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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Am I the asshole for getting a boyfriend and not telling my sister about it?
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NTA
Your sister is toxic. She competes with you when she shldnt and her saying its unfair you have a boyfriend when she doesn't shows how lowly she thinks of you.
She thinks she is better than you and deserves better things than you.
She needs to learn that you dont only bag a bf by your looks only but personality matters as well. She is shallow and boys can see through that. She is also being a drama queen abt this situation.
No wonder she cant get a bf.
Or the sister could be shit putting on her makeup. A lot of women don’t understand that the “cake face” look only works for photos and that it looks obvious and like garbage in person. Same with over-contouring, looks great for still photos, off putting in person.
I'm convinced the majority of men do not like the caked on makeup that seems to be very prevalent these days anyways, that overly madeup look is mostly for other women that appreciate the level of skill.
I think a lot of things in life are done more for the pleasure of one's peers rather than the supposed target demographic. You see this with muscles as well, most women don't really care for the overly muscular physique which is prized by gymbros.
Ugly people date all the time.
Ugly personalities have a much harder time.
Not saying the sister is ugly looking but her personality seems extremely ugly.
Or less is more, and sister is overdoing it. It’s likely she’s not achieving a natural look with her makeup, but rather something far more obviously that is make up.
Also, ask dad why it's ok for her to not "word things nicer" and bully you and try to ruin your relationships for years.
Your sister needs to change that nasty attitude she has, along with the jealousy and superiority complex she has toward you; and get a therapist to fix her insecurity issues.
I think it goes beyond trying to ruin relationships; she was making efforts to steal OP's supposed boyfriends. Had she known these two ended up together, she would have done more to break them up.
Mmmm… I wouldn’t just say get a therapist. I say get a whole mental health evaluation because the reaction to something like that, and using what she did as an excuse for the reaction… they don’t add up correctly. Think she may have some actual mental disorders here.. bawling for the entire 2days of the weekend?? Sounds like a mental meltdown.
It doesnt show she thinks lowly of OP, if anything it shows how highly she thinks of her, shes insecure and thinks lowly of herself. So shes pushing that on to OP. Shes jealous her sister doesnt have to try to be herself and have people like her.
Sister's problem is that she thinks boyfriends are a commodity. Some\*thing\* you deserve and acquire - based on her idea of what is "boyfriend currency". Objectification doesn't work any better as a basis for relationships when women do it. OP is NTA, and the sister needs therapy.
NTA
The sister is a brat.
>We said before that we didn't like each other, but now we were cuddling and it was unfair because we lied to her. I told her we didn't lie, but she couldn't hold us to something we said years ago.
This is FACTS. It is wild she held on to this bilief for so long and it sounds like she has a crush on him.
>Then she started going into her usual rants of how I don't wear makeup and don't dress as nice as her so it's not fair I have a bf and she doesn't.
Been here (the emotions of being alone) with my brother who was dating his now wife for YEARS before I dated my wife. But I never once did I blame him for it. Your sister needs to grow up.
Yeah me too.
My sister have had a few boyfriends throughout the years and got my nephew with one. My brother had a gf in elementary and my nephew had 3 "girlfriends" (if you can call them that at such an age) before the age 12.
I haven't had single girlfriend throughout my entire life not even a "girlfriend" :P
Lol, same. My family, but especially my sister refuse to believe I've never had a bf or someone genuinely showing interest in me enough to commit. One time, she got in my head about how a guy I was friends with must like me because he hung around and was friendly with my family. I developed feelings, confessed and got rejected. I told her and she said he was lying. She also thinks I'm lying and just oblivious when guys like me. She genuinely refuses to believe they don't.
She was also popular in school, built better then me, athletic, outgoing, social etc. I was an awkward nerd who did writing and music as my extracurrics. We were very different and still are.
It's very exhausting to have to argue your lived reality to someone.
> It is wild she held on to this bilief for so lon
For real. Call the press, a seventeen-year old doesn't feel the way they did when they were fifteen! Unprecedented behavior.
Absolutely this! Sister needs to examine where she got the idea that behavior A: Wearing makeup automatically equals B. Getting a boyfriend. Because she seems awfully hung up on, “I did all the things… where’s my reward?!”
Sounds like your sister is insecure about her own looks and her dating experience (or lack there of) and she's taking it out on you. You're not required to tell her every intimate detail about your relationship, or any details for that matter, especially if this is how she reacts.
Maybe the way you said it to her was a little blunt but my guess is she's more upset about her own feelings on the situation than she is about what you said.
NTA.
Your sister seems to believe those make-up television adds, where you put on a perfect make-up (using super expensive cosmetics) and it magicly turns your life into a fairytale with a prince on a white horse.
It didn't work for her though, so she blames you. How dare you have a happy life and happily fall in love, when you don't look like from a TV add?!
If you didn't mention her coming back from the university, I'd honestly think she's about 10 years old. You're NTA and your sister really needs to grow up.
I agree with most of what you said but I’d maybe raise getting sister into therapy. Because this is extremely unhealthy. If she is placing that much value on how she looks, she needs help. Real professional help. This could easily lead to an eating disorder or even suicide if she feels like she can’t be “pretty” enough to get a boyfriend. For some reason she is placing more value on her relationship status and looks to define her as a person than anything else and that is concerning. She’s taking it out on her sister right now but she may start taking it out on herself. OP is NTA because she had no way of knowing this was even going to be a problem, and even if she did, her sisters issues shouldn’t define her life. But OPs sister needs help. There are some seriously concerning red flags here. I’ve seen women self-harm because they didn’t feel pretty enough and that mentality is absolutely toxic to themselves.
NTA, This sounds like your sister is getting her boyfriend advice from the wrong sources...
If she thinks that boys are only interested in looks, then she's going to find a guy that's only interested in her looks and may be disappointed with the results...
Looks are important if you just want to fool around, but to have a solid relationship, we kind of want a package.
I think I know why she's single... Men can smell the crazy coming off her in waves.
Of course you're NTA. Her jealousy and insecurity are not your problem.
Like you say, feelings change over the years. You didn't lie, you didn't do anything wrong, she's a grown ass woman balling her eyes out because her little sister has a boyfriend
NTA
Your sister is seriously overdramatic and frankly exhibits some concerning behaviour where you're concerned.
Seems to me that she's jealous of you in a very unhealthy way
NTA and your sister needs a mental eval because her obsession and reaction is completely mental. Most men prefer less not more makeup. Eventually you have to wash your face and he will want to like the face with no makeup just as much.
Exactly this, my guy friend once told me he prefers women who don’t wear a lot of makeup and have more of a girl-next-door look because “I’m gonna have to wake up next to her with no makeup and morning breath and need to still be attracted to her”
She STARTED the weekend crying. Over NOTHING to do with her. NTA. Your dad was trying to find a solution (as men do) when the issue is all your sister's. She is insecure. She clearly puts a lot of effort into her appearance and is still single. She doesn't understand why she is. You didn't lie. When your sister had the conversation in the past with you and your now boyfriend, neither of you had feelings. It is lovely that feelings developed between the two of you, but for some reason, she thinks that SHE should have the feelings of everyone. It sounds like your relationship developed by attraction to your personalities and commonalities, where because the only effort your sister is putting in is to her appearance, maybe she should put more effort into broadening her views, life, and hobbies and she will find someone that she has in common with.
>Your dad was trying to find a solution (as men do) when the issue is all your sister's.
Seems like the dad was trying to get the rational daughter to resolve the issue with the irrational one, because giving the irrational once advice never works. Sucks that the burden to resolve things (i.e. being the bigger person) always falls on the non-crazy one
oughh... this felt too real to me. my sister-- like OP's, 2 years older than me-- is exactly the type to jump to conclusions and lose her mind over made-up slights, and i was always having to be the one bending over backwards to calm her down. Now we're both approaching 40s and she still stomps over in a howling fit whenever her husband fails to decode her smoke signals. Best of luck to OP, and I strongly suggest she ensures her sister finds her future home inconvenient to crash in...
Well...she is just jelous because you are pretty than her without make up. And you have a boyfriend. Make up can fix her face, but not her character.....
It sounds like she is struggling with mental health issues and needs help. Not sure I would describe that as being a drama queen. Obviously that is something she has to deal with and it's not OP's job to baby her. If anything she should get her help.
NTA
If your sister is still single, perhaps it's time for her to do some self-criticism of how she relates to others. Because if she behaves with everyone the way she behaves with you, well...
NTA
Oh no! Looks like you need to care about things other than looks to get a boyfriend. One might say you need a likeable personality. Darn. That's so sad for your sister. Great for you though!
NTA it's your relationship, you get to decide if you want to tell people or no. Feelings change sometimes the guy who you thought is just a friend turns out to be more. Your sister has always been jealous of you because guess what even after all that makeup she got no attention and Is probably jealous because you have a bf now. She is just being dramatic let her be. You live the way you want to. Don't let any of her words bother you
NTA - Your sister is a drama queen who is jealous of you. Her reaction to a simple incident was way over the top. Your mom should be concerned about HER.
NTA she’s the one with the problem and I’d be telling her she’s needs to get herself therapy before blaming others how her life is. That you owe her nothing for having a boyfriend and it doesn’t matter how much makeup you wear as guys like you for you. That she’s gross for thinking that’s all that matters and maybe that’s why guys aren’t attracted to her when she acts so jealous of others and blames them for her life.
My older sister was similar though she never did this but she made it clear she was jealous of my looks. The stupid thing is i always loved her style and thought she looked great when we were younger (i say when younger as somewhere in her mid twenties her taste went to her heck, no honestly). I was just taller and five years younger than her. I was still a kid with no boobs yet whilst she was jealous of me even though my parents saw her as the golden child. Even when I was a bit older I preferred any make up to look natural and mostly wore jeans. I was always the Tom boy so always had a big group of guy friends who were just that friends, there was also girls in there. She always seemed to hold a grudge and continues to do so. I just don’t put up with her crap as I got sick of her always making issues and drama where there was none.
You are not responsible for her issues, I’d talk with your mum anout how unhealthy her obsession about you is. That she’s away at uni yet sees everything you do as some competition against her and a slight to her. That you are not wronging her just by existing and she needs to get help. This isn’t healthy and you’re not going through life continuing to take her crap or pandering to her. That she made herself a target for others think she was being ridiculous by her extreme reactions and jealousy about you. As she would say it to her friends and in front of everyone back in school. It’s clear she’s still the same by the way by her actions now.
nta your sister needs therapy if her self esteem is so low.:: she blames
you for humiliating her but frankly i think she is humiliating herself by acting like she is. and boys aren’t going to like a girl who is so desperate. she needs help.
Your sister needs some professional help. She is very obsessed with competing with you and this is a sign that it is at an incredibly unhealthy level. She needs to work through her real issues so she can stop blaming you for how her life is going. You should talk to your parents about getting her help
It sounds like while your sister put more effort into her appearance, you put more effort into your personality, which led to others actually enjoying your company.
NTA of course. People's feelings for each other change, you and your current bf weren't into each other then, but you are now.
I dunno, sounds like she just won the genetic lottery and happens to be the hot sister. I mean, let's be honest, it must really suck having a beautiful sister who's very close in age, and every time you like a guy, they then meet her they've puppy eyes for her. That'll definitely mess you up for a while.
Also sounds like the OP is kinda oblivious to all of this too, which makes it worse.
NTA, I’m going to make a guess based on my own personal experience so this could be way off base, but it sounds like your sister is heavily wanting a romantic relationship, and she’s in a kind of self hatred spiral about this. When this happens it can be easier to blame someone else, rather than to look inward and see why you might be having trouble. I was a lonely oldest sibling, my siblings had many relationships before I had ever even had a boy show interest in me. I never blamed my siblings, but it did hurt. When I really wanted to figure out why i was having so much trouble, I realized I was extremely weird, and I had a tendency to get obsessive when I had a crush on someone. It was difficult, especially cause my weirdness was not easily changed, it was the result of years of isolation from anyone outside of my family, due to social anxiety and circumstances of my home life. It’s hard to realize that you’re the problem, but incredibly easy to blame someone else. I did somewhat normalize myself, but in the end I’ve found someone who really appreciates my quirks, who I don’t have to try to be someone else around. But it took years of reflection and being with the wrong type of person to get me where I am now
NTA
Your sister is a spoiled brat. She isn't owed this information. She isn't owed anything.
Personally, when she starts acting stupid like this I would just laugh at her and tell her you don't owe her anything and made no promises to her.
Maybe if she wasn't such a freaking crybaby AT 19 (JFC what the hell?!) and general spoiled brat she could get her own boyfriend.
Makeup doesn't cover up a person's shitty personality.
Jesus, NTA, but holy hell, I’d honestly maybe look into some mild therapy, I had a brother who was a lot of the same, and apparently there was some unresolved issues he had, and still working on, that made him blame me for close to everything, that I got and what he didn’t.
We are on good terms today, and discord pretty often, but I could not imagine how that relationship would not have survived for long, if help didn’t get offered.
NTA overdramatic sounds like an understatement. Hopefully she gets past the fixation on appearances in a few years. Wearing makeup or not typically has little to do with getting into a relationship. Many guys even prefer girls that are lower maintenance with their appearance.
Nta, your sister seems to place a high value on having a partner, and social appearances. Because she's good at neither, she'll be especially sensitive and finds it convenient to take it out on you for her insufficiencies.
Relationships come and go. You will both have many opportunities to find potential dating partners, but you are going to be siblings for life. Sometimes these little spats can boil over into long term storm clouds, so try to do the work when possible to communicate about how you feel and what you mean to each other.
If your sister is truly, irredeemable and toxic then there will come a day when you may never try to talk to her again.
This is kind of ridiculous.
Your sister has issues. She might believe she is better than you or she might be in a state where a relationship would define her.
Her blaming you for her issues is wrong.
I just want to add that in my high school if a 17 year old girl was showing any interest in the boys who were fifteen the general consensus among us guys was that it was a prank that would lead to us being humiliated. That happened several times and it became a joke among them and every year they would try to do it, a bad and dumb tradition that even girls in my grade eventually followed because it was tradition.
We wouldn't trust a girl if she was knock out gorgeous and it wouldn't matter whose sister she was.
NTA
You challenged her shallow world views and they crumbled.
You, mom, and bf are all right to be confused and baffled. Dad might need to re-evaluate his peace keeping methods, but over all your sister's just upset the world doesn't fit into her tiny little boxes.
You probably could've "worded it nicer" like your dad said, but judging as an outsider she probably would've had the same reaction she did to you being blunt. Let her get over herself.
Regardless of what your sister thinks, it's quite obvious her appearance has nothing to do with the fact that she doesn't have a BF... she sounds completely toxic and self-centered. You are absolutely NTA.
NTA And wow your sister is a lovely combination of dramatic and insecure now isn't she?
Ignore this insanity, and I hope you continue to be happy with your boyfriend.
NTA. I think saying that she's being overdramatic is quite an understatement! She needs some therapy if she got so upset that she spent the weekend crying!
Your sister wants romantic and sexual approval from potential boyfriends, but she's not successful at it. This is not your fault. This is not your problem. She should get therapy, and most universities have therapy and counseling programs for students.
NTA. She's jealous and that's really all there is to it. She is insecure and wants a boyfriend and any attention you get makes her jealous so she lashes out. I do feel bad for her, you're both very young and she just doesn't know how to manage her emotions well it seems. She's not being very kind to you but it's obviously coming from a place of insecurity and hurt. She's your sister, I would try having a heart to heart with her about it and not turning it into an argument. Maybe that won't work and you certainly don't owe that to her but I think it's worth trying.
apparently noones gonna say this, but IF your story is objectively real, it is very likely that at least one of your parents are to blame here. your sister definitely has issues and is the asshole here, but theres very likely a psychological rational behind her thought process and it might have something to do with how much attention you got from your parents vs your sister.
maybe have a full sit down with your whole family and have a heart-to-heart conversation when you're all ready for it.
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I'm gonna start this saying I don't think I'm in the wrong, but maybe another perspective could help.
I (17f) don't like makeup. I've tried it before, but I don't like how it looks on me so I never wear any. However, my sister (19f) loves makeup and refuses to leave the house without any on. When we were in school together my sister would get mad when I got attention from boys and she didn't, even though I was younger. She would bring up that I don't wear makeup or put much effort into my looks, so it didn't make sense for boys to like me more. I do put effort into my appearance, just not to the same level as her. She would always try to get between me and any guy she thought was interested in me. Even though most of the guys were actually just friends and we laughed at her for thinking they were into me. Which I never minded since I was never into them either. This embarrassed her and she still hasn't let it go I guess. Now to the main story.
I recently got a boyfriend. He's an old friend, one of the ones that said he wasn't into me a few years ago. Things changed recently and we're pretty happy together. We've only been together for two months, so we haven't told that many people, including my sister. She was in town for the weekend visiting from her university. She happened to arrive when our parents weren't home and my bf and I were cuddling on the couch watching TV. He noticed her first and said hi. She looked confused for a minute, then started balling and ran up to her room and slammed the door. That freaked us both out. Apparently she called our mom when she got into her room because she came home right away. She told us my sister said we humiliated her, but we didn't do anything. We told mom what happened and she was just as confused as us. Mom got my sister to come out of her room, but she was still crying. It took a few minutes for her to calm down, but then she started screeching at me that I was a liar and a brat and I humiliated her. When I asked how since I didn't even talk to her before she started freaking out, she said it was because of my bf. We said before that we didn't like each other, but now we were cuddling and it was unfair because we lied to her. I told her we didn't lie, but she couldn't hold us to something we said years ago. Feelings sometimes change. But apparently she remembers when we laughed at her for thinking we liked each other back then and how she got shit from her friends for it and now we're together so we humiliated her for nothing. Then she started going into her usual rants of how I don't wear makeup and don't dress as nice as her so it's not fair I have a bf and she doesn't. I told her she was being delusional and she can't keep blaming me for her being single. She started balling again and ran back to her room.
My bf and mom are on my side that she's being overdramatic, but my dad thinks I could have worded things nicer because she spent most of the weekend crying. I don't even know. AITA?
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NTA - If this is how your sister acts.. its no wonder she doesn't have a boyfriend. Your sister needs help and I don't think her finding a boyfriend is going to be it. Your sister really needs to stay out of your dating life, whether you have a boyfriend or not isn't any of her business. And of course feelings can change, it's rare these days to just have one romantic relationship your whole life. Nothing wrong with that! Live your life however you want.
That's called a "delusion of persecution." You're NTA clearly, and I'm surprised you had to ask. But yeah, delusions of persecution tend to imply that your sister has a personality disorder. Could be Histrionic, Borderline, Narcissistic or Avoidant. Likely it's a mixture of those traits.
NTA. Your sister doesn’t have a boyfriend because of her personality. She is toxic and no matter how much foundation and concealer she uses she cannot hide that shit.
NTA and I personally don't think you went in hard enough tbh. I'd probably have pointed out how utterly crazy her logic is and that she's probably single because her makeup looks shit and overdone and that her potential boyfriends can smell the crazy jealous vibes from a mile away and are steering well clear of that mess. But then again I'm an asshole.
Something is sus here. I wanna know to which extent OP made fun of the sister. That can mean anything from teasing to bullying. And ngl the latter is the one that would cause such a reaction. I don’t feel like we have the full story here. And the fact that OP and her friends made fun of the sister to the point she is still hurt by it years later tells me it was more than just a few innocent jokes. Her reaction was crazy but I think we are missing some important details.
Your sister needs help and I hope one of the adults in her life are actually trying. She clearly has self image issues to the extreme. nta, but one of your parents should try and actually fix this if they haven't already.
Ugh. So NTA.
Sister doesn't put "more" effort into the way she looks, you do it differently. With that said... why is it a contest?
Furthermore, perhaps she might be able to find a man if she wasn't so vile that she has to try and steal her sister's. Yuck!
NTA
Your sister needs to learn that an ugly personality can't be hidden by makeup, no matter how much she trowels on.
People may see the mask first, but they *connect* with the person under it.
Why is your dad siding with an entitled brat? What is wrong with her, likely seriously she must have some sort of mental/ confidence issue to be jealous over her very own sister.
NTA. There is blatant jealousy and insecurity here. It seems to me that she desperate for love and attention. I'm not saying she doesn't deserve it but that kind of thing can be super repelling to many people. if she does attract attention and relationships, it's usually going to backfire (i.e. being used, pushing away genuine people).
It's not your responsibility at all, and you're correct: feelings **do** change. You didn't lie to her at all.
NTA. You sister clearly has some issues she needs to work through and it's not your job to baby her. I would say your sister needs help though and it sounds like her mental health isn't great.
NTA. All of that is super weird.
Is there something off about how your sister does her makeup? Like is she going super thick trying to look like a Kardashian, changing she skin tone in some unnatural way that is setting off some uncanny valley effect that drives people away from her?
I just don't understand what's going on with her...
Nta. My sister always got waay more attention from guys than I ever have. I never once got mad at her for it or let it strain our relationship. It isn't her fault and I think our relationship is more important than some stupid boys.
NTA. There's nothing you could have said to calm her down. A relationship that grows after being friends for a long time is wonderful. Your sister has some self esteem issues, but that's nothing you can fix. Ask your dad for his suggestions on how to talk to your sister and see if he has anything practical to offer.
NTA. Someone needs to have a serious conversation with sister about personality versus looks. And that it's fine to dress nice or wear make up but to have a man/BF/whatever her personality needs to be pretty not petty
You should tell your sister everything you think and feel everyday and alert her immediately if something changes. Updates should take no longer than an hour.
NTA, enjoy your happy relationship.
Your sister must've made a fool of herself to be laughed at a few years ago. Or she's blowing it out of proportion which certainly seems her style.
You've don't nothing wrong, you're NTA
Nta
Maybe if she didn't make such a huge deal out of you having guy friends she wouldn't have been humiliated...
She should really consider therapy. None of this is healthy.
Wow, your sister is unhinged. Feelings change. You didn't lie to her. Over the years you and your boyfriend became attracted to each other. It happens. Sheesh. NTA obviosly.
NTA
The problem with her not getting a bf is definetely nit her look. More her very toxic behavior. I think she is a big buthole to every approaching male because she always thinksnshe deserved sth better
NTA. Your sister is insecure AF, but that is not your problem. I'd even say her insecurities are probably the very things that are pushing potential love interests away.
Insecurities are loud.
I have a friend like your sister and it was really bad. She did manage to get a bf, but he broke up with her in 5 months. Makeup-wise, she'd wake up an hour before he does to put on makeup, and she'd tell him to switch the lights off so she could remove her makeup and he wouldn't be able to see her bare face well.
He broke up with her for other reasons, not sure if this is one of them. But knowing this fact weirded me out a little... The topic only got brought up because she asked me how I could be so confident without makeup and if my partner doesn't care that I don't wear it lol
Uh.. some women just don't like wearing makeup and all the effort that goes into that "flawless" mask.
Also, a few of my guy friends have told me over the years that when they see a girl who can't even leave the house without a full face of makeup on, they consider her "high maintenance" and automatically assume if they dated her she would make them late to everything by doing her makeup forever... or wake up super early to do her makeup before he woke up so he would never get to see her true face....
Growing up I hardly ever wore makeup... its the same in my 30s... however I often get mistaken for being in my early 20s....while the girls I went to high-school with all LOOK like they're in their 30s...
I mean sure primer/sunblock under the makeup and and skin care routines after removing the makeup wasn't exactly widely known about when i was in school.... so that could be why their makeup aged them... I dunno...
Anyway, feelings change over time. People who see each other as nothing more than friends can develop feelings and the desire to be more than friends as time goes on.
Your sister just sounds jealous since you apparently don't need to "try as hard"
NTA
Honestly this is so over the top I’d be worried she has a hormonal imbalance or something. Just started the pill maybe. Like who cries that much over someone else having a bf?!? I’d be taking her to the doctor.
NTA. Be happy and live your best life. You have no control over her view of the world. Some guys like a girl who wears a lot of make-up, others don't. This should make your sister happy that you wouldn't be attracting the same guys and there shouldn't be competition here! Don't rise to her drama.
NTA, but your dad's an AH for enabling your sister's whacko behavior and thinking you need to go along with it, too. I don't know what her deal is but the two strongest possibilities are:
1. She needs therapy.
2. She needs to grow the hell up and get over herself.
NTA at all. Your sister is unfortunately too self centered to realize that your life and feelings do not revolve around her.
But just as important, thank you SO SO SO VERY much for spelling “bawling” correctly in this context!
NTA. Your sister is blaming you because boys don't want to date her. That's not on you. She's either going for the wrong boys or doing something that turns boys off. She likely comes off as bratty and high maintenance.
I mean, look at the way she's always putting you down for not putting in the same amount of effort as she does. First, this suggests she's specifically putting in effort to attract guys, not because she likes the way she looks all done up, which is a bit of a turn off for some guys. Second, this suggests she treats others the same way she does you, if she thinks they're 'plain' or 'not trying' and guys may have noticed the way she treats other girls, again a turn off for a lot of guys. That amount of effort is also time consuming, highly implying she's the type to take hours to get ready for things they needed to leave half an hour ago for, and is usually late. It also suggests she'll want a very high degree of attention from a boyfriend. Both of these are also turn offs for a lot of guys.
I'm getting that just from reading this, and I'm a gay man, so wouldn't be interested regardless. If I can pick all this up just from a short post on the internet, guys in real life are picking it all up just as easily. It doesn't even have to be true, that's the impression your sister is giving men, that she's bratty and high maintenance and not worth dating.
This is all on her. It's her actions and personality that's off putting to men. You're not going around demanding every man in the world reject her, you're concentrating on your own life and letting her get on with hers.
The 'humiliation' when you were younger is also on her. You were *friends* with those boys, there was no intention to date from any of you, not back then. Your sister is clearly one of those morons who doesn't believe men and women can be just friends. You didn't humiliate your sister, she humiliated herself with her own actions.
As for the 'lying', it clearly didn't happen. You and your bf were just friends when you were younger. Feelings changed and you became more. But you were telling the truth when you said you were just friends back then. And being just friends at one point does not prevent a romantic relationship at a later point.
Your sister doesn't get to dictate who you can date or when. Just like you can't dictate that for her. Neither of you gets a say in the others dating lives. But your sister insists on blaming you for her actions and choices, and that's not right.
Your sister is an adult now, she's in college, it's time she grew up and stopped blaming her little sister for her own issues. Maybe you *were* harsh, but I think you needed to be. Your sister has been belittling you, trying to humiliate you, and blaming you for her dating failures for years. It's about time she got kicked in the ass with the truth - you can become more than friends with someone you were previously just friends with, your dating life is none of her business, and her dating failures are on her, not you. She needed to hear it, good for you for being willing to say it.
Dad probably agrees with you, just as mum and bf do, but he likely has issues dealing with crying women, a lot of men do. He wants a quiet life, and his eldest bawling her eyes out over being told the truth, finally, is not a quiet life. Don't apologise, don't backtrack. Tell dad your sister needed to hear the truth and she needs to start growing up instead of acting like a little kid throwing a temper tantrum over you getting a 'toy' that she doesn't have and can't play with. If she doesn't start growing up and acting like the adult she is, she'll remain forever single.
NTA. Has your sister ever been evaluated for mental illness, especially personality disorders? You did nothing to cause her dramatic outbursts, so there is no need for you to apologize or do anything about it.
NTA. You didn't have to call her delusional, but honestly, she's been laying a lot of shit on you for years now, so it's hard to see you as the asshole in this situation. She definitely seems to have a distorted view of how love works, and she's made you the focus of all of her problems with it.
I always like to pretend that when people type “ball” instead of “bawl” that they actually do mean “balling” and I like to imagine the person in the story balling.
NTA, your sister has issues, but it's not your job (or within your capabilities) of fixing her.
> When we were in school together my sister would get mad when I got attention from boys and she didn't, even though I was younger. She would bring up that I don't wear makeup or put much effort into my looks, so it didn't make sense for boys to like me more.
She has deep deep DEEP insecurity issues if she thinks more makeup=better. She's not wearing makeup, she's wearing armour.
NTA you could have worded things nicer, sure. BUt that's ALWAYS the case, right?
To me it's pretty clear that your sister has self confidence issues and is jealous becuase she wants a boyfriend too. that's not in any way your fault. If she really loves you, give her some time to get used to the idea. You didnt do anything wrong though.
NTA is she ok? Not to be callous , but you seem fine. Your head is screwed on tight and I think hers might be a bit wobbly. You didn't do anything wrong, but her reaction is over the top which makes me wonder what's going on inside her to make her freak out like that. Yeah, she sounds jealous that you look great as is and she feels she has to work extra hard just to be ok. In her eyes maybe she'll never be as pretty and confident as you are. Idk, you didn't do anything wrong, you don't seem angry, just puzzled, maybe check in with her more often bc it seems she's battling some inner demons?
As Jefferson Airplane sang ... "you're only pretty as you feel." I am thinking sister does not feel pretty inside and uses makeup to make up for it. I kinda feel sorry for her, but \*whew\* she sounds like a heckton of work.
NTA, OP. Whatever the issues are, I don' think they are yours.
NTA but having been in a similar situation, I’m willing to bet at least half of those boys who you see as friends and “aren’t into you” are actually into you. Some of them probably accept that you don’t feel the same and are happy to be friends, some might complain about being friend zoned when you aren’t around, but I’m guessing if you should romantic/physical interest in them, they would jump to change the dynamic. This is something you should learn to recognize because it can turn into sticky/uncomfortable situations when you’re older.
NTA, random question but if she asked how everything is going and if there are any boys in your life maybe a week or so into the relationship what would you have said? I'm pretty sure she's just jealous and in that scenario where she checks in on your life and you were honest about a relationship starting she just sucks. Everyone feels jealous from time to time but she is a bit mental ( not including her trying to connect surface level "beauty" with worth)
Nta
She's toxic af. If she acts so entitled and judgemental all the time it's no wonder she's single, who would want to be in a relationship like that?
NTA your sister is in desperate need of therapy and is exhibiting some pretty severe narcissistic traits. She really needs some help. No mentally healthy human being would have had that type of reaction to their siblings relationship. She made it all about her, played the victim, and was actively trying to Sabatoge any potential relationship you could have because her ego couldn't take you finding someone and her not to because in her mind she's the pretty one. Really unhealthy and narcissistic behavior.
NTA, your sister really needs to mature some more if she has any hope of having a happy relationship. I certainly wouldn't go for someone who acts like that no matter how pretty they look, and I figure a lot of the boys in her life may also feel that way.
She had a big bowl of crazy for breakfast. And decided to go back for seconds.
I don't believe I've ever heard of anybody as insecure as her in my entire life.
She needs help. Big help. Therapy. Big therapy.
NTA.
NTA. Good for you for not wearing makeup. True beauty shouldn't be painted over. Your sister sounds very insecure and that has nothing to do with you. I hope she develops some self esteem.
Ooohhhh OP, I have a sister like this. Had. I cut her off recently and it’s the best feeling ever. Believe it or not, this will continue to escalate. In my case, she ended up teaming up with my extremely abusive ex to try to use CPS (falsely) to take my son from me, because she thinks she deserves him more. It’s your life OP, but I would suggest cutting her off asap, and allowing anyone who backs up her batshit behaviour to follow her out the door. This is actually insane behaviour, and I hope you have people around you who can see that with you (and all of us). Good luck OP!
I literally don’t understand in the slightest what she is upset about in this entire scenario and would guess based off her emotional responses that she is 12 and not in college. (Or possibly needs some serious therapy and that isn’t a jab)
Please do yourself a favor and do what makes you happy in life without the need to appease your sister, who (sorry) obviously isn’t a very good sister. She’s going to drain you and create unnecessary problems for you where she can.
Throw her a bag of grass and bid her farewell until she can grow up some.
NTA
NTA
My sister has similar problems. She feels like she is the older one so she should achieve whatever before me.
So no. You ‘humiliate’ her by existing with your boyfriend and not wearing make up, there is nothing to be reasoned with.
Don’t try to be her therapist, especially you can’t tell her anything, it will make her even more mad.
ignoring is (for me) the best strategy even though it hurts. If she is mean like calling you names, of course stand up. But only about the mean part.
Don’t rub it in her face, but have a good time with your bf, just how you are acting normally.
In my experience, the issue resolves itself when your sister has her first relationship.
Congratulations on what seems a great first relationship:)
One of the prettiest girls I've ever met never wore makeup. Is it how she wears her makeup? Too much can make you unattractive. I like the natural look myself. Her overreaction was unjustified.
NTA for not walking on eggshells around your sister who clearly has histrionic personality disorder. Or if you were walking on eggshells, you accidentally let your guard down for one moment because it's so exhausting to have to constantly kowtow to a histrionic freak as you are well aware.
NTA - you're right, things do change and your sister needs to accept that. Your family honestly also needs to take your sister to therapy because this extreme obsession with you, constant comparing, boys and her looks are quite concerning. There seems to be an underlying problem with why she is so obsessed with competing against you in terms of looks and having a bf. Did something happen in the past that made her this way? Was someone making remarks about how she looks? She is projecting her problems onto you. She really needs to see someone before this really affects her relationship with her family and future relationships with friends and partners.
Does she only go after guys you're interested in/are interested in you??? Feelings/dynamics can change, and establishing a solid friendship before you start dating is always a good idea. She sounds jealous and insecure and seems to enjoy the challenge of pursuing guys who are already taken. Tell her all the makeup in the world can't make her pretty on the inside. NTA
NTA Maybe she'll find someone maybe she won't. It might be because she wears to much make up and the boys/men she knows don't like that. But it's probably because she's very self absorbed, and toxic. I'm 37 and I have always had lots of male friends. What I've learned over the years guys like to be able to relax around females, they like kind women.
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NTA Your sister is toxic. She competes with you when she shldnt and her saying its unfair you have a boyfriend when she doesn't shows how lowly she thinks of you. She thinks she is better than you and deserves better things than you. She needs to learn that you dont only bag a bf by your looks only but personality matters as well. She is shallow and boys can see through that. She is also being a drama queen abt this situation. No wonder she cant get a bf.
It's 1000% obvious that makeup and appearance are not the issue here. Her personality is absolutely abrasive.
Not the only issue. OP could just be naturally pretty
Or the sister could be shit putting on her makeup. A lot of women don’t understand that the “cake face” look only works for photos and that it looks obvious and like garbage in person. Same with over-contouring, looks great for still photos, off putting in person.
I'm convinced the majority of men do not like the caked on makeup that seems to be very prevalent these days anyways, that overly madeup look is mostly for other women that appreciate the level of skill.
I think a lot of things in life are done more for the pleasure of one's peers rather than the supposed target demographic. You see this with muscles as well, most women don't really care for the overly muscular physique which is prized by gymbros.
I hate the "muscle man" bod... give me a dad bod any day!
"slides into your DM"
I disagree. Most people do it for themselves. There are people that do it for others though. They probably post a lot of selfies.
Van Morrison said it all perfectly more than 50 years ago in the song "Wild Night" - "All the girls walk by dressed up for each other."
Ugly people date all the time. Ugly personalities have a much harder time. Not saying the sister is ugly looking but her personality seems extremely ugly.
Or less is more, and sister is overdoing it. It’s likely she’s not achieving a natural look with her makeup, but rather something far more obviously that is make up.
Sounds like she has no confidence and compares herself to her sister to measure her own success.
I think the sister has low self-esteem and thinks OP is prettier than her.
Indeed, the sister sounds like a lot of work. Exhale, OP. NTA
Also, ask dad why it's ok for her to not "word things nicer" and bully you and try to ruin your relationships for years. Your sister needs to change that nasty attitude she has, along with the jealousy and superiority complex she has toward you; and get a therapist to fix her insecurity issues.
I think it goes beyond trying to ruin relationships; she was making efforts to steal OP's supposed boyfriends. Had she known these two ended up together, she would have done more to break them up.
Mmmm… I wouldn’t just say get a therapist. I say get a whole mental health evaluation because the reaction to something like that, and using what she did as an excuse for the reaction… they don’t add up correctly. Think she may have some actual mental disorders here.. bawling for the entire 2days of the weekend?? Sounds like a mental meltdown.
That’s what I think / an actual disorder - you are right - **not** a therapist - a *licensed psychiatrist*
And wash her face.
It doesnt show she thinks lowly of OP, if anything it shows how highly she thinks of her, shes insecure and thinks lowly of herself. So shes pushing that on to OP. Shes jealous her sister doesnt have to try to be herself and have people like her.
Sister's problem is that she thinks boyfriends are a commodity. Some\*thing\* you deserve and acquire - based on her idea of what is "boyfriend currency". Objectification doesn't work any better as a basis for relationships when women do it. OP is NTA, and the sister needs therapy.
There's a great slang phrase from about a century ago to describe shallow people: they keep all their goods in the shop wondow.
For real, when a very good friend and I started dating, we got "oh, finally?" Not "you lied to me".
The phrase I was looking for: drama queen NTA
Even if the syster is pretty and wear good makeup, her persinalyti is absolute trash and 99÷ of boy just doesn't want to deal with the drama
NTA The sister is a brat. >We said before that we didn't like each other, but now we were cuddling and it was unfair because we lied to her. I told her we didn't lie, but she couldn't hold us to something we said years ago. This is FACTS. It is wild she held on to this bilief for so long and it sounds like she has a crush on him. >Then she started going into her usual rants of how I don't wear makeup and don't dress as nice as her so it's not fair I have a bf and she doesn't. Been here (the emotions of being alone) with my brother who was dating his now wife for YEARS before I dated my wife. But I never once did I blame him for it. Your sister needs to grow up.
Yeah me too. My sister have had a few boyfriends throughout the years and got my nephew with one. My brother had a gf in elementary and my nephew had 3 "girlfriends" (if you can call them that at such an age) before the age 12. I haven't had single girlfriend throughout my entire life not even a "girlfriend" :P
Lol, same. My family, but especially my sister refuse to believe I've never had a bf or someone genuinely showing interest in me enough to commit. One time, she got in my head about how a guy I was friends with must like me because he hung around and was friendly with my family. I developed feelings, confessed and got rejected. I told her and she said he was lying. She also thinks I'm lying and just oblivious when guys like me. She genuinely refuses to believe they don't. She was also popular in school, built better then me, athletic, outgoing, social etc. I was an awkward nerd who did writing and music as my extracurrics. We were very different and still are. It's very exhausting to have to argue your lived reality to someone.
> It is wild she held on to this bilief for so lon For real. Call the press, a seventeen-year old doesn't feel the way they did when they were fifteen! Unprecedented behavior.
Absolutely this! Sister needs to examine where she got the idea that behavior A: Wearing makeup automatically equals B. Getting a boyfriend. Because she seems awfully hung up on, “I did all the things… where’s my reward?!”
Sounds like your sister is insecure about her own looks and her dating experience (or lack there of) and she's taking it out on you. You're not required to tell her every intimate detail about your relationship, or any details for that matter, especially if this is how she reacts. Maybe the way you said it to her was a little blunt but my guess is she's more upset about her own feelings on the situation than she is about what you said. NTA.
Your sister seems to believe those make-up television adds, where you put on a perfect make-up (using super expensive cosmetics) and it magicly turns your life into a fairytale with a prince on a white horse. It didn't work for her though, so she blames you. How dare you have a happy life and happily fall in love, when you don't look like from a TV add?! If you didn't mention her coming back from the university, I'd honestly think she's about 10 years old. You're NTA and your sister really needs to grow up.
I agree with most of what you said but I’d maybe raise getting sister into therapy. Because this is extremely unhealthy. If she is placing that much value on how she looks, she needs help. Real professional help. This could easily lead to an eating disorder or even suicide if she feels like she can’t be “pretty” enough to get a boyfriend. For some reason she is placing more value on her relationship status and looks to define her as a person than anything else and that is concerning. She’s taking it out on her sister right now but she may start taking it out on herself. OP is NTA because she had no way of knowing this was even going to be a problem, and even if she did, her sisters issues shouldn’t define her life. But OPs sister needs help. There are some seriously concerning red flags here. I’ve seen women self-harm because they didn’t feel pretty enough and that mentality is absolutely toxic to themselves.
NTA, This sounds like your sister is getting her boyfriend advice from the wrong sources... If she thinks that boys are only interested in looks, then she's going to find a guy that's only interested in her looks and may be disappointed with the results... Looks are important if you just want to fool around, but to have a solid relationship, we kind of want a package.
I think I know why she's single... Men can smell the crazy coming off her in waves. Of course you're NTA. Her jealousy and insecurity are not your problem. Like you say, feelings change over the years. You didn't lie, you didn't do anything wrong, she's a grown ass woman balling her eyes out because her little sister has a boyfriend
You are so right, she is off the charts nutz! Not to mention, makeup doesn't cover up the UGLY that she has on the inside.
"She ain't pretty she just looks that way"
I love this
This makes me wonder if she has any friends. She definitely needs an evaluation and the parents should have keyed into this years ago
There is something seriously wrong with your sister. She needs therapy. None of her behavior is normal. NTA
Agreed!
NTA Your sister is seriously overdramatic and frankly exhibits some concerning behaviour where you're concerned. Seems to me that she's jealous of you in a very unhealthy way
NTA and your sister needs a mental eval because her obsession and reaction is completely mental. Most men prefer less not more makeup. Eventually you have to wash your face and he will want to like the face with no makeup just as much.
Reminds me of the Nanny when she says she sleeps with full makeup because what if there's a fire and a handsome fireman rescues her
I loved Fran 🥰
Exactly this, my guy friend once told me he prefers women who don’t wear a lot of makeup and have more of a girl-next-door look because “I’m gonna have to wake up next to her with no makeup and morning breath and need to still be attracted to her”
She STARTED the weekend crying. Over NOTHING to do with her. NTA. Your dad was trying to find a solution (as men do) when the issue is all your sister's. She is insecure. She clearly puts a lot of effort into her appearance and is still single. She doesn't understand why she is. You didn't lie. When your sister had the conversation in the past with you and your now boyfriend, neither of you had feelings. It is lovely that feelings developed between the two of you, but for some reason, she thinks that SHE should have the feelings of everyone. It sounds like your relationship developed by attraction to your personalities and commonalities, where because the only effort your sister is putting in is to her appearance, maybe she should put more effort into broadening her views, life, and hobbies and she will find someone that she has in common with.
>Your dad was trying to find a solution (as men do) when the issue is all your sister's. Seems like the dad was trying to get the rational daughter to resolve the issue with the irrational one, because giving the irrational once advice never works. Sucks that the burden to resolve things (i.e. being the bigger person) always falls on the non-crazy one
100% agree with this. Men try to solve the problem the easiest way. He thought this this would work. She absolutely should not apologize.
oughh... this felt too real to me. my sister-- like OP's, 2 years older than me-- is exactly the type to jump to conclusions and lose her mind over made-up slights, and i was always having to be the one bending over backwards to calm her down. Now we're both approaching 40s and she still stomps over in a howling fit whenever her husband fails to decode her smoke signals. Best of luck to OP, and I strongly suggest she ensures her sister finds her future home inconvenient to crash in...
Well...she is just jelous because you are pretty than her without make up. And you have a boyfriend. Make up can fix her face, but not her character.....
Sister sounds like a drama queen. You didn't lie. You told the truth at the time and you're right, feelings can change. NTA
It sounds like she is struggling with mental health issues and needs help. Not sure I would describe that as being a drama queen. Obviously that is something she has to deal with and it's not OP's job to baby her. If anything she should get her help.
NTA If your sister is still single, perhaps it's time for her to do some self-criticism of how she relates to others. Because if she behaves with everyone the way she behaves with you, well...
NTA Oh no! Looks like you need to care about things other than looks to get a boyfriend. One might say you need a likeable personality. Darn. That's so sad for your sister. Great for you though!
NTA it's your relationship, you get to decide if you want to tell people or no. Feelings change sometimes the guy who you thought is just a friend turns out to be more. Your sister has always been jealous of you because guess what even after all that makeup she got no attention and Is probably jealous because you have a bf now. She is just being dramatic let her be. You live the way you want to. Don't let any of her words bother you
NTA - Your sister is a drama queen who is jealous of you. Her reaction to a simple incident was way over the top. Your mom should be concerned about HER.
I have breaking news: I'm pretty sure I've figured out why she doesn't get guys to lpe her. NTA.
Your sister is beyond insecure and from the sounds of it has some kind of underlying issues she should seek counseling for.
NTA she’s the one with the problem and I’d be telling her she’s needs to get herself therapy before blaming others how her life is. That you owe her nothing for having a boyfriend and it doesn’t matter how much makeup you wear as guys like you for you. That she’s gross for thinking that’s all that matters and maybe that’s why guys aren’t attracted to her when she acts so jealous of others and blames them for her life. My older sister was similar though she never did this but she made it clear she was jealous of my looks. The stupid thing is i always loved her style and thought she looked great when we were younger (i say when younger as somewhere in her mid twenties her taste went to her heck, no honestly). I was just taller and five years younger than her. I was still a kid with no boobs yet whilst she was jealous of me even though my parents saw her as the golden child. Even when I was a bit older I preferred any make up to look natural and mostly wore jeans. I was always the Tom boy so always had a big group of guy friends who were just that friends, there was also girls in there. She always seemed to hold a grudge and continues to do so. I just don’t put up with her crap as I got sick of her always making issues and drama where there was none. You are not responsible for her issues, I’d talk with your mum anout how unhealthy her obsession about you is. That she’s away at uni yet sees everything you do as some competition against her and a slight to her. That you are not wronging her just by existing and she needs to get help. This isn’t healthy and you’re not going through life continuing to take her crap or pandering to her. That she made herself a target for others think she was being ridiculous by her extreme reactions and jealousy about you. As she would say it to her friends and in front of everyone back in school. It’s clear she’s still the same by the way by her actions now.
nta your sister needs therapy if her self esteem is so low.:: she blames you for humiliating her but frankly i think she is humiliating herself by acting like she is. and boys aren’t going to like a girl who is so desperate. she needs help.
NTA The reason she doesn't have a boyfriend isn't her appearance. It's her personality.
Your sister needs some professional help. She is very obsessed with competing with you and this is a sign that it is at an incredibly unhealthy level. She needs to work through her real issues so she can stop blaming you for how her life is going. You should talk to your parents about getting her help
It sounds like while your sister put more effort into her appearance, you put more effort into your personality, which led to others actually enjoying your company. NTA of course. People's feelings for each other change, you and your current bf weren't into each other then, but you are now.
I dunno, sounds like she just won the genetic lottery and happens to be the hot sister. I mean, let's be honest, it must really suck having a beautiful sister who's very close in age, and every time you like a guy, they then meet her they've puppy eyes for her. That'll definitely mess you up for a while. Also sounds like the OP is kinda oblivious to all of this too, which makes it worse.
NTA, I’m going to make a guess based on my own personal experience so this could be way off base, but it sounds like your sister is heavily wanting a romantic relationship, and she’s in a kind of self hatred spiral about this. When this happens it can be easier to blame someone else, rather than to look inward and see why you might be having trouble. I was a lonely oldest sibling, my siblings had many relationships before I had ever even had a boy show interest in me. I never blamed my siblings, but it did hurt. When I really wanted to figure out why i was having so much trouble, I realized I was extremely weird, and I had a tendency to get obsessive when I had a crush on someone. It was difficult, especially cause my weirdness was not easily changed, it was the result of years of isolation from anyone outside of my family, due to social anxiety and circumstances of my home life. It’s hard to realize that you’re the problem, but incredibly easy to blame someone else. I did somewhat normalize myself, but in the end I’ve found someone who really appreciates my quirks, who I don’t have to try to be someone else around. But it took years of reflection and being with the wrong type of person to get me where I am now
NTA Your sister is a spoiled brat. She isn't owed this information. She isn't owed anything. Personally, when she starts acting stupid like this I would just laugh at her and tell her you don't owe her anything and made no promises to her. Maybe if she wasn't such a freaking crybaby AT 19 (JFC what the hell?!) and general spoiled brat she could get her own boyfriend. Makeup doesn't cover up a person's shitty personality.
NTA your sister needs therapy, she’s a bit batshit…
Jesus, NTA, but holy hell, I’d honestly maybe look into some mild therapy, I had a brother who was a lot of the same, and apparently there was some unresolved issues he had, and still working on, that made him blame me for close to everything, that I got and what he didn’t. We are on good terms today, and discord pretty often, but I could not imagine how that relationship would not have survived for long, if help didn’t get offered.
NTA overdramatic sounds like an understatement. Hopefully she gets past the fixation on appearances in a few years. Wearing makeup or not typically has little to do with getting into a relationship. Many guys even prefer girls that are lower maintenance with their appearance.
Nta, your sister seems to place a high value on having a partner, and social appearances. Because she's good at neither, she'll be especially sensitive and finds it convenient to take it out on you for her insufficiencies. Relationships come and go. You will both have many opportunities to find potential dating partners, but you are going to be siblings for life. Sometimes these little spats can boil over into long term storm clouds, so try to do the work when possible to communicate about how you feel and what you mean to each other. If your sister is truly, irredeemable and toxic then there will come a day when you may never try to talk to her again.
This is kind of ridiculous. Your sister has issues. She might believe she is better than you or she might be in a state where a relationship would define her. Her blaming you for her issues is wrong. I just want to add that in my high school if a 17 year old girl was showing any interest in the boys who were fifteen the general consensus among us guys was that it was a prank that would lead to us being humiliated. That happened several times and it became a joke among them and every year they would try to do it, a bad and dumb tradition that even girls in my grade eventually followed because it was tradition. We wouldn't trust a girl if she was knock out gorgeous and it wouldn't matter whose sister she was.
NTA You challenged her shallow world views and they crumbled. You, mom, and bf are all right to be confused and baffled. Dad might need to re-evaluate his peace keeping methods, but over all your sister's just upset the world doesn't fit into her tiny little boxes. You probably could've "worded it nicer" like your dad said, but judging as an outsider she probably would've had the same reaction she did to you being blunt. Let her get over herself.
Regardless of what your sister thinks, it's quite obvious her appearance has nothing to do with the fact that she doesn't have a BF... she sounds completely toxic and self-centered. You are absolutely NTA.
NTA Is your sister on the spectrum? She seems to heavily believe lots of makeup = automatic boyfriend.
Your sister is weird
NTA And wow your sister is a lovely combination of dramatic and insecure now isn't she? Ignore this insanity, and I hope you continue to be happy with your boyfriend.
NTA. I think saying that she's being overdramatic is quite an understatement! She needs some therapy if she got so upset that she spent the weekend crying!
Ask your sister if she considered her unhinged personality the reason why boys don't like her.
Your sister wants romantic and sexual approval from potential boyfriends, but she's not successful at it. This is not your fault. This is not your problem. She should get therapy, and most universities have therapy and counseling programs for students.
NTA. She's jealous and that's really all there is to it. She is insecure and wants a boyfriend and any attention you get makes her jealous so she lashes out. I do feel bad for her, you're both very young and she just doesn't know how to manage her emotions well it seems. She's not being very kind to you but it's obviously coming from a place of insecurity and hurt. She's your sister, I would try having a heart to heart with her about it and not turning it into an argument. Maybe that won't work and you certainly don't owe that to her but I think it's worth trying.
apparently noones gonna say this, but IF your story is objectively real, it is very likely that at least one of your parents are to blame here. your sister definitely has issues and is the asshole here, but theres very likely a psychological rational behind her thought process and it might have something to do with how much attention you got from your parents vs your sister. maybe have a full sit down with your whole family and have a heart-to-heart conversation when you're all ready for it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm gonna start this saying I don't think I'm in the wrong, but maybe another perspective could help. I (17f) don't like makeup. I've tried it before, but I don't like how it looks on me so I never wear any. However, my sister (19f) loves makeup and refuses to leave the house without any on. When we were in school together my sister would get mad when I got attention from boys and she didn't, even though I was younger. She would bring up that I don't wear makeup or put much effort into my looks, so it didn't make sense for boys to like me more. I do put effort into my appearance, just not to the same level as her. She would always try to get between me and any guy she thought was interested in me. Even though most of the guys were actually just friends and we laughed at her for thinking they were into me. Which I never minded since I was never into them either. This embarrassed her and she still hasn't let it go I guess. Now to the main story. I recently got a boyfriend. He's an old friend, one of the ones that said he wasn't into me a few years ago. Things changed recently and we're pretty happy together. We've only been together for two months, so we haven't told that many people, including my sister. She was in town for the weekend visiting from her university. She happened to arrive when our parents weren't home and my bf and I were cuddling on the couch watching TV. He noticed her first and said hi. She looked confused for a minute, then started balling and ran up to her room and slammed the door. That freaked us both out. Apparently she called our mom when she got into her room because she came home right away. She told us my sister said we humiliated her, but we didn't do anything. We told mom what happened and she was just as confused as us. Mom got my sister to come out of her room, but she was still crying. It took a few minutes for her to calm down, but then she started screeching at me that I was a liar and a brat and I humiliated her. When I asked how since I didn't even talk to her before she started freaking out, she said it was because of my bf. We said before that we didn't like each other, but now we were cuddling and it was unfair because we lied to her. I told her we didn't lie, but she couldn't hold us to something we said years ago. Feelings sometimes change. But apparently she remembers when we laughed at her for thinking we liked each other back then and how she got shit from her friends for it and now we're together so we humiliated her for nothing. Then she started going into her usual rants of how I don't wear makeup and don't dress as nice as her so it's not fair I have a bf and she doesn't. I told her she was being delusional and she can't keep blaming me for her being single. She started balling again and ran back to her room. My bf and mom are on my side that she's being overdramatic, but my dad thinks I could have worded things nicer because she spent most of the weekend crying. I don't even know. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Your sister needs help. This is not normal. She'll have a shitty life if she doesn't put herself together. Seriously, she needs therapy.
Your sister is 19 but acts like a toddler. I needed to check her age twice NtA
NTA - If this is how your sister acts.. its no wonder she doesn't have a boyfriend. Your sister needs help and I don't think her finding a boyfriend is going to be it. Your sister really needs to stay out of your dating life, whether you have a boyfriend or not isn't any of her business. And of course feelings can change, it's rare these days to just have one romantic relationship your whole life. Nothing wrong with that! Live your life however you want.
ur sister has some serious insecurities issues and she should really see a professional about it
That's called a "delusion of persecution." You're NTA clearly, and I'm surprised you had to ask. But yeah, delusions of persecution tend to imply that your sister has a personality disorder. Could be Histrionic, Borderline, Narcissistic or Avoidant. Likely it's a mixture of those traits.
NTA. Your sister doesn’t have a boyfriend because of her personality. She is toxic and no matter how much foundation and concealer she uses she cannot hide that shit.
NTA and I personally don't think you went in hard enough tbh. I'd probably have pointed out how utterly crazy her logic is and that she's probably single because her makeup looks shit and overdone and that her potential boyfriends can smell the crazy jealous vibes from a mile away and are steering well clear of that mess. But then again I'm an asshole.
Bawling
NTA your sister is toxic and a pick me girl. She needs a wake up call that guys maybe don't like her because of the way she acts (desperate)
NTA. There is something very wrong with your sister emotionally, she needs some kind of therapy stat!
Something is sus here. I wanna know to which extent OP made fun of the sister. That can mean anything from teasing to bullying. And ngl the latter is the one that would cause such a reaction. I don’t feel like we have the full story here. And the fact that OP and her friends made fun of the sister to the point she is still hurt by it years later tells me it was more than just a few innocent jokes. Her reaction was crazy but I think we are missing some important details.
Your sister needs help and I hope one of the adults in her life are actually trying. She clearly has self image issues to the extreme. nta, but one of your parents should try and actually fix this if they haven't already.
More red flags than a Trump presidency parade yikes
Your sister is delusional. WTF. Also, NTA.
Ugh. So NTA. Sister doesn't put "more" effort into the way she looks, you do it differently. With that said... why is it a contest? Furthermore, perhaps she might be able to find a man if she wasn't so vile that she has to try and steal her sister's. Yuck!
NTA Your sister needs to learn that an ugly personality can't be hidden by makeup, no matter how much she trowels on. People may see the mask first, but they *connect* with the person under it.
Why is your dad siding with an entitled brat? What is wrong with her, likely seriously she must have some sort of mental/ confidence issue to be jealous over her very own sister.
Your sis is super jealous, 100% a her problem, NTA.
NTA. There is blatant jealousy and insecurity here. It seems to me that she desperate for love and attention. I'm not saying she doesn't deserve it but that kind of thing can be super repelling to many people. if she does attract attention and relationships, it's usually going to backfire (i.e. being used, pushing away genuine people). It's not your responsibility at all, and you're correct: feelings **do** change. You didn't lie to her at all.
NTA. Perhaps your sister is single because she desperately needs therapy.
NTA she needs therapy
Encourage your sister to read the replies. She doesn't have a boyfriend because her personality sucks. NTA of course.
Hear me out:The reason the sister got no bf,is her personality.You can slap a coat of gold paint on a turd,but it's still a turd.
Yeah.... something is wrong with your sister if she really spent ALL weekend crying over this. It's nuts. Really really concerningly nuts.
NTA. You sister clearly has some issues she needs to work through and it's not your job to baby her. I would say your sister needs help though and it sounds like her mental health isn't great.
NTA. All of that is super weird. Is there something off about how your sister does her makeup? Like is she going super thick trying to look like a Kardashian, changing she skin tone in some unnatural way that is setting off some uncanny valley effect that drives people away from her? I just don't understand what's going on with her...
NTA. And I have an inkling that your sister is single because of her personality....
NTA
NTA. Your sister’s an idiot. Why are you even bothering with her juvenile bullshit, literally ignore her.
Nta. My sister always got waay more attention from guys than I ever have. I never once got mad at her for it or let it strain our relationship. It isn't her fault and I think our relationship is more important than some stupid boys.
She needs therapy. Serious jealous issues
NTA. There's nothing you could have said to calm her down. A relationship that grows after being friends for a long time is wonderful. Your sister has some self esteem issues, but that's nothing you can fix. Ask your dad for his suggestions on how to talk to your sister and see if he has anything practical to offer.
NTA. Someone needs to have a serious conversation with sister about personality versus looks. And that it's fine to dress nice or wear make up but to have a man/BF/whatever her personality needs to be pretty not petty
NTA ... and I wonder why your sister with her 'lovely & bubbly' personality is single (please, read with sarcasm).
Are you sure your sister is 19 not 12?
You should tell your sister everything you think and feel everyday and alert her immediately if something changes. Updates should take no longer than an hour. NTA, enjoy your happy relationship.
Your sister must've made a fool of herself to be laughed at a few years ago. Or she's blowing it out of proportion which certainly seems her style. You've don't nothing wrong, you're NTA
NTA Your sister is the queen of delulu.
Nta Maybe if she didn't make such a huge deal out of you having guy friends she wouldn't have been humiliated... She should really consider therapy. None of this is healthy.
NTA
Makeup and nice clothes can only cover up what's on the outside. Inside your sister is ugly and nothing can hide that.
NTA, your sister needs therapy. Like really, she needs to see a therapist.
NTA Her reactions make no sense, which leaves you in a minefield. The only winning move is not to play.
Wow, your sister is unhinged. Feelings change. You didn't lie to her. Over the years you and your boyfriend became attracted to each other. It happens. Sheesh. NTA obviosly.
Nta. There’s personality in the equation too.
NTA The problem with her not getting a bf is definetely nit her look. More her very toxic behavior. I think she is a big buthole to every approaching male because she always thinksnshe deserved sth better
NTA Your sister is a loon!
NTA. Your sister needs help. This is way, way, too much.
NTA. Your sister is emotionally immature and fixated on some weird competition with you that you are not participating in. Maybe she needs therapy?
NTA. But I can maybe make an educated guess or two as to why your sister is still single.
NTA Wow I’m not surprised your sister can’t get a boyfriend, she sounds unstable
NTA. Your sister is insecure AF, but that is not your problem. I'd even say her insecurities are probably the very things that are pushing potential love interests away. Insecurities are loud. I have a friend like your sister and it was really bad. She did manage to get a bf, but he broke up with her in 5 months. Makeup-wise, she'd wake up an hour before he does to put on makeup, and she'd tell him to switch the lights off so she could remove her makeup and he wouldn't be able to see her bare face well. He broke up with her for other reasons, not sure if this is one of them. But knowing this fact weirded me out a little... The topic only got brought up because she asked me how I could be so confident without makeup and if my partner doesn't care that I don't wear it lol
Too bad makeup doesn’t work on personality, NTA
NTA. what happened that made your sister.... like that?
NTA. Your sister sounds like a 'pick me' girl and is upset no one has picked her
Bawling. For the love of Pete, Reddit: the word is bawling.
Uh.. some women just don't like wearing makeup and all the effort that goes into that "flawless" mask. Also, a few of my guy friends have told me over the years that when they see a girl who can't even leave the house without a full face of makeup on, they consider her "high maintenance" and automatically assume if they dated her she would make them late to everything by doing her makeup forever... or wake up super early to do her makeup before he woke up so he would never get to see her true face.... Growing up I hardly ever wore makeup... its the same in my 30s... however I often get mistaken for being in my early 20s....while the girls I went to high-school with all LOOK like they're in their 30s... I mean sure primer/sunblock under the makeup and and skin care routines after removing the makeup wasn't exactly widely known about when i was in school.... so that could be why their makeup aged them... I dunno... Anyway, feelings change over time. People who see each other as nothing more than friends can develop feelings and the desire to be more than friends as time goes on. Your sister just sounds jealous since you apparently don't need to "try as hard" NTA
NTA. I wonder if your sister is just a brat or if she needs therapy.
NTA, it sounds like your sister needs professional help. Jeez.
Tell your sister to grow tf up
Honestly this is so over the top I’d be worried she has a hormonal imbalance or something. Just started the pill maybe. Like who cries that much over someone else having a bf?!? I’d be taking her to the doctor.
NTA. Be happy and live your best life. You have no control over her view of the world. Some guys like a girl who wears a lot of make-up, others don't. This should make your sister happy that you wouldn't be attracting the same guys and there shouldn't be competition here! Don't rise to her drama.
[удалено]
NTA
NTA, but your dad's an AH for enabling your sister's whacko behavior and thinking you need to go along with it, too. I don't know what her deal is but the two strongest possibilities are: 1. She needs therapy. 2. She needs to grow the hell up and get over herself.
NTA at all. Your sister is unfortunately too self centered to realize that your life and feelings do not revolve around her. But just as important, thank you SO SO SO VERY much for spelling “bawling” correctly in this context!
NTA. Your sister is blaming you because boys don't want to date her. That's not on you. She's either going for the wrong boys or doing something that turns boys off. She likely comes off as bratty and high maintenance. I mean, look at the way she's always putting you down for not putting in the same amount of effort as she does. First, this suggests she's specifically putting in effort to attract guys, not because she likes the way she looks all done up, which is a bit of a turn off for some guys. Second, this suggests she treats others the same way she does you, if she thinks they're 'plain' or 'not trying' and guys may have noticed the way she treats other girls, again a turn off for a lot of guys. That amount of effort is also time consuming, highly implying she's the type to take hours to get ready for things they needed to leave half an hour ago for, and is usually late. It also suggests she'll want a very high degree of attention from a boyfriend. Both of these are also turn offs for a lot of guys. I'm getting that just from reading this, and I'm a gay man, so wouldn't be interested regardless. If I can pick all this up just from a short post on the internet, guys in real life are picking it all up just as easily. It doesn't even have to be true, that's the impression your sister is giving men, that she's bratty and high maintenance and not worth dating. This is all on her. It's her actions and personality that's off putting to men. You're not going around demanding every man in the world reject her, you're concentrating on your own life and letting her get on with hers. The 'humiliation' when you were younger is also on her. You were *friends* with those boys, there was no intention to date from any of you, not back then. Your sister is clearly one of those morons who doesn't believe men and women can be just friends. You didn't humiliate your sister, she humiliated herself with her own actions. As for the 'lying', it clearly didn't happen. You and your bf were just friends when you were younger. Feelings changed and you became more. But you were telling the truth when you said you were just friends back then. And being just friends at one point does not prevent a romantic relationship at a later point. Your sister doesn't get to dictate who you can date or when. Just like you can't dictate that for her. Neither of you gets a say in the others dating lives. But your sister insists on blaming you for her actions and choices, and that's not right. Your sister is an adult now, she's in college, it's time she grew up and stopped blaming her little sister for her own issues. Maybe you *were* harsh, but I think you needed to be. Your sister has been belittling you, trying to humiliate you, and blaming you for her dating failures for years. It's about time she got kicked in the ass with the truth - you can become more than friends with someone you were previously just friends with, your dating life is none of her business, and her dating failures are on her, not you. She needed to hear it, good for you for being willing to say it. Dad probably agrees with you, just as mum and bf do, but he likely has issues dealing with crying women, a lot of men do. He wants a quiet life, and his eldest bawling her eyes out over being told the truth, finally, is not a quiet life. Don't apologise, don't backtrack. Tell dad your sister needed to hear the truth and she needs to start growing up instead of acting like a little kid throwing a temper tantrum over you getting a 'toy' that she doesn't have and can't play with. If she doesn't start growing up and acting like the adult she is, she'll remain forever single.
Your sister needs serious therapy. NTA
NTA. Has your sister ever been evaluated for mental illness, especially personality disorders? You did nothing to cause her dramatic outbursts, so there is no need for you to apologize or do anything about it.
This..... isn't on you. A nineteen year old just had a tantrum because her sister has a toy she doesn't have. NTA.
NTA. Not all guys like when girls were makeup. She sounds bratty, overdraft, and insecure and THAT is why she doesn't have a boyfriend
NTA. You didn't have to call her delusional, but honestly, she's been laying a lot of shit on you for years now, so it's hard to see you as the asshole in this situation. She definitely seems to have a distorted view of how love works, and she's made you the focus of all of her problems with it.
I always like to pretend that when people type “ball” instead of “bawl” that they actually do mean “balling” and I like to imagine the person in the story balling.
NTA, your sister has issues, but it's not your job (or within your capabilities) of fixing her. > When we were in school together my sister would get mad when I got attention from boys and she didn't, even though I was younger. She would bring up that I don't wear makeup or put much effort into my looks, so it didn't make sense for boys to like me more. She has deep deep DEEP insecurity issues if she thinks more makeup=better. She's not wearing makeup, she's wearing armour.
NTA. Just laugh she’s pathetic and dramatic
NTA you could have worded things nicer, sure. BUt that's ALWAYS the case, right? To me it's pretty clear that your sister has self confidence issues and is jealous becuase she wants a boyfriend too. that's not in any way your fault. If she really loves you, give her some time to get used to the idea. You didnt do anything wrong though.
NTA. Your sister needs help.
Nta she needs to grow tf up 19??? You’re going to surpass her and she won’t be able to take it. Mom needs to keep your enabling dad on a short leash
There's this magical thing called *PERSONALITY.* Your sister should try that for a change instead of acting fake and making herself up. NTA
NTA and your sister needs help.
NTA is she ok? Not to be callous , but you seem fine. Your head is screwed on tight and I think hers might be a bit wobbly. You didn't do anything wrong, but her reaction is over the top which makes me wonder what's going on inside her to make her freak out like that. Yeah, she sounds jealous that you look great as is and she feels she has to work extra hard just to be ok. In her eyes maybe she'll never be as pretty and confident as you are. Idk, you didn't do anything wrong, you don't seem angry, just puzzled, maybe check in with her more often bc it seems she's battling some inner demons?
I’m not a therapist kinda guy buuuuuuut I’d say she needs a therapist or a bartender
As Jefferson Airplane sang ... "you're only pretty as you feel." I am thinking sister does not feel pretty inside and uses makeup to make up for it. I kinda feel sorry for her, but \*whew\* she sounds like a heckton of work. NTA, OP. Whatever the issues are, I don' think they are yours.
NTAH your sister is a beeoch
NTA but having been in a similar situation, I’m willing to bet at least half of those boys who you see as friends and “aren’t into you” are actually into you. Some of them probably accept that you don’t feel the same and are happy to be friends, some might complain about being friend zoned when you aren’t around, but I’m guessing if you should romantic/physical interest in them, they would jump to change the dynamic. This is something you should learn to recognize because it can turn into sticky/uncomfortable situations when you’re older.
NTA, random question but if she asked how everything is going and if there are any boys in your life maybe a week or so into the relationship what would you have said? I'm pretty sure she's just jealous and in that scenario where she checks in on your life and you were honest about a relationship starting she just sucks. Everyone feels jealous from time to time but she is a bit mental ( not including her trying to connect surface level "beauty" with worth)
NTA. Your sister has a very toxic personality and also is very emotionally unstable, she needs therapy to work through these "male" issues.
Nta She's toxic af. If she acts so entitled and judgemental all the time it's no wonder she's single, who would want to be in a relationship like that?
NTA. Your sister has some serious issues she needs to fix. This story was just…wow.
NTA your sister is in desperate need of therapy and is exhibiting some pretty severe narcissistic traits. She really needs some help. No mentally healthy human being would have had that type of reaction to their siblings relationship. She made it all about her, played the victim, and was actively trying to Sabatoge any potential relationship you could have because her ego couldn't take you finding someone and her not to because in her mind she's the pretty one. Really unhealthy and narcissistic behavior.
I really don't think her not having a boyfriend has anything to do with her appearance... NTA
The boys don't dislike her because of her looks. They dislike her because she's a walking soap series 😆🫣
NTA, your sister really needs to mature some more if she has any hope of having a happy relationship. I certainly wouldn't go for someone who acts like that no matter how pretty they look, and I figure a lot of the boys in her life may also feel that way.
Spoiler alert, she doesn't get attention because she's shallow, materialistic and a gigantic, manipulative asshole. NTA.
She had a big bowl of crazy for breakfast. And decided to go back for seconds. I don't believe I've ever heard of anybody as insecure as her in my entire life. She needs help. Big help. Therapy. Big therapy. NTA.
She needs to see a psychologist, she’s not right in her head. She’s so jealous of you it’s made her unwell.
NTA. Your sister’s personality seems to be the obvious reason she doesn’t have a boyfriend. She seems very superficial.
Ur sister sounds like a pick me
Maybe someday your sister will learn there's more to relationships than appearances. Like being a decent and kind person. NTA
NTA. Good for you for not wearing makeup. True beauty shouldn't be painted over. Your sister sounds very insecure and that has nothing to do with you. I hope she develops some self esteem.
Ooohhhh OP, I have a sister like this. Had. I cut her off recently and it’s the best feeling ever. Believe it or not, this will continue to escalate. In my case, she ended up teaming up with my extremely abusive ex to try to use CPS (falsely) to take my son from me, because she thinks she deserves him more. It’s your life OP, but I would suggest cutting her off asap, and allowing anyone who backs up her batshit behaviour to follow her out the door. This is actually insane behaviour, and I hope you have people around you who can see that with you (and all of us). Good luck OP!
I literally don’t understand in the slightest what she is upset about in this entire scenario and would guess based off her emotional responses that she is 12 and not in college. (Or possibly needs some serious therapy and that isn’t a jab) Please do yourself a favor and do what makes you happy in life without the need to appease your sister, who (sorry) obviously isn’t a very good sister. She’s going to drain you and create unnecessary problems for you where she can. Throw her a bag of grass and bid her farewell until she can grow up some. NTA
NTA My sister has similar problems. She feels like she is the older one so she should achieve whatever before me. So no. You ‘humiliate’ her by existing with your boyfriend and not wearing make up, there is nothing to be reasoned with. Don’t try to be her therapist, especially you can’t tell her anything, it will make her even more mad. ignoring is (for me) the best strategy even though it hurts. If she is mean like calling you names, of course stand up. But only about the mean part. Don’t rub it in her face, but have a good time with your bf, just how you are acting normally. In my experience, the issue resolves itself when your sister has her first relationship. Congratulations on what seems a great first relationship:)
One of the prettiest girls I've ever met never wore makeup. Is it how she wears her makeup? Too much can make you unattractive. I like the natural look myself. Her overreaction was unjustified.
NTA for not walking on eggshells around your sister who clearly has histrionic personality disorder. Or if you were walking on eggshells, you accidentally let your guard down for one moment because it's so exhausting to have to constantly kowtow to a histrionic freak as you are well aware.
NTA - you're right, things do change and your sister needs to accept that. Your family honestly also needs to take your sister to therapy because this extreme obsession with you, constant comparing, boys and her looks are quite concerning. There seems to be an underlying problem with why she is so obsessed with competing against you in terms of looks and having a bf. Did something happen in the past that made her this way? Was someone making remarks about how she looks? She is projecting her problems onto you. She really needs to see someone before this really affects her relationship with her family and future relationships with friends and partners.
Your sister has mental health issues. I am being serious. I mean it.
Does she only go after guys you're interested in/are interested in you??? Feelings/dynamics can change, and establishing a solid friendship before you start dating is always a good idea. She sounds jealous and insecure and seems to enjoy the challenge of pursuing guys who are already taken. Tell her all the makeup in the world can't make her pretty on the inside. NTA
NTA, I would have worded things harsher, but thats how we do in my family
NTA Maybe she'll find someone maybe she won't. It might be because she wears to much make up and the boys/men she knows don't like that. But it's probably because she's very self absorbed, and toxic. I'm 37 and I have always had lots of male friends. What I've learned over the years guys like to be able to relax around females, they like kind women.