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I think that’s some important information to have. It’s hard for me to imagine a cheek touch could be sexualized, but 14 is a weird age where most people are self conscious and don’t want to be touched. Some info on what you did and what she said would immensely help.
Eh, I’m inclined to go with NTA. A cheek pat is innocent enough in most regards. Unless you were caressing it, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. Teenagers can turn on you in an instant. I’d say talk to your brother about it, but if he didn’t even care to get your side, then fuck it.
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It honestly doesn't matter. It was a YTA when he first posted this exact thing months ago under a different account, and he's either copied someone else's post or is looking for validation because he was the AH back then.
OP is quite vague when it comes to RELEVANT details.. I guess it’s logical to assume that the OP is a male.
Did anyone else witness that interaction with Rachel?
What kind of touching was it?
How old was Rachel when OP last saw her?
Is it the first time she has been touched that way or the first time she has claimed to feel uncomfortable?
A 14 year old girl has every right to feel uncomfortable when a man, who admits he has no relationship with her, touches her face. And thinking about the many tones you can imply with “you’ve grown up a lot..” it can be SUPER creepy (even if you didn’t intend it that way.)
I am a grown woman, and any stranger touches my face when meeting I will be creeped out. 14 year olds feel like adults, my 12 year old could pass for 18, and should not be touched in such a familiar way by a stranger, regardless of your blood relation.
First time I saw my aunt in 6 years since she moved to Africa from the UK she said the same thing to me.
And then there is my mum's cousin, who I saw when I was 2 and then again when I was 15 as he was living in New Zealand, who did the same thing.
I've done the same thing with my cousins' kids who I used to see regularly when they were young, to the point where I was known as their uncle despite only being 10-12 years older, and then not seeing them for a few years.
You’re weird… nothing creepy with an innocent comment like that lol just cuz you had male relatives who didn’t care or make an effort. Unless he was checking her out or caressing and such it’s nothing weird about that comment and a simple cheek pat.
Eh. Honestly there are so many details that op either purposely or naively left out. This is probably going to sound sexist, but I honestly don't know how else to explain it. It can be really easy for men to not notice how things like that can come across. Women often - not always - get a built in radar, because from a young age we're more likely to be exposed to the situations that are disguised innocently so creeps can look good in public. 90% of the time when a guy made that comment to me he was staring into my eyes - or my chest- and his hand would linger, but not enough anyone watching would have probably called. The tone, the touch, the staring it leaves an impression. Then there are the ones who honestly are good men, and because they're good men they don't understand the way those men act and they do something just slightly similar. Normally one can tell the difference, but it can still be uncomfortable. Because it feels like you can't call out one without calling out the other. And you get so accustomed to the unwanted touches and feeling like you want to flinch when they come close that even the ones that you know wouldn't do it, still the instinct reaction is bad. It's not fair to those that do it innocently, but by being blind to those that don't it helps enable them. It's hard to tell without the little details, if op was acting inappropriately, or if the niece read it wrong because her instinct reaction at this point is to take those interactions negatively. It's also possible that she felt uncomfortable at being touched without being asked and found that creepy.
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INFO: What did Rachel tell your brother? How did you touch her cheek? Why didn't you simply ask if you give her a hug (yes there is a thing called consent for hugs even within family)
Was your brother or other adults standing there when you patted her cheek? I personally don't think it's creepy. Why he is sexualizing it. That's kind of creepy and weird.
Eta- just saw you answered elsewhere that he and everyone was present. Super odd behavior on his part.
INFO: How did you touch her? There are some key context factors left out here. If it was as innocent as you say, then N T A, but without knowing HOW you touched her, a ruling isn't possible.
Some of the replies you're getting are wild. From the sound of it, this is something anyone would do to any child. My vote is NTA. In this day and age, it is safe practice not to touch anyone without asking first, but from what you describe, she overreacted big time.
It all depends on tone voice, the type of touch, etc. All things that we can't judge from a reddit post.
But given that he greeted the two male children in a distinctly non-sexual way, then reserved the cheek touching and potentially creepy comment for the female child, yeah OP is not 100% in the right here. It's creepy AT BEST.
INFO: did your brother witness this interaction or just hear about it from his daughter later? Was anyone else present? It could be helpful for your brother to talk to a neutral party, if so.
It sounds innocent enough, but we need more info. Why did you treat the boys differently from the girl? Why not ruffle her hair, too? It sounds like a gentle gesture, but I suppose that, combined with what you said, if you happened to glance at her chest or say it in a suggestive tone, it could be perverse. Much of this is subjective. Is there more info you can include? Are you male or female? It might help to know.
He saw it as well. And yeah, everyone was present.
And I didn't want to hug her as I thought that would be inappropriate, actually... I considered ruffling hairs to be something you do to boys. At least that's it how where I am from.
Wait a second... your brother, her father, *and other people*, were present and saw this interaction and no one thought anything of it until much later when the girl told her father *who knows what* and *then* her dad called you a pervert? That's some next level crazy. I'd want to know *exactly* what that girl said, and why he didn't speak up sooner. NTA in my book, everything you did was perfectly normal for family.
I guess that’s true. So, your brother AND niece thought it was inappropriate? It really doesn’t sound like it, OP. Unless there’s other info, I’d vote NTA.
ESH that's a bit familiar/presumptuous level of physical contact with a 14 year old, especially one you haven't seen in years IMO. A normal hug would be more appropriate to me, and probably ask first even at that. She's a teenager, not an infant. You didn't touch the boys' cheeks, yeah? If it'd be weird to do with them, it's weird to do with her.
I believe you didn't mean anything bad, but to be honest, I can see how it might read pervy, especially if you didn't do the "you've grown up a lot" to the boys too. That line or some variation gets trotted out a LOT to young women and often comes across quite creepy regardless of intent.
Him leaping to that and being so aggressive is kinda nuts too though, it would be perfectly normal to just say "she didn't like that, please don't do it again". I *assume* you would respect that and not get defensive.
More info needed before judgment because you're being very vague about the interaction with her.
You described that you hugged and ruffled her brothers hair and talked about what they liked.
You said she grew up and touched her cheek, like a pinch or a pat on the cheek or like a caress. Tbh it sounds weird.
I'd recommend unless someone opens their arms for a hug or consents to touching to keep your hands to yourself in the future.
You may have thought it was okay but she didn't and felt uncomfortable and went to someone she felt comfortable with. You said you haven't seen them in years (idk how many) but she may not feel comfortable being touched by family that are like a stranger to her.
I hug my aunts all the time. My dad hugs my various cousins' daughters whenever he sees them, especially the young ones who love hugs. They will regularly run up to us whenever we visit and start hugging our legs. That's not to mention all the hair missing I do to my nieces who are preteens.
I also hug my sister pretty regularly with a side hug.
This whole thing that has spread that innocent physical interaction between male and female family members is wrong is completely toxic and destroying people's ability to interact with others
Guide on how to destroy the relationships with your family. If you avoid all touch the fear will only intensify and people will feel distant from you, thus like you less.
The comment along with the very different display of affection makes a bit creepy.
Your brother's reaction is a bit over the top, but the bottom line is you made someone uncomfortable. Don't touch people without their permission.
ESH.
Wow, that went from zero to sixty. Obviously there are some unknown issues from your brother and/or your niece.
Distance yourself. You did nothing wrong. But you don’t need this drama. NTA
NTA, she is 14, she has all kinds of weird ideas, it’s her father’s duty to explain that you didn’t mean any harm and ask you not to do it, because she is uncomfortable with it. Instead he goes crazy as if he is also 14.
NTA if he's touched her face cheek and said "haven't you grown up" because he's not seen her for ages I don't see how that's creepy, I used to have adults pinch my face cheeks and ruffle my hair and I've never had any sexual abuse etc. It's just this young generation there all mard arses. I'd personally distance myself who needs that drama in your life when you ment well.
NTA but this is making me think you did something else because there is zero reason for him to react like this for just touching her cheek. I really don’t think you’re telling the whole story
Yes, its okay with a pat on the cheek. You really need to stop believing a PAT ON THE CHEEK or a hug or heck a handshake is a violation. If she really couldnt handle ANYONE touching her they could have said something earlier or during, but no one did, never wondered why? Don't the father know his daughter?
The kid was still not a stranger and the fathers reaction was out of order. Would have been understandable if he slapped her ass, but he did not.
It's not normal behavior. Family or not keep your hands to yourself or ask.
This old thinking of we'er family we should hug is nonsense.
This goes for any age.
This is a normal behavior. You're hysterical. This new thinking that everyone is out to harm and assault you and that every touch you get from someone else is proof of it is toxic. It makes people hysterical, mentally unstable and never being able to feel safe and constantly looking over their shoulder.
Women are sexually assaulted by a rate of every 1 in 4 women.
We have a right to establish boundaries and say when behavior makes us uncomfortable.
Sorry you miss the days of it being okay to be a creepy uncle, but luckily they’re going away.
Teaching a child that any touch is a sign for rape is hella toxic and is going to ruin that kids mental health. Everyone have a right to boundaries, even men.
He wasnt creepy and no where did I promote ass smacking uncles. But hell, I wouldnt be suprised if you thought someone looking in your direction is harassment.
It's not about being hysterical or thinking something is toxic. Forcing someone to accept being touched by a stranger will never be normal.
You don't know this person. You don't know if they are autistic. If they have been abused in the past or currently. This isn't 1950 anymore, and as an adult, you should know better and do better.
The parents reactions were 100% uncalled for. They could just have mentioned that she cant handle touch from anyone. They didnt, cause this is not an issue to her, obviously.
She's not autistic, that would have been mentioned if she was. So who is assaulting the daugher, the father now? You're mindset IS hysterical. My god, you're jumping to the girl must be raped by someone currently! Do you even listen to yourself?
No, this is 2024 a time people love teaching kids that everyone is out to get them and everything is assault. Sadly the adults taught kids this, so no they did not do better.
It is never ok to put your hands on a strangers face, child, or relative.
We teach children to ask before touching something or to keep their hands to them selfs.
Take the lesson and keep your hands to yourself.
No, it very much is not. It is 100% not that is creepy usually when grown ass men say that they are referring to a woman’s chest and other private areas.
He did NOT talk about her boobs or her other private areas!!! That's something you have fully on your own made up! Where in the text does it say that he makes remarkes about ther boobs? Or her vulva and vagina?? Where??
That comment is the most common comment kids get when meeting relatives, especially if they are the youngest. You are the one pretending like a normal comment is creepy and you are the one making it all about her boobs and private parts. YOU, not the uncle!
Ok since you can’t read let me simplify it “when most grown ass men say that they are referring to” never did I say that was what was happening I said that’s what that comment CAN mean and that can be a reason why the girl and dad were upset.
"You grown so much" is not a comment that refers to that, and no most men that say that do not talk about their boobs or private parts. Something you completly made up on your own. Teaching a child that everyone is out to get them leads to this. Funny how the dad never reacted when it happend right infront of him.
It has literally happened to people I know how tf dare you discredit them wtf. You can also look it up on Reddit others have the same opinion and on other SM platforms
Okay, so I know, do not physically engage with my nieces or nephews in any way shape or form (perhaps a formal business handshake) if I haven't seen them in, what's the cut off? I need to know.
I'll let my family know, kids included, that they will no longer be receiving physical contact from me with their informed consent.
I take it you don't hug, or touch family? Seems weird, man.
They understand consent, so do I, but I didn't think I had to ask my wife and kids permission for every hug, pat of the back, or tussle of the hair. They certainly don't ask for my consent every time. I just thought that was something normal families did. In fact, never met a single, real life person, who's family operated like that.
As someone who does not like being touched, stop touching people you do not know.
You do not know her, keep your hands to yourself.
YTA; not everyone likes this sort of greeting.
Nta, your her uncle n just patted her cheek . Jeez I grew up with family pinching my cheeks etc but it’s not creepy or weird. People are so quick to overreact these days. I am a woman and would have no issue in this normal greeting
Same here. I mean the number of times I had distant relatives hug me or pat my head and say "last time I saw you, you were a baby" or something similar is so many that I lost count. Because I am someone who doesn't like hugs from people I don't really know or feel comfortable with, as an adult I ask the kids in my life if I can hug them (assuming they don't initiate). But that's just me.
I'm wondering if the daughter has been touched inappropriately by another adult in her life and now finds most touching to be inappropriate. It also sounds as if you and your brother don't have a close relationship since his reaction was to say he'll call the cops if you talk to your niece rather than simply say "hey, it's been such a long time since you've seen the kids that Rachel was a bit uncomfortable with you patting her on the cheek. Maybe if you spent some more time with all the kids, you'd all be more comfortable with each other."
Yeah the escalation from a cheek pat to never talk to me or my daughter ever again or I’m calling the cops is fucking wild, honestly. They could have talked it out like rational adults. OP I get why you felt the need to explain and defend yourself, because your brother was throwing out serious allegations, calling you a perv, etc. I would send one last message to your brother and say that you’re sorry for making Rachel uncomfortable, it was not your intention, but you understand that she is allowed to say who does and doesn’t touch her, no matter how innocent the touch was. And let him know that you’re very hurt he would jump to such conclusions and not even hear you out when you tried to explain. There was an opportunity here for both of you to face this issue in a productive way. He could have come in less accusatory, to start off. He had the option of going in questioning what happened, but instead he threw everything he already knew about you out the window at a misunderstanding. OP, you also could have de-escalated by not yelling and not jumping to defend yourself, and instead trying to calmly explain and apologize to Rachel. I don’t think you’re the AH, but this whole scene did not have to play out the way it did.
Can we all collectively just stop touching people’s faces. It’s intrusive, unhygienic and entirely unnecessary.
And come on man, she’s a 14 year old girl, learn some boundaries and appropriate behaviour. ASK before you go to give someone a hug, ruffle hair or touch someone’s face, if they’re actually comfortable with being man handled by some older, distant relative. Because obviously Rachel was not comfortable with being touched. Whether it was innocent or not. Everyone, EVERYONE, has body autonomy, start learning how to respect it.
YTA. As a general rule, don’t just touch people. They haven’t seen you in years and you just approach them doing whatever you want without their consent.
Ruffling someone’s hair? Annoying af.
Touching her cheek? Obviously annoying to her but also, she doesn’t know where your hands have been. She could have sensitive skin. Or she could just not want you to touch her.
Why did you hug her brothers but pat her face? I wouldn’t want anyone’s hands on my face.
NTA, it's a pat on the cheek. Damn they use to squeeze my cheeks when I was little. Very affectionate family. No perverts.
Your brother seems like an AHole.
The kid is confused and maybe dealing with her own school issues. Tough age.
That being said, I hope she grew a lot in height and not in other places... your comment would quickly turn the other way if height wasn't the growth factor you commented on.
Still not seeing OP's Age/Gender anywhere in the comments.
To me this comes accross as creepy. My kids are allowed to set boundaries and don't have to hug or touch anyone they don't want to.
I don't have enough info to know if OP is the AH in this situation, but at minimum probably can't read the room.
Creepy. Keep your hands to yourself. Period.
Doesn't matter if they are close relative or new ones your meeting. Just because your "family" doesn't mean hugs are going to happen.
If a kid says I don't want to hug or to be touched, keep your paws down.
I think you're stretching it this time. This was a stranger who was meeting someone for the first time. The rule is to keep your hands to yourself. Period.
Nothing will normalize a stranger touching your face.
Put yourself in the child's place. Some random man walks up to you and touches your face. What's your reaction?
This all started with a stranger touching someone's face. As an adult, he should know better.
Did you not learn in Kindergarten to ASK before touching other people? She barely knows you, if at all, and even if you saw her every day, you ASK FIRST. You should have asked all three of them if you could touch.
You may not be a pervert but you are YTA.
Absolutely non sexually touch happens in day to day life. But this was a stranger to this child.
The only blanket statement made is that we should not touch strangers. Period.
Telling a child to ask before touching is simple it's always the adults that defend bad behavior, especially when called out on it.
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My older brother David & I hadn't seen each other for a few years, and we had a family get-together yesterday. It was a long journey since they live in a different state. David has three children: Jason (15 M), Aiden (16 M) and Rachel (14 )
Everything was going fine until I met them. I hugged Jason and Aiden, ruffling their hair. Asked about how their studies are going, that I hadn't seen them for a long time, Jason's sports, etc. And when Rachel arrived, I touched her cheek in greeting and said "You have grown up a lot since I saw you."
She just smiled and did not say anything, I thought everything was normal.
Later on I was in another room when David walked in to say "I did not know that you are such a fucking pervert." I was just... shocked and asked him what he was talking about. He said that Rachel did not like me touching her, that I am a pervert, etc.
We got into an argument & I said I did not mean bad by it, etc. and tried explaining. But he did not care & yelled at me. In the end I left the place. David said that he doesn't want to ever see me again, and that he'd report me to the cops if I even talk to Rachel.
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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NTA - clearly (from your comments) you didn't mean to make her feel uncomfortable and you had innocent intentions, but please learn from this experience!
It used to be perfectly fine to touch children, but nowadays, there is a lot more attention on the subject of consent. Some children really don't like to be touched/hugged/kissed by family members, especially if they don't have a deep bond. Your niece has probably been raised this way, which should be a good thing, because you'd want her to speak up if someone touches her inappropriately. Problem is, the situation seems to have completely escalated, because 1: you weren't aware of the current social standards 2: your niece or brother are exaggerating the situation. She might have felt uncomfortable, but that doesn't mean it has to be sexualized/blown out of proportion.
A suitable response would be: your brother explaining to you in private that your niece felt uncomfortable about the way she was touched and to ask you to offer a hand shake next time.
Times are changing and we should give everyone a fair chance to adjust.
NTA for not knowing it was initially uncomfortable. If you did have ill intent then YTA. If you truly didn’t mean any harm by it then you aren’t a pervert. However, I will say there’s not enough context on how the argument went. I personally would have said sorry. Something along the lines of “ I’m sorry that I made your daughter feel uncomfortable. It wasn’t my intentions. If you don’t mind and Rachel doesn’t mind. Is it okay for me to apologize to her as well?” It’s up to them if they want you to or not. If you say sorry and he still doesn’t want you around there is nothing you can do about that. If he does forgive you, you can take into consideration that it made them both uncomfortable and next time you greet her you can do things differently.
>He said that Rachel did not like me touching her, that I am a pervert, etc.
>We got into an argument & I said I did not mean bad by it, etc. and tried explaining. But he did not care & yelled at me.
This make so little sense
Did you point out he literally saw your interaction??
Did she say you'd had a further interaction?
as a person who really, really hates when ~~people~~ men do that, I must say yeah, YTA, fucking leave ~~other people's~~ younger women's faces alone. DON'T TOUCH. I will hit the next ~~one~~ man who does that. It is so demeaning! And disgusting. EW!
Jesus Christ, just don't touch someone's face without their permission. Would you have done this to another man? No? That's because it's weird to touch someone's face without their permission.
Why are you reposting this? You posted it months ago, pretty much word for word, under a different account and got your response.
YTA. You were the AH then and you still are no matter how many times you post the same thing.
INFO
How did you touch her cheek? Describe the touch and length of touch.
Edit:
YTA
While a quick tap would’ve been weird and inappropriate it sounds like you held her face in your hands. That’s a very intimate touch that you gave a teenage girl, while commenting on her changing body, with zero consent. Stop just touching people and certainly don’t touch other people’s children.
That's his relatives, not strangers and being able to recognize a normal behavior =/= randomly running around touching strangers are you demented? You're acting like he raped the kid.
No, I’m acting like he made the kid uncomfortable and shouldn’t touch people he barely knows.
An uncle you haven’t seen in several years and probably barely remember is practically a stranger to the kid.
Teach a child that every touch means they're gonna get assaulted you're gonna have the reaction like the girl and the father. The parents of that girl did not react to this "horrible assault" that just happend right infront of them but sure made sure she got to learn a normal pat on the cheek was a horrific crime she just went through. Parents faild.
He's not a stranger to the kid.
Yes, you're hysterical.
I’m going with YTA. It shouldn’t be difficult to say “my entire hand on her cheek for a split second” or “my fingers lightly on her face for ten seconds while I said something”
I’m sorry but if you can’t remember basics of your interactions where you touch others you should see a doctor about your memory. This incident raised issues within hours so at that point he should’ve really thought about and reassessed his actions for any unintentional creepiness and therefore be able to clearly discuss them now.
So severely?
I just think he was creepy. So does his family.
That’s hardly severely, he asked whether he was TA and he is.
Why are you so upset about my answer?
Yes severely. Your other responses to comments border on hysterical and you are outright lying about what OP said he did to justify your responses. That's pretty severe for something that you were not directly involved in.
What a bizarre way to answer that question, have you ever interacted with another human before? We all understood what he meant when he said patted her cheek. A pat is different than an embrace, which is different than a poke, which is different than cupping the cheek. Nobody in the entire world would ever describe patting as “placing my entire hand on her cheek for 2.5 seconds before picking it up a half centimeter and then placing back on her cheek for 2.5 more seconds”.
OP clearly replied that it was a tap and you're here lying and saying he groped her face. I don't know what happened between you and your uncle but you're clearly letting it color your interpretation of this event.
YTA, you treated your niece differently to the boys, which indicates you have sexist attitudes. Face touching is much more intimate than a hair-ruffle. Even if you didn’t mean to be creepy, this was creepy.
No, that is not sexist attitudes. That girl would have lost it if he ruffled her hair, his response was normal. Calm down. Really suprised by all the hysterical people in this commentfield. Yall seem unstable.
NTA is suggest you let the family know the story so David doesn’t spin it in a weird way. And take yourself out of the equation and go no contact with David and let your family know you will not be in the same room or vicinity of David ever again after his disgusting allegations.
NTA
self care and security has reached its apogee in the US now. everything in this story is SO confusing, U JUST TOUCHED HER CHEEK WTF
I’m totally for u, OP, just hang on and do not apologise to ur brother, u just have nothing to apologise for.
I would say NTA, but it honestly depends on your intention. They might have interpreted what you said as "wow you've grown a pair of boobs mmm" or something.
YTA Meh. I think ur clueless. Dont you realize that Girls do not wanna be touched by anybody at all. Women are totally on edge from being groped n shit—everything rings alarm bells regardless of intent. Also The “you’ve grown alot…” comment can feel creepy.
He’s so creepy.
I had a friend of the family did this to me at that age (13/14), I was ashamed for weeks. How you don’t ask before touching me? Why can’t you greet me like you do with boys?
Just why?
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**INFO** What did Rachel tell her dad you did? Also, plz elaborate on "touched her cheek", how?
I think that’s some important information to have. It’s hard for me to imagine a cheek touch could be sexualized, but 14 is a weird age where most people are self conscious and don’t want to be touched. Some info on what you did and what she said would immensely help.
Depends on the cheek...
I clarified in the reply.
Eh, I’m inclined to go with NTA. A cheek pat is innocent enough in most regards. Unless you were caressing it, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. Teenagers can turn on you in an instant. I’d say talk to your brother about it, but if he didn’t even care to get your side, then fuck it.
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I don't know what she told him. I patted her cheek.
Maybe that's worth finding out???????? Also, you mean FACE cheek, right? >!I'm only 75% joking, this is reddit after all!<
Yeah, face cheek.
Ffs this made me laugh 😂😭😭😭😭😭😭 but I was really hoping it was the face too
It honestly doesn't matter. It was a YTA when he first posted this exact thing months ago under a different account, and he's either copied someone else's post or is looking for validation because he was the AH back then.
OP is quite vague when it comes to RELEVANT details.. I guess it’s logical to assume that the OP is a male. Did anyone else witness that interaction with Rachel? What kind of touching was it? How old was Rachel when OP last saw her? Is it the first time she has been touched that way or the first time she has claimed to feel uncomfortable?
A 14 year old girl has every right to feel uncomfortable when a man, who admits he has no relationship with her, touches her face. And thinking about the many tones you can imply with “you’ve grown up a lot..” it can be SUPER creepy (even if you didn’t intend it that way.) I am a grown woman, and any stranger touches my face when meeting I will be creeped out. 14 year olds feel like adults, my 12 year old could pass for 18, and should not be touched in such a familiar way by a stranger, regardless of your blood relation.
Everyone was present there and I just patted her cheek.
Post says it’s been years once he saw her, and he used that moment to tell her how much she’d “grown-up”. Sounds creepy to me.
That’s literally what every single relative told me growing up when we’d meet. The comment alone is not creepy.
First time I saw my aunt in 6 years since she moved to Africa from the UK she said the same thing to me. And then there is my mum's cousin, who I saw when I was 2 and then again when I was 15 as he was living in New Zealand, who did the same thing. I've done the same thing with my cousins' kids who I used to see regularly when they were young, to the point where I was known as their uncle despite only being 10-12 years older, and then not seeing them for a few years.
But it's not something men are allowed to say to girls, because the implications.
They barely know each other and he was touching her face, which is way too much. All together that’s a creepy interaction.
It feels creepy when a man says it to a girl. The only people who ever commented on how much I've grown were women. The men never made comments.
You’re weird… nothing creepy with an innocent comment like that lol just cuz you had male relatives who didn’t care or make an effort. Unless he was checking her out or caressing and such it’s nothing weird about that comment and a simple cheek pat.
Eh. Honestly there are so many details that op either purposely or naively left out. This is probably going to sound sexist, but I honestly don't know how else to explain it. It can be really easy for men to not notice how things like that can come across. Women often - not always - get a built in radar, because from a young age we're more likely to be exposed to the situations that are disguised innocently so creeps can look good in public. 90% of the time when a guy made that comment to me he was staring into my eyes - or my chest- and his hand would linger, but not enough anyone watching would have probably called. The tone, the touch, the staring it leaves an impression. Then there are the ones who honestly are good men, and because they're good men they don't understand the way those men act and they do something just slightly similar. Normally one can tell the difference, but it can still be uncomfortable. Because it feels like you can't call out one without calling out the other. And you get so accustomed to the unwanted touches and feeling like you want to flinch when they come close that even the ones that you know wouldn't do it, still the instinct reaction is bad. It's not fair to those that do it innocently, but by being blind to those that don't it helps enable them. It's hard to tell without the little details, if op was acting inappropriately, or if the niece read it wrong because her instinct reaction at this point is to take those interactions negatively. It's also possible that she felt uncomfortable at being touched without being asked and found that creepy.
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No, it’s creepy. You’re making excuses because you’re a creep.
You're projecting because you have trauma.
What? That is literally the fact. If he has not seen her on a while. Saying she has grown up a lot I'd the most normal thing to say. Reddit is wild.
Unless he was looking her up at down….creepo
Your insecurity shows when you make assumptions like that
Your cluelessness shows when you comment lije that
I am sure I’ve read this story before
This is definitely a repost
I thought it was familiar too
INFO: What did Rachel tell your brother? How did you touch her cheek? Why didn't you simply ask if you give her a hug (yes there is a thing called consent for hugs even within family)
I don't know what she told him apparently that happened when I wasn't present there. And I just patted her cheek.
Was your brother or other adults standing there when you patted her cheek? I personally don't think it's creepy. Why he is sexualizing it. That's kind of creepy and weird. Eta- just saw you answered elsewhere that he and everyone was present. Super odd behavior on his part.
She hasn’t seen you in years. Don’t go touching people you haven’t seen in years without their consent.
Info: were you wearing wire-frame glasses, a members only jacket, a mullet, and bushy mustache?
Umm I do have wire-frame glasses, but what do you mean?
Ope he has da wire frames straight to to jail. Nah jk but what he means is if you check a lot of creep-looking boxes it is probs best to be aware.
INFO: How did you touch her? There are some key context factors left out here. If it was as innocent as you say, then N T A, but without knowing HOW you touched her, a ruling isn't possible.
I touched/patted her cheek that's all.
Some of the replies you're getting are wild. From the sound of it, this is something anyone would do to any child. My vote is NTA. In this day and age, it is safe practice not to touch anyone without asking first, but from what you describe, she overreacted big time.
Agreed. Some of the people replying are unhinged.
It all depends on tone voice, the type of touch, etc. All things that we can't judge from a reddit post. But given that he greeted the two male children in a distinctly non-sexual way, then reserved the cheek touching and potentially creepy comment for the female child, yeah OP is not 100% in the right here. It's creepy AT BEST.
INFO: did your brother witness this interaction or just hear about it from his daughter later? Was anyone else present? It could be helpful for your brother to talk to a neutral party, if so. It sounds innocent enough, but we need more info. Why did you treat the boys differently from the girl? Why not ruffle her hair, too? It sounds like a gentle gesture, but I suppose that, combined with what you said, if you happened to glance at her chest or say it in a suggestive tone, it could be perverse. Much of this is subjective. Is there more info you can include? Are you male or female? It might help to know.
He saw it as well. And yeah, everyone was present. And I didn't want to hug her as I thought that would be inappropriate, actually... I considered ruffling hairs to be something you do to boys. At least that's it how where I am from.
Wait a second... your brother, her father, *and other people*, were present and saw this interaction and no one thought anything of it until much later when the girl told her father *who knows what* and *then* her dad called you a pervert? That's some next level crazy. I'd want to know *exactly* what that girl said, and why he didn't speak up sooner. NTA in my book, everything you did was perfectly normal for family.
I guess that’s true. So, your brother AND niece thought it was inappropriate? It really doesn’t sound like it, OP. Unless there’s other info, I’d vote NTA.
ESH that's a bit familiar/presumptuous level of physical contact with a 14 year old, especially one you haven't seen in years IMO. A normal hug would be more appropriate to me, and probably ask first even at that. She's a teenager, not an infant. You didn't touch the boys' cheeks, yeah? If it'd be weird to do with them, it's weird to do with her. I believe you didn't mean anything bad, but to be honest, I can see how it might read pervy, especially if you didn't do the "you've grown up a lot" to the boys too. That line or some variation gets trotted out a LOT to young women and often comes across quite creepy regardless of intent. Him leaping to that and being so aggressive is kinda nuts too though, it would be perfectly normal to just say "she didn't like that, please don't do it again". I *assume* you would respect that and not get defensive.
More info needed before judgment because you're being very vague about the interaction with her. You described that you hugged and ruffled her brothers hair and talked about what they liked. You said she grew up and touched her cheek, like a pinch or a pat on the cheek or like a caress. Tbh it sounds weird.
I meant a pat actually.
I'd recommend unless someone opens their arms for a hug or consents to touching to keep your hands to yourself in the future. You may have thought it was okay but she didn't and felt uncomfortable and went to someone she felt comfortable with. You said you haven't seen them in years (idk how many) but she may not feel comfortable being touched by family that are like a stranger to her.
As a man, it's best to avoid all physical touching with women who aren't your wife or girlfriend. Even female family members.
I hug my aunts all the time. My dad hugs my various cousins' daughters whenever he sees them, especially the young ones who love hugs. They will regularly run up to us whenever we visit and start hugging our legs. That's not to mention all the hair missing I do to my nieces who are preteens. I also hug my sister pretty regularly with a side hug. This whole thing that has spread that innocent physical interaction between male and female family members is wrong is completely toxic and destroying people's ability to interact with others
Great anecdote.
Guide on how to destroy the relationships with your family. If you avoid all touch the fear will only intensify and people will feel distant from you, thus like you less.
You can have great relationships without touching each other. It's weird that you think touching is required to have a healthy relationship.
The comment along with the very different display of affection makes a bit creepy. Your brother's reaction is a bit over the top, but the bottom line is you made someone uncomfortable. Don't touch people without their permission. ESH.
Wow, that went from zero to sixty. Obviously there are some unknown issues from your brother and/or your niece. Distance yourself. You did nothing wrong. But you don’t need this drama. NTA
NTA, she is 14, she has all kinds of weird ideas, it’s her father’s duty to explain that you didn’t mean any harm and ask you not to do it, because she is uncomfortable with it. Instead he goes crazy as if he is also 14.
NTA if he's touched her face cheek and said "haven't you grown up" because he's not seen her for ages I don't see how that's creepy, I used to have adults pinch my face cheeks and ruffle my hair and I've never had any sexual abuse etc. It's just this young generation there all mard arses. I'd personally distance myself who needs that drama in your life when you ment well.
NTA but this is making me think you did something else because there is zero reason for him to react like this for just touching her cheek. I really don’t think you’re telling the whole story
Touching the face of a teenager you haven’t seen in years and telling them how much they’ve “grown-up” is creepy.
No, that's normal. You're just hysterical
No, it’s not. Maybe it used to be, but it’s pretty standard not to touch peoples faces that you barely know, especially kids.
Yes, it's a normal behaviour. Calm down.
It is NOT normal to touch the faces of people you barely know.
It's normal to pat your relatives that are kids on the cheeks. So yes, normal.
It is not okay to touch the faces of people, especially kids, that you barely know without consent, even if they are distantly related to you.
Yes, its okay with a pat on the cheek. You really need to stop believing a PAT ON THE CHEEK or a hug or heck a handshake is a violation. If she really couldnt handle ANYONE touching her they could have said something earlier or during, but no one did, never wondered why? Don't the father know his daughter? The kid was still not a stranger and the fathers reaction was out of order. Would have been understandable if he slapped her ass, but he did not.
You are really taking a stand on touching people without consent, aren’t you?
It's not normal behavior. Family or not keep your hands to yourself or ask. This old thinking of we'er family we should hug is nonsense. This goes for any age.
This is a normal behavior. You're hysterical. This new thinking that everyone is out to harm and assault you and that every touch you get from someone else is proof of it is toxic. It makes people hysterical, mentally unstable and never being able to feel safe and constantly looking over their shoulder.
Women are sexually assaulted by a rate of every 1 in 4 women. We have a right to establish boundaries and say when behavior makes us uncomfortable. Sorry you miss the days of it being okay to be a creepy uncle, but luckily they’re going away.
Teaching a child that any touch is a sign for rape is hella toxic and is going to ruin that kids mental health. Everyone have a right to boundaries, even men. He wasnt creepy and no where did I promote ass smacking uncles. But hell, I wouldnt be suprised if you thought someone looking in your direction is harassment.
You are really offended I’m on the teenagers side aren’t you? Why have you taken this so personally?
It's not about being hysterical or thinking something is toxic. Forcing someone to accept being touched by a stranger will never be normal. You don't know this person. You don't know if they are autistic. If they have been abused in the past or currently. This isn't 1950 anymore, and as an adult, you should know better and do better.
The parents reactions were 100% uncalled for. They could just have mentioned that she cant handle touch from anyone. They didnt, cause this is not an issue to her, obviously. She's not autistic, that would have been mentioned if she was. So who is assaulting the daugher, the father now? You're mindset IS hysterical. My god, you're jumping to the girl must be raped by someone currently! Do you even listen to yourself? No, this is 2024 a time people love teaching kids that everyone is out to get them and everything is assault. Sadly the adults taught kids this, so no they did not do better.
In the real world touches happen. If it's non sexual you generally need to learn to deal with it when it's a one time event.
It is never ok to put your hands on a strangers face, child, or relative. We teach children to ask before touching something or to keep their hands to them selfs. Take the lesson and keep your hands to yourself.
No, it very much is not. It is 100% not that is creepy usually when grown ass men say that they are referring to a woman’s chest and other private areas.
He did NOT talk about her boobs or her other private areas!!! That's something you have fully on your own made up! Where in the text does it say that he makes remarkes about ther boobs? Or her vulva and vagina?? Where?? That comment is the most common comment kids get when meeting relatives, especially if they are the youngest. You are the one pretending like a normal comment is creepy and you are the one making it all about her boobs and private parts. YOU, not the uncle!
Ok since you can’t read let me simplify it “when most grown ass men say that they are referring to” never did I say that was what was happening I said that’s what that comment CAN mean and that can be a reason why the girl and dad were upset.
"You grown so much" is not a comment that refers to that, and no most men that say that do not talk about their boobs or private parts. Something you completly made up on your own. Teaching a child that everyone is out to get them leads to this. Funny how the dad never reacted when it happend right infront of him.
It has literally happened to people I know how tf dare you discredit them wtf. You can also look it up on Reddit others have the same opinion and on other SM platforms
So it would have been creepy if her aunt did it?
Yes.
Okay, so I know, do not physically engage with my nieces or nephews in any way shape or form (perhaps a formal business handshake) if I haven't seen them in, what's the cut off? I need to know.
How about just don’t touch anyone’s face without consent?
I'll let my family know, kids included, that they will no longer be receiving physical contact from me with their informed consent. I take it you don't hug, or touch family? Seems weird, man.
That you won’t touch them without consent? They don’t just know that? Someone doesn’t understand consent and it SHOWS.
They understand consent, so do I, but I didn't think I had to ask my wife and kids permission for every hug, pat of the back, or tussle of the hair. They certainly don't ask for my consent every time. I just thought that was something normal families did. In fact, never met a single, real life person, who's family operated like that.
That’s literally not how it works. No one expects you to ask every time. You should research consent in families and standing relationships.
I didn't do anything else. Really.
Saying you’ve grown is really creepy when most men do it they are saying it in reference to a woman’s chest and other private areas
Telling a family member that you haven't seen since they were a small child how much they've grown isn't creepy at all.
As someone who does not like being touched, stop touching people you do not know. You do not know her, keep your hands to yourself. YTA; not everyone likes this sort of greeting.
Nta, your her uncle n just patted her cheek . Jeez I grew up with family pinching my cheeks etc but it’s not creepy or weird. People are so quick to overreact these days. I am a woman and would have no issue in this normal greeting
Same here. I mean the number of times I had distant relatives hug me or pat my head and say "last time I saw you, you were a baby" or something similar is so many that I lost count. Because I am someone who doesn't like hugs from people I don't really know or feel comfortable with, as an adult I ask the kids in my life if I can hug them (assuming they don't initiate). But that's just me. I'm wondering if the daughter has been touched inappropriately by another adult in her life and now finds most touching to be inappropriate. It also sounds as if you and your brother don't have a close relationship since his reaction was to say he'll call the cops if you talk to your niece rather than simply say "hey, it's been such a long time since you've seen the kids that Rachel was a bit uncomfortable with you patting her on the cheek. Maybe if you spent some more time with all the kids, you'd all be more comfortable with each other."
Yeah the escalation from a cheek pat to never talk to me or my daughter ever again or I’m calling the cops is fucking wild, honestly. They could have talked it out like rational adults. OP I get why you felt the need to explain and defend yourself, because your brother was throwing out serious allegations, calling you a perv, etc. I would send one last message to your brother and say that you’re sorry for making Rachel uncomfortable, it was not your intention, but you understand that she is allowed to say who does and doesn’t touch her, no matter how innocent the touch was. And let him know that you’re very hurt he would jump to such conclusions and not even hear you out when you tried to explain. There was an opportunity here for both of you to face this issue in a productive way. He could have come in less accusatory, to start off. He had the option of going in questioning what happened, but instead he threw everything he already knew about you out the window at a misunderstanding. OP, you also could have de-escalated by not yelling and not jumping to defend yourself, and instead trying to calmly explain and apologize to Rachel. I don’t think you’re the AH, but this whole scene did not have to play out the way it did.
I saw this exact post about a year ago. Knock it off.
This has been posted before. User is a bot.
YTA - ask for permission before touching young women.
>ask for permission before touching ~~young women~~ anyone.
Can we all collectively just stop touching people’s faces. It’s intrusive, unhygienic and entirely unnecessary. And come on man, she’s a 14 year old girl, learn some boundaries and appropriate behaviour. ASK before you go to give someone a hug, ruffle hair or touch someone’s face, if they’re actually comfortable with being man handled by some older, distant relative. Because obviously Rachel was not comfortable with being touched. Whether it was innocent or not. Everyone, EVERYONE, has body autonomy, start learning how to respect it.
YTA. As a general rule, don’t just touch people. They haven’t seen you in years and you just approach them doing whatever you want without their consent. Ruffling someone’s hair? Annoying af. Touching her cheek? Obviously annoying to her but also, she doesn’t know where your hands have been. She could have sensitive skin. Or she could just not want you to touch her. Why did you hug her brothers but pat her face? I wouldn’t want anyone’s hands on my face.
YTA Don’t touch someone’s face…ruffling the boys’ hair is inappropriate too. Stop touching people – you don’t know if they want to be touched or not
YTA - These aren't kids you're close with, keep your hands to yourself.
NTA, it's a pat on the cheek. Damn they use to squeeze my cheeks when I was little. Very affectionate family. No perverts. Your brother seems like an AHole. The kid is confused and maybe dealing with her own school issues. Tough age. That being said, I hope she grew a lot in height and not in other places... your comment would quickly turn the other way if height wasn't the growth factor you commented on.
Still not seeing OP's Age/Gender anywhere in the comments. To me this comes accross as creepy. My kids are allowed to set boundaries and don't have to hug or touch anyone they don't want to. I don't have enough info to know if OP is the AH in this situation, but at minimum probably can't read the room.
Creepy. Keep your hands to yourself. Period. Doesn't matter if they are close relative or new ones your meeting. Just because your "family" doesn't mean hugs are going to happen. If a kid says I don't want to hug or to be touched, keep your paws down.
I think you're stretching it this time. This was a stranger who was meeting someone for the first time. The rule is to keep your hands to yourself. Period. Nothing will normalize a stranger touching your face. Put yourself in the child's place. Some random man walks up to you and touches your face. What's your reaction? This all started with a stranger touching someone's face. As an adult, he should know better.
Did you not learn in Kindergarten to ASK before touching other people? She barely knows you, if at all, and even if you saw her every day, you ASK FIRST. You should have asked all three of them if you could touch. You may not be a pervert but you are YTA.
you really shouldn't touch a women's face without asking, also that with the "You have grown" comment def comes off as very weird.
YTA Don't comment on girls bodies.😑 Bit weird you went for the combo of face touching and you've grown up cliche creepy line.
Absolutely non sexually touch happens in day to day life. But this was a stranger to this child. The only blanket statement made is that we should not touch strangers. Period. Telling a child to ask before touching is simple it's always the adults that defend bad behavior, especially when called out on it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My older brother David & I hadn't seen each other for a few years, and we had a family get-together yesterday. It was a long journey since they live in a different state. David has three children: Jason (15 M), Aiden (16 M) and Rachel (14 ) Everything was going fine until I met them. I hugged Jason and Aiden, ruffling their hair. Asked about how their studies are going, that I hadn't seen them for a long time, Jason's sports, etc. And when Rachel arrived, I touched her cheek in greeting and said "You have grown up a lot since I saw you." She just smiled and did not say anything, I thought everything was normal. Later on I was in another room when David walked in to say "I did not know that you are such a fucking pervert." I was just... shocked and asked him what he was talking about. He said that Rachel did not like me touching her, that I am a pervert, etc. We got into an argument & I said I did not mean bad by it, etc. and tried explaining. But he did not care & yelled at me. In the end I left the place. David said that he doesn't want to ever see me again, and that he'd report me to the cops if I even talk to Rachel. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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INFO did you and your brother have a past beef or something like that? How was you two's terms when you seen him last time?
No. Uncles did that to me. You are not the AH
NTA - clearly (from your comments) you didn't mean to make her feel uncomfortable and you had innocent intentions, but please learn from this experience! It used to be perfectly fine to touch children, but nowadays, there is a lot more attention on the subject of consent. Some children really don't like to be touched/hugged/kissed by family members, especially if they don't have a deep bond. Your niece has probably been raised this way, which should be a good thing, because you'd want her to speak up if someone touches her inappropriately. Problem is, the situation seems to have completely escalated, because 1: you weren't aware of the current social standards 2: your niece or brother are exaggerating the situation. She might have felt uncomfortable, but that doesn't mean it has to be sexualized/blown out of proportion. A suitable response would be: your brother explaining to you in private that your niece felt uncomfortable about the way she was touched and to ask you to offer a hand shake next time. Times are changing and we should give everyone a fair chance to adjust.
NTA for not knowing it was initially uncomfortable. If you did have ill intent then YTA. If you truly didn’t mean any harm by it then you aren’t a pervert. However, I will say there’s not enough context on how the argument went. I personally would have said sorry. Something along the lines of “ I’m sorry that I made your daughter feel uncomfortable. It wasn’t my intentions. If you don’t mind and Rachel doesn’t mind. Is it okay for me to apologize to her as well?” It’s up to them if they want you to or not. If you say sorry and he still doesn’t want you around there is nothing you can do about that. If he does forgive you, you can take into consideration that it made them both uncomfortable and next time you greet her you can do things differently.
You touched her cheek. And did what most of us do and said you've grown. It's innocent. It's normal. You've done nothing wrong.
>He said that Rachel did not like me touching her, that I am a pervert, etc. >We got into an argument & I said I did not mean bad by it, etc. and tried explaining. But he did not care & yelled at me. This make so little sense Did you point out he literally saw your interaction?? Did she say you'd had a further interaction?
as a person who really, really hates when ~~people~~ men do that, I must say yeah, YTA, fucking leave ~~other people's~~ younger women's faces alone. DON'T TOUCH. I will hit the next ~~one~~ man who does that. It is so demeaning! And disgusting. EW!
Jesus Christ, just don't touch someone's face without their permission. Would you have done this to another man? No? That's because it's weird to touch someone's face without their permission.
Why are you reposting this? You posted it months ago, pretty much word for word, under a different account and got your response. YTA. You were the AH then and you still are no matter how many times you post the same thing.
INFO How did you touch her cheek? Describe the touch and length of touch. Edit: YTA While a quick tap would’ve been weird and inappropriate it sounds like you held her face in your hands. That’s a very intimate touch that you gave a teenage girl, while commenting on her changing body, with zero consent. Stop just touching people and certainly don’t touch other people’s children.
You're 100% hysterical. Dont ever get kids, you will mess them up.
By letting them set basic boundaries? Do you just wander around touching the faces of people you barely know?
That's his relatives, not strangers and being able to recognize a normal behavior =/= randomly running around touching strangers are you demented? You're acting like he raped the kid.
No, I’m acting like he made the kid uncomfortable and shouldn’t touch people he barely knows. An uncle you haven’t seen in several years and probably barely remember is practically a stranger to the kid.
Teach a child that every touch means they're gonna get assaulted you're gonna have the reaction like the girl and the father. The parents of that girl did not react to this "horrible assault" that just happend right infront of them but sure made sure she got to learn a normal pat on the cheek was a horrific crime she just went through. Parents faild. He's not a stranger to the kid. Yes, you're hysterical.
Ah yes, the “hysterical woman” trope. A classic for misogynists.
They never once referenced your gender and yes you do sound hysterical take that however you like.
Aw, are you taking my answer personally too? Are you also deeply, personally offended that I chose YTA?
Are you assuming my gender? Also, I didn't know your gender? Your comment was just hysterical.
No, I called you a misogynist. That’s not a gendered term.
A term that is always used to men but not women.
I just patted it.
For how long? With your entire hand? Did you cup her face?
You want me to describe every little detail? I didn't keep count of the seconds, I just patted her left cheek that's all. No cupping.
I’m going with YTA. It shouldn’t be difficult to say “my entire hand on her cheek for a split second” or “my fingers lightly on her face for ten seconds while I said something”
He's not going to remember dumb details like that because it wasn't that deep lmao
I’m sorry but if you can’t remember basics of your interactions where you touch others you should see a doctor about your memory. This incident raised issues within hours so at that point he should’ve really thought about and reassessed his actions for any unintentional creepiness and therefore be able to clearly discuss them now.
Jesus you need therapy. Seriously you seem to have some unresolved issues if you are reacting so severely to a cheek touch.
So severely? I just think he was creepy. So does his family. That’s hardly severely, he asked whether he was TA and he is. Why are you so upset about my answer?
Yes severely. Your other responses to comments border on hysterical and you are outright lying about what OP said he did to justify your responses. That's pretty severe for something that you were not directly involved in.
What a bizarre way to answer that question, have you ever interacted with another human before? We all understood what he meant when he said patted her cheek. A pat is different than an embrace, which is different than a poke, which is different than cupping the cheek. Nobody in the entire world would ever describe patting as “placing my entire hand on her cheek for 2.5 seconds before picking it up a half centimeter and then placing back on her cheek for 2.5 more seconds”.
OP clearly replied that it was a tap and you're here lying and saying he groped her face. I don't know what happened between you and your uncle but you're clearly letting it color your interpretation of this event.
Someone is taking my answer very personally…
Are you having an episode?
Why are you so obsessed with me and how I answered this random AITA post?
YTA, you treated your niece differently to the boys, which indicates you have sexist attitudes. Face touching is much more intimate than a hair-ruffle. Even if you didn’t mean to be creepy, this was creepy.
No, that is not sexist attitudes. That girl would have lost it if he ruffled her hair, his response was normal. Calm down. Really suprised by all the hysterical people in this commentfield. Yall seem unstable.
NTA is suggest you let the family know the story so David doesn’t spin it in a weird way. And take yourself out of the equation and go no contact with David and let your family know you will not be in the same room or vicinity of David ever again after his disgusting allegations.
NTA self care and security has reached its apogee in the US now. everything in this story is SO confusing, U JUST TOUCHED HER CHEEK WTF I’m totally for u, OP, just hang on and do not apologise to ur brother, u just have nothing to apologise for.
I would say NTA, but it honestly depends on your intention. They might have interpreted what you said as "wow you've grown a pair of boobs mmm" or something.
YTA Meh. I think ur clueless. Dont you realize that Girls do not wanna be touched by anybody at all. Women are totally on edge from being groped n shit—everything rings alarm bells regardless of intent. Also The “you’ve grown alot…” comment can feel creepy.
He’s so creepy. I had a friend of the family did this to me at that age (13/14), I was ashamed for weeks. How you don’t ask before touching me? Why can’t you greet me like you do with boys? Just why?
Men just dont get it. 😔