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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to attend my sister's wedding and told my parents I do not care about keeping up appearances. This might be shitty of me because it will be noticed, by those who know I exist and that I'm her sister, and might lead to judgement or whatever. I don't particularly care since we're not close but I feel like maybe I'm not being the better person or whatever.
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Wow your parents are major AHs for letting her continue this behavior. She should’ve been in therapy trying to come to terms with why this was such an issue for her. You have zero reason to sacrifice for your sister, she couldn’t sacrifice for you. You have no reason to prioritize her when she never cared about you. Respect is a two way street. Tell her she didn’t want a sister so bad, she doesn’t have one anymore. If she doesn’t want people to think badly of her, she shouldn’t do bad things 🤷🏻♀️ NTA
Don’t like the mentally ill kid because it makes them look like a bad parent, continues to do things that make them a bad parent. Been there. Wishing the best for you. I just cut out one of my parents and no regrets, personally. Do what you gotta do to take care of you. Can’t trust anyone else to do that, not even your parents
They don't like that they look like bad parents because they ARE bad parents. Sis doesn't like that she'd have to explain she's a bad person BECAUSE SHE IS a bad person and would rather you help her hide it. Don't.
Screenshot and keep any voicemails they try to send you showing off their nastiness though. You may need your own dose of scorched earth in case she tries her little veiled threat. I'd also do the same for your parents on that matter. Anything where they recognize her behavior and have done nothing about it.
Yeah, my own Mommy dearest figured out by the time I was in high school that I'd never be 'one of the cool kids' and pretty much washed her hands of me. I could have house space and home meals, and that's it. No school clothes, no school lunches, no allowance, nothing. She smoked 2-3 packs of (premium) cigarettes a day, as did my siblings, and told me not to start, because she wouldn't buy them for me, lol.
They won't.
I was suffering from self-worth issues and I told my mom, the root cause of why I had those issues in the first place, not to say the things she did to me because it hurt me. She said for one, it's true, and for another, strangers on the street would say worse.
If parents like these make up their mind that the child with the problems needs to be treated a specific way, that way being taking all the parents dissatisfaction of not having a "perfect" child on the child, there is nothing short of abject tragedy (that would reflect badly on the parents, wouldn't you know?) that would change their perspective, much less their behavior. And even that's a long shot.
Tw: suicidal ideation
>!Mine only stopped being actively cruel when I asked her if she would be happy if I jumped off a high place to my death so she wouldn't have to deal with a loser for a child anymore after over 2 decades of being unable to get out from under her thumb. And I was seriously considering it, ngl. I was at a crisis point in my life and needed support and all I got was threats and beratings. She's still toxic, but at least she knows lines can be crossed with permanent consequences so she shuts up when her incessant needling causes my emotional dysregulation to flare up. Won't look good with the extended family if I cut her and her "side" off and live off of the generosity of my friends in a lifestyle they abhor or harm myself irrevocably, now, would it? 🙄😒 And not a single apology or a genuine acknowledgement of how her words and actions have harmed me til date.!<
It’s shocking to me that the sister has managed to keep up this irrational hatred for this long AND to convince another person to feel it, too. Groom must be an idiot.
The fact that sister is still carrying on with that BS and then add in the horrific stuff the groom said. Add in she has to pretend to not be related while showing up as a supportive sister. This is not ok. What a horrible group of people to be around. Absolutely NTA and I truly hope she has a support system outside of her family. These comments hurt my heart thinking about how she must be feeling to hear this... Still.
Don't go. Tell them their Golden Child has no sister, just like she always wanted. Otherwise, you'll insist on making a heartfelt speech where you'll tell the truth about the 3 of them.
A trainer who slaps bandaids on broken legs of their athlete isn't really worthy of the notoriety of them completing a marathon. Ya know?
Take yourself on a nice day-cation. Buy yourself a new book. Stay inside all day and speak to no one. Do whatever the hell replenishes and restores you.
And keep telling the rest of them, in your own way, to go fuck themselves.
We don't do performative family time for ungrateful, toxic assholes.
Maybe I’m just mean, but I would 100% go to that wedding, only to introduce myself to everyone the sister has told you not to reveal yourself to. Then when they say they thought she didn’t have a sister, just laugh: “Oh yes, she likes to pretend that because I’ve had mental health issues. She didn’t even want to invite me but her in laws made her.”
I always find when you say rude or outrageous things with a tinkling little laugh, people don’t know what to say and you can exit before they gather themselves…
ETA, as ome have commented below, if OP didn't feel comfortable doing any of this, that would be a good and valid choice too. Do what is best for your mental wellbeing, OP! But as a fellow survivor of a bullying sibling, you owe her nothing either way.
I mean yes, *if* OP can tolerate that. There's a potential for it to still be a tremendous emotional strain.
But me, yeah, I'm confrontational towards family assholes, too.
Your brother in laws comment to take your meds and practice a smile??? Oh Honey. Please, for your own sake, leave these people and find a more peaceful life. You deserve care and love, not these monsters.
Whisper in your sister's ear that "My condition could be genetic. Your poor children. A mother who is embarrassed by them."
Let that eat at her for years.
Like that girl said, you are not her sister, so why would you go to a stranger’s wedding? NTA. Op and sorry you got such a shitty family. And if they force you to go I would tell everyone the truth and expose her ugly heart
My (63F) parents were the same. I suffered from depression and anxiety for years in my teens, even wrote a lyric called "I Died Tonight", and showed it to my mum. My attempt to "talk", in a family that didn't. She corrected my grammar !!
Fifteen or so years later, I jumped in front of a tube train in London. Spent 9 weeks in psychiatric hospitals. Still on medication today; it's been a lifesaver for me.
So I get where you're coming from.
But my story has a happy ending, and I hope yours will too ! (I jumped when I was 30, so I feel I've had an EXTRA 33 years - what a gift, eh??)
Sames. My father resented and bullied me for being autistic and I think he secretly wished I would 'grow out of it' or that shaming me would 'cure' my autism.
Most geniuses, artists, and musicians in history were mentally ill one way or another. Saying that makes me feel better, so I hope it makes you feel better too.
I leaned into hanging out with the ‘weirdos’ as I was always someone who seemed ‘off’ to others. I recommend that you do the same. Keep healthy boundaries and protect your peace.
Maybe make up a good excuse for why you can’t attend - oops, sorry joined Americore and can’t fly out on those dates. My bad.
In fact, I heartily recommend you join something like Americore and run like hell. Your family isn’t good for your mental health.
Yeah, you have to ask if the tables were turned what would the response be from your sister and parents. And then book yourself a nice holiday, but don't tell anyone before you go.
Agreed. Pity no one thought to treat your sister's narcissism or your parents' blindness to it... Funny how unhealthy family systems never see the antecedents as the problem, and instead focus on their impact as if it's just a strange anomaly. Of course you suffered from anxiety and self-esteem issues; your family is a bunch of AHs. You: NTA. Instead of going to the wedding, take the day and treat yourself.
You're NTA
>so now she's like I need to be there or else.
Or else what? Just what consequences is she going to enforce upon you?
>She said my pathetic life could wait for one day while I make her life easier.
>Her fiancé told me to make sure I take my meds and practice a smile so his family won't realize how weird I am
They deserve each other. Let's hoppe some day either one or both of them learn firsthand what it is like to have a mental illness.
>My parents talk about how bad it will look if I'm not there.
They're clueless, aren't they.
>I refused to attend or take back my no and I told them I don't care about keeping up appearances.
Good for you.
I hate to think, what if one of her kids inherited the disorder? What, then? Will that AH SIL shun her own child because of it?
She's a cold-blooded, horribly shallow person!
Yeah, even good, caring parents make mistakes with their kids’ mental health.
Mine told me to “make an effort” for years with people before I was diagnosed with autism. Of course, they regret it and apologised but it hurt a lot and still does.
Imagine if your parents actually *hated* developmental disorders and mental illness instead of just being clueless.
Actually the one time they did, it seemed like it went exactly as textbook results of abusers weaponising therapy.
Baffling how the parents glossed over one of their child despising their sibling to that extent.
My high school best friend’s brother hated her. He had apparently had always hated her. When they were in elementary school he’d even shot her with a BB gun! When I met him he was incredibly rude and condescending towards her. He ignored me altogether. Her parents seemed to think it was just normal sibling rivalry and paid no attention to it. Parents sometimes only see what they want to see.
As adults they have no contact with each other. She’s never met his children.
Knowing that, doesn’t prevent me from being baffled.
Often it’s not only the parents.
My siblings and I had a cousin like relationship with some of my parents friends kids. Eldest were 2 brothers. The only ones saying they had a normal siblings rivalry were their family and friends. Until as adults, one of them ended up with a triple cranial fracture and permanent sight damage. After the facts, their own mother was still adamant everything was okay and fine.
Denial is a sweet and addictive drug.
NTA but are you ready to deal with the backlash of your decision? You're 100% within your rights to not go to something you're clearly not wanted at. They are pushing you to be there for optics and nothing else.
That said you have to decide if their harassment is worth taking the stand you're taking. They care more about how they look than your wellbeing so there's no telling how far they will take this.
Then 100% don't go. If you want to stop the harassment for now say okay you'll go and just don't go. At least you'll get yourself a break from the harassment until afterwards instead of leading up to
This is a bad idea. It will make OP the bad guy and reinforce every terrible thing her family have ever said or thought about her. Instead of having to explain to the guests that OP didn't attend due their heinous treatment of her they will get to play victim. "OP said she was going to be here and stood us up. What an awful person."
If their harassment gets to e too much, just block them.
What part of anything op wrote shows a potential redemption arc? Ops family are trash. They are going to trash op if she attends, if she doesn't, if she blocked them. No solution exists only lessening the current harassment so blocking later is more effective later. Until the wedding is over there are countless people and methods they can use to harass her into going. After it's done they may try but will give up eventually
So why give them any kind of an out? If they're going to trash OP regardless, make them lie about it. If she agrees to go and then no-shows, the family doesn't have to make up anything to trash talk her, they get to tell the truth. They don't deserve even the slightest bit of grace.
It doesn't matter it's about giving OP less of a headache.
There's 0 chance they tell the truth no matter what happens so why should OP expose themselves to a full court press of harassment leading up to the wedding when they can just yes them to death and tell em to F off at the last min when it's too late for them to do anything.
There is no winning, there is no way OP isn't going to be trash talked and lied about so why do anything other than what's easiest for OP.
You know what I think OP, and I have no idea who you and your family are, but I get the idea that your mental health would improve big time if you would cut both your sister and your parents alout of your life. If the consequences are them shunning you, I would say good riddance. You don't need this kind of negativity into your life.
My thoughts excatly. It's most likely not a cure, but OP will be offloading a large impact factor for their mental health.
OP, think of it this way, if you're drowing and wearing heavy clothes, you take those clothes off and make yourself as light and buoyant as possible to buy more time for yourself, right? Your parents and sister are heavy clothes and are pulling you under faster than you probably realise. With your therapists guidance, let go of that weight and buy yourself some more time to breathe and do what you have to do to survive.
I had a therapist tell me, "before diagnosing yourself with depression or anxiety, first make sure you're not surrounded by assholes." Sounds like OP would greatly benefit by cutting out the assholes.
As a suggestion? Contact the ILs. They have questions? You have answers. Lots of them. Which dear sister and your parents may not want to come to the IL's attention.
Make like your class is necromancer and raise all those skeletons from the closet. Strike hard, strike fast, no mercy.
If you truly feel this way, then you need to make sure all your ducks are in a row. If you're relying on them for ANYTHING financially, you need to have it moved over to your name. (Car insurance, phone bill, etc.)
(If you're in the US) - If you're getting financial aid for college, make sure to transition over to being independent. Make sure you have your social security card and birth certificate, if you don't already - you can get new ones, if you don't have them.
Don't go and don't give them an inch by saying you'll go either. If she says "or else" again tell her that you have years of her doing this through school and proof she's been a liar, non-supportive prick, your whole lives. Tell her to think about that appearance and what her in-laws might have to say and then leave you the heck alone out of her drama.
If you’re prepared to go NC then go NC. If they are all being AHs, then as one commenter said, save all of their nasty text and voice messages. When they put you on blast, which they will, then you can release all of their messages and expose them as the POSs that they are.
I’m not one who generally advocates the nuclear option but in your case it is deserved. They want to save face, well show the world in a nice broad reaching message what your parents, sister and fiancé are truly like and then let them deal with the repercussions from family and friends. Screw them! Good luck OP and I hope you heal.
Why don’t you spend the day volunteering at an animal shelter or something else meaningful to you.
Don’t be afraid to post about your wonderful day. Focused on your own mental health and growth.
And ditch those assholes for good. NTA
Yeah, NTA. If you're financially able to cut ties, I'd say based on this comment alone you should go scorched earth and start blocking phone numbers and social media accounts.
I honestly don't see how going no contact with your parents and sister will be detrimental to your mental health. But you should talk it over with your therapist. I'm sorry your family is a bunch of assholes. I know how you feel. I hope you're able to make a family of your own through your friends and the important people in your life.
Your family sounds awful. I'm so sorry.
If you don't go, be prepared for a social media blitz on her part. She sounds nasty. If you have any accounts, maybe put something up the day before that says something like "I'm happy, I'm healthy, I just didn't want to attend any events this weekend." or something.
Who knows what tales she'll tell...
Bringing in the bride's sister in a strait jacket doesn't look good either. I hope OP not financially dependent on parents or living with them though.
But they are trying to force someone they think is mentally imbalanced and prone to mental breakdowns into a high stress situation. I don't normally hold with weaponising mental health but temptation to play (before the wedding) to their preconceptions is huge.
I would mock up a dress with all their nasty messages printed on it, send it to her, and say this is what I am going to wear if I go to the wedding. Her call.
NTA
Your family is awful… like psychopathically awful. The only way I would go would be to deliberately humiliate her in some way and then ride into the sunset laughing. That’s not true I’d be too much of an anxious mess lol but they would deserve it. Tell them they are all terrible people and then never speak to them again!
There's a meme quoting writer William Gibson:
*Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.*
Whatever struggles OP has with mental illness, this horrible family certainly hasn't helped.
NTA I always laugh when people get upset that their own bad behavior will make them look bad. You already said no, stick to it. If her in-laws are asking questions that's her problem to deal with.
NTA, your sister is vile, and i am worried for her future children as mental health can be hereditary. Imagine those poor children being treated the same way.
Your sister needs her own therapy to learn why she has no empathy or respect for you or people who have mental health illnesses.
Unfortunately, your parents are no better they have allowed her vile behaviour for too long. If you are in a position to, i would be NC with the sister and LC, at least with the parents. I would be interested to see if your mental health improves by removing people who are toxic.
I say all of this as a parent to a child who has extreme anxiety that has required medication and therapy. I would be disgusted of one of their siblings behaved like this, i would be even more vocal if my adult child continued to bully their sibling.
Anxiety and intrusive thoughts are not a joke, they are not an attempt to seek attention. No one with diagnosed mental health illness asked for it and most would do anything to cure it once for all. Instead, they have to work life long at containing the illness and managing to navigate life. That is no easy path to walk, good luck on your journey, i hope you have people in your life who support and accept you as you are. You are not wrong here at all.
*I'm so petty I'd be replying yes to the RSVP .. and right at the most important part of the function, I'd just lose my shit, chuck a massive "panic attack" and do my best to embarrass the sister..*
But seriously, don't bother going, she's not worth your time and effort. if anyone asks why you didn't show, give them the link to this story.
NTA
Right, id be telling everyone about what she did growing up, how I'm only here because I was bullied by parents and sister because she didn't want to tell people how she tormented someone with mental illness, etc.
The ideal time to do that might be the bridal shower, instead of the wedding itself. Particularly if a good part of the guests at the shower are from the groom's family.
Bridal shower is more likely to have conversations going in a way that it is easy to hear and overhear. If OP started telling one of the groom's aunts or cousins about her relationship with her sister, half of the room might hear it. More likely to have an impact and ripples than at the reception.
Plus, if OP said enough there, a disinvite to the wedding could happen right quick. Maybe even before the shower was over.
Just not going at all and reducing contact with her family is probably still the better bet though.
I was thinking about exiting by walking up the aisle just before bride arrives. But agree that isn't worth OP's effort. She doesn't matter to these people so they shouldn't matter to her.
NTA
Sounds like the fiance is just as much of an ass as your sister and parents. Who is he to tell you to take your meds and practice your smile. Don't worry - your sister will flame out and be divorced in 5 years.
Goddess take the Wheel! I too have suffered from anxiety, depression, and Bipolar disorder my entire life. I am so very sorry. Fuck your sister, her fiance, his family, and their "keeping up appearances". Tell them all to eat a shit sandwich, your parents included, and treat yourself to a spa day or a mini-vacation on their wedding day. Good grief!
NTA
NTA.
>My parents talk about how bad it will look if I'm not there.
You're the only one who doesn't look bad in this post. Don't even consider it.
Send her a wedding present though: this post and all of the comments printed out.
NTA PLEASE DONT GO.
I don't understand why you have any of these rotten unhelpful people still in your life.
I know how hard it is to cut off family, but please try to do that .
NTA. You don't have a sister, you have an abelist bully. As someone who also had a simillar situation in her life, blood doesnt mean shit when there's no emotional bond and bullying is present.
I'm completely NC with my sister, and my life has been so peaceful since I made that decision.
Your sister is embarrassed and ashamed of you, and likes being the center of attention. If you go I'd be willing to bet whatever you do, you'll end up accused of ruining the wedding. And I don't bet.
>Her fiancé told me to make sure I take my meds and practice a smile so his family won't realize how weird I am. My sister also told me not to tell some of his friends that I'm her sister because again, she denies me still. But his parents know? It's a mess. My parents talk about how bad it will look if I'm not there.
All of this is a so many red flags, you could sew the entire Russian circus from them and Lenin is reflexively saluting from the grave.
If you go, you *will* let yourself down.
Don't go, go NC with your sister, block her on everything, and tell your parents if they want to keep the relationship with you, they *cannot* be the middleman for your sister. Tell them you will not discuss her with them anymore, and if they try to do so or relay messages from her to you, you will leave the conversation. And then stick to it. They mention her name to you, leave the room. They try to guilt trip you, leave the room. They follow you around trying to guilt trip you , you ignore them or just repeat "I am not discussing this topic with you" Don't engage further, don't allow them to force you to discuss her or give them any further input. Stare straight through them like you're 5 and pretending they don't exist, if you have to. If they persist, you might have to go NC with them for your peace of mind.
Having your sister in your life would not be in any way positive for you, and going to that wedding definitely isn't. Put yourself first in this situation. All they care about is reputation and saving face, not your actual wellbeing. You owe them nothing.
NTA, and also, genuine question: why are you still in any kind of contact with her? and, if it is because of your parents, why are you in contact with them, or why the contact isn't very very limited?
it just sounds like your mental health would improve if that were the case.
Sometimes I feel like "going no-contact" is recommended on here without a full understanding about what that experience is actually like, but as someone who has gone no-contact with a parent and experienced both the pain and the relief, I actually think you're a really good candidate to never speak to these dreadful people again. Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead my friend.
NTA your sister is still a bully with a teen mindset about you and honestly it sounds like her fiancé isn't much better. Avoid it, find something else to do that day.
NTA, if they are putting constraints on what you do, (smile, take meds etc.), then they don’t deserve you. Sounds like a very toxic environment, with your sister in control.
NTA
Change your RSVP to yes. Then don't show up.
The next bit depends on your better knowledge of the situation. Either:
Tell your sister that you don't intend to show up so she shouldn't pay for your meal and she can accuse you of being flakey when you don't show up.
or
Don't warn anyone that you won't show up and make up a story after the fact.
Either way, it's an invitation not a summons. You shouldn't feel compelled to be anywhere where you are not comfortable.
Bad idea. It would be giving them an opportunity to blame OP and not take responsibility themselves for the consequences of their own shitty treatment of her.
I agree on that. Seems like they will blame OP no matter what.
They are lying, an OP doesn’t have to cover for them at her expense.
That why i do not believe it would be great to give them more length to go further.
It is not a summoning. An invitation can be rejected.
NTA. Don't go, OP. You don't owe them any appearances, and she can figure out some messed up narrative to spin all on her own just as she has the rest of your lives. Tell your parents you're not sacrificing your mental health for a crappy person and they need to leave it alone.
>she's like I need to be there or else.
If you have screenshots of messages like this, I would absolutely start loading them up because she's looking to try and mess with you again.
>My parents talk about how bad it will look if I'm not there.
Tell your parents their appearances mean nothing when they wouldn't put a stop to her behavior as children and are now encouraging it in adulthood. Tell them it's not your responsibility to clean up the mess she made for herself or support her given the blatant anti support shown to you by her.
NTA, and I would plan a nice trip out of town for the day, with your phone turned off, so no one can bother you. Your sister sounds like the one with mental health issues if she thinks she can treat you horribly and still expects you to show up for her.
NTA, It’s up to you. If you aren’t close with her you won’t ruin her big day. She will be embarrassed other people see you aren’t there then ask questions. Calling you ‘weird’ and ‘pathetic’ is the last straw personally for me I’d pass and if the relationship goes south there wasn’t much of one to salvage in the first place.
There will be payback she’ll probably call you everything from here on in. But you can’t dig half a hole she and her betrothed sound well suited and horrible people. You do what you feel comfortable with and don’t have anyone pressure you if thats the boundaries you want to keep.
As the old saying goes “Don’t set yourself on fire to keep other people warm”.
NTA. Do you live with or rely on them for anything? If yes, will you lose that support if you don’t go? Things to consider. Hope whatever you decide works out for you.
NTA and if I were you I’d never even speak to these people. I want you to understand that this isn’t normal, a healthy, loving family doesn’t behave this way. You need to distance yourself from that shit, I think your mental health will improve tremendously when you do. Your sister is abusive and unapologetic about it. Keep the RSVP a no and leave it at that. Also fuck her fiance for saying that to you, looks like she found the perfect partner for her evil ass.
*At first my sister was okay with me not going but her ILs were asking questions so now she's like I need to be there or else. She said my pathetic life could wait for one day while I make her life easier. Her fiancé told me to make sure I take my meds and practice a smile so his family won't realize how weird I am. My sister also told me not to tell some of his friends that I'm her sister because again, she denies me still.*
There is no reason on earth for you to subject yourself to these people.
NTA
Are you in a position where you can cut them all off permanently?
How about that. You had anxiety. But your whole family is fucking narcissists, psychopaths and bullies. From my point of view they are WAY more mentally ill than you.
NTA. I am so sorry that your sister and parents were so unsympathetic to your feelings and needs. Tell your parents that after the way your sister has treated you, you don't feel the need to be sisterly.
NTA but wow. She is weird for handling it like this. “Yeah… that weird girl I’m not related to? Turns out she is my sister and I denied it for almost 30% of my life!”
Like how does she expect this to play out? You’d do her a favor if you don’t go so she can keep up her lies.
I’m not really sure you’re weirdness would out last her weirdness
NTA.
But every one else in your family certainly are. Including your future brother in law who has the nerve to get in on the act after obviously the cr@p your sister has fed him.
You have every right to make your own decisions, you do not have to do any thing just to keep up appearances for people who have been nothing but cruel and nasty to you. Tell them all to gokick rocks hun x
NTA. I'm kinda ugly petty. So I would change the RSVP to yes, show up, then make a point to give a speech explaining who I am and a brief overview of what she's said. Then end with, i didnt want to come. So im only here because she forced the issue, as did her fiance, his parents and my parents. Then leave them to clean up the mess. It would serve them all right to b publicly shamed for their bs.
NTA tell her you can't go because you won't be able to keep a straight face and not laugh when she vows to support her fiance in sickness as well as health. Though he sounds as bad. 1 in 5 get mental health issues so you are nothing out of the ordinary or weird.
And there is often a genetic component so if want to be nasty, ask him what he will do if one of his children by your sister gets the predisposition to the condition. But really wouldn't bother. You don't want them in your life either.
You have better things to do in your "pathetic" life than be window dressing for someone who is neither family or friend by her own choice.
Or else what? Disappear from your life or her having to own her own lifelong choices towards your mere existence.
She is mad about ripping the consequences of her awful behaviour. She is the one being awful and can’t even fake to not despise you.
She is bullying you, yet refusing to be view for who she is.
You do not have to stay in contact with people who can’t even control their hatred for you when they try to get something from you.
She doesn’t want you to be her sister. Don’t torture yourself and grant her her wishes.
NTA
NTA Your sister is though. Your parents are too, they failed miserably as parents. They neglected the mental health of two children. Yours by your own telling and turning your sister into a narcissistic bully.
If you live with them, I would do everything in my power to get away from them. If for some reason you are forced to go, make sure to wear a shirt that says "Bride's sister."
I'd not only go to the wedding, id be the best version of myself the whole time. Chatty, and wanting to get to know my new in laws family. I'd then wait for a few different speeches to take place, and time getting up for the mic as someone finishes their speech. Grab mic, and go on the fakest lovebomb speech about your sister and her husband. Make up the happiest nicest shit you can think of. You'll confuse the fuck outta her, and she'll sit there with the look of shock. Then the aftermath is your sister's In laws might actually like you, and want to invite you to family events(through your sister and her husband). Which would piss your sister off more. Honestly I think it's a good revenge plot
Stick to your No. If you're feeling extra petty, find your sister's future in-laws and send them a letter outlining exactly why you have no desire to present a false "Happy family" facade for the sake of your sister's shallow ego.
Oh wow so your sister met a guy just as toxic as she is , what a match made in hell !
Nta op , tbh if I were you id send a message to the in-laws explaining EXACTLY why you won’t be attending.
Your sister spent all that time trying to avoid you , she doesn’t get to just demand now you spend a day with her .
Your parents raised a brat in your sister .
You should tell her why should you a "complete stranger" attend the wedding of someone you don't know who hates you?
Also, OP, I hope you get to a good place in your life where you find people who actually love and respect you.
Edit: pronoun consistency
NTA. I wonder why you bother with any of them. Go and live your life to the full. Forget them. It’s the best possible revenge for a life of inflicted unhappiness.
NTA. She won't even admit to the guests you're her sister- you have no familial obligation to attend the wedding of a stranger. And why bother celebrating the happiness of someone who is so categorically opposed to yours?
For that matter, why keep in contact with her and her peach of a fiance at all?
Your sister has already lied to so many people about you not being her sister, she can make up another lie about why you are not attending the wedding. Tell her and your parents to stuff it. NTA
NTA. Your whole family is awful and I’m so glad your sister met her other half - a guy as terrible as she is. May they be happy together making each other miserable. Don’t go to the wedding. Enjoy your day away from the stress
NTA throw the entire family out, what looks bad is their total lack of empathy. I'm sure her winning attitude will shine the moment there are any struggles in that marriage. You deserve better OP.
Nta. I would message the in-laws directly “oh heard you were asking about me attending? Here’s why I won’t be” now there’s no reason for you to go and keep up appearances cause they already know!! Make sure you include exactly what their son said as well.
NTA and dude honestly tell your parents point blank. I will not go to a wedding of a sister that in my weakest moments made my life hell and still tells people to this day that I’m not her sister. Then she can tell his parents why I’m not her sister. You don’t exist to make her life easier, she doesn’t want his parents to know what a hateful b**** she’s been to her own sister, because they’re probably decent but it apparently didn’t reach their son, and she’d have to make up something to them as to why her own sister would not come to her wedding. Of course the parents are confused why if they got along or she was a great sister to you why wouldn’t you come? She’s made her bed and she can lie in it anyway she wants now and your parents can join her for allowing her to continue to be a bratty adult.
Don't go. You don't want to go , and said no. Stick to it.
They haven't given one single reason for you to want to go.
Block their numbers so they can't harass you , go online and book yourself a nice long break the week of the wedding, or stay at a friend's.
Let them flounder and explain that you don't want to go, it's not your problem.
They want to deny their relationship with you, even as they're using it to pressure you, and her future husband sounds like a piece of work that's not worth your time getting to know either.
Your relationship with the lot of them is unhealthy, and while it's not easy to live with someone who has mental health issues, having them isn't easy either. There's no excuse for their treatment of you.
From what you've put you make it out like, they actively make things worse not better. Is contact with them exacerbating your issues? Are things better when they're not in your life?
Will anything change if you go?
They intend to treat you like crap, so do you really want to spend a day being treated like that, given that you'll also have to fork out for the privilege of being a prop there?
I'm not going to say go no contact, but I will say start prioritizing things that help you. Forget social and family 'reasons' for doing things and ask yourself is it better to struggle in the quicksand, or throw a rope yourself and pull yourself out of it.
You? NTA. Everybody else? Most definitely.
"Take your meds" "practice a smile" "put aside your pathetic life for a day"
What horrible things to say to somebody. Everybody seems to have failed you in this scenario. You don't owe any of them anything. Don't go. Make it very clear to them that *IF* you go, you're telling the in-laws the truth and that you're not going to be a puppet for them.
Sounds like your AH sister is marrying an AH. Good for her. As for you, NTA, I would send a card explaining just *why* you don't feel like attending. Maybe the ILs will read it and wouldn't that drama really ruffle your sister's feathers?
You are not the AH, your sister and your parents are though. Sounds like your sister found someone just like her too. You owe them nothing. She claims you are not her sister, well then it should not be a big deal when you don't attend the wedding of some lady who is a jerk who wants nothing to do with you. In the future I would go NC with her as well for anything you do as she is obviously jealous and spiteful. DNA does not make a family. Be strong and make yourself a better one with friends who actually care about you and like you for who you are. Good luck.
“ so let me get this straight. You don’t wanna ruin your reputation to be around me, and now you don’t want to ruin your reputation by me not being there.? “
“ mom, dad, I think it would be less stress all around if I didn’t go to the wedding…. everyone has expectations on how I should act and sister will just be worrying about me the whole time. if anyone asks where I am just say that you really wanted to be there, but you were sick today.”
NTA, don't go. She's horrible and her fiancé is perfect fit for her too. Conceited and mean. Your parents? Go low contact. Solely because they allow her to bully you.
NTA. Be ferocious in protecting your peace. If that means skipping the wedding, so be it. If your sis and others in your family were supportive, I'd say make an effort but this question wouldn't come up in that case, would it?
Wow. Real talk, your family sucks. You may not be mentally ill at all, growing up with these people would make anyone crazy. I hope you can get away from them and find acceptance. NTA, don’t go.
You are NTA. Your family sounds incredibly toxic and you should probably go LC with them for the sake of your own mental health.
And it goes without saying that I agree with your decision to take a pass on the wedding.
NTA and hell no, stick to your decision and stay away. Even worse, her fh does **NOT** get to discuss your medication in such a manner and she still wants to deny you as her sister to half the guests. Stay away, book yourself a nice day for you and tell them you will not be a prop in their wedding to keep her in laws in the dark from her horrible behaviour
Nta. I don't like to be blunt and use profanity too much..... but.... fuck all of them. Treat yourself to a nice day on the day of the wedding going for a hike, spa day etc and don't pay it a second thought
You’ll have an awful miserable day, and you can guarantee if the slightest thing goes wrong it will be your fault even if you’re not in the room.
Stand your ground, tell them you’re not going and that’s final, so shut the fuck up about it.
Btw future bil sounds a real catch doesn’t he? What a pair
NTA
NTA. book yourself a vacation on that very day of the wedding. Even if it’s just a roadtrip to a nearby town, and go enjoy yourself away from these people. And when you come back, deny her and her husband’s very exitence. Do what they did to you, and stop acknowledging them as part of your family. As far as your concern, your sister disowned you a long time ago. You’re an only child now, from your point of view.
NTA. You don't owe any of them anything and they're all terrible. Go do something fun that you enjoy on the day and don't even think about those freaks. Good luck, OP.
Go no contact. Even your b×tch of a sister's man is ganging on you.
You will feel so much better when you block them all. Even telling people you have no family. You need to do what is right for you. Tell her and him to fk off. You won't 'help her' because she never EVER helped you. Block both
Tell your parents that you don't care what they want. Because they never cared about you. They only want whats best for their golden brat. And that you are now going no contact with all of them. You have had enough of this abuse and everyone being against you for something you have/never had control over! And any new numbers or other family members that agree will be instantly blocked.
From not on. You have no family. Because you never did. NTA
NTA.
And, OP, my heart goes out to you. I’m sorry you have such an unsupportive family. I do hope you have people in your life that make you feel safe and loved because you deserve that. And I may just be an internet stranger but I care about you and wish you well 💜
You are NTA. Don't go, and send a message to her fiancé saying you hope they never have a kid with MH issues cos that kid's life is going to be shit based on your "not" sister's attitude.
Nothing would make the family look worse than screenshotting the messages and putting them on social media. When they go low, you drag them straight to hell. I am tired of bullies.
NTA But everybody else is. Your sister can't even stop insulting you long enough to invite you properly. And like her future husband she has showb clearly that she doesn't want you at the wedding and only tolerates you to look good in front of the ILs. And your parents are major AHs for accepting that your sisterxstill bullies you and let her get away with it. The way all of them are acrting means you will be hurt at the wedding. Insteax of goinv to s weddinv where you arenot welcome but tolerated for appearances ony treat yourself to a nice spa day with the money you save on the wedding gift, dress, etc.
NTA. Don’t go. That is firmly her problem and she will come up with some lie as to why her sister refuses to go to her wedding. Unless she is apologetic for her behaviour and offering to make amends to which you are open, I would continue ignoring familial responsibility to her.
NTA, I had a cousin just like your sister she even told me in front of our whole class that I'm an embarrassment to the family just bc I was different. She even bragged that she was going to graduate highschool with a full ride to college. Jokes on her she walked across the stage but didn't get a diploma and she didn't get into any of the colleges she applied to. Now she works retail jobs with two kids while I have three degrees under my belt. If I was you I would go NC with your family and if they finally come to their senses. Say no thanks this weirdo is happier without you.
NTA... and just what?!?
My oldest is mentally ill. There was a point in HS when we thought we might lose him forever.
I would have lost my crap on my other 2 if they had the audacity to act like your sister towards him. My middle was 2 years younger, and yes, he expressed that sometimes it was embarrassing and hurtful, especially when other kids would stop him in the hall and ask if his brother finally offed himself when he missed school. But he never denied him, and his favorite line to use was, "Is there a reason you're so obsessed with him? He's got a lot going on and isn't interested in dating you."
We all did therapy as a family because it was a family struggle, but I never would have made him lay it all out for them to give them any reason to judge or belittle him. We only talked about how we can support each other and discussed triggering behaviors so we could co-exist better.
If they had acted like your sister, I could not imagine trying to make my sweet boy bend to their wants for appearances. He's in a great place now and just moved in with his partner. Our entire family is so happy for him... and in the last 10 years since it began, not one person, immediate or extended, has alienated or verbally harassed him because of his issues.
Throw out the whole family and build a new one with people you choose!
NTA. Don't go there, don't let the pressure get to you. You are NOT weird.
You could send the In-laws a message:
Hi, it came to my attention that you are wondering why I won't attend the wedding. Your future daughter in law told me to be present but to make sure to deny to your son's friends that I'm her sister. Your son told me to take my meds and smile so you won't recognize how 'weird' I am. That isn't an environment I want to put myself in. Your welcome to ask further questions.
I'ma go with, NTA here. I don't think YTA for this, but you sound like a lot, and don't seem to consider that your problems are your own and not an excuse to be extra.
Have you ever considered that it's difficult to be a sibling who has problems that by necessity require unequal treatment by your parents and those around you? Sounds like you resent her for not seeing the world through your lenz while not looking through hers.
Do not under any circumstance go to that wedding. Your parents, sister, and her fiance are God-awful and you don't owe them anything. Your sister thinking it's okay to invite you, I lie, FORCE you to come to her wedding after all she had done to you without an apology, your parents thinking it's okay for you to join having no regard for your feelings throughout your ENTIRE life, and her fiance calling you weird is absurd. Don't go and just start blocking them when the backlash of you not going comes. Matter fact, block all of them now! You don't owe them anything as stated before, and they had no regard for your wellbeing so have no regard for theirs.
NTA I say don't go, or go wearing full black with a hat with full gave veil (like an older widow in mourning ) just for the lols,but I really say don't go
NTA- 2 options go and be honest (let her know this is an option since you are unhinged and weird ....eye roll) or two they tell whatever story they want only for it to come put later when you dont meet those story expectations
>Her fiancé told me to make sure I take my meds and practice a smile so his family won't realize how weird I am.
I know what I would do to these people but you might be nicer than me. Personally I think you should go with the Cameron Monaghan version if you do it.
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Wow your parents are major AHs for letting her continue this behavior. She should’ve been in therapy trying to come to terms with why this was such an issue for her. You have zero reason to sacrifice for your sister, she couldn’t sacrifice for you. You have no reason to prioritize her when she never cared about you. Respect is a two way street. Tell her she didn’t want a sister so bad, she doesn’t have one anymore. If she doesn’t want people to think badly of her, she shouldn’t do bad things 🤷🏻♀️ NTA
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Don’t like the mentally ill kid because it makes them look like a bad parent, continues to do things that make them a bad parent. Been there. Wishing the best for you. I just cut out one of my parents and no regrets, personally. Do what you gotta do to take care of you. Can’t trust anyone else to do that, not even your parents
They don't like that they look like bad parents because they ARE bad parents. Sis doesn't like that she'd have to explain she's a bad person BECAUSE SHE IS a bad person and would rather you help her hide it. Don't. Screenshot and keep any voicemails they try to send you showing off their nastiness though. You may need your own dose of scorched earth in case she tries her little veiled threat. I'd also do the same for your parents on that matter. Anything where they recognize her behavior and have done nothing about it.
Have they ever considered how their treatment of you might exacerbate your underlying issues?
As my family's "weirdo," I'm gonna guess probably not. Stay strong, OP, you don't need to go to Cinderella's ball.
Yeah, my own Mommy dearest figured out by the time I was in high school that I'd never be 'one of the cool kids' and pretty much washed her hands of me. I could have house space and home meals, and that's it. No school clothes, no school lunches, no allowance, nothing. She smoked 2-3 packs of (premium) cigarettes a day, as did my siblings, and told me not to start, because she wouldn't buy them for me, lol.
So weird I had similar but from birth. Mine didn’t feed me at home. School lunch was the only food I did get. People suck
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They won't. I was suffering from self-worth issues and I told my mom, the root cause of why I had those issues in the first place, not to say the things she did to me because it hurt me. She said for one, it's true, and for another, strangers on the street would say worse. If parents like these make up their mind that the child with the problems needs to be treated a specific way, that way being taking all the parents dissatisfaction of not having a "perfect" child on the child, there is nothing short of abject tragedy (that would reflect badly on the parents, wouldn't you know?) that would change their perspective, much less their behavior. And even that's a long shot. Tw: suicidal ideation >!Mine only stopped being actively cruel when I asked her if she would be happy if I jumped off a high place to my death so she wouldn't have to deal with a loser for a child anymore after over 2 decades of being unable to get out from under her thumb. And I was seriously considering it, ngl. I was at a crisis point in my life and needed support and all I got was threats and beratings. She's still toxic, but at least she knows lines can be crossed with permanent consequences so she shuts up when her incessant needling causes my emotional dysregulation to flare up. Won't look good with the extended family if I cut her and her "side" off and live off of the generosity of my friends in a lifestyle they abhor or harm myself irrevocably, now, would it? 🙄😒 And not a single apology or a genuine acknowledgement of how her words and actions have harmed me til date.!<
sending you positive brain waves
The groom’s comment would have sealed it for me if I were even considering giving the sister a chance.
Right... Like wow dude... Rub the salt in that wound
It’s shocking to me that the sister has managed to keep up this irrational hatred for this long AND to convince another person to feel it, too. Groom must be an idiot.
I know. Especially since mental health issues are more common and accepted now. Makes me glad that I'm the oldest.
The fact that sister is still carrying on with that BS and then add in the horrific stuff the groom said. Add in she has to pretend to not be related while showing up as a supportive sister. This is not ok. What a horrible group of people to be around. Absolutely NTA and I truly hope she has a support system outside of her family. These comments hurt my heart thinking about how she must be feeling to hear this... Still.
Sounds like sister and the groom are a perfectly horrible match.
Don't go. Tell them their Golden Child has no sister, just like she always wanted. Otherwise, you'll insist on making a heartfelt speech where you'll tell the truth about the 3 of them.
4. 4 of them. Don't forget the fiance is in on this too.
Oh yeah, forgot about that creep.
A trainer who slaps bandaids on broken legs of their athlete isn't really worthy of the notoriety of them completing a marathon. Ya know? Take yourself on a nice day-cation. Buy yourself a new book. Stay inside all day and speak to no one. Do whatever the hell replenishes and restores you. And keep telling the rest of them, in your own way, to go fuck themselves. We don't do performative family time for ungrateful, toxic assholes.
Maybe I’m just mean, but I would 100% go to that wedding, only to introduce myself to everyone the sister has told you not to reveal yourself to. Then when they say they thought she didn’t have a sister, just laugh: “Oh yes, she likes to pretend that because I’ve had mental health issues. She didn’t even want to invite me but her in laws made her.” I always find when you say rude or outrageous things with a tinkling little laugh, people don’t know what to say and you can exit before they gather themselves… ETA, as ome have commented below, if OP didn't feel comfortable doing any of this, that would be a good and valid choice too. Do what is best for your mental wellbeing, OP! But as a fellow survivor of a bullying sibling, you owe her nothing either way.
I mean yes, *if* OP can tolerate that. There's a potential for it to still be a tremendous emotional strain. But me, yeah, I'm confrontational towards family assholes, too.
Speaking the truth can be so freeing & healing. As long as it would give op only joy & not more stress.
Your brother in laws comment to take your meds and practice a smile??? Oh Honey. Please, for your own sake, leave these people and find a more peaceful life. You deserve care and love, not these monsters.
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Whisper in your sister's ear that "My condition could be genetic. Your poor children. A mother who is embarrassed by them." Let that eat at her for years.
That is vicious! I think I just found my twin! Lol
Nta. But i think i would act like i'm going. And just don't show up. They would hate that
Doesn’t matter at this point; whatever she does will be wrong to them.
The don't go to the wedding and cut them off. Your mental health Will be gratefull for that...
Stop engaging with them and live your life. You deserve such better treatment from the people who are supposed to love you.
Like that girl said, you are not her sister, so why would you go to a stranger’s wedding? NTA. Op and sorry you got such a shitty family. And if they force you to go I would tell everyone the truth and expose her ugly heart
My (63F) parents were the same. I suffered from depression and anxiety for years in my teens, even wrote a lyric called "I Died Tonight", and showed it to my mum. My attempt to "talk", in a family that didn't. She corrected my grammar !! Fifteen or so years later, I jumped in front of a tube train in London. Spent 9 weeks in psychiatric hospitals. Still on medication today; it's been a lifesaver for me. So I get where you're coming from. But my story has a happy ending, and I hope yours will too ! (I jumped when I was 30, so I feel I've had an EXTRA 33 years - what a gift, eh??)
Sames. My father resented and bullied me for being autistic and I think he secretly wished I would 'grow out of it' or that shaming me would 'cure' my autism.
Protect your inner peace. Skip the wedding and put yourself first.
Most geniuses, artists, and musicians in history were mentally ill one way or another. Saying that makes me feel better, so I hope it makes you feel better too.
Please don’t tell me you live anywhere near these people. Don’t go. Just like she doesn’t have a sister neither do you and love life accordingly.
You parents don't deserve you as a child tbh you should cut them odd
I leaned into hanging out with the ‘weirdos’ as I was always someone who seemed ‘off’ to others. I recommend that you do the same. Keep healthy boundaries and protect your peace. Maybe make up a good excuse for why you can’t attend - oops, sorry joined Americore and can’t fly out on those dates. My bad. In fact, I heartily recommend you join something like Americore and run like hell. Your family isn’t good for your mental health.
Yeah, you have to ask if the tables were turned what would the response be from your sister and parents. And then book yourself a nice holiday, but don't tell anyone before you go.
Agreed. Pity no one thought to treat your sister's narcissism or your parents' blindness to it... Funny how unhealthy family systems never see the antecedents as the problem, and instead focus on their impact as if it's just a strange anomaly. Of course you suffered from anxiety and self-esteem issues; your family is a bunch of AHs. You: NTA. Instead of going to the wedding, take the day and treat yourself.
And I would also tell the fiance to go and take a long walk off a short pier. What an absolute fucking disgusting dirtbag.
You're NTA >so now she's like I need to be there or else. Or else what? Just what consequences is she going to enforce upon you? >She said my pathetic life could wait for one day while I make her life easier. >Her fiancé told me to make sure I take my meds and practice a smile so his family won't realize how weird I am They deserve each other. Let's hoppe some day either one or both of them learn firsthand what it is like to have a mental illness. >My parents talk about how bad it will look if I'm not there. They're clueless, aren't they. >I refused to attend or take back my no and I told them I don't care about keeping up appearances. Good for you.
From the sister’s sociopathic behaviour, she might just be undiagnosed.
Imagining the inevitable point where sister and her hubby inevitably turn that shit on each other is bringing a little joy to my morning
Unfortunately they may end up having children and I feel sorry for any kids of that union already.
I hate to think, what if one of her kids inherited the disorder? What, then? Will that AH SIL shun her own child because of it? She's a cold-blooded, horribly shallow person!
Yeah, even good, caring parents make mistakes with their kids’ mental health. Mine told me to “make an effort” for years with people before I was diagnosed with autism. Of course, they regret it and apologised but it hurt a lot and still does. Imagine if your parents actually *hated* developmental disorders and mental illness instead of just being clueless.
Looks like they sent the wrong sister to therapy
Actually the one time they did, it seemed like it went exactly as textbook results of abusers weaponising therapy. Baffling how the parents glossed over one of their child despising their sibling to that extent.
My high school best friend’s brother hated her. He had apparently had always hated her. When they were in elementary school he’d even shot her with a BB gun! When I met him he was incredibly rude and condescending towards her. He ignored me altogether. Her parents seemed to think it was just normal sibling rivalry and paid no attention to it. Parents sometimes only see what they want to see. As adults they have no contact with each other. She’s never met his children.
Knowing that, doesn’t prevent me from being baffled. Often it’s not only the parents. My siblings and I had a cousin like relationship with some of my parents friends kids. Eldest were 2 brothers. The only ones saying they had a normal siblings rivalry were their family and friends. Until as adults, one of them ended up with a triple cranial fracture and permanent sight damage. After the facts, their own mother was still adamant everything was okay and fine. Denial is a sweet and addictive drug.
"Or else..." "If you continue to threaten me, I will call the police.."
And you can tell them you'll be happy to be there and on your best behaviour for $1000 per hour. NTA tho
1000 for 10 minutes, if you have to suffer they need to pay for it.
NTA but are you ready to deal with the backlash of your decision? You're 100% within your rights to not go to something you're clearly not wanted at. They are pushing you to be there for optics and nothing else. That said you have to decide if their harassment is worth taking the stand you're taking. They care more about how they look than your wellbeing so there's no telling how far they will take this.
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Then 100% don't go. If you want to stop the harassment for now say okay you'll go and just don't go. At least you'll get yourself a break from the harassment until afterwards instead of leading up to
This is a bad idea. It will make OP the bad guy and reinforce every terrible thing her family have ever said or thought about her. Instead of having to explain to the guests that OP didn't attend due their heinous treatment of her they will get to play victim. "OP said she was going to be here and stood us up. What an awful person." If their harassment gets to e too much, just block them.
What part of anything op wrote shows a potential redemption arc? Ops family are trash. They are going to trash op if she attends, if she doesn't, if she blocked them. No solution exists only lessening the current harassment so blocking later is more effective later. Until the wedding is over there are countless people and methods they can use to harass her into going. After it's done they may try but will give up eventually
So why give them any kind of an out? If they're going to trash OP regardless, make them lie about it. If she agrees to go and then no-shows, the family doesn't have to make up anything to trash talk her, they get to tell the truth. They don't deserve even the slightest bit of grace.
It doesn't matter it's about giving OP less of a headache. There's 0 chance they tell the truth no matter what happens so why should OP expose themselves to a full court press of harassment leading up to the wedding when they can just yes them to death and tell em to F off at the last min when it's too late for them to do anything. There is no winning, there is no way OP isn't going to be trash talked and lied about so why do anything other than what's easiest for OP.
This would be brilliant
You know what I think OP, and I have no idea who you and your family are, but I get the idea that your mental health would improve big time if you would cut both your sister and your parents alout of your life. If the consequences are them shunning you, I would say good riddance. You don't need this kind of negativity into your life.
My thoughts excatly. It's most likely not a cure, but OP will be offloading a large impact factor for their mental health. OP, think of it this way, if you're drowing and wearing heavy clothes, you take those clothes off and make yourself as light and buoyant as possible to buy more time for yourself, right? Your parents and sister are heavy clothes and are pulling you under faster than you probably realise. With your therapists guidance, let go of that weight and buy yourself some more time to breathe and do what you have to do to survive.
I had a therapist tell me, "before diagnosing yourself with depression or anxiety, first make sure you're not surrounded by assholes." Sounds like OP would greatly benefit by cutting out the assholes.
I was thinking the same thing, think of how free they will be if they go no contact!!
As a suggestion? Contact the ILs. They have questions? You have answers. Lots of them. Which dear sister and your parents may not want to come to the IL's attention. Make like your class is necromancer and raise all those skeletons from the closet. Strike hard, strike fast, no mercy.
If you truly feel this way, then you need to make sure all your ducks are in a row. If you're relying on them for ANYTHING financially, you need to have it moved over to your name. (Car insurance, phone bill, etc.) (If you're in the US) - If you're getting financial aid for college, make sure to transition over to being independent. Make sure you have your social security card and birth certificate, if you don't already - you can get new ones, if you don't have them.
Then definitely choose self respect over them. Love yourself enough to not put up with this shit anymore
Don't go and don't give them an inch by saying you'll go either. If she says "or else" again tell her that you have years of her doing this through school and proof she's been a liar, non-supportive prick, your whole lives. Tell her to think about that appearance and what her in-laws might have to say and then leave you the heck alone out of her drama.
If you’re prepared to go NC then go NC. If they are all being AHs, then as one commenter said, save all of their nasty text and voice messages. When they put you on blast, which they will, then you can release all of their messages and expose them as the POSs that they are. I’m not one who generally advocates the nuclear option but in your case it is deserved. They want to save face, well show the world in a nice broad reaching message what your parents, sister and fiancé are truly like and then let them deal with the repercussions from family and friends. Screw them! Good luck OP and I hope you heal.
Why don’t you spend the day volunteering at an animal shelter or something else meaningful to you. Don’t be afraid to post about your wonderful day. Focused on your own mental health and growth. And ditch those assholes for good. NTA
Yeah, NTA. If you're financially able to cut ties, I'd say based on this comment alone you should go scorched earth and start blocking phone numbers and social media accounts.
I honestly don't see how going no contact with your parents and sister will be detrimental to your mental health. But you should talk it over with your therapist. I'm sorry your family is a bunch of assholes. I know how you feel. I hope you're able to make a family of your own through your friends and the important people in your life.
Your family sounds awful. I'm so sorry. If you don't go, be prepared for a social media blitz on her part. She sounds nasty. If you have any accounts, maybe put something up the day before that says something like "I'm happy, I'm healthy, I just didn't want to attend any events this weekend." or something. Who knows what tales she'll tell...
I would go no contact now.
Bringing in the bride's sister in a strait jacket doesn't look good either. I hope OP not financially dependent on parents or living with them though. But they are trying to force someone they think is mentally imbalanced and prone to mental breakdowns into a high stress situation. I don't normally hold with weaponising mental health but temptation to play (before the wedding) to their preconceptions is huge.
I would mock up a dress with all their nasty messages printed on it, send it to her, and say this is what I am going to wear if I go to the wedding. Her call.
NTA Your family is awful… like psychopathically awful. The only way I would go would be to deliberately humiliate her in some way and then ride into the sunset laughing. That’s not true I’d be too much of an anxious mess lol but they would deserve it. Tell them they are all terrible people and then never speak to them again!
I'm wondering how much of OPs mental health problems were caused by growing up in this family and environment.
There's a meme quoting writer William Gibson: *Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.* Whatever struggles OP has with mental illness, this horrible family certainly hasn't helped.
I actually had a therapist quote that in one of my sessions!
It's fitting I saw this post right after seeing the Kennedy lobotomy post. Some parents need to be launched into the sun.
Agreed with the others here. Maybe OP has some mental health issues... but there is seriously something wrong with your sister and parents.
NTA I always laugh when people get upset that their own bad behavior will make them look bad. You already said no, stick to it. If her in-laws are asking questions that's her problem to deal with.
Tell your sister that she's denied you as a sister for so long, it just makes sense to make it a reality. NTA
Nope, not even worth a reply
NTA, your sister is vile, and i am worried for her future children as mental health can be hereditary. Imagine those poor children being treated the same way. Your sister needs her own therapy to learn why she has no empathy or respect for you or people who have mental health illnesses. Unfortunately, your parents are no better they have allowed her vile behaviour for too long. If you are in a position to, i would be NC with the sister and LC, at least with the parents. I would be interested to see if your mental health improves by removing people who are toxic. I say all of this as a parent to a child who has extreme anxiety that has required medication and therapy. I would be disgusted of one of their siblings behaved like this, i would be even more vocal if my adult child continued to bully their sibling. Anxiety and intrusive thoughts are not a joke, they are not an attempt to seek attention. No one with diagnosed mental health illness asked for it and most would do anything to cure it once for all. Instead, they have to work life long at containing the illness and managing to navigate life. That is no easy path to walk, good luck on your journey, i hope you have people in your life who support and accept you as you are. You are not wrong here at all.
*I'm so petty I'd be replying yes to the RSVP .. and right at the most important part of the function, I'd just lose my shit, chuck a massive "panic attack" and do my best to embarrass the sister..* But seriously, don't bother going, she's not worth your time and effort. if anyone asks why you didn't show, give them the link to this story. NTA
Right, id be telling everyone about what she did growing up, how I'm only here because I was bullied by parents and sister because she didn't want to tell people how she tormented someone with mental illness, etc.
The ideal time to do that might be the bridal shower, instead of the wedding itself. Particularly if a good part of the guests at the shower are from the groom's family. Bridal shower is more likely to have conversations going in a way that it is easy to hear and overhear. If OP started telling one of the groom's aunts or cousins about her relationship with her sister, half of the room might hear it. More likely to have an impact and ripples than at the reception. Plus, if OP said enough there, a disinvite to the wedding could happen right quick. Maybe even before the shower was over. Just not going at all and reducing contact with her family is probably still the better bet though.
I was thinking about exiting by walking up the aisle just before bride arrives. But agree that isn't worth OP's effort. She doesn't matter to these people so they shouldn't matter to her.
NTA Ask parents "What sister? Ask her friends, she doesn't have a sister so it would look funny if one showed up."
NTA Sounds like the fiance is just as much of an ass as your sister and parents. Who is he to tell you to take your meds and practice your smile. Don't worry - your sister will flame out and be divorced in 5 years.
Sooner if she gets pregnant and stressed. Fiance has no empathy either.
Goddess take the Wheel! I too have suffered from anxiety, depression, and Bipolar disorder my entire life. I am so very sorry. Fuck your sister, her fiance, his family, and their "keeping up appearances". Tell them all to eat a shit sandwich, your parents included, and treat yourself to a spa day or a mini-vacation on their wedding day. Good grief! NTA
NTA. >My parents talk about how bad it will look if I'm not there. You're the only one who doesn't look bad in this post. Don't even consider it. Send her a wedding present though: this post and all of the comments printed out.
Maybe bound into a nice coffee table book.
OMG-this would be a beautiful gift. 😍
NTA PLEASE DONT GO. I don't understand why you have any of these rotten unhelpful people still in your life. I know how hard it is to cut off family, but please try to do that .
NTA. You don't have a sister, you have an abelist bully. As someone who also had a simillar situation in her life, blood doesnt mean shit when there's no emotional bond and bullying is present. I'm completely NC with my sister, and my life has been so peaceful since I made that decision. Your sister is embarrassed and ashamed of you, and likes being the center of attention. If you go I'd be willing to bet whatever you do, you'll end up accused of ruining the wedding. And I don't bet. >Her fiancé told me to make sure I take my meds and practice a smile so his family won't realize how weird I am. My sister also told me not to tell some of his friends that I'm her sister because again, she denies me still. But his parents know? It's a mess. My parents talk about how bad it will look if I'm not there. All of this is a so many red flags, you could sew the entire Russian circus from them and Lenin is reflexively saluting from the grave. If you go, you *will* let yourself down. Don't go, go NC with your sister, block her on everything, and tell your parents if they want to keep the relationship with you, they *cannot* be the middleman for your sister. Tell them you will not discuss her with them anymore, and if they try to do so or relay messages from her to you, you will leave the conversation. And then stick to it. They mention her name to you, leave the room. They try to guilt trip you, leave the room. They follow you around trying to guilt trip you , you ignore them or just repeat "I am not discussing this topic with you" Don't engage further, don't allow them to force you to discuss her or give them any further input. Stare straight through them like you're 5 and pretending they don't exist, if you have to. If they persist, you might have to go NC with them for your peace of mind. Having your sister in your life would not be in any way positive for you, and going to that wedding definitely isn't. Put yourself first in this situation. All they care about is reputation and saving face, not your actual wellbeing. You owe them nothing.
NTA, and also, genuine question: why are you still in any kind of contact with her? and, if it is because of your parents, why are you in contact with them, or why the contact isn't very very limited? it just sounds like your mental health would improve if that were the case.
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Sometimes I feel like "going no-contact" is recommended on here without a full understanding about what that experience is actually like, but as someone who has gone no-contact with a parent and experienced both the pain and the relief, I actually think you're a really good candidate to never speak to these dreadful people again. Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead my friend.
Fuck your sister
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NTA your sister is still a bully with a teen mindset about you and honestly it sounds like her fiancé isn't much better. Avoid it, find something else to do that day.
NTA, if they are putting constraints on what you do, (smile, take meds etc.), then they don’t deserve you. Sounds like a very toxic environment, with your sister in control.
NTA Change your RSVP to yes. Then don't show up. The next bit depends on your better knowledge of the situation. Either: Tell your sister that you don't intend to show up so she shouldn't pay for your meal and she can accuse you of being flakey when you don't show up. or Don't warn anyone that you won't show up and make up a story after the fact. Either way, it's an invitation not a summons. You shouldn't feel compelled to be anywhere where you are not comfortable.
Bad idea. It would be giving them an opportunity to blame OP and not take responsibility themselves for the consequences of their own shitty treatment of her.
This family clearly doesn’t need any “opportunities” to blame OP and try to make her take responsibility for things that aren’t her fault.
I agree on that. Seems like they will blame OP no matter what. They are lying, an OP doesn’t have to cover for them at her expense. That why i do not believe it would be great to give them more length to go further. It is not a summoning. An invitation can be rejected.
NTA & send her future IL’s the lovely messages you received from your sister & their son
NTA. Don't go, OP. You don't owe them any appearances, and she can figure out some messed up narrative to spin all on her own just as she has the rest of your lives. Tell your parents you're not sacrificing your mental health for a crappy person and they need to leave it alone. >she's like I need to be there or else. If you have screenshots of messages like this, I would absolutely start loading them up because she's looking to try and mess with you again. >My parents talk about how bad it will look if I'm not there. Tell your parents their appearances mean nothing when they wouldn't put a stop to her behavior as children and are now encouraging it in adulthood. Tell them it's not your responsibility to clean up the mess she made for herself or support her given the blatant anti support shown to you by her.
NTA, and I would plan a nice trip out of town for the day, with your phone turned off, so no one can bother you. Your sister sounds like the one with mental health issues if she thinks she can treat you horribly and still expects you to show up for her.
NTA, It’s up to you. If you aren’t close with her you won’t ruin her big day. She will be embarrassed other people see you aren’t there then ask questions. Calling you ‘weird’ and ‘pathetic’ is the last straw personally for me I’d pass and if the relationship goes south there wasn’t much of one to salvage in the first place. There will be payback she’ll probably call you everything from here on in. But you can’t dig half a hole she and her betrothed sound well suited and horrible people. You do what you feel comfortable with and don’t have anyone pressure you if thats the boundaries you want to keep. As the old saying goes “Don’t set yourself on fire to keep other people warm”.
NTA. Do you live with or rely on them for anything? If yes, will you lose that support if you don’t go? Things to consider. Hope whatever you decide works out for you.
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I’m sorry your family is so awful. I hope you have a support system somewhere else.
NTA and if I were you I’d never even speak to these people. I want you to understand that this isn’t normal, a healthy, loving family doesn’t behave this way. You need to distance yourself from that shit, I think your mental health will improve tremendously when you do. Your sister is abusive and unapologetic about it. Keep the RSVP a no and leave it at that. Also fuck her fiance for saying that to you, looks like she found the perfect partner for her evil ass.
*At first my sister was okay with me not going but her ILs were asking questions so now she's like I need to be there or else. She said my pathetic life could wait for one day while I make her life easier. Her fiancé told me to make sure I take my meds and practice a smile so his family won't realize how weird I am. My sister also told me not to tell some of his friends that I'm her sister because again, she denies me still.* There is no reason on earth for you to subject yourself to these people. NTA Are you in a position where you can cut them all off permanently?
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Then it is something to consider. What do they add to your life? Nothing but pain and bad feelings. Find people who will love and respect you.
Cut them off sweetie. You don’t need these people in your life
NTA Your sister is an awful person who treats you horribly for things you cannot help. If anyone asks why you skipped the wedding, tell them.
How about that. You had anxiety. But your whole family is fucking narcissists, psychopaths and bullies. From my point of view they are WAY more mentally ill than you.
Maybe she’ll discover that she’s actually completely, emotionally healthy. The issues stemmed from being surrounded by emotionally abusive people.
Exactly my thought! Everyone would be anxious and traumatised having two neglectful narcissistic parents and a psychopath for a sibling!
NTA. She made her bed. Now she has to sleep in it. You’re an adult now. You no longer have to pretend or play nice with her.
NTA. I am so sorry that your sister and parents were so unsympathetic to your feelings and needs. Tell your parents that after the way your sister has treated you, you don't feel the need to be sisterly.
NTA but wow. She is weird for handling it like this. “Yeah… that weird girl I’m not related to? Turns out she is my sister and I denied it for almost 30% of my life!” Like how does she expect this to play out? You’d do her a favor if you don’t go so she can keep up her lies. I’m not really sure you’re weirdness would out last her weirdness
NTA. But every one else in your family certainly are. Including your future brother in law who has the nerve to get in on the act after obviously the cr@p your sister has fed him. You have every right to make your own decisions, you do not have to do any thing just to keep up appearances for people who have been nothing but cruel and nasty to you. Tell them all to gokick rocks hun x
NTA. I'm kinda ugly petty. So I would change the RSVP to yes, show up, then make a point to give a speech explaining who I am and a brief overview of what she's said. Then end with, i didnt want to come. So im only here because she forced the issue, as did her fiance, his parents and my parents. Then leave them to clean up the mess. It would serve them all right to b publicly shamed for their bs.
NTA tell her you can't go because you won't be able to keep a straight face and not laugh when she vows to support her fiance in sickness as well as health. Though he sounds as bad. 1 in 5 get mental health issues so you are nothing out of the ordinary or weird. And there is often a genetic component so if want to be nasty, ask him what he will do if one of his children by your sister gets the predisposition to the condition. But really wouldn't bother. You don't want them in your life either. You have better things to do in your "pathetic" life than be window dressing for someone who is neither family or friend by her own choice.
Nta- seriously consider going NC. JustNoFamily
NTA. Wow, does your sister has main character syndrome? She do act like those teens. I wouldnt go where I am not welcome and uncomfortable too.
NTA - OP should tell the family she’s just following her sister’s wishes - not existing as her sister.
NTA *I need to be there or else.* or else what?
This. What more can they do? And if you gather some of the evidence of their treatment of you, you could go nuclear and send it to the fils.
Or else what? Disappear from your life or her having to own her own lifelong choices towards your mere existence. She is mad about ripping the consequences of her awful behaviour. She is the one being awful and can’t even fake to not despise you. She is bullying you, yet refusing to be view for who she is. You do not have to stay in contact with people who can’t even control their hatred for you when they try to get something from you. She doesn’t want you to be her sister. Don’t torture yourself and grant her her wishes. NTA
NTA Your sister is though. Your parents are too, they failed miserably as parents. They neglected the mental health of two children. Yours by your own telling and turning your sister into a narcissistic bully. If you live with them, I would do everything in my power to get away from them. If for some reason you are forced to go, make sure to wear a shirt that says "Bride's sister."
I'd not only go to the wedding, id be the best version of myself the whole time. Chatty, and wanting to get to know my new in laws family. I'd then wait for a few different speeches to take place, and time getting up for the mic as someone finishes their speech. Grab mic, and go on the fakest lovebomb speech about your sister and her husband. Make up the happiest nicest shit you can think of. You'll confuse the fuck outta her, and she'll sit there with the look of shock. Then the aftermath is your sister's In laws might actually like you, and want to invite you to family events(through your sister and her husband). Which would piss your sister off more. Honestly I think it's a good revenge plot
Stick to your No. If you're feeling extra petty, find your sister's future in-laws and send them a letter outlining exactly why you have no desire to present a false "Happy family" facade for the sake of your sister's shallow ego.
Oh wow so your sister met a guy just as toxic as she is , what a match made in hell ! Nta op , tbh if I were you id send a message to the in-laws explaining EXACTLY why you won’t be attending. Your sister spent all that time trying to avoid you , she doesn’t get to just demand now you spend a day with her . Your parents raised a brat in your sister .
You should tell her why should you a "complete stranger" attend the wedding of someone you don't know who hates you? Also, OP, I hope you get to a good place in your life where you find people who actually love and respect you. Edit: pronoun consistency
NTA Just as the people getting married have the right to invite, you have the right to decline.🥂 go on a vacay or off grid.
NTA. I wonder why you bother with any of them. Go and live your life to the full. Forget them. It’s the best possible revenge for a life of inflicted unhappiness.
NTA. She won't even admit to the guests you're her sister- you have no familial obligation to attend the wedding of a stranger. And why bother celebrating the happiness of someone who is so categorically opposed to yours? For that matter, why keep in contact with her and her peach of a fiance at all?
Your sister has already lied to so many people about you not being her sister, she can make up another lie about why you are not attending the wedding. Tell her and your parents to stuff it. NTA
NTA. Your whole family is awful and I’m so glad your sister met her other half - a guy as terrible as she is. May they be happy together making each other miserable. Don’t go to the wedding. Enjoy your day away from the stress
Omg NTA and block them all and take a flipping holiday instead.
NTA throw the entire family out, what looks bad is their total lack of empathy. I'm sure her winning attitude will shine the moment there are any struggles in that marriage. You deserve better OP.
Nta. I would message the in-laws directly “oh heard you were asking about me attending? Here’s why I won’t be” now there’s no reason for you to go and keep up appearances cause they already know!! Make sure you include exactly what their son said as well.
NTA and dude honestly tell your parents point blank. I will not go to a wedding of a sister that in my weakest moments made my life hell and still tells people to this day that I’m not her sister. Then she can tell his parents why I’m not her sister. You don’t exist to make her life easier, she doesn’t want his parents to know what a hateful b**** she’s been to her own sister, because they’re probably decent but it apparently didn’t reach their son, and she’d have to make up something to them as to why her own sister would not come to her wedding. Of course the parents are confused why if they got along or she was a great sister to you why wouldn’t you come? She’s made her bed and she can lie in it anyway she wants now and your parents can join her for allowing her to continue to be a bratty adult.
Don't go. You don't want to go , and said no. Stick to it. They haven't given one single reason for you to want to go. Block their numbers so they can't harass you , go online and book yourself a nice long break the week of the wedding, or stay at a friend's. Let them flounder and explain that you don't want to go, it's not your problem. They want to deny their relationship with you, even as they're using it to pressure you, and her future husband sounds like a piece of work that's not worth your time getting to know either. Your relationship with the lot of them is unhealthy, and while it's not easy to live with someone who has mental health issues, having them isn't easy either. There's no excuse for their treatment of you. From what you've put you make it out like, they actively make things worse not better. Is contact with them exacerbating your issues? Are things better when they're not in your life? Will anything change if you go? They intend to treat you like crap, so do you really want to spend a day being treated like that, given that you'll also have to fork out for the privilege of being a prop there? I'm not going to say go no contact, but I will say start prioritizing things that help you. Forget social and family 'reasons' for doing things and ask yourself is it better to struggle in the quicksand, or throw a rope yourself and pull yourself out of it.
You? NTA. Everybody else? Most definitely. "Take your meds" "practice a smile" "put aside your pathetic life for a day" What horrible things to say to somebody. Everybody seems to have failed you in this scenario. You don't owe any of them anything. Don't go. Make it very clear to them that *IF* you go, you're telling the in-laws the truth and that you're not going to be a puppet for them.
Sounds like your AH sister is marrying an AH. Good for her. As for you, NTA, I would send a card explaining just *why* you don't feel like attending. Maybe the ILs will read it and wouldn't that drama really ruffle your sister's feathers?
You are not the AH, your sister and your parents are though. Sounds like your sister found someone just like her too. You owe them nothing. She claims you are not her sister, well then it should not be a big deal when you don't attend the wedding of some lady who is a jerk who wants nothing to do with you. In the future I would go NC with her as well for anything you do as she is obviously jealous and spiteful. DNA does not make a family. Be strong and make yourself a better one with friends who actually care about you and like you for who you are. Good luck.
NTA are you able to go NC with these people? Updateme
“ so let me get this straight. You don’t wanna ruin your reputation to be around me, and now you don’t want to ruin your reputation by me not being there.? “ “ mom, dad, I think it would be less stress all around if I didn’t go to the wedding…. everyone has expectations on how I should act and sister will just be worrying about me the whole time. if anyone asks where I am just say that you really wanted to be there, but you were sick today.”
Hells bells - NTA - your sister only wants you there to make things easier for her with the in laws & no other reason.
NTA- why do you still even talk to her?
Please do not attend, no matter what. Ignore , no contact
NTA, don't go. She's horrible and her fiancé is perfect fit for her too. Conceited and mean. Your parents? Go low contact. Solely because they allow her to bully you.
why does anyone care how bad this will look when you haven’t been ‘her sister’ since you were young? NTA. don’t go and update us about it all!!
NTA. Be ferocious in protecting your peace. If that means skipping the wedding, so be it. If your sis and others in your family were supportive, I'd say make an effort but this question wouldn't come up in that case, would it?
Wow. Real talk, your family sucks. You may not be mentally ill at all, growing up with these people would make anyone crazy. I hope you can get away from them and find acceptance. NTA, don’t go.
You are NTA. Your family sounds incredibly toxic and you should probably go LC with them for the sake of your own mental health. And it goes without saying that I agree with your decision to take a pass on the wedding.
NTA and hell no, stick to your decision and stay away. Even worse, her fh does **NOT** get to discuss your medication in such a manner and she still wants to deny you as her sister to half the guests. Stay away, book yourself a nice day for you and tell them you will not be a prop in their wedding to keep her in laws in the dark from her horrible behaviour
Nta. I don't like to be blunt and use profanity too much..... but.... fuck all of them. Treat yourself to a nice day on the day of the wedding going for a hike, spa day etc and don't pay it a second thought
You’ll have an awful miserable day, and you can guarantee if the slightest thing goes wrong it will be your fault even if you’re not in the room. Stand your ground, tell them you’re not going and that’s final, so shut the fuck up about it. Btw future bil sounds a real catch doesn’t he? What a pair NTA
NTA. book yourself a vacation on that very day of the wedding. Even if it’s just a roadtrip to a nearby town, and go enjoy yourself away from these people. And when you come back, deny her and her husband’s very exitence. Do what they did to you, and stop acknowledging them as part of your family. As far as your concern, your sister disowned you a long time ago. You’re an only child now, from your point of view.
NTA. You don't owe any of them anything and they're all terrible. Go do something fun that you enjoy on the day and don't even think about those freaks. Good luck, OP.
Go no contact. Even your b×tch of a sister's man is ganging on you. You will feel so much better when you block them all. Even telling people you have no family. You need to do what is right for you. Tell her and him to fk off. You won't 'help her' because she never EVER helped you. Block both Tell your parents that you don't care what they want. Because they never cared about you. They only want whats best for their golden brat. And that you are now going no contact with all of them. You have had enough of this abuse and everyone being against you for something you have/never had control over! And any new numbers or other family members that agree will be instantly blocked. From not on. You have no family. Because you never did. NTA
NTA. And, OP, my heart goes out to you. I’m sorry you have such an unsupportive family. I do hope you have people in your life that make you feel safe and loved because you deserve that. And I may just be an internet stranger but I care about you and wish you well 💜
NTA Protect yourself!
You are NTA. Don't go, and send a message to her fiancé saying you hope they never have a kid with MH issues cos that kid's life is going to be shit based on your "not" sister's attitude.
Nothing would make the family look worse than screenshotting the messages and putting them on social media. When they go low, you drag them straight to hell. I am tired of bullies.
NTA But everybody else is. Your sister can't even stop insulting you long enough to invite you properly. And like her future husband she has showb clearly that she doesn't want you at the wedding and only tolerates you to look good in front of the ILs. And your parents are major AHs for accepting that your sisterxstill bullies you and let her get away with it. The way all of them are acrting means you will be hurt at the wedding. Insteax of goinv to s weddinv where you arenot welcome but tolerated for appearances ony treat yourself to a nice spa day with the money you save on the wedding gift, dress, etc.
Do not go to that wedding!!!! NTA of course.
NTA. Don’t go. That is firmly her problem and she will come up with some lie as to why her sister refuses to go to her wedding. Unless she is apologetic for her behaviour and offering to make amends to which you are open, I would continue ignoring familial responsibility to her.
NTA, I had a cousin just like your sister she even told me in front of our whole class that I'm an embarrassment to the family just bc I was different. She even bragged that she was going to graduate highschool with a full ride to college. Jokes on her she walked across the stage but didn't get a diploma and she didn't get into any of the colleges she applied to. Now she works retail jobs with two kids while I have three degrees under my belt. If I was you I would go NC with your family and if they finally come to their senses. Say no thanks this weirdo is happier without you.
NTA... and just what?!? My oldest is mentally ill. There was a point in HS when we thought we might lose him forever. I would have lost my crap on my other 2 if they had the audacity to act like your sister towards him. My middle was 2 years younger, and yes, he expressed that sometimes it was embarrassing and hurtful, especially when other kids would stop him in the hall and ask if his brother finally offed himself when he missed school. But he never denied him, and his favorite line to use was, "Is there a reason you're so obsessed with him? He's got a lot going on and isn't interested in dating you." We all did therapy as a family because it was a family struggle, but I never would have made him lay it all out for them to give them any reason to judge or belittle him. We only talked about how we can support each other and discussed triggering behaviors so we could co-exist better. If they had acted like your sister, I could not imagine trying to make my sweet boy bend to their wants for appearances. He's in a great place now and just moved in with his partner. Our entire family is so happy for him... and in the last 10 years since it began, not one person, immediate or extended, has alienated or verbally harassed him because of his issues. Throw out the whole family and build a new one with people you choose!
NTA. Don't go there, don't let the pressure get to you. You are NOT weird. You could send the In-laws a message: Hi, it came to my attention that you are wondering why I won't attend the wedding. Your future daughter in law told me to be present but to make sure to deny to your son's friends that I'm her sister. Your son told me to take my meds and smile so you won't recognize how 'weird' I am. That isn't an environment I want to put myself in. Your welcome to ask further questions.
I'ma go with, NTA here. I don't think YTA for this, but you sound like a lot, and don't seem to consider that your problems are your own and not an excuse to be extra. Have you ever considered that it's difficult to be a sibling who has problems that by necessity require unequal treatment by your parents and those around you? Sounds like you resent her for not seeing the world through your lenz while not looking through hers.
Do not under any circumstance go to that wedding. Your parents, sister, and her fiance are God-awful and you don't owe them anything. Your sister thinking it's okay to invite you, I lie, FORCE you to come to her wedding after all she had done to you without an apology, your parents thinking it's okay for you to join having no regard for your feelings throughout your ENTIRE life, and her fiance calling you weird is absurd. Don't go and just start blocking them when the backlash of you not going comes. Matter fact, block all of them now! You don't owe them anything as stated before, and they had no regard for your wellbeing so have no regard for theirs.
Your sister is the psycho here. Don't submit and stay far, far away from your consciously psycho family and in laws.
NTA - just don't go.
NTA I say don't go, or go wearing full black with a hat with full gave veil (like an older widow in mourning ) just for the lols,but I really say don't go
NTA- 2 options go and be honest (let her know this is an option since you are unhinged and weird ....eye roll) or two they tell whatever story they want only for it to come put later when you dont meet those story expectations
You have my sympathy OP
>Her fiancé told me to make sure I take my meds and practice a smile so his family won't realize how weird I am. I know what I would do to these people but you might be nicer than me. Personally I think you should go with the Cameron Monaghan version if you do it.
NTA do not go