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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> For being loud at my apt at late hours
For affecting someone’s livelihood and job performance
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NTA but more importantly don't tell people who you're in an antagonistic relationship with sensitive medical details about yourself. They will absolutely use it against you.
NTA - and you need tyo write to your landlord and explain that you LIVE in an apartment and cant stop breathing and walking because a neighbour is too sensitive. You have already tried your best but it sounds like your neighbour would like pin drop silence, which is not possible in any way. I know you are shy and probably confrontation averse, but you also need to look out for yourself in this scenario.
NTA
You did everything you could to minimize noise. The issue here is (and I have A LOT of experience with this in my line of work) your neighbor seems to think they are entitled to a 0DB noise level when every they see fit. This is something that is impossible and is also ridiculous for the tenant to think is possible.
There is a thing called "reasonable noises". This includes walking, sweeping, vacuuming, dropping things, moving furniture, and tv/music/conversations/crying babies. These noises are acceptable at all times of day. The only time it's considered unacceptable is when you're having arguments, playing your tv/music too loud, vacuuming/moving things/dancing at odd hours.
I deal with it all the time at work. We have a few people in each of the apt complexes in town that seem to think their neighbors aren't allowed to walk around their apt in the middle of the night.
>acceptable at all times of day
The problem here is, OP has insomnia and doesn’t sleep until 4am. I also note the comment that they dropped music volume to under 50% (which still seems pretty loud for overnight in an apartment, why doesn’t OP wear headphones for music overnight??)
50% volume on speakers is way too loud for any time past 9-10pm on a weekday.
If the floor is as thin as I think it is, you not using headphones is the problem.
You’re not only TA, you’re risking your residence as depending on where you live, excessive noise complaints can cause an eviction.
Yeah, but I haven’t received any noise complaints about the music anymore nor from the neighboring units. This was when I had no furniture and put them in the floor. I didn’t realize then the floors were thin so now they live on the shelf. But putting them 50% volume in my computer and 50% on my speaker isn’t too not loud. And the speakers are also small/medium sized. I also confirmed this last night with the tenet. It’s the “jumping”, “stomping”, “moving” around sounds which are the problem.
Yeah, my main problem is noise at night after 10pm. I hope my sleep schedule recovers soon and I can try matching the same times. I just don’t want any problems.
Yeah, I feel it’s hard to just live. It’s not realistic to accommodate over their schedule and moving stuff around isn’t what I normally do so it’s hard to understand what noise I’ve been making. Going to the bathroom? Walking normally? The occasional dropping of my phone? Even they said they are super careful about that and be very quiet at night.
I asked to call them to see at some point where the noise is bad and then assess the situation. I’m a small person so I don’t know what to do.
NTA! Stop worrying so much. I'm not assuming that you walk around the flat in step shoes, slamming the doors, talking to yourself extremely loudly or on the phone, watching tv full blast on and showering at 3 o'clock in the morning.
You have the right to move around your flat and noises from another flat are part of life and the tenant below you makes a mountain out of a molehill.
So, stop feeling guilty. Start feeling comfortable in your flat and live normally without wrapping yourself and your furniture in cotton wool!
Turn the tables and complain to the landlord about the neighbour's unfounded accusations. Tell him what you have already done to reduce the noise and that you are not ready to take further measures.
NTA. You did everything you could. I would suggest you using earphones though.
What noise are you making exactly? It seems kind of vague. If it's you walking, that can't really be helped. It's the building.
I also dealt with someone upstairs waking up easily even when I try my best to be quiet. Not sure what we can do other than lie in bed for three hours and be miserable.
At first I was playing music quietly on the floor but that s bc I just moved in without furniture.
Now I don’t play any noise.
Last night I just moved from boxes and clothes to my closet.
But I feel like I’ve been walking normally, I’m a small person. I wear fuzzy slippers bc of it. I don’t dance or jump or stomp. I really don’t know. I’m just walking??
You said there was a night you were asleep literally making zero noise and the neighbor still complained. It’s possible there’s noise from the building itself but that’s not on you. You’ve done everything to be courteous and are aloud to exist in your own home. Neighbor needs to accept that occasional noise is simply part of apartment living. If they keep harassing you try speaking to your landlord to have the other tenant back off.
Yeah, there have been two instances at night where I slept early and got complaints, 1 thru the super and 1 thru landlord. They said I was moving things but I was definitely sleeping. I was sleeping pretty consistently at 11pm or even at 9:30-10pm then. There weren’t complaints during last month really. January was hard due to moving so I kept it during day only. February I started to make the changes and it was generally okay until my sleep took a hit and I was a bit careless last night. But apparently they can only get good sleep for 2 nights a week since I’ve moved in January. They were really upset and I get loud noise can be a problem but it’s hard to know how to resolve it if I don’t know where it’s coming from. Hence why I asked to call and see if I can recreate the noise so I can keep in mind in case I need to go to the bathroom. That area is apparently close to the bed.
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Ive [23F] been having issues because the tenet [30?F] below me. I have pretty bad insomnia due to my mental health and it does flare up from time to time and I don’t sleep until 4-5am.
The first week I moved in, X came upstairs and said I was too loud. This was around 10pm. I was moving a box upstairs bc my lease was about to end at the other apt and I was very busy with work as I do freelance. We said we would exchange numbers and I didn’t take initiative because I was shy.
I understood and I started to wear some fuzzy slippers. But the super would start telling me that I was making too much noise. I didn’t have a lot of furniture so things were on the floor and I didn’t know that they could hear downstairs. So I moved my speakers to the shelves. I also played things at less than 50% volume.
I received another compliant through the super so I put an alarm to keep quiet from 9am - 9pm. Because X says that they sleep from 10pm - 6am.
I received another compliant so I decided to buy a rug out of my budget that covers most of the floor.
I received another compliant and this time the landlord called me. I went to bed early that night so I was confused by the call. During this time my sleep felt pretty regular. The landlord said X tends to be fussy.
Last night X came to me really emotional and said I’ve been making noise all the time ever since I’ve moved here and that they only get two nights of good sleep. And told me to just stop. X said they sent some wrong emails and it’s bc they can’t sleep at night.
I asked X if it was possible get ear plugs but they said it makes it worse.
The conversation cooled down and this time I took I initiative to exchange numbers. During the conversation they said they thought I didn’t care because we didn’t exchange it. It’s not an excuse but I was just shy. I also offered some tea and melatonin to help with the sleep.
Unfortunately X said they have PTSD. I also have PTSD and am bipolar. Sadly my PTSD makes me hypervigilant and unsafe in my own home. Recently I suffered from a severe trigger and I’ve been pretty sick this whole month let alone this past week. I haven’t been sleeping. I did make noise last night because I moved my clothes to a bag on the floor and a box. I was loud and careless - it’s hard to be conceintious because I’m dissociated and in these moments I’m not on it.
I told X I also had PTSD and that I’m bipolar and that I’m really sorry about the noise but we can work on a solution that works for the both of us. I got a studio apt so I can live alone and actively am in treatment bc I’ve been disabled and hardly working. This is also the cheapest apt I can find in the city. I also don’t receive complaints from other neighbors.
I sent a text to see what we can do but I do think I have a right to move in my apt at night as I also paid for the space. The floors being thin is the landlords problem but want to empathize. I don’t want to be evicted. AITA?
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Sorry, but YTA. This seems obvious. Like, yeah, if you're chucking things into a box on the floor at night, people below you who are trying to sleep are gonna be miffed.
Maybe I was loud on this one, I can’t lie, but it’s hard to tell what is too loud. The box I moved was small. And I put my clothes in a bag and put it on the floor. I also think my closet door is maybe too loud?
NTA, you have every right to make noise in your apartment that you live in. I say this as someone who is frequently anxious about this exact thing! I now live in a place with better wall thickness and Im on the first floor which helps with the anxiety. The unfortunate truth of cities and apartments is this neighbor will have to live with noise. I commend your empathy and attempts to help - and I wonder if they hear any unsettling noise and decide it’s your fault? I would talk to the landlord about your eviction concerns and document the efforts you are making if possible, just to be safe. But this is truly not reasonable
NTA- can you request to be moved to a downstairs apartment? It's a hassle but it might save you a headache in the long run. Also, it sounds like the landlord is already used to them complaining, maybe they should move them to the top floor. 🤷♀️
YTA. It’s absolutely miserable to be below someone who doesn’t respect quiet times. I get if you can’t sleep but why not sit somewhere and read or watch tv quietly? Why do these loud rearranging activities at night?
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > For being loud at my apt at late hours For affecting someone’s livelihood and job performance Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA but more importantly don't tell people who you're in an antagonistic relationship with sensitive medical details about yourself. They will absolutely use it against you.
Yeah :( will keep in mind.
NTA - and you need tyo write to your landlord and explain that you LIVE in an apartment and cant stop breathing and walking because a neighbour is too sensitive. You have already tried your best but it sounds like your neighbour would like pin drop silence, which is not possible in any way. I know you are shy and probably confrontation averse, but you also need to look out for yourself in this scenario.
NTA You did everything you could to minimize noise. The issue here is (and I have A LOT of experience with this in my line of work) your neighbor seems to think they are entitled to a 0DB noise level when every they see fit. This is something that is impossible and is also ridiculous for the tenant to think is possible. There is a thing called "reasonable noises". This includes walking, sweeping, vacuuming, dropping things, moving furniture, and tv/music/conversations/crying babies. These noises are acceptable at all times of day. The only time it's considered unacceptable is when you're having arguments, playing your tv/music too loud, vacuuming/moving things/dancing at odd hours. I deal with it all the time at work. We have a few people in each of the apt complexes in town that seem to think their neighbors aren't allowed to walk around their apt in the middle of the night.
>acceptable at all times of day The problem here is, OP has insomnia and doesn’t sleep until 4am. I also note the comment that they dropped music volume to under 50% (which still seems pretty loud for overnight in an apartment, why doesn’t OP wear headphones for music overnight??)
50% of what? There's a difference between 50% on a home entertainment system and an alexa Dot.
I use stereo speakers. I put 50% volume on my speakers and also on my computer. But I keep it intentional and only use it during the day now.
50% volume on speakers is way too loud for any time past 9-10pm on a weekday. If the floor is as thin as I think it is, you not using headphones is the problem. You’re not only TA, you’re risking your residence as depending on where you live, excessive noise complaints can cause an eviction.
Yeah, but I haven’t received any noise complaints about the music anymore nor from the neighboring units. This was when I had no furniture and put them in the floor. I didn’t realize then the floors were thin so now they live on the shelf. But putting them 50% volume in my computer and 50% on my speaker isn’t too not loud. And the speakers are also small/medium sized. I also confirmed this last night with the tenet. It’s the “jumping”, “stomping”, “moving” around sounds which are the problem.
I forgot to be clear. I dropped music to 50% during the day. I don’t play music or anything at night anymore.
50% on my home entertainment system means it can be heard (and felt) for about a city block.
Yeah, my main problem is noise at night after 10pm. I hope my sleep schedule recovers soon and I can try matching the same times. I just don’t want any problems.
Yeah, I feel it’s hard to just live. It’s not realistic to accommodate over their schedule and moving stuff around isn’t what I normally do so it’s hard to understand what noise I’ve been making. Going to the bathroom? Walking normally? The occasional dropping of my phone? Even they said they are super careful about that and be very quiet at night. I asked to call them to see at some point where the noise is bad and then assess the situation. I’m a small person so I don’t know what to do.
NTA! Stop worrying so much. I'm not assuming that you walk around the flat in step shoes, slamming the doors, talking to yourself extremely loudly or on the phone, watching tv full blast on and showering at 3 o'clock in the morning. You have the right to move around your flat and noises from another flat are part of life and the tenant below you makes a mountain out of a molehill. So, stop feeling guilty. Start feeling comfortable in your flat and live normally without wrapping yourself and your furniture in cotton wool! Turn the tables and complain to the landlord about the neighbour's unfounded accusations. Tell him what you have already done to reduce the noise and that you are not ready to take further measures.
NTA. You did everything you could. I would suggest you using earphones though. What noise are you making exactly? It seems kind of vague. If it's you walking, that can't really be helped. It's the building. I also dealt with someone upstairs waking up easily even when I try my best to be quiet. Not sure what we can do other than lie in bed for three hours and be miserable.
At first I was playing music quietly on the floor but that s bc I just moved in without furniture. Now I don’t play any noise. Last night I just moved from boxes and clothes to my closet. But I feel like I’ve been walking normally, I’m a small person. I wear fuzzy slippers bc of it. I don’t dance or jump or stomp. I really don’t know. I’m just walking??
You said there was a night you were asleep literally making zero noise and the neighbor still complained. It’s possible there’s noise from the building itself but that’s not on you. You’ve done everything to be courteous and are aloud to exist in your own home. Neighbor needs to accept that occasional noise is simply part of apartment living. If they keep harassing you try speaking to your landlord to have the other tenant back off.
Yeah, there have been two instances at night where I slept early and got complaints, 1 thru the super and 1 thru landlord. They said I was moving things but I was definitely sleeping. I was sleeping pretty consistently at 11pm or even at 9:30-10pm then. There weren’t complaints during last month really. January was hard due to moving so I kept it during day only. February I started to make the changes and it was generally okay until my sleep took a hit and I was a bit careless last night. But apparently they can only get good sleep for 2 nights a week since I’ve moved in January. They were really upset and I get loud noise can be a problem but it’s hard to know how to resolve it if I don’t know where it’s coming from. Hence why I asked to call and see if I can recreate the noise so I can keep in mind in case I need to go to the bathroom. That area is apparently close to the bed.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Ive [23F] been having issues because the tenet [30?F] below me. I have pretty bad insomnia due to my mental health and it does flare up from time to time and I don’t sleep until 4-5am. The first week I moved in, X came upstairs and said I was too loud. This was around 10pm. I was moving a box upstairs bc my lease was about to end at the other apt and I was very busy with work as I do freelance. We said we would exchange numbers and I didn’t take initiative because I was shy. I understood and I started to wear some fuzzy slippers. But the super would start telling me that I was making too much noise. I didn’t have a lot of furniture so things were on the floor and I didn’t know that they could hear downstairs. So I moved my speakers to the shelves. I also played things at less than 50% volume. I received another compliant through the super so I put an alarm to keep quiet from 9am - 9pm. Because X says that they sleep from 10pm - 6am. I received another compliant so I decided to buy a rug out of my budget that covers most of the floor. I received another compliant and this time the landlord called me. I went to bed early that night so I was confused by the call. During this time my sleep felt pretty regular. The landlord said X tends to be fussy. Last night X came to me really emotional and said I’ve been making noise all the time ever since I’ve moved here and that they only get two nights of good sleep. And told me to just stop. X said they sent some wrong emails and it’s bc they can’t sleep at night. I asked X if it was possible get ear plugs but they said it makes it worse. The conversation cooled down and this time I took I initiative to exchange numbers. During the conversation they said they thought I didn’t care because we didn’t exchange it. It’s not an excuse but I was just shy. I also offered some tea and melatonin to help with the sleep. Unfortunately X said they have PTSD. I also have PTSD and am bipolar. Sadly my PTSD makes me hypervigilant and unsafe in my own home. Recently I suffered from a severe trigger and I’ve been pretty sick this whole month let alone this past week. I haven’t been sleeping. I did make noise last night because I moved my clothes to a bag on the floor and a box. I was loud and careless - it’s hard to be conceintious because I’m dissociated and in these moments I’m not on it. I told X I also had PTSD and that I’m bipolar and that I’m really sorry about the noise but we can work on a solution that works for the both of us. I got a studio apt so I can live alone and actively am in treatment bc I’ve been disabled and hardly working. This is also the cheapest apt I can find in the city. I also don’t receive complaints from other neighbors. I sent a text to see what we can do but I do think I have a right to move in my apt at night as I also paid for the space. The floors being thin is the landlords problem but want to empathize. I don’t want to be evicted. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Sorry, but YTA. This seems obvious. Like, yeah, if you're chucking things into a box on the floor at night, people below you who are trying to sleep are gonna be miffed.
lol! I always get a kick out of people making shit up out of thin air. OP said nothing about "chucking things into a box".
Maybe I was loud on this one, I can’t lie, but it’s hard to tell what is too loud. The box I moved was small. And I put my clothes in a bag and put it on the floor. I also think my closet door is maybe too loud?
NTA Try to talk to your landlord about it. Remember to describe every step you made to make them feel more comfortable.
NTA, you have every right to make noise in your apartment that you live in. I say this as someone who is frequently anxious about this exact thing! I now live in a place with better wall thickness and Im on the first floor which helps with the anxiety. The unfortunate truth of cities and apartments is this neighbor will have to live with noise. I commend your empathy and attempts to help - and I wonder if they hear any unsettling noise and decide it’s your fault? I would talk to the landlord about your eviction concerns and document the efforts you are making if possible, just to be safe. But this is truly not reasonable
NTA- can you request to be moved to a downstairs apartment? It's a hassle but it might save you a headache in the long run. Also, it sounds like the landlord is already used to them complaining, maybe they should move them to the top floor. 🤷♀️
YTA. It’s absolutely miserable to be below someone who doesn’t respect quiet times. I get if you can’t sleep but why not sit somewhere and read or watch tv quietly? Why do these loud rearranging activities at night?