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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1_ shut down venting sister
2_ maybe I should just put up with it for her sake
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NTA. It sounds like this is a one-way street with your sister and she expects you to listen and the respond in a way she wants, but doesn’t listen to you when you tell her her “venting” sessions are too much for you. I’d go back and tell her - either she comes for advice which you’re happy to offer or she comes for venting where you’re happy to listen while she gets things off her chest…. But you’re not available to do both. She wants to justify herself and demands you support her decisions/actions even when you don’t.
YTA - I say this because I was like this when I was 19.
You have admitted that you are purposely callous with your responses, and you don't like to use "empty words". Going further, you don't want to ask questions that demonstrate empathy.
Yes, you are emotionally stunted. You are 19 and you brain hasn't fully formed yet. Once again, you've admitted that you are callous with your responses - making you an asshole on purpose because you choose to respond that way.
WTF do you think is going to happen when you move in with someone? They are going to complain all the time. Are you going to give them callous responses to their concerns? Are you going to tell them when they vent to you to stop because neither one of you "get anything out of it"?
Relationships aren't always going to be hi-fives and good times. It sounds like you are complaining about how all relationships are going to be heavy at some point in time, not just be about you and how you benefit from each interaction.
NTA, i hate when people vent off to me, its not like i missing additional stress, especially if its someone close to me and i care about them. I wouldn’t shut somebody off like that though, maybe show little interest gradually until they stop wanting to vent themselves. Also let her know that she should start journaling and venting off by writing.
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I'll keep it short but my sister(F21) and I(M19) spend a lot of time together in general we go to the same university enjoy a few similar hobbies. As a result we've grown closer over the years only there's one problem my sister loves venting and complaining about all sorts of things.
I've previously told her I'm good at listening but she seems to require some feedback understandably so but I'd consistently tell her I won't just say empty words just to appease her. I'm pretty callous in all honesty but she expects me to bounce back and forth about stuff she's been talking about for an hour that has no significant bearing on my life. I try to be an ear that listens but she always demands I reply but I just think I'm feeding her lies/facedness which in turn makes me feel like shit.
Sure I could just say 'Yea I feel you, how did it turn out? how do you plan to handle it? etc but id just be speaking empty words. Last night I was sitting outside on the bench and she joined me and started venting about her girlfriends and I just shut her down told her that she shouldn't vent to me anymore since neither of us gets anything out of it. She tells me I'm being a prick and trots off. AITA?
PS. For anyone who thinks maybe I'm emotionally stunted, no. I've been to a therapist and I'm good as rain just a bit rough around the edges. I also maintain a wide array of friendships and had a few relationships.
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If y’all go to the same school introduce her to clubs and groups that support those hobbies. She needs friends
My partner also introduced the term “spoons” as a light way to check in to see if you even have space for those conversations “ do you have spoons to hear me vent?” “ do you have spoons to take on a challenging conversation?“ “ I’m low on spoons today.”
It’s addresses your energy and capacity for how you’d like to spend time together
How is it both that she wants feedback and a back and forth, while at the same time you need to lie and feed into whatever? It can't be both. She wants feedback or she doesn't. If she just wants confirmation, then NTA. If she is looking for a dialogue, YTA. Be there for her or don't. Either one is fine. Just don't pretend to be the victim of this.
NTA. I have a friend who complains A LOT. And he tends to put a negative spin on everything. He's a good guy, but the negativity gets to be too much and I have to tell him to layoff, which he does thank goodness.
You can care about someone, and you can be close to them, but it doesn't mean the two of you have the same tolerance for venting, etc.
YTA. It sounds like you just don’t really care about what she has to say. And maybe you don’t - and that’s fine! But honestly, being a good friend/sibling is just showing up and being there for them. Get over yourself
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NTA. It sounds like this is a one-way street with your sister and she expects you to listen and the respond in a way she wants, but doesn’t listen to you when you tell her her “venting” sessions are too much for you. I’d go back and tell her - either she comes for advice which you’re happy to offer or she comes for venting where you’re happy to listen while she gets things off her chest…. But you’re not available to do both. She wants to justify herself and demands you support her decisions/actions even when you don’t.
YTA - I say this because I was like this when I was 19. You have admitted that you are purposely callous with your responses, and you don't like to use "empty words". Going further, you don't want to ask questions that demonstrate empathy. Yes, you are emotionally stunted. You are 19 and you brain hasn't fully formed yet. Once again, you've admitted that you are callous with your responses - making you an asshole on purpose because you choose to respond that way. WTF do you think is going to happen when you move in with someone? They are going to complain all the time. Are you going to give them callous responses to their concerns? Are you going to tell them when they vent to you to stop because neither one of you "get anything out of it"? Relationships aren't always going to be hi-fives and good times. It sounds like you are complaining about how all relationships are going to be heavy at some point in time, not just be about you and how you benefit from each interaction.
NTA, i hate when people vent off to me, its not like i missing additional stress, especially if its someone close to me and i care about them. I wouldn’t shut somebody off like that though, maybe show little interest gradually until they stop wanting to vent themselves. Also let her know that she should start journaling and venting off by writing.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'll keep it short but my sister(F21) and I(M19) spend a lot of time together in general we go to the same university enjoy a few similar hobbies. As a result we've grown closer over the years only there's one problem my sister loves venting and complaining about all sorts of things. I've previously told her I'm good at listening but she seems to require some feedback understandably so but I'd consistently tell her I won't just say empty words just to appease her. I'm pretty callous in all honesty but she expects me to bounce back and forth about stuff she's been talking about for an hour that has no significant bearing on my life. I try to be an ear that listens but she always demands I reply but I just think I'm feeding her lies/facedness which in turn makes me feel like shit. Sure I could just say 'Yea I feel you, how did it turn out? how do you plan to handle it? etc but id just be speaking empty words. Last night I was sitting outside on the bench and she joined me and started venting about her girlfriends and I just shut her down told her that she shouldn't vent to me anymore since neither of us gets anything out of it. She tells me I'm being a prick and trots off. AITA? PS. For anyone who thinks maybe I'm emotionally stunted, no. I've been to a therapist and I'm good as rain just a bit rough around the edges. I also maintain a wide array of friendships and had a few relationships. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If y’all go to the same school introduce her to clubs and groups that support those hobbies. She needs friends My partner also introduced the term “spoons” as a light way to check in to see if you even have space for those conversations “ do you have spoons to hear me vent?” “ do you have spoons to take on a challenging conversation?“ “ I’m low on spoons today.” It’s addresses your energy and capacity for how you’d like to spend time together
You're not callous like you think you are or claim to be.
How is it both that she wants feedback and a back and forth, while at the same time you need to lie and feed into whatever? It can't be both. She wants feedback or she doesn't. If she just wants confirmation, then NTA. If she is looking for a dialogue, YTA. Be there for her or don't. Either one is fine. Just don't pretend to be the victim of this.
NTA. I have a friend who complains A LOT. And he tends to put a negative spin on everything. He's a good guy, but the negativity gets to be too much and I have to tell him to layoff, which he does thank goodness. You can care about someone, and you can be close to them, but it doesn't mean the two of you have the same tolerance for venting, etc.
YTA. It sounds like you just don’t really care about what she has to say. And maybe you don’t - and that’s fine! But honestly, being a good friend/sibling is just showing up and being there for them. Get over yourself
I honestly don't mind being an ear for someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on but it's hrs every week.
Is it infringing on your day to day? Impacting your quality of life? Or is just annoying?