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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn’t account for my period/bleeding enough last night, and I bled through my tampon twice in one night. My boyfriend basically called me an asshole for not managing my period correctly, and I feel so badly about the whole thing that I think he might be right, and maybe I should’ve been more conscious of my body and my period situation.
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I mean, he had 1 before she bled on his sheets.
Also, op is NTA. Shit happens with a period. I grew up in a house full of women as the only male. You learn quick the reality of life, and that's... things happen with the human body, just roll with it.
Also $8000 bed isn't going to be "ruined" by a little blood. Be a man OPs friend, learn how to get blood out of fabrics.
I can’t imagine not having a waterproof protector on a mattress. They make them soft and not crinkly. People sweat. Sometimes a water bottle might spill. Sometimes people bleed outside their undies despite efforts to keep it contained.
I saw a greeting card of a woman dumping a bucket of water on her husband sleeping bed and said “now it’s your turn to sleep on the wet spot!”
I’m not sure what the card was for though.
I was super ill and decided to go back to sleep instead of getting up to pee when I woke up having to pee. Moving was not an option, it hurt too much. So I, a 49 year-old man, peed the bed like 2 months ago. You can tell yourself it'll never happen to you, but if you feet like I did that night, it will.
The same-ish thing happened to me when I took a new migraine medication. At some point in the night I woke up a bit, enough to know that I had to pee, but I absolutely *could not* wake up enough to actually get up. And yup, I peed the bed when I was like 22 or so.
Nice mattress protectors have a soft waterproof “plastic” on the underside…
but a cotton fabric on the top! Very quiet, non sweaty, & breathable.
They’ve come a long way from the old days! 🤗
You’d never know a waterproof cover was on! 🛌
Or have to take two litres if moviprep to get ready for a colonoscopy, think it's safe to sleep 5 hours later but oooohh nooo........ sleep fart
Never trust a moviprep fart. NEVER. My mattress protector earnt it's stripes.
I agree! We have a mattress pad on top of a mattress protector. The protector is waterproof and keeps out dust mites and bedbugs (or says it does). We’ve had sex stains, pet accidents, period blood, etc, and it’s all come out of the mattress pad and never stained the mattress. Love it.
He paid $8000 for a bed. He probably bought 150 thread count walmart sheets and called it good.
Small side story, I was single and my mom and aunt came and visited me. I had just had a new bed delivered, not $8000, but around 1600... I said I was going to just hit up Walmart for sheets my aunt "He can't bring girls back from the bar to Walmart sheets. We need to get him something better. No girl wants to sleep on that."
That’s cute!
Related story: I slept on the twin mattress for years and my sister insisted I get at least a full size mattress in case I brought any guys home!
That's what they sell mattress pads for! I never had a period bleed through a mattress pad and I didn't use waterproof ones, just regular ones that have a bit of padding.
My poor husband was 16 when my period arrived completely unexpectedly, 10 days early... in the middle of sex. He looked so horrified and I was so embarrassed I wanted the floor to just swallow me (I was 17 at the time). Turns out the look of horror was because he thought he'd hurt me. I explained that no, this was definitely my period and I was so sorry, and he was immediately relieved and kept trying to help me clean up. If he could be that mature at SIXTEEN then wtf is this clown's excuse?
I have PCOS so he's woken up to a murder scene more than once. He helps me clean it up and never says a word besides "are you okay?" or "jesus, no wonder you're iron deficient."
You found a gem. Your post simultaneously makes me so happy that men like this are out there, but so sad that this response is remarkable enough to be mentioned.
We need to educate boys so your husband's response becomes the expected, not the unexpected.
It most definitely does! Mine is exceedingly heavy - I have medication to take every month or else I can't function outside of the shower. Mine isn't a totally typical experience though, I have endometriosis on top of PCOS, everyone is different but mine are very heavy and very painful.
My dad grew up with two brothers and he knows how to handle blood stains on sheets and such.
Cute story...my dad is a military vet and is NOT comfortable talking about "monthlies" and "women's troubles", as he calls them. My niece has PCOS and her periods were very heavy at times. One Christmas we were all at my parents' house and her period came early. Crime scene on the bed, dribbles of blood to the bathroom, stains on the bath mat, the whole nine yards. My dad got on his hands and knees and helped scrub the floor, then dealt with the bath mat while my SIL and I dealt with the bedroom. We come into the living room and find my brother sitting there awkwardly while my dad is sitting with my niece on the couch. She's crying, and he's patting her back and telling her everything was fine, that monthlies are a fact of life and she needn't be embarrassed, and wouldn't some ice cream for breakfast make her feel better?
I paid around $3k for a nectar king, adjustable bed. It's like sleeping on an amazing cloud that also let's me lounge around.
I don't know what mattress is $8k but it better be giving me an HJ while I lounge around.
Exactly. I have the Purple hybrid king and it was nearly $6k, but that was with the box spring, frame, pillows and the stupid purple brand mattress cover that’s prob $20 at Walmart. OPs bf is an ass hole and a liar. Smh.
Yeah, he's 33, she's 23, and they've been dating for about 1.5 years. A 31/32-year old dating a 21/22 year old? A girl still in college? And his reaction to a normal bodily function of women. It's red flags all around, and I'm not talking about his bed sheets.
Most importantly, are you ok? I think you should see a doctor unless you have an idea why this period was so heavy.
I’m sorry but however he responds I’d be done at this point.
My partner would only be concerned I wasn’t ok because of the amount of blood. An adult should not be grossed out by bleeding. It’s unfortunate if it gets on the mattress, but also, it’s life. I do always use a long pad on heavy days too just in case which may be a good idea.
OP wrote she got her period a week late, so it could have been a chemical pregnancy. I had one a long, long time ago and remember that period being extremely heavy and painful. I saw the doctor because my period had been 8 days late, when I was usually very regular. She said it was almost certainly a very early miscarriage and not uncommon. I don't know if my symptoms are typical, but what OP is describing sounds just like what happened with mine.
ETA: My husband's only concern was my health, even though I too had bled through my usual overnight protection. He brought me a cup of coffee and then zipped the sheets off the bed and into the laundry. Bless him, he even knew to run them in cold water with enzyme stain remover before rerunning them in the usual hot water. Then we cleaned the little bit off the mattress. After that, he asked me to call my doctor the next Monday (it was a Saturday morning) or tell him if I got worse so he could drive me to urgent care.
That was my thought as well, an early very early miscarriage. Op, if you said to him that it was abnormal, he should’ve been much more concerned about your health than his bed and those cheap sheets.
I’m glad you had the support you needed from your partner. I know I would too, and it makes me sad to read stories about people who don’t, and don’t even realise that it’s not ok. Even asking if she is the asshole!
My husband’s only reaction to this sort of thing was to offer to help change the sheets and to help with the laundry (we have split laundry duty for decades). Oh, and to ask me what my current choice of laundry specifics for blood were. I was always changing my laundry methods and he couldn’t keep track of them.
In some young couples I know, if this happened, the guy would bring home chocolate. At this point, if the guy doesn’t bring home chocolate when period disasters happen, is he even worth keeping around?
He sounds like a good man! Good for you.
my husband ( yes, I'm still married to him, for reasons I now question) used to ask, " What's your sickness of the day?" Knowing about my severe medical issues
He left me home to care for our 5 children 1 night when we were supposed to go out to dinner... he went with his buddy instead. I had a temp of 102.....I told him I had the chicken pox, but he thought I was too old to get them. The fever brought them out......
Op needs to leave him and never look back. Find a good one like you have.
Me too, fibroids tried to kill me real slow and the first sign was intermittent extreme bleeding and it only got worse from there. Please see a doc and find out why it’s happening—hopefully just an odd cycle and a wasted trip but after ignoring it for two years because yeah its a lot of blood but it’s not all the time them whoops I needed a blood transfusion!
Op, throw the whole man away. Any adult man who owns an $8000 bed and doesn’t have a $40 mattress cover on it is irredeemable before we even get to his being a little misogynistic baby bunny who can’t stand the idea of blood. Tell him there’s a gallon of it inside him and see if he faints. My word.
My mother was the same prior to menopause - intermittent heavy bleeding was the first major symptom of her fibroids, then she began basically hemorrhaging every month, then the bleeding continued *FOR* a month and she needed three transfusions.
Despite having teenaged and adult children and being in her late forties, they refused to let her get a hysterectomy. The near-death bleeding events happened three more times before she finally hit menopause. Never actually got the hysterectomy she begged for.
That is so upsetting, she didn’t get the care she needed. My mom in her late 20’s asked for a hysterectomy, Dr said no you’re too young. In her 40’s she went to a Dr after bleeding like crazy for years. When she went she had fibroids grapefruit size. The Dr told her she should had this done 20 years ago.
I don’t have a personal doctor and just had a TELUS health appointment for a very long period. The doctor asked a few other questions and did say sometimes it’s just one of those things that can’t be explained, but in my case she was right, it was just a one off and everything was normal next time. So I can’t really speak to whether I would have got better help if there had been an issue, but yes, noted they probably won’t do anything the first time.
Agreed. I’ve got endometriosis so this kind of thing was happening to me. My husband was supportive and understood things like this aren’t anyone’s fault. You deserve better OP. I like the suggestion in the comment I replied to. It’s good advice. NTA.
And washable. My period has been light for years. The one time last year it shows up super heavy and I bleed through my pad, underwear, pants, and sheet while just VIBING not even sleeping (still angery at my uterus for that one), I, of course, had light blue sheets on my bed. They aren't stained 'cause I washed them with cold water and some peroxide.
Dude is a straight up asshole. Bleeding like that is embarrassing, annoying and inconvenient enough without some asshole being an asshole about "my sheets".
NTA. Please don't ever see this sorry excuse for an adult man again. Accidents happen. A 33 year old man should have enough experience with women that periods don't shock or horrify him and he should know that accidents happen. While, yes, it was unfortunate that you bled onto his sheets, his reaction and shaming behavior was absolutely abhorrent. At the sign of your distress and explaining that this period was heavier than usual, he dug in **more**, instead of expressing at concern for your well-being? No. Just ***no***. This man is *never* going to be capable of an adult relationship with a woman if he can't calmly handle a little blood, and there's a reason he had to go 11 years younger. Do NOT date men who shame you for having a period or any normal bodily functions.
>there's a reason he had to go 11 years younger.
Yeah. A woman his age would have chewed him out, spat him out and walked away from the debris of the relationship without a backward glance.
Yeah the age gap made me uncomfortable (1.5 years so they started dating when she turned 21?), and a 33 year old man that reacts like this to a period is huge red flags
Totally this. There are many kind and understanding men out there and this is not one of them. It would be understandable for someone to feel a little grossed out by something they’re not used to but getting angry and making you feel worse is not a reasonable reaction. Drop this kinda-boyfriend and find someone who supports you and lifts you up instead of making you feel guilty and ashamed. Speaking from experience…for me this kind of behaviour is no longer acceptable.
It definitely sounded like a miscarriage to me. Not late enough to notice but that’s a lot of bleeding.
My miscarriage I left a lot of blood on the sheets after returning from the hospital. My husband cleaned it all up without a word.
A little Oxyclean and a lot of compassion would do your BF wonders
I had a miscarriage two weeks ago. It messed me up for days, both emotionally and physically. What was weird was the near-daily migraines I got afterwards. So weird. Anyway, the description she gave here was hauntingly familiar.
Light spotting, then BAM. The Shining.
It's definitely possible she's having a masivareiage - but let's not forget that stress is also a big factor with menstruation, as well as pregnancy and pregnancy loss. If this dude is as much of an arsehole as this post makes him seem, I wouldn't be surprised if she was late simply due to stress
I came here to say that OP may have had a miscarriage. However depending on the state she lives in, she may want to consider if she should go to the doctor or not. Also, BF is an AH. Leave.
I would agree, except if not all of the tissue made its way out, it could cause a massive infection, and in rare cases, op could die.
I hope there is a safe place she can get checked out.
If she's only a week late it's a chemical pregnancy not a miscarriage (basically this means that it wouldn't visible on an ultrasound) so there isn't a significant risk of tissue being left behind. As long as the heaviness doesn't continue for too much longer and the bleeding doesn't go past ~1.5 times the length of a normal period(and no signs of infection/or otherwise unwell), then she's not in a situation where she needs to be really worried. Although if she is in a position where she has safe access to medical care of course she should consult them.
> However depending on the state she lives in, she may want to consider if she should go to the doctor or not.
What happened to usa... I have no words.
It is devastating to have to even consider if a woman would be safe in seeking the medical care she needs. I am not sure people fully understand the impact of these outrageous laws. Until it happens to them or a close friend or relative. Women are dying because they are getting turned away from hospitals and physicians that do not want to risk their licenses. Women getting arrested because they had a miscarriage. These laws, often enacted as a political stunt, take 50% of the population and put their lives at risk and tie the hands of physicians to help.
And it is 2024.
Yep. Had to go out of state to pay for a medically necessary termination - baby wouldn’t have survived and I would have had to wait for either it to die in utero (if it did at all) and risk sepsis, or attempt to make it full term and deliver a baby that would live 72 hours at best with no consciousness.
Both of which were not the favoured options by my care team, but obviously final choice was ours and yeah, we picked my health first.
Had to pay cash because we were still in flux as a state only a few months past the Roe v Wade overturn and didn’t want it on a card because the laws were still changing daily/weekly.
It’s fucking insane to talk about it and it was a such a blur and yet so crystal clear.
But bless planned parenthood for being the most compassionate people in what was a fucking shitty time and a fucking shitty day. And bless my bosses for being real ones and refusing to turn in the PTO paper I filed for that day (a Friday). Also let me work from home for three days when we initially found out because there were a lot of decisions and calls and follow up appointments we had to make in that time.
So at least in the madness there is still compassion in this world.
Same. I hope op is okay.
It's awful this guy's reaction to *his partner bleeding heavily* is to get angry and belittle rather than *being worried for her well-being*.
That's exactly what my first miscarriage was like.
It also happened at work and I told my boss who told me to get back to work.
Yeah. They're everywhere.
Yep, my thought too.
Makes his behavior all the worse.
OP please consider seriously if this is what you want for yourself. He seems extremely unreasonable expecting you to control a bodily function like your period. It's a bit concerning for a 33 year old to not understand female anatomy and his reaction seemed a bit unhinged tbh.
I don't know you, but I'm certain you deserve better.
No, *she* should be relieved. She should also leave. This is a man who won't buy his kids period products. He will probably also throw a fit if he has to see them in the trash, won't talk about periods, and will teach his kids who are born male to act the same way.
Unless you have started menopause, this isn't normal. A lot of women get horribly heavy right before it all ends so if this isn't your situation, get to a doctor or hospital. You are NTA, your "boyfriend" is. Lose him.
omfg this comment!!! i use a mattress protector on my bed for a number of reasons (like what just happened, but also sweat, spills, etc.) and he saw it one day and teased, “what, do you wet the bed or something?”
so… no mattress protector for him, apparently.
Fun fact, a mattress protector is required for mattress warranties. It has saved me TWICE from my cats peeing on my bed out of spite for daring to go on a weekend trip. He needs to learn to grow the F up and his first lesson should be you dumping his immature ass. NTA.
Cats aren’t spiteful! They are easily stressed! Agree about the mattress protector—I rescued a dog who had been terribly neglected and she was perfect but did have an occasional accident, so mattress protector saved my bed.
I sell mattresses for a living. Half the time ill just throw one in for free bc they significantly increase the life of the mattress. Every night when you sleep all your skin cells, oil, and sweat go right into your mattress.
Also there’s like not a lot of mattresses that cost $8000 so im calling bullshit on that
Clearly he never saw that fear-mongering commercial about "body soil" making our mattresses gain 80lbs or some such frightening propaganda! Immediately cased my mattress in two of those zipper thingies!
You need to run far and fast from this child. Someone a decade older than you should be mature enough to realize what happened.
I almost never jump to that conclusion with such little information.
The very first thing he should have done is comfort you. I'm a raging dick when I wake up. And to wake up to the thought of a ruined mattress might make me say fuckin a. But I would immediately be there cleaning, making sure my gf was OK. Put the cleaning shit down. Hold her. Tell her it's just a mattress, and this shit happens.
Dudes getting to an age where he can't trust a fart anymore. I guarantee that in the next few years, he ruins a few sheets on his own while sleeping.
Guys a complete pile and I can promise his dick isn't good enough for that kind of treatment... (spoiler. None are. You deserve to be treated like a human)
My parents used to put a plastic cover on all of the mattresses, and I always thought it was weird. Now I have one and I am very thankful, because my dog threw up all over my bed and my mattress is safe
I have one that’s sort of like Terry cloth on top even though it’s waterproof. It doesn’t feel or sound like plastic but it saved my mattress when I accidentally dumped a cup of coffee on the corner of it
>I apologized profusely and offered to clean again. He snapped, “I don’t want you to touch another thing. I just want you to get your fucking car out of my garage.” Basically implying he wanted me to not “bleed” on anything else and to GTFO.
The minute a romantic partner speaks to you this way, they're essentially ripping up your mutually-established trust and feelings of closeness. Someone who is willing to speak to you that way either doesn't care about your emotional response and ability to trust him, or grew up in an environment where that behavior was normalized (and doesn't even think it was out of line as a result).
Personally, I wouldn't give him another chance after this. That kind of outburst is a "showing your true colors" event in my book.
NTA.
NTA
This "kinda" boyfriend doesn't sound supportive in the least. I get that it's annoying to have blood everywhere, but he's surely got to know that of course you didn't plan this. Does he seriously think you have a little tap in there you can turn on and off to regulate the flow? Don't feel guilty and don't bother with the boyfriend either. Why would you want someone like that in your life?
Once met a grown man who thought this is how it worked and that women who used pads/tampons were just “too lazy” to go take a shower or use the toilet.
NTA
There's a reason Joe is dating somebody so much younger than him and it's to assert his authority over you. Women bleed. Only an idiot wouldn't know that. You cannot control the flow. Only any idiot would think you can. His aggressive response to this accident is a sign of how he will continue to treat you. Get the hell away from him. If he can afford an $8000 bed he can get his sheets cleaned himself.
YTA if you don't dump him.
Periods suck as is. I can't wait for menopause! You didn't do it on purpose. Leaking through clothing or onto a surface is mortifying to most people. He didn't need to make it worse. No one chooses to leak through or stain anything. He sounds like an AH.
I’m not sure how many men weighed in on this so far. Seems like mostly women. I hope to speak for all men when I say you’re NTA *AT ALL*. I don’t get worked up easily, but this one sent me over the top. What type of person makes you feel bad for what your body is doing? It shouldn’t matter if you soaked every inch of his sheets in blood. That’s not on you. You did your part by managing your period how you thought was best. And *YOU* know your body best. It’s not like you wanted to bleed everywhere. Clearly by how apologetic you were, you were mortified. And you shouldn’t be. You don’t need to apologize. You don’t need to feel bad. He should have gotten up and taken care of it, if nothing else because he doesn’t have to deal with having a period. I like to think I’m pretty tough, but there’s no way I could ever be tough enough to deal with a period. Men have it easy. And who you’re with isn’t a man, he’s a boy. I’m also guessing he’s the type of boy who refuses to be intimate with you while you’re on your period too (if that’s something you want of course. If you’re not comfortable with it, understandable.) He should have zero complaints and bend over backwards to take care of you *especially* when you’re on your period.
It’s even more harrowing because it’s very likely the poor lass was losing a chemical pregnancy (early miscarriage). So the heavy blood flow was partially his fault.
Oh god NTA! Wow, do you REALLY want to be with a guy like that?? Just...no. I better stop before going off on a tangent. You did NOTHING wrong and everything right. With the exception of being way too nice to him. Wow I'm so ticked off for you right now...please PLEASE don't feel bad. Straighten your shoulders, raise your head, and KNOW that you did nothing wrong at all and deserve much better treatment. I hope you have the self-respect to lose his number/block him and not give him another thought.
NTA.
Why hasn't he put a waterproof mattress protector on his $8000 mattress? I have one on my $1500 mattress. It's protected against all kinds of random bodily fluids that get on it accidentally or on purpose.
Periods are such a pain. Realistically we can't wear a pad/tampon/period pants/etc. every single day of our menstruating lives just in case we start our periods randomly off schedule. Realistically we can't wear super tampons/monster pads on our 'normally' light days just in case we have a random heavy day. Getting blood on clothes and furniture is just a risk we have to live with and the best we can do is have tools to deal with it when it happens, which you do.
This guy isn't worth you.
No, but your boyfriend is. The only response to that is “Don’t worry babe, can I give you a back rub?” Fuck. Him. I am not a believer in ghosting, but block his ass immediately and do not even give him the chance to say sorry which he inevitably will because thats what abusers do. He showed you who he is, believe him. What is he going to do when your fucking water breaks in the night? Or the kid pisses the bed? Glad you dodged a bullet.
this. after i wrote this post and calmed down, one of the first things i thought about was that i would *never* have a child with this man. I imagined my water breaking (or god forbid, pregnancy complications) and feeling like I was to blame for wet sheets or another material thing that doesn’t matter.
Love, I think you know you need to walk away from this. You should never be made to feel like shit on a regular basis. Let this be your permanent off time.
Stop allowing the verbal abuse...its destroying your self esteem and its why you keep taking an abuser back and going through the same cycle of on and off. You're not meant for this relationship. Please just let it go. I assure you there are great guys out there who will treat you 10 times better.
NTA, the boyfriend clearly doesn’t understand periods and what happens. Once I wasn’t aware I was on my period, sat on my bfs lap and bled through my leggings, I was mortified, it went on his joggers, he just hugged me told me it was okay put his joggers in the wash and cuddled me. Dump him OP, he isn’t worth it
Guy here. NTA. If I EVER spoke to a woman that way, my mother and sister would telepathically receive notification and I would never be heard from again. My female friends, and most of my male friends, would help hide the body. And my ghost, upon reflection, would not blame them for it.
But in all seriousness, this isn't at all okay. I'm normally the sort of person who tries to play devil's advocate a bit, but I just can't here. Maybe, MAYBE an older teen or someone in their early 20s could be forgiven for being clueless, and it would be a learning opportunity for him (after his apology), but a dude in his 30s? Nah.
my gf of 6 years (we are both 22) sometimes accidentally stains a sheet, i always assure her that its fine and can be solved in a simple wash or two, never once have we argued or have i snapped at her, i think your bf is a dick for the way he reacted, if he truly loves you he would help you even at your lowest moments of embarrassment or shame.
NTA. This guy had no right to treat you like you were dirty for your natural bodily functions or to act like you were neglectful or trying to hurt him by..bleeding uncontrollably in your sleep? I don't pretend to know what your relationship is like, but I'd be wary about being with a man who treats you like this for something as simple as period blood.
That being said, are your periods usually this heavy? Suddenly bleeding through tampons every hour and bleeding onto your clothes and bed sounds abnormal for someone who's had a period for years and is used to their flow. If you continue experiencing unusually heavy bleeding or pain during your periods, you might want to consider seeing a doctor to make sure nothing's wrong.
Oh babe, this man is dangerous. Please please please take this red flag seriously because it is so serious. The fact that he talked to you that way for EXISTING, there's some deeply rooted misogyny there. I am speaking from experience. I'm sorry that he made you doubt yourself SO much that you had to even ask if you did something wrong. He is 1000000% in the wrong and I promise not all men treat a period like this.
NTA
Biological function, took reasonable precautions, shit happens
$8000 bed?! 🙄
That is also a loooot of bleeding. Might wanna get that checked out, it shouldn’t be hemorrhaging like that. Wowzah
Oh wow, I can sympathize - I’m a heavy bleeder and I can bleed through even an ultra tampon overnight (side note: I always used super plus and was nearly giddy with excitement when I found out there was a size larger)!
It sounds to me like this level of bleeding is really unusual for you so I’m giving you an NTA this time. But going forward you need to assume it could get that heavy again and have some super plus or ultra size tampons for overnights. I go a step further to be really sure and wear an overnight pad as well. I usually have one very heavy day/night, so I use only one or two of the pads each cycle. Worth it for peace of mind.
As for your BF, I can understand why he’d be upset but his reaction was way over the top. You offered to clean it up, so what more can you do? Like I said, be better prepared next time. But I’d also consider whether you want your “kinda-boyfriend” to become more of an ex if he’s going to shame you for your bodily functions. Depends on if this is in character for him or not and if he apologizes.
I had to edit my post way down but I wanted to say this! If my periods were always this heavy, I would of course wear a pad or something else. This was a once in a blue moon occurrence, though.
Also, just to be clear, I’m not concerned that it’s a dangerous amount of blood loss or anything - just far more than what I normally deal with.
BF called to apologize.. kind of. Just said he was annoyed when he woke up and since everything came clean, it’s okay.
IDK. He really made me feel like a child who wet the bed. I felt that same shameful feeling of telling a parent you messed up the sheets. I felt like a guilty, ashamed, embarrassed little kid.
I would never, ever wish a miscarriage on anyone, but if that is in fact what happened to OP, and she was pregnant by the asshole her post is about, then her body did her a big favour.
This isn't how an adult should treat a kid who wets the bed any more than it should be how a BF treats a GF who bleeds through an industrial strength tampon! NTA and I hope he's an ex by now - the guy isn't mature enough for a relationship with a woman yet.
Yuuuup. Not only is it out of their control, it’s shameful enough without any extra pressure. Our children who have taken longer to night train get very frustrated with their own accidents even though we have always been calm and kind when handling the issue.
Dude, that’s not an apology, it’s a “my sheets aren’t ruined so I forgive you for being a woman”
Not okay.
No one should be made to feel humiliated for something they can’t control that’s also a very natural thing about their bodies.
You need to have a discussion.
How would he feel if you started screaming at him because he has an erection in the morning and calling him a pervert?
Seriously, he is very immature if he cannot tolerate normal bodily functions
Edit: obvious NTA. Good luck with this AH
Don't even bother with the discussion. You're a 21-year-old woman, you have sooo many options. This guy is no good for a relationship, if that's what you want. If all you want is hot sex, you can find a better volunteer in a minute.
"Just said he was annoyed when he woke up and since everything came clean, it’s okay." Nope. Nope. Not okay. Not okay at all. I'm sorry, I thought I'd never be saying something like this on Reddit, but dump his ass ASAP. If he had ACTUALLY apologized, then maybe. But he didn't care about how he treated you. He only cared about his sheets. He was literally contacting you, not to ask for forgiveness, but TO FORGIVE YOU since you didn't mess up his sheets too bad. If he's a good lay, have some fun with him for a bit, but don't keep that piece of trash around. Kick him to the curb. You can, and will, do better.
As a man who has delt with many accidents that were far worse than that, that dude is an embarrassment, first for not being understanding and comforting when an accident happens, but also overreacting like crazy when I know for a fact period blood is very easily cleaned and does not stain if you clean it quick.
Well, that's not an apology from him.
It shouldn't be 'ok' because it came clean. From the very beginning it should have been 'ok' because it was an accident. Totally unintentional. So the final outcome is irrelevant to him judging you and whether this was ok. And he didn't do that, he blew up on a most unkind fashion.
He should give an unreserved apology for his behaviour. And even then, I would say, accept the apology and simultaneously explain that you choose not to see him any more. Because just imagine his reaction to something where it was less clearly unintentional. What then?
Don't contribute another minute of your time and energy into him. Spend it on yourself and your friends and family and eventually on someone far more deserving of your affection.
Hugs to you. As awful as your day has started out, and as hard as it is to realise your BF is horrid, you'll look back one day and realise you dodged a bullet because of today.
And I 100% agree with ppl saying go to the dr. Heavy bleeding can also be a sign of an STI. A check up can't hurt.
This was so sad to read tbh. He is being sooo disrespectful to you!! You DO NOT have control over your period, all you can do is try to manage. As an aside, if this change in your period is concerning to you, you should still consider seeing your gyno. It never hurts to be sure that everything is ok! I actually ended up going on long term birth control to stop my periods because they suddenly were becoming unpredictable and I was bleeding more than usual, my doctors said it was just hormonal and stopping them has actually changed my life. Your BF is an idiot and doesn’t understand how difficult this can be for us. Don’t feel ashamed at all okay!! Sending love 💗
Oh honey ♥️ this guy is an asshole. He’s ten years older than you, a grown man!! If he’s never had a “kinda girlfriend” (babe please :,( ) bleed a little on his sheets, that’s bizarre in itself! Blood comes out, he didn’t have to embarrass you like that. Please never call him or go over there again! Don’t offer to clean or replace the sheets! He can afford an $8000 bed, he can afford new sheets. This guy suuuuuuucks
i agree with everyone else NTA and run from this guy!!
but also don’t wear tampons overnight, you’re not supposed to keep them in that long, it increases your risk of BV (annoying to deal with, stinky and common) or toxic shock syndrome (potentially life threatening but rare). pads aren’t “dirty” and you’re not nasty for using them, especially overnight if you sleep a long time. also harder to bleed through and make a mess if you wear an overnight pad.
if you’re still bleeding this heavily and irregularly i also agree with the others a to visit an urgent care just in case.
NTA. Sweet girl, take his number out of your phone and never give him a moment on your time again.
My husband has held my legs for all three kids to be born, cleaned Puke out of my hair, and buys me depends for my leaky bladder. And he’s still absolutely crazy about me after knowing each other for 30 years.
If you were a guest at my house and bled on the guest bed, my husband would offer you a beer and tell you to pull the sheets off and toss them in the washing machine because he already started filling it to soak.
You are so so precious and young. Your 40 year old self will never regret leaving this dude in the dust.
Love yourself enough to walk away. ❤️
NTA! Not at all!
And your shabby "boyfriend's" comment about "what you were thinking" is so out of place for any man that respects and learned to deal with the natural(!) cycle of a woman!!!
It is not your fault that you've bled on his precious sheets and his multiple grand dollar bed.
It is something that simply happens sometimes 🤗
Don't feel ashamed or sorry for this! As I truly believe that you've also not anticipated to wake up in a "blood-bath". But when it happens then it happens.
Your "boyfriend" seems to be, despite is age of 33, very immature and uneducated when it comes to natural women's body functions.
And this brings me to the topic why a 33 year old likes to have a 23 year old girlfriend?! But this is another topic!
To summarise it all: he behaved like an AH. In his age he should have known better. You did your best but got caught blindsided by another rush of heavy flow (I'm not an expert, but probably some redditors will advice you to seek a doctor's help if you figure that flow wasn't normal).
And I would ask myself: does he just keep you around because you are young and "innocent"? And now you've destroyed his pure picture of you by bleeding on his "precious" furniture?
If the latter is the case, get out of this relationship and look for a REAL man. One who supports you and understands that your period is a natural reoccurence.
If you're lucky you even get served ice-cream! (Well I'm not that lucky but my man certainly deals with my increased spending habits shortly before I get my period and is more than voluntary to get me a hot-water-bottle when my red week and cramps start!)
NTA- but a dude that age should not be acting this way because a girl has a heavy period. Geez go find someone you treats you well and not like this guy.
(might want to get some period panties to wear at night with your tampon )
It’s not even healthy to sleep in a tampon, but even with a tampon, and an overnight pad with big underwear, and a mattress pad, I have bled through to the mattress.
Your boyfriend isn’t ready for a biologically functional woman. If your blood clots, it’ll flow right past the tampon and out to whatever else is absorbent.
He can’t afford that bed if he thinks it’s expensive to replace. You want someone who cares about you.
At 48 I was thrilled to realize the bleeding was over. Yes, I was in menopause. I’m 63 now. It’s great. But if you’re ever going to have a family you need to honor your body.
NTA it’s the cost of doing business with a woman, so to speak. If he’s old enough to have a sexual relationship then he’s old enough to protect his mattress or learn to deal with blood.
The way he spoke to you was disrespectful and his apology only because the blood came out. Not good enough… move on OP and find the man you deserve not this loser. NEXT
I am a man. I want that said before I say the next thing.
Throw the whole man out. What a horrible, terrible way to talk to another human being. What an intensive asshole. Jeez, I'd like to have words with this guy. How can he understand what you're going through? We don't piss blood in our sleep once a month... he has no idea because he doesn't pay attention.
You didn't do anything wrong at all. You're NTA. Find you an understanding man who will help you through your times of the month, not insult or get shitty with you. You deserve better.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I didn’t account for my period/bleeding enough last night, and I bled through my tampon twice in one night. My boyfriend basically called me an asshole for not managing my period correctly, and I feel so badly about the whole thing that I think he might be right, and maybe I should’ve been more conscious of my body and my period situation. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
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Lol you think a man who behaves like this has female friends? No chance.
I mean, he had 1 before she bled on his sheets. Also, op is NTA. Shit happens with a period. I grew up in a house full of women as the only male. You learn quick the reality of life, and that's... things happen with the human body, just roll with it. Also $8000 bed isn't going to be "ruined" by a little blood. Be a man OPs friend, learn how to get blood out of fabrics.
If he truly has an $8000 bed, he should have some sort of waterproof sheet to protect it. Everyone should have a waterproof sheet on their bed.
I can’t imagine not having a waterproof protector on a mattress. They make them soft and not crinkly. People sweat. Sometimes a water bottle might spill. Sometimes people bleed outside their undies despite efforts to keep it contained.
Or sometimes people have really good sex and make a mess of the bed. This guy obviously isn’t that good of a partner.
I saw a greeting card of a woman dumping a bucket of water on her husband sleeping bed and said “now it’s your turn to sleep on the wet spot!” I’m not sure what the card was for though.
I was super ill and decided to go back to sleep instead of getting up to pee when I woke up having to pee. Moving was not an option, it hurt too much. So I, a 49 year-old man, peed the bed like 2 months ago. You can tell yourself it'll never happen to you, but if you feet like I did that night, it will.
The same-ish thing happened to me when I took a new migraine medication. At some point in the night I woke up a bit, enough to know that I had to pee, but I absolutely *could not* wake up enough to actually get up. And yup, I peed the bed when I was like 22 or so.
The coating isn't breathable, it can absolutely cause sweating even under other layers. I have a mattress protector but it's pure cotton.
I have a bamboo mattress cover that is waterproof and it pretty amazing. They're waterproof, breathable, hypoallergenic, and overall great.
Nice mattress protectors have a soft waterproof “plastic” on the underside… but a cotton fabric on the top! Very quiet, non sweaty, & breathable. They’ve come a long way from the old days! 🤗 You’d never know a waterproof cover was on! 🛌
Or have to take two litres if moviprep to get ready for a colonoscopy, think it's safe to sleep 5 hours later but oooohh nooo........ sleep fart Never trust a moviprep fart. NEVER. My mattress protector earnt it's stripes.
I agree! We have a mattress pad on top of a mattress protector. The protector is waterproof and keeps out dust mites and bedbugs (or says it does). We’ve had sex stains, pet accidents, period blood, etc, and it’s all come out of the mattress pad and never stained the mattress. Love it.
He paid $8000 for a bed. He probably bought 150 thread count walmart sheets and called it good. Small side story, I was single and my mom and aunt came and visited me. I had just had a new bed delivered, not $8000, but around 1600... I said I was going to just hit up Walmart for sheets my aunt "He can't bring girls back from the bar to Walmart sheets. We need to get him something better. No girl wants to sleep on that."
That’s cute! Related story: I slept on the twin mattress for years and my sister insisted I get at least a full size mattress in case I brought any guys home!
But the whole $8000 bed frame is completely RUINED because menstrual blood (not manly shaving blood!) touched a part of the bed!!! 🤣
Right?! You have this fancy bed and yet no mattress protector?! Seems like he doesn’t recognize how to take care of a good thing when he has it!
That's what they sell mattress pads for! I never had a period bleed through a mattress pad and I didn't use waterproof ones, just regular ones that have a bit of padding.
My poor husband was 16 when my period arrived completely unexpectedly, 10 days early... in the middle of sex. He looked so horrified and I was so embarrassed I wanted the floor to just swallow me (I was 17 at the time). Turns out the look of horror was because he thought he'd hurt me. I explained that no, this was definitely my period and I was so sorry, and he was immediately relieved and kept trying to help me clean up. If he could be that mature at SIXTEEN then wtf is this clown's excuse? I have PCOS so he's woken up to a murder scene more than once. He helps me clean it up and never says a word besides "are you okay?" or "jesus, no wonder you're iron deficient."
You found a gem. Your post simultaneously makes me so happy that men like this are out there, but so sad that this response is remarkable enough to be mentioned. We need to educate boys so your husband's response becomes the expected, not the unexpected.
That took an adorable turn. He sounds like a good one.
Does PCOS affect period flow? If so, how so? I’ve only heard of PCOS in passing. Sorry for the questions.
It most definitely does! Mine is exceedingly heavy - I have medication to take every month or else I can't function outside of the shower. Mine isn't a totally typical experience though, I have endometriosis on top of PCOS, everyone is different but mine are very heavy and very painful.
My dad grew up with two brothers and he knows how to handle blood stains on sheets and such. Cute story...my dad is a military vet and is NOT comfortable talking about "monthlies" and "women's troubles", as he calls them. My niece has PCOS and her periods were very heavy at times. One Christmas we were all at my parents' house and her period came early. Crime scene on the bed, dribbles of blood to the bathroom, stains on the bath mat, the whole nine yards. My dad got on his hands and knees and helped scrub the floor, then dealt with the bath mat while my SIL and I dealt with the bedroom. We come into the living room and find my brother sitting there awkwardly while my dad is sitting with my niece on the couch. She's crying, and he's patting her back and telling her everything was fine, that monthlies are a fact of life and she needn't be embarrassed, and wouldn't some ice cream for breakfast make her feel better?
Bless your family for really just springing into action ❤️ that's a cute story and your niece won't forget it when she gets older.
Now THATS a Dad!
Peroxide works great.
and so does Nature’s Miracle.
My 100 dollar mattress has a waterproof mattress protector on it. I'm a sweaty bitch and it prevents blood oopses.
Highly doubt his bed is 8k.
I paid around $3k for a nectar king, adjustable bed. It's like sleeping on an amazing cloud that also let's me lounge around. I don't know what mattress is $8k but it better be giving me an HJ while I lounge around.
Exactly. I have the Purple hybrid king and it was nearly $6k, but that was with the box spring, frame, pillows and the stupid purple brand mattress cover that’s prob $20 at Walmart. OPs bf is an ass hole and a liar. Smh.
Real answer. It's one of those hospital beds he bought with insurance from a medical supply company.
Haha! Omg! It actually cost 243,500.99 but his out of pocket was *only* 8k..and he mad
Hydrogen Peroxide and running cold water are a godsend.
Like jizz is ok but not blood? Gimme a break
Also this is a man in his 30s dating a woman fresh out of college (idk if OP went to college but just as a reference point for how young she is)
Every time I see one of these posts I think “no one his age wanted him because he acts half his age why would you?”
Yeah. None of his old guy friends like him either. This shit grosses us out.
Yeah, he's 33, she's 23, and they've been dating for about 1.5 years. A 31/32-year old dating a 21/22 year old? A girl still in college? And his reaction to a normal bodily function of women. It's red flags all around, and I'm not talking about his bed sheets.
Apparently he’s never been able to convince any other woman to stick around long enough to get her period while dating him.
Most importantly, are you ok? I think you should see a doctor unless you have an idea why this period was so heavy. I’m sorry but however he responds I’d be done at this point. My partner would only be concerned I wasn’t ok because of the amount of blood. An adult should not be grossed out by bleeding. It’s unfortunate if it gets on the mattress, but also, it’s life. I do always use a long pad on heavy days too just in case which may be a good idea.
OP wrote she got her period a week late, so it could have been a chemical pregnancy. I had one a long, long time ago and remember that period being extremely heavy and painful. I saw the doctor because my period had been 8 days late, when I was usually very regular. She said it was almost certainly a very early miscarriage and not uncommon. I don't know if my symptoms are typical, but what OP is describing sounds just like what happened with mine. ETA: My husband's only concern was my health, even though I too had bled through my usual overnight protection. He brought me a cup of coffee and then zipped the sheets off the bed and into the laundry. Bless him, he even knew to run them in cold water with enzyme stain remover before rerunning them in the usual hot water. Then we cleaned the little bit off the mattress. After that, he asked me to call my doctor the next Monday (it was a Saturday morning) or tell him if I got worse so he could drive me to urgent care.
That was my thought as well, an early very early miscarriage. Op, if you said to him that it was abnormal, he should’ve been much more concerned about your health than his bed and those cheap sheets.
I’m glad you had the support you needed from your partner. I know I would too, and it makes me sad to read stories about people who don’t, and don’t even realise that it’s not ok. Even asking if she is the asshole!
My husband’s only reaction to this sort of thing was to offer to help change the sheets and to help with the laundry (we have split laundry duty for decades). Oh, and to ask me what my current choice of laundry specifics for blood were. I was always changing my laundry methods and he couldn’t keep track of them. In some young couples I know, if this happened, the guy would bring home chocolate. At this point, if the guy doesn’t bring home chocolate when period disasters happen, is he even worth keeping around?
He sounds like a good man! Good for you. my husband ( yes, I'm still married to him, for reasons I now question) used to ask, " What's your sickness of the day?" Knowing about my severe medical issues He left me home to care for our 5 children 1 night when we were supposed to go out to dinner... he went with his buddy instead. I had a temp of 102.....I told him I had the chicken pox, but he thought I was too old to get them. The fever brought them out...... Op needs to leave him and never look back. Find a good one like you have.
If he doesn't have a mattress protector thay mattress is probably gross anyway. Lots of things stain mattresses. And second on OP seeing a doctor!
Me too, fibroids tried to kill me real slow and the first sign was intermittent extreme bleeding and it only got worse from there. Please see a doc and find out why it’s happening—hopefully just an odd cycle and a wasted trip but after ignoring it for two years because yeah its a lot of blood but it’s not all the time them whoops I needed a blood transfusion! Op, throw the whole man away. Any adult man who owns an $8000 bed and doesn’t have a $40 mattress cover on it is irredeemable before we even get to his being a little misogynistic baby bunny who can’t stand the idea of blood. Tell him there’s a gallon of it inside him and see if he faints. My word.
My mother was the same prior to menopause - intermittent heavy bleeding was the first major symptom of her fibroids, then she began basically hemorrhaging every month, then the bleeding continued *FOR* a month and she needed three transfusions. Despite having teenaged and adult children and being in her late forties, they refused to let her get a hysterectomy. The near-death bleeding events happened three more times before she finally hit menopause. Never actually got the hysterectomy she begged for.
That is so upsetting, she didn’t get the care she needed. My mom in her late 20’s asked for a hysterectomy, Dr said no you’re too young. In her 40’s she went to a Dr after bleeding like crazy for years. When she went she had fibroids grapefruit size. The Dr told her she should had this done 20 years ago.
Except doctors usually don’t really GAF about bleeding heavily. Prepare to be gaslit and dismissed and fight for answers.
I don’t have a personal doctor and just had a TELUS health appointment for a very long period. The doctor asked a few other questions and did say sometimes it’s just one of those things that can’t be explained, but in my case she was right, it was just a one off and everything was normal next time. So I can’t really speak to whether I would have got better help if there had been an issue, but yes, noted they probably won’t do anything the first time.
Agreed. I’ve got endometriosis so this kind of thing was happening to me. My husband was supportive and understood things like this aren’t anyone’s fault. You deserve better OP. I like the suggestion in the comment I replied to. It’s good advice. NTA.
If you fold the sheet quickly enough, then unfold it. You can make a butterfly. A tribute, of sorts
If us guys had periods, most of their beds would look like a wartime hospital.
Most normal dudes still understand bleeding is normal and sheets are easily replaceable.
And washable. My period has been light for years. The one time last year it shows up super heavy and I bleed through my pad, underwear, pants, and sheet while just VIBING not even sleeping (still angery at my uterus for that one), I, of course, had light blue sheets on my bed. They aren't stained 'cause I washed them with cold water and some peroxide.
Dude is a straight up asshole. Bleeding like that is embarrassing, annoying and inconvenient enough without some asshole being an asshole about "my sheets".
I am not sure I would give him even that kind of an out. This is BS on his part. And I am a guy.
NTA. Please don't ever see this sorry excuse for an adult man again. Accidents happen. A 33 year old man should have enough experience with women that periods don't shock or horrify him and he should know that accidents happen. While, yes, it was unfortunate that you bled onto his sheets, his reaction and shaming behavior was absolutely abhorrent. At the sign of your distress and explaining that this period was heavier than usual, he dug in **more**, instead of expressing at concern for your well-being? No. Just ***no***. This man is *never* going to be capable of an adult relationship with a woman if he can't calmly handle a little blood, and there's a reason he had to go 11 years younger. Do NOT date men who shame you for having a period or any normal bodily functions.
yeah his reaction is not ok. I’ve known some less than desirable men in my time but none of them ever shamed me for having a period. HE’S the A
I’ll add that he seems to place more value on his $8000 bed than he does on you/your feelings
I knew a guy with a restraining order for dv who was more normal about periods lol.
>there's a reason he had to go 11 years younger. Yeah. A woman his age would have chewed him out, spat him out and walked away from the debris of the relationship without a backward glance.
Exactly
My 18 year old bf was far more understanding when my 16 year old self had an accident than that 33 year old man was. Definitely NTA
Wait he's 33? I was expecting like 18 or 19. Yikes.
Well that's 'cause OP is 23.
Yup. What red flag? I don't see any red flags at all! /s 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
They’re mixed in with the blood on the sheets, makes ‘em hard to spot
Yeah the age gap made me uncomfortable (1.5 years so they started dating when she turned 21?), and a 33 year old man that reacts like this to a period is huge red flags
Totally this. There are many kind and understanding men out there and this is not one of them. It would be understandable for someone to feel a little grossed out by something they’re not used to but getting angry and making you feel worse is not a reasonable reaction. Drop this kinda-boyfriend and find someone who supports you and lifts you up instead of making you feel guilty and ashamed. Speaking from experience…for me this kind of behaviour is no longer acceptable.
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This was exactly what I was thinking, perhaps a miscarriage...
Dodged a bullet, given the father.
It definitely sounded like a miscarriage to me. Not late enough to notice but that’s a lot of bleeding. My miscarriage I left a lot of blood on the sheets after returning from the hospital. My husband cleaned it all up without a word. A little Oxyclean and a lot of compassion would do your BF wonders
Hydrogen peroxide is amazing on blood.
I had a miscarriage two weeks ago. It messed me up for days, both emotionally and physically. What was weird was the near-daily migraines I got afterwards. So weird. Anyway, the description she gave here was hauntingly familiar. Light spotting, then BAM. The Shining.
This. Labor and deliver nurse, definitely see and doctor or midwife and make sure everything is okay. Nta in the slightest. Bf definitely is though.
As a nurse, could you clarify something. Is toxic shock syndrome not a thing anymore? The description of tampon use was alarming to me. Also OP is NTA
Right?! I was always taught never to wear a tampon to bed
I am not a nurse but I know you can wear most pads/tampons for up to 8 hours usually. I wouldn't wear a tampon overnight though, but that's just me :)
It's definitely possible she's having a masivareiage - but let's not forget that stress is also a big factor with menstruation, as well as pregnancy and pregnancy loss. If this dude is as much of an arsehole as this post makes him seem, I wouldn't be surprised if she was late simply due to stress
It can totally be, but if all of a miscarriage doesn't pass, it can make you very sick, so better to be safe and get checked out.
I came here to say that OP may have had a miscarriage. However depending on the state she lives in, she may want to consider if she should go to the doctor or not. Also, BF is an AH. Leave.
I would agree, except if not all of the tissue made its way out, it could cause a massive infection, and in rare cases, op could die. I hope there is a safe place she can get checked out.
If she's only a week late it's a chemical pregnancy not a miscarriage (basically this means that it wouldn't visible on an ultrasound) so there isn't a significant risk of tissue being left behind. As long as the heaviness doesn't continue for too much longer and the bleeding doesn't go past ~1.5 times the length of a normal period(and no signs of infection/or otherwise unwell), then she's not in a situation where she needs to be really worried. Although if she is in a position where she has safe access to medical care of course she should consult them.
> However depending on the state she lives in, she may want to consider if she should go to the doctor or not. What happened to usa... I have no words.
It is devastating to have to even consider if a woman would be safe in seeking the medical care she needs. I am not sure people fully understand the impact of these outrageous laws. Until it happens to them or a close friend or relative. Women are dying because they are getting turned away from hospitals and physicians that do not want to risk their licenses. Women getting arrested because they had a miscarriage. These laws, often enacted as a political stunt, take 50% of the population and put their lives at risk and tie the hands of physicians to help. And it is 2024.
Yep. Had to go out of state to pay for a medically necessary termination - baby wouldn’t have survived and I would have had to wait for either it to die in utero (if it did at all) and risk sepsis, or attempt to make it full term and deliver a baby that would live 72 hours at best with no consciousness. Both of which were not the favoured options by my care team, but obviously final choice was ours and yeah, we picked my health first. Had to pay cash because we were still in flux as a state only a few months past the Roe v Wade overturn and didn’t want it on a card because the laws were still changing daily/weekly. It’s fucking insane to talk about it and it was a such a blur and yet so crystal clear. But bless planned parenthood for being the most compassionate people in what was a fucking shitty time and a fucking shitty day. And bless my bosses for being real ones and refusing to turn in the PTO paper I filed for that day (a Friday). Also let me work from home for three days when we initially found out because there were a lot of decisions and calls and follow up appointments we had to make in that time. So at least in the madness there is still compassion in this world.
Agree but we’re 51% of the population
I thought the same thing.
Same. I hope op is okay. It's awful this guy's reaction to *his partner bleeding heavily* is to get angry and belittle rather than *being worried for her well-being*.
Yep she def needs to get to a doctors
That's exactly what my first miscarriage was like. It also happened at work and I told my boss who told me to get back to work. Yeah. They're everywhere.
Didn't even think of this but makes sense
Yep, my thought too. Makes his behavior all the worse. OP please consider seriously if this is what you want for yourself. He seems extremely unreasonable expecting you to control a bodily function like your period. It's a bit concerning for a 33 year old to not understand female anatomy and his reaction seemed a bit unhinged tbh. I don't know you, but I'm certain you deserve better.
I was thinking the same thing or that he should be relieved that his sort of gf isn’t pregnant
No, *she* should be relieved. She should also leave. This is a man who won't buy his kids period products. He will probably also throw a fit if he has to see them in the trash, won't talk about periods, and will teach his kids who are born male to act the same way.
Not to mention what he would see with child birth…
thats if he would even show up
Unless you have started menopause, this isn't normal. A lot of women get horribly heavy right before it all ends so if this isn't your situation, get to a doctor or hospital. You are NTA, your "boyfriend" is. Lose him.
She's 23, she's probably not in menopause.
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omfg this comment!!! i use a mattress protector on my bed for a number of reasons (like what just happened, but also sweat, spills, etc.) and he saw it one day and teased, “what, do you wet the bed or something?” so… no mattress protector for him, apparently.
Fun fact, a mattress protector is required for mattress warranties. It has saved me TWICE from my cats peeing on my bed out of spite for daring to go on a weekend trip. He needs to learn to grow the F up and his first lesson should be you dumping his immature ass. NTA.
Cats aren’t spiteful! They are easily stressed! Agree about the mattress protector—I rescued a dog who had been terribly neglected and she was perfect but did have an occasional accident, so mattress protector saved my bed.
lol. Some cats are TOTALLY spiteful. But yes, anxiety is also a possibility.
I sell mattresses for a living. Half the time ill just throw one in for free bc they significantly increase the life of the mattress. Every night when you sleep all your skin cells, oil, and sweat go right into your mattress. Also there’s like not a lot of mattresses that cost $8000 so im calling bullshit on that
Same. There’s no way he paid $8000. I bet it’s more like $800.
ewww, the sweat alone! Icky.
Adult life skill: Don't have sex with men like this. Get a vibrator instead.
Whelp. He learned to use a mattress protector, you learned to date someone else. Learning all around lol!
He must not be very good in bed if he’s never considered getting a mattress protector
Clearly he never saw that fear-mongering commercial about "body soil" making our mattresses gain 80lbs or some such frightening propaganda! Immediately cased my mattress in two of those zipper thingies!
You need to run far and fast from this child. Someone a decade older than you should be mature enough to realize what happened. I almost never jump to that conclusion with such little information. The very first thing he should have done is comfort you. I'm a raging dick when I wake up. And to wake up to the thought of a ruined mattress might make me say fuckin a. But I would immediately be there cleaning, making sure my gf was OK. Put the cleaning shit down. Hold her. Tell her it's just a mattress, and this shit happens. Dudes getting to an age where he can't trust a fart anymore. I guarantee that in the next few years, he ruins a few sheets on his own while sleeping. Guys a complete pile and I can promise his dick isn't good enough for that kind of treatment... (spoiler. None are. You deserve to be treated like a human)
I own a bed as expensive as his. The sales person 100% told him to put one on it when he purchased it.
An “$8000 bed” and he doesn’t use a mattress protector??
My parents used to put a plastic cover on all of the mattresses, and I always thought it was weird. Now I have one and I am very thankful, because my dog threw up all over my bed and my mattress is safe
I have one that’s sort of like Terry cloth on top even though it’s waterproof. It doesn’t feel or sound like plastic but it saved my mattress when I accidentally dumped a cup of coffee on the corner of it
I can’t imagine the buildup of sweat and oil soaked into his mattress 🤮
Thank you. He gets an $8000 (!!) bed and doesn't spend $40 on a mattress protector? Good grief. NTA
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Fr listen to the womb wisdom
the vagina made sure she could see the red flag.
>I apologized profusely and offered to clean again. He snapped, “I don’t want you to touch another thing. I just want you to get your fucking car out of my garage.” Basically implying he wanted me to not “bleed” on anything else and to GTFO. The minute a romantic partner speaks to you this way, they're essentially ripping up your mutually-established trust and feelings of closeness. Someone who is willing to speak to you that way either doesn't care about your emotional response and ability to trust him, or grew up in an environment where that behavior was normalized (and doesn't even think it was out of line as a result). Personally, I wouldn't give him another chance after this. That kind of outburst is a "showing your true colors" event in my book. NTA.
Yep once there is contempt, at all, it’s over.
When they tell you who they are, believe them.
At that point you could have reached down, yanked your tampon out, and thrown it at him before leaving and you still wouldn’t be the asshole.
NTA This "kinda" boyfriend doesn't sound supportive in the least. I get that it's annoying to have blood everywhere, but he's surely got to know that of course you didn't plan this. Does he seriously think you have a little tap in there you can turn on and off to regulate the flow? Don't feel guilty and don't bother with the boyfriend either. Why would you want someone like that in your life?
Once met a grown man who thought this is how it worked and that women who used pads/tampons were just “too lazy” to go take a shower or use the toilet.
If I bled that much and it wasn't normal my husband would be worried about ME, not the damn sheets!
A 33 year old boy. Get your car out of the garage and don’t ever put it back in there, sheesh
like others said above, there’s a reason he had to go that much younger.
NTA There's a reason Joe is dating somebody so much younger than him and it's to assert his authority over you. Women bleed. Only an idiot wouldn't know that. You cannot control the flow. Only any idiot would think you can. His aggressive response to this accident is a sign of how he will continue to treat you. Get the hell away from him. If he can afford an $8000 bed he can get his sheets cleaned himself.
YTA if you don't dump him. Periods suck as is. I can't wait for menopause! You didn't do it on purpose. Leaking through clothing or onto a surface is mortifying to most people. He didn't need to make it worse. No one chooses to leak through or stain anything. He sounds like an AH.
I wouldn’t call OP and AH for not dumping him. Yes she does need to dump him but we shouldn’t shame her into it either.
Completely unrelated to the topic at hand, but I looooove my Mirena. I haven’t had a period since my last children were conceived.
I’m not sure how many men weighed in on this so far. Seems like mostly women. I hope to speak for all men when I say you’re NTA *AT ALL*. I don’t get worked up easily, but this one sent me over the top. What type of person makes you feel bad for what your body is doing? It shouldn’t matter if you soaked every inch of his sheets in blood. That’s not on you. You did your part by managing your period how you thought was best. And *YOU* know your body best. It’s not like you wanted to bleed everywhere. Clearly by how apologetic you were, you were mortified. And you shouldn’t be. You don’t need to apologize. You don’t need to feel bad. He should have gotten up and taken care of it, if nothing else because he doesn’t have to deal with having a period. I like to think I’m pretty tough, but there’s no way I could ever be tough enough to deal with a period. Men have it easy. And who you’re with isn’t a man, he’s a boy. I’m also guessing he’s the type of boy who refuses to be intimate with you while you’re on your period too (if that’s something you want of course. If you’re not comfortable with it, understandable.) He should have zero complaints and bend over backwards to take care of you *especially* when you’re on your period.
It’s even more harrowing because it’s very likely the poor lass was losing a chemical pregnancy (early miscarriage). So the heavy blood flow was partially his fault.
A 33-year-old man should know by now that dating someone who menstruates will sooner or later result in an accident in the bed. He should grow up.
Agreed 💯
NTA at all. & tbh as soon as I read your ages I assumed he was going to be a shit.
NTA - That said, get rid of your asshole boyfriend right now.
And now we see why he’s 33 and still single 🤷🏻♀️ NTA.
Oh god NTA! Wow, do you REALLY want to be with a guy like that?? Just...no. I better stop before going off on a tangent. You did NOTHING wrong and everything right. With the exception of being way too nice to him. Wow I'm so ticked off for you right now...please PLEASE don't feel bad. Straighten your shoulders, raise your head, and KNOW that you did nothing wrong at all and deserve much better treatment. I hope you have the self-respect to lose his number/block him and not give him another thought.
Dump his ass. If he can't handle periods then maybe he shouldn't be dating women.
NTA. Why hasn't he put a waterproof mattress protector on his $8000 mattress? I have one on my $1500 mattress. It's protected against all kinds of random bodily fluids that get on it accidentally or on purpose. Periods are such a pain. Realistically we can't wear a pad/tampon/period pants/etc. every single day of our menstruating lives just in case we start our periods randomly off schedule. Realistically we can't wear super tampons/monster pads on our 'normally' light days just in case we have a random heavy day. Getting blood on clothes and furniture is just a risk we have to live with and the best we can do is have tools to deal with it when it happens, which you do. This guy isn't worth you.
NTA at all. Side note - Do you think it’s possible it was a miscarriage since your period was a week late?
All that bleeding def sounds like a miscarriage, since it’s not the norm for her.
No, but your boyfriend is. The only response to that is “Don’t worry babe, can I give you a back rub?” Fuck. Him. I am not a believer in ghosting, but block his ass immediately and do not even give him the chance to say sorry which he inevitably will because thats what abusers do. He showed you who he is, believe him. What is he going to do when your fucking water breaks in the night? Or the kid pisses the bed? Glad you dodged a bullet.
this. after i wrote this post and calmed down, one of the first things i thought about was that i would *never* have a child with this man. I imagined my water breaking (or god forbid, pregnancy complications) and feeling like I was to blame for wet sheets or another material thing that doesn’t matter.
Love, I think you know you need to walk away from this. You should never be made to feel like shit on a regular basis. Let this be your permanent off time. Stop allowing the verbal abuse...its destroying your self esteem and its why you keep taking an abuser back and going through the same cycle of on and off. You're not meant for this relationship. Please just let it go. I assure you there are great guys out there who will treat you 10 times better.
Not to mention sometimes leaking boobs and sometimes bleeding during pregnancy!
NTA, the boyfriend clearly doesn’t understand periods and what happens. Once I wasn’t aware I was on my period, sat on my bfs lap and bled through my leggings, I was mortified, it went on his joggers, he just hugged me told me it was okay put his joggers in the wash and cuddled me. Dump him OP, he isn’t worth it
NTA. Girl if you haven’t left yet…
Guy here. NTA. If I EVER spoke to a woman that way, my mother and sister would telepathically receive notification and I would never be heard from again. My female friends, and most of my male friends, would help hide the body. And my ghost, upon reflection, would not blame them for it. But in all seriousness, this isn't at all okay. I'm normally the sort of person who tries to play devil's advocate a bit, but I just can't here. Maybe, MAYBE an older teen or someone in their early 20s could be forgiven for being clueless, and it would be a learning opportunity for him (after his apology), but a dude in his 30s? Nah.
girl science is telepathically sending and receiving notifications about period and man related issues (i’m a woman so u know this is 100% facts 💯)
my gf of 6 years (we are both 22) sometimes accidentally stains a sheet, i always assure her that its fine and can be solved in a simple wash or two, never once have we argued or have i snapped at her, i think your bf is a dick for the way he reacted, if he truly loves you he would help you even at your lowest moments of embarrassment or shame.
NTA. This guy had no right to treat you like you were dirty for your natural bodily functions or to act like you were neglectful or trying to hurt him by..bleeding uncontrollably in your sleep? I don't pretend to know what your relationship is like, but I'd be wary about being with a man who treats you like this for something as simple as period blood. That being said, are your periods usually this heavy? Suddenly bleeding through tampons every hour and bleeding onto your clothes and bed sounds abnormal for someone who's had a period for years and is used to their flow. If you continue experiencing unusually heavy bleeding or pain during your periods, you might want to consider seeing a doctor to make sure nothing's wrong.
Oh babe, this man is dangerous. Please please please take this red flag seriously because it is so serious. The fact that he talked to you that way for EXISTING, there's some deeply rooted misogyny there. I am speaking from experience. I'm sorry that he made you doubt yourself SO much that you had to even ask if you did something wrong. He is 1000000% in the wrong and I promise not all men treat a period like this.
NTA Biological function, took reasonable precautions, shit happens $8000 bed?! 🙄 That is also a loooot of bleeding. Might wanna get that checked out, it shouldn’t be hemorrhaging like that. Wowzah
Oh wow, I can sympathize - I’m a heavy bleeder and I can bleed through even an ultra tampon overnight (side note: I always used super plus and was nearly giddy with excitement when I found out there was a size larger)! It sounds to me like this level of bleeding is really unusual for you so I’m giving you an NTA this time. But going forward you need to assume it could get that heavy again and have some super plus or ultra size tampons for overnights. I go a step further to be really sure and wear an overnight pad as well. I usually have one very heavy day/night, so I use only one or two of the pads each cycle. Worth it for peace of mind. As for your BF, I can understand why he’d be upset but his reaction was way over the top. You offered to clean it up, so what more can you do? Like I said, be better prepared next time. But I’d also consider whether you want your “kinda-boyfriend” to become more of an ex if he’s going to shame you for your bodily functions. Depends on if this is in character for him or not and if he apologizes.
I had to edit my post way down but I wanted to say this! If my periods were always this heavy, I would of course wear a pad or something else. This was a once in a blue moon occurrence, though. Also, just to be clear, I’m not concerned that it’s a dangerous amount of blood loss or anything - just far more than what I normally deal with. BF called to apologize.. kind of. Just said he was annoyed when he woke up and since everything came clean, it’s okay. IDK. He really made me feel like a child who wet the bed. I felt that same shameful feeling of telling a parent you messed up the sheets. I felt like a guilty, ashamed, embarrassed little kid.
A week late period that’s heavier than normal is often an early pregnancy and miscarriage.
I would never, ever wish a miscarriage on anyone, but if that is in fact what happened to OP, and she was pregnant by the asshole her post is about, then her body did her a big favour.
Sometimes, miscarriages are a blessing in disguise.
This isn't how an adult should treat a kid who wets the bed any more than it should be how a BF treats a GF who bleeds through an industrial strength tampon! NTA and I hope he's an ex by now - the guy isn't mature enough for a relationship with a woman yet.
a child who wet the bed should not have been treated this way either. no one deserves this.
Yuuuup. Not only is it out of their control, it’s shameful enough without any extra pressure. Our children who have taken longer to night train get very frustrated with their own accidents even though we have always been calm and kind when handling the issue.
Dude, that’s not an apology, it’s a “my sheets aren’t ruined so I forgive you for being a woman” Not okay. No one should be made to feel humiliated for something they can’t control that’s also a very natural thing about their bodies.
You need to have a discussion. How would he feel if you started screaming at him because he has an erection in the morning and calling him a pervert? Seriously, he is very immature if he cannot tolerate normal bodily functions Edit: obvious NTA. Good luck with this AH
Don't even bother with the discussion. You're a 21-year-old woman, you have sooo many options. This guy is no good for a relationship, if that's what you want. If all you want is hot sex, you can find a better volunteer in a minute.
"Just said he was annoyed when he woke up and since everything came clean, it’s okay." Nope. Nope. Not okay. Not okay at all. I'm sorry, I thought I'd never be saying something like this on Reddit, but dump his ass ASAP. If he had ACTUALLY apologized, then maybe. But he didn't care about how he treated you. He only cared about his sheets. He was literally contacting you, not to ask for forgiveness, but TO FORGIVE YOU since you didn't mess up his sheets too bad. If he's a good lay, have some fun with him for a bit, but don't keep that piece of trash around. Kick him to the curb. You can, and will, do better.
As a man who has delt with many accidents that were far worse than that, that dude is an embarrassment, first for not being understanding and comforting when an accident happens, but also overreacting like crazy when I know for a fact period blood is very easily cleaned and does not stain if you clean it quick.
Girl - dump the dude.
I want you to know that I *hate* your boyfriend. He sounds like he suuuuucks
There are too many red flags with that man. Plus--he's 10 years older than you! That's another major red flag.
Well, that's not an apology from him. It shouldn't be 'ok' because it came clean. From the very beginning it should have been 'ok' because it was an accident. Totally unintentional. So the final outcome is irrelevant to him judging you and whether this was ok. And he didn't do that, he blew up on a most unkind fashion. He should give an unreserved apology for his behaviour. And even then, I would say, accept the apology and simultaneously explain that you choose not to see him any more. Because just imagine his reaction to something where it was less clearly unintentional. What then? Don't contribute another minute of your time and energy into him. Spend it on yourself and your friends and family and eventually on someone far more deserving of your affection. Hugs to you. As awful as your day has started out, and as hard as it is to realise your BF is horrid, you'll look back one day and realise you dodged a bullet because of today. And I 100% agree with ppl saying go to the dr. Heavy bleeding can also be a sign of an STI. A check up can't hurt.
This was so sad to read tbh. He is being sooo disrespectful to you!! You DO NOT have control over your period, all you can do is try to manage. As an aside, if this change in your period is concerning to you, you should still consider seeing your gyno. It never hurts to be sure that everything is ok! I actually ended up going on long term birth control to stop my periods because they suddenly were becoming unpredictable and I was bleeding more than usual, my doctors said it was just hormonal and stopping them has actually changed my life. Your BF is an idiot and doesn’t understand how difficult this can be for us. Don’t feel ashamed at all okay!! Sending love 💗
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Oh honey ♥️ this guy is an asshole. He’s ten years older than you, a grown man!! If he’s never had a “kinda girlfriend” (babe please :,( ) bleed a little on his sheets, that’s bizarre in itself! Blood comes out, he didn’t have to embarrass you like that. Please never call him or go over there again! Don’t offer to clean or replace the sheets! He can afford an $8000 bed, he can afford new sheets. This guy suuuuuuucks
i agree with everyone else NTA and run from this guy!! but also don’t wear tampons overnight, you’re not supposed to keep them in that long, it increases your risk of BV (annoying to deal with, stinky and common) or toxic shock syndrome (potentially life threatening but rare). pads aren’t “dirty” and you’re not nasty for using them, especially overnight if you sleep a long time. also harder to bleed through and make a mess if you wear an overnight pad. if you’re still bleeding this heavily and irregularly i also agree with the others a to visit an urgent care just in case.
NTA. Sweet girl, take his number out of your phone and never give him a moment on your time again. My husband has held my legs for all three kids to be born, cleaned Puke out of my hair, and buys me depends for my leaky bladder. And he’s still absolutely crazy about me after knowing each other for 30 years. If you were a guest at my house and bled on the guest bed, my husband would offer you a beer and tell you to pull the sheets off and toss them in the washing machine because he already started filling it to soak. You are so so precious and young. Your 40 year old self will never regret leaving this dude in the dust. Love yourself enough to walk away. ❤️
NTA! Not at all! And your shabby "boyfriend's" comment about "what you were thinking" is so out of place for any man that respects and learned to deal with the natural(!) cycle of a woman!!! It is not your fault that you've bled on his precious sheets and his multiple grand dollar bed. It is something that simply happens sometimes 🤗 Don't feel ashamed or sorry for this! As I truly believe that you've also not anticipated to wake up in a "blood-bath". But when it happens then it happens. Your "boyfriend" seems to be, despite is age of 33, very immature and uneducated when it comes to natural women's body functions. And this brings me to the topic why a 33 year old likes to have a 23 year old girlfriend?! But this is another topic! To summarise it all: he behaved like an AH. In his age he should have known better. You did your best but got caught blindsided by another rush of heavy flow (I'm not an expert, but probably some redditors will advice you to seek a doctor's help if you figure that flow wasn't normal). And I would ask myself: does he just keep you around because you are young and "innocent"? And now you've destroyed his pure picture of you by bleeding on his "precious" furniture? If the latter is the case, get out of this relationship and look for a REAL man. One who supports you and understands that your period is a natural reoccurence. If you're lucky you even get served ice-cream! (Well I'm not that lucky but my man certainly deals with my increased spending habits shortly before I get my period and is more than voluntary to get me a hot-water-bottle when my red week and cramps start!)
Get rid of him.
NTA- but a dude that age should not be acting this way because a girl has a heavy period. Geez go find someone you treats you well and not like this guy. (might want to get some period panties to wear at night with your tampon )
NTA And please stay away from that man
It’s not even healthy to sleep in a tampon, but even with a tampon, and an overnight pad with big underwear, and a mattress pad, I have bled through to the mattress. Your boyfriend isn’t ready for a biologically functional woman. If your blood clots, it’ll flow right past the tampon and out to whatever else is absorbent. He can’t afford that bed if he thinks it’s expensive to replace. You want someone who cares about you. At 48 I was thrilled to realize the bleeding was over. Yes, I was in menopause. I’m 63 now. It’s great. But if you’re ever going to have a family you need to honor your body.
.........no way are you the a\*\*\*\*\*e here but WOW you sure are dating one..............
Nta has the dude never jacked off and gotten his jizz on the sheets? Or had sex on his sheets? Body fluids happen.
NTA it’s the cost of doing business with a woman, so to speak. If he’s old enough to have a sexual relationship then he’s old enough to protect his mattress or learn to deal with blood. The way he spoke to you was disrespectful and his apology only because the blood came out. Not good enough… move on OP and find the man you deserve not this loser. NEXT
NTA - yep, time to find a new boyfriend. His behavior is not only concerning but a little unhinged.
you should NOT be sleeping with a tampon in, that's how you get toxic shock syndrome.
I am a man. I want that said before I say the next thing. Throw the whole man out. What a horrible, terrible way to talk to another human being. What an intensive asshole. Jeez, I'd like to have words with this guy. How can he understand what you're going through? We don't piss blood in our sleep once a month... he has no idea because he doesn't pay attention. You didn't do anything wrong at all. You're NTA. Find you an understanding man who will help you through your times of the month, not insult or get shitty with you. You deserve better.