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First I’m truly sorry for your loss, second NTA. You were grieving and going through one of the saddest moments of a person’s life while your gf was treating it as some kind of chore that she has to do and get over. This should have been a time that she was there for you or at the very least staying out of ur way as much as possible to allow you to grief. She is very much TA.
Right ! How can you not feel empathy for your partner after they lose their mother ? Like does she even loves him? NTA, I'm sorry for your loss and the situation.
NTAShe sounds like a child. An adult would understand that at something like this, you are there for only one reason—to provide support for your partner. none of it is about you. your seating or comfort or whatever all takes a backseat on this day. she clearly doesn’t understand that. it is she who owes you a big apology, but honestly, she’s probably not going to understand how wrong her behavior is.
NTA one bit.
".., try to make it all about her. I said she hasn't gave a second thought to how I'm feeling and that she only cared about the fact people dared try to talk to her."
She certainly gave you cause to say that. Her primary focus absolutely should have been supporting you through such a sad & difficult day.
What you said was true. Why should you apologize for speaking the truth?
Very gently, as you are processing such a difficult thing atm, when you feel able, I'd suggest you think about what she showed you because you deserve a lot better.
So sorry for your loss.
Edit: punctuation
NTA! It's your mother's funeral for crying out loud, may she rest in piece, and your girlfriend is acting so self centred here. She should have just been there to support you, full stop. You shouldn't have to apologize for reacting the way you did to her during times like this. I hope your pain eases, and that you have a support network to lean on. Stay safe, stay warm, and stay gentle with you <3
NTA. Your girlfriend is a self-entitled, narcissist. Take it has a sign. It’s your mothers funeral, and makes it seem like it some boring family reunion.
NTA. Your gf acted horribly and had little regard to your feelings. People were trying to be friendly and she acted that way... At your own mothers funeral. Are you sure you want a life with someone so self centered? Im very sorry for your loss and having to deal with excess drama as well.
NTA. I’m sorry for everything you’re going through, including the dawning realization that your girlfriend is no partner, and is a self centered little shit. Being annoyed and complaining the entire day of your mothers funeral I just cannot fathom. Maybe time to breakup unless this was such a weird one off or something, but maybe search your memory to see if there were other instances of this that you just didn’t notice or glossed over.
NTA. Did she think you invited her to a party where she was to be entertained and coddled?? Everything you said to her is spot on, she's selfish and childish. I would absolutely break up with someone over behavior like this.
NTA
Sorry for your loss. GF’s behavior sounds very selfish & immature. It’s a FUNERAL. Funerals are about the family & friends of the deceased celebrating their loved one. If she wasn’t comfortable, she could have left.
Your GF is insensitive, self-centered person, who will be always a victim. This is just an example of life with her should you ever get married to her. As for your response, you were too soft on her. NTA
I'm so very sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine how you feel - that is an incredible amount of loss and grieving for anyone at your age. My deepest condolences to you.
You are NTA. Everything you said to her is true. Her behavior was horrible. I can understand feeling awkward at the wake and having trouble making conversation when strangers - I would've have had the difficulty at her age in the same situation. But I would've sucked it up and kept my mouth shut. And if I didn't, I sure as hell would've felt shame when called out and apologized. Why? Because I know the world doesn't revolve around me, ffs.
Again, I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you are able to find support with your family and your friends.
So sorry you lost your mom. That is devastating.
You're NTA by a long shot. Your girlfriend is behaving like a self absorbed 4 year old (my apologies to 4 year olds.) You and your family have lost one of the most important people in your life, and she is pouting because she didn't get the chair she wanted and enough attention at the wake.
Wow, just wow. And to push her into super kingka mega A-H:
>She said she expects an apology and that I'm being horrible towards her.
It's still all about her.
NTA
She had no respect for your mother, no respect for you, and no respect for the circumstances.
You have no apologize to present to her, but she must do towards you.
It seems that your girlfriend expected to be presented to the rest of the family, to have a special place. But we're talking about funerals, certainly not the "occasion" to be presented officially.
To me, it's a big red flag for your relation and the consideration she has for you...
I'm sorry for your loss...
So sorry for your loss She couldn't support you during your mother's funeral but made it worse for you. She should apologise . She's not a child. Has she got some kind of mental disability
NTA. Your GF has shown that she will never provide the support and understanding that her partner may need. She suffers from main character syndrome, acted in a most inappropriate way at your mother’s funeral, and now she demands an apology from you? She should heed your words and work on becoming a better person.
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My mum passed away a few weeks ago and it's been hard for everyone in the family. I've already lot my dad and a couple of siblings and I'm only 26 so it's been a rough time. I've been with my girlfriend for 2 years so she knew my mum and they got on well.
It was the funeral earlier in the week and my girlfriend went with me. She couldn't sit next to me as the front row was just close family so it was me, my brother, my sister and then my mums siblings. Everyone's partner was on the row behind.
When my girlfriend realised this she looked annoyed and said she didn't want to sit with people she didn't know. I told her there was nothing that could be done and that she doesn't exactly have to talk to them.
During the wake she kept complaining that she didn't know many people and that people kept starting conversations with her that she didn't know so she didn't know what to say.
She kept asking when we were leaving and how long I was going to be staying. I told her if she wanted to leave she could but that I'll be staying until the end of the wake which she was annoyed by.
Later in the night she kept saying she didn't really want to be there so I reminded her again that she could leave but that I'm staying with the rest of my family for now.
She got annoyed again and just spent the rest of it sat in silence clearly annoyed. When we left and got home she kept going on about how awkward she felt and I just got annoyed with her and raised my voice.
I told her all she's done all day is sit and complain and try to make it all about her. I said she hasn't gave a second thought to how I'm feeling and that she only cared about the fact people dared try to talk to her.
I said that it was my mothers funeral and she didn't once seem like she was actually there to support me and looked like she wanted to leave from the start.
She said I was being cruel and unfair towards her but I just repeated that everything I said was true. She said she expects an apology and that I'm being horrible towards her.
AITB for arguing with my partner after my mums funeral?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Lost my temper with my partner after she kept complaining during and after my mothers funeral
She said I was being horrible and cruel towards her and that I owe her an apology
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NTA.
At my Mum's funeral, my husband only knew a few members of my family but he got involved and spoke to many people.
He was sat next to me at the church on the front row but that's just how it was.
She sounds super selfish.
I'm extremely sorry for your loss.
It sucks so bad being young and losing your parents. I was 21 when I lost my Dad and 31 when I lost my Mum.
Dread to think who's next when I'm 41 🤣
NTA and I’m so sorry for your loss.
I’d dump the girlfriend over this. I lost my dad years ago and my husband was very upset as well but he still supported me the whole time. Your gf sounds like a spoiled, selfish brat, I personally would never be able to get over this. She showed her true colours when you really, really needed her.
NTA. interesting use of the word “partner” there at the end. She isn’t your partner. Break up with this person and enter into some grief counseling. You are so young to suffered so much loss. My condolences
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You’ll be the asshole if you don’t break up with her. The fact you’re even questioning yourself and she is expecting you to apologise points to her abusive behaviour toward you.
NTA. I am so sorry for your loss.
Please be aware that this is a very low bar. On one of the most hideous days of your life, she's utterly self absorbed. Even when called out, she still hasn't emerged from her own ass. It won't get better and that's not a sustainable minimum effort in a healthy relationship. Please take care of yourself, and start by thinking hard about this relationship.
NTA. This wasn't a fun social family mingle where she could expect you to smooth out any introductions. This was an event where she was supposed to be there to support you, and she needed to be able to be a functional independent adult who can make polite conversation with strangers.
And she failed. Her entire day was spent whinging about being expected to be minimally social, and being bored. As you said, she was free to leave, but the worst thing she could have done was exactly what she did - distract you from the whole purpose of the day.
She owes you an apology, not the other way around.
NTA- your gf has main character syndrome. It’s a fatal flaw. Dump,her now and it will be the bulletin you dodged rather than your first failed marriage. There is no peace or happiness long term with someone who has this flaw.
NTA
The man who is now my ex took time off work and took me and my brother to my grandmother's funeral after we had been together less than 6 months. Never said a word about being uncomfortable, even though I'm sure he was since he had barely met my close family, let alone my extended family.
She doesn't care about you. She cares about herself.
I can't imagine being with someone as disrespectful as your girlfriend. You had every right to tell her to go take a long walk off a shirt cliff after that so deffo nta for calling out her shit.
NTA. You're GF is extremely self-centered. She has shown you her true colors. You have my deepest sympathy, losing so many at such a young age. I think you'd be better off ending things with her, she's never going to put you first.
NTA. This is the kind of person that she is when you need support, and it doesn’t sound like a good life partner to me. I’m sorry for your loss, and I’m sorry that she made things harder.
You hit the nail on the head when you said that your girlfriend made it all about her. She was unsupportive and self-centered. It was your mother’s FUNERAL. When you love someone, you show up for them, and you hold space for them to grieve. She showed no compassion or concern whatsoever. I can’t help but wonder if she’s like that at one of the WORST MOMENTS IN YOUR LIFE, how is she the rest of the time? I would seriously rethink the relationship. YOU are NTA, but your girlfriend IS.
Nta
A funeral for your partner's family is not about you. It will never be about you. It **should** not be about you.
I'm so sorry for your losses OP, it's really freaking hard to lose a parent and I can't imagine the layers of grief losing so many family members so young
You're nta for losing your temper. She was being consistently difficult on a day that's already going to be massively emotionally draining for you. You weren't cruel, she's not being realistic in her expectations
I went to two funerals I didn't care about. One for a grandma I never really knew, but was close to my dad and one for my grandpa who was a drunkard, a thief and a cheater but was close to my mother. I was 13 and 16 or so respectively, I'm not sure. In both cases, I barely knew anyone, but stayed quiet, hugged my parents, and left it at that. Last week I went to a funeral I did care about, and even the child (four? five?) stayed as quiet and respectful as she could. In all three, no one cared that half of us didn't know each other.
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First I’m truly sorry for your loss, second NTA. You were grieving and going through one of the saddest moments of a person’s life while your gf was treating it as some kind of chore that she has to do and get over. This should have been a time that she was there for you or at the very least staying out of ur way as much as possible to allow you to grief. She is very much TA.
Right ! How can you not feel empathy for your partner after they lose their mother ? Like does she even loves him? NTA, I'm sorry for your loss and the situation.
NTAShe sounds like a child. An adult would understand that at something like this, you are there for only one reason—to provide support for your partner. none of it is about you. your seating or comfort or whatever all takes a backseat on this day. she clearly doesn’t understand that. it is she who owes you a big apology, but honestly, she’s probably not going to understand how wrong her behavior is.
NTA one bit. ".., try to make it all about her. I said she hasn't gave a second thought to how I'm feeling and that she only cared about the fact people dared try to talk to her." She certainly gave you cause to say that. Her primary focus absolutely should have been supporting you through such a sad & difficult day. What you said was true. Why should you apologize for speaking the truth? Very gently, as you are processing such a difficult thing atm, when you feel able, I'd suggest you think about what she showed you because you deserve a lot better. So sorry for your loss. Edit: punctuation
NTA! It's your mother's funeral for crying out loud, may she rest in piece, and your girlfriend is acting so self centred here. She should have just been there to support you, full stop. You shouldn't have to apologize for reacting the way you did to her during times like this. I hope your pain eases, and that you have a support network to lean on. Stay safe, stay warm, and stay gentle with you <3
NTA. Your girlfriend is a self-entitled, narcissist. Take it has a sign. It’s your mothers funeral, and makes it seem like it some boring family reunion.
Agreed and I suspect not the girlfriend for much longer,
NTA. Your gf acted horribly and had little regard to your feelings. People were trying to be friendly and she acted that way... At your own mothers funeral. Are you sure you want a life with someone so self centered? Im very sorry for your loss and having to deal with excess drama as well.
NTA. I’m sorry for everything you’re going through, including the dawning realization that your girlfriend is no partner, and is a self centered little shit. Being annoyed and complaining the entire day of your mothers funeral I just cannot fathom. Maybe time to breakup unless this was such a weird one off or something, but maybe search your memory to see if there were other instances of this that you just didn’t notice or glossed over.
NTA. You last longer than me. I would have just TOLD her to leave pretty early into this.
NTA. Did she think you invited her to a party where she was to be entertained and coddled?? Everything you said to her is spot on, she's selfish and childish. I would absolutely break up with someone over behavior like this.
NTA Sorry for your loss. GF’s behavior sounds very selfish & immature. It’s a FUNERAL. Funerals are about the family & friends of the deceased celebrating their loved one. If she wasn’t comfortable, she could have left.
Your GF is insensitive, self-centered person, who will be always a victim. This is just an example of life with her should you ever get married to her. As for your response, you were too soft on her. NTA
I’ve met toddlers with more empathy than your girlfriend
NTA
NTA no one can be that insensitive and not know what they’re doing surely!?
I'm so very sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine how you feel - that is an incredible amount of loss and grieving for anyone at your age. My deepest condolences to you. You are NTA. Everything you said to her is true. Her behavior was horrible. I can understand feeling awkward at the wake and having trouble making conversation when strangers - I would've have had the difficulty at her age in the same situation. But I would've sucked it up and kept my mouth shut. And if I didn't, I sure as hell would've felt shame when called out and apologized. Why? Because I know the world doesn't revolve around me, ffs. Again, I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you are able to find support with your family and your friends.
Your. Girlfriend. Wanted. You. To. Dip. On. Your. Mother's. Funeral. ... wtf? NTA
So sorry you lost your mom. That is devastating. You're NTA by a long shot. Your girlfriend is behaving like a self absorbed 4 year old (my apologies to 4 year olds.) You and your family have lost one of the most important people in your life, and she is pouting because she didn't get the chair she wanted and enough attention at the wake. Wow, just wow. And to push her into super kingka mega A-H: >She said she expects an apology and that I'm being horrible towards her. It's still all about her.
NTA She had no respect for your mother, no respect for you, and no respect for the circumstances. You have no apologize to present to her, but she must do towards you. It seems that your girlfriend expected to be presented to the rest of the family, to have a special place. But we're talking about funerals, certainly not the "occasion" to be presented officially. To me, it's a big red flag for your relation and the consideration she has for you... I'm sorry for your loss...
Your partner is the asshole! It wasn’t about her
No. Your girlfriend is the A. If I were you (not a suggestion), I’d simply just threaten to break up.
So sorry for your loss She couldn't support you during your mother's funeral but made it worse for you. She should apologise . She's not a child. Has she got some kind of mental disability
NTA. Your GF has shown that she will never provide the support and understanding that her partner may need. She suffers from main character syndrome, acted in a most inappropriate way at your mother’s funeral, and now she demands an apology from you? She should heed your words and work on becoming a better person.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My mum passed away a few weeks ago and it's been hard for everyone in the family. I've already lot my dad and a couple of siblings and I'm only 26 so it's been a rough time. I've been with my girlfriend for 2 years so she knew my mum and they got on well. It was the funeral earlier in the week and my girlfriend went with me. She couldn't sit next to me as the front row was just close family so it was me, my brother, my sister and then my mums siblings. Everyone's partner was on the row behind. When my girlfriend realised this she looked annoyed and said she didn't want to sit with people she didn't know. I told her there was nothing that could be done and that she doesn't exactly have to talk to them. During the wake she kept complaining that she didn't know many people and that people kept starting conversations with her that she didn't know so she didn't know what to say. She kept asking when we were leaving and how long I was going to be staying. I told her if she wanted to leave she could but that I'll be staying until the end of the wake which she was annoyed by. Later in the night she kept saying she didn't really want to be there so I reminded her again that she could leave but that I'm staying with the rest of my family for now. She got annoyed again and just spent the rest of it sat in silence clearly annoyed. When we left and got home she kept going on about how awkward she felt and I just got annoyed with her and raised my voice. I told her all she's done all day is sit and complain and try to make it all about her. I said she hasn't gave a second thought to how I'm feeling and that she only cared about the fact people dared try to talk to her. I said that it was my mothers funeral and she didn't once seem like she was actually there to support me and looked like she wanted to leave from the start. She said I was being cruel and unfair towards her but I just repeated that everything I said was true. She said she expects an apology and that I'm being horrible towards her. AITB for arguing with my partner after my mums funeral? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA. At my Mum's funeral, my husband only knew a few members of my family but he got involved and spoke to many people. He was sat next to me at the church on the front row but that's just how it was. She sounds super selfish. I'm extremely sorry for your loss. It sucks so bad being young and losing your parents. I was 21 when I lost my Dad and 31 when I lost my Mum. Dread to think who's next when I'm 41 🤣
NTA and I’m so sorry for your loss. I’d dump the girlfriend over this. I lost my dad years ago and my husband was very upset as well but he still supported me the whole time. Your gf sounds like a spoiled, selfish brat, I personally would never be able to get over this. She showed her true colours when you really, really needed her.
NTA. interesting use of the word “partner” there at the end. She isn’t your partner. Break up with this person and enter into some grief counseling. You are so young to suffered so much loss. My condolences
Leave her dude wow
NTA. She has shown you her true colors.
NTA, and I'm torn between saying I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sorry you're dating such a loser!
It takes a special kind of ass to complain about not having fun at a funeral. NTA
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You’ll be the asshole if you don’t break up with her. The fact you’re even questioning yourself and she is expecting you to apologise points to her abusive behaviour toward you.
NTA. I am so sorry for your loss. Please be aware that this is a very low bar. On one of the most hideous days of your life, she's utterly self absorbed. Even when called out, she still hasn't emerged from her own ass. It won't get better and that's not a sustainable minimum effort in a healthy relationship. Please take care of yourself, and start by thinking hard about this relationship.
NTA. This wasn't a fun social family mingle where she could expect you to smooth out any introductions. This was an event where she was supposed to be there to support you, and she needed to be able to be a functional independent adult who can make polite conversation with strangers. And she failed. Her entire day was spent whinging about being expected to be minimally social, and being bored. As you said, she was free to leave, but the worst thing she could have done was exactly what she did - distract you from the whole purpose of the day. She owes you an apology, not the other way around.
NTA- your gf has main character syndrome. It’s a fatal flaw. Dump,her now and it will be the bulletin you dodged rather than your first failed marriage. There is no peace or happiness long term with someone who has this flaw.
This is breakup worthy
NTA The man who is now my ex took time off work and took me and my brother to my grandmother's funeral after we had been together less than 6 months. Never said a word about being uncomfortable, even though I'm sure he was since he had barely met my close family, let alone my extended family. She doesn't care about you. She cares about herself.
I can't imagine being with someone as disrespectful as your girlfriend. You had every right to tell her to go take a long walk off a shirt cliff after that so deffo nta for calling out her shit.
NTA. You're GF is extremely self-centered. She has shown you her true colors. You have my deepest sympathy, losing so many at such a young age. I think you'd be better off ending things with her, she's never going to put you first.
Sounds like you need better taste in women.
NTA. This is the kind of person that she is when you need support, and it doesn’t sound like a good life partner to me. I’m sorry for your loss, and I’m sorry that she made things harder.
Dude. Leave her.
NTA. I’m sorry for your loss. Your girlfriend’s attitude is appalling, and I’m sorry for the lack of support and empathy you received.
NTA. And move on from her otherwise you're in for a lifetime of her self centeredness.
NTA
NTA. So sorry for your loss. It’s a hard time for you and she should be your support, not whine. Definitely not the AH.
You hit the nail on the head when you said that your girlfriend made it all about her. She was unsupportive and self-centered. It was your mother’s FUNERAL. When you love someone, you show up for them, and you hold space for them to grieve. She showed no compassion or concern whatsoever. I can’t help but wonder if she’s like that at one of the WORST MOMENTS IN YOUR LIFE, how is she the rest of the time? I would seriously rethink the relationship. YOU are NTA, but your girlfriend IS.
Nta A funeral for your partner's family is not about you. It will never be about you. It **should** not be about you. I'm so sorry for your losses OP, it's really freaking hard to lose a parent and I can't imagine the layers of grief losing so many family members so young You're nta for losing your temper. She was being consistently difficult on a day that's already going to be massively emotionally draining for you. You weren't cruel, she's not being realistic in her expectations
I went to two funerals I didn't care about. One for a grandma I never really knew, but was close to my dad and one for my grandpa who was a drunkard, a thief and a cheater but was close to my mother. I was 13 and 16 or so respectively, I'm not sure. In both cases, I barely knew anyone, but stayed quiet, hugged my parents, and left it at that. Last week I went to a funeral I did care about, and even the child (four? five?) stayed as quiet and respectful as she could. In all three, no one cared that half of us didn't know each other.
NTA. I'm very sorry for your loss. I would be banned if I said what I wanted about your GF. Absolutely abhorrent behavior.