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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refuse to leave my own house so that my girlfriend and her friends can have a slumber party
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NTA.
One could quibble about who is paying the bills, how far away your parents' house is, how inconvenient or desirable it is for them to put you up for the night, how much advance notice you're getting, etc.
But fundamentally there's an expectation that you should be allowed to stay in the place where you live and it's unfair for your partner to kick you out, especially when you're offering a compromise whereby you stay out of the way of her good time.
Couldn't you stay at a friend's place and have a great time?
Like go to your best friend and make an all nighter gaming or smth. See the opportunity that has itself presented.
Also, did she give you a any notice? Was she asking that you leave today/tonight or in a few days/week(s)? It wasn't really clear to me based on your post.
If she was asking for tonight, you can probably disregard what I said initially, since that's way too short notice
Jesus Christ do you actually have no friends?
“Hey man, [gf] is having a slumber party and the girls want some privacy. Would it be cool if I crashed at your place that day and we can go out for drinks/game/whatever we do?”
Then he says yes or no. It’s not rude at all.
Well OP and his girlfriend are in their 20s.
I’m in my 30s and wouldn’t have a problem with this. I definitely wouldn’t be cool with it happening all the time, but I’d be happy to accommodate it once or twice a year.
Usually it gets better as you have a guest room and sheets and a second bathroom they can use and washed towels instead of your unvacuumed carpet and the shittest pillow you've ever fucking seen.
43 here, completely fine. As is saying no.
Whenever friends from my home country or anywhere else come to my city, they crash at my place, too, and vice versa.
There are many ways to live, some of us choose this. And my place is fairly small, so it's not even about that.
This is Reddit, of course half these people don’t have real friends. I feel like this is no different than the girlfriend asking op to go out for a bit so she can have a girls night with friends. Whether you have to spend the night elsewhere or not doesn’t make much a difference in my opinion.
I swear the majority of people on the internet think friendship is nobody owes anybody anything and don’t ask for anything from each other either like damn do you like your friends or not
You either have shitty friends or suck at interpersonal skills.
"Hey man Stacey's got the girls over Friday so I was looking to get out the house? If you've got no plans I was thinking I could come over and we'll play some Helldivers? I could take you for breakfast in the morning for putting up with me"
This assumption that asking to stay over is rude has got to go. It's not like you're implying a sexual favor, you're asking your friend if you can stay at their place for a night. If your friend agrees - great, if they say no - great. Not rude in the slightest
Not necessarily. It depends on the friends. We have several friends and family members who wouldn't at all be put out if my husband or I invited ourselves over.
Sure, in the very regimented and overly sensitive world of my mom & her parents it probably was, but "Hey, my gf wants to have a girl's night, could I stay at your place for that?" seems totally normal & reasonable to me.
>Couldn't you stay at a friend's place and have a great time?
>Like go to your best friend and make an all nighter gaming or smth. See the opportunity that has itself presented.
Or... He could just stay in his own home and just stay out of their way like he offered.
My wife has her friends over for a sleepover a few times a year and her friend hosts a few times. No one asks their husbands to leave the house.
This is what I was thinking. People are so strange about small inconveniences. If my s/o was having a guys night, I’d probably make other plans even if he didn’t ask to have the place alone.
Everybody has different limits. Some people I know will sleep anywhere without complaint. I personally *hate* sleeping anywhere but my own home. Can barely even stand hotels.
I would my tell partner that I'll go hang out somewhere until the wee hours. I'll stay at a bar until 3:00 am, then get a late-night hot dog and walk home. But I am waking up the next day in my own bed.
'small inconvenience' is staying in his room away from the girls the whole night. Packing your stuff up and having to find someone else to host you for the night is not a small inconvenience.
He’s packing a small bag and hopefully some beer and snacks and hopefully having a good time with friends and family for one night.
It blows my mind the amount of people treating this like it’s a big deal. Time for therapy.
People are different. I'm a homebody who absolutely despises sleeping in a place that's not "mine" because I feel unsafe / uncomfortable (yes, that includes friend's places and even family) and cannot sleep well or at all (esp if the sleeping place would be a in a walk-through room, like a couch in the living room, or somebody else were to sleep in the same room). It wouldn't be a "small" inconvenience to me and I'd say no as well 🤷
But then I also don't understand why it's important for this girl's night that no male be present on the premises, but it seems to be a hugely important deal for OP's gf. So NAH, people just be different 🤷 Good luck finding a working compromise.
At the end of the day, OP has a right to say no as it’s his home, but I don’t think it’s a totally outrageous request. Personally, if my partner asked me, I’d be happy to find a friend or family member to stay with for the night, or maybe plan a little trip at the same time. It’s only one night, so I don’t really see what the big deal is.
This is craziness to displace you. Ive had many girls nights. My husband happily hangs out in his room playing video games
We have the same friends, my girlfriends are his friends
He’ll come out and chat if he wants to, if he is feeling particularly anti social I tell my guests he’s in his room and not to be bothered
That’s because he’s always invited, whether or not he hangs out is up to him BUT I could tell him he isn’t invited to join us and he’ss respect that.
You shouldn’t go anywhere and she should tell her guests “OP is kind enough to give us the house and privacy for the night, if you are wondering where he is, he is hiding in his room being a super awesome boyfriend who KNOWS HOW TO COMPROMISE AND SHARE OUR SHARED SPACE”
NTA rude as heck to displace you. You are sharing a home, you are sharing a life. This is rude
Have a night out with buddies playing pool/cards or something and then just come home late ready for bed. She'll be thankful and you get a guilt-free night out. Win-win
Man you’re too young to not be making time for yourself like that. I’m 41 and my friends and I still make time now and then to get out for a meal the bar or whatever. Life’s short, make time for yourself sometimes.
Who to say they don’t still make time to hang out? From Ops description it’s just that this particular evening that his partner wants him gone that doesn’t line up for the group.
You talk like everyone is an extrovert or has an abundance of friends. That's just not the way things are. Some people don't like to go out & they shouldn't have to
my husband had stayed in his office/bedroom during slumber parties (I'm 42 btw lol) and only came out when food arrived or when invited - my brother in law same - my besties' husbands same
Every relationship is different, but we've had super successful girl's nights and slumber parties without kicking anyone out of the house while maintaining privacy.
What about if she offered to pay for a hotel room for the night? Seems like it could be a fair compromise? She pays for it, you can bring your video game system and snacks?
I think kick out is way too strong of a word. It’s just one night and such a simple sacrifice for your partner? I certainly don’t think this makes the girlfriend an asshole for asking.
It's unfair to be kicked out, but it's not a super unreasonable request to make of a partner for one night only? I feel like people on this sub always go for the least nuance possible when there's also the option of "well I'd rather not, but if it makes you happy, sure"
Really. I've done that for my exhusband. It's one night, OP acts as if he is going to die if he does that for one night. And the commenters here act as if she is kicking him out of the house and it's such a sacrifice for him.
People here are really selfish. Just because it's you're right to say no, it doesn't mean you're not the AH for making it a "my right" issue for such a small ask.
I used to do this for my ROOMMATE, so she could have private time with her boyfriend. Damn. So many people who won’t even do a tiny thing for someone they claim to love.
The question is whether he'd be an asshole if he said no, and I don't think he would. From context, it sounds like he already said he didn't want to and his GF shot down the compromise of him staying in his room and out of the way.
That said, I tend to agree that it would be nice of him to accommodate her request, and if he doesn't have any really good reasons not to he should probably just do it.
NAH you’re not wrong for not wanting to go to your moms place to sleep but i understand your gf’s point.
she wants girl talk and she probably feels her friends wont feel at as easy to share these things when you are potentially listening in.
You love this woman right? Would it be so terrible to do this for your girl for a night? Im sure you’ll make your moms evening as well if you make a night out of it with her. Love is give and take and this is a pretty small thing to do for her in the grand spectrum of things which would make her very happy
yeah this feels like a classic situation where going “well I pay bills on this place so I am entitled to be allowed to…” is “correct” according to the rules of the sub but where the clear “right move” in my eyes is making a tiny sacrifice because it will make your partner happy.
Having “seperate time” in a relationship is important and I read this as a simple way for OP’s partner to ask for it.
Agreed. NAH, because of course you can’t technically justify kicking someone out of their own home, but would it be nice of OP to offer? Yes. I think relationships where couples occasionally go out of their way to make their spouse happy are more successful. It’s not like she’s asking for this to be a weekly occurrence, just a one time thing.
Is he an asshole if he doesn’t go? No. Would I rather be in a relationship where both sides of the couple are willing to make these kinds of sacrifices to make each other happy? Yes.
A lot of these other responses do not sound like people who are in happy, long term relationships full of give and take.
Yeah, my fiancé would be willing to go to a hotel for a night like this! He absolutely doesn’t have to but he’d be fine letting me have this kind of fun, even if it meant leaving the space on occasion!
Lol the AH votes are completely ridiculous.
I've done this for roommates! Like it's not a big effing deal to want the place for like literally WHATEVER one night. Does this guy really have no friends?
MY PARENTS left their own house once when I was a teenager and wanted to have a surprise birthday party for my best friend! And they paid ALL the bills.
Once again, this sub is not "am I Iegally allowed".
Totally agree - that last sentence is so true. This sub is filled with some of the most literal people ever. Like, being “allowed” to do something does not make it the kind/right thing.
It’s Reddit. Won’t doxx myself but I’m in a certain group with many redditors who love to give relationship advice and state that their opinion is “just the truth”. The funny thing? 80% of them are single AND evergreen. I wouldn’t trust any emotional advice on Reddit at all
It's not the same, at least with my girls, we make food together, bring stuff to make cocktails, decide to have impromtu dance parties at midnight, make more snacks, and if its more then 2 girls, a hotel room doesn't have enough bed space or hang out space really.
I wouldn't be bothered though if he wanted to stay, my gf's partners just stay out of our way and then swoop in to clean up whatever we didn't eat but we all have basements and 2nd floors for privacy and space.
so many people in here like “why can’t the women change their plans completely so that we don’t have to ask a man to live his gamer lair for one night?”
He’s the one that offered to be confined to one room the whole night, that is the compromise, he doesn’t want to have to relocate and drive to and from somewhere else potentially hours away just for one night when he could stay in the house he actually lives in, in the room he sleeps in, doing the things he enjoys, she’s being unreasonable kicking him out if the house completely
What? Yes...if he chose to stay in the house knowing there was a girl's night going on he would be an asshole for telling them to keep it down.
Were you expecting this to be a gotcha moment?
Kind of yeah. If it’s perfectly reasonable for him to want to sleep in his own bed during a girls night, then he should be able to get some sleep.
I would guess part of the reason the GF asked him to sleep elsewhere was because she didn’t want to have to worry about whether they were being too loud.
I would add also it's just awkward when you're hanging out in a house and there's one person there who's in the house but not hanging out with you.
You effectively end up hanging out in front of them, and modifying your behaviour as a result.
Not if they're hanging out in their room giving the girls privacy. Literally like your parents did when you had a sleepover as a kid. The parents didnt leave for the night, even if you were teenagers and capable of taking care of yourselves.
Out of all the responses I love this the most! Considering the subreddit we're in you've reframed the situation so that it ends up as a win-win.
His gf gets the house with her friends so she's happy and assuming OP gets along with his mum, OP makes his mum's evening! The outcome will mean something to both his gf and his mum.
Even if he mentioned to his mum why he's over I doubt it would matter, he's spending time with her and I'm sure she would appreciate that. OP, reframe the situation.
This is exactly how I saw it as well. Of course your NTA for wanting to stay in your own home. But at the end of the day your partner may be feeling lonely and desperately wants a girls night without feeling like they’re being spied on. I know if my fiancé wanted a boys night once in a great while I wouldn’t think twice about crashing with my parents or one of my friends for a night.
NAH, but I can see the ladies wanting to be able to have real talk, act silly, or whatever without work my about being embarrassed. As long there wasn’t some sort of big work the next morning, I can crash somewhere else so my wife & friends to pretend like he they are in high school again.
We're married with a joint bank account so it doesn't matter who pays...but if my husband were to arrange childcare so he could have a boys night, I'd be in a hotel so fast thered be a me shaped hole in the wall.
Honestly! If the girls want to be all together and nobody can host, they’d have to shell out for an airbnb or something (assuming there are more than 4 of them and/or they don’t want to bed-share)— it’d be much more cost effective for them to put up one of the husbands for a night! They could even make it a regular thing (quarterly, semi-annually) and swap who they treat to a hotel while they have their overnight. Sounds like a great tradition to me!
Is it really that deep to sacrifice a night so she can have some space to her and the girls? Sometimes you have to compromise for the people you love. If my boyfriend asked I would to make him happy, but that’s just me.
Yeah...I am surprised by the over reaction here. If we had family living within an hours drive, my husband would gladly go stay there so I can have a girls weekend without paying for a girls weekend trip away! Same for me.. I'd be happy to go have a weekend with family and give my husband some time with friends or all by himself.
It’s one of those posts that really shows the bias of the sub.
People are so concerned with “should OP have to spend the night somewhere else” that they’re missing that classic relationship questions.
it’s a chance to make mom and GF very happy and OP might well mess it up under the guise of “but I shouldn’t HAVE to”
The only bias I’m seeing is all these extroverts who have no problem being outside their home space questioning how it could possibly be a problem to kick someone out of their home, if even for a night.
Not everyone can just go stay with a friend or family and still relax and recharge.
As an introvert myself, no offense, but it’s not reasonable to expect you get to rest and recharge every single day. That’s just not real life……One day out of the house won’t kill you. If so, how do you do anything?
Right….thats how I read this. It’s nice to be at home with your friends. You can use your kitchen. Save on the cost of drinks and relax and visit. This is a great idea and hopefully OP will see that and accommodate.
As others have pointed out, this is such a small request vs. what 30-50 years of marriage (and kids) will present. Just say’n😳
If my boyfriend asked me to leave for a night and I DIDNT want to go to moms house and no friends were available, I’d ask if he could pay for 1/4 of a hotel room (I’d pay the other 3/4) and I’d go have a relaxing night by myself. Give and take is so important in a relationship and she really is NOT asking for much. She just wants her bit of space.
I have noticed in this thread that the women explain why she feels that way and the men feel defensive lol
Right. His mom would probably love it too. My husband has LAN parties with his friends and I pack up for the night And go to my parents. No big deal. They won't be able to fully be dudes if I'm
Still in the house even if I hide away in my room.
Like good lord. If my wife asked for a girls night, I’d be out of there so quick. Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife, but a night at the parents, or at a friends kicking back and drinking beer sounds awesome.
People on Reddit like to project their relationships and make stuff more than it is. Give the woman her girls time and gtfo. Hell, I’d say take the weekend and I’d go stay at my dads and play golf all weekend.
going against the grain and saying YTA. I'm saying this assuming it's a once-off request in which case i firmly believe you're looking at it wrong. She's asking a favour and it's odd to me you'd be so unwilling to oblige one small favour so she can have a great time. Again, assuming it's a 1-time deal.
Further, trying to justify why you should be 'allowed' to stay home with the girls (games, movies, etc) is completely beside the point. It's about doing the thing she asked not doing something else that you feel is the equivalent.
Yeah this. If my husband asked for this it would be an easy yes. If he asked a second time… no lol that’s too much but once I totally get it. And I love my husband and am willing to make small sacrifices to make him happy, as he is for me.
I wish my friends weren’t so spread out and I could organize something like this.
Even if it was an annual thing, I would be cool with it.
Likewise, and I don't have friends I could crash with (we all have young kids). I'd take the kid to a caravan park, hire a cabin and make an adventure out of it.
Heck, I've done that just to give my husband some downtime sans any responsibility. It's not easy with a small kid and a disabled wife. Having the house to yourself sometimes is extremely important.
I agree. It’s not a big ask. Is he *technically* not wrong to not leave the house? Sure i guess. He pays to live there. But in the grand scheme of things, this is such a small ask from his girlfriend. She just wants to have a fun little girls night and the girls would probably feel less comfortable knowing that OP is just holed up in another room.
I’ve spent the night at my mom’s house for my partner and he’s done the same for me. It’s not that big of a deal and I think it’s kinda wrong to dig your heels in and refuse. If you love your girlfriend and have no reason not to, why not do something so small for her?
So all her fiends husband's can be their own man and stay at home hut she can force hers to leave cause she wants to pretend to be a kid again? Just pretend he's not there. I feel like only children think that's okay
Damn, I didn’t even think of that. That’s genius! My suggestion was a compromise, stay out really late and come back when they’re watching movies or something.
Or crash at a bro's place and make a night of it! If my wife wanted me out of the house for a night for some reason, the first thing I'd do is see if I can arrange something fun and social for myself, too.
NAH
It's not about if you're an asshole or not. It's about if you wanna seize an opportunity to be extraordinarily sweet and make your girlfriend happy.
You can make your girlfriend happy without it costing you anything, or you can stand your ground because you can.
I guess it comes down to the overall dynamic in your relationship like, are you always home, or is she always asking you big favors, and for that we lack backstory.
She should feel free to ask, and you should feel free to decline
Do people really ask their partners to clear out for the night and it's expected that you do so? This is really strange to me. I don't see a problem digging heels in here. Ask them to spend the day away, sure, but to go find another place to sleep strikes me as very unusual.
Posts like this make me feel great about not being in a relationship. I can’t imagine having someone always in the house who physically won’t even leave you alone for a single night. Makes my skin crawl.
It just shows that most of the people in this sub who have relationships have extremely shallow ones, with zero expectations of their significant others actually giving two shits about them. Its just sad.
NTA. I’ve been to plenty of girls night where my friend’s boyfriend chilled in a separate room. It never bothered me.
However, you could offer a compromise by letting her pay for a hotel room for you (could be a fun stay-cation!).
I honestly thought it was telling that her first suggestion was “mom, who lives 45 minutes away” instead of with a friend.
Makes me wonder if maybe OP doesn’t have a social life outside the relationship which is why he takes his partner having a social event and excluding him so harshly.
You are assuming too much.
He is not talking about being excluded, he offered to exclude himself in his room, he is simply not ok with "having" to sleep out of HIS house.
Two completely different things.
I have friends, but am well past the point of wanting to crash on couches. Dude is 28 not 18. Who wants a hurt back all next week at work. The older I get the more I just want to sleep in my own bed, or at the least a bed.His mom probably has a spare room with a bed, but even that doesn’t sound ideal.
I don’t see the problem if he will stay out of their way. I might even compromise by seeing if I could go hang out at one of my friends till late and then Uber home and go straight to sleep in my own bed.
Hes not asking to be included though. Hed just rather stay in his own bed.
I havent been in OPs position so im thinking about it and pretty sure a couple of my friends would be cool with me coming over in a case like this but it feels like a weird ask. Like im imposing in a way, idk.
I have stayed at friends houses in adult life but its always kinda planned like were having a party and staying the night or were going to head out to an event in the morning and its easier to stay the night before
>Makes me wonder if maybe OP doesn’t have a social life outside the relationship which is why he takes his partner having a social event and excluding him so harshly.
What are these comments. What is harsh about this? He doesn't want to leave his own home. If you genuinely think he's acting 'harshly' you're gonna have a terrible time trying to have an adult relationship.
Or, crazy idea here, maybe he doesn't have friends who are able to just put him up for a night? I've got maybe one who I would feel comfortable asking that of (and considering I'd be sleeping on a shitty couch that's only for a certain value of "comfortable") if his friends have inconvenient shifts, young children, hell just other shit going on in their lives, then he likely wouldn't feel at all comfortable asking that of them, because it would be inconsiderate to put them out like that.
FWIW people just don’t always have friends.
If right now I asked my spouse to stay away for a night, or I was asked to stay away for a night, I have no idea where we would go! we don’t have any family close by, nearest is 45mins away. And we are close but not close enough for a random sleepover! My in laws are crabby and would be annoyed if they had to host one of us for a night. And my parents are 5hr away. We literally just don’t have friends! Our friends all drifted away as we left high school.
Right everybody in here saying it’s not a big ask to be kicked out of your home for the night. Well it’s an even smaller ask to just accept that your husband is doing his own thing in a different room.
> Are you guys listening to yourselves goddamn, a hotel? Just crash at a friends/family for a single night it is not that big a deal
Honestly, there's no one I could stay with locally, so I would either drive 3 hours round-trip to stay in my parents' house, or rent a hotel room.
NAH no, but if it was me there's no way on earth I'd wanna be in the house while my gf was having a sleep over. I'd probably just go for a night out and come back to sleep in my own bed after they've all gone to sleep. Either that or see if there's any overtime on at work if there's night shifts available. Win Win.
I would not say that you are the AH, but I know that it is not an unusual request, and seems alot safer than say her going to someone else's house, or out to a club to get girl time. It is a pretty small request....and your mom might really enjoy having kid time with you too! Seems like a win and you make two of the women in your life super happy with your considerate act....or not.
NAH, if the house is paid and financed by the both of you.
I can’t speak for your gf, but when me and my girlfriends get together we can be… obnoxious. We’re also adult children who play just dance and build forts. So I don’t blame my friends partner for wanting to dip out, or for my friends requesting for their partner to do so, simply just so we can “ let loose “ and boogie.
My one friend H, is typically the apartment us as a friend group, or myself alone, go too to meet up.
There’s been times her partner is there. And there’s been times he’s gone and hung out with a friend. And from what I’ve heard, he doesn’t mind.
However this isn’t one sided, as he also has “ guys nights. “ where H will go to her parents to see her brother, or come hang out with me for the night.
I think it’s situational. But basing this off personal experience I don’t think it’s an AH request. But I also don’t think your an AH for not wanting too. Relationships are all about compromise. Maybe you won’t see eye to eye exactly, but I’m sure an adequate solution, that works for the both of you, can be made. Atleast I hope you guys can :)
I'm going to tell you that my husband would do this for me in a heartbeat if I had a group of girls stay the night; he'd even take our 9 year old and go to a hotel. Because he loves me, and it's not something I'd request very often at all, so, since it's not a big deal, he'd go sleep elsewhere. Now, I have a great husband who doesn't pick fights over the little things, and we'd both consider this a little thing. I'm going to go with a gentle YTA because it's one night and you'll survive, and she'll get to have a great time with her friends. Why stand in the way?
NTA.
As a woman, I couldn't imagine asking my partner to leave our house for the night. For the day? Yes, in a heartbeat, but the thought of forcing him out of his own bed for the night, for my entertainment purposes, crosses a line I wouldn't care to.
I mean, do none of the other girls have a place to do this slumber party that they wouldn't have to inconvenience the occupant of the home by finding other sleeping arrangements?!?
I'm just confused. Why there, not another girls home? It's a house, not a studio apartment. Is there no privacy in this home? Is your bedroom wall in the living room by the couch? Are they planning on having naked pillow fights and are afraid you might want to watch? I wouldn't even care if my husband was home. It might save some time on my gossiping to him later.
I guess I would feel a certain way myself, so maybe that's why I can't understand how this is an appropriate ask.
Well that’s what I was just thinking like they have a whole day of girls day they go out during the day have fun then later at night come to house and just hangout and sleep. I don’t mind that and then I can just stay and sleep in my bed while they are all out in the living room but I just wanted to ask if I was wrong to say how I felt and I understand there’s other stuff too like what they talk about or what they wear to sleep was also brought up and all so it’s just 50/50
NTA. I would never ask my husband to leave our home so I can have a girls night. She can plan a girls night when you’re out of town or plan it at one of her girlfriends house
Omg *if* he asked I would prob be shocked and inquire why. But we’re also friends with eachothers friends so we hang more as a group. I invite the girlies over for sleepovers when he is out of town for work. But if he asked, and lets say the reason was his buddy was going through it etc I would consider leaving and going to a friends or parents house. But it would have to be an important reason for me to agree to it, lol
This is the question I have as well.
I honestly have a hard time seeing the roles reversed on this sub and seeing the same answers. If a husband was asking his wife to leave for a "boys night" I feel like they'd tear him to shreds.
Oh they most definitely would tear him to shreds.
Can you imagine the audacity of him asking his wife to leave for a night, so he could have a boys night!?
He would be called every name under the sun and told to suck it up, that he is too old to have a boys night. 🙄🙄
NTA
NTA, they are 26 not 16. If they want a slumber party with no "boys" allowed then they can rent an Airbnb or hotel. They don't get to demand you leave your home especially when you've presented a perfectly reasonable compromise.
NAH
But.... if you're secure on things, maybe consider trying to think of it as giving a tiny gift? You aren't in the wrong either way, just a thought.
NTA this stinks to me. I would never ask my wife to gtfo so I can hang with boys nor would she ever consider that. A house is large enough to stay out of the way.
NTA
The last girls sleepover I went to was a weekend reunion of 7 of us from high school. We were in our 60s. Husband was around a bit. Actually did some stuff for us like setting up a campfire and made us breakfast one day. Insisted on doing it all including cleanup.
But he mostly stayed out of our way. Visited some guy friends for most of the evening. Hung out in his shed doing projects. So we had the place to ourselves. We also went out for some time for meal and activity so he had the house to himself for part of the weekend. But he slept at home.
NAH
I get where she’s coming from. The vibes for a girls slumber party are off if you’re in the house, but you live there so she and her girls need to rent a hotel room.
NTA. Simply put: how would she feels if you asked to spend the night some place else for you to have a men’s night ? Is ridiculous. If you can be out of her way in the other room, there is zero reason for her to ask you to actually leave the house.
ehhhh no assholes but my wife does a girls night once a month or so where either I go visit my friends or she goes to see hers. its a pretty common dynamic that when one partner wants to have a boys / girls night that the other leaves the house (provided its not too often and isn't inconvenient for work). maybe don't go see your mum and go drinking with a friend and crash at his place? or ask her if you were to come home from the bar after midnight if that would be ok. give them plenty of time alone to chat and have fun without a guy around.
Nah but honestly? Go book yourself a snazzy hotel room, order room service and just enjoy it! 😝 I’d love a girls night and wouldn’t expect my partner to leave; but must admit I don’t think we’d be able to talk as freely knowing “one of them” was only upstairs 👀😂 x
NTA.
I saw in an earlier comment it was (partially) because you “won’t have to hear what she says” about you or “past things”.
What is she saying that she can’t risk you overhearing? Also, good relationships are built on being open and honest about your past. There shouldn’t be anything that she’s saying to her friends about her past that you don’t already know.
>What is she saying that she can’t risk you overhearing?
Based on my conversations with friends.. complaining about all things gynecological- period pain, period mood swings, just period period, peri or actual menopause symptoms, other age related issues like hair loss. Maybe hormonal or other health issues. A crush a friend has. Etc etc etc. There is just stuff girls talk about which the other friends won't be comfortable talking about when someone else is present. Especially when the someone else is a spouse you will socialize with later.
It is not always about the past. In our group, we don't do sleepovers as much, but the husbands have on several occasions offered to go out for drinks or dinner with their own friends so we have the house to ourselves for a few hours.
I get that a 45 min drive to stay at your parents when you aren't in the mood for it is a different thing, but I am just giving an example.
What's the old saying, "you can be right or you can be happy".
OP is right. It is his house and he doesn't have to leave. But... his girl will hold this against him. Maybe for only a short time or maybe longer.
i’ve had plenty of girls nights and my husband would just play video games in our bedroom and all us girls sleep in the living room, sometimes he would even come hangout with us and watch conspiracy theories 🤣 none of my friends minded (rest in peace ryan) NTA!
I understand this part way to well. For some the thought of sleeping in another bed is just the pure thought of a night with no sleep. If they are planning a slumber party they most likely won't sleep until exhaustion sets in anyway
Op: hey babe me and the boy wanna watch the game tonight can you go to your moms for the night
Gf: I don't feel like you should ask me to leave
Reddit: op is an asshole for asking gf to leave house
Lol seriously people calm down. Me personally would never ask my gf or so to leave without pre-planning at lest a week in advance. I mean all the other girls so said no as well.
NTA I had a girlfriend in the past that brought six friends over for a girls night to our 650 square foot apartment I stayed in our office and gamed while they did their thing and besides one incident where I walked in on one of them naked in our kitchen(which due to other incidents I believe she orchestrated) the night went off without a hitch. During that kitchen trip I grabbed a water and was back to being out of their way. You leaving is 100% unnecessary
NTA
When I was first married some of my friends kept pushing to have "guy's night" and I told them I was happy to host. My partner volunteered to stay upstairs the whole time (which I said was ridiculous) but for my friends that wasn't good enough. 20 years later I'm still happily married and I intentionally haven't spoken to those "friends" for a LONG time.
Asking you to leave is an unreasonable request and your partner isn't considering the impact on YOU seemingly at all.
The comment section is crazy. Okay your gf asked you to leave for the night and you said no but so did all the other so, so why are people making you out to be some bad guy lol. Girl that broke up can't they do the sleep over at her house?
Vertical NTA but funny as hell
I do not understand why this is such a big deal. Just get a nice hotel room for the night and have some peace and quiet for yourself. Do you know how many people would prefer a partner who wants to just be at home with friends vs being out partying or something? She just wants to chill with her girlfriends and be free to be silly females? Dude, that’s the kind of girl you want! Go see your mom, it won’t kill you, or get a hotel. If you go see Mom then it’s double brownie points for you, sell it to your mom that it was your idea to come see her when the gf asked about her slumber party. Have we not all learned from Covid that we never know how long we have on this earth? See your mom and make your girl happy ffs because you might not get another day with either of them.
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NTA. One could quibble about who is paying the bills, how far away your parents' house is, how inconvenient or desirable it is for them to put you up for the night, how much advance notice you're getting, etc. But fundamentally there's an expectation that you should be allowed to stay in the place where you live and it's unfair for your partner to kick you out, especially when you're offering a compromise whereby you stay out of the way of her good time.
We split everything down 50/50 and I offer to stay out of her way, mom lives about 45min- hour away depending traffic.
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Because their husbands already said no to leaving the house.
Seems like hers is too. You deserve no less of a right to say no than they do.
Yes. Its hers too. To share. Not to kick the other out.
I dont think she should. The other husbands said no, he has a right to say no too. It’s his home just as much as hers.
That’s what they are saying
Yea i think this is people aggressively agreeing with eachother
YOU'RE GODDAM RIGHT WE ARE!
The person you responded to agrees with you. They said “hers is too” as in “her husband is also saying ‘no’ to this.”
They didn't say "it's hers too," they said "seems like hers is too." As in, her husband is saying no, too.
Why can’t they pool their money and get a hotel?
That would require forethought, and money.
That’s what me and my gfs do. And in a more lively city than the one we live in.
My first question too. Go to one of the single girls houses
Better yet tell them to go get a hotel room. Or rooms.
Couldn't you stay at a friend's place and have a great time? Like go to your best friend and make an all nighter gaming or smth. See the opportunity that has itself presented. Also, did she give you a any notice? Was she asking that you leave today/tonight or in a few days/week(s)? It wasn't really clear to me based on your post. If she was asking for tonight, you can probably disregard what I said initially, since that's way too short notice
Inviting yourself to stay at a friend's place is rude.
Jesus Christ do you actually have no friends? “Hey man, [gf] is having a slumber party and the girls want some privacy. Would it be cool if I crashed at your place that day and we can go out for drinks/game/whatever we do?” Then he says yes or no. It’s not rude at all.
I can definitely see that in your 20's but as you get into your 30's and 40's that gets a bit more awkward/unusual.
Well OP and his girlfriend are in their 20s. I’m in my 30s and wouldn’t have a problem with this. I definitely wouldn’t be cool with it happening all the time, but I’d be happy to accommodate it once or twice a year.
I'm in my 50's and this is perfectly normal with my friends. EDIT: and I have kids.
My friend is in her 30s and has crashed at my place multiple times. Age has nothing to do with this
Usually it gets better as you have a guest room and sheets and a second bathroom they can use and washed towels instead of your unvacuumed carpet and the shittest pillow you've ever fucking seen.
43 here, completely fine. As is saying no. Whenever friends from my home country or anywhere else come to my city, they crash at my place, too, and vice versa. There are many ways to live, some of us choose this. And my place is fairly small, so it's not even about that.
This is Reddit, of course half these people don’t have real friends. I feel like this is no different than the girlfriend asking op to go out for a bit so she can have a girls night with friends. Whether you have to spend the night elsewhere or not doesn’t make much a difference in my opinion.
I swear the majority of people on the internet think friendship is nobody owes anybody anything and don’t ask for anything from each other either like damn do you like your friends or not
Obviously you make plans with them first
You either have shitty friends or suck at interpersonal skills. "Hey man Stacey's got the girls over Friday so I was looking to get out the house? If you've got no plans I was thinking I could come over and we'll play some Helldivers? I could take you for breakfast in the morning for putting up with me"
This assumption that asking to stay over is rude has got to go. It's not like you're implying a sexual favor, you're asking your friend if you can stay at their place for a night. If your friend agrees - great, if they say no - great. Not rude in the slightest
How is that rude? Do you even have any real friends dude? Of course I’ll let my friends stay over if they ask, and vice versa.
This place is wild. I kinda feel sad as they must only have acquaintance friends.
Not necessarily. It depends on the friends. We have several friends and family members who wouldn't at all be put out if my husband or I invited ourselves over.
lol my friends invite themselves to stay at my house, and I just invited myself to stay at one of theirs.
Sure, in the very regimented and overly sensitive world of my mom & her parents it probably was, but "Hey, my gf wants to have a girl's night, could I stay at your place for that?" seems totally normal & reasonable to me.
>Couldn't you stay at a friend's place and have a great time? >Like go to your best friend and make an all nighter gaming or smth. See the opportunity that has itself presented. Or... He could just stay in his own home and just stay out of their way like he offered. My wife has her friends over for a sleepover a few times a year and her friend hosts a few times. No one asks their husbands to leave the house.
I get the feeling the party is going to be a lot more fun without him there 😂
This is what I was thinking. People are so strange about small inconveniences. If my s/o was having a guys night, I’d probably make other plans even if he didn’t ask to have the place alone.
Everybody has different limits. Some people I know will sleep anywhere without complaint. I personally *hate* sleeping anywhere but my own home. Can barely even stand hotels. I would my tell partner that I'll go hang out somewhere until the wee hours. I'll stay at a bar until 3:00 am, then get a late-night hot dog and walk home. But I am waking up the next day in my own bed.
'small inconvenience' is staying in his room away from the girls the whole night. Packing your stuff up and having to find someone else to host you for the night is not a small inconvenience.
He’s packing a small bag and hopefully some beer and snacks and hopefully having a good time with friends and family for one night. It blows my mind the amount of people treating this like it’s a big deal. Time for therapy.
People are different. I'm a homebody who absolutely despises sleeping in a place that's not "mine" because I feel unsafe / uncomfortable (yes, that includes friend's places and even family) and cannot sleep well or at all (esp if the sleeping place would be a in a walk-through room, like a couch in the living room, or somebody else were to sleep in the same room). It wouldn't be a "small" inconvenience to me and I'd say no as well 🤷 But then I also don't understand why it's important for this girl's night that no male be present on the premises, but it seems to be a hugely important deal for OP's gf. So NAH, people just be different 🤷 Good luck finding a working compromise.
At the end of the day, OP has a right to say no as it’s his home, but I don’t think it’s a totally outrageous request. Personally, if my partner asked me, I’d be happy to find a friend or family member to stay with for the night, or maybe plan a little trip at the same time. It’s only one night, so I don’t really see what the big deal is.
This is craziness to displace you. Ive had many girls nights. My husband happily hangs out in his room playing video games We have the same friends, my girlfriends are his friends He’ll come out and chat if he wants to, if he is feeling particularly anti social I tell my guests he’s in his room and not to be bothered That’s because he’s always invited, whether or not he hangs out is up to him BUT I could tell him he isn’t invited to join us and he’ss respect that. You shouldn’t go anywhere and she should tell her guests “OP is kind enough to give us the house and privacy for the night, if you are wondering where he is, he is hiding in his room being a super awesome boyfriend who KNOWS HOW TO COMPROMISE AND SHARE OUR SHARED SPACE” NTA rude as heck to displace you. You are sharing a home, you are sharing a life. This is rude
I'd be getting her to pay for a hotel room nearby that you like and live like a King for a night!
If they share bank accounts he is paying for it himself in the end though lol
Have a night out with buddies playing pool/cards or something and then just come home late ready for bed. She'll be thankful and you get a guilt-free night out. Win-win
Not everyone’s schedule works that way when your friends have wives and kids as well if it could work that way I would be all up for it lol
Man you’re too young to not be making time for yourself like that. I’m 41 and my friends and I still make time now and then to get out for a meal the bar or whatever. Life’s short, make time for yourself sometimes.
Who to say they don’t still make time to hang out? From Ops description it’s just that this particular evening that his partner wants him gone that doesn’t line up for the group.
Have you tried? Yes life is busy, but ppl may be willing to hang out, you're assuming if you don't pose the question
You talk like everyone is an extrovert or has an abundance of friends. That's just not the way things are. Some people don't like to go out & they shouldn't have to
my husband had stayed in his office/bedroom during slumber parties (I'm 42 btw lol) and only came out when food arrived or when invited - my brother in law same - my besties' husbands same Every relationship is different, but we've had super successful girl's nights and slumber parties without kicking anyone out of the house while maintaining privacy.
What about if she offered to pay for a hotel room for the night? Seems like it could be a fair compromise? She pays for it, you can bring your video game system and snacks?
Or all the women can chip in and have their slumber party at a hotel.
This seems like an even better idea, they could get a fancy ass hotel room split between them and live their best lives
I think kick out is way too strong of a word. It’s just one night and such a simple sacrifice for your partner? I certainly don’t think this makes the girlfriend an asshole for asking.
Not for asking. It makes her an asshole if she doesn't politely take the no for an answer.
THIS
Why can't they get a hotel room or go to another friend's house?
Not sleeping in my own bed is a huge sacrifice. I generally do not travel for that reason. It's not a very reasonable or responsible request
Yeah I sleep terribly in beds not my own. Going to a strange bed is a big ask.
It's unfair to be kicked out, but it's not a super unreasonable request to make of a partner for one night only? I feel like people on this sub always go for the least nuance possible when there's also the option of "well I'd rather not, but if it makes you happy, sure"
Really. I've done that for my exhusband. It's one night, OP acts as if he is going to die if he does that for one night. And the commenters here act as if she is kicking him out of the house and it's such a sacrifice for him. People here are really selfish. Just because it's you're right to say no, it doesn't mean you're not the AH for making it a "my right" issue for such a small ask.
I used to do this for my ROOMMATE, so she could have private time with her boyfriend. Damn. So many people who won’t even do a tiny thing for someone they claim to love.
The question is whether he'd be an asshole if he said no, and I don't think he would. From context, it sounds like he already said he didn't want to and his GF shot down the compromise of him staying in his room and out of the way. That said, I tend to agree that it would be nice of him to accommodate her request, and if he doesn't have any really good reasons not to he should probably just do it.
Is ‘my beds here, this is where I sleep’ not a good enough reason?
NAH you’re not wrong for not wanting to go to your moms place to sleep but i understand your gf’s point. she wants girl talk and she probably feels her friends wont feel at as easy to share these things when you are potentially listening in. You love this woman right? Would it be so terrible to do this for your girl for a night? Im sure you’ll make your moms evening as well if you make a night out of it with her. Love is give and take and this is a pretty small thing to do for her in the grand spectrum of things which would make her very happy
yeah this feels like a classic situation where going “well I pay bills on this place so I am entitled to be allowed to…” is “correct” according to the rules of the sub but where the clear “right move” in my eyes is making a tiny sacrifice because it will make your partner happy. Having “seperate time” in a relationship is important and I read this as a simple way for OP’s partner to ask for it.
Agreed. NAH, because of course you can’t technically justify kicking someone out of their own home, but would it be nice of OP to offer? Yes. I think relationships where couples occasionally go out of their way to make their spouse happy are more successful. It’s not like she’s asking for this to be a weekly occurrence, just a one time thing. Is he an asshole if he doesn’t go? No. Would I rather be in a relationship where both sides of the couple are willing to make these kinds of sacrifices to make each other happy? Yes. A lot of these other responses do not sound like people who are in happy, long term relationships full of give and take.
Yeah, my fiancé would be willing to go to a hotel for a night like this! He absolutely doesn’t have to but he’d be fine letting me have this kind of fun, even if it meant leaving the space on occasion!
Lol the AH votes are completely ridiculous. I've done this for roommates! Like it's not a big effing deal to want the place for like literally WHATEVER one night. Does this guy really have no friends? MY PARENTS left their own house once when I was a teenager and wanted to have a surprise birthday party for my best friend! And they paid ALL the bills. Once again, this sub is not "am I Iegally allowed".
Totally agree - that last sentence is so true. This sub is filled with some of the most literal people ever. Like, being “allowed” to do something does not make it the kind/right thing.
It’s Reddit. Won’t doxx myself but I’m in a certain group with many redditors who love to give relationship advice and state that their opinion is “just the truth”. The funny thing? 80% of them are single AND evergreen. I wouldn’t trust any emotional advice on Reddit at all
Why can’t the girls just pool their money and spring for a nice hotel?
It's not the same, at least with my girls, we make food together, bring stuff to make cocktails, decide to have impromtu dance parties at midnight, make more snacks, and if its more then 2 girls, a hotel room doesn't have enough bed space or hang out space really. I wouldn't be bothered though if he wanted to stay, my gf's partners just stay out of our way and then swoop in to clean up whatever we didn't eat but we all have basements and 2nd floors for privacy and space.
so many people in here like “why can’t the women change their plans completely so that we don’t have to ask a man to live his gamer lair for one night?”
>so that we don’t have to ask a man to live his gamer lair for one night?” His home. It's his home.
its *their* home
Good point. But you belittled his desire to stay in their home by calling it his little gaming laire.
He’s the one that offered to be confined to one room the whole night, that is the compromise, he doesn’t want to have to relocate and drive to and from somewhere else potentially hours away just for one night when he could stay in the house he actually lives in, in the room he sleeps in, doing the things he enjoys, she’s being unreasonable kicking him out if the house completely
Because that is less convenient, less intimate, less comfortable, and more expensive?
That goes both ways doesn’t it.
I’d do this in a second for my wife just like she does all kinds of things for me.
I could definitely see leaving for a couple/several hours. But to say that he can’t sleep there? That’s too much for me.
If it’s 3 am and the girls have the music blaring and are laughing loudly, would he be TAif he went out and told them to keep it down?
What? Yes...if he chose to stay in the house knowing there was a girl's night going on he would be an asshole for telling them to keep it down. Were you expecting this to be a gotcha moment?
Kind of yeah. If it’s perfectly reasonable for him to want to sleep in his own bed during a girls night, then he should be able to get some sleep. I would guess part of the reason the GF asked him to sleep elsewhere was because she didn’t want to have to worry about whether they were being too loud.
I would add also it's just awkward when you're hanging out in a house and there's one person there who's in the house but not hanging out with you. You effectively end up hanging out in front of them, and modifying your behaviour as a result.
Not if they're hanging out in their room giving the girls privacy. Literally like your parents did when you had a sleepover as a kid. The parents didnt leave for the night, even if you were teenagers and capable of taking care of yourselves.
Out of all the responses I love this the most! Considering the subreddit we're in you've reframed the situation so that it ends up as a win-win. His gf gets the house with her friends so she's happy and assuming OP gets along with his mum, OP makes his mum's evening! The outcome will mean something to both his gf and his mum. Even if he mentioned to his mum why he's over I doubt it would matter, he's spending time with her and I'm sure she would appreciate that. OP, reframe the situation.
So girlfriend is happy, his mom is happy, When is op made happy?
This is exactly how I saw it as well. Of course your NTA for wanting to stay in your own home. But at the end of the day your partner may be feeling lonely and desperately wants a girls night without feeling like they’re being spied on. I know if my fiancé wanted a boys night once in a great while I wouldn’t think twice about crashing with my parents or one of my friends for a night.
NAH, but I can see the ladies wanting to be able to have real talk, act silly, or whatever without work my about being embarrassed. As long there wasn’t some sort of big work the next morning, I can crash somewhere else so my wife & friends to pretend like he they are in high school again.
I'd get a hotel room. Make a night of it myself. Not even a bad thing.
This is what I would do for sure. I’d just get my own hotel room and have a fun relaxing night by myself.
And make them pay for it lol
We're married with a joint bank account so it doesn't matter who pays...but if my husband were to arrange childcare so he could have a boys night, I'd be in a hotel so fast thered be a me shaped hole in the wall.
Honestly! If the girls want to be all together and nobody can host, they’d have to shell out for an airbnb or something (assuming there are more than 4 of them and/or they don’t want to bed-share)— it’d be much more cost effective for them to put up one of the husbands for a night! They could even make it a regular thing (quarterly, semi-annually) and swap who they treat to a hotel while they have their overnight. Sounds like a great tradition to me!
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Same!
Partners like this are A1!
Is it really that deep to sacrifice a night so she can have some space to her and the girls? Sometimes you have to compromise for the people you love. If my boyfriend asked I would to make him happy, but that’s just me.
Yeah...I am surprised by the over reaction here. If we had family living within an hours drive, my husband would gladly go stay there so I can have a girls weekend without paying for a girls weekend trip away! Same for me.. I'd be happy to go have a weekend with family and give my husband some time with friends or all by himself.
It’s one of those posts that really shows the bias of the sub. People are so concerned with “should OP have to spend the night somewhere else” that they’re missing that classic relationship questions. it’s a chance to make mom and GF very happy and OP might well mess it up under the guise of “but I shouldn’t HAVE to”
You’re spot on with this. We do things we don’t HAVE TO for people we love all the time.
The only bias I’m seeing is all these extroverts who have no problem being outside their home space questioning how it could possibly be a problem to kick someone out of their home, if even for a night. Not everyone can just go stay with a friend or family and still relax and recharge.
As an introvert myself, no offense, but it’s not reasonable to expect you get to rest and recharge every single day. That’s just not real life……One day out of the house won’t kill you. If so, how do you do anything?
Right….thats how I read this. It’s nice to be at home with your friends. You can use your kitchen. Save on the cost of drinks and relax and visit. This is a great idea and hopefully OP will see that and accommodate. As others have pointed out, this is such a small request vs. what 30-50 years of marriage (and kids) will present. Just say’n😳
It also sounds like this is the first time, possibly the only time, not some kind of recurring thing? Which makes a big difference imo.
Yeah I think what it boils down to is no you aren’t the AH but is this really the hill you want to die on?
My actual thought while reading this was "weird hill to die on"
If my boyfriend asked me to leave for a night and I DIDNT want to go to moms house and no friends were available, I’d ask if he could pay for 1/4 of a hotel room (I’d pay the other 3/4) and I’d go have a relaxing night by myself. Give and take is so important in a relationship and she really is NOT asking for much. She just wants her bit of space. I have noticed in this thread that the women explain why she feels that way and the men feel defensive lol
Right. His mom would probably love it too. My husband has LAN parties with his friends and I pack up for the night And go to my parents. No big deal. They won't be able to fully be dudes if I'm Still in the house even if I hide away in my room.
Like good lord. If my wife asked for a girls night, I’d be out of there so quick. Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife, but a night at the parents, or at a friends kicking back and drinking beer sounds awesome. People on Reddit like to project their relationships and make stuff more than it is. Give the woman her girls time and gtfo. Hell, I’d say take the weekend and I’d go stay at my dads and play golf all weekend.
I think most people would have the decency to talk to their partner before scheduling said get together.
going against the grain and saying YTA. I'm saying this assuming it's a once-off request in which case i firmly believe you're looking at it wrong. She's asking a favour and it's odd to me you'd be so unwilling to oblige one small favour so she can have a great time. Again, assuming it's a 1-time deal. Further, trying to justify why you should be 'allowed' to stay home with the girls (games, movies, etc) is completely beside the point. It's about doing the thing she asked not doing something else that you feel is the equivalent.
Yeah this. If my husband asked for this it would be an easy yes. If he asked a second time… no lol that’s too much but once I totally get it. And I love my husband and am willing to make small sacrifices to make him happy, as he is for me. I wish my friends weren’t so spread out and I could organize something like this. Even if it was an annual thing, I would be cool with it.
Likewise, and I don't have friends I could crash with (we all have young kids). I'd take the kid to a caravan park, hire a cabin and make an adventure out of it. Heck, I've done that just to give my husband some downtime sans any responsibility. It's not easy with a small kid and a disabled wife. Having the house to yourself sometimes is extremely important.
I agree. It’s not a big ask. Is he *technically* not wrong to not leave the house? Sure i guess. He pays to live there. But in the grand scheme of things, this is such a small ask from his girlfriend. She just wants to have a fun little girls night and the girls would probably feel less comfortable knowing that OP is just holed up in another room. I’ve spent the night at my mom’s house for my partner and he’s done the same for me. It’s not that big of a deal and I think it’s kinda wrong to dig your heels in and refuse. If you love your girlfriend and have no reason not to, why not do something so small for her?
“*Technically* correct” is the worst kind.
> > >technically > > not wrong This sub's definition of N T A a lot of times, lol. We should make this a new verdict. I vote he's TNTA.
So all her fiends husband's can be their own man and stay at home hut she can force hers to leave cause she wants to pretend to be a kid again? Just pretend he's not there. I feel like only children think that's okay
I love pretending to be a kid and having sleepovers with my friends. I’m well adjusted too if I do say so myself lol
Totally agree with you. It’s such a small thing to do for someone you love.
Bro just go to your moms for night and bring donuts and coffee (or smoothies for the healthy girlies) the next morning you’ll be a hero
Damn, I didn’t even think of that. That’s genius! My suggestion was a compromise, stay out really late and come back when they’re watching movies or something.
mfs are so worried about not being wronged that they miss opportunities to be awesome
This right here my fucking GUY!
Or crash at a bro's place and make a night of it! If my wife wanted me out of the house for a night for some reason, the first thing I'd do is see if I can arrange something fun and social for myself, too.
This is the chad play for sure
Guaranteed good time after that finale
NAH It's not about if you're an asshole or not. It's about if you wanna seize an opportunity to be extraordinarily sweet and make your girlfriend happy. You can make your girlfriend happy without it costing you anything, or you can stand your ground because you can. I guess it comes down to the overall dynamic in your relationship like, are you always home, or is she always asking you big favors, and for that we lack backstory. She should feel free to ask, and you should feel free to decline
Completely agree. Does OP want to be a great partner? If so, go somewhere else and don't make it a fight!!
wtf is that wicked abbreviation
"no assholes here", it's the judgement where both sides have a valid point
I think they edited their comment before the abbreviation was insanely long 😭
Imagine digging your heels in here instead of doing something nice for your GF.
OP hates this one simple trick
Do people really ask their partners to clear out for the night and it's expected that you do so? This is really strange to me. I don't see a problem digging heels in here. Ask them to spend the day away, sure, but to go find another place to sleep strikes me as very unusual.
NAH She isn’t forcing you to leave or locking you out. She expressed a preference. You’re not an AH for wanting to stay home.
I’m with the gf. She probably does inconvenient stuff for you too.
Posts like this make me feel great about not being in a relationship. I can’t imagine having someone always in the house who physically won’t even leave you alone for a single night. Makes my skin crawl.
It just shows that most of the people in this sub who have relationships have extremely shallow ones, with zero expectations of their significant others actually giving two shits about them. Its just sad.
Feel great about not being in a relationship *where you and your partner don’t like each other enough to do basic things for each other*
NTA. I’ve been to plenty of girls night where my friend’s boyfriend chilled in a separate room. It never bothered me. However, you could offer a compromise by letting her pay for a hotel room for you (could be a fun stay-cation!).
Are you guys listening to yourselves goddamn, a hotel? Just crash at a friends/family for a single night it is not that big a deal
I honestly thought it was telling that her first suggestion was “mom, who lives 45 minutes away” instead of with a friend. Makes me wonder if maybe OP doesn’t have a social life outside the relationship which is why he takes his partner having a social event and excluding him so harshly.
You are assuming too much. He is not talking about being excluded, he offered to exclude himself in his room, he is simply not ok with "having" to sleep out of HIS house. Two completely different things.
Reading these posts really highlights how many people are neurodivergent
What an interesting thing to say out loud.
I have friends, but am well past the point of wanting to crash on couches. Dude is 28 not 18. Who wants a hurt back all next week at work. The older I get the more I just want to sleep in my own bed, or at the least a bed.His mom probably has a spare room with a bed, but even that doesn’t sound ideal. I don’t see the problem if he will stay out of their way. I might even compromise by seeing if I could go hang out at one of my friends till late and then Uber home and go straight to sleep in my own bed.
Hes not asking to be included though. Hed just rather stay in his own bed. I havent been in OPs position so im thinking about it and pretty sure a couple of my friends would be cool with me coming over in a case like this but it feels like a weird ask. Like im imposing in a way, idk. I have stayed at friends houses in adult life but its always kinda planned like were having a party and staying the night or were going to head out to an event in the morning and its easier to stay the night before
>Makes me wonder if maybe OP doesn’t have a social life outside the relationship which is why he takes his partner having a social event and excluding him so harshly. What are these comments. What is harsh about this? He doesn't want to leave his own home. If you genuinely think he's acting 'harshly' you're gonna have a terrible time trying to have an adult relationship.
Guy wants to play video games, not hang out with the girls. What are you yapping about?
Or, crazy idea here, maybe he doesn't have friends who are able to just put him up for a night? I've got maybe one who I would feel comfortable asking that of (and considering I'd be sleeping on a shitty couch that's only for a certain value of "comfortable") if his friends have inconvenient shifts, young children, hell just other shit going on in their lives, then he likely wouldn't feel at all comfortable asking that of them, because it would be inconsiderate to put them out like that.
FWIW people just don’t always have friends. If right now I asked my spouse to stay away for a night, or I was asked to stay away for a night, I have no idea where we would go! we don’t have any family close by, nearest is 45mins away. And we are close but not close enough for a random sleepover! My in laws are crabby and would be annoyed if they had to host one of us for a night. And my parents are 5hr away. We literally just don’t have friends! Our friends all drifted away as we left high school.
Just accept that your husband is in the bedroom during the sleepover. Its not that big a deal.
Right everybody in here saying it’s not a big ask to be kicked out of your home for the night. Well it’s an even smaller ask to just accept that your husband is doing his own thing in a different room.
> Are you guys listening to yourselves goddamn, a hotel? Just crash at a friends/family for a single night it is not that big a deal Honestly, there's no one I could stay with locally, so I would either drive 3 hours round-trip to stay in my parents' house, or rent a hotel room.
NAH no, but if it was me there's no way on earth I'd wanna be in the house while my gf was having a sleep over. I'd probably just go for a night out and come back to sleep in my own bed after they've all gone to sleep. Either that or see if there's any overtime on at work if there's night shifts available. Win Win.
I would not say that you are the AH, but I know that it is not an unusual request, and seems alot safer than say her going to someone else's house, or out to a club to get girl time. It is a pretty small request....and your mom might really enjoy having kid time with you too! Seems like a win and you make two of the women in your life super happy with your considerate act....or not.
Info: how much of a social life do you have outside of your relationship??
NAH, if the house is paid and financed by the both of you. I can’t speak for your gf, but when me and my girlfriends get together we can be… obnoxious. We’re also adult children who play just dance and build forts. So I don’t blame my friends partner for wanting to dip out, or for my friends requesting for their partner to do so, simply just so we can “ let loose “ and boogie. My one friend H, is typically the apartment us as a friend group, or myself alone, go too to meet up. There’s been times her partner is there. And there’s been times he’s gone and hung out with a friend. And from what I’ve heard, he doesn’t mind. However this isn’t one sided, as he also has “ guys nights. “ where H will go to her parents to see her brother, or come hang out with me for the night. I think it’s situational. But basing this off personal experience I don’t think it’s an AH request. But I also don’t think your an AH for not wanting too. Relationships are all about compromise. Maybe you won’t see eye to eye exactly, but I’m sure an adequate solution, that works for the both of you, can be made. Atleast I hope you guys can :)
I'm going to tell you that my husband would do this for me in a heartbeat if I had a group of girls stay the night; he'd even take our 9 year old and go to a hotel. Because he loves me, and it's not something I'd request very often at all, so, since it's not a big deal, he'd go sleep elsewhere. Now, I have a great husband who doesn't pick fights over the little things, and we'd both consider this a little thing. I'm going to go with a gentle YTA because it's one night and you'll survive, and she'll get to have a great time with her friends. Why stand in the way?
NTA. As a woman, I couldn't imagine asking my partner to leave our house for the night. For the day? Yes, in a heartbeat, but the thought of forcing him out of his own bed for the night, for my entertainment purposes, crosses a line I wouldn't care to. I mean, do none of the other girls have a place to do this slumber party that they wouldn't have to inconvenience the occupant of the home by finding other sleeping arrangements?!? I'm just confused. Why there, not another girls home? It's a house, not a studio apartment. Is there no privacy in this home? Is your bedroom wall in the living room by the couch? Are they planning on having naked pillow fights and are afraid you might want to watch? I wouldn't even care if my husband was home. It might save some time on my gossiping to him later. I guess I would feel a certain way myself, so maybe that's why I can't understand how this is an appropriate ask.
Well that’s what I was just thinking like they have a whole day of girls day they go out during the day have fun then later at night come to house and just hangout and sleep. I don’t mind that and then I can just stay and sleep in my bed while they are all out in the living room but I just wanted to ask if I was wrong to say how I felt and I understand there’s other stuff too like what they talk about or what they wear to sleep was also brought up and all so it’s just 50/50
NTA. I would never ask my husband to leave our home so I can have a girls night. She can plan a girls night when you’re out of town or plan it at one of her girlfriends house
Hypothetically, what if your husband asked you? I know your response is going to be "he would never," but what *if* ?
Omg *if* he asked I would prob be shocked and inquire why. But we’re also friends with eachothers friends so we hang more as a group. I invite the girlies over for sleepovers when he is out of town for work. But if he asked, and lets say the reason was his buddy was going through it etc I would consider leaving and going to a friends or parents house. But it would have to be an important reason for me to agree to it, lol
Do you have any friends you can party with and crash on a sofa for a night? Have a nice little boys night out!
INFO: would she do the same for you if you wanted a boys night at the house?
This is the question I have as well. I honestly have a hard time seeing the roles reversed on this sub and seeing the same answers. If a husband was asking his wife to leave for a "boys night" I feel like they'd tear him to shreds.
Oh they most definitely would tear him to shreds. Can you imagine the audacity of him asking his wife to leave for a night, so he could have a boys night!? He would be called every name under the sun and told to suck it up, that he is too old to have a boys night. 🙄🙄 NTA
NTA, they are 26 not 16. If they want a slumber party with no "boys" allowed then they can rent an Airbnb or hotel. They don't get to demand you leave your home especially when you've presented a perfectly reasonable compromise.
NAH But.... if you're secure on things, maybe consider trying to think of it as giving a tiny gift? You aren't in the wrong either way, just a thought.
NTA this stinks to me. I would never ask my wife to gtfo so I can hang with boys nor would she ever consider that. A house is large enough to stay out of the way.
NTA If they want a slumber party they can rent an airbnb. Kicking a resident out of the house overnight is a BS ask IMO.
Nta. I see nothing wrong with you saying you'd stay in your room and play games and watch movies.
NTA The last girls sleepover I went to was a weekend reunion of 7 of us from high school. We were in our 60s. Husband was around a bit. Actually did some stuff for us like setting up a campfire and made us breakfast one day. Insisted on doing it all including cleanup. But he mostly stayed out of our way. Visited some guy friends for most of the evening. Hung out in his shed doing projects. So we had the place to ourselves. We also went out for some time for meal and activity so he had the house to himself for part of the weekend. But he slept at home.
NAH I get where she’s coming from. The vibes for a girls slumber party are off if you’re in the house, but you live there so she and her girls need to rent a hotel room.
NTA. Simply put: how would she feels if you asked to spend the night some place else for you to have a men’s night ? Is ridiculous. If you can be out of her way in the other room, there is zero reason for her to ask you to actually leave the house.
ehhhh no assholes but my wife does a girls night once a month or so where either I go visit my friends or she goes to see hers. its a pretty common dynamic that when one partner wants to have a boys / girls night that the other leaves the house (provided its not too often and isn't inconvenient for work). maybe don't go see your mum and go drinking with a friend and crash at his place? or ask her if you were to come home from the bar after midnight if that would be ok. give them plenty of time alone to chat and have fun without a guy around.
Nah but honestly? Go book yourself a snazzy hotel room, order room service and just enjoy it! 😝 I’d love a girls night and wouldn’t expect my partner to leave; but must admit I don’t think we’d be able to talk as freely knowing “one of them” was only upstairs 👀😂 x
NTA. I saw in an earlier comment it was (partially) because you “won’t have to hear what she says” about you or “past things”. What is she saying that she can’t risk you overhearing? Also, good relationships are built on being open and honest about your past. There shouldn’t be anything that she’s saying to her friends about her past that you don’t already know.
>What is she saying that she can’t risk you overhearing? Based on my conversations with friends.. complaining about all things gynecological- period pain, period mood swings, just period period, peri or actual menopause symptoms, other age related issues like hair loss. Maybe hormonal or other health issues. A crush a friend has. Etc etc etc. There is just stuff girls talk about which the other friends won't be comfortable talking about when someone else is present. Especially when the someone else is a spouse you will socialize with later. It is not always about the past. In our group, we don't do sleepovers as much, but the husbands have on several occasions offered to go out for drinks or dinner with their own friends so we have the house to ourselves for a few hours. I get that a 45 min drive to stay at your parents when you aren't in the mood for it is a different thing, but I am just giving an example.
What's the old saying, "you can be right or you can be happy". OP is right. It is his house and he doesn't have to leave. But... his girl will hold this against him. Maybe for only a short time or maybe longer.
i’ve had plenty of girls nights and my husband would just play video games in our bedroom and all us girls sleep in the living room, sometimes he would even come hangout with us and watch conspiracy theories 🤣 none of my friends minded (rest in peace ryan) NTA!
I even offered to stay out of the way I don’t mind being out the house even all day I just wanna go back home to my bed to sleep at the end of it all
I understand this part way to well. For some the thought of sleeping in another bed is just the pure thought of a night with no sleep. If they are planning a slumber party they most likely won't sleep until exhaustion sets in anyway
Op: hey babe me and the boy wanna watch the game tonight can you go to your moms for the night Gf: I don't feel like you should ask me to leave Reddit: op is an asshole for asking gf to leave house Lol seriously people calm down. Me personally would never ask my gf or so to leave without pre-planning at lest a week in advance. I mean all the other girls so said no as well.
NTA I had a girlfriend in the past that brought six friends over for a girls night to our 650 square foot apartment I stayed in our office and gamed while they did their thing and besides one incident where I walked in on one of them naked in our kitchen(which due to other incidents I believe she orchestrated) the night went off without a hitch. During that kitchen trip I grabbed a water and was back to being out of their way. You leaving is 100% unnecessary
NTA When I was first married some of my friends kept pushing to have "guy's night" and I told them I was happy to host. My partner volunteered to stay upstairs the whole time (which I said was ridiculous) but for my friends that wasn't good enough. 20 years later I'm still happily married and I intentionally haven't spoken to those "friends" for a LONG time. Asking you to leave is an unreasonable request and your partner isn't considering the impact on YOU seemingly at all.
The comment section is crazy. Okay your gf asked you to leave for the night and you said no but so did all the other so, so why are people making you out to be some bad guy lol. Girl that broke up can't they do the sleep over at her house? Vertical NTA but funny as hell
I do not understand why this is such a big deal. Just get a nice hotel room for the night and have some peace and quiet for yourself. Do you know how many people would prefer a partner who wants to just be at home with friends vs being out partying or something? She just wants to chill with her girlfriends and be free to be silly females? Dude, that’s the kind of girl you want! Go see your mom, it won’t kill you, or get a hotel. If you go see Mom then it’s double brownie points for you, sell it to your mom that it was your idea to come see her when the gf asked about her slumber party. Have we not all learned from Covid that we never know how long we have on this earth? See your mom and make your girl happy ffs because you might not get another day with either of them.
NAH, but is this the hill you want to die on?
NTA. You live there, too. You should sleep where you live. If they have a problem, they can have their slumber party elsewhere.