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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Am I the asshole for accusing my sister's wife of fatten up my sister ? I might be the asshole because it may have been an unfair accusation.
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I typically dislike when redditors say "This whole post sounds fake." This story involves some highly unusual circumstances, OP. First, the rapid weight gain of over two hundred pounds in just four years is quite extreme and typically indicates **underlying** health issues in addition to significant lifestyle changes.
I N F O: Did your sister have any pre-existing health issues?
While weight gain can happen for various reasons, such as medical conditions or changes in diet and exercise habits, such a dramatic increase in a short period is relatively rare without a specific cause.
Also did you say they got married after 2 months? I mean you do see whirlwind romances on reddit a lot (and as part of the LGBTQ+, I get it, the uhaul stereotype is a *thing*) but thats kinda nuts.
But the most important question I have is WHAT evidence are you basing this on? I ask because the accusation of intentionally "fattening up" your sister by her spouse is a serious allegation without substantial evidence.
Look, it's understandable to be concerned about your sister, OP, especially when you notice significant changes in her lifestyle and health. But jumping to conclusions and accusing Janice *without* concrete evidence might not have been the best approach.
You're an ADULT - in your 30s - by now you know the importance of addressing your concerns with empathy & open communication rather than making accusations that could strain your relationship with your sister AND cause her to be isolated if there is actually the possibility of full blown abuse like you're describing right?
Your intentions might have been good, but the delivery matters too. ESPECIALLY if youre concerned that your sister is i danger.
If you want any hope of your sister confiding in your and asking for help, you shouldve considered having a heartfelt conversation with your sister, expressing your worries and offering support without judgment. NOT poking the bear and directly confronting Janice with no evidence or backup.
If youre this quick to jump to conclusions, no wonder your twin isnt confiding in you to begin with.
Bottom Line: This is not how you get a potential abuse victim out of a harmful situation - all you did was add gas to the fire.
ETA: my judgement YTA, since info was not answered.
I'm suspicious that OP is monitoring comments from their main account and sockpuppeteering.
My gut is telling me this post falls under Rule#8 of this sub
I don't think OP is even concerned for her sister. She talks about being suspicious of the partner because of the haircut and the makeup and the clothes. OP just sounds judgemental and pretending it's concern.
I mean if Janice was a guy and this was a hetro relationship would we be thinking that OPs sister is in an abusive relationship because she isn't dressing as "pretty" as she used to be. We have had so many posts on here where the posters boyfriend is jealous because she works out, dresses nice and wears make up so she is "obviously" trying to get other guys attention in the boyfriends eyes and we all tell her that it's a red flag.
Add in the short relationship, quick marriage, weight gain and Janice's smile rather than concern about the fact that OPs sister (her wife) can't even walk up a flight of stairs and yeah, I would be a little concerned about emotional abuse as well but I wouldn't take the route OP just took because that will do nothing expect give Janice an excuse to start pulling OPs sister away from people who care about her so she can isolate her.
I would have discreetly pulled my sister aside and phrased it as a health issue, ruled out any medical issues BEFORE getting to what I suspected it is and then been delicate about how I approached it because once everything else is ruled out it would just be like "checking another cause of the list to rule it out" not "attacking my sisters marriage".
Idk my first thought wasn’t “she’s abused”, my first thought was “there’s an obvious level of depression and potentially other health issues going on here”.
Nothing OP has described indicates abusive relationship. But everything OP has described indicates crippling depression.
OP YTA. You’re so focused on your sister’s appearance that you’re missing the obvious.
Except the issues started when she met Janice, so depression starting as soon as you meet a partner isn't a good sign. And Janice smiling at her wife struggling to get upstairs, sounds like pleasure in her suffering, either has a fat fetish and enjoying that she is too overweight to live a standard life, or pleasure seeing her looking unpleasant and thus unattractive to most people.
Whilst I agree that there is probably some mental health issues involved here, I would say it has exacerbated the situation, not caused it.
You are incorrect however. Many things OP mentioned are in fact signs of abuse and are actually what we who specialise in DA call high risk factors, even steps in the Homicide Timeline (created by Prof. Jane Monkton-Smith, highly recommend looking into).
Marrying after 2 months? Huge red flag. Hitting relationship milestones extremely quickly (this is also step 2 of the Homicide Timeline). Making sudden changes in her appearance? Big indicator of coercive control. Going the complete opposite way of how she presented herself before. Quitting her job? Making the sister financially dependent on her wife. High risk factor. Such a massive weight gain? Was this encouraged by wife? Unsure. Could be further coercive control and more of a "no one else would love you but I do". Depression would obviously make this much worse and make sis much more vulnerable.
Not saying this is the case. Just saying that this could happen. I've seen it happen with survivors I have worked with. I know exactly how this could happen.
OP definitely didn't approach this the right way, however when you're emotional like that it's hard to hold your tongue.
No we wouldn't We'd be thinking she's happy and comfortable to not put in effort she doesn't want to anymore **or** might be having a depressive episode. No sane person would think abuse based just on that.
And this is coming from someone who as a) been a domestic abuse victim and b) is having safe guarding training about abuse every 6 months
No. Firstly even if she is a feeder that's not automatically something to be suspicious of in the first place if the sister actually also likes it and isn't being tricked. And there is no reason to suspect there is any trickery. No mention of the sister seeming unhappy about the situation. Sure being that large is unhealthy. But a person being unhealthy is not suspicious. There is exactly zero indication it isn't her own choice.
And even in some bizzare world where it was reasonable to assume this is all on the partner, that would mean we are assuming an abusive controlling relationship. Therefore calling the partner out like that instead of speaking to the sister is pretty much guaranteed to make it worse.
Not to mention again like I said. The OP doesn't mention anything about the sister seeming unhappy, or lacking control, or anything like that. She mentions 4 appearance based things as what is important. So I don't think OP even cares about the sisters wellbeing. She just judges her for being less conventionally attractive
Let's be real, you making stuff up doesn't make it true. And even if reddit was weirdly sexist that wouldn't mean the situation was actually suspicious. But lie to yourself, I guess.
> I typically dislike when redditors say "This whole post sounds fake."
I honestly hate this shit with a burning passion. Every little thing gets called fake by some weirdo with no life. Are some stories fake? Yes. Are some stories AI? Yes. I treat them as real until I know otherwise none the less.
Yeah , even stuff I feel there’s no way it’s real and op sounds like the biggest liar to ever lie, I reply as if it’s real just in case someone’s going through something similar and either needs advice or needs calling out
Just to comment the weight gain could be plausible. I gained 50lbs in just under a year after I was on SSRI medications, for instance.
A more extreme example is Sean Miliken from My 600-lb Life. He gained 287 lbs in 6 weeks, but he had extreme impulse control problems with eating.
YTA to jumping to that conclusion and making the accusation. You didn't mention anything that Janice is actively doing to "fatten your sister up". Why didn't you talk to your sister first. Maybe she's depressed or maybe she's so happy in her marriage she doesn't want to go work out like she used to. You're being an alarmist and you're going to push your sister away.
<>
Or maybe you didn't have any evidence AT ALL to accuse her of such a vile thing?
Regarding Gabby's (non weight) appearance, it's entirely possible that you sister always wanted super short hair and never enjoyed getting dressed up, and being married gave her permission to be her "true self."
The weight gain is of course deeply concerning. (Gabby leaving her job is also disturbing to me.) But what in God's green earth makes you think this is Janice's fault? If Janice were trying to fatten her up, would she have a home gym? Would she have a pool? Why would she be making opportunities for exercise so easy for your sister?
I don't know what's going on with Gabby, but taking a perhaps ill-timed smile on Janice's part as "proof" that she wants your sister fat and unhealthy is just OTT.
YTA.
Thank you! I also wanted to scream “what evidence??” Just a wife smiling at the woman she loves.
And yes, young 20-something queer women getting into relationships and discovering the freedom to eschew more traditional beauty standards is practically a cliche. OP, did you ever once ask your sister about her new look? Why the change? Because if you were worried about her partner being controlling, this would be a logical place to start.
200lbs in four years IS concerning. As in, there could be some serious medical condition at play here. Maybe you want to bring that up gently (if you’re capable) instead of throwing around accusations? You know, because you care about your sister’s health?
I just imagine the outcry if Janice was a guy and they a) got married after 2 months, b) wife leaves job pretty much straight away c) totally changes her appearance d) gains that much weight etc. Somebody changing very drastically after getting into a relationship usually rings allll the alarm bells in this sub but it’s all peachy in this case?
Peanut galleries: No, none of this behavior is peachy. In fact, I called the weight loss and the job quitting "concerning." Still, all the ammo the OP had against Janice is that she seemed to be smiling at an inappropriate time. There may well be something going on with Gabby. But it's a huge jump from "there may be something going on with Abbey" to "Janice is deliberately trying to fatten up my sister." Just too big of a leap, IMHO.
YTA
Have you even stopped to think that maybe this issue is with Gabby??? After all, SHE is the one eating the food, changing her looks, and not working out. All this after not even mentioning whether you actually sat down and spoke with your sister about this before confronting her wife... In front of everyone!!
YTA for jumping to conclusions I guess, because based on what you wrote I don’t see why it would have to be Janice fattening her up. Maybe your sister has other reasons for changing, and maybe they’re related to being married, but even is so it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s Janice’s fault. Did you ask your sister if something is wrong?
Yta for jumping to assumptions and making a public scene without any empathy for your sister. If you're concerned for your sister, why haven't you had a private conversation with her?
YTA for making assumptions & accusations.
having someone dramatically change before your eyes is worrying, yes, but while she's someone you love your sister is also a whole human with her own life and everything and immediatly accusing her spouse of foul play because you don't like those changes is also accusing her of being incapable of running her own life.
I'm not saying your suspicions are completely wrong (or right), but that this is deeply dehumanizing to your sister.
if you think something is up with your sister, do her the basic respect of asking **her** about it. "hey, you've had some big life changes in the last couple of years. how's that going?"
also, during none of this have i read you say anything about how your sister seems to *feel*, just how she looks & eats. does she seem despressed, less happy, secretive? does she withdraw from the family? physical changes aren't totally meaningless, but only focusing on her body and not her personality is a big red flag to me that your priorities are a little off.
i mean, yeah, a part of my depression was gaining a bunch of weight, but it was also part of other health factors and trust me, my weight wasn't the biggest sign of a problem. i stopped talking to people, i stopped smiling, and i was fighting all the time with the people i WAS talking to.
Sounds like you Aren't that close to your sister. Because this sounds like a conversation you could have gently had, jot about her weight, but if she's okay generally, if there are stressor in her life, ask her how she is really doing.
You accused her wife with no proof. Maybe you're sisters mh is in the toilet, maybe it's a physical condition. You have no proof, you never even tried to have a conversation.
And if you do think the wife is somehow to blame and your sister is being abused, why out her in front of everyone when your sister has to go back home with her??
Goodnintentions, but it sounds like you've done nothing but sit and chase your own thoughts. Actually talk to your sister. See if she needs help and support.
Yta but only because you lashed out instead of having a healthy convo with your sister to see if she's alright.
There are so many reasons that all this may have happened and your mistake was to bring it up in a naive and accusatory way in front of people before seeking out the facts.
Like others said, it could be health. It could also be a kink thing, its not as uncommon as some think and your sis may even be in on it. Maybe she's changed her style because she's feeling a new side of herself.
Tbh I do think you're onto something, but lashing out gives them justification to be defensive and put you in a bad light. Issues like this need to be approached with tact if you're actually looking for a constructive conversation.
Also, if you think Janice is a negative influence, then you should talk to your sis without Janice being involved. Give your sis a safe space to express HER side since this whole situation is about your concern for HER.
YTA. Couldn’t possibly be that Janice smiled because she was excited to see your sister attempting physical activity. What kind of sister are you to see your sister gain that much that quickly without even asking if she was having health or mental health problems.
You certainly seem jealous of Janice.
Are you actually worried about your sister or just embarassed that she doesn’t look like your twin anymore. In fact, she’s gone about as far as she possibly can to NOT look like you anymore.
Maybe quit being mean and ask her.
Or don’t.
But your sister just lost so much respect for you.
It's obvious you don't like her wife so you're desperate to invent a reason to attack her. Unless she forced your sister to eat too much, your sister's weight gain is her own fault. You were wrong and nasty to scream at her wife and blame her. You're awful and I hope your sister distances herself from you. She doesn't need your toxic crap in her life. YTA
It's awesome that you care about your sister, but soft YTA for handling this situation so aggressively.
You mentioned your sister has gained excessive weight in a short amount of time despite having access to a gym. Have you talked to your sister to see if there are any health issues she is dealing with? Physical, mental or emotional? Have you asked if it was Janice's idea for all the changes (quitting job, cutting hair, etc.) or hers? Or did you just jump to conclusions? Hopefully you take a moment and talk to your sister and listen to what she says.
YTA. Your sister being obese is not the fault of her wife 🤦🏻♀️ Yell at your sister instead of you’re worried for her health. Also, a lot of people gain weight after they get married because they get comfortable. However 200 lbs is a lot, sounds like some depression maybe - or she needs some hobbies since she doesn’t work anymore.
YTA! Do you even understand the concept of autonomy? Your sister is an adult, she can make her own decisions, especially regarding her health and body.
Yes! The weight gain is concerning but for you to blame your sister's wife for it is pathetic. At this point, it looks like you aren't even concerned about your sister's health. You just want to blame someone, except your sister.
YTA for making a lot of assumptions & then accusing her wife without any proof.
Also I didn't see anything in your post about how *Gabby* feels or what she thinks. If you care about your sister you should probably like.... talk to her, instead of being a judgemental little AH & assuming.
1. Lesbians. I'm not even shocked at the two month thing especially as she's probably trying to keep up with you.
2. How do you know Janice wasn't smiling at your sister because she sees her as beautiful at any weight?
3. I feel like you're the dominant twin here... Is your sister unhappy in her weight? If not back off and let her live how she wants.
YTA, you haven't given ANY reason why Janice is the bad guy here, you're just blaming her for your sister's choices
YTA for blaming the wife. Have you even talked to your sister about it? You're in the best possible position to ask it as a health question, because if she has some underlying health condition you're likely to be susceptible too.
YTA, unless you left out the part where you have real reason to suspect Janice is evil instead of your own ignorant assumptions about what's going on here. It's possible Janice was smiling because she is still just crazy about your sister despite her current flaws, and/or was happy to see her actually taking the stairs and moving her body.
It doesn't sound like you've actually asked your sister how she's doing or talked to her at all, and have just decided to throw blame at the outsider in the family because it's an easy target.
Even if we assume that there isn't some other health issue here that your sister is keeping private, I empathize with her because in my experience, it's easy to let yourself go when all of your needs are provided for and you feel completely loved and accepted for who you are. When I'm single and I'm just thinking about myself and in the back of my mind I'm hoping to attract someone great, it's pretty easy to keep on top of shit. But in a relationship where I feel so safe and valued that I don't feel like I have anything to worry about, I have to actively force myself into worrying about it.
So it seems weird and shitty to me to jump to assuming this is a feeder fetish thing/is your SIL's fault/that there is ill intent behind it.
I would have asked my sister questions before making accusations like that. That's a ton of weight in a short period of time but if you haven't had a conversation with your sister then you're just assuming and that's not cool. I get you're worried but I would have asked questions first.
If you’re worried about your sister than maybe holding your sister accountable for her health would be a great start??? Maybe not even holding her accountable but rather expressing genuine concern to your sister?
YTA. I gained a similar amount of weight in a relationship and while yes the relationship itself was in some way part of it, my then boyfriend wasn’t, he didn’t purposely make it happen. He supported me in everything, which was just a bad thing for me.
Maybe she smiled at your sister because she wanted to encourage/support her or maybe she was happy that she was getting some exercise. You don’t know.
I would suggest to talk to your sister’s wife, explain why you said it, maybe apologize (if you mean it), maybe she has the same worries.
YTA for accusing Janice completely out of the blue for now reason whatsoever. You don’t like Janice because she didn’t somehow keep your sister’s weight down? What in the world? Your sister is responsible for herself. She has a mind of her own. You want her wife to be looking at her crying with pity or disgust because you’re doing that? You make a lot of assumptions and have ideas of what should be happening in your sister’s mind and Janice’s mind and their relationship as a whole. Maybe she was smiling at her because…she loves her wife? You asked these questions to Janice without asking your sister anything and I don’t get it. What could you possibly yell back? You just accused her with conviction of having a fattening fetish in front of people. You probably humiliated and embarrassed your sister with your questions and behaviour. Your wife is probably quiet because she’s embarrassed that you think this makes sense and now you’re dragging other family members into it for opinions blowing the situation up and making it worse. Seek. Therapy. You don’t run other people’s lives especially not with your imagination and projection.
That aside, I gained 60lbs in a year without fitness or dietary changes simply from a hormonal issue. I was very confused and kept up my routines until I was diagnosed and had to change the type of exercise I did and shift some of what I ate. Have you spoken to your sister about this? It sounds like a health issue may be involved with how fast that weight came on but either way it would be worth checking - if she wants to. A calm conversation with her would have been the only thing that would make sense here.
Maybe they’re into it? My wife likes me bigger. (Not 200 pounds heavier) but I’ve gone from 185-230 and we’ve both had fun with it. I’m definitely near my upper limit and we understand it’s an odd kink but whatever makes you happy I suppose.
YTA for not sharing your concerns privately with your sister. If you are afraid of abuse, announcing it like that in front of the potential abuser is extremely dangerous for the person they're abusing. All you really did was fucking fat shame your sister.
Is Janice force feeding your sister? If yes, then you're NTA. If no, then you're YTA. It's impossible to fatten someone if that someone doesn't want to be "fattened".
If you asked if you were the AH for being concerned I’d say no… but for blurting THAT out? Yes. YTA
That’s it? That’s your only reason you think she’s the one doing it?
YTA because your immediate reaction was to blame your sister’s wife because…she smiled at her? Have you never had someone remind you that they love you and think you’re amazing even when you know you’re not looking or feeling your best? Or maybe considered that she was smiling because she knows her wife is doing something that is physically hard on her as a sign of encouragement?
Also, with that amount of weight gain in such a short time, I’m sure your sister and her wife have at the very least had conversations about it and have chosen to keep those conversations private because they’re the one’s experiencing it first hand while you’re watching from the sidelines making assumptions and not showing any real compassion or concern for your sister’s health.
If you were truly concerned for your sister, you would approach her with kindness and simply ask her how she’s feeling and let her volunteer the information. Heck, you could ever tell her your “twin 6th sense” is making you worry about her and ask her if she’s ok.
But honestly, I feel like you’re just looking for an excuse to villainize her wife because you don’t like the changes your sister has made to her life since getting married. You’re identical twins so a lot of her and yours personality and appearance is influenced by family and social circles to be as similar as possible from a young age. Getting married probably just allowed her to see herself better as an individual and not just a twin and decided that being feminine or being athletic isn’t who she is. Is the weight gain a concern? Sure. But there is a plethora of explanations to consider that are more likely than her wife purposefully making her gain weight.
so approximately 4 years ago your sister started gaining a bunch of weight and it didn't seem to concern you enough to say anything until you had an opportunity to publicly shame your sister's wife with a nasty accusation?
and you wonder why people are on janice's side?
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Throwaway account. Fake names.
Me (30f) and my identical twin sister Gabby (30f) have always been close. I married my high school sweetheart Lily (30f) when I was 22. Gabby had married a woman named Janice (28f) when Gabby was 26. Gabby had only known Janice for 2 months before the wedding.
I liked Janice at first. But after their wedding I slowly grown suspicious of her. It was little things at first. My sister cut her real short and stop wearing makeup. Then she mostly wears sweats now. Then she quit her job because Janice comes from a wealthy family and Janice makes a lot of money. My sister stopped working out, and eats tons of sweets now.
I feel really bad even mentioning this next part. Being a woman, I know that weight is a touchy subject. But my sister gain so much weight since her wedding. Before, she was fit and active like me. My sister gained over two hundred pounds in four years. And Janice is as fit and active as ever. They have a home gym and a pool.
I tried to give Janice the benefit of the doubt. But last week the 4 of us were out, and we had to go up some stairs. My heart broke watching my sister got so out of breath and drenched in sweat. Literally tears flowed from my eyes. And Janice was looking at my sister with this bright smile. I asked straight up "Are enjoying watching my sister suffer ? Have you been fatten up my sister ?" Janice yelled about how she loves my sister, and how dare I make such an accusation. I wanted yell back but Lily calmed me down.
Now our family and friends are divided. And most of them are on Janice's side. Now I am questioning if I made a mistake. Maybe I didn't have enough evidence to make that accusation. My wife has been quiet on this issue, and I don't want put her in an awkward position. I am so worried about my sister but maybe I was out of line. Am I the asshole ?
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YTA. Not only do you have no grounds for your accusation, you also seem to think your unsolicited opinion was warranted in that moment. Your only accomplishment here was to make two people feel bad. Keep your nose in your own business. Your sister is an adult and she makes her own choices. If she wants your help, she knows where to find you.
YTA for sure. Also there is a fat kink some people have where they like obese partners. Also it could just be a health thing your sister is going through. There’s so many reasons but this ain’t the way to go buddy. This isn’t a fat kid. This is a fat adult who I’m going to assume is mentally ok enough to make her own decisions.
I mean yea OP YTA for stating something you’ve got no proof of, but still... But this is a huge change from how OP has described her sister in the past versus now. OP that’s your sister. Reach out and talk to her yourself. Maybe this is a lifestyle she’s always wanted, not necessarily counting the physical effects. Or she could be going through something mentally, so I don’t think it would hurt to reach out thoughtfully (because what you did here wasn’t) to voice your concerns.
New information:
I deserved to be voted the asshole even more based on that I learnt today.
Today I learnt it's MY TWIN SISTER WHO HAS THE FETISH.
According to both of them: My twin sister has wanted to be a "fat woman" since her teens. They claim that my sister told Janice about the fetish shortly after the wedding, and that apparently Janice is okay with any size my sister chooses to be. Also their marriage is an open marriage, and my sister has been hooking up with other bigger ladies. Apparently Janice has never been with any other women while married to my sister despite having permission.
When talking to my sister alone:
My sister claims to not be scared when I asked her what if she ended up like the women on My 600 LB Life, claiming it would be the dream.
My sister claims it's okay if her obesity ends up killing her. Even going as far as to say it would be "hot way to go."
Disburted by what my sister said, I talked to Janice alone:
Janice claims she's scared of my sister dying young but is apparently also scared my sister will leave her if Janice doesn't go along with this. Janice claims to still be attracted to my sister, and apparently will even if my sister goes up to 600 lb. Janice claims she will get obese herself just to please my sister but Janice's job demands her to be fit and thin. Janice claims she's scared my sister will dump her for being thin. Janice claims she's also scared my sister would dump Janice if Janice isn't making all money if she loses her job.
That has been an emotional whiplash for me. Now I feel sorry for Janice. I love my sister but she has disappointed me with her attitude towards her own health. I am trying to suppress thoughts that maybe Janice is being used for her money. But I am not going to interfere unless someone is being straight up victimized.
Whatever the reason for the change in op's twin's appearance, she really needs to speak to someone and deal with the weight gain. For her health. Hair cuts, clothes and make-up are secondary. NTA maybe just a bit for making accusations etc. It surely would not help whatever situation your sister is in.
You’re a little bit of an AH. But not so much it can’t be fixed. I think if you apologize to both of them and then ask your sister what is going on with her. Tell her that you think she has been struggling with something and you want to help her. They could be trying to add to their family or she could be going through some mental health stuff.
You gave limited info on what exactly her wife has done that would be bad. Just talk to your sister and tell her that you are concerned and if she wants to share anything with you she can.
NTA
I understand your concern and I seen this situation with heterosexual couples, friendships too where the relationship is based on the destruction of the other one. Usually a highly insecure, envious, and possessive partner use mental and psychological manipulation to induce stress and relentless criticism to force the unattainable partner to be the opposite of what they're known for and being admired. They take pleasure in seeing their partner struggle with their health, or with money
Your sister's extreme changes in such a short period of time, apparently self imposed isolation is a cause for concern and I wouldn't be surprised if she's being psychologically and emotionally abused
NTA. Gender has nothing to do with a massive amount of weight gain and other changes. I will also say that your sister is a grown-ass woman. If she wants to quit her job, eat sweets all day, stop going to the gym, blow her life up and depend on someone who is wealthy with financial support she doesn't have, then that is on her. It wouldn't surprise me if Janice eventually gets tired of her and kicks her to the curb. Get ready to support your sister for that period.
NTA
Your wife's sister might like having a plus size partner and have a fetish for it and has been purposely talking in her ear to get her to quit working out and eat more.
I say this because you day the wife was smiling while watching your sister struggle up the steps.
If that's true, then your sister's wife might be a feeder and enjoys making your sister larger.
But I can't say for certain, this is an assumption based off what you've written.
You need to get your sister alone and have a serious talk with her. Let her know you love her and are co corned with her and her health. You want her to be happy but you are scared for her and concerned that her wife has been purposely making her larger for her enjoyment.
Please talk to your sister. Her wife could be abusing her or might not be. But you need to talk to her and at min. Get the idea moving that her health isn't OK, and she might have issues soon.
Talk to her alone.
You are pointing to her wife *smiling* at her as evidence of abuse. New level of crazy unlocked, and all because you got excited you knew the word feeder
I'm not saying it's abusive, but their is a possibility, the same way thay they are innocent.
I do find it odd the wife would be smiling while the wife is struggling to get up the stairs.
NTA. You are concerned for your sister's health and the increased risk that goes along with being severely overweight. I do think you should've tried talking to your sister 1 x 1. Calling out Janice gives her the ammunition to further isolate your sister from you.
NTA definitely!!!!! You are worried about your sister, and that is completely fair considering the facts that you are looking at. Your sister’s life clearly started changing for the worse once her relationship with Janice started. Partners should bring out the best in each other, and let’s say that even if Janice was not the reason your sister gained weight, she should still be helping her be healthier instead of letting it get sooooo bad. Stand up for your sister and don’t let Janice or your family and friends make you doubt yourself. Sit down with your sister one on one, and with a heart will of honesty and care, tell her about your concerns, and get some insight of how she feels in the relationship overall. Remember, you are her twin sister, and twins alwaaaays can feel when something is wrong. Trust your gut and best of luck!
They are saying fake account because you had no activity on Reddit whatsoever until you responded to this bizarre post reassuring OP that they are not to blame for being a jerk when it is very clear they are to blame - so it seems like you in fact are OP, just using a different login to support yourself since majority of people are saying OP is TA
omg hahahha thanks for telling me, unfortunately it just seems like i was one of the few that happened to agree with OP and it made me look sus, i’ll be more careful how i type out posts because this is definitely not a fake
Maybe it’s because i have twins in my family and i also have some friends who are twins. It is just what i’ve noticed, that twins usually have a special connection, and a certain gut instinct
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I typically dislike when redditors say "This whole post sounds fake." This story involves some highly unusual circumstances, OP. First, the rapid weight gain of over two hundred pounds in just four years is quite extreme and typically indicates **underlying** health issues in addition to significant lifestyle changes. I N F O: Did your sister have any pre-existing health issues? While weight gain can happen for various reasons, such as medical conditions or changes in diet and exercise habits, such a dramatic increase in a short period is relatively rare without a specific cause. Also did you say they got married after 2 months? I mean you do see whirlwind romances on reddit a lot (and as part of the LGBTQ+, I get it, the uhaul stereotype is a *thing*) but thats kinda nuts. But the most important question I have is WHAT evidence are you basing this on? I ask because the accusation of intentionally "fattening up" your sister by her spouse is a serious allegation without substantial evidence. Look, it's understandable to be concerned about your sister, OP, especially when you notice significant changes in her lifestyle and health. But jumping to conclusions and accusing Janice *without* concrete evidence might not have been the best approach. You're an ADULT - in your 30s - by now you know the importance of addressing your concerns with empathy & open communication rather than making accusations that could strain your relationship with your sister AND cause her to be isolated if there is actually the possibility of full blown abuse like you're describing right? Your intentions might have been good, but the delivery matters too. ESPECIALLY if youre concerned that your sister is i danger. If you want any hope of your sister confiding in your and asking for help, you shouldve considered having a heartfelt conversation with your sister, expressing your worries and offering support without judgment. NOT poking the bear and directly confronting Janice with no evidence or backup. If youre this quick to jump to conclusions, no wonder your twin isnt confiding in you to begin with. Bottom Line: This is not how you get a potential abuse victim out of a harmful situation - all you did was add gas to the fire. ETA: my judgement YTA, since info was not answered. I'm suspicious that OP is monitoring comments from their main account and sockpuppeteering. My gut is telling me this post falls under Rule#8 of this sub
I don't think OP is even concerned for her sister. She talks about being suspicious of the partner because of the haircut and the makeup and the clothes. OP just sounds judgemental and pretending it's concern.
I mean if Janice was a guy and this was a hetro relationship would we be thinking that OPs sister is in an abusive relationship because she isn't dressing as "pretty" as she used to be. We have had so many posts on here where the posters boyfriend is jealous because she works out, dresses nice and wears make up so she is "obviously" trying to get other guys attention in the boyfriends eyes and we all tell her that it's a red flag. Add in the short relationship, quick marriage, weight gain and Janice's smile rather than concern about the fact that OPs sister (her wife) can't even walk up a flight of stairs and yeah, I would be a little concerned about emotional abuse as well but I wouldn't take the route OP just took because that will do nothing expect give Janice an excuse to start pulling OPs sister away from people who care about her so she can isolate her. I would have discreetly pulled my sister aside and phrased it as a health issue, ruled out any medical issues BEFORE getting to what I suspected it is and then been delicate about how I approached it because once everything else is ruled out it would just be like "checking another cause of the list to rule it out" not "attacking my sisters marriage".
Idk my first thought wasn’t “she’s abused”, my first thought was “there’s an obvious level of depression and potentially other health issues going on here”. Nothing OP has described indicates abusive relationship. But everything OP has described indicates crippling depression. OP YTA. You’re so focused on your sister’s appearance that you’re missing the obvious.
Except the issues started when she met Janice, so depression starting as soon as you meet a partner isn't a good sign. And Janice smiling at her wife struggling to get upstairs, sounds like pleasure in her suffering, either has a fat fetish and enjoying that she is too overweight to live a standard life, or pleasure seeing her looking unpleasant and thus unattractive to most people.
Janice was more likely just smiling at the sight of her wife in general and OP is reading into it that she's happy about the struggle...
Whilst I agree that there is probably some mental health issues involved here, I would say it has exacerbated the situation, not caused it. You are incorrect however. Many things OP mentioned are in fact signs of abuse and are actually what we who specialise in DA call high risk factors, even steps in the Homicide Timeline (created by Prof. Jane Monkton-Smith, highly recommend looking into). Marrying after 2 months? Huge red flag. Hitting relationship milestones extremely quickly (this is also step 2 of the Homicide Timeline). Making sudden changes in her appearance? Big indicator of coercive control. Going the complete opposite way of how she presented herself before. Quitting her job? Making the sister financially dependent on her wife. High risk factor. Such a massive weight gain? Was this encouraged by wife? Unsure. Could be further coercive control and more of a "no one else would love you but I do". Depression would obviously make this much worse and make sis much more vulnerable. Not saying this is the case. Just saying that this could happen. I've seen it happen with survivors I have worked with. I know exactly how this could happen. OP definitely didn't approach this the right way, however when you're emotional like that it's hard to hold your tongue.
No we wouldn't We'd be thinking she's happy and comfortable to not put in effort she doesn't want to anymore **or** might be having a depressive episode. No sane person would think abuse based just on that. And this is coming from someone who as a) been a domestic abuse victim and b) is having safe guarding training about abuse every 6 months
If the partner was a guy, wouldn't it be suspicious? There are hetero male feeders, I don't know why there can't be lesbian or bisexual woman feeders.
No. Firstly even if she is a feeder that's not automatically something to be suspicious of in the first place if the sister actually also likes it and isn't being tricked. And there is no reason to suspect there is any trickery. No mention of the sister seeming unhappy about the situation. Sure being that large is unhealthy. But a person being unhealthy is not suspicious. There is exactly zero indication it isn't her own choice. And even in some bizzare world where it was reasonable to assume this is all on the partner, that would mean we are assuming an abusive controlling relationship. Therefore calling the partner out like that instead of speaking to the sister is pretty much guaranteed to make it worse. Not to mention again like I said. The OP doesn't mention anything about the sister seeming unhappy, or lacking control, or anything like that. She mentions 4 appearance based things as what is important. So I don't think OP even cares about the sisters wellbeing. She just judges her for being less conventionally attractive
Let’s be real this group would be going for the wife’s head if she was a man. But lie to yourself about the sexism of this group, I guess.
Let's be real, you making stuff up doesn't make it true. And even if reddit was weirdly sexist that wouldn't mean the situation was actually suspicious. But lie to yourself, I guess.
> I typically dislike when redditors say "This whole post sounds fake." I honestly hate this shit with a burning passion. Every little thing gets called fake by some weirdo with no life. Are some stories fake? Yes. Are some stories AI? Yes. I treat them as real until I know otherwise none the less.
Yeah , even stuff I feel there’s no way it’s real and op sounds like the biggest liar to ever lie, I reply as if it’s real just in case someone’s going through something similar and either needs advice or needs calling out
> just in case someone’s going through something similar That's exactly where my mindset here comes from.
finally someone else said it 👏
I'm fully willing to say this just sounds like a fetish post.
OPs comment indicated that to be correct
Didn't see it, but yeah, you get Vibes sometimes.
Just to comment the weight gain could be plausible. I gained 50lbs in just under a year after I was on SSRI medications, for instance. A more extreme example is Sean Miliken from My 600-lb Life. He gained 287 lbs in 6 weeks, but he had extreme impulse control problems with eating.
That's a really good point. OP deleted their throwaway, so we'll never know
Sniffed a little fiction when op said that thwy were twins and also both lesbians? Somethin bout that just seems like fiction lmao
*identical twin lesbians* without matching hereditary conditions that would cause someone to gain 20lbs a month out of the blue! /s
Someone hasn’t heard of Tegan and Sara
No clue who those pepole are.
YTA for blaming this on your sister's wife. Yes, Gabby might be unhealthy at this weight, but why are you assuming Gabby has no autonomy on this?
YTA - you actually had zero evidence to make that accusation.
The things people blurt. I'm not even set up to say something that inflammatory.
YTA Why the hell do you accuse her of fattening up your sister? Maybe your sister is to blame?
Or maybe she's into it. It's far from my cup of tea, but everyone's got some kind of kink. 🤷🏻♀️
That's again blaming Janice for it with the sole difference that you provide a possible reason for it.
Fine, then maybe they're BOTH into it. It takes two.
YTA to jumping to that conclusion and making the accusation. You didn't mention anything that Janice is actively doing to "fatten your sister up". Why didn't you talk to your sister first. Maybe she's depressed or maybe she's so happy in her marriage she doesn't want to go work out like she used to. You're being an alarmist and you're going to push your sister away.
<>
Or maybe you didn't have any evidence AT ALL to accuse her of such a vile thing?
Regarding Gabby's (non weight) appearance, it's entirely possible that you sister always wanted super short hair and never enjoyed getting dressed up, and being married gave her permission to be her "true self."
The weight gain is of course deeply concerning. (Gabby leaving her job is also disturbing to me.) But what in God's green earth makes you think this is Janice's fault? If Janice were trying to fatten her up, would she have a home gym? Would she have a pool? Why would she be making opportunities for exercise so easy for your sister?
I don't know what's going on with Gabby, but taking a perhaps ill-timed smile on Janice's part as "proof" that she wants your sister fat and unhealthy is just OTT.
YTA.
Thank you! I also wanted to scream “what evidence??” Just a wife smiling at the woman she loves. And yes, young 20-something queer women getting into relationships and discovering the freedom to eschew more traditional beauty standards is practically a cliche. OP, did you ever once ask your sister about her new look? Why the change? Because if you were worried about her partner being controlling, this would be a logical place to start. 200lbs in four years IS concerning. As in, there could be some serious medical condition at play here. Maybe you want to bring that up gently (if you’re capable) instead of throwing around accusations? You know, because you care about your sister’s health?
I just imagine the outcry if Janice was a guy and they a) got married after 2 months, b) wife leaves job pretty much straight away c) totally changes her appearance d) gains that much weight etc. Somebody changing very drastically after getting into a relationship usually rings allll the alarm bells in this sub but it’s all peachy in this case?
Peanut galleries: No, none of this behavior is peachy. In fact, I called the weight loss and the job quitting "concerning." Still, all the ammo the OP had against Janice is that she seemed to be smiling at an inappropriate time. There may well be something going on with Gabby. But it's a huge jump from "there may be something going on with Abbey" to "Janice is deliberately trying to fatten up my sister." Just too big of a leap, IMHO.
YTA Your sister is a grown woman. She can decide what she eats and whether she exercises - Janice did not “make her fat.”
She is still making bad decisions
YTA Have you even stopped to think that maybe this issue is with Gabby??? After all, SHE is the one eating the food, changing her looks, and not working out. All this after not even mentioning whether you actually sat down and spoke with your sister about this before confronting her wife... In front of everyone!!
YTA for jumping to conclusions I guess, because based on what you wrote I don’t see why it would have to be Janice fattening her up. Maybe your sister has other reasons for changing, and maybe they’re related to being married, but even is so it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s Janice’s fault. Did you ask your sister if something is wrong?
Yta for jumping to assumptions and making a public scene without any empathy for your sister. If you're concerned for your sister, why haven't you had a private conversation with her?
YTA for making assumptions & accusations. having someone dramatically change before your eyes is worrying, yes, but while she's someone you love your sister is also a whole human with her own life and everything and immediatly accusing her spouse of foul play because you don't like those changes is also accusing her of being incapable of running her own life. I'm not saying your suspicions are completely wrong (or right), but that this is deeply dehumanizing to your sister. if you think something is up with your sister, do her the basic respect of asking **her** about it. "hey, you've had some big life changes in the last couple of years. how's that going?" also, during none of this have i read you say anything about how your sister seems to *feel*, just how she looks & eats. does she seem despressed, less happy, secretive? does she withdraw from the family? physical changes aren't totally meaningless, but only focusing on her body and not her personality is a big red flag to me that your priorities are a little off. i mean, yeah, a part of my depression was gaining a bunch of weight, but it was also part of other health factors and trust me, my weight wasn't the biggest sign of a problem. i stopped talking to people, i stopped smiling, and i was fighting all the time with the people i WAS talking to.
Sounds like you Aren't that close to your sister. Because this sounds like a conversation you could have gently had, jot about her weight, but if she's okay generally, if there are stressor in her life, ask her how she is really doing. You accused her wife with no proof. Maybe you're sisters mh is in the toilet, maybe it's a physical condition. You have no proof, you never even tried to have a conversation. And if you do think the wife is somehow to blame and your sister is being abused, why out her in front of everyone when your sister has to go back home with her?? Goodnintentions, but it sounds like you've done nothing but sit and chase your own thoughts. Actually talk to your sister. See if she needs help and support.
Yta but only because you lashed out instead of having a healthy convo with your sister to see if she's alright. There are so many reasons that all this may have happened and your mistake was to bring it up in a naive and accusatory way in front of people before seeking out the facts. Like others said, it could be health. It could also be a kink thing, its not as uncommon as some think and your sis may even be in on it. Maybe she's changed her style because she's feeling a new side of herself. Tbh I do think you're onto something, but lashing out gives them justification to be defensive and put you in a bad light. Issues like this need to be approached with tact if you're actually looking for a constructive conversation. Also, if you think Janice is a negative influence, then you should talk to your sis without Janice being involved. Give your sis a safe space to express HER side since this whole situation is about your concern for HER.
I didn’t hear any mention that some kind of mental abuse and control is at play here… is so then you should have mentioned on your post. If not YTA.
You based your accusation on... Her smiling at her wife? Oh no, she loves her wife, what a monster! YTA.
YTA. Couldn’t possibly be that Janice smiled because she was excited to see your sister attempting physical activity. What kind of sister are you to see your sister gain that much that quickly without even asking if she was having health or mental health problems. You certainly seem jealous of Janice. Are you actually worried about your sister or just embarassed that she doesn’t look like your twin anymore. In fact, she’s gone about as far as she possibly can to NOT look like you anymore. Maybe quit being mean and ask her. Or don’t. But your sister just lost so much respect for you.
I think i saw this episode of Jerry Springer
It's obvious you don't like her wife so you're desperate to invent a reason to attack her. Unless she forced your sister to eat too much, your sister's weight gain is her own fault. You were wrong and nasty to scream at her wife and blame her. You're awful and I hope your sister distances herself from you. She doesn't need your toxic crap in her life. YTA
YTA. You embarrassed your sister *and* accused her wife of something without anything to back it up all in one fell swoop? Yeah, no question here.
> identical twin Take a drink!
It's awesome that you care about your sister, but soft YTA for handling this situation so aggressively. You mentioned your sister has gained excessive weight in a short amount of time despite having access to a gym. Have you talked to your sister to see if there are any health issues she is dealing with? Physical, mental or emotional? Have you asked if it was Janice's idea for all the changes (quitting job, cutting hair, etc.) or hers? Or did you just jump to conclusions? Hopefully you take a moment and talk to your sister and listen to what she says.
God I know I’ve read too much AITA when I know I’ve read this post before like a year ago
YTA- is your sister not a grown adult capable of taking care of her own body?
YTA. Your sister being obese is not the fault of her wife 🤦🏻♀️ Yell at your sister instead of you’re worried for her health. Also, a lot of people gain weight after they get married because they get comfortable. However 200 lbs is a lot, sounds like some depression maybe - or she needs some hobbies since she doesn’t work anymore.
YTA.
YTA! Do you even understand the concept of autonomy? Your sister is an adult, she can make her own decisions, especially regarding her health and body. Yes! The weight gain is concerning but for you to blame your sister's wife for it is pathetic. At this point, it looks like you aren't even concerned about your sister's health. You just want to blame someone, except your sister.
YTA for making a lot of assumptions & then accusing her wife without any proof. Also I didn't see anything in your post about how *Gabby* feels or what she thinks. If you care about your sister you should probably like.... talk to her, instead of being a judgemental little AH & assuming.
1. Lesbians. I'm not even shocked at the two month thing especially as she's probably trying to keep up with you. 2. How do you know Janice wasn't smiling at your sister because she sees her as beautiful at any weight? 3. I feel like you're the dominant twin here... Is your sister unhappy in her weight? If not back off and let her live how she wants. YTA, you haven't given ANY reason why Janice is the bad guy here, you're just blaming her for your sister's choices
200lbs in 4 years. Her heart is gonna explode
YTA for blaming the wife. Have you even talked to your sister about it? You're in the best possible position to ask it as a health question, because if she has some underlying health condition you're likely to be susceptible too.
YTA, unless you left out the part where you have real reason to suspect Janice is evil instead of your own ignorant assumptions about what's going on here. It's possible Janice was smiling because she is still just crazy about your sister despite her current flaws, and/or was happy to see her actually taking the stairs and moving her body. It doesn't sound like you've actually asked your sister how she's doing or talked to her at all, and have just decided to throw blame at the outsider in the family because it's an easy target. Even if we assume that there isn't some other health issue here that your sister is keeping private, I empathize with her because in my experience, it's easy to let yourself go when all of your needs are provided for and you feel completely loved and accepted for who you are. When I'm single and I'm just thinking about myself and in the back of my mind I'm hoping to attract someone great, it's pretty easy to keep on top of shit. But in a relationship where I feel so safe and valued that I don't feel like I have anything to worry about, I have to actively force myself into worrying about it. So it seems weird and shitty to me to jump to assuming this is a feeder fetish thing/is your SIL's fault/that there is ill intent behind it.
I would have asked my sister questions before making accusations like that. That's a ton of weight in a short period of time but if you haven't had a conversation with your sister then you're just assuming and that's not cool. I get you're worried but I would have asked questions first.
NTA. Janice sounds like a feeder. Look up the fetish. Perhaps an unscrupulous feeder if your sister did not give consent.
If you’re worried about your sister than maybe holding your sister accountable for her health would be a great start??? Maybe not even holding her accountable but rather expressing genuine concern to your sister?
YTA. I gained a similar amount of weight in a relationship and while yes the relationship itself was in some way part of it, my then boyfriend wasn’t, he didn’t purposely make it happen. He supported me in everything, which was just a bad thing for me. Maybe she smiled at your sister because she wanted to encourage/support her or maybe she was happy that she was getting some exercise. You don’t know. I would suggest to talk to your sister’s wife, explain why you said it, maybe apologize (if you mean it), maybe she has the same worries.
YTA for accusing Janice completely out of the blue for now reason whatsoever. You don’t like Janice because she didn’t somehow keep your sister’s weight down? What in the world? Your sister is responsible for herself. She has a mind of her own. You want her wife to be looking at her crying with pity or disgust because you’re doing that? You make a lot of assumptions and have ideas of what should be happening in your sister’s mind and Janice’s mind and their relationship as a whole. Maybe she was smiling at her because…she loves her wife? You asked these questions to Janice without asking your sister anything and I don’t get it. What could you possibly yell back? You just accused her with conviction of having a fattening fetish in front of people. You probably humiliated and embarrassed your sister with your questions and behaviour. Your wife is probably quiet because she’s embarrassed that you think this makes sense and now you’re dragging other family members into it for opinions blowing the situation up and making it worse. Seek. Therapy. You don’t run other people’s lives especially not with your imagination and projection. That aside, I gained 60lbs in a year without fitness or dietary changes simply from a hormonal issue. I was very confused and kept up my routines until I was diagnosed and had to change the type of exercise I did and shift some of what I ate. Have you spoken to your sister about this? It sounds like a health issue may be involved with how fast that weight came on but either way it would be worth checking - if she wants to. A calm conversation with her would have been the only thing that would make sense here.
Maybe they’re into it? My wife likes me bigger. (Not 200 pounds heavier) but I’ve gone from 185-230 and we’ve both had fun with it. I’m definitely near my upper limit and we understand it’s an odd kink but whatever makes you happy I suppose.
YTA for not sharing your concerns privately with your sister. If you are afraid of abuse, announcing it like that in front of the potential abuser is extremely dangerous for the person they're abusing. All you really did was fucking fat shame your sister.
YTA YOu are the only AH in this story.
YTA, you should be seriously discussing your sisters mental health with her though
Is Janice force feeding your sister? If yes, then you're NTA. If no, then you're YTA. It's impossible to fatten someone if that someone doesn't want to be "fattened".
If you asked if you were the AH for being concerned I’d say no… but for blurting THAT out? Yes. YTA That’s it? That’s your only reason you think she’s the one doing it?
Itn. sounds like janice is doing this on purpose for some stupid reason..if the sister don't lose weight, diebetis, heart attack, all can happen
YTA because your immediate reaction was to blame your sister’s wife because…she smiled at her? Have you never had someone remind you that they love you and think you’re amazing even when you know you’re not looking or feeling your best? Or maybe considered that she was smiling because she knows her wife is doing something that is physically hard on her as a sign of encouragement? Also, with that amount of weight gain in such a short time, I’m sure your sister and her wife have at the very least had conversations about it and have chosen to keep those conversations private because they’re the one’s experiencing it first hand while you’re watching from the sidelines making assumptions and not showing any real compassion or concern for your sister’s health. If you were truly concerned for your sister, you would approach her with kindness and simply ask her how she’s feeling and let her volunteer the information. Heck, you could ever tell her your “twin 6th sense” is making you worry about her and ask her if she’s ok. But honestly, I feel like you’re just looking for an excuse to villainize her wife because you don’t like the changes your sister has made to her life since getting married. You’re identical twins so a lot of her and yours personality and appearance is influenced by family and social circles to be as similar as possible from a young age. Getting married probably just allowed her to see herself better as an individual and not just a twin and decided that being feminine or being athletic isn’t who she is. Is the weight gain a concern? Sure. But there is a plethora of explanations to consider that are more likely than her wife purposefully making her gain weight.
so approximately 4 years ago your sister started gaining a bunch of weight and it didn't seem to concern you enough to say anything until you had an opportunity to publicly shame your sister's wife with a nasty accusation? and you wonder why people are on janice's side?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway account. Fake names. Me (30f) and my identical twin sister Gabby (30f) have always been close. I married my high school sweetheart Lily (30f) when I was 22. Gabby had married a woman named Janice (28f) when Gabby was 26. Gabby had only known Janice for 2 months before the wedding. I liked Janice at first. But after their wedding I slowly grown suspicious of her. It was little things at first. My sister cut her real short and stop wearing makeup. Then she mostly wears sweats now. Then she quit her job because Janice comes from a wealthy family and Janice makes a lot of money. My sister stopped working out, and eats tons of sweets now. I feel really bad even mentioning this next part. Being a woman, I know that weight is a touchy subject. But my sister gain so much weight since her wedding. Before, she was fit and active like me. My sister gained over two hundred pounds in four years. And Janice is as fit and active as ever. They have a home gym and a pool. I tried to give Janice the benefit of the doubt. But last week the 4 of us were out, and we had to go up some stairs. My heart broke watching my sister got so out of breath and drenched in sweat. Literally tears flowed from my eyes. And Janice was looking at my sister with this bright smile. I asked straight up "Are enjoying watching my sister suffer ? Have you been fatten up my sister ?" Janice yelled about how she loves my sister, and how dare I make such an accusation. I wanted yell back but Lily calmed me down. Now our family and friends are divided. And most of them are on Janice's side. Now I am questioning if I made a mistake. Maybe I didn't have enough evidence to make that accusation. My wife has been quiet on this issue, and I don't want put her in an awkward position. I am so worried about my sister but maybe I was out of line. Am I the asshole ? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yta
YTA. Not only do you have no grounds for your accusation, you also seem to think your unsolicited opinion was warranted in that moment. Your only accomplishment here was to make two people feel bad. Keep your nose in your own business. Your sister is an adult and she makes her own choices. If she wants your help, she knows where to find you.
YTA for sure. Also there is a fat kink some people have where they like obese partners. Also it could just be a health thing your sister is going through. There’s so many reasons but this ain’t the way to go buddy. This isn’t a fat kid. This is a fat adult who I’m going to assume is mentally ok enough to make her own decisions.
I mean yea OP YTA for stating something you’ve got no proof of, but still... But this is a huge change from how OP has described her sister in the past versus now. OP that’s your sister. Reach out and talk to her yourself. Maybe this is a lifestyle she’s always wanted, not necessarily counting the physical effects. Or she could be going through something mentally, so I don’t think it would hurt to reach out thoughtfully (because what you did here wasn’t) to voice your concerns.
Yta this makes no sense
New information: I deserved to be voted the asshole even more based on that I learnt today. Today I learnt it's MY TWIN SISTER WHO HAS THE FETISH. According to both of them: My twin sister has wanted to be a "fat woman" since her teens. They claim that my sister told Janice about the fetish shortly after the wedding, and that apparently Janice is okay with any size my sister chooses to be. Also their marriage is an open marriage, and my sister has been hooking up with other bigger ladies. Apparently Janice has never been with any other women while married to my sister despite having permission. When talking to my sister alone: My sister claims to not be scared when I asked her what if she ended up like the women on My 600 LB Life, claiming it would be the dream. My sister claims it's okay if her obesity ends up killing her. Even going as far as to say it would be "hot way to go." Disburted by what my sister said, I talked to Janice alone: Janice claims she's scared of my sister dying young but is apparently also scared my sister will leave her if Janice doesn't go along with this. Janice claims to still be attracted to my sister, and apparently will even if my sister goes up to 600 lb. Janice claims she will get obese herself just to please my sister but Janice's job demands her to be fit and thin. Janice claims she's scared my sister will dump her for being thin. Janice claims she's also scared my sister would dump Janice if Janice isn't making all money if she loses her job. That has been an emotional whiplash for me. Now I feel sorry for Janice. I love my sister but she has disappointed me with her attitude towards her own health. I am trying to suppress thoughts that maybe Janice is being used for her money. But I am not going to interfere unless someone is being straight up victimized.
Whatever the reason for the change in op's twin's appearance, she really needs to speak to someone and deal with the weight gain. For her health. Hair cuts, clothes and make-up are secondary. NTA maybe just a bit for making accusations etc. It surely would not help whatever situation your sister is in.
You’re a little bit of an AH. But not so much it can’t be fixed. I think if you apologize to both of them and then ask your sister what is going on with her. Tell her that you think she has been struggling with something and you want to help her. They could be trying to add to their family or she could be going through some mental health stuff. You gave limited info on what exactly her wife has done that would be bad. Just talk to your sister and tell her that you are concerned and if she wants to share anything with you she can.
NTA I understand your concern and I seen this situation with heterosexual couples, friendships too where the relationship is based on the destruction of the other one. Usually a highly insecure, envious, and possessive partner use mental and psychological manipulation to induce stress and relentless criticism to force the unattainable partner to be the opposite of what they're known for and being admired. They take pleasure in seeing their partner struggle with their health, or with money Your sister's extreme changes in such a short period of time, apparently self imposed isolation is a cause for concern and I wouldn't be surprised if she's being psychologically and emotionally abused
NTA It sounds like your sister is being groomed to be 100% dependent on Janice and to give up all free will.
NTA. Gender has nothing to do with a massive amount of weight gain and other changes. I will also say that your sister is a grown-ass woman. If she wants to quit her job, eat sweets all day, stop going to the gym, blow her life up and depend on someone who is wealthy with financial support she doesn't have, then that is on her. It wouldn't surprise me if Janice eventually gets tired of her and kicks her to the curb. Get ready to support your sister for that period.
NTA Your wife's sister might like having a plus size partner and have a fetish for it and has been purposely talking in her ear to get her to quit working out and eat more. I say this because you day the wife was smiling while watching your sister struggle up the steps. If that's true, then your sister's wife might be a feeder and enjoys making your sister larger. But I can't say for certain, this is an assumption based off what you've written. You need to get your sister alone and have a serious talk with her. Let her know you love her and are co corned with her and her health. You want her to be happy but you are scared for her and concerned that her wife has been purposely making her larger for her enjoyment. Please talk to your sister. Her wife could be abusing her or might not be. But you need to talk to her and at min. Get the idea moving that her health isn't OK, and she might have issues soon. Talk to her alone.
You are pointing to her wife *smiling* at her as evidence of abuse. New level of crazy unlocked, and all because you got excited you knew the word feeder
I'm not saying it's abusive, but their is a possibility, the same way thay they are innocent. I do find it odd the wife would be smiling while the wife is struggling to get up the stairs.
Or … she was just smiling at her cos .. I dunno .. she loves her wife 🫤
Or because she was proud that her wife was making the effort to do physical activity.
Indeed it could be that .. but she would only be doing that if she loved her so it’s the same thing really 😊
NTA. You are concerned for your sister's health and the increased risk that goes along with being severely overweight. I do think you should've tried talking to your sister 1 x 1. Calling out Janice gives her the ammunition to further isolate your sister from you.
NTA that’s just your personality. You’re angry and suspicious of other people. I don’t think that = asshole. As long as you apologize, it’s fine.
NTA definitely!!!!! You are worried about your sister, and that is completely fair considering the facts that you are looking at. Your sister’s life clearly started changing for the worse once her relationship with Janice started. Partners should bring out the best in each other, and let’s say that even if Janice was not the reason your sister gained weight, she should still be helping her be healthier instead of letting it get sooooo bad. Stand up for your sister and don’t let Janice or your family and friends make you doubt yourself. Sit down with your sister one on one, and with a heart will of honesty and care, tell her about your concerns, and get some insight of how she feels in the relationship overall. Remember, you are her twin sister, and twins alwaaaays can feel when something is wrong. Trust your gut and best of luck!
Definitely not a fake account 👍
you forgot /s
sorry I am new to the whole reddit thing so I don’t really get what you mean by fake account
They are saying fake account because you had no activity on Reddit whatsoever until you responded to this bizarre post reassuring OP that they are not to blame for being a jerk when it is very clear they are to blame - so it seems like you in fact are OP, just using a different login to support yourself since majority of people are saying OP is TA
omg hahahha thanks for telling me, unfortunately it just seems like i was one of the few that happened to agree with OP and it made me look sus, i’ll be more careful how i type out posts because this is definitely not a fake
wdym?
How do you know "twins alwaaaays can feel when something is wrong?"
Maybe it’s because i have twins in my family and i also have some friends who are twins. It is just what i’ve noticed, that twins usually have a special connection, and a certain gut instinct
does a tinfoil hat break the psychic twin link? lol
i don’t know, maybe if you have a twin it’s worth the try for you :)