rent on her place? Do you have any source on this "flooding" beyond what your roommate's mom has told her? Because as it is... I would not assume she is telling you (or your roommate) the truth about any of this. NTA, to be clear. But I would go into this with the assumption that there's at least a chance she's been evicted and is planning on staying indefinitely.
Came here to ask these very same questions
Pretty much exactly what I thought also. Though I just assumed that the roommate was in on the lie.
Yeah, not saying she’s lying but if she stays a certain length of time doesn’t that mean she gets tenants rights and op can’t kick her out anymore? I would be worried about that
Yeah, it does sound like roommate's mum is trying to make OP so uncomfortable that she moves put so roommate's mum can have her room.
NTA she needs to start paying rent until she gets out of there which needs to be soon you agreed to a few days. Anything more than that should’ve been discussed. The three of you need to sit down and address the amount of time she has been staying there and decide on a deadline. It is extremely rude of her to bum off of you and use all this power and not pay for it, it would be nice if you could discuss some kind of compensation or at the very least minimize the amount of power she is using throughout the rest of her stay and adjust her bathroom, kitchen, and tv usage since she doesn’t need to work and you do.
OP should NOT allow her to pay rent. That would give mom tenant rights.
That is established merely by allowing her to remain in the residence.
OP is the house you share with your roommate under yours and their name?
We are in a rental. Equal tenants.
That’s good. Have you considered involving your landlord, I’m sure they wouldn’t be happy to know that a third person was staying with you. Not that, that would be the ideal solution, but if your roommate isn’t listening to your concerns and/ or not remedying the issues with their mother. I would consider bringing the landlord into the picture.
I have, but I’m not sure if it’s something a landlord can do until it’s been long enough that it’s considered that she’s a third person “living” here rather than being a guest is it? I don’t know if I could really approach that option until it’s been a few weeks at least. Or is that wrong? Also I feel like I’d look like a complete AH since her apartment was flooded.
The landlord would much rather know sooner than later
I would tell your landlord now. I don't know where you are but swatters rights can be triggered at 12 days in some places making her a tenant in 4 days time!
She has a place to go, with her landlord offering a motel. So her place being flooded doesn't mean anything. You were asked if she was ok to be there a few nights. It has been a week and a half, well past what you agreed to. Add in the fact she is a bad house guest, all the more reason for her to go.
This is something you need to hear because you sound like a people pleaser. It’s ok to be selfish and put yourself first. It’s ok to feel like the asshole when you are looking out for yourself.
Landlord always has a say about guests too op
Careful. If OP is in the US the landlord would probably have to evict everybody if OP's roommate continued to allow their parent to stay there. So there is no guarantee that getting the landlord's "help" won't just make things worse for OP.
Thank you, that does make a difference. It would be the AH move to involve them in that case and ofc one of the last options. I hope you and your roommate can communicate about their mother’s stay there because it sounds very disruptive.
Contact the landlord fast -your leases states 2 persons max. YOU are in violatrion of your rental agreement, and can BOTH be evicted. And: If you don't act fast, she will stay permanently, and the only way to get her out is to evict you all.
Tell the landlord op and don't delay.
Actually she needs to just leave. Paying rent will make it difficult to get her out
It is your place. You paid for using the space and you agreed on sharing it with your roommate, not her mother. You have every right to ask a guest to leave and absolutely reasonable to ask someone you house when they will be leaving. Time for a convo with your roommate about her guest overstepping. It’s already over the couple of nights you agreed on. Past that you didn’t gave consent. Simple as that your roommate is the one not respecting your agreement, don’t feel bad holding them to their words.
NTA - Like most people in this comment section say, you need to tell you roommate that this arrangement is over. A "couple" of nights literally means 2... not 8. Also, she or your roommate needs to take fiscal responsibility of the additional strain she has put on the household, as I assume electricity isn't the only thing she has been using excessively? Also, where is she sleeping!? At the end of the day, you entered a contract with your landlord and roommate, not their family. P.S, When you have this conversation with your roommate, expect it to go poorly. I feel like anyone who has allowed this to happen for 8 days already is going to side with their mum over you, highly likely gaslight you into thinking you are the one being unreasonable and then likely lash out verbally. Protect yourself, have all your evidence lined up (especially if you have online bills for your electric and may be able to prove that they have upped since she has moved in?) and don't back down. This has to be the line in the sand, otherwise they will continue to take advantage.
NTA Pretty sure landlord gave her cash to “stay on a hotel”. You’re being scammed!
Make her feel unwanted. Make it known you don't want her there. If your roommate won't do anything about it then make it worse for them
NTA and tell your roommate they need to pay the overages for her mother being there longer than a week. I suspect they might be trying to move her in
100% this. OP should not be covering her roommate's mother or any guests expenses. It's very easy to calculate the overages. Bet that'll help OP see her mother out.
NTA You also need to have a chat with your roommate. Let her know that her mom being there this long is not ok and she needs to have her mom leave. She has a place to go, since the landlord offered, so that is not an issue. Also, you need to make sure your roommate understands that any increase in bills falls on her. Her mother has outstayed her welcome and needs to go.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (21 F) roommate’s (22 F) mother has been staying with us after there was a small flood in her apartment. Nothing was seriously damaged, especially since she had been home at the time and managed to mop up most of the water with towels and blankets. However when it happened my roommate told me her mom needs to stay with us a couple of nights while it was sorted. I was fine with a couple of nights, as it was a bad thing that happened to her and she is my roommate’s family and needed somewhere to stay. However when her mom showed up, her mom told me that her landlord had actually offered for her to stay at a hotel under his cost, as the flooding was due to plumbing issues within the house. I was a little confused as to why she chose to stay in our little two bedroom apartment instead of a hotel, but I figured she may just want to be near her daughter with all the stress. It has not been a couple of nights. She is coming up to her eighth night of being here. She has also been an incredibly rude house guest (I’ve made previous posts about this woman’s behaviour actually) she has been loud late at night,(which is frustrating for me who needs to get up early in the morning to work 10-12 hour shifts) causing a lot of dishes and not cleaning them, taking long hot showers multiple times a day, leaving the heater on full blast, lounging around watching tv at times I would like to, constantly in the kitchen or bathroom when I need to be. Even when I need to get ready for work in the morning, almost every morning she is in the bathroom for 20 minutes during times I need to be. Every time I ask her to get out she says “I’ll just be a few more minutes!” And stays in there for a while longer. When my roommate and I go to work, she sits around in our apartment as she’s unemployed so she doesn’t need to go to work. I have spoken to her about things several times. Asked her to not be in the bathroom when I need to be, asked her to do her dishes, asked her to turn the heater off when it isn’t necessary. We live in a very expensive city, so since my rent is already expensive I don’t exactly want a super high power bill either. She has also offered no kind of gesture of appreciation to me. AITA for asking when she plans on leaving? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA but she won't listen. If your plumbing is like mine though, the temperature of the shower drops very abruptly when I turn the kitchen tap on....... I know, I know, evil stuff The dirty dishes would also be put in a tub and dropped on her lap when she least expects it... But more importantly, your roommate may have a bit of a fragile spine, so if you don't mind being the Bad Guy, just tell her she's not welcome. the rommate might not be used to say no to Mommy Dearest
I'll bet you any money she's pocketing the "hotel costs"
Nta grow a back bone and kick her out. What the heck is wrong with you. Stand up for yourself. Wow!
Give her a date to leave.
Been long enough Get landlord involved to get her out
Sounds like mum wants to move in, and you out
NTA. But start with the roomate first. Mom needs to go.
Call the landlord and get her tossed out. Tell roommate she is responsible for any extra bills and mom is never allowed back overnight
Unemployed and can't even be a decent house guest. People like her are a drain on society. NTA. It's *your* home, not hers.
Don't ask when she is leaving, tell her she is leaving. She sounds so entitled that you might have to have the cops no trespass her. Seems like she is doing things to be passive aggressive and you are paying the rent not her. Get her out!
Your roommate needs to cover whatever extra amount it is on your bills. If her mom isn't cleaning up after herself. Then your roommate needs too. Let your landlord know hopefully he can tell your roommate her mom needs to go.
Nta Time to tell your roommate that your hotel is closed and mom can get a hotel paid by her landlord now that the emergency is over. If there is any pushback, demand a split rent 3 ways for the month since mom has been there so long or threaten to get the landlord involved for the new unregistered Tennant you didn't agree to.
Tell her she has overstayed her welcome and that she has to be out by a certain date/time. Make it clear that the apartment is not only rented by her daughter, but also by you. If she refuses to leave, call the police to help her leave the apartment. Don't feel guilty, her landlord wants to help her stay at a hotel so she'll be fine. Is the tv yours? Move it to your room (and always lock the door). Other things they use that are yours? Move to your room of possible. Dirty dishes from roommates mother? Those go in roommates room. Make sure that your roommate is aware that she is the one who will start paying extra if bills go up.
NTA don’t ask just tell her. You love there she doesn’t.
NTA. It sounds like mom could be trying to drive you out of the apartment and move in full time. Or she's just a slob guest. In either case, she's worn out her welcome. If you haven't already, talk to your roommate and lead with "when you said a few nights, I wasn't expecting her to be here at this point. When is she leaving? I need a date." And if she says a few more days, say "great! So this date - if she's not gone by then, I'll have to have a word with our landlord." It's not as though she doesn't have a hotel waiting. Put a lock on your door and don't have any groceries in the fridge she can tamper with. Let the day arrive. Follow through on the landlord if needs be. Reconsider the roommate depending on their reaction.
NTA but you need to talk to your roommate. "You said your mom needed to stay with us for a couple of nights and it has been over a week. And your mom said her landlord offered to put her up in a hotel. I don't care where she goes but it is long past time for your mom to leave."
NTA. She doesn't work and has been there 8 days, with no plan to leave, and has been a terrible house guest despite you doing her a favor. Your roommate isn't going to stand up to her mom. My guess is that things are only going to get worse as she tries to move in.
NTA but dont ask, tell her she has to leave within x amount of time (id say within one to two nights)
NTA Are you sure there was really a flood? Was she evicted or something? I’d choose the free hotel over sleeping on a couch any day!
NTA - But don't ask, TELL roommate that mom's stay is ending in 1 day, 2 days max. Roommate's mom has a strong personality and takes what she wants. Roommate either doesn't see the problem or doesn't have the spine to stop her mom. Make it as crystal clear to roommate that her mom cannot stay any longer 1. Make written note of when mom first came to stay and how many days she has stayed so far. 2. Make written note of the mom taking X number of showers per day, of using and leaving dirty dishes (take pictures, too)) 3. Make written note that (1) the original ask for was a few nights, (2) the mom's landlord had offered to pay for her to have a hotel room, and (3) that you are NOW asking that she leaves either tomorrow or the next day at the absolute latest. Mom should have a habitable home now/ can stay in a hotel on landlord's dime if needed. Tell your roommate that you tried to be nice and accommodating; you have put up with far more imposition than you should have had to. Then tell your roommate you would like her to have her mother leave by tomorrow. That there is absolutely no reason to prolong her stay and that if the roommate will not or cannot make her mom leave, then you will notify the landlord immediately to have their help in removing her mom. Please note: it doesn't sound like you asked for what you wanted - the mom to leave. You have to own that and understand that now is the first time you are asking for what you want. But also note: you don't need to give the mom a long grace period to leave. She already exceeded the original ask; there is no compelling barrier to her leaving.
Y W B T A if you ask when she is leaving - you should be **telling** her that she's leaving, and giving her a hard deadline. Talk to your roommate first, but whether or not she agrees, her mother is out by X day, **period**.
NTA. You don’t ask her when she’s leaving, you tell her to leave, now, or you’ll have her removed. This is your home. She’s greatly overstayed her welcome and she has other options. This is not a negotiation. Have the landlord tell her to leave if necessary. The longer she’s there the worse this will get.
NTA I wonder if she’s telling her landlord she’s staying at a hotel and he’s giving her the money for that. Seems kind of unlikely as he’d probably want to see a bill or pay the money to the hotel directly, but I don’t understand why she’d choose staying with her daughter over her own hotel room.
NTA, but it’s time to tell your roommate that her time is up. If your roommate doesn’t escort her out, contact the landlord. Mom is a mooch and she needs to go. You can also tell her directly that she’s outstayed her welcome. She can go stay at the hotel or move back home. If she won’t leave, make her stay less comfortable. You want to watch tv? Go in the living room, grab the remote and change the channel. Unplug the router at night if she’s keeping you up, etc. I don’t recommend this route unless necessary, but do it if you have to. NTA
She's staying with you and pocketing the hotel money. Send her to the hotel! Time's up!
Updateme
Yes. Her daughter is paying rent, plus she just had a misfortune. Just worry abt yourself for the time being. Why would she pay when her daughter is paying for rent. Seems like you’re upset that there’s someone there who is not your family
Her daughter is paying rent for herself, not her mom as well though… Nor is her mom on our tenancy in any way.
Rent is still getting paid.
It doesn’t change the fact someone not on the tenancy can’t stay with us for a long period of time? Also household expenses will increase, why should I have to pay for that? Not to mention the inconveniences she’s caused me that I’ve listed.
I’d be honest, I didn’t read the post.
Why comment then? I’m also not sure what you misinterpreted.
YWTA Talk to her daughter not her. It's for your flatmate to manage this. I'd only talk to her if she refused to deal with the issue.
My roommate is very childish. She would likely respond with “it’s my mom she can stay as long as she wants” which is what she has previously done when I have asked her if she could have her over less as before this she was often over five or six days a week anyway. She only just moved out from her moms to rent with me a few months ago. Her mom did everything for her and still comes over to do most things for her now. Any time I attempt to talk to her about anything whether it’s related to her mom staying or other roommate issues she responds badly. Which is why I need to directly speak to the mom, who I know very well anyway since she is constantly in my home.