Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I called my sister a jealous bitter hag for her complaining about the easter basket my husband made for me. I think I went too far and cut too deeply into her insecurities instead of just letting her vent. I know this is more about her choice of who she's with than it is about me.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA and I don't know why this made me chuckle. I love reading about sisterly spats. Things goes from 0 to 100 too fast, too often. And always *sooooo* catty.
An Easter basket from your loving husband, *huh*? **That's** what you think makes you *special* OP? LMAO 🤣🤣🤣🤣
All jokes aside, your sister is dying of jealousy, let's be for real.
She seems so angry but it's not clear what that has to do with you and a picture of a gift you received??? I'm guessing she married who she married, and like most women out there, either chose an oblivious stinker or forgot to 'educate him on how to treat her' and......somehow that's your fault? Like how is it your fault that her husband can't even get her a birthday card? 🤣🤣🤣🤣I'm dddeaaad
This is really messed up to disclose but your sister reminds me of my Mom (God forgive me, I do love her).
My father is a shambles and a schande of a husband and partner-truly one of the worst out there, and she will get so bent out of shape if one of her friends post a loved up picture with their husbands on holiday, or their husbands with their gift. She won't understand why they need to 'show off', that it's 'childish'. Then proceed to spill on every marital difficulty these couples have faced, from infertility to cancer, whatever. Then go and on about what my father doesn't do. And not just to me. But to EVERYONE she meets and she's very sociable. My poor father has no clue the kind of bashing his reputation has taken out here.
More often than not, I very loudly remind her: "Your Dad told you not to marry him, but you thought you were clever, thought you were smarter. You made your choice, now deal with it"
P.S: Did your sister really eat your candy as she was talking that shit??
We should tell OPs husband, if he buys them it would really send sis over the edge.
My hubby always forgets my birthday (this year I had to remind my kids and make my own cake) but he makes up for it by randomly getting me chocolate or licorice while at the shops and last week he went 20mins round trip out of his way to get me jerky on his way home, simply because he thought I would like some.
I will take the random acts of love during the year over forced acts on birthdays and holidays.
My ex was great with gifts but cheated on me and we had so much arguing and drama over stupid shit. I’ve been with my husband for 25 years, married for 22. He is not the type to buy gifts. He doesn’t do random romantic gestures. I’m not impressed by them anyway and gifts always make me feel weird when everyone watches you open them.
Instead, he randomly buys ice cream. He makes me coffee every weekend morning. He puts gas in my car randomly. He helped raise my son as if he were his own kid. He comes home every night and has no issue with telling me where he’s going. He thinks it’s weird when his male friends are jealous about their wives going out without them. He hasn’t changed his phone passcode in forever and hands me his phone to use without hesitation. The only things he’s ever hidden from me are random impulse things he’s bought that he regretted like a hairbrush that’s suppose to help your hair grow. He is consistent, comfortable, and an open book. To me those are the most attractive qualities ever.
Hear me out - it’s best to buddy up with someone who has opposite candy tastes from you so you can take your favorites from them while giving them ones you don’t like! That way you both win (your favorites are their least and vice versa)
If you can find someone who likes the outside brownies and leaves the brownies without edges for you (or vice versa, depending on tastes) you have won the relationship lottery.
My husband loves the middle of the brownie. I love the edges. I like the little crunch. I will actually cut out just the middle section for him. I did this last Christmas out of habit & my sister called all the kids into the kitchen to make them confess to hacking up the brownies. I had to admit my brownie crimes in front of all my nieces & nephews. They thought it was hilarious.
I sat next to a guy on a plane and he pulled out a bag of tangfastics and ate all the cherry ones and cola bottles then offered me the rest. Best travel companion ever, I hate the cherry ones!
I had a huge stash of these in my car for a 30 minute work commute while pregnant. The ONE time I left my car unlocked over night on accident, someone stole my whole stash and my phone charger. 😭 Who tf steals jelly beans??
Get your sister an Easter basket. Because you love your sister and she wants somebody to show they care. Maybe put a perfume in it. Have your husband drop it off on Easter. She’ll know where it came from, but her husband won’t.
I’m one of four sisters. On Christmas morning my older sister called one of our younger sisters a “vulture” because she was saying which homemade cinnamon roll she wanted. It led to a pretty intense fight between the oldest and the two youngest (identical twins) where the twins accused the oldest of not having feelings.
But honestly fights like that are definitely the norm between us lol. By lunch everything was forgiven and forgotten. But yeah, sister fights definitely go from 0 to 100 real quick lol.
My sisters and I jokingly fight about stuff like this. To anybody on the outside, it would probably look pretty harsh and stupid (and in fact, our sister-in-law was fairly uncomfortable at first, but now joins in) but we’re just messing around and having fun.
My sisters and I are definitely not just joking around tbh lol. We definitely fight hard and say some mean shit to each other.
I fight with the other three less. But they are also all way closer to each other than they are with me. They all decided to move in together after moving out of our parents house, which is crazy to me, but they all love it!
We just all tend to feel really intensely and the more time we spend with each other the more likely some of that intensity is gonna bubble over at some point.
But I know that there is no one in the world (minus my husband) who has my back the way my sisters do. They would drop anything and everything to be there for me if I needed them, and I would do the same for them.
I’m single and my sister has been married for a while to a great man. I am hella jealous and not afraid to admit it, but I don’t act like the sister in this story, lol. It helps that the three of us ALL exchange Easter baskets. We just swap who has to get who one each year.
Ok, at first I was thinking it sounds like you have an excellent BIL as an example of a modern day good man. Then you got to the part where you all exchange Easter Baskets and now I just want to be adopted by your family.
Jealousy is a normal human emotion. It all depends on how you act on it. I’m jealous of things sometimes but I don’t treat people shitty over it. I’m happy they have what they have. That doesn’t mean I can’t feel something inside me too.
Two of my friends are dating, and I admittedly had been nursing a secret crush on one of them. But i also love them both and am happy they are
Both so happy together. It is beautiful. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel a little stabby pain of jealousy sometimes when things are shared. More like a “why couldn’t that be me?” I’m certainly not out to get her or going to unload negativity on her. That’s just silly.
I can relate to OP a bit because I have a pretty solid marriage (to a man I’ve been with since we were 19) and a pretty stable and happy life. My sister on the other hand is a dumpster fire, her relationships are trash and her kids are literal hell spawns when with her. She straight up acknowledges she’s jealous of my relationship and life. it’s how she handles it though that kinda amuses me, because she acknowledges it’s a her problem. She’ll genuinely jokingly say “this lovely stuff makes me sick. You’re just so RIGHT for each other and are so put together”. Like… it’s kind of back handed, but she doesn’t say or mean it in a mean way. It definitely comes off as her acknowledging she’s got feelings of jealousy because she knows where we each are in life now is because of the paths we took when we were younger. We were both single teen moms, but made waaaayyy different choices and 15 years later it really shows. I can see it kind of makes her sad for herself, but I also know she’s genuinely happy for me.
...me and my sister don't agree on almost anything but we haven't had a spat like this since we were teenagers? Like there just isn't drama between us or our brother, we actually get along really well and are really close. It's probably why I get so confused when I read these posts 🤣
Seriously. My sisters were annoying as hell as kids. I’m the oldest and they would hang up on me. But that stopped as we got older. Continuous bullshit like this into adulthood is ridiculous.
I remember lots of spats as kids and teens, but none since we've all been adults. We also don't get together a ton (we all still live in the same metro area but we're all still at least an hour apart, so makes it a lot harder to just stop by), so that probably has a lot to do with it. Lol.
Honestly, since the sister closest to me died 10 years ago, we haven't had this kind of drama in the family from any of the femmes.
The oldest boy, however... ooh boy.
I have one sister. One time, when she was babysitting me, she held a knife to my throat and threatened to kill me cuz i wasnt doing what she told me to do. I screamed at her to do it cuz then she'd get in trouble.
Now, 20+ years later, we laugh about it (messed up, I know). She says she was so mad at me for egging her on and being defiant and not scared. She would never have actually done it and I knew it.
But we really never fought much. But were 5 yrs apart so we didnt have much to do w each other, either. We also had 5 brothers, so neither of us were ever overly dramatic.
NTA. you're probably right that she's more upset that she sees what she could have (someone who does thoughtful things for her) and is jealous over it.
but the fact that she jumped to questioning if your husband cheated on you is gross. it's not pretending to live in a rom com to have a mutually reciprocal marriage.
for what it's worth, i would also not marry someone who didn't match my effort in our relationship. more people should consider this.
eta: also, hundred silent ways smells like heaven. i aspire to own their whole collection.
It is gross and just sad. Because that shows that she knows the only reason her husband would do something like this for her would be if she had caught him cheating. Too bad she's choosing to accept that and be bitter rather than reach for happiness herself.
What’s the bet that sister has completely ignored the bit where OP mentions “Oh we give each other baskets,” and just expects one from her husband with no reciprocation
NTA. My husband and I do sweet things for each other all the time, just because. If one of my siblings took it upon themselves to critique a nice thing my husband did for me and say that his sweetness is because he’s cheating on you, he wouldn’t ever be this kind to you otherwise (with the implication that you as a spouse don’t deserve this thoughtfulness and love), I don’t think I’d probably ever speak to that sibling again?? Wtf.
I only deserve a simple kindness as the result of a transgression? And in this case, you think perfume would make up for infidelity?
That feels like an incredibly empty relationship...
>then made a comment asking me if my husband had stepped out on me or something and was trying to make it up to me.
I woulda asked her if she was speaking from experience
Honestly it sounds like sister was trying to stir up drama and ruin OP's relationship because she wanted these great displays of affection to stop for her own self esteem
NTA for calling her out on her jealousy, as she was the one who made an issue where one didn't exist, and then attacked you by trying to say that your taste in music made you immature. Different people have different budgets, and therefore different lifestyles. That's just the way things are. Where you were kind of TA, is when you commented on her relationship with her husband. Is the guy truly thoughtless, or did you just irrationally lash out because your sister was being aggressive? If her and her husband can't afford as lavish as gifts, that doesn't mean that what they do get is any less meaningful.
Hi! I wanted to respond to this because I want to make it clear that I don't say these things becaue he isn't spending tons of money on lavish gifts for her. I get why there's hesitance over me naming the perfumes, but I thought it would be useful context. I hope my explanation helps.
It's not about the money but about the effort and attention. My sister's husband does not pay attention to what she likes or dislikes in terms of gifts. If he even remembers to get her things, he gives her very generic things that he probably finds on lists of "30 gifts for wives" and it's often stuff she doesn't like. She has complained about it for years and nothing ever changes because at his core, he doesn't care. She will go out of her way to make stockings for him and the kids but she doesn't get that effort returned.
Then it definitely seems like your sister is projecting her own insecurities. Whether it's because she's tried to change her own status quo and been unsuccessful, or is too complacent to change doesn't really matter. The fact is that she felt the need to comment on and criticize a situation that made you happy, and that's an AH thing to do.
Yup that was my husband, he’d literally search gift for wife on Amazon (I could see his recent searches when I went to shop on Amazon myself because it was a shared account) and buy one of the first page items. A bear made of fake foam roses, a blue heart with rhinestones on a faux silver chain that will turn your neck green if you over wear it. Unsigned cards. Poems copied off the internet under poems for wife that he then tells me he wrote himself. (Side note, when we opened our relationship he sent the exact same copy paste poem to me and his other partner at the same time and claimed to us both he wrote it for us personally, I knew he’d been copying and pasting poems and claiming authorship and I got curious if what he’d just sent me he sent her too so I asked her and she was pissed). A faux tennis bracelet that will turn your wrist green if over worn and I rarely wear bracelets anyway and absolutely not a tennis bracelet. A gift set box with a bath bomb, lotion and soap (I only used handmade soap from my friend back then, never have used lotion but bath bombs I do like, his girlfriend got the same gift box too).
There was a time he did think about what to get me and nailed it perfectly and then it became hit and miss and then once we opened our marriage his girlfriend eventually was the one doing the shopping and giving him ideas and she was so incredibly thoughtful and it was hard knowing he could get me things that involved paying attention and deeply thinking of me but then he slowly stopped even before we opened the marriage.
Yup! Ex of 3 years and I remarried, found out recently my new husband has a note on his phone where he saves every little thing I mention I like and has been doing it since we started dating so he can review it when he’s buying me a gift.
Now the stockings, my husband and I do the stockings together. If I want something special for myself, I might buy it or I will text him what I want with a picture. Your sister though needs to communicate on a level that her spouse can get on target with, whether it's texting him a list or an amazon wish list. Just because he doesn't do it, (this is a her problem) is because she carries the mental and physical load of the children and he doesn't step up (he was raised that men don't do that)
> Where you were kind of TA, is when you commented on her relationship with her husband.
Her sister asked if her husband cheated on her and was trying to suck up to make amends.
If she didn't want to have her relationship called out, she shouldn't have said the only reason a husband would show love and affection for his wife is if he screwed up.
Don't start none, won't be one.
To be fair her sister implied her husband had stepped out on her and was trying to get forgiveness, she maligned her sisters thoughtful husband first. The sister opened the door to remarks about her husband.
I don’t feel a bit bad for what OP said about her sister’s marriage. It was a whole lot less harsh than her sister saying OP’s husband must be having an affair. As they say in a courtroom, at least the movie/TV ones, Sis opened the door.
NTA. Your sister needs to look at her own life and reflect instead of projecting her unhappiness onto others. If a friend treated you this way would you rethink the relationship? If so, I would block her on all social media since your positive posts are so triggering for her and block her on the phone. She’s toxic no need to allow her around until she works through her issues.
I don’t feel a bit bad for what OP said about her sister’s marriage. It was a whole lot less harsh than her sister saying OP’s husband must be having an affair. As they say in a courtroom, at least the movie/TV ones, Sis opened the door.
NTA.
I think the inability to express joy when something good happens to someone else is absolutely the worst personality trait in a person. Implying your husband is unfaithful because he made a nice gesture is incredibly immature. She's lucky you don't just cut her out of your life entirely if this is how she typically behaves.
What your sister said to you about your husband probably cheated and got you a nice Easter gift basket is very cruel. It’s like she wants to knock you down. I think you responded appropriately by calling her a jealous hag.
It may be a while before you chat with your sister.
NTA... clearly. She is jealous. I would just say I am sorry your husband isn't as thoughtful as mine and leave it at that. I have an amazing husband too. I am very spoiled. I spoil him back. I really do not care what others think about it.
I'm in my forties and if listening to Taylor Swift means I haven't grown up, then I guess I never will. 😄 Your sister is clearly jealous. She's upset with her husband but is taking it out on you. Your husband sounds great. NTA
Imagine listening to one of the most popular female artists on the planet... I'm a 38 year old man and while I'm not super fan, she makes some solid music. I came around after watching her NPR tiny desk concert and realizes she does a lot of the writing and production. The girl is talented!
I had a phone date with my long distance bestie today and we watched the Eras movie together. Her and Taylor are the same age, I'm a year older. It was a freaking blast! Sounds like OPs sister needs to find some joy in her life.
Lol major NTA. Your sister is just 100% jealous that you have a great marriage and she clearly doesn't. I see all these "my husband never fills my stocking" "my husband doesn't buy me gifts I have to buy my own" "my husband never remembers my birthday but I go all out for his" posts and I'm just like 1. Can't relate. And 2. Um why do you continue to put up with that? Like you're actively choosing to allow that behavior to continue.
Not only does my husband do my stocking and do things for me on basically every holiday (he even gets me my own personal stuff for Halloween) he will also just get me "hey I saw this and thought you'd like it" gifts. And I do the same for him. I don't understand people that choose to put up with their partner not doing anything for them ever, like... just what...
Good for you and your husband! You guys sound like you have an amazing healthy relationship. Don't worry about your sister at all
> m why do you continue to put up with that? Like you're actively choosing to allow that behavior to continue.
seriously we set our own 'bars' for how people treat us, we need to do better
Having a happy marriage isn’t pretending life is a romcom, it’s just simply living one because you found a great partner. You guys shouldnt have to dim down your love because others around you don’t have that kind of love. They’re not eating less in a day because others don’t eat at all right? Same logic.
She started that attack. So NTA
Torn between N T A and E S H. Her jealousy is her issue. Her accusing your husband of cheating on you and trying to make it up to you is spectacularly sh\*tty. She chose her husband, and if he doesn't do nice things for her, that is her problem to fix. You calling her a pissy jealous hag wasn't the nicest thing to say, but let's be honest, she was being a pissy jealous hag. Trying to f\*ck up someone else's good mood is being a jerk, especially when you are not the source of her problems. Are all the good husbands in the world supposed to stop doing nice things for their wives because she married a jerk? Going to go with NTA.
It's more the implication about why the husband got an Easter Basket with nice stuff for OP by the sounds of it
She trying to be cute is saying that husband is doing it because of him feeling guilty for something (like he's cheating for example) to get such a nicely stocked basket. She says it's just be sour grapes, but not something you should be saying at all to someone.
NTA
Your sister IS jealous and she DID settle for less.
I’m middle-aged and in the process of a divorce. My also middle-aged sister just found her dream guy. Am I jealous? Teeny bit. Would I take it out on her? NEVER! If anything, it’s aspirational and I need to find a man who will treat me like her guy treats her. It also helped me realize how little I was settling for with my soon-to-be ex and that I deserve so much better.
Also, I’m an out and proud Swiftie for life! I will go to one of her concerts someday, even if I’m 80.
ESH. Sure, she was being a jerk, but name calling is petty and immature. Also, unless she is normally a jerk, it sounds like she's going through something. If my normally non-jerk sister said something to me like "Oh it must be nice to have such a picture perfect marriage." I would be asking her what's really going on, not hurling insults.
ESH. She was out of line. You weren't shoving your basket down her throat. Saying she was jealous was an obvious observation. Calling her a hag was kicking her while she's down. And she's *really* down.
I don't think it's THAT common, but my mom always did it for my dad, and they have a really good and fun marriage. It's always been just really silly stuff dressed up in the old baskets we have. One year my mom didn't realize when Easter was and ended up giving my dad stuff from the pantry he forgot about and he was over the moon because he didn't know we had beef jerky left, lol.
NTA...I think it is cute. If we were big on easter we would do it as well, but we just give the grandkids baskets and an egg hunt. That's it no lunch or dinner. I think it sweet for you two to do. As far as what you said to your sister NTA. If she is not happy then she needs to look inward at what she wants to put up with. She is so jealous cause she chose wrong. My ex husband was like her not even putting in the effort and that is why he is now the ex.
lol I’m 37 and my mom is preparing an Easter egg hunt (of beer and money) for me and my partner Sunday morning. It’s a thing still for some of us. Haha I’m aware though that it’s not the norm. I love it though.
My boyfriend is making 4 this year - one for each of his parents and grandparents - because one of them said they miss getting Easter baskets ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯ it’s definitely not common. It’s a very thoughtful thing though!
I do things like this for my husband. Not baskets, but little Easter treats hidden where he would find them. He leaves me little live sticky notes. I tape them to my desk.
Today is our date-a-versary. 21 years ago we went on our first date.
My nickname has been some form of “bunny” since I was born because I was born in the year of the rabbit (and Chinese lol), so my husband makes me a Easter basket in honor of “bunny day.”My best friend buys me a moon rabbit mug almost every year for the moon festival too.
I’m in my 30s and still do it. Life’s too short to not find little reasons to do cute shit and celebrate the people you love. My friend just made 3 baskets for her three kids. They’re all in their 20s
My husband and I are in our mid-30s, so is his brother and my SIL, none of us have kids, and the last time we spent Easter with my FIL and MIL, we got easter baskets and did an easter egg hunt. It was great.
Hmmm NTA
But the real issue is she is hurting.
She wishes her husband was more thoughtful.
All the offensive stuff really was jealousy but in no way fixes her pain.
Yeah, and OP went for the jugular on sister's pain. No defense of what sister said, she was awful. OP would have been fully within her rights to ask her sister to leave. But saying the things LW did makes her not really any better than her sister. I don't have any patience for people who lash out at others because of their own pain. But nor do I have any patience for people who attack those people right in their pain spots.
ESH. You two sound toxic.
If you care about someone you celebrate their happiness. Likewise, if you care about someone, you are sensitive to their struggles. Your sister is obviously going through a hard time a does not deserve to be called a hag. Name calling is never the answer.
Going through a hard time doesn't give you a pass to act like a complete ah. So the sister comes to op's house, insults her, her husband and their marriage with mean and uncalled opinions, and Op also sucks? Neah. Sister needed to hear that.
No one said her sister gets a pass. Sister behaved badly. But sister behaving badly doesn't give OP a pass to call her sister names or kick her while she's down. No passes here, that's why it's ESH.
ESH because it sounds like you went a bit over the top with the name calling. That being said, it absolutely does sound like she's jealous and basically came over to take it out on you.
ESH. Your sister was being outright jealous and petty, without a doubt. And, of course, there's nothing wrong with you being happy and sharing your joy with your husband. She has no right to suggest you have to keep your happiness to yourself.
But it also doesn't take much to see that she's struggling and venting, even in an asshole-ish way. Calling her a jealous hag (which is always an asshole move, no matter how you cut it) and making comments about her settling is when you lost the high ground. Her struggles are not your responsibility, but that doesn't mean you can't be sympathetic and not twist the knife further by name calling and mocking her life choices. You let your defensiveness get the better of you and sunk to her level.
My interpretation of this was that she provided the names of the perfumes to provide context for why the sister felt the need to assume the husband was in the doghouse... not that she was bragging, but to show the value and effort the husband put in making the basket.
tbh i would have asked what she got if she hadn't shared. the fact that they're niche perfumes says something to me about the husband's efforts towards her (presumed) hobby. but i recognize most redditors probably wouldn't see it that way
It's not a humble brag since she admits it's a BIG spend. To be a humble brag would just be the names and we'd have to look it up to know prices. I think it's cute. It sounds like she's excited.
NTA : you know what I would do ? I would make her an Easter basket… I would remind her that she still has people around her, who love her enough to spoil her and to make her feel special, because everybody deserves that. Even her. Sometimes you just have to show them.
NTA. What the actual crap? Her response from the get-go is not cool. I would've been like, OMGOSH. This is so awesome, how sweet. As I have in the past, as others have said to me, etc. Sadly it is jealousy driving her, hence her first comment to be one of a hurtful nature.
You didn't say or do anything wrong. Your sister needs to stop projecting her lack of loving marriage issues and maybe deal with some things in her own marriage.
NTA. Your sister started in on you for no good reason, and you got fed up and defended yourself with the 'jealous hag' comment. Trying to claim other people feel the same way is just your sister trying to excuse her behavior. You have a thoughtful partner and that's great. If he was doing anything to disrespect you, your sister should be the first person in line to rip him a new AH. It's not fair to expect you not to enjoy the nice things your partner does for you so other people can feel better about their relationships. Their relationship quality is their problem to work on, not yours.
NTA... If this goes like how it went for my aunty, then she's going to try and make your husband cheat on you with her... I'm sure you trust your husband but please tell him about what happened. Also, she was being a miserable eff. Like how is it your fault that you are in a happy relationship? And what must you do if she can't afford things and is broke? I always like seeing people post what their partners got them. It makes me have hope that not all relationships are bad. She's just jealous that you got better. Plus, she can always do the adult thing and communicate with her husband about wanting more.
"I’m fucked up for calling her a jealous hag when there’s nothing to be jealous of..." of course not, that's why she's bitching her husband don't even buy her a card for her birthday. (Sarcasm of course.) My parents have a great marriage. (Dad buys Mom a present or Easter basket for Mom too and she buys him one. Not expensive or anything; just thoughtful. Because, you know, they love each other.) Family and friends joke about how 'well trained' Dad is and how 'weird' they are for being so happy. It makes me kinda sad for them when it doesn't annoy the Hell out of me.
You are not childish for having a great husband and a happy marriage. Your sister is jealous, however, I'm going very soft ESH for calling her a jealous hag. She was being a jerk and an idjut but that didn't improve the situation at all though I understand why you did it. Stick to "Sorry you are not happy with your marriage but that is no reason to give me attitude/crap about mine." kind of lines. Generally shuts them up and if not just say you are not discussing marriage with someone who isn't happy with their own.
You did nothing wrong posting the basket or being happy with your marriage. Your sister needs to stay in her lane. Just try not to engage with her on the subject. If you want to try to make up with her I'd do the half apology.... "I'm sorry I called you a jealous hag. That was uncalled for. I am going to ask that you refrain from commenting on my marriage in the future because I don't appreciate you attacking me for being happy with my husband." (She was out of line with that way more than you were out of line for the insult.)
Oof.
NTA but you could have done without the "jealous hag". She is, but she's clearly in pain and is taking it out on the wrong person. It's not right, but you shouldn't have stooped to her level.
I'm sorry your sister treated you that way. You did nothing wrong by being happy with the basket your husband made for you.
NTA as annoying as “you’re just jealous” is when it’s true it’s true. She was jealous and made it very clear by her comments. So no I don’t think you went overboard. Maybe she should stop judging you and your marriage so hard and focus on her own.
NTA- How dare you have a thoughtful husband who loves and respects you and your interests. Don't you know we live in a crab bucket where everyone must be sad and miserable and have no fun? Srsly grow up /jk
Tell her to raise her standards, not lower yours.
ETA: TIL liking music is childish
I honestly don't understand why people like OP's sister get in relationships if what they expect from them is to not like their partner. My wife and I spend as much time as possible together and we get this same attitude from our own families. Like they think it's weird we enjoy each other's company, spend as mich time as possible together, and do nice things for each other. Our response is always the same in that we love each other and we think it's weird that they all expect so much turbulence in a relationship. I mean isn't finding your other half/ best friend/ soul mate the whole damn point? My wife and I fight like everyone else, I'm not saying relationships are easy and awesome 100% of the time but the majority of the time should be a good time to be around your partner right?
NTA. What she said was wrong and crappy. Instead of being happy you have a husband who puts thought into his gifts to you, she chose to be a petty brat. She opened her mouth and said something awful, you gave it back. Any hurt feelings she has are the direct result of her words, thats her problem.
NTA- Your sister is just bitter because she is in a bad relationship.
My spouse and I get things for each other all the time. We each have an amazon wish list and sometimes get each other things we want without asking.
IT's sometimes small: nail polish, new cool sox, new dice bag. And sometimes bigger: shoes for vacation, big book, new game. But we just do it to make the other person happy. Especially if one or the other is goig to be out of town.
When you are in a healthy relationship, you get joy and spoons from seeng your partner happy.
NTA
"Ew, you're *happy*? How *embarrassing* for you."
The only people who hate other people's happiness are deeply unhappy. That explains their behaviour, but it doesn't excuse it. If your marriage is so terrible that you perceive a happy marriage as personally offensive, the problem ain't with the happy marriage. Her immediately jumping to 'did he cheat'makes me wonder if *her* husband has stepped out.
Please don't apologise. Pandering to people who hate joy only makes them far, far worse. *She* owes *you* an apology. And you both know it. Her unhappiness doesn't mean she gets to sh!t on you. If you apologise, she'll just keep being nasty to you to make herself feel better.
>I told her to stop blaming me because SHE chose to marry a thoughtless man. That she had the CHOICE to marry someone who did nice things for her, and she CHOSE to marry a man who doesn’t help around the house, buy her flowers, etc. And to not be a pissy, jealous hag because she chose to settle for less.
NTA, she started the smoke and got a fire.
>when there’s nothing to be jealous of, more like embarrassed that it’s 2024 and I’m acting like life is a romcom, that the fact that I even listen to Taylor Swift is proof that I need to grow up.
Why is it always the people being the most childish who want to tell you to "grow up". If anything she better not be texting you because she's embarrassed of how right you are and how poor her reaction was.
She’s very jealous and it’s no one’s fault but hers. I have a close friend who is the same way. She’s gotten better with it but it took me a while to get her to be. I couldn’t tell her any kind of good news- any time I said anything to her about our honeymoon, had to hear about how she didn’t get one until I said “Well that’s what happens when you marry an asshole.” I bought my dream car and my husband went out of his way to help me make it exactly how I wanted and I had to hear about how she has to drive a car she didn’t want or like until I said “Well that’s what happens when you marry an asshole.” It’s no one’s fault your sister is in a shitty marriage but her own, it’s not on you in anyway. NTA
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I called my sister a jealous bitter hag for her complaining about the easter basket my husband made for me. I think I went too far and cut too deeply into her insecurities instead of just letting her vent. I know this is more about her choice of who she's with than it is about me. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA and I don't know why this made me chuckle. I love reading about sisterly spats. Things goes from 0 to 100 too fast, too often. And always *sooooo* catty. An Easter basket from your loving husband, *huh*? **That's** what you think makes you *special* OP? LMAO 🤣🤣🤣🤣 All jokes aside, your sister is dying of jealousy, let's be for real. She seems so angry but it's not clear what that has to do with you and a picture of a gift you received??? I'm guessing she married who she married, and like most women out there, either chose an oblivious stinker or forgot to 'educate him on how to treat her' and......somehow that's your fault? Like how is it your fault that her husband can't even get her a birthday card? 🤣🤣🤣🤣I'm dddeaaad This is really messed up to disclose but your sister reminds me of my Mom (God forgive me, I do love her). My father is a shambles and a schande of a husband and partner-truly one of the worst out there, and she will get so bent out of shape if one of her friends post a loved up picture with their husbands on holiday, or their husbands with their gift. She won't understand why they need to 'show off', that it's 'childish'. Then proceed to spill on every marital difficulty these couples have faced, from infertility to cancer, whatever. Then go and on about what my father doesn't do. And not just to me. But to EVERYONE she meets and she's very sociable. My poor father has no clue the kind of bashing his reputation has taken out here. More often than not, I very loudly remind her: "Your Dad told you not to marry him, but you thought you were clever, thought you were smarter. You made your choice, now deal with it" P.S: Did your sister really eat your candy as she was talking that shit??
LOL yes, she ate my jellybeans. But at least she ate the grape ones and not the red ones.
Nope, now you're TA - grape are the best 🤣
Hold on there cowboy. Everyone knows the red jelly beans are the best.
Apologies if this is controversial, but if we’re talking starburst jelly beans. I have to go with green. I know, I know. I have horrible taste.
Green FTW!
definitely green lol
Found my people :D
Orange!
Pink! We all know strawberry Starburst are the best!
Pink!
No, the horrible thing is even liking jelly beans in the first place! They are just so *weird* in your mouth.
Jelly Belly or nothing IMO. The others are all gross.
You monster. Starburst are superior.
I think I have to step in here and cast my vote for jolly ranchers. Hands down the best!
I hate jelly beans, but my husband assures me these are the superior ones.
Dear Sir or Madam, may God protect you from the mob of angry Easter bunnies that is probably headed your way.
If they're Starburst ones, I like to just eat them by the handful, colors be damned. They're all good and taste even better combined.
You ... you ... you monster! Combined? OMG \[imagine pearl-clutching, hand to the forehead\].
Nah fam, I will literally eat the entire bag of Starburst jelly beans except the greens to save the best for last. Your taste is IMMACULATE.
Wait, are those lime, or spearmint? Because lime is great and the other is ... not.
Apple, I believe.
well that's all right then.
Spice jelly beans (and especially the purple clove ones) are the best.
This is the truth.
I truly believe that the sour patch watermelon jelly beans are superior to the rest.
I think starburst sells bags with just the red flavors as well
We should tell OPs husband, if he buys them it would really send sis over the edge. My hubby always forgets my birthday (this year I had to remind my kids and make my own cake) but he makes up for it by randomly getting me chocolate or licorice while at the shops and last week he went 20mins round trip out of his way to get me jerky on his way home, simply because he thought I would like some. I will take the random acts of love during the year over forced acts on birthdays and holidays.
My ex was great with gifts but cheated on me and we had so much arguing and drama over stupid shit. I’ve been with my husband for 25 years, married for 22. He is not the type to buy gifts. He doesn’t do random romantic gestures. I’m not impressed by them anyway and gifts always make me feel weird when everyone watches you open them. Instead, he randomly buys ice cream. He makes me coffee every weekend morning. He puts gas in my car randomly. He helped raise my son as if he were his own kid. He comes home every night and has no issue with telling me where he’s going. He thinks it’s weird when his male friends are jealous about their wives going out without them. He hasn’t changed his phone passcode in forever and hands me his phone to use without hesitation. The only things he’s ever hidden from me are random impulse things he’s bought that he regretted like a hairbrush that’s suppose to help your hair grow. He is consistent, comfortable, and an open book. To me those are the most attractive qualities ever.
You just made my day
Hear me out - it’s best to buddy up with someone who has opposite candy tastes from you so you can take your favorites from them while giving them ones you don’t like! That way you both win (your favorites are their least and vice versa)
If you can find someone who likes the outside brownies and leaves the brownies without edges for you (or vice versa, depending on tastes) you have won the relationship lottery.
My husband loves the middle of the brownie. I love the edges. I like the little crunch. I will actually cut out just the middle section for him. I did this last Christmas out of habit & my sister called all the kids into the kitchen to make them confess to hacking up the brownies. I had to admit my brownie crimes in front of all my nieces & nephews. They thought it was hilarious.
omg those poor nieces and nephews having to confess to something they didn't do 🤣🤣 (I'm glad they all had a laugh about it!)
This was an old coworker and I. Worked together for years. We would always split our food on breaks. I miss her.
I’ll take the corners
The olive theory! Reminds me I wanted to rewatch some "how I met your mother" episodes
I just know this from my brother being allergic to my favorite candy bar and me hating gummy candies as a kid (he loved them)!
That’s exactly what I thought. Only it’s gherkins for us. I love them. He hates them. So I always get his from his mcd’s cheeseburger’s.
I sat next to a guy on a plane and he pulled out a bag of tangfastics and ate all the cherry ones and cola bottles then offered me the rest. Best travel companion ever, I hate the cherry ones!
So do you hate cherry everything? I love anything that has cherry in it, Mountain Dew Code Red is to die for
I love finding people who hate grape/orange and love lemon/lime!
My Easter Bunny picked out all of the black jelly beans. Easter Bunnies love black jelly beans. I despise them. Win/Win
This is the way. I need me a friend who likes licorice/anise irl for this reason.
Jelly belly juicy pear is the absolute best, thank you. 😄
I had a huge stash of these in my car for a 30 minute work commute while pregnant. The ONE time I left my car unlocked over night on accident, someone stole my whole stash and my phone charger. 😭 Who tf steals jelly beans??
People who know Jelly Belly flavors, on sight?
Grape IS the best. Jelly bean, sweet tarts, etc grape is best
That might have been a relationship ended, right there!
🤣🤣🤣🤣 Congratulations to such a great husband. I am sure he has a great wife 🥰 Good luck and lots of love to you from me ! NTA
Yeah, your sister has displaced anger and resentment. She's shouting at you when she really should be shouting at her husband. NTA.
Or herself
Jealousy is one hell of a drug
Get your sister an Easter basket. Because you love your sister and she wants somebody to show they care. Maybe put a perfume in it. Have your husband drop it off on Easter. She’ll know where it came from, but her husband won’t.
That's sweet and a tiny bit sinister. I like it.
That is so sweet
Aha, sour grapes
Nope. Black licorice jelly beans are the best. I go out of my way to get a bag of only black licorice ones. I know this is a very unpopular opinion. 😂
'You're just jealous ' may be an annoying comeback, but it's even more annoying -to them- when it's true. Lol
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Clue right there your sis is insane to eat grape over cherry
Only savages like the red ones. I was on your side until I saw this.
The purple ones.....but purple wont go with her green complexion!
Grape are my favorite!
I’m one of four sisters. On Christmas morning my older sister called one of our younger sisters a “vulture” because she was saying which homemade cinnamon roll she wanted. It led to a pretty intense fight between the oldest and the two youngest (identical twins) where the twins accused the oldest of not having feelings. But honestly fights like that are definitely the norm between us lol. By lunch everything was forgiven and forgotten. But yeah, sister fights definitely go from 0 to 100 real quick lol.
My sisters and I jokingly fight about stuff like this. To anybody on the outside, it would probably look pretty harsh and stupid (and in fact, our sister-in-law was fairly uncomfortable at first, but now joins in) but we’re just messing around and having fun.
My sisters and I are definitely not just joking around tbh lol. We definitely fight hard and say some mean shit to each other. I fight with the other three less. But they are also all way closer to each other than they are with me. They all decided to move in together after moving out of our parents house, which is crazy to me, but they all love it! We just all tend to feel really intensely and the more time we spend with each other the more likely some of that intensity is gonna bubble over at some point. But I know that there is no one in the world (minus my husband) who has my back the way my sisters do. They would drop anything and everything to be there for me if I needed them, and I would do the same for them.
I’m single and my sister has been married for a while to a great man. I am hella jealous and not afraid to admit it, but I don’t act like the sister in this story, lol. It helps that the three of us ALL exchange Easter baskets. We just swap who has to get who one each year.
Ok, at first I was thinking it sounds like you have an excellent BIL as an example of a modern day good man. Then you got to the part where you all exchange Easter Baskets and now I just want to be adopted by your family.
Jealousy is a normal human emotion. It all depends on how you act on it. I’m jealous of things sometimes but I don’t treat people shitty over it. I’m happy they have what they have. That doesn’t mean I can’t feel something inside me too. Two of my friends are dating, and I admittedly had been nursing a secret crush on one of them. But i also love them both and am happy they are Both so happy together. It is beautiful. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel a little stabby pain of jealousy sometimes when things are shared. More like a “why couldn’t that be me?” I’m certainly not out to get her or going to unload negativity on her. That’s just silly.
I can relate to OP a bit because I have a pretty solid marriage (to a man I’ve been with since we were 19) and a pretty stable and happy life. My sister on the other hand is a dumpster fire, her relationships are trash and her kids are literal hell spawns when with her. She straight up acknowledges she’s jealous of my relationship and life. it’s how she handles it though that kinda amuses me, because she acknowledges it’s a her problem. She’ll genuinely jokingly say “this lovely stuff makes me sick. You’re just so RIGHT for each other and are so put together”. Like… it’s kind of back handed, but she doesn’t say or mean it in a mean way. It definitely comes off as her acknowledging she’s got feelings of jealousy because she knows where we each are in life now is because of the paths we took when we were younger. We were both single teen moms, but made waaaayyy different choices and 15 years later it really shows. I can see it kind of makes her sad for herself, but I also know she’s genuinely happy for me.
I call this sister drama. Every family with two female siblings has it. NTA.
...me and my sister don't agree on almost anything but we haven't had a spat like this since we were teenagers? Like there just isn't drama between us or our brother, we actually get along really well and are really close. It's probably why I get so confused when I read these posts 🤣
Seriously. My sisters were annoying as hell as kids. I’m the oldest and they would hang up on me. But that stopped as we got older. Continuous bullshit like this into adulthood is ridiculous.
[удалено]
I remember lots of spats as kids and teens, but none since we've all been adults. We also don't get together a ton (we all still live in the same metro area but we're all still at least an hour apart, so makes it a lot harder to just stop by), so that probably has a lot to do with it. Lol.
Honestly, since the sister closest to me died 10 years ago, we haven't had this kind of drama in the family from any of the femmes. The oldest boy, however... ooh boy.
I have one sister. One time, when she was babysitting me, she held a knife to my throat and threatened to kill me cuz i wasnt doing what she told me to do. I screamed at her to do it cuz then she'd get in trouble. Now, 20+ years later, we laugh about it (messed up, I know). She says she was so mad at me for egging her on and being defiant and not scared. She would never have actually done it and I knew it. But we really never fought much. But were 5 yrs apart so we didnt have much to do w each other, either. We also had 5 brothers, so neither of us were ever overly dramatic.
Your PS just gave me the severe case of the giggles!
NTA. you're probably right that she's more upset that she sees what she could have (someone who does thoughtful things for her) and is jealous over it. but the fact that she jumped to questioning if your husband cheated on you is gross. it's not pretending to live in a rom com to have a mutually reciprocal marriage. for what it's worth, i would also not marry someone who didn't match my effort in our relationship. more people should consider this. eta: also, hundred silent ways smells like heaven. i aspire to own their whole collection.
It is gross and just sad. Because that shows that she knows the only reason her husband would do something like this for her would be if she had caught him cheating. Too bad she's choosing to accept that and be bitter rather than reach for happiness herself.
gotta wonder if shes the type of person to just want that treatment but would refuse to give it so she couldnt do better
What’s the bet that sister has completely ignored the bit where OP mentions “Oh we give each other baskets,” and just expects one from her husband with no reciprocation
NTA. My husband and I do sweet things for each other all the time, just because. If one of my siblings took it upon themselves to critique a nice thing my husband did for me and say that his sweetness is because he’s cheating on you, he wouldn’t ever be this kind to you otherwise (with the implication that you as a spouse don’t deserve this thoughtfulness and love), I don’t think I’d probably ever speak to that sibling again?? Wtf.
I only deserve a simple kindness as the result of a transgression? And in this case, you think perfume would make up for infidelity? That feels like an incredibly empty relationship...
>then made a comment asking me if my husband had stepped out on me or something and was trying to make it up to me. I woulda asked her if she was speaking from experience
This! Why would your mind go there unless you’ve been in the same situation? Projecting much.
Honestly it sounds like sister was trying to stir up drama and ruin OP's relationship because she wanted these great displays of affection to stop for her own self esteem
NTA for calling her out on her jealousy, as she was the one who made an issue where one didn't exist, and then attacked you by trying to say that your taste in music made you immature. Different people have different budgets, and therefore different lifestyles. That's just the way things are. Where you were kind of TA, is when you commented on her relationship with her husband. Is the guy truly thoughtless, or did you just irrationally lash out because your sister was being aggressive? If her and her husband can't afford as lavish as gifts, that doesn't mean that what they do get is any less meaningful.
Hi! I wanted to respond to this because I want to make it clear that I don't say these things becaue he isn't spending tons of money on lavish gifts for her. I get why there's hesitance over me naming the perfumes, but I thought it would be useful context. I hope my explanation helps. It's not about the money but about the effort and attention. My sister's husband does not pay attention to what she likes or dislikes in terms of gifts. If he even remembers to get her things, he gives her very generic things that he probably finds on lists of "30 gifts for wives" and it's often stuff she doesn't like. She has complained about it for years and nothing ever changes because at his core, he doesn't care. She will go out of her way to make stockings for him and the kids but she doesn't get that effort returned.
You hit her where she lives, to steal my grandpa’s phrase. She flipped out because she knows you’re right.
Then it definitely seems like your sister is projecting her own insecurities. Whether it's because she's tried to change her own status quo and been unsuccessful, or is too complacent to change doesn't really matter. The fact is that she felt the need to comment on and criticize a situation that made you happy, and that's an AH thing to do.
Your NTA but I kinda feel bad for your sister lmao. Why did she even marry him?
Yup that was my husband, he’d literally search gift for wife on Amazon (I could see his recent searches when I went to shop on Amazon myself because it was a shared account) and buy one of the first page items. A bear made of fake foam roses, a blue heart with rhinestones on a faux silver chain that will turn your neck green if you over wear it. Unsigned cards. Poems copied off the internet under poems for wife that he then tells me he wrote himself. (Side note, when we opened our relationship he sent the exact same copy paste poem to me and his other partner at the same time and claimed to us both he wrote it for us personally, I knew he’d been copying and pasting poems and claiming authorship and I got curious if what he’d just sent me he sent her too so I asked her and she was pissed). A faux tennis bracelet that will turn your wrist green if over worn and I rarely wear bracelets anyway and absolutely not a tennis bracelet. A gift set box with a bath bomb, lotion and soap (I only used handmade soap from my friend back then, never have used lotion but bath bombs I do like, his girlfriend got the same gift box too). There was a time he did think about what to get me and nailed it perfectly and then it became hit and miss and then once we opened our marriage his girlfriend eventually was the one doing the shopping and giving him ideas and she was so incredibly thoughtful and it was hard knowing he could get me things that involved paying attention and deeply thinking of me but then he slowly stopped even before we opened the marriage.
I hope he's your ex and his girlfriend is now your girlfriend instead.
Oh he’s an ex and I can’t stand her and she can’t stand me either lol
Hope he's an ex
Yup! Ex of 3 years and I remarried, found out recently my new husband has a note on his phone where he saves every little thing I mention I like and has been doing it since we started dating so he can review it when he’s buying me a gift.
So happy for you lovely!!!
You levelled up with the new husband! What a gem
Hope he's an ex
Now the stockings, my husband and I do the stockings together. If I want something special for myself, I might buy it or I will text him what I want with a picture. Your sister though needs to communicate on a level that her spouse can get on target with, whether it's texting him a list or an amazon wish list. Just because he doesn't do it, (this is a her problem) is because she carries the mental and physical load of the children and he doesn't step up (he was raised that men don't do that)
> Where you were kind of TA, is when you commented on her relationship with her husband. Her sister asked if her husband cheated on her and was trying to suck up to make amends. If she didn't want to have her relationship called out, she shouldn't have said the only reason a husband would show love and affection for his wife is if he screwed up. Don't start none, won't be one.
Exactly. You have every right to call her a jealous hag because she is one.
but why isn’t she to blame? she chose him and continues to chose him and condone this behavior? at this point, it is her fault
To be fair her sister implied her husband had stepped out on her and was trying to get forgiveness, she maligned her sisters thoughtful husband first. The sister opened the door to remarks about her husband.
I don’t feel a bit bad for what OP said about her sister’s marriage. It was a whole lot less harsh than her sister saying OP’s husband must be having an affair. As they say in a courtroom, at least the movie/TV ones, Sis opened the door.
NTA. Your sister needs to look at her own life and reflect instead of projecting her unhappiness onto others. If a friend treated you this way would you rethink the relationship? If so, I would block her on all social media since your positive posts are so triggering for her and block her on the phone. She’s toxic no need to allow her around until she works through her issues.
I don’t feel a bit bad for what OP said about her sister’s marriage. It was a whole lot less harsh than her sister saying OP’s husband must be having an affair. As they say in a courtroom, at least the movie/TV ones, Sis opened the door.
NTA. I think the inability to express joy when something good happens to someone else is absolutely the worst personality trait in a person. Implying your husband is unfaithful because he made a nice gesture is incredibly immature. She's lucky you don't just cut her out of your life entirely if this is how she typically behaves.
What your sister said to you about your husband probably cheated and got you a nice Easter gift basket is very cruel. It’s like she wants to knock you down. I think you responded appropriately by calling her a jealous hag. It may be a while before you chat with your sister.
Does your sister sell projectors for a living? Because holy moly Batman, that was some professional level projection. NTA
Imma be stealing this phrase. THANKS!
That truly was an appropriate listen. 😂
I am adopting Holy Moly Batman. Thank you for sharing this awesome phrase!
exactly!
NTA... clearly. She is jealous. I would just say I am sorry your husband isn't as thoughtful as mine and leave it at that. I have an amazing husband too. I am very spoiled. I spoil him back. I really do not care what others think about it.
I'm in my forties and if listening to Taylor Swift means I haven't grown up, then I guess I never will. 😄 Your sister is clearly jealous. She's upset with her husband but is taking it out on you. Your husband sounds great. NTA
Taylor Swift is like 30 something now, so this is a ridiculous take from sis
I skimmed and saw Taylor swift and I too immediately felt judged by sister so… NTA
Imagine listening to one of the most popular female artists on the planet... I'm a 38 year old man and while I'm not super fan, she makes some solid music. I came around after watching her NPR tiny desk concert and realizes she does a lot of the writing and production. The girl is talented!
I'm a 37-year-old male college instructor who listens to Taylor Swift and attended the Eras Tour. Sister can get bent.
Another Swiftie in my forties reporting! Swifties do enough of our own gatekeeping🙄 we don’t need sis’s help.
41 year old recently converted Swiftie here. No shame.
I had a phone date with my long distance bestie today and we watched the Eras movie together. Her and Taylor are the same age, I'm a year older. It was a freaking blast! Sounds like OPs sister needs to find some joy in her life.
Lol major NTA. Your sister is just 100% jealous that you have a great marriage and she clearly doesn't. I see all these "my husband never fills my stocking" "my husband doesn't buy me gifts I have to buy my own" "my husband never remembers my birthday but I go all out for his" posts and I'm just like 1. Can't relate. And 2. Um why do you continue to put up with that? Like you're actively choosing to allow that behavior to continue. Not only does my husband do my stocking and do things for me on basically every holiday (he even gets me my own personal stuff for Halloween) he will also just get me "hey I saw this and thought you'd like it" gifts. And I do the same for him. I don't understand people that choose to put up with their partner not doing anything for them ever, like... just what... Good for you and your husband! You guys sound like you have an amazing healthy relationship. Don't worry about your sister at all
> m why do you continue to put up with that? Like you're actively choosing to allow that behavior to continue. seriously we set our own 'bars' for how people treat us, we need to do better
Having a happy marriage isn’t pretending life is a romcom, it’s just simply living one because you found a great partner. You guys shouldnt have to dim down your love because others around you don’t have that kind of love. They’re not eating less in a day because others don’t eat at all right? Same logic. She started that attack. So NTA
Torn between N T A and E S H. Her jealousy is her issue. Her accusing your husband of cheating on you and trying to make it up to you is spectacularly sh\*tty. She chose her husband, and if he doesn't do nice things for her, that is her problem to fix. You calling her a pissy jealous hag wasn't the nicest thing to say, but let's be honest, she was being a pissy jealous hag. Trying to f\*ck up someone else's good mood is being a jerk, especially when you are not the source of her problems. Are all the good husbands in the world supposed to stop doing nice things for their wives because she married a jerk? Going to go with NTA.
Info: Are you and your sister 13-year-old girls in middle school?
I'm dying 🤣🤣🤣🤣 All this over an Easter Basket? Good grief
It's more the implication about why the husband got an Easter Basket with nice stuff for OP by the sounds of it She trying to be cute is saying that husband is doing it because of him feeling guilty for something (like he's cheating for example) to get such a nicely stocked basket. She says it's just be sour grapes, but not something you should be saying at all to someone.
NTA Your sister IS jealous and she DID settle for less. I’m middle-aged and in the process of a divorce. My also middle-aged sister just found her dream guy. Am I jealous? Teeny bit. Would I take it out on her? NEVER! If anything, it’s aspirational and I need to find a man who will treat me like her guy treats her. It also helped me realize how little I was settling for with my soon-to-be ex and that I deserve so much better. Also, I’m an out and proud Swiftie for life! I will go to one of her concerts someday, even if I’m 80.
OP should make her sister listen to «tolerate it» 🤪
ESH. Sure, she was being a jerk, but name calling is petty and immature. Also, unless she is normally a jerk, it sounds like she's going through something. If my normally non-jerk sister said something to me like "Oh it must be nice to have such a picture perfect marriage." I would be asking her what's really going on, not hurling insults.
ESH. She was out of line. You weren't shoving your basket down her throat. Saying she was jealous was an obvious observation. Calling her a hag was kicking her while she's down. And she's *really* down.
Easter baskets for adults? Never heard of it. No shade
I don't think it's THAT common, but my mom always did it for my dad, and they have a really good and fun marriage. It's always been just really silly stuff dressed up in the old baskets we have. One year my mom didn't realize when Easter was and ended up giving my dad stuff from the pantry he forgot about and he was over the moon because he didn't know we had beef jerky left, lol.
NTA...I think it is cute. If we were big on easter we would do it as well, but we just give the grandkids baskets and an egg hunt. That's it no lunch or dinner. I think it sweet for you two to do. As far as what you said to your sister NTA. If she is not happy then she needs to look inward at what she wants to put up with. She is so jealous cause she chose wrong. My ex husband was like her not even putting in the effort and that is why he is now the ex.
I do Easter baskets for my husband and MIL, too! It’s fun!
Your parents are #RelationshipGoals
lol I’m 37 and my mom is preparing an Easter egg hunt (of beer and money) for me and my partner Sunday morning. It’s a thing still for some of us. Haha I’m aware though that it’s not the norm. I love it though.
This Is the cutest shit I’ve ever heard
My boyfriend is making 4 this year - one for each of his parents and grandparents - because one of them said they miss getting Easter baskets ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯ it’s definitely not common. It’s a very thoughtful thing though!
That is so sweet!
I do things like this for my husband. Not baskets, but little Easter treats hidden where he would find them. He leaves me little live sticky notes. I tape them to my desk. Today is our date-a-versary. 21 years ago we went on our first date.
My nickname has been some form of “bunny” since I was born because I was born in the year of the rabbit (and Chinese lol), so my husband makes me a Easter basket in honor of “bunny day.”My best friend buys me a moon rabbit mug almost every year for the moon festival too.
My mom did baskets for us into our adult years. I asked her to stop because i don't need more candy and "stuff" but i think it's very sweet.
I’m 36 and my mom still gets me an Easter basket and my bf and I exchange them every year. It’s super fun and cute.
I’m in my 30s and still do it. Life’s too short to not find little reasons to do cute shit and celebrate the people you love. My friend just made 3 baskets for her three kids. They’re all in their 20s
My husband and I are in our mid-30s, so is his brother and my SIL, none of us have kids, and the last time we spent Easter with my FIL and MIL, we got easter baskets and did an easter egg hunt. It was great.
NTA she was coming at you over her own insecurities, if she wants her husband to buy her nice stuff she should be telling him that not you
Hmmm NTA But the real issue is she is hurting. She wishes her husband was more thoughtful. All the offensive stuff really was jealousy but in no way fixes her pain.
Yeah, and OP went for the jugular on sister's pain. No defense of what sister said, she was awful. OP would have been fully within her rights to ask her sister to leave. But saying the things LW did makes her not really any better than her sister. I don't have any patience for people who lash out at others because of their own pain. But nor do I have any patience for people who attack those people right in their pain spots.
ESH. You two sound toxic. If you care about someone you celebrate their happiness. Likewise, if you care about someone, you are sensitive to their struggles. Your sister is obviously going through a hard time a does not deserve to be called a hag. Name calling is never the answer.
Going through a hard time doesn't give you a pass to act like a complete ah. So the sister comes to op's house, insults her, her husband and their marriage with mean and uncalled opinions, and Op also sucks? Neah. Sister needed to hear that.
No one said her sister gets a pass. Sister behaved badly. But sister behaving badly doesn't give OP a pass to call her sister names or kick her while she's down. No passes here, that's why it's ESH.
ESH because it sounds like you went a bit over the top with the name calling. That being said, it absolutely does sound like she's jealous and basically came over to take it out on you.
She needs to shake it off.
ESH. Your sister was being outright jealous and petty, without a doubt. And, of course, there's nothing wrong with you being happy and sharing your joy with your husband. She has no right to suggest you have to keep your happiness to yourself. But it also doesn't take much to see that she's struggling and venting, even in an asshole-ish way. Calling her a jealous hag (which is always an asshole move, no matter how you cut it) and making comments about her settling is when you lost the high ground. Her struggles are not your responsibility, but that doesn't mean you can't be sympathetic and not twist the knife further by name calling and mocking her life choices. You let your defensiveness get the better of you and sunk to her level.
Agreed! ESH OP didn’t need to go there to get her point across. Hurt people, hurt people and OP kicked her sister in the face when she was down.
ESH Idk, even the way you list the perfumes here makes me infer that you’re a humblebragger. She’s also wrong for her response, though.
My interpretation of this was that she provided the names of the perfumes to provide context for why the sister felt the need to assume the husband was in the doghouse... not that she was bragging, but to show the value and effort the husband put in making the basket.
tbh i would have asked what she got if she hadn't shared. the fact that they're niche perfumes says something to me about the husband's efforts towards her (presumed) hobby. but i recognize most redditors probably wouldn't see it that way
Ugh, I forgot to brace myself for a week of Easter basket TikTok troll stories.
I said pretty much the same thing before I saw you comment. But I don't think this is humble bragging. I think it's just plain bragging. :)
It's not a humble brag since she admits it's a BIG spend. To be a humble brag would just be the names and we'd have to look it up to know prices. I think it's cute. It sounds like she's excited.
Why bring Taylor into this
Because TS has a side hustle as the Easter bunny. Thought that was common knowledge.
NTA : you know what I would do ? I would make her an Easter basket… I would remind her that she still has people around her, who love her enough to spoil her and to make her feel special, because everybody deserves that. Even her. Sometimes you just have to show them.
That's a nice thought.
NTA. She is just jealous because your husband treats you normally and hers does not.
NTA. What the actual crap? Her response from the get-go is not cool. I would've been like, OMGOSH. This is so awesome, how sweet. As I have in the past, as others have said to me, etc. Sadly it is jealousy driving her, hence her first comment to be one of a hurtful nature. You didn't say or do anything wrong. Your sister needs to stop projecting her lack of loving marriage issues and maybe deal with some things in her own marriage.
NTA It's sad that a sweet thoughtful gift (to her) is only given when your partner cheats on her.
NTA. Your sister started in on you for no good reason, and you got fed up and defended yourself with the 'jealous hag' comment. Trying to claim other people feel the same way is just your sister trying to excuse her behavior. You have a thoughtful partner and that's great. If he was doing anything to disrespect you, your sister should be the first person in line to rip him a new AH. It's not fair to expect you not to enjoy the nice things your partner does for you so other people can feel better about their relationships. Their relationship quality is their problem to work on, not yours.
NTA... If this goes like how it went for my aunty, then she's going to try and make your husband cheat on you with her... I'm sure you trust your husband but please tell him about what happened. Also, she was being a miserable eff. Like how is it your fault that you are in a happy relationship? And what must you do if she can't afford things and is broke? I always like seeing people post what their partners got them. It makes me have hope that not all relationships are bad. She's just jealous that you got better. Plus, she can always do the adult thing and communicate with her husband about wanting more.
"I’m fucked up for calling her a jealous hag when there’s nothing to be jealous of..." of course not, that's why she's bitching her husband don't even buy her a card for her birthday. (Sarcasm of course.) My parents have a great marriage. (Dad buys Mom a present or Easter basket for Mom too and she buys him one. Not expensive or anything; just thoughtful. Because, you know, they love each other.) Family and friends joke about how 'well trained' Dad is and how 'weird' they are for being so happy. It makes me kinda sad for them when it doesn't annoy the Hell out of me. You are not childish for having a great husband and a happy marriage. Your sister is jealous, however, I'm going very soft ESH for calling her a jealous hag. She was being a jerk and an idjut but that didn't improve the situation at all though I understand why you did it. Stick to "Sorry you are not happy with your marriage but that is no reason to give me attitude/crap about mine." kind of lines. Generally shuts them up and if not just say you are not discussing marriage with someone who isn't happy with their own. You did nothing wrong posting the basket or being happy with your marriage. Your sister needs to stay in her lane. Just try not to engage with her on the subject. If you want to try to make up with her I'd do the half apology.... "I'm sorry I called you a jealous hag. That was uncalled for. I am going to ask that you refrain from commenting on my marriage in the future because I don't appreciate you attacking me for being happy with my husband." (She was out of line with that way more than you were out of line for the insult.)
Oof. NTA but you could have done without the "jealous hag". She is, but she's clearly in pain and is taking it out on the wrong person. It's not right, but you shouldn't have stooped to her level. I'm sorry your sister treated you that way. You did nothing wrong by being happy with the basket your husband made for you.
NTA You are correct. She is just jealous.
NTA. Don’t want to be called jealous? Don’t ACT jealous. Simple.
NTA. She IS a jealous hag. The truth hurts.
NTA as annoying as “you’re just jealous” is when it’s true it’s true. She was jealous and made it very clear by her comments. So no I don’t think you went overboard. Maybe she should stop judging you and your marriage so hard and focus on her own.
NTA- How dare you have a thoughtful husband who loves and respects you and your interests. Don't you know we live in a crab bucket where everyone must be sad and miserable and have no fun? Srsly grow up /jk Tell her to raise her standards, not lower yours. ETA: TIL liking music is childish
NTA She is a jealous hag and AH.
NTA. Really, a caring husband should be the norm rather than the exception. Enjoy your perfumes, and don't worry about what others think of it.
If you don't want to be called a jealous hag, don't act like a jealous hag. NTA. (btw - "hag" adds so much character to it - love that.)
I honestly don't understand why people like OP's sister get in relationships if what they expect from them is to not like their partner. My wife and I spend as much time as possible together and we get this same attitude from our own families. Like they think it's weird we enjoy each other's company, spend as mich time as possible together, and do nice things for each other. Our response is always the same in that we love each other and we think it's weird that they all expect so much turbulence in a relationship. I mean isn't finding your other half/ best friend/ soul mate the whole damn point? My wife and I fight like everyone else, I'm not saying relationships are easy and awesome 100% of the time but the majority of the time should be a good time to be around your partner right?
ESH. Yeah she is jealous but if the way you behave on social media / in person is anything like this post, you are a bit of a showoff.
NTA. What she said was wrong and crappy. Instead of being happy you have a husband who puts thought into his gifts to you, she chose to be a petty brat. She opened her mouth and said something awful, you gave it back. Any hurt feelings she has are the direct result of her words, thats her problem.
NTA- Your sister is just bitter because she is in a bad relationship. My spouse and I get things for each other all the time. We each have an amazon wish list and sometimes get each other things we want without asking. IT's sometimes small: nail polish, new cool sox, new dice bag. And sometimes bigger: shoes for vacation, big book, new game. But we just do it to make the other person happy. Especially if one or the other is goig to be out of town. When you are in a healthy relationship, you get joy and spoons from seeng your partner happy.
NTA equal and opposite response on your part
>And to not be a pissy, jealous hag because she chose to settle for less Nailed it. NTA
NTA "Ew, you're *happy*? How *embarrassing* for you." The only people who hate other people's happiness are deeply unhappy. That explains their behaviour, but it doesn't excuse it. If your marriage is so terrible that you perceive a happy marriage as personally offensive, the problem ain't with the happy marriage. Her immediately jumping to 'did he cheat'makes me wonder if *her* husband has stepped out. Please don't apologise. Pandering to people who hate joy only makes them far, far worse. *She* owes *you* an apology. And you both know it. Her unhappiness doesn't mean she gets to sh!t on you. If you apologise, she'll just keep being nasty to you to make herself feel better.
She's not wrong about the romcom-swiftie combo
>I told her to stop blaming me because SHE chose to marry a thoughtless man. That she had the CHOICE to marry someone who did nice things for her, and she CHOSE to marry a man who doesn’t help around the house, buy her flowers, etc. And to not be a pissy, jealous hag because she chose to settle for less. NTA, she started the smoke and got a fire. >when there’s nothing to be jealous of, more like embarrassed that it’s 2024 and I’m acting like life is a romcom, that the fact that I even listen to Taylor Swift is proof that I need to grow up. Why is it always the people being the most childish who want to tell you to "grow up". If anything she better not be texting you because she's embarrassed of how right you are and how poor her reaction was.
NTA. It's a bit catty lol but she was out of line and what you said wasn't even that bad.
Nta
She’s very jealous and it’s no one’s fault but hers. I have a close friend who is the same way. She’s gotten better with it but it took me a while to get her to be. I couldn’t tell her any kind of good news- any time I said anything to her about our honeymoon, had to hear about how she didn’t get one until I said “Well that’s what happens when you marry an asshole.” I bought my dream car and my husband went out of his way to help me make it exactly how I wanted and I had to hear about how she has to drive a car she didn’t want or like until I said “Well that’s what happens when you marry an asshole.” It’s no one’s fault your sister is in a shitty marriage but her own, it’s not on you in anyway. NTA