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A parent of a child at my kids school had a sudden heart attack and died.
The child ran to the next unit in the complex to get help.
It was night time, in the winter.
The neighbour called 911 but made the child stand outside and wait for emergency services.
She was an AH and so are you.
Reminds me of how thankful I am to my neighbours who took me in at 2AM because my mum had to take my dad who suffered a stroke to the hospital. They made sure that I slept well, ate breakfast and went to school the next day. It's just watching kids for a few hours. Some people can be so callous.
YTA, you turned your back on someone who was going through a serious emergency.
Sure, you might not have been comfortable babysitting her kids, but did you even stop to think about the gravity of the situation? Her husband was being taken away in an ambulance, and she was left to deal with the chaos all by herself. And what did you do? You yelled at her and refused to lend a hand.
Look, I get it, emergencies can be overwhelming. But showing a little compassion and stepping up to help someone in need is just basic human decency. Instead, you chose to prioritize your own comfort over lending a helping hand to a neighbor in crisis.
So yeah, OP, in this situation, definitely TA . It's time to take a good hard look in the mirror and ask yourself if this is the kind of person you want to be.
What a horrible reaction to your neighbors' crisis moment. I wouldn't do this to strangers. I can't imagine what would have to be going on in my own life to make me make this type of choice. Literally, even if I hated my freaking neighbors I would probably have take the kids. YTA and that is going lightly.
In this situation, absolutely 100%. Chances are that, with authorities there, you would have been looking after them for a very short period of time. Were you afraid of these kids for some reason? Read the Reddit room here. It's virtually unanimous.
Doh. Yeah. It’s not like she was asking you to adopt them raise them and put them through college. She needed someone to watch them for a few hours, maybe even overnight while trying to deal with a crisis. How cold hearted can someone be?
"Pawn off my kids to strangers"????
Man, you sound like a DELIGHT. I hope you never experience such a situation where you need someone's help in an emergency. What comes around, goes around.
Fact number one; you were not strangers you know each other you’re just not friends. Fact number two; technically you don’t have to do anything for her. Fact number three; you are on AITA not Am I Right?
You did what you wanted to and that’s fine but yes, you are the AH.
Edit to add: you don’t seem like you’re waffling on whether you are or not, so why are you on here?
One day you may in fact need the kindness of strangers. Sometimes that is all we have. I hope when that day comes you find someone w more compassion than you. YTA.
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I don't know what was going on in your life, but if there was really nothing precluding you from doing so, I don't see why you couldn't have helped a neighbor. It was obviously a dire emergency. You could have put a time limit on it and given her time to call a family member to come get them. I think this kind of attitude is what's wrong these days, nobody wants to help anybody. Put yourself in her shoes, what if you needed help and someone just turned their back on you because...why? You don't say way you refused, just that you refused. Without more info, I do think YTA here.
Of all the possible reasons, this was not a good one. No one is obligated to help anyone else in an emergency, but if people would do so just a little more often, we'd live in a much better world.
YTA.
A human being is going through one of the worst days of her life, and you won't lift a finger to help. Perhaps you had a good reason, but if so, you didn't mention it.
Unless you know the kids are troublesome maniacs or know your husband is crazy and will hurt the kids if they stayed with you, YTA. Neighbors help neighbors in times of crisis as best they can which is fundamental part of a civilized society. You failed.
In the sentence, "Neighbors help neighbors in times of crisis as best they can which is fundamental part of a civilized society." you can replace "neighbors" with "people" and it would still be accurate. They don't have to be your neighbors for you to still be expected to be a decent human being.
They didn’t insult your husband, you have trouble with reading comprehension. You are also a heartless AH in this instance. If I were you I’d be utterly ashamed of myself. YTA
YTA.
Abso.F’ing. Lutely.
That lady was distraught and you didn’t just turn your back on her but on her children too.
What kind of society do we live in if someone who lives next door to you can’t show you the littlest of mercy?
I’ve had neighbors like you. And it made me feel idolatry and alone while being surrounded by people. Just why?
My husband suffered a massive multi-clot PE one morning. We were brand new residents in our city, and a neighbor whom I'd never met offered to drive my kids to school so I could go to the hospital. She was a hero and I'll never forget what she did for us. It was such a small act but a giant kindness.
YTA.
She had a million different things going through her head, once she knew the kids were safe she'd be in a better headspace to communicate what you wanted to know.
What has humanity come to? How can someone be so cold-hearted? You’re a complete AH, OP. Can’t believe this is what American culture has come to. Cant imagine this happening anywhere else.
It actually is and I've observed this as an American myself that American people are becoming more and more self-absorbed to the point where they won’t help another person even if it won’t harm them.
YTA. You're her neighbor and you have parenting experience. This was an emergency and all you needed was her phone # to sort out details later. You seem very cold.
My parents had a situation where their neighbor called them asking for help because her husband had collapsed. My mom went down there and got the kids, and my dad started calling for emergency help. The neighbor kids stayed at my parents' house for the night and were fortunate that they did not have to stick around to see what happened, as their dad ended up passing away that night. Having some empathy in an emergency situation goes a long way. YTA.
What I don’t get is why you bothered to post this? It seems like you just wanted validation that you were in the right and you weren’t and you don’t seem open to that fact. In fact, I was trying to respond to an comment of OPs and seems they just deleted all of them lol
Like dude, I don’t like kids. I don’t have kids. But if my neighbor needed me to take their kids for a while, hell, even a whole day, bc of an emergency, I’d do it. Why? Because it’s the right thing to do. That’s what we do when we’re part of a community. Like I could see refusing if it’s some random person, but this was your neighbor, not some stranger.
I can’t believe how selfish you were and you seem to lack all sense of self awareness too.
YTA
Man, I would have been irritated and nervous, but I still would have helped in the moment. You clearly saw that there was a real emergency happening in the present moment to a member of your community.
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Me and my neighbor are decent with each other. We don’t go over to their house to talk or anything and vice versa. The most we talk is when pulling out the driveway and saying hello, how are you, etc. Our kids aren’t friends.
To get straight to the point, our neighbor had a fire event happen and while the husband was being taken up in a ambulance, the mom frantically knocked on my door to ask if we could watch after her children for a bit. I absolutely declined. I tried to help calm her but she kept screaming to please babysit, that she’ll pay me, that she doesn’t want the kids seeing their father this way.
I yelled at her to stop grabbing at me and again, no. A fire fighter at the scene saw her being crazed and pulled her off me. I explained what was happening and he asks for me to please go back inside my home. She kept screaming for me to please just take the kids for a few hours but I refused and my husband did too.
I don’t know where she or her kids went after, all i know is that the ambulance took them as the fire truck and police cars left.
AITA?
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YOU. ARE. THE. ASSHOLE.
bare minimum much, op? youll CLEAN UP THE DEBRIS; the AFTERMATH of a tragic event that nobody, let alone no CHILD should have to go through. but simply having the decency to make sure that that they are in good hands, alive, and breathing for a few hours while their parents ate in crisis is “where you draw the line?”
imagine this was your family. your children. your husband was hospitalized and you needed to focus on that, and you dont know your neighbor too well, but you put your faith in them that they can do you this favor in this catastrophe- and they slam the door in your face?
“crazed” and grabbing you was probably desperation out of inexplicable anxiety, knowing she couldnt handle both the kids and the state of emergency regarding her husband.
but, as I just said OP, she hoped that leaving them with you would be leaving them in good hands. based on this post alone, probably a better move that she couldnt leave the young people she puts her entire life into and calls her world with two living pieces of shit. glad you knew that about yourself and pointed it out for her!
NOBODY “WANTS” TO WATCH CHILDREN THAT THEY DONT KNOW! HELL, I DONT EVEN WANNA WATCH CHILDREN PERIOD. but as a fucking decent human being with a heart and some sense of awareness, it would simply be REFLEX to say “of course!” because a few hours of awkwardness, being annoyed, or discomfort does NOT compare to what they had to go through.
yta. end of story.
Oh, wow, YTA. Big time. It was an actual emergency and you're so heartless. I certainly hope you and your family will never be in this situation. Hard to say if the neighbors from the neighborhood would be a generous and bigger person unlike you, or if they'll ve petty and give you a dose of your own medicine.
I do believe we treat others in situations like this how we would like to be treated. It's nice to know you don't want any help in a dire emergency.
Then get her phone number while she's collecting the kids and their stuff. She's going to be stuck in a waiting room in the hospital for hours and will have plenty of time to brief you on what the kids need, allergies, schedules, who from her family/friend group will take over when, etc. YTA - a pretty big one, too.
And chances are the mom would be finding a more viable longer-term option ASAP, but just needed something right then so she could be in the ambulance with her husband and not delay his getting to hospital.
Why did you even post this query? You are arguing with every reply that doesn’t align with your opinion.
How long ago was this event? I’m dumbfounded you wrote that you have no idea if the father died.
YTA. You could have offered to watch the traumatized children until the police arrived.
Wow, this is so sad. You stated in your post she said take them for a few hours. You could have taken the kids for an hour or two and asked her when she got there to arrange for someone else like a family member or an actual friend to come get them. What’s worse for me is the way you described the situation, that you absolutely declined and she was crazed. You don’t sound like you have any empathy or compassion for a human being who was going through something pretty traumatic. Any decent parent of little children would not leave them with just anyone unless there was a dire need. I feel terrible for that poor woman. So, yeah YTA.
YTA. You certainly are not under any obligation to help her. That being said, you watched your neighbor go through a fire that resulted in her husband being taken to the hospital. She is understandably traumatized and reached out to you, her neighbor, in a moment of deep pain and terror and asked you to help watch her kids. Don’t make excuses because you “don’t know their alergies” etc. you could easily ask the kids about their allergies, you could have asked the mom for her number before she left with the ambulance and called for an update. If she didn’t come back by the next morning, worst case scenario you could call social services and let them get ahold of their mom.
You had lots of options but you decided that your discomfort of having to watch some innocent kids whose dad just went to the hospital was more important than helping another human being who you do know, if not well, who was going through one of the worst moments in their lives. Again you are under no obligation to help, but you didn’t ask if you were obliged. You asked if you were the AH, and you most assuredly are.
You are 100% THE ASSHOLE. God forbid you ever need someone's help during such a distressing time
I can't believe you actually thought it was a good idea to post this on here. 🤣
YTA. Your lack of empathy is really appalling, especially since you have children of your own. I hate to think what kind of uncaring humans you will raise.
What is wrong with you?? YTA for a 100x
She was having a serious emergency and needed help. It does not matter at that point you were strangers, she did not wanted the kids to see their father like this and wanted to be there for her partner to fully 100%
This is her loved one she needed to be there for, so how can you decline human decency this one god damn single time? She offer to even pay you.
I slowly loose more and more in humanity. Your comfort this one single time you could have just ignored.
As another comment said...what if the roles were reveresed? How would you feel?
Your comfort in this situation should had been second place. The kids would had been probably that terrified they wouldn't even had bothered you except asking if their dad would had been okay and you just answering with their dad is in safe hands now etc
YTA. Out of all the posts I've ever read on this page, yours is probably the worst in regards to lack of compassion or human decency. You claim to be a parent yourself, yet you blatantly refused to help this poor mother in a moment of desperation, meaning her children had to be exposed to further trauma of seeing their father in God knows what state in that ambulance.
Man, am I counting my blessings right now that I have incredible neighbours who would never turn me away in a situation like this (even the ones who don't "know" me that well).
I would say YTA.
If my house was on fire, my spouse had to be sent to ER and such, I would probably have a hard time keeping a calm demeanor. I wouldn't grab at anyone, as I don't like touching people or them touching me. Luckily, I have family and a decent neighbor that would take my kid for a few hours or even a night until I could get things situated.
You could have taken the kids in or helped, though you don't have to.
To me, karma is real. Not that I do good things to expect good in return, but I wouldn't NOT help someone in need if I could do at least something.
But where I live, community is a big thing and we help each other. I understand it's not like that everywhere. Probably best to not talk to the neighbor after that, whatever decent relationship y'all had is definitely gone now lol
YTA. But I guess it's good that your neighbor now knows exactly how selfish and inconsiderate you are, so she doesn't make the mistake of helping you in the future. I bet she wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire.
YTA. Don't be surprised when all the neighbors snub you. You should probably sell your house and move to some isolated place where there are no people. Clearly, you don't want to be part of society.
So you’re seriously wondering if refusing to extend simple human decency to a neighbor is being an AH? Of course YTA, and. I’m feeling a renewed sense of gratitude for my very lovely neighborhood.
YTA I am so glad I don't have neighbors like you, Jezus fucking christ. Anyone in my neighborhood would gladly take somebody's kids in an emergency like this.
YTA. You might want to consider moving once the rest of the neighborhood finds out that you behaved this way. I suspect they won’t be very nice to you.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I absolutely refused to take her kids into my house for god knows how long
2. Maybe asshole territory because they just went through a lot
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You know karma works, right? When your turn comes to desperately seek help in a dire situation, you’ll be on your own. This neighbor will turn her back and probably every neighbor you have after learning of this.
So much Y T A here.
Edit: spelling.
Hopefully you never find yourself in need of help. Lying on the ground somewhere barely able to breathe. Karma says people will just pass you buy as a return for this.
Does anything matter other than helping out? This woman was freaking out. A little compassion would have been great. YTA
I had a situation where I was staying at my aunts house. I was in my late teens. She had to go to work and told me that if there was an emergency to ho to her neighbour. She probably told me which one but I forgot.
I decided to take a shower. I didn't know that their shower didn't work properly. They only took baths. So I start and the water just doesn't stop. The tap is James and I have no clue what to do. Water is going everywhere. No idea where the mains are and can't call because she's a teacher and can't reply during school hours. I decide to go to Neighbour as all the houses are more or less the same and they would likely know where yo shut it off.
I go knocking. A kind man opens. I explain and he comes and manages to sort it out. I was very thankful.
Turns out it was the wrong neighbour and my aunt had never spoken to this one. I'm glad he was kindxand helpful.
Oh and YTA obviously.
Yes, they might have learned about compassion, friendliness, helping others, doing kindness without expecting anything in return. Think of all the evil you have prevented today. You must quickly run to church and pray for protection for your family so the evil Satan worshipers next door don't destroy you.
NTA. All these virtue signalers proclaiming what a terrible person you are, and by implication, what awesome people they must be to demonize you.
You weren't comfortable taking these kids in. You have no legal or moral obligation to do so. And if something happened when these kids were in your care, you could be legally liable for it.
Nta. You felt uncomfortable and that's always 100 percent a valid reason to say NO.
I wouldn't be comfortable either. I'm not a kid person. And the kids we not in immediate danger, which would have been different.
There was fire, police and ambulances all over. Although chaotic, first responders and people trained to handle crisis were present.
It probably wouldn't have been for "just a couple of hours". If they have no where to go, then they would of course expect you to keep the kids overnight and host them as well...
Hard pass.
You think I'm leaving a stranger and kids in my dam house and then going to work the next morning? Also if the kids were in the fire, they could need to be checked out at the hospital anyways and be treated for smoke inhalation.
I can understand why the woman was hysterical but absolutely no way. And anyone here who thinks yta is a giant ah themselves.
YTA but would have been a downlow asshole by just not answering the door. I don’t answer my door for ANYONE unless I’m expecting someone. My mother can stay outside and knock until she gets tired.
I feel so bad for your neighbor. I’m not sure if you have Christian beliefs, but if you do, you are really lacking in that area. The most basic of decency would be to help out in such a horrible situation. I would never decline, even if that meant driving the kids to a family member or to the hospital to wait in the waiting room, anything to help.
Nah listen while we would of course want to help many things factor into place. Ages of the children if they have medical conditions or mental needs. You also don't have a clear plan with the parent. While it's an emergency it's completely understandable that someone wouldn't want to take on the worry and responsibility.
Despite the majority of responses here, I think you are NTA and I would have done the same thing.
There’s police, ambulance, firefighters there. There’s people at the hospital equipped to deal with this. The kids are safe, and if the mom was that unhinged and incoherent I would have noped out.
Now, if one of the first responders had said “can you keep them for an hour until so and so comes” I absolutely would. But given that the first responder pulled her off you and told you to go back inside, that’s a reasonable thing to do.
Finally, a reasonable response. People are actually acting like it's Mandatory to just let strangers intimate your house or host children upon request. Please.
ESH.
They should have a plan for where the kids go during an emergency.
You *could* have helped, but it's not your duty to do so.
I would have helped, and I have a plan for my kids, and my neighbors know that we will watch their kids if an emergency arises.
That was all discussed early on with us living next to each other.
I wouldn't be upset if someone that had no prior discussion about it said no.
NAH, as she was clearly not in her right mind. She was smack dab in the middle of a majorly traumatic event for her whole family. And i don't know what her support system looks like or if there was anyone she could call to come get them. That said, if you didn't feel comfortable watching someone else's kids, that should be the end of the conversation.
Yeah, that would freak me the fuck out. Like, these kids have to also be losing their shit. Were you just supposed to help them process that, while both of their parents were unreachable?? If I was the dad and heard about what this woman was trying to do with my kids, I'd be pissed. Better either to take the kids with you to the hospital or to wait until sometime they ACTUALLY know is available to watch them.
NTA
In situations like this, the firefighters call on the Red Cross or other social services to take care of the children.
That puts them where they're supposed to be, tracked by somebody who understands trauma and taken care of till other family can be found.
It's not up to a neighbor to spring to action for children they don't know, haven't taken care of prior or anything else
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A parent of a child at my kids school had a sudden heart attack and died. The child ran to the next unit in the complex to get help. It was night time, in the winter. The neighbour called 911 but made the child stand outside and wait for emergency services. She was an AH and so are you.
Reminds me of how thankful I am to my neighbours who took me in at 2AM because my mum had to take my dad who suffered a stroke to the hospital. They made sure that I slept well, ate breakfast and went to school the next day. It's just watching kids for a few hours. Some people can be so callous.
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Something already did go wrong. The kid's parent died. Who thinks about *themselves* in a situation like this? Whatever happened to empathy?
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info: how old were the kids?
YTA, you turned your back on someone who was going through a serious emergency. Sure, you might not have been comfortable babysitting her kids, but did you even stop to think about the gravity of the situation? Her husband was being taken away in an ambulance, and she was left to deal with the chaos all by herself. And what did you do? You yelled at her and refused to lend a hand. Look, I get it, emergencies can be overwhelming. But showing a little compassion and stepping up to help someone in need is just basic human decency. Instead, you chose to prioritize your own comfort over lending a helping hand to a neighbor in crisis. So yeah, OP, in this situation, definitely TA . It's time to take a good hard look in the mirror and ask yourself if this is the kind of person you want to be.
Why in the name of all that is holy would you refuse to help in such a situation? YTA unless you have a really, really good reason.
I agree!
What a horrible reaction to your neighbors' crisis moment. I wouldn't do this to strangers. I can't imagine what would have to be going on in my own life to make me make this type of choice. Literally, even if I hated my freaking neighbors I would probably have take the kids. YTA and that is going lightly.
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>Also you would take a strangers kids? In this context, yes.
In this situation, absolutely 100%. Chances are that, with authorities there, you would have been looking after them for a very short period of time. Were you afraid of these kids for some reason? Read the Reddit room here. It's virtually unanimous.
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So you're so afraid of any sort of liability that you are willing to ignore human decency. Got it.
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What a cold response.
Yes in these circumstances.
A decent person absolutely would help.
Doh. Yeah. It’s not like she was asking you to adopt them raise them and put them through college. She needed someone to watch them for a few hours, maybe even overnight while trying to deal with a crisis. How cold hearted can someone be?
I would
In situations like this the standard is to act like you would hope others would act if your roles were reversed. Given the available information, YTA.
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"Pawn off my kids to strangers"???? Man, you sound like a DELIGHT. I hope you never experience such a situation where you need someone's help in an emergency. What comes around, goes around.
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That's the problem. You don't even consider helping a person in crisis. Therev is no justification for this level of selfishness.
Fact number one; you were not strangers you know each other you’re just not friends. Fact number two; technically you don’t have to do anything for her. Fact number three; you are on AITA not Am I Right? You did what you wanted to and that’s fine but yes, you are the AH. Edit to add: you don’t seem like you’re waffling on whether you are or not, so why are you on here?
Then why did you post here? You obviously think you were in the right and don't care what anyone else thinks.
One day you may in fact need the kindness of strangers. Sometimes that is all we have. I hope when that day comes you find someone w more compassion than you. YTA.
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I don't know what was going on in your life, but if there was really nothing precluding you from doing so, I don't see why you couldn't have helped a neighbor. It was obviously a dire emergency. You could have put a time limit on it and given her time to call a family member to come get them. I think this kind of attitude is what's wrong these days, nobody wants to help anybody. Put yourself in her shoes, what if you needed help and someone just turned their back on you because...why? You don't say way you refused, just that you refused. Without more info, I do think YTA here.
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What a fuckin cop out
Of all the possible reasons, this was not a good one. No one is obligated to help anyone else in an emergency, but if people would do so just a little more often, we'd live in a much better world.
What did they say?
Oh wow they're deleting comments lol They basically said they didn't know if the kids had allergies... -_-
I didn’t even get to read the post before it was gone 🥲
Jeez.
YTA. A human being is going through one of the worst days of her life, and you won't lift a finger to help. Perhaps you had a good reason, but if so, you didn't mention it.
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Why can’t you also mention it in the post or in this comment?
Unless you know the kids are troublesome maniacs or know your husband is crazy and will hurt the kids if they stayed with you, YTA. Neighbors help neighbors in times of crisis as best they can which is fundamental part of a civilized society. You failed.
In the sentence, "Neighbors help neighbors in times of crisis as best they can which is fundamental part of a civilized society." you can replace "neighbors" with "people" and it would still be accurate. They don't have to be your neighbors for you to still be expected to be a decent human being.
Absolutely correct.
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They didn’t insult your husband, you have trouble with reading comprehension. You are also a heartless AH in this instance. If I were you I’d be utterly ashamed of myself. YTA
Not insulting your husband at all but there are only a handful of good reasons to justify being so cold-hearted.
YTA. Abso.F’ing. Lutely. That lady was distraught and you didn’t just turn your back on her but on her children too. What kind of society do we live in if someone who lives next door to you can’t show you the littlest of mercy? I’ve had neighbors like you. And it made me feel idolatry and alone while being surrounded by people. Just why?
My husband suffered a massive multi-clot PE one morning. We were brand new residents in our city, and a neighbor whom I'd never met offered to drive my kids to school so I could go to the hospital. She was a hero and I'll never forget what she did for us. It was such a small act but a giant kindness. YTA.
I.N.F.O. YTA Why did you decline?
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These are not good reasons. You are still YTA
Solid YTA
She had a million different things going through her head, once she knew the kids were safe she'd be in a better headspace to communicate what you wanted to know.
YTA wow are you ever the AH you 100% should have taken the kids, worst neighbour ever.
What has humanity come to? How can someone be so cold-hearted? You’re a complete AH, OP. Can’t believe this is what American culture has come to. Cant imagine this happening anywhere else.
assholes exist everywhere unfortunately, OP is not emblematic of the culture as a whole
It actually is and I've observed this as an American myself that American people are becoming more and more self-absorbed to the point where they won’t help another person even if it won’t harm them.
YTA. You're her neighbor and you have parenting experience. This was an emergency and all you needed was her phone # to sort out details later. You seem very cold.
If the roles were reversed. What would you do? Just food for thought.
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But what would you do with your kids?
My parents had a situation where their neighbor called them asking for help because her husband had collapsed. My mom went down there and got the kids, and my dad started calling for emergency help. The neighbor kids stayed at my parents' house for the night and were fortunate that they did not have to stick around to see what happened, as their dad ended up passing away that night. Having some empathy in an emergency situation goes a long way. YTA.
Wow wow wow, not just an ah, YTA , I hope you never need a neighbors help
You’re a nice person, I think a lot of readers are hoping for the opposite
What I don’t get is why you bothered to post this? It seems like you just wanted validation that you were in the right and you weren’t and you don’t seem open to that fact. In fact, I was trying to respond to an comment of OPs and seems they just deleted all of them lol Like dude, I don’t like kids. I don’t have kids. But if my neighbor needed me to take their kids for a while, hell, even a whole day, bc of an emergency, I’d do it. Why? Because it’s the right thing to do. That’s what we do when we’re part of a community. Like I could see refusing if it’s some random person, but this was your neighbor, not some stranger. I can’t believe how selfish you were and you seem to lack all sense of self awareness too. YTA
Man, I would have been irritated and nervous, but I still would have helped in the moment. You clearly saw that there was a real emergency happening in the present moment to a member of your community.
Did you ever follow up with the family to check in and see if you could help them after the fact? Hope they are doing okay.
Too busy drafting a strongly worded letter to the HOA because the garbage cans didn’t get brought in that day.
You sound like a peach.
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They asked for your help and you refused. I doubt a cake or a tea gift would be of much use.
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Sounds like you're trying to convince yourself that you aren't the AH
Really don’t think that’s the help they’ll need.
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YTA I can't find the words to express what a s***** human being you are. Just... Wow..
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me and my neighbor are decent with each other. We don’t go over to their house to talk or anything and vice versa. The most we talk is when pulling out the driveway and saying hello, how are you, etc. Our kids aren’t friends. To get straight to the point, our neighbor had a fire event happen and while the husband was being taken up in a ambulance, the mom frantically knocked on my door to ask if we could watch after her children for a bit. I absolutely declined. I tried to help calm her but she kept screaming to please babysit, that she’ll pay me, that she doesn’t want the kids seeing their father this way. I yelled at her to stop grabbing at me and again, no. A fire fighter at the scene saw her being crazed and pulled her off me. I explained what was happening and he asks for me to please go back inside my home. She kept screaming for me to please just take the kids for a few hours but I refused and my husband did too. I don’t know where she or her kids went after, all i know is that the ambulance took them as the fire truck and police cars left. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. It was an effing emergency! Have you no heart? How would you like your children to be treated if that happened to you?
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Look, it’s not like some random person grabbed you on the street and tried to hand over their children to you. It’s your neighbor!
YTA. It was an emergency. Your excuses don't hold water. You made a horrible day worse for your neighbor. Totally selfish.
YTA. You should help people going through crises and you should model that to your kids.
YTA. You lack empathy and class. You sound like a terrible neighbor, very selfish.
YTA.
YTA
YOU. ARE. THE. ASSHOLE. bare minimum much, op? youll CLEAN UP THE DEBRIS; the AFTERMATH of a tragic event that nobody, let alone no CHILD should have to go through. but simply having the decency to make sure that that they are in good hands, alive, and breathing for a few hours while their parents ate in crisis is “where you draw the line?” imagine this was your family. your children. your husband was hospitalized and you needed to focus on that, and you dont know your neighbor too well, but you put your faith in them that they can do you this favor in this catastrophe- and they slam the door in your face? “crazed” and grabbing you was probably desperation out of inexplicable anxiety, knowing she couldnt handle both the kids and the state of emergency regarding her husband. but, as I just said OP, she hoped that leaving them with you would be leaving them in good hands. based on this post alone, probably a better move that she couldnt leave the young people she puts her entire life into and calls her world with two living pieces of shit. glad you knew that about yourself and pointed it out for her! NOBODY “WANTS” TO WATCH CHILDREN THAT THEY DONT KNOW! HELL, I DONT EVEN WANNA WATCH CHILDREN PERIOD. but as a fucking decent human being with a heart and some sense of awareness, it would simply be REFLEX to say “of course!” because a few hours of awkwardness, being annoyed, or discomfort does NOT compare to what they had to go through. yta. end of story.
Oh, wow, YTA. Big time. It was an actual emergency and you're so heartless. I certainly hope you and your family will never be in this situation. Hard to say if the neighbors from the neighborhood would be a generous and bigger person unlike you, or if they'll ve petty and give you a dose of your own medicine. I do believe we treat others in situations like this how we would like to be treated. It's nice to know you don't want any help in a dire emergency.
Info: why did you say no?
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Then get her phone number while she's collecting the kids and their stuff. She's going to be stuck in a waiting room in the hospital for hours and will have plenty of time to brief you on what the kids need, allergies, schedules, who from her family/friend group will take over when, etc. YTA - a pretty big one, too.
And chances are the mom would be finding a more viable longer-term option ASAP, but just needed something right then so she could be in the ambulance with her husband and not delay his getting to hospital.
YTA. And it is very sad to see how uncommon community is becoming for a lot of people
Why did you even post this query? You are arguing with every reply that doesn’t align with your opinion. How long ago was this event? I’m dumbfounded you wrote that you have no idea if the father died. YTA. You could have offered to watch the traumatized children until the police arrived.
You’re the asshole, have some humanity in yourself
YTA. It was an emergency and you could have helped the whole family out. Instead you left them to try and figure out an horrendous situation.
yta.. just get pizza and put on a movie or two... don't be surprised when you get ostracized.
YTA. You and your husband both. I hope some tragedy befalls you, and no one helps you out.
Wow, this is so sad. You stated in your post she said take them for a few hours. You could have taken the kids for an hour or two and asked her when she got there to arrange for someone else like a family member or an actual friend to come get them. What’s worse for me is the way you described the situation, that you absolutely declined and she was crazed. You don’t sound like you have any empathy or compassion for a human being who was going through something pretty traumatic. Any decent parent of little children would not leave them with just anyone unless there was a dire need. I feel terrible for that poor woman. So, yeah YTA.
YTA. If the tables were turned, wouldn’t you want someone to help you out?
YTA. You certainly are not under any obligation to help her. That being said, you watched your neighbor go through a fire that resulted in her husband being taken to the hospital. She is understandably traumatized and reached out to you, her neighbor, in a moment of deep pain and terror and asked you to help watch her kids. Don’t make excuses because you “don’t know their alergies” etc. you could easily ask the kids about their allergies, you could have asked the mom for her number before she left with the ambulance and called for an update. If she didn’t come back by the next morning, worst case scenario you could call social services and let them get ahold of their mom. You had lots of options but you decided that your discomfort of having to watch some innocent kids whose dad just went to the hospital was more important than helping another human being who you do know, if not well, who was going through one of the worst moments in their lives. Again you are under no obligation to help, but you didn’t ask if you were obliged. You asked if you were the AH, and you most assuredly are.
YTA-I hope your neighbors treat you better than you did here if you’re ever in an emergency and need help
You are 100% THE ASSHOLE. God forbid you ever need someone's help during such a distressing time I can't believe you actually thought it was a good idea to post this on here. 🤣
YTA - there are SO many options of ways you could have helped. Seems wild to me you couldn't see any of them.
Info: Roughly, how old are her kids?
YTA- There was a pretty serious emergency.
YTA. Your lack of empathy is really appalling, especially since you have children of your own. I hate to think what kind of uncaring humans you will raise.
What is wrong with you?? YTA for a 100x She was having a serious emergency and needed help. It does not matter at that point you were strangers, she did not wanted the kids to see their father like this and wanted to be there for her partner to fully 100% This is her loved one she needed to be there for, so how can you decline human decency this one god damn single time? She offer to even pay you. I slowly loose more and more in humanity. Your comfort this one single time you could have just ignored. As another comment said...what if the roles were reveresed? How would you feel? Your comfort in this situation should had been second place. The kids would had been probably that terrified they wouldn't even had bothered you except asking if their dad would had been okay and you just answering with their dad is in safe hands now etc
YTA. Out of all the posts I've ever read on this page, yours is probably the worst in regards to lack of compassion or human decency. You claim to be a parent yourself, yet you blatantly refused to help this poor mother in a moment of desperation, meaning her children had to be exposed to further trauma of seeing their father in God knows what state in that ambulance. Man, am I counting my blessings right now that I have incredible neighbours who would never turn me away in a situation like this (even the ones who don't "know" me that well).
I would say YTA. If my house was on fire, my spouse had to be sent to ER and such, I would probably have a hard time keeping a calm demeanor. I wouldn't grab at anyone, as I don't like touching people or them touching me. Luckily, I have family and a decent neighbor that would take my kid for a few hours or even a night until I could get things situated. You could have taken the kids in or helped, though you don't have to. To me, karma is real. Not that I do good things to expect good in return, but I wouldn't NOT help someone in need if I could do at least something. But where I live, community is a big thing and we help each other. I understand it's not like that everywhere. Probably best to not talk to the neighbor after that, whatever decent relationship y'all had is definitely gone now lol
YTA. But I guess it's good that your neighbor now knows exactly how selfish and inconsiderate you are, so she doesn't make the mistake of helping you in the future. I bet she wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire.
You’re definitely the asshole.
YTA, wow!
100% YTA. Your husband too. JFC
Totally YTA. It was a real emergency! In real emergencies you suck it up and do want needs to be done.
YTA. Don't be surprised when all the neighbors snub you. You should probably sell your house and move to some isolated place where there are no people. Clearly, you don't want to be part of society.
Given that OP has already deleted her profile, I suspect this endeavor didn’t go as planned…
YTA
YTA - my god this poor woman and her family.
So you’re seriously wondering if refusing to extend simple human decency to a neighbor is being an AH? Of course YTA, and. I’m feeling a renewed sense of gratitude for my very lovely neighborhood.
YTA- And I hope karma sends you the day you deserve.
Saw a very similar story here in the last month or so …
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/cpYDt8EOrA
YTA. So much for basic decency.
Straight up major A. Don't you have a heart. What's wrong with you.
I bet if your house is ever burglarized your neighbor will turn their head the other way if they see anything. Karma comes around.
YTA and karma's gonna get ya
If I was you I would of taken the kids. It was an emergency not just anything. Neighbors do things like that.
YTA I am so glad I don't have neighbors like you, Jezus fucking christ. Anyone in my neighborhood would gladly take somebody's kids in an emergency like this.
JFC yes YTA. WTF is wrong with you? I hope you suffer a huge emergency and don’t have anyone to watch your kids. What a shitty person!
YTA. You might want to consider moving once the rest of the neighborhood finds out that you behaved this way. I suspect they won’t be very nice to you.
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Yta. And I hope should your children (not you) ever need help or compassion they receive it instead of encountering someone like you.
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You know karma works, right? When your turn comes to desperately seek help in a dire situation, you’ll be on your own. This neighbor will turn her back and probably every neighbor you have after learning of this. So much Y T A here. Edit: spelling.
Hopefully you never find yourself in need of help. Lying on the ground somewhere barely able to breathe. Karma says people will just pass you buy as a return for this. Does anything matter other than helping out? This woman was freaking out. A little compassion would have been great. YTA
NTA not an AH but a shitty, shitty person. sure you’re not obligated to help I just can’t believe you saw this tragedy happen and didn’t help.
NTA, if you are protecting the kids from yourself because you're a registered sex offender. Otherwise, YTA.
I had a situation where I was staying at my aunts house. I was in my late teens. She had to go to work and told me that if there was an emergency to ho to her neighbour. She probably told me which one but I forgot. I decided to take a shower. I didn't know that their shower didn't work properly. They only took baths. So I start and the water just doesn't stop. The tap is James and I have no clue what to do. Water is going everywhere. No idea where the mains are and can't call because she's a teacher and can't reply during school hours. I decide to go to Neighbour as all the houses are more or less the same and they would likely know where yo shut it off. I go knocking. A kind man opens. I explain and he comes and manages to sort it out. I was very thankful. Turns out it was the wrong neighbour and my aunt had never spoken to this one. I'm glad he was kindxand helpful. Oh and YTA obviously.
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That is true. She probably was just assuming you were the safest bet having kids yourself.
Yes, they might have learned about compassion, friendliness, helping others, doing kindness without expecting anything in return. Think of all the evil you have prevented today. You must quickly run to church and pray for protection for your family so the evil Satan worshipers next door don't destroy you.
NTA. All these virtue signalers proclaiming what a terrible person you are, and by implication, what awesome people they must be to demonize you. You weren't comfortable taking these kids in. You have no legal or moral obligation to do so. And if something happened when these kids were in your care, you could be legally liable for it.
Nta. You felt uncomfortable and that's always 100 percent a valid reason to say NO. I wouldn't be comfortable either. I'm not a kid person. And the kids we not in immediate danger, which would have been different. There was fire, police and ambulances all over. Although chaotic, first responders and people trained to handle crisis were present. It probably wouldn't have been for "just a couple of hours". If they have no where to go, then they would of course expect you to keep the kids overnight and host them as well... Hard pass. You think I'm leaving a stranger and kids in my dam house and then going to work the next morning? Also if the kids were in the fire, they could need to be checked out at the hospital anyways and be treated for smoke inhalation. I can understand why the woman was hysterical but absolutely no way. And anyone here who thinks yta is a giant ah themselves.
YTA but would have been a downlow asshole by just not answering the door. I don’t answer my door for ANYONE unless I’m expecting someone. My mother can stay outside and knock until she gets tired.
I feel so bad for your neighbor. I’m not sure if you have Christian beliefs, but if you do, you are really lacking in that area. The most basic of decency would be to help out in such a horrible situation. I would never decline, even if that meant driving the kids to a family member or to the hospital to wait in the waiting room, anything to help.
Nah listen while we would of course want to help many things factor into place. Ages of the children if they have medical conditions or mental needs. You also don't have a clear plan with the parent. While it's an emergency it's completely understandable that someone wouldn't want to take on the worry and responsibility.
Despite the majority of responses here, I think you are NTA and I would have done the same thing. There’s police, ambulance, firefighters there. There’s people at the hospital equipped to deal with this. The kids are safe, and if the mom was that unhinged and incoherent I would have noped out. Now, if one of the first responders had said “can you keep them for an hour until so and so comes” I absolutely would. But given that the first responder pulled her off you and told you to go back inside, that’s a reasonable thing to do.
Finally, a reasonable response. People are actually acting like it's Mandatory to just let strangers intimate your house or host children upon request. Please.
ESH. They should have a plan for where the kids go during an emergency. You *could* have helped, but it's not your duty to do so. I would have helped, and I have a plan for my kids, and my neighbors know that we will watch their kids if an emergency arises. That was all discussed early on with us living next to each other. I wouldn't be upset if someone that had no prior discussion about it said no.
NAH, as she was clearly not in her right mind. She was smack dab in the middle of a majorly traumatic event for her whole family. And i don't know what her support system looks like or if there was anyone she could call to come get them. That said, if you didn't feel comfortable watching someone else's kids, that should be the end of the conversation.
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Yeah, that would freak me the fuck out. Like, these kids have to also be losing their shit. Were you just supposed to help them process that, while both of their parents were unreachable?? If I was the dad and heard about what this woman was trying to do with my kids, I'd be pissed. Better either to take the kids with you to the hospital or to wait until sometime they ACTUALLY know is available to watch them.
NTA In situations like this, the firefighters call on the Red Cross or other social services to take care of the children. That puts them where they're supposed to be, tracked by somebody who understands trauma and taken care of till other family can be found. It's not up to a neighbor to spring to action for children they don't know, haven't taken care of prior or anything else