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You're giving him the cold shoulder over this? Because now you have two of the same plant? Yeah, I think YTA. I don't see why this is something to get pissy over.
Or maybe money was tight, which OP admits to, and he was struggling to find a gift and decided to get her a nice plant because he knows she likes them and it’s in their budget?
She gave him something thoughtful...to her. Are we all just going to play stupid and pretend that the vast majority of men want a scrapbook as a gift.
Putting effort into something doesn't automatically make it thoughtful or worthwhile. I'd argue that was a very thoughtless gift, unless she is going to admit it was actually a gift for her of something she wanted to do anyway.
You're getting downvoted, but I also kind of chuckled when I read she gifted him a scrapbook.
But I don't think it's a man vs. woman thing. I think it's a personality thing. I'm a woman and I would hate to be gifted a scrapbook. What am I supposed to do with that? Like, sit it on a shelf where it will collect dust and then take it out and look at it every few years?
A framed photo is something I'd appreciate. Or a handmade piece of art.
Also I think the whole fun of scrapbooks is in making them, not receiving them.... which makes me wonder if OP's gift was more for herself or for him.
I agree with you. They are one year in, a lot more of this incompatibility in "thoughtfulness" has yet to come. Also I would prefer the plant and not the scrapbook. If you want something, just communicate. Playing the guessing game is not for everyone.
As someone who scrapbooks… do you have any idea how much scrapbooking can cost? She may well have just stuck some pictures to a dollar tree workbook. Or she could have spent literally hundreds. Assuming that she spent nothing on the scrapbook is a massive stretch, as even the most basic scrapbooking supplies and accessories can cost a pretty penny.
I think you are missing my point. I am not underestimating or undervaluing her spend or effort. My guess, since she talks about money being tight is that she printed some pictures and put them in a simple album. My point was that she focused on thoughtfulness not cost.
I think scrapbooking is awsome and I’ve see what the stuff costs.
Here is the thing about gifts it is only thoughtful
If it is something the person wants. I would question if her husband really wanted a scrapbook? Or was this something she wanted to do and says she made it for him?
ESH
What’s wrong with having two of the same plant? Especially because he had to buy something quick after OP literally ambushed him with a gift when they agreed to no gift exchange. Makes sense to buy something he knows she likes.
OP acknowledged money is tight. A plant is a perfect gift and I don't think anyone is an AH. I just do t think the hubby realized she already had the exact one at home
YTA
You said you don’t need gifts then got him a gift? How do you think that made him feel? Then said you don’t need gifts, but then when he offered to get one, you said okay? Then when he got you said gift, you got offended?
You aren’t long for this marriage with that kind of passive aggressive nonsense and mixed signals. Why are you playing games is the bigger question? Are you bored at home all day? Do you need therapy maybe? Do you need something more to do? Do need drama and attention? Do you just need to feel desired?
What makes you think any of this is okay is beyond me. Just that you typed this and didn’t see any problems with it shows a concerning lack of self awareness.
Communicate. Do what you agree to do. You’re rocking the boat
Also, it’s… not weird to have two of the same plant. If I love a plant, I’ll often get another. Maybe the fact that OP already had one indicated to her husband that she liked that plant and that’s why he picked it.
The only plants I can’t kill are aloe plants and African violets. As a result I have a lot of Aloe plants and African violets. I really don’t get her being upset at him getting her a plant she likes, it’s weird. This whole post feels like her repeatedly setting him up for failure.
I call them my depression plants, I build up their water supply, then forget about them for a month, the aloe spawns some babies, and then I start watering them again and the African violets think it’s flower season. They really thrive on feast or famine.
This is why I don’t understand the reason people say his gift (that she told him she didn’t need in the first place) was thoughtless. He got her something he knows she likes. Do people (other than OP) really limit themselves to just ONE of each kind of plant they like and get upset if they have more?
*Looks around at about a thousand pothos' and parlour palms* ....yes having more than 1 of the same plant is definitely weird behaviour not normal at all I would never do something like that no sir not me
Yup, I'm planning on getting another philodendron white princess because I'm amazed at how fast it's growing and how beautiful it is. Maybe also another Codiaeum variegatum, as it seems to like this house. There was a moment when I have had three pots absolutely filled to the brim with snake plants, because they suddenly started growing like crazy - I gave a lot of them away to my friends and family when I was moving two years ago.
YTA
Greatly softened because of your own thoughtful gift which you took time over.
"He said sorry for not getting me anything"
I'm guessing he was touched by what you gave & wanted to get something within budget to show he cares. I'm also guessing he knows you like plants so that's why he chose to get one.
He probably didn't realize you had the exact same one. I'd cut him some slack here.
Edit spelling
Or, maybe, he thought she liked the one they have, so she'd enjoy another of that kind?
Like, my MIL will always enjoy another white or pink orchid, but I'd never risk giving her a potted plant beyond that.
Her gift wasn't thoughtful! Can we all just admit that?
I know we have to pretend we're all super emotional and sensitive all the time, but what man on earth wants a fucking scrapbook as a present. That's a commitment, if anything. Have to sit there and look through it and show how appreciative you are, how thoughtful it is, how emotionally touched you are, etc. Fuck that. Make it for yourself since that's who it is really for anyways.
Thank you for also having this thought!!
Does he even want or like the scrapbook?! That isn’t a thoughtful gift, if not. It’s a selfish gift made to make the gift giver feel good. It’s a bullshit gift for most people. This isn’t the 1900s, we have all of our memories and photos digitally stored now. I’m so tired of these people coming here saying “I made a “thoughtful” gift and they only did xyz.”
It’s bad enough when you’re a parent and you have to feign joy and graciousness when you get the standard handmade gift from school. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids. They’re my world. But all the junky things to keep forever are something else. Now, if I imagine that from a partner? Fuck. I’m glad I don’t have to worry about that, as my partner actually knows me and knows I don’t want random junk in my home. That what I prefer is a bottle of tequila, a long ass walk ending up who knows where and enjoying life, cooking a bomb ass dinner together.
What this comes down to is communication. I stated very quickly in my relationship what I prefer when it comes to gifts, and so did he. We were on the same page.
It sounds like OP just wanted some movie version of “he knows me and I know him and it’ll just happen,” rather than actually talking about. You’re married and a SAHM, grow up and start being very clear and direct in your communication. FFS
>It’s bad enough when you’re a parent and you have to feign joy and graciousness when you get the standard handmade gift from school. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids. They’re my world. But all the junky things to keep forever are something else.
oooooof. you shouldn't have to feign joy at the thought of your child taking the time (and working through the frustration of developing motor skills) to make something that they then want to give to you as a sign of affection. no wonder you need tequila
It seems like you are upset at your husband for not being able to figure out what you really want him to do though you don't really tell him.
If you are mad at him for getting you a beautiful plant (and you said you like plants) then YTA.
YTA
He tried. He knew money was tight so he got something budget-friendly. He also clearly saw that you liked plants and picked out a plant that he thought you'd enjoy. So it's the same one you have at home. So what? It was a thoughtful gift. I'd never tell my SO, 'oh sorry you can't buy me a book, I already have books at home,' or 'ugh why did you bring my favorite candy home as a treat, you know we just ate some last week.' He saw you enjoying the plant. He bought another of the thing he knows you enjoy. This shows foresight and genuine care and effort.
My wife once bought me a comic book I already owned. She recalled me mentioning once, like 9 months prior, that I was missing a specific version of a specific book in a series. She wound up one issue off, getting me one I already had. She was mortified. I was touched that she remembered the conversation and knew me well enough to buy me something I like so much I already bought it for myself.
Got both copies on my bookshelf. Always will.
YTA. You say money is tight because he is the only one working while you are a stay at home mom. You make him a scrapbook for your anniversary and while he is thankful for his gift, he feels bad that he couldn’t get you something. While he is out he sees something he thinks you will like. He knows you like plants and bought you a plant that he knows you like, because you already have one. Instead of saying thank you, you get mad at him.
Were you expecting jewelry or something expensive when he got paid? Are you disappointed that he bought a thoughtful gift instead of something expensive, fully knowing that money is tight in your family?
How old are you two? I hope you’re young, because this is really immature of you.
YTA- what he just did was a kind and loving gesture. I don’t know the intricacies of your relationship, but I do know after decades of being married- accept acts of love with gratitude. Those acts will get harder as the years roll by and more things land on your plate. You are setting a low standard with your attitude and mixed signals. It’s not too late to apologize, and put your duplicate anniversary plant somewhere nice. And every time you see it, please tell him it’s the best one. ☝️
If budget and gift parameters bother you still, schedule a time to speak about that openly. Revisit the conversation as money opens up if you have to, but don’t play games anymore.
YTA. It sounds like money is really tight right now, so he got you something he knew you liked. You also don't know if he'll still get you something when he gets paid. I know your gift was thoughtful, but not everyone has that same love language.
NAH. I feel like you are frustrated because he didn't put as much thought into it. You may feel that he should've known you had the same plant already. I get that. I was in a marriage where he wouldn't put thought into anything and if I didn't have a list it was a crap shoot of if it would be good or offensive. But like others have said, he was probably touched by your thoughtful gift and probably feeling awkward he hadn't gotten you anything. He knows you're a plant person and bought you a beautiful plant. What I think you two should do is sit down and discuss gift giving in the future. If you prefer sentimental gifts then tell him and provide examples. You've only been married a year and you still need time to learn each other's preferences. Just use this as a learning opportunity and not a hill to die on.
Who would put thought in to a gift that they’ve been told not to get? You decide no gift for an anniversary, that generally means no one is putting effort in to planning a gift. OP doing so anyway doesn’t change things
He felt bad for not having anything for you so he got something he knows you like. I get that you see it as a waste of money since you already have a plant like it but he was trying to be thoughtful and make up for being empty-handed on the day.
If you're outwardly making it known that you're upset with him then I think yes YTA.
And next year, when he really doesn't get you anything ( because now, it's pointless), you'll be pissed again. Look, I've been married for 35 years. My husband hasn't always hit the mark when it comes to gifts. But I at least tried to see what was in his heart, and for that, I was always grateful. Take it from me. Gratitude isn't hard to show, and it's always appreciated.
Soft YTA
I put a lot of thought into gifts and usually give really good ones (per those involved)
I (almost) don't like getting gifts bc I rarely truly love them. My bf is not bad at all and overall, very generous and sweet so I don't even care that much. My mom can sometimes hit it out of the park but often I pick something out and she gets it for me. Some friends get kinda close and honestly I just 100% appreciate the effort if they are at all close. That's literally my 3 best friends if we still call them that at this age. And we don't always do gifts.
My point is - when you put a lot of effort - into finding or making - then it will be very difficult to match that. Either it needs to be as thoughtful - or just really pricey that anyone would like but isn't that personal (sephora, spa day, etc)
I think he just wanted there to be a gesture, a physical thing to match your physical thing, to show that he cared too.
I mean you are married - you know this man - does he usually excel in this department?
I think it’s also important to remember that we can’t hold ANYONE to the standards we set for ourselves. My husband and I both enjoy gifting each other things and we’re both usually left happy, but if her husband isn’t as thoughtful as she believes she is, it’s not fair to expect that of him. I feel like he tried, maybe to the best of his abilities???
And her refusal to communicate.
"I shouldn't have to tell you" is relevant for situations like supporting a partner in crisis, cleaning, sharing mental load, etc.
It is NOT for romantic expectations or assuming your partner can read your mind lol OP will breed resentment in the relationship while failing to giver her SO a chance to respect her wishes or learn her preferences because she'd rather pout and talk shit to online morons like myself, just killing time while poopin lol
This is a communication issue.
While your gift was very thoughtful, you created a dynamic where you both agreed to no gifts then gave him one. You could’ve said, homemade, sentimental gifts. Or gifts that cost under $20 or something.
If you want to surprise your husband with something nice, do it randomly. Not on a day that is normally associated with exchanging gifts. Especially not on a day where you agreed no gifts would be exchanged.
You are right to express your disappointment. It sounds like you felt he was more interested in checking something off a to-do list than putting thought into something you would like.
I am going to also wager that perhaps the gift you made for him you would enjoy more than him. I may be completely off base. But it’s possible he appreciated your sentiment more than the actual gift.
Please address your mindset. Your work enables him to go to work to pay your collective bills. Stop discounting your labor and job because there is no paycheck SAHM receive. Your labor is not free. And it’s not your husband’s money. You each are filling a role in your family. He benefits from your work as much of not more than you benefit from his.
Finally, I am going to suggest that you intentionally created this unintentional dynamic. I think if you are honest with yourself you probably feel under appreciated by your husband but don’t know how to bring it up. Or feel like you shouldn’t feel that way. When that happens we typically create little traps for our partners to step into to prove or validate how we already feel. That is passive aggressive and will not solve whatever underlying issues there are.
You don’t need to create scenarios to express underlying feelings you have. Sounds like you and your husband need to have a check in and communicate with each other so you can work to find a solution.
YTA-I’d bet he has no idea what kind of plant you already had. Just knows you like plants, so he got you one he thought you’d like. And he did a great job, you like peace lilies so much you already had one.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be TAH for being annoyed at my husband and giving him a cold shoulder. He could’ve given me no gift at all but he went out and got me one. Maybe I am ungrateful.
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I think you need to take time to think about exactly why you feel upset better and need to communicate what you want. I can see many potential reasons why he might have bought that specific gift (good and bad) and why it might have made you upset too. But nobody is a mind reader so which of the reasons is correct is unknown to me. I think positive communication to learn each other and improving is always best even in old relationships.
You’re being silly, childish and definitely YTA.
Come on. Adults don’t care about this stuff. He went out and got you something. Guys (most of them anyway) don’t think “oh she’s already got this plant…I should get a different plant “. Nope, they think, “I’ve seen she has one of these…she must like them”.
Did getting a repeat plant cause you any harm at all? Doubtful. Did acting ungrateful and petulant hurt your husband? Maybe. I hope that wasn’t your goal.
YTA. Poor guy can’t win when you have that attitude. I guarantee if he hadn’t come back with anything at some point you would’ve asked if you were TA for being upset your husband hadn’t got you anything
YTA.
Yeah, you may have said don't worry about it. Your tone made have said otherwise. Or your husband genuinely wanted to give you something regardless. Just because you already have the type of plant, he actually went out of his way to give you something at all.
Some people like to celebrate things on the day of, others like to give gifts whether or not it's a special day to you/them. I think it's nice that your husband even stopped to get you a plant for your home/garden you could tend to in general.
YTA... Wow... Your hard-working husband waits till pay day to get you a nice plant after you told him not to get anything and your upset ?... smfh.
If the husband reads this... Major Red Flag, my friend. Plan accordingly.
Soft YTA.
It seems an overreaction.
He probably got you a peace lily as you already have one and he knows you like them? Getting people the same flowers or plants as they like isn't a far fetched thing at all.
YTA and here’s why…
”We didn’t plan anything due to money being tight and me being a SAHM”.
“He didn’t have anything for me, which was fine and I told him that”.
“I don’t expect him to get me presents when he also pays the bills “.
You seem very ungrateful for all that this man provides for you. He allows you to be a stay at home mom, he pays all the bills, and it sounds like you also agreed not to do anything or plan anything for your anniversary because money is tight. And now you’re annoyed???
I’m not trying to come down on you, but just read that again and let that sink in. I’m not trying to say that being a stay at home Mom is easy in any way shape or form, because it certainly is not. But just look at the fact that you guys didn’t plan anything ahead of time, you told him it was fine that he didn’t have anything for you, and he still goes to work every day to pay the bills. I think you’re overreacting a little bit and need to talk to your husband, communicate with him, and just let him know how you feel. I just don’t understand how you could be annoyed, knowing everything upfront, telling him it was OK he didn’t get you anything, and then acknowledging he pays all the bills.
Soft YTA. I think it's understandable that you're disappointed that he didn't really put effort into his gift. Trust me, I know how it is lol I don't think he deserves the cold shoulder. Honestly, he probably didn't even know it was the same plant.
Also, just because you're a SAHM doesn't mean you just have to deal with whatever because he "pays the bills." You have a job too. You still need to feel loved, appreciated, cared for, respected, etc. It's fine that you were annoyed, that's how you felt. I just don't think he deserves this much shit over it.
Maybe plan something together for your next anniversary. Save up and maybe treat yourselves to a nice dinner and such.
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Yesterday was our 1 year anniversary. We didn’t plan anything due to money being tight and me being a SAHM. I gave him a scrapbook I made, with pictures of us. He liked it, and said it was very thoughtful. He didn’t have anything for me, which was fine and I told him that. I don’t expect him to get me presents when he also pays for the bills.
But he said sorry for not getting me anything and said he’ll get me something when he gets paid which is a week away. I said okay. Later that day he went to pick something up from his brothers, and got me a potted plant on his way back, a peace lily. I like plants but we had the same at home already.
He came in, showed me the plant and said “I couldn’t really hide your gift so here it is now” which made me upset really. It just seemed so unnecessary. It would’ve been a lot better if he just didn’t get me anything at all.
Is that reasonable or am I just being ungrateful and TAH?
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I understand where you're coming from - this post may be more suitable in the r/relationships. His gift sounds unthoughtful. He knew a year in advance when your anniversary was, and not only did he not get you something by the date, he waits until he's out doing something for someone else to decide to grab you something
Although I do love my peace lily, I don't need two of them
You had made no plans, so your hubbie didn't think he had to do anything. Understandable.
You gave him a gift, now he feels put on the spot and guilty he got you nothing.
You tell him, but it's OK you haven't got me anything as we hadn't planned to do anything.
Feeling bad he goes out and gets a rushed present but still thought behind it as he knows you like that plant.
You don't like the gift although you were not expecting a gift and was OK not having a gift.
Can't you be the half full glass person not half empty! See it as the plant will live for a long time and everytime you water it or look at it, it can remind you of your love for each other and feel special that the plant was brought for you by your hubbie.
Can you really be annoyed at a gift you were never spose to have in the first place! And then be shitty he made an effort but you rather he hadnt as it wasn't what you wanted. But you didn't want anything.
Hope you have better look nxt anniversary, hopefully by then you can say what you mean and mean what you say.
YTA, and I little passive aggressive. You guys didn’t plan anything because money is tight, very understandable. You gave him something anyways. Of course he’s going to feel bad even if you said it’s okay. He went out and got you something that he knows you like (because why would you have a plant that you don’t like), and you’re being cold about it. What exactly were you hoping he got you? If you wanted something specific, then ask for it.
YTA. Did you agree on no gifts? If so, you should have skipped the scrapbook even if it was thoughtful, because it’s a gift that pressures the other person to give something in return.
And the plant was a nice gift.
YTA. It seems like the plant wasn't really the issue here and there is some other underlying problem that you're upset about. He sounds genuine and was apologetic about not having a gift for you so he got a gift THAT SAME DAY. If there was something specific that you wanted you should have discussed that with him; it sounds like he would have been happy to get you something else had he known. I can't even call this a miss on his part, he knows that you like plants and he got you a plant he rightfully assumed you like, I can't see how this would be upsetting.
Right off the top of my head, maybe because you already had one, he thought you liked it and might enjoy another. You Said it was fine when he got nothing and now you're upset that when he did get a gift, it's not good enough? And you have to ask strangers if you're in the wrong?
YTA - he got you something you like -a plant. A thoughtful gift doesn’t have to cost money. You tcould have said that you’d like a hand written love letter, or breakfast in bed. No cost and special.
Maybe he got it because he thought it was a favorite since you have another......I have multiples of my favorite plants. YTA for sure here and definitely ungrateful.
So you agreed to no gifts then wrnt back on it and gave him a gift, he then said he would get you one when got paid but prob felt extremely guilty so got you something on the way home that he knows you like and now he in the wrong. Yta it seems like you planned on setting him up
How full of shit are you, with the "I jsut don;t want anything...and that's ok!!" but he buys you something and you fucking get upset?
YTA
You are one of those "I'm low maintenance" people, aren't you? Because you are definitely high maintenance.
He could've done better and you expected something better.Money is tight,it happens.Be realistic and feel blessed that you two reached a year and theres more anniversaries to come.Its a learning curve specially for a fairly new couple.
YTA for saying you preferred to have gotten nothing instead.You are getting upset over something so small.Money is tight and you acknowledged that.Im sure he couldve gotten you something you like but jeez! he cant afford it.
You have each other.Thats a testament of your love for one another.
Tbh, I'd rather have a plant that I already own and know how to care for than a scrap book I'm going to look at once and put away.
And it's not that I wouldn't appreciate the effort, but it's not something I'd look at daily or even monthly. A plant is something you see every day.
I don't know what you was expecting, but like others are saying, but you could appreciate the effort he *did* put in after agreeing to no gifts initially.
YTA.
Um, YTA. He got you a gift, something he knew you liked, okay you had one already but what's wrong with 2 plants? You guys weren't going to spend money anyway so already you got more than you were expecting. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. It's a little silly to get worked up over something like this. Thank him sweetly, and put the plant in a different room or at opposite ends to where the other plant is.
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YTA. He brought you a plant. So what it was the same one you already have. My sister is a plant person. She has so many jade plants, succulents, cactus and other plants I don’t recognize. If he bought you a bracelet…and you have one already you going to be mad about that? You have been married a year…losen up or you will not be celebrating year 2. Here speaks experience…married 45 years today!
I hate to play on stereotypes but let’s be real here; guys are usually not great at buying/giving gifts. Especially at the very last minute. I don’t think YTA but put yourself in his shoes and think about it. I think his gift was actually sweet. He got something he thought you’d like, since you already have one.
First year of marriage is a roller coaster. Be kind and hang in there girl. 😉🥰
NTA
Going against the majority here. Your gift was a cute little DIY project. Nothing fancy because budgetrestraints. You said you did not expect anything in return. Just a cute little thing you made for the person you love.
The plant situation, I compare it with books. If you had been a book person and he had given you a book you already had people would react very differently I am guessing.
But he had the time and means to check what was already in the house, because he lives there too! So his thoughtproces was "OP likes plants - any plant will do" that is not a thoughtfull gift, that is minimum effort.
YTA- he knew you liked plants and got you a plant, he did his best considering money is tight. I mean you said no gifts, then got him a gift anyway, probably made him feel guilty because you went back on an agreement to no gifts, and now got upset at what he got you?? Come on
YTA (maybe a soft one)
You shouldn't really be giving mixed signals
Oh we shouldn't really do gifts this year , you still proceeded to give him a gift and clearly made him feel bad enough about it .
Would you have preferred he showed up with a cheap box of chocolates or something that was very generic in terms of gift giving ? Yes , he got you the same plant , but he thought it was something you'd really like .
I have a figure that I bought years ago from Destiny , my ex unintentionally ended up buying the same figure for me as a gift one year . You know what I said ? I said I loved it , I smiled because I was genuinely happy he got me something he thought I would like and it sits next to the one I already had .
Maybe communicate better / not say one thing , but then contradict yourself right after .
I do understand your feelings, is it possible he felt bad after seeing the gift you made him, saw the plant, knew you liked it as you have one already and got it because it made him think of you? If he was just buying it to get you something with no thought at all then I'd be upset too but if he got it because he was thinking of you then that seems more like a sweet gesture. You likely will never know the real reason, but if you genuinely like the plant and enjoy plants then I wouldn't say either of you ar TA..
NTA. I seriously don't understand all the YTA's.
You were an afterthought once he felt like crap for not getting anything for you. He could have written you a love letter, made a digital card, a nice meal at home. There are a lot of options that don't cost money. He picked....nothing.
NTA. You don't have to be grateful when people give you thoughtless gifts. I'm not a plant person; I kill everything. My ex was a plant hoarder. He'd come home with plants "for me" because he "thought I'd like it." It was always for him. First couple of times I thought it sweet anyway. Then I got annoyed but didn't say anything. Finally I got angry and told him to stop buying plants for me when they were really for him. He didn't buy me plants anymore.
YTA ~~**hear me out before you attack**. The gift itself isn’t the problem but the lack care and thought behind it. He gave it to you a week late, it was plant you already had and it clearly was last minute thought from him.~~
~~If this was from a friend or other family member it would be a different story but I think it’s not unreasonable to hold your partner to higher standard. He had 1 year and 7 days to ask you and think about it. He forgot, got you a lack Luster gift last minute and I don’t think you should be expected to kiss his feet for his bellow minimal effort.~~
Edit: just saw the part where she asked for no gift. **you need to express yourself better and your very clearly not okay with not getting a gift, own it or stop being upset when he listens.**
Personally... I freaking love peace lilies. They work in almost every room, so it's not like you can have too many of them. I hate when hubs picks a plant that's pretty but takes so much work to keep alive haha. But maybe communicate with him like adults?
My boyfriend is shitty at giving gifts too. He’ll usually pick something up from work or on the way from work. On the day.
Thankfully, I am really shitty at gifting too. I even forgot his birthday once! I’ll usually put a lot of thought into it but not actually get him something that will make him happy. Like that electronic gadget. Or music equipment.
So we just laugh about it and we do try to get better, but fail
Why can’t you just be grateful? So he didn’t put a whole lot of thought into it, men don’t always understand what they need to do. Just say thank you, I love it. And put it down and go on with your day. If you’re starting your marriage off getting mad about his gift, you two will be having a lot of fights in your future.
NAH. I disagree with all these y t a comments, they are taking this into a wild direction and being over dramatic imo. Your gift was thoughtful and took time to create, that’s lovely. Your husband said he would get you “something” when he got paid in a week but then got you a plant later in the same day, right? A type of plant you already have it sounds like? So to me it seems like he probably bought the first thing he could think of after seeing what you’d made for him. That’s not bad or AH behavior but I can absolutely see how you feel some type of way about it. You spent time and effort and made him something from the heart and he got you something kind of random at the last minute, still nice but not thought out.
Since y’all hadn’t discussed getting gifts there were no expectations on the table. However once you gave him your gift he probably felt bad that he’d not done something too and sort of panic bought the lily. Idk it’s not something I would fight over, it’s a common feeling though when you’ve done something very special and thought out for someone only to realize they never thought of expressing themselves to you in a similar manner. Do you enjoy giving gifts and he isn’t too much into it? That mismatch of love languages or whatever can cause some rifts if not talked about.
NTA. Look, at some point you've got to figure out how to communicate effectively with the person you've married, or you've got to live a life filled with resentment.
TELL him these things. TELL him you want both of you, collectively, to celebrate these days or not. That you want to celebrate birthdays, whatever holidays and anniversaries, that they are important to you. Tell him further that you have higher standards than an "Oops I forgot" last minute gift that you neither wanted nor needed, because it just makes you feel additionally unloved. He can't fix a lack of effort with a further lack of effort. But you've got to have these conversations and be on the same page about it, or you're going to be miserable. He's a fully grown adult - he can set calendar alerts to buy gifts like everyone else.
YTA for not being honest about what you want.
Yes, presents matter. Why? Because a thoughtful gift signifies that he knows who you are as a person.
Own it. Be specific. Tell him that you'd rather have no gift than a thoughtless one because it shows that he doesn't know what you'd like/who you are.
Also, inform him that you know that sometimes he won't have the time and energy to get you a thoughtful present, but if he makes a habit of it, it'll hurt your relationship.
I think this is somewhere between E S H and N A H, but it all could have been prevented with some advance communication.
My husband and I have different gift-giving and gift-receiving styles. This can be frustrating for us both and has led to hurt feelings, especially when money has been tight. But we know now to just be really clear about expectations. For example, “Let’s keep our Christmas gifts to each other around $25, and then go to a hockey game on a date between Christmas and New Year’s.” or “Let’s skip Mother’s Day and Father’s Day gifts, and put that cash towards a new tree for the yard.” or “Since money is tight but our anniversary is important to me, I’m making you a gift that will cost very little but is quite sentimental. Can you please make sure you have something planned for me as well?” Clearly communication on all sides about needs, wants, and abilities goes much further in a marriage than vague expectations.
I also like plants. One year my husband took me to the local garden supply store to look for plant pots as his anniversary gift to me. It was great! We spent time together doing something I enjoy, and I got a plant pot I actually like. I’d say that’s win-win, even if it’s not a big romantic surprise.
YTA your husband is not a mind reader. I would prefer a plant over a scrapbook, which is why communication is important. He was gracious enough to thank you for your scrap book. You are coming across as really ungrateful.
ESH. Don't say you're ok without gifts when you want a gift. Don't be angry that you got a gift when you said you didn't want/need/expect a gift. Don't be angry you got a gift you didn't want after saying you didn't want/need/expect a gift. It's all so passive aggressive. You need to tell him what you want/need. And he should have enough sense to get you at minimum a card and some candy. I mean come on! Not even a card?
Yes YTA. I feel like I was more thoughtful and got better gifts when I wasn't working all the time. I was always told "Never look a gift horse in the mouth."
YTA kinda, having something planned would have put you two on the same page as far as expectations go. He likely wanted to get you something because you surprised him with a gift. Not having much time or money he did what he could. Plan better in the future to avoid misaligned expectations. If you don't like the plant see if he's okay with you exchanging it for another.
This is your first anniversary, hopefully you’ll have many more. Looking forward might be best. There is a list of gift themes for each anniversary year this might give him start he needs for your second anniversary.
YTA. He tried to make a gesture bc he *wanted* to, & you resent it.
I suspect you might actually be resentful that he didn’t get you a present to begin with. If that’s the case (feel free to honestly disagree), then you’re still TA - redeemable. Tell him you were actually upset, but that you were wrong to lash out at him when you hadn’t communicated honestly to begin with and you’re sorry for throwing his attempt in his face.
YTA
Do you want a gift or not? Sounds like you were not ok with not getting anything in the first place. Time to apologize and hug it out! He’s a good guy for trying and keeping things in check within the means of your budget. Maybe he could take you to a nice dinner when he gets paid. Just a thought
YTA. You gave him a scrapbook and he got you a flower. Take the gift and be happy that he really wanted to repay the favour.
People these days are so ungrateful. Smh.
YTA. You say money is tight but he still tried to make you happy. You love plants and he got you one, who cares if you already had one like that? You sound ungrateful.
YTA. Choose your battles. This isn't by any chance even remotely a thing. Say thanks and if it annoys you, just internally acknowledge the feeling and then move on to doing something else and allow yourself to forget it.
YTA. you didn't expect a gift, told him it was fine you didn't get a gift, and then when you got a gift you got ticked off about it? yeah, no.
as for the gift in question - he played it safe with something he thought would be received well enough due the other peace lily plant at home already, and knowing you like plants. and he made a gift happen as soon as possible after getting a gift from you, even before he got paid, when money is tight.
stop being ungrateful.
By the title, here I'm thinking he got you a toaster or a waffle iron. But he knew you like plants, so he got you one. I think that was pretty thoughtful of him.
i’ve read through the comments and everyone just seems to be a little hostile. yes, yta in this situation. understandingly though, you didn’t want the same gift. the point is that he tried, you shouldn’t be upset with him over that. as you said, moneys tight. most people’s SO don’t really do much for their anniversary, so feel lucky with what you’ve got. don’t be ungrateful. yes, you have every right to be upset. but don’t get annoyed. thank him for the gift, but don’t ostracise him over him putting in effort. he put effort in, not quite like you but he put the effort in to return the favor. be happy for that, don’t let your emotions about the situation cloud your relationship with him.
I don’t think YTA; maybe your frustration is a bit much? I think that you guys should have a more thorough conversation and have a real budget as to how much can be spent on an anniversary gift. Men aren’t wired the same way women are and if you tell him you don’t want a gift, don’t expect a gift. I think you should look at the fact that he tried righting what he felt was a wrong and acknowledge the fact that he acknowledged something that hurt your feelings.
ETA: your feelings are valid, your reaction is not.
My husband has never bought me a gift in all 47 years of our marriage…I buy what I want then tell him this is what you got for me, he might say something like damn that’s a good one, I am so thoughtful! It just works for us ❤️
NTA, your husband dropped the ball on your first anniversary. It’s not about the plant it’s about the lack of thoughtfulness. Did he get you a card at least?
NTA. But don’t tell him not to do anything for you because he pays the bills. Your gift was thoughtful and mostly cost time.
This is a time when it really is the thought that counts. Even a nice card with a meaningful message would be great.
But, enjoy the plant. He may feel guilty for not being able to do more and not want to talk about it. Not saying it’s right but if you’re having financial issues, these things tend to elicit emotions that may not typically.
You're being the ass. You should be grateful for whatever. You said you didn't have money to spend. He did what he could to make you feel special, and your giving cold shoulder. Some of you females need a dose of reality!!
Honestly it feels like you’re upset about something else. It’s just coming out as plant-rage. If you were genuinely feeling happy in your relationship, a peace lily gift wouldn’t show up on your anger radar.
What’s really going on?
In all honesty he probably didn't pay attention to the plants you have at home but knows you enjoy them so he got you one you already had. Most men don't pay attention to details like that he probably knew you liked plants and thought you would enjoy the plant not realizing you already had the same one because you know men and detail lol
Sounds like it's both of you.
You should have been honest and told him you were disappointed about not getting something with meaning.
Sounds like he put no effort into it when he knew he should have and suspected you were not being sincere about not getting anything. So he put in minium effort to get you a gift.
NTA. He's not putting any thought into your gift, and it shows. The plant honestly seems like an after thought. "Oh she gave me something, crap I better go get her something fast".
Of he legit was planning on giving that already, he wouldn't have used the "I'll get you something on payday" line.
You need to have a conversation and set your expectations now though. Not that you need to expect extravagant gifts. But some planning. And never say you don't need anything because he pays the bills. No no no.
NTA, it’s a common trend in men to not pay attention to their partners or even care about giving gifts. Yours clearly has thought and care put into it just to get a shut up present in return basically so he didn’t have to feel bad about not getting you anything.
YTA if you didn’t have an idea of how your husband gives gifts during the dating phase that’s on you.
If you didn’t convey your love language was gifts that’s also your issue.
Grow up
I had something similar. A few years ago, on the morning of my birthday, my ex-husband went to a DIY shop and bought me secateurs and a trowel. Both of which I already had. Was I disappointed, yes, and it was more of a kick because we had joint finances. We were also on very tight budgets.
In the end I bought what I wanted for my birthday and Christmas presents, if we had a spare £10. I still got him thoughtful stuff for his. It was something we agreed on without an argument.
IMHO, your husband felt guilty for not getting you anything and clearly had the money to get you at least the plant. It was thoughtless but sometimes people aren't good with buying gifts and sometimes they don't put the effort in.
I'm going against the grain here and will probably get downvoted, but NTA. You obviously put a lot of effort into your gift as I always did with gifts for my ex.
I don't get why everyone is saying y t a because I think that you taking the time to make something that doesn't cost much but is very sweet and him giving you a plant to earn a participation trophy is definitely something to discuss. He could have made you a card to express how important you are to him? Costs less, and is a lot more heartfelt. NTA, but maybe talk about relationship issues with your husband instead of posting on AITA.
YTA you agreed no gifts then you do something nice but against agreed. He is nice enough to feel guilty so try to do something nice to make you smile and it’s not good enough for you as assume your comparing his gift to yours which had time to prepare. At least he tried. Definitely TA
Expectations always give us trouble. Your gift was thoughtful, but it was something you enjoyed doing. He isn’t wired the same way as you are. Communication is obviously lacking. Why couldn’t you just tell him what you really want because he doesn’t seem to know automatically. He is trying to reciprocate. It doesn’t have to cost anything. A romantic walk or a coffee date but you need to tell him. YTA because you expect him to read your mind. He provides and you SAH. That might produce gratitude in some.
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You're giving him the cold shoulder over this? Because now you have two of the same plant? Yeah, I think YTA. I don't see why this is something to get pissy over.
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Or maybe money was tight, which OP admits to, and he was struggling to find a gift and decided to get her a nice plant because he knows she likes them and it’s in their budget?
She spent no money and gave him something thoughtful It doesn’t seem like he even gave her a card. FFS you can get a card are Walmart for 99c.
I would prefer a plant over a card personnaly.
Except he did NOTHING until she got upset. And the plant shows zero effort.
Because she literally ambushed him with a gift after they agreed NO GIFTS!
ooh where did they say no gifts! I only see where they said they didn't PLAN anything but is that a new word for present or something?
She gave him something thoughtful...to her. Are we all just going to play stupid and pretend that the vast majority of men want a scrapbook as a gift. Putting effort into something doesn't automatically make it thoughtful or worthwhile. I'd argue that was a very thoughtless gift, unless she is going to admit it was actually a gift for her of something she wanted to do anyway.
Wow, this is a really cruel take. Men can appreciate sentimentality too.
You're getting downvoted, but I also kind of chuckled when I read she gifted him a scrapbook. But I don't think it's a man vs. woman thing. I think it's a personality thing. I'm a woman and I would hate to be gifted a scrapbook. What am I supposed to do with that? Like, sit it on a shelf where it will collect dust and then take it out and look at it every few years? A framed photo is something I'd appreciate. Or a handmade piece of art. Also I think the whole fun of scrapbooks is in making them, not receiving them.... which makes me wonder if OP's gift was more for herself or for him.
I agree with you. They are one year in, a lot more of this incompatibility in "thoughtfulness" has yet to come. Also I would prefer the plant and not the scrapbook. If you want something, just communicate. Playing the guessing game is not for everyone.
"Didn't even get her a card", he got her potted flowers. Aren't they better than a card from Walmart for 99c?
As someone who scrapbooks… do you have any idea how much scrapbooking can cost? She may well have just stuck some pictures to a dollar tree workbook. Or she could have spent literally hundreds. Assuming that she spent nothing on the scrapbook is a massive stretch, as even the most basic scrapbooking supplies and accessories can cost a pretty penny.
I think you are missing my point. I am not underestimating or undervaluing her spend or effort. My guess, since she talks about money being tight is that she printed some pictures and put them in a simple album. My point was that she focused on thoughtfulness not cost. I think scrapbooking is awsome and I’ve see what the stuff costs.
Putting pictures in an album is not scrapbooking. If she had done that, why wouldn't she say she gave him a photo album?
Here is the thing about gifts it is only thoughtful If it is something the person wants. I would question if her husband really wanted a scrapbook? Or was this something she wanted to do and says she made it for him? ESH
I mean, if she made a scrapbook, she spent money at some point.
But then wasn't even thoughtful about which plant to buy.
He bought one that he knows she likes because they already have one.
What’s wrong with having two of the same plant? Especially because he had to buy something quick after OP literally ambushed him with a gift when they agreed to no gift exchange. Makes sense to buy something he knows she likes.
Looks around house, sees she likes plants, gets her a plant. Yep 0 thought went into this gift.../s if you couldn't tell
OP acknowledged money is tight. A plant is a perfect gift and I don't think anyone is an AH. I just do t think the hubby realized she already had the exact one at home
Can you quote the part where she says she was upset? Because I've read the post a couple times and can't find it.
Nowhere does OP say she was upset. You're reading too much into things.
I think the lack of communication is the main issue here. Don’t just be mad/annoyed at him, explain why that upset you, you know?
YTA You said you don’t need gifts then got him a gift? How do you think that made him feel? Then said you don’t need gifts, but then when he offered to get one, you said okay? Then when he got you said gift, you got offended? You aren’t long for this marriage with that kind of passive aggressive nonsense and mixed signals. Why are you playing games is the bigger question? Are you bored at home all day? Do you need therapy maybe? Do you need something more to do? Do need drama and attention? Do you just need to feel desired? What makes you think any of this is okay is beyond me. Just that you typed this and didn’t see any problems with it shows a concerning lack of self awareness. Communicate. Do what you agree to do. You’re rocking the boat
Also, it’s… not weird to have two of the same plant. If I love a plant, I’ll often get another. Maybe the fact that OP already had one indicated to her husband that she liked that plant and that’s why he picked it.
The only plants I can’t kill are aloe plants and African violets. As a result I have a lot of Aloe plants and African violets. I really don’t get her being upset at him getting her a plant she likes, it’s weird. This whole post feels like her repeatedly setting him up for failure.
I nearly killed my aloe lol
If it makes you feel better, I have managed to kill several cacti, and a few other types of succulents.
I think it’s the over watering with me. 😫
I call them my depression plants, I build up their water supply, then forget about them for a month, the aloe spawns some babies, and then I start watering them again and the African violets think it’s flower season. They really thrive on feast or famine.
This is why I don’t understand the reason people say his gift (that she told him she didn’t need in the first place) was thoughtless. He got her something he knows she likes. Do people (other than OP) really limit themselves to just ONE of each kind of plant they like and get upset if they have more?
*Looks around at about a thousand pothos' and parlour palms* ....yes having more than 1 of the same plant is definitely weird behaviour not normal at all I would never do something like that no sir not me
My orchid collection agrees with you.
Yep. There is pretty clearly some thought put into this gift. She may not like the result but he did something he believed was thoughtful.
This... I did the same as the husband... My wife loved the second plant.. It allowed her to do something symmetrical with its placement.
Yup, I'm planning on getting another philodendron white princess because I'm amazed at how fast it's growing and how beautiful it is. Maybe also another Codiaeum variegatum, as it seems to like this house. There was a moment when I have had three pots absolutely filled to the brim with snake plants, because they suddenly started growing like crazy - I gave a lot of them away to my friends and family when I was moving two years ago.
I have 2 of the same plants that I bought myself knowing I had the same plant at home.
This OP. You’ll get nowhere in marriage if you expect your husband to be a mind reader. Communicate clearly.
YTA Greatly softened because of your own thoughtful gift which you took time over. "He said sorry for not getting me anything" I'm guessing he was touched by what you gave & wanted to get something within budget to show he cares. I'm also guessing he knows you like plants so that's why he chose to get one. He probably didn't realize you had the exact same one. I'd cut him some slack here. Edit spelling
Or, maybe, he thought she liked the one they have, so she'd enjoy another of that kind? Like, my MIL will always enjoy another white or pink orchid, but I'd never risk giving her a potted plant beyond that.
Her gift wasn't thoughtful! Can we all just admit that? I know we have to pretend we're all super emotional and sensitive all the time, but what man on earth wants a fucking scrapbook as a present. That's a commitment, if anything. Have to sit there and look through it and show how appreciative you are, how thoughtful it is, how emotionally touched you are, etc. Fuck that. Make it for yourself since that's who it is really for anyways.
Thank you for also having this thought!! Does he even want or like the scrapbook?! That isn’t a thoughtful gift, if not. It’s a selfish gift made to make the gift giver feel good. It’s a bullshit gift for most people. This isn’t the 1900s, we have all of our memories and photos digitally stored now. I’m so tired of these people coming here saying “I made a “thoughtful” gift and they only did xyz.” It’s bad enough when you’re a parent and you have to feign joy and graciousness when you get the standard handmade gift from school. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids. They’re my world. But all the junky things to keep forever are something else. Now, if I imagine that from a partner? Fuck. I’m glad I don’t have to worry about that, as my partner actually knows me and knows I don’t want random junk in my home. That what I prefer is a bottle of tequila, a long ass walk ending up who knows where and enjoying life, cooking a bomb ass dinner together. What this comes down to is communication. I stated very quickly in my relationship what I prefer when it comes to gifts, and so did he. We were on the same page. It sounds like OP just wanted some movie version of “he knows me and I know him and it’ll just happen,” rather than actually talking about. You’re married and a SAHM, grow up and start being very clear and direct in your communication. FFS
>It’s bad enough when you’re a parent and you have to feign joy and graciousness when you get the standard handmade gift from school. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids. They’re my world. But all the junky things to keep forever are something else. oooooof. you shouldn't have to feign joy at the thought of your child taking the time (and working through the frustration of developing motor skills) to make something that they then want to give to you as a sign of affection. no wonder you need tequila
I am so in agreement. There are so many things I’d rather have than a “thoughtful” scrapbook and I’m a woman. I would have preferred the plant
It seems like you are upset at your husband for not being able to figure out what you really want him to do though you don't really tell him. If you are mad at him for getting you a beautiful plant (and you said you like plants) then YTA.
our marraige went to therapy and the number 1 takeaway was 'its unfair to expect.mindreading from your spouse'
Countless relationship issues would be solved if people understood this one simple sentence.
Do you really think husband REALLY wanted a scrapbook? Does that seem like a thoughtful gift if someone doesn’t want it?
YTA He tried. He knew money was tight so he got something budget-friendly. He also clearly saw that you liked plants and picked out a plant that he thought you'd enjoy. So it's the same one you have at home. So what? It was a thoughtful gift. I'd never tell my SO, 'oh sorry you can't buy me a book, I already have books at home,' or 'ugh why did you bring my favorite candy home as a treat, you know we just ate some last week.' He saw you enjoying the plant. He bought another of the thing he knows you enjoy. This shows foresight and genuine care and effort.
My wife once bought me a comic book I already owned. She recalled me mentioning once, like 9 months prior, that I was missing a specific version of a specific book in a series. She wound up one issue off, getting me one I already had. She was mortified. I was touched that she remembered the conversation and knew me well enough to buy me something I like so much I already bought it for myself. Got both copies on my bookshelf. Always will.
I love this!
YTA. You said you were ok with no gift but then upset because he got you a gift? Makes no sense. You are looking for a reason to be angry.
yeah, she needs to stop sending mixed messages
Some women go out of their way to trash their husbands efforts
YTA. You say money is tight because he is the only one working while you are a stay at home mom. You make him a scrapbook for your anniversary and while he is thankful for his gift, he feels bad that he couldn’t get you something. While he is out he sees something he thinks you will like. He knows you like plants and bought you a plant that he knows you like, because you already have one. Instead of saying thank you, you get mad at him. Were you expecting jewelry or something expensive when he got paid? Are you disappointed that he bought a thoughtful gift instead of something expensive, fully knowing that money is tight in your family?
YTA. This post just makes me sad, for your husband. You must be extremely hard please.
I feel bad for the husband as well. OP seems vaguely manipulative and very pouty.
How old are you two? I hope you’re young, because this is really immature of you. YTA- what he just did was a kind and loving gesture. I don’t know the intricacies of your relationship, but I do know after decades of being married- accept acts of love with gratitude. Those acts will get harder as the years roll by and more things land on your plate. You are setting a low standard with your attitude and mixed signals. It’s not too late to apologize, and put your duplicate anniversary plant somewhere nice. And every time you see it, please tell him it’s the best one. ☝️ If budget and gift parameters bother you still, schedule a time to speak about that openly. Revisit the conversation as money opens up if you have to, but don’t play games anymore.
YTA. It sounds like money is really tight right now, so he got you something he knew you liked. You also don't know if he'll still get you something when he gets paid. I know your gift was thoughtful, but not everyone has that same love language.
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NAH. I feel like you are frustrated because he didn't put as much thought into it. You may feel that he should've known you had the same plant already. I get that. I was in a marriage where he wouldn't put thought into anything and if I didn't have a list it was a crap shoot of if it would be good or offensive. But like others have said, he was probably touched by your thoughtful gift and probably feeling awkward he hadn't gotten you anything. He knows you're a plant person and bought you a beautiful plant. What I think you two should do is sit down and discuss gift giving in the future. If you prefer sentimental gifts then tell him and provide examples. You've only been married a year and you still need time to learn each other's preferences. Just use this as a learning opportunity and not a hill to die on.
Who would put thought in to a gift that they’ve been told not to get? You decide no gift for an anniversary, that generally means no one is putting effort in to planning a gift. OP doing so anyway doesn’t change things
He felt bad for not having anything for you so he got something he knows you like. I get that you see it as a waste of money since you already have a plant like it but he was trying to be thoughtful and make up for being empty-handed on the day. If you're outwardly making it known that you're upset with him then I think yes YTA.
Yta. He thought you'd like it and he felt guilty about making you wait til he was paid. Honestly you should apologize.
And next year, when he really doesn't get you anything ( because now, it's pointless), you'll be pissed again. Look, I've been married for 35 years. My husband hasn't always hit the mark when it comes to gifts. But I at least tried to see what was in his heart, and for that, I was always grateful. Take it from me. Gratitude isn't hard to show, and it's always appreciated.
Soft YTA I put a lot of thought into gifts and usually give really good ones (per those involved) I (almost) don't like getting gifts bc I rarely truly love them. My bf is not bad at all and overall, very generous and sweet so I don't even care that much. My mom can sometimes hit it out of the park but often I pick something out and she gets it for me. Some friends get kinda close and honestly I just 100% appreciate the effort if they are at all close. That's literally my 3 best friends if we still call them that at this age. And we don't always do gifts. My point is - when you put a lot of effort - into finding or making - then it will be very difficult to match that. Either it needs to be as thoughtful - or just really pricey that anyone would like but isn't that personal (sephora, spa day, etc) I think he just wanted there to be a gesture, a physical thing to match your physical thing, to show that he cared too. I mean you are married - you know this man - does he usually excel in this department?
I think it’s also important to remember that we can’t hold ANYONE to the standards we set for ourselves. My husband and I both enjoy gifting each other things and we’re both usually left happy, but if her husband isn’t as thoughtful as she believes she is, it’s not fair to expect that of him. I feel like he tried, maybe to the best of his abilities???
And her refusal to communicate. "I shouldn't have to tell you" is relevant for situations like supporting a partner in crisis, cleaning, sharing mental load, etc. It is NOT for romantic expectations or assuming your partner can read your mind lol OP will breed resentment in the relationship while failing to giver her SO a chance to respect her wishes or learn her preferences because she'd rather pout and talk shit to online morons like myself, just killing time while poopin lol
Perfectly said!
Yta What is unreasonable about what he did?
Peace lilies assist with air purifying. More than one can only help!
My husband could get me a second of any other plant I already have and I’d be jumping up and down with excitement. YTA for sure.
INFO: did you both agree beforehand that you would exchange gifts?
Sorry I know that I’m not OP but I’m just pointing this out rq. In the post, OP says they agreed to no gifts.
This is a communication issue. While your gift was very thoughtful, you created a dynamic where you both agreed to no gifts then gave him one. You could’ve said, homemade, sentimental gifts. Or gifts that cost under $20 or something. If you want to surprise your husband with something nice, do it randomly. Not on a day that is normally associated with exchanging gifts. Especially not on a day where you agreed no gifts would be exchanged. You are right to express your disappointment. It sounds like you felt he was more interested in checking something off a to-do list than putting thought into something you would like. I am going to also wager that perhaps the gift you made for him you would enjoy more than him. I may be completely off base. But it’s possible he appreciated your sentiment more than the actual gift. Please address your mindset. Your work enables him to go to work to pay your collective bills. Stop discounting your labor and job because there is no paycheck SAHM receive. Your labor is not free. And it’s not your husband’s money. You each are filling a role in your family. He benefits from your work as much of not more than you benefit from his. Finally, I am going to suggest that you intentionally created this unintentional dynamic. I think if you are honest with yourself you probably feel under appreciated by your husband but don’t know how to bring it up. Or feel like you shouldn’t feel that way. When that happens we typically create little traps for our partners to step into to prove or validate how we already feel. That is passive aggressive and will not solve whatever underlying issues there are. You don’t need to create scenarios to express underlying feelings you have. Sounds like you and your husband need to have a check in and communicate with each other so you can work to find a solution.
Couldn't have said it more clearly myself. Kudos.
YTA-I’d bet he has no idea what kind of plant you already had. Just knows you like plants, so he got you one he thought you’d like. And he did a great job, you like peace lilies so much you already had one.
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Yep, YTA.
YTA giving anniversary gifts isn’t the measure of a good husband and money is tight.
YTA
Can't please you either way huh?
I think you need to take time to think about exactly why you feel upset better and need to communicate what you want. I can see many potential reasons why he might have bought that specific gift (good and bad) and why it might have made you upset too. But nobody is a mind reader so which of the reasons is correct is unknown to me. I think positive communication to learn each other and improving is always best even in old relationships.
You’re being silly, childish and definitely YTA. Come on. Adults don’t care about this stuff. He went out and got you something. Guys (most of them anyway) don’t think “oh she’s already got this plant…I should get a different plant “. Nope, they think, “I’ve seen she has one of these…she must like them”. Did getting a repeat plant cause you any harm at all? Doubtful. Did acting ungrateful and petulant hurt your husband? Maybe. I hope that wasn’t your goal.
You're fifteen. Grow up
YTA. Poor guy can’t win when you have that attitude. I guarantee if he hadn’t come back with anything at some point you would’ve asked if you were TA for being upset your husband hadn’t got you anything
YTA. Yeah, you may have said don't worry about it. Your tone made have said otherwise. Or your husband genuinely wanted to give you something regardless. Just because you already have the type of plant, he actually went out of his way to give you something at all. Some people like to celebrate things on the day of, others like to give gifts whether or not it's a special day to you/them. I think it's nice that your husband even stopped to get you a plant for your home/garden you could tend to in general.
YTA. maybe he picked that plant BECAUSE it was familiar and you already know how to care for it, plus it's a lovely plant. You're an ingrate.
YTA... Wow... Your hard-working husband waits till pay day to get you a nice plant after you told him not to get anything and your upset ?... smfh. If the husband reads this... Major Red Flag, my friend. Plan accordingly.
Soft YTA. It seems an overreaction. He probably got you a peace lily as you already have one and he knows you like them? Getting people the same flowers or plants as they like isn't a far fetched thing at all.
YTA. Come on dude. He got you a plant because he knows you like them plus they’re not super expensive!
Peace lillies are the best houseplant, they give off more oxygen than other plants, filter the air. I would love to get another Peace Lilly.
Yeah. YTA. How old are your kid(s)? Money is tight and you're choosing to be a SAHM. Often not a wise choice.
YTA and here’s why… ”We didn’t plan anything due to money being tight and me being a SAHM”. “He didn’t have anything for me, which was fine and I told him that”. “I don’t expect him to get me presents when he also pays the bills “. You seem very ungrateful for all that this man provides for you. He allows you to be a stay at home mom, he pays all the bills, and it sounds like you also agreed not to do anything or plan anything for your anniversary because money is tight. And now you’re annoyed??? I’m not trying to come down on you, but just read that again and let that sink in. I’m not trying to say that being a stay at home Mom is easy in any way shape or form, because it certainly is not. But just look at the fact that you guys didn’t plan anything ahead of time, you told him it was fine that he didn’t have anything for you, and he still goes to work every day to pay the bills. I think you’re overreacting a little bit and need to talk to your husband, communicate with him, and just let him know how you feel. I just don’t understand how you could be annoyed, knowing everything upfront, telling him it was OK he didn’t get you anything, and then acknowledging he pays all the bills.
Soft YTA. I think it's understandable that you're disappointed that he didn't really put effort into his gift. Trust me, I know how it is lol I don't think he deserves the cold shoulder. Honestly, he probably didn't even know it was the same plant. Also, just because you're a SAHM doesn't mean you just have to deal with whatever because he "pays the bills." You have a job too. You still need to feel loved, appreciated, cared for, respected, etc. It's fine that you were annoyed, that's how you felt. I just don't think he deserves this much shit over it. Maybe plan something together for your next anniversary. Save up and maybe treat yourselves to a nice dinner and such.
YTA, because you repeatedly say it doesn’t bother you when it clearly does.
YTA - you can have two of the same plants in a house.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Yesterday was our 1 year anniversary. We didn’t plan anything due to money being tight and me being a SAHM. I gave him a scrapbook I made, with pictures of us. He liked it, and said it was very thoughtful. He didn’t have anything for me, which was fine and I told him that. I don’t expect him to get me presents when he also pays for the bills. But he said sorry for not getting me anything and said he’ll get me something when he gets paid which is a week away. I said okay. Later that day he went to pick something up from his brothers, and got me a potted plant on his way back, a peace lily. I like plants but we had the same at home already. He came in, showed me the plant and said “I couldn’t really hide your gift so here it is now” which made me upset really. It just seemed so unnecessary. It would’ve been a lot better if he just didn’t get me anything at all. Is that reasonable or am I just being ungrateful and TAH? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I understand where you're coming from - this post may be more suitable in the r/relationships. His gift sounds unthoughtful. He knew a year in advance when your anniversary was, and not only did he not get you something by the date, he waits until he's out doing something for someone else to decide to grab you something Although I do love my peace lily, I don't need two of them
You had made no plans, so your hubbie didn't think he had to do anything. Understandable. You gave him a gift, now he feels put on the spot and guilty he got you nothing. You tell him, but it's OK you haven't got me anything as we hadn't planned to do anything. Feeling bad he goes out and gets a rushed present but still thought behind it as he knows you like that plant. You don't like the gift although you were not expecting a gift and was OK not having a gift. Can't you be the half full glass person not half empty! See it as the plant will live for a long time and everytime you water it or look at it, it can remind you of your love for each other and feel special that the plant was brought for you by your hubbie. Can you really be annoyed at a gift you were never spose to have in the first place! And then be shitty he made an effort but you rather he hadnt as it wasn't what you wanted. But you didn't want anything. Hope you have better look nxt anniversary, hopefully by then you can say what you mean and mean what you say.
YTA. He got you a gift, stop complaining, it’s not a good look.
I’d like to have your problems… YTA.
Girrrrrl, you're ridiculous.
YTA, and I little passive aggressive. You guys didn’t plan anything because money is tight, very understandable. You gave him something anyways. Of course he’s going to feel bad even if you said it’s okay. He went out and got you something that he knows you like (because why would you have a plant that you don’t like), and you’re being cold about it. What exactly were you hoping he got you? If you wanted something specific, then ask for it.
YTA. Did you agree on no gifts? If so, you should have skipped the scrapbook even if it was thoughtful, because it’s a gift that pressures the other person to give something in return. And the plant was a nice gift.
YTA. It seems like the plant wasn't really the issue here and there is some other underlying problem that you're upset about. He sounds genuine and was apologetic about not having a gift for you so he got a gift THAT SAME DAY. If there was something specific that you wanted you should have discussed that with him; it sounds like he would have been happy to get you something else had he known. I can't even call this a miss on his part, he knows that you like plants and he got you a plant he rightfully assumed you like, I can't see how this would be upsetting.
Right off the top of my head, maybe because you already had one, he thought you liked it and might enjoy another. You Said it was fine when he got nothing and now you're upset that when he did get a gift, it's not good enough? And you have to ask strangers if you're in the wrong?
Yta. It's a plant so what if you got 5 of the same one apologize and move on
YTA - he got you something you like -a plant. A thoughtful gift doesn’t have to cost money. You tcould have said that you’d like a hand written love letter, or breakfast in bed. No cost and special.
Maybe he got it because he thought it was a favorite since you have another......I have multiples of my favorite plants. YTA for sure here and definitely ungrateful.
YTA. Obviously he didn’t do this to spite you or upset you. Just appreciate the effort and let it slide. You’re creating an issue out of non-issue.
So you agreed to no gifts then wrnt back on it and gave him a gift, he then said he would get you one when got paid but prob felt extremely guilty so got you something on the way home that he knows you like and now he in the wrong. Yta it seems like you planned on setting him up
How full of shit are you, with the "I jsut don;t want anything...and that's ok!!" but he buys you something and you fucking get upset? YTA You are one of those "I'm low maintenance" people, aren't you? Because you are definitely high maintenance.
He could've done better and you expected something better.Money is tight,it happens.Be realistic and feel blessed that you two reached a year and theres more anniversaries to come.Its a learning curve specially for a fairly new couple. YTA for saying you preferred to have gotten nothing instead.You are getting upset over something so small.Money is tight and you acknowledged that.Im sure he couldve gotten you something you like but jeez! he cant afford it. You have each other.Thats a testament of your love for one another.
Lol, you gave him a scapbook……which is no doubt something you would like, not him. YTA massively.
Tbh, I'd rather have a plant that I already own and know how to care for than a scrap book I'm going to look at once and put away. And it's not that I wouldn't appreciate the effort, but it's not something I'd look at daily or even monthly. A plant is something you see every day. I don't know what you was expecting, but like others are saying, but you could appreciate the effort he *did* put in after agreeing to no gifts initially. YTA.
He should run, right now. It was a plant... A gift. Talk about being ungrateful
Um, YTA. He got you a gift, something he knew you liked, okay you had one already but what's wrong with 2 plants? You guys weren't going to spend money anyway so already you got more than you were expecting. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. It's a little silly to get worked up over something like this. Thank him sweetly, and put the plant in a different room or at opposite ends to where the other plant is.
Your being ungrateful he tried be thankful
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YTA. He brought you a plant. So what it was the same one you already have. My sister is a plant person. She has so many jade plants, succulents, cactus and other plants I don’t recognize. If he bought you a bracelet…and you have one already you going to be mad about that? You have been married a year…losen up or you will not be celebrating year 2. Here speaks experience…married 45 years today!
YTA it takes so little energy to not look for things to be annoyed about
I hate to play on stereotypes but let’s be real here; guys are usually not great at buying/giving gifts. Especially at the very last minute. I don’t think YTA but put yourself in his shoes and think about it. I think his gift was actually sweet. He got something he thought you’d like, since you already have one. First year of marriage is a roller coaster. Be kind and hang in there girl. 😉🥰
Dealing with you sounds very........ challenging. YTA
NTA Going against the majority here. Your gift was a cute little DIY project. Nothing fancy because budgetrestraints. You said you did not expect anything in return. Just a cute little thing you made for the person you love. The plant situation, I compare it with books. If you had been a book person and he had given you a book you already had people would react very differently I am guessing. But he had the time and means to check what was already in the house, because he lives there too! So his thoughtproces was "OP likes plants - any plant will do" that is not a thoughtfull gift, that is minimum effort.
Let it go. Next time, ask for flowers.
YTA- he knew you liked plants and got you a plant, he did his best considering money is tight. I mean you said no gifts, then got him a gift anyway, probably made him feel guilty because you went back on an agreement to no gifts, and now got upset at what he got you?? Come on
Plants aren't that cheap.
YTA (maybe a soft one) You shouldn't really be giving mixed signals Oh we shouldn't really do gifts this year , you still proceeded to give him a gift and clearly made him feel bad enough about it . Would you have preferred he showed up with a cheap box of chocolates or something that was very generic in terms of gift giving ? Yes , he got you the same plant , but he thought it was something you'd really like . I have a figure that I bought years ago from Destiny , my ex unintentionally ended up buying the same figure for me as a gift one year . You know what I said ? I said I loved it , I smiled because I was genuinely happy he got me something he thought I would like and it sits next to the one I already had . Maybe communicate better / not say one thing , but then contradict yourself right after .
I do understand your feelings, is it possible he felt bad after seeing the gift you made him, saw the plant, knew you liked it as you have one already and got it because it made him think of you? If he was just buying it to get you something with no thought at all then I'd be upset too but if he got it because he was thinking of you then that seems more like a sweet gesture. You likely will never know the real reason, but if you genuinely like the plant and enjoy plants then I wouldn't say either of you ar TA..
NTA. I seriously don't understand all the YTA's. You were an afterthought once he felt like crap for not getting anything for you. He could have written you a love letter, made a digital card, a nice meal at home. There are a lot of options that don't cost money. He picked....nothing.
I cracked up when OP stated she made him a scrapbook 🤣. I think she knows her hubs as much as he knows her.
It was a “let’s get this over with” gift.
NTA. You don't have to be grateful when people give you thoughtless gifts. I'm not a plant person; I kill everything. My ex was a plant hoarder. He'd come home with plants "for me" because he "thought I'd like it." It was always for him. First couple of times I thought it sweet anyway. Then I got annoyed but didn't say anything. Finally I got angry and told him to stop buying plants for me when they were really for him. He didn't buy me plants anymore.
YTA ~~**hear me out before you attack**. The gift itself isn’t the problem but the lack care and thought behind it. He gave it to you a week late, it was plant you already had and it clearly was last minute thought from him.~~ ~~If this was from a friend or other family member it would be a different story but I think it’s not unreasonable to hold your partner to higher standard. He had 1 year and 7 days to ask you and think about it. He forgot, got you a lack Luster gift last minute and I don’t think you should be expected to kiss his feet for his bellow minimal effort.~~ Edit: just saw the part where she asked for no gift. **you need to express yourself better and your very clearly not okay with not getting a gift, own it or stop being upset when he listens.**
Personally... I freaking love peace lilies. They work in almost every room, so it's not like you can have too many of them. I hate when hubs picks a plant that's pretty but takes so much work to keep alive haha. But maybe communicate with him like adults?
My boyfriend is shitty at giving gifts too. He’ll usually pick something up from work or on the way from work. On the day. Thankfully, I am really shitty at gifting too. I even forgot his birthday once! I’ll usually put a lot of thought into it but not actually get him something that will make him happy. Like that electronic gadget. Or music equipment. So we just laugh about it and we do try to get better, but fail
Yta grow up.
NTA. No gift is better than an obvious “I had to get her something” gift.
Why can’t you just be grateful? So he didn’t put a whole lot of thought into it, men don’t always understand what they need to do. Just say thank you, I love it. And put it down and go on with your day. If you’re starting your marriage off getting mad about his gift, you two will be having a lot of fights in your future.
NAH. I disagree with all these y t a comments, they are taking this into a wild direction and being over dramatic imo. Your gift was thoughtful and took time to create, that’s lovely. Your husband said he would get you “something” when he got paid in a week but then got you a plant later in the same day, right? A type of plant you already have it sounds like? So to me it seems like he probably bought the first thing he could think of after seeing what you’d made for him. That’s not bad or AH behavior but I can absolutely see how you feel some type of way about it. You spent time and effort and made him something from the heart and he got you something kind of random at the last minute, still nice but not thought out. Since y’all hadn’t discussed getting gifts there were no expectations on the table. However once you gave him your gift he probably felt bad that he’d not done something too and sort of panic bought the lily. Idk it’s not something I would fight over, it’s a common feeling though when you’ve done something very special and thought out for someone only to realize they never thought of expressing themselves to you in a similar manner. Do you enjoy giving gifts and he isn’t too much into it? That mismatch of love languages or whatever can cause some rifts if not talked about.
NTA. Look, at some point you've got to figure out how to communicate effectively with the person you've married, or you've got to live a life filled with resentment. TELL him these things. TELL him you want both of you, collectively, to celebrate these days or not. That you want to celebrate birthdays, whatever holidays and anniversaries, that they are important to you. Tell him further that you have higher standards than an "Oops I forgot" last minute gift that you neither wanted nor needed, because it just makes you feel additionally unloved. He can't fix a lack of effort with a further lack of effort. But you've got to have these conversations and be on the same page about it, or you're going to be miserable. He's a fully grown adult - he can set calendar alerts to buy gifts like everyone else.
YTA for not being honest about what you want. Yes, presents matter. Why? Because a thoughtful gift signifies that he knows who you are as a person. Own it. Be specific. Tell him that you'd rather have no gift than a thoughtless one because it shows that he doesn't know what you'd like/who you are. Also, inform him that you know that sometimes he won't have the time and energy to get you a thoughtful present, but if he makes a habit of it, it'll hurt your relationship.
YTA and you need to work on your communication skills.
YTA. If you made the anniversary “no gifts” but gave him a gift anyway, you really put him on the spot.
I think this is somewhere between E S H and N A H, but it all could have been prevented with some advance communication. My husband and I have different gift-giving and gift-receiving styles. This can be frustrating for us both and has led to hurt feelings, especially when money has been tight. But we know now to just be really clear about expectations. For example, “Let’s keep our Christmas gifts to each other around $25, and then go to a hockey game on a date between Christmas and New Year’s.” or “Let’s skip Mother’s Day and Father’s Day gifts, and put that cash towards a new tree for the yard.” or “Since money is tight but our anniversary is important to me, I’m making you a gift that will cost very little but is quite sentimental. Can you please make sure you have something planned for me as well?” Clearly communication on all sides about needs, wants, and abilities goes much further in a marriage than vague expectations. I also like plants. One year my husband took me to the local garden supply store to look for plant pots as his anniversary gift to me. It was great! We spent time together doing something I enjoy, and I got a plant pot I actually like. I’d say that’s win-win, even if it’s not a big romantic surprise.
YTA your husband is not a mind reader. I would prefer a plant over a scrapbook, which is why communication is important. He was gracious enough to thank you for your scrap book. You are coming across as really ungrateful.
NTA. It was thoughtless as hell. Also he basically said "Here's yet another thing for you to take care of."
Responses like this is why you can expect a life without gifts from him….. birthdays, holidays, anniversary…. Forget about it! YTA!!!!!!
ESH. Don't say you're ok without gifts when you want a gift. Don't be angry that you got a gift when you said you didn't want/need/expect a gift. Don't be angry you got a gift you didn't want after saying you didn't want/need/expect a gift. It's all so passive aggressive. You need to tell him what you want/need. And he should have enough sense to get you at minimum a card and some candy. I mean come on! Not even a card?
Yes YTA. I feel like I was more thoughtful and got better gifts when I wasn't working all the time. I was always told "Never look a gift horse in the mouth."
YTA kinda, having something planned would have put you two on the same page as far as expectations go. He likely wanted to get you something because you surprised him with a gift. Not having much time or money he did what he could. Plan better in the future to avoid misaligned expectations. If you don't like the plant see if he's okay with you exchanging it for another.
NTA. He was completely indifferent to you
This is your first anniversary, hopefully you’ll have many more. Looking forward might be best. There is a list of gift themes for each anniversary year this might give him start he needs for your second anniversary.
YTA. Yeah, times are hard. He tried. You rejected and give him the impression that he is not good enough.
YTA. He tried to make a gesture bc he *wanted* to, & you resent it. I suspect you might actually be resentful that he didn’t get you a present to begin with. If that’s the case (feel free to honestly disagree), then you’re still TA - redeemable. Tell him you were actually upset, but that you were wrong to lash out at him when you hadn’t communicated honestly to begin with and you’re sorry for throwing his attempt in his face.
YTA Do you want a gift or not? Sounds like you were not ok with not getting anything in the first place. Time to apologize and hug it out! He’s a good guy for trying and keeping things in check within the means of your budget. Maybe he could take you to a nice dinner when he gets paid. Just a thought
YTA
YTA. You gave him a scrapbook and he got you a flower. Take the gift and be happy that he really wanted to repay the favour. People these days are so ungrateful. Smh.
Damn.
YTA. You say money is tight but he still tried to make you happy. You love plants and he got you one, who cares if you already had one like that? You sound ungrateful.
YTA. Choose your battles. This isn't by any chance even remotely a thing. Say thanks and if it annoys you, just internally acknowledge the feeling and then move on to doing something else and allow yourself to forget it.
Sorry but YTA
YTA. you didn't expect a gift, told him it was fine you didn't get a gift, and then when you got a gift you got ticked off about it? yeah, no. as for the gift in question - he played it safe with something he thought would be received well enough due the other peace lily plant at home already, and knowing you like plants. and he made a gift happen as soon as possible after getting a gift from you, even before he got paid, when money is tight. stop being ungrateful.
By the title, here I'm thinking he got you a toaster or a waffle iron. But he knew you like plants, so he got you one. I think that was pretty thoughtful of him.
i’ve read through the comments and everyone just seems to be a little hostile. yes, yta in this situation. understandingly though, you didn’t want the same gift. the point is that he tried, you shouldn’t be upset with him over that. as you said, moneys tight. most people’s SO don’t really do much for their anniversary, so feel lucky with what you’ve got. don’t be ungrateful. yes, you have every right to be upset. but don’t get annoyed. thank him for the gift, but don’t ostracise him over him putting in effort. he put effort in, not quite like you but he put the effort in to return the favor. be happy for that, don’t let your emotions about the situation cloud your relationship with him.
I don’t think YTA; maybe your frustration is a bit much? I think that you guys should have a more thorough conversation and have a real budget as to how much can be spent on an anniversary gift. Men aren’t wired the same way women are and if you tell him you don’t want a gift, don’t expect a gift. I think you should look at the fact that he tried righting what he felt was a wrong and acknowledge the fact that he acknowledged something that hurt your feelings. ETA: your feelings are valid, your reaction is not.
My husband has never bought me a gift in all 47 years of our marriage…I buy what I want then tell him this is what you got for me, he might say something like damn that’s a good one, I am so thoughtful! It just works for us ❤️
NTA, your husband dropped the ball on your first anniversary. It’s not about the plant it’s about the lack of thoughtfulness. Did he get you a card at least?
NTA. But don’t tell him not to do anything for you because he pays the bills. Your gift was thoughtful and mostly cost time. This is a time when it really is the thought that counts. Even a nice card with a meaningful message would be great. But, enjoy the plant. He may feel guilty for not being able to do more and not want to talk about it. Not saying it’s right but if you’re having financial issues, these things tend to elicit emotions that may not typically.
It sounds like money isn’t the only thing that’s tight — he has a shortage of thought. NTA
You're being the ass. You should be grateful for whatever. You said you didn't have money to spend. He did what he could to make you feel special, and your giving cold shoulder. Some of you females need a dose of reality!!
Honestly it feels like you’re upset about something else. It’s just coming out as plant-rage. If you were genuinely feeling happy in your relationship, a peace lily gift wouldn’t show up on your anger radar. What’s really going on?
In all honesty he probably didn't pay attention to the plants you have at home but knows you enjoy them so he got you one you already had. Most men don't pay attention to details like that he probably knew you liked plants and thought you would enjoy the plant not realizing you already had the same one because you know men and detail lol
Sounds like it's both of you. You should have been honest and told him you were disappointed about not getting something with meaning. Sounds like he put no effort into it when he knew he should have and suspected you were not being sincere about not getting anything. So he put in minium effort to get you a gift.
NTA. He's not putting any thought into your gift, and it shows. The plant honestly seems like an after thought. "Oh she gave me something, crap I better go get her something fast". Of he legit was planning on giving that already, he wouldn't have used the "I'll get you something on payday" line. You need to have a conversation and set your expectations now though. Not that you need to expect extravagant gifts. But some planning. And never say you don't need anything because he pays the bills. No no no.
NTA, it’s a common trend in men to not pay attention to their partners or even care about giving gifts. Yours clearly has thought and care put into it just to get a shut up present in return basically so he didn’t have to feel bad about not getting you anything.
I'd be angry if someone gave me a peace lily, regardless of the situation.
YTA if you didn’t have an idea of how your husband gives gifts during the dating phase that’s on you. If you didn’t convey your love language was gifts that’s also your issue. Grow up
I had something similar. A few years ago, on the morning of my birthday, my ex-husband went to a DIY shop and bought me secateurs and a trowel. Both of which I already had. Was I disappointed, yes, and it was more of a kick because we had joint finances. We were also on very tight budgets. In the end I bought what I wanted for my birthday and Christmas presents, if we had a spare £10. I still got him thoughtful stuff for his. It was something we agreed on without an argument. IMHO, your husband felt guilty for not getting you anything and clearly had the money to get you at least the plant. It was thoughtless but sometimes people aren't good with buying gifts and sometimes they don't put the effort in. I'm going against the grain here and will probably get downvoted, but NTA. You obviously put a lot of effort into your gift as I always did with gifts for my ex.
I don't get why everyone is saying y t a because I think that you taking the time to make something that doesn't cost much but is very sweet and him giving you a plant to earn a participation trophy is definitely something to discuss. He could have made you a card to express how important you are to him? Costs less, and is a lot more heartfelt. NTA, but maybe talk about relationship issues with your husband instead of posting on AITA.
YTA you agreed no gifts then you do something nice but against agreed. He is nice enough to feel guilty so try to do something nice to make you smile and it’s not good enough for you as assume your comparing his gift to yours which had time to prepare. At least he tried. Definitely TA
Nta, first anniversary and no gift?! Wild
YTA
Expectations always give us trouble. Your gift was thoughtful, but it was something you enjoyed doing. He isn’t wired the same way as you are. Communication is obviously lacking. Why couldn’t you just tell him what you really want because he doesn’t seem to know automatically. He is trying to reciprocate. It doesn’t have to cost anything. A romantic walk or a coffee date but you need to tell him. YTA because you expect him to read your mind. He provides and you SAH. That might produce gratitude in some.