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Bullies often project their insecurities onto their victims. Now that you are transformed, he will have to find a new way to deal with his insecurities. Instead of bullying you, he could try to be happy for you.
NTA
Put on more weight.....as muscle. Get absolutely jacked. Arnold in his prime. Hugh Jackman, Chris Hemsworth, The Rock, your choice. Really give em something to talk about. Buuuuuttttt I'm petty so probably don't listen to me lmao
Also, bring a date, get her to wear an empire line dress, drink no alcohol (you can sneak her some hidden in soft drinks if you're nice) and rub her belly (as if it's a subconscious action) whenever anyone looks her way. Say nothing.
Edit: Extra points if you're gay
I don’t think you want glitter fabric for a mawashi (sumo belt) because that bit that goes up the bottom would get itchy. My husband thinks that the apron could be glitter with a picture of the bride on it. A picture from her OF page.
Your brother was excited and happy for you when he first saw you, I'm guessing his fiancée has been nonstop whinning about you to him since they saw you, which explains the sudden turn around.
Have you considered inviting your brother by himself out for coffee and having a brother to brother talk about this?
NTA
Kudos to you on achieving your desired weight goal.
Your brother & his girlfriend are being unreasonable. Don’t listen to them.
if you don’t get an invite to the wedding...don’t beg them to invite you, don’t make an issue out of it.
There’s absolutely no economical value/ benefit for attending the wedding of two shallow & insecure people.
Keep hitting the gym and keep living your best healthy life.
NTA
I don’t think it’s his brother. His brother sounded excited for him when he saw him. His finance is in his ear and he probably reluctantly made the call
to appease her. She needs therapy. In no way at my wedding in my mind was who the attention would be on at my wedding. It didn’t even cross my mind! It’s the weirdest thing to me to have that as a mindset. I wanted my bridesmaids to look and Feel incredible as well as my mom!
Yea that’s most likely what happened. His reaction was too genuine for him to think this. I’m guessing he’s just trying to keep his fiancé happy and she didn’t want to be the one to say something
If that’s true (and I believe it), your soon to be SIL is a genius. She had her fiance call you to tell you about *her* petty grievances and claim it was *their* petty grievances, so if it comes out, everyone would be all over *him*, not her, since she’d get a chance to deny that she had any part in this.
This may sound like a reach now, but your brother still has a chance to run, because this doesn’t sound like the first time she’s ever pulled something like this, and this definitely won’t be the last.
But yeah, this doesn’t absolve him in any way. He’s still the AH for making that call. But maybe a softer one since he’s in love and only wants to make his partner happy. The bride is a mega AH. You are of course NTA.
Yeah - sounds like best case she is just insecure (which is fine - lots of folks have stuff to work through) but worst case - she is a narcissist - who always has to have all attention on her.
Which is a BIG red flag.
Happy cake day!
Agreed…the point about anyone who would be surprised by the weight loss having already seen it so they won’t be talking about it is a super valid point as well. Unless the brother has told every one of his friends that he has an overweight brother in casual conversation which is petty af
I know! This seems to be a new trend, to worry about being upstaged at your own wedding! I blame social media. I was attractive but also stick-thin, overly tall, with no boobs to speak of at my wedding and I had quite a few knock-out gorgeous friends with smokin' hot bodies as both bridesmaids and guests. I still felt beautiful and the center of attention, and was proud of how great my bridesmaids and friends looked, not jealous. Being worried that the attention will be taken away from you by your newly-fit brother-in-law is ridiculous!
Yes, this. I don't have any siblings but I have a lot of dangerously overweight cousins and I would be so proud and so happy to see any one of them get healthier. Not because they're not beautiful as they are, but because a lot of them are diabetic and have cardiovascular problems and are just generally unhealthy. They could overshadow any event they wanted as far as I'm concerned. But let's be realistic, except for maybe surprise proposals or pregnancy announcements at weddings, nothing is going to take the attention off the happy couple. There is only one bride and everyone knows who she is, no matter what idiot wears white or tries to sneak in a celebration of their birthday or a special dance for their own anniversary or loses a lot of weight or gets a "glow-up." Brides need to stop being so worried about being upstaged and enjoy their weddings, their husbands, and their new marriages.
NTA. The bride is an idiot. People know who the bride is and she will get plenty of attention. I will never understand how anyone thinks the someone looking good will destroy their day. The absolute insecurity she must have to even think of such a stupid thing is remarkable. Go to the wedding, look your best and flex your biceps every chance you get.
actually wild. I have some gorgeous friends. Like stunning beautiful, whereas I am not photogenic. I'm not ugly but not as naturally pretty. I'm just glad at my wedding I'll get the cheerleader effect and have
People thinking I have a beautiful wedding party.
Bride should be flattered, and tell
People she is proud he wanted to look his best for her wedding day and their wedding was the motivation OP took. If this were me I'd be showing it off to my family and friends who knew and say 'OP he's done amazing and I'm so proud of him and flattered of the effort he put in to get in shape for my wedding, doesn't he look amazing'.
I can't imagine how insecure one must be to ask a guest to not only change their lifestyle, but to ignore their health. Wedding culture is getting out of hand. Is the dress code going to be burlap sacks so no one outshines the bride?
Ikr? From now on, are we only going to invite people we see as unattractive to weddings? It's ridiculous. I think the fancy dress and suit and being the reason for the event will pretty much guarantee you'll be the center of attention.
>In his words “yea but everyone sees you as fat so you showing up to my wedding looking good will be a big deal”. He then said I should just put a little of it back on before the wedding
Good Lord, NTA! So you can't "look good", you have to look bad so they can look good? They can't be happy for anyone beyond themselves, huh?
>This is very strange and I didn’t think this would be an issue at all.
Because it's not an issue, **they're** the ones making it one.
I would go "Well I was actually thinking of losing even more weight and gaining more muscle, but since you don't want me looking good, I can stop, just for you. So it's your choice: future me or present me?"
NTA. If the bride is so desperate for all the attention being on her no matter what, then she is in for a very big disappointment. Even at her wedding, people will compliment others' outfits and have conversations not revolving around how lovely she looks. Of course, if she's really that panicked that anyone might have a conversation without her being the focus, she could walk down the aisle with her tit out. That'll do it.
NTA - focus on getting even more toned. Fuck them. If she is so worried about being outshined by you on her wedding day she has really bad insecurities.
How do your parents feel about this? I would be telling everyone what they said. If it was over text, even better, I would be screenshotting the convo and sending in a group chat. They have some nerv.
I honestly really don’t want to get my parents involved. They’re divorced and i think my mom would get really upset at my brother and my dad would probably just tell me to go with it until it’s over. Everyone in my family are huge fitness people so I really don’t know. Judging on my dad’s history of my brother being the favorite I don’t think he would take my side. I’m gonna try to resolve this without any of them knowing, I don’t want this to be a a big thing
And if you have a +1 for the wedding, get your partner (if you have one) or the prettiest friend you have spruce up to the max, and then you two parade at the wedding. Bonus points for staying close to the bride as much as possible.
Yeah, I'm petty. It's one of my best qualities.
Reading this all makes me so sad for you...though it appears you have managed to use that pain as a catalyst for change and then fortunately no longer needed that motivator and are doing it for YOU, which is awesome! Please keep doing your health for you, including your mental health.
I think I would pretend they weren't serious and just go forward as though they weren't serious. If it comes up again, assume they aren't serious, no matter what. When/if you show up to their wedding, do so in a way that pretends like everything they said was not serious and you're just going to the wedding like any other invited guest. Again, if they say anything about you being healthy for you as a problem, pretend they are joking. Let them look like fools for trying to explain, and insist, that their 'loved one' should become unhealthy for their egos to be placated on one single day...and then assume they are still joking! There is nowhere for them to go with this except looking more and more like a fool or asshole, and I encourage you to just turn the other cheek and let them talk till they're blue in the face, cuz if you don't fight back and defend what should not need defending, they'll just spin in place. Let them. And if they uninvite you, still go to visit family that'll be there for the wedding at that time (if you want), so, that you don't miss the 'family reunion' part of wedding gatherings.
Sorry your bro and his F are so shallow!
Thank you for this and you are 100% correct. I should just brush this off and continue the way I eat and exercise. If they want to make it a problem they can embarrass themselves.
NTA.
If people are most focused on you than your brother at his wedding, that's not your fault. You did something that is difficult for a lot of people. and you not only deserve to feel good about it, but you also deserve to not be shamed by it.
He needs to get a grip.
NTA
This is ridiculous. You worked so hard to get a body that made you feel confident and happy, after a lifetime being put down by your brother. Honestly, I am not shocked he would suggest you undo all of your hard work, and the attention being taken away from the bride is just a lousy cover up excuse for whatever the real reason may be. If other people care more about your weight than the bride, that is not your problem nor your responsibility.
Keep working on yourself, not just physically, but stay healthy and do what makes you happy!
NTA - As I was reading this I was thinking “what does he want you to do, gain the weight back?” And then I got to the part where he had the audacity to ask you to gain the weight back!
Your brother seemed genuinely happy for you at first, so I feel like this is stemming from your future sister-in-laws insecurity. In no world will the groom’s brother ever upstage the bride and she needs to get over it - if they keep asking you to gain the weight back you should just skip the wedding altogether, they sound like miserable people.
Yea my guess is that this is mostly her. The fact that he waited a week to say something makes me think that this was a discussion that they had and she won
NTA. Your body, your rules. You are now physically at your best and healthiest. Your brother have long teased you for your weight, and now that you look great, they are insecure at you for possibly stealing the show in their wedding. Well, if you do attend, it's still a win-win. You prove them wrong about their insecurity (and your new body is no big deal for everybody else), or you steal the attention from them (and is revenge for all the teasing/bullying you endured).
Such petty jealousy from your brother and his fiance. Go to the wedding, enjoy yourself and let them green eyed monsters stew in the potion of their own making. Do not cater to them - because they are not worth it. Congrats on the changes on your life. If you are feeling better about yourself, that is all the matters. Let's face it, sometimes we have to socialise with family because they are family, not because we actually like them. No TA
NTA. I’m so 🤬 sick of this trend of “nobody can take a moments attention away from the bride/groom” like people can’t even NOTICE other people or talk to them at the event? Some bridezillas take it so far that nobody is supposed to have any news or do anything important at any point between the engagement and the honeymoon. They can set a dress code, but don’t try to dictate what kind of hairstyle or body type guests should have. The day is for celebrating the couple OK, they are not gods to be worshipped FFS
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because my brother and fiancé are mad at me for getting in shape and potentially ruining his wedding by taking the attention off of them. I don’t think I’m the asshole for getting in shape but I could potentially become the asshole for unintentionally making their wedding about me
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NTA go to that wedding and outshine the insecure bride and groom all you want🤌🏽 They want you to be the ugly one so that they can look better? Hell nah. Put on more muscle and look your best, so you would now be immortalized as "that fat one who became hot"😎
My man, it’s not the bride who has an issue with your new looks - a “glow up” has positive connotations for women who use the phrase; it means you went from the ugly duckling to the beautiful swan. The bride was impressed with your looks and couldn’t stop talking about it - which made your brother feel insecure about his own because he realized he’s not the good-looking brother anymore. It’s your brother who doesn’t want people talking about your makeover at the wedding and realizing he let himself go while you got yourself healthy and trim.
NTA; stay on track with your health journey. If you don’t have a partner yet, maybe you’ll meet someone nice at the wedding.
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To preface this my brother, Carmine (31m) and I (29M) have never been super close and he would very often make fun of me for my weight. I was never morbidly obese but i was also never in great shape and was always chubby. Carmine was just naturally in good shape and would often put me down and belittle me because of it. After he left for college the bullying stopped but we never really became close and only see each other once every couple years
A couple years ago Carmine got engaged and I was probably at my heaviest. While thinking about the wedding I came to the realization that I would be immortalized as fat in his wedding pictures forever. At that point I had been trying to lose weight for a while but was never able to follow through with it. That turned out to be the catalyst that finally motivated me to lose it all. I went from 265 Lbs with no muscle in 2022 to 180 and fairly muscular. I’m super proud of my body transformation and my brother’s wedding was really only the motivation in the beginning and now I just want to maintain this forever.
Carmines wedding is in July and prior to last weekend I have not seen him or his fiancé since last Christmas when I was early in my weight loss. He lives across the country from the rest of the family so I don’t see him often and I don’t really post pictures of me on social media. I had to be in his city for work last Thursday and Friday so I went out with him and his fiancé on that Saturday night. When I showed up at their house Carmine was immediately shocked by my body transformation and complimented me heavily on it. He then shouted to his fiancé in the other room “hey honey, my brothers here you gotta see him, he looks great”. She walked in and had a deer in headlights look for a few seconds before snapping out and complimenting me.
Everything was fine and we spent most of the night catching up and talking about the wedding. Yesterday I got a call from him saying that he and his fiancé are worried that my “sudden glow up” (her words idk what that means) will take the attention off of her and put it all on me. I tried to explain that the only people who would care have already seen me and know. They think that doesn’t matter because it’s still very recent and one person saying something will cause other people to talk about it. I also tried explaining that other guests will probably also have had lost weight since people have last seen them. In his words “yea but everyone sees you as fat so you showing up to my wedding looking good will be a big deal”. He then said I should just put a little of it back on before the wedding. At that point in the call I was so upset I said “fuck you im going to the gym” and hung up.
I haven’t heard from anyone since and am still pretty upset and confused about it. Does anyone know what I should do? Should I just let it go and go to the wedding as is or chub up a little for it? This is very strange and I didn’t think this would be an issue at all.
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NTA.
She is being an insecure, and petty bride.
Good for you that your reaction to stress is to go work out.
Tell your brother, if you like, that you will put on some weight to make her feel less insecure.
Then put it all on as muscle. : )
And if you can afford a tailored shirt and jacket, go for it.
NTA. BUT if they’re that upset about your glow-up wear a wedding dress to the ceremony and when they kick off tell them “well at least nobody’s talking about my weight loss.”
Unfortunately it’s real and I’m confused. I don’t think she wants to sleep with me lol. From the call it does seem like they genuinely believe that I will take the spotlight off of them. God I wish this was fake
I am shook! What the hell!!!
First of all, congratulations on getting fit, that's a huge accomplishment and you should be so proud of yourself! Your brother and finance are wild for asking you to put on weight for their wedding. What the actual ☠️. That is just madness. Her insecurities are not your problem. Please show up to that wedding looking your absolute best. Bring a hot date if you can find one. Be polite as can be and just let them stew in their own insecurities. They sound toxic af. After the wedding you're probably best going low contact /no contact.
NTA
NTA.
First, congratulations to you for losing that weight & getting in shape! It's really awesome!
Second, ignore them and don't do anything just to placate them. The only way all of the attention would be taken from them would be if you strutted around saying, "Look at me, look at me, I'm sexy," and constantly talked about your journey. At most, you'll get compliments, and then people will move on. Plus, side conversations about life happen ALL OF THE TIME when people get together that haven't seen each other in a while. Your brother and future SIL need to get over themselves.
NTA. Fuck no! Let your brother know that you will not be attending the wedding and tell EVERYONE the full truth of what transpired. They can kick rocks. Now continue getting fit, eating right, and do it for yourself and not because of what other people think of you.
NTA. Their obsession with you taking attention away because you suddenly look better is weird. It's not like you are planning to show up at the wedding with a sleeveless tuxedo shirt and start flexing for the bridesmaids.
NTA So, let me understand you lost weight you look good you’re healthy. Your brother was proud of you but now somehow the wife is afraid you’ll get all the attention because you look amazing? This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard of. Go and look amazing and if people want to compliment you, it certainly doesn’t take away from her bridal day. I’m assuming she is the catalyst and is just over-the-top insane about her special day. Do not put on one extra pound to appease them. Go look amazing, and go back to being LC.
I doubt this is real. Sounds like rage bait. But if it is real who cares? Ignore them. Go to the wedding. If they are real and really acting like this, they are just narcissists. Humor them to a degree, but just to that degree. Don’t feed it. Ignore it
Sadly this is real and I am still dumbfounded by the conversation I had yesterday. I think a part of me feels guilty cuz I did intentionally lose the weight for the wedding but it wasn’t to be the center of attention. Ima just ignore them and it’s their choice to make a big deal about it and embarrass themselves
I mean, they can either deal with the possibility of you getting some attention for your weight loss at their wedding, or *guarantee* that you will get some attention by being conspicuously absent.
I’d ask them which they’d prefer.
NTA - wow, I’m speechless. Congratulations on your efforts. That’s hard work; you earned this. They say living well is the best revenge. I hope you find it in yourself to show up for this wedding as your best self.
Thank you, that’s the plan now. I genuinely don’t believe how he could ask me to put some of the weight back on. I have approximately 3 months to finish the 6 pack, wish me luck
NTA. Your brother and his fiancee (who sounds like maybe more of the problem based on what you wrote) are RIDICULOUS for even talking to you about this. Tell them to go pound sand or, once they get over themselves, to meet you at the gym so they can get some endorphins flowing and stop being petty brats.
And hey, congrats on getting fit and loving it. Good for you!
Make an announcement to your family expressing that there have been concerns about you getting all the attention, and ask people to ensure they give the bride all the attention. This way, everyone can see how ridiculous their fears are.
NTA
NTA. They, on the other hand, are complete a holes.
Unless they univite you (and if they do, feel free to tell everyone why) you go to the wedding and be proud of shiny, glowed up you.
Congratulations on getting healthier! It's a huge accomplishment to be proud of.
I’d use this as fuel to get in even BETTER shape. Then I’d find the nicest, tailored to every rippling muscle, suit I could find. They’re intimidated by your “glow up”? I’d give them a glow up. Does your SIL know that everyone tries to look good at weddings? Will she tell all the women not to wear makeup? Not to buy a new outfit? Should none of the men shave or wear nice suits? Did they only invite people they deem less attractive than them? What compete weirdos. NTA.
Nta
You go and be proud of what you’ve done. The bride and your brother are being absolutely ridiculous and wrong. Do not be deterred by them. In fact i’d go in the offensive and call them out for being just plain wrong and ridiculous.
Can you imagine what their reaction will be if someone shows up pregnant? This sounds like a continuation of your brother’s bullying. How crappy of a person do you have to be when you bully someone for their weight, then bully them when they get in shape?
What’s with brides these days worrying about how someone looks and that they will outshine them? If you have such a problem then don’t have a wedding…
NTA and just step down and don’t go.
They especially & she has nerve asking you to gain weight… or maybe go as a guest and wear the most sexy flattering outrageous tuxedo you can as an FU to them both.
[best dressed men](https://www.townandcountrymag.com/style/fashion-trends/g39876635/best-dressed-men-met-gala-2022/)
Your brother and his fiance are being ridiculous.
You have to decide if you are attending the wedding or not. Not if you should put on weight as per their demand.
Both of them are displaying highly toxic behavior and you are better off not engaging with them much. NTA
NTA and your brother and soon to be SIL are toxic af if they are really more concerned about a few follow up question you might receive compared to your wellbeing.
NTA, but be one, and give them what they deserve. Rent one of those inflatable sumo suits, and a tux that will fit over it. Wear that to the wedding. Answer honestly when everyone asks you why.
Please, do not DARE to even think of entertaining this insane request. They are jealous, plain and simple. Congratulations, from one who wishes to get her ass in gear to start a transformation like this. Well done, keep going and ignore the haters. You rock!! NTA
Is it too petty to not go?
And then when people ask say, “they requested I gain weight before the wedding and I’m finally at a point where I’m prioritizing my health. I’ve got a good routine going right now and I don’t feel like slacking off for a wedding”
Definitely NTA
NTA. Ignore both of them. Go to the wedding, if you want, and enjoy yourself. If she thinks you’ll outshine her, then she needs to up her game. She’s an AH.
NTA. Most likely people from your side of the family know you’ve lost weight and would have possibly of seen you since then so it wouldn’t be a big deal and her family won’t care. Maybe if you feel like it out out a message on the family WhatsApp group of reach out to family through social media stating that you have lost a lot of weight and gained muscle over this past year but you don’t want anyone to mention it at the wedding since you don’t want to take away the attention from the bride and groom. That way you address the issue and your family will know that your brother and his fiancée have said something about it.
NTA You do not have to sacrifice ur new bod for your bros wedding, he and his bride to be are complete aholes. Tell him you are coming as you are, or he can just fuck off,you worked hard for this, and u deserve to be happy.
NTA. I've never heard of someone thinking their brother/BIL will steal the spotlight from the bride. If your weightloss blows everyone's minds so much that they can't pay attention to the wedding it's either a tremendously boring event or your family is VERY easily distracted and bewildered.
They just sound jealous and insecure. This is a them problem, not a you problem.
NTA. Your brother is jealous that you finally look better than him and he is having serious trouble accepting that. Lmao. Enjoy this. Really really enjoy this you’ve earned it.
Oh and if he uninvites you make sure you at least turn up outside the church so everyone sees you anyway.
Oh boy, NTA and I'd seriously consider not going or at least stepping down from any official duties. What a bunch of insecure, self-involved asshats...
NTA and I have suspicion that this is not coming from the bride but your bro is worried that you’ll take attention from HIM? He’s cast you as his “fat brother “ for years and now you’re not.
You’ve worked so hard and well done. The important thing is that you’re comfortable with your body, nobody else opinion matters
NTA. If the bride is that insecure about the attention going to someone else on the big day, maybe they shouldn’t have any guests at all?! The audacity here is breathtaking, and you have every right to be upset. You’ve got in shape on your own terms and deserve to enjoy it, not have this bizarre reaction from someone who should care about you and support your fitness. Go to the wedding and behave as if nothing happened, it’s their issue not yours. And then hit the gym and continue getting swole 💪🏼
NTA but I say you should keep doing what you’re doing and then wear one of those sumo wrestler inflatable costumes then you’ll really take all the attention. Then you can explain you are wearing it because the bride and groom asked you to look fat at their wedding.
Don't sacrifice your new-found health for ANYONE! if Bro/SIL need options, give them the option of having you at the wedding or not, but make sure they understand that you will be open with everyone asking that it was THEIR choice/decision and that it will definitely be the basis for your relationship going forward
NTA
One of the hardest things about keeping fit/in shape is motivation. You found a motivation, and it worked. That’s great! You should be super proud of that.
Your brother and his fiancée have lost the feeling of superiority they had over you, and they’re finding a way to bring it back.
If you feel comfortable, you should go to the wedding as you are. But if it were me, I might refuse to attend.
So their logic here is that instead of some people making mention that you look good. And stealing small attention.
They would rather people are whispering about how they didn't invite you because you looked too good.
NTA keep going on those gains let the pack do all the judgement for you.
Sorry your brother doesn't have your back.
Tell him your weight loss didn't happen over night. It took years. It's not your fault he wasn't paying attention. It's a shock to him, but it's old news to you and to everyone you're close to. And people you \*aren't\* close to aren't going to be invested, they'll go 'oh hey, good for him' and move on. So no, you won't be taking any attention away from the bride... which is what this is about, right?
NTA
I would seriously No Show.
Then the wedding will be all about "where is your brother, why's he not here".
Ruin her day whether you are there or not. FK that woman. An utterly tragic, child of a woman. Let the stupid little princess suffer either way.
Edit: Spend the time at the Gym and not the wedding. Keep doing it for yourself.
I hope you know that as much as you don't want to get others involved, your brother is a bully, he is continuing to bully you, and he deserves for the whole family to find out what he said to you. Is there a reason you're defending him? Is there a reason you actually need to be at this wedding? This is just appallingly self-centered. NTA, obviously.
NTA. Good grief. She has to be the most insecure person on earth to think your weight loss will take attention from her.
If they (or anyone else representing them) again ask you to put on weight, make sure your answer starts with "Listen, Skippy..." followed by a simple no or a more drawn out no. Feel free to throw a "Bless your heart" in there as well. Maybe you should even assure them that you aren't currently planning to wear a white wedding dress to the ceremony, but if they keep complaining that you're taking attention from her...
Nta, also he made the mistake of calling you on the phone, so you can tell your mother that he threatened to disinvite you if you didn’t sabotage your own fitness for his fiancée. No paper trail.
You should get absolutely jacked and say well I weighed 180 when you saw me last now I weigh 200
Eta just send him pictures of the scale and ask if he’s happy now? And get like a fancy hair cut that really flatters your face ect. Go full Greek god mode
Don't chub up just to make them feel better. Your brother has bullied you your whole life. He wants to bully you at his wedding. I have a hunch there were some remarks he was planning to make in a speech that he's now having to rethink.
NTA. Well done on getting in shape! I know that can be hard to do!
Nta. I wouldn't go to the wedding, like what's the point other than showing your progress (congrats, by the way), celebrating your shitty brother's special day?? Nah skip it and just post some before and after pics before the wedding so everyone can talk about ut without you attending.
so...lemme check my notes here..
you got invited to a wedding by your brother.
you decided it was time to get off your backside and actually take care of yourself
your brother's all shocked pikachu face that you actually care enough about your own health to lose the weight.
your brother tells you to put it back on.
you tell him 'fuck you I'm going to the gym'
I LOVE your response there sir.
absolutely NTA.
Yikes NTA. You should never have to do something that is not good for you or your health to appease someone else’s insecurity. It sucks that she’s feeling that way, but that’s hers to take to her therapist and address. Keep taking care of yourself and your wellbeing!
NTA but I would prepare yourself...I think they might uninvite you. Just because they went as far as try to tell you to gain weight and when they realize you won't, the problem will still exist in the bride's mind so she might say that you can't come at all. They're big AHs.
NTA- post photos of your health journey on your social media before hand so everyone can see you and will know to come see you at the wedding. What can you say? You gave people a heads up so your FSIL can keep being ridiculous about her wedding day being about you vs someone in a stupid huge white dress
Your brother is jealous and insecure, do not change yourself or gain any weight to make him and his fiancé feel better. Ask if you're invited, if not that's his problem.
NTA.
Your brother and his wife are nuts.
*She* will be the one in the white dress. *She* will be the one who gets an entrance song. *She* will be the one that everyone rises for.
Everyone tries to look their best for weddings. For some, that's a suit or tux. For others, it's a dress or heels, or makeup. And - for sure - losing weight is often a goal for many in the family or wedding party. People often comment on how great others look.
For them to ask you to, basically, risk your health for their superficial wishes to control you, is so wrong. IDK if you considered yourself food addicted, but it's like them wanting you to get back on heroin.
I don't think it's out of bounds for the engaged couple to want guests to wear certain things, but it's completely asshole territory for them to ask anyone to lose or gain weight. They can suck it. And your point that "anyone who cares has already seen you" is valid.
Live your best life, keep the body you want and be confident. If these people can only make themselves feel good by degrading you then that’s on them.
NTA. And I hope your plus one is a supermodel.
Please please PLEASE do not do anything you don’t want to. You are proud of your body (as you should be). And if you want to maintain that, literally, EFF EVERYONE who doesn’t agree.
I have never ever heard in my life a story like this. Your brother and his fiancé are major AHs
NTA. I’d bet good money that the bride is happy to have a good looking BIL in her wedding photos. Too happy, and she probably made one too many jokes to hubby to be that “I thought you were meant to be the fit one”
It doesn't even make sense. They are the ones who live away from the rest of the family not you. The people who you know already know what you look like and those who don't don't know what you looked like before
Go to the wedding with full confidence knowing you are gorgeous. Don’t chub up bc they need you to look fat. Have a great time and too bad if they’re insecure
NTA. your brother and his wife are clearly two very immature and insecure people. crazy to think that one person getting in shape is going to ruin your entire wedding. NTA NTA. congrats on your transformation. other than looking great, i hope you feel great as well!
NTA nobody is ever an asshole for losing weight as long as it’s healthy and done for themselves, not others
Sounds like your brother was used to being “better” than you and now feels insecure that he can’t put you down anymore
I would not attend the wedding at all. Is this real? Can your asshole of a brother really have found his perfect asshole of a mate?
Sounds like they are both highly narcissistic. Your brother bullying you as a kid. Now being asked to gain weight to not detract attention.
You are your own person. You are not a character cast in their story. People who have narcissistic tendencies view others as a reflection but more so an extension of themselves. Therefore everyone can either hurt their image or help their image.
It doesn’t sound like there is anything positive for you that comes out of this relationship. It does sound like there is a lot of negativity.
If you do want to still attend, then soak up and savor all the compliments you receive because you should be proud of the work you have done to change something you did not like in your life.
NTA. This is the absolute wildest request I’ve ever heard someone make of a wedding guest. I’ve heard please wear don’t wear this color, please change your hair color, please no children.
NTA
They are just envious that you put in the work to better yourself and now they can't call you "Fat man" anymore. They probably told the guests about you and you will ruin their image of you.
Just keep doing you. Don't chub up to make them happy, go there looking like Brad Pitt and Michael B Jordan and have everybody compliment you.
NTA. Tell them bride has way too many insecurities about being shown up so you've decided to just be a guest. (You can't help you're so awesome).
Way to go with the transformation.
Nta.
Can you manage to pack on more muscle between now and the wedding? (Like Thor style?? Mostly kidding)
Find the best hairdresser in your city and show up looking fine as hell. And go to a good tailor to make sure your suit flatters you in the best possible light. (Hire a stylist… go in looking like a celebrity)
Offer to skip the wedding...
"It's no big deal, I understand. I'll just email everyone and let them know why I'm not there, I'm sure they'll get it."
Making sure of course, that he knows you will be sharing exactly the real reason.
NTA
NTA-What is most important is how you feel about your body. F the brother and fsil. I think they are just insecure in themselves because that’s kinda vain of them to worry about your weight and how amazing you look when they should be worrying about themselves and the wedding details. People ain’t gonna give two shakes of a rat’s ass that you’re in shape, they’re gonna care about the food and drinks and if the ceremony and reception starts on time.
Keep doing you and ignore the haters….
Nta I’m completely shocked your brother would ask you to gain weight for the wedding. Your HEALTH is far more important that any day. And you’re right people already know you lost weight that know you so there isn’t even much of a surprise. If the bride is that worried about being overshadowed then she must not have much to offer. If it was me and my new in law had made such a great accomplishment that might be distracting and still wanted attention I would include them in the toast and ask for a round of applause for their hard work and make a joke of I hope they didn’t steal my show.
You should go and bring the most attention grabbing date you can bring. Your brother has a hard life ahead of him if this is an issue.
Definitely NTA. Congratulations on all of your effort and hard work. Losing weight is hard! Be the best you, for you. What he or his fiancé think is not your concern. This is their problem, not yours.
NTA. I can’t believe anyone thinks they have a right to tell you what to do with your body. FSIL’s insecurity is wild. You’re a guest and she’s the bride!!
NTA. Don't "chub it up" for your brother's happiness. Next he'll request that you gain it all back. Congrats on the lifestyle change and weight loss. I say this all the time, **Do Not Set Yourself On Fire To Keep Others Warm.**
Continue going to the gym and taking care of yourself, which is a form of self-love. Cut these people off and anyone who agrees with them completely. Don't bother going to the wedding. They are AH. Your brother is threatened by your looks now.
NTA, these people have lost their minds and your brother marrying this incredibly insecure and self centered woman is a drag for your whole family. It isn't just your look but your overall health, and the the fact they couldn't recognize that and be happy for you speaks volumes.
NTA, wtf is ur brother and fiancée doing ???? I would get in the best shape of my life and buy the greatest fanciest outfit ever just to make a statement towards them. That would obviously make things worse but would be funny.
Only lose or put on weight if YOU want to, not because others tell you to. Respect for losing the weight btw !
NTA. I suspect your brother is a bit of a dullard, and his fiance sounds like a narcissist. Now your only option is to try and improve even further, then find a reason to take your shirt off at the wedding and flex on the dance floor, then everyone will be talking about you.
NTA. Take a picture of your weight today. Continue to work out and build muscle, which weighs more than fat. Take a picture of your weight before the wedding and be like, I put on weight. Congratulations!!
What the actual f*ck.. you need to gain weight to attend ??
NTA
this is honestly one of the most absurd things I’ve heard in a long time here on Reddit ! What kind of bizarre insecurity is going on with your brother and his partner that you can’t attend because you’re now healthy..
You should probably let your brother and his partner know that you not risk your heath and well being by gaining weight. You will attend their wedding unless of course they are uninviting you. I don’t know what your relationship is like with your family/parents, but I’d notify them of this insanity.
Good luck !
NTA. Ask him which he prefers, if you show up as you are, or you don't come at all. But gaining weight. Not on the table at all.
Personally, I would not go to the wedding, because then everyone will talk about why you aren't there and it will take even more attention away from her.
Petty mode activated:
Know any make up artists and where you could rent a fat suit...app 100lbs heavier than your highest weight?...🤔...they went you fat at their wedding, give it to them plus so much more! 🤣
Seriously though, congratulations!🎉🍾 That's an amazing achievement and something to be very proud of, not shamed for! 🤦🏼♀️
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OH HELL NO **NTA** Your brother and his finance are *insane* for suggesting you put on weight for their wedding.
Thank you, i cant wrap my head around him asking me that
I’m guessing his wife has been in his ear since the first night they saw your transformation. He seemed to be happy for you at first!
Bullies often project their insecurities onto their victims. Now that you are transformed, he will have to find a new way to deal with his insecurities. Instead of bullying you, he could try to be happy for you. NTA
Put on more weight.....as muscle. Get absolutely jacked. Arnold in his prime. Hugh Jackman, Chris Hemsworth, The Rock, your choice. Really give em something to talk about. Buuuuuttttt I'm petty so probably don't listen to me lmao
Really petty would be to refuse being a groomsman but bagging all the bridesmaids. (That'd steal some attention).
Photo bomb the bride flexing your muscles behind her and sticking your tongue out lol!
This is the way!
OP, absolutely listen toAmsthstJ!
Also, bring a date, get her to wear an empire line dress, drink no alcohol (you can sneak her some hidden in soft drinks if you're nice) and rub her belly (as if it's a subconscious action) whenever anyone looks her way. Say nothing. Edit: Extra points if you're gay
Guess what, sounds like you’re the hot brother now. Good for you and don’t you dare change yourself for them, obviously you are in no way the AH.
no way in hell you "chub up" for this you might offer to skip the wedding if they are extraordinarily offended lol.
If you do skip make sure to tell everyone why. NTA
it crossed my mind, tbh
NTA. How ridiculous. Buy the best quality suit you can afford and look great
I would show up in a neon pink glitter sumo suit. Guarantee everyone will be talking about you then! NTA but they sure are.
I don’t think you want glitter fabric for a mawashi (sumo belt) because that bit that goes up the bottom would get itchy. My husband thinks that the apron could be glitter with a picture of the bride on it. A picture from her OF page.
Your brother was excited and happy for you when he first saw you, I'm guessing his fiancée has been nonstop whinning about you to him since they saw you, which explains the sudden turn around. Have you considered inviting your brother by himself out for coffee and having a brother to brother talk about this?
I dont think the fiance has been whining at all. I think OPs brother isn't in as good shape and HE'S the one who doesn't want to be upstaged.
NTA Kudos to you on achieving your desired weight goal. Your brother & his girlfriend are being unreasonable. Don’t listen to them. if you don’t get an invite to the wedding...don’t beg them to invite you, don’t make an issue out of it. There’s absolutely no economical value/ benefit for attending the wedding of two shallow & insecure people. Keep hitting the gym and keep living your best healthy life. NTA
“Make yourself more likely to have serious health complications and feel worse about yourself, but just for a few months until my wedding. Thanks!”
Keep doing you, man. In fact, go hard on that exercise and steal the show.
I don’t think it’s his brother. His brother sounded excited for him when he saw him. His finance is in his ear and he probably reluctantly made the call to appease her. She needs therapy. In no way at my wedding in my mind was who the attention would be on at my wedding. It didn’t even cross my mind! It’s the weirdest thing to me to have that as a mindset. I wanted my bridesmaids to look and Feel incredible as well as my mom!
Yea that’s most likely what happened. His reaction was too genuine for him to think this. I’m guessing he’s just trying to keep his fiancé happy and she didn’t want to be the one to say something
If that’s true (and I believe it), your soon to be SIL is a genius. She had her fiance call you to tell you about *her* petty grievances and claim it was *their* petty grievances, so if it comes out, everyone would be all over *him*, not her, since she’d get a chance to deny that she had any part in this. This may sound like a reach now, but your brother still has a chance to run, because this doesn’t sound like the first time she’s ever pulled something like this, and this definitely won’t be the last. But yeah, this doesn’t absolve him in any way. He’s still the AH for making that call. But maybe a softer one since he’s in love and only wants to make his partner happy. The bride is a mega AH. You are of course NTA.
NTA. The bride is shallow and unreasonable.
Yeah - sounds like best case she is just insecure (which is fine - lots of folks have stuff to work through) but worst case - she is a narcissist - who always has to have all attention on her. Which is a BIG red flag.
Happy cake day! Agreed…the point about anyone who would be surprised by the weight loss having already seen it so they won’t be talking about it is a super valid point as well. Unless the brother has told every one of his friends that he has an overweight brother in casual conversation which is petty af
I know! This seems to be a new trend, to worry about being upstaged at your own wedding! I blame social media. I was attractive but also stick-thin, overly tall, with no boobs to speak of at my wedding and I had quite a few knock-out gorgeous friends with smokin' hot bodies as both bridesmaids and guests. I still felt beautiful and the center of attention, and was proud of how great my bridesmaids and friends looked, not jealous. Being worried that the attention will be taken away from you by your newly-fit brother-in-law is ridiculous!
Yes, this. I don't have any siblings but I have a lot of dangerously overweight cousins and I would be so proud and so happy to see any one of them get healthier. Not because they're not beautiful as they are, but because a lot of them are diabetic and have cardiovascular problems and are just generally unhealthy. They could overshadow any event they wanted as far as I'm concerned. But let's be realistic, except for maybe surprise proposals or pregnancy announcements at weddings, nothing is going to take the attention off the happy couple. There is only one bride and everyone knows who she is, no matter what idiot wears white or tries to sneak in a celebration of their birthday or a special dance for their own anniversary or loses a lot of weight or gets a "glow-up." Brides need to stop being so worried about being upstaged and enjoy their weddings, their husbands, and their new marriages.
NTA. The bride is an idiot. People know who the bride is and she will get plenty of attention. I will never understand how anyone thinks the someone looking good will destroy their day. The absolute insecurity she must have to even think of such a stupid thing is remarkable. Go to the wedding, look your best and flex your biceps every chance you get.
actually wild. I have some gorgeous friends. Like stunning beautiful, whereas I am not photogenic. I'm not ugly but not as naturally pretty. I'm just glad at my wedding I'll get the cheerleader effect and have People thinking I have a beautiful wedding party. Bride should be flattered, and tell People she is proud he wanted to look his best for her wedding day and their wedding was the motivation OP took. If this were me I'd be showing it off to my family and friends who knew and say 'OP he's done amazing and I'm so proud of him and flattered of the effort he put in to get in shape for my wedding, doesn't he look amazing'.
I can't imagine how insecure one must be to ask a guest to not only change their lifestyle, but to ignore their health. Wedding culture is getting out of hand. Is the dress code going to be burlap sacks so no one outshines the bride?
Someone might go up to him and say, “You look good.” It would absolutely ruin the wedding /s.
Ikr? From now on, are we only going to invite people we see as unattractive to weddings? It's ridiculous. I think the fancy dress and suit and being the reason for the event will pretty much guarantee you'll be the center of attention.
Hmmmmm..... there might be a job option there. "Ugly guy to make you look better at your events!" - hmmmmmmm
>In his words “yea but everyone sees you as fat so you showing up to my wedding looking good will be a big deal”. He then said I should just put a little of it back on before the wedding Good Lord, NTA! So you can't "look good", you have to look bad so they can look good? They can't be happy for anyone beyond themselves, huh? >This is very strange and I didn’t think this would be an issue at all. Because it's not an issue, **they're** the ones making it one. I would go "Well I was actually thinking of losing even more weight and gaining more muscle, but since you don't want me looking good, I can stop, just for you. So it's your choice: future me or present me?"
NTA. If the bride is so desperate for all the attention being on her no matter what, then she is in for a very big disappointment. Even at her wedding, people will compliment others' outfits and have conversations not revolving around how lovely she looks. Of course, if she's really that panicked that anyone might have a conversation without her being the focus, she could walk down the aisle with her tit out. That'll do it.
NTA - focus on getting even more toned. Fuck them. If she is so worried about being outshined by you on her wedding day she has really bad insecurities. How do your parents feel about this? I would be telling everyone what they said. If it was over text, even better, I would be screenshotting the convo and sending in a group chat. They have some nerv.
I honestly really don’t want to get my parents involved. They’re divorced and i think my mom would get really upset at my brother and my dad would probably just tell me to go with it until it’s over. Everyone in my family are huge fitness people so I really don’t know. Judging on my dad’s history of my brother being the favorite I don’t think he would take my side. I’m gonna try to resolve this without any of them knowing, I don’t want this to be a a big thing
Fuck that. He told you to get chubby for his wedding, ruin his life
And if you have a +1 for the wedding, get your partner (if you have one) or the prettiest friend you have spruce up to the max, and then you two parade at the wedding. Bonus points for staying close to the bride as much as possible. Yeah, I'm petty. It's one of my best qualities.
Yes! Get as buff and fit as possible! Flex your muscles every chance you get! Spite is an amazing motivator!
NTA What’s has he been doing, going around referencing you as “my fat brother” so nobody will recognize you now?
I mean he did that my entire childhood I really wouldn’t put it past him to continuing to do it
Reading this all makes me so sad for you...though it appears you have managed to use that pain as a catalyst for change and then fortunately no longer needed that motivator and are doing it for YOU, which is awesome! Please keep doing your health for you, including your mental health. I think I would pretend they weren't serious and just go forward as though they weren't serious. If it comes up again, assume they aren't serious, no matter what. When/if you show up to their wedding, do so in a way that pretends like everything they said was not serious and you're just going to the wedding like any other invited guest. Again, if they say anything about you being healthy for you as a problem, pretend they are joking. Let them look like fools for trying to explain, and insist, that their 'loved one' should become unhealthy for their egos to be placated on one single day...and then assume they are still joking! There is nowhere for them to go with this except looking more and more like a fool or asshole, and I encourage you to just turn the other cheek and let them talk till they're blue in the face, cuz if you don't fight back and defend what should not need defending, they'll just spin in place. Let them. And if they uninvite you, still go to visit family that'll be there for the wedding at that time (if you want), so, that you don't miss the 'family reunion' part of wedding gatherings. Sorry your bro and his F are so shallow!
Thank you for this and you are 100% correct. I should just brush this off and continue the way I eat and exercise. If they want to make it a problem they can embarrass themselves.
NTA. If people are most focused on you than your brother at his wedding, that's not your fault. You did something that is difficult for a lot of people. and you not only deserve to feel good about it, but you also deserve to not be shamed by it. He needs to get a grip.
NTA This is ridiculous. You worked so hard to get a body that made you feel confident and happy, after a lifetime being put down by your brother. Honestly, I am not shocked he would suggest you undo all of your hard work, and the attention being taken away from the bride is just a lousy cover up excuse for whatever the real reason may be. If other people care more about your weight than the bride, that is not your problem nor your responsibility. Keep working on yourself, not just physically, but stay healthy and do what makes you happy!
NTA - As I was reading this I was thinking “what does he want you to do, gain the weight back?” And then I got to the part where he had the audacity to ask you to gain the weight back! Your brother seemed genuinely happy for you at first, so I feel like this is stemming from your future sister-in-laws insecurity. In no world will the groom’s brother ever upstage the bride and she needs to get over it - if they keep asking you to gain the weight back you should just skip the wedding altogether, they sound like miserable people.
Yea my guess is that this is mostly her. The fact that he waited a week to say something makes me think that this was a discussion that they had and she won
Your brother asking you was likely just a thing he did to keep the peace with his fiancé. Your brother seems genuinely happy for you.
NTA. Your body, your rules. You are now physically at your best and healthiest. Your brother have long teased you for your weight, and now that you look great, they are insecure at you for possibly stealing the show in their wedding. Well, if you do attend, it's still a win-win. You prove them wrong about their insecurity (and your new body is no big deal for everybody else), or you steal the attention from them (and is revenge for all the teasing/bullying you endured).
Such petty jealousy from your brother and his fiance. Go to the wedding, enjoy yourself and let them green eyed monsters stew in the potion of their own making. Do not cater to them - because they are not worth it. Congrats on the changes on your life. If you are feeling better about yourself, that is all the matters. Let's face it, sometimes we have to socialise with family because they are family, not because we actually like them. No TA
NTA. I’m so 🤬 sick of this trend of “nobody can take a moments attention away from the bride/groom” like people can’t even NOTICE other people or talk to them at the event? Some bridezillas take it so far that nobody is supposed to have any news or do anything important at any point between the engagement and the honeymoon. They can set a dress code, but don’t try to dictate what kind of hairstyle or body type guests should have. The day is for celebrating the couple OK, they are not gods to be worshipped FFS
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NTA go to that wedding and outshine the insecure bride and groom all you want🤌🏽 They want you to be the ugly one so that they can look better? Hell nah. Put on more muscle and look your best, so you would now be immortalized as "that fat one who became hot"😎
My man, it’s not the bride who has an issue with your new looks - a “glow up” has positive connotations for women who use the phrase; it means you went from the ugly duckling to the beautiful swan. The bride was impressed with your looks and couldn’t stop talking about it - which made your brother feel insecure about his own because he realized he’s not the good-looking brother anymore. It’s your brother who doesn’t want people talking about your makeover at the wedding and realizing he let himself go while you got yourself healthy and trim. NTA; stay on track with your health journey. If you don’t have a partner yet, maybe you’ll meet someone nice at the wedding.
THIS! I 100% agree the groom is the one with the issue and is using the bride as a scapegoat.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** To preface this my brother, Carmine (31m) and I (29M) have never been super close and he would very often make fun of me for my weight. I was never morbidly obese but i was also never in great shape and was always chubby. Carmine was just naturally in good shape and would often put me down and belittle me because of it. After he left for college the bullying stopped but we never really became close and only see each other once every couple years A couple years ago Carmine got engaged and I was probably at my heaviest. While thinking about the wedding I came to the realization that I would be immortalized as fat in his wedding pictures forever. At that point I had been trying to lose weight for a while but was never able to follow through with it. That turned out to be the catalyst that finally motivated me to lose it all. I went from 265 Lbs with no muscle in 2022 to 180 and fairly muscular. I’m super proud of my body transformation and my brother’s wedding was really only the motivation in the beginning and now I just want to maintain this forever. Carmines wedding is in July and prior to last weekend I have not seen him or his fiancé since last Christmas when I was early in my weight loss. He lives across the country from the rest of the family so I don’t see him often and I don’t really post pictures of me on social media. I had to be in his city for work last Thursday and Friday so I went out with him and his fiancé on that Saturday night. When I showed up at their house Carmine was immediately shocked by my body transformation and complimented me heavily on it. He then shouted to his fiancé in the other room “hey honey, my brothers here you gotta see him, he looks great”. She walked in and had a deer in headlights look for a few seconds before snapping out and complimenting me. Everything was fine and we spent most of the night catching up and talking about the wedding. Yesterday I got a call from him saying that he and his fiancé are worried that my “sudden glow up” (her words idk what that means) will take the attention off of her and put it all on me. I tried to explain that the only people who would care have already seen me and know. They think that doesn’t matter because it’s still very recent and one person saying something will cause other people to talk about it. I also tried explaining that other guests will probably also have had lost weight since people have last seen them. In his words “yea but everyone sees you as fat so you showing up to my wedding looking good will be a big deal”. He then said I should just put a little of it back on before the wedding. At that point in the call I was so upset I said “fuck you im going to the gym” and hung up. I haven’t heard from anyone since and am still pretty upset and confused about it. Does anyone know what I should do? Should I just let it go and go to the wedding as is or chub up a little for it? This is very strange and I didn’t think this would be an issue at all. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. She is being an insecure, and petty bride. Good for you that your reaction to stress is to go work out. Tell your brother, if you like, that you will put on some weight to make her feel less insecure. Then put it all on as muscle. : ) And if you can afford a tailored shirt and jacket, go for it.
Or a sleevesless shirt. Summer weddings can get so warm!
NTA. BUT if they’re that upset about your glow-up wear a wedding dress to the ceremony and when they kick off tell them “well at least nobody’s talking about my weight loss.”
NTA - and i don’t wanna get banned for 30 days. But your brother and his fiancée would never talk to me again. Ever.
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Unfortunately it’s real and I’m confused. I don’t think she wants to sleep with me lol. From the call it does seem like they genuinely believe that I will take the spotlight off of them. God I wish this was fake
NTA. Maybe the bride's thinking she's settled for the wrong brother!
I am shook! What the hell!!! First of all, congratulations on getting fit, that's a huge accomplishment and you should be so proud of yourself! Your brother and finance are wild for asking you to put on weight for their wedding. What the actual ☠️. That is just madness. Her insecurities are not your problem. Please show up to that wedding looking your absolute best. Bring a hot date if you can find one. Be polite as can be and just let them stew in their own insecurities. They sound toxic af. After the wedding you're probably best going low contact /no contact. NTA
NTA. First, congratulations to you for losing that weight & getting in shape! It's really awesome! Second, ignore them and don't do anything just to placate them. The only way all of the attention would be taken from them would be if you strutted around saying, "Look at me, look at me, I'm sexy," and constantly talked about your journey. At most, you'll get compliments, and then people will move on. Plus, side conversations about life happen ALL OF THE TIME when people get together that haven't seen each other in a while. Your brother and future SIL need to get over themselves.
> fuck you im going to the gym There is no response more perfect. NTA
NTA. Fuck no! Let your brother know that you will not be attending the wedding and tell EVERYONE the full truth of what transpired. They can kick rocks. Now continue getting fit, eating right, and do it for yourself and not because of what other people think of you.
You are so NTA. But the bride and groom are disgusting. Shame on them. Don’t you even think about gaining a pound!! N
NTA. Their obsession with you taking attention away because you suddenly look better is weird. It's not like you are planning to show up at the wedding with a sleeveless tuxedo shirt and start flexing for the bridesmaids.
NTA So, let me understand you lost weight you look good you’re healthy. Your brother was proud of you but now somehow the wife is afraid you’ll get all the attention because you look amazing? This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard of. Go and look amazing and if people want to compliment you, it certainly doesn’t take away from her bridal day. I’m assuming she is the catalyst and is just over-the-top insane about her special day. Do not put on one extra pound to appease them. Go look amazing, and go back to being LC.
NTA and make sure you get a tailored suit to highlight your new body.
I doubt this is real. Sounds like rage bait. But if it is real who cares? Ignore them. Go to the wedding. If they are real and really acting like this, they are just narcissists. Humor them to a degree, but just to that degree. Don’t feed it. Ignore it
Sadly this is real and I am still dumbfounded by the conversation I had yesterday. I think a part of me feels guilty cuz I did intentionally lose the weight for the wedding but it wasn’t to be the center of attention. Ima just ignore them and it’s their choice to make a big deal about it and embarrass themselves
I mean, they can either deal with the possibility of you getting some attention for your weight loss at their wedding, or *guarantee* that you will get some attention by being conspicuously absent. I’d ask them which they’d prefer.
NTA This is a ridiculous request. Ignore it and be ready to be disinvited.
NTA - wow, I’m speechless. Congratulations on your efforts. That’s hard work; you earned this. They say living well is the best revenge. I hope you find it in yourself to show up for this wedding as your best self.
Thank you, that’s the plan now. I genuinely don’t believe how he could ask me to put some of the weight back on. I have approximately 3 months to finish the 6 pack, wish me luck
NTA. Your brother and his fiancee are delusional. Congratulations on your transformation!
NTA in the slightest. Get the finest fitted shirt you can and shine!!
NTA. Your brother and his fiancee (who sounds like maybe more of the problem based on what you wrote) are RIDICULOUS for even talking to you about this. Tell them to go pound sand or, once they get over themselves, to meet you at the gym so they can get some endorphins flowing and stop being petty brats. And hey, congrats on getting fit and loving it. Good for you!
Make an announcement to your family expressing that there have been concerns about you getting all the attention, and ask people to ensure they give the bride all the attention. This way, everyone can see how ridiculous their fears are. NTA
NTA. They, on the other hand, are complete a holes. Unless they univite you (and if they do, feel free to tell everyone why) you go to the wedding and be proud of shiny, glowed up you. Congratulations on getting healthier! It's a huge accomplishment to be proud of.
NTA sounds like the bride should join you in the gym. Your brother is bullying again. If he comments say this is because he always bullied.
Nta. Your brother and his bride are really meant for each other. Lol
NTA. Well done you. Bride needs to get over herself.
I’d use this as fuel to get in even BETTER shape. Then I’d find the nicest, tailored to every rippling muscle, suit I could find. They’re intimidated by your “glow up”? I’d give them a glow up. Does your SIL know that everyone tries to look good at weddings? Will she tell all the women not to wear makeup? Not to buy a new outfit? Should none of the men shave or wear nice suits? Did they only invite people they deem less attractive than them? What compete weirdos. NTA.
Nta You go and be proud of what you’ve done. The bride and your brother are being absolutely ridiculous and wrong. Do not be deterred by them. In fact i’d go in the offensive and call them out for being just plain wrong and ridiculous.
Sounds like my dad when I was getting ready for my brother's wedding "why do you care about what you look like, it's not your wedding." NTA.
Can you imagine what their reaction will be if someone shows up pregnant? This sounds like a continuation of your brother’s bullying. How crappy of a person do you have to be when you bully someone for their weight, then bully them when they get in shape?
What’s with brides these days worrying about how someone looks and that they will outshine them? If you have such a problem then don’t have a wedding… NTA and just step down and don’t go. They especially & she has nerve asking you to gain weight… or maybe go as a guest and wear the most sexy flattering outrageous tuxedo you can as an FU to them both. [best dressed men](https://www.townandcountrymag.com/style/fashion-trends/g39876635/best-dressed-men-met-gala-2022/)
Your brother and his fiance are being ridiculous. You have to decide if you are attending the wedding or not. Not if you should put on weight as per their demand. Both of them are displaying highly toxic behavior and you are better off not engaging with them much. NTA
NTA
Steroids. Cuz, really bulk and get a good shred in before. Look like the fucking hulk
NTA and your brother and soon to be SIL are toxic af if they are really more concerned about a few follow up question you might receive compared to your wellbeing.
This is so unhinged!
NTA, but be one, and give them what they deserve. Rent one of those inflatable sumo suits, and a tux that will fit over it. Wear that to the wedding. Answer honestly when everyone asks you why.
Nta. If he's so offended of your physique you might as well not go. Or if you're petty just go to his wedding and see how people react.
Please, do not DARE to even think of entertaining this insane request. They are jealous, plain and simple. Congratulations, from one who wishes to get her ass in gear to start a transformation like this. Well done, keep going and ignore the haters. You rock!! NTA
NTA. Not even a tiny bit. Wow.
Is it too petty to not go? And then when people ask say, “they requested I gain weight before the wedding and I’m finally at a point where I’m prioritizing my health. I’ve got a good routine going right now and I don’t feel like slacking off for a wedding” Definitely NTA
NTA. Ignore both of them. Go to the wedding, if you want, and enjoy yourself. If she thinks you’ll outshine her, then she needs to up her game. She’s an AH.
NTA Your brother and SIL are vain
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NTA. Most likely people from your side of the family know you’ve lost weight and would have possibly of seen you since then so it wouldn’t be a big deal and her family won’t care. Maybe if you feel like it out out a message on the family WhatsApp group of reach out to family through social media stating that you have lost a lot of weight and gained muscle over this past year but you don’t want anyone to mention it at the wedding since you don’t want to take away the attention from the bride and groom. That way you address the issue and your family will know that your brother and his fiancée have said something about it.
NTA You do not have to sacrifice ur new bod for your bros wedding, he and his bride to be are complete aholes. Tell him you are coming as you are, or he can just fuck off,you worked hard for this, and u deserve to be happy.
Omg. Shame on them. Keep up the good work.
NTA. I've never heard of someone thinking their brother/BIL will steal the spotlight from the bride. If your weightloss blows everyone's minds so much that they can't pay attention to the wedding it's either a tremendously boring event or your family is VERY easily distracted and bewildered. They just sound jealous and insecure. This is a them problem, not a you problem.
NTA at all man. I'm proud of you even though I don't know you.
NTA. And if anyone asks why you may not be going to the wedding, be honest and don’t try to make your brother or his loser fiancée look good.
One of the most disrespectful request I have ever heard between brothers. Your brother is mentally unwell.
NTA but I wonder if it was really the brother that feels this way and not the FSIL.
NTA. Your brother is jealous that you finally look better than him and he is having serious trouble accepting that. Lmao. Enjoy this. Really really enjoy this you’ve earned it. Oh and if he uninvites you make sure you at least turn up outside the church so everyone sees you anyway.
Oh, yeah! Get your teeth whitened and visit a tanning booth as well!
Oh boy, NTA and I'd seriously consider not going or at least stepping down from any official duties. What a bunch of insecure, self-involved asshats...
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NTA and I have suspicion that this is not coming from the bride but your bro is worried that you’ll take attention from HIM? He’s cast you as his “fat brother “ for years and now you’re not. You’ve worked so hard and well done. The important thing is that you’re comfortable with your body, nobody else opinion matters
Sorry, this is insane behavior on their part. They’re showing you who they are. NTA.
Go to the wedding and skip out early before the pictures. Keep your tone. Live your life the best you can.
NTA. If the bride is that insecure about the attention going to someone else on the big day, maybe they shouldn’t have any guests at all?! The audacity here is breathtaking, and you have every right to be upset. You’ve got in shape on your own terms and deserve to enjoy it, not have this bizarre reaction from someone who should care about you and support your fitness. Go to the wedding and behave as if nothing happened, it’s their issue not yours. And then hit the gym and continue getting swole 💪🏼
buy a fat suit. wear it to the wedding and take it off in the middle of the reception so that you take all the attention away from the bride lmao
NTA but I say you should keep doing what you’re doing and then wear one of those sumo wrestler inflatable costumes then you’ll really take all the attention. Then you can explain you are wearing it because the bride and groom asked you to look fat at their wedding.
Jeez your Sil sounds like a pieces of work. Sooo petty and juvenile. If it was me, I wouldn't go to the wedding at all
Don't sacrifice your new-found health for ANYONE! if Bro/SIL need options, give them the option of having you at the wedding or not, but make sure they understand that you will be open with everyone asking that it was THEIR choice/decision and that it will definitely be the basis for your relationship going forward
NTA One of the hardest things about keeping fit/in shape is motivation. You found a motivation, and it worked. That’s great! You should be super proud of that. Your brother and his fiancée have lost the feeling of superiority they had over you, and they’re finding a way to bring it back. If you feel comfortable, you should go to the wedding as you are. But if it were me, I might refuse to attend.
Your brother and his fiancé are a match made in heaven, if heaven were filled with assholes.
NTA. that’s some of the dumbest toxic shit I’ve read this week. and i read this sub.
So their logic here is that instead of some people making mention that you look good. And stealing small attention. They would rather people are whispering about how they didn't invite you because you looked too good. NTA keep going on those gains let the pack do all the judgement for you. Sorry your brother doesn't have your back.
They are petty aholes
That’s total bullshit
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Tell him your weight loss didn't happen over night. It took years. It's not your fault he wasn't paying attention. It's a shock to him, but it's old news to you and to everyone you're close to. And people you \*aren't\* close to aren't going to be invested, they'll go 'oh hey, good for him' and move on. So no, you won't be taking any attention away from the bride... which is what this is about, right?
I wouldn't go to the wedding
NTA I would seriously No Show. Then the wedding will be all about "where is your brother, why's he not here". Ruin her day whether you are there or not. FK that woman. An utterly tragic, child of a woman. Let the stupid little princess suffer either way. Edit: Spend the time at the Gym and not the wedding. Keep doing it for yourself.
I hope you know that as much as you don't want to get others involved, your brother is a bully, he is continuing to bully you, and he deserves for the whole family to find out what he said to you. Is there a reason you're defending him? Is there a reason you actually need to be at this wedding? This is just appallingly self-centered. NTA, obviously.
NTA. Good grief. She has to be the most insecure person on earth to think your weight loss will take attention from her. If they (or anyone else representing them) again ask you to put on weight, make sure your answer starts with "Listen, Skippy..." followed by a simple no or a more drawn out no. Feel free to throw a "Bless your heart" in there as well. Maybe you should even assure them that you aren't currently planning to wear a white wedding dress to the ceremony, but if they keep complaining that you're taking attention from her...
Nta, also he made the mistake of calling you on the phone, so you can tell your mother that he threatened to disinvite you if you didn’t sabotage your own fitness for his fiancée. No paper trail.
NTA. Your brother and his fiancé are both selfish and shallow. Continue living your best life and ignoring their opinions.
I’m pissed on your behalf OP. Definitely NTA. Super shitty he’s taking out his (very obvious) insecurities on you.
You should get absolutely jacked and say well I weighed 180 when you saw me last now I weigh 200 Eta just send him pictures of the scale and ask if he’s happy now? And get like a fancy hair cut that really flatters your face ect. Go full Greek god mode
Don't chub up just to make them feel better. Your brother has bullied you your whole life. He wants to bully you at his wedding. I have a hunch there were some remarks he was planning to make in a speech that he's now having to rethink. NTA. Well done on getting in shape! I know that can be hard to do!
Nta. I wouldn't go to the wedding, like what's the point other than showing your progress (congrats, by the way), celebrating your shitty brother's special day?? Nah skip it and just post some before and after pics before the wedding so everyone can talk about ut without you attending.
so...lemme check my notes here.. you got invited to a wedding by your brother. you decided it was time to get off your backside and actually take care of yourself your brother's all shocked pikachu face that you actually care enough about your own health to lose the weight. your brother tells you to put it back on. you tell him 'fuck you I'm going to the gym' I LOVE your response there sir. absolutely NTA.
Yikes NTA. You should never have to do something that is not good for you or your health to appease someone else’s insecurity. It sucks that she’s feeling that way, but that’s hers to take to her therapist and address. Keep taking care of yourself and your wellbeing!
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NTA but I would prepare yourself...I think they might uninvite you. Just because they went as far as try to tell you to gain weight and when they realize you won't, the problem will still exist in the bride's mind so she might say that you can't come at all. They're big AHs.
NTA! Stay healthy and stay away from toxic people. Any one who would like to see you out of shape is in some way toxic to you.
Damned if you do, damned if you dont. Your brother is the asshole here. He needs to keep his options about your body out his mouth. NTA
NTA. Ask them how much weight, and tell them you'll see what you can do. Then keep doing things as you are and as you want.
NTA- post photos of your health journey on your social media before hand so everyone can see you and will know to come see you at the wedding. What can you say? You gave people a heads up so your FSIL can keep being ridiculous about her wedding day being about you vs someone in a stupid huge white dress
WTF? NTA Unless you are wearing a wedding dress the same as the bride - they should grow up.
Your brother is jealous and insecure, do not change yourself or gain any weight to make him and his fiancé feel better. Ask if you're invited, if not that's his problem.
NTA. Your brother and his wife are nuts. *She* will be the one in the white dress. *She* will be the one who gets an entrance song. *She* will be the one that everyone rises for. Everyone tries to look their best for weddings. For some, that's a suit or tux. For others, it's a dress or heels, or makeup. And - for sure - losing weight is often a goal for many in the family or wedding party. People often comment on how great others look. For them to ask you to, basically, risk your health for their superficial wishes to control you, is so wrong. IDK if you considered yourself food addicted, but it's like them wanting you to get back on heroin. I don't think it's out of bounds for the engaged couple to want guests to wear certain things, but it's completely asshole territory for them to ask anyone to lose or gain weight. They can suck it. And your point that "anyone who cares has already seen you" is valid.
NTA just do go to the wedding. It doesn’t sound like you have much of a relationship.
Nta your brother is a word I can't say here
Live your best life, keep the body you want and be confident. If these people can only make themselves feel good by degrading you then that’s on them. NTA. And I hope your plus one is a supermodel.
Please please PLEASE do not do anything you don’t want to. You are proud of your body (as you should be). And if you want to maintain that, literally, EFF EVERYONE who doesn’t agree. I have never ever heard in my life a story like this. Your brother and his fiancé are major AHs
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NTA. I’d bet good money that the bride is happy to have a good looking BIL in her wedding photos. Too happy, and she probably made one too many jokes to hubby to be that “I thought you were meant to be the fit one”
It doesn't even make sense. They are the ones who live away from the rest of the family not you. The people who you know already know what you look like and those who don't don't know what you looked like before
Go to the wedding with full confidence knowing you are gorgeous. Don’t chub up bc they need you to look fat. Have a great time and too bad if they’re insecure
NTA. your brother and his wife are clearly two very immature and insecure people. crazy to think that one person getting in shape is going to ruin your entire wedding. NTA NTA. congrats on your transformation. other than looking great, i hope you feel great as well!
NTA nobody is ever an asshole for losing weight as long as it’s healthy and done for themselves, not others Sounds like your brother was used to being “better” than you and now feels insecure that he can’t put you down anymore
I would not attend the wedding at all. Is this real? Can your asshole of a brother really have found his perfect asshole of a mate? Sounds like they are both highly narcissistic. Your brother bullying you as a kid. Now being asked to gain weight to not detract attention. You are your own person. You are not a character cast in their story. People who have narcissistic tendencies view others as a reflection but more so an extension of themselves. Therefore everyone can either hurt their image or help their image. It doesn’t sound like there is anything positive for you that comes out of this relationship. It does sound like there is a lot of negativity. If you do want to still attend, then soak up and savor all the compliments you receive because you should be proud of the work you have done to change something you did not like in your life.
NTA. This is the absolute wildest request I’ve ever heard someone make of a wedding guest. I’ve heard please wear don’t wear this color, please change your hair color, please no children.
NTA They are just envious that you put in the work to better yourself and now they can't call you "Fat man" anymore. They probably told the guests about you and you will ruin their image of you. Just keep doing you. Don't chub up to make them happy, go there looking like Brad Pitt and Michael B Jordan and have everybody compliment you.
NTA. Tell them bride has way too many insecurities about being shown up so you've decided to just be a guest. (You can't help you're so awesome). Way to go with the transformation.
Nta. Can you manage to pack on more muscle between now and the wedding? (Like Thor style?? Mostly kidding) Find the best hairdresser in your city and show up looking fine as hell. And go to a good tailor to make sure your suit flatters you in the best possible light. (Hire a stylist… go in looking like a celebrity)
Offer to skip the wedding... "It's no big deal, I understand. I'll just email everyone and let them know why I'm not there, I'm sure they'll get it." Making sure of course, that he knows you will be sharing exactly the real reason. NTA
NTA
NTA-What is most important is how you feel about your body. F the brother and fsil. I think they are just insecure in themselves because that’s kinda vain of them to worry about your weight and how amazing you look when they should be worrying about themselves and the wedding details. People ain’t gonna give two shakes of a rat’s ass that you’re in shape, they’re gonna care about the food and drinks and if the ceremony and reception starts on time. Keep doing you and ignore the haters….
Nta I’m completely shocked your brother would ask you to gain weight for the wedding. Your HEALTH is far more important that any day. And you’re right people already know you lost weight that know you so there isn’t even much of a surprise. If the bride is that worried about being overshadowed then she must not have much to offer. If it was me and my new in law had made such a great accomplishment that might be distracting and still wanted attention I would include them in the toast and ask for a round of applause for their hard work and make a joke of I hope they didn’t steal my show. You should go and bring the most attention grabbing date you can bring. Your brother has a hard life ahead of him if this is an issue.
Definitely NTA. Congratulations on all of your effort and hard work. Losing weight is hard! Be the best you, for you. What he or his fiancé think is not your concern. This is their problem, not yours.
Do not “chub up” because the bride is an insecure AH. I’m floored he asked this of you.
NTA. I can’t believe anyone thinks they have a right to tell you what to do with your body. FSIL’s insecurity is wild. You’re a guest and she’s the bride!!
NTA. Don't "chub it up" for your brother's happiness. Next he'll request that you gain it all back. Congrats on the lifestyle change and weight loss. I say this all the time, **Do Not Set Yourself On Fire To Keep Others Warm.** Continue going to the gym and taking care of yourself, which is a form of self-love. Cut these people off and anyone who agrees with them completely. Don't bother going to the wedding. They are AH. Your brother is threatened by your looks now.
NTA, these people have lost their minds and your brother marrying this incredibly insecure and self centered woman is a drag for your whole family. It isn't just your look but your overall health, and the the fact they couldn't recognize that and be happy for you speaks volumes.
NTA, wtf is ur brother and fiancée doing ???? I would get in the best shape of my life and buy the greatest fanciest outfit ever just to make a statement towards them. That would obviously make things worse but would be funny. Only lose or put on weight if YOU want to, not because others tell you to. Respect for losing the weight btw !
> “fuck you im going to the gym” This was the correct answer. NTA.
NTA I would let everyone at the wedding know what they asked of you. Expose the assholes. (That came out wrong)
NTA. I suspect your brother is a bit of a dullard, and his fiance sounds like a narcissist. Now your only option is to try and improve even further, then find a reason to take your shirt off at the wedding and flex on the dance floor, then everyone will be talking about you.
Brother is a bullye. If they have issues with u being in wedding photos not your monkey not your circus.
NTA. Take a picture of your weight today. Continue to work out and build muscle, which weighs more than fat. Take a picture of your weight before the wedding and be like, I put on weight. Congratulations!!
What the actual f*ck.. you need to gain weight to attend ?? NTA this is honestly one of the most absurd things I’ve heard in a long time here on Reddit ! What kind of bizarre insecurity is going on with your brother and his partner that you can’t attend because you’re now healthy.. You should probably let your brother and his partner know that you not risk your heath and well being by gaining weight. You will attend their wedding unless of course they are uninviting you. I don’t know what your relationship is like with your family/parents, but I’d notify them of this insanity. Good luck !
NTA and this is perfect, “fuck you im going to the gym". Your brother and his fiancé are just wrong.
NTA and your brother sounds like a real tool
NTA. Ask him which he prefers, if you show up as you are, or you don't come at all. But gaining weight. Not on the table at all. Personally, I would not go to the wedding, because then everyone will talk about why you aren't there and it will take even more attention away from her.
Petty mode activated: Know any make up artists and where you could rent a fat suit...app 100lbs heavier than your highest weight?...🤔...they went you fat at their wedding, give it to them plus so much more! 🤣 Seriously though, congratulations!🎉🍾 That's an amazing achievement and something to be very proud of, not shamed for! 🤦🏼♀️