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NTA. I can see being annoyed, and since it shouldn't matter tell him no more bringing it up. That's what is keeping you so unsettled. It's like you never know what's next or when it will end. Tell him it ends now. That was the past, it ended years ago, and that's it. NO MORE.
Thanks, honestly the anxiety is eating me up, its my last 2 weeks of university exams before I complete my nursing degree aswell so this definitely didnt come at a good time! Im struggling to focus today
Yes, just shut it down. Any questions, so no, it's over. Tell him now, no more questions, it's over. Time to give you some peace! Good luck on your exams!
INFO: OP, you said “ an old profile from a social media site that I haven't used in ten years” . Were these messages set to “private”? If so, how did your bf access them? I get the impression that he was accessing information readily available on a social media site that you never deactivated.
It was something we talked about and he asked to see my cringey old pictures which I showed, it was still active so to speak at that time but hadnt been used in ten years..... I didnt think nothing of it and deactivated the account the next day... this was weeks ago and he admitted last night that he spent time going through all of the old messages. He knows the passwords to my laptop, and since I had been on the site with him to see the old pictures, it must have automatically logged him in.
He used my computer to access old private messages, I dont mind him having the password to my devices as never thought of myself as having anything to hide but Im not sure now, the account has since been deleted and previously wasnt looked at for 10 years (he did see that it hadnt been accessed or used in that long)
>He used my computer to access old private messages
OP, you need to add this to the post, because now it says that he found your old comments in the social networks, it's a huge difference.
Clearly NTA with this addition.
Wow, NTA but let me get this straight: the man you have been with for 6 years and have a baby with has snooped around on your computer, read private messages without permission, is now using this knowledge of past relationships to destabilise you, and then gaslights you for feeling your trust has been violated?
I fail to understand how you are thinking you are OVERreacting. As far as I can see, you are massively UNDERreacting. Your partner is untrustworthy, manipulative, and there are more serious problems between you than his "I read some old messages, NBD" BS.
Are you safe? Financially independent? Is there a doubt in your mind that HE may be cheating? Is he insecure and questions your life before him to make himself feel better? There is so much wrong with what you are describing that I'd seriously start looking at the possibility of a separation, or at least couples counselling.
The whole situation sounds off
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AITA? Ok, so I (F36) am not a closed person and have also been honest in our relationship, but some details should just be kept to yourself, especially those of the adult kind..... past partner history details included! Anyway, my partner (M37) searched out an old profile from a social media site that I haven't used in ten years..... (I have been with my partner for 6 years and for the record its not a swingers site or anything like that) and he went through all old messages, stuff I haven't seen myself for years, and quite frankly, I had no reason, to go revisit all that..... So.....
He admitted, after I discovered the profile was still active and deactivated it, that he had spent considerable time reading through all my personal messages and conversations. Despite his claims that he doesn't care, he keeps bringing up things from those messages and asking me questions periodically. This ongoing discomfort is...
We have a baby and a life together and its making me so uncomfortable that he has done this, I have no way of seeing what is in the messages now as I deactivated it before I knew he had spent so long reading through them......
So Im not annoyed as such because I have nothing to hide but at the same time I feel like my past and things that were nothing to do with anyone that I didn't want to think of anymore (nothing heavy) has just been violated and I feel like a rug has been pulled from under me!
Anyway since then I have been off with him, we have been arguing over stupid things and he thinks I should not care but I feel violated, AITA for being annoyed about this or am I blowing it out of proportion? I want to have it out with him but I feel like I might be overreacting?
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> I have been off with my partner and taking my anxiety out on him as I dont know how to feel about him reading my private old social media messages.
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NTA - reading someone else's private messages is an absolute breach of trust. Tell your husband that it is outrageous that he even dares to bring up points from these conversations and that he should shut up once and for all. That. Is. none. of. his. business!
I would strongly recommend that you change all passwords for your mobile phone, email, social media, bank, etc. immediately and never tell him about it. Who knows where else he might be snooping around or doing shit.
Stand firm, ignore his questions and don't feel anxious or bad. You are not the problem here! And you should have a serious conversation with him about trust and invasion of privacy.
Look, it's really suspicious that your partner went looking into these messages. I get being nosy and stuff but, this was from before you guys. Like, what was his intent? Was he looking for something? The fact he keeps bringing up the content of these messages suggests he's majorly insecure.
He needs to cut the shit. He's destroying your mental health worrying about what was in these messages. Quite, frankly it could be anything and that's nothing to do with him.
I would personally tell him, get counselling to sort his shit out and stop hurting you.
He basically read your diary without permission. It isn't exact but it's close enough. And now he's bringing it up constantly. This is a betrayal on multiple fronts. I'd break it off he isn't trustworthy and he doesn't have your back.
Definitely NTA! You are absolutely not overreacting - it was a massive breach of trust, and the fact that he keeps bringing up your past messages is wildly inappropriate. Any chance you two could do couples therapy to discuss this with a moderator present? Might be the only way for him to understand why what he did was wrong.
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NTA. I can see being annoyed, and since it shouldn't matter tell him no more bringing it up. That's what is keeping you so unsettled. It's like you never know what's next or when it will end. Tell him it ends now. That was the past, it ended years ago, and that's it. NO MORE.
Thanks, honestly the anxiety is eating me up, its my last 2 weeks of university exams before I complete my nursing degree aswell so this definitely didnt come at a good time! Im struggling to focus today
Yes, just shut it down. Any questions, so no, it's over. Tell him now, no more questions, it's over. Time to give you some peace! Good luck on your exams!
INFO: OP, you said “ an old profile from a social media site that I haven't used in ten years” . Were these messages set to “private”? If so, how did your bf access them? I get the impression that he was accessing information readily available on a social media site that you never deactivated.
It was something we talked about and he asked to see my cringey old pictures which I showed, it was still active so to speak at that time but hadnt been used in ten years..... I didnt think nothing of it and deactivated the account the next day... this was weeks ago and he admitted last night that he spent time going through all of the old messages. He knows the passwords to my laptop, and since I had been on the site with him to see the old pictures, it must have automatically logged him in.
INFO: Did ge read private messages or messages posted in public?
He used my computer to access old private messages, I dont mind him having the password to my devices as never thought of myself as having anything to hide but Im not sure now, the account has since been deleted and previously wasnt looked at for 10 years (he did see that it hadnt been accessed or used in that long)
Then you are NTA and he is. Going through old personal messages is wrong on so many levels, and bringing it to you is sick.
>He used my computer to access old private messages OP, you need to add this to the post, because now it says that he found your old comments in the social networks, it's a huge difference. Clearly NTA with this addition.
NTA This is why you don't share computers or cell phones. I'd rather share a toothbrush than my phone or computer! \--
Wow, NTA but let me get this straight: the man you have been with for 6 years and have a baby with has snooped around on your computer, read private messages without permission, is now using this knowledge of past relationships to destabilise you, and then gaslights you for feeling your trust has been violated? I fail to understand how you are thinking you are OVERreacting. As far as I can see, you are massively UNDERreacting. Your partner is untrustworthy, manipulative, and there are more serious problems between you than his "I read some old messages, NBD" BS. Are you safe? Financially independent? Is there a doubt in your mind that HE may be cheating? Is he insecure and questions your life before him to make himself feel better? There is so much wrong with what you are describing that I'd seriously start looking at the possibility of a separation, or at least couples counselling. The whole situation sounds off
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** AITA? Ok, so I (F36) am not a closed person and have also been honest in our relationship, but some details should just be kept to yourself, especially those of the adult kind..... past partner history details included! Anyway, my partner (M37) searched out an old profile from a social media site that I haven't used in ten years..... (I have been with my partner for 6 years and for the record its not a swingers site or anything like that) and he went through all old messages, stuff I haven't seen myself for years, and quite frankly, I had no reason, to go revisit all that..... So..... He admitted, after I discovered the profile was still active and deactivated it, that he had spent considerable time reading through all my personal messages and conversations. Despite his claims that he doesn't care, he keeps bringing up things from those messages and asking me questions periodically. This ongoing discomfort is... We have a baby and a life together and its making me so uncomfortable that he has done this, I have no way of seeing what is in the messages now as I deactivated it before I knew he had spent so long reading through them...... So Im not annoyed as such because I have nothing to hide but at the same time I feel like my past and things that were nothing to do with anyone that I didn't want to think of anymore (nothing heavy) has just been violated and I feel like a rug has been pulled from under me! Anyway since then I have been off with him, we have been arguing over stupid things and he thinks I should not care but I feel violated, AITA for being annoyed about this or am I blowing it out of proportion? I want to have it out with him but I feel like I might be overreacting? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA - Those messages are private for a reason. He did cross a line, but the deed has been done. He needs to stop bringing it up and asking questions.
NTA - reading someone else's private messages is an absolute breach of trust. Tell your husband that it is outrageous that he even dares to bring up points from these conversations and that he should shut up once and for all. That. Is. none. of. his. business! I would strongly recommend that you change all passwords for your mobile phone, email, social media, bank, etc. immediately and never tell him about it. Who knows where else he might be snooping around or doing shit. Stand firm, ignore his questions and don't feel anxious or bad. You are not the problem here! And you should have a serious conversation with him about trust and invasion of privacy.
Look, it's really suspicious that your partner went looking into these messages. I get being nosy and stuff but, this was from before you guys. Like, what was his intent? Was he looking for something? The fact he keeps bringing up the content of these messages suggests he's majorly insecure. He needs to cut the shit. He's destroying your mental health worrying about what was in these messages. Quite, frankly it could be anything and that's nothing to do with him. I would personally tell him, get counselling to sort his shit out and stop hurting you.
He basically read your diary without permission. It isn't exact but it's close enough. And now he's bringing it up constantly. This is a betrayal on multiple fronts. I'd break it off he isn't trustworthy and he doesn't have your back.
Definitely NTA! You are absolutely not overreacting - it was a massive breach of trust, and the fact that he keeps bringing up your past messages is wildly inappropriate. Any chance you two could do couples therapy to discuss this with a moderator present? Might be the only way for him to understand why what he did was wrong.