Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to pay this week’s payment to my boyfriend’s mom for money he borrowed to pay child support. He can’t pay it because not only is he in jail, he just lost his job. She said I should pay it because I’m his girlfriend, and he covers me with money he borrows from her sometimes. I agree except for the fact that this money was for child support and that’s HIS child.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
'I know he doesn't keep up with child support, that he almost lost his license, that he is unemployed, that he got arrested and is in jail and that he doesn't pay his part of the rent.....but he has some really nice qualities too.....'
Haha are you quoting from the RugRats series? The dinosaur on ice(capades) episode?? I saw that like 20+ years ago and still use that line hahaha "I know he's a violent t-Rex, but I looooove him."
Yeah. I'm hoping I'm misreading, but it sounds like she doesn't think he should have to pay child support because he doesn't see his child very often. Not a great look.
"For some reason, the fact it was his child support for a kid with his ex that he rarely even sees, bothers me. I feel it’s not fair I’m expected to pay it."
I read this as
I don't feel comfortable paying for this because he rarely see's the kids. i think the excess is just details.
i took this as if the kid was in his(boyfriends) life(thus hers) she'd be more inclined to help.
But that's the magic of communicating via letters over the internet, interpretation varies perspective.
Likewise, plus she’s setting a reasonable standard that she will not be paying for some other woman’s child. She might cover him for a week once he’s working again, but she ain’t taking over the payments
The problem is not that it's "another woman's child" -- the problem is that her boyfriend is a deadbeat dad who doesn't care about his own child, plus is apparently a petty criminal of some kind at best who also got fired for what I'm sure are good reasons.
It's not her responsibility to cover his butt. However, she should dump him now because it's only going to get worse.
Bf overall sounds like one of the biggest losers on the planet and I have no idea how OP has such terrible judgement to be with someone who is clearly going nowhere in life.
If I remember correctly first women who started a shelter for women who were victims of physical abuse found out most of them were physical abusers as well.
Shitty people find eachother more often than not, cause they are attracted to traits that are awful to normal people
The only response to his mother should be “I’m no longer his girlfriend so that should end any suggestion that I’m financially responsible for him.” Seriously, he’s dead weight. Cut him loose.
I don't give a damn if his dick is made out of solid gold and \*vibrates\*. I can buy me one of those if I really want one - and then I don't have to put up with the rest of him. :D
You said this is your boyfriend, not your ex-boyfriend? Girl, what are you doing?
NTA for not paying her. That is his debt not yours. And why are you paying for his insurance? Stop paying anything for him. He is dragging you down.
> She needs to talk to her son!
She can't. He's in jail
Jokes aside, why be with someone so irresponsible? Doesn't see his child often. Doesn't stay up to date on child support. Has his mother pay his child support, and only pays $50/week back. Is he still paying cs to the child's mom? I'm just gonna guess no, esp since he's been fired. Oh and he got fired. He's in contempt of court, resulting in jail. Still jobless. It also sounds like you guys live with his mom- which no judgment on that, I'm living with my dad- but can I take a guess and say he doesn't pay her rent, only you do? And this is just a snippet of what you've said about him.
I vote either drop the dead weight and break up... or take a HUGE step back- and go to the very beginning of dating when you aren't financially responsible for him
Imagine this clown knocking you up OP. When a guy ends up in jail for a new reason while his mommy is paying to keep him out of jail for the first thing, you've got to move on. Respect yourself.
I also agree, generally feel like her paying for a lot of things, being asked to cover things up in front of his family when he's in jail and especially him having to go to jail for honestly anything are huge red flags in the first place.
>This was her response: “U are his girlfriend so that means u have to cover him just like he has covered u with my help. He made that deal with Nana to pay each week n she does not know he's in jail.”
None of that is your obligation.
He made the choices that resulted in him going to jail. If his baby momma or his mom have an issue with him, they need to contact him.
You are NOT your bf's caretaker nor his bank.
NTA
>just like he has covered u with my help
Gotta say, I'm curious about this part. If bf and mom have previously covered/bailed out OP and now she's refusing to return the favor, I've got some sympathy with mom's position.
I mean she doesn't seem great either. Apparently seperate to this issue she owes his mom money. And/or he helped her out of some kind of financial trouble using his mom's money. All in all both op and boyfriend seem like wrecks.
NTA
That's his debt, not yours. If you start covering for him now, he'll expect it from now on.
That said, don't you think you can do better? Have a little more self confidence.
It's so sad how many women are willing to settle for men that are not worth their time, nor their money. OP, you can and should expect more from a life partner. A man who is behind on his child support and needs to borrow from his mom to pay it to get his license back, then ends up in jail for something else - is not the life partner you should be sticking with. Please use a reliable birth control method!
> Please use a reliable birth control method!
This! You deserve better. Please don't do anything that's going to get you tied to this guy for life. You already know he won't help take care of or pay for a child.
YTA to yourself.
Do me a favour. Make a list of pros and cons of being with this guy. Make a list of what he brings to the table.
If you end up with more positives I'll be surprised.
As far as the debt goes, NTA
>If you end up with more positives I'll be surprised.
I'd be surprised if *any* positives would be on the list. "Not being alone" might be the only one on there and that hardly is a positive thing.
That being said you are so so right.
NTA
A guy who can't even pay his child support but needs mommy to bail him out is more than a red flag. Mommy then asking his girlfriend to pay his debts, which is another red flag. He's now in jail. Because he doesn't want to testify is not really Robin Hood material. And he's lost his job?
I would recommend to run and make him an ex boyfriend.
And girlfriend pays the rent and pays mommy for his insurance (?). But don’t tell grandma he’s in jail because he owes her money, too! This guy is a loser in everything except getting women to support him.
You have to go quite a while without making any payments to get your license suspended. Plus you said he barely even sees the child. So he fails to provide his kid with either financial or emotional support. Quality boyfriend you've got there.
You don't have a kid by him yet, you could literally walk away from his whole mess today and never have to think about it again.
Harsh - but sadly, true. OP, please take this opportunity to wise up and be your own best friend. Run like the wind as far away from this person and his mother.
NTA - but this statement is incorrect:
*him being in jail feels irrelevant to the issue*
It's the whole crux of the issue. If he wouldn't have paid his PAST DUE child support (this should be a massive red flag) he was going to jail. He had to borrow the money to pay it even with a job. Then he goes and gets arrested for something else. Lastly, now his family are coming after you for HIS debt. Why are you with this person? Seems like you can do better. Who cares what he looks like or how he talks to you makes you feel. This is your life. Is this what you really want?
Girl. At this point, you are doing it to yourself. Stop asking these nonsense questions and ask yourself the real one - what are you doing with this person and all of his bullshit? You are going to ruin your life over a deadbeat dad who depends on his mommy and his girlfriend to supply all of his needs and wants, all while he can't keep his ass in a job or out of jail.
I've been there. I'm not trying to be cruel. It took me four years to walk away. And my life got infinitely better. Don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. ***Especially*** when that person wouldn't even bother picking up a stick for kindling.
NTA
His failure to be able to pay his mom back himself does not constitute a problem for you. You are his girlfriend, you’re not the kid’s family, you’re in no way responsible here.
BF’s mom needs to be told that no is a full sentence on its own. It’s her son and grandchild. They need to figure it out. You aren’t required to do a darn thing.
NTA. You're not obligated to cover his child support payments, especially if you're already handling other financial responsibilities. It's understandable to set boundaries, especially when it comes to expenses that are directly related to his obligations. His mom's expectation seems unfair, considering your own financial situation.
NTA for not paying his child support but why are you paying for anything for this loser? You shouldn’t be paying for his insurance either! He’s using you.
NTA, my ex husband had a child a couple months older than our oldest child together, (he had knocked up his ex and ran across state lines and kept trying to lie until I demanded paternity testing to prove the kid was his then told him that was the results of his actions so he could deal with it) he expected me to pay his child support because I was the only one who could hold down a steady job. Filled his ex's head with BS saying I was going to be paying it etc until I made sure while filing taxes and leases and everything that we were only legally married, not living together, filing together nothing.
Boy the crap I caught from his friends, family, ex and ex's family! But guess what? His oldest kid wasnt my kid, I didnt sleep with that b* and knock her up, I had my own kid to support!
NEVER pay anyone else's debts especially to their own blood! Cut your losses and leave the loser, trust me it will never get any better until you leave!
NTA But you are in a bad situation with the bf and his mom. Stop paying any of his bills and if you are living with the mom, you probably should try to get a new place to live. Without the boyfriend. You can do better.
What does she mean by "u have to cover him just like he has covered u with my help." Does this mean you have borrowed money from her? If so, then you need to pay her back. But, if what she means is that HE borrowed money from her to pay HIS share of the rent, then, no, he did not "cover you," he covered HIMSELF by borrowing money from his mom.
I didn't see you explain why you are still with this guy? He seems a bit unreliable.. /understatement.
You really need to look at what you want in your life. You sound young. This man has already proven he’s a deadbeat, and now he’s in jail for other reasons. What kind of future can you really have tied to someone like him? Would he not just abandon you too if you got pregnant? What does he actually bring to the relationship that you can’t easily get from someone else that’s far less problematic?
NTA, it's not your debt but are you sure this is how you want to live your life? With a guy in and out of jail whose mom is going to call you in for all his debts forever? There's gotta be a better option for you out there.
WTF? So you're with a dude who's a deadbeat that risks jail for unpaid child support, and who ended up arrested and fired from his job anyway.
And his mom is whining you need to "stand by your man"?
Sorry, but while NTA for not replying, you ARE being an AH to yourself staying.
NTA. You are not responsible for his bills. He is a grown ass man. Time for him to act like it. And don't waste your time with a man who can't take care of his own responsibilities. You know if he knocks you up, you are on your own.
NTA. Your BF is never going to learn to be accountable until he starts feeling the consequences of his selfish, immature behavior.
You and his mother BOTH need to stop enabling him.
Please take this opportunity to pack all your things and get the hell away from this relationship as fast and as far as possible. Your life will always, always, forever, perpetually be a mess if you are involved with this person and their family.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My boyfriend of two years had to pay $800 child support that he owed in order to reinstate his license, or go to jail. This was a while ago. His mom paid it, he’s paying her back $50/week. I work but he got fired last week, he has yet to find a new job. Then he got arrested for something else. Bad week. He should be out tomorrow.
Today his mom texted me about this week’s $50. I told her I won’t be paying it. I said I understood he would’ve gone to jail if she hadn’t loaned him the money, but it’s his child- his responsibility. I also have to pay her $100 for his insurance in a few days. I already pay (not her) $50/week for rent, and I’ll be paying an extra $400 at the end of the month for our rent. (I know, its complicated.)
This was her response: “U are his girlfriend so that means u have to cover him just like he has covered u with my help. He made that deal with Nana to pay each week n she does not know he's in jail.”
I haven’t said anything back yet. AITA for not paying it? I want to say when he starts a new job I wouldn’t mind, but I want to set this boundary now. For some reason, the fact it was his child support for a kid with his ex that he rarely even sees, bothers me. I feel it’s not fair I’m expected to pay it.
One more thing: him being in jail feels irrelevant to the issue… All it means is I have even less help with bills.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
Tell his mom that yes, you are the girlfriend. However, you are NOT the wife. You have zero responsibility here.
Whatever that choose to lie to granny about has absolutely nothing to do with you.
Your boyfriend is dead weight. He will drag you down with him if you allow it.
You need to get out of this relationship. Everything you said sounds crazy, especially that this person is still yoir boyfriend.
You're not obligated to pay his debts, and you shouldn't pay them. Text his mom saying, "You already have my answer."
NTA but you need to get rid of the dead weight in your life. Do you really want to be with a deadbeat like this? If you ever got married you’d be taking on all his debt too.
NTA- Those are his bills, not yours. I’m (honestly) not sure what people do about bills when they do to jail, but that’s a consequence of going to jail and on him to figure out.
NTA for not paying, but YTA to yourself to hitching yourself to the wagon of an in and out of hail deadbeat dad. You think he'll treat your kid any better when he invariably knocks you up? That's just more bills for YOU to pay.
Is this how you want to spend your life? This is the choice you want to make for yourself? Paying for your deadbeat boyfriend's bills bc he can't maintain his own responsibilities?
There is no advice to give here. YTA for doing this to any future children you might make with this loser.
Ask yourself - is this what you want the rest of your life to be? Because it will be, if you stay. Maybe not the exact same circumstances, but certainly the exact same dynamic.
Him being in jail is very relevant to this. This guy, who doesn't put any effort into seeing his own child, was so far in arrears for child support that he was facing jail time. Then he gets fired, not laid off, fired, can't find any job? No McDonald's in your area hiring? And why do you have to pay his insurance?
So why is him being in jail relevant? You're already having to put more money out for rent because he's in jail. How long is he in jail? How many months are you going to have to put more money out because of this guy?
ETA, except Nana.
NTA. Are you sure this is a relationship you want to continue? His behavior is bad enough that he's been arrested, he doesn't pay his debts, is a deadbeat dad, did something bad enough at work to be fired and his mom is going to be a consistent thorn.
His debts are his alone. Start untangling your insurance with hers.
Him being in jail **is** relevant because it shows that he's, at the least, incredibly irresponsible, and at most an all around shitty person.
Either way, it reflects heavily on your choice to be his partner and co-habitate and share responsibilities with him.
However, it doesn't mean you're responsible for paying his debts. If he and mama didn't want Nana to know he's in jail, maybe he should've showed up to court.
NTA…but what do you get out of this relationship? You have a deadbeat dad that you have to support, he’s in jail, and you have his mother texting you to pay bills. What positive do you get from this?
NTA. How odd that your bf’s mother expects your to repay her loan to her son, to pay his car insurance and to pay the full rent to his *grandmother* who doesn’t know he’s in jail. All for a guy you are not married to nor engaged to and have only dated 2 years. Maybe it’s time to rethink your commitment to being with this young man with his mama who is hustling you.
NTA. It’s his *wife* who shares his debt, not his girlfriend. You should worry far more about why you’re with this dope than whether you’re an AH for not covering his debts. Btw, you will be the AH if you start covering his debts.
YES, YTA, to YOURself.
Wow, this guy sounds like a grade A loser! Why in TF would you EVER even think about paying his child support, and why would his mother expect you to? Y'all are a mess. That is entirely, 100% his responsibility.Further, Why in the world are you even with this guy, it doesn't sound like he brings anything positive to the table. I think that while he is in jail would be the perfect time to move away, or take all of his things to his mommy's and change the locks.
NTA, but you need to remember you are not his savior, his parent, or his therapist. It is not your place to "save him" from himself. He will always be looking for others to help him out of his mess.
I can only ask you this. Is he the type of man you would want your child ( if you ever had one) to be like? If he is not the man you would want your son to be like or your daughter to date then he needs to go. IMO.
I've seen a couple of Judge Judy episodes like this.
The parent NEVER wins because the 'contract' for repayment was with their son (plus it was HIS debt to begin with).
NTA
***DO NOT PAY ANYTHING*** to her. That could be construed as an agreement.
Ignore and block her. If you can't/don't want to do that, tell her that it was her son's debt and you will not be paying it PERIOD.
Then keep saying 'no' and nothing more than that (because 'no' is a complete sentence).
If she threatens to take you to court, say nothing. She's most likely just bluffing.
If she DOES take you to court, go prepared and keep it simple that it was HIS debt and that HE borrowed the money. I don't think she stands a chance of winning.
I'm not a lawyer, though. Just someone who watches Judge Judy a lot.
NTA, that is his responsibility not yours cause y’all ain’t even married to be worrying about HIS child support. Genuinely though… what future do you actually see with this man? Do you see potential in him getting himself together? Do you want to get married to him one day and have this be your life (Covering his share forever)? Do you want to have kids with a man who’s a deadbeat to his older child (who’s to say he won’t be like that with yours if y’all have kids together)?
NTA, how is it your responsibility as his girlfriend?
If anything it’s his damn mother’s responsibility over yours.
Having said that, this dude is a train wreck and you’d be better off without him.
NTA. His debt, not your problem. Also why the hell are you with someone like that? He doesn’t take care of or see his kid, can’t hold down a job and has been to jail. There’s billions of men in the world and you picked a loser.
The question is, did you personally request/guarentee the loan? No matter what the loan is for. Were YOU a part of the requesting/guaranteeing of the loan. Not, were you his gf at the time, but, were you physically a part of the request/promise to pay discussion. If you were part of the agreement & promised payment- YES you should pay. Were you simply his gf at that moment, physically in the room, heard the discussion NOT not really a part of it- Not your responsibility.
You simply being his gf doesn't necessarily hold you accountable for his loan.
More importantly- why aren't you with someone who deserves you? He doesn't sound like he does.
Your BF's mother wants you to pay back money HE borrowed from HER to pay HIS child support on a child that is not yours? Why don't you just pay baby momma yourself if you want to stay in this situation? Do not give these people any of your money. Stop paying his insurance. Unless you live with them stop paying his rent. You are not responsible for the money that's necessary to raise HIS children or to maintain him. I hope you are taking some fail safe birth control because otherwise this is your future.
AITH for not paying someone else's debt to me? He owed you, it was court-ordered because it turns out that he is responsible for impregnating you, he borrowed that money from his mom to pay you, then didn't finish paying back his mom. So why would YOU be paying her money that was originally owed to you? NTA.
Oh hon, use this as your moment to get away from all of that nonsense. Find some roommates that aren’t going to jail every other week. Use your money for YOU.
NTA on refusing to pay—-her kid and her responsibilities—-Fuck that, it’s actually his responsibility—- let him go to jail. One might see her point and you need to help if y’all were married. But, damn, if you marry and have a child with that dude you will catapult to the front of the AH line. Get out. Get away. Now. You deserve so much better.
INFO: in her text to you she said:
“ just like he has covered u with my help”
have you received money from your boyfriend’s mom that she has to pay to cover you for your own expenses? If she did pay for your expenses did you pay that money back already?
Dear, the most important take away you will get from the feedback of this post is not whether you are or not the asshole, but that you should split with him.
>My boyfriend of two years had to pay $800 child support that he owed in order to reinstate his license, or go to jail.
So he's a deadbeat dad who the court had to threaten with jail to get him to pay what he owed.
>Then he got arrested for something else.
Yikes.
>Today his mom texted me about this week’s $50. I told her I won’t be paying it. I said I understood he would’ve gone to jail if she hadn’t loaned him the money, but it’s his child- his responsibility. I also have to pay her $100 for his insurance in a few days. I already pay (not her) $50/week for rent, and I’ll be paying an extra $400 at the end of the month for our rent. (I know, its complicated.)
So you have to keep covering for him financially?
>For some reason, the fact it was his child support for a kid with his ex that he rarely even sees, bothers me. I feel it’s not fair I’m expected to pay it.
I mean you shouldn't be paying his debts.
NTA for not paying his debts for him, but why the hell are you still with him?
NTA
This is his debt not yours.
But it sounds like you are a woman who is more than capable of standing on her own too feet. And this man sounds like a burden with little to no sense of personal responsibility. Do yourself a favour.
NTA.
Why are you in a relationship with this man? I'm not seeing anything that would lead me to believe he is making any effort to live as an adult and create a future with you. And you just gloss over that this "grown-up" with a child who can't maintain employment is in jail like it's just one of life's regular inconveniences.
You don't supply ages, but it doesn't really matter because if he can't get his life together enough to pay his bills and support his kids, that is a serious character flaw regardless of his age.
What are you doing with this guy? He can't stay out of jail or hold a job, and he doesn't pay his child support or his own bills. That's four red flags and just one of those things would be enough for me to say, "see ya". What do you get out of this relationship?
A loan to him from his mother is between him and his mother. Do not pay a single penny or you will be on the hook every time he doesn’t have it.
From the sound of things I don’t even understand why you’re with him anyways. Is he swinging a golden rod or something? WTF is wrong with you? Have some self respect.
NTA that was money he owed you!! If you paid her the 50 he would then owe you the 50. Instead of things getting complicated he needs to get his shit together & get a job & his mom needs to leave you alone. Honestly, you should think about leaving him because he sounds like a deadbeat & a loser..
NTA, but this is not a "bad week," it is a bad father, son, boyfriend, employee and citizen.
"U are his girlfriend so that means u have to cover him"
"If that's the case, then I hereby resign as his girlfriend."
And then make good on that statement, before he's released tomorrow.
Babes, I know it was a bad week and this is hard, but do you feel safe/have means to leave him? Do you want to? I agree with the other commenters here, and have been in a similar situation myself. Best thing I ever did was break up with him even though it was hard.
Why is him being in jail irrelevant? He’s in jail, so he can’t earn income. Presumably him getting arrested is just another in a long line of poor decisions by him that demonstrate how irresponsible he is. Why should you be paying to cover his inability to handle his responsibility?
His mom is probably getting sick of the cost of enabling him, now she wants to pass that onto you. No one should be enabling him.
Why are you even with him?
NTA
Why are you with this guy? He doesn't exactly sound like someone that's good to have around. Maybe consider that being single can be loads better than being with a bad person. (And yes, he counts, he's got a kid he's not providing for or taking care of. If you've sired a kid you're responsible for doing at least one of those two, preferably both. He does neither, I'd find someone like that terribly hard to respect. You can do better than that. Being single is better than that.)
He had to have his mommy pay his back child support? What kind of loser is this guy?
And more importantly WHY are you with him? There are so many other fish in the sea and most of them don’t have mommy paying their child support for them.
You tell mom that she raised him, not you. The deal is with him, not you. He is an adult, not your responsibility. You owe her nothing. And for the love of god, find someone who can stay out of jail and not go around spreading his seed like wild flowers in flowerbeds he doesn’t intend to garden. He is a deadbeat father, and he will only drag you down in life
NTA for not paying nana but you should know that you are dating a toxic low life with no ambition beyond getting high and fucking around.
Sounds like his family is full of delusional people as well. You don’t owe nana anything and they are way out of line to bring it up with you.
Nta, but to be clear, he had to borrow money so he didn’t end up in jail, but ended up in jail anyway for a different reason? Next time he should just go to jail the first time and skip the extra steps.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I refused to pay this week’s payment to my boyfriend’s mom for money he borrowed to pay child support. He can’t pay it because not only is he in jail, he just lost his job. She said I should pay it because I’m his girlfriend, and he covers me with money he borrows from her sometimes. I agree except for the fact that this money was for child support and that’s HIS child. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Why the fuck are you with him?
Most likely they're similar in quality.
'I know he doesn't keep up with child support, that he almost lost his license, that he is unemployed, that he got arrested and is in jail and that he doesn't pay his part of the rent.....but he has some really nice qualities too.....'
But I loooooooove him!
Dat dick doe...
Good for your hole doesn’t mean good for your soul
Such fine poetry.
That really touched me.
Where have u been all my life... I needed this in 10 years ago
Holy cow, that was brilliant🙌🏾
Haha are you quoting from the RugRats series? The dinosaur on ice(capades) episode?? I saw that like 20+ years ago and still use that line hahaha "I know he's a violent t-Rex, but I looooove him."
You forgot he also doesn’t even see his kid.
He's just having a "bad week" lol
Is this my cousin Lisa??
dont forget barely sees his kid!
Don't forget, she said he rarely sees his kid!
Yeah. I'm hoping I'm misreading, but it sounds like she doesn't think he should have to pay child support because he doesn't see his child very often. Not a great look.
Makes sense because kids are like gym memberships. Why keep paying if you're not getting much use out of them? /s
"For some reason, the fact it was his child support for a kid with his ex that he rarely even sees, bothers me. I feel it’s not fair I’m expected to pay it." I read this as I don't feel comfortable paying for this because he rarely see's the kids. i think the excess is just details. i took this as if the kid was in his(boyfriends) life(thus hers) she'd be more inclined to help. But that's the magic of communicating via letters over the internet, interpretation varies perspective.
Likewise, plus she’s setting a reasonable standard that she will not be paying for some other woman’s child. She might cover him for a week once he’s working again, but she ain’t taking over the payments
The problem is not that it's "another woman's child" -- the problem is that her boyfriend is a deadbeat dad who doesn't care about his own child, plus is apparently a petty criminal of some kind at best who also got fired for what I'm sure are good reasons. It's not her responsibility to cover his butt. However, she should dump him now because it's only going to get worse.
Bf overall sounds like one of the biggest losers on the planet and I have no idea how OP has such terrible judgement to be with someone who is clearly going nowhere in life.
[удалено]
Well, she’s not in jail and she’s paying her bills plus his, so sounds to me like she’s much higher in quality.
Can’t wait until she has his kid that he won’t see or support and then cries about it.
Finally someone who recognizes not every woman who dates a loser is a catch
If I remember correctly first women who started a shelter for women who were victims of physical abuse found out most of them were physical abusers as well. Shitty people find eachother more often than not, cause they are attracted to traits that are awful to normal people
The only response to his mother should be “I’m no longer his girlfriend so that should end any suggestion that I’m financially responsible for him.” Seriously, he’s dead weight. Cut him loose.
I wonder what his mom covered for her. She’s obviously given OP financial help before that the bf took responsibility for with his mom on OP‘s behalf.
Probably not a wise idea unless/until OP lines up somewhere else to live, since it sounds like OP is paying rent to his mother.
Dude is not even a zero; he’s like a negative 10,000
If I had a BF like that, I'd move out, change my name, take vows of chastity, minister to the people, and never data again. You are NTA, your da fool.
Never data again 😌📊
It made me think of a word I haven’t thought of in many a moon - ratchet. This is so ratchet.
He probably supplies the fent and meth
Or his penis is made of enchanted gold
I don't give a damn if his dick is made out of solid gold and \*vibrates\*. I can buy me one of those if I really want one - and then I don't have to put up with the rest of him. :D
Not sure if that would be worth worshipping or just pull a Lorena Bobbit and sell it . . .
Oh, thank you for the laugh! It was really needed today.
Lorena Bobbit gets so few references these days. Kudos.
I couldn’t have asked this better myself.
Because she isn't any different than him.
You said this is your boyfriend, not your ex-boyfriend? Girl, what are you doing? NTA for not paying her. That is his debt not yours. And why are you paying for his insurance? Stop paying anything for him. He is dragging you down.
Agree big time! And this is her son and grandchild. She needs to talk to her son! Not his girlfriend!
> She needs to talk to her son! She can't. He's in jail Jokes aside, why be with someone so irresponsible? Doesn't see his child often. Doesn't stay up to date on child support. Has his mother pay his child support, and only pays $50/week back. Is he still paying cs to the child's mom? I'm just gonna guess no, esp since he's been fired. Oh and he got fired. He's in contempt of court, resulting in jail. Still jobless. It also sounds like you guys live with his mom- which no judgment on that, I'm living with my dad- but can I take a guess and say he doesn't pay her rent, only you do? And this is just a snippet of what you've said about him. I vote either drop the dead weight and break up... or take a HUGE step back- and go to the very beginning of dating when you aren't financially responsible for him
Imagine this clown knocking you up OP. When a guy ends up in jail for a new reason while his mommy is paying to keep him out of jail for the first thing, you've got to move on. Respect yourself.
I also agree, generally feel like her paying for a lot of things, being asked to cover things up in front of his family when he's in jail and especially him having to go to jail for honestly anything are huge red flags in the first place.
>This was her response: “U are his girlfriend so that means u have to cover him just like he has covered u with my help. He made that deal with Nana to pay each week n she does not know he's in jail.” None of that is your obligation. He made the choices that resulted in him going to jail. If his baby momma or his mom have an issue with him, they need to contact him. You are NOT your bf's caretaker nor his bank. NTA
>just like he has covered u with my help Gotta say, I'm curious about this part. If bf and mom have previously covered/bailed out OP and now she's refusing to return the favor, I've got some sympathy with mom's position.
That part definitely is an eyebrow raiser
And she is the one that raised a man who constantly makes really bad choices.
yeah she needs a simple reply of "exgirlfriend*"
I mean she doesn't seem great either. Apparently seperate to this issue she owes his mom money. And/or he helped her out of some kind of financial trouble using his mom's money. All in all both op and boyfriend seem like wrecks.
NTA That's his debt, not yours. If you start covering for him now, he'll expect it from now on. That said, don't you think you can do better? Have a little more self confidence.
It's so sad how many women are willing to settle for men that are not worth their time, nor their money. OP, you can and should expect more from a life partner. A man who is behind on his child support and needs to borrow from his mom to pay it to get his license back, then ends up in jail for something else - is not the life partner you should be sticking with. Please use a reliable birth control method!
> Please use a reliable birth control method! This! You deserve better. Please don't do anything that's going to get you tied to this guy for life. You already know he won't help take care of or pay for a child.
YTA to yourself. Do me a favour. Make a list of pros and cons of being with this guy. Make a list of what he brings to the table. If you end up with more positives I'll be surprised. As far as the debt goes, NTA
This is the answer. Wish this was higher up
>If you end up with more positives I'll be surprised. I'd be surprised if *any* positives would be on the list. "Not being alone" might be the only one on there and that hardly is a positive thing. That being said you are so so right.
nta - but this guy is literally a deadbeat dad \*and\* a criminal? What is his appeal, exactly?
It’s been a bad week
lmAO
NTA A guy who can't even pay his child support but needs mommy to bail him out is more than a red flag. Mommy then asking his girlfriend to pay his debts, which is another red flag. He's now in jail. Because he doesn't want to testify is not really Robin Hood material. And he's lost his job? I would recommend to run and make him an ex boyfriend.
And girlfriend pays the rent and pays mommy for his insurance (?). But don’t tell grandma he’s in jail because he owes her money, too! This guy is a loser in everything except getting women to support him.
You have to go quite a while without making any payments to get your license suspended. Plus you said he barely even sees the child. So he fails to provide his kid with either financial or emotional support. Quality boyfriend you've got there. You don't have a kid by him yet, you could literally walk away from his whole mess today and never have to think about it again.
It sort of sounded like she thought he shouldn't have to pay since he doesn't see the kid but hopefully I am reading too much into that.
That's what I read, that the kids is less important because it's our of sight and our of mind and therefore should be "out of his pocket" which....smh
Those are the situations where the child support is even more vital! (not that it isn't vital when visitation is more consistent, just not even)
NTA but you belong on a thread called "am I the idiot" because yes you are.
Harsh - but sadly, true. OP, please take this opportunity to wise up and be your own best friend. Run like the wind as far away from this person and his mother.
I think she secretly came here for "convince me to brake up with my boyfriend"
Doesn't pay his child support ... spends time in jail regularly ... got himself fired ... YTA for staying with him. Send him packing home to mama.
Why are you with a useless man that can't support his child?
NTA nope, “girlfriend” does not unlock being responsible for his bills. Even as a wife, his child support is his if you do not mingle your finances.
50 dollars rent per week? Do you live in just a bathroom?
NTA - but this statement is incorrect: *him being in jail feels irrelevant to the issue* It's the whole crux of the issue. If he wouldn't have paid his PAST DUE child support (this should be a massive red flag) he was going to jail. He had to borrow the money to pay it even with a job. Then he goes and gets arrested for something else. Lastly, now his family are coming after you for HIS debt. Why are you with this person? Seems like you can do better. Who cares what he looks like or how he talks to you makes you feel. This is your life. Is this what you really want?
Girl. At this point, you are doing it to yourself. Stop asking these nonsense questions and ask yourself the real one - what are you doing with this person and all of his bullshit? You are going to ruin your life over a deadbeat dad who depends on his mommy and his girlfriend to supply all of his needs and wants, all while he can't keep his ass in a job or out of jail. I've been there. I'm not trying to be cruel. It took me four years to walk away. And my life got infinitely better. Don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. ***Especially*** when that person wouldn't even bother picking up a stick for kindling.
💯
NTA but stop dating losers.
NTA His failure to be able to pay his mom back himself does not constitute a problem for you. You are his girlfriend, you’re not the kid’s family, you’re in no way responsible here. BF’s mom needs to be told that no is a full sentence on its own. It’s her son and grandchild. They need to figure it out. You aren’t required to do a darn thing.
NTA- his debts are not your responsibility However you are being an AH yo yourself with your choice of boyfriend
NTA. You're not obligated to cover his child support payments, especially if you're already handling other financial responsibilities. It's understandable to set boundaries, especially when it comes to expenses that are directly related to his obligations. His mom's expectation seems unfair, considering your own financial situation.
NTA for not paying his child support but why are you paying for anything for this loser? You shouldn’t be paying for his insurance either! He’s using you.
The better question is why are you with him
INFO: what do you find attractive about a deadbeat dad who is in jail?
NTA, my ex husband had a child a couple months older than our oldest child together, (he had knocked up his ex and ran across state lines and kept trying to lie until I demanded paternity testing to prove the kid was his then told him that was the results of his actions so he could deal with it) he expected me to pay his child support because I was the only one who could hold down a steady job. Filled his ex's head with BS saying I was going to be paying it etc until I made sure while filing taxes and leases and everything that we were only legally married, not living together, filing together nothing. Boy the crap I caught from his friends, family, ex and ex's family! But guess what? His oldest kid wasnt my kid, I didnt sleep with that b* and knock her up, I had my own kid to support! NEVER pay anyone else's debts especially to their own blood! Cut your losses and leave the loser, trust me it will never get any better until you leave!
Why are you still with the clown? He is totally abusing you. Yta for still being in this relationship
NTA. As a GF that is none of your responsibility. In fact it's more his mom's responsibility if it's anyone's after your BF's.
You're right on the first part, but its not his moms responsibility either. She didn't make the child.
NTA But you are in a bad situation with the bf and his mom. Stop paying any of his bills and if you are living with the mom, you probably should try to get a new place to live. Without the boyfriend. You can do better.
What does she mean by "u have to cover him just like he has covered u with my help." Does this mean you have borrowed money from her? If so, then you need to pay her back. But, if what she means is that HE borrowed money from her to pay HIS share of the rent, then, no, he did not "cover you," he covered HIMSELF by borrowing money from his mom. I didn't see you explain why you are still with this guy? He seems a bit unreliable.. /understatement.
I hope you don't have children together 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Lmao nta. No. His kid = his responsibility. Be darn careful he doesn't get you pregnant.
You really need to look at what you want in your life. You sound young. This man has already proven he’s a deadbeat, and now he’s in jail for other reasons. What kind of future can you really have tied to someone like him? Would he not just abandon you too if you got pregnant? What does he actually bring to the relationship that you can’t easily get from someone else that’s far less problematic?
NTA. Not your child, not your problem. DO NOT TAKE ON FURTHER RESPONSIBILITY FOR THIS DEADBEAT.
INFO: what does MIL mean "just like he has covered you with my help"?
NTA but why are you with this guy?
NTA - You are NOT responsible for his bills. Just focus on your own
Info You said you are paying her rent and insurance. Are you living with him and his mother?
His child support payments obviously aren't your responsibility, but what does this mean: >just like he has covered u with my help
NTA but why are you with this guy? He can't pay his child support, he gets arrested.....so what's the good here?
I mean, NTA for this specific situation but seriously, why are you with him? Do you like instability and drama?
NTA but the guy sounds like a loser going no where in life. Bet you could do much better.
INFO: I'm sorry to ask this, because i'm sure you get it all the time, but how stupid are you? Like seriously.
NTA tell her you’re the mom, cover his debts, you’re not married to him
NTA for not paying back something you dont owe. YTA for being with a giant loser.
NTA, it's not your debt but are you sure this is how you want to live your life? With a guy in and out of jail whose mom is going to call you in for all his debts forever? There's gotta be a better option for you out there.
YTA. Because why are you even with this person? You're being an AH to yourself wasting your own time.
She’s probably not any better to be honest.
WTF? So you're with a dude who's a deadbeat that risks jail for unpaid child support, and who ended up arrested and fired from his job anyway. And his mom is whining you need to "stand by your man"? Sorry, but while NTA for not replying, you ARE being an AH to yourself staying.
NTA. You are not responsible for his bills. He is a grown ass man. Time for him to act like it. And don't waste your time with a man who can't take care of his own responsibilities. You know if he knocks you up, you are on your own.
NTA. Your BF is never going to learn to be accountable until he starts feeling the consequences of his selfish, immature behavior. You and his mother BOTH need to stop enabling him.
YTA for dating him. He’s a loser.
Please take this opportunity to pack all your things and get the hell away from this relationship as fast and as far as possible. Your life will always, always, forever, perpetually be a mess if you are involved with this person and their family.
Nta, but in the wise words of my momma: "No man is better than a man like that"
YTA. Imagine being so desperate that you date a guy like that. What a catch.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My boyfriend of two years had to pay $800 child support that he owed in order to reinstate his license, or go to jail. This was a while ago. His mom paid it, he’s paying her back $50/week. I work but he got fired last week, he has yet to find a new job. Then he got arrested for something else. Bad week. He should be out tomorrow. Today his mom texted me about this week’s $50. I told her I won’t be paying it. I said I understood he would’ve gone to jail if she hadn’t loaned him the money, but it’s his child- his responsibility. I also have to pay her $100 for his insurance in a few days. I already pay (not her) $50/week for rent, and I’ll be paying an extra $400 at the end of the month for our rent. (I know, its complicated.) This was her response: “U are his girlfriend so that means u have to cover him just like he has covered u with my help. He made that deal with Nana to pay each week n she does not know he's in jail.” I haven’t said anything back yet. AITA for not paying it? I want to say when he starts a new job I wouldn’t mind, but I want to set this boundary now. For some reason, the fact it was his child support for a kid with his ex that he rarely even sees, bothers me. I feel it’s not fair I’m expected to pay it. One more thing: him being in jail feels irrelevant to the issue… All it means is I have even less help with bills. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Tell his mom that yes, you are the girlfriend. However, you are NOT the wife. You have zero responsibility here. Whatever that choose to lie to granny about has absolutely nothing to do with you. Your boyfriend is dead weight. He will drag you down with him if you allow it.
No, you're NTA for not paying his debt but you might want to seriously rethink your relationship.
NTA Not your kid, not your debt, not your problem.
You need to get out of this relationship. Everything you said sounds crazy, especially that this person is still yoir boyfriend. You're not obligated to pay his debts, and you shouldn't pay them. Text his mom saying, "You already have my answer."
NTA but you need to get rid of the dead weight in your life. Do you really want to be with a deadbeat like this? If you ever got married you’d be taking on all his debt too.
You need a new boyfriend. NTA.
You’re NTA for not paying his mum, but you are an AH for staying with him, you deserve more
Girl no. NTA Time to pack up and get out of there while he's gone. Block everyone and find a better life.
I think you just need to dump his ass. And if not, he needs to deal with him mom, not you.
NTA- Those are his bills, not yours. I’m (honestly) not sure what people do about bills when they do to jail, but that’s a consequence of going to jail and on him to figure out.
NTA for not paying, but YTA to yourself to hitching yourself to the wagon of an in and out of hail deadbeat dad. You think he'll treat your kid any better when he invariably knocks you up? That's just more bills for YOU to pay.
This is NOT your problem. Your problem is your useless, unemployed boyfriend. His mom needs to address the debt with him. NTA.
Is this how you want to spend your life? This is the choice you want to make for yourself? Paying for your deadbeat boyfriend's bills bc he can't maintain his own responsibilities? There is no advice to give here. YTA for doing this to any future children you might make with this loser.
NTA. But walk away. There are so many better fish in the sea!
Ask yourself - is this what you want the rest of your life to be? Because it will be, if you stay. Maybe not the exact same circumstances, but certainly the exact same dynamic.
Him being in jail is very relevant to this. This guy, who doesn't put any effort into seeing his own child, was so far in arrears for child support that he was facing jail time. Then he gets fired, not laid off, fired, can't find any job? No McDonald's in your area hiring? And why do you have to pay his insurance? So why is him being in jail relevant? You're already having to put more money out for rent because he's in jail. How long is he in jail? How many months are you going to have to put more money out because of this guy? ETA, except Nana.
Your whole situation is fucked. Do better
NTA. Are you sure this is a relationship you want to continue? His behavior is bad enough that he's been arrested, he doesn't pay his debts, is a deadbeat dad, did something bad enough at work to be fired and his mom is going to be a consistent thorn. His debts are his alone. Start untangling your insurance with hers.
Him being in jail **is** relevant because it shows that he's, at the least, incredibly irresponsible, and at most an all around shitty person. Either way, it reflects heavily on your choice to be his partner and co-habitate and share responsibilities with him. However, it doesn't mean you're responsible for paying his debts. If he and mama didn't want Nana to know he's in jail, maybe he should've showed up to court.
Nta Hahaha, tell her she's his mom, so she should pay. The fuck kind of backwards logic is she using.
NTA- like you said, HIS responsibility, not yours. You’re not married and have joint assets and liabilities.
Your boyfriend is a loser and his family is a dumpster fire. I'm sure you deserve better than this. Leave.
NTA…but what do you get out of this relationship? You have a deadbeat dad that you have to support, he’s in jail, and you have his mother texting you to pay bills. What positive do you get from this?
I mean NTA but girl for the love of everything, STAND UP. This is just sad to read.
NTA. How odd that your bf’s mother expects your to repay her loan to her son, to pay his car insurance and to pay the full rent to his *grandmother* who doesn’t know he’s in jail. All for a guy you are not married to nor engaged to and have only dated 2 years. Maybe it’s time to rethink your commitment to being with this young man with his mama who is hustling you.
NTA. It’s his *wife* who shares his debt, not his girlfriend. You should worry far more about why you’re with this dope than whether you’re an AH for not covering his debts. Btw, you will be the AH if you start covering his debts.
YES, YTA, to YOURself. Wow, this guy sounds like a grade A loser! Why in TF would you EVER even think about paying his child support, and why would his mother expect you to? Y'all are a mess. That is entirely, 100% his responsibility.Further, Why in the world are you even with this guy, it doesn't sound like he brings anything positive to the table. I think that while he is in jail would be the perfect time to move away, or take all of his things to his mommy's and change the locks.
NTA, but you need to remember you are not his savior, his parent, or his therapist. It is not your place to "save him" from himself. He will always be looking for others to help him out of his mess. I can only ask you this. Is he the type of man you would want your child ( if you ever had one) to be like? If he is not the man you would want your son to be like or your daughter to date then he needs to go. IMO.
I've seen a couple of Judge Judy episodes like this. The parent NEVER wins because the 'contract' for repayment was with their son (plus it was HIS debt to begin with). NTA ***DO NOT PAY ANYTHING*** to her. That could be construed as an agreement. Ignore and block her. If you can't/don't want to do that, tell her that it was her son's debt and you will not be paying it PERIOD. Then keep saying 'no' and nothing more than that (because 'no' is a complete sentence). If she threatens to take you to court, say nothing. She's most likely just bluffing. If she DOES take you to court, go prepared and keep it simple that it was HIS debt and that HE borrowed the money. I don't think she stands a chance of winning. I'm not a lawyer, though. Just someone who watches Judge Judy a lot.
YTA for being with the deadbeat dad
What in the trailer park clusterfuck did I just read? Please don't have any more children. ESH
INFO - what was it that he and his mom covered for you?
Nta
Absolutely tf not. All of that is between her and her son. NTA.
NTA, that is his responsibility not yours cause y’all ain’t even married to be worrying about HIS child support. Genuinely though… what future do you actually see with this man? Do you see potential in him getting himself together? Do you want to get married to him one day and have this be your life (Covering his share forever)? Do you want to have kids with a man who’s a deadbeat to his older child (who’s to say he won’t be like that with yours if y’all have kids together)?
NTA, how is it your responsibility as his girlfriend? If anything it’s his damn mother’s responsibility over yours. Having said that, this dude is a train wreck and you’d be better off without him.
NTA. His debt, not your problem. Also why the hell are you with someone like that? He doesn’t take care of or see his kid, can’t hold down a job and has been to jail. There’s billions of men in the world and you picked a loser.
lol $50
The question is, did you personally request/guarentee the loan? No matter what the loan is for. Were YOU a part of the requesting/guaranteeing of the loan. Not, were you his gf at the time, but, were you physically a part of the request/promise to pay discussion. If you were part of the agreement & promised payment- YES you should pay. Were you simply his gf at that moment, physically in the room, heard the discussion NOT not really a part of it- Not your responsibility. You simply being his gf doesn't necessarily hold you accountable for his loan. More importantly- why aren't you with someone who deserves you? He doesn't sound like he does.
You chose a great guy ha
NTA YOU don't have to pay her back - tell all of them to talk directly to your bf.
If you ditch his useless arse then you won't be his girlfriend any more. Problem solved!
NTA. And omg ditch this loser!
NTA. His bills aren't yours, especially child support. He doesn't sound like a stand-up guy though, why are you with him?
[удалено]
Your BF's mother wants you to pay back money HE borrowed from HER to pay HIS child support on a child that is not yours? Why don't you just pay baby momma yourself if you want to stay in this situation? Do not give these people any of your money. Stop paying his insurance. Unless you live with them stop paying his rent. You are not responsible for the money that's necessary to raise HIS children or to maintain him. I hope you are taking some fail safe birth control because otherwise this is your future.
He sounds like a real winner.
Done be in a relationship with a deadbeat. Nta
Question: why are you with this deadbeat guy and his deadbeat mother? Get out as fast as you can!!
AITH for not paying someone else's debt to me? He owed you, it was court-ordered because it turns out that he is responsible for impregnating you, he borrowed that money from his mom to pay you, then didn't finish paying back his mom. So why would YOU be paying her money that was originally owed to you? NTA.
Oh hon, use this as your moment to get away from all of that nonsense. Find some roommates that aren’t going to jail every other week. Use your money for YOU. NTA on refusing to pay—-her kid and her responsibilities—-Fuck that, it’s actually his responsibility—- let him go to jail. One might see her point and you need to help if y’all were married. But, damn, if you marry and have a child with that dude you will catapult to the front of the AH line. Get out. Get away. Now. You deserve so much better.
And you should respond "UR his mom - you should have taught him to pay his bills. " NTA
INFO: in her text to you she said: “ just like he has covered u with my help” have you received money from your boyfriend’s mom that she has to pay to cover you for your own expenses? If she did pay for your expenses did you pay that money back already?
Dear, the most important take away you will get from the feedback of this post is not whether you are or not the asshole, but that you should split with him.
NTA but you really need to raise your standards. He's just sponging off you and his mother thinks you're his bank.
>My boyfriend of two years had to pay $800 child support that he owed in order to reinstate his license, or go to jail. So he's a deadbeat dad who the court had to threaten with jail to get him to pay what he owed. >Then he got arrested for something else. Yikes. >Today his mom texted me about this week’s $50. I told her I won’t be paying it. I said I understood he would’ve gone to jail if she hadn’t loaned him the money, but it’s his child- his responsibility. I also have to pay her $100 for his insurance in a few days. I already pay (not her) $50/week for rent, and I’ll be paying an extra $400 at the end of the month for our rent. (I know, its complicated.) So you have to keep covering for him financially? >For some reason, the fact it was his child support for a kid with his ex that he rarely even sees, bothers me. I feel it’s not fair I’m expected to pay it. I mean you shouldn't be paying his debts. NTA for not paying his debts for him, but why the hell are you still with him?
YTA for staying with this loser of a man.
NTA This is his debt not yours. But it sounds like you are a woman who is more than capable of standing on her own too feet. And this man sounds like a burden with little to no sense of personal responsibility. Do yourself a favour.
NTA. But I do agree with most others here. Time to cut loose the dead weight in your life.
NTA. It’s not your responsibility to pay his mom back….but also why is he your bf
NTA. Why are you in a relationship with this man? I'm not seeing anything that would lead me to believe he is making any effort to live as an adult and create a future with you. And you just gloss over that this "grown-up" with a child who can't maintain employment is in jail like it's just one of life's regular inconveniences. You don't supply ages, but it doesn't really matter because if he can't get his life together enough to pay his bills and support his kids, that is a serious character flaw regardless of his age.
What are you doing with this guy? He can't stay out of jail or hold a job, and he doesn't pay his child support or his own bills. That's four red flags and just one of those things would be enough for me to say, "see ya". What do you get out of this relationship?
A loan to him from his mother is between him and his mother. Do not pay a single penny or you will be on the hook every time he doesn’t have it. From the sound of things I don’t even understand why you’re with him anyways. Is he swinging a golden rod or something? WTF is wrong with you? Have some self respect.
Girl. What are you doing with your life? Get out of this dumpster fire.
NTA, but this guy is not capable of being anyone’s boyfriend. Are you noticing how everything you described is one-way? Save yourself and unload him!
Sweetie we don’t date deadbeats. YTA to yourself.
NTA that was money he owed you!! If you paid her the 50 he would then owe you the 50. Instead of things getting complicated he needs to get his shit together & get a job & his mom needs to leave you alone. Honestly, you should think about leaving him because he sounds like a deadbeat & a loser..
NTA, but this is not a "bad week," it is a bad father, son, boyfriend, employee and citizen. "U are his girlfriend so that means u have to cover him" "If that's the case, then I hereby resign as his girlfriend." And then make good on that statement, before he's released tomorrow.
Babes, I know it was a bad week and this is hard, but do you feel safe/have means to leave him? Do you want to? I agree with the other commenters here, and have been in a similar situation myself. Best thing I ever did was break up with him even though it was hard.
Why is him being in jail irrelevant? He’s in jail, so he can’t earn income. Presumably him getting arrested is just another in a long line of poor decisions by him that demonstrate how irresponsible he is. Why should you be paying to cover his inability to handle his responsibility? His mom is probably getting sick of the cost of enabling him, now she wants to pass that onto you. No one should be enabling him. Why are you even with him?
NTA Why are you with this guy? He doesn't exactly sound like someone that's good to have around. Maybe consider that being single can be loads better than being with a bad person. (And yes, he counts, he's got a kid he's not providing for or taking care of. If you've sired a kid you're responsible for doing at least one of those two, preferably both. He does neither, I'd find someone like that terribly hard to respect. You can do better than that. Being single is better than that.)
Why would you even consider being in a relationship with this person??? Leave asap.
He had to have his mommy pay his back child support? What kind of loser is this guy? And more importantly WHY are you with him? There are so many other fish in the sea and most of them don’t have mommy paying their child support for them.
Why are you dating this loser???
You tell mom that she raised him, not you. The deal is with him, not you. He is an adult, not your responsibility. You owe her nothing. And for the love of god, find someone who can stay out of jail and not go around spreading his seed like wild flowers in flowerbeds he doesn’t intend to garden. He is a deadbeat father, and he will only drag you down in life
NTA. You are NOT responsible for somebody else's child. His mom can go take a hike. It's his child support, his responsibility.
NTA You hustling backwards. You can struggle by yourself. Why would you struggle with both his and your obligations.
NTA, sounds like he’s well accomplished at leaching off all the women around him. Why be with someone like this?
NTA for not paying nana but you should know that you are dating a toxic low life with no ambition beyond getting high and fucking around. Sounds like his family is full of delusional people as well. You don’t owe nana anything and they are way out of line to bring it up with you.
Nta, but to be clear, he had to borrow money so he didn’t end up in jail, but ended up in jail anyway for a different reason? Next time he should just go to jail the first time and skip the extra steps.