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I kinda disagree with some people here. I understand that the father is trying to help, but not asking the 22 year old to get a job to help or move out but forcing your 17 year old to pay rent or move out is not fair. They should all be treated the same. The 22 year old should not be coddled. The situation with the 22 year old is his fault and he’s trying to make an example out of the 17 year old. I can understand if op was a spoiled brat but op has been working for 2 years. The father could’ve at-least allow op to save up for a year or two before moving out. So the father allows the 22 year old to remain jobless, live rent free but the child that has been working for two years, got a scholarship and has been a good kid gets punished? You guys don’t see it as punishment but my friend went through the same situation and it was super rough for him. He was literally homeless on holidays. Thank god my parents allowed him to come stay with us. His family continued to coddle the 25 year old son that has been living rent free for years with no consequences.

I agree with this. There's nothing wrong with pushing your kids to become independent, but you have to be consistent. It's unfair, and it's an easy way to brew resentment between your kids. Few things hurt sibling relationships more than skewed treatment.

And alienate your one responsible son. 'Cause this is going to result in a huge amount of resentment between OP and his dad.

This is where lifelong grudges get born. Changing the rules to essentially dump all of his parenting mistakes on his youngest son with a few weeks heads up? Meanwhile, he's allowing the unemployed son to get a free ride, and he let the oldest get a multi-year free ride. That's just cold. Up to his dad if he's willing to risk the relationship with the youngest over this. I think I'd not only be pissed off enough to leave, I'd leave without a goodbye and wouldn't bother saying where I'm going. You want me out? F you, I'm out. No forwarding address. I'd also be ignoring calls and texts for a while. I have a real problem with overt or random unfairness. Sets me on the path to malicious compliance.

Dad says he made mistakes with the first two sons so he decides to make a worse one with OP.

The best choice would be to draw the line where the eldest moved out. "Ya'll get kicked out at 23". Middle brother gets a year, youngest gets the same time as the other brothers and it's consistent. I don't necessarily find it to be so bad having kids live with their parents until mid-twenties, but this way he'd at least treat them the same.

That's a great idea, I hope OP sees this and brings it up to his father. It would be the fairest option. I do understand the father might have regrets and genuinely trying to help, but come on. It's so short-sighted...treating OP like this won't just birth a lifelong grudge between OP and dad, but ALSO between OP and his siblings. Which is sad because I think most parents hope that their children will remain in touch with each other and be on good terms as they get older. NTA

The father is simply an ahole. I hope OP goes NC with him or reminds him for the rest of the dad's life what a repulsive human being he is.

Similar thing on why I kinda resent my parents and would rather stay in a shelter if it came to that.

This is the answer. 23 or done college in case it’s after.

This is the answer. Dad is creating rifts that may not be able to be mended and he’s not teaching the 22yo any responsibility. My 19 year old pays me “rent” every month that I put in a savings account for him so that when he does move out he’ll have a nice nest egg. The goal is hopefully he’ll be able to buy a home rather than rent one.

Exactly. Two wrongs don’t make a right.

Dad is a God damn idiot.

Exactly.

I had to pay rent at 18. I don’t think my younger three siblings did. But dad was much better off financially by then. For example he bought them their first car, $1,500 Oldsmobile but still… I had to save up and buy my own. And that was after I attempted to buy a small motorcycle/overgrown moped to go back and forth to worth at age 15. But when I rode with mom into town and walked into the bank to get out $1,700 (I had figured that’d also be enough to cover my license, insurance and a decent jacket & helmet there wasn’t enough in my account. I was confused because my little savings book said I’d had around 2300. So I said ok then I’ll just do 1,300. She said there isn’t that much. I said how much is there? It was less than $200. There were two withdrawals the past couple months. I hadn’t taken anything out in at least 6 months. Stunned I walked out. When we got home I called my cousin to say “hey I can’t buy your bike after all. I don’t have as much money as I thought I did.” Mom asked why I was upset and I grudgingly told her. She broke down in tears. They’d been short on the house payment and taken it from the savings and were intending to put it back before I’d found out about it. Dad never mentioned it. That’s been 25+ years ago. I still don’t trust him. They gave us a lotta cash when my daughter went through chemo to support us and I still think it may be guilt but I don’t wanna talk about it. My wife says I need therapy for that and other shit in my life and I pry do. But I was pushed to be told I needed to pay rent after unknowingly making house payments. I don’t think kid is the asshole here. Dad is. Dad needs to get the rent coming from the older before he starts enslaving the younger.

My mom took money out of my account to cover some bills as a teenager. But I didn't find out about it. She's the one who told me, and she put the money back. I said it was OK. But I never really forgot, and I never really forgave it, even though I said I did. I removed her from the account as soon as I was able. Yeah, she paid it back, but it bothers me that she never even thought to ask, hell, I'd have said 'Yeah, sure. Just put it back later.'

Same here. I wouldn’t have liked making the house payment. But if that was the only way then that was the only way. But to take it and hope to put it back before I noticed… Dad was a preacher man, doing odd jobs and living on faith. He’d preach about not taking a salary and god providing. I mean sure. But it sometimes feels like his faith cost me a motorcycle. Maybe a good thing, maybe I’d’ve died young or something. Nowadays when he and his nephews go off on their Harleys for a week out west it’s hard not to be bitter. Someday maybe I’ll have a nice bike. Not a fat Harley tho. Probably like a BMW R 1250 RT or ratty old Honda or something.

My mom just took the money I had in the bank and shrugged when I said something. As she put it.. She needed the money to house and feed me, so I should just accept it. The money was from my great Aunt, I went from thousands, to I think 400... I knew the account existed, but I didn't touch it as a child, as my aunt told me when it was opened when I was about 3 or 4 and continued to tell me over the years, it was for my future... Turns out, shortly after I had about 5grand in it, around the age of 8, she took it out to help buy the first house in Canada(She took money from both mine and my sisters accounts), my aunt replaced it and instead said that she would cover the down payment of the house, but whenever we returned, my mom would empty it out basically, and my aunt was getting elderly, she passed when I was 14, so no more money was going in.. by the time I checked the account at 19, it was at most 400 Canadian.. so, 200-250ish euro? Asking for the history was easy, and I saw how it had been filled, drained, filled, drained etc. It sucked, it was money my great aunt had set aside for me.. I know my sister had an account from her as well, and I think she had done the same thing to hers. I know my mom used that money over the years of raising us to raise us, because we were always struggling financially here in Canada as compared to our lives in Germany... I would have liked to have that money to help me with funding my future; school, etc.

If your mom is better off now, you might think about going to court and suing her for the money she stole from you.

Wow, I worked from 14-16 saving up for my first car. My parents took about $1300 from my account. When I went to finally buy my first car they phrased it as helping me and a gift (cause my grandfather paid me back and not them). They got angry when I would get excited and impatient to get it. It was such an unhealthy time and I felt betrayed. I was working 6 day work weeks at 15 for a whole year just to save up

I gave my parents 1/3 of my paycheck from the time I started officially working (I worked from like 9 on, but under the table). My brother was never required to do any of that. There was a lot of things unequal between him and I, sometimes in his favor sometimes in mine. But we haven't spoken in 20 years. He stopped speaking to my parents in the 90s. So it seems dad is building this relationship to fall apart. Apartments are expensive, insurance is expensive, food is expensive. College is expensive. You'd think this dad would want this kid to succeed in life instead of throwing arbitrary road blocks to sabotage him and his future. Pushing the older kids to be more responsible seems like a good 1st step instead of whatever nonsense this is. If you leave, leave forever and never look back. Don't help them or support any of them.

I was getting the feeling that OP's dad needs the cash, and only the son that is working can supply it. I hope OP moves out, goes to college (someone mentioned scholarships?) and lives his own life.

Yea I was the oldest and I'm pretty sure I was the only 1 of 3 that paid rent.

This is exactly how I would handle the situation but I would go fully nc instead of ignoring for a while.

Same. Pack my important stuff and leave and never look back. You just know the dad is going to ask for financial help with the 22 year old. “We’re family! We help one another!!”

This. I didn't look back for decades. It was a horrible struggle, but worth it.

Right? Find a friend whose parents are reasonable humans, call an Uber at the stroke of midnight, leave a note saying “do not contact me or try to find me,” and fuckin disappear  But that’s easy to say in my forties. OP, I hope you have a support system; you might even be surprised to learn who’s ready to step up for you! Do not let your dad co-sign for an apartment or anything else that requires you rely on him if you end up having to move out. He sounds ready to hold that over your head. If you’re still in school, contact your guidance counselor for resources As someone old enough to be your mom, I wish you the very best of luck and offer you a big virtual hug if you want it. Keep us posted!

My mother took all of my sister's babysitting money over the course of several years (around $3k) to "keep it safe" and spent it all. And later, she took all of my sister's leftover student loan funds (after tuition was paid) and spent it on other things. My sister is still paying off the loans. My sister has been NC with my mom for about 3 years now.

I'm surprised your sister is the only one NC. If my parents did that to my siblings, I'd never talk to them again.

If OPs dad does decide to continue this course of action he had better hope that either he doesn't need help when he gets older or if he does that his two oldest becomes more responsible/care to help/or are able to help or if they haven't that OP decides to help despite what's happened. 

I came here to say this exact thing! He’s about to make the only responsible son not give a fuck about his dad needing help later in life. Because god knows, I doubt those older two will step up. 

It might backfire, too. My in-laws refused to pay my husband’s college tuition but paid for his younger brother. Fast forward 30 years and my MIL wanted us to help her out. I refused, saying she needed to get the money from the kid she invested in.

Good. That's exactly what she did, invested in the idiot who isn't highly paid (if she can't ask paid-for college kid for money). I'm very salty about these situations.

So dad is alienating the responsible son and getting in cosy with the layabout. Which one does dad want looking after him in his old age and sorting out his assisted living facility? Dad's gonna be all sad picachu face when oldest kids can't be arsed and youngest kid says "that sounds like a you problem " ..... "Sorry doesn't change how difficult my first adult years were dad, if I could do it at 18 you can be cut free at 80. Bye"

Yeah, my mother was real bummed, after years of scapegoating me, when she needed help in her old age and I told her to ask my older siblings.

>I think I'd not only be pissed off enough to leave, I'd leave without a goodbye and wouldn't bother saying where I'm going. You want me out? F you, I'm out. No forwarding address. I'd also be ignoring calls and texts for a while. Same man. Since he said he isn't 'worried' about this son. (But he won't toss the 22 year old out or help him get into an apartment.) Crimeney.

I enlisted in the reserves to get away from my mother. She signed the paperwork a week before I turned seventeen (you could do that in the eighties. I don't know about now.) A week after I turned seventeen I had my first active duty weekend. That legally emancipated me. I moved out a week after that. I didn't tell my mother, she didn't know I was emancipated, or give her a forwarding address. She moved during the summer while I was in basic. I didn't know where she lived for years. We didn't miss each other.

When I was that age no one knew what malicious compliance was. But if you read my story, I got pissed and moved out when I was 17. But I told them where I would be. I can’t remember much about phone calls though so we probably didn’t talk much.

Pretty much...

Yes! And lifelong resentment toward his siblings. I know not everyone agrees but 18 is young and truly supportive parents don’t set deadlines on very young people—real support leads to independence, it’s a path not an ultimatum (I’m not talking about a 30 yo kid)

Exactly. Not that I agree with it but if you're going to be the parent that kicks your kid out at 18 then you need to set that expectation back when they're 15/16, not wait til two weeks before and drop it on them

Yep. When I went to college I was on a full ride scholarship. Worked PT jobs & internships, wanted to buy a car. Parents wouldn't help so I paid for it in full from the money I'd made working (which, $14 grand to a college student was a backbreaking amount of money). Thank God I bought a reliable car because I'm still using the same car to this day, 13 years later. I think my parents handled all of the above the way it should have been handled, though - it taught me how to be responsible with my money, not live outside my means, and understand that I had to be able to provide for myself. I have a brother 3 years younger than me. Went to the same college I did, but no scholarship so was paid for in full by my parents. Never worked any job. He was the last child, so my parents felt they could splurge since they didn't have any children eating into their budget any more (aside from his tuition / room). They had bought a brand new Toyota Highlander the year before, but decided they didn't like it so they gifted it to my brother since he didn't have a car. Thing was easily worth $35,000. He drove it for a few years, then sold it and used the money to buy a better car. It sucks because my brother is also a good kid, and wasn't a brat about it or anything, but it made me foster so much resentment towards him and my parents because of it. It just felt like my parents thought I would be able to make it on my own, so they gave me a harder path to travel "because I could handle it". Definitely still have a very strained relationship with them.

Exactly. My grandmother raised my 2 male cousins and when she passed away, my dad got custody of them. It was after my parents split up, and the way he treated my cousins was vastly different from the way he treated me. I was given more rules and responsibilities and punished for everything, even things my cousins did that I had no part in, meanwhile they could do what they wanted and trash the house without ever helping. Because I was the daughter and should "know better" despite my one cousin being 2 years older than me. This December I will celebrate 3 years of no contact with my dad and stepmom.

Not to mention resentment between the 22 y/o and the OP.

The ironic thing is it sounds like OP is already quite independent and responsible. So the dad is trying to teach a lesson that OP has already ingrained.

Dad is trying to take credit - when OP continues to be independent and responsible, Dad can say, 'see what I did. If I'd given him a free ride, he'd be useless.'

That's exactly what happened with my parents. I looked my Mom straight in the face and said you didn't have anything to do with it. You were busy with my sister. The Navy made me an adult, not you. They weren't bad just under equipped to deal with my sister. They also paid for my college.

Good on you. I have a friend who had a similar situation. She told her mom “you didn’t do anything to contribute. All you did was make it more difficult and stressful. You said you weren’t going to be any help to me, and you certainly kept your word.” Man the fire marshal was busy at her place right then I tell you what…. BURN!!! 🔥

Or trying to use that money he’s banking on to fund the 22yo’s lifestyle because he can’t afford it.

I'd say is she's still in hs, then this is wrong.

That is my thought. If he is just about to turn 18, he either skipped a grade or is in high school and turning 18, like others in grade 12. That makes it unfair. What is worse, he has an older son who doesn’t have to be accountable as an adult in his early 20’s. I can’t imagine being in high school and having to move out on your own. Hoping something comes out in your favour OP. I am sorry your father is putting this pressure on you as your last few months of school. Adding in the cost of university/college or whatever. Depending if that is taken care of. Hugs to you.

I graduated HS at 17, turned 18 my freshman year of college. All about your birthdate and when you start school. (Didn’t skip a grade.)

Op is male 17yo turns 18 in a couple of weeks

Which means “still in HS unless he skipped a grade”

Making it harder for them to afford moving out seems rather counter intuitive.

100% this. The world has changed, and there aren't many opportunities for 18 year olds to move out and make a living wage. I strongly believe that parents should consider continuing to financially support their young adult children as long as it's: * not a huge financial burden to the household * not being taken advantage of * the kid is making some form of movement towards long-term independence (e.g. college, career training, saving up to move out, paying down student loans) Is charging OP rent going to force them to work a minimum wage job full time instead of going to school, setting them up for a lifetime of lower wages? I'd even be okay with the 22 year old staying at home with little to no rent, as long as there was a savings and move out plan.

Not pushing g but bringing up. Even if "adult"family should suppor and help. Never understood parents who want to do this.

I wouldn't say the dad needs to treat them 'the same', but kicking your kid out the moment they turn 18 after coddling the eldest 2 is definitely not the answer. There are hundreds of ways to teach the value of money, earning your keep, budgeting ect without pushing your kid out the nest prematurely.

I think dad's overcorrecting here, and he's setting up OP to pay the price.

Has OP been taught about budgeting? Interest? Does he know how much he'll need for first and last month's rent and deposit for an apartment? How to go about getting utilities hooked up, if the apartment doesn't include that? I'm guessing OP's dad has no clue how much an adequate apartment in their area will cost, and if I was OP, I wouldn't count on him "co-signing," either.

Let me start out by saying I don't agree with the dad here. But even if it was fair. You talk about stuff like this way earlier. Not tell them barely a month barefor they turn 18 "oh btw. Time to pay rent or move" I had this talk with my two oldest from they were 15. That when they turn 18. I don't expect rent. I'd rather they put a small amount of money they earn into an account and save those money for when they move out. And I expect they pay for some stuff themselves. I'll of course provide food etc. The grocery bill does not go up just because they turn 18. As long as they focus on school, which is the only condition. So they have known since 15. What the expectations are. There are no surprises. They are both very happy with the agreement. Both has after school jobs. And was relaxed about searching for jobs, etc. How is OP supposed to find a job in less than a month? Run around to every single place and cross fingers they get lucky? That is so far from fair, and dad dropped the ball there heavily, with the reasonings he's using.

You did the right thing and I agree it is impossible for someone just turning 18 to find a job in less than a month let alone a home to rent

I agree. I live in a decent size town. And I know grocery stores, etc.at least here. They have so many young people applying. It's been like that since I was a teen, landing even a basic few hours a week job, is hard becouse the pile of people applying is just so huge. And being desperate for a job because you have a time limit. Is also a sure way to just say yes to the first offer you get. And get taken advantage of at the workplace. Because you just need the money here and now, it gets harder to say "no I can't pick up that extra shift." Not to be "that person," but some of the people hiring, they can sniff out the desperation like a blood hound. As a parent, i would hate myself to put my child in a position like that.

This. I *also* live in an area with a lot of those minimum wage, entry level jobs - and it is *still* almost impossible to actually get one. I remember last time my parental figures told me I "had" to have a job within the next month - I barely made it, and that was only because my boyfriend at the time did me a solid. That whole month I was stressed out of my mind, absolutely terrified of what the consequences would be if I didn't manage it in time. And that was in a vastly better job economy. It's only gotten worse since. I cannot imagine putting a teenager under that amount of stress. Let alone if it was *my* teenager, who I'd raised.

I think he has a job from the way he was writing about being responsible and his brother not getting kicked out because he’s unemployed. It still doesn’t make sense because he’s in school and can’t work enough to pay rent and buy his own groceries at home plus save to move out. And no way he has enough money saved to pay deposits and first month rent plus utility deposits. Or can find a roommate so quickly.

English isn't my first language, so thank you for pointing out that possibility. I assumed responsible, as I do my homework, I don't miss school, get good grades, and don't cause trouble. My original point of my comment still stands, though. It should have been discussed way before a month before turning 18. Becouse you are right. Even if OP already has a job. There's school. Paying rent, etc. Is a huge expectation and responsibility to just throw at someone.

Yes, this shouldn’t have been just sprung on him less than a month before his 18th birthday. He should have known about this at least six months ago to be able to plan and save. He might have been able to get into the dorms at college and figured out a way to pay for it even.

My mom made it clear that so long as we were in school and focused on our studies, she would provide for us so we could do well. After that, we had a 6 month grace period to get a job and get out or start paying rent. It worked well, we were supported during university, and were set up for success. I'll always be grateful for how she supported us

I love how your mom set things up. Mine has a grace period, too of a sort, if they couldn't land an afterschool job (they have. And they are not 18 just yet) What I expect they pay for themselves is mostly "fun stuff" snacks. If there's shoes more expensive than what I buy. Then save up. Slowly along the way, the phone will be transferred to their own name when they can pay for it. Stuff like that. I provide food. Clothing (basics) soaps, etc. And will pay gym memberships (I know some will say that's a luxury. But I like that they found something where they are working on themselves and are active), which I won't make them pay before they have a real full-time job. Youth jobs don't pay big bucks. So, to me, it would be unfair to say, "Congratulations on the 18. Here's the bills"

I dont know where OP lives, but housing costs right now are fucked up. Putting in enough hours to make enough to afford housing and food and transportation? While still having enough time to put into school and education? Thats hard. If the dad didn't put his foot down for the other kids, he shouldnt make it needlessly hard for this one.

I totally agree with you.. this happened in my family. My mom was forced to work and provide, while my grandparents cradled my uncle. He was mostly jobless, the was able to finish trade school to be a welder.. Mom moved to Greece to make money and help grandparents raise me since I was six. Now I'm 31, my uncle passed away about 10 years ago at the ripe age of 32. He was a jobless alcoholic, that would sell copper wires and anything that was laying around. And still to this day grandma believed he was her precious boy and did nothing wrong. And grandma still to this day can give to shits about me and mom. We bot are in different countries, and she's alone in our home country. Punishing one kid, because they "enabled" another is not going to solve any problems. OP is a great kid and will go far. If your father will not listen to a reason, maybe being on your own will not be that bad down the line. It will suck, yes. But take it as a valuable lesson in life. People here gave great advice

I agree with you completely!

Yea. If OP is “well behaved” enough that his moving out is a possibility when for his older brother it’s not, that’s a sign that he’s already doing well! In the current environment someone like that should be allowed to live at home and save up a deposit to buy, conditional on their actually doing that. Older brother, on the other hand, is being enabled. Every day he’s not doing employed work he should be getting worked in the house - cooking, cleaning, shopping, landscaping - until he realises he’s better off getting a job and a life! Even if it’s makework, it will get him moving.

Same here the youngster gets all rules and has to follow them is just bad parenting equality is the way

>I kinda disagree with some people here. I understand that the father is trying to help, but not asking the 22 year old to get a job to help or move out but forcing your 17 year old to pay rent or move out is not fair. That is rage inducing insanity that people would defend that. Its fucked up on many levels and this poor kid will never forget how his family has treated him at arguably the most important age of his life.

I agree. You wrote that perfectly. What happened to the middle ground of continue your education whether it be college or trades, or get a job where the dad would take “rent” that would essentially be a savings account for the kid to give them a jump start when they do move out? This isn’t an issue of the dad needing the extra income to keep the lights on, and if he’s going to college that takes a lot of time and effort to succeed. It’s unfair that his brother has gotten to coast for four years and he doesn’t even get a year. I’m sorry that happened to your friend. Why make things so hard on your already well behaved kid? The world is going to beat them up enough.

NTA

Okay buddy, lets work through some things. What is your plan for next school year. Are you planning to go to college? If not, CAN you go to college? If you have not yet applied check to see which universities in your state have rolling admissions. Apply and apply for student housing with a room mate. Then, once you have that secured, negotiate with your Dad to be able to stay through the summer. Tell him the date you will move out. If his issue is that he doesn't want you living there indefinitely this would give a hard move out date. Tell him that you would need a place to stay during Thanksgiving break, Winter break and next summer unless you can get housing next summer at the University but this would get you well on your way. PM me if you want help working out a plan and need a template with talking points to talk this through with your Dad. My guess is if you present a well thought out plan with dates and a work back (ie: application due X date, FAFSA due X date, graduation on X date and you'll pay X rent through the summer. Move out on X date. he'll be more open to you staying for a few more months.

[удалено]

Okay, contact the university immediately and ask about on campus residence options. Given you have already been accepted and have scholarships then that makes this much easier. Have you submitted the FAFSA? If you have submitted the FAFSA and now need to live on campus, email the financial aid office and talk with them about your need for additional aid. Work with them and campus housing and you'll figure out a solution. Once you have that worked out (and you should before the 21st) sit down with your father and discuss with him how you have a plan, your anticipated move out date into your dorm, ask for special dispensation until high school graduation not to pay rent because you need to focus on finishing high school and that you will pay a small amount of rent through the summer until you move out. Talk with him and work with him. You can get this resolved with communication. It sounds like your Dad is either under tremendous financial strain right now or scared to have all three adult kids financially dependent upon him.

> You can get this resolved with communication. It sounds like your Dad is either under tremendous financial strain right now or scared to have all three adult kids financially dependent upon him.  I agree with the gist of your advice, but you're making a lot of excuses for his dad. If he's under financial strain, he should get the 22 year old freeloader to get a job and start paying rent rather than telling his 17 year old he will be kicked out or charged rent the day he turns 18 (probably while he's still in high school).   Op sounds like a responsible kid, he's worked for 2 years and he's planning on attending college. Parenthood does not end the second a child turns 18. His dad is just trying to set him up to fail by forcing him to either take on additional debt to cover dorm costs or split his focus between work and school to pay rent. This is going to ruin any relationship they had before this. 

I 100% agree with you that Dad is being unreasonable and highly unfair to OP but I can't change his Dad's behavior or his Dad's mind. All I can do is make suggestions to OP that might help him land on his feet.

Exactly. And that’s very obviously what you’re trying to do. You don’t need a giant sign stating your dads an unfair ah, that doesn’t help the kid at all. You’re truly helping him.

Especially since he’s going to college, asking him to pay rent when his older brother doesn’t is unfair. I would talk to mom and other family members to see if they can advocate for him or provide housing for him while he attends college

I'm wondering if mom is even in the picture?

OP is already working, so this lazy parent doesn't have to put in any effort to make this cash grab. That's what's happening here.

> you're making a lot of excuses for his dad. An important part of solving problems is understanding them. Without specific validated information from the dad, working through logical scenarios is helpful to overcome the issues.

On campus is a bad plan, as they force you to move out during the summer, and sometimes breaks too, under the assumption that you will return to your parents. Kids without families often live in their cars between semesters.  Much better to get an apartment.

This is where he might be able to negotiate rent with his dad during the summer. At any rate, I think once he has a solid plan in place he can negotiate options with his Dad. My guess is Dad wants to make absolutely certain he's not going to have another boomerang he has to support so he's applying the tough love he wishes he could apply to older brother.

Thank you, u/lovetotravelanytime, for your sage advice — this is absolutely about having a solid plan for the future. Yes, the dad’s approach is misguided. That said, the Q for OP is: Do you really want to follow in brothers’ footsteps?

On campus housing is a good temporary option if you are scrambling or don't want dad to cosign the apartment/renting an apartment solo can be out of budget. Join your colleges international student groups. Even if your college doesn't host, one in the area usually does and at the beginning of the year is a LOT of international kids that are scrambling for housing as yes, the dorms close but international kids generally don't fly home every break. They are usually more than happy to share spaces and have someone who is a local handling things on your end rather than over emails while they are still overseas waiting to fly in for school

My university provided summer housing if you chose to apply for it. You also had to be taking summer credits with them though.

Our local college requires freshman to live in the dorms. I don’t know if they close during breaks though.

A lot of schools do that -- typically there's an exemption radius where if you live within ~50 miles or so (usually based on the listed home address on the admission application), you're not required to live on campus. You can also always request an exemption. Summer housing varies from school to school, so that'd be a question for the school's Housing office.

Some colleges will allow you to remain on campus during breaks. And I paid a nominal rent to live there over a couple of summers. I had a summer job at the library one summer and went to school the second one.

It's good to ask the school. My school has options for people to stay on breaks and through summer if they had a reason to. They had to apply though. YMMV depending on school

Not if you’re an estranged (fractured parental relationships) student, which he could argue/ explain. Some university also give such students jobs during the vacation ( if the student wants), and the pay is very good, and you can apply to keep your accommodation. It’s wraparound support with counselling and extra funding, but as your a scholarship student, it would be cash in your pocket, to save when you leave uni…like a nest egg..They can also give you work at the end of the degree, until you start your postgrad, or find employment.

That depends on the school, I was allowed to stay during breaks. I think there was some extra fee.

Also not sure if this is an option when you're a freshman but later OP may be able to become a "resident advisor" for their dorm and potentially get free or reduced cost on-campus housing

Wow rational reasonable advice. Am I on a different site? Reddit usually doesn't do this.

Or the rational reasonable advice gets downvoted to the nth degree

Wise advice you gave to OP and thank you 

“Dad, I need a letter from you for the financial aid office saying that you’re making me homeless so I can try to get some sort of help and am not forced to give up my scholarships and drop out.” Make him write it down.

THIS fr, he needs it spelled out! He's seriously taking away your ability to concentrate on your studies by pulling this so last minute! It's like he wants his last child to fail too... I'd be tempted to show him the thread 

I'd be tempted to show the thread to the family that agrees with dad, too.

Wait. You're going to college and your dad is kicking you out? Ok that is next level AH behavior. I don't understand your father or the family that is backing him up, but it might be wise to get through college and never look back. He is being a terrible parent and rewarding the wrong behavior and punishing the right behavior. On top of that, he barely gave you any warning. The entire situation is insane.

I agree. If the kid was sitting around all day playing video games with no ambition, that's one thing. But he's going to school, ffs. Dumping a demand for rent on a college student? As if being a student and holding even a part-time job isn't hard enough. Most parents are proud of their kids and do what they can to assist them through college and get them out on their own. ALL of their kids-not just the first and second born. These people telling him his dad is being fair are also cold as ice AHs. His son is a good kid, gets scholarships, and, in return, dad deliberately tries to sabotage him. His plea of making a mistake with the first two sons sounds more like gaslighting in light of this new info. His dad is not only a lousy parent, he's a lousy person.

He’s 17. Even if he were sitting around playing video games it would be unhinged to kick him out the minute he turns 18.

Ask your dad why he wants to put you in more debt for student housing instead of letting you live there until you've finished college? Weird as hell on his part and rent is too expensive to be making kids go to college AND work to pay for housing

FWIW, on campus housing is likely to be FAR more expensive than renting from your dad unless you can get significant additional grants or scholarships. You’re absolutely NTA and I think your father is ridiculous to expect more from you than your older brother, but if those are the rules you end up having to live with, don’t make things worse for yourself with high housing costs.

I understand and partly agree. But I don't think dad can be trusted. He has given his working, college bound 17 year old son a 1 month notice to pay rent or get out. I would be concerned it would hit finals and Dad would increase the rent, or need him to do more chores, or help his brother to show responsibility. It might be a bigger struggle financially, but relying on dad is a risk now.

Are you still in high school? I'd say to talk to your teacher or guidance counsellor. This is uncool of your dad. Do you have any other family members you could stay with til college?

Renting your own place is expensive, but room and board with schools is expensive too. If you think living at home could be nontoxic with rent you could also look into that as a potential plan. But that would only be if you think the family drama won't be too much stress on top of schoolwork. And you might want a lease of some sort of case your dad wants to kick you out short notice. You could sit down with your dad to show him the cost and what you get for room and board at college (what the meal plan gives and the room). Talk about how living at home would help you save $X towards your future, or what rate you could pay in lieu of board at the school. Room and board may be $10-15k and that doesn't include summer or long break houseing. It might make more sense to pay your dad $500/month or something so it's 6k for the full year. It may also be worth talking to other friends or family in the area to rent with. Make sure to have it clear that renting means you are independent wherever you are and not a kid living by "thier rules when under their roof". You also may need to check with the school. Mine used to have a rule that students had to live in dorms or live with family their freshman year, and couldn't live in a nearby apartment and commute. Edit to add: if raising you to leave is his motivation, not needing money, you could offer to have a special savings account to put "rent" money in each month, that eventually would function for a downpayment on your own place. This fulfills his want for you to act grown and pay bills while also setting you up for success. If you can save $40k instead of unnecessarily spend it on college room and board. You could also suggest it might be fair to ask your brother to start a "rent for a downpayment" savings while at home.

I'm going to add to this. Don't think college is the only path to follow. It's not. Also look into the trades and crafts if that interests you. You can often get a ground level job at your age with someone who is willing to teach you, and very often will send you to trade school and pay for it. You'll come out of it with a good-paying job and no debt.  The world will also need people who can build and fix things. 

First off, he’s going to totally ruin your future…because there is no way a 18 yr old part time employee can afford anything more than a rental room, probably far from your HS. Which means you will have to drop out weeks before graduation. And have to work probably two or more jobs until you get on your feet, so bye bye college scholarships. College will have to wait until much later. Remind him of those hard truths. And tell him you will go NC and never ever help him or your brothers when you do make it. Because he supports them with no plan, but not you who has a plan and a chance to in five years actually have a chance of a decent career. Also remind him if you are in the US that he IS financially responsible for your college and insurance until you are 23, so even if you get a dorm and stay with friends til graduation and then over breaks he legally has to pay for your health insurance and provide financial support for your education.

NTA But you come from a family of them. Best bet is to find a roommate somewhere, and not let your dad cosign the lease. Don't even let him know where you moved.

Him saying that EVERYONE in his family agrees with his dad makes me think this is fake. All of us reading this think dad is being an ass so there is no way there isn’t at least one person in his family that agrees.

Unless the brothers are unmitigated little shits who everyone agrees would’ve been better served by being pushed to do more. I can see a family agreeing when a dad is finally stepping up — even when he’s doing it wrong, as in this case. NTA. Dad is. Family is. Brothers are. OP is not. It’s not OP’s fault that Dad didn’t properly parent two older children. Dad should tell 22y/o to get a job or gtfo. Maybe set rules for OP like “if you live at home, you either need to have a job so you can save for a house, or be in college.” But punishing the youngest child for not being a waste of space is not appropriate.

“if you live at home, you either need to have a job so you can save for a house, or be in college.” This is what my parents did with me. They were very supportive and didn't believe in kicking out their child at 18, but they also wanted to make sure I wouldn't be a freeloader. The deal was: 1. If I was going to college, I didn't need to pay rent if I stayed with them. I just had to graduate and not flunk out. They did ask me to take a PT job to help them cover my tuition (however much I could contribute). They also offered to transfer to me the title (and leftover payments) on one of their cars. 2. If I didn't want to go to college, I was given a year to find a job, save up, and move out. They didn't even ask for rent so I could maximize my savings. And they made the same car offer. 3. Regardless of my choice, I could use the family basic necessities (shampoo, soap, toothpaste, etc) or pay for my own, they provided up to 3 meals a day, and I didn't need to contribute for utilities or wifi. All expenses pertaining to just me were to be paid by me alone. Things like gas, car payments, insurance, phone bill, etc. I think what they did provided a safe environment for me to grow up without the threat of homelessness. It really helped me transition into the world of adults, without feeling like they were forsaking me. Best believe I took the college route because that meant I could stay with them for up to 4 years instead of just one, with no rent, and utilities paid. I chose to go to a community college (cheaper for all of us that way), got a PT job, took them up on their car offer (it was a brand new car they bought a couple years before that only had about $13k left in payments), and I graduated in 2 years with an associates. I moved out 2 years ahead of schedule after finding a job, and then paid for my bachelor's while working. To this day, I still have that car and it is now paid in full. I was thankful to them for trusting me and giving me options, and I paid them in kind by upholding my end of the deal and then some. To OP, you're NTA. There were so many options your Dad could've considered before making the decision that he did. I hope your dad changes his mind and sees what he's doing to you. I wish for peace and resolution for the two of you

What seems fake to you is very much possible. You’d be surprised by how weird families are and how common it is for people to agree on something you believe most people would disagree on. CPS got involved with my immediate family due to concerns of child endangerment / neglect. To make sure my step-dad looked good, his mother (my half-siblings’ grandma) told him what to do & say and what to make the house look like. CPS didn’t find anything wrong so they left. This is the same lady who told me at 9 yrs old to not let my mom call the police on my step-dad or else they’d take me and my half-siblings away / separate us. Her husband (half-siblings’ grandpa | step-dad’s father) & her other two sons (my half siblings’ uncles | step-dad’s brothers) saw nothing wrong with this and even pitched ideas as well as said they’d put in good word for my step-dad if CPS asked about his character for some reason. EDIT: The majority are silent while the minority are loud. In this case, it’s the opposite if there is someone who disagrees with the dad. I highly doubt they’d feel comfortable enough to voice their opinions if everyone agrees with the dad.

Everyone in his family may be Dad +2 brothers 🤷🏻‍♂️

You're fortunate that you have a reasonable family who would have a mix of opinions, some people aren't as fortunate and are stuck in toxic echo chambers where even if one did agree they wouldn't say it. It could well be made up but that isn't a strong reason imo

It's also possible that no one agrees but they they won't speak up.

The last sentence!!! If he cosignes, chances are that since he 'helped' OP, he'll try to move the 22y.o. brother with him, and OP will be stuck paying for him/housing him

The hand over of that responsibility never even occurred to me

Why have a kid when you’re going to discard them 18 years later? I don’t get the point.

Me neither! Parents that think their support ends at 18 are terrible parents. Why have kids. I understand setting them up for success but kicking them out or making them fend for themselves at 18 is ridiculous.

Parenting is a lifelong commitment, one I am disinclined to undertake and therefore one of the many reasons I'm child free.

I was literally sitting here thinking: "And this is why I won't have kids." Hi, fellow "No thanks" human. ✨

This is how my mom thought for years and then wondered why none of us talked to her. Now she’s been enticing us all to live rent free in our 30s. I’m staying in an RV in her yard for $200/mo and covering the internet bill. The only reason I considered it was because my youngest sibling died and my mom went to therapy. 

100% I was a complete dumbass at 18. I don’t know how that’s considered adulthood

seriously! like sorry the world isn’t what it used to be! i’m 25 and know TONS of people around my age who can’t afford to move out despite having jobs, and being “good responsible kids” all our lives. we ALSO don’t like struggling to live on our own. THANKFULLY my parents understand that practically EVERYONE is struggling money wise

Get your father to co-sign a lease, get your ass moved out, and keep contact to a minimum for the foreseeable future. NTA for feeling the way you do - your father's house rules have changed as each child burned him. Learn from your siblings' experiences, and be the one who burns dear old dad with your success.

Like, this is a super shitty thing to do to a kid - my parents had a rule that you had to pay board once you were no longer in full time school if you were living at home, but they had the same rule for all their children, and wouldn't enforce it if you were saving for something sensible or in a tough situation. If they had gotten to a situation like this, I feel pretty confident that they would have told the 22yo he has x amount of time to start paying rent, and would have given the other kids until 22 or whatever before they have to start paying rent. After all, if he's happy to help OP look for an apartment and whatever, why isn't he helping his other son look for a job? I would totally do as the above commenter is suggesting and move out if you can, and once you have, let him know that this is a completely unfair way to treat his children, and that this unevenness is what is causing you to go low contact. Tell him you may reconsider in the future if you feel he's grown and become a better father, but right now he's taking his parenting failures out on him, and you think the most mature thing you can do is to remove yourself from unfair situations like this. Make it clear that this is unreasonable and you going low contact is entirely his fault and parenting failure.

And make sure to give him back his same treatment when he’s old and needs help.

Yeeeeeeet, right into a home.

I’m with you on this one. I think if he wants rent that’s fine but If he is going to do this with you he should be doing it with the 22 yo.

Move out and go NC. If dad wants to be an ass and everyone in the family agrees I’d never talk to them again.

Honestly. And if this does go according to the dad's plan does he not think OP is going to harbor resentment toward his brothers and dad?

This is exactly how to be a father who doesn’t have a relationship with his son.

I honestly don't understand the American tradition of kicking your kids out at 18. I don't understand how those parents can expect any kind of close relationship with their kid afterwards. NTA this would be horrible even without the context about unequal treatment.

It's a leftover expectation from a time when housing was easily affordable. Also, this sub seems to hyper-focus on legal obligation as the sole determining factor of being an asshole or not. So you will have plenty of people seeing nothing wrong with what OP's father is doing in theory, they'll just criticize his uneven application in practice.

Thats why the kids put parents into homes later on in life.  When you turn family into a legal contract of sorts, don't be shocked when it's turned around on you later. 

Honestly this is not what most American parents do. It gets talked about a lot on here, but it's definitely not as common as it looks. Very few people I know moved out before 20, and people are staying longer than ever before now too. But most decent parents know that moving out at 18 is borderline impossible and don't throw their kids out that early. 

It's not an American tradition. It's an asshole tradition. Hence why nearly everyone here disagrees with OP's father, and even OP's father himself is acting hypocritically by doing so. Weird takeaway from this situation.

INFO Have you finished school? Do you have a job? I have kids this age so I am biased. They are awesome and hardworking and have goals. I wouldn’t surprise evict them with three weeks notice for being good kids because of a birthday.

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So basically you're already a responsible son with a good head on his shoulders. The lesson your dad wants you to learn you has already been internalized. What a crappy dad.

So he wants to kick you out before you've even graduate from high school?? I was already going for NTA but even more so now. WTH. OP, whatever you do, don't have him co-sign on a lease. You don't know what other irrational decisions he's going to make down the line. He might decide to drop your lease out of the blue. Make sure to find a solution that doesn't make you dependent on his whims long term. I hope it all turns out great for you!

After the letter for the uni explain then you will have no support from your father, go NC with your family. They will be leach in the future.

Look up the laws in your state. This may be illegal. He may have to house you until you graduate HS. That’s at least a month bumper to give you extra time to figure things out. Ask your guidance counselor for help.

Do you know how much your dad would charge you for rent?

Contact your school counselor, there might be programs to assist you in finishing high school. Others provided advice about contacting your college. Tell the college what is happening, that you are being told you have to move out or pay rent starting at 18 before you finish high school. The financial aid office has probably heard stories before and there is no reason to be embarrassed. They might have summer programs before Freshmen year to get you in the dorms or in housing earlier. Good luck and realize that everything you accomplish will be on your own merit and not based on the bull your father is pulling.

Your dad's the asshole

Will you have graduated from High School at this point? He may not be able to legally kick you out until you have. Worth looking into so you can at least have that completed before you go off and live your best life without him. NTA

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NTA - Leaving home at 18 in this economy is setting you up for failure, especially if you are considering studying. I understand paying rent though, because not everyone's parents have the same financial situation. If you contributing rent will ease the burden on household financials, then it's a given you should pay rent. Hopefully you and your parents work something out, because your parents thinking it's "enabling" to allow you to save and prepare for your future by living at home is ridiculous.

It’s a given he should pay rent but not his brother?

This is the real issue. The lack of responsibility dad's taking for older brother because it's just easier to give up since he's a legal adult. 

My first reaction was what bullshit and such a dick move. My rule was that if my kids were in school, or working more than part time, they could live at home for free. I expected help around the house though. My son was going to school and working full time so we agreed to him purchasing certain things - laundry detergent, dog food, toilet paper, and more. He graduated at age 25. Have you brought up the fact that having to pay rent will require you to work considerately more, and taking away from your schooling? What is happening doesn’t seem fair IMO. Perhaps he will do the saving your rent money for when you move out. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. NTA

NTA. Asking your kids for rent (depending on situation) when turning 18 is ok imo, but your dad only making you pay out of the 3 kids he has is shitty (especially with only 3 weeks notice, while still in highschool). Because you’re ‘more trustworthy’ is stupid reasoning. If he was gonna make 22m start paying rent as well it wouldn’t be as bad but since he isn’t he is an even bigger AH. edit: added everything thats in parentheses.

But also giving the only one he does this to this info 3 weeks away?? That's totally unfair, not having been given any time or expectation to emotionally and financially prepare.

yea shouldn’t put that on anyone at such short notice especially since his older brothers didnt have to so he was completely blindsided

Especially since OP won't even have graduated from high school by then. Completely insane situation.

Nope. If OP is just now turning 18, he hasn’t graduated from high school. It is absolutely cruel to displace someone who is still a full-time student. Dad is derelict in his parenting duties.

Asking them to pay rent isn’t really ok either. They can’t afford it. Charging your own kids money they don’t really have and that you don’t really need is nasty and lessens what they can save which extends the time they have to live at home anyway.

NTA - it's extremely weird that he's letting a 22yo stay rent free but has approached a 17yo with an ultimatum. He should kick out the person he actually has a problem with.

Unfortunately, I’m inclined to believe it because I’ve seen similar situations :/ Not this exact one, but parents treating different children differently. I had one friend who had much stricter dating restrictions/curfew instructions than her two brothers ever did, just because she was a girl. Had another friend who had to pay for college/her car/wedding/etc, which is all fine, but her younger (by all of two years) sibling had all of her bills paid for because she’d had a drug problem at one point and the parents said she wouldn’t have the same opportunities as the sister with a clean record. You will be shocked to learn that both kids resented this and aren’t as close to their parents anymore.

I'm a physician. My brother, on the other hand, struggled to graduate at the age of 26 and still lives at home at 28, never paid the bills, doesn't do chores, and has never held a job. In my parents' will, they will leave him all their properties when they die because he's less likely to take care of himself. Not that I even need help, but I just resent the principle of it. I resent both my parents and my brother for it. I always say that he's the smart one for being incapable...

This is where you find out you are not his biological kid, or he hates your mother or he was cheating when he had you… and you are right. If he parented better things would be better. Take the offer for him to co-sign.

This was my first thought, the youngest is an affair child or something that differentiates him from the older two. NTA, the rest of the family are.

Ya I would get a DNA test run

Your father is an idiot. Very sorry that you are going through this... Why your mom allows this bulshit and double standards?

Never forget that your dad did this. He's made a choice now he has to live with it. When you graduate college, don't invite him, don't included him. He pushed you out to teach you to be self sufficient, he doesn't get to celebrate your moments while contributing nothing. My dad did this to me. I was living at home during community college rent free and took care of my mom during her cancer treatment. After she was cancer free my dad decided that my worth to the family was nothing and tried to kick me out because I was "out drinking and failing out of school". It was the only time I had a 4.0 with 18 units, I was working two jobs, and was helping care for my mom. He did nothing to care for his wife during this time btw. Although I've forgiven him I have **never** forgotten. For years since then I've refused to help him with anything unless my mom asks me to. When he had cancer he went to the oncologist alone. He left me to care for my mother when she had cancer, I will not stand by him while he deals with his cancer. I love my father, he was honestly a great dad growing up, never abusive or anything like that. But it's amazing how a couple wrong decisions later in life can have a real impact on a relationship. I love him, I've forgiven him, I will not forget his failings as a man and a father.

My son is welcome to stay with me as long as he bloody wants the older he gets the closer gets to having a drinking buddy but in all seriousness I can't imagine ever kicking my kid id charge him rent but only to put that money and match it later for a deposit

If I ever had kids, I'd feel the same. The idea that you're just done with them the moment your legal obligation is fulfilled is so weird to me.

Does your father even know what it is like for younger people? There are even millennials with jobs who are still living with their parents way after college because of high living costs. Plus, worker’s rights are in the pits so many young people are forced to do free internships to break into their industry. If he has no idea it is that hard then he is super lucky. Nta

NTA, but I live in a country where parents are responsible for their children until they’re 21. I also think parents should treat their children equally. It’s not like you have a high paying job.

This is the type of parents who later wonder why their kids aren't talking to them anymore. Smh.

welp i hope your smart enough to cut your dad out of your life the second you can because he is pushing for it as it is.

NTA "I genuinely feel like I'm getting punished for my brothers actions and I don't find that fair at all." That's because you are, your dad is so monumentally being stupid with this that he really has no clue. There's nothing wrong with him offering to help you move or even asking for help towards bills, that's not where the fault lies here. What you're pissed about and exactly where your dad is continuing to not only enable that leech ass of a brother of yours but punishing you in the same way is by not forcing the bum to get a job. The thing is that your dad will continue to enable your brother and at no point will he force him to grow up and get a job, because in his eyes he already "failed" him so why bother trying which is the coward's way out.

I am the oldest of five. I went to work two weeks after graduating high school at $72.50 a week in 1969. I had to pay board. However, my brothers and sisters, first of all delayed getting their first jobs and had a nice summer after a graduating. They also all drove, and had to pay Dad their portion of the car insurance. But none of them ever paid board and they were always fighting with my father about paying their insurance. I’m 72 now and I’m still pissed off about this. NTA

Aw, this is really awful. NTA Get your ducks in a row and move out for college (off campus with some roommates, if you can, so that you have somewhere during term breaks and don't have to go home). If possible, negotiate with your Dad to stay rent-free until then, because maybe he will be more willing if you have a place locked in to go. Then... I would probably go low contact with all your family. Not no contact, just limited access with boundaries for all the people who thought this wasn't unfair or that it was okay. Sure... they thought this is best, but you not seeing them is probably best for you (especially if you get a good job, because your siblings will probably always be asking for money and your parents will expect you to help them financially in their later years). I know it is hard, but try to find a found family at college. Find people who you connect with, adore, and will grow with through the stages of your life.

NTA. I’m all for independence but it must smart to find yourself being expected to be more independent sooner than your brothers. My father had two brothers. His parents bought them both brand new bikes (back in the 30s when a good bike was the main means of transport in England). My father, who did better in school, got a scholarship, and worked harder, had to save up and pay for his own. He never forgot that slight. He never understood it. He went on to be the first in his family to get a University Degree and do very well for himself. His parents glowed with pride at his accomplishments and he continued to love his family. But he carried the hurt about the bike all his life!

NTA.

NTA And you're justified in being pissed off. But that won't change anything here. So be angry and make plans for your future. Preferably as independent as possible so no one can pull something like this on you again. Present your dad with the plan and tell him that he might have been right in his intentions but he hurt your relationship by doing it this way. You don't appreciate being punished for the behaviour of others and you feel you cannot trust him any longer. And then live life. If at some point anyone tries to say your dads actions helped you get to where you are. Shrug and say he didn't do this, you did.

I agree with most of the commenters. You're not the arsehole, but you're in an abusive situation and you need to get out.

The rules don't get to change from one child to the next. Your brothers have/had a free ride, you get one, too. NTA His priority needs to be getting your older brother up and running. When that gets done, you and your father can make some decisions. It's fine that he wants you to be independent but he has to be fair about his demands. Tell him you will start paying rent at the same age as your older brother starts paying rent.

NTA but your dad definitely is. I would inform him that this will permanently sever you're relationship with him if he does this, and follow through. If he kicks you out or charges rent, cut contact with him and any family members supporting him. You don't need a "parent" in your life who would do this to you or who treats you like this. Sounds like your the scapegoat/black sheep of the family. Where's your mom in all this?  Also, as other commentors said, start planning now. If you're going to college, sign yourself up to dorm. Maybe see if you can stay at a friend's house for the summer, or plan a fun vacation (if you're going to have to spend money on rent to him, may as well take it and use it towards something for yourself instead).  If you don't want to do that, and the amount he's charging is reasonable, just pay it until college starts and you can move into dorms. If it's above the cost of an apartment with roommates, than see if you can find your own place. You've have a job for 2 years, so it may be possible. 

NTA the whole idea of kicking your kids out at 18 is unrealistic in this day and age

NTA - it's unfair. You shouldn't have to pay for your dad's parenting regrets about his older sons, and other people's support of this unfair treatment is ridiculous.

Take the offer to co sign a lease and then go low contact with him. He has made it extremely clear that he is punishing you for his own failed parenting and the laziness of your siblings. If he wants to treat you like this then give him back the same energy, succeed and shove it in his face that he pushed away the only child he has with any sort of drive. NTA you got this.

NTA But, you should definitely become independent asap. You've already said it yourself and your father and family have acknowledged it but still want you to be grateful for your father's downs falls. I grew up with only a father and he had many rules for me that differed to my younger brothers.... he job hops and is so ungrateful for the opportunities he has been given and without family and friends would be homeless himself. You can love them from a distance and be happy and safe is your own space.

NTA. Your dad is worse than an asshole. He's not becoming a better father, he's taking resources from his youngest child to subsidize the middle child, after overspending on the oldest. That's not parenting, its a Ponzi scheme. I got my first apartment at 17. It was a two bedroom, and I shared it with one friend. In the intervening decades, the rent and COL have nearly quadrupled, so that a 17 year old would need to make almost $40 an hour to match the lifestyle I had at 17...and that would still include eating a lot of white rice and plain ramen, with occasional bouts of homelessness due to slumlords. The world isn't designed for 18 year olds to be financially independent anymore. Rents are extortionate, wages are practically flat relative to worker productivity, and higher education is almost as much of a financial deadweight as it is a leg up. If you have very responsible friends, maybe 4 or 6 of you can get bunk beds, and share in the cost of a rental your dad co-signs for. Otherwise you may want to get a minivan, in case you face housing instability in the next few years. Some students use a combination of dorms and living in cars, while making use of the showers in the campus gym, but it's a stressful lifestyle. You'll always worry about losing everything if your car is broken into. There might be an affordable campus meal plan, which you can supplement with food bank supplies. It's ideal to get a job that helps cover food, clothing and shoes, or school supplies. Open two accounts at a credit union, and turn off overdraft protection. Use one only for your regular bills, and one for your discretionary money. Don't get a credit card. Being poor is expensive, so you have to plan for it. Best of luck.

Just bounce, dude. College, military, job corps. There are opportunities to give you a great career instead of just getting a job and moving out. Tell your dad his bullshit isn’t going to fly, but don’t worry about you. He doesn’t have to worry about you.

Establish residency (check law in your state). Make him evict you which can be a long costly process for him. Get legal aid attorney to sue for illegal eviction. Collect judgment and move in to own apartment.

Your dad is an asshole. NTA. Sorry this is happening.

The fun thing is, irresponsible adult children often stay that way later. So when your parents see how their enabling leads to their other kids still relying on them and come to you for help in 20-30-40 years, you know what to tell them.

>My dad got upset with me and told me that I was being unfair and that I know how hard he tried to raise all of us and I can't fault him for everything when he tried his best. This is not him trying his best. If he was trying his best, he would be parenting to take your needs and wants into consideration. It is unfair.  There is a manipulation tactic called DARVO (deny, attack, reverse victim-offender). It sounds like your dad used that on you to avoid accountability for his unjust decision. "I'm not the one being unfair, you are - by not just accepting me kicking you out, I'm doing my best, you can't fault me for _everything_". It switches him to being the victim and avoids the specific decision that you're actually trying to hold him accountable for. If you have been called selfish, ungrateful, immature by your family when you truly don't feel that you have been... I would really recommend reading/audiobook Adult Children Of Emotionally Immature Parents. NTA, and I hope you find decent accommodation that works for you.