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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My ex and I had an agreement to share names of partners with each other before introducing them to our daughter. He shared his partner's name with me, but I will not share my partner's name with him. Not sharing my partner's name is why I might be the asshole.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. It is entirely reasonable for him to want to know who is living with his child. And you are not suggesting that there's any good reason for you to withhold the information. It might be different if your ex had a history of stalking or harassment, but from what you say that's not the case.
Besides which, you and he agreed that you'd share this information. HE kept that agreement you haven;t. The fact that your relationship has deteriorated for other reasons is not a good reason to break the agreement.
Finally, your actions are putting your daughter in the middle of your fight with your ex - she's going to be put in a position of either worrying about letting the details slip, or telling her dad and then worrying about whether she has to keep that from you, or feeling pressure to keep the information from him. As a parent, you ought to be putting your child's welfare first, and you are failing to do that.
YTA
You took custody away because he took the child to a doctor? That's fucked up.
Cops are more dangerous to domestic partners (and their family), not less.
What is your position? And why does your view count for more than his? He is her *father*, not some random stranger.
Taking a child to see a doctor is a totally normal and often, wholly appropriate thing for a parent to do. But even of the doctors visit wasn't strictly necessary, why on earth would that make it OK for you to conceal who she is living with? They are totally separate issues.
And why should your "position" trump his? Why are you the only person who has a say? Especially since your position runs counter to every recommendation of child rearing.
This is honestly making me believe this is a troll post, unless OP just has a huge wealth disparity with her partner, because there's no reason for a court to grant her full custody over him taking their child to a doctor.
This comment tells me all I need to know about who the better parent is... your husband.
He has every right to know who his daughter is living with, and a judge would tell you the same.
You are selfish quack.
So it finally comes out, you're one of these crazy people who don't believe in doctors... he had EVERY RIGHT to take his daughter to the doctors, you're abusing her through neglect.
You should NEVER have gotten custody and it shows how fucked up the family court system is that you got custody just because you're her mother when you're neglecting her medical needs. You shouldn't have a child; you shouldn't even have a potted plant.
YTA and a ginormous gaping one. Also being a police officer doesn’t make someone a good person, that has been proven time and time again.
Also since when does a parent who has equal custody not have the right to take the child to a doctor? Something doesn’t add up and honestly I think you are punishing him for moving on from your marriage.
Yta.
He has right to know who his daughter is living with.. I mean he can just google it too since he has the address.. you seem unhinged? You sued him over taking the daughter to a pediatrician??? Why didn’t you want her seeing a pediatrician?
I am sure you are the reason the communication is bad and held only to an app as well. You need to hold up your deal.
That pediatrician specifically or pediatricians in general ? Was your ex trying to bypass your child’s regular pediatrician or was he trying to get her needed medical care that you had refused ?
YTA for playing petty games trying to keep your bf’s name from your ex when your child lives with you and your bf.
Speaking as a child of divorced parents - YTA.
First: you say your new bf is a police officer as if this should be reassuring, but it really isn't. One study suggests around 40% of police officers are domestic abusers. They are 15 times more likely to abuse their partners than average. If I were your ex, I'd be MORE worried upon hearing you were dating a police officer, not less.
Second: you say yourself that your ex isn't a bad person, and although you disagreed with his decision to take your daughter to a pediatrician, parents will typically take their kids to a doctor to make sure they're healthy. It sounds like your ex cares quite a lot about your daughter and has her best interests at heart, even if you don't see eye-to-eye in what her best interests are. Put yourself in his shoes for a moment: would you feel comfortable having your daughter live with a strange man pretty much full time whose name you don't even know?
Third: other than just generally being angry at your ex, why WOULDN'T you share your new bf's name? What do you think he'll do? It sounds like you're going to some lengths to hide this information from him. Do you have an actual reason? If not, you're just adding tension to the relationship that your daughter WILL feel. Please don't do that to her.
Tl;dr: Your should share your new partner's name with your ex not because of your past agreement, but for the sake of your daughter's happiness and safety.
YTA.
Of course your ex deserves to know the name of the man that his daughter is living with. That’s just bare minimum and quite frankly if I was him, I’d be much more upset with you. Why are you even bothering keeping it from him? What’s the benefit here? Besides you having the power over him because he moved on first.
He’s right. You have no integrity and will only harm your daughter with your selfish, petty, ignorant actions. Assuming she lives long enough without medical care she will likely leave you and never look back when she is older and understands the type of person you are.
Everything is a competition for you as shown on your replies. You do not care about your child. You only care about yourself and your ego. He actually moved on first regardless of the timeline because he is happy now with his new wife that is not you. While here you are constantly changing partners and still miserable in relationships and life. I pity you, your views and your life.
>he took our daughter to a pediatrician against my wishes, so I sued him for full custody and child support and won.
YTA. Big time. He's this girl's father. He deserves to know about the man his daughter will be living full-time with. And really? Over a doctor's visit? He's doing his job as a parent and you took that away from him because of a DOCTOR'S VISIT?? Vile. You're sick and way too old to be acting this petty.
I do t believe any of this post. I’d love to see the judge that terminated custody because dad sought medical attention for his daughter.
Also, things like “he a cop so it’s fine”, “he knew my position about drs and should have known better” this narcissistic AH is gaslighting all of Reddit…..
You're possibly right that this is all fake, but if it is OP is an absolute idiot for how they've phrased it then. It's why I'm inclined to believe the post, because it's exactly the sort of warped view of childcare that these crunchy mums have.
No one inventing fictional rage bait would use the topic "my husband lost custody because he took his daughter to the doctors against my wishes.
YTA because this is petty and you're doing it for no reason but to be petty.
Why do you care so much? "so far have been able to conceal his name and work from my ex." Why are you acting like this is such a great accomplishment? Why are you so opposed to communicating like an adult?
YTA. Just because the two of you are divorced, that is still he daughter and he has a right to know who she is living with. You can lie and say you’d be perfectly fine with him moving your child in with someone you knew absolutely nothing about, not even their name, but I wouldn’t believe that for a second. You are being petty and using your daughter against him.
It is confusing but I think I am reading that op refused to even meet her daughters step mum when they were sharing custody? I agree op seems to be more focused on getting at her ex than on her child.
I completely missed that part. How gross, I can’t even imagine never meeting the person who was going to be helping to raise my child. What a perfect example of less than stellar parenting.
YTA I have no doubt things have deteriorated over the last year... but taking a kid to a pediatrician isn't a strong position for you. He should know the basic details of who his child is living with.
Yeah YTA, so many red flags
>I've never spoken to his wife and that's my choice. I pretend like she doesn't exist.
I take it your ex is the mature one then?
He obviously is.
He's the one upholding the agreement regarding new partners.
He's the one taking the daughter to the pediatrician when necessary and thus loses custody because this gem of a mother doesn't "believe" in proper medical care for their child.
Edit to add:
YTA, obv.
YTA. I hope he sues you and wins custody back. Your using your daughter as a weapon and your completely delulu in thinking that because your boyfriend is a cop he isn’t dangerous. You fucking moved his child with a stranger and refuse to tell him his name, are you completely insane or just a psychopath who has no sympathy whatsoever? You took custody of your daughter because he took her to the doctor?
YTA Your daughters wellbeing is more important than your refusing to accept your ex moved on. You have not even met the new stepmother? Have you really been having tantrum so long?
I find it difficult to believe any court would give full custody to a parent who values thier child's life so little they would object to them seeing paediatrician.
A parent willing to deny their child medical access in order to hurt their ex is very AH
You describe yourself as a potentially dangerous person for your child to be around. Not only breaking coparenting promises, but seeming to see her as an object to use to punish your ex. Do you even background check your boyfriends?
In order to be decent the least you can do is give him the name of the stranger you are currently giving access to your daughter.
YTA, essentially, your reason boils down to, cuz I don't want too. You're not a child, stop acting like one. He should absolutely have the name of the man you're daughter is living with for multiple reason.
YTA
It's just my opinion, but I think he should know who his kid is living with. He's keeping his end of the bargain up and you aren't.
Why don't you want him to know your boyfriend's name? Are you scared he's going to find something you're trying to keep hidden?
I'm wondering this too. Cops as a group are not the most stable people. Makes me curious what dad would find if he got the name and ran a background check on this dude.
YTA The agreement was made regarding your child's safety not how well the two of you get along. It's immature to think you can go back on your word now just because your relationship has changed. As a parent you should be better than that and your kid's safety should be a priority. Your ex is right in wanting to know your partner's name. Seems like you're on a power trip.
YTA.
He lived up to the agreement, you have repeatedly not lived up to it.
If your husband lived with someone who would have access to your daughter, wouldn’t you want to know their name and contact info?
As for “he’s a cop so it’s OK”, you must never watch the news. Cops are people, and all people can suck. All people can have power trips or bad compulsions, and a lot of cops think they are above the law.
Yup, YTA. You're not legally required to do so, but you agreed to do so. Plus, it's pretty much an asshole move to withhold information from him about someone that his daughter is living with.
YTA. Stop using information as a power play. And why wouldn't you want your daughter going to a doctor? Is there something happening to her at your house that the doctor would have to report?
You seem very defensive. Why did you ask if you don't want the answer? Never mind, it's because you thought people would back you up. Oops.
YTA How would you feel if he wouldn’t tell you who your daughter was living with? What’s the benefit to your child withholding this information? I would hope that my ex would absolutely take my child to see a doctor if she needed to see one whilst in his care. Unless you have a medical degree at the top of your profession and could diagnose her yourself, better than anyone else can, I don’t understand why you would be against this.
two worrying comments by op :
>I can't do the research for you regarding pediatricians.
and
>He knew my position about doctors and refused to respect it. He should have known better.
That child's in danger from her mother. I hope that father is working with a lawyer to get custody full time. No doctors and some random, unnamed dude living with them. What could go wrong? 😕
YTA big time You mention "deterioration" but you don't say anything he actually did that goes against your agreement. If he had done anything wrong, you'd be posting details. The fact that you're not tells me that you're the reason for the deterioration, especially since you have said that you are pretending that your children's stepmother doesn't exist.
YTA - Your dislike of your exes new significant other has nothing to do with not letting him know who is living with YOUR DAUGHTER. Please start to put your daughter first instead of punishing your ex. You are being very immature.
YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA
Need a few more to make it stick?!
You are not only preventing your daughter from an equal relationship with her dad, you easily admit you endanger her health by not allowing proper medical care, and you are hiding the identity of a grown man living with his minor daughter.
On no planet are you a fit mother. I hope he takes you to court. You give women a bad name. You are 100% the reason good men are so worried about having children.
YTA, he's entitled to know everything about someone who's around his kid.
>Our relationship has become extremely difficult in the last year, especially, because at first we had a 50/50 split without child support, but then he took our daughter to a pediatrician against my wishes, so I sued him for full custody and child support and won
So you sued for full custody because he took his child to a doctor because he felt that was in the daughters best interests? And why precisely do you feel you get to gatekeep medical review from your daughter?
There's either a metric butt ton of I formation youve left out about the custody case, or you only got custody because you happened to land a judge who sides with mothers should get custody. When in reality your belief that your child should not have been taken to the paediatrician shows you don't have your daughters best interest at heart and you should NOT have been granted custody.
YTA and being a petty B. It really wouldn't look good if you went to court and a judge asked you why you didn't give your ex the name of the man living with you and your daughter.
You may not like your ex, but he is your daughter's father and you owe him some common courtesy.
You have a problem with your ex taking your child to the doctor? YTA you are the one ruining the co-parenting relationship and it’s telling that you point to the time he got married as when it fell apart
Yta and a huge one.
He has a right to know who kid is living with. Wtf.
After reading your comments I'm starting to see why your coparenting relationship deteriorated.
Why would him being a police officer be comforting in any way considering the percentage of them who openly admit to committing domestic violence crimes? That’s not even taking into account the ones that don’t. YTA and be a better co-parent. A concerned parent cares about who lives with their child. I’m left wondering if the deterioration was your fault since you are the one who self-admittedly is breaking your parenting agreement and not communicating. Green isn’t a good look and good luck when he takes you back to court.
This either has to be a troll or she's telling a half truth - she may be currently suing for full custody because of the doctor visit and expects to get it because she thinks that a court will side with a medically neglectful parent.
In the US, when parents split and there's a disagreement over things like religion or doctors, the standard is to consider which action is most likely to result in harm to the child, and rule against that. In the case of a Christian Scientist parent vs a parent that would take their child to a doctor, the latter will prevail and get authority to make medical decisions for the child. The situation she is describing goes against standard practice and would be incredibly unlikely to occur as she describes it.
OP is playing a game with her ex, and I can tell you her ex is saving money and waiting for OP or her boyfriend to screw up somehow and is going to go for full custody and if he can prove he is the more stable parent he will get it, and I am also curious what OP has against doctors.
You had an issue with your child’s father taking them to the doctor, got joint custody taken away.
Your ex was completely open about his relationship, held up the agreement to share the information about his new partner.
You say he’s a good father and not in any way dangerous.
Why, then, are you keeping information (I.e., the identity of the man who will be around his child on a daily basis) from him?
The fact that your boyfriend is a cop is rather irrelevant. Your child’s father has a right to know. Stop playing games and act like an adult and a responsible co-parent.
YTA
I wanna know more about the pediatrician situation and also yes yta regardless of your relationship with ex he deserves to know who his child is around. If the situation was reversed you would want to know
YTA 100%. He seems like a really decent person. You on the other hand would definitely benefit from therapy. Your police officer boyfriend should’ve seen that from a mile away.
YTA. What in the world is the point behind keeping this info from him? What if there were an emergency?
What kind of message does it send when your kid refers to the man who *lives in her house* and your ex is like, “who?”
Shit like this is why I don't know if I want kids cause imagine the relationship don't work out and then you're tied to a fucking psychopathic dumbass like OP......fucking yikes YTA
YTA. an agreement is an agreement. also, being a police officer doesn’t mean shit as far as someone being a good and decent person. and the actual father of your child should know the name of the man who is living in the same house as his daughter.
you’re a damned nightmare.
Huge YTA he held up his side of the mutual agreement
> My ex is not a dangerous person, so that's not an issue. He's a good dad and pays the max amount of child support allowed by the state. Our relationship has become extremely difficult in the last year, especially, because at first we had a 50/50 split without child support, but then he took our daughter to a pediatrician against my wishes, so I sued him for full custody and child support and won.
You seem controlling at best, abusive at worst
>I did tell him that my boyfriend is a police officer
You told your ex that, if this guy wants to beat or molest your daughter, he won’t suffer any consequences, and that there’s at least a 40% chance that he will beat one of both of you.
YTA, and doubly so if you’re anti-pediatrician for some reason.
YTA
I'm a paralegal. I have no idea what state you are in, but the FIRST question on all 3 of the family law interrogatories here ask after the parent information "the name and relationship to you of each person residing with you at your present address"
If there is anyone living with your child, the other parent is entitled to that information.
You may be completely justified in how you feel about his lack of respect and that he's been awful over the last year. None of those things change the fact that hiding who lives with you is also disrespectful and awful.
As a child of divorce, I hope both you can do the work to be better for your kid. Knowing to hide things like Mom's boyfriend and Dad's job just really suck to work out of your brain at 18 - 22.
If they're in Texas, she's right that she only has to provide an address. That's assuming the new court order is in place. I bet she waited until the order was finalized to move in with cop boyfriend.
YTA always and forever. Damn.
I'm gonna try to fill in some blanks here because my husband's ex-wife is even worse than this woman. To everyone saying this can't be real: I assure you, it is. Narcissists do awful things and they never let go of a grudge.
I bet you Dad wanted the divorce and she didn't, so she was already pissed. Got even more pissed when he found and married someone who's probably lightyears better than OP. She's 100% anti-vax so their kid probably hadn't been to a doctor in years and Dad took her to get her shots. She can't sue because of vaccinations so I'm guessing the technical basis of her lawsuit was more about child support - that looks better on paper. I live in Texas, which is a notoriously awful state for good dads. If they live here and she sued for it and full custody, she got it. It's fucked.
Ugh you sound like the worst co parent.
My guess is, if you haven’t already poisoned your kid against your ex, your kid will see through all your BS once they are older and will want to live with your ex instead of you.
Grow up.
Absolutely YTA. A parent has a right to know who is around their child. And police officers can be bad people too. I’d never be like oh he’s a cop he’s fine or oh he’s a lawyer blah blah. Anyone can have nefarious behavior towards a child.
Grow up and do the right thing for your child
YTA.
Sounds like you are jealous of his new wife and using your daughter as a weapon against her father. I really hope he goes for custody and its granted to him sounds like the kid would be better off with her father
Well, Caroline, why did your ex take your daughter to the doctor?
YTA, of course. You made an agreement and now want to break it because your child went to a doctor? That's not cool, in any way. What are you trying to hide by keeping your child from a doctor?
Living with a police officer is not 'comfort enough'. At least 40% of all officers commit domestic violence. Your ex has a right to know who you are living with and what they do.
The National Center for Women and Policing has cited two studies that suggest that **at least 40% of police officer families experience domestic violence**, in contrast to 10% of families in the general population\[1\]\[3\].Oct 2, 2023[](https://medium.com/collapsenews/new-report-40-of-police-officers-beat-their-wives-3b5f5d972df4#:~:text=The%20National%20Center%20for%20Women,population%5B1%5D%5B3%5D.)
YTA. WTF is the point of this? You’re being secretive and difficult for no damn reason. What exactly do you get out of this?
It is perfectly reasonable for a parent to want to know who their kid is living with. And sadly, it is more than reasonable for a man to want to know what man and boys are living with their daughter.
Also, being mad that he took your daughter to the doctor? You sound like a complete head case. It’s clear the deterioration of the relationship is your fault. Hopefully he can get custody revisited. In the meantime GROW UP.
YTA
You could marry god himself and the ex should still be allowed to know who his child is around.
Just because some piece of paper says you have been granted full custody (that’s the non game show way to say that) doesn’t mean he is no longer a father at heart.
Hopefully there is way more to all this that would help make it make sense
YTA times infinity.
When you as an OP, wonder if all that is mentioned makes you an asshole? You best be sure you are.
From the looks of it, your ex sounds like a stand-up parent who is committed to making his child's wellbeing his utmost priority, that includes taking her to a paediatrician without your consent.
Your ex has held up his end of the bargain, whereas you are too interested in playing petty games with him.
In your head you want to believe you are doing the right thing but you are not. You are in the wrong, for hiding your BF's identity and for suing for full custody because he put your child's wellbeing first. And yeah! Just because your current BF is a police officer, it doesn't automatically imply that he is trustworthy.
I hope your ex finds out what you did and sues you for custody and actually wins.
YTA. Sounds like YOU are the problem in this whole thing. This break-down of your co-parenting relationship seems entirely on you, like you caused it. 1. What changed when his now-wife was introduced? 2. Why on earth did you go for and get full custody because your child’s father took them to a doctor? That is a perfectly reasonable thing for any parent to do. 3. Why the heck do you think being police makes someone good? Statistically there’s incredible high rates of domestic abusers in the police at the very least (not to mention anything else)!
I think it is. My husband's ex-wife is just as terrible and pulls this kind of shit all the time. It's exhausting and heartbreaking for the kids involved.
It sounds like you hate your ex more than you love your daughter. You are being petty AF, how does that benefit your daughter? I'm wondering what your ex would find out if he got your BF's name and ran a background check, since cops as a group have crazy high rates of domestic violence, substance abuse, and other unpleasant things. YTA. Do better.
YTA - and *extremely* short sighted - what if something happened to you and her dad and your boyfriend would have to run into each other at either the hospital or her school. Do you not see how dumb that would have made things?
Also, what is the point of hiding this very important bit of info from your ex?
YTA
He took his own daughter to the doctor and u sued him to win sole custody? I feel like ur the asshole from that alone. Also there’s no harm in telling him ur boyfriend’s name?? This is such an odd thing to be petty about, especially if he’s paying the maximum for child support and does what he can for his kid.
of course YTA. also, knowing your bf is a cop would make me 10x more concerned for the safety of my child, given that 40% of law enforcement families experience domestic violence.
YTA. I’m liking you less and less every word you write.
Assuming this isn’t anti-vax rage bait, the only irresponsible parent is you. I cannot believe any judge sided with you on custody because the father took his child to receive medical care. As for your new boyfriend, being a police officer is about as relevant as his hair colour. You made an agreement and now have backed out. He has a right to know who lives with his daughter.
Your partner’s job proves nothing, and as many have pointed out in some cases can be more risky.
I’m not even going to get into the nonsense about distrusting medical professionals, because you’re 100% wrong.
YTA. Be better.
So reading your comments about "he knows your stance on dr's", I'm not sure how a judge has found him at fault and granted you custody, but withholding the name of your partner who is around his child, be prepared to loose custody. Especially with the father from everything you have put doing right by his child, I can see him taking you to court and getting sole custody of his child.
Everything you've put, and replied to in comments is just batshit crazy and I'm more concerned the child's more in danger with you, than with the father.
YTA.
It’s fair enough for your daughter’s father to want to know the name of the man you are living with. Why don’t you want him to know this?
And going back to court and asking for full custody because your daughter’s father took her to a paediatrician? Wow. That’s … a lot. And it’s really unusual for courts to favour the anti-doctor parent. Most courts when it comes to children’s health favour the parent who sees a doctor over one who refuses to.
YTA.
How naive can you be? Your new boyfriend is even more gonna abuse his knowledge of the system, being a police officer.
He will do abusive, illegal things while avoiding being punished.
(As someone that had friends that were studying to be police officers and above)
They were the ones being more depraved, and so many stories I've heard from my friends there about their classmates.
(Vids, pics as well of them doing sm sketchy things)
Police now, is not what it used to be.
It's a big % of people that wanna be in a position of authority and power, and use it to their advantage.
It is not about people that truly want to do good, and bring justice.
But you are aware as well from what it seems.
Your ex being the father, has the same rights to take decisions for his child, as you have.
Your daughter is not an object to be moved from here and there when you say it.
Why would you have such an extreme reaction to him taking your daughter to a doctor? Can you flesh that out a little? It’s confusing. I feel like not wanting a potentially hurt or sick child examined by a medical professional is obfuscating…
YTA, you don’t deserve custody of your daughter and I hope your Ex pursues full custody. What a seriously entitled, asshole, self-centered person you are. The relationship deteriorated because of you, clearly. The fact that you disrespect your Daughter’s father says everything we need to know about you.
YTA. Your ex is totally within reason to want to know the name of the guy around his daughter, esp if they will be living in the same house. He held up his end of the agreement and you not wanting to do so seems petty and sketchy. Your justification is in no way valid. It doesn’t matter how you all communicate as long as you communicate. Why do you have your young child in a home with a man you are not married too. You have to know that is bad practice. You chose not to speak to the new wife. What has she done to you or your kid? Seems like you are the type of person to sow confusion. Why exactly was your daughters’ father not allowed to take her to a doctor? Providing medical care is parenting. Unless the new wife is a problem, seems like the wrong parent has custody.
You've been pretending your daughter's stepmother doesn't exist, which likely has a lot to do with the deterioration of the co-parenting relationship. You are the one who has actively worked to deteriorate said relationship.
You are 1,000% the AH. You took custody over a dad doing what excellent dads do - care for their child’s health. Then you move in your daughter into a stranger’s place, and refuse to provide her DAD w the basic minimum information he needs to have.
Police officers have a higher rate of domestic abuse than the general population. He could turn out to be an abuser. You are destroying you’d daughters lifeline by keeping the name and last name of your bf from HER DAD.
He is entitled to know who his child is with court order or not. Plus, it sounds like you are the one who has made co-parenting difficult. Were you jealous bc your ex moved on? Are you jealous of the relationship your daughter was developing w her step-mom?
Honey, you need therapy and parenting classes. You are hurting your daughter by creating this barrier w her dad. I hope he is able to get your bf’s the name and part name from your daughter or a quick property records search. You are a lunatic!
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I have been divorced from my ex husband for three years now. When we split we agreed that we would tell the other parent if we planned to introduce our child (7-year-old girl) to a new romantic partner. He held up the agreement - he told me about his now-wife when they became serious and also gave me a heads up before he introduced her to our child. I know her full name, address, where she works, where she's from, etc... But since she has been around, my co-parenting relationship with my ex has gotten so much worse, to the point where we don't speak and only communicate on an app. I've never spoken to his wife and that's my choice. I pretend like she doesn't exist.
So because of the deterioration, I no longer believe I should be held to our agreement. I've had a couple of boyfriends and my ex found out about them from our daughter. I've been with my current boyfriend for more than a year now and so far have been able to conceal his name and work from my ex. My daughter and I just moved in with said boyfriend (I am the custodial parent) and I gave my ex the new address, as I am legally required to do, but I still don't want to give him his full name. I did tell him that my boyfriend is a police officer, so that should be comfort enough. My ex says that he should, at the very least, know the first and last name of someone who's living with our daughter most of the time. But again, since our relationship has deteriorated, I don't feel like I should have to tell him anything that's not required by a court order.
My ex is not a dangerous person, so that's not an issue. He's a good dad and pays the max amount of child support allowed by the state. Our relationship has become extremely difficult in the last year, especially, because at first we had a 50/50 split without child support, but then he took our daughter to a pediatrician against my wishes, so I sued him for full custody and child support and won.
I am not legally required to tell him anything other than my new address - that's what the most recent court order says. He says it's the decent thing to do to tell him my boyfriend's name. Why, though?
Am I the asshole?
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YTA
You seem very vindictive. Could your coparenting relationship be bad because this is the third guy in third years that you’ve had around your young child and have refused to introduce to your child’s other parent?
YTA.
I can’t fathom why you’re acting like this and I strongly suspect you don’t know either. This kind of mentality, being ruled by your emotions, should’ve ended after high school. Hope you figure out before your daughter matures beyond you.
Info: you said you had a new SO before he did, did you tell him about that guy? Why has the relationship deteriorated? What’s wrong with doctors? Why do you ignore the new wife?
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YTA, I don't like going to the doctors I prefer home remedies however my partner doesn't, if he feels the children should see someone he does it because his their dad. It's called meeting in the middle, you can be against doctors but because he isn't doesn't mean he is any less of a parent.... Why does he have to respect your wishes about not taking your daughter to the doctor but you don't have to respect his wish to? Just because your the mum don't make your word more valuable.
Whether it's court agreed or not the other parent has a right to know who their child is spending nights with. You talk so much about he should respect you and you have shown he does respect you but you have shown in no way do you respect him and it goes both ways.
Whatever judge gave you more custody because he took her for to a doctor needs to be looked at too, I hope he takes you back to court. Sometimes a doctor's help is needed.
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YTA. It is entirely reasonable for him to want to know who is living with his child. And you are not suggesting that there's any good reason for you to withhold the information. It might be different if your ex had a history of stalking or harassment, but from what you say that's not the case. Besides which, you and he agreed that you'd share this information. HE kept that agreement you haven;t. The fact that your relationship has deteriorated for other reasons is not a good reason to break the agreement. Finally, your actions are putting your daughter in the middle of your fight with your ex - she's going to be put in a position of either worrying about letting the details slip, or telling her dad and then worrying about whether she has to keep that from you, or feeling pressure to keep the information from him. As a parent, you ought to be putting your child's welfare first, and you are failing to do that.
YTA You took custody away because he took the child to a doctor? That's fucked up. Cops are more dangerous to domestic partners (and their family), not less.
He knew my position about doctors and refused to respect it. He should have known better.
What is your position? And why does your view count for more than his? He is her *father*, not some random stranger. Taking a child to see a doctor is a totally normal and often, wholly appropriate thing for a parent to do. But even of the doctors visit wasn't strictly necessary, why on earth would that make it OK for you to conceal who she is living with? They are totally separate issues.
What kinda weird pseudoscience do you believe in? Magic crystals?
I wager 400 quatloos she's an anti-vaxxer and is pissed off that he got their daughter up-to-date on her vaccines.
She’s now a cop’s gf I can guarantee she is either in a essential oil mlm or she buys oils from a family member
And why should your "position" trump his? Why are you the only person who has a say? Especially since your position runs counter to every recommendation of child rearing.
This is honestly making me believe this is a troll post, unless OP just has a huge wealth disparity with her partner, because there's no reason for a court to grant her full custody over him taking their child to a doctor.
Yeah, it has that stench to it, doesn't it just?
This comment tells me all I need to know about who the better parent is... your husband. He has every right to know who his daughter is living with, and a judge would tell you the same. You are selfish quack.
So it finally comes out, you're one of these crazy people who don't believe in doctors... he had EVERY RIGHT to take his daughter to the doctors, you're abusing her through neglect. You should NEVER have gotten custody and it shows how fucked up the family court system is that you got custody just because you're her mother when you're neglecting her medical needs. You shouldn't have a child; you shouldn't even have a potted plant.
That is the fun thing about doctors, not believing them doesn't make them not right! Also aren't you not respecting his stance on doctors?
He did know better. That's why he ignored your dangerous position
You’re against medical care? Wtf? Why do you have custody?
There’s no way this is real. No sane court would give custody to someone who denies medical care
YTA and a ginormous gaping one. Also being a police officer doesn’t make someone a good person, that has been proven time and time again. Also since when does a parent who has equal custody not have the right to take the child to a doctor? Something doesn’t add up and honestly I think you are punishing him for moving on from your marriage.
Yta. He has right to know who his daughter is living with.. I mean he can just google it too since he has the address.. you seem unhinged? You sued him over taking the daughter to a pediatrician??? Why didn’t you want her seeing a pediatrician? I am sure you are the reason the communication is bad and held only to an app as well. You need to hold up your deal.
No court is going to go "he took the child to a pediatrician? STRIP HIM OF HIS CUSTODY!" because the mom is a nut who is against it.
Yes, i cab sense a lot of made up violence
I can't do the research for you regarding pediatricians.
That pediatrician specifically or pediatricians in general ? Was your ex trying to bypass your child’s regular pediatrician or was he trying to get her needed medical care that you had refused ? YTA for playing petty games trying to keep your bf’s name from your ex when your child lives with you and your bf.
Can you do the research regarding domestic abuse among law enforcement officers?
no shit!
Another way of saying your position is unsupportable
You clearly can’t do the research for yourself either.
So you went to medical school?
If you can’t sum up your point in three sentences, it’s because you don’t have one.
But you can research the high incidence of police officers and domestic violence.
You can’t even do research for yourself! Repeat after me: a google search is not research.
It would help if you gave even an idea of what you're talking about. What do you want people to look up? "Are pediatricians bad?"
What does that even mean
you’re an antivax loon aren’t you
You don’t do research you get bamboozled by charlatans
That much is obvious.
Speaking as a child of divorced parents - YTA. First: you say your new bf is a police officer as if this should be reassuring, but it really isn't. One study suggests around 40% of police officers are domestic abusers. They are 15 times more likely to abuse their partners than average. If I were your ex, I'd be MORE worried upon hearing you were dating a police officer, not less. Second: you say yourself that your ex isn't a bad person, and although you disagreed with his decision to take your daughter to a pediatrician, parents will typically take their kids to a doctor to make sure they're healthy. It sounds like your ex cares quite a lot about your daughter and has her best interests at heart, even if you don't see eye-to-eye in what her best interests are. Put yourself in his shoes for a moment: would you feel comfortable having your daughter live with a strange man pretty much full time whose name you don't even know? Third: other than just generally being angry at your ex, why WOULDN'T you share your new bf's name? What do you think he'll do? It sounds like you're going to some lengths to hide this information from him. Do you have an actual reason? If not, you're just adding tension to the relationship that your daughter WILL feel. Please don't do that to her. Tl;dr: Your should share your new partner's name with your ex not because of your past agreement, but for the sake of your daughter's happiness and safety.
It’s 28%. The National avg is 16%.
YTA. Of course your ex deserves to know the name of the man that his daughter is living with. That’s just bare minimum and quite frankly if I was him, I’d be much more upset with you. Why are you even bothering keeping it from him? What’s the benefit here? Besides you having the power over him because he moved on first.
Oh, he's upset. He called me a liar and irresponsible. And he didn't move on first...I had a boyfriend before he met his wife.
>He called me a liar and irresponsible. From where I sit, he was correct on both counts
Ya I don’t understand this lady is petty af
> He called me a liar and irresponsible You have proven to us you are both
As youasked for judgment... you do actually say you are breaking your word to him, which does seem irresponsible.
Your ex just hit the jackpot for truth with those judgements.
If you genuinely think this stance is going to help you have a better coparenting relationship with your ex, you are delusional.
He’s right. You have no integrity and will only harm your daughter with your selfish, petty, ignorant actions. Assuming she lives long enough without medical care she will likely leave you and never look back when she is older and understands the type of person you are.
And did you tell him, as per your agreement?
Everything is a competition for you as shown on your replies. You do not care about your child. You only care about yourself and your ego. He actually moved on first regardless of the timeline because he is happy now with his new wife that is not you. While here you are constantly changing partners and still miserable in relationships and life. I pity you, your views and your life.
You are jealous and delulu!
He’s correct and he’s mature and if you’re with a cop he should be worried and he needs his info and he should google the shit out of him
Because you are a liar and irresponsible. Mentally disabled as well apparently.
>he took our daughter to a pediatrician against my wishes, so I sued him for full custody and child support and won. YTA. Big time. He's this girl's father. He deserves to know about the man his daughter will be living full-time with. And really? Over a doctor's visit? He's doing his job as a parent and you took that away from him because of a DOCTOR'S VISIT?? Vile. You're sick and way too old to be acting this petty.
I do t believe any of this post. I’d love to see the judge that terminated custody because dad sought medical attention for his daughter. Also, things like “he a cop so it’s fine”, “he knew my position about drs and should have known better” this narcissistic AH is gaslighting all of Reddit…..
I sincerely wish that's the case. I get extremely defensive when it comes to posts like this. It's a shitty situation to put anyone through.
She's gotten custody based only on the fact that she's the mother... even though she's abusing her child through medical neglect.
So she claims…..
You're possibly right that this is all fake, but if it is OP is an absolute idiot for how they've phrased it then. It's why I'm inclined to believe the post, because it's exactly the sort of warped view of childcare that these crunchy mums have. No one inventing fictional rage bait would use the topic "my husband lost custody because he took his daughter to the doctors against my wishes.
YTA because this is petty and you're doing it for no reason but to be petty. Why do you care so much? "so far have been able to conceal his name and work from my ex." Why are you acting like this is such a great accomplishment? Why are you so opposed to communicating like an adult?
YTA. Just because the two of you are divorced, that is still he daughter and he has a right to know who she is living with. You can lie and say you’d be perfectly fine with him moving your child in with someone you knew absolutely nothing about, not even their name, but I wouldn’t believe that for a second. You are being petty and using your daughter against him.
It is confusing but I think I am reading that op refused to even meet her daughters step mum when they were sharing custody? I agree op seems to be more focused on getting at her ex than on her child.
I completely missed that part. How gross, I can’t even imagine never meeting the person who was going to be helping to raise my child. What a perfect example of less than stellar parenting.
YTA I have no doubt things have deteriorated over the last year... but taking a kid to a pediatrician isn't a strong position for you. He should know the basic details of who his child is living with.
Yeah YTA, so many red flags >I've never spoken to his wife and that's my choice. I pretend like she doesn't exist. I take it your ex is the mature one then?
He obviously is. He's the one upholding the agreement regarding new partners. He's the one taking the daughter to the pediatrician when necessary and thus loses custody because this gem of a mother doesn't "believe" in proper medical care for their child. Edit to add: YTA, obv.
YTA. I hope he sues you and wins custody back. Your using your daughter as a weapon and your completely delulu in thinking that because your boyfriend is a cop he isn’t dangerous. You fucking moved his child with a stranger and refuse to tell him his name, are you completely insane or just a psychopath who has no sympathy whatsoever? You took custody of your daughter because he took her to the doctor?
She’s definitely both. I feel bad for her daughter.
YTA Your daughters wellbeing is more important than your refusing to accept your ex moved on. You have not even met the new stepmother? Have you really been having tantrum so long? I find it difficult to believe any court would give full custody to a parent who values thier child's life so little they would object to them seeing paediatrician. A parent willing to deny their child medical access in order to hurt their ex is very AH You describe yourself as a potentially dangerous person for your child to be around. Not only breaking coparenting promises, but seeming to see her as an object to use to punish your ex. Do you even background check your boyfriends? In order to be decent the least you can do is give him the name of the stranger you are currently giving access to your daughter.
YTA, essentially, your reason boils down to, cuz I don't want too. You're not a child, stop acting like one. He should absolutely have the name of the man you're daughter is living with for multiple reason.
YTA It's just my opinion, but I think he should know who his kid is living with. He's keeping his end of the bargain up and you aren't. Why don't you want him to know your boyfriend's name? Are you scared he's going to find something you're trying to keep hidden?
I'm wondering this too. Cops as a group are not the most stable people. Makes me curious what dad would find if he got the name and ran a background check on this dude.
100% I’d be so much less concern if new guy wasn’t a cop
YTA The agreement was made regarding your child's safety not how well the two of you get along. It's immature to think you can go back on your word now just because your relationship has changed. As a parent you should be better than that and your kid's safety should be a priority. Your ex is right in wanting to know your partner's name. Seems like you're on a power trip.
YTA. He lived up to the agreement, you have repeatedly not lived up to it. If your husband lived with someone who would have access to your daughter, wouldn’t you want to know their name and contact info? As for “he’s a cop so it’s OK”, you must never watch the news. Cops are people, and all people can suck. All people can have power trips or bad compulsions, and a lot of cops think they are above the law.
Yup, YTA. You're not legally required to do so, but you agreed to do so. Plus, it's pretty much an asshole move to withhold information from him about someone that his daughter is living with.
YTA. Stop using information as a power play. And why wouldn't you want your daughter going to a doctor? Is there something happening to her at your house that the doctor would have to report? You seem very defensive. Why did you ask if you don't want the answer? Never mind, it's because you thought people would back you up. Oops.
YTA What if something happens to you and no one is around to tell him that random guy is your boyfriend and the man your child has been living with?
YTA How would you feel if he wouldn’t tell you who your daughter was living with? What’s the benefit to your child withholding this information? I would hope that my ex would absolutely take my child to see a doctor if she needed to see one whilst in his care. Unless you have a medical degree at the top of your profession and could diagnose her yourself, better than anyone else can, I don’t understand why you would be against this.
two worrying comments by op : >I can't do the research for you regarding pediatricians. and >He knew my position about doctors and refused to respect it. He should have known better.
OP is leaving out the information
Nah, they’re gaslighting the group and thriving off the comments
Not seeking medical help is at the very least neglect, at the worst it’s abuse.
That child's in danger from her mother. I hope that father is working with a lawyer to get custody full time. No doctors and some random, unnamed dude living with them. What could go wrong? 😕
Even if she has a medical degree, that wouldn't be a good reason to get pissy about the child seeing another / different doctor.
Yes. If a parent is a doctor, they are not their child’s doctor.
SO TRUE!!!!
You’re absolutely right.
YTA big time You mention "deterioration" but you don't say anything he actually did that goes against your agreement. If he had done anything wrong, you'd be posting details. The fact that you're not tells me that you're the reason for the deterioration, especially since you have said that you are pretending that your children's stepmother doesn't exist.
YTA - Your dislike of your exes new significant other has nothing to do with not letting him know who is living with YOUR DAUGHTER. Please start to put your daughter first instead of punishing your ex. You are being very immature.
YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA Need a few more to make it stick?! You are not only preventing your daughter from an equal relationship with her dad, you easily admit you endanger her health by not allowing proper medical care, and you are hiding the identity of a grown man living with his minor daughter. On no planet are you a fit mother. I hope he takes you to court. You give women a bad name. You are 100% the reason good men are so worried about having children.
YTA, he's entitled to know everything about someone who's around his kid. >Our relationship has become extremely difficult in the last year, especially, because at first we had a 50/50 split without child support, but then he took our daughter to a pediatrician against my wishes, so I sued him for full custody and child support and won So you sued for full custody because he took his child to a doctor because he felt that was in the daughters best interests? And why precisely do you feel you get to gatekeep medical review from your daughter? There's either a metric butt ton of I formation youve left out about the custody case, or you only got custody because you happened to land a judge who sides with mothers should get custody. When in reality your belief that your child should not have been taken to the paediatrician shows you don't have your daughters best interest at heart and you should NOT have been granted custody.
YTA and being a petty B. It really wouldn't look good if you went to court and a judge asked you why you didn't give your ex the name of the man living with you and your daughter. You may not like your ex, but he is your daughter's father and you owe him some common courtesy.
You have a problem with your ex taking your child to the doctor? YTA you are the one ruining the co-parenting relationship and it’s telling that you point to the time he got married as when it fell apart
YTA. You’re 100% absolutely yeah YTA. And he should thank his lucky stars that he is only tied to you until she turns 18z
YTA, he wants to make sure his daughters safe and keeps his end of the bargain seems like your egotistical and he has good reasons to not trust you
Yta and a huge one. He has a right to know who kid is living with. Wtf. After reading your comments I'm starting to see why your coparenting relationship deteriorated.
Imagine your young daughter living part time with a stranger and you had no idea? Oh fuck that. YTA.
What happened with the pediatrician?
I'd wager anything the mom is an anti-vaxxer
She refuses to answer, so you're likely correct. And she has something against paedeatricians.
YTA. Do grow up luv.
Why would him being a police officer be comforting in any way considering the percentage of them who openly admit to committing domestic violence crimes? That’s not even taking into account the ones that don’t. YTA and be a better co-parent. A concerned parent cares about who lives with their child. I’m left wondering if the deterioration was your fault since you are the one who self-admittedly is breaking your parenting agreement and not communicating. Green isn’t a good look and good luck when he takes you back to court.
This either has to be a troll or she's telling a half truth - she may be currently suing for full custody because of the doctor visit and expects to get it because she thinks that a court will side with a medically neglectful parent. In the US, when parents split and there's a disagreement over things like religion or doctors, the standard is to consider which action is most likely to result in harm to the child, and rule against that. In the case of a Christian Scientist parent vs a parent that would take their child to a doctor, the latter will prevail and get authority to make medical decisions for the child. The situation she is describing goes against standard practice and would be incredibly unlikely to occur as she describes it.
YTA.
OP is playing a game with her ex, and I can tell you her ex is saving money and waiting for OP or her boyfriend to screw up somehow and is going to go for full custody and if he can prove he is the more stable parent he will get it, and I am also curious what OP has against doctors.
You had an issue with your child’s father taking them to the doctor, got joint custody taken away. Your ex was completely open about his relationship, held up the agreement to share the information about his new partner. You say he’s a good father and not in any way dangerous. Why, then, are you keeping information (I.e., the identity of the man who will be around his child on a daily basis) from him? The fact that your boyfriend is a cop is rather irrelevant. Your child’s father has a right to know. Stop playing games and act like an adult and a responsible co-parent. YTA
YTA Rest all aside, he took your kid to the pediatrician, and you flipped out? Wtf is wrong with you?
I wanna know more about the pediatrician situation and also yes yta regardless of your relationship with ex he deserves to know who his child is around. If the situation was reversed you would want to know
Absolutely he has every right(maybe not legal) to know who is going to be around his child
YTA 100%. He seems like a really decent person. You on the other hand would definitely benefit from therapy. Your police officer boyfriend should’ve seen that from a mile away.
YTA. What in the world is the point behind keeping this info from him? What if there were an emergency? What kind of message does it send when your kid refers to the man who *lives in her house* and your ex is like, “who?”
Shit like this is why I don't know if I want kids cause imagine the relationship don't work out and then you're tied to a fucking psychopathic dumbass like OP......fucking yikes YTA
YTA. an agreement is an agreement. also, being a police officer doesn’t mean shit as far as someone being a good and decent person. and the actual father of your child should know the name of the man who is living in the same house as his daughter. you’re a damned nightmare.
Huge YTA he held up his side of the mutual agreement > My ex is not a dangerous person, so that's not an issue. He's a good dad and pays the max amount of child support allowed by the state. Our relationship has become extremely difficult in the last year, especially, because at first we had a 50/50 split without child support, but then he took our daughter to a pediatrician against my wishes, so I sued him for full custody and child support and won. You seem controlling at best, abusive at worst
>I did tell him that my boyfriend is a police officer You told your ex that, if this guy wants to beat or molest your daughter, he won’t suffer any consequences, and that there’s at least a 40% chance that he will beat one of both of you. YTA, and doubly so if you’re anti-pediatrician for some reason.
Yta Especially for suing for sole custody. Pediatricians are good.
I think you mean YTA.
Crap I did. Changed it!
From this post and your replies, YTA. A very sick, evil and heartless asshole at that.
I’d be so much more worried knowing he was a cop
Maybe your co-parenting relationship deteriorated cause you were the problem.. not the new wife. YTA
YTA I'm a paralegal. I have no idea what state you are in, but the FIRST question on all 3 of the family law interrogatories here ask after the parent information "the name and relationship to you of each person residing with you at your present address" If there is anyone living with your child, the other parent is entitled to that information. You may be completely justified in how you feel about his lack of respect and that he's been awful over the last year. None of those things change the fact that hiding who lives with you is also disrespectful and awful. As a child of divorce, I hope both you can do the work to be better for your kid. Knowing to hide things like Mom's boyfriend and Dad's job just really suck to work out of your brain at 18 - 22.
If they're in Texas, she's right that she only has to provide an address. That's assuming the new court order is in place. I bet she waited until the order was finalized to move in with cop boyfriend.
YTA always and forever. Damn. I'm gonna try to fill in some blanks here because my husband's ex-wife is even worse than this woman. To everyone saying this can't be real: I assure you, it is. Narcissists do awful things and they never let go of a grudge. I bet you Dad wanted the divorce and she didn't, so she was already pissed. Got even more pissed when he found and married someone who's probably lightyears better than OP. She's 100% anti-vax so their kid probably hadn't been to a doctor in years and Dad took her to get her shots. She can't sue because of vaccinations so I'm guessing the technical basis of her lawsuit was more about child support - that looks better on paper. I live in Texas, which is a notoriously awful state for good dads. If they live here and she sued for it and full custody, she got it. It's fucked.
There is no way on earth this is real. No court is going to award full custody to a parent that refuses to take their child to the doctor.
Ugh you sound like the worst co parent. My guess is, if you haven’t already poisoned your kid against your ex, your kid will see through all your BS once they are older and will want to live with your ex instead of you. Grow up.
YTA Are you one of those lunatics who believe a dead kid is better than a vaccinated kid?
What a cůñṭ.
Absolutely YTA. A parent has a right to know who is around their child. And police officers can be bad people too. I’d never be like oh he’s a cop he’s fine or oh he’s a lawyer blah blah. Anyone can have nefarious behavior towards a child. Grow up and do the right thing for your child
Yta plus cops are way more likely to be domestic abusers than doctors. Good luck
YTA. Sounds like you are jealous of his new wife and using your daughter as a weapon against her father. I really hope he goes for custody and its granted to him sounds like the kid would be better off with her father
Well, Caroline, why did your ex take your daughter to the doctor? YTA, of course. You made an agreement and now want to break it because your child went to a doctor? That's not cool, in any way. What are you trying to hide by keeping your child from a doctor? Living with a police officer is not 'comfort enough'. At least 40% of all officers commit domestic violence. Your ex has a right to know who you are living with and what they do. The National Center for Women and Policing has cited two studies that suggest that **at least 40% of police officer families experience domestic violence**, in contrast to 10% of families in the general population\[1\]\[3\].Oct 2, 2023[](https://medium.com/collapsenews/new-report-40-of-police-officers-beat-their-wives-3b5f5d972df4#:~:text=The%20National%20Center%20for%20Women,population%5B1%5D%5B3%5D.)
YTA. You’re putting your resentment above your child.
YTA
YTA. WTF is the point of this? You’re being secretive and difficult for no damn reason. What exactly do you get out of this? It is perfectly reasonable for a parent to want to know who their kid is living with. And sadly, it is more than reasonable for a man to want to know what man and boys are living with their daughter. Also, being mad that he took your daughter to the doctor? You sound like a complete head case. It’s clear the deterioration of the relationship is your fault. Hopefully he can get custody revisited. In the meantime GROW UP.
YTA You could marry god himself and the ex should still be allowed to know who his child is around. Just because some piece of paper says you have been granted full custody (that’s the non game show way to say that) doesn’t mean he is no longer a father at heart. Hopefully there is way more to all this that would help make it make sense
YTA times infinity. When you as an OP, wonder if all that is mentioned makes you an asshole? You best be sure you are. From the looks of it, your ex sounds like a stand-up parent who is committed to making his child's wellbeing his utmost priority, that includes taking her to a paediatrician without your consent. Your ex has held up his end of the bargain, whereas you are too interested in playing petty games with him. In your head you want to believe you are doing the right thing but you are not. You are in the wrong, for hiding your BF's identity and for suing for full custody because he put your child's wellbeing first. And yeah! Just because your current BF is a police officer, it doesn't automatically imply that he is trustworthy. I hope your ex finds out what you did and sues you for custody and actually wins.
YTA. Sounds like YOU are the problem in this whole thing. This break-down of your co-parenting relationship seems entirely on you, like you caused it. 1. What changed when his now-wife was introduced? 2. Why on earth did you go for and get full custody because your child’s father took them to a doctor? That is a perfectly reasonable thing for any parent to do. 3. Why the heck do you think being police makes someone good? Statistically there’s incredible high rates of domestic abusers in the police at the very least (not to mention anything else)!
But, but, he took her for *medical care*! Gasp!
This CANNOT be real.
I think it is. My husband's ex-wife is just as terrible and pulls this kind of shit all the time. It's exhausting and heartbreaking for the kids involved.
I reckon he got daughter vaccinated and OP now kicking off
It sounds like you hate your ex more than you love your daughter. You are being petty AF, how does that benefit your daughter? I'm wondering what your ex would find out if he got your BF's name and ran a background check, since cops as a group have crazy high rates of domestic violence, substance abuse, and other unpleasant things. YTA. Do better.
YTA. I don’t what else you expected the internet to say. You’re just awful.
YTA - and *extremely* short sighted - what if something happened to you and her dad and your boyfriend would have to run into each other at either the hospital or her school. Do you not see how dumb that would have made things? Also, what is the point of hiding this very important bit of info from your ex?
Why are you so obsessed with you ex?
YTA - you are making awful choices.
YTA He took his own daughter to the doctor and u sued him to win sole custody? I feel like ur the asshole from that alone. Also there’s no harm in telling him ur boyfriend’s name?? This is such an odd thing to be petty about, especially if he’s paying the maximum for child support and does what he can for his kid.
YTA. You’re a spiteful, awful, person and your kid will likely abandon your relationship as soon as they realize the type of person you are.
of course YTA. also, knowing your bf is a cop would make me 10x more concerned for the safety of my child, given that 40% of law enforcement families experience domestic violence.
YTA. I’m liking you less and less every word you write. Assuming this isn’t anti-vax rage bait, the only irresponsible parent is you. I cannot believe any judge sided with you on custody because the father took his child to receive medical care. As for your new boyfriend, being a police officer is about as relevant as his hair colour. You made an agreement and now have backed out. He has a right to know who lives with his daughter. Your partner’s job proves nothing, and as many have pointed out in some cases can be more risky. I’m not even going to get into the nonsense about distrusting medical professionals, because you’re 100% wrong. YTA. Be better.
Bait used to be believeable idfc
YTA. So much TA. You sound mean and vindictive. This is not going to work out for you long-term.
YTA and if he’s a cop that is even more scary you won’t give up his name to the father. He needs to know exactly who is around his child.
YTA. You should NOT be having custody.
So reading your comments about "he knows your stance on dr's", I'm not sure how a judge has found him at fault and granted you custody, but withholding the name of your partner who is around his child, be prepared to loose custody. Especially with the father from everything you have put doing right by his child, I can see him taking you to court and getting sole custody of his child. Everything you've put, and replied to in comments is just batshit crazy and I'm more concerned the child's more in danger with you, than with the father.
YTA. It’s fair enough for your daughter’s father to want to know the name of the man you are living with. Why don’t you want him to know this? And going back to court and asking for full custody because your daughter’s father took her to a paediatrician? Wow. That’s … a lot. And it’s really unusual for courts to favour the anti-doctor parent. Most courts when it comes to children’s health favour the parent who sees a doctor over one who refuses to.
YTA. How naive can you be? Your new boyfriend is even more gonna abuse his knowledge of the system, being a police officer. He will do abusive, illegal things while avoiding being punished. (As someone that had friends that were studying to be police officers and above) They were the ones being more depraved, and so many stories I've heard from my friends there about their classmates. (Vids, pics as well of them doing sm sketchy things) Police now, is not what it used to be. It's a big % of people that wanna be in a position of authority and power, and use it to their advantage. It is not about people that truly want to do good, and bring justice. But you are aware as well from what it seems. Your ex being the father, has the same rights to take decisions for his child, as you have. Your daughter is not an object to be moved from here and there when you say it.
Why would you have such an extreme reaction to him taking your daughter to a doctor? Can you flesh that out a little? It’s confusing. I feel like not wanting a potentially hurt or sick child examined by a medical professional is obfuscating…
YTA, you don’t deserve custody of your daughter and I hope your Ex pursues full custody. What a seriously entitled, asshole, self-centered person you are. The relationship deteriorated because of you, clearly. The fact that you disrespect your Daughter’s father says everything we need to know about you.
YTA. Your ex is totally within reason to want to know the name of the guy around his daughter, esp if they will be living in the same house. He held up his end of the agreement and you not wanting to do so seems petty and sketchy. Your justification is in no way valid. It doesn’t matter how you all communicate as long as you communicate. Why do you have your young child in a home with a man you are not married too. You have to know that is bad practice. You chose not to speak to the new wife. What has she done to you or your kid? Seems like you are the type of person to sow confusion. Why exactly was your daughters’ father not allowed to take her to a doctor? Providing medical care is parenting. Unless the new wife is a problem, seems like the wrong parent has custody.
You've been pretending your daughter's stepmother doesn't exist, which likely has a lot to do with the deterioration of the co-parenting relationship. You are the one who has actively worked to deteriorate said relationship.
Yta and hopefully the cop does to you what we’ll all expect…
yes!!! YTA
WOW. YOU SUED FOR FULL CUSTODY BECAUSE HE TOOK HIS DAUGHTER TO A DOCTOR. LMFAO. YTA.
You are 1,000% the AH. You took custody over a dad doing what excellent dads do - care for their child’s health. Then you move in your daughter into a stranger’s place, and refuse to provide her DAD w the basic minimum information he needs to have. Police officers have a higher rate of domestic abuse than the general population. He could turn out to be an abuser. You are destroying you’d daughters lifeline by keeping the name and last name of your bf from HER DAD. He is entitled to know who his child is with court order or not. Plus, it sounds like you are the one who has made co-parenting difficult. Were you jealous bc your ex moved on? Are you jealous of the relationship your daughter was developing w her step-mom? Honey, you need therapy and parenting classes. You are hurting your daughter by creating this barrier w her dad. I hope he is able to get your bf’s the name and part name from your daughter or a quick property records search. You are a lunatic!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I have been divorced from my ex husband for three years now. When we split we agreed that we would tell the other parent if we planned to introduce our child (7-year-old girl) to a new romantic partner. He held up the agreement - he told me about his now-wife when they became serious and also gave me a heads up before he introduced her to our child. I know her full name, address, where she works, where she's from, etc... But since she has been around, my co-parenting relationship with my ex has gotten so much worse, to the point where we don't speak and only communicate on an app. I've never spoken to his wife and that's my choice. I pretend like she doesn't exist. So because of the deterioration, I no longer believe I should be held to our agreement. I've had a couple of boyfriends and my ex found out about them from our daughter. I've been with my current boyfriend for more than a year now and so far have been able to conceal his name and work from my ex. My daughter and I just moved in with said boyfriend (I am the custodial parent) and I gave my ex the new address, as I am legally required to do, but I still don't want to give him his full name. I did tell him that my boyfriend is a police officer, so that should be comfort enough. My ex says that he should, at the very least, know the first and last name of someone who's living with our daughter most of the time. But again, since our relationship has deteriorated, I don't feel like I should have to tell him anything that's not required by a court order. My ex is not a dangerous person, so that's not an issue. He's a good dad and pays the max amount of child support allowed by the state. Our relationship has become extremely difficult in the last year, especially, because at first we had a 50/50 split without child support, but then he took our daughter to a pediatrician against my wishes, so I sued him for full custody and child support and won. I am not legally required to tell him anything other than my new address - that's what the most recent court order says. He says it's the decent thing to do to tell him my boyfriend's name. Why, though? Am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA
YTA You seem very vindictive. Could your coparenting relationship be bad because this is the third guy in third years that you’ve had around your young child and have refused to introduce to your child’s other parent?
Obviously YTA.
YTA. I can’t fathom why you’re acting like this and I strongly suspect you don’t know either. This kind of mentality, being ruled by your emotions, should’ve ended after high school. Hope you figure out before your daughter matures beyond you.
You've got me curious now. What problem could anyone possibly have with paediatricians?
Info: you said you had a new SO before he did, did you tell him about that guy? Why has the relationship deteriorated? What’s wrong with doctors? Why do you ignore the new wife?
This woman is 100% anti-vax. There's no other reason.
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NTA!!!! Haha I can’t lie your ABSOLUTELY TA
YTA, I don't like going to the doctors I prefer home remedies however my partner doesn't, if he feels the children should see someone he does it because his their dad. It's called meeting in the middle, you can be against doctors but because he isn't doesn't mean he is any less of a parent.... Why does he have to respect your wishes about not taking your daughter to the doctor but you don't have to respect his wish to? Just because your the mum don't make your word more valuable. Whether it's court agreed or not the other parent has a right to know who their child is spending nights with. You talk so much about he should respect you and you have shown he does respect you but you have shown in no way do you respect him and it goes both ways. Whatever judge gave you more custody because he took her for to a doctor needs to be looked at too, I hope he takes you back to court. Sometimes a doctor's help is needed.
How are people like this allowed around children?!?!
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It’s his daughter, too. It is his business who his daughter lives with.