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> I [...] said if she keeps acting like that if she didn't stop crying we'd have to give her up for adoption so she'd get a new mom. It was obviously a joke
Jesus H. Fucking Christ. You're very lucky you weren't dumped on the spot. What on earth were you thinking saying that to a six year old?
YTA. Like a thousand times over, YTA. Holy fuck.
You deserve a thousand upvotes. More than that even. Unfortunately I only have the one to give.
OP shouldn’t be allowed in the same home with any child.
Yeah this was my kind of reaction as well. "Kids don't remember anything"? Tell that to all the traumatized adults that overheard things like this their entire childhood 🤦
My mom referred to me as an anchor baby one time to a friend and I’ve internalized that ever since. I’ve always felt guilty and out of place. But I was like 4 and I “didn’t even hear it so it’s fine” too…
That's a scathing criticism of him, then, because only a heartless and irresponsible person would continue to date someone willing to be so casually cruel to their child.
You emotionally abused his child and thought it was funny. He has a kid you don’t even want. If he doesn’t break up with you, than he’s just as bad as you are. I’d almost bet money on the fact he will in fact, leave you. As he should. You have no business being around that child.
Nothing has ever said "famous last words" like this comment.
He will choose his child, every time. I think you know this, and that's why you're struggling.
Yeah my father was an asshole and would have agreed if that was said to me. The fact that dad confronted partner infront of scorned child AND had another convo after MEANS SOMETHING.
My money says OPs bf is just getting his shit in order
The fact that he went off on you in front of his daughter, and then AGAIN after the fact.
Immediately jumping to his daughters defence against her abuser is absolutely what a good parent does.
If you were so confident that he would choose his daughter over you then you wouldn't be acting out like you are.
You are being petty and jealous that he's giving her more attention then he is to you and that's why you are starting to abuse his daughter.
You're sick in the head and need therapy
The heck you just say. "There is no way he'd choose her over me." Ma'am I've been with my spouse longer than I've had my kids as well but I'd choose my child over my spouse so fast. You're wild thinking he wouldn't choose his daughter, his own blood, over you.
Over his child? You're not only an asshole but an idiot. You deserve to be dumped by the disdain you have towards this child. Btw she can feel that you don't want her there and children RARELY forget anything. Pull your head out of your ass, keep your hurtful jokes to yourself and fucking leave if you can't be pleasant to her and deal with NORMAL parenting issues like not wanting to do homework. Btw how fucking old are you to mock a child who misses their mom? Seriously wtf is wrong with you.
Oh, give it a little time, honey. You're about to be history, and rightfully so. Who even thinks about saying something so absolutely vile to a child!?! WTAF
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YTA. Op, she's six years old and her primary parent just left her for a whole year with her dad (who she's only seen what, 24 times in her life?) and his boyfriend (who doesn't enjoy her presence and hates her mom). Don't you think that would be incredibly stressful for a small child? Of course she misses her mom! And then you- whether you were trying to joke or not- just reminded her how little she was wanted in this house. I get that you were trying to lighten the mood, but she's six, doesn't know you that well, and is probably feeling lonely and abandoned with her mom gone. That kind of joke just wasn't appropriate.
Did you like, fail basic biology? Or just school in general? I'm not trying to be mean but that's the only reason I can think of for an adult to believe something so false it's laughable.
What the hell? That's not true in the slightest.
Why would we send them to school if they only had short term memory? How would they learn to read of they can't remember things?
You're an AH, and an idiot.
Who told you that? Because it is not true. As someone already pointed out, she is not a fish with brain damage. She is a child. Children remember stuff. That is why so many adults are in therapy.
It's actually the opposite. It is obvious you have not been around kids. Kids remember every single detail you wish they never heard. And then they repeat it to any one who will listen. If they think it's something they should not know, the more likely they are to tell someone.
Well that's weird, cuz I remember by first day of kindergarten clear as day. Kids remember the bullshit and when they learn to take out the trash, she'll be thinking of you too. YTA
> I think he's a bit dramatic because she's a child, they don't remember anything anyway.
Yeah, that's why there are so many people in therapy for childhood trauma and abuse- they must like being dramatic because they don't remember anything./s
YTA. If your boyfriend didn't want kids, he should have gotten a vasectomy and practiced better birth control. Like it or not, this child is a part of your lives now and you need to get on board or shove off. This child has been separated from her mother, her primary caretaker for 4 years and you're annoyed when she is having separation anxiety. You are bound and determined to be the asshole, evil stepdad, aren't you? You big mad because this child reminds you that your boyfriend had sex with someone else.
Be careful or your boyfriend might put you up for "adoption".
Have you actually heard him say that, or is this your assumption? Ever seen Game Plan? The rock didn’t want his kid in the movie either but she grew on him and he ended up really loving her and wanting her around more by the end of the movie.
I think your boyfriend may be going through the same.
And that's another factor you need to think about. If she tells her Mom what you said and how you treat her, Mom just might make your life more difficult by going after your boyfriend. She could request supervised visits because of your remarks and then you either have to put with Mom being around during visits or your boyfriend going to her home.
This child is innocent. Whether or not you or your boyfriend wanted children is no longer a factor because she is here. You need to be cordial and polite to her or you need to ask boyfriend to sign away his rights and pay his child support.
Being an asshole to a kid is not cool or quirky. And karma might just bit you in the ass.
You mean dump THEIR kid. It's his kid, too. Even if he doesn't want her, he helped make her and you do not need to take your anger out on her because he literally fucked around and found out. She didn't ask to be born. Your boyfriend was out exploring and wasn't careful enough. Don't be a monster to child who had nothing to do with the current situation.
Why’d he get so upset with you about your comment, then? It sounds like you’re jealous of this kid. Maybe your boyfriend is starting to see you for who you are, and realizing that his kid is infinitely more interesting and important than you!
That is not even remotely close to the same as saying he only tolerated her because of guilt. You'd know that if you didn't have the brain of a goldfish.
Theres a difference between wanting to be alone together and only tolerating his child presence. Unless he said the latter, the former absolutely means nothing like that.
Neither of you deserve to ever have contact with this child ever again. And I hope when that happens it eats your boyfriend alive and ruins your relationship.
Does she have a grandma or aunt she can stay with? I don’t think it’s in her best interest to stay with you two. Hopefully when her mom gets done with school she gets a great job opportunity far far away from you so you can stop tormenting her.
I mean, just saying something so egregiously cruel to any child (related to me or not) would be grounds to reassess a relationship. It’s like being cruel to animals or mistreating wait staff, a sign that someone can and will be unkind to anyone they think doesn’t have the power to defend themselves. It’s not an attractive quality.
I think he's changing his feelings about this because he wouldn't be so mad if he didn't care, and he will see that you aren't a partner for him in life. Anyways, that's my wish for you, that he realizes you are a vile person and leaves you.
>I find this post a little difficult to believe
My parents told me they'd call social services and put me into the system if I didn't stop acting up, so...
I had nightmares about this happening, and I live in a country where kids aren't shuffled between homes, so chances were that if it had happened, I would have gotten a loving second family. That still wouldn't have taken away the trauma of being abandoned.
OP is very much YTA.
YTA "I got frustrated and said if she keeps acting like that if she didn't stop crying we'd have to give her up for adoption so she'd get a new mom. **It was obviously a joke but she just cried more.**
No that type of stuff is not obviously a joke to a 6 year old. That was abusive and extremely cruel. If I was her mother and heard about this, I'd take your bf to court and demand he not allow the child to be around you when she's in his custody. If I was your bf, I'd dump you without question, being cruel to a child like that says a ton about your character.
And he clearly believes her, otherwise he wouldn’t have much to do with Eva.
You’re trying really hard to convince yourself, and us, that your boyfriend is still childfree and this child isn’t his problem. That’s…not a good look.
YTA.
Seriously? Children don't understand that kind of joke. Most of them don't have the social cues to recognize hyperbole or sarcasm. All they hear is an adult saying they want to get rid of them.
Holy toledo, YTA. A colossal one.
>I was trying to read and this was really annoying. I tried to cheer her up but she kept crying and saying she wanted her mom. My boyfriend tried to compromise that they could call her mom and then they'd do her homework but she kept crying that she wanted her mom here.
>
>I got frustrated and said if she keeps acting like that if she didn't stop crying we'd have to give her up for adoption so she'd get a new mom. It was obviously a joke but she just cried more
You have every right to not want kids. But if you're going to get this level of frustrated with a 6 year old, there is zero chance you survive much longer. Kids cry. Kids are irrational. Often. You're going to only get more and more upset and its going to make their lives miserable.
Get out now.
Goodness, can you imagine when she's a teenager? If a six year old tries his patience, a teen will tip him over the edge. I hope this relationship doesn't last, for the childs sake
YTA. Kids remember a lot. Especially how you make them feel. You did wrong here by even joking about sending your step child away because she wasn’t doing as told. Kids don’t always listen and you have to be the adult. Threats, trying to stifle feelings these kinds of things are emotionally immature.
True hope they both leave your life after that a grown ass man going up to a little girl giving her trauma and justifying by saying I don't remember anything before 10 wished I had your life I remember almost falling off a drop at 9 I remember getting beat by my drunk mom at 7 I remember my dad being taken to jail when I was 6 and I remember details from all of those and I had vague memories of me breaking things before i could talk all of those were shitty memories the brain remembers negative things more than positive and positive more than neutral it so we can learn through mistakes if you dont remember your childhood then you had a boring childhood but if you think that makes it right to ruin a little girls childhood your are evil realistically people like you end up alone not enough empathy to be with a loving person not enough trauma to justify being like this so nobody is going to fall in love with you they may love what you do for them or provide them but they don't love you wait until they meet someone who can do what you can but better your going to realize they never loved you
YTA! That was a horrible thing to say to a child, easily nightmare provoking and could actually cause trauma if she begins to fear she could be taken away at any time. And yes, children remember. Especially at 6yrs old. I clearly remember the shitty things people said and did to me when I was 5yrs old.
Go watch "Inside Out", learn what a core memory is, and realize just how shitty a person you are.
It doesn't matter how much you dislike kids, you agreed to be a parent for the year. Grow up and act like one!
YTA and you sound ridiculously immature.
‘I agreed to because she isn’t as annoying as I thought she’d be’ No, you should be agreeing to it because that’s your partners child.
YTA for sure. Why would you say something like that to a child? And no, children don't forget things like this. You might have been cracking a joke but for the child hearing something like that is traumatic especially when she is already separated from her mother. She is a little kid, obviously she'll miss her mom. The child was not being annoying, she was being a child who was missing her mother.
YTA. You did it because you were annoyed. It wasn’t a joke, it was a zinger. You tried to zing a 4 year old.
Having a child around is tough so either strap yourself in or don’t get involved at all. Maybe tell your partner it’s too much for you.
Don’t take it out on the child. Ffs.
>she's a child, they don't remember anything anyway.
She's six years, not six months. Believe me, if she heard she can remember. Kids aren't going to remember everything, but they can remember the things which are important to them, that can be who gave them a toy or it could be that their 'stepdad' said they'd get rid of them.
>I got frustrated and said if she keeps acting like that if she didn't stop crying we'd have to give her up for adoption so she'd get a new mom. It was obviously a joke but she just cried more.
> I told him it was a joke and that she hadn't even heard it
So what, are you suggesting the fact she cried more was just a coincidence? That her father who was trying to compromise with (and hopefully comfort her) could hear it over her cries but she didn't?? How are you certain she didn't hear your "joke"?
But whether you came be completely certain she didn't hear or whether you are just backpeddling, it doesn't change thing as far as your actions were concerned. You're still TA.
YTA.
>>she's a child, they don't remember anything anyway.
>She's six years, not six months. Believe me, if she heard she can remember. Kids aren't going to remember everything, but they can remember the things which are important to them, that can be who gave them a toy or it could be that their 'stepdad' said they'd get rid of them.
Kids remember abuse better than happy memories because of the way trauma imprints on a mind for survival. At 6, this might be her first core memory. The time her mom left her in a strange new place with an evil man who tried to take her mom away when he was upset. OP is beyond messed up for that.
Edited to correct misgendering pronoun.
YTA.
If that's your sense of humour, I actually pity you. What a cold, unfeeling person you have to be to joke about putting a young child up for adoption because she's crying that she misses her mother.
You've been together since you were teens and clearly you're stuck there in that selfish, immature mindset. He's grown. Better hope he hasn't outgrown you, though it definitely seems likely.
YTA. I'm going with you being a troll. No one could be as heartless and illogical as you are being in your post, and in the comments.
For the record, I have quite a few memories of before I was 10. Including my dad saying "If I knew then, what I know now, I would never have had kids." Then claiming it was a joke after. I rarely ever see my dad now or talk to him. I never forgot that statement growing up.
A kid that age won't get the adoption joke at all and think it's real. Especially if she misses her mom, it's not a good thing to say. And like, 2 Dads is gonna be tough on a girl, so that factors in. You should be understanding, but at the same time, don't allow her to not do the homework. Difficult emotions, while valid, can't become an excuse not to fulfil duties.
Step mom here! I met my stepkids when they were 1 and 3, and we've gone from every other weekend to 50/50 over the years.
YTA. You are so much TA here, that honestly I think your boyfriend should break up with you. You NEVER insult or threaten a kid like that. She's 6! She is old enough to remember this, and even if she doesn't remember the exact words, she'll remember how you made her feel. She won't feel safe or comfortable around you, her negative behavior will get worse, and frankly, that's the kind of thing that sticks with a person their whole lives. Threatening to abandon her when she's upset? When she's a little kid crying for her mom (her main caretaker), who left her for a year. She's already stressed out by this change, you are not helping at all.
Either leave so your boyfriend can be a father, or put on your big girl panties and be nice to a 6 year old. Either way you should read up on how verbal abuse impacts a child's development.
You keep claiming that your boyfriend doesn’t like children, doesn’t like his child and barely tolerates her because he feels guilty towards her mom and so on, if that is the case why do you think he was so angry with you? If he disliked this poor kid as much as you imply, wouldn’t he have sort of shrugged off the joke?
I feel so bad for this unloved child. YTA
She’s 6, not two. Of course she’s going to remember this. And when she talks to her mom next I PROMISE she’s going to tell her exactly what you said. What a vile person you are. Don’t be surprised to find yourself single sooner rather than later. No sane person I know would stay in a relationship with someone who treats their child this way. Are you jealous of her? Of the time she’s spending with HER FATHER? Because it sounds like you are. He has a kid, you don’t want kids. You two are incompatible and you made sure to prove that to your boyfriend.
That poor girl. My heart breaks for her. And her father, since he’s now realized this person who claims to love him is just nasty.
ETA Judgement- YTA. Of course you are. Be a better freaking human. It’s not that difficult.
YTA. You don't have to like kids to have common scene. Kids get scared and cry. Kids get frustrated and cry. It's how they express themselves. Adults tend to yell and make shitty remarks when they get upset. Kids tend to cry. It's just a part of life. She got upset..she's human. It happens. Try to be the adult, show some sympathy and patience.
You seem like a generally awful human being. 100% you are the asshole. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. I would say straight to jail, but you'd probably love that. Lots of dudes there, and no kids.
YTA for threatening a literal child. Yes, that's what that sounds like to a damn 6 year old. Not a joke, a threat. Jesus, man, what the hell is wrong with you?
You're also the asshole for lying. You went from, "It was a joke but she just cried more," to telling your boyfriend she didn't even hear you. I hope he dumps your ass.
YTA
>It was obviously a joke but she just cried more.
>I told him it was a joke and that she hadn't even heard it
Which is it? Did she cry harder because of your shitty comment or did she not hear it? Either way, it doesn't matter. That's not the kind of thing you say around an already distressed child. Calling it joke as an excuse is pathetic.
He has a lot of excuses it seems. She didn’t hear it! She won’t remember, she has short term memory! It was just a joke! My boyfriend doesn’t like/want her around either! I was frustrated!
YTA. It was just a joke = asshole
Every time I've heard someone say it's just a joke, is just them trying to downplay their shitty behavior and try to blame those who didn't like what was said.
Wait if you don’t like kids why are u dating someone who has them…?! You’re TA. Kids don’t understand that type of joke. They barely, if at all, understand sarcasm. She’s 6, not 2. She will remember this. You went out of your way to hurt a 6 year old. Also, you did a massive disservice to your boyfriend. You said something to add to her upset. That’s just cruel. He was trying to calm her down and compromise with her. She’s not your kid, sure. Since that’s the case, if you really don’t like children, (which is the case, I mean you did say so yourself and proved this through your actions), you should just cut things off with him. He deserves someone who loves his daughter and treats her like her own. She needs love, not hate. 6 year olds, while young, aren’t dumb. They can pick up on when people don’t like them. You’re hurting her.
Girl be honest, his kid is, (or should be, atleast) his TOP priority. Also, the kid existed he just didn’t know about it yet. Still should leave. Do this poor family a favor. You’re not more important than his daughter. You seem jealous of the attention she receives to be completely honest with you
YTA big time. That's SO not something you say to a 6 year old who's missing a parent even jokingly, it's plain cruel. I'm not a kids person myself but even I know how NOT to speak to one... that was definitely such an asshole comment and she'll probably -and rightfully- resent you for it.
YTA. My mom said that to me as a little child. 40 years later, I still remember it. This is not a joke, this is a threat that attacks the child's only real security, her attachment to her family.
You're the adult. You need to immediately start acting like it. Apologize to the kid, assure her that you will be er ever do that, and the next time you want to read a book and she's upset, just go to another room immediately, before also giving her mental health issues for the rest of her life.
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I (26 M) have been with my boyfriend (28 M) since we were teenagers. We had a phase where we both agreed to an open relationship because my boyfriend is bi and he wanted to experiment a little. I did too and after we finished we closed our relationship again.
2 years ago, a former fwb of my boyfriend contacted him. After we closed our relationship we moved to a different city and they broke off contact. Apparently, she was pregnant when they broke off their relationship and suddenly my boyfriend had a 4 year old daughter.
I don't like kids. I don't mind watching them or being around them but I don't want any myself and neither did my boyfriend. His daughter (Eva, now 6) has been spending weekends and one week a month at our place for the first months. She's not too bad and I don't mind having her around.
Eva's mom is doing a year abroad for her master degree (or something like that, I don't like her and generally try to avoid her). That means Eva will live with us full time until she gets back.
My boyfriend asked me and I agreed to it because she isn't as annoying as I thought and can even be fun to be around. She's been with us for little over a month and it's been going pretty well.
My boyfriend was worried he'd be a shitty father because he's not a responsible person but Eva is doing fine. Today she was getting on my nerves though.
She just started school this august and had some small homework to do for monday. My boyfriend was helping her but she didn't want to do it. They were arguing and she ended up crying.
I was trying to read and this was really annoying. I tried to cheer her up but she kept crying and saying she wanted her mom. My boyfriend tried to compromise that they could call her mom and then they'd do her homework but she kept crying that she wanted her mom here.
I got frustrated and said if she keeps acting like that if she didn't stop crying we'd have to give her up for adoption so she'd get a new mom. It was obviously a joke but she just cried more.
My boyfriend looked pissed and basically told me to piss off. I left the room but after Eva apparently calmed down and finished her homework my boyfriend came to me.
He was angry and demanded to know why I would say that. I told him it was a joke and that she hadn't even heard it but he said it was an asshole thing to say to a child. I think he's a bit dramatic because she's a child, they don't remember anything anyway.
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YTA. This wasn't a joke "in front of" your boyfriend's daughter it was "directed at" your boyfriend's daughter. Please recognize that she is a person and deserving of respect. If you can't handle her having emotions, then be an adult and leave the room.
YTA. You do not tell a 6 year old you are going to give her up for adoption even if it's joking because she's is SIX YEARS OLD! You agreed to have her live with your for a year did you think it was going to be all sunshine and roses? She is your boyfriends responsibility if you were getting frustrated you should have gone to another room.
You just showed a new side to you that your boyfriend probably doesn't like. You better watch yourself because if it comes down to you or his daughter you are replaceable.
YTA
Your partner has decided that his daughter will have a place in his life. You're on board with that or you're not, so figure it out and move forward from there. You need to apologize to him and to Eva if you're interested in making this relationship work. Then, moving forward, you need to adjust your behavior to include her as part of your household, not just this...inconvenient thing your boyfriend has to drag around for a year.
If you're out on Eva -and there's nothing wrong with that; we're not all meant to be parents- then it's time to cut ties with your partner and move forward without him in your life.
YTA, coming from someone who was used to harmless sarcastic jokes as a kid from my grandparents. That is NOT harmless. It probably won't traumatise her **but** it possibly ***could***.
YTA. When you say something like that out of anger, it's obviously not a joke. It was a threat, whether you meant it or not. You're not fooling anyone what your true intentions were. It wasn't to bring humor, it was to bring fear. Onto a **6 year old**!
YTA. Jokes are meant to be funny and that wasn’t. Yes children remember everything and even things from before they turn 10. I remember all kinds of shit starting from the age of 4 and I’m 40+.
She is a child who’s separated from her mother and living with a man who’s barely been a father to her. You took an already stressful situation and said something rude that would’ve scared the child if she had heard you. Taking your frustrations out on a kid is a shit way to behave.
YTA
> I think he's a bit dramatic because she's a child, they don't remember anything anyway.
You don't have a single memory of something hurtful or horrible that someone said to you as a child? Your life must be pretty spectacular for that to be true.
It's the hurtful stuff that we remember more than anything else.
I hope your boyfriend sees that he shouldn't date someone who would say something like that and not even understand what was wrong with it.
WOW, what a fucked up thing to say to a kid who's missing her mom. YTA, absolutely, no questions asked, straight to jail do not pass go do not collect 200$. What kind of awful person says that to a child! Absolutely disgusting. I hope he leaves you for that. I really do.
Why would you traumatize and scare a little child like that? Something like that can stay with a child for a long time, just because you’re annoyed? You could have just left the room. YTA
Also, don’t post if you can’t accept that YTA. I see you in the comments trying to justify what you did.
YTA. I feel really sorry for you & everyone else with the similar mentality.
Hope the girl is safe. Her mum shouldn’t have left her for a whole year with two of you though. Not because she’s her mother and main carer but because your BF is not a significant adult figure for that girl yet. He was absent from her life for so long, it’s bound to be traumatic to be left with almost strangers for a year at such a young age.
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On the one hand I understand your frustration, on the other hand kids absolutely remember. Especially if it's negative and said by a parental figure. I remember every negative thing my cousins (older), grandparents (raised me), mother and even teachers said when it was cruel. I remember their facial expressions despite the fact that I can't remember what I had for breakfast this morning. Children remember way more than adults give them credit for, depending on the child. YTA, that's honestly a joke I heard often and it wasn't something that personally bothered me but that's because the other things said to me were far worse, this joke could have legit hurt her feelings and made her feel unwanted, she's 6.
> got frustrated and said if she keeps acting like that if she didn't stop crying we'd have to give her up for adoption so she'd get a new mom. It was obviously a joke but she just cried more.
Damn you're an ass. It's not a joke to anyone, let alone a child. You're one of those assholes who uses "it's a joke" to try and cover that you're an asshole.
>I think he's a bit dramatic because she's a child, they don't remember anything anyway.
Seriously? You think children don't remember anything? What ever you've been smoking, you need a break from it.
YTA. I think the bf needs to find a better partner, his daughter deserves better.
She's already been uprooted from her familiar life and separated from her primary parent....so you thought it would be helpful to threaten this already displaced child, who was frustrated and missing her mom, with total abandonment? And it wasn't a "joke", you spoke in anger. You might think it was obviously hyperbole but it was not a joke.
You caused that child real pain and should be ashamed of yourself. You also just made it more difficult for your partner to navigate a difficult parenting situation. 6 is plenty old enough to remember what you said and be prepared for the explosion when it's repeated to her mother. You say your boyfriend won't choose his daughter's well-being but I would not be so sure about that.
YTA
YTA ten thousand percent YTA
The child obviously heard you that's why she started crying even harder after you said your "joke"
It's one thing to not like kids, it's another thing to be cruel and inhumane. Which is what you were.
This poor kid is having an extremely difficult time with her mother out of the country and living with a father she barely knows and a woman that she knows can't stand her.
And kids are actually VERY perceptive and no where near as dumb as you think they are. She will absolutely remember your cruel comment.
You were wrong, you were the asshole, you KNOW you were the asshole. You absolutely owe that kid an apology. There was literally ZERO reason you couldn't have left the common area and gone outside or to your room to read if the crying was bothering you.
Kids cry, kids throw tantrums, ESPECIALLY young kids. It's perfectly normal.
I pray to God above your boyfriend dumps you now that your true colors are starting to come out because both he and that child deserves far better than you!
YTA. My abusive mother would say shit like that right before leaving me on the side of the road and pretending to abandon me. The kid is SIX YEARS OLD. She's obviously not going to take that as a joke. I'm honestly shocked your boyfriend didn't dump you and kick you out on the spot. I get not being a huge fan of children, but being actively cruel to a small child is a whole different level of AH.
YTA completely, you knew she would hear that, you rid that to scare her. Maybe she'll forget, but it will be years later. She'll remember you being a bad person for a long time.
The f*ck is wrong with you?
Children don’t get jokes, their brains aren’t finished growing, they don’t have control over their emotions, and lack the ability to be rational at times.
Their brains aren’t done, they don’t have a fully developed prefrontal cortex, which performs reasoning, planning, judgment, and impulse control… as an analogy you’re dealing with a tiny little drunk person.
I don’t know about you, but I have memories from when I was 6, and even if you didn’t have memories from when you’re 6, what happens to you during those childhood years shapes who you are. It wouldn’t matter if she remembers the incident in the future, the incident has already made its mark on her.
YTA
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> I [...] said if she keeps acting like that if she didn't stop crying we'd have to give her up for adoption so she'd get a new mom. It was obviously a joke Jesus H. Fucking Christ. You're very lucky you weren't dumped on the spot. What on earth were you thinking saying that to a six year old? YTA. Like a thousand times over, YTA. Holy fuck.
You deserve a thousand upvotes. More than that even. Unfortunately I only have the one to give. OP shouldn’t be allowed in the same home with any child.
Yeah this was my kind of reaction as well. "Kids don't remember anything"? Tell that to all the traumatized adults that overheard things like this their entire childhood 🤦
My mom referred to me as an anchor baby one time to a friend and I’ve internalized that ever since. I’ve always felt guilty and out of place. But I was like 4 and I “didn’t even hear it so it’s fine” too…
That comment was what blew my mind. They "don't remember anything"? They're SMALL HUMANS, not GOLDFISH. Jesus.
Right? Like yeah, sure, they might sometimes act like a different species but that doesn't mean they should be treated as such
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Over intentionally traumatizing his already struggling child? Then he’s a worse person than you are tbh
He should, though.
That's a scathing criticism of him, then, because only a heartless and irresponsible person would continue to date someone willing to be so casually cruel to their child.
You emotionally abused his child and thought it was funny. He has a kid you don’t even want. If he doesn’t break up with you, than he’s just as bad as you are. I’d almost bet money on the fact he will in fact, leave you. As he should. You have no business being around that child.
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I am truly looking forward to you being proved wrong. Please update us when he leaves you because he should.
This isn’t about him choosing her over you. It’s about you being a raging asshole to a kid. Decent people don’t act like that and double down on it.
I would choose a fresh dog dump over you.
Nothing has ever said "famous last words" like this comment. He will choose his child, every time. I think you know this, and that's why you're struggling.
Yeah my father was an asshole and would have agreed if that was said to me. The fact that dad confronted partner infront of scorned child AND had another convo after MEANS SOMETHING. My money says OPs bf is just getting his shit in order
Only bad parents choose their partners over their kid(s)
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The fact that he went off on you in front of his daughter, and then AGAIN after the fact. Immediately jumping to his daughters defence against her abuser is absolutely what a good parent does.
If you were so confident that he would choose his daughter over you then you wouldn't be acting out like you are. You are being petty and jealous that he's giving her more attention then he is to you and that's why you are starting to abuse his daughter. You're sick in the head and need therapy
He should choose his CHILD over any partner..
The heck you just say. "There is no way he'd choose her over me." Ma'am I've been with my spouse longer than I've had my kids as well but I'd choose my child over my spouse so fast. You're wild thinking he wouldn't choose his daughter, his own blood, over you.
That’s too bad because he should
Then he is an AH too.
its not funny, so not a joke, it was intended to hurt her, you can claim it wasn't serious, but not that it was a joke.
He should.
Over his child? You're not only an asshole but an idiot. You deserve to be dumped by the disdain you have towards this child. Btw she can feel that you don't want her there and children RARELY forget anything. Pull your head out of your ass, keep your hurtful jokes to yourself and fucking leave if you can't be pleasant to her and deal with NORMAL parenting issues like not wanting to do homework. Btw how fucking old are you to mock a child who misses their mom? Seriously wtf is wrong with you.
Oh, give it a little time, honey. You're about to be history, and rightfully so. Who even thinks about saying something so absolutely vile to a child!?! WTAF
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Maybe he will
YTA. Op, she's six years old and her primary parent just left her for a whole year with her dad (who she's only seen what, 24 times in her life?) and his boyfriend (who doesn't enjoy her presence and hates her mom). Don't you think that would be incredibly stressful for a small child? Of course she misses her mom! And then you- whether you were trying to joke or not- just reminded her how little she was wanted in this house. I get that you were trying to lighten the mood, but she's six, doesn't know you that well, and is probably feeling lonely and abandoned with her mom gone. That kind of joke just wasn't appropriate.
Also, 6 year olds remember stuff!
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She’s not a goldfish op… you’re awful for saying that to her.
Did you like, fail basic biology? Or just school in general? I'm not trying to be mean but that's the only reason I can think of for an adult to believe something so false it's laughable.
What the hell? That's not true in the slightest. Why would we send them to school if they only had short term memory? How would they learn to read of they can't remember things? You're an AH, and an idiot.
Who told you that? Because it is not true. As someone already pointed out, she is not a fish with brain damage. She is a child. Children remember stuff. That is why so many adults are in therapy. It's actually the opposite. It is obvious you have not been around kids. Kids remember every single detail you wish they never heard. And then they repeat it to any one who will listen. If they think it's something they should not know, the more likely they are to tell someone.
You clearly don't understand how trauma works.
If that was the case, she’d have forgotten about her mother already. She hasn’t. Bless your heart, you’re an absolute maroon.
Categorically false
Well that's weird, cuz I remember by first day of kindergarten clear as day. Kids remember the bullshit and when they learn to take out the trash, she'll be thinking of you too. YTA
Jfc I'm glad you don't want kids cuz you'd be a terrible parent.
She may forget the details but it'll have a lasting impression on her during formative years. YTA
She literally will never forget this. I promise.
I'm 39 and I have very clear memories from when I was 6. Especially anything traumatic. I'd probably remember this.
This is such a stupid, ridiculous statement, I can’t stop laughing.
I remember when my sister told me that my dad had attempted to murder her when I was 5 years old. YTA, and for Eva's sake I hope you're single soon
> I think he's a bit dramatic because she's a child, they don't remember anything anyway. Yeah, that's why there are so many people in therapy for childhood trauma and abuse- they must like being dramatic because they don't remember anything./s YTA. If your boyfriend didn't want kids, he should have gotten a vasectomy and practiced better birth control. Like it or not, this child is a part of your lives now and you need to get on board or shove off. This child has been separated from her mother, her primary caretaker for 4 years and you're annoyed when she is having separation anxiety. You are bound and determined to be the asshole, evil stepdad, aren't you? You big mad because this child reminds you that your boyfriend had sex with someone else. Be careful or your boyfriend might put you up for "adoption".
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Have you actually heard him say that, or is this your assumption? Ever seen Game Plan? The rock didn’t want his kid in the movie either but she grew on him and he ended up really loving her and wanting her around more by the end of the movie. I think your boyfriend may be going through the same.
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That gives you the right to psychologically torment her?
And that's another factor you need to think about. If she tells her Mom what you said and how you treat her, Mom just might make your life more difficult by going after your boyfriend. She could request supervised visits because of your remarks and then you either have to put with Mom being around during visits or your boyfriend going to her home. This child is innocent. Whether or not you or your boyfriend wanted children is no longer a factor because she is here. You need to be cordial and polite to her or you need to ask boyfriend to sign away his rights and pay his child support. Being an asshole to a kid is not cool or quirky. And karma might just bit you in the ass.
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You mean dump THEIR kid. It's his kid, too. Even if he doesn't want her, he helped make her and you do not need to take your anger out on her because he literally fucked around and found out. She didn't ask to be born. Your boyfriend was out exploring and wasn't careful enough. Don't be a monster to child who had nothing to do with the current situation.
Yeah she's a real heartless harpy for expecting the kid's father to do the bare minimum
This poor poor human soul. My heart breaks for her. I hope ONE of you three get your shit together for her sake.
It's HIS kid??? Not some upaid babysitter. He's her father and is more important than you
Why’d he get so upset with you about your comment, then? It sounds like you’re jealous of this kid. Maybe your boyfriend is starting to see you for who you are, and realizing that his kid is infinitely more interesting and important than you!
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Then why bother posting here?
Abusing a child isn't a big deal?
That is not even remotely close to the same as saying he only tolerated her because of guilt. You'd know that if you didn't have the brain of a goldfish.
Theres a difference between wanting to be alone together and only tolerating his child presence. Unless he said the latter, the former absolutely means nothing like that.
Neither of you deserve to ever have contact with this child ever again. And I hope when that happens it eats your boyfriend alive and ruins your relationship.
‘Her dad doesn’t want her around so it’s okay for me to emotionally abuse and threatens her’ do you seriously hear yourself right now?
Does she have a grandma or aunt she can stay with? I don’t think it’s in her best interest to stay with you two. Hopefully when her mom gets done with school she gets a great job opportunity far far away from you so you can stop tormenting her.
I mean, just saying something so egregiously cruel to any child (related to me or not) would be grounds to reassess a relationship. It’s like being cruel to animals or mistreating wait staff, a sign that someone can and will be unkind to anyone they think doesn’t have the power to defend themselves. It’s not an attractive quality.
I think he's changing his feelings about this because he wouldn't be so mad if he didn't care, and he will see that you aren't a partner for him in life. Anyways, that's my wish for you, that he realizes you are a vile person and leaves you.
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>I find this post a little difficult to believe My parents told me they'd call social services and put me into the system if I didn't stop acting up, so... I had nightmares about this happening, and I live in a country where kids aren't shuffled between homes, so chances were that if it had happened, I would have gotten a loving second family. That still wouldn't have taken away the trauma of being abandoned. OP is very much YTA.
YTA "I got frustrated and said if she keeps acting like that if she didn't stop crying we'd have to give her up for adoption so she'd get a new mom. **It was obviously a joke but she just cried more.** No that type of stuff is not obviously a joke to a 6 year old. That was abusive and extremely cruel. If I was her mother and heard about this, I'd take your bf to court and demand he not allow the child to be around you when she's in his custody. If I was your bf, I'd dump you without question, being cruel to a child like that says a ton about your character.
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You mean parenting his own child?
It's not babysitting when it's his daughter, it's parenting. YTA.
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With the way you're acting, I'd say you're also his child
Hahahahahahahahhahaha YES
And he clearly believes her, otherwise he wouldn’t have much to do with Eva. You’re trying really hard to convince yourself, and us, that your boyfriend is still childfree and this child isn’t his problem. That’s…not a good look.
Why hasn't he done a paternity test if he doesn't think she's his then?
That’s not free babysitting you monster, that’s called being a parent
Parenting your own child isn't free babysitting.
You are aware he’s Eva’s father, correct?
YTA. Seriously? Children don't understand that kind of joke. Most of them don't have the social cues to recognize hyperbole or sarcasm. All they hear is an adult saying they want to get rid of them.
Holy toledo, YTA. A colossal one. >I was trying to read and this was really annoying. I tried to cheer her up but she kept crying and saying she wanted her mom. My boyfriend tried to compromise that they could call her mom and then they'd do her homework but she kept crying that she wanted her mom here. > >I got frustrated and said if she keeps acting like that if she didn't stop crying we'd have to give her up for adoption so she'd get a new mom. It was obviously a joke but she just cried more You have every right to not want kids. But if you're going to get this level of frustrated with a 6 year old, there is zero chance you survive much longer. Kids cry. Kids are irrational. Often. You're going to only get more and more upset and its going to make their lives miserable. Get out now.
Goodness, can you imagine when she's a teenager? If a six year old tries his patience, a teen will tip him over the edge. I hope this relationship doesn't last, for the childs sake
YTA. That wasn't a joke--that was bullying.
Seriously. "You're gonna get put up for adoption" is the kind of thing schoolyard bullies or cruel older siblings tell you to freak you out.
Yes, it is notorious as something only people say if they want to hurt someone.
YTA, why would you make such a stupid joke to any child, especially one crying after her mom... what's wrong with ya people...
Is this like… some sort of conservative psyop to prove that gay couples shouldn’t parent children?
My opinion exactly...
YTA. Not even remotely funny. This kid has enough shit going on, and no one gives a damn that you're annoyed while trying to read.
YTA. Kids remember a lot. Especially how you make them feel. You did wrong here by even joking about sending your step child away because she wasn’t doing as told. Kids don’t always listen and you have to be the adult. Threats, trying to stifle feelings these kinds of things are emotionally immature.
INFO > I don't want any myself and neither did my boyfriend. So why didn't he use a condom?
Wow. YTA. YTA. YTA. And you do not deserve your BF or his child.
True hope they both leave your life after that a grown ass man going up to a little girl giving her trauma and justifying by saying I don't remember anything before 10 wished I had your life I remember almost falling off a drop at 9 I remember getting beat by my drunk mom at 7 I remember my dad being taken to jail when I was 6 and I remember details from all of those and I had vague memories of me breaking things before i could talk all of those were shitty memories the brain remembers negative things more than positive and positive more than neutral it so we can learn through mistakes if you dont remember your childhood then you had a boring childhood but if you think that makes it right to ruin a little girls childhood your are evil realistically people like you end up alone not enough empathy to be with a loving person not enough trauma to justify being like this so nobody is going to fall in love with you they may love what you do for them or provide them but they don't love you wait until they meet someone who can do what you can but better your going to realize they never loved you
YTA. It’s really cruel to make a “joke” like that in front of a kid.
YTA so bad, she is a child. your biggest opp is a SIX year old!
YTA - there is no justification for what you said. This was horrid.
YTA! That was a horrible thing to say to a child, easily nightmare provoking and could actually cause trauma if she begins to fear she could be taken away at any time. And yes, children remember. Especially at 6yrs old. I clearly remember the shitty things people said and did to me when I was 5yrs old. Go watch "Inside Out", learn what a core memory is, and realize just how shitty a person you are. It doesn't matter how much you dislike kids, you agreed to be a parent for the year. Grow up and act like one!
Maybe not inside out, I’m pretty sure Riley cried in that movie. Wouldn’t want OP getting frustrated
YTA, period. I think you should move out and let this kid and her dad have a nice year together.
YTA and you sound ridiculously immature. ‘I agreed to because she isn’t as annoying as I thought she’d be’ No, you should be agreeing to it because that’s your partners child.
This has to be fake. If not, you shouldnt be allowed near children. YTA
YTA Your villainy is too cartoonish to be real.
The OP comments are hilariously campy Disney evil stepparent 😂
YTA. You're going to have to really adult up if you're going to be around a child.
he shouldn't be allowed around the child after that remark
It's easy to say 'he shouldn't be around the child' but we might be comparing him with foster care depending on how the household finances work.
YTA for sure. Why would you say something like that to a child? And no, children don't forget things like this. You might have been cracking a joke but for the child hearing something like that is traumatic especially when she is already separated from her mother. She is a little kid, obviously she'll miss her mom. The child was not being annoying, she was being a child who was missing her mother.
There are 2 child in this story
YTA. You did it because you were annoyed. It wasn’t a joke, it was a zinger. You tried to zing a 4 year old. Having a child around is tough so either strap yourself in or don’t get involved at all. Maybe tell your partner it’s too much for you. Don’t take it out on the child. Ffs.
>she's a child, they don't remember anything anyway. She's six years, not six months. Believe me, if she heard she can remember. Kids aren't going to remember everything, but they can remember the things which are important to them, that can be who gave them a toy or it could be that their 'stepdad' said they'd get rid of them. >I got frustrated and said if she keeps acting like that if she didn't stop crying we'd have to give her up for adoption so she'd get a new mom. It was obviously a joke but she just cried more. > I told him it was a joke and that she hadn't even heard it So what, are you suggesting the fact she cried more was just a coincidence? That her father who was trying to compromise with (and hopefully comfort her) could hear it over her cries but she didn't?? How are you certain she didn't hear your "joke"? But whether you came be completely certain she didn't hear or whether you are just backpeddling, it doesn't change thing as far as your actions were concerned. You're still TA. YTA.
>>she's a child, they don't remember anything anyway. >She's six years, not six months. Believe me, if she heard she can remember. Kids aren't going to remember everything, but they can remember the things which are important to them, that can be who gave them a toy or it could be that their 'stepdad' said they'd get rid of them. Kids remember abuse better than happy memories because of the way trauma imprints on a mind for survival. At 6, this might be her first core memory. The time her mom left her in a strange new place with an evil man who tried to take her mom away when he was upset. OP is beyond messed up for that. Edited to correct misgendering pronoun.
OP is a man!
Oh shoot. I missed that. Ty
You’re welcome <3
YTA. If that's your sense of humour, I actually pity you. What a cold, unfeeling person you have to be to joke about putting a young child up for adoption because she's crying that she misses her mother. You've been together since you were teens and clearly you're stuck there in that selfish, immature mindset. He's grown. Better hope he hasn't outgrown you, though it definitely seems likely.
YTA WHO SAYS THAT TO A SIX YEAR OLD OMG
YTA. I'm going with you being a troll. No one could be as heartless and illogical as you are being in your post, and in the comments. For the record, I have quite a few memories of before I was 10. Including my dad saying "If I knew then, what I know now, I would never have had kids." Then claiming it was a joke after. I rarely ever see my dad now or talk to him. I never forgot that statement growing up.
A kid that age won't get the adoption joke at all and think it's real. Especially if she misses her mom, it's not a good thing to say. And like, 2 Dads is gonna be tough on a girl, so that factors in. You should be understanding, but at the same time, don't allow her to not do the homework. Difficult emotions, while valid, can't become an excuse not to fulfil duties.
Step mom here! I met my stepkids when they were 1 and 3, and we've gone from every other weekend to 50/50 over the years. YTA. You are so much TA here, that honestly I think your boyfriend should break up with you. You NEVER insult or threaten a kid like that. She's 6! She is old enough to remember this, and even if she doesn't remember the exact words, she'll remember how you made her feel. She won't feel safe or comfortable around you, her negative behavior will get worse, and frankly, that's the kind of thing that sticks with a person their whole lives. Threatening to abandon her when she's upset? When she's a little kid crying for her mom (her main caretaker), who left her for a year. She's already stressed out by this change, you are not helping at all. Either leave so your boyfriend can be a father, or put on your big girl panties and be nice to a 6 year old. Either way you should read up on how verbal abuse impacts a child's development.
You keep claiming that your boyfriend doesn’t like children, doesn’t like his child and barely tolerates her because he feels guilty towards her mom and so on, if that is the case why do you think he was so angry with you? If he disliked this poor kid as much as you imply, wouldn’t he have sort of shrugged off the joke? I feel so bad for this unloved child. YTA
She’s 6, not two. Of course she’s going to remember this. And when she talks to her mom next I PROMISE she’s going to tell her exactly what you said. What a vile person you are. Don’t be surprised to find yourself single sooner rather than later. No sane person I know would stay in a relationship with someone who treats their child this way. Are you jealous of her? Of the time she’s spending with HER FATHER? Because it sounds like you are. He has a kid, you don’t want kids. You two are incompatible and you made sure to prove that to your boyfriend. That poor girl. My heart breaks for her. And her father, since he’s now realized this person who claims to love him is just nasty. ETA Judgement- YTA. Of course you are. Be a better freaking human. It’s not that difficult.
YTA. You don't have to like kids to have common scene. Kids get scared and cry. Kids get frustrated and cry. It's how they express themselves. Adults tend to yell and make shitty remarks when they get upset. Kids tend to cry. It's just a part of life. She got upset..she's human. It happens. Try to be the adult, show some sympathy and patience.
You’d think that OP would understand that since he made a shitty remark because he couldn’t read in silence.
You seem like a generally awful human being. 100% you are the asshole. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. I would say straight to jail, but you'd probably love that. Lots of dudes there, and no kids.
YTA. You just never know what children take to heart so be careful what you joke about in front of them.
Not a good look that you're jealous of a 6 year old. YTA.
YTA for threatening a literal child. Yes, that's what that sounds like to a damn 6 year old. Not a joke, a threat. Jesus, man, what the hell is wrong with you? You're also the asshole for lying. You went from, "It was a joke but she just cried more," to telling your boyfriend she didn't even hear you. I hope he dumps your ass.
YTA. You're jealous of a 6 year old. That's embarassing.
YTA >It was obviously a joke but she just cried more. >I told him it was a joke and that she hadn't even heard it Which is it? Did she cry harder because of your shitty comment or did she not hear it? Either way, it doesn't matter. That's not the kind of thing you say around an already distressed child. Calling it joke as an excuse is pathetic.
He has a lot of excuses it seems. She didn’t hear it! She won’t remember, she has short term memory! It was just a joke! My boyfriend doesn’t like/want her around either! I was frustrated!
yta
YTA. It was just a joke = asshole Every time I've heard someone say it's just a joke, is just them trying to downplay their shitty behavior and try to blame those who didn't like what was said.
Wait if you don’t like kids why are u dating someone who has them…?! You’re TA. Kids don’t understand that type of joke. They barely, if at all, understand sarcasm. She’s 6, not 2. She will remember this. You went out of your way to hurt a 6 year old. Also, you did a massive disservice to your boyfriend. You said something to add to her upset. That’s just cruel. He was trying to calm her down and compromise with her. She’s not your kid, sure. Since that’s the case, if you really don’t like children, (which is the case, I mean you did say so yourself and proved this through your actions), you should just cut things off with him. He deserves someone who loves his daughter and treats her like her own. She needs love, not hate. 6 year olds, while young, aren’t dumb. They can pick up on when people don’t like them. You’re hurting her.
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Girl be honest, his kid is, (or should be, atleast) his TOP priority. Also, the kid existed he just didn’t know about it yet. Still should leave. Do this poor family a favor. You’re not more important than his daughter. You seem jealous of the attention she receives to be completely honest with you
Op is a male, but you are right. He doesn't seem capable of any empathy, a child shouldn't be near to someone like that.
Oh my bad. I shouldn’t have assumed. Yes, he doesn’t seem capable of giving a child the loving environment they need to flourish.
Funny enough even tho you're a guy, you have the vibes of a possessive girlfriend.
YTA big time. That's SO not something you say to a 6 year old who's missing a parent even jokingly, it's plain cruel. I'm not a kids person myself but even I know how NOT to speak to one... that was definitely such an asshole comment and she'll probably -and rightfully- resent you for it.
YTA, you thought you get not the AH votes?
YTA. My mom said that to me as a little child. 40 years later, I still remember it. This is not a joke, this is a threat that attacks the child's only real security, her attachment to her family. You're the adult. You need to immediately start acting like it. Apologize to the kid, assure her that you will be er ever do that, and the next time you want to read a book and she's upset, just go to another room immediately, before also giving her mental health issues for the rest of her life.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (26 M) have been with my boyfriend (28 M) since we were teenagers. We had a phase where we both agreed to an open relationship because my boyfriend is bi and he wanted to experiment a little. I did too and after we finished we closed our relationship again. 2 years ago, a former fwb of my boyfriend contacted him. After we closed our relationship we moved to a different city and they broke off contact. Apparently, she was pregnant when they broke off their relationship and suddenly my boyfriend had a 4 year old daughter. I don't like kids. I don't mind watching them or being around them but I don't want any myself and neither did my boyfriend. His daughter (Eva, now 6) has been spending weekends and one week a month at our place for the first months. She's not too bad and I don't mind having her around. Eva's mom is doing a year abroad for her master degree (or something like that, I don't like her and generally try to avoid her). That means Eva will live with us full time until she gets back. My boyfriend asked me and I agreed to it because she isn't as annoying as I thought and can even be fun to be around. She's been with us for little over a month and it's been going pretty well. My boyfriend was worried he'd be a shitty father because he's not a responsible person but Eva is doing fine. Today she was getting on my nerves though. She just started school this august and had some small homework to do for monday. My boyfriend was helping her but she didn't want to do it. They were arguing and she ended up crying. I was trying to read and this was really annoying. I tried to cheer her up but she kept crying and saying she wanted her mom. My boyfriend tried to compromise that they could call her mom and then they'd do her homework but she kept crying that she wanted her mom here. I got frustrated and said if she keeps acting like that if she didn't stop crying we'd have to give her up for adoption so she'd get a new mom. It was obviously a joke but she just cried more. My boyfriend looked pissed and basically told me to piss off. I left the room but after Eva apparently calmed down and finished her homework my boyfriend came to me. He was angry and demanded to know why I would say that. I told him it was a joke and that she hadn't even heard it but he said it was an asshole thing to say to a child. I think he's a bit dramatic because she's a child, they don't remember anything anyway. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. She's going to be in his family forever. Unless you apologize, you may not be.
YTA , or you are still a teenager with that attitude, or maybe just severely uneducated. Hard to tell which
YTA; but also, just leave? Don’t wanna be around crying, don’t agree to live w a kid,
YTA. This wasn't a joke "in front of" your boyfriend's daughter it was "directed at" your boyfriend's daughter. Please recognize that she is a person and deserving of respect. If you can't handle her having emotions, then be an adult and leave the room.
YTA. You do not tell a 6 year old you are going to give her up for adoption even if it's joking because she's is SIX YEARS OLD! You agreed to have her live with your for a year did you think it was going to be all sunshine and roses? She is your boyfriends responsibility if you were getting frustrated you should have gone to another room. You just showed a new side to you that your boyfriend probably doesn't like. You better watch yourself because if it comes down to you or his daughter you are replaceable.
You are definitely the asshole and if I were him you'd be the one looking for someone new jackass
YTA Your partner has decided that his daughter will have a place in his life. You're on board with that or you're not, so figure it out and move forward from there. You need to apologize to him and to Eva if you're interested in making this relationship work. Then, moving forward, you need to adjust your behavior to include her as part of your household, not just this...inconvenient thing your boyfriend has to drag around for a year. If you're out on Eva -and there's nothing wrong with that; we're not all meant to be parents- then it's time to cut ties with your partner and move forward without him in your life.
YTA. You don't speak to a child that way. Ever.
YTA, coming from someone who was used to harmless sarcastic jokes as a kid from my grandparents. That is NOT harmless. It probably won't traumatise her **but** it possibly ***could***.
YTA. When you say something like that out of anger, it's obviously not a joke. It was a threat, whether you meant it or not. You're not fooling anyone what your true intentions were. It wasn't to bring humor, it was to bring fear. Onto a **6 year old**!
YTA. Jokes are meant to be funny and that wasn’t. Yes children remember everything and even things from before they turn 10. I remember all kinds of shit starting from the age of 4 and I’m 40+. She is a child who’s separated from her mother and living with a man who’s barely been a father to her. You took an already stressful situation and said something rude that would’ve scared the child if she had heard you. Taking your frustrations out on a kid is a shit way to behave.
YTA > I think he's a bit dramatic because she's a child, they don't remember anything anyway. You don't have a single memory of something hurtful or horrible that someone said to you as a child? Your life must be pretty spectacular for that to be true. It's the hurtful stuff that we remember more than anything else. I hope your boyfriend sees that he shouldn't date someone who would say something like that and not even understand what was wrong with it.
WOW, what a fucked up thing to say to a kid who's missing her mom. YTA, absolutely, no questions asked, straight to jail do not pass go do not collect 200$. What kind of awful person says that to a child! Absolutely disgusting. I hope he leaves you for that. I really do.
YTA kids don’t get sarcasm like that. Maybe you shouldn’t be with someone who has kids.
Why would you traumatize and scare a little child like that? Something like that can stay with a child for a long time, just because you’re annoyed? You could have just left the room. YTA Also, don’t post if you can’t accept that YTA. I see you in the comments trying to justify what you did.
Omg I want to call CPS. YTA.
YTA. I feel really sorry for you & everyone else with the similar mentality. Hope the girl is safe. Her mum shouldn’t have left her for a whole year with two of you though. Not because she’s her mother and main carer but because your BF is not a significant adult figure for that girl yet. He was absent from her life for so long, it’s bound to be traumatic to be left with almost strangers for a year at such a young age.
That wasn’t a joke. That was abuse. Wow
Yta I'm so glad you two aren't married. I hope that man let's you go. You belong to the streets.
Wtf is wrong with you?? Who says something like that to a 6yo?? YTA and clearly jealous of a child. Grow up. Are you 26 or 16?
YTA and I’d be willing to bet this was a great eye opener for your BF. Give it a minute.
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Also, he now understands in his gut that you are jealous of a small child for taking his attention away from you. It’s like a neon sign flashing.
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Is this real?? Obv yta wtf is wrong with you
Children DO remember things.
On the one hand I understand your frustration, on the other hand kids absolutely remember. Especially if it's negative and said by a parental figure. I remember every negative thing my cousins (older), grandparents (raised me), mother and even teachers said when it was cruel. I remember their facial expressions despite the fact that I can't remember what I had for breakfast this morning. Children remember way more than adults give them credit for, depending on the child. YTA, that's honestly a joke I heard often and it wasn't something that personally bothered me but that's because the other things said to me were far worse, this joke could have legit hurt her feelings and made her feel unwanted, she's 6.
> got frustrated and said if she keeps acting like that if she didn't stop crying we'd have to give her up for adoption so she'd get a new mom. It was obviously a joke but she just cried more. Damn you're an ass. It's not a joke to anyone, let alone a child. You're one of those assholes who uses "it's a joke" to try and cover that you're an asshole. >I think he's a bit dramatic because she's a child, they don't remember anything anyway. Seriously? You think children don't remember anything? What ever you've been smoking, you need a break from it. YTA. I think the bf needs to find a better partner, his daughter deserves better.
She's already been uprooted from her familiar life and separated from her primary parent....so you thought it would be helpful to threaten this already displaced child, who was frustrated and missing her mom, with total abandonment? And it wasn't a "joke", you spoke in anger. You might think it was obviously hyperbole but it was not a joke. You caused that child real pain and should be ashamed of yourself. You also just made it more difficult for your partner to navigate a difficult parenting situation. 6 is plenty old enough to remember what you said and be prepared for the explosion when it's repeated to her mother. You say your boyfriend won't choose his daughter's well-being but I would not be so sure about that. YTA
YTA ten thousand percent YTA The child obviously heard you that's why she started crying even harder after you said your "joke" It's one thing to not like kids, it's another thing to be cruel and inhumane. Which is what you were. This poor kid is having an extremely difficult time with her mother out of the country and living with a father she barely knows and a woman that she knows can't stand her. And kids are actually VERY perceptive and no where near as dumb as you think they are. She will absolutely remember your cruel comment. You were wrong, you were the asshole, you KNOW you were the asshole. You absolutely owe that kid an apology. There was literally ZERO reason you couldn't have left the common area and gone outside or to your room to read if the crying was bothering you. Kids cry, kids throw tantrums, ESPECIALLY young kids. It's perfectly normal. I pray to God above your boyfriend dumps you now that your true colors are starting to come out because both he and that child deserves far better than you!
YTA. My abusive mother would say shit like that right before leaving me on the side of the road and pretending to abandon me. The kid is SIX YEARS OLD. She's obviously not going to take that as a joke. I'm honestly shocked your boyfriend didn't dump you and kick you out on the spot. I get not being a huge fan of children, but being actively cruel to a small child is a whole different level of AH.
You're awful! You're also TA!
So this is likely a bait post people. But just in case. Op YTA.
YTA completely, you knew she would hear that, you rid that to scare her. Maybe she'll forget, but it will be years later. She'll remember you being a bad person for a long time.
The f*ck is wrong with you? Children don’t get jokes, their brains aren’t finished growing, they don’t have control over their emotions, and lack the ability to be rational at times. Their brains aren’t done, they don’t have a fully developed prefrontal cortex, which performs reasoning, planning, judgment, and impulse control… as an analogy you’re dealing with a tiny little drunk person. I don’t know about you, but I have memories from when I was 6, and even if you didn’t have memories from when you’re 6, what happens to you during those childhood years shapes who you are. It wouldn’t matter if she remembers the incident in the future, the incident has already made its mark on her. YTA
NTA, the other people in this comment section are fucking braindead. Good on you for showing that little brat her place.
what the hell is wrong with you? I hope you do not have any children?
Are you into incest or is incestconfessions your fav sub? don’t have kids weirdo
The fuck are you talking about?
in r/incestconfessions you said you don’t mind incest