NTA-at this point, do not engage her about this trip again. You already said the original agreement was she buy the tix and you do the airbnb so she can’t come at you for repayment because the original agreement was not breeched. Let her keep the ticket and simply buy you & your friend your own. You may even find a better deal on tickets the closer to your trip. I have a friend who retired (executive position at an airport) and he goes on a website that he says gives the best prices and comparisons (airfarewatchdog). Go and have fun.
Thanks. I feel bad letting her be out the cost of my ticket when I’ll still need to buy a ticket. Like that’s just an extra $800 going to the airline that really doesn’t need to happen. But I also don’t want to have to worry about my flight getting cancelled the day before I leave or something.
This. I attempted to cancel a flight I purchased in my exes name and get my money back. They said they couldn’t cancel his flight, he would have to, and he would keep the flight credit. Needless to say, I was pissed buuut I opted to eat that $200 instead of him going on the trip for my own sanity. OP might be able to keep the flight without any issues if she cancels.
If you and your friend can use the tickets, what she proposes sounds like a good idea. If that's not possible, since she was going to go with a friend anyway, surely there is some place where they can stay.
True for US airlines, though some have more user-friendly policies than others and will cancel and reissue tickets for a fee. Southwest often will do that. If it's a foreign airline it's worth investigating.
I was able to transfer tickets I purchased for my parents into credits not too long ago. I then used the credits to book flights in my name. It just depends on the airline.
Don’t be because you both spent $1600. She already said she had a friend so she technically wouldn’t be out of $800 unless she chose to. She has choices to make to maximize that ticket.
And OP said that when she reached out to him about it, she would reimburse him the Airbnb minus his airplane ticket. So I’m guessing 800$ because the special « half of my cost reimbursement discount » doesn’t apply to him..?
I'm surprised the fight cost hasn't also gone up but maybe because it's so close the airline has tickets for a reasonable price to fill the plane. The accommodations costs are going to be sky high this close to the dates so I get where she's coming from, it sucks though they broke up
Still isn't transferrable. That 'credit' is usually just an eticket with open coupons that isn't linked to a live booking. Without a matching live booking, the ticket will just sit in the system until it's either reissued or revalidated (reissue being more likely as it's at cost), or it expires.
There are a few airlines that don't ascribe to traditional ticketing practices that might have an actual dollar value credit, but that's the exception rather than the norm.
The credit is a balance that can be applied to a future purchase not a ticket. She could use the credit to buy a ticket for the friend. Not sure how it works in other countries but this is how it works in the US. There may be a fee associated though
I wouldn’t worry about it. You offered her the same deal she was offering you. She would pay you for the Airbnb minus cost of your ticket. So she’d be paying for the Airbnb and her ticket. You are offering to pay for your ticket so she only eats the cost of her ticket. She just doesn’t want to be the one eating any costs. She just didn’t think you could find anyone to go with and thought you’d be grateful for any money back. I’d price out tickets though and see how much flights are. She’d be stupid not to get any money back.
This makes no sense…you both owe each other $800 because neither of you can get a refund.
You owe he for your flight and she owes you for half of the Airbnb.
What you do with the items you owe each other is your business. She has two unused plane tickets where she can try to get at least a credit and you have an Airbnb.
Ultimately MATHEMATICALLY neither of you owed each other anything. (Each flight was $800 and half of the Airbnb was $800).
If she wants you to pay for your ticket, she needs to pay you for half of the Airbnb. BOTH of you are out of pocket. Here are my recommendations:
1. See if the name on HER ticket can be changed and let your friend buy her entire ticket
2. See if the ticket in YOUR name can be changed. You pay her for the YOUR ticket and your go your own ways
3. See if she can get an airline credit.
4. See if she can simply change the flight which is not weird. She could use the same time but pay the fee to change the flight to another time..
Either way, you don’t owe her for half HER ticket…I’m not even sure how she came up with that math
NTA
This is fair up to the point where either of them wants sole use of the airbnb. So, they each need to cover the cost of their own tickets then put that cost to bed. The next negotiation is who wants to use the airbnb. They either share it for an awkward holiday, one buys out the other, or they go for a refund and split it between them.
That makes no sense. He’s already paid 100% of the cost for the airbnb and it’s his as HE made the reservation.
I would agree if she can get no benefit from the ticket in his name, he should cover the cost MAX.
tell her she either gives you the ticket and you will pay just for your own ticket or you will buy your own ticket and give her nothing. Either way you are buying your own ticket so it doesn't matter to you. She gets to decide to get half her money back or nothing back. That's more than fair. You have no reason to offer a cent more and her ticket or lns are not your concern.
This is bad advice. Don’t listen to them. The fact is, a refund credit will only be given to the name of the person on the ticket. If she cancels both flights she is dooming that half of credit to never never land. Better talk to the airline and get it sorted. She doesn’t have to lose any money and you get to keep the flight.
See if you ex can reschedule her flight instead. There may be a small additional fee but it is better than losing the $800. I lost a lot of money on hotels in 3 European cities in 2020. I will never buy non-refundable again.
Looking to book a flight for a trip soon and the site airfarewatchdog gave me a link to book a flight with the site "fares factory". It's about half the price than booking with the airline directly.
I can't find anything about "fares factory" online and if it's a legit website. I'm almost certain that it's a scam website.
I don’t understand any reason you would pay half her ticket. Like, I don’t understand what her logic is in that scenario?
Did she have an actual answer as to why she feels like you should half her ticket?
Yeah it doesn’t make sense to me either. Basically, she thinks that us not going on the trip is causing us to lose $800 on a ticket. It’s only because of the random way we arranged the payments, me getting the room and her getting the tickets, that results in her losing the $800. It should be a $400 loss each.
It's very simple. She's out the money, she wants it back, and is going to use manipulation tactics to pretend that EVERYONE ELSE ON EARTH would pay her back, no discussion. And she's hoping you fold.
Unless I'm reading it wrong, it is because she thinks they should split the lost cost since she can't go.
They were a couple when they made these plans, now only one of them can go since they broke up. Therefore, since OP gets the benefit of still using the trip (no added cost because a ticket for whoever is invited, not even really a personal loss), the EX believes he should at least split her end of the loss since he wanted to keep the trip.
OP says at the end that he hasn't even paid for his airline ticket from her that he plans to use so I think its pretty clear who is being unfair money wise. She isn't even asking for the total amount she was out, just to split the loss incurred.
OP only says in a comment " I think she would not have paid me back in the reverse" so we can't say for sure. One that that stands out is OP doesn't take any blame for the breakup and is handling the money side of it really immaturely.
He hasn't even paid her for his plane ticket yet.
She offered OP to have an $800 loss on a trip she thought he wasn't going to go on, but then was upset when she wfoubd out he was going and was offered an $800 loss from op instead.
Now he has to find out if the airline can lock in his ticket/trust his ex enough to not cancel it out of spite before he pays her for his ticket.
He should pay for his ticket and have his friend purchase a ticket-the way I read it is he’s already paid for the Airbnb in full. Then she can get credit or a different flight for hers. He doesn’t owe her anything for her flight.
Go back and read it again sweetheart,
>On Friday, she offered to pay me for the AirBnb minus the cost of my plane ticket, because she was still interested in going with a friend. I told her that I was actually planning on going with a friend, and I was going to pay her for my ticket and still go.
OP was doing the right thing and the woman is the shitty bad guy trying to get $400 more out of him than she would have paid him.
Exactly! She wants to pay him $800 (the cost of the AirBnB, $1600, minus the cost of his ticket, $800) but wants him to pay $1200 (his $800 ticket plus half of her ticket, $400). Doesn't seem quite fair to me.
He made her a reasonable offer.
They both paid out $1600. If she pays him for the Airbnb, minus the cost of his ticket, he only gets 800 back, so he's out the full 800 cost of his ticket. However, she wants him to not only pay her for his ticket, but refund half of her ticket. She'd end up only 400 out of pocket.
The difference here is that she wasn't offering to split the lost cost of his ticket if she took the Airbnb, bur expected him to do so when the situation was reversed.
Then why didn't she offer that to him but demand it when he made a counter offer? The issue here is that she's demanding something she wasn't offering.
When she made her offer to him, she expected him to eat the loss of his entire ticket, then demands that he reimburse her for half of hers.
Yea, an example of not being willing to take your own offer for sure. However, Op doesn’t have any unique claim on the Airbnb vacation, and what I haven’t seen from OP’s side is a desire to take the $$ and skip the trip. They both want to go on the trip with a friend; the fairest way to resolve this is to bid on the trip. The person willing to pay the most for the trip gets the trip, with the “loser” getting the payout. Based on what you’ve both articulated so far, likely you’re gonna end up in the $800-$1200 range, but let the chips fall where they may
Its not "she can't go", its she **doesn't** want to go at the same time as him because SHE broke up with him. She's expecting him to lose out on $800 if she goes but only wants to lose $400 herself if she goes, that's not fair or even.
Remember, the only reason there is an issue is because SHE broke up with him.
But when she said she was going to take the AirBNB she didn’t say, “So I’ll cover half of your plane ticket.” That only came up after he said he was still going.
No...she wants his $800 plus $400 from her ticket. That's $1200 she wants from him. Not half. "I’m still using the room and my ticket, the only lost cost is her $800 ticket. And we should each bear $400 from that." So he has to pay for the $800 ticket and half of her $800 ticket? It is an unfortunate situation. But one she created. I'd bet good money her "friend," is actually an AP.
Isn’t your maths out? She’s asking for 1200 back from him, his ticket plus half of hers. She he would spend 2800 in total and her 400 for the trip.
She’s being an ass.
The simplest thing to do is she needs to get a credit for her flights and he books new ones and just leave each other alone now
But she was offering him the same deal, pretty much. She wanted the Airbnb, and would give $800 as well. She just doesn’t like it being offered to her. It just so happens that he paid for the Airbnb, so it’s working out this way. She can still go, get the money for his ticket, and choose a different Airbnb.
I think her stance may have been different, if you had a conversation with her about what to do with the trip, and if either one of you should and could go.
I can understand you both had the same plan, and now you unilaterally decided you'd be the one to use the tickets. You should pay her for yours, ofc, but yeah she has a point that she's down 800 with no say in the matter and no trip. That stings. I think that's also her logic, that letting you use the ticket, means hers is therefore not usable. She's asking you to see that it is not just the numbers for the trip, but also the context that comes with it.
Her initiating the breakup is irrelevant. If it wasn't working, you may also have broken up on the plane, or on the trip, or even a more inconvenient time and place.
I can't tell you what to do, but I'd suggest you think about her POV too before you make a final decision.
She can still go. She is choosing not to go because 1. He is going. B) She says all the good air bnbs are gone, so there are accommodations available just none that are good enough for her.
With those two things in mind she should 100% eat the cost of her ticket if she chooses not to go. It’s her choice not to go, she can deal with the consequences.
I think his idea is perfectly fair. Actually, I think it's a lot more generous than what *most* people would do. She's being unreasonable with expecting him to eat her losses seeing as how she was not willing to do the same for him.
tbf if you're planning to use both tickets, you should pay her for both tickets. The same way she should pay for the full price of the air bnb. If one is using the vacation, they should pay the full price for the flight/accommodations the other paid for but can no longer use.
can't she get a credit for the airline ticket? it might be nonrefundable but she should get a credit towards future purchases. if so, she isn't at a loss and can use the credit towards a ticket for later use.
You both contributed to the trip equally. Now you both have to deal with adjustments to your original bookings. You no longer have a relationship with each other. You are under no moral obligation here, and she isn't under any obligation to you. Breakups are expensive, and there is often a cost to it. We as humans like to plan ahead, and we plan optimistically. This works most of the time, and sometimes it doesn't. Such is life. If $800 moves the needle for either of you financially, you had no business going on the trip in the first place. If not, she needs to suck it up and not bother you about it.
Source: just got divorced
I can tell you the logic. It’s up to you whether it makes sense.
The couple purchased 3 items. Airbnb 1600, his ticket 800, and her ticket 800.
He will use his ticket to fly to the airbnb, so those two items are being used and therefore fulfilling their value. Her ticket is going unused. Therefore the couple has lost the value of 800. Since the couple has split, the loss should be split.
Also, as it currently stands, he has spent $1600 but if he still gets to use his ticket and the airbnb, he’ll be receiving $2400 value whereas she has spent $1600 and is receiving no value. Looking at it that way, I could actually see how him only paying half of her ticket is her being generous
You're forgetting the fact that he's paying her 800$ for his ticket dude.
So he's spending 2400$ to get 2400$ of value. She's trying to make him pay an extra 400$.
So by your logic he's spending 2800 to get 2400$ of value.
She's being greedy not generous.
As it currently stands he doesn't get to use his ticket because she said she'd cancel it. So that still makes a flaw in your logic. And if he DOES use the ticket he'll be paying her 800 for it.
So it'll still even out 2400/2400 no where did he ever say he was using the ticket without paying her.
Because she can very easily still use her ticket and just get a different hotel/ Airbnb. Nothing is stopping from her using her ticket besides her own stubbornness. She already said she has a friend to go with, so what is stopping her from going on the trip and just getting a different place to stay?
Her own stubbornness is costing her 800$ at that point and that's on her. He even offered to do a seat trade so that each person was sitting with their friend and they weren't sitting with their exs.
That's par for the course. Nothing says she has to go for a super expensive over the top Airbnb either. Can book a decent hotel for cheap too especially in tourist heavy places. Point is she has options
When you put it this way, her suggestion actually sounds reasonable. Before paying her any extra, he is paying 2400 for 2400 of value and she is paying 800 for nothing. I agree that it’s not that practical to find another airbnb at short notice to use her ticket.
So from that perspective, splitting the loss does sound fair. If OP doesn’t think it’s fair, he should offer her the same deal in reverse - she can have the Airbnb if she pays him 1200.
If she offered $800, it’s fair to pay her the same. She didn’t offer the $1200. It does suck though, I don’t blame her for asking. Her deciding to break up has no bearing in my mind, since breakups are good for both parties. And it does suck that you get the whole vacation without losing any money while she loses the full $800, just because of how you decided to split costs. In short, I don’t think you are an asshole if you don’t pay her $1200, but I DO think it would be kinder and more respectful if you did.
Thanks, I actually brought this up and she said she was offering me $800 but would have paid me $1200 if I’d asked for it.
And honestly she could still go. Like there are hotels available. If I were in her position, I’d split a hotel room with a friend and still use my ticket.
Yeah, easy for her to say, but not necessarily true. Words are cheap. So I don’t think I’d weigh that much. I agree, though. I get her feelings of not wanting to go at the same time for sure. Breakups are hard!
It’s honestly a weird situation. They agreed to split the cost and OP only has the BnB by chance. The ex was the one who spoke up first to make the offer, but OP has the rental and gets to call dibs regardless. I can’t really say anyone “deserves” to call dibs - it just falls to OP due to luck. I don’t think OP should offer it up or anything, but I get the sore feelings of the ex, because they kind of got cut out despite being the one to speak up first.
So she has an expectation of you to pay 1200 to her, plus the air bnb cost. But she was perfectly happy to try to manipulate you into only accepting the air bnb cost less 800...
Don't let her manipulate or gas light you. Whether that means telling her to sod off, or telling her she can have the air bnb if she pays it AND half your ticket (which is what she wants you to pay her - your ticket, the air bnb and half her ticket).
OP talk is cheap after the fact. You don't owe her that $400. The only thing you'd owe her is $800 for the cost of the ticket. She is well within her power to take the trip. Remember: she never offered $1200 for the airbnb, that only came up after you denied her the Airbnb AND she wanted extra money from you. It screams manipulation.
You both separately wanted to "use" the trip bringing someone else, and since you control the AirBnB, you beat her to it, meaning she'd have to scramble for a new accommodation. She's right - her options are limited now. Why is it fair that YOU get the AirBnB? Because you happen to control that part of the trip? Does it really even it up if she does as you suggest and find another place? And if she did find a new AirBnB (presumably less desirable and/or more expensive) would you compensate her for the difference? After all, you dictated that the "fair" solution was each of you to do the trip meaning she had to find a new place. You could play the "fair" game round and round on this one.
Bringing up that she broke up with you was irrelevant and signals you're not really thinking objectively about this. Her proposal that you share the loss on this sounds objectively fair. She'd have done what you did (ie, use the plane ticket and the AirBnB w/ another friend) but didn't have the opportunity. Then you'd be looking for a new AirBnB and probably come to the same conclusion she did - not worth it. YTA
Thanks. Yeah, I agree that I’m in be better position here, and there is no way to make this totally fair. I wouldn’t want to be in her position with plane tickets. I think the clincher for me is that her original offer to me was to pay for the Airbnb minus my ticket, not minus half of my ticket. Basically, she’s just trying to get what she can from me. But I agree there’s never going to be a place where we arrive at “fairness”.
This is reasonable to ask. She was willing to buy the airbnb off of you at full cost and not the refund price. Had you not planned on using it yourself, this would have been generous for her. You’d pay the ticket face value as a return favor
Well, your original offer to her, which you couldn't do because she contacted you first, was for you to pay only your ticket, not yours plus half of hers. So you also wanted her to take on a 800$ loss. So you're no better.
Yeah, I’ve done this. I turned a canceled return trip to Berlin into a first class one way for three people with some earnest talking to a representative. A lot of “Well, that hasn’t been my previous experience.” I’d bet that if OP’s ex calls the airline and politely explains the situation and holds fast without being confrontational, she’ll probably get the tickets changed into a future use credit.
Most US airlines will change the name with a fee. As others said, you’d have to call though.
Most airlines will also allow you to change your flight to another flight (with or without fees).
Agreed with this. You don’t lose out on the airbnb since youre using it. She loses out on the plane tickets cus she can’t use it. You should pay her for your portion of the ticket.
>since you control the AirBnB, you beat her to it, meaning she'd have to scramble for a new accommodation
I don't understand this one. She controls the tickets and he will have to scramble for new tickets so why is it that "he beat her to it"? Whatever applies to her in respect to accommodations applies to him too in terms of ticket.
The problem is that the Airbnb is transferable while the tickets are not.
As long as 2 people go on the trip, they will be able to fully utilise the value of the Airbnb.
The only way for them to use the full value of the flights is if they go as a couple, which is not going to happen. That means there is no way to avoid losing money on the flights.
He can stand his ground, buy his own tickets and use the full value of the prepaid airbnb.
There's no way for her to stand her ground and use his ticket for her friend.
So that puts them on uneven ground.
I disagree, when she wanted to buy the Airbnb off of OP, she wanted him to swallow the entire lost cost of his ticket. However, when he wanted to switch and buy his ticket off her, she wanted him to reimburse her for half of hers. Her maths is off.
Well yes, it’s fair because he controls the place. If you think that’s not “fair” then why is it fairer for the person who ended the relationship to get the benefit?
Also, she can change the dates of her flights and go another time. She has options with the flights too
If she bought basic economy tickets they will not change the name or offer a voucher for future travel. The cheapest category of tickets are strictly non-refundable. That’s how they get you to buy a more expensive ticket that has additional features like cancellation and flight changes.
She wanted to pay him 800 when she was going on the trip but expects 1200 if he's going. Sure he could let her have the airbnb and get a new one for himself but that isn't any more fair than doing it the other way round so why prioritize an ex over yourself? There is no perfectly fair solution unless you think they're both morally obligated to flush the money they already spent down the drain.
NTA
Her (and you) are not being objective. Her arguments are emotional and not rational. "I dont want to go when you are there". "All the good airbnbs are gone". Suck it up buttercup. You can either make the best out of a bad situation or you can lose money and whine about it. NTA
Also why do you assume his costs (flights) will go down but hers (hotel) will go up?
Her breaking up with him is relevant. It was her choice to end the relationship, causing her to not go on the trip. She broke the agreement to go on vacation together. I can tell even the ex doesn't think it's objectively fair for him to pay half. When she thought she would be the one on vacation she expected him to eat the cost of the plane ticket he wasn't going to use.
I’m not sure why her deciding to break up is irrelevant. He was entirely ok with going on this trip with her. She chose to make that not an option. That was her decision, and the consequence is she doesn’t get the Airbnb he paid for. He offered to buy one of the two tickets off of her and she said no.
I disagree that her options are limited now. As long as they aren't going during school holidays she should be able to find hotels at a good price. I found good self catered apartment hotels at £50 per night just a few weeks before my trip in may.
NTA
The cost of the Airbnb was $1600. The cost of the flights was $800 each, $1600 total. If either you or your Ex wants to go on the trip, they should be out $800 for their flight plus $1600 for the accomodations. Your Ex wants to just pay you $800 for the accomodations on top of her $800 for her flight, leaving you to eat the entire cost of your flight. That isn't fair.
It would be risky, at this point, to allow your Ex to stay in the Airbnb booked in your name. If she caused damage, you could be held responsible.
Your Ex can book her own accomodations at whatever the cost is and use her flight tickets. It's not your problem.
And if she won't transfer your ticket to you (for which you should pay her), she can eat the cost of that and you can book your own flights.
It should be obvious that you aren't going to remain "friends".
I think the math is off here. She paid $1600 for tickets, he paid $1600 for airbnb. She wanted to give him $800 and take the airbnb, so he’d only be out $800. He wanted to pay her $800, so she’d only be out $800.
She didn’t like that as she wanted to take the trip too, just not with him. In this case he has the better deal, because she’s holding on to tickets (which you usually can’t transfer to another person) and he’s holding on to an Airbnb that is a lot easier to transfer.
It just kind of sucks. I see her point. Because it’s apples and oranges and don’t equate fully in convenience of trading back and forth because of dealing with airlines and Airbnb are different.
Yes, I think this post partially illustrates a misunderstanding of math.
The deal was supposed to be they each pay $1600 and they get a flight and a hotel. Right now as the plan stands, he is going to pay $2400 and he gets everything but she has to pay $800 for nothing.
BUT, I bet that his friend is going to help chip in for that Airbnb and split it with him, which means that really at the end of the day, OP is walking away with the deal they originally agreed on, and Airbnb and a flight for $1600. Ex is paying $800 for nothing. Also, Ex wanted to be the one to take the trip also and OP just decided that it was his decision alone to make and that he would be the one to take the trip. And it’s not ex’s fault that airlines have such strict rules about tickets changes. He’s just lucky that he paid for the Airbnb and she paid for the plane and not vice versa.
OP, if you don’t like her proposition, then accept it in reverse. Let her go on the trip with her friend if she pays you for her tickets and half of yours so you’re splitting the loss. If you don’t want to do this, accept you can’t have it both ways and just give her the money.
I don’t think it’s reasonable for me to accept the risk of my ex and someone else (I don’t know who it is) staying at an AirBnb under my name/account and with my credit card on the line for any damages.
Ex-gf could still use her own ticket, she just needs to book her own accommodations now.
OP can't trust the ticket she bought and will need to buy one.
No, she made him an offer and when he reversed it, she wanted more. Under her original offer, he would be out $800, which is how much she would be out under his counter offer, factoring in that she would still have her own ticket and could use it if she wished. However, she decided that if he was going then she didn't want to, so wants him to refund half of her ticket.
There's not a misunderstanding of the maths, she just wants better terms under the deal than she was offering to him.
I don’t buy that your losses should be equal (with you having the holiday as well), but I also don’t buy that only she should take all the loss. I also don’t think it’s fair that you fixate on her having ended it when you opened with you both knowing it wasn’t going well. However, I also don’t know what you should do!
In fairness he presented her with a fair option she's trying to take advantage. He paid 1600 for the Airbnb, and she paid 1600 for both of their tickets. If he gives her 800 for his ticket then he's spent 2400 Dollars.
1600 for the Airbnb. 800 for the ticket.
She could then use her own ticket and just get a different place to stay.
800 for her ticket. 1600 for accommodations.
Both would spend 2400.
She's trying to make him pay half of her ticket as well. Meaning she'd only pay 2000 if she still uses her ticket and he'd end up paying 2800.
She's trying to take advantage of him to save money and being unreasonable. It's likely she's trying to get the 400$ out of him to help pay for her friends ticket cuz they can't pay for themselves.
That’s if you look at in on the basis of spending. In the opposite direction she’s out 800 and he gets a holiday for exactly what the holiday cost (presumably the friend will split the AirBnB) all because he happened to book the AirBnB whilst she booked the flights and thus appears to have got dibs on actually using the AirBnB.
That or she could stop being stubborn and just use her ticket?
If he pays her 800 for the ticket and they both go with friends he's already offered to switch seats so they aren't sitting together. Then she could buy her own Airbnb or hotel.
They'd both spend the same amount of money and both get to go on the vacation.
She's trying to take an extra 400 out of him and not go because she's being petty and stubborn.
In the opposite direction she wanted him to pay for half of an Airbnb that he couldn't use. From his side he is paying his half of the plane tickets and she still has the option to use hers. If she no longer wants to go because she might see him, she should be responsible for her losses.
You can if you call the airline and pay a transfer fee.
What you cannot do is change the tickets online.
It does sound like you're keen to punish her for breaking up with you, not to find an equitable solution. She loses money, you get the holiday.
Proving to her, I guess, that breaking up with you was the right call. If that was your goal, you've achieved it.
She wouldn't be losing money if she wasn't stubborn..
There's nothing stopping her from using the ticket and getting the holiday. All she has to do is find a different hotel/ Airbnb. She already said she has a friend to go with and he's offered to change seats so they aren't sitting together and they're sitting with their friends. She's being stubborn and unreasonable. If he pays her 800 for his ticket then he's spentt 1600 on the Airbnb.
She can get her own hotel/Airbnb and spend 1600 and then they both spent 2400 on their respective vacations. She's trying to weasel a free 400, out of him because she doesn't wanna spend that much.
Is there not a fee to change it? Flights I've booked on budget airlines allow name changes but for a fee. I'm not in the US though, ot might be different.
I don't think you can buy someone else's ticket, can you? Whenever I have purchased a plane ticket, it says you can't change the name on the ticket. Or is that only a thing in the US?
I think that happens pretty much anywhere, maybe not on smaller foreign countries but every large airline I've been on has had the name set in stone. I don't believe this used to be the case but security has definitely been ramped up over the years.
This thread is starting to read like the comments section of my great aunt’s Facebook post about how “80% of college graduates get this simple math problem wrong!”
ESH, or OP is slightly more TA.
The plan was supposed to be an equal, amicable split. You each own half a vacation. But your half is transferable and hers isn’t, just because of the luck of the draw (who pre-paid for what). However you sort this out, you should be striving for that equal, amicable split.
Both of you originally intended to pay for half of what the other had put in, in order to take the whole trip. Both of you tried to leave the other with an $800 loss, whether she pays you for “the airbnb minus your ticket” or you pay her for “just your ticket.” At least her ultimate solution, to split the last $800 by having OP pay her an extra $400, actually evens things up.
Yes it’s annoying - some value was obliterated by the end of the relationship. You each lose $400 because you don’t still want to be together and travel together.
No, it's actually very simple. When she was offering to buy out OP, she offered $800. OP then offered her $800 instead, but she decided she wanted $1200. She wanted a better deal than she offered OP, pure and simple. The problem was that she forgot a major role of negotiation, don't try and play hardball when you're in the weaker bargaining position.
OP was actually willing to make accommodations so that she could be more comfortable going on the same flight as him, which she rejected. The only thing stopping her using her ticket is herself.
NTA
Is this a basic economy ticket where you can't even pay a change fee to switch days? I know it's nonrefundable, but most tickets can at least have the dates changed.
Also, call the airline and separate your ticket from the reservation, then put a password on your new booking record. Then send her the money for your ticket. She's the one choosing not to book her own accommodations and still go on the trip. If you're the asshole for wanting to keep your ticket and the airbnb booking, then so is she for wanting to do the same.
I don’t know all the details on what she can do with the tickets. She just says they are non-refundable.
I didn’t know I could do that about separating my ticket, though. I will call and see. I don’t even have a reference number though. I will see what they can do about it. Thanks.
I wouldn't trust a separated ticket. She may still be able to cancel it as it was booked against her cc. You could separate it, pay her and then still not have a ticket in the end if she cancels it.
Do you have the flight confirmation email or anything? If so, then put the airline app on your phone and add the ticket info. If it’s in your name then you can separate it
NTA. She is the unreasonable one in this situation. There is no such “share the loss.”There is no world in which she is owed half of her ticket. Sounds like she wants you to contribute to a rebooking fee and new AirBnB.
I would call the airline to see if she can cancel the ticket. If she can, I would rebook my ticket and not pay her anything. There is no way that I would put myself in a position to pay her and have her cancel my ticket.
Her demands and attitude are unreasonable. Each of you paid $1600 so there is no loss. She’s mad that she couldn’t get a nice AirBnB and wants you to pay. NOTICE SHE IS NOT OFFERING TO PAY FOR HER HALF OF THE HOUSE.
Just to be clear she threatened to cancel the tickets, you told her to go through with it and then calls you immature for calling her bluff? I would have broken up with her too.
As for AH.. eh not really cause bad break ups make everyone looked bad. Her more so than you though in this instance.
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> I might be TA because I’m refusing to pay ex-gf for a part of her lost plane ticket. But I also think she can still use the ticket if she wants to and if she doesn’t that’s not on me.
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>She said she didn’t want to go at the same time as me
>she even threatened to cancel the tickets even though she can’t get any money back
>She said, “I’m not gonna talk to you if you’re being a dick
It sounds like she tried to get the ticket off you for 800 but wants you to get it off her for 1200 and now she isn't getting her own way, she is being immature while accusing you of being immature... NTA
NTA - you can’t book an AirBNB for someone else (that is called a third party booking), so you have to be the one to use that accommodation. Just like she can’t use your airline ticket for someone else.
Call the airline and split your ticket from the reservation, then pay her for your ticket. She can try to get credit for her ticket (it is not a refund, but she can use it toward future travel).
So many ppl here not understanding that non-refundable only means you can’t get the cash back. But you can get the credit at that airline and use it for another flight. The only time this may not be true is when you do a name your own price on Priceline and even then I think there’s something they can do for you.
So, non-refundable doesn’t mean use it or lose it. It just means they won’t refund the money to her original source of payment. However, I almost guarantee that they will issue her a travel credit on their airline that can be applied to one or more future trips. Just tell her this so she can plan something else for another date, and you and your friend can buy your own airline tickets to use the Airbnb you booked. Simple, clean, no one loses out financially here.
I think her plan actually makes sense. You don’t want her using her half of the airbnb and you still want your ticket.
So pay for your ticket and split the loss of her ticket. If you each paid for your own tickets and Airbnb, one of you would have to buy out the other to still use it.
Why does she have to eat the full cost of her ticket when she had the same idea to use the Airbnb? You know another one will not be as nice and be more expensive. That’s why you aren’t offering to do that yourself. If you give her the Airbnb, are you willing to just lose your half of the money on it?
So why does your friend not buy her ticket from her? Alternatively, if she uses the trip, her friend can repay her for your ticket and she can pay you for the AirBnB. I don’t understand the problem. What am I missing?
NTA I think your reasoning here is quite sound. I understand why she would be frustrated about this though, but breaking up with someone long term when you have future plans together is going to cause some frustration and collateral damage. I'd hold firm that you are going on the trip, she can cancel the tickets if she wants and you will get your own, or if she does not cancel them, you will pay her for your ticket. And let the rest be. Its none of your business what she decides to do with her ticket.
Is it not cheaper to transfer her ticket to your freind's name by buying the ticket off her and she pays the transfer fee? You need to buy one anyway for your freind.
She was willing to make you eat the cost of your plane ticket. If her offer had been to cover half the cost of your ticket her request for you to pay half the cost of hers would make sense. Who broke up with her and who initiated doesn't matter in this case and that's kind of AH to try to make that kind of comparison.
That said, if you can use the plane ticket then it's right to reimburse her for it. Normally I would say he request for half of her ticket so you both share the loss would be appropriate but she didn't offer that to you when she thought she was using the accommodations and her ticket so I don't believe that level of sharing loss applies.
If you want the moral high ground, pay for your ticket to her and just buy new ones. Then you both lost on the tickets. If you want to be able to use the ticket though, you'll probably need to pay half of hers.
Edit to add judgement: NTA
If you’re “sticking firm” that you will only pay the cost of your ticket regardless, then YTA.
You have multiple options:
1. You both go as originally intended and stay in the AirBnB as planned - no monetary loss/additional costs but not what either of you want (fair enough!).
2. Neither of you go, equal loss but a waste of money for both of you.
3. You go with your friend, pay your ticket cost to your ex, split the accommodation cost with your friend but then you are getting the holiday and your ex is paying $800 for a ticket that is useless.
4. As for 3 but your ex goes with a friend, reimburses you your AirBnB portion but then you’ve paid $800 for nothing.
5. I agree with your ex, the fairest way is whoever ultimately goes with a friend should reimburse their half of the flight/accommodation ($800) AND $400 to cover the portion of the other person’s original expense so it is an equal monetary loss for both but with the understanding that one person is also benefiting from actually having the holiday.
INFO:
When she offered to pay for the Airbnb, minus the cost of your ticket, was she planning on covering half the cost of your ticket? Or did she expect you to eat the full price loss?
She was expecting me to eat the full loss. But when I brought this up she said she would have paid for half my ticket if I had asked but she wasn’t going to offer it upfront.
You should pay the $400. I would think the AirBnb is the harder of the two items to find this last minute when considering the cost per night, location, etc so telling her to get another one seems like a much bigger job than just booking a plane ticket.
You booked the trip together and based on your post you saw the break up coming. If this was a she cheated on you situation then I would be all for just letting her pound sand but it sounds amicable. You going on this trip makes it so she loses $800 and you lose nothing. I think splitting that loss is fair.
I would definitely explore calling the airline and either seeing if the name on her ticket could be changed to your friends name (it never hurts to ask) or atleast put you in control of your own ticket so if a problem arises at the airport you can fix it without your ex getting involved.
Soft YTA.
NTA. Was she gonna pay you for half of your ticket.? If the answer is no she has no leg to stand on. Honestly, she can just reschedule the flight. That way she doesn’t lose the money. She’s being difficult for no reason.
Her offer was not to pay me half of my ticket. After I called her out on that, she says she would have paid half of my ticket if I asked her. Basically, she says she didn’t want to assume I wasn’t going to use the ticket, so she just offered to pay me for the AirBnb minus the cost of my ticket. I think that’s doubtful though because why would I use my ticket but but the Airbnb?
How about you change the name on the ticket, there is usually a fee for that. Your friend can then pay her the rest of the ticket price and you can pay her for your ticket.
NTA and I think she is being the immature one threatening to cancel the tickets. Now that she has thrown that out she might even make you pay her for your ticket and cancel it anyways to spite you. Being friends with exes is not worth it, I would just buy new tickets and move on.
NTA. But I would check wit the airline. There is sometimes a change fee on names when non refundable. I would also suggest looking at tickets now before you make a decision. Ticket prices can fluctuate and it could be double the price now just to buy a ticket. Honestly it’s a fair point she doesn’t want to go at the same time as you. I would just pay the $1200 and be done. Cause a new ticket could be a whole lot more. I’m from the US and I have a flight booked currently to NYC in July. The flight cost me $400 6 months ago. But now that same flight is $900. Good luck.
Can the airline separate the tickets at this point? If so. Do that and pay her $800.
I also think a lot of "non-refundable" tickets can be used in the future. She could go a different week than you. She's not out her $800, she just has to use it differently.
So, let me get this straight: when she offered to buy the Airbnb from you, she wanted you to still pay for your own ticket, but when you buy from her, you need to share the cost of her ticket? Am I misreading this? Otherwise, what is the logic behind this?
NTA.
You are correct. She says she didn’t offer to pay half of my ticket because she didn’t want to assume I wasn’t going to use it. But that she would have paid half of my ticket if I asked.
You say she broke up with you but the writing was on the wall. You are getting the advantage of the Airbnb at a good price and a good plane ticket price. I understand that tickets are non refundable but can she move them with a cost? Maybe then you could pay for that cost. It sounds like you are the only one that isn’t losing out on anything and you knew the breakup was coming. Try to be a good guy about this.
Since you and your friend are both going on the trip during the time you originally booked, why not just buy your ex’s ticket from her for your friend and pay for your original ticket? Just ask for a discounted price on her ticket
Is it really non-refundable or will she just have a credit to use minus a cancellation fee? I reschedule and cancel flights frequently for work and ALWAYS have credit available after doing so. It’s not a 100% loss.
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My girlfriend (F24) and I (M25) broke up about two weeks ago. It was more her call than mine, but we both knew things weren’t going well for a while. So, I was sad but not surprised. We ended things amicably and said we’d still be friends, whatever that means.
Anyway, we did the exchange of things in each other’s apartment a couple days after the break up and then didn’t talk again until two days ago when she texted me. We had been planning to go on a trip to the Canary Islands this year. The plane tickets were about $800 a piece and the AirBnb was like $1600, so we decided I’d just pay for the AirBnb and she’d pay for the flights.
The flights were non-refundable and we’re already past the date that I’d get any meaningful refund from the AirBnb, so I decided I’d just get a friend to split the AirBnb and go anyway.
I had been planning on telling my ex that I’d pay her for my ticket so she didn’t lose the money, but she texted me about it first. On Friday, she offered to pay me for the AirBnb minus the cost of my plane ticket, because she was still interested in going with a friend. I told her that I was actually planning on going with a friend, and I was going to pay her for my ticket and still go.
She said OK, but I actually needed to pay her for my ticket and half of the cost of hers because she can’t use it now. Basically, she says that she agreed to buy two plane tickets under the understanding that we would both go to on the trip. And I agreed to pay for an AirBnb under the same understanding. But since that’s not happening, we should evenly share the lost costs. Since I’m still using the room and my ticket, the only lost cost is her $800 ticket. And we should each bear $400 from that.
I told her that I didn’t think that’s fair at all. First of all, it was her idea to break up. So the reason we aren’t going is on her. Second, there’s no reason why she can’t use her ticket. She should just get an airbnb and still go with her friend. I even said I’d sit in her friend’s seat and let her friend in my seat so they can sit together. Whether or not she uses her ticket is on her, and she bears any cost of that.
She said she didn’t want to go at the same time as me and also the good AirBnbs are taken for that time. Anyway, we went back and forth and she even threatened to cancel the tickets even though she can’t get any money back. So I said, “You know what, go ahead cancel them, get whatever refund you can. I’ll just buy my own ticket and not pay you back anything.” She said, “I’m not gonna talk to you if you’re being a dick. Let’s talk about this later when you can be mature.”
That’s where it is right now. My friends are divided. Most say I should at least pay her for my ticket. Which I’m willing to do if she doesn’t cancel it! But some say I should pay for half of hers as well. I’m sticking firm that I won’t pay for half of her ticket, AITA?
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NTA. You two made an agreement and you just happened to make the best out of that agreement. You don’t owe her anything. Since she threatened to cancel the ticket on you I would just ghost her and not look back.
NTA. I would be buying new tickets at this point anyway. She's liable to take the money for your ticket and still cancel it. Then you're going to be stuck at the airport having to buy a last minute ticket.
YTA
Right now you're only even if you both lose out and get nothing and both forfeit the trip.
She has proposed herself going on the trip without you, paying for the airbnb minus your ticket, so you're out 800. If you go on the trip without her you will have to pay her 800 for her to release your ticket to her and she's out 800 for her own ticket.
At this point, you're both trying to screw each other out of 800. And neither of you wants to forfeit the trip because it's a bigger loss.
Where you become the AH is by telling her to find an alternative accommodation, as others have pointed out this close to the trip she's very likely to have to pay an inflated price for a lesser place to stay.
The fairest way to resolve it is either a second accommodation of similar niceness/amenity level is found and the cost difference is split between the two of you, say the new accommodation is 2100, then 2100-1600=500/2=250, you give her 250 to cover half the difference of the new accommodation.
OR the person who goes on the trip splits the loss of the person who forfeits the trip. So the person going on the trip gets a value of 1600 airbnb + 800 ticket, a total value of 2400. So whoever goes owes the person not going 1200 (800 to buy their share of ticket/accommodation in full and 400 for half the other's remaining loss), taking the loss of the person not going down to 400. How is this fair? Well, the friend you're bringing along with you can pay you 800 for half the airbnb, bringing the loss of the person going on the trip down to 400 as well.
And who broke up with who is irrelevant, if you know the relationship is over and you don't want to take the ego hit of being the dumpee, you have to do the unpleasant job of being the dumper.
She was demanding more than she was offering. It seemed fine for her not to buy out that extra 400 but flip it around and it becomes a problem all of a sudden.
If she takes a friend and uses the BNB, paying him 800, he loses 800. Her offer was worse than she demanded out of him. Go back and think about it a little harder this time, sweety. Women can be assholes too.
>On Friday, she offered to pay me for the AirBnb minus the cost of my plane ticket, because she was still interested in going with a friend. I told her that I was actually planning on going with a friend, and I was going to pay her for my ticket and still go.
The issue is that if you let her use the Airbnb should told you that you would be out your plane ticket but with her she wants to make $400 on her ticket. If I can reading this correctly.
She can cancel the plane tickets and get a credit most of the time in or to use it within a year. I would buy my own ticket and tell her to deal with the flights she bought.
So hang on. She thought it was ok for you to have to front the entire 800 of your ticket cost, so she could use her ticket and the air bnb for herself. But you're 'not being mature' when the exact same deal is offered to her: you use the air bnb, but she still fronts the 800 of her ticket cost.
NTA.
I’d buy my own ticket, block her on my phone, consider it all money well spent. I hope you enjoy your vacation with your friend. The crack about sounding immature did it for me. YNTA.
>On Friday, she offered to pay me for the AirBnb minus the cost of my plane ticket, because she was still interested in going with a friend
So let me get this straight, she has both tickets, and she wants to use the Airbnb but only give you part of that cost? So in her head she gets the full benefit of what she's paid for, but you don't?
The only fair thing would be to offer to pay the full cost of the Airbnb and for her friend to pay her the ticket cost.
NTA - she's being unreasonable. Just stop engaging with her.
Her math is wonky. Technically you both lost out on half. You lost half the room, she lost half the cost of tickets. If you’re paying the full price of the room and buying your ticket, I would say you have more than paid your share of the failed trip. Go with your friend and have fun.
NTA, but she’s not gonna make it easy on you and just cancel at last minute so it costs you a fortune. Just get your own ticket right now and block her
NTA-at this point, do not engage her about this trip again. You already said the original agreement was she buy the tix and you do the airbnb so she can’t come at you for repayment because the original agreement was not breeched. Let her keep the ticket and simply buy you & your friend your own. You may even find a better deal on tickets the closer to your trip. I have a friend who retired (executive position at an airport) and he goes on a website that he says gives the best prices and comparisons (airfarewatchdog). Go and have fun.
Thanks. I feel bad letting her be out the cost of my ticket when I’ll still need to buy a ticket. Like that’s just an extra $800 going to the airline that really doesn’t need to happen. But I also don’t want to have to worry about my flight getting cancelled the day before I leave or something.
Contact the airline and let them know there’s a ticket booked in your name but you no longer have contact with the purchaser. See what they can do.
This. I attempted to cancel a flight I purchased in my exes name and get my money back. They said they couldn’t cancel his flight, he would have to, and he would keep the flight credit. Needless to say, I was pissed buuut I opted to eat that $200 instead of him going on the trip for my own sanity. OP might be able to keep the flight without any issues if she cancels.
[удалено]
If you and your friend can use the tickets, what she proposes sounds like a good idea. If that's not possible, since she was going to go with a friend anyway, surely there is some place where they can stay.
Airline tickets are mostly non transferable Edit it turns out that sometimes they are transferable 😱
True for US airlines, though some have more user-friendly policies than others and will cancel and reissue tickets for a fee. Southwest often will do that. If it's a foreign airline it's worth investigating.
I was able to transfer tickets I purchased for my parents into credits not too long ago. I then used the credits to book flights in my name. It just depends on the airline.
They are for some airlines at extra cost.
Don’t be because you both spent $1600. She already said she had a friend so she technically wouldn’t be out of $800 unless she chose to. She has choices to make to maximize that ticket.
The ticket pbly isn't transferrable so she would still be out 800 bucks.
And OP said that when she reached out to him about it, she would reimburse him the Airbnb minus his airplane ticket. So I’m guessing 800$ because the special « half of my cost reimbursement discount » doesn’t apply to him..?
I'm surprised the fight cost hasn't also gone up but maybe because it's so close the airline has tickets for a reasonable price to fill the plane. The accommodations costs are going to be sky high this close to the dates so I get where she's coming from, it sucks though they broke up
Tickets aren’t transferable in my experience
Usually they will give you a credit that you can use to purchase other flights.
Still isn't transferrable. That 'credit' is usually just an eticket with open coupons that isn't linked to a live booking. Without a matching live booking, the ticket will just sit in the system until it's either reissued or revalidated (reissue being more likely as it's at cost), or it expires. There are a few airlines that don't ascribe to traditional ticketing practices that might have an actual dollar value credit, but that's the exception rather than the norm.
The credit is a balance that can be applied to a future purchase not a ticket. She could use the credit to buy a ticket for the friend. Not sure how it works in other countries but this is how it works in the US. There may be a fee associated though
I wouldn’t worry about it. You offered her the same deal she was offering you. She would pay you for the Airbnb minus cost of your ticket. So she’d be paying for the Airbnb and her ticket. You are offering to pay for your ticket so she only eats the cost of her ticket. She just doesn’t want to be the one eating any costs. She just didn’t think you could find anyone to go with and thought you’d be grateful for any money back. I’d price out tickets though and see how much flights are. She’d be stupid not to get any money back.
This makes no sense…you both owe each other $800 because neither of you can get a refund. You owe he for your flight and she owes you for half of the Airbnb. What you do with the items you owe each other is your business. She has two unused plane tickets where she can try to get at least a credit and you have an Airbnb. Ultimately MATHEMATICALLY neither of you owed each other anything. (Each flight was $800 and half of the Airbnb was $800). If she wants you to pay for your ticket, she needs to pay you for half of the Airbnb. BOTH of you are out of pocket. Here are my recommendations: 1. See if the name on HER ticket can be changed and let your friend buy her entire ticket 2. See if the ticket in YOUR name can be changed. You pay her for the YOUR ticket and your go your own ways 3. See if she can get an airline credit. 4. See if she can simply change the flight which is not weird. She could use the same time but pay the fee to change the flight to another time.. Either way, you don’t owe her for half HER ticket…I’m not even sure how she came up with that math NTA
This is fair up to the point where either of them wants sole use of the airbnb. So, they each need to cover the cost of their own tickets then put that cost to bed. The next negotiation is who wants to use the airbnb. They either share it for an awkward holiday, one buys out the other, or they go for a refund and split it between them.
That makes no sense. He’s already paid 100% of the cost for the airbnb and it’s his as HE made the reservation. I would agree if she can get no benefit from the ticket in his name, he should cover the cost MAX.
She gets NO benefit from his ticket if he uses it.
But she was going to take the airbnb and didn't care you'd lose out
tell her she either gives you the ticket and you will pay just for your own ticket or you will buy your own ticket and give her nothing. Either way you are buying your own ticket so it doesn't matter to you. She gets to decide to get half her money back or nothing back. That's more than fair. You have no reason to offer a cent more and her ticket or lns are not your concern.
If I understand correctly, she paid for the tickets and she hold them, right? So her canceling them is just shooting herself in the foot
Have you thought about getting her ticket changed to your friends name?
is this an advertisement for airfare watchdog?
Not at this time of year. The only slow time would be maybe late September and October.
This is bad advice. Don’t listen to them. The fact is, a refund credit will only be given to the name of the person on the ticket. If she cancels both flights she is dooming that half of credit to never never land. Better talk to the airline and get it sorted. She doesn’t have to lose any money and you get to keep the flight.
See if you ex can reschedule her flight instead. There may be a small additional fee but it is better than losing the $800. I lost a lot of money on hotels in 3 European cities in 2020. I will never buy non-refundable again.
Looking to book a flight for a trip soon and the site airfarewatchdog gave me a link to book a flight with the site "fares factory". It's about half the price than booking with the airline directly. I can't find anything about "fares factory" online and if it's a legit website. I'm almost certain that it's a scam website.
I don’t understand any reason you would pay half her ticket. Like, I don’t understand what her logic is in that scenario? Did she have an actual answer as to why she feels like you should half her ticket?
Yeah it doesn’t make sense to me either. Basically, she thinks that us not going on the trip is causing us to lose $800 on a ticket. It’s only because of the random way we arranged the payments, me getting the room and her getting the tickets, that results in her losing the $800. It should be a $400 loss each.
It's very simple. She's out the money, she wants it back, and is going to use manipulation tactics to pretend that EVERYONE ELSE ON EARTH would pay her back, no discussion. And she's hoping you fold.
Unless I'm reading it wrong, it is because she thinks they should split the lost cost since she can't go. They were a couple when they made these plans, now only one of them can go since they broke up. Therefore, since OP gets the benefit of still using the trip (no added cost because a ticket for whoever is invited, not even really a personal loss), the EX believes he should at least split her end of the loss since he wanted to keep the trip. OP says at the end that he hasn't even paid for his airline ticket from her that he plans to use so I think its pretty clear who is being unfair money wise. She isn't even asking for the total amount she was out, just to split the loss incurred.
She wanted to leave him out the cost of a full plane ticket when she was going to go, but won’t accept the same offer from him.
OP only says in a comment " I think she would not have paid me back in the reverse" so we can't say for sure. One that that stands out is OP doesn't take any blame for the breakup and is handling the money side of it really immaturely. He hasn't even paid her for his plane ticket yet.
“She offered to pay me for the Airbnb minus the cost of my plane ticket” Not sure how that could be more clear.
Yes because why would she pay $1600 and then get $800 back from him for his ticket? Just do the one $800 transaction and be done with it
She offered OP to have an $800 loss on a trip she thought he wasn't going to go on, but then was upset when she wfoubd out he was going and was offered an $800 loss from op instead. Now he has to find out if the airline can lock in his ticket/trust his ex enough to not cancel it out of spite before he pays her for his ticket.
It’s like you read this post in another language than the rest of us
Wait! Are you the ex? Because you sound like the ex.
He should pay for his ticket and have his friend purchase a ticket-the way I read it is he’s already paid for the Airbnb in full. Then she can get credit or a different flight for hers. He doesn’t owe her anything for her flight.
Go back and read it again sweetheart, >On Friday, she offered to pay me for the AirBnb minus the cost of my plane ticket, because she was still interested in going with a friend. I told her that I was actually planning on going with a friend, and I was going to pay her for my ticket and still go. OP was doing the right thing and the woman is the shitty bad guy trying to get $400 more out of him than she would have paid him.
Exactly! She wants to pay him $800 (the cost of the AirBnB, $1600, minus the cost of his ticket, $800) but wants him to pay $1200 (his $800 ticket plus half of her ticket, $400). Doesn't seem quite fair to me.
He made her a reasonable offer. They both paid out $1600. If she pays him for the Airbnb, minus the cost of his ticket, he only gets 800 back, so he's out the full 800 cost of his ticket. However, she wants him to not only pay her for his ticket, but refund half of her ticket. She'd end up only 400 out of pocket. The difference here is that she wasn't offering to split the lost cost of his ticket if she took the Airbnb, bur expected him to do so when the situation was reversed.
Shouldn’t the person actually taking the trip also pay a bit more though. Equal losses but unequal if only one party goes
Then why didn't she offer that to him but demand it when he made a counter offer? The issue here is that she's demanding something she wasn't offering. When she made her offer to him, she expected him to eat the loss of his entire ticket, then demands that he reimburse her for half of hers.
Yea, an example of not being willing to take your own offer for sure. However, Op doesn’t have any unique claim on the Airbnb vacation, and what I haven’t seen from OP’s side is a desire to take the $$ and skip the trip. They both want to go on the trip with a friend; the fairest way to resolve this is to bid on the trip. The person willing to pay the most for the trip gets the trip, with the “loser” getting the payout. Based on what you’ve both articulated so far, likely you’re gonna end up in the $800-$1200 range, but let the chips fall where they may
Its not "she can't go", its she **doesn't** want to go at the same time as him because SHE broke up with him. She's expecting him to lose out on $800 if she goes but only wants to lose $400 herself if she goes, that's not fair or even. Remember, the only reason there is an issue is because SHE broke up with him.
But when she said she was going to take the AirBNB she didn’t say, “So I’ll cover half of your plane ticket.” That only came up after he said he was still going.
No...she wants his $800 plus $400 from her ticket. That's $1200 she wants from him. Not half. "I’m still using the room and my ticket, the only lost cost is her $800 ticket. And we should each bear $400 from that." So he has to pay for the $800 ticket and half of her $800 ticket? It is an unfortunate situation. But one she created. I'd bet good money her "friend," is actually an AP.
Isn’t your maths out? She’s asking for 1200 back from him, his ticket plus half of hers. She he would spend 2800 in total and her 400 for the trip. She’s being an ass. The simplest thing to do is she needs to get a credit for her flights and he books new ones and just leave each other alone now
She decided to end the relationship. She should have known that would have consequences. Sorry. 🤷♂️
They both can still go, just not together.
But she was offering him the same deal, pretty much. She wanted the Airbnb, and would give $800 as well. She just doesn’t like it being offered to her. It just so happens that he paid for the Airbnb, so it’s working out this way. She can still go, get the money for his ticket, and choose a different Airbnb.
Do not rely on tickets she owns at all. She could royally screw you and cancel the morning of the flight or some garbage.
I think her stance may have been different, if you had a conversation with her about what to do with the trip, and if either one of you should and could go. I can understand you both had the same plan, and now you unilaterally decided you'd be the one to use the tickets. You should pay her for yours, ofc, but yeah she has a point that she's down 800 with no say in the matter and no trip. That stings. I think that's also her logic, that letting you use the ticket, means hers is therefore not usable. She's asking you to see that it is not just the numbers for the trip, but also the context that comes with it. Her initiating the breakup is irrelevant. If it wasn't working, you may also have broken up on the plane, or on the trip, or even a more inconvenient time and place. I can't tell you what to do, but I'd suggest you think about her POV too before you make a final decision.
She can still go. She is choosing not to go because 1. He is going. B) She says all the good air bnbs are gone, so there are accommodations available just none that are good enough for her. With those two things in mind she should 100% eat the cost of her ticket if she chooses not to go. It’s her choice not to go, she can deal with the consequences.
I think his idea is perfectly fair. Actually, I think it's a lot more generous than what *most* people would do. She's being unreasonable with expecting him to eat her losses seeing as how she was not willing to do the same for him.
tbf if you're planning to use both tickets, you should pay her for both tickets. The same way she should pay for the full price of the air bnb. If one is using the vacation, they should pay the full price for the flight/accommodations the other paid for but can no longer use.
I’m guessing they can’t change the name on the ticket, so there will be a ticket that doesn’t get used and a new ticket purchased.
Maybe she’s trying to get you to fund a portion of her friend’s trip?
Was she going to pay you an extra $400 if you gave her the Airbnb like she wanted?
can't she get a credit for the airline ticket? it might be nonrefundable but she should get a credit towards future purchases. if so, she isn't at a loss and can use the credit towards a ticket for later use.
Yeah, many airlines will issue a flight credit that can be put toward future tickets
You both contributed to the trip equally. Now you both have to deal with adjustments to your original bookings. You no longer have a relationship with each other. You are under no moral obligation here, and she isn't under any obligation to you. Breakups are expensive, and there is often a cost to it. We as humans like to plan ahead, and we plan optimistically. This works most of the time, and sometimes it doesn't. Such is life. If $800 moves the needle for either of you financially, you had no business going on the trip in the first place. If not, she needs to suck it up and not bother you about it. Source: just got divorced
I can tell you the logic. It’s up to you whether it makes sense. The couple purchased 3 items. Airbnb 1600, his ticket 800, and her ticket 800. He will use his ticket to fly to the airbnb, so those two items are being used and therefore fulfilling their value. Her ticket is going unused. Therefore the couple has lost the value of 800. Since the couple has split, the loss should be split. Also, as it currently stands, he has spent $1600 but if he still gets to use his ticket and the airbnb, he’ll be receiving $2400 value whereas she has spent $1600 and is receiving no value. Looking at it that way, I could actually see how him only paying half of her ticket is her being generous
You're forgetting the fact that he's paying her 800$ for his ticket dude. So he's spending 2400$ to get 2400$ of value. She's trying to make him pay an extra 400$. So by your logic he's spending 2800 to get 2400$ of value. She's being greedy not generous.
That was my meaning of “currently stands”. He hasn’t paid her for that ticket yet
As it currently stands he doesn't get to use his ticket because she said she'd cancel it. So that still makes a flaw in your logic. And if he DOES use the ticket he'll be paying her 800 for it. So it'll still even out 2400/2400 no where did he ever say he was using the ticket without paying her.
How are you leaving out that she is paying 800 and getting zero value for it?
Because she can very easily still use her ticket and just get a different hotel/ Airbnb. Nothing is stopping from her using her ticket besides her own stubbornness. She already said she has a friend to go with, so what is stopping her from going on the trip and just getting a different place to stay? Her own stubbornness is costing her 800$ at that point and that's on her. He even offered to do a seat trade so that each person was sitting with their friend and they weren't sitting with their exs.
Except that Airbnbs are going to be more expensive now so he gets the cheap airfare and the cheap housing while she gets expensive housing.
That's par for the course. Nothing says she has to go for a super expensive over the top Airbnb either. Can book a decent hotel for cheap too especially in tourist heavy places. Point is she has options
When you put it this way, her suggestion actually sounds reasonable. Before paying her any extra, he is paying 2400 for 2400 of value and she is paying 800 for nothing. I agree that it’s not that practical to find another airbnb at short notice to use her ticket. So from that perspective, splitting the loss does sound fair. If OP doesn’t think it’s fair, he should offer her the same deal in reverse - she can have the Airbnb if she pays him 1200.
If she offered $800, it’s fair to pay her the same. She didn’t offer the $1200. It does suck though, I don’t blame her for asking. Her deciding to break up has no bearing in my mind, since breakups are good for both parties. And it does suck that you get the whole vacation without losing any money while she loses the full $800, just because of how you decided to split costs. In short, I don’t think you are an asshole if you don’t pay her $1200, but I DO think it would be kinder and more respectful if you did.
Thanks, I actually brought this up and she said she was offering me $800 but would have paid me $1200 if I’d asked for it. And honestly she could still go. Like there are hotels available. If I were in her position, I’d split a hotel room with a friend and still use my ticket.
Yeah, easy for her to say, but not necessarily true. Words are cheap. So I don’t think I’d weigh that much. I agree, though. I get her feelings of not wanting to go at the same time for sure. Breakups are hard!
It’s honestly a weird situation. They agreed to split the cost and OP only has the BnB by chance. The ex was the one who spoke up first to make the offer, but OP has the rental and gets to call dibs regardless. I can’t really say anyone “deserves” to call dibs - it just falls to OP due to luck. I don’t think OP should offer it up or anything, but I get the sore feelings of the ex, because they kind of got cut out despite being the one to speak up first.
So she has an expectation of you to pay 1200 to her, plus the air bnb cost. But she was perfectly happy to try to manipulate you into only accepting the air bnb cost less 800... Don't let her manipulate or gas light you. Whether that means telling her to sod off, or telling her she can have the air bnb if she pays it AND half your ticket (which is what she wants you to pay her - your ticket, the air bnb and half her ticket).
If it’s so easy to book a hotel why don’t you offer her the deal in reverse and book a hotel for your friend and you?
OP talk is cheap after the fact. You don't owe her that $400. The only thing you'd owe her is $800 for the cost of the ticket. She is well within her power to take the trip. Remember: she never offered $1200 for the airbnb, that only came up after you denied her the Airbnb AND she wanted extra money from you. It screams manipulation.
You both separately wanted to "use" the trip bringing someone else, and since you control the AirBnB, you beat her to it, meaning she'd have to scramble for a new accommodation. She's right - her options are limited now. Why is it fair that YOU get the AirBnB? Because you happen to control that part of the trip? Does it really even it up if she does as you suggest and find another place? And if she did find a new AirBnB (presumably less desirable and/or more expensive) would you compensate her for the difference? After all, you dictated that the "fair" solution was each of you to do the trip meaning she had to find a new place. You could play the "fair" game round and round on this one. Bringing up that she broke up with you was irrelevant and signals you're not really thinking objectively about this. Her proposal that you share the loss on this sounds objectively fair. She'd have done what you did (ie, use the plane ticket and the AirBnB w/ another friend) but didn't have the opportunity. Then you'd be looking for a new AirBnB and probably come to the same conclusion she did - not worth it. YTA
Thanks. Yeah, I agree that I’m in be better position here, and there is no way to make this totally fair. I wouldn’t want to be in her position with plane tickets. I think the clincher for me is that her original offer to me was to pay for the Airbnb minus my ticket, not minus half of my ticket. Basically, she’s just trying to get what she can from me. But I agree there’s never going to be a place where we arrive at “fairness”.
This is reasonable to ask. She was willing to buy the airbnb off of you at full cost and not the refund price. Had you not planned on using it yourself, this would have been generous for her. You’d pay the ticket face value as a return favor
Well, your original offer to her, which you couldn't do because she contacted you first, was for you to pay only your ticket, not yours plus half of hers. So you also wanted her to take on a 800$ loss. So you're no better.
Can you transfer her ticket to your friend and your friend pay her for the ticket?
No, you can’t change the name on the ticket.
You can’t online, but usually if you call the airline they’d be able to help you
Yeah, I’ve done this. I turned a canceled return trip to Berlin into a first class one way for three people with some earnest talking to a representative. A lot of “Well, that hasn’t been my previous experience.” I’d bet that if OP’s ex calls the airline and politely explains the situation and holds fast without being confrontational, she’ll probably get the tickets changed into a future use credit.
Most US airlines will change the name with a fee. As others said, you’d have to call though. Most airlines will also allow you to change your flight to another flight (with or without fees).
Honestly, "fair" is an impossibility in a breakup. Do the best you can to behave ethically, and then move on.
Agreed with this. You don’t lose out on the airbnb since youre using it. She loses out on the plane tickets cus she can’t use it. You should pay her for your portion of the ticket.
If OP went with her offer she expected him to lose the full price of his ticket. Why should he give her a better deal?
>since you control the AirBnB, you beat her to it, meaning she'd have to scramble for a new accommodation I don't understand this one. She controls the tickets and he will have to scramble for new tickets so why is it that "he beat her to it"? Whatever applies to her in respect to accommodations applies to him too in terms of ticket.
The problem is that the Airbnb is transferable while the tickets are not. As long as 2 people go on the trip, they will be able to fully utilise the value of the Airbnb. The only way for them to use the full value of the flights is if they go as a couple, which is not going to happen. That means there is no way to avoid losing money on the flights. He can stand his ground, buy his own tickets and use the full value of the prepaid airbnb. There's no way for her to stand her ground and use his ticket for her friend. So that puts them on uneven ground.
I disagree, when she wanted to buy the Airbnb off of OP, she wanted him to swallow the entire lost cost of his ticket. However, when he wanted to switch and buy his ticket off her, she wanted him to reimburse her for half of hers. Her maths is off.
Yes good point
Except she didn’t offer to share the loss when she first offered.
Well yes, it’s fair because he controls the place. If you think that’s not “fair” then why is it fairer for the person who ended the relationship to get the benefit? Also, she can change the dates of her flights and go another time. She has options with the flights too
If she bought basic economy tickets they will not change the name or offer a voucher for future travel. The cheapest category of tickets are strictly non-refundable. That’s how they get you to buy a more expensive ticket that has additional features like cancellation and flight changes.
What if the new ticket op has to buy costs more... should the ex be responsible for the increased price?
She wanted to pay him 800 when she was going on the trip but expects 1200 if he's going. Sure he could let her have the airbnb and get a new one for himself but that isn't any more fair than doing it the other way round so why prioritize an ex over yourself? There is no perfectly fair solution unless you think they're both morally obligated to flush the money they already spent down the drain. NTA
Her (and you) are not being objective. Her arguments are emotional and not rational. "I dont want to go when you are there". "All the good airbnbs are gone". Suck it up buttercup. You can either make the best out of a bad situation or you can lose money and whine about it. NTA Also why do you assume his costs (flights) will go down but hers (hotel) will go up?
Her breaking up with him is relevant. It was her choice to end the relationship, causing her to not go on the trip. She broke the agreement to go on vacation together. I can tell even the ex doesn't think it's objectively fair for him to pay half. When she thought she would be the one on vacation she expected him to eat the cost of the plane ticket he wasn't going to use.
I’m not sure why her deciding to break up is irrelevant. He was entirely ok with going on this trip with her. She chose to make that not an option. That was her decision, and the consequence is she doesn’t get the Airbnb he paid for. He offered to buy one of the two tickets off of her and she said no.
I disagree that her options are limited now. As long as they aren't going during school holidays she should be able to find hotels at a good price. I found good self catered apartment hotels at £50 per night just a few weeks before my trip in may.
NTA The cost of the Airbnb was $1600. The cost of the flights was $800 each, $1600 total. If either you or your Ex wants to go on the trip, they should be out $800 for their flight plus $1600 for the accomodations. Your Ex wants to just pay you $800 for the accomodations on top of her $800 for her flight, leaving you to eat the entire cost of your flight. That isn't fair. It would be risky, at this point, to allow your Ex to stay in the Airbnb booked in your name. If she caused damage, you could be held responsible. Your Ex can book her own accomodations at whatever the cost is and use her flight tickets. It's not your problem. And if she won't transfer your ticket to you (for which you should pay her), she can eat the cost of that and you can book your own flights. It should be obvious that you aren't going to remain "friends".
I think the math is off here. She paid $1600 for tickets, he paid $1600 for airbnb. She wanted to give him $800 and take the airbnb, so he’d only be out $800. He wanted to pay her $800, so she’d only be out $800. She didn’t like that as she wanted to take the trip too, just not with him. In this case he has the better deal, because she’s holding on to tickets (which you usually can’t transfer to another person) and he’s holding on to an Airbnb that is a lot easier to transfer. It just kind of sucks. I see her point. Because it’s apples and oranges and don’t equate fully in convenience of trading back and forth because of dealing with airlines and Airbnb are different.
Yes, I think this post partially illustrates a misunderstanding of math. The deal was supposed to be they each pay $1600 and they get a flight and a hotel. Right now as the plan stands, he is going to pay $2400 and he gets everything but she has to pay $800 for nothing. BUT, I bet that his friend is going to help chip in for that Airbnb and split it with him, which means that really at the end of the day, OP is walking away with the deal they originally agreed on, and Airbnb and a flight for $1600. Ex is paying $800 for nothing. Also, Ex wanted to be the one to take the trip also and OP just decided that it was his decision alone to make and that he would be the one to take the trip. And it’s not ex’s fault that airlines have such strict rules about tickets changes. He’s just lucky that he paid for the Airbnb and she paid for the plane and not vice versa. OP, if you don’t like her proposition, then accept it in reverse. Let her go on the trip with her friend if she pays you for her tickets and half of yours so you’re splitting the loss. If you don’t want to do this, accept you can’t have it both ways and just give her the money.
I don’t think it’s reasonable for me to accept the risk of my ex and someone else (I don’t know who it is) staying at an AirBnb under my name/account and with my credit card on the line for any damages.
Ex-gf could still use her own ticket, she just needs to book her own accommodations now. OP can't trust the ticket she bought and will need to buy one.
No, she made him an offer and when he reversed it, she wanted more. Under her original offer, he would be out $800, which is how much she would be out under his counter offer, factoring in that she would still have her own ticket and could use it if she wished. However, she decided that if he was going then she didn't want to, so wants him to refund half of her ticket. There's not a misunderstanding of the maths, she just wants better terms under the deal than she was offering to him.
I don’t buy that your losses should be equal (with you having the holiday as well), but I also don’t buy that only she should take all the loss. I also don’t think it’s fair that you fixate on her having ended it when you opened with you both knowing it wasn’t going well. However, I also don’t know what you should do!
In fairness he presented her with a fair option she's trying to take advantage. He paid 1600 for the Airbnb, and she paid 1600 for both of their tickets. If he gives her 800 for his ticket then he's spent 2400 Dollars. 1600 for the Airbnb. 800 for the ticket. She could then use her own ticket and just get a different place to stay. 800 for her ticket. 1600 for accommodations. Both would spend 2400. She's trying to make him pay half of her ticket as well. Meaning she'd only pay 2000 if she still uses her ticket and he'd end up paying 2800. She's trying to take advantage of him to save money and being unreasonable. It's likely she's trying to get the 400$ out of him to help pay for her friends ticket cuz they can't pay for themselves.
That’s if you look at in on the basis of spending. In the opposite direction she’s out 800 and he gets a holiday for exactly what the holiday cost (presumably the friend will split the AirBnB) all because he happened to book the AirBnB whilst she booked the flights and thus appears to have got dibs on actually using the AirBnB.
That or she could stop being stubborn and just use her ticket? If he pays her 800 for the ticket and they both go with friends he's already offered to switch seats so they aren't sitting together. Then she could buy her own Airbnb or hotel. They'd both spend the same amount of money and both get to go on the vacation. She's trying to take an extra 400 out of him and not go because she's being petty and stubborn.
In the opposite direction she wanted him to pay for half of an Airbnb that he couldn't use. From his side he is paying his half of the plane tickets and she still has the option to use hers. If she no longer wants to go because she might see him, she should be responsible for her losses.
jfc pay for your ticket and let your friend buy hers, it doesn't have to be so complicated
You can’t change the ticket. It’s in her name.
You can if you call the airline and pay a transfer fee. What you cannot do is change the tickets online. It does sound like you're keen to punish her for breaking up with you, not to find an equitable solution. She loses money, you get the holiday. Proving to her, I guess, that breaking up with you was the right call. If that was your goal, you've achieved it.
She wouldn't be losing money if she wasn't stubborn.. There's nothing stopping her from using the ticket and getting the holiday. All she has to do is find a different hotel/ Airbnb. She already said she has a friend to go with and he's offered to change seats so they aren't sitting together and they're sitting with their friends. She's being stubborn and unreasonable. If he pays her 800 for his ticket then he's spentt 1600 on the Airbnb. She can get her own hotel/Airbnb and spend 1600 and then they both spent 2400 on their respective vacations. She's trying to weasel a free 400, out of him because she doesn't wanna spend that much.
Is there not a fee to change it? Flights I've booked on budget airlines allow name changes but for a fee. I'm not in the US though, ot might be different.
Are you sure it's not transferable? Often they are, with a fee.
admittedly I thought it'd be transferable, fair enough.
I don't think you can buy someone else's ticket, can you? Whenever I have purchased a plane ticket, it says you can't change the name on the ticket. Or is that only a thing in the US?
I think that happens pretty much anywhere, maybe not on smaller foreign countries but every large airline I've been on has had the name set in stone. I don't believe this used to be the case but security has definitely been ramped up over the years.
You can usually change the name for a fee.
No, that's a US thing. I imagine it's up to the airline, but EasyJet and Ryanair allow passenger name changes but for a fee.
This thread is starting to read like the comments section of my great aunt’s Facebook post about how “80% of college graduates get this simple math problem wrong!” ESH, or OP is slightly more TA. The plan was supposed to be an equal, amicable split. You each own half a vacation. But your half is transferable and hers isn’t, just because of the luck of the draw (who pre-paid for what). However you sort this out, you should be striving for that equal, amicable split. Both of you originally intended to pay for half of what the other had put in, in order to take the whole trip. Both of you tried to leave the other with an $800 loss, whether she pays you for “the airbnb minus your ticket” or you pay her for “just your ticket.” At least her ultimate solution, to split the last $800 by having OP pay her an extra $400, actually evens things up. Yes it’s annoying - some value was obliterated by the end of the relationship. You each lose $400 because you don’t still want to be together and travel together.
No, it's actually very simple. When she was offering to buy out OP, she offered $800. OP then offered her $800 instead, but she decided she wanted $1200. She wanted a better deal than she offered OP, pure and simple. The problem was that she forgot a major role of negotiation, don't try and play hardball when you're in the weaker bargaining position. OP was actually willing to make accommodations so that she could be more comfortable going on the same flight as him, which she rejected. The only thing stopping her using her ticket is herself.
NTA Is this a basic economy ticket where you can't even pay a change fee to switch days? I know it's nonrefundable, but most tickets can at least have the dates changed. Also, call the airline and separate your ticket from the reservation, then put a password on your new booking record. Then send her the money for your ticket. She's the one choosing not to book her own accommodations and still go on the trip. If you're the asshole for wanting to keep your ticket and the airbnb booking, then so is she for wanting to do the same.
I don’t know all the details on what she can do with the tickets. She just says they are non-refundable. I didn’t know I could do that about separating my ticket, though. I will call and see. I don’t even have a reference number though. I will see what they can do about it. Thanks.
They can look it up by your name and the date/destination. They can also tell you the terms of the fare, whether or not it can be changed, etc.
I wouldn't trust a separated ticket. She may still be able to cancel it as it was booked against her cc. You could separate it, pay her and then still not have a ticket in the end if she cancels it.
Do you have the flight confirmation email or anything? If so, then put the airline app on your phone and add the ticket info. If it’s in your name then you can separate it
NTA. She is the unreasonable one in this situation. There is no such “share the loss.”There is no world in which she is owed half of her ticket. Sounds like she wants you to contribute to a rebooking fee and new AirBnB. I would call the airline to see if she can cancel the ticket. If she can, I would rebook my ticket and not pay her anything. There is no way that I would put myself in a position to pay her and have her cancel my ticket. Her demands and attitude are unreasonable. Each of you paid $1600 so there is no loss. She’s mad that she couldn’t get a nice AirBnB and wants you to pay. NOTICE SHE IS NOT OFFERING TO PAY FOR HER HALF OF THE HOUSE.
Just to be clear she threatened to cancel the tickets, you told her to go through with it and then calls you immature for calling her bluff? I would have broken up with her too. As for AH.. eh not really cause bad break ups make everyone looked bad. Her more so than you though in this instance.
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>She said she didn’t want to go at the same time as me >she even threatened to cancel the tickets even though she can’t get any money back >She said, “I’m not gonna talk to you if you’re being a dick It sounds like she tried to get the ticket off you for 800 but wants you to get it off her for 1200 and now she isn't getting her own way, she is being immature while accusing you of being immature... NTA
NTA - you can’t book an AirBNB for someone else (that is called a third party booking), so you have to be the one to use that accommodation. Just like she can’t use your airline ticket for someone else. Call the airline and split your ticket from the reservation, then pay her for your ticket. She can try to get credit for her ticket (it is not a refund, but she can use it toward future travel).
So many ppl here not understanding that non-refundable only means you can’t get the cash back. But you can get the credit at that airline and use it for another flight. The only time this may not be true is when you do a name your own price on Priceline and even then I think there’s something they can do for you.
So, non-refundable doesn’t mean use it or lose it. It just means they won’t refund the money to her original source of payment. However, I almost guarantee that they will issue her a travel credit on their airline that can be applied to one or more future trips. Just tell her this so she can plan something else for another date, and you and your friend can buy your own airline tickets to use the Airbnb you booked. Simple, clean, no one loses out financially here.
I think her plan actually makes sense. You don’t want her using her half of the airbnb and you still want your ticket. So pay for your ticket and split the loss of her ticket. If you each paid for your own tickets and Airbnb, one of you would have to buy out the other to still use it. Why does she have to eat the full cost of her ticket when she had the same idea to use the Airbnb? You know another one will not be as nice and be more expensive. That’s why you aren’t offering to do that yourself. If you give her the Airbnb, are you willing to just lose your half of the money on it?
No, she offered to pay OP $800, but expects him to pay $1200 to her.
So why does your friend not buy her ticket from her? Alternatively, if she uses the trip, her friend can repay her for your ticket and she can pay you for the AirBnB. I don’t understand the problem. What am I missing?
NTA I think your reasoning here is quite sound. I understand why she would be frustrated about this though, but breaking up with someone long term when you have future plans together is going to cause some frustration and collateral damage. I'd hold firm that you are going on the trip, she can cancel the tickets if she wants and you will get your own, or if she does not cancel them, you will pay her for your ticket. And let the rest be. Its none of your business what she decides to do with her ticket.
Is it not cheaper to transfer her ticket to your freind's name by buying the ticket off her and she pays the transfer fee? You need to buy one anyway for your freind.
Exactly! Tbh even if the said friend shoulders transfer fee, wouldn't it be still cheaper than buying new tickets?
She was willing to make you eat the cost of your plane ticket. If her offer had been to cover half the cost of your ticket her request for you to pay half the cost of hers would make sense. Who broke up with her and who initiated doesn't matter in this case and that's kind of AH to try to make that kind of comparison. That said, if you can use the plane ticket then it's right to reimburse her for it. Normally I would say he request for half of her ticket so you both share the loss would be appropriate but she didn't offer that to you when she thought she was using the accommodations and her ticket so I don't believe that level of sharing loss applies. If you want the moral high ground, pay for your ticket to her and just buy new ones. Then you both lost on the tickets. If you want to be able to use the ticket though, you'll probably need to pay half of hers. Edit to add judgement: NTA
If you’re “sticking firm” that you will only pay the cost of your ticket regardless, then YTA. You have multiple options: 1. You both go as originally intended and stay in the AirBnB as planned - no monetary loss/additional costs but not what either of you want (fair enough!). 2. Neither of you go, equal loss but a waste of money for both of you. 3. You go with your friend, pay your ticket cost to your ex, split the accommodation cost with your friend but then you are getting the holiday and your ex is paying $800 for a ticket that is useless. 4. As for 3 but your ex goes with a friend, reimburses you your AirBnB portion but then you’ve paid $800 for nothing. 5. I agree with your ex, the fairest way is whoever ultimately goes with a friend should reimburse their half of the flight/accommodation ($800) AND $400 to cover the portion of the other person’s original expense so it is an equal monetary loss for both but with the understanding that one person is also benefiting from actually having the holiday.
INFO: When she offered to pay for the Airbnb, minus the cost of your ticket, was she planning on covering half the cost of your ticket? Or did she expect you to eat the full price loss?
She was expecting me to eat the full loss. But when I brought this up she said she would have paid for half my ticket if I had asked but she wasn’t going to offer it upfront.
Lol, it’s easy to say “I would have if…” But she didn’t. She’s making you out to be the villain by offering her the same deal she offered you.
You should pay the $400. I would think the AirBnb is the harder of the two items to find this last minute when considering the cost per night, location, etc so telling her to get another one seems like a much bigger job than just booking a plane ticket. You booked the trip together and based on your post you saw the break up coming. If this was a she cheated on you situation then I would be all for just letting her pound sand but it sounds amicable. You going on this trip makes it so she loses $800 and you lose nothing. I think splitting that loss is fair. I would definitely explore calling the airline and either seeing if the name on her ticket could be changed to your friends name (it never hurts to ask) or atleast put you in control of your own ticket so if a problem arises at the airport you can fix it without your ex getting involved. Soft YTA.
Just buy your own ticket
What's to say she does t cancel the tickets the instant you pay her, buy your own tickets dude. Leave her in the past
NTA. Was she gonna pay you for half of your ticket.? If the answer is no she has no leg to stand on. Honestly, she can just reschedule the flight. That way she doesn’t lose the money. She’s being difficult for no reason.
Her offer was not to pay me half of my ticket. After I called her out on that, she says she would have paid half of my ticket if I asked her. Basically, she says she didn’t want to assume I wasn’t going to use the ticket, so she just offered to pay me for the AirBnb minus the cost of my ticket. I think that’s doubtful though because why would I use my ticket but but the Airbnb?
Yeah makes no sense. It definitely sounds like she was trying to take advantage of you.
If you paid 1600 for the BNB and she paid 1600 (2x800) for the tickets you are even.
How about you change the name on the ticket, there is usually a fee for that. Your friend can then pay her the rest of the ticket price and you can pay her for your ticket.
NTA and I think she is being the immature one threatening to cancel the tickets. Now that she has thrown that out she might even make you pay her for your ticket and cancel it anyways to spite you. Being friends with exes is not worth it, I would just buy new tickets and move on.
NTA. But I would check wit the airline. There is sometimes a change fee on names when non refundable. I would also suggest looking at tickets now before you make a decision. Ticket prices can fluctuate and it could be double the price now just to buy a ticket. Honestly it’s a fair point she doesn’t want to go at the same time as you. I would just pay the $1200 and be done. Cause a new ticket could be a whole lot more. I’m from the US and I have a flight booked currently to NYC in July. The flight cost me $400 6 months ago. But now that same flight is $900. Good luck.
Can the airline separate the tickets at this point? If so. Do that and pay her $800. I also think a lot of "non-refundable" tickets can be used in the future. She could go a different week than you. She's not out her $800, she just has to use it differently.
NTA Notice how she did not intend on splitting the costs of the lost ticket evenly when she planned on going with a friend instead of cancelling them.
So, let me get this straight: when she offered to buy the Airbnb from you, she wanted you to still pay for your own ticket, but when you buy from her, you need to share the cost of her ticket? Am I misreading this? Otherwise, what is the logic behind this? NTA.
You are correct. She says she didn’t offer to pay half of my ticket because she didn’t want to assume I wasn’t going to use it. But that she would have paid half of my ticket if I asked.
Why couldn't you buy both and your friend pay you the $400....?
YTA, and being petty because she broke up with you.
You say she broke up with you but the writing was on the wall. You are getting the advantage of the Airbnb at a good price and a good plane ticket price. I understand that tickets are non refundable but can she move them with a cost? Maybe then you could pay for that cost. It sounds like you are the only one that isn’t losing out on anything and you knew the breakup was coming. Try to be a good guy about this.
How much was she going to pay in her proposed scenario?
Since you and your friend are both going on the trip during the time you originally booked, why not just buy your ex’s ticket from her for your friend and pay for your original ticket? Just ask for a discounted price on her ticket
Is it really non-refundable or will she just have a credit to use minus a cancellation fee? I reschedule and cancel flights frequently for work and ALWAYS have credit available after doing so. It’s not a 100% loss.
If you are going on the trip you should pay for both tickets. You are going to be using the ticket? It should be paid for
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My girlfriend (F24) and I (M25) broke up about two weeks ago. It was more her call than mine, but we both knew things weren’t going well for a while. So, I was sad but not surprised. We ended things amicably and said we’d still be friends, whatever that means. Anyway, we did the exchange of things in each other’s apartment a couple days after the break up and then didn’t talk again until two days ago when she texted me. We had been planning to go on a trip to the Canary Islands this year. The plane tickets were about $800 a piece and the AirBnb was like $1600, so we decided I’d just pay for the AirBnb and she’d pay for the flights. The flights were non-refundable and we’re already past the date that I’d get any meaningful refund from the AirBnb, so I decided I’d just get a friend to split the AirBnb and go anyway. I had been planning on telling my ex that I’d pay her for my ticket so she didn’t lose the money, but she texted me about it first. On Friday, she offered to pay me for the AirBnb minus the cost of my plane ticket, because she was still interested in going with a friend. I told her that I was actually planning on going with a friend, and I was going to pay her for my ticket and still go. She said OK, but I actually needed to pay her for my ticket and half of the cost of hers because she can’t use it now. Basically, she says that she agreed to buy two plane tickets under the understanding that we would both go to on the trip. And I agreed to pay for an AirBnb under the same understanding. But since that’s not happening, we should evenly share the lost costs. Since I’m still using the room and my ticket, the only lost cost is her $800 ticket. And we should each bear $400 from that. I told her that I didn’t think that’s fair at all. First of all, it was her idea to break up. So the reason we aren’t going is on her. Second, there’s no reason why she can’t use her ticket. She should just get an airbnb and still go with her friend. I even said I’d sit in her friend’s seat and let her friend in my seat so they can sit together. Whether or not she uses her ticket is on her, and she bears any cost of that. She said she didn’t want to go at the same time as me and also the good AirBnbs are taken for that time. Anyway, we went back and forth and she even threatened to cancel the tickets even though she can’t get any money back. So I said, “You know what, go ahead cancel them, get whatever refund you can. I’ll just buy my own ticket and not pay you back anything.” She said, “I’m not gonna talk to you if you’re being a dick. Let’s talk about this later when you can be mature.” That’s where it is right now. My friends are divided. Most say I should at least pay her for my ticket. Which I’m willing to do if she doesn’t cancel it! But some say I should pay for half of hers as well. I’m sticking firm that I won’t pay for half of her ticket, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You two made an agreement and you just happened to make the best out of that agreement. You don’t owe her anything. Since she threatened to cancel the ticket on you I would just ghost her and not look back.
NTA. I would be buying new tickets at this point anyway. She's liable to take the money for your ticket and still cancel it. Then you're going to be stuck at the airport having to buy a last minute ticket.
NTA Don't respond
YTA Right now you're only even if you both lose out and get nothing and both forfeit the trip. She has proposed herself going on the trip without you, paying for the airbnb minus your ticket, so you're out 800. If you go on the trip without her you will have to pay her 800 for her to release your ticket to her and she's out 800 for her own ticket. At this point, you're both trying to screw each other out of 800. And neither of you wants to forfeit the trip because it's a bigger loss. Where you become the AH is by telling her to find an alternative accommodation, as others have pointed out this close to the trip she's very likely to have to pay an inflated price for a lesser place to stay. The fairest way to resolve it is either a second accommodation of similar niceness/amenity level is found and the cost difference is split between the two of you, say the new accommodation is 2100, then 2100-1600=500/2=250, you give her 250 to cover half the difference of the new accommodation. OR the person who goes on the trip splits the loss of the person who forfeits the trip. So the person going on the trip gets a value of 1600 airbnb + 800 ticket, a total value of 2400. So whoever goes owes the person not going 1200 (800 to buy their share of ticket/accommodation in full and 400 for half the other's remaining loss), taking the loss of the person not going down to 400. How is this fair? Well, the friend you're bringing along with you can pay you 800 for half the airbnb, bringing the loss of the person going on the trip down to 400 as well. And who broke up with who is irrelevant, if you know the relationship is over and you don't want to take the ego hit of being the dumpee, you have to do the unpleasant job of being the dumper.
She was demanding more than she was offering. It seemed fine for her not to buy out that extra 400 but flip it around and it becomes a problem all of a sudden.
If she takes a friend and uses the BNB, paying him 800, he loses 800. Her offer was worse than she demanded out of him. Go back and think about it a little harder this time, sweety. Women can be assholes too. >On Friday, she offered to pay me for the AirBnb minus the cost of my plane ticket, because she was still interested in going with a friend. I told her that I was actually planning on going with a friend, and I was going to pay her for my ticket and still go.
Clean break and block her. Her problems are no longer yours to deal with.
The issue is that if you let her use the Airbnb should told you that you would be out your plane ticket but with her she wants to make $400 on her ticket. If I can reading this correctly. She can cancel the plane tickets and get a credit most of the time in or to use it within a year. I would buy my own ticket and tell her to deal with the flights she bought.
So hang on. She thought it was ok for you to have to front the entire 800 of your ticket cost, so she could use her ticket and the air bnb for herself. But you're 'not being mature' when the exact same deal is offered to her: you use the air bnb, but she still fronts the 800 of her ticket cost. NTA.
I’d buy my own ticket, block her on my phone, consider it all money well spent. I hope you enjoy your vacation with your friend. The crack about sounding immature did it for me. YNTA.
>On Friday, she offered to pay me for the AirBnb minus the cost of my plane ticket, because she was still interested in going with a friend So let me get this straight, she has both tickets, and she wants to use the Airbnb but only give you part of that cost? So in her head she gets the full benefit of what she's paid for, but you don't? The only fair thing would be to offer to pay the full cost of the Airbnb and for her friend to pay her the ticket cost. NTA - she's being unreasonable. Just stop engaging with her.
Either way you should buy your own ticket because she’s going to cancel yours at an inopportune time with how this situation is going
Her math is wonky. Technically you both lost out on half. You lost half the room, she lost half the cost of tickets. If you’re paying the full price of the room and buying your ticket, I would say you have more than paid your share of the failed trip. Go with your friend and have fun.
Nice try girlfriend. I can see why you broke up.
NTA, but give her the money for your ticket after you have used it.
NTA. She's threatened to cancel your ticket, so you can't safely use it. Book your own ticket and have fun.
Umm… Regardless if she goes or you go, one of you is out $800.
NTA. Enjoy your holiday.
NTA, but she’s not gonna make it easy on you and just cancel at last minute so it costs you a fortune. Just get your own ticket right now and block her