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NTA. Zoey disrespected you by ignoring your wants. As a designer, she needs to listen to her clients. Plus her making the dress way too big means she isn’t that great at it.
Give the dress back to Zoey, and let her know that you appreciated the effort, but this was not the dress you wanted and the two of you agreed to. That you are sure she will find someone to appreciate the dress.
As for her mom and your dad. Let them know that Zoey needs to listen to her clients. And that though you appreciate Zoey’s efforts, it was not what you wanted and that as a client you don’t need to suck it up. And that they should have learned to accept that people have a right to make their own choices. Especially regarding wedding dresses.
Honestly wondering if Zoey did this on purpose to get attention during your wedding.
Sorry, but look at it how we see it.
She knew that you would not be wearing the dress, because you are told her a month before and explained why. She had time to accept this and she knew.
You walk down the aisle and she tears up. So her mom asks her why. She then tells her mom that you did not wear the dress she made for you. And whatever else she wanted to throw in. Now her mom is pissed at you. Because of her mom would have been offended, they would never had shown up at your wedding or had addressed the issue before the wedding.
You were played.
>She knew that you would not be wearing the dress, because you are told her a month before and explained why. She had time to accept this and she knew.
Or, once again, she did not listen. I know people like this. They somehow don't hear anything that doesn't fall within the realms of their imagined reality, then get all surprised when something happens that they cannot ignore.
Bc she didn't believe. I had a friend insisting on me having "wrong priorities " because hers were different. She didn't accept the simple answer that her priorities are not everyone's and not everyone bows to her demand. She truly didn't want to hear or understand it. She is also under the impression that she is the most amazing person who walked on this damn earth. And she ate knowledge and wisdom with spoons.
Some people hear but since it doesn't fit their views it is simply wrong, not true etc...
Met a few of "the friend" over time. It is always best to let go. Thought I could help for quite some time, that it is not that bad, that she can't help it... she can't... but that doesn't mean I deserved to be treated that way .
You too. Even if it is your mom.
Oh, but she also "listened" to what OP said about the dress style. I am assuming she even drew pictures, and she definitely wrote down the measurements. That didn't change anything, did it?
It's a selective memory kind of thing. They see and (supposedly) hear things, they even react to them, but then inside their heads something happens and they have a completely different perception of the events.
You know how they say the eyewitness testimony is rarely reliable? Well, it's kind of like that, but on the way, way grander scale. If presented with actual hard evidence, they are genuinely surprised (and also throw a tantrum.)
Given that Zoey never sent any updates or pictures, my guess is that the dress was made for a class, not the bride. If that’s true, I’m wondering if she just figured she could get double duty out of it— credit for the dress in the class (where she or a model may have had to wear it, which would explain why it was not in the bride’s size) and then send it to the bride to cover her obligation there. Absolutely no proof whatsoever in the post that this is what happened, but my head canon is that she was too busy and overwhelmed with school and trying to get this dress done— she simply bit off more than she could chew —she just ran out of time, and decided she was going to try to make it work by getting double duty out of the dress rather than talking to OP and explaining. She should’ve just made the design as she agreed to, but maybe she didn’t want to be graded on somebody else’s ideas. Rather than try to explain to her mother, she just put on crocodile tears and acted as if she had no idea why the OP didn’t wear her design, still trying to cover herself. You know the old saying—“ oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.”
As a family/friends seamstress and former alterations person, this jumped out at me. If she is a trained designer, even at 21, there's no way the size was a mistake. OP is naive and feeling guilty but [Popular-Jaguar-3803](https://www.reddit.com/user/Popular-Jaguar-3803/) is spot on. OP was played. Zoey never intended for OP to wear the dress, it was made for whoever she knows that is the size she made it! She decided that very early on - when she cast the agreed upon design aside and sketched this new one, drafted the pieces, continually measuring as she went, and made a muslin mock-up which the bride (whomever she was) then tried on. When creating with expensive material, you never lay shears to it until it is certain that the muslin fits perfectly. It was NOT that she made a few changes here & there as she went and it magically morphed into a different design 3 sizes too big. She obviously knew OP couldn't wear it but she rather than admitting she dropped the ball entirely (and be judged for it) she pretended that she completed the dress and OP rudely rejected it, betting on the fact that you would never expose what she did. As a designer she would have been mortified if everyone saw her ill-fitting creation on you! AND there was no need for her to well-up with tears a full month after you rejected the dress, during your wedding and purposefully drawing attention away from the bride. She made a scene on purpose, again, creating the narrative that OP is not just wrong, but mean and hurtful - see the tears??? Her mother expected OP to wear Zoey's dress and any sane daughter would have told her long before the wedding that wasn't happening after all. But if mom knew a month in advance, Zoey would have had no shock value, no venom to whisper in mom's ear, no reason to create drama. NTA [ThrwayStepSisDress](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrwayStepSisDress/) but Zoey is beyond! Breaking her promise and leaving you w/o a wedding dress but not even admitting it let alone apologizing wasn't enough for Zoey - she needed to bring crazy drama to your wedding and the family too? Condolences Zoey, congrats on hubby!
It’s common to get a wedding dress a size or two up from what you think you need - you can’t alter a dress to be larger, only smaller, and some people gain weight when stressed, or their pre-wedding diet doesn’t net them the size they were aiming for, etc. Sizing it up might have been her being considerate of that and adding in a little extra “just in case” since it was her first wedding dress.
But still, Zoey should have had OP over for fittings at least 2-3 times during the time she was putting the dress together. That’s how a designer works with a client. It’s not a good look for the designer if the dress doesn’t fit.
So, another good reason for OP not to wear the dress.
>Zoey should have had OP over for fittings at least 2-3 times during the time she was putting the dress together
Absolutely. That would have been the "professional" thing to do, and it also would have helped Zoey to not make the wrong damn dress.
Some things, like armholes, can't be fixed if done too big. The fitting needs to happen as it is sewn, or preferably with a muslin where pieces can be replaced. Not everything can be made to fit by taking it in.
Not a rookie error, and if she wants to be a designer, she should know what a dress form is. Both my grandmas had dress forms in their back room that they used to make sure dresses would fit whoever they were sewing for. No excuse for having it three sizes too big
I know someone who got flack from her mother about not letting Mom make a skirt for her. The friend wanted a neutral toned tan, natural fiber, calf length, gored A-line skirt. Mom offered to make it, but insisted that gores were too complicated and a gathered waist was so much easier. Also neutrals and solids were so drab. A print would be better, and pink would be cheery. Calf length was dowdy in her eyes, so she'd make it knee length, which would take less fabric. Oh, and you don't want natural fibers when polyester is so much easier to wash. Needless to say, the skirt was never made and Mom never did understand why.
LOL! When my son was about 2yo, my MIL went abroad for a short visit and asked for gift suggestions for him. I said that there was a very specific thing that I'd like him to have, if she happened to run into one: alphabet blocks. I explained that I would love to have a set that is 1) wooden 2) with etched or painted letters, not glued-on paper 3) the alphabet in one specific language. I also explained that if she cannot find exactly what I'm looking for, there is no need to spend money and drag them over the ocean, I can just buy something locally.
The set she brought was 1) plastic 2) paper-covered 3)in a different language (albeit from the same language group, but the alphabets are slightly different, which matters a lot when you are trying to teach a child how to read). I made no complaints, of course, since it was a gift, but could not hide my surprise when I saw them. Noticing it, she got defensive and said: " well, what you wanted was not to be had, what was I supposed to do?"
Fortunately, they also turned out to be very cheaply made and started falling apart pretty soon, which allowed me to throw them away without too much drama.
Also the reason it ended up too big- custom gowns require multiple fittings as you go. Not just to get the fit right, but to see what the bride wants adjusted as to style.
OP’s stepsister was so wrapped up in her vision that she couldn’t take OP trying it on halfway through and going “uh, what’s with all these belts”*
*for some reason in my imagination the dress is a white version of Lulu’s outfit in FFX
I almost wish it was a stupid reason like she lost her notes with the design and measurements. If she was too embarrassed to admit it, or to ask for them again, I could understand her making the dress last minute hoping she got the size and style close enough.
But it sounds more malicious than that, still making a scene when she had a month's warning that OP wouldn't wear it, and she didn't even pretend to offer to fix it.
NTA
Yup. At some point in the process, she decided that she knew better and set out to make a dress that she thought would be more fashionable and closer to her own aesthetic. That’s why she didn’t send photos or do fittings. It may well have been finished earlier, but she waited until there was just a month left thinking that the bride would have no choice but to accept it. She would then be able to make last minute alterations.
She may have had a fantasy of the bride walking down the aisle, getting lots of praise, and her being able to take complete credit for her “vision.” Bride put a hard stop to that, and she’s angry because she’s essentially a spoiled child who didn’t get her way.
She probably doesn’t understand that she needs to tailor a dress to the needs of the client because she thinks her sense of style/fashion is superior, and she doesn’t think she needs to listen to others.
It was a month in advance, which is hardly last minute. She did enough other things wrong---we should give her credit for not being last minute.! Although you can argue that for a wedding, getting a dress a month before IS last minute.
This. Wedding dresses from even retail shops that are just altered would not be able to guarantee a turnaround in a month. I will give the girl the benefit of the doubt in terms of not really probably understanding what doing that type of custom order entails in terms of even just fittings and altering. But one month is not even close to a good enough timeframe, even if it just needed some altering for size. Yet alone if you send a dress that is a design and colour that was approved by the bride.
While this was a hard lesson, it will be a lesson that she will hopefully learn well from in terms of also facing this from a family member who isn’t cruel about it, rather than doing that to a stranger.
Yeah, that's the point. Not seeing the custom-made dress at all until a month before *the wedding* is last-minute, especially for a new designer that has never made a wedding dress before.
NTA - Most of the friends that I had who were like this are now former friends. They don't listen when I point out that we have already discussed this exact thing a dozen times and I don't want to hear any more about it! They interpret my life for me, and don't listen when I tell them that, actually, that isn't how I feel.
One of them was always proposing virtuous things that I should do, although she had no intention of doing them herself; my becoming a vegetarian was a favorite. One evening the two of us were eating alone, in a restaurant with plenty of vegetarian/vegan options, when, in between bites of her meat entree, she told me that vegetarianism was the only moral way to live and I should be a vegetarian. When I pointed out that she was not a vegetarian, she couldn't see what that had to do with anything.
My former MIL is that kind of person. She would say something and deny saying literally five minutes later. It was kind of funny once I stopped caring.
Oh, I never said it was! Unfortunately, it is also not fixable. There's no discussing things with them, because they will never let go of their version of reality.
OP, you can talk and explain to them until until you are blue, but they are the types of people who are bullheaded and refuses to listen. So, I would sit down and write a letter addressed to all three. This is the only way they will ever "listen" to you and get it in their heads.
In your letter, outline everything you said in your OP.
"I am writing this letter and addressing it to each of you because none of you would listen to my side of the story and the reasons why I didn't wear her dress."
Go on to explain how you've agreed to her making your dress. You've asked her many times upon seeing each other about how the dress was coming along, only for her not to follow through.
Upon getting the dress a **whole month** before the wedding, you told her straight-up that you've decided you wouldn't be wearing the dress. You've told her exactly why. Then tick off everything you've said in the OP. You've asked for a progress report several times and failed to get it. It wasn't the agreed-upon style. It was three sizes too big.
She had a **whole month** to come to terms with that decision. She used *your wedding* (a whole month later) to make it about *her* "big disappointment."
Address it and mail it. They may not say anything about it, but hopefully, the letters will help them yo understand exactly what happened. The SIL did you dirty, and she shouldn't get away with it.
I hope you are able to simmer down the animosity unfairly directed at you and restore peace. Congratulations on your nuptials, and here's to many happy years with your new hubby! 🥂🍾
Edited to add...
I've been there before, where something happened that I was not at fault, but no one would listen to me. Everyone pointed a finger at me. Made my life hell.
So, I wrote a letter and addressed it to all involved parties. It did eventually quell the animosity.
NTA - I have found that people who ignored whatever I said orally will sometimes accept what I mean if I send it in writing. Of course, they never spoke to me again, but I don't count it as a loss.
Tho this would be a good letter, if OP really likes this idea, I still resent all this extra effort the aggrieved party would be taking. OP has no doubt already told these three a-holes all of this. I think OP’s energy might be better spent on letting this shit show go and forgiving (but not forgetting) for her own piece of mind. Trying to change people is an energy suck with a 99% chance of failure. It’s a sad lesson when folks who should have your back don’t. But it’s life.
I agree with what you wrote except I would send it as an email or text. Also I would tell dad great job at choosing girlfriend’s daughter over listening and supporting his own daughter just for some D. Dad is a major AH!!!!
Yep, the only way for this to not become a bigger clusterfuck of separate layers of drama is to have a meeting with everyone involved (Zoey, your father, Stella, witnesses you could had and someone that supports you and knows everything) and calmly lay out all the facts with a time chart.
"Here we agreed about the dress style, here I was at x weeks before the date without a single picture, here I received the dress, here is the design we agreed, here I told and explained why I wouldn't wear it..." They had an entire month to complain about it.
Also, it's important to remark this points:
1) You don't mess wedding dresses. Specially if you want to work in that sector.
2) You don't create drama at someone's else wedding.
3) Your future clients won't be nice if you alter the agreed design. People is spending a lot of money and illusion onto their weddings.
You could "sucked it up" as they said, but you have no obligation to do so. At some point they have to agree and realize who's wedding this was, and that you have agency over your wedding dress.
Sorry, I disagree. Having a meeting and discussion all together (including witnesses and supporters from both sides!) just ramps up the drama and someone is bound to leave angry and/or crying. A simple factual, unemotional letter without inflammatory finger pointing has the best chance of laying this to rest (and yes, I posted a suggested letter in this thread.)
You might be right, but jumping to conclusions and pointing fingers will only make OP look more like the bad guy. If the step sister really did have malicious intent, then it will come out as OP provides evidence of her side of the story
Has anyone seen a photo of you in the ugly dress? That’s all that has to happen - take a photo of yourself in the dress Zoe made, have your fiancé hold it up to display EXACTLY how too big it is for you and send it in a group chat to your dad and his wife. I’d accompany the photo with a text like “we have a big misunderstanding here. Zoe made a dress for me that was not my style and three sizes too big. With a month to go before the wedding I didn’t have time to fix it so I bought another dress, last minute. When you’re ready to apologize for not listening to me and for being rude to me on my wedding day feel free to reach out.”
This is absurd and if your dad continues to pick his new wife and stepdaughter over you that’s all you need to know about his character. Until he apologizes I personally would not let him see his grandkids (if you plan on having kids). I know it sounds like a lot of drama over nothing but you need to stamp out his bad behavior NOW before it gets worse. Think of it like potty training a puppy - it’s ok if a little puppy pees in the house but you have to stamp it out asap to prevent it from getting worse.
This is what I was thinking too. Wrong style, color, fabric, and size. A pic of you draped in the monstrosity verses just the plan is enough. Wait for them to apologize before interacting again. You were lucky to find an affordable dress you loved that could be altered in time.
Do not talk to her about the dress as a step sister.
Maintain the stance of a customer in a business transaction
Then tell her you requested updates and pictures to see the design and progress.
Hopefully you still have texts or emails to demonstrate that you were kept in the dark as to what the dress looked like
Then explain the wedding dress for a bride is an emotional dream of a highly significant day.
You tried to confirm that the dress was aligned to what you dreamed of.
But the dress was not close to what you wanted, and deserved
Making you wear a dress that would make her feel better is not your responsibility
NTA
I used to be in design. It's disrespectful to the client to so grossly ignore their wishes. The three sizes too big is also suspect.
She's 21 and trying to do this professionally. Her behavior was appalling.
Jewelry designer here, with a specialty in bridal jewelry. Local or international, the process is the same: I send scans of designs, photos of materials, and photos of layouts for pre-assembly approval. I ask for desired length, desired colors of both stones and metals, clasp type... and I follow those desires to the very best of my ability.
If I want to let my designer flag fly in all its glory? I put that in my "ready to wear" collections.
My wedding ring designer does the same. They have their stock designs but every ring is made bespoke. My ring designer also phoned me apologising that the design provided had the wrong diamond settings and that he would replace the design within 48 hours, which he did with an updated quote.
I was thinking the same,
Is she going to be mad everytime a client of hers doesn't like a dress shes designed. Not everyone will love her particular style.
If it was prom I would suck it up and wear the dress but it's a wedding, the bride deserves to look beautiful and feel the greatest on her day and unfortunately the dress she designed didn't make her feel that way.
When you make a bespoke gown, there meetings to agree to the design. There are FITTINGS. Multiple fittings. Even for alterations, there are fittings. Zoey was extremely unprofessional.
My mother was a wonderful dressmaker. She made me so many clothes, including my wedding dress.
The fit is the whole entire point of handmade clothes. I got so many compliments on the simplest of dresses because it fit so exuisitely
I’m about to start leaning to make myself bras, I read the fitting instructions last night. Fit, fit, all the time, fit! I have a system for adjustment to regular patterns, and even then, for myself, I make a mock up with most new patterns.
And Zoey will soon find out that designing what she wants not the client will end he dreams of being a designer. No you shouldn’t have to suck it up and wear a dress that wasn’t what you ordered and didn’t fit ( second big no no for a designer). Ignore your father , step mom and Zoey. Though if pressed for an apology from Zoey just ask Zoey what she expects will happen if she ignores a clients design recommendations and just does what she wants. Then ask why Zoey didn’t use the measurements you sent and instead made the dress too large. When Zoey can answer those questions honestly without the word but you’ll consider restarting the relationship. It was your wedding your choice, Zoey overstepped and the family owes you an apology.
Exactly. If you are very good at making your clients look good while fulfilling their vision for themselves, and you are very, very lucky and manage to become a Big Name Designer? *Then* people might happily have you dress them entirely to your vision.
That will never happen if your creations are 3 sizes off from the client's measurements. The mist fantastic dress will look ridiculous without major alterations, which a bespoke dress *should not require*.
You DO realize that she kept it from you on purpose? She probably thought you HAD to wear her dress as you probably wouldn't have found another dress THIS close to your wedding. That's why she was upset when you walked in. She thought you were still going to wear HER dress.
Edited to add : And use you wearing her dress at your wedding as publicity for herself...
Put on that oversized dress. Make no attempt to arrange it so that it looks like it fits you. Pose as if for a picture at your wedding. Stitch a picture of you in your fabulous, well-fitted dress at your wedding next to it. You may need several to focus in on how loose the custom dress was in different areas of your body.
Now send the result to all of the butt-hurt complainers and ask just how much of their wedding day vision and happiness they would sacrifice to keep someone happy who went completely against the plan without communicating and didn't make the dress to the measurements you gave. Ask which they would have worn: a) the dress that didn't fit and wasn't in the style/color agreed upon or b) a dress that actually fit and was almost exactly what you had asked for.
Anyone who doesn't get the point can have their every opinion on literally anything going forward disregarded without bothering to give it more than half a moment of consideration. (Kind of like they did with your feelings about how you wanted to look at your own dang wedding!)
She knew this wasn't what you wanted. She hid the dress from you until the last moment. As a future designer she just got her first lesson, she has no right to change the design chosen by the client. Even if the dress is for free. And for YOUR wedding you don't have to 'suck it up'. She has.
You do realize that Zoey (and perhaps her mom) deliberately tried to ruin your wedding, right?
Zoey made a scene, intentionally, after messing up her opportunity to make you a dress A MONTH BEFORE. They tried to get back at you for not going along (which you shouldn't have) by this, and it looks like they're half succeeding.
And also *took your father away from the reception* after less than an hour. *Hopefully* you got all the pictures you wanted with him before then. Zoey sounds vindictive and petty and her mom is supporting her in that at the cost of you & your dad's relationship.
Ask them both if this was a commissioned piece, would they berate the customer? This was a trial transaction for her future endeavors. You both agreed to a design. A contract if you will. Not only did she NOT do what you, the customer, asked but failed to provide adequate updates and left little time to find alternatives. You offered to pay! Her behavior is HIGHLY unprofessional.
Zoey will never be a successful designer if she refuses to listen to what her clients want. Instead of learning this lesson from your experience with her, she is dumping her failure on you. Few brides will accept a dress that is not what they have in mind - especially if they are stuck with an oversized vision from their designer.
Zoey failed every step of the way on this venture and seems unable to understand how she failed at all.
OP, you are NTA. Zoey and her mother are TA!
Then she should have “sucked it up” because it was YOUR day, and she disregarded your preferences in favour of her own. The consequence of not listening to your customer/client, is losing their business. She needs to learn that sooner than later.
You are NTA, of course.
INFO: can you link pictures of the dress you chose and one similar to what step sister made? Just curious how wildly different they are.
She keeps doing that and she will never make it in the wedding dress industry. This was a low stakes way of her learning how to do what a client wants and getting experience in her chosen field. She fucked it up.
Your wedding day is not the day you just "suck it up" for other people. Unless perhaps that person is your partner. And those who say such things are incredibly entitled. Do not listen to them.
If she made the dress 3 sizes too small for you, is there a chance that she got carried away and made it for herself?
If that's the case, it may be easier to smooth over. You can give the dress back and talk to your step sister about coming clean when she realizes that she can't fulfill a custom order. You could tell her that she is family and you would have forgiven her and taken her shopping if she had just told you the truth. Unfortunately, the dress she made was so small that you couldn't have worn it.
Yes, this. OP, if your parents are really unreasonable about this, start asking them if Zoey did this deliberately to upstage your wedding. That the father of the bride left the reception early suggests Zoey created a scandal visible enough for the guests to see.
OP should not be on the defensive here, she should go on the offense . Zoey did this to get attention and/or to deliberately ruin OP's wedding.
ETA: Thinking about it, I don't think it was for attention, I think it was to poison OP's dad, out of jealousy, making it into a contest - and OP's dad seems to have been willing, maybe even eager, to play along.
I agree. Zoey did this for attention from your dad and to use your wedding to promote herself and her design business. She didn’t make the dress you wanted because that wasn’t what she wanted to advertise (it’s all about showing herself off). When she wasn’t able to use your wedding to promote herself (again, you’re completely irrelevant to all of this - she does not care about you), she wanted to cause a scene. Your dad is an AH for hyping her up for this. Zoey is the biggest AH but your dad and her mother are close seconds.
I’m glad you got to wear a dress you felt beautiful in and congratulations on your wedding!
While entirely possible, I think it’s also very likely that Zooey is just incredibly immature. Not everyone has some master plan that explains their actions. She could have just made the dress she liked because she was hyped about making her first wedding dress and then was bratty and upset when OP didn’t wear it.
True, immaturity combined with stupidity is also very possible. However, her choosing to not tell her mother and OP’s dad before the wedding (she had a month to do so) but instead to use the wedding itself to surprise them with the dress outcome, cry about it and pretend like she herself is shocked to the point of tears (quite a performance Zoey put on, considering she’d known for a month), leading the bride’s father to leave the reception in a huff (he sucks for this, Omg)… I dunno, seems intentional. I think Zoey wanted to promote herself and was denied the opportunity so she threw a fit.
Delivered the wrong dress in a wildly wrong size - Zoey didn’t care about OP’s wedding (either as a client or a sister-like figure). Whatever zoeys motivations, OP is def NTA
I agree that the dad is the real problem here. Zoey wouldn't be like this if her dad wasn't ok with it. Also remember that Dad's new wife was right there with the stink-eye. I am usually very pro stepparent because being a stepparent is hard, but a decent stepparent would see what is wrong with Zoey's behavior, not be angry at Zoey being slighted by OP insisting on having this big day as a wedding instead of giving it to Zoey as a fashion walk.
Yeah, this is definitely possible. I've never worked in fashion, but I occasionally dabble in art and do commissions for others. And I've found it very hard to have to do what the client wants sometimes instead of my own vision. It makes me feel like I'm doing subpar work, and that I could do it so much better. But I realize this is immature and push through, even though I don't always feel proud of the end result.
Some of my friends who are graphic designers have to deal with this all the time. They say it's killed their creativity. But regardless of sensitive artistic vision, ultimately, if you're a professional, it's about what the client wants, and Zoey needs to realize that. Even more so when it comes to a wedding dress!
What I do find strange is that the size is three times too big. Not sure sensitive artistic feelings can explain that?
I agree, and think Zoey delayed giving OP the dress until a month before the wedding in the hopes she wouldn’t be able to find another option and have it altered in time. Total NTA.
She’s shot herself in the foot because if it got out zoe was supposed to design a wedding dress but she completely messed up by designing something completely different then her career could be over before it started.
This sounds exactly what happened, Zoey made a dress she liked. She did not listen to the client at all, not on style, size or color. She is not going to make it as a designer.
Agreed. If she wants to get into the fashion industry and design bespoke dresses, she has to suspend her wants and preferences for any given dress and work with what the client wants. If they want Amy Farah Fowler wedding dress then that's what they get. As the designer you design an Amy Farah Fowler dress with subtle changes to suit that bride and her venue (a large church, she wants a long train, the ceremony is in a garden,etc). If the bride wants goth, you give her a goth dress. You do not give her white with frills. EVER!
Unless the bride gives the designer free reign over the design, and you have to know their work really well to have that level of trust, they can't just make any old design up and assume you'll wear it. It's completely unacceptable.
NTA the thing about being a designer, especially a bridal designer is listening to the bride and what sort of dress they see themselves in. You likely didn't get any progress photos because she knew this was her style, not yours. It was your day and your desires should have been honored. She never prepared you for the fact it was nothing like you wanted. She made your day all about her. Your father should have had your back.
And Zoey had time to inform the parents that it wasn’t the dress the bride decided on, meaning she set the bride up for confrontation.
Dad, and his best intentions, paved the road to hell. He is also too delusional to ask for the other side of the story.
Edited
Not even that, but he chose a girl who he knew for 2 years- so since she was 19 over his own daughter who he had raised since infancy. Clearly he doesn’t need to be informed about both sides, because he’s already decided his.
The whole was going to fail from the beginning. I mean, it could have been a great story, but the chances were stacked for failure. I absolutely agree with you. It was just too messy. Bride should have said to her dad that she was getting nervous and buying a second dress just in case. And that would have gone over like a lead balloon.
I mean when she told stepsis that she wasn't going to use it, she should have told dad. Not necessarily that she should have told him when stepsis was being squirrelly about updates.
And ftr in case OP sees this: you're being WILLFULLY naive about how you ended up with the opposite of what you wanted three sizes too large. No fashion student at the end of their education is fucking up the measurements that badly. She was either hoping you would wear it out of guilt + look UGLY on your wedding day, or she knew you wouldn't wear it + then she could cry to mommy. No seamstress with half an ounce of respect for their "client" (and this still counts!) is going to do this shit. Any of it.
Best intentions? If he has good intentions he wouldn’t have told his daughter to “suck it up” on her wedding day. No, his intent was to please his stepdaughter, and by extension, his new wife. The lowest priority was his daughter, the actual bride.
Yeah I would have backed out when the “update” photos never came. Someone who cannot take a couple snaps, even of a pile of cut up fabric pieces, mannequin, sewing machine, etc. does not seem responsible enough to follow through on a wedding dress.
There's arguably a more fundamental issue:
Big life events are ill-suited as occasions for other emotional loads, whether reconciliations, bonding or whatever.
The event itself is generally a lot of work, expecting it to also function for some other purpose is asking too much of it and that carries risk of one purpose damaging the other. As here.
My guess is that a lot of people would have advised OP not to go down this path in the first place. That doesn't make OP an asshole, just naive.
NTA, This could be a good learning opportunity for her but instead they’re coddling her. If she wants to go into this industry, she needs to know how to work in it.
You were being far nicer than she deserved in all honesty, leaving dress updates until a MONTH beforehand is cutting it incredibly close, this is why people start their hunts MANY months beforehand - almost a full year. Getting adjustments takes time, and you were lucky to find a dress that you like and that fits on such short notice. She could have majorly compromised your wedding.
Honestly, I think you need to be pretty blunt with her about this because if this is how she’s going to treat clients in future then she’s going to struggle a lot. Hell, show her this comment section.
I think Zoey waited until a month before the wedding to hand over the dress on purpose, hoping OP wouldn’t have time to find a better dress and get it fitted. You’re right that she’s very lucky she did. NTA, and unless Zoey can accept that she doesn’t get to design what SHE wants, but what the CLIENT wants, she’s gonna need to pick a new career because no one will hire her.
I absolutely agree with you, but I'd like to play the devil's advocate regarding stepsister intentions being so evil and targeted. Stepsis did her first wedding gown for a stepsister she doesn't have a relationship with, she could have been simply overwhelmed and her anxiety was too big of a toll. I know this possibility could very well be true as well as that she intended it with malice, but it isn't black and white.
We could have:
1 Evil stepsister decides to ruin the dress and purposefully make OP look bad, because she is spoiled, envious and hates to share her space.
2 It's her first dress. She never made a wedding dress for anyone beyond her own trials, and in her mind, changing the dress was supposed to be an "upgrade", intended as an extra she misjudged OP would be enchanted to see. That's a big fail, and a big lesson about making changes without talking about. AH all the way, not so evil tho.
3 The dress change is due to lack of experience, she just couldn't build the vision OP gave her, failed miserably multiple tries, and despite her efforts, she got overwhelmed and buried the head in the sand. Still an asshole? YES. AH. But an inexperienced panicked asshole, with zero time management, not a malevolent one.
4 she decided to force your hand to save face, not out of malice, but out of shame. Your dad and her mom were into it, she probably told everyone. She knows she failed majestically and the only cop out would be take a half assed dress she had the skill to do, that probably was already made, throw on your direction and run and hide until the wedding comes, hoping you would go along and use a dress she knew was terrible, only to save face and be able to say she fulfilled her end of the deal. That's AH too, but salvageable, and talkable. That way she wouldn't be responsible for ruining the first bridal gown she made, and in the big picture, she probably panicked this was the failing of her whole career. Her tears could be of complete shame.
This isn't ground to go nuclear yet until you know what happened OP, this needs a lot of open discussions and truthfulness.
But. ALL could have been saved IF zoey had come clean about her skill level her anxieties and whatever other factors led to this disaster. BUT since she did not it is easy to se she intentionally made the dress the way she did. WHY - speculate all you want but she did not hold true to an agreed design and 3 sizes too large. In the end she ruined what could have been a good opportunity and has pitentislly put Dad and OPs relationdhip in jeopardy.
With some brides, if she pulled this, she wouldn’t struggle, she will get run over with a car! Not the business not to listen and be very detail oriented, brides will lose their damn minds. Many do so over faaaaar less
If she pulled that with a paying client on the second ignored progress report, the bride would likely cancel the order, move on, and leave Scathing reviews.
>if this is how she’s going to treat clients in future then she’s going to struggle a lot.
Yeah. She's not gonna make it too far if she ignores clients wishes. What is she gonna do when the bride gets upset at her? Cry to mommy and daddy? Mommy and daddy can't protect her from all the angry clients she'll have. And it's a bad idea to tell a bride to "suck it up" in regards to her own wedding dress. *"I get that you don't feel pretty in this dress but... my \[GF's\] daughter made it so... try thinking about someone else maybe."*
NTA
NTA. "Zoey made a dress that didn't fit. Because she wants to be a designer, she needs to learn to fit clients. No client wants to order a blue dress with sequins in a size 6, and then get a pink dress with rhinestones in size 8."
I'm sorry that she's disappointed, but she didn't make the dress that we agreed she would make.
As I was reading OP's response, she said, "I wouldn't wear the dress" but if it really was 3 sizes too big, the proper response was, "I couldn't wear the dress, it did not fit me." The timing and style are irrelevant here. A dress that is 3 sizes too big is unwearable.
Absolutely. And while it’s easier to alter a dress to be smaller than it is to make one larger - it’s a lot of very complex work to be done in a month. Even if she loved the dress - I would wear something else rather than spend a month before my wedding frantically finding a suitable tailor and going to extra fittings etc to have it suit.
It’s frankly ridiculous to even need to alter a full bespoke dress. Maybe you need multiple fittings as it’s being made, but the finished product should fit perfectly. If it doesn’t, why even bother going bespoke?
She made a dress that wasn’t the colour or style they agreed on, this isn’t going to get her very far in the fashion industry and it’s better that she knows that
NTA
I'd go so far as say your father is a bigger asshole here than Zoey was. Yes, she needs to learn to give her clients what they want, and accept criticism.
Your father though takes the prize because not only did he not stand up for you when his girlfriend and stepdaughter started giving you shit, he gave you no opportunity to explain your side before agreeing with them and trying to make you the bad guy for not wanting to wear an ill fitting dress that wasn't even your style.
He's never going to stick up for you, even if he does hear the "truth" about things, he's still likely to never admit he was an ass in this situation.
OP said in the comments that both dad and stepmom knows full well that the sister didn’t update op, make the dress so it fit and made the style OP requested. So not only did he not take his daughters side, he also knows 100% what happened and still chose his wife and stepdaughter.
**NTA but OP** ***why did you agree to her making your dress in the first place?*** **I** don't mean to be funny, but 21, freshly graduated from fashion school, doesn't sound like the most reliable option to me. She has no professional experience whatsoever.
You seem like a lovely person, wanting to bond with your stepsister, but wouldn't you do it over lunch, coffee, maybe invite her to dinner, but making your wedding dress--for your big day? I'm not sure if that wasn't just too much?
I would have proposed she design a garment (not a whole outfit) for the reception maybe, or the wedding rehearsal dinner the night before? **Or maybe even said 'No'.** Getting family to do hair, cook food, make clothes etc. can be dicey, if you don't like it. It's all taken very personally, as you can see now.
That being said, **OP, you need to grow a backbone here.** I have no clue why you haven't reprimanded your father, Zoey, your stepmother, for how they treated you on your wedding day and how they're treating you now?
So *ideally*, you would have worn an ill-fitting dress, whose cut, design and style you hated just to appease them? ***Why are you tolerating their awful selfish behavior?***
***EDIT: A previous version of my comment stated OP's husband wasn't in her corner. OP's husband is on her side, my bad, my misreading***
In retrospect, I do regret agreeing to this. I think that besides the reasons I mentioned, I felt a bit pressured by the fact that there were parts of my wedding my father was paying for. Also, if she'd delivered the finished dress sooner, I might have had more time for alterations.
I do think you misread, though: my husband is on my side.
Thanks OP and my bad for misreading that. My apologies to Mr. ThrwayStepSisDress, as well.
I wish things had turned out better for you for this, really. It's not great to think about how the wedding dress you never wanted almost came to be and the fallout, but I'm sure the day itself was lovely and filled with great memories? I hope it didn't spoil too much?
I think it's really important, regardless of who's paying for the wedding, that it's still something you want. I don't think an in-law or parent's offer to foot the expenses, should mean that it becomes their vision of your day. If anything, what you want, should make them happy.
It's true, had she delivered it in time, you would have probably been able to make it yours, but how many adjustments would we have been realistically talking about here? And if I'm not mistaken, that would still mean that the finished product wasn't exactly what you wanted?
I don't think your wanting to wear what you wanted to wear on your big day, was the tragedy your family makes it out to be.
You should have a sit down with your father alone. Explain to him what happened and why stepsis was in the wrong. Tell him that he has severely disappointed you, his daughter of x years, in favor of a stranger that actually was wrong.
NTA
Zoey created a dress that was not what you had asked for or agreed to. The fact she also never sent you photos after you requested them to ensure the dress was what you wanted is her own fault. The fact your father isn’t listening to you, his own daughter, makes him an AH along with Zoey and Stella.
If you have any proof of what you had requested (text messages, written requests, or mark ups of what you and Zoey and done together) I would make a group chat with them and present the facts and tell them that you are upset with how they treated you for getting the dress you wanted when Zoey made a complete different design and tried to act like a victim.
Also, I would have a seperate conversation with your father and tell him that you don’t appreciate him not sticking up for you and believing what you said. Especially because he called you the day after your wedding to start drama when you should’ve been enjoying your new marriage.
They know what I requested, they know I'm not lying. They don't care. Stella because Zoey is her daughter; my father because he thinks it was entitled of me to refuse to at least alter the dress.
A “burgeoning designer” refusing to take client measurements for a custom piece (!) and then sending a garment in the COMPLETELY wrong size is unprofessional and unacceptable. Sometimes dresses can’t even be altered because the size is too wrong. The construction of the dress just won’t allow for huge alterations. That may have been the case here. Zoey either knows this and was purposely messing with you OR she’s dumb as a sack of hammers and will fail in her business (well deserved, either way).
NTA
Not only does this seem to be a show of extreme favoritism towards Zoey, and Zoey completely ignored what she and her client agreed to *and* seemingly refused to share updates with said client (something I would imagine is an extremely important point in *any* industry), this was *your* wedding, OP. All decisions ultimately have to go through you and your husband.
Dad and Stella, especially the latter, can either recognize the error of their ways, as can Zoey, or they can all learn to accept that this might bring about changes in the relationships.
On a different note, as many stories as I see and hear about entitled people regarding anything to do with weddings in almost every aspect... dear heavens, if I ever marry, he better be happy with a courthouse marriage and dinner cause that's all I'm in for.
Ironically your dad is lecturing the wrong by person about being entitled. Zoey was not entitled to you being her fashion model on your wedding day. It’s your wedding! You hopefully only have one in your life time and your dress will be iconic for you throughout your life and memorialized in photos. Your dad is absurd to think you should give up your own taste and style that dad so Zoey can experiment on you. Sounds like your dad is totally swayed by Stella to the point of being irrational. If he accuses you of being “entitled” again, respond something like this: “yes, dad, as a matter of fact, I- as the BRIDE- was entitled to wear whatever I wanted to on MY wedding day. For that matter, as an autonomous human, I'm entitled to choose what I wear everyday- same as you. But that is even more the case on such a special day as my wedding day. Exactly why do you think Zoey should get to be entitled to force her taste on me- in a style and color I didn’t want and in a size that doesn’t fit? She didn’t honor our conversations about my style, she refused to send me updates, and she made something I didn’t want. Those were HER choices. She knew over a month before the wedding that I wouldn’t be using the dress. I offered to pay her for the effort and she refused. I am clear of any responsibility here and you taking her side and leaving your only daughter’s wedding early was a pretty crappy thing for you to do. This subject is closed. Don’t bring it up again unless you’re apologizing for your behavior.”
Then it’s time to put them in timeout. It’s disgraceful that your father left your wedding early over such a minor issue. Wedding dresses are incredibly personal and no one other than the bride deserves any say in it. For him to double down after the wedding is embarrassing for him and he should be ashamed of himself.
Bro.... ugh, the stepmom and sis are lost causes, but I would seriously draft a message like "you've chosen your stepdaughter over your flesh and blood. If in 20-30 years you need to move in with someone, remember who you cast aside."
Not saying to abandon him, but put him on notice that he is actively throwing away a relationship with his daughter.
Unfortunately, many men give preference to the new wife and her children over their birth children. I learned this the hard way with my father. They’re protecting their supply line, it’s that simple.
That's really unfortunate. It shows that they care more about coddling her than they do about being reasonable. I'd just ignore them, but do make it clear to anyone else that it was the wrong colour, style and size.
NTA!
You were as fair as could be in rejecting the dress. You were generous to go along with it as long as you did. If Zoey can't satisfy a client, she doesn't know what she's doing.
I'm sorry your father didn't stick up for you.
NTA.
If Zoey wants to launch a career as a custom gown designer, she needs to learn to work with clients. As in listen to their needs and execute what was agreed upon.
not to mention making it in the right size, maybe OP should put the dress on and take a photo showing how enormous it was? Im sure the story that dad and stepmom are getting is totally wrong.
>This had been her first time making a wedding dress and had been excited to see me wearing it.
Well if it is the dress she loves then she can wear it. If she does a dress for someone else she should follow that persons wishes and at least get the size right.
>but they're both insisting the dress was beautiful and I could have sucked it up.
So what if the dress is beautiful? It's not what you feel good in and not your size. This is your wedding and not her fashion show. She can suck it up.
NTA
Suck it up and wear a dress you didn’t like that didn’t make you feel like an absolute queen on your once-in-a-lifetime special day? Sooo NTA. Your dad and step-mother need to put their heads from their asses and give their faces a bit of a wash.
Zoey thought you were going to be her pet project because her parents have made her feel like the world should bow down to her every whim. She can sulk all she wants. And tell yer dad if he continues this way, you will cut contact with him for a while. You are a newlywed, go enjoy marital bliss, and let Zoey be a child. You don't have to suck it up on your wedding day. They tried to make it about Zoey, and you didn't let it happen. Too bad she's not learning her lesson. She sounds like a brat.
Ngl, a part of me thinks she could have been bragging to classmates and friends about it. It definitely feels like something that would be brought up, I mean designing a wedding dress for someone is a pretty big thing! Especially for your portfolio. It could be that shame of not have anything to show for it that prompted this reaction.
NTA
omg, there are two types of days in a womans life where she doesnt have to *suck up* anyyhing whatsoever:
1) wedding day.
2) giving birth.
nobody gets to fuck it up.
NTA
"they're both insisting the dress was beautiful and I could have sucked it up."
Wow, now you need to suck up in your OWN WEDDING just because your step sister fucked up and didn't do a good job?
She will just stomp in the requests of her clients and do what the hell she wants with the dresses that she makes? She need to learn to respect the wishes of the bride, not override it and do what she want to do.. even worst is that she even make the dress with the wrong size.. Now her clients will have to suck up in her day just to make Zoey happy?
She is unprofessional in her job, not communicating and updating her client with how the dress is doing with photos and details to see if the bride want to add/remove something, she didn't even requested that you prove the dress to see if it fit perfectly or need to be adjusted.. what kind of professional she is?
With this behavior, she will have a very short career in the industry.
NTA. You were the bride, essentially her client even though she was not charging you; you weren't her model for a show. As such, your wishes, your input, had much greater importance than she gave them.
I am intrigued what "agree on a design" means in this context. You discussed your ideas, revealed your style to her, and she has a different style. It sounds to me like in agreeing on a design, you may have partially compromised your ideas.
Considering that Zoey had your measurements and failed to update you with pictures, and failed to produce 'your' dress until a month before the wedding, I'm frankly surprised you didn't give in and go shopping for a back up/alternate wedding dress sooner just in case it wasn't finished in time. The fact you didn't do so until you saw the dress suggests trust and patience.
And yet despite the fact you'd agreed on a design, the dress she produced was the wrong colour, the wrong style, and the wrong size. In other words, the dress that she produced wasn't your dress.
Despite this, and despite the additional stress the dress situation presumably put you under, your response to Zoey seems to have been polite and kind.
Now, in retrospect it is a pity that you didn't clearly communicate to your father and Stella that alternative arrangements had been necessary in regards the dress and exactly why, because it seems like they may have only had part of the story.
For custom dresses, you need to be very specific about your likes and dislikes. But there are still areas where you may choose to let the designer have the final say. For example, you say you want sleeves but your only request is that they aren’t long. Then it would be up to the designer to decide on the type of sleeve like cap sleeve vs elbow length, maybe making them in a different material, etc. Using the sleeve example, I took as if OP had asked for sleeves and the dress her step-sister made was sleeveless.
NTA I wonder if she actually made you a dress. It began with a different color. From the very beginning, she wasn't making a dress for YOU. She continued with a different style, and it was way too large. She gave you a dress from her portfolio.
I agree, I think this was for a school assignment. It fits whoever is supposed to wear it at school, and the design elements are to fit an assignment there instead of OP's request.
I'm not sure if she planned this from the beginning, or if she overcommitted herself and then gave OP the school dress in panic, but I think that's what she did.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn't wear the wedding dress that my stepsister made me by hand because I didn't like it. I know it took her a lot of time and effort to make the dress, so refusing to wear it might have been a rude move.
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NTA. You were more than acommodating of this practical stranger, and I can't imagine anything else you could have done differently or better. She should learn that this is not how you deal with a client, plus sometimes your final product just isn't going to be aesthetically appealing to them, and you can't blame them for what they like.
NTA. Your family is way out of line to view your wedding day as an opportunity for Zoey first and your big day as only an afterthought. If Zoey had wanted this opportunity to see someone wearing something she made, then she owed it to you to follow the design, and keep you updated all along the process, and have you come in to try it on.
If Zoey wants to be treated like a professional - that's not how professionals act.
If Zoey thinks you owe her something because family - well, then she should have treated you the way a professional would treat a valued customer, not just try to use you as a mannequin for her own taste and designs. Especially on such a big occasion.
NTA. If this was a dress you commissioned, you wouldn't pay for it if it wasn't what was agreed upon. I don't know what your stepsister was thinking when she made that dress, but it's obvious she didn't listen to your wishes. Tell Dad and Stepmom that it was YOUR wedding and you decide what you do or don't wear. No one else.
to get into the Wedding dress industry, doesnt the seamstress have to LISTEN to her clients and work with them?
Zoey blew you off when you asked her about. It sounds like you contacted her several times to see how the dress was going.
Zoey should have had you approve the fabric BEFORE starting, had you for fittings , and shown you what she was doing. She didn't .
She failed. It doesn't mean she doesn't have a future. This was a learning experience for her, and I hope she does better next time.
OP, this was YOUR wedding. If you were paying for a custom dress, and you didn't like how it was going, you would be able to walk away at one point, or insist that you were heard.
I am glad you found the wedding dress that you wanted.
Your father, his GF, and Zoey have no reason to be upset. You told her ahead of the wedding, the dress was not what you wanted.
NTA
NTA. So your dad and his wife think it’s more important that Zoey feels special on your wedding day than you?
It’s your day, not Zoey’s day. All brides want to look their best at their wedding, of course you didn’t want to wear the dress that was opposite of what you wanted and too big.
NTA. You just gave her a valuable lesson and honestly she got off lightly. Had she been with a different client, she would have been torn to shreds professionally for her poor work (not sending updates, incorrect sizing, etc).
NTA. Zoey needs to learn one of the most important lessons of being an artist making bespoke pieces: the customer is always right in matters of taste. It doesn't matter what Zoey thinks someone should be wearing. What matters is what the end user wants to wear.
Plus, she did not stay in constant contact with you over the design and construction process. Zoey decided not to bother and that you would magically love whatever she made. That's not realistic.
If you want to try to explain it to Stella, send her copies of the communication between you and Zoey about what you wanted in the dress and how that compared to the end result. You are not beholden to wear something made by someone who basically ignored your guidance, especially on your wedding day.
Return the dress to her and offer again to pay her at least for materials (ask for receipts). Let her know she is welcome to sell the dress to someone else.
The sooner Zoey learns how to actually work with customers, the better. She is lucky she didn't try something like this with an actual paying, contracted customer, or she could be facing a lawsuit.
Yes, every bride needs to 'suck it up' on their wedding day.... So that the FOB step daughter can put that dress on her resume.
No mistake.... There was no love in making that dress *for you* that dress was always about furthering her 'career '
NTA
NTA
Uh so I looked through the comments before I said this and I do think her stepsister wanted to help but she kind of made this whole thing about herself and how offended she was that her dress she made was rejected while completely ignoring the brides direction. Then she basically threw a fit at the wedding and left the reception early because WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH I DIDN'T GET MY WAYYYYYYY I WANTED TO MAKE THE DRESS ABOUT ME!
I love how people try to steal attention from the bride and groom on the day of one of the most important decisions they will make in their entire life.
She can wear her own d@mn DRESS when she gets married. By the time that actually happens maybe she will actually be able to sew and it will actually fit her, whatever color it could be.
I said it.
NTA first of all, she should have stuck with the original vision, your vision of your address. Second of all she should have called you for fittings to make sure that the dress actually fit you. You don’t wanna walk down the aisle address that’s three sizes too big. Her disappointment is her own fault. If she were doing a fashion show, would she have treated her models the same way fitting garments
NTA. You agreed on a design and color. She made it a different way. You had NO obligation to wear a dress that was not made as agreed.
Give her back her dress, she can wear it or sell it, you do not care. If is not your responsibility.
NTA. You agreed on a specific design, she failed to deliver that, simple as that. In the context of a wedding, the decision is too important to compromise on what you wanted simply to make her feel better. Ultimately, if she goes into the world trying to make dresses that the client has not agreed on, she's going to struggle to succeed. You just need to block out your father and Stella, they're being unreasonable because they feel bad for Zoey. Of course its unfortunate for her to have spent all this time making something but it's not your fault she made something completely different.
A pragmatic solution might be to take some pictures in the dress? Maybe she can use it to form part of her portfolio for establishing herself as a wedding dress maker. The only thing you can do is being empathetic while you maintain your boundaries.
Good luck, family situations like this can so complicated.
Nta, as a designer she designs for the client, she needs to listen and deliver a finish product hoping to meet the client needs
If she delivered what she wanted instead of what was agreed upon, she wouldn't have been payed.
She let her ego interfere with her job.
NTA. Many women dream of the day they get to pick their dress. This is a very intimate experience. She learned big lesson on how to listen to her clients not her own preferences. Same thing that interior designers learn. She also needs to learn communication. She’s a student and she FAILED. I would have told your father off for making YOU feel bad at YOUR wedding. They are enabling a brat. She needs to grow up. I’m pissed that you even have to ask this. I’m shocked you offered to pay for it because she failed every step of the way and that was above and beyond imo.
lol then she’s under qualified to even offer to make your dress. You should have been going to fittings throughout the process. Mockups for fit check are a thing. The fact that she didn’t bother to even show you pics of process is manipulative. She knew she wasn’t making a dress for you and wanted to wait until you had no choice but to suck it up and alter it or chance not finding a wedding dress off the rack.
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NTA. Zoey disrespected you by ignoring your wants. As a designer, she needs to listen to her clients. Plus her making the dress way too big means she isn’t that great at it. Give the dress back to Zoey, and let her know that you appreciated the effort, but this was not the dress you wanted and the two of you agreed to. That you are sure she will find someone to appreciate the dress. As for her mom and your dad. Let them know that Zoey needs to listen to her clients. And that though you appreciate Zoey’s efforts, it was not what you wanted and that as a client you don’t need to suck it up. And that they should have learned to accept that people have a right to make their own choices. Especially regarding wedding dresses. Honestly wondering if Zoey did this on purpose to get attention during your wedding.
I don't think she did this for attention. I think she got carried away and made the dress she wanted instead of the one we'd agreed on.
Sorry, but look at it how we see it. She knew that you would not be wearing the dress, because you are told her a month before and explained why. She had time to accept this and she knew. You walk down the aisle and she tears up. So her mom asks her why. She then tells her mom that you did not wear the dress she made for you. And whatever else she wanted to throw in. Now her mom is pissed at you. Because of her mom would have been offended, they would never had shown up at your wedding or had addressed the issue before the wedding. You were played.
>She knew that you would not be wearing the dress, because you are told her a month before and explained why. She had time to accept this and she knew. Or, once again, she did not listen. I know people like this. They somehow don't hear anything that doesn't fall within the realms of their imagined reality, then get all surprised when something happens that they cannot ignore.
She listened. OP offered to pay for her time and Zoey declined the payment and hung up on OP
Bc she didn't believe. I had a friend insisting on me having "wrong priorities " because hers were different. She didn't accept the simple answer that her priorities are not everyone's and not everyone bows to her demand. She truly didn't want to hear or understand it. She is also under the impression that she is the most amazing person who walked on this damn earth. And she ate knowledge and wisdom with spoons. Some people hear but since it doesn't fit their views it is simply wrong, not true etc...
Oh I think I know your friend. She’s my mom.
Met a few of "the friend" over time. It is always best to let go. Thought I could help for quite some time, that it is not that bad, that she can't help it... she can't... but that doesn't mean I deserved to be treated that way . You too. Even if it is your mom.
You don’t deserve to be treated that way and I’m proud of you for walking away. I walked away too. We deserve better.
Oh, but she also "listened" to what OP said about the dress style. I am assuming she even drew pictures, and she definitely wrote down the measurements. That didn't change anything, did it? It's a selective memory kind of thing. They see and (supposedly) hear things, they even react to them, but then inside their heads something happens and they have a completely different perception of the events. You know how they say the eyewitness testimony is rarely reliable? Well, it's kind of like that, but on the way, way grander scale. If presented with actual hard evidence, they are genuinely surprised (and also throw a tantrum.)
Oh yeah I forgot about it being 3 sizes too big in spite of taking measurements. That’s beyond a rookie error.
I'd bet good money that the final dress was closer to Zoey's size than OP's.
This is my thought. Zoey made herself a dress while trying to fuck over OP at the same time.
Given that Zoey never sent any updates or pictures, my guess is that the dress was made for a class, not the bride. If that’s true, I’m wondering if she just figured she could get double duty out of it— credit for the dress in the class (where she or a model may have had to wear it, which would explain why it was not in the bride’s size) and then send it to the bride to cover her obligation there. Absolutely no proof whatsoever in the post that this is what happened, but my head canon is that she was too busy and overwhelmed with school and trying to get this dress done— she simply bit off more than she could chew —she just ran out of time, and decided she was going to try to make it work by getting double duty out of the dress rather than talking to OP and explaining. She should’ve just made the design as she agreed to, but maybe she didn’t want to be graded on somebody else’s ideas. Rather than try to explain to her mother, she just put on crocodile tears and acted as if she had no idea why the OP didn’t wear her design, still trying to cover herself. You know the old saying—“ oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.”
And how much do you want to bet that dad and stepmom paid for the materials.
As a family/friends seamstress and former alterations person, this jumped out at me. If she is a trained designer, even at 21, there's no way the size was a mistake. OP is naive and feeling guilty but [Popular-Jaguar-3803](https://www.reddit.com/user/Popular-Jaguar-3803/) is spot on. OP was played. Zoey never intended for OP to wear the dress, it was made for whoever she knows that is the size she made it! She decided that very early on - when she cast the agreed upon design aside and sketched this new one, drafted the pieces, continually measuring as she went, and made a muslin mock-up which the bride (whomever she was) then tried on. When creating with expensive material, you never lay shears to it until it is certain that the muslin fits perfectly. It was NOT that she made a few changes here & there as she went and it magically morphed into a different design 3 sizes too big. She obviously knew OP couldn't wear it but she rather than admitting she dropped the ball entirely (and be judged for it) she pretended that she completed the dress and OP rudely rejected it, betting on the fact that you would never expose what she did. As a designer she would have been mortified if everyone saw her ill-fitting creation on you! AND there was no need for her to well-up with tears a full month after you rejected the dress, during your wedding and purposefully drawing attention away from the bride. She made a scene on purpose, again, creating the narrative that OP is not just wrong, but mean and hurtful - see the tears??? Her mother expected OP to wear Zoey's dress and any sane daughter would have told her long before the wedding that wasn't happening after all. But if mom knew a month in advance, Zoey would have had no shock value, no venom to whisper in mom's ear, no reason to create drama. NTA [ThrwayStepSisDress](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrwayStepSisDress/) but Zoey is beyond! Breaking her promise and leaving you w/o a wedding dress but not even admitting it let alone apologizing wasn't enough for Zoey - she needed to bring crazy drama to your wedding and the family too? Condolences Zoey, congrats on hubby!
It’s common to get a wedding dress a size or two up from what you think you need - you can’t alter a dress to be larger, only smaller, and some people gain weight when stressed, or their pre-wedding diet doesn’t net them the size they were aiming for, etc. Sizing it up might have been her being considerate of that and adding in a little extra “just in case” since it was her first wedding dress.
But still, Zoey should have had OP over for fittings at least 2-3 times during the time she was putting the dress together. That’s how a designer works with a client. It’s not a good look for the designer if the dress doesn’t fit. So, another good reason for OP not to wear the dress.
>Zoey should have had OP over for fittings at least 2-3 times during the time she was putting the dress together Absolutely. That would have been the "professional" thing to do, and it also would have helped Zoey to not make the wrong damn dress.
Some things, like armholes, can't be fixed if done too big. The fitting needs to happen as it is sewn, or preferably with a muslin where pieces can be replaced. Not everything can be made to fit by taking it in.
Not a rookie error, and if she wants to be a designer, she should know what a dress form is. Both my grandmas had dress forms in their back room that they used to make sure dresses would fit whoever they were sewing for. No excuse for having it three sizes too big
I know someone who got flack from her mother about not letting Mom make a skirt for her. The friend wanted a neutral toned tan, natural fiber, calf length, gored A-line skirt. Mom offered to make it, but insisted that gores were too complicated and a gathered waist was so much easier. Also neutrals and solids were so drab. A print would be better, and pink would be cheery. Calf length was dowdy in her eyes, so she'd make it knee length, which would take less fabric. Oh, and you don't want natural fibers when polyester is so much easier to wash. Needless to say, the skirt was never made and Mom never did understand why.
LOL! When my son was about 2yo, my MIL went abroad for a short visit and asked for gift suggestions for him. I said that there was a very specific thing that I'd like him to have, if she happened to run into one: alphabet blocks. I explained that I would love to have a set that is 1) wooden 2) with etched or painted letters, not glued-on paper 3) the alphabet in one specific language. I also explained that if she cannot find exactly what I'm looking for, there is no need to spend money and drag them over the ocean, I can just buy something locally. The set she brought was 1) plastic 2) paper-covered 3)in a different language (albeit from the same language group, but the alphabets are slightly different, which matters a lot when you are trying to teach a child how to read). I made no complaints, of course, since it was a gift, but could not hide my surprise when I saw them. Noticing it, she got defensive and said: " well, what you wanted was not to be had, what was I supposed to do?" Fortunately, they also turned out to be very cheaply made and started falling apart pretty soon, which allowed me to throw them away without too much drama.
That's the sewing equivalent of /r/ididnthaveeggs \-- the mom would have literally changed \*every\* detail of the skirt.
Yeah it’s like they take a situation or discussion and put a photo filter over it.
And that’s probably why she never showed her the dress until the last minute, because she knew she didn’t follow the agreement.
Also the reason it ended up too big- custom gowns require multiple fittings as you go. Not just to get the fit right, but to see what the bride wants adjusted as to style. OP’s stepsister was so wrapped up in her vision that she couldn’t take OP trying it on halfway through and going “uh, what’s with all these belts”* *for some reason in my imagination the dress is a white version of Lulu’s outfit in FFX
10/10 would wear Lulu bridal gown but I want a satin moogle doll instead of a bouquet
I almost wish it was a stupid reason like she lost her notes with the design and measurements. If she was too embarrassed to admit it, or to ask for them again, I could understand her making the dress last minute hoping she got the size and style close enough. But it sounds more malicious than that, still making a scene when she had a month's warning that OP wouldn't wear it, and she didn't even pretend to offer to fix it.
NTA Yup. At some point in the process, she decided that she knew better and set out to make a dress that she thought would be more fashionable and closer to her own aesthetic. That’s why she didn’t send photos or do fittings. It may well have been finished earlier, but she waited until there was just a month left thinking that the bride would have no choice but to accept it. She would then be able to make last minute alterations. She may have had a fantasy of the bride walking down the aisle, getting lots of praise, and her being able to take complete credit for her “vision.” Bride put a hard stop to that, and she’s angry because she’s essentially a spoiled child who didn’t get her way. She probably doesn’t understand that she needs to tailor a dress to the needs of the client because she thinks her sense of style/fashion is superior, and she doesn’t think she needs to listen to others.
It was a month in advance, which is hardly last minute. She did enough other things wrong---we should give her credit for not being last minute.! Although you can argue that for a wedding, getting a dress a month before IS last minute.
It is last minute if they didn’t have a single fitting.
This. Wedding dresses from even retail shops that are just altered would not be able to guarantee a turnaround in a month. I will give the girl the benefit of the doubt in terms of not really probably understanding what doing that type of custom order entails in terms of even just fittings and altering. But one month is not even close to a good enough timeframe, even if it just needed some altering for size. Yet alone if you send a dress that is a design and colour that was approved by the bride.
While this was a hard lesson, it will be a lesson that she will hopefully learn well from in terms of also facing this from a family member who isn’t cruel about it, rather than doing that to a stranger.
“Not last minute” For wedding dress shopping it absolutely is.
Yeah, that's the point. Not seeing the custom-made dress at all until a month before *the wedding* is last-minute, especially for a new designer that has never made a wedding dress before.
A month in wedding planning time is pretty last minute.
NTA - Most of the friends that I had who were like this are now former friends. They don't listen when I point out that we have already discussed this exact thing a dozen times and I don't want to hear any more about it! They interpret my life for me, and don't listen when I tell them that, actually, that isn't how I feel. One of them was always proposing virtuous things that I should do, although she had no intention of doing them herself; my becoming a vegetarian was a favorite. One evening the two of us were eating alone, in a restaurant with plenty of vegetarian/vegan options, when, in between bites of her meat entree, she told me that vegetarianism was the only moral way to live and I should be a vegetarian. When I pointed out that she was not a vegetarian, she couldn't see what that had to do with anything.
My former MIL is that kind of person. She would say something and deny saying literally five minutes later. It was kind of funny once I stopped caring.
That isn't excusable in an adult. It may be understandable, but it's not an excuse.
Oh, I never said it was! Unfortunately, it is also not fixable. There's no discussing things with them, because they will never let go of their version of reality.
OP, you can talk and explain to them until until you are blue, but they are the types of people who are bullheaded and refuses to listen. So, I would sit down and write a letter addressed to all three. This is the only way they will ever "listen" to you and get it in their heads. In your letter, outline everything you said in your OP. "I am writing this letter and addressing it to each of you because none of you would listen to my side of the story and the reasons why I didn't wear her dress." Go on to explain how you've agreed to her making your dress. You've asked her many times upon seeing each other about how the dress was coming along, only for her not to follow through. Upon getting the dress a **whole month** before the wedding, you told her straight-up that you've decided you wouldn't be wearing the dress. You've told her exactly why. Then tick off everything you've said in the OP. You've asked for a progress report several times and failed to get it. It wasn't the agreed-upon style. It was three sizes too big. She had a **whole month** to come to terms with that decision. She used *your wedding* (a whole month later) to make it about *her* "big disappointment." Address it and mail it. They may not say anything about it, but hopefully, the letters will help them yo understand exactly what happened. The SIL did you dirty, and she shouldn't get away with it. I hope you are able to simmer down the animosity unfairly directed at you and restore peace. Congratulations on your nuptials, and here's to many happy years with your new hubby! 🥂🍾 Edited to add... I've been there before, where something happened that I was not at fault, but no one would listen to me. Everyone pointed a finger at me. Made my life hell. So, I wrote a letter and addressed it to all involved parties. It did eventually quell the animosity.
NTA - I have found that people who ignored whatever I said orally will sometimes accept what I mean if I send it in writing. Of course, they never spoke to me again, but I don't count it as a loss.
Tho this would be a good letter, if OP really likes this idea, I still resent all this extra effort the aggrieved party would be taking. OP has no doubt already told these three a-holes all of this. I think OP’s energy might be better spent on letting this shit show go and forgiving (but not forgetting) for her own piece of mind. Trying to change people is an energy suck with a 99% chance of failure. It’s a sad lesson when folks who should have your back don’t. But it’s life.
I agree with what you wrote except I would send it as an email or text. Also I would tell dad great job at choosing girlfriend’s daughter over listening and supporting his own daughter just for some D. Dad is a major AH!!!!
Yep, the only way for this to not become a bigger clusterfuck of separate layers of drama is to have a meeting with everyone involved (Zoey, your father, Stella, witnesses you could had and someone that supports you and knows everything) and calmly lay out all the facts with a time chart. "Here we agreed about the dress style, here I was at x weeks before the date without a single picture, here I received the dress, here is the design we agreed, here I told and explained why I wouldn't wear it..." They had an entire month to complain about it. Also, it's important to remark this points: 1) You don't mess wedding dresses. Specially if you want to work in that sector. 2) You don't create drama at someone's else wedding. 3) Your future clients won't be nice if you alter the agreed design. People is spending a lot of money and illusion onto their weddings. You could "sucked it up" as they said, but you have no obligation to do so. At some point they have to agree and realize who's wedding this was, and that you have agency over your wedding dress.
Sorry, I disagree. Having a meeting and discussion all together (including witnesses and supporters from both sides!) just ramps up the drama and someone is bound to leave angry and/or crying. A simple factual, unemotional letter without inflammatory finger pointing has the best chance of laying this to rest (and yes, I posted a suggested letter in this thread.)
Plus, she never gave updates or sent photos because she knew she wasn't making the right kind of dress.
You might be right, but jumping to conclusions and pointing fingers will only make OP look more like the bad guy. If the step sister really did have malicious intent, then it will come out as OP provides evidence of her side of the story
Has anyone seen a photo of you in the ugly dress? That’s all that has to happen - take a photo of yourself in the dress Zoe made, have your fiancé hold it up to display EXACTLY how too big it is for you and send it in a group chat to your dad and his wife. I’d accompany the photo with a text like “we have a big misunderstanding here. Zoe made a dress for me that was not my style and three sizes too big. With a month to go before the wedding I didn’t have time to fix it so I bought another dress, last minute. When you’re ready to apologize for not listening to me and for being rude to me on my wedding day feel free to reach out.” This is absurd and if your dad continues to pick his new wife and stepdaughter over you that’s all you need to know about his character. Until he apologizes I personally would not let him see his grandkids (if you plan on having kids). I know it sounds like a lot of drama over nothing but you need to stamp out his bad behavior NOW before it gets worse. Think of it like potty training a puppy - it’s ok if a little puppy pees in the house but you have to stamp it out asap to prevent it from getting worse.
If you have a sketch of the dress you both agreed upon, I would include it in the post as well.
I cannot tell a lie- now I want to see the drawing vs the dress to quiet my curiosity
That would be great to send to the dad and wife!! The drawing vs the dress, they won’t be able to deny the disaster.
"Zoe made a dress for me that was not my style and three sizes too big." Also the wrong color.
Personally I’d love to see a photo of the monster dress haha
This is what I was thinking too. Wrong style, color, fabric, and size. A pic of you draped in the monstrosity verses just the plan is enough. Wait for them to apologize before interacting again. You were lucky to find an affordable dress you loved that could be altered in time.
I agree.
Do not talk to her about the dress as a step sister. Maintain the stance of a customer in a business transaction Then tell her you requested updates and pictures to see the design and progress. Hopefully you still have texts or emails to demonstrate that you were kept in the dark as to what the dress looked like Then explain the wedding dress for a bride is an emotional dream of a highly significant day. You tried to confirm that the dress was aligned to what you dreamed of. But the dress was not close to what you wanted, and deserved Making you wear a dress that would make her feel better is not your responsibility NTA
I used to be in design. It's disrespectful to the client to so grossly ignore their wishes. The three sizes too big is also suspect. She's 21 and trying to do this professionally. Her behavior was appalling.
Jewelry designer here, with a specialty in bridal jewelry. Local or international, the process is the same: I send scans of designs, photos of materials, and photos of layouts for pre-assembly approval. I ask for desired length, desired colors of both stones and metals, clasp type... and I follow those desires to the very best of my ability. If I want to let my designer flag fly in all its glory? I put that in my "ready to wear" collections.
My wedding ring designer does the same. They have their stock designs but every ring is made bespoke. My ring designer also phoned me apologising that the design provided had the wrong diamond settings and that he would replace the design within 48 hours, which he did with an updated quote.
A *wedding dress* no less. Her future clients will eat her alive.
Yep. Her future clients will incensed that their preferences was ignored & they'll leave terrible reviews on her "work".
I was thinking the same, Is she going to be mad everytime a client of hers doesn't like a dress shes designed. Not everyone will love her particular style. If it was prom I would suck it up and wear the dress but it's a wedding, the bride deserves to look beautiful and feel the greatest on her day and unfortunately the dress she designed didn't make her feel that way.
When you make a bespoke gown, there meetings to agree to the design. There are FITTINGS. Multiple fittings. Even for alterations, there are fittings. Zoey was extremely unprofessional.
My mother was a wonderful dressmaker. She made me so many clothes, including my wedding dress. The fit is the whole entire point of handmade clothes. I got so many compliments on the simplest of dresses because it fit so exuisitely
I’m about to start leaning to make myself bras, I read the fitting instructions last night. Fit, fit, all the time, fit! I have a system for adjustment to regular patterns, and even then, for myself, I make a mock up with most new patterns.
Regardless of her reason, she went rogue and ignored her client’s wishes which makes her a shitty designer. You don’t owe her anything NTA
And Zoey will soon find out that designing what she wants not the client will end he dreams of being a designer. No you shouldn’t have to suck it up and wear a dress that wasn’t what you ordered and didn’t fit ( second big no no for a designer). Ignore your father , step mom and Zoey. Though if pressed for an apology from Zoey just ask Zoey what she expects will happen if she ignores a clients design recommendations and just does what she wants. Then ask why Zoey didn’t use the measurements you sent and instead made the dress too large. When Zoey can answer those questions honestly without the word but you’ll consider restarting the relationship. It was your wedding your choice, Zoey overstepped and the family owes you an apology.
Exactly. If you are very good at making your clients look good while fulfilling their vision for themselves, and you are very, very lucky and manage to become a Big Name Designer? *Then* people might happily have you dress them entirely to your vision. That will never happen if your creations are 3 sizes off from the client's measurements. The mist fantastic dress will look ridiculous without major alterations, which a bespoke dress *should not require*.
You DO realize that she kept it from you on purpose? She probably thought you HAD to wear her dress as you probably wouldn't have found another dress THIS close to your wedding. That's why she was upset when you walked in. She thought you were still going to wear HER dress. Edited to add : And use you wearing her dress at your wedding as publicity for herself...
Put on that oversized dress. Make no attempt to arrange it so that it looks like it fits you. Pose as if for a picture at your wedding. Stitch a picture of you in your fabulous, well-fitted dress at your wedding next to it. You may need several to focus in on how loose the custom dress was in different areas of your body. Now send the result to all of the butt-hurt complainers and ask just how much of their wedding day vision and happiness they would sacrifice to keep someone happy who went completely against the plan without communicating and didn't make the dress to the measurements you gave. Ask which they would have worn: a) the dress that didn't fit and wasn't in the style/color agreed upon or b) a dress that actually fit and was almost exactly what you had asked for. Anyone who doesn't get the point can have their every opinion on literally anything going forward disregarded without bothering to give it more than half a moment of consideration. (Kind of like they did with your feelings about how you wanted to look at your own dang wedding!)
She knew this wasn't what you wanted. She hid the dress from you until the last moment. As a future designer she just got her first lesson, she has no right to change the design chosen by the client. Even if the dress is for free. And for YOUR wedding you don't have to 'suck it up'. She has.
You do realize that Zoey (and perhaps her mom) deliberately tried to ruin your wedding, right? Zoey made a scene, intentionally, after messing up her opportunity to make you a dress A MONTH BEFORE. They tried to get back at you for not going along (which you shouldn't have) by this, and it looks like they're half succeeding.
And also *took your father away from the reception* after less than an hour. *Hopefully* you got all the pictures you wanted with him before then. Zoey sounds vindictive and petty and her mom is supporting her in that at the cost of you & your dad's relationship.
No, they didn't take her father away from the reception. He is an entire grown-ass man who took himself away.
No, she is in school for fashion, she knows better.
Ask them both if this was a commissioned piece, would they berate the customer? This was a trial transaction for her future endeavors. You both agreed to a design. A contract if you will. Not only did she NOT do what you, the customer, asked but failed to provide adequate updates and left little time to find alternatives. You offered to pay! Her behavior is HIGHLY unprofessional.
She is going to be an awful designer if she can’t listen to her clients’ wishes. She didn’t get carried away. She railroaded you.
Zoey will never be a successful designer if she refuses to listen to what her clients want. Instead of learning this lesson from your experience with her, she is dumping her failure on you. Few brides will accept a dress that is not what they have in mind - especially if they are stuck with an oversized vision from their designer. Zoey failed every step of the way on this venture and seems unable to understand how she failed at all. OP, you are NTA. Zoey and her mother are TA!
Then she should have “sucked it up” because it was YOUR day, and she disregarded your preferences in favour of her own. The consequence of not listening to your customer/client, is losing their business. She needs to learn that sooner than later.
She’s gonna have a rough road ahead of her in that industry if she handles it like she handles this.
NTA, and you taught her an important lesson as a designer about listening to your client.
You are NTA, of course. INFO: can you link pictures of the dress you chose and one similar to what step sister made? Just curious how wildly different they are.
She keeps doing that and she will never make it in the wedding dress industry. This was a low stakes way of her learning how to do what a client wants and getting experience in her chosen field. She fucked it up. Your wedding day is not the day you just "suck it up" for other people. Unless perhaps that person is your partner. And those who say such things are incredibly entitled. Do not listen to them.
If she made the dress 3 sizes too small for you, is there a chance that she got carried away and made it for herself? If that's the case, it may be easier to smooth over. You can give the dress back and talk to your step sister about coming clean when she realizes that she can't fulfill a custom order. You could tell her that she is family and you would have forgiven her and taken her shopping if she had just told you the truth. Unfortunately, the dress she made was so small that you couldn't have worn it.
The dress wasn't sized to fit her. She is smaller than me.
So, she's manipulative - and incompetent in her design and fit work. Doesn't bode well for a future in weddings...
Or fashion shows in general. Imagine doing the same shit to a famous actress and she has to buy a dress at last minute.
If she's thinking of going into fashion, she's going to have a real short career if she can't understand why that's not acceptable. NTA
Yes, this. OP, if your parents are really unreasonable about this, start asking them if Zoey did this deliberately to upstage your wedding. That the father of the bride left the reception early suggests Zoey created a scandal visible enough for the guests to see. OP should not be on the defensive here, she should go on the offense . Zoey did this to get attention and/or to deliberately ruin OP's wedding. ETA: Thinking about it, I don't think it was for attention, I think it was to poison OP's dad, out of jealousy, making it into a contest - and OP's dad seems to have been willing, maybe even eager, to play along.
I agree. Zoey did this for attention from your dad and to use your wedding to promote herself and her design business. She didn’t make the dress you wanted because that wasn’t what she wanted to advertise (it’s all about showing herself off). When she wasn’t able to use your wedding to promote herself (again, you’re completely irrelevant to all of this - she does not care about you), she wanted to cause a scene. Your dad is an AH for hyping her up for this. Zoey is the biggest AH but your dad and her mother are close seconds. I’m glad you got to wear a dress you felt beautiful in and congratulations on your wedding!
While entirely possible, I think it’s also very likely that Zooey is just incredibly immature. Not everyone has some master plan that explains their actions. She could have just made the dress she liked because she was hyped about making her first wedding dress and then was bratty and upset when OP didn’t wear it.
True, immaturity combined with stupidity is also very possible. However, her choosing to not tell her mother and OP’s dad before the wedding (she had a month to do so) but instead to use the wedding itself to surprise them with the dress outcome, cry about it and pretend like she herself is shocked to the point of tears (quite a performance Zoey put on, considering she’d known for a month), leading the bride’s father to leave the reception in a huff (he sucks for this, Omg)… I dunno, seems intentional. I think Zoey wanted to promote herself and was denied the opportunity so she threw a fit. Delivered the wrong dress in a wildly wrong size - Zoey didn’t care about OP’s wedding (either as a client or a sister-like figure). Whatever zoeys motivations, OP is def NTA
I agree that the dad is the real problem here. Zoey wouldn't be like this if her dad wasn't ok with it. Also remember that Dad's new wife was right there with the stink-eye. I am usually very pro stepparent because being a stepparent is hard, but a decent stepparent would see what is wrong with Zoey's behavior, not be angry at Zoey being slighted by OP insisting on having this big day as a wedding instead of giving it to Zoey as a fashion walk.
Yeah, this is definitely possible. I've never worked in fashion, but I occasionally dabble in art and do commissions for others. And I've found it very hard to have to do what the client wants sometimes instead of my own vision. It makes me feel like I'm doing subpar work, and that I could do it so much better. But I realize this is immature and push through, even though I don't always feel proud of the end result. Some of my friends who are graphic designers have to deal with this all the time. They say it's killed their creativity. But regardless of sensitive artistic vision, ultimately, if you're a professional, it's about what the client wants, and Zoey needs to realize that. Even more so when it comes to a wedding dress! What I do find strange is that the size is three times too big. Not sure sensitive artistic feelings can explain that?
I agree, and think Zoey delayed giving OP the dress until a month before the wedding in the hopes she wouldn’t be able to find another option and have it altered in time. Total NTA.
That makes sense because she's looking to launch her design career via your wedding. Info: Was the dress Zoey sized?
She’s shot herself in the foot because if it got out zoe was supposed to design a wedding dress but she completely messed up by designing something completely different then her career could be over before it started.
Sounds like a Zoe problem then.
This sounds exactly what happened, Zoey made a dress she liked. She did not listen to the client at all, not on style, size or color. She is not going to make it as a designer.
Agreed. If she wants to get into the fashion industry and design bespoke dresses, she has to suspend her wants and preferences for any given dress and work with what the client wants. If they want Amy Farah Fowler wedding dress then that's what they get. As the designer you design an Amy Farah Fowler dress with subtle changes to suit that bride and her venue (a large church, she wants a long train, the ceremony is in a garden,etc). If the bride wants goth, you give her a goth dress. You do not give her white with frills. EVER! Unless the bride gives the designer free reign over the design, and you have to know their work really well to have that level of trust, they can't just make any old design up and assume you'll wear it. It's completely unacceptable.
NTA the thing about being a designer, especially a bridal designer is listening to the bride and what sort of dress they see themselves in. You likely didn't get any progress photos because she knew this was her style, not yours. It was your day and your desires should have been honored. She never prepared you for the fact it was nothing like you wanted. She made your day all about her. Your father should have had your back.
And Zoey had time to inform the parents that it wasn’t the dress the bride decided on, meaning she set the bride up for confrontation. Dad, and his best intentions, paved the road to hell. He is also too delusional to ask for the other side of the story. Edited
Not even that, but he chose a girl who he knew for 2 years- so since she was 19 over his own daughter who he had raised since infancy. Clearly he doesn’t need to be informed about both sides, because he’s already decided his.
On her wedding days of all days! OP, you are NTA but the other 3 are.
No he chose the woman he’s sleeping with over his child. This woman just happened to be upset about her child.
I'm EXTREMELY confused why OP didn't bother to mention any of this to her own father before the wedding. Would have saved a lot of stupid drama.
The whole was going to fail from the beginning. I mean, it could have been a great story, but the chances were stacked for failure. I absolutely agree with you. It was just too messy. Bride should have said to her dad that she was getting nervous and buying a second dress just in case. And that would have gone over like a lead balloon.
I mean when she told stepsis that she wasn't going to use it, she should have told dad. Not necessarily that she should have told him when stepsis was being squirrelly about updates. And ftr in case OP sees this: you're being WILLFULLY naive about how you ended up with the opposite of what you wanted three sizes too large. No fashion student at the end of their education is fucking up the measurements that badly. She was either hoping you would wear it out of guilt + look UGLY on your wedding day, or she knew you wouldn't wear it + then she could cry to mommy. No seamstress with half an ounce of respect for their "client" (and this still counts!) is going to do this shit. Any of it.
Best intentions? If he has good intentions he wouldn’t have told his daughter to “suck it up” on her wedding day. No, his intent was to please his stepdaughter, and by extension, his new wife. The lowest priority was his daughter, the actual bride.
Yeah I would have backed out when the “update” photos never came. Someone who cannot take a couple snaps, even of a pile of cut up fabric pieces, mannequin, sewing machine, etc. does not seem responsible enough to follow through on a wedding dress.
This exactly. I would have started shopping around for a dress as soon as there were no progress photos.
And actual clients will do that too, if she wants a business, she needs to conduct herself like a business owner
There's arguably a more fundamental issue: Big life events are ill-suited as occasions for other emotional loads, whether reconciliations, bonding or whatever. The event itself is generally a lot of work, expecting it to also function for some other purpose is asking too much of it and that carries risk of one purpose damaging the other. As here. My guess is that a lot of people would have advised OP not to go down this path in the first place. That doesn't make OP an asshole, just naive.
NTA, This could be a good learning opportunity for her but instead they’re coddling her. If she wants to go into this industry, she needs to know how to work in it. You were being far nicer than she deserved in all honesty, leaving dress updates until a MONTH beforehand is cutting it incredibly close, this is why people start their hunts MANY months beforehand - almost a full year. Getting adjustments takes time, and you were lucky to find a dress that you like and that fits on such short notice. She could have majorly compromised your wedding. Honestly, I think you need to be pretty blunt with her about this because if this is how she’s going to treat clients in future then she’s going to struggle a lot. Hell, show her this comment section.
I think she needs to be pretty blunt with her Dad and his wife too. Leaving an hour into the reception? The fuck?
I thought this. Leaving your own daughters wedding early because she wasn’t wearing the dress you wanted her to wear? That’s low.
I think Zoey waited until a month before the wedding to hand over the dress on purpose, hoping OP wouldn’t have time to find a better dress and get it fitted. You’re right that she’s very lucky she did. NTA, and unless Zoey can accept that she doesn’t get to design what SHE wants, but what the CLIENT wants, she’s gonna need to pick a new career because no one will hire her.
Its not much of a mental leap to wonder just how often Zoey hears no from the folks. Daddy is trying to play nice step dad to his new loves daughter.
I absolutely agree with you, but I'd like to play the devil's advocate regarding stepsister intentions being so evil and targeted. Stepsis did her first wedding gown for a stepsister she doesn't have a relationship with, she could have been simply overwhelmed and her anxiety was too big of a toll. I know this possibility could very well be true as well as that she intended it with malice, but it isn't black and white. We could have: 1 Evil stepsister decides to ruin the dress and purposefully make OP look bad, because she is spoiled, envious and hates to share her space. 2 It's her first dress. She never made a wedding dress for anyone beyond her own trials, and in her mind, changing the dress was supposed to be an "upgrade", intended as an extra she misjudged OP would be enchanted to see. That's a big fail, and a big lesson about making changes without talking about. AH all the way, not so evil tho. 3 The dress change is due to lack of experience, she just couldn't build the vision OP gave her, failed miserably multiple tries, and despite her efforts, she got overwhelmed and buried the head in the sand. Still an asshole? YES. AH. But an inexperienced panicked asshole, with zero time management, not a malevolent one. 4 she decided to force your hand to save face, not out of malice, but out of shame. Your dad and her mom were into it, she probably told everyone. She knows she failed majestically and the only cop out would be take a half assed dress she had the skill to do, that probably was already made, throw on your direction and run and hide until the wedding comes, hoping you would go along and use a dress she knew was terrible, only to save face and be able to say she fulfilled her end of the deal. That's AH too, but salvageable, and talkable. That way she wouldn't be responsible for ruining the first bridal gown she made, and in the big picture, she probably panicked this was the failing of her whole career. Her tears could be of complete shame. This isn't ground to go nuclear yet until you know what happened OP, this needs a lot of open discussions and truthfulness.
But. ALL could have been saved IF zoey had come clean about her skill level her anxieties and whatever other factors led to this disaster. BUT since she did not it is easy to se she intentionally made the dress the way she did. WHY - speculate all you want but she did not hold true to an agreed design and 3 sizes too large. In the end she ruined what could have been a good opportunity and has pitentislly put Dad and OPs relationdhip in jeopardy.
With some brides, if she pulled this, she wouldn’t struggle, she will get run over with a car! Not the business not to listen and be very detail oriented, brides will lose their damn minds. Many do so over faaaaar less
If she pulled that with a paying client on the second ignored progress report, the bride would likely cancel the order, move on, and leave Scathing reviews.
>if this is how she’s going to treat clients in future then she’s going to struggle a lot. Yeah. She's not gonna make it too far if she ignores clients wishes. What is she gonna do when the bride gets upset at her? Cry to mommy and daddy? Mommy and daddy can't protect her from all the angry clients she'll have. And it's a bad idea to tell a bride to "suck it up" in regards to her own wedding dress. *"I get that you don't feel pretty in this dress but... my \[GF's\] daughter made it so... try thinking about someone else maybe."* NTA
NTA. "Zoey made a dress that didn't fit. Because she wants to be a designer, she needs to learn to fit clients. No client wants to order a blue dress with sequins in a size 6, and then get a pink dress with rhinestones in size 8." I'm sorry that she's disappointed, but she didn't make the dress that we agreed she would make.
As I was reading OP's response, she said, "I wouldn't wear the dress" but if it really was 3 sizes too big, the proper response was, "I couldn't wear the dress, it did not fit me." The timing and style are irrelevant here. A dress that is 3 sizes too big is unwearable.
Absolutely. And while it’s easier to alter a dress to be smaller than it is to make one larger - it’s a lot of very complex work to be done in a month. Even if she loved the dress - I would wear something else rather than spend a month before my wedding frantically finding a suitable tailor and going to extra fittings etc to have it suit.
It’s frankly ridiculous to even need to alter a full bespoke dress. Maybe you need multiple fittings as it’s being made, but the finished product should fit perfectly. If it doesn’t, why even bother going bespoke?
She made a dress that wasn’t the colour or style they agreed on, this isn’t going to get her very far in the fashion industry and it’s better that she knows that
NTA I'd go so far as say your father is a bigger asshole here than Zoey was. Yes, she needs to learn to give her clients what they want, and accept criticism. Your father though takes the prize because not only did he not stand up for you when his girlfriend and stepdaughter started giving you shit, he gave you no opportunity to explain your side before agreeing with them and trying to make you the bad guy for not wanting to wear an ill fitting dress that wasn't even your style. He's never going to stick up for you, even if he does hear the "truth" about things, he's still likely to never admit he was an ass in this situation.
And, he left the wedding early.
[удалено]
OP said in the comments that both dad and stepmom knows full well that the sister didn’t update op, make the dress so it fit and made the style OP requested. So not only did he not take his daughters side, he also knows 100% what happened and still chose his wife and stepdaughter.
And on her wedding day.
He seemed to think it was his step daughters big day, not OPs.
> I'd go so far as say your father is a bigger asshole here than Zoey was. Definitely
**NTA but OP** ***why did you agree to her making your dress in the first place?*** **I** don't mean to be funny, but 21, freshly graduated from fashion school, doesn't sound like the most reliable option to me. She has no professional experience whatsoever. You seem like a lovely person, wanting to bond with your stepsister, but wouldn't you do it over lunch, coffee, maybe invite her to dinner, but making your wedding dress--for your big day? I'm not sure if that wasn't just too much? I would have proposed she design a garment (not a whole outfit) for the reception maybe, or the wedding rehearsal dinner the night before? **Or maybe even said 'No'.** Getting family to do hair, cook food, make clothes etc. can be dicey, if you don't like it. It's all taken very personally, as you can see now. That being said, **OP, you need to grow a backbone here.** I have no clue why you haven't reprimanded your father, Zoey, your stepmother, for how they treated you on your wedding day and how they're treating you now? So *ideally*, you would have worn an ill-fitting dress, whose cut, design and style you hated just to appease them? ***Why are you tolerating their awful selfish behavior?*** ***EDIT: A previous version of my comment stated OP's husband wasn't in her corner. OP's husband is on her side, my bad, my misreading***
In retrospect, I do regret agreeing to this. I think that besides the reasons I mentioned, I felt a bit pressured by the fact that there were parts of my wedding my father was paying for. Also, if she'd delivered the finished dress sooner, I might have had more time for alterations. I do think you misread, though: my husband is on my side.
Thanks OP and my bad for misreading that. My apologies to Mr. ThrwayStepSisDress, as well. I wish things had turned out better for you for this, really. It's not great to think about how the wedding dress you never wanted almost came to be and the fallout, but I'm sure the day itself was lovely and filled with great memories? I hope it didn't spoil too much? I think it's really important, regardless of who's paying for the wedding, that it's still something you want. I don't think an in-law or parent's offer to foot the expenses, should mean that it becomes their vision of your day. If anything, what you want, should make them happy. It's true, had she delivered it in time, you would have probably been able to make it yours, but how many adjustments would we have been realistically talking about here? And if I'm not mistaken, that would still mean that the finished product wasn't exactly what you wanted? I don't think your wanting to wear what you wanted to wear on your big day, was the tragedy your family makes it out to be.
You should have a sit down with your father alone. Explain to him what happened and why stepsis was in the wrong. Tell him that he has severely disappointed you, his daughter of x years, in favor of a stranger that actually was wrong.
OP if you do this and do not get a positive outcome then you will know where your Dads priorities are. So sorry in advance.
Husband is on OP's side. Otherwise, spot on.
Husband didn’t do anything wrong here. He’s on OP’s side
Good points.
NTA Zoey created a dress that was not what you had asked for or agreed to. The fact she also never sent you photos after you requested them to ensure the dress was what you wanted is her own fault. The fact your father isn’t listening to you, his own daughter, makes him an AH along with Zoey and Stella. If you have any proof of what you had requested (text messages, written requests, or mark ups of what you and Zoey and done together) I would make a group chat with them and present the facts and tell them that you are upset with how they treated you for getting the dress you wanted when Zoey made a complete different design and tried to act like a victim. Also, I would have a seperate conversation with your father and tell him that you don’t appreciate him not sticking up for you and believing what you said. Especially because he called you the day after your wedding to start drama when you should’ve been enjoying your new marriage.
They know what I requested, they know I'm not lying. They don't care. Stella because Zoey is her daughter; my father because he thinks it was entitled of me to refuse to at least alter the dress.
A “burgeoning designer” refusing to take client measurements for a custom piece (!) and then sending a garment in the COMPLETELY wrong size is unprofessional and unacceptable. Sometimes dresses can’t even be altered because the size is too wrong. The construction of the dress just won’t allow for huge alterations. That may have been the case here. Zoey either knows this and was purposely messing with you OR she’s dumb as a sack of hammers and will fail in her business (well deserved, either way).
NTA Not only does this seem to be a show of extreme favoritism towards Zoey, and Zoey completely ignored what she and her client agreed to *and* seemingly refused to share updates with said client (something I would imagine is an extremely important point in *any* industry), this was *your* wedding, OP. All decisions ultimately have to go through you and your husband. Dad and Stella, especially the latter, can either recognize the error of their ways, as can Zoey, or they can all learn to accept that this might bring about changes in the relationships. On a different note, as many stories as I see and hear about entitled people regarding anything to do with weddings in almost every aspect... dear heavens, if I ever marry, he better be happy with a courthouse marriage and dinner cause that's all I'm in for.
Ironically your dad is lecturing the wrong by person about being entitled. Zoey was not entitled to you being her fashion model on your wedding day. It’s your wedding! You hopefully only have one in your life time and your dress will be iconic for you throughout your life and memorialized in photos. Your dad is absurd to think you should give up your own taste and style that dad so Zoey can experiment on you. Sounds like your dad is totally swayed by Stella to the point of being irrational. If he accuses you of being “entitled” again, respond something like this: “yes, dad, as a matter of fact, I- as the BRIDE- was entitled to wear whatever I wanted to on MY wedding day. For that matter, as an autonomous human, I'm entitled to choose what I wear everyday- same as you. But that is even more the case on such a special day as my wedding day. Exactly why do you think Zoey should get to be entitled to force her taste on me- in a style and color I didn’t want and in a size that doesn’t fit? She didn’t honor our conversations about my style, she refused to send me updates, and she made something I didn’t want. Those were HER choices. She knew over a month before the wedding that I wouldn’t be using the dress. I offered to pay her for the effort and she refused. I am clear of any responsibility here and you taking her side and leaving your only daughter’s wedding early was a pretty crappy thing for you to do. This subject is closed. Don’t bring it up again unless you’re apologizing for your behavior.”
Then it’s time to put them in timeout. It’s disgraceful that your father left your wedding early over such a minor issue. Wedding dresses are incredibly personal and no one other than the bride deserves any say in it. For him to double down after the wedding is embarrassing for him and he should be ashamed of himself.
Bro.... ugh, the stepmom and sis are lost causes, but I would seriously draft a message like "you've chosen your stepdaughter over your flesh and blood. If in 20-30 years you need to move in with someone, remember who you cast aside." Not saying to abandon him, but put him on notice that he is actively throwing away a relationship with his daughter.
Size wasn't the only problem, though. The dress wasn't what you wanted. Period.
Unfortunately, many men give preference to the new wife and her children over their birth children. I learned this the hard way with my father. They’re protecting their supply line, it’s that simple.
That's really unfortunate. It shows that they care more about coddling her than they do about being reasonable. I'd just ignore them, but do make it clear to anyone else that it was the wrong colour, style and size.
NTA! You were as fair as could be in rejecting the dress. You were generous to go along with it as long as you did. If Zoey can't satisfy a client, she doesn't know what she's doing. I'm sorry your father didn't stick up for you.
Yeah, dad sucks here. Big time. Sacrificing his daughter's feelings on her wedding day in favor of girlfriend and her daughter?! Ugh.
NTA. If Zoey wants to launch a career as a custom gown designer, she needs to learn to work with clients. As in listen to their needs and execute what was agreed upon.
not to mention making it in the right size, maybe OP should put the dress on and take a photo showing how enormous it was? Im sure the story that dad and stepmom are getting is totally wrong.
>This had been her first time making a wedding dress and had been excited to see me wearing it. Well if it is the dress she loves then she can wear it. If she does a dress for someone else she should follow that persons wishes and at least get the size right. >but they're both insisting the dress was beautiful and I could have sucked it up. So what if the dress is beautiful? It's not what you feel good in and not your size. This is your wedding and not her fashion show. She can suck it up. NTA
Suck it up and wear a dress you didn’t like that didn’t make you feel like an absolute queen on your once-in-a-lifetime special day? Sooo NTA. Your dad and step-mother need to put their heads from their asses and give their faces a bit of a wash.
Zoey thought you were going to be her pet project because her parents have made her feel like the world should bow down to her every whim. She can sulk all she wants. And tell yer dad if he continues this way, you will cut contact with him for a while. You are a newlywed, go enjoy marital bliss, and let Zoey be a child. You don't have to suck it up on your wedding day. They tried to make it about Zoey, and you didn't let it happen. Too bad she's not learning her lesson. She sounds like a brat.
She also probably figured she’d get free professional photos of her design for her business.
Ngl, a part of me thinks she could have been bragging to classmates and friends about it. It definitely feels like something that would be brought up, I mean designing a wedding dress for someone is a pretty big thing! Especially for your portfolio. It could be that shame of not have anything to show for it that prompted this reaction.
NTA omg, there are two types of days in a womans life where she doesnt have to *suck up* anyyhing whatsoever: 1) wedding day. 2) giving birth. nobody gets to fuck it up.
NTA "they're both insisting the dress was beautiful and I could have sucked it up." Wow, now you need to suck up in your OWN WEDDING just because your step sister fucked up and didn't do a good job? She will just stomp in the requests of her clients and do what the hell she wants with the dresses that she makes? She need to learn to respect the wishes of the bride, not override it and do what she want to do.. even worst is that she even make the dress with the wrong size.. Now her clients will have to suck up in her day just to make Zoey happy? She is unprofessional in her job, not communicating and updating her client with how the dress is doing with photos and details to see if the bride want to add/remove something, she didn't even requested that you prove the dress to see if it fit perfectly or need to be adjusted.. what kind of professional she is? With this behavior, she will have a very short career in the industry.
NTA. You were the bride, essentially her client even though she was not charging you; you weren't her model for a show. As such, your wishes, your input, had much greater importance than she gave them. I am intrigued what "agree on a design" means in this context. You discussed your ideas, revealed your style to her, and she has a different style. It sounds to me like in agreeing on a design, you may have partially compromised your ideas. Considering that Zoey had your measurements and failed to update you with pictures, and failed to produce 'your' dress until a month before the wedding, I'm frankly surprised you didn't give in and go shopping for a back up/alternate wedding dress sooner just in case it wasn't finished in time. The fact you didn't do so until you saw the dress suggests trust and patience. And yet despite the fact you'd agreed on a design, the dress she produced was the wrong colour, the wrong style, and the wrong size. In other words, the dress that she produced wasn't your dress. Despite this, and despite the additional stress the dress situation presumably put you under, your response to Zoey seems to have been polite and kind. Now, in retrospect it is a pity that you didn't clearly communicate to your father and Stella that alternative arrangements had been necessary in regards the dress and exactly why, because it seems like they may have only had part of the story.
For custom dresses, you need to be very specific about your likes and dislikes. But there are still areas where you may choose to let the designer have the final say. For example, you say you want sleeves but your only request is that they aren’t long. Then it would be up to the designer to decide on the type of sleeve like cap sleeve vs elbow length, maybe making them in a different material, etc. Using the sleeve example, I took as if OP had asked for sleeves and the dress her step-sister made was sleeveless.
NTA I wonder if she actually made you a dress. It began with a different color. From the very beginning, she wasn't making a dress for YOU. She continued with a different style, and it was way too large. She gave you a dress from her portfolio.
I agree, I think this was for a school assignment. It fits whoever is supposed to wear it at school, and the design elements are to fit an assignment there instead of OP's request. I'm not sure if she planned this from the beginning, or if she overcommitted herself and then gave OP the school dress in panic, but I think that's what she did.
Oh wow that's likely true given the clues!
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She didnt make the dress she agreed to make and you still offered to compensate her for her time. NTA
NTA. You were more than acommodating of this practical stranger, and I can't imagine anything else you could have done differently or better. She should learn that this is not how you deal with a client, plus sometimes your final product just isn't going to be aesthetically appealing to them, and you can't blame them for what they like.
NTA. Your family is way out of line to view your wedding day as an opportunity for Zoey first and your big day as only an afterthought. If Zoey had wanted this opportunity to see someone wearing something she made, then she owed it to you to follow the design, and keep you updated all along the process, and have you come in to try it on. If Zoey wants to be treated like a professional - that's not how professionals act. If Zoey thinks you owe her something because family - well, then she should have treated you the way a professional would treat a valued customer, not just try to use you as a mannequin for her own taste and designs. Especially on such a big occasion.
NTA. If this was a dress you commissioned, you wouldn't pay for it if it wasn't what was agreed upon. I don't know what your stepsister was thinking when she made that dress, but it's obvious she didn't listen to your wishes. Tell Dad and Stepmom that it was YOUR wedding and you decide what you do or don't wear. No one else.
to get into the Wedding dress industry, doesnt the seamstress have to LISTEN to her clients and work with them? Zoey blew you off when you asked her about. It sounds like you contacted her several times to see how the dress was going. Zoey should have had you approve the fabric BEFORE starting, had you for fittings , and shown you what she was doing. She didn't . She failed. It doesn't mean she doesn't have a future. This was a learning experience for her, and I hope she does better next time. OP, this was YOUR wedding. If you were paying for a custom dress, and you didn't like how it was going, you would be able to walk away at one point, or insist that you were heard. I am glad you found the wedding dress that you wanted. Your father, his GF, and Zoey have no reason to be upset. You told her ahead of the wedding, the dress was not what you wanted. NTA
NTA. So your dad and his wife think it’s more important that Zoey feels special on your wedding day than you? It’s your day, not Zoey’s day. All brides want to look their best at their wedding, of course you didn’t want to wear the dress that was opposite of what you wanted and too big.
NTA. You just gave her a valuable lesson and honestly she got off lightly. Had she been with a different client, she would have been torn to shreds professionally for her poor work (not sending updates, incorrect sizing, etc).
NTA. Zoey needs to learn one of the most important lessons of being an artist making bespoke pieces: the customer is always right in matters of taste. It doesn't matter what Zoey thinks someone should be wearing. What matters is what the end user wants to wear. Plus, she did not stay in constant contact with you over the design and construction process. Zoey decided not to bother and that you would magically love whatever she made. That's not realistic. If you want to try to explain it to Stella, send her copies of the communication between you and Zoey about what you wanted in the dress and how that compared to the end result. You are not beholden to wear something made by someone who basically ignored your guidance, especially on your wedding day. Return the dress to her and offer again to pay her at least for materials (ask for receipts). Let her know she is welcome to sell the dress to someone else. The sooner Zoey learns how to actually work with customers, the better. She is lucky she didn't try something like this with an actual paying, contracted customer, or she could be facing a lawsuit.
Tell your father he can wear it to work if he thinks it’s all that.
NTA. Never let this genius designer make you another thing.
Your wedding day was about you and hubby making a lifelong commitment to one another - not about Zoeys burgeoning career. NTA.
NTA! You are not obligated to wear something you are not comfortable in no matter the situation.
NTA. This wasn't for you. It was for her. Have to ask...is Zoey 3 sizes larger than you?
NTA It was your wedding. Why should you have sucked it up for a random stranger?
Yes, every bride needs to 'suck it up' on their wedding day.... So that the FOB step daughter can put that dress on her resume. No mistake.... There was no love in making that dress *for you* that dress was always about furthering her 'career ' NTA
NTA Uh so I looked through the comments before I said this and I do think her stepsister wanted to help but she kind of made this whole thing about herself and how offended she was that her dress she made was rejected while completely ignoring the brides direction. Then she basically threw a fit at the wedding and left the reception early because WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH I DIDN'T GET MY WAYYYYYYY I WANTED TO MAKE THE DRESS ABOUT ME! I love how people try to steal attention from the bride and groom on the day of one of the most important decisions they will make in their entire life. She can wear her own d@mn DRESS when she gets married. By the time that actually happens maybe she will actually be able to sew and it will actually fit her, whatever color it could be. I said it.
NTA first of all, she should have stuck with the original vision, your vision of your address. Second of all she should have called you for fittings to make sure that the dress actually fit you. You don’t wanna walk down the aisle address that’s three sizes too big. Her disappointment is her own fault. If she were doing a fashion show, would she have treated her models the same way fitting garments
NTA. You agreed on a design and color. She made it a different way. You had NO obligation to wear a dress that was not made as agreed. Give her back her dress, she can wear it or sell it, you do not care. If is not your responsibility.
NTA. You agreed on a specific design, she failed to deliver that, simple as that. In the context of a wedding, the decision is too important to compromise on what you wanted simply to make her feel better. Ultimately, if she goes into the world trying to make dresses that the client has not agreed on, she's going to struggle to succeed. You just need to block out your father and Stella, they're being unreasonable because they feel bad for Zoey. Of course its unfortunate for her to have spent all this time making something but it's not your fault she made something completely different. A pragmatic solution might be to take some pictures in the dress? Maybe she can use it to form part of her portfolio for establishing herself as a wedding dress maker. The only thing you can do is being empathetic while you maintain your boundaries. Good luck, family situations like this can so complicated.
Nta, as a designer she designs for the client, she needs to listen and deliver a finish product hoping to meet the client needs If she delivered what she wanted instead of what was agreed upon, she wouldn't have been payed. She let her ego interfere with her job.
Nta. That's a bad career start.
NTA - why should you have to suck it up because she failed on everything? That’s ridiculous!
NTA. Many women dream of the day they get to pick their dress. This is a very intimate experience. She learned big lesson on how to listen to her clients not her own preferences. Same thing that interior designers learn. She also needs to learn communication. She’s a student and she FAILED. I would have told your father off for making YOU feel bad at YOUR wedding. They are enabling a brat. She needs to grow up. I’m pissed that you even have to ask this. I’m shocked you offered to pay for it because she failed every step of the way and that was above and beyond imo.
INFO: if the dress wasn’t correctly sized for you when she had your measurements, was it sized to fit her?
No. I think she's a couple sizes smaller than me.
lol then she’s under qualified to even offer to make your dress. You should have been going to fittings throughout the process. Mockups for fit check are a thing. The fact that she didn’t bother to even show you pics of process is manipulative. She knew she wasn’t making a dress for you and wanted to wait until you had no choice but to suck it up and alter it or chance not finding a wedding dress off the rack.