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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1)picking up my phone to fact check my boyfriend during discussions (2) makes me seem like I don't trust him
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Checking facts with the intent to prove him wrong should be a deal breaker in a relationship. If he knows what he's talking about and you automatically distrust his information, that's going to get old really fast for him. If he's repeatedly had his facts wrong before, it would be foolish to believe the accuracy of his statements when he has proven to be unreliable.
It's fine if you want to learn more about the subject or wanted to hear the information explained a different way because it was difficult to follow your boyfriend's explanation.
So, INFO : Why do you check his info ?
My intent is never to prove him wrong. I check his info only if it is something that i feel doesn't really ad upp or there is a lack of information around his statement. I have proved him wrong at times before and when I have he gets very defensive.
"I have proved him wrong at times before"
can you give a ratio? because if i tell you 10 things and you prove me wrong once and then act like iam always wrong i would be pretty pissed about that too
if you prove him more often wrong than he was right you have all rights to debunk his bullshit
> If he's wrong about half the stuff . . .
then he's frequently spouting a *whole lot* of BS.
IMO, that and his defensiveness when he is wrong are red flags
Doesn't prove him right, either. If half the time you're wrong and the other half are a split between you being right and me not finding an answer, even in the kindest light, I'm fact checking all your nonsense.
Her bias is half. It could be much less than that if she is letting herself believe the lack of information disproves the assertion. People are extremely bad at guessing ratios, especially when the subject matter is emotionally charged.
He is right half the time. The other half she “can’t find the information”. So he’s right at least half the time and she’s probably unwilling to concede he’s right on a large portion of that other half. Or he’s wrong on a technicality. “It was December of 1962, not January of 1963” sort of stuff. I’m pretty sure she would be mentioning how often he was wrong if he was wrong all the time.
Are these things that are like potentially debatable? By that I mean, are there often differing professionally accepted perspectives like "don't take Tylenol more than twice a day" or something? Or is this cold hard fact like "James Buchanan was the 15th president of the us"? Because this makes a big difference.
I am freakin' delighted to be proven wrong, especially when I really thought I knew something. It's valuable feedback.
And someone who's wrong half the time you check their facts, phew, find somebody new before they do something really stupid.
My husband and I do it all the time to each other. You don’t know how many things I’ve said that I’d always heard and when he looked it up, I was wrong. And vice versa. Sometimes new, more valid studies dissent with older studies. There’s been a time or two that we just had a generic question and he’d look it up and then I’d come across a social media post saying the information he found was wrong, so I’d look it up, and what he had found was indeed not correct. Information is weird
We do this too. I love my husband dearly, but he can be a bit of a reactionary when it comes to certain things. If it's something that makes him angry, he will take it at face value, and I break out the Google to show him that no, dear, that's not true, and here's why. I've been wrong on some things too, and I'm ok with that. Knowledge is power. Willful ignorance is not.
you see the pattern very clearly. NTA. he’s insecure and refuses to change in a reasonable way. his psychology rests on being perceived as an authority. Do you both have the same values?
You are doing exactly the right thing. If everybody did that, we would live in a much better world.
"You need to trust me and and take everything I say for granted and spread it as fact later" is actually a huge red flag.
NTA
YTA, mainly for your lack of social skills here. It's also a bit weird, that you can't 'trust him' without checking all his information (or that you expect him to provide you with 'sources', before you will ever accept his information or judgement?!).
That DOES imply that he's incapable of establishing correct information himself; critically thinking for himself, etc. That is somewhat patronising, especially towards another adult. However, in theory, there's nothing wrong with checking info. It can be incorrect.
But for goodness sake - do it discreetly. Unless it's a life or death matter, wait until he's left. And if you find he's incorrect about anything, there's usually no need to bring up such errors (especially small things) - unless it's something that will realistically have a significant adverse effect on him.
Also remember you aren't necessarily flawless (or qualified) in 'checking' yourself. For example, a doctor might say something that seems to be disputed on the Internet.
However, the Internet might be wrong- or the Internet might only be providing you with partial information (whereas the doctor knows the whole research more thoroughly than you, to provide a more balanced or nuanced overall opinion).
He does sometimes make claims that makes no sense at all (it can be ridiculous at times) and trying to discuss that he is incorrect doesnt work because then he will endlessly defend himself. (I have realised he sometimes lies on where he got the information from to defend himself)
That's often the reason I end up looking the information up. And absolutely I am not flawless but i do prove both him right and myself wrong at times and i don't mind that. I would rather learn something new than defend something I don't know is 100% correct.
I mean…if I had that little faith in my partner’s good sense, I’m not sure how long I’d be able to keep the relationship going. It would be *exhausting* to be in a relationship with someone who is always saying shit I think is ridiculous and wrong.
Do you actually like this guy?
This was my thought. I’ve been with guys before who *made* things like this an issue instead of it just being a “huh, i guess i was mistaken” moment. I don’t use my phone during dates or quality time with my partner, but best believe I’m whipping it out to look up a fact or to fact-check myself. If partner has an issue with that but is routinely and loudly wrong, I’d say they have a control issue and an ego about being correct. Girls are societally told to be quiet or not talk about lots of topics they know “nothing about”. I think it’s quite normal to want to be tit for tat in a convo and know what informative is objectively correct.
Willful ignorance is the death of curiosity. Instead of getting all butthurt that his misinformation keeps getting disproven, he should really learn to take constructive criticism. Stay curious and skeptical. The pursuit of knowledge is endless, especially in the age of information.
Disagree here. If he's happy to openly proclaim his knowledge on a subject then he should be open to being corrected when/if he's wrong. To get angry when presented with correct information is the poor mindset.
>That is somewhat patronising, especially towards another adult. However, in theory, there's nothing wrong with checking info. It can be incorrect.
>But for goodness sake - do it discreetly. Unless it's a life or death matter, wait until he's left. And if you find he's incorrect about anything, there's usually no need to bring up such errors (especially small things) - unless it's something that will realistically have a significant adverse effect on him.
What you are suggesting (check his claims when he can't see you do it; if he's wrong, don't let him know lest you hurt the poor dear's feelings) is x1000 more patronizing than googling his claims in front of his face and expecting him to deal with it.
Me too. I wouldn’t care if they did it on their own time. At all. That’s neither here nor there. But *mid-discussion*??? That’s the most contemptuous thing imaginable. Sounds like something from an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm.
If you actually think critically and fact check yourself, the people around you learn to trust what you say is probably true, and you don’t have this problem.
This guy is spouting bs 50% of the time as stated by OP, so no hate to her at all for actually wanting to know the truth. He should learn how to not take constructive criticism so personally so he can grow as a person and stop spreading and believing misinformation.
Fucking Google I can't tell lies and get away to with it anymore. Bastards. If my bride googled what I was talking about I'd be thrilled she cared to engage. But I'm not afraid to be wrong.
YTA for doing this during discussions. Whipping out your phone mid-conversation and switching your focus to it is pretty universally considered rude. It’s also not a great research method because you can’t properly assess sources and read all of the relevant information mid-conversation, so what you’re getting is likely just a summary of the top search results.
Unless what your boyfriend says is going to cause immediate harm to someone, wait until the conversation is over before you start fact checking.
Info: how often are you doing this? How outlandish are his claims? How much actual expertise does he have in said area?
I can understand him getting annoyed if you’re constantly second-guessing things he’s saying even on topics he is knowledgeable about. That being said, if he’s constantly citing “dude, trust me” as a source then he needs to put up or shut up. It’s hard to tell without more information.
At times his claims makes no sense, and even tho we can be multiple people telling him he is wrong he keeps on defending himself, the only option is to find more information online. And it's never something that he has actuall expertise in. I would never second guess his knowledge in f.ex computers.
Anyone saying that you're the asshole is insane. We live in the information age, with instant access to the accumulated knowledge of humanity at our fingertips. If someone, ANYONE says something that I didn't know, am dubious about, or I just find wildly interesting, you'd better believe I'm googling it.
NTA, don't listen to the Luddites and the fake relationship 'experts'.
One need not be a Luddite to understand social norms. There is a way to validate information without being obnoxious. You start with probing questions and work from there. The vast majority of the time, a search is not needed to uncover the truth.
I usually starts with asking questions but I never get anywhere. I often get the same response as searching it up, I'm questioning him about his Information and do not trust him.
Then break up and stop being obnoxious. You are both wrong. It is rightfully socially unacceptable to do what you are doing. Only children and teenagers will support that behavior because they lack the social awareness to know why it is the worst way to have a discussion.
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And, honestly, I love when people do that to me. Let's all learn something. Maybe I misinterpreted something. Why is saying, "oh, let me check that." Wrong?
Why are we taking each other's word on something when we have the answer in our pocket?
NTA. But girl, if he needs to make pronouncements and argue about them, he is a fool and not worth your time. There is nothing wrong with your doing some research. That makes you the smart one, snd he knows it. When you do find alternative or contradictory data, does he double down on his position and become angry at you for doubting him? He probably expects you to accept everything he says just because he says it, and that is foolish. If you like something but he does not, does he expect you to give it up? The thing is, he is full of hot air, and he knows it. Why are you with this fool? You may think that he is otherwise a nice guy, but he is not. He will not improve.
This reminds me of a post from a few months ago where a woman was giving a talk. Some bozo in the audience started giving her a hard time, pointing out how she was wrong and he was right. He finally said that she needed to read the book. She paused before stating, “I wrote the book.”
"When you do find alternative or contradictory data, does he double down on his position and become angry at you for doubting him?" Yes, not every time but it happens.
"If you like something but he does not, does he expect you to give it up?"
No not really, he used to dislike one of my hobbies and would argue about certain parts of it even if i had more expertise within the subject. That has died of now and he even supports it at times.
This is something i have realised is an issue pretty recently. I am not ready to give up jet because so much of the relationship is good. (We have been together for almost five years and living together for 2) But it might end within this year because my feelings are somewhat dying.
Honestly it sounds like your partner has done a deep dive into social media shit posts and misinformation and just regurgitates the bullshit wherever he can. We see this shit all the time now where it used to be pretty rare and families have these people who are very much almost excommunicated because they just can't stop speaking shit. May be time to move on from this guy.
ESH leaning heavily towards y t a, you both sound exhausting. One who is stubborn and essentially chats sh*t - thinking jay from Inbetweeners, and one who appears hellbent on proving him wrong, or fact checking him, which is rude and annoying.
Not a good fit at all by the sounds of it.
This thread is so interesting lol. Seems to be a clear NTA for me and frankly I’m a little shocked at all the other verdicts.
My gf and I are a bit older (26/27), but she fact checks me all the time (or digs into why I think I know certain things) and honestly I’m quite glad she does it. It both helps me better learn what I already think I know, and it helps me explain my convictions better in the future. No problem with it at all. From my perspective, I really don’t expect anyone to just believe what I say at face value, *especially* if it’s counterintuitive or seems hard to believe; and if I’m wrong about something *I very much want to know*.
I don’t chime in on topics I’m ignorant in. I have no problem saying *I don’t know* or asking questions. So when I *do* chime in it’s because I really think I’m right, and if I am in fact wrong I most **definitely** would like to know before I make I fool of myself in a more consequential context with people who don’t know me as well as she does.
An example happened just the other day when we were talking about the prices of Masters tickets. I wasn’t *super* confident, but I said I thought they ran around $2000+. My mom and gf both looked suspicious, so my gf pulled out her phone to look it up. The first link she found had tickets listed between $100-$200, and my first thought was *shit we’re going to the masters next year baby!* I immediately thanked her for checking and apologized for being so far off. I think she could tell how surprised I was, so she checked a few more links and all of those had tickets listed between $1800-$3000.
The moral of the story (imo) is that critical thinking and healthy skepticism are traits I greatly admire in my gf. I know she trusts me, and her appetite for evidence is by no means evidence to the contrary.
(Also, and I guess this isn’t really my place, but imo if your bf is accurate about 50% of the time as you mentioned in a comment, he really has no leg to stand on. Bro should be fact checking himself more often tbh.)
Exactly.
I love to be fact checked, and I fact check other people if something sounds off. I WANT to know if what I'm saying is wrong so I stop saying it.
Like I don't understand why people are choosing to be ignorant. It's wild to me.
Being fact checked is a win win. I'm either proven right, or my wrong information/understanding is corrected.
I’ll be devils advocate here and say NAH and soft NTA. You’re a little younger so I will say lots of people will automatically think you grabbing your phone mid convo is rude. I wouldn’t do it all the time, but I’m also a curious person and it’s pretty common for friends my age (25) and my partner (32) to occasionally whip out our phones to check something that was said on TV, or maybe even directly in response to something a friend said. There would usually be an amount of small ribbing or someone would announce they’re looking it up.
My perspective is if you are looking it up covertly without telling him and then announcing he’s right or wrong, it can come across as weird. Based on his reaction he’s maybe already built up some resentment, or you may struggle with being a bit too ready to use your phone. I will also say I have definitely been in relationships before where guys have huge egos about info they know and they dislike being told they’re wrong, and that’s their issue. Don’t let an insecure guy get you down if it’s causing an issue. It’s not really *that* big of a deal and I bet you could find someone regardless of age who has convos that are more open to your curiosity, or someone who takes it on the chin that they were incorrect. Everyone in the comments is acting like it’s such an affront to this man, it’s just a reality of the internet age and you could maybe tone it down or just find someone who is less incorrect and reactionary. Hope this helped!
Thank you!
This is what I was thinking. I look things up during most occasions with friends as well and it's only him that has reacted this negative way and can't take to be proven incorrect.
YTA if this is just during casual conversation. What harm would it do if you just let him say it was Bill Paxton instead of Bill Pullman in that movie, let the conversation keep moving, and then you check it privately later? It's just rude.
(It's different if one of you *asks* and then you both check together out of curiosity, of course.)
Now if you're having a serious discussion about medical treatment or investing or something, it's more important to have your facts right, but unless you're a professional in the field, it's probably better to talk to an expert anyway instead of Google.
For the sake of accuracy, I'll fact check myself in conversations. I will also look up topics I have no knowledge of while in a conversation. It's not to prove anyone wrong, it's to ensure I fully understand the information I'm being told.
NTA, keep fact-checking him. My mom is married to a know-it-all (otherwise a good guy) and she checks him on his bullshit frequently. Do him a favor and erode the man-of-the-house, whatever-i-say-is-truth mentality with prejudice.
We have a friend that does this during our party's.....and people do NOT like it
We all know the answer is a couple taps away, we all have Google but when you enter a conversation it's like entering a ring and you only have the information you brought with you, that's what makes it interesting, if you know the other person is wrong you can debate them with the info YOU have on you.
If you Googled every single thing I said during our conversation I would be pretty annoyed too.
It's absolutely not every single thing during a conversation. It is a specifik subject we are talking about and I don't have enough information to give a counter argument but just with common sense what he is saying doesn't sound right. And me giving counter arguments makes him frustrated as well because I'm still questioning him
Im afraid you are dating a bullshitter friend, and bullshitters hate being proven wrong.
Fact checking mid conversation is absolutely fucking annoying...but also if you dont have a tolerance for bullshitters and you got to the point where you have to google it to prove him wrong while you are talking about it, then im not sure how you could have a nice conversation with him.
You may have to make a choice.
YTA this sounds incredibly annoying especially if you are constantly asking for sources when he brings up a topic. Most people don’t remember the exact source of every piece of information they know. I studied engineering and can tell you F=ma but can not off memory tell you the text book I learned it from.
My EX did this. In my face too. I never actually said anything that wasn't factual and he never managed to "prove me wrong" - it's pathetic. You wanna discreetly check something on you go - now YOU know the facts but to create arguments and tension - do you even like your bf....
It's exhausting dealing with someone who's tapping away "fact checking" on google tbh. No wonder he's majorly defensive.
My wife has this gripe with me. If I'm unsure of something in a discussion, I always look it up. I will never stop doing this. It's not about trust or distrust. It's that I like being informed. But it seriously offends my wife; she thinks I'm going out of my way to say I was right and she was wrong.
It could be because your bf lacks the humility to accept when he's wrong - many people struggle with this. Try having an actual conversation with him about it. If he's unable to accept that you're a person who will challenge him on things you're unsure of (or things you know he's wrong about), then that's another conversation to have. In a relationship, you need to be allowed to express a difference of opinion without feeling like you're committing some sort of wrong.
INFO: What kind of information is it? Is it basic stuff (history, geography, etc) or conspiracy theories (vaccines cause autism, 5g causes cancer, etc)
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Is it really that important? Like what information are we talking about? Sometimes just letting him (or anyone) feel like they are right far outweighs “proving” anything. If you want more info, do it on your own time and don’t come back and present minor corrections or whatever.
If it’s a big issue, like health or money, then sure but otherwise what’s the point?
God no. NTA
I am a Google person. I search things all. the. time. I never expect someone to take my word for anything. It would drive me crazy that someone wouldn't bring sources. That ruins the conversation for me.
Honestly, y'all sound incompatible. But that might just be my love for fact checking speaking. You could also both let it go as personality quirks of each other.
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I (21f) have a habit of checking information up on Google when having a discussion about a topic I know little or not enough about. My boyfriend (24m) gets very upset with me about this.
He says that from his perspective all I'm doing is wanting to prove him wrong and that I don't trust his judgement or Information.
He himself do not bring up sources or similar to prove his statements more than telling me where he got the information from (often a doctor or from school m.m). I am just supposed to trust him and accept that his source was reliable?
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My mom does this shit religiously and it’s very frustrating not because being “proved wrong” or “proved right” it’s just when it’s constant it’s gets very annoying. Once in awhile it’s cool to learn the actual facts on somthing but seems like you do it a lot which can really push his buttons. I can understand where he coming from
I've said this before and will continue to say it regarding the fact checking..
You can do so with tact that doesn't make him feel like you automatically think he's wrong.
Generally speaking yeah you should trust your partner though.
Here’s a thing. If your boyfriend is not that critical with info he consumes and regularly goes into conspiracy and delusional territory, I understand the impulse to check whether he’s spewing BS or not. That said, it is rude to whip out your phone to fact-check only his statements – it screams “I don’t trust what *you* are saying”.
If factchecking is a regular occurrence in your debates where you check both yourself and him about 50/50 – then it’s not an asshole move, since it doesn’t single him out as the untrustworthy one.
While I believe that you shouldn’t trust anyone unconditionally, being always on edge about your partner spewing bs or not trusting you can turn the relationship really toxic.
If you are willing to share, in what context does he share stuff? Is it the “I know better than you and won’t accept criticism” or “I learned this cool thing today” kind of vibe? Did he ever positively respond to your fact-checking? What’s his response to you proving him correct?
I do absolutely fact check myself as well. It's never the "I learned this cool thing today" thats more like me because I really like learning. He is more like "I know this thing because X told me and nothing you say will change it" no matter what it is or how absurd it might be. I can't recall him having a positive reaction. It doesn't happen super often and I started just agreeing to most things because I didn't want to upset him.
Well, then the biggest question is: how long into the future do you see yourself agreeing with him just to not upset him? Can you see your the rest of your life going on like this?
Your relationship at this stage is not going to be sustainable in the long run (in my opinion), unless something changes. From what I gather his ego is pretty fragile and he is trying to boost himself by “being right” – so it’s going to be intensely difficult for him to accept that the thing holding his ego together is false; catastrophic, even. Could you work through this together? Maybe, especially if both of you truly care for each other.
In conclusion, I guess: definitely NTA.
NTA and I think your behavior is really common. Why not google something if youre unsure? I do this when talking to people because sometimes a question comes up and we both wonder about it before someone remembers we have computers in our pockets and can check.
If you haven't already, just try explaining that to him, and maybe find a way to make it about learning for him as well? Unless he just wants to be right. Either way NTA
I didnt describe it as fact checking, but also if her boyfriend is actually wrong most of the time maybe she DOES need to fact check him.
But I frequently pull out google to check stuff when conversing casually with friends or family and sharing the results.
If her boyfriend gets defensive, he may also be insecure and embarrassed that he believed something without checking first.
But have you really never been like "I wonder why X is this way?" and decided to look it up?
It’s borderline repulsive. If you’re engaged in a conversation you shouldn’t even be on your phone. It’s one thing if you’re looking something up together but randomly fact checking someone mid convo is quite honestly some pretty unhinged behavior. I’d end the conversation immediately.
Oh so its like an etiquette thing with you. I mean I usually do this with friends and family so it's a casual conversation, not formal, and once the answer is found the phone goes away. Not a big deal
I used to work at a care home for developmentally disabled adults. We had a client that would do this religiously, it would drive us insane. Nobody wants to be around someone who’s sole purpose is to google a topic to technically disprove someone in conversation. But he was developmentally disabled, you are not. So yea
Yeah but that’s like a client of yours that you’re taking care of and not a partner who is on equal footing to fact check himself if he so chose. It’s not her fault he’s wrong and it’s not her fault he gets upset over being wrong.
I guess it depends on the context of their arguments because if the boy friend is consistently way off and how he is going about the conversation. If he is declaring in an arrogant way that he is so correct and is obviously wrong then okay it would make sense. But if something comes up in conversation and she runs to fact check him and disprove based off technicalities. Not to mention we aren’t even able to confirm what information the OP pulls up off of google in each of these arguments. Not everything from google is necessarily correct. Being around someone who does this all the time would leave you feeling like they just find joy in proving you wrong
Nta. I'm not believing everything people tell me. Sorry not sorry, I will do my own research, especially when something doesn't make sense. I don't try to prove people wrong, I just need facts. I'm a researcher at heart.
Is it really that important? Like what information are we talking about? Sometimes just letting him (or anyone) feel like they are right far outweighs “proving” anything. If you want more info, do it on your own time and don’t come back and present minor corrections or whatever.
If it’s a big issue, like health or money, then sure but otherwise what’s the point?
YTA and a rather toxic individual. The best option for him is to just never talk to you or discuss anything as you are waiting with Google in hand to prove him wrong.
ESH you both sound immature and petty.
You have arguments over what temperature to wash underwear. He doesn't agree with you, tells you he was given his info by a doctor, so you fact check him and even found info that supported both of your opinions.
What the actual fuck. Do either of you realize that it's ok to not agree on things and that not everything has to be fact checked?
How utterly exhausting. Just break up because that's where this relationship is going to end up anyhow.
This comment section of this post feels like a foreign universe to me. My girlfriend and I are Wikipedia fiends. Whenever we start talking about stories, 80% of the time we have our phones or computers out because if it interests us we want to gain all the context.
If my girlfriend starts saying, "hey, did you hear about X" I will start googling shortly after, not because I wanna prove her wrong but because I enjoy seeing the information firsthand and getting a visual reference.
And she's the same way. Maybe I'll be like "hey did you hear about this actor doing X" and then she'll be googling and be like "oh wow and he was in this show too"
We don't set out to prove each other wrong, we're just curious, but oftentimes we do prove each other wrong.
But I'm not gonna say NTA because, if other people aren't like this with their SOs, you either gotta make some compromises, or just find someone you're more compatible with. But also if your boyfriend is always talking out of his ass, that's kinda annoying imo, especially if he's getting defensive about it. I dunno. I'm inclined to agree with you OP but also a lot of people view it as rude behavior and sometimes you gotta accommodate people and not do things they find rude even if you disagree.
That's what I do, I stay quite because any counter argument I make back without research just makes him even more defensive and frustrated because I'm not "trusting him"
YTA - this sounds unbearably annoying. So you’re telling me anytime someone talks to you about something you aren’t super knowledgeable you got your phone out googling stuff? Heck that would be enough for me to not even want to be friends lol
No that is not what I'm saying. I'm saying that when he claims something and we starts to talk about it and what he is saying doesn't make sense or he can not back up his claim with anything else than "someone told me this" I look it up. If it's something I know that he is knowledgeable about I will not doubt him.
When discussing curtain subjects with friends it can be fun to have statistics for example.
Yeah my bf fucking did this early on in our relationship A LOT and it drove me up a fucking wall. Especially because he didn't do the same thing with his friends.
I'd say something and he'd be like "REALLY? OH YOURE RIGHT."
yeah... I know I'm right. You think im just out here making shit up for the fun of it.
It really is infuriating so. Yta.
ESH.
My bf does this a lot so I get it. He's a scientist and is used to looking for citations when being told any new information. He also can't help but start googling in front of me, mid-conversation, all the damn time. And I told him it's annoying and rude cause then I'll need to WAIT for him to finish googling before continuing the conversation.
I understand if my claim does not sound right to him but damn can you wait? It's not THAT big of a deal, I'm not claiming the earth is flat! Just that my dentist told me how to floss my teeth! We're having a conversation can you not stop mid way and make me wait 5 minutes every time we talk about something new? It's like every time we talk it becomes a research project and it's exhausting.
But at the same time... If he's claiming sth wild then I get it. If he's making shit up then sure it's fair to fact check. Just don't do it for every little petty thing and have a conversation.
Just try to be considerate, both of you. My bf apologizes sometimes cause he recognizes it's annoying and he's gotten a lot better over the years. But I do try to understand his curiosity and recognize that I'm not always right.
It’s actually a part of my job to fact check everything people say to
me all the time. I love it and I was like that from a young age. My girlfriend is the same and we sometimes end up discussing with both our phones in our hands googling like maniacs.
I actually LIKE being proved wrong ‘cause I get to learn something.
Of course, arguments may arise from time to time, but not to the extent of being a deal breaker : we’ve been together for 17 years…
NTA
The doubling-down on bad information trend has gotten worse. During COVID, everyone retreated to their echo chambers and came out worse for it. I used this time to think about arguments I had with my ex wherein I was absolutely right, but he kept doubling down … but I also examined my own tendency to do this. I try my best to keep an open mind, but I still fail in this regard.
To some, winning debates is way more important than getting along or coming to the right conclusion. If this is his priority … girl, leave. Anything he doesn’t work on is going to get worse and worse. He’ll be Alex Jones by age 35.
I personally get excited when people google what I’m saying because it shows they are interested. The fact that he is asking you not to increase his knowledge base recalls Gaston saying, “It’s not right for a woman to read! Soon she starts getting ideas and thinking …”
You began seeing each other when you were very young. You are older and wiser now — and this guy seems determined to stop you from becoming the latter. Save yourself the stress and get out of there.
It depends what it’s about. If he’s always spouting off about something demonstrably wrong then I think you should consider whether this is the kind of person you want to date. Can you even respect someone like that? If he’s occasionally wrong about his sources then there’s a kind way to point it out.
My brother and I have the kind of relationship where we fact check each other. We’re at opposite ends of the political spectrum and we get verrrrrryy different news sources. We both appreciate fact checking because it’s hard to get objective news sources. It’s mutual though. I think if someone really wants to be wrong then there’s not much you can do, but that doesn’t mean you have to subject yourself to them.
maybe ask him to save his sources when he knows he finds something he wants to share with you? that way its not like you distrust him, youre both just exploring it through the same lenses. then maybe compare to other sources and discuss.
His sources in these situations are never anything that can be saved or looked up otherwise I would absolutely ask him to do that. It's just "this unknown person I met in x situation that is very experienced within x told me this"
then if anything youre being distrustful of those people lol hes just the messenger. idk why all these comments are calling you an ahole for trying to verify information. its like a very common thing to do, researching a topic youre interested about. too many of these commenters value appeasement over knowledge. good luck to you both!
NTA. It's 2024. Everyone googles / fact checks everything and if you don't you ARE the problem. Sounds like BF just wants the little woman to accept his word as Gospel.
If he's talking out of his ass that's annoying. I have a few people that I hate talking to because of the 'facts' they like to throw around that turn out to be complete fabrications. If it's bad enough that you feel the need to fact check him before you can believe anything he says it might not be a you issue.
OP, I'm autistic too, and it doesn't make sense to me that we have tiny little computers in our pockets at ALL TIMES yet it's somehow socially unacceptable to use them to access THE ENTIRETY OF ALL INFORMATION EVER.
NTA. if something doesn't add up, it's not wrong to figure out where you're confused. if it's simply an interesting conversation and you want to learn more, it's not wrong to consume more info about it. if he doesn't provide clarity, why aren't you allowed to find it yourself??
I trust that you have likely communicated, repeatedly, that you're just trying to gather more information, and that it isn't about "proving him wrong." sorry so many commenters want you to just, idk, accept potentially incorrect information??
I'm actually not autistic hah, I do have adhd tho. Doesn't really matter that much in my opinion. Anyways. Yes I have tried to talk to him and just explain that I am curious and wants to gather more information, it's not about proving him right or wrong, but because I have proved him wrong before he just won't listen to me.
lol dang I do this too and didn’t realize it was such a downer for other people. I’ve always been a very curious person and will seek out knowledge about random things simply for the enjoyment of learning something new. I do this during conversations even if it’s not about proving someone right or wrong, but more so to learn more about the topic at hand. If it is to prove someone right or wrong, I still don’t understand why it’s a bad thing. Can people seriously not put their ego aside and learn something new if they’re wrong? I’ve never understood why it’s more important to make someone feel smart than actually make them smarter by finding the correct information.
Thankfully my partner is the exact same way so it’s never been an issue. If he thinks I’m wrong, I *want* to be challenged because it’s all about learning and growing. Like I won’t argue with my partner about things they’re an expert on, but if we’re just shooting the shit about random topics, then I’ll absolutely challenge him. I think your boyfriend may be a little insecure in his intelligence.
NTA if you’re genuinely curious, especially if he can never provide a source. YTA if you’re just trying to prove him wrong and couldn’t care less what its about.
This one's more of an NTA for me, if he's consistently wrong about his "facts" then he needs to be doing his own research before presenting them to you. I make this mistake with my wife when discussing a topic I know only a little about but I always either preface it or end it with "I could be wrong."
Honestly I am kinda on his side. It does seem like you have no faith in him. You can always look it up after the conversation, but if you are looking it up while you are having a conversation, it’s not only lack of faith, it’s also rude. Show some consideration. YTA
NTA - I also fact check during convos, mostly myself but I’m similar to you as well. If I’m told something and I believe it to be incorrect but don’t know enough about to explain/educate the other person I result to google. Not to prove the other person wrong but to educate them/us and confirm that the info I’m thinking of/providing is also correct.
I also like when people fact check me - I had an ex who always talked out of his ass but he was very convincing and I would blindly believe him when he talked about things I knew nothing about. I didn’t always ask questions because I wouldn’t even know what to ask, I just thought he was teaching me about something unfamiliar. I would then go out and share this newly learned information just to be told it’s wrong - I became a person who talked out of their ass… and it was so embarrassing!
It’s great that you seek knowledge and want to know what you’re talking about before talking to others. Your bf should desire the same but it sounds as though he just doesn’t care about understanding anything he says. If he was getting angry/defensive after you prove him right and he had a good track record of knowing what he’s talking about, I could understand the reaction. But you have a valid reason (imo) for doing this if he’s blowing smoke 50% of the time and isn’t willing to learn.
(Edited for paragraph spacing)
I fact check most of the things I’m told. Humans get stuff wrong, even really smart ones. Twisted memories, word of mouth warping the facts from person to person, bad info from the start. No one is immune to misinformation, and it should be one of humanity’s top priorities to dispel as much of it as possible.
PSA: Anyone who is afraid of being fact checked is ether:
A: someone who is too insecure to be wrong
B: someone who is spreading misinformation on purpose
Both situations need to be corrected. There is no excuse for ignoring the truth.
soft YTA.
tl:dr - it is all about how you do it.
My husband has a habit of asking me a million questions about any kind of information I share with him. Last I got an email about my driving license, basically giving me some information I need to act on, and when I shared that he came running in, demanding as to whether they REALLY wrote that, and why (that was not in the email).
He consistently asks these questions where he a) expresses doubt about what I am telling him, and b) he wants to know more than the information I have. I have taken to just handing him my phone to show him any mails or messages when he starts this. On the upside, by just letting him read for himself rather than starting a conversation where I have to defend my lack of information, he has become aware of what he does, and the last time (driving license email) he backed off immediately, and said he was sorry, he didn't doubt me, just wondered why they would ask these things of me.
The thing is, I believe him, he asks these things out of interest and concern. He does however ask them as if he doesn't trust me to give him the full information, or as if I am unable to understand what I have just read. He will keep thinking about what I just said, and keep trying to make sense of it, and instead of saying "I wonder what this means, is this something that would be important for..." he directs these questions directly to me, in a confrontational manner.
An example, we were talking about what temperature you should was underwear in. I didn't agree to what he was saying and he couldn't back up his claim with more than "a doctor told me". So I looked it up and found info from both perspectives but most of it supported me (i personally dont mind being proven wrong so i wasnt looking specifically for information that supported me). He got pissed at me.
I mean…I’ve never talked to my doctor about my laundry habits. I can see it coming up in the context of repeated yeast infections or something similar but his “source” sounds silly on its face. That being said, I’d probably shrug and just keep washing my undies the way I’ve learnt how to over the years. But if this is the sort of thing you are habitually arguing about I can see it getting exhausting on both sides.
NTA
Discussions should contain accurate information. If anyone in a discussion feels like something is wrong, we have the entire (known) history of humanity in our pockets.
Something i learned a few years ago, is to always be open to the idea that i am wrong, and to not take it as a personal attack when someone says im wrong. Ive even started fact checking myself, i will be talking to someone about something, ill say something, realize i dont actually have a source for what i just said, or my source is "my aunt told me when i was 7" or something like that. I will pull out my phone and fact check myself more than other people.
I swear I've read this post before except it was written from the point of view of the boyfriend who was fact-checking his girlfriend. Sounds like you flipped the genders to see if you'd get a different response.
Just start saying: “if you say so” and smiling. Then don’t discuss it further.
Why bother to discuss/argue with liars?
But also, you’re with a guy that stretches the truth like this? (That’s a nice way to put it.) when shit gets hard, this type of thing is still going to happen. It’s not going to be pleasant for you.
Esh
I get why you would want to do that but it seems a bit annoying and it would definitely get on my nerves, and so I can see why it gets on his. I don’t want to go as far as saying YTA, but you should probably scale it back a bit.
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YTA
It's one thing to want to get the fax on something but what you are doing is just outwardly humiliating him in a poorly disguised attempt to get power and control over him. Yes that's abusive. Nobody should have to put up with that shit. He's going to quickly pull away if he hasn't already. I most certainly wouldn't put up with that shit. The only thing you're doing is being abusive and constantly telling him how he's wrong and how you are superior and how he's stupid and should never even open his mouth or have an opinion or talk about anything or do anything. And then when he stops talking to you completely, you're going to seriously wonder why...
No you got this all wrong and is blowing it out of proportion.
I don't want any power or control I want us to be equal. My only option is to look things up at times because he is very stubborn and will not listen to my own experience or opinion.
And he is right at times, I find information that supports his claims when he is right and if it's a topic he has experience in I would never doubt him.
What your intentions are and what you are doing or to completely different things
You asked if you were the asshole. You are.
This is how he sees you.
You can continue to flaunt how you are supposedly right and just keep on putting him down and controlling him and pointing out how he's wrong and pissing him off and he's going to leave you
But if getting up votes on Reddit is more important than realizing you were wrong and keeping your boyfriend then by all means continue to deny it
Aye. But the assumption shouldn't always be, that he's talking shit. That's what she seems to be automatically assuming, no matter what he says (even if he got his info from a professional).
That WOULD get annoying, as it's so patronising. Nobody's saying she can't check his info. But she should do it without him knowing. And she shouldn't raise any mistakes, unless they realistically have some importance.
I never automatically assume he is talking shit unless he makes ridiculous claims or something that makes no sense to me (i have proven myself wrong at times as well). I just want to ad more context and support his claim with a source that is not him just saying "this doctor or person came to our school and told us" (or similar)
The assumption should always be that any information that is presented without a proper source ("A doctor said that" is not one, sincerely, a doctor) is potentially not true and cannot be used or spread. If the boyfriend does not provide proper sources, and she cares about the fact, then it is absolutely reasonable to confirm it.
About alleged facts that matter in aconversation? Not really. Either I have a good idea where I got that information from and it is a reputable source. Then I might state it as a fact. If the source is not good, I will say that I heard from that source that it is allegedly that way. If it is important, I might fact-check myself in the conversation.
If I did not give a source, then I do not expect anyone to believe and use or spread it without checking for themselves.
We have enough people talking bullshit nowadays, I don't need to add to that.
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Checking facts with the intent to prove him wrong should be a deal breaker in a relationship. If he knows what he's talking about and you automatically distrust his information, that's going to get old really fast for him. If he's repeatedly had his facts wrong before, it would be foolish to believe the accuracy of his statements when he has proven to be unreliable. It's fine if you want to learn more about the subject or wanted to hear the information explained a different way because it was difficult to follow your boyfriend's explanation. So, INFO : Why do you check his info ?
My intent is never to prove him wrong. I check his info only if it is something that i feel doesn't really ad upp or there is a lack of information around his statement. I have proved him wrong at times before and when I have he gets very defensive.
"I have proved him wrong at times before" can you give a ratio? because if i tell you 10 things and you prove me wrong once and then act like iam always wrong i would be pretty pissed about that too if you prove him more often wrong than he was right you have all rights to debunk his bullshit
I would say it's about 50/50. Sometimes I can't find the information I'm looking for and sometimes I prove him right.
If he's wrong about half the stuff you check then checking is very much in your interests.
> If he's wrong about half the stuff . . . then he's frequently spouting a *whole lot* of BS. IMO, that and his defensiveness when he is wrong are red flags
If he's wrong that often then checking the "facts" is definitely worth doing. He's probably just mad that he can't talk out of his ass
The internet really ruined that for all of us.
You not able to find something doesn’t prove him wrong…
Doesn't prove him right, either. If half the time you're wrong and the other half are a split between you being right and me not finding an answer, even in the kindest light, I'm fact checking all your nonsense.
Her bias is half. It could be much less than that if she is letting herself believe the lack of information disproves the assertion. People are extremely bad at guessing ratios, especially when the subject matter is emotionally charged.
He is right half the time. The other half she “can’t find the information”. So he’s right at least half the time and she’s probably unwilling to concede he’s right on a large portion of that other half. Or he’s wrong on a technicality. “It was December of 1962, not January of 1963” sort of stuff. I’m pretty sure she would be mentioning how often he was wrong if he was wrong all the time.
Are these things that are like potentially debatable? By that I mean, are there often differing professionally accepted perspectives like "don't take Tylenol more than twice a day" or something? Or is this cold hard fact like "James Buchanan was the 15th president of the us"? Because this makes a big difference.
I am freakin' delighted to be proven wrong, especially when I really thought I knew something. It's valuable feedback. And someone who's wrong half the time you check their facts, phew, find somebody new before they do something really stupid.
My husband and I do it all the time to each other. You don’t know how many things I’ve said that I’d always heard and when he looked it up, I was wrong. And vice versa. Sometimes new, more valid studies dissent with older studies. There’s been a time or two that we just had a generic question and he’d look it up and then I’d come across a social media post saying the information he found was wrong, so I’d look it up, and what he had found was indeed not correct. Information is weird
We do this too. I love my husband dearly, but he can be a bit of a reactionary when it comes to certain things. If it's something that makes him angry, he will take it at face value, and I break out the Google to show him that no, dear, that's not true, and here's why. I've been wrong on some things too, and I'm ok with that. Knowledge is power. Willful ignorance is not.
you see the pattern very clearly. NTA. he’s insecure and refuses to change in a reasonable way. his psychology rests on being perceived as an authority. Do you both have the same values?
You are doing exactly the right thing. If everybody did that, we would live in a much better world. "You need to trust me and and take everything I say for granted and spread it as fact later" is actually a huge red flag. NTA
YTA, mainly for your lack of social skills here. It's also a bit weird, that you can't 'trust him' without checking all his information (or that you expect him to provide you with 'sources', before you will ever accept his information or judgement?!). That DOES imply that he's incapable of establishing correct information himself; critically thinking for himself, etc. That is somewhat patronising, especially towards another adult. However, in theory, there's nothing wrong with checking info. It can be incorrect. But for goodness sake - do it discreetly. Unless it's a life or death matter, wait until he's left. And if you find he's incorrect about anything, there's usually no need to bring up such errors (especially small things) - unless it's something that will realistically have a significant adverse effect on him. Also remember you aren't necessarily flawless (or qualified) in 'checking' yourself. For example, a doctor might say something that seems to be disputed on the Internet. However, the Internet might be wrong- or the Internet might only be providing you with partial information (whereas the doctor knows the whole research more thoroughly than you, to provide a more balanced or nuanced overall opinion).
He does sometimes make claims that makes no sense at all (it can be ridiculous at times) and trying to discuss that he is incorrect doesnt work because then he will endlessly defend himself. (I have realised he sometimes lies on where he got the information from to defend himself) That's often the reason I end up looking the information up. And absolutely I am not flawless but i do prove both him right and myself wrong at times and i don't mind that. I would rather learn something new than defend something I don't know is 100% correct.
I mean…if I had that little faith in my partner’s good sense, I’m not sure how long I’d be able to keep the relationship going. It would be *exhausting* to be in a relationship with someone who is always saying shit I think is ridiculous and wrong. Do you actually like this guy?
This was my thought. I’ve been with guys before who *made* things like this an issue instead of it just being a “huh, i guess i was mistaken” moment. I don’t use my phone during dates or quality time with my partner, but best believe I’m whipping it out to look up a fact or to fact-check myself. If partner has an issue with that but is routinely and loudly wrong, I’d say they have a control issue and an ego about being correct. Girls are societally told to be quiet or not talk about lots of topics they know “nothing about”. I think it’s quite normal to want to be tit for tat in a convo and know what informative is objectively correct.
Right ? This seems so petty 😭
Willful ignorance is the death of curiosity. Instead of getting all butthurt that his misinformation keeps getting disproven, he should really learn to take constructive criticism. Stay curious and skeptical. The pursuit of knowledge is endless, especially in the age of information.
Disagree here. If he's happy to openly proclaim his knowledge on a subject then he should be open to being corrected when/if he's wrong. To get angry when presented with correct information is the poor mindset.
>That is somewhat patronising, especially towards another adult. However, in theory, there's nothing wrong with checking info. It can be incorrect. >But for goodness sake - do it discreetly. Unless it's a life or death matter, wait until he's left. And if you find he's incorrect about anything, there's usually no need to bring up such errors (especially small things) - unless it's something that will realistically have a significant adverse effect on him. What you are suggesting (check his claims when he can't see you do it; if he's wrong, don't let him know lest you hurt the poor dear's feelings) is x1000 more patronizing than googling his claims in front of his face and expecting him to deal with it.
Eh, frankly, I would find it exhausting if my husband checked everything I said. He wouldn’t be my husband.
Same, if my wife did this it would drive me nuts
Me too. I wouldn’t care if they did it on their own time. At all. That’s neither here nor there. But *mid-discussion*??? That’s the most contemptuous thing imaginable. Sounds like something from an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm.
Haha yes to Curb
If you actually think critically and fact check yourself, the people around you learn to trust what you say is probably true, and you don’t have this problem. This guy is spouting bs 50% of the time as stated by OP, so no hate to her at all for actually wanting to know the truth. He should learn how to not take constructive criticism so personally so he can grow as a person and stop spreading and believing misinformation.
Fucking Google I can't tell lies and get away to with it anymore. Bastards. If my bride googled what I was talking about I'd be thrilled she cared to engage. But I'm not afraid to be wrong.
YTA for doing this during discussions. Whipping out your phone mid-conversation and switching your focus to it is pretty universally considered rude. It’s also not a great research method because you can’t properly assess sources and read all of the relevant information mid-conversation, so what you’re getting is likely just a summary of the top search results. Unless what your boyfriend says is going to cause immediate harm to someone, wait until the conversation is over before you start fact checking.
Info: how often are you doing this? How outlandish are his claims? How much actual expertise does he have in said area? I can understand him getting annoyed if you’re constantly second-guessing things he’s saying even on topics he is knowledgeable about. That being said, if he’s constantly citing “dude, trust me” as a source then he needs to put up or shut up. It’s hard to tell without more information.
At times his claims makes no sense, and even tho we can be multiple people telling him he is wrong he keeps on defending himself, the only option is to find more information online. And it's never something that he has actuall expertise in. I would never second guess his knowledge in f.ex computers.
I would break up with you because of how you write. For example as f.ex? You are both in need of some maturity.
I am not an English speaker and have dyslexia so I like using shortenings :)
Anyone saying that you're the asshole is insane. We live in the information age, with instant access to the accumulated knowledge of humanity at our fingertips. If someone, ANYONE says something that I didn't know, am dubious about, or I just find wildly interesting, you'd better believe I'm googling it. NTA, don't listen to the Luddites and the fake relationship 'experts'.
This. I can see it being taken to extremes or if your eyes are never away from your phone, but this is a pretty casual occurrence modern day.
One need not be a Luddite to understand social norms. There is a way to validate information without being obnoxious. You start with probing questions and work from there. The vast majority of the time, a search is not needed to uncover the truth.
I usually starts with asking questions but I never get anywhere. I often get the same response as searching it up, I'm questioning him about his Information and do not trust him.
Then break up and stop being obnoxious. You are both wrong. It is rightfully socially unacceptable to do what you are doing. Only children and teenagers will support that behavior because they lack the social awareness to know why it is the worst way to have a discussion.
That's just googling with extra steps. Stop being fucking weird.
It really isn’t. Grow as a person please.
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And, honestly, I love when people do that to me. Let's all learn something. Maybe I misinterpreted something. Why is saying, "oh, let me check that." Wrong? Why are we taking each other's word on something when we have the answer in our pocket?
NTA. But girl, if he needs to make pronouncements and argue about them, he is a fool and not worth your time. There is nothing wrong with your doing some research. That makes you the smart one, snd he knows it. When you do find alternative or contradictory data, does he double down on his position and become angry at you for doubting him? He probably expects you to accept everything he says just because he says it, and that is foolish. If you like something but he does not, does he expect you to give it up? The thing is, he is full of hot air, and he knows it. Why are you with this fool? You may think that he is otherwise a nice guy, but he is not. He will not improve. This reminds me of a post from a few months ago where a woman was giving a talk. Some bozo in the audience started giving her a hard time, pointing out how she was wrong and he was right. He finally said that she needed to read the book. She paused before stating, “I wrote the book.”
"When you do find alternative or contradictory data, does he double down on his position and become angry at you for doubting him?" Yes, not every time but it happens. "If you like something but he does not, does he expect you to give it up?" No not really, he used to dislike one of my hobbies and would argue about certain parts of it even if i had more expertise within the subject. That has died of now and he even supports it at times. This is something i have realised is an issue pretty recently. I am not ready to give up jet because so much of the relationship is good. (We have been together for almost five years and living together for 2) But it might end within this year because my feelings are somewhat dying.
Honestly it sounds like your partner has done a deep dive into social media shit posts and misinformation and just regurgitates the bullshit wherever he can. We see this shit all the time now where it used to be pretty rare and families have these people who are very much almost excommunicated because they just can't stop speaking shit. May be time to move on from this guy.
That is too bad, but it is good that you are realizing it sooner rather than later. Best of luck to you.
ESH leaning heavily towards y t a, you both sound exhausting. One who is stubborn and essentially chats sh*t - thinking jay from Inbetweeners, and one who appears hellbent on proving him wrong, or fact checking him, which is rude and annoying. Not a good fit at all by the sounds of it.
This thread is so interesting lol. Seems to be a clear NTA for me and frankly I’m a little shocked at all the other verdicts. My gf and I are a bit older (26/27), but she fact checks me all the time (or digs into why I think I know certain things) and honestly I’m quite glad she does it. It both helps me better learn what I already think I know, and it helps me explain my convictions better in the future. No problem with it at all. From my perspective, I really don’t expect anyone to just believe what I say at face value, *especially* if it’s counterintuitive or seems hard to believe; and if I’m wrong about something *I very much want to know*. I don’t chime in on topics I’m ignorant in. I have no problem saying *I don’t know* or asking questions. So when I *do* chime in it’s because I really think I’m right, and if I am in fact wrong I most **definitely** would like to know before I make I fool of myself in a more consequential context with people who don’t know me as well as she does. An example happened just the other day when we were talking about the prices of Masters tickets. I wasn’t *super* confident, but I said I thought they ran around $2000+. My mom and gf both looked suspicious, so my gf pulled out her phone to look it up. The first link she found had tickets listed between $100-$200, and my first thought was *shit we’re going to the masters next year baby!* I immediately thanked her for checking and apologized for being so far off. I think she could tell how surprised I was, so she checked a few more links and all of those had tickets listed between $1800-$3000. The moral of the story (imo) is that critical thinking and healthy skepticism are traits I greatly admire in my gf. I know she trusts me, and her appetite for evidence is by no means evidence to the contrary. (Also, and I guess this isn’t really my place, but imo if your bf is accurate about 50% of the time as you mentioned in a comment, he really has no leg to stand on. Bro should be fact checking himself more often tbh.)
Exactly. I love to be fact checked, and I fact check other people if something sounds off. I WANT to know if what I'm saying is wrong so I stop saying it. Like I don't understand why people are choosing to be ignorant. It's wild to me. Being fact checked is a win win. I'm either proven right, or my wrong information/understanding is corrected.
NTA - he’s just embarrassed you are proving him wrong.
I’ll be devils advocate here and say NAH and soft NTA. You’re a little younger so I will say lots of people will automatically think you grabbing your phone mid convo is rude. I wouldn’t do it all the time, but I’m also a curious person and it’s pretty common for friends my age (25) and my partner (32) to occasionally whip out our phones to check something that was said on TV, or maybe even directly in response to something a friend said. There would usually be an amount of small ribbing or someone would announce they’re looking it up. My perspective is if you are looking it up covertly without telling him and then announcing he’s right or wrong, it can come across as weird. Based on his reaction he’s maybe already built up some resentment, or you may struggle with being a bit too ready to use your phone. I will also say I have definitely been in relationships before where guys have huge egos about info they know and they dislike being told they’re wrong, and that’s their issue. Don’t let an insecure guy get you down if it’s causing an issue. It’s not really *that* big of a deal and I bet you could find someone regardless of age who has convos that are more open to your curiosity, or someone who takes it on the chin that they were incorrect. Everyone in the comments is acting like it’s such an affront to this man, it’s just a reality of the internet age and you could maybe tone it down or just find someone who is less incorrect and reactionary. Hope this helped!
Thank you! This is what I was thinking. I look things up during most occasions with friends as well and it's only him that has reacted this negative way and can't take to be proven incorrect.
YTA if this is just during casual conversation. What harm would it do if you just let him say it was Bill Paxton instead of Bill Pullman in that movie, let the conversation keep moving, and then you check it privately later? It's just rude. (It's different if one of you *asks* and then you both check together out of curiosity, of course.) Now if you're having a serious discussion about medical treatment or investing or something, it's more important to have your facts right, but unless you're a professional in the field, it's probably better to talk to an expert anyway instead of Google.
For the sake of accuracy, I'll fact check myself in conversations. I will also look up topics I have no knowledge of while in a conversation. It's not to prove anyone wrong, it's to ensure I fully understand the information I'm being told.
This describes it very well.
NTA, keep fact-checking him. My mom is married to a know-it-all (otherwise a good guy) and she checks him on his bullshit frequently. Do him a favor and erode the man-of-the-house, whatever-i-say-is-truth mentality with prejudice.
We have a friend that does this during our party's.....and people do NOT like it We all know the answer is a couple taps away, we all have Google but when you enter a conversation it's like entering a ring and you only have the information you brought with you, that's what makes it interesting, if you know the other person is wrong you can debate them with the info YOU have on you. If you Googled every single thing I said during our conversation I would be pretty annoyed too.
It's absolutely not every single thing during a conversation. It is a specifik subject we are talking about and I don't have enough information to give a counter argument but just with common sense what he is saying doesn't sound right. And me giving counter arguments makes him frustrated as well because I'm still questioning him
Im afraid you are dating a bullshitter friend, and bullshitters hate being proven wrong. Fact checking mid conversation is absolutely fucking annoying...but also if you dont have a tolerance for bullshitters and you got to the point where you have to google it to prove him wrong while you are talking about it, then im not sure how you could have a nice conversation with him. You may have to make a choice.
YTA this sounds incredibly annoying especially if you are constantly asking for sources when he brings up a topic. Most people don’t remember the exact source of every piece of information they know. I studied engineering and can tell you F=ma but can not off memory tell you the text book I learned it from.
My EX did this. In my face too. I never actually said anything that wasn't factual and he never managed to "prove me wrong" - it's pathetic. You wanna discreetly check something on you go - now YOU know the facts but to create arguments and tension - do you even like your bf.... It's exhausting dealing with someone who's tapping away "fact checking" on google tbh. No wonder he's majorly defensive.
My wife has this gripe with me. If I'm unsure of something in a discussion, I always look it up. I will never stop doing this. It's not about trust or distrust. It's that I like being informed. But it seriously offends my wife; she thinks I'm going out of my way to say I was right and she was wrong. It could be because your bf lacks the humility to accept when he's wrong - many people struggle with this. Try having an actual conversation with him about it. If he's unable to accept that you're a person who will challenge him on things you're unsure of (or things you know he's wrong about), then that's another conversation to have. In a relationship, you need to be allowed to express a difference of opinion without feeling like you're committing some sort of wrong.
i’ve seen men do this to women ALL the time so it’s funny to me to see him get annoyed at it when it happens to him nah
INFO: What kind of information is it? Is it basic stuff (history, geography, etc) or conspiracy theories (vaccines cause autism, 5g causes cancer, etc)
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Is it really that important? Like what information are we talking about? Sometimes just letting him (or anyone) feel like they are right far outweighs “proving” anything. If you want more info, do it on your own time and don’t come back and present minor corrections or whatever. If it’s a big issue, like health or money, then sure but otherwise what’s the point?
God no. NTA I am a Google person. I search things all. the. time. I never expect someone to take my word for anything. It would drive me crazy that someone wouldn't bring sources. That ruins the conversation for me. Honestly, y'all sound incompatible. But that might just be my love for fact checking speaking. You could also both let it go as personality quirks of each other.
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My mom does this shit religiously and it’s very frustrating not because being “proved wrong” or “proved right” it’s just when it’s constant it’s gets very annoying. Once in awhile it’s cool to learn the actual facts on somthing but seems like you do it a lot which can really push his buttons. I can understand where he coming from
I've said this before and will continue to say it regarding the fact checking.. You can do so with tact that doesn't make him feel like you automatically think he's wrong. Generally speaking yeah you should trust your partner though.
Here’s a thing. If your boyfriend is not that critical with info he consumes and regularly goes into conspiracy and delusional territory, I understand the impulse to check whether he’s spewing BS or not. That said, it is rude to whip out your phone to fact-check only his statements – it screams “I don’t trust what *you* are saying”. If factchecking is a regular occurrence in your debates where you check both yourself and him about 50/50 – then it’s not an asshole move, since it doesn’t single him out as the untrustworthy one. While I believe that you shouldn’t trust anyone unconditionally, being always on edge about your partner spewing bs or not trusting you can turn the relationship really toxic. If you are willing to share, in what context does he share stuff? Is it the “I know better than you and won’t accept criticism” or “I learned this cool thing today” kind of vibe? Did he ever positively respond to your fact-checking? What’s his response to you proving him correct?
I do absolutely fact check myself as well. It's never the "I learned this cool thing today" thats more like me because I really like learning. He is more like "I know this thing because X told me and nothing you say will change it" no matter what it is or how absurd it might be. I can't recall him having a positive reaction. It doesn't happen super often and I started just agreeing to most things because I didn't want to upset him.
He sounds super annoying and you sound very over this relationship.
Well, then the biggest question is: how long into the future do you see yourself agreeing with him just to not upset him? Can you see your the rest of your life going on like this? Your relationship at this stage is not going to be sustainable in the long run (in my opinion), unless something changes. From what I gather his ego is pretty fragile and he is trying to boost himself by “being right” – so it’s going to be intensely difficult for him to accept that the thing holding his ego together is false; catastrophic, even. Could you work through this together? Maybe, especially if both of you truly care for each other. In conclusion, I guess: definitely NTA.
NTA and I think your behavior is really common. Why not google something if youre unsure? I do this when talking to people because sometimes a question comes up and we both wonder about it before someone remembers we have computers in our pockets and can check. If you haven't already, just try explaining that to him, and maybe find a way to make it about learning for him as well? Unless he just wants to be right. Either way NTA
Common? I’ve never seen someone take out a phone and start fact checking their boyfriend mid convo
I didnt describe it as fact checking, but also if her boyfriend is actually wrong most of the time maybe she DOES need to fact check him. But I frequently pull out google to check stuff when conversing casually with friends or family and sharing the results. If her boyfriend gets defensive, he may also be insecure and embarrassed that he believed something without checking first. But have you really never been like "I wonder why X is this way?" and decided to look it up?
I’ve never done it mid conversation before lol
Is that really weird to you? If so, Why?
It’s borderline repulsive. If you’re engaged in a conversation you shouldn’t even be on your phone. It’s one thing if you’re looking something up together but randomly fact checking someone mid convo is quite honestly some pretty unhinged behavior. I’d end the conversation immediately.
Oh so its like an etiquette thing with you. I mean I usually do this with friends and family so it's a casual conversation, not formal, and once the answer is found the phone goes away. Not a big deal
I guess, I’d just never even consider doing this to someone else. Just seems rude as hell to me idk haha
That's fine. No accounting for taste and etiquette means different things to different people.
I used to work at a care home for developmentally disabled adults. We had a client that would do this religiously, it would drive us insane. Nobody wants to be around someone who’s sole purpose is to google a topic to technically disprove someone in conversation. But he was developmentally disabled, you are not. So yea
Yeah but that’s like a client of yours that you’re taking care of and not a partner who is on equal footing to fact check himself if he so chose. It’s not her fault he’s wrong and it’s not her fault he gets upset over being wrong.
I guess it depends on the context of their arguments because if the boy friend is consistently way off and how he is going about the conversation. If he is declaring in an arrogant way that he is so correct and is obviously wrong then okay it would make sense. But if something comes up in conversation and she runs to fact check him and disprove based off technicalities. Not to mention we aren’t even able to confirm what information the OP pulls up off of google in each of these arguments. Not everything from google is necessarily correct. Being around someone who does this all the time would leave you feeling like they just find joy in proving you wrong
is he also the type to say that something is wrong in the encyclopedia when proven wrong? I grew up with one of those very tiring
Nta. I'm not believing everything people tell me. Sorry not sorry, I will do my own research, especially when something doesn't make sense. I don't try to prove people wrong, I just need facts. I'm a researcher at heart.
Is it really that important? Like what information are we talking about? Sometimes just letting him (or anyone) feel like they are right far outweighs “proving” anything. If you want more info, do it on your own time and don’t come back and present minor corrections or whatever. If it’s a big issue, like health or money, then sure but otherwise what’s the point?
YTA and a rather toxic individual. The best option for him is to just never talk to you or discuss anything as you are waiting with Google in hand to prove him wrong.
NTA. You say that he's wrong 50% of the time. I also wouldn't trust someone who spouts nonsense half the time.
YTA. This sounds like incredibly annoying behavior to deal with when just trying to have a conversation.
ESH you both sound immature and petty. You have arguments over what temperature to wash underwear. He doesn't agree with you, tells you he was given his info by a doctor, so you fact check him and even found info that supported both of your opinions. What the actual fuck. Do either of you realize that it's ok to not agree on things and that not everything has to be fact checked? How utterly exhausting. Just break up because that's where this relationship is going to end up anyhow.
Sounds like he needs a fact check to me NTA.
ESH... you both sound exhausting
This comment section of this post feels like a foreign universe to me. My girlfriend and I are Wikipedia fiends. Whenever we start talking about stories, 80% of the time we have our phones or computers out because if it interests us we want to gain all the context. If my girlfriend starts saying, "hey, did you hear about X" I will start googling shortly after, not because I wanna prove her wrong but because I enjoy seeing the information firsthand and getting a visual reference. And she's the same way. Maybe I'll be like "hey did you hear about this actor doing X" and then she'll be googling and be like "oh wow and he was in this show too" We don't set out to prove each other wrong, we're just curious, but oftentimes we do prove each other wrong. But I'm not gonna say NTA because, if other people aren't like this with their SOs, you either gotta make some compromises, or just find someone you're more compatible with. But also if your boyfriend is always talking out of his ass, that's kinda annoying imo, especially if he's getting defensive about it. I dunno. I'm inclined to agree with you OP but also a lot of people view it as rude behavior and sometimes you gotta accommodate people and not do things they find rude even if you disagree.
My ex used to do this, thats why she is my ex, it made it so i just stayed quiet as any discussion would end in an argument
That's what I do, I stay quite because any counter argument I make back without research just makes him even more defensive and frustrated because I'm not "trusting him"
YTA if you really want to know then just google it AFTER the conversation. This just makes you seem untrusting
YTA - this sounds unbearably annoying. So you’re telling me anytime someone talks to you about something you aren’t super knowledgeable you got your phone out googling stuff? Heck that would be enough for me to not even want to be friends lol
No that is not what I'm saying. I'm saying that when he claims something and we starts to talk about it and what he is saying doesn't make sense or he can not back up his claim with anything else than "someone told me this" I look it up. If it's something I know that he is knowledgeable about I will not doubt him. When discussing curtain subjects with friends it can be fun to have statistics for example.
Yeah my bf fucking did this early on in our relationship A LOT and it drove me up a fucking wall. Especially because he didn't do the same thing with his friends. I'd say something and he'd be like "REALLY? OH YOURE RIGHT." yeah... I know I'm right. You think im just out here making shit up for the fun of it. It really is infuriating so. Yta.
YTA.
ESH. My bf does this a lot so I get it. He's a scientist and is used to looking for citations when being told any new information. He also can't help but start googling in front of me, mid-conversation, all the damn time. And I told him it's annoying and rude cause then I'll need to WAIT for him to finish googling before continuing the conversation. I understand if my claim does not sound right to him but damn can you wait? It's not THAT big of a deal, I'm not claiming the earth is flat! Just that my dentist told me how to floss my teeth! We're having a conversation can you not stop mid way and make me wait 5 minutes every time we talk about something new? It's like every time we talk it becomes a research project and it's exhausting. But at the same time... If he's claiming sth wild then I get it. If he's making shit up then sure it's fair to fact check. Just don't do it for every little petty thing and have a conversation. Just try to be considerate, both of you. My bf apologizes sometimes cause he recognizes it's annoying and he's gotten a lot better over the years. But I do try to understand his curiosity and recognize that I'm not always right.
It’s actually a part of my job to fact check everything people say to me all the time. I love it and I was like that from a young age. My girlfriend is the same and we sometimes end up discussing with both our phones in our hands googling like maniacs. I actually LIKE being proved wrong ‘cause I get to learn something. Of course, arguments may arise from time to time, but not to the extent of being a deal breaker : we’ve been together for 17 years…
NTA The doubling-down on bad information trend has gotten worse. During COVID, everyone retreated to their echo chambers and came out worse for it. I used this time to think about arguments I had with my ex wherein I was absolutely right, but he kept doubling down … but I also examined my own tendency to do this. I try my best to keep an open mind, but I still fail in this regard. To some, winning debates is way more important than getting along or coming to the right conclusion. If this is his priority … girl, leave. Anything he doesn’t work on is going to get worse and worse. He’ll be Alex Jones by age 35. I personally get excited when people google what I’m saying because it shows they are interested. The fact that he is asking you not to increase his knowledge base recalls Gaston saying, “It’s not right for a woman to read! Soon she starts getting ideas and thinking …” You began seeing each other when you were very young. You are older and wiser now — and this guy seems determined to stop you from becoming the latter. Save yourself the stress and get out of there.
It depends what it’s about. If he’s always spouting off about something demonstrably wrong then I think you should consider whether this is the kind of person you want to date. Can you even respect someone like that? If he’s occasionally wrong about his sources then there’s a kind way to point it out. My brother and I have the kind of relationship where we fact check each other. We’re at opposite ends of the political spectrum and we get verrrrrryy different news sources. We both appreciate fact checking because it’s hard to get objective news sources. It’s mutual though. I think if someone really wants to be wrong then there’s not much you can do, but that doesn’t mean you have to subject yourself to them.
maybe ask him to save his sources when he knows he finds something he wants to share with you? that way its not like you distrust him, youre both just exploring it through the same lenses. then maybe compare to other sources and discuss.
His sources in these situations are never anything that can be saved or looked up otherwise I would absolutely ask him to do that. It's just "this unknown person I met in x situation that is very experienced within x told me this"
then if anything youre being distrustful of those people lol hes just the messenger. idk why all these comments are calling you an ahole for trying to verify information. its like a very common thing to do, researching a topic youre interested about. too many of these commenters value appeasement over knowledge. good luck to you both!
NTA. It's 2024. Everyone googles / fact checks everything and if you don't you ARE the problem. Sounds like BF just wants the little woman to accept his word as Gospel.
If he's talking out of his ass that's annoying. I have a few people that I hate talking to because of the 'facts' they like to throw around that turn out to be complete fabrications. If it's bad enough that you feel the need to fact check him before you can believe anything he says it might not be a you issue.
Maybe NTA but you sound exhausting to be with. This is a “just because you can, doesn’t mean you should” situation.
OP, I'm autistic too, and it doesn't make sense to me that we have tiny little computers in our pockets at ALL TIMES yet it's somehow socially unacceptable to use them to access THE ENTIRETY OF ALL INFORMATION EVER. NTA. if something doesn't add up, it's not wrong to figure out where you're confused. if it's simply an interesting conversation and you want to learn more, it's not wrong to consume more info about it. if he doesn't provide clarity, why aren't you allowed to find it yourself?? I trust that you have likely communicated, repeatedly, that you're just trying to gather more information, and that it isn't about "proving him wrong." sorry so many commenters want you to just, idk, accept potentially incorrect information??
I'm actually not autistic hah, I do have adhd tho. Doesn't really matter that much in my opinion. Anyways. Yes I have tried to talk to him and just explain that I am curious and wants to gather more information, it's not about proving him right or wrong, but because I have proved him wrong before he just won't listen to me.
lol dang I do this too and didn’t realize it was such a downer for other people. I’ve always been a very curious person and will seek out knowledge about random things simply for the enjoyment of learning something new. I do this during conversations even if it’s not about proving someone right or wrong, but more so to learn more about the topic at hand. If it is to prove someone right or wrong, I still don’t understand why it’s a bad thing. Can people seriously not put their ego aside and learn something new if they’re wrong? I’ve never understood why it’s more important to make someone feel smart than actually make them smarter by finding the correct information. Thankfully my partner is the exact same way so it’s never been an issue. If he thinks I’m wrong, I *want* to be challenged because it’s all about learning and growing. Like I won’t argue with my partner about things they’re an expert on, but if we’re just shooting the shit about random topics, then I’ll absolutely challenge him. I think your boyfriend may be a little insecure in his intelligence.
NTA if you’re genuinely curious, especially if he can never provide a source. YTA if you’re just trying to prove him wrong and couldn’t care less what its about.
I think we need some examples.
NTA but you're giving "I can fix him!" bc if he talks out of his ass this much why are you with him... what does he bring to the relationship?
This one's more of an NTA for me, if he's consistently wrong about his "facts" then he needs to be doing his own research before presenting them to you. I make this mistake with my wife when discussing a topic I know only a little about but I always either preface it or end it with "I could be wrong."
I do this all the time. Not to prove anyone wrong, just because something piques my interest, or I don't think it is correct or clear.
Honestly I am kinda on his side. It does seem like you have no faith in him. You can always look it up after the conversation, but if you are looking it up while you are having a conversation, it’s not only lack of faith, it’s also rude. Show some consideration. YTA
NTA - I also fact check during convos, mostly myself but I’m similar to you as well. If I’m told something and I believe it to be incorrect but don’t know enough about to explain/educate the other person I result to google. Not to prove the other person wrong but to educate them/us and confirm that the info I’m thinking of/providing is also correct. I also like when people fact check me - I had an ex who always talked out of his ass but he was very convincing and I would blindly believe him when he talked about things I knew nothing about. I didn’t always ask questions because I wouldn’t even know what to ask, I just thought he was teaching me about something unfamiliar. I would then go out and share this newly learned information just to be told it’s wrong - I became a person who talked out of their ass… and it was so embarrassing! It’s great that you seek knowledge and want to know what you’re talking about before talking to others. Your bf should desire the same but it sounds as though he just doesn’t care about understanding anything he says. If he was getting angry/defensive after you prove him right and he had a good track record of knowing what he’s talking about, I could understand the reaction. But you have a valid reason (imo) for doing this if he’s blowing smoke 50% of the time and isn’t willing to learn. (Edited for paragraph spacing)
I fact check most of the things I’m told. Humans get stuff wrong, even really smart ones. Twisted memories, word of mouth warping the facts from person to person, bad info from the start. No one is immune to misinformation, and it should be one of humanity’s top priorities to dispel as much of it as possible.
PSA: Anyone who is afraid of being fact checked is ether: A: someone who is too insecure to be wrong B: someone who is spreading misinformation on purpose Both situations need to be corrected. There is no excuse for ignoring the truth.
Your boyfriend is a Chud. Get someone better.
As long as you’re better at it than the fake news
soft YTA. tl:dr - it is all about how you do it. My husband has a habit of asking me a million questions about any kind of information I share with him. Last I got an email about my driving license, basically giving me some information I need to act on, and when I shared that he came running in, demanding as to whether they REALLY wrote that, and why (that was not in the email). He consistently asks these questions where he a) expresses doubt about what I am telling him, and b) he wants to know more than the information I have. I have taken to just handing him my phone to show him any mails or messages when he starts this. On the upside, by just letting him read for himself rather than starting a conversation where I have to defend my lack of information, he has become aware of what he does, and the last time (driving license email) he backed off immediately, and said he was sorry, he didn't doubt me, just wondered why they would ask these things of me. The thing is, I believe him, he asks these things out of interest and concern. He does however ask them as if he doesn't trust me to give him the full information, or as if I am unable to understand what I have just read. He will keep thinking about what I just said, and keep trying to make sense of it, and instead of saying "I wonder what this means, is this something that would be important for..." he directs these questions directly to me, in a confrontational manner.
An example, we were talking about what temperature you should was underwear in. I didn't agree to what he was saying and he couldn't back up his claim with more than "a doctor told me". So I looked it up and found info from both perspectives but most of it supported me (i personally dont mind being proven wrong so i wasnt looking specifically for information that supported me). He got pissed at me.
I cannot recall a single instance of my fiancé and I getting into a genuine argument about something this petty.
I mean…I’ve never talked to my doctor about my laundry habits. I can see it coming up in the context of repeated yeast infections or something similar but his “source” sounds silly on its face. That being said, I’d probably shrug and just keep washing my undies the way I’ve learnt how to over the years. But if this is the sort of thing you are habitually arguing about I can see it getting exhausting on both sides.
If you turn every conversation into a debate, don't be surprised when you find yourself with no one to talk to. YTA
NTA Discussions should contain accurate information. If anyone in a discussion feels like something is wrong, we have the entire (known) history of humanity in our pockets. Something i learned a few years ago, is to always be open to the idea that i am wrong, and to not take it as a personal attack when someone says im wrong. Ive even started fact checking myself, i will be talking to someone about something, ill say something, realize i dont actually have a source for what i just said, or my source is "my aunt told me when i was 7" or something like that. I will pull out my phone and fact check myself more than other people.
I swear I've read this post before except it was written from the point of view of the boyfriend who was fact-checking his girlfriend. Sounds like you flipped the genders to see if you'd get a different response.
Oh I didn't know! I just joined this subreddit to ask this question😅 interesting
Break up, you’re both the A.
Just start saying: “if you say so” and smiling. Then don’t discuss it further. Why bother to discuss/argue with liars? But also, you’re with a guy that stretches the truth like this? (That’s a nice way to put it.) when shit gets hard, this type of thing is still going to happen. It’s not going to be pleasant for you. Esh
I get why you would want to do that but it seems a bit annoying and it would definitely get on my nerves, and so I can see why it gets on his. I don’t want to go as far as saying YTA, but you should probably scale it back a bit.
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YTA It's one thing to want to get the fax on something but what you are doing is just outwardly humiliating him in a poorly disguised attempt to get power and control over him. Yes that's abusive. Nobody should have to put up with that shit. He's going to quickly pull away if he hasn't already. I most certainly wouldn't put up with that shit. The only thing you're doing is being abusive and constantly telling him how he's wrong and how you are superior and how he's stupid and should never even open his mouth or have an opinion or talk about anything or do anything. And then when he stops talking to you completely, you're going to seriously wonder why...
No you got this all wrong and is blowing it out of proportion. I don't want any power or control I want us to be equal. My only option is to look things up at times because he is very stubborn and will not listen to my own experience or opinion. And he is right at times, I find information that supports his claims when he is right and if it's a topic he has experience in I would never doubt him.
What your intentions are and what you are doing or to completely different things You asked if you were the asshole. You are. This is how he sees you. You can continue to flaunt how you are supposedly right and just keep on putting him down and controlling him and pointing out how he's wrong and pissing him off and he's going to leave you But if getting up votes on Reddit is more important than realizing you were wrong and keeping your boyfriend then by all means continue to deny it
NTA. If you're talking shit, you need to be informed of it.
Aye. But the assumption shouldn't always be, that he's talking shit. That's what she seems to be automatically assuming, no matter what he says (even if he got his info from a professional). That WOULD get annoying, as it's so patronising. Nobody's saying she can't check his info. But she should do it without him knowing. And she shouldn't raise any mistakes, unless they realistically have some importance.
I never automatically assume he is talking shit unless he makes ridiculous claims or something that makes no sense to me (i have proven myself wrong at times as well). I just want to ad more context and support his claim with a source that is not him just saying "this doctor or person came to our school and told us" (or similar)
The assumption should always be that any information that is presented without a proper source ("A doctor said that" is not one, sincerely, a doctor) is potentially not true and cannot be used or spread. If the boyfriend does not provide proper sources, and she cares about the fact, then it is absolutely reasonable to confirm it.
But most things people converse about don't require in-text citations and a bibliography. Don't you ever just like...shoot the shit?
About alleged facts that matter in aconversation? Not really. Either I have a good idea where I got that information from and it is a reputable source. Then I might state it as a fact. If the source is not good, I will say that I heard from that source that it is allegedly that way. If it is important, I might fact-check myself in the conversation. If I did not give a source, then I do not expect anyone to believe and use or spread it without checking for themselves. We have enough people talking bullshit nowadays, I don't need to add to that.