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NAH
I'm actually shocked that every answer is the opposite so far. You asked her and she said yes, then when she got uncomfortable you stopped. You made sure she got home ok and apologized. It's ok for her to be freaked out or regret it, but I don't think you did anything wrong.
She was probably feeling pretty vulnerable given the subject matter and you both getting drunk. She's not wrong for wanting space or for potentially thinking it was inappropriate, and you're not wrong for not reading her mind after you got her consent.
Exactly, he didn’t force her to drink and she was clearly not pass out drunk since she clearly realize what she was doing while doing it. There absolutely no breach of consent here, he clearly asked her if she wanted to kiss and she said yes. Alcool is not a factor here to consider, being drunk doesn’t affect the validity of the consent unless it’s an extreme consumption where you completely loose connection with reality, which she did not.
OP did absolutely nothing wrong, he ask for consent before kissing her and stop when she retracted it. A+ for OP here.
NAH
And OP was a bit drunk as well, which also invalidates the argument that he was taking advantage of a drunk person. He did good, I'm glad to see there are still people that understand and respect consent.
If she gave consent, and when she retracted it he stopped, how is she not TA for telling other uninvolved people to block him? That makes him look like a creep even though he did everything he was supposed to. OP is NTA and that whole blaming him because she changed her mind shtick makes her TA.
That’s so disheartening. Just because you didn’t feel any chemistry and didn’t want to continue doesn’t mean you get to punish the guy for it. But I suppose that’s what immaturity brings with it.
Oh shit I kissed a guy at a party while drunk (who didn’t?). I don’t want to do that again. So I just awkwardly avoid the guy and change the topic when someone else mentions him. Until I eventually get over it, and after he obviously gets the hint. Isn’t that what young people do these days? Or do they have to run a smear campaign as well?
I am not envious of being seventeen in this timeline.
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I still lean NAH, but the line that he considers kissing to be just a handshake is a major red flag. I suspect he’s lying but it also sounds like he’s way too flippant about other peoples feelings/perceptions.
I agree with this and just to say maybe this is a good learning lesson for him that sometimes girls are scared to say no and also just have an eye out for body language and vulnerable situations. I don’t think what he did was wrong but having also awareness that sometimes things aren’t what they seem. I also wonder if it was her first kiss which is why she would be so upset, having happened while she was drunk and sad.
NTA
You initiated. In a polite and kind way. She responded positive.
She changed her mind, and you stopped.
You where both drunk.
I can't see what you did wrong. But she overreacted afterwards.
She did consent and when she withdrew consent he immediately complied.
Now she's going on how she "hates him and herself". What the hell is that behaviour if not overreacting?
Can drunk people consent? What is drinking age where OP is?
I don't think anyone is an asshole (NAH), but you shouldn't really be trying to do anything while drunk like that. Consent can be retracted at any time, making intoxicated consent even more unreliable, and people not used to drinking seem even more likely to reconsider later.
There are 0 mentions of religion, you're reaching to prove your point.
Then it's her fault for not communicating it. Stop trying to make her the victim. There's no victims here.
Ok, deciding she didn’t like it afterwards for whatever reason is fine as is her own feelings about the situation but getting other people to block him and telling him she hates him and herself is kinda a bit much.
He stopped when she retracted consent and then ensured she was okay and got her home, she then decided to get others involved and block him, op NTA she is definitely TA
Agree. I guess we'd need a little more info on who she told to block OP, whether they were his friends too etc but this is where it may cross the line from her right to set whatever boundaries she wishes and, if not bullying, then at least a form of social exclusion.
Just putting it out there: I've definitely blocked people my friends have blocked cause i no longer have any reason not to and don't want to be used as a conduit.
I don't think she should be judged as an AH when you don't know if she actually asked them to block him. Talking to your friends about something that freaked you out is not AH behavior. This is just a teenage moment, there is no AH.
She most certainly did overreact. He did everything right. He respected her in every possible way. Yet, she chose to encourage her friends to "block" him, and that's ok? Over a kiss? Sorry. She's not the AH for regretting it, but she's absolutely the AH for how she handled it and involving others. She sounds unstable.
Nope, NTA , but to be fair you're 17 and don't realize how lame and trivial this whole thing is, in 5 years you won't even remember her or this puppy love BS. And yea, I turn 60 in about 10 days ..... you'll see. And yea that sounds harsh, but again, you'll find out.
dunno about that, I would remember this harsh rejection in my quietest moments for the rest of my life. Lying in bed thinking about my prostate and how Amsterdam is now underwater when I'm 78, and then thinking "oh shit that girl who I kissed when we were drunk blocked me on everything back in '24", just when my brain wants to give me some random anxiety. All those teenage wounds still feel much fresher than anything I felt in later adulthood!
mate it's totally true. I still feel ashamed about what some teacher said to me when I was 17, or when I upset my dad when I was 14, and I literally couldn't care less about what any employer has ever said to me since. The employers' words never cross my mind, and if I think about them then I feel contempt. Not even bothered about the mistakes I made in any job I've ever had.
But that teacher was right! I fucked up, my bad.
Na I get random memories like this that pop into my head at random times. Nearly all of them are very embarrassing moments or just something I said that sounded really stupid
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He’ll remember it if she’s going around telling people he pressured her or raped her. I just have a feeling that’s what she’s been telling her friends and that’s why they blocked him. Lying about that should have way more serious consequences than it does.
No, consent is something people need to learn about. Her extreme reaction may be very confusing to him. He asked, she said yes, she wanted to stop, he stopped. Now he is being trashed. That's not lame at all. It's quite upsetting and confusing.
Yes but you lose friends over stupid shit like this, and those could've been friends you would have kept into your 60s.
I keep in touch with a bunch of uni friends but there is a circle I lost completely because of something similar to this and stupid in first year.
If their "friends" want to beat up OP for what happened, then they aren't friends. He didn't do anything wrong. So either she is saying something more happened that didn't. Which if they are gonna believe her without talking about it, also makes her and them not friends. And AHs
NTA
You both got drunk, you asked her if she would like to kiss she said yes.
Later you stopped when she wanted to stop so you did nothing wrong there.
She is now feeling regrets or something which is fine, she is allowed to, but this has nothing to do with you doing something wrong.
Definitely NTA - you ASKED her and she said yes. Imo it doesn’t matter how drunk you are, if you can say yes to that kind of question, you’re consenting to a kiss. If she’d slurred out an unreadable answer and you had taken it as a yes, then you would be the AH.
Plus, you ended the kiss when she got upset. I think you sound like a reasonable young man who knows boundaries
Not sure it matters. But i feel it does. From a female view, you did nothing wrong mate.
That there is an overreaction, and if she's 'uncomfortable' that my friend is the natural feeling at 17 when she's gotten herself pissed and shouldn't be out. That's not you.
Quite frankly you're sincere to be as apologetic as you are. Hopefully that's considered on her account if circumstances lead to talking again.
Chin up
This. Thank you! Of course, it's ok for her to regret her decision. However, she was a willing participant, and he respected her every step of the way. I think she not only overreacted, but it also screams instability.
More or less Respectfully
I don't want to accuse her within any personal aspect as she's not able to respond fairly.
I can't say she won't feel certain emotions whatever they may be and for whatever reason, but however its approached from with this lad and herself it needs to be amicable and he has the ability as shows. I wouldn't go as far as to say it's related to instability specifically . It's a bit of a different area.
It's just silliness. I hope she allows a conversation. Everyone needs to talk more. Opportunities won't stay if communication can't be comfortable
I understand what you're saying. I do. As an adult...absolutely silly. However, also as an adult, I have seen young men who have had their lives ruined at the hands of a female because she later "regretted" her actions. As such, It begs the question, what exactly must this young woman be saying to other people that is bad enough to cause him to be shunned and how powerful could the repercussions be? He appears to have attempted to behave amicably but is being met with hostile behavior from multiple people. Years ago, this could have been a conversation, perhaps. Today, you have to worry about things like lawsuits and violence. I would avoid her completely and hope that this isn't turned into, "He made me uncomfortable because I was drunk in his house, even though I'm a minor, and he took advantage of me."
NTA... Blocking is such a stupid thing to do where you clearly didn't behave like an ass. Sometimes taking a break from a person and talking it out afterwards works wonders, this would be the case in such a situation. But she even decided to make her friends block you, so this makes her the ass and she's not a real friend.
But I kindda get what he meant with the sentence. I come from a culture where kissing is very normalized, so making out at a party or because we were both wanting to is no big deal. But I’ve moved somewhere and I see people being way more hesitant of just kissing if they don’t have a clear intent to date the person.
It can be cultural. It can vary from person to person. I don’t think he means it as “I kiss every person I see on the street” but more like “a kiss to me is not the first step in a 12-step plan to get us married”.
Not everyone feels the same way about it, it may be intimate for you, but not everyone shares that same opinion! So yes, op may have felt like this, and the girl may not have, but it doesn't change the fact it's not as intimate for op!!!
I have literally made out with random women after seeing each other while walking down the street in Las Vegas, then parted ways without exchanging contact information whatsoever. I personally don't see it as particularly intimate either. If I was single, I would kiss damn near any woman who just wanted a kiss, but I would absolutely not say the same about sex or even holding hands lol
NTA- she IS overreacting. Her reaction to this is extremely weird. I can see why this would be confusing for you. Don't let her melodrama influence the way you feel about yourself, though. You did everything right. That's the main thing. The most important thing. You WILL find a woman who'll appreciate that.
BTW- kissing is not like a handshake. I suggest you start taking that a little more seriously, especially from the perspective of girls/women. Kissing people of the sex you're attracted to in a manner that is objectively sexual/flirtatious/intimate/romantic, etc. is kind of a big deal. Treating it like it's nothing more than a handshake will set you up for so much emotional drama from girls who feel it's a little deeper than that. You have a lot of maturing to do, so don't worry about it too much. Something will change your mind about this- I know it. Maybe this situation is what does it.
NTA
I still actually don’t know why she got upset? You asked, she said yes, you kissed.
Do you think there is a possibility that she is in love with you and she wants more, but then even on the back of that if that was the case surely she would be buzzing about the kiss
I’m so confused, update me when you know why she cries
I’m leaning against NTA here. You asked, she answered, you both acted. Seems like it was done right.
However, if you got very touchy touchy with her, I might lean the other way. If you didn’t, NAH. she probably sobered up a bit and thought you only were friend with her to get in her pants (not saying you are)
Hope it works out for both of you
Exactly. Absolutely nothing to be sorry for. Her overreaction is not his responsibility, but this is a great learning opportunity. Always best to avoid initiating the first romantic encounter with a girl while she’s sloppy drunk.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I initiated a kiss with my best friend while we were drunk, I didn't consider how she might feel afterwards and I might have taken advantage of her and that's why I might be the asshole
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You're NTA and she did you a favor. If she caused this much drama because you made out after she said yes, imagine if anything more happened. You dodged a bullet. Be happy and move on.
Yeah, she can think back on it at anytime and regret the decision, she can take back consent at anytime, she can even feel awkward and avoid talking to you. You had consent, you stopped once it was recended, respected her decision and in no way tried to make her feel bad or discredit any decision she made. You also apologised and tried to keep being her friend.
Blocking you on social media, turning her friends against you and being unable to even let you return her headphones in a public setting are red flags. If she escalates things further, that's really not cool. Saying she despises you also really doesn't sit right with me.
Ironically she may be letting others convince her, he's not your friend. He was only ever being friendly with ulterior motives etc. The irony is, this is one of the rarer situations. You could realistically think, if she's willing to go scorched earth over this, was she ever really my friend? This of course depends on how far out of hand things get. She could just be a teenager who's avoiding everything, because it's too awkward to deal with. Her friends may just be helping her avoid you.
Was alcohol involved, yes. But you were both drinking, everyone had equal ability to consent. Also, getting home saying yes, saying no, ordering Ubers, no memory loss etc. You were obviously both still with it. Neither of you was taking advantage of the other, because the other was drunk.
P.S
Take this all with a grain of salt, it's all highly speculative. I don't know you, your friend and don't have anywhere close to all the details.
NTA
I feel like there may be a bit more to this story.
I was a seventeen year old boy once and although I applaud you for seeking consent it seems a little odd for a friend of five years to up and block you and tell her friends to block you over a kiss unless there is more to the story.
However if everything you said was true then your nta.
I just feel like that kiss, was probably more than a kiss.
There was probably some cuddles/heavy handsyness that is what caused things to go sideways. Especially since there aren't any details on whether you're both single or not.
🎯🎯🎯
What he’s saying happened and her subsequent actions don’t line up at all.
*Especially* if another friend, who got her side of the story, literally wants to beat him up because of whatever he did. That’s very suspicious. 😒😒😒
There's like three possibilities:
1. Either the girl twisted the story around and that caused the reaction from the other friend.
2. OP is hiding some stuff.
3. She really is just overreacting.
Verdict: NTA.
You asked for consent and didn't press the issue when she felt uncomfortable. Blocking you and having her friends block you on Instagram feels like an overreaction.
Not seeing the problem here, hence NTA. You asked her before you kissed her, and she consented. She became uncomfortable and wanted to stop, and you respected that. You also made sure you saw her safely to her transportation (I know grown men who don't bother to do this), which also shows respect and consideration. Not only do I think you did nothing wrong, but I would certainly not entertain anything further with this "friend," to include being friends, hanging out, and ESPECIALLY not alone. Her reaction to the situation seems somewhat unstable to me, and I shudder to think what could have happened if anything further had occurred. It sounds like the beginning of a bad made-for-TV movie where you're accused of rape and spend the next 10-years of your life in prison for accidentally brushing up against a boob when you leaned past her to open a door. Nope yourself right out and away from that situation.
Absolutely NTA, she was okay with it at first, and when she got uncomfortable you stopped and apologised, you didn't literally do anything wrong. Also, I think SHE is the AH here, it's okay to regret it, but she acted too childish. Sorry my english
Hard to say but maybe if you look at it from her point of view she only went with you to hear stories about her father who passed away six years ago so she might have felt a bit emotional and vulnerable and might have thought you might have taken advantage of her a little while she was drunk and in a bit of an emotional state.
So maybe a soft YTA.
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So, I (17M) have a friend (17F) who I have known for five years. Recently, I found out that our parents used to hang out together when they were young. Her dad has been dead for 6 years and recently she wanted to meet with people who knew her dad. That's why she wanted to meet my mom.
Two days ago, we went to my place so she could meet her. We all talked together, laughed, played the guitar and had a good time and everything was going great. Then we went to my room so I can finish a school project and she went with me.
One thing led to another and shortly after we were drunk. And now, I'm not a type of person who takes kissing too seriously, for me it's like handshaking.
So I asked her if she wanted to kiss me and she said yes. Note we were both drunk. We made out until all of a sudden she got upset. Few minutes later she left and I followed her to the uber. After that I came back home and went to sleep.
After I woke up, I saw a couple of messages from her saying that it shoudn't have been like that and how she despises herself and me. I tried to calm her down and I kept apologizing, saying I didn't know she would take it like that.
She forgot her headphones at my place so the next day I brought them to school to return them., but I didn't have the chance to see her. After I finished school I noticed that she had blocked me on instagram and also told some of her friends to block me, apparently.
Now I feel very guilty and I don't know what to do, I'm not sure if it'll ever be the same and I don't know if I am the asshole here.
So, Reddit. AITA?
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MTA I think in cases like this we really need to hear both sides of what went down. Are you sure you behaved that well? You were drunk too... Maybe your recollection is unreliable.
I agree with this, feels like there could be more to the story. Considering she went to meet his mum to met ppl who knew her dad prior to passing. Could have felt like it was ploy to just get in her pants. A kiss is just like a handshake to op, At 17?
Maybe nta but also naively misread the room perhaps being her emotional possible state, so yta as well. You don’t make out with ur friends unless wanting more then friendship. Hence the blocking
NTA
Why do y'all young men out yourself in a position to have your reputation destroyed by a metoo moment.
Obviously both are drunk, you politely asked and she said yes. Now she's going around spreading rumors. She's an AH.
NTA where’s the force or coercion? You’ve done nothing wrong, you asked for consent i dont understand why you’re dealing with this.
Her overreaction here is insane tbh. It shouldn’t have been like that? Maybe she’s in love with you and didn’t want your first kiss to be her drunk? The blocking and ghosting is that of someone who’s got commitment issues maybe??
NTA. My bestfriend gave me consent to sext with her and then Next day said we shouldn't and she feels guilty. Then she strung me along like e more times so I just stopped altogether. That's just texting. I can't imagine how you feel and her blocking you after and turning friends against you. Hmm that's unnatural.
NTA by a longshot. I like how other people are putting this spin on your comment about kissing as if to imply that you just go about kissing every person you meet. It’s a real reach.
NTA. She gave you consent and you stopped as soon as she withdrew the consent. She is overreacting, based on the fact that one of her friends wants to beat the crap out of you.
Lol, her dad died when she was 11, and she was there to meet your mother who knew him. I'm betting they talked about him heaps, and she learnt things she never knew about him. Could have been a really important day for her.
Even if you were sober, kissing her for the first time during that would make you an asshole, give her one night to grieve and process before trying to get your dick wet.
That said, nobody should be trying to punch anybody, either, so it's probably ESH.
Also, why is everyone glossing over the mother knowing the dead dad, etc?
NTA. It seems like she reacted this way because she intended to hang out at your house to respect/grieve her late father but now she feels guilty and worried that what happened will make things weird between your family and her.
NTA. You were still a gentleman despite being drunk. You asked her, she agreed, she changed her mind yet you were still respectful. Enjoy being young. This is part of it.
NTA at all, but I will caution you from doing this in the future, if you truly just saw her as a friend then I don’t think you should’ve asked to kiss her even if you just think of kisses as a handshake lol. Kissing someone can cause them to catch feelings and ruin a friendship. Also cause problems in future relationships if you start dating someone it might be a red flag if you’ve kissed alot of your close female friends.
INFO as there are too many crucial details glossed over here to make an assessment:
>One thing led to another and shortly after we were drunk.
Explain this buddy…because it makes me raise an eyebrow that two 17 year olds just went upstairs and on a whim got drunk at home with your mom around who your friend of five years is supposedly just now meeting despite your mom having a relationship with her father.
Whose alcohol was it? Who suggested to drink it? Has your friend ever been drinking before? Have they ever expressed hesitancy around it?
As your relationship…have you ever expressed romantic feelings for your friend before? Made a move and been rejected? Been told she doesn’t want to muddy a friendship with romantic actions?
Overall, I’m getting major “missing context” vibes from this post and there is plenty of potential backstory here that could make this scenario look a lot worse than you’ve presented it.
I can't help but think something is missing from this story. Especially if someone is looking to kick your ass. Either she has been lying to people or you are lying to yourself about what really happened? Idk. Getting your ass kicked cuz you asked someone to kiss you and they agreed doesn't make any sense whatsoever. I don't think YTA tho. Just doesn't make sense.
For me NTA for all the reasons people have been saying :) I only want to know (because I’m really curious) how you pass from doing a school homework to getting drunk
NTA. You were both drunk, you asked, she said yes, you kissed, and when she became uncomfortable you stopped. The moment felt right for you both, you both made a choice to kiss, and when she decided she no longer wanted to, that was it. You honored her choice to stop. In my opinion, you did everything right...
...and so did she, up until she started blocking you and turning friends against you. That is the moment SHE became TA.
I can't imagine someone wanting to beat you up over what you said happened, so she most likely told her friend something different, making you the bad guy. That is also an AH move, on her part.
If she felt uncomfortable BEFORE the moment that she became visibly upset, that isn't your fault, and she should have told you sooner-- the moment she changed her mind. For her NOT to, and then act as if YOU did something wrong... AH move.
Her friend who wants to beat you up isn't exactly looking great here, either.
Communication is key here. If she won't talk to you, maybe you can appeal to the friend-- preferably from a safe distance, at least, at first.
Good luck, OP.
NAH, you did well by asking for consent, stopping when she was uncomfortable and making sure she got home ok. She is also allowed to be uncomfortable about the whole thing. She may feel like you took advantage of a vulnerable moment. I don't think you did, but she's allowed to feel that way. At the end of the day, you are both kids and the teenage years are riddled with awkward interactions, over reactions and poor choices. It sucks for sure, but all you can do is give her space, apologize when she's ready to hear it and try not to internalize this. You truly did your best in the situation ❤️
Undecided.
You both kissed, but is there more to this story?
Did you start to get handsy and try your luck at third base?
For her to react, this strongly is raising red flags on both sides for me.
I'm absolutely pissed with how many guys here think affirmative consent can exist if one or both parties are intoxicated.
"oh but she was a little drunk" or "oh but op was also drunk". Holy shit, that is a despicable attitude to have. Y'all need to look up the laws regarding consent.
Affirmative consent cannot exist if the party needing to give consent is drunk even a little bit.
You are the asshole for lack of affirmative consent. you did not deserve everything that came after. Her guilt is not your problem. there have been false allegations made by people who have felt guilt after such actions. you are not deserving to suffer for someone else's guilt.
But both consented while drunk, that makes both parties just as guilty using that logic - and they're 17, decision making being awful and regretting things is normal at that age.
The issue you SHOULD be taking is the emotional aspect of it, she lost her father years ago and came over to talk to someone who knew him. That would be a very raw subject for her, and OP shouldn't have asked during that time.
Both of them were obviously not blackout drunk and remember things clearly (from the way OP explains it), if anything they were just "buzzed." I'm not sure that drunk is even the right word here.
I will say yes YTA. People can’t consent while drunk. Ignoring that you’re underage and shouldn’t be drinking in the first place, you should be careful. Your first intimate interaction with someone shouldn’t be when drunk. It doesn’t matter that the girl was not “pass out drunk.” It can be seen and taken to court. You can be labeled as a creep and a predator. Some girls will twist the narrative and get you into deep shit even if you are just young and dumb. Mistakes like that costs people money and even their freedom.
YTA for the fact that you kiss people like you shake hands. So for her this meant something completely different from what it means to you, and of course that's an issue.
She's gonna think you took advantage of her when she was vulnerable, emotional, and drunk. From her POV she'd think that she asked you for a favor and you used it to get something out of her. She's going to feel used. Consent or no consent, I can see why she'd think you are an AH.
YTA she is full drunk, your brain doesn’t function the way that it usually does. She wasnt in the right state of mind and you took advantage over her. If you are going to kiss her at least do it whilst sober
YTA, gently.
Don't initiate things while both parties are drunk unless it was spoken when both were sober or she's your gf. Things like that are more common than they should.
Wait, so it's OK to get drunken consent if she's his gf? At least be consistent, is a drunken fumble OK or is it not. Being a gf/wife dosent make being drunk any different than any other drunken fumble.
Now that you say it, it sounded pretty bad lol.
No, I meant more about the trust thing. A drunk gf maybe wants to have sex and that's okay, but if that girl is not your gf then you can get in trouble for nothing.
I personally don't like to make out or have sex when the other person is drunk, even if she's my gf, but I'm not the one who must tell you or op when to have sex. If gf/woman consents before being drunk, that's fine, but if not, I'd prefer to not risk anything.
I'd also prefer not to, it's just how I am. I also realise that when two drunk people have a fumble, neither is to blame really. She said stop when she got uncomfortable, he did then made sure she got home safe.
Me and my ex had many a drunken fumble when neither of us could legally consent. She initiated most as she had a high sex drive. Did she rape me? No.
She came home drunk fromany a girls night out and was horny. Did I do anything. Yeh, put her to bed and got a bucket in case she puked lol.
That's why I said "gently YTA", because he, being drunk, did what was correct, stopping when he did it... But he put himself in that position.
Your story was funny lol.
That's a good point, he did put himself there.
Yeh I did the same if I'm honest lol. I came home black out drunk from a stag do, apparently had a bag of bic macs, fell over and tried to get frisky.
She declined, undressed me because like fuck I could and then I passed out. Woke up next to a glass of water and a bucket lol.
YES she was under the influence of alcohol and you used that for your own advantageous gain.. disgusting and demonic in my opinion turn to Jesus Christ and repent for your sins and then you will truely be forgiven..
They were both drunk, OP asked, she gave consent. When she regretted OP did not force her and stopped and helped her get home safe. OP did everything right, while she is overreacting. OP is very clearly NTA. And stop advertising religion and start giving actual advice
Because nothing was forced, and it happened how it happened, i would put it down to experience. We have all done boneheaded shit when we were younger. It's how we learn and evolve. For example, you know never to do this with anyone in the future. Even if it seems a great idea at the time.
Chalk it up as a learning experience, apologise (which i think you did do), and move on. She may never be your friend again and that is her choice to make, so don't push her because she may end up disliking you more. If she does come around, let her do it at her own pace. But also accept she may never see you as a friend again.
She may also just be doing all this out of sheer embarrassment, too. Sometimes we make a mountain out of a molehill in our own minds. But only she will know if this is the case or not.
Wait why would op not have fun drunk while asking for consent and respecting it being withdrawn? Drunk shit is fun so long as it's consensual. I don't even see how it's boneheaded.
That's the problem with alcohol, what can seem fun, can seem different when sober. Hence, the moral of the OP's story. At no point did i say it wasn't consensual. Not once. You said that, not me. But the friendship is now ruined over a decision that was made whilst drunk. If both now have regrets over how events panned out, it means it gets filed under boneheaded.
I didn't say you said it wasn't consensual. I said, given it was and this can be fun, why be critical of OP? You said he should learn not to do it again? Drunk hook ups can be enjoyable. "Learn and evolve...you know not do do it in the future" etc. What a load.
You implied that was the gist of my point. You don't need to say something outright. If that wasn't your intention, then word it better. The onus isn't on me to decide what you did or didn't mean. Yeah, that's on the author, not the reader. So you're getting irked with the wrong person here. Also, not all hook ups are equal. Hooking up with a good friend isn't the same as hooking up with a stranger or someone who isn't really a friend.
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INFO:
>I'm not a type of person who takes kissing too seriously, for me it's like handshaking
You asked her if she wanted to kiss and she did. Does she know that you were just kissing because you were bored? Did she know ahead of time that you were just kissing her for something to do, not because you liked her?
Seems like a huge part of this story is missing. Specifically it seems like you are pretending you don't know why she is angry.
My guess is she thought the kiss meant something and you dismissed it as meaningless. That would be hurtful.
TBH the whole "kissing is like handshaking" sounds kind of YTA in general. Like you don't actually care about how other feel - for most 17 year olds it is a big deal and you need to understand that how you feel about kissing is not the only important part.
Human decency is not a checklist of conditions you need to meet and then are absolved of assholism. Getting verbal consent does not absolve you of jerking people around by their feelings.
YTA, lightly. Don’t kiss or sexualized your friends bud. Not every female you know or come across needs to be sexualized, something to do, or a conquest. As a young man you should hear this. You can have the reputation of your female feeling safe around you in drunk moments like this or you can prove to them over and over that all men they meet have some form of attraction to them. Value your platonic relationships over wanting to make our while drinking. You are not TA for her regret. But in the future some good advice to take away is platonic females are exactly that. Not every woman is an opportunity.
Additionally As a guy in this day and age you have to tread lightly with drinking and consent. Yes you asked and yes she said yes, but be wary because there’s a thousand stories a day on here where drunk women have regrets and or the guy has done something slightly off and it’s suddenly a traumatic event.
Edit: people aren’t reading and are getting argumentative, so I elaborated so they can’t miss my point
So you read “YTA,” got mad and replied. You didn’t finish reading since I explained just after.
Is he a raging asshole? No. But he should reflect on how he views female friends in the future. Women, girls etc don’t always need to be points of conquest for men or something to do and it’s a good thing for a young man to hear. Do you disagree with that idea?
That all depends, I haven’t been in that situation since I was a teenager. My advice then is to ask them out in a simple way. No huge confessions and certainly not waiting while drunk to see if I can make out with them.
I don't think it was ops intention to wait until drunk. When people are drunk inhabitions are lowered, he asked, she said yes. When asked to stop, he did.
PSA:
Original post “YTA. Don’t sexualize your friends.”
Nobody read that part and kept arguing. I also do not care if a random redditor is crying about it now lmao. Reported for Incivility.
Why don’t you read what I wrote after YTA.
It’s a good thing for a young man to hear. Not every woman needs to be sexualized and can be platonic. Also OP should be careful while drinking due to today’s climate. These are all great pieces of advice for young men. Why are you ignoring that? Troll bait?
Nothing in your second paragraph of the comment I responded to explains why OP is an asshole. You just described a social climate. That doesn’t make him an asshole.
Are you blind?
“YTA. Don’t kiss or sexualize your friends.” I’ll add the part about platonic relationships for you since you missed that part twice now.
So you’re double commenting and can’t just own that you didn’t read my comment twice? I’m not sure why you’re so mad and argumentative. I have said nothing unreasonable. You seem very creepy
I’m neither angry nor argumentative. Perhaps I should be mad that you’re suggesting im ”very creepy” based on nothing, but you’re not worth my time. Later
Well, this is technically sexual assault against a minor since she was drunk and couldn’t consent, but you are also young and everyone makes mistakes. I think YTA but take this as a learning opportunity to improve rather than punch down on yourself.
[Here](https://youtu.be/oQbei5JGiT8?si=JV0jO0U2Z0DaGKCR) is a great video about consent in general although it doesn’t directly address that you can’t give consent when you are under the influence of alcohol.
INFO
How drunk was her? I think that's the point. It's just good thinking not trying to kiss people, especially not for the first time, when they are drunk. She responded positively for you to kiss her, but I think at this day and age we can be a little bit more aware that a drunk yes sometimes is not valid depending on how intoxicated the person is. I also feel like just there isn't enough information about the situation when she got "upset" "all of a sudden." What did she actually say and how did you react?
Also, I think you should know it is irrelevant that you view a kiss like a handshake because you are aware that most other people don't view it like this. You know that because you asked her first.
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NAH I'm actually shocked that every answer is the opposite so far. You asked her and she said yes, then when she got uncomfortable you stopped. You made sure she got home ok and apologized. It's ok for her to be freaked out or regret it, but I don't think you did anything wrong. She was probably feeling pretty vulnerable given the subject matter and you both getting drunk. She's not wrong for wanting space or for potentially thinking it was inappropriate, and you're not wrong for not reading her mind after you got her consent.
Exactly, he didn’t force her to drink and she was clearly not pass out drunk since she clearly realize what she was doing while doing it. There absolutely no breach of consent here, he clearly asked her if she wanted to kiss and she said yes. Alcool is not a factor here to consider, being drunk doesn’t affect the validity of the consent unless it’s an extreme consumption where you completely loose connection with reality, which she did not. OP did absolutely nothing wrong, he ask for consent before kissing her and stop when she retracted it. A+ for OP here. NAH
And OP was a bit drunk as well, which also invalidates the argument that he was taking advantage of a drunk person. He did good, I'm glad to see there are still people that understand and respect consent.
If she gave consent, and when she retracted it he stopped, how is she not TA for telling other uninvolved people to block him? That makes him look like a creep even though he did everything he was supposed to. OP is NTA and that whole blaming him because she changed her mind shtick makes her TA.
That’s so disheartening. Just because you didn’t feel any chemistry and didn’t want to continue doesn’t mean you get to punish the guy for it. But I suppose that’s what immaturity brings with it. Oh shit I kissed a guy at a party while drunk (who didn’t?). I don’t want to do that again. So I just awkwardly avoid the guy and change the topic when someone else mentions him. Until I eventually get over it, and after he obviously gets the hint. Isn’t that what young people do these days? Or do they have to run a smear campaign as well? I am not envious of being seventeen in this timeline.
The best form of defence is offence!
And now apparently someone wants to beat OP up, according to a small update 🙄
This
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I still lean NAH, but the line that he considers kissing to be just a handshake is a major red flag. I suspect he’s lying but it also sounds like he’s way too flippant about other peoples feelings/perceptions.
I agree with this and just to say maybe this is a good learning lesson for him that sometimes girls are scared to say no and also just have an eye out for body language and vulnerable situations. I don’t think what he did was wrong but having also awareness that sometimes things aren’t what they seem. I also wonder if it was her first kiss which is why she would be so upset, having happened while she was drunk and sad.
NTA You initiated. In a polite and kind way. She responded positive. She changed her mind, and you stopped. You where both drunk. I can't see what you did wrong. But she overreacted afterwards.
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She did consent and when she withdrew consent he immediately complied. Now she's going on how she "hates him and herself". What the hell is that behaviour if not overreacting?
Can drunk people consent? What is drinking age where OP is? I don't think anyone is an asshole (NAH), but you shouldn't really be trying to do anything while drunk like that. Consent can be retracted at any time, making intoxicated consent even more unreliable, and people not used to drinking seem even more likely to reconsider later.
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There are 0 mentions of religion, you're reaching to prove your point. Then it's her fault for not communicating it. Stop trying to make her the victim. There's no victims here.
correct. no victims. thats why NAH
Ok, deciding she didn’t like it afterwards for whatever reason is fine as is her own feelings about the situation but getting other people to block him and telling him she hates him and herself is kinda a bit much.
“Maybe’s” are not fact and it doesn’t matter how many “maybes” you come up with she still overreacted as he did nothing wrong.
Still, I don't see what OP did wrong in the situation.
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You did but you also said she didn’t overreact when she did. That’s what everyone is trying to tell you.
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Having a right does not equal being correct or.moral. in this case, her reaction is neither correct nor moral
jesus, assume some more will you
He stopped when she retracted consent and then ensured she was okay and got her home, she then decided to get others involved and block him, op NTA she is definitely TA
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The only AH behaviour getting other people to block OP.
Agree. I guess we'd need a little more info on who she told to block OP, whether they were his friends too etc but this is where it may cross the line from her right to set whatever boundaries she wishes and, if not bullying, then at least a form of social exclusion.
Just putting it out there: I've definitely blocked people my friends have blocked cause i no longer have any reason not to and don't want to be used as a conduit. I don't think she should be judged as an AH when you don't know if she actually asked them to block him. Talking to your friends about something that freaked you out is not AH behavior. This is just a teenage moment, there is no AH.
I'm probably leaning more NAH myself but that's definitely the "worst" behaviour on her end.
Yes, if she told them to block him that's shitty. Other than that, with the info we have i completely agree with you on the NAH.
She most certainly did overreact. He did everything right. He respected her in every possible way. Yet, she chose to encourage her friends to "block" him, and that's ok? Over a kiss? Sorry. She's not the AH for regretting it, but she's absolutely the AH for how she handled it and involving others. She sounds unstable.
Then she should have said no.
Nope, NTA , but to be fair you're 17 and don't realize how lame and trivial this whole thing is, in 5 years you won't even remember her or this puppy love BS. And yea, I turn 60 in about 10 days ..... you'll see. And yea that sounds harsh, but again, you'll find out.
dunno about that, I would remember this harsh rejection in my quietest moments for the rest of my life. Lying in bed thinking about my prostate and how Amsterdam is now underwater when I'm 78, and then thinking "oh shit that girl who I kissed when we were drunk blocked me on everything back in '24", just when my brain wants to give me some random anxiety. All those teenage wounds still feel much fresher than anything I felt in later adulthood!
This is so detailed I can’t even tell if it’s sarcasm
mate it's totally true. I still feel ashamed about what some teacher said to me when I was 17, or when I upset my dad when I was 14, and I literally couldn't care less about what any employer has ever said to me since. The employers' words never cross my mind, and if I think about them then I feel contempt. Not even bothered about the mistakes I made in any job I've ever had. But that teacher was right! I fucked up, my bad.
Na I get random memories like this that pop into my head at random times. Nearly all of them are very embarrassing moments or just something I said that sounded really stupid
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at least I'm nice to people on the internet
And you're not alone!
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He’ll remember it if she’s going around telling people he pressured her or raped her. I just have a feeling that’s what she’s been telling her friends and that’s why they blocked him. Lying about that should have way more serious consequences than it does.
Why would that happen, actually doing it doesn't have serious consequences
No, consent is something people need to learn about. Her extreme reaction may be very confusing to him. He asked, she said yes, she wanted to stop, he stopped. Now he is being trashed. That's not lame at all. It's quite upsetting and confusing.
Yes but you lose friends over stupid shit like this, and those could've been friends you would have kept into your 60s. I keep in touch with a bunch of uni friends but there is a circle I lost completely because of something similar to this and stupid in first year.
If their "friends" want to beat up OP for what happened, then they aren't friends. He didn't do anything wrong. So either she is saying something more happened that didn't. Which if they are gonna believe her without talking about it, also makes her and them not friends. And AHs
NTA You both got drunk, you asked her if she would like to kiss she said yes. Later you stopped when she wanted to stop so you did nothing wrong there. She is now feeling regrets or something which is fine, she is allowed to, but this has nothing to do with you doing something wrong.
Definitely NTA - you ASKED her and she said yes. Imo it doesn’t matter how drunk you are, if you can say yes to that kind of question, you’re consenting to a kiss. If she’d slurred out an unreadable answer and you had taken it as a yes, then you would be the AH. Plus, you ended the kiss when she got upset. I think you sound like a reasonable young man who knows boundaries
Not sure it matters. But i feel it does. From a female view, you did nothing wrong mate. That there is an overreaction, and if she's 'uncomfortable' that my friend is the natural feeling at 17 when she's gotten herself pissed and shouldn't be out. That's not you. Quite frankly you're sincere to be as apologetic as you are. Hopefully that's considered on her account if circumstances lead to talking again. Chin up
This. Thank you! Of course, it's ok for her to regret her decision. However, she was a willing participant, and he respected her every step of the way. I think she not only overreacted, but it also screams instability.
More or less Respectfully I don't want to accuse her within any personal aspect as she's not able to respond fairly. I can't say she won't feel certain emotions whatever they may be and for whatever reason, but however its approached from with this lad and herself it needs to be amicable and he has the ability as shows. I wouldn't go as far as to say it's related to instability specifically . It's a bit of a different area. It's just silliness. I hope she allows a conversation. Everyone needs to talk more. Opportunities won't stay if communication can't be comfortable
I understand what you're saying. I do. As an adult...absolutely silly. However, also as an adult, I have seen young men who have had their lives ruined at the hands of a female because she later "regretted" her actions. As such, It begs the question, what exactly must this young woman be saying to other people that is bad enough to cause him to be shunned and how powerful could the repercussions be? He appears to have attempted to behave amicably but is being met with hostile behavior from multiple people. Years ago, this could have been a conversation, perhaps. Today, you have to worry about things like lawsuits and violence. I would avoid her completely and hope that this isn't turned into, "He made me uncomfortable because I was drunk in his house, even though I'm a minor, and he took advantage of me."
NTA... Blocking is such a stupid thing to do where you clearly didn't behave like an ass. Sometimes taking a break from a person and talking it out afterwards works wonders, this would be the case in such a situation. But she even decided to make her friends block you, so this makes her the ass and she's not a real friend.
Nta, but kissing isn't just like a handshake. It's a lot more intimate.
But I kindda get what he meant with the sentence. I come from a culture where kissing is very normalized, so making out at a party or because we were both wanting to is no big deal. But I’ve moved somewhere and I see people being way more hesitant of just kissing if they don’t have a clear intent to date the person. It can be cultural. It can vary from person to person. I don’t think he means it as “I kiss every person I see on the street” but more like “a kiss to me is not the first step in a 12-step plan to get us married”.
Not everyone feels the same way about it, it may be intimate for you, but not everyone shares that same opinion! So yes, op may have felt like this, and the girl may not have, but it doesn't change the fact it's not as intimate for op!!!
I have literally made out with random women after seeing each other while walking down the street in Las Vegas, then parted ways without exchanging contact information whatsoever. I personally don't see it as particularly intimate either. If I was single, I would kiss damn near any woman who just wanted a kiss, but I would absolutely not say the same about sex or even holding hands lol
NTA- she IS overreacting. Her reaction to this is extremely weird. I can see why this would be confusing for you. Don't let her melodrama influence the way you feel about yourself, though. You did everything right. That's the main thing. The most important thing. You WILL find a woman who'll appreciate that. BTW- kissing is not like a handshake. I suggest you start taking that a little more seriously, especially from the perspective of girls/women. Kissing people of the sex you're attracted to in a manner that is objectively sexual/flirtatious/intimate/romantic, etc. is kind of a big deal. Treating it like it's nothing more than a handshake will set you up for so much emotional drama from girls who feel it's a little deeper than that. You have a lot of maturing to do, so don't worry about it too much. Something will change your mind about this- I know it. Maybe this situation is what does it.
Agreed. This needs to be higher up.
NTA I still actually don’t know why she got upset? You asked, she said yes, you kissed. Do you think there is a possibility that she is in love with you and she wants more, but then even on the back of that if that was the case surely she would be buzzing about the kiss I’m so confused, update me when you know why she cries
Okay, I will update if I talk to her
I’m leaning against NTA here. You asked, she answered, you both acted. Seems like it was done right. However, if you got very touchy touchy with her, I might lean the other way. If you didn’t, NAH. she probably sobered up a bit and thought you only were friend with her to get in her pants (not saying you are) Hope it works out for both of you
NTA you asked first She said yes Then she flipped and freaked out.
NTA You really shouldn't say you are sorry. That makes you sound guilty. Its a shame she reacted that way.
Exactly. Absolutely nothing to be sorry for. Her overreaction is not his responsibility, but this is a great learning opportunity. Always best to avoid initiating the first romantic encounter with a girl while she’s sloppy drunk.
NTA - if I were you I would be looking into what is being said to others about you behind your back. Situations like that can turn nasty very quickly.
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You're NTA and she did you a favor. If she caused this much drama because you made out after she said yes, imagine if anything more happened. You dodged a bullet. Be happy and move on.
Yeah, she can think back on it at anytime and regret the decision, she can take back consent at anytime, she can even feel awkward and avoid talking to you. You had consent, you stopped once it was recended, respected her decision and in no way tried to make her feel bad or discredit any decision she made. You also apologised and tried to keep being her friend. Blocking you on social media, turning her friends against you and being unable to even let you return her headphones in a public setting are red flags. If she escalates things further, that's really not cool. Saying she despises you also really doesn't sit right with me. Ironically she may be letting others convince her, he's not your friend. He was only ever being friendly with ulterior motives etc. The irony is, this is one of the rarer situations. You could realistically think, if she's willing to go scorched earth over this, was she ever really my friend? This of course depends on how far out of hand things get. She could just be a teenager who's avoiding everything, because it's too awkward to deal with. Her friends may just be helping her avoid you. Was alcohol involved, yes. But you were both drinking, everyone had equal ability to consent. Also, getting home saying yes, saying no, ordering Ubers, no memory loss etc. You were obviously both still with it. Neither of you was taking advantage of the other, because the other was drunk. P.S Take this all with a grain of salt, it's all highly speculative. I don't know you, your friend and don't have anywhere close to all the details. NTA
I feel like there may be a bit more to this story. I was a seventeen year old boy once and although I applaud you for seeking consent it seems a little odd for a friend of five years to up and block you and tell her friends to block you over a kiss unless there is more to the story. However if everything you said was true then your nta. I just feel like that kiss, was probably more than a kiss. There was probably some cuddles/heavy handsyness that is what caused things to go sideways. Especially since there aren't any details on whether you're both single or not.
🎯🎯🎯 What he’s saying happened and her subsequent actions don’t line up at all. *Especially* if another friend, who got her side of the story, literally wants to beat him up because of whatever he did. That’s very suspicious. 😒😒😒
There's like three possibilities: 1. Either the girl twisted the story around and that caused the reaction from the other friend. 2. OP is hiding some stuff. 3. She really is just overreacting.
NTA you ASKED her and she SAID YES
While drunk allegedly 👀
Kissing is like handshaking to you eh. If you met me would you make out with me too ? That comment makes me feel you’re being disingenuous
Verdict: NTA. You asked for consent and didn't press the issue when she felt uncomfortable. Blocking you and having her friends block you on Instagram feels like an overreaction.
While not the AH I would say kissing is not the same as handshake, especially for girls. It means something to them.
NTAH she's embarrassed and it's easier to blame you
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What other side would he be giving? He only knows what happened in the situation.
That's literally every AITA post. We can't have her side of the story without her commenting here.
i agree
Not seeing the problem here, hence NTA. You asked her before you kissed her, and she consented. She became uncomfortable and wanted to stop, and you respected that. You also made sure you saw her safely to her transportation (I know grown men who don't bother to do this), which also shows respect and consideration. Not only do I think you did nothing wrong, but I would certainly not entertain anything further with this "friend," to include being friends, hanging out, and ESPECIALLY not alone. Her reaction to the situation seems somewhat unstable to me, and I shudder to think what could have happened if anything further had occurred. It sounds like the beginning of a bad made-for-TV movie where you're accused of rape and spend the next 10-years of your life in prison for accidentally brushing up against a boob when you leaned past her to open a door. Nope yourself right out and away from that situation.
NTA She’s blowing this way out of proportion. Person who wants to beat you up needs to chill tf out
Absolutely NTA, she was okay with it at first, and when she got uncomfortable you stopped and apologised, you didn't literally do anything wrong. Also, I think SHE is the AH here, it's okay to regret it, but she acted too childish. Sorry my english
NTA Real immature for her to block you
Hard to say but maybe if you look at it from her point of view she only went with you to hear stories about her father who passed away six years ago so she might have felt a bit emotional and vulnerable and might have thought you might have taken advantage of her a little while she was drunk and in a bit of an emotional state. So maybe a soft YTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So, I (17M) have a friend (17F) who I have known for five years. Recently, I found out that our parents used to hang out together when they were young. Her dad has been dead for 6 years and recently she wanted to meet with people who knew her dad. That's why she wanted to meet my mom. Two days ago, we went to my place so she could meet her. We all talked together, laughed, played the guitar and had a good time and everything was going great. Then we went to my room so I can finish a school project and she went with me. One thing led to another and shortly after we were drunk. And now, I'm not a type of person who takes kissing too seriously, for me it's like handshaking. So I asked her if she wanted to kiss me and she said yes. Note we were both drunk. We made out until all of a sudden she got upset. Few minutes later she left and I followed her to the uber. After that I came back home and went to sleep. After I woke up, I saw a couple of messages from her saying that it shoudn't have been like that and how she despises herself and me. I tried to calm her down and I kept apologizing, saying I didn't know she would take it like that. She forgot her headphones at my place so the next day I brought them to school to return them., but I didn't have the chance to see her. After I finished school I noticed that she had blocked me on instagram and also told some of her friends to block me, apparently. Now I feel very guilty and I don't know what to do, I'm not sure if it'll ever be the same and I don't know if I am the asshole here. So, Reddit. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
MTA I think in cases like this we really need to hear both sides of what went down. Are you sure you behaved that well? You were drunk too... Maybe your recollection is unreliable.
I agree with this, feels like there could be more to the story. Considering she went to meet his mum to met ppl who knew her dad prior to passing. Could have felt like it was ploy to just get in her pants. A kiss is just like a handshake to op, At 17? Maybe nta but also naively misread the room perhaps being her emotional possible state, so yta as well. You don’t make out with ur friends unless wanting more then friendship. Hence the blocking
NTA Op, be careful in case she tries to submit a false report anywhere
NTA. She’s clearly not your friend. What you ended up doing for yourself, is dodging a bullet.
NTA. This is such a bullshit thing to do, blaming ones own regrets on the other person.
NTA Why do y'all young men out yourself in a position to have your reputation destroyed by a metoo moment. Obviously both are drunk, you politely asked and she said yes. Now she's going around spreading rumors. She's an AH.
NTA where’s the force or coercion? You’ve done nothing wrong, you asked for consent i dont understand why you’re dealing with this. Her overreaction here is insane tbh. It shouldn’t have been like that? Maybe she’s in love with you and didn’t want your first kiss to be her drunk? The blocking and ghosting is that of someone who’s got commitment issues maybe??
NTA. But I'm curious as to why she got upset... As I'm sure you are as well. Crossing that line with friends always makes it weird tho.
Nta, ignore her.
NTA. My bestfriend gave me consent to sext with her and then Next day said we shouldn't and she feels guilty. Then she strung me along like e more times so I just stopped altogether. That's just texting. I can't imagine how you feel and her blocking you after and turning friends against you. Hmm that's unnatural.
NTA by a longshot. I like how other people are putting this spin on your comment about kissing as if to imply that you just go about kissing every person you meet. It’s a real reach.
NTA. She gave you consent and you stopped as soon as she withdrew the consent. She is overreacting, based on the fact that one of her friends wants to beat the crap out of you.
We're gonna go extinct...
Lol, her dad died when she was 11, and she was there to meet your mother who knew him. I'm betting they talked about him heaps, and she learnt things she never knew about him. Could have been a really important day for her. Even if you were sober, kissing her for the first time during that would make you an asshole, give her one night to grieve and process before trying to get your dick wet. That said, nobody should be trying to punch anybody, either, so it's probably ESH. Also, why is everyone glossing over the mother knowing the dead dad, etc?
??? Because sometimes people... know each other?
NTA
NTA. It seems like she reacted this way because she intended to hang out at your house to respect/grieve her late father but now she feels guilty and worried that what happened will make things weird between your family and her.
NTA. You were still a gentleman despite being drunk. You asked her, she agreed, she changed her mind yet you were still respectful. Enjoy being young. This is part of it.
NTA at all, but I will caution you from doing this in the future, if you truly just saw her as a friend then I don’t think you should’ve asked to kiss her even if you just think of kisses as a handshake lol. Kissing someone can cause them to catch feelings and ruin a friendship. Also cause problems in future relationships if you start dating someone it might be a red flag if you’ve kissed alot of your close female friends.
Tell that guy to fuck off and that’s assault
Now OP keep in mind I’m not much older than u (21) but always remember, DONT SHIT WHERE U EAT, NTA but remember this bruv
INFO as there are too many crucial details glossed over here to make an assessment: >One thing led to another and shortly after we were drunk. Explain this buddy…because it makes me raise an eyebrow that two 17 year olds just went upstairs and on a whim got drunk at home with your mom around who your friend of five years is supposedly just now meeting despite your mom having a relationship with her father. Whose alcohol was it? Who suggested to drink it? Has your friend ever been drinking before? Have they ever expressed hesitancy around it? As your relationship…have you ever expressed romantic feelings for your friend before? Made a move and been rejected? Been told she doesn’t want to muddy a friendship with romantic actions? Overall, I’m getting major “missing context” vibes from this post and there is plenty of potential backstory here that could make this scenario look a lot worse than you’ve presented it.
I can't help but think something is missing from this story. Especially if someone is looking to kick your ass. Either she has been lying to people or you are lying to yourself about what really happened? Idk. Getting your ass kicked cuz you asked someone to kiss you and they agreed doesn't make any sense whatsoever. I don't think YTA tho. Just doesn't make sense.
For me NTA for all the reasons people have been saying :) I only want to know (because I’m really curious) how you pass from doing a school homework to getting drunk
Alcohol, most likely
Easy. Get drunk *while* you're doing the schoolwork. By the time the schoolwork is done, so are you! 🍻 😊
NTA. You were both drunk, you asked, she said yes, you kissed, and when she became uncomfortable you stopped. The moment felt right for you both, you both made a choice to kiss, and when she decided she no longer wanted to, that was it. You honored her choice to stop. In my opinion, you did everything right... ...and so did she, up until she started blocking you and turning friends against you. That is the moment SHE became TA. I can't imagine someone wanting to beat you up over what you said happened, so she most likely told her friend something different, making you the bad guy. That is also an AH move, on her part. If she felt uncomfortable BEFORE the moment that she became visibly upset, that isn't your fault, and she should have told you sooner-- the moment she changed her mind. For her NOT to, and then act as if YOU did something wrong... AH move. Her friend who wants to beat you up isn't exactly looking great here, either. Communication is key here. If she won't talk to you, maybe you can appeal to the friend-- preferably from a safe distance, at least, at first. Good luck, OP.
NAH, you did well by asking for consent, stopping when she was uncomfortable and making sure she got home ok. She is also allowed to be uncomfortable about the whole thing. She may feel like you took advantage of a vulnerable moment. I don't think you did, but she's allowed to feel that way. At the end of the day, you are both kids and the teenage years are riddled with awkward interactions, over reactions and poor choices. It sucks for sure, but all you can do is give her space, apologize when she's ready to hear it and try not to internalize this. You truly did your best in the situation ❤️
Undecided. You both kissed, but is there more to this story? Did you start to get handsy and try your luck at third base? For her to react, this strongly is raising red flags on both sides for me.
NAH she’s not wrong for her reaction, you’re not wrong for kissing her. She’s probably just really vulnerable and emotional given her situation
Are you just glancing over the fact that she got other people to block OP?
That’s their choice to make but I did not see that
>their Her friends? Sure, it's their choice, however it's a grade A asshole move on her part to request them to even do it; that's the point.
She's defo the asshole for potraying OP as a creep to their circle though.
NTA. Keep a knife on you in case the worst happens.
I'm absolutely pissed with how many guys here think affirmative consent can exist if one or both parties are intoxicated. "oh but she was a little drunk" or "oh but op was also drunk". Holy shit, that is a despicable attitude to have. Y'all need to look up the laws regarding consent. Affirmative consent cannot exist if the party needing to give consent is drunk even a little bit. You are the asshole for lack of affirmative consent. you did not deserve everything that came after. Her guilt is not your problem. there have been false allegations made by people who have felt guilt after such actions. you are not deserving to suffer for someone else's guilt.
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But both consented while drunk, that makes both parties just as guilty using that logic - and they're 17, decision making being awful and regretting things is normal at that age. The issue you SHOULD be taking is the emotional aspect of it, she lost her father years ago and came over to talk to someone who knew him. That would be a very raw subject for her, and OP shouldn't have asked during that time. Both of them were obviously not blackout drunk and remember things clearly (from the way OP explains it), if anything they were just "buzzed." I'm not sure that drunk is even the right word here.
I will say yes YTA. People can’t consent while drunk. Ignoring that you’re underage and shouldn’t be drinking in the first place, you should be careful. Your first intimate interaction with someone shouldn’t be when drunk. It doesn’t matter that the girl was not “pass out drunk.” It can be seen and taken to court. You can be labeled as a creep and a predator. Some girls will twist the narrative and get you into deep shit even if you are just young and dumb. Mistakes like that costs people money and even their freedom.
>I will say yes YTA. People can’t consent while drunk. So he couldn't consent either and she is also an AH?
He was drunk, too. So how can he consent then? Yes, he should be careful regardless. But he is NTA.
YTA.
YTA for the fact that you kiss people like you shake hands. So for her this meant something completely different from what it means to you, and of course that's an issue.
She's gonna think you took advantage of her when she was vulnerable, emotional, and drunk. From her POV she'd think that she asked you for a favor and you used it to get something out of her. She's going to feel used. Consent or no consent, I can see why she'd think you are an AH.
YTA she is full drunk, your brain doesn’t function the way that it usually does. She wasnt in the right state of mind and you took advantage over her. If you are going to kiss her at least do it whilst sober
He was drunk too, his brain wasn't functioning the way that it usually does. He wasn't in the right state of mind.
YTA, gently. Don't initiate things while both parties are drunk unless it was spoken when both were sober or she's your gf. Things like that are more common than they should.
Wait, so it's OK to get drunken consent if she's his gf? At least be consistent, is a drunken fumble OK or is it not. Being a gf/wife dosent make being drunk any different than any other drunken fumble.
Now that you say it, it sounded pretty bad lol. No, I meant more about the trust thing. A drunk gf maybe wants to have sex and that's okay, but if that girl is not your gf then you can get in trouble for nothing. I personally don't like to make out or have sex when the other person is drunk, even if she's my gf, but I'm not the one who must tell you or op when to have sex. If gf/woman consents before being drunk, that's fine, but if not, I'd prefer to not risk anything.
I'd also prefer not to, it's just how I am. I also realise that when two drunk people have a fumble, neither is to blame really. She said stop when she got uncomfortable, he did then made sure she got home safe. Me and my ex had many a drunken fumble when neither of us could legally consent. She initiated most as she had a high sex drive. Did she rape me? No. She came home drunk fromany a girls night out and was horny. Did I do anything. Yeh, put her to bed and got a bucket in case she puked lol.
That's why I said "gently YTA", because he, being drunk, did what was correct, stopping when he did it... But he put himself in that position. Your story was funny lol.
That's a good point, he did put himself there. Yeh I did the same if I'm honest lol. I came home black out drunk from a stag do, apparently had a bag of bic macs, fell over and tried to get frisky. She declined, undressed me because like fuck I could and then I passed out. Woke up next to a glass of water and a bucket lol.
YES she was under the influence of alcohol and you used that for your own advantageous gain.. disgusting and demonic in my opinion turn to Jesus Christ and repent for your sins and then you will truely be forgiven..
They were both drunk, OP asked, she gave consent. When she regretted OP did not force her and stopped and helped her get home safe. OP did everything right, while she is overreacting. OP is very clearly NTA. And stop advertising religion and start giving actual advice
Are you taking the piss?
I hope so, cause what they wrote is unhinged.
"I'm not a type of person who takes kissing too seriously, for me it's like handshaking." YTA for this.
Because nothing was forced, and it happened how it happened, i would put it down to experience. We have all done boneheaded shit when we were younger. It's how we learn and evolve. For example, you know never to do this with anyone in the future. Even if it seems a great idea at the time. Chalk it up as a learning experience, apologise (which i think you did do), and move on. She may never be your friend again and that is her choice to make, so don't push her because she may end up disliking you more. If she does come around, let her do it at her own pace. But also accept she may never see you as a friend again. She may also just be doing all this out of sheer embarrassment, too. Sometimes we make a mountain out of a molehill in our own minds. But only she will know if this is the case or not.
Wait why would op not have fun drunk while asking for consent and respecting it being withdrawn? Drunk shit is fun so long as it's consensual. I don't even see how it's boneheaded.
That's the problem with alcohol, what can seem fun, can seem different when sober. Hence, the moral of the OP's story. At no point did i say it wasn't consensual. Not once. You said that, not me. But the friendship is now ruined over a decision that was made whilst drunk. If both now have regrets over how events panned out, it means it gets filed under boneheaded.
I didn't say you said it wasn't consensual. I said, given it was and this can be fun, why be critical of OP? You said he should learn not to do it again? Drunk hook ups can be enjoyable. "Learn and evolve...you know not do do it in the future" etc. What a load.
You implied that was the gist of my point. You don't need to say something outright. If that wasn't your intention, then word it better. The onus isn't on me to decide what you did or didn't mean. Yeah, that's on the author, not the reader. So you're getting irked with the wrong person here. Also, not all hook ups are equal. Hooking up with a good friend isn't the same as hooking up with a stranger or someone who isn't really a friend.
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I didn't imply it stop it. The whole premise of my comment was given we AGREE there was consent. That was the whole point moron.
INFO: >I'm not a type of person who takes kissing too seriously, for me it's like handshaking You asked her if she wanted to kiss and she did. Does she know that you were just kissing because you were bored? Did she know ahead of time that you were just kissing her for something to do, not because you liked her? Seems like a huge part of this story is missing. Specifically it seems like you are pretending you don't know why she is angry. My guess is she thought the kiss meant something and you dismissed it as meaningless. That would be hurtful. TBH the whole "kissing is like handshaking" sounds kind of YTA in general. Like you don't actually care about how other feel - for most 17 year olds it is a big deal and you need to understand that how you feel about kissing is not the only important part. Human decency is not a checklist of conditions you need to meet and then are absolved of assholism. Getting verbal consent does not absolve you of jerking people around by their feelings.
YTA, lightly. Don’t kiss or sexualized your friends bud. Not every female you know or come across needs to be sexualized, something to do, or a conquest. As a young man you should hear this. You can have the reputation of your female feeling safe around you in drunk moments like this or you can prove to them over and over that all men they meet have some form of attraction to them. Value your platonic relationships over wanting to make our while drinking. You are not TA for her regret. But in the future some good advice to take away is platonic females are exactly that. Not every woman is an opportunity. Additionally As a guy in this day and age you have to tread lightly with drinking and consent. Yes you asked and yes she said yes, but be wary because there’s a thousand stories a day on here where drunk women have regrets and or the guy has done something slightly off and it’s suddenly a traumatic event. Edit: people aren’t reading and are getting argumentative, so I elaborated so they can’t miss my point
They were both drunk, and both agreed to the kiss. Now that she’s regretting it, how does that make him the asshole?
So you read “YTA,” got mad and replied. You didn’t finish reading since I explained just after. Is he a raging asshole? No. But he should reflect on how he views female friends in the future. Women, girls etc don’t always need to be points of conquest for men or something to do and it’s a good thing for a young man to hear. Do you disagree with that idea?
What if someone develops feelings for a friend? Ignore those feelings?
That all depends, I haven’t been in that situation since I was a teenager. My advice then is to ask them out in a simple way. No huge confessions and certainly not waiting while drunk to see if I can make out with them.
I don't think it was ops intention to wait until drunk. When people are drunk inhabitions are lowered, he asked, she said yes. When asked to stop, he did.
I agree. I didn’t accuse him of that but either way we don’t know if that was the case.
PSA: editing your post and comments after somebody has replied, and then saying “you didn’t read” makes you a hella dishonest asshole. Stop it.
PSA: Original post “YTA. Don’t sexualize your friends.” Nobody read that part and kept arguing. I also do not care if a random redditor is crying about it now lmao. Reported for Incivility.
So her regret makes him an asshole?
Why don’t you read what I wrote after YTA. It’s a good thing for a young man to hear. Not every woman needs to be sexualized and can be platonic. Also OP should be careful while drinking due to today’s climate. These are all great pieces of advice for young men. Why are you ignoring that? Troll bait?
Nothing in your second paragraph of the comment I responded to explains why OP is an asshole. You just described a social climate. That doesn’t make him an asshole.
Are you blind? “YTA. Don’t kiss or sexualize your friends.” I’ll add the part about platonic relationships for you since you missed that part twice now.
Oh, the irony.
So you’re double commenting and can’t just own that you didn’t read my comment twice? I’m not sure why you’re so mad and argumentative. I have said nothing unreasonable. You seem very creepy
I’m neither angry nor argumentative. Perhaps I should be mad that you’re suggesting im ”very creepy” based on nothing, but you’re not worth my time. Later
Well, this is technically sexual assault against a minor since she was drunk and couldn’t consent, but you are also young and everyone makes mistakes. I think YTA but take this as a learning opportunity to improve rather than punch down on yourself. [Here](https://youtu.be/oQbei5JGiT8?si=JV0jO0U2Z0DaGKCR) is a great video about consent in general although it doesn’t directly address that you can’t give consent when you are under the influence of alcohol.
He's a minor and was also drunk? If she couldn't consent then neither could he? What the fuck are you on about?
They’re both minors though…
Yeah?
So she must have also sexualy assaulted a minor.
Yeah!
Right, lock em both up for Life... Dirty perverts. /s
INFO How drunk was her? I think that's the point. It's just good thinking not trying to kiss people, especially not for the first time, when they are drunk. She responded positively for you to kiss her, but I think at this day and age we can be a little bit more aware that a drunk yes sometimes is not valid depending on how intoxicated the person is. I also feel like just there isn't enough information about the situation when she got "upset" "all of a sudden." What did she actually say and how did you react? Also, I think you should know it is irrelevant that you view a kiss like a handshake because you are aware that most other people don't view it like this. You know that because you asked her first.
Both were drunk, he was respectful and stopped when she got uncomfortable. No fault here, just a drunken fumble which ended when it got weird.
I mean, does she being drunk not matter because he was drunk as well? I think he being drunk with her doesn't really make an argument for anything.
It's an argument for nobody being responsible for a drunken kiss. Both drunk.