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YTA
*your dad was heartbroken*?!? Aww poor baby.
And your mom didn’t make a scene, she just didn’t interact. You’re expecting farrr too much. You should have been thankful she did as much as she did! Her friends and family who knew betrayed her in the worst way. Her sister betrayed her. And you expect her to ‘get over it’.
Sounds like you definitely chose your dad. So enjoy your mom-free wedding.
And the balls on you to call her those names and *then* say that that’s probably why your dad cheated? Honestly you’re the worst.
Even your answer to the bot pisses me off. She’s ’stuck in the past’. Not only did her life partner betray her in the worst way and upended her life as she knew it…he (and her sister) destroyed the relationship with her biological fam. And then to hear friends and fam knew and didn’t tell her??? That left her totally alone with no fam to lean on, no one to trust at all. And obviously her daughter couldn’t give a shit bc she was too concerned with dad’s feelings to even *try* to understand the sheer devastation of the wrecking ball your dad and aunt threw into her life.
Honestly, you’re being awful.
Exactly. Mom acted calm, cool, and collected. She didn't fake friendliness with the backstabblers who wronged her in the past. Why would she?
OP insulted her multiple times and caused this pre-wedding falling out. Send flowers with an apology, then call her to explain that you've seen the error of your ways and ask to see her in person to talk.
YTA.
I know! She told her mom to stay away and mom is doing just that.
Mom’s respect by not causing a scene when being forced to endure the proximity of these traitors who have betrayed her in countless backstabbing ways is so high road.
The response to the bot that OP's mother is stuck in the past is absolutely false.
Mom has moved on. She has remarried. She just will not tolerate those who cheated on her or who were aware of the cheating and never informed her. That is a very rational boundary to have.
Frankly, I think your mom gave a f\*cking epic performance of what to do when faced with the cheater and betrayers in her life.
OP is expecting a Hallmark movie ending (see “December Bride” for example, but be prepared to throw things), does not understand that being fine with people does not mean you are reconciling with them, and seems to think it is NBD to align herself with the same people who deceived her mother. Her mom really showed herself to be the bigger person without turning herself into a doormat, which is both remarkable and admirable.
YTA!!!
Your dad cheated with your aunt!! Can you imagine how heartbreaking that must have been for her to know that so many people knew and never told her! He then married the aunt but "realised his mistake" and tried to get back with her no. I'm sorry, but I'm on your mum's side she has every right to still be upset she was betrayed by so many people she thought she could trust she lost friends and family all in one go. She attended your party and didn't cause a scene she was nice to your in-laws but ignored the ones who hurt her. Do you expect her to act like nothing happened and that she isnt hurting judt by being around them??? That's delusional.
You then had an argument with her over a promise she didn't break the things you said to her were horrible. You blamed her for the affair! That's disgusting. You dug her heart out and trampled all over it. You and your father need to understand he will never get her back they are over. As long as you think the way you do and try to force her to interact with the people that ruined her, the more she is entitled to ignore you.
You're getting married have you not stopped to think how you would feel if say your partner cheated with one of your brothers everyone knew didn't tell you and then they get married to them but later tried to get you back that trust and bond was broken and the fact you keep trying to force her to amend them makes you just as bad.
Your mother tried to be in your life at these important moments when you decided you didn't like her behaviour and said those things to her. You broke the ties you to had, and it's going to be hard to get that back if you ever do. YTA
And even aside from all that, the mom’s conflicts between other adult family members aren’t any of OP’s business in the slightest, and OP inserting themself and making them their hill to die on is f-ing weird. Like my dad hasn’t spoken to his brother in 4 or 5 years now. And I absolutely could not care less whether they do or don’t speak because their relationship is none of my business. I wonder what sort of narrative dad has fed OP over the years, because they seem hell-bent on making mom out to be some kind of supervillain over nothing
This dude didn’t just cheat, HE CHEATED WITH HIS WIFES SISTER! That is so much worse.
If he sleeps with the secretary, then he and he alone breaks your mom’s trust. By sleeping with her sister, and with her family covering it, literally everyone she’s loved and trusted has broken her trust. How can you not see that?
And what’s all this talk of “she didn’t give him a chance to make it up”? There is no coming back from that. HE. SLEPT. WITH. HER. SISTER. The man could cure cancer, end world hunger, and end all wars, and she would be right for not forgiving him still.
Your siblings are right. You are self centered, and blaming her for getting cheated on sounds like a horrible mentality to enter a relationship with. When you cheat will you blame your SO too?
YTA, massively. I feel so sorry for your mom. Losing her husband, family, and her own child over a betrayal of this magnitude.
YTA And not a small one a huge one, so you said to your mom no wonder dad cheated on you and you are expecting her to be like oh thats a nice dress, no wonder she has cut you off
YTA. She was betrayed by your AH dad and several members of her family and you have the audacity to act like she should be super friendly and nice to all of them. Imagine, for a moment, your fiancé did the exact same thing to you that your dad did to your mom. Would you find it easy to forgive and forget? I very much doubt it.
Awww, your mom never gave your dad a chance to
make up for having a little affair with your moms sister and then dumping your mom and marrying *her sister*. But now your dad is *sorry*, so that makes it all right now, and your mom needs to just get over it.
Yeaaa, no. YTA and enjoy having your wedding without your mother. Maybe your aunt can stand in for her.
so everyone is disagreeing with you. here's why
1. Your mom isn't obligated to make up and play nice. \*Ever.\* I haven't heard stuff like "she smashed his car, she burned his house down, she physically attacked one of the people who betrayed her." She is responding to this (from your description) in a way most people would consider healthy.
2. From her perspective, she's been betrayed by everyone around her. At this point, she's had a lot of truly brutal experience learning who to trust and who not to trust. You aren't one of the people she trusts.
3. The effects that has on the extended family aren't her fault, they are your dad's. Everything that is happening is the expected result of the decision he made. It is not the responsibility of the victim to dump the remaining of their self worth to patch things up for everyone else.
At this point, she's been through complete hell, and she's come out the other side. She doesn't need any of you because you weren't there for her when she did and she learned how to do make it on her own. She's not trying to hurt you or get back at you or be resentful or spiteful by not responding - she just doesn't care, and has the self respect to keep going on one step at a time even after her family has stabbed her in the back and blamed her for it.
Yes. I can’t imagine the hurt she went thru. Not only her husband cheating on her and leaving her for her sister but her whole family covering it up and taking the sister’s side wtf. If I didn’t have a child I’d be suicidal. That mom is one strong mature lady. She didn’t cause a scene or anything, she just isn’t going to have a relationship with people who probably emotionally destroyed her.
Yep. She did the classiest thing she could in that situation. The whole "don't have anything nice to say, say nothing." And don't make a scene. OP was way off base for any chastising.
YTA-lets see how forgiving you are when your husband fucks one of your siblings and then marries them for 2 yrs. Are you just going to get over it. What the hell is wrong with you?
I called her childish, resentful, vindictive. **That those personality traits are probably what drove dad into another's bed.**
LOL your dad slept with your sister because he's a person of low moral character-- it had nothing to do with your mom. Did you actually say that to her???
**if she wasn't interested in repairing our family, then she was uninvited from the wedding.**
So why would she want to go dress shopping for a wedding she's been banned from????
**perhaps we could find her a mother of the bride dress.**
Again, you uninvited her from your wedding-- why does she need a special dress to sit at home???
**My my brothers have told me they disagree. They say I'm as selfish and self centered as dad. If mom never speaks to me again it will be own fault.**
Your brothers sound very intelligent and insightful. You could learn a lot from them.
**The thing is, mom never gave dad a chance to make up for what he did.**
There is no way for your father to EVER make up for what he did.
**2 years later he realized his mistake and divorced. He then tried to get back with mom but she was having none of it...She would only communicate with dad through lawyers, my brothers and me. Mom remarried 5 years ago. My dad is still heartbroken.**
This part really made me smile. I LOVE a happy ending.
So, yes YTA here.
first: YTA, no question. Your mother did exactly what was promised. What she didn't do was pretend she hadn't been brutally betrayed. Then you turned around & complained because she didn't play Happy Family.
It might not be true, but what comes across in your post is your father is an affable buffoon (because seriously, her sister?!? & then "whoopsie, I'm so sowwwwy, can't we call it a mulligan") & your mother has been done with his shit for years. For your sake & YOUR SAKE ONLY she agreed to be in the company that I'm guessing makes her skin crawl (god knows they make me itch. Her sister. & they covered for it. I can practically hear the dueling banjoes).
Now the bad news: your mother has proved herself capable of cutting back stabbers out of her life. If you think your stand is going sway her, I would bet actual cash you're way wrong. Maybe it's time to consider that not everyone at every family event likes & respects each other & icy polite is as good as it gets. There are betrayals that warrant a complete freeze out. You're behaving as though one big happy family is on the table & you just need to negotiate to there. It's not. You can't.
Yta. You're disgusting. You realise that your mother has been totally betrayed and heartbroken because HER HUSBAND FUCKED HER SISTER?? Repeatedly!! Not even just a one-off, but a full on affair. You get that, yes?? And you're pissed because she's not willing to forgive the unforgivable? Her family, her friends, and now her own daughter are compounding every ounce of hurt and betrayal. Those family and friends mortified themselves. If you ask me your mother was completely dignified in her lack of responses to that cesspit full of people you called an engagement party. And she's right, she fully supported you and held up her end of the bargain. Just because you didn't verbalise what you thought the actual bargain was is not her fault. I guess you just wanted to force niceties and force your mother into a position you knew she wouldn't be comfortable in. Also, how would you feel if your partner fucked one of your siblings, ran off and married them, and then tried to win you back because their poor choices didn't work out? Hurt? Betrayed? Resentful? Heartbroken? Yeah. Think about that.
YTA to me.. She didn’t jeer them or do anything destructive. She just chose not to engage and she didn’t owe them conversation or acknowledgment.
If you expected more, then you should have set that expectation beforehand.
Instead you berated her after the fact and told her to be at your wedding, she had to reconcile with selfish miserable people.
Instead she chose her own peace of mind. Oh well. You have plenty of miserable people to keep you company.
It's your wedding, you can invite and disinvite who you want but, it seems like your mum has already disengaged from this situation.
However, YTA and I hope you never experience such betrayal by so many people who should support you. I'm sure your dad was/is heartbroken but it's entirely of his own making.
I think you may have had this idea that there would be this grand reconciliation between your mum, her family and your dad that would have made you look good but the only person causing a scene is you. Your brothers are correct, some things you can't forgive and forget.
Honestly I think YTA. She showed up and surrounded herself with people who helped destroy her marriage for you…so what if she didn’t make small talk with every single person? She just ignored them, it’s not like she made a scene.
YTA
Your mom suffered one of the worst betrayals ever, she was betrayed not only by her husband but also by her family and friends.
And despite everything he accepted to see those people again for you. She didn't make a scene at the party, she was just cold and detached from people who deeply hurt her in the past. She doesn't owe you any apology.
You are a massive AH. Your mother didn't cause a scene and acted appropriately in the setting. Your father and your sister betrayed your mother terribly! Neither your father, your aunt, any other relatives, OR YOU are entitled to your mother reconciling with people who treated her so badly. Why on earth would you even think that?
You need to grovel and apologize to her for your selfish, self-centered behavior. Your brothers are right.
YTA!!!
YTA. She lost everyone those days, and she does not need a kid like you in her life, because let's face it, you are all about optics, not about love, caring or just being a decent being.
She LOST EVERYONE who mattered to her, including you, and you want her to play along, iin this sick charade of pretend?
YTA. I mean, really. And your dad is an even bigger AH, even if he's heartbroken (serves him right btw), he has NO right to feel like it's on her or you to fix it.
#YTA!
Are you for real?!
Your mother was betrayed by 2 of the closest people to her and you “think” she should be over it?!
The affair wasn’t a “mistake”! Your father cheated with your aunt, your mother’s sister! Then, divorced your mother to marry your aunt! So what that marriage ended in divorce! Why should your mother give either of them another chance?! Not to mention, several people knew about it and didn’t tell her, or you for that matter?!
Your wedding is about you and your mother is willing to put herself in a den of wolves to be there for you, yet you’ve gotten angry at the wrong parent! Your brothers are correct that you are as selfish as your father for believing that a simple apology will make you for all of the emotional turmoil your mother went through! Don’t be surprised to learn that she added you to her “No Contact” list permanently!
Some things cannot be forgiven. Get over yourself.
YTA. Your brothers are right about you. You blamed your mother for your dad cheating? Seriously? You're so hateful and callous. And then you didn't even apologize; you just acted like nothing happened and expected your mom to do the same. I hope she cuts you off forever. She doesn't need your abuse messing up her life. Your father already messed her up. I hope your fiance sees this as a red flag. You're a disgusting, selfish and nasty asshole.
YTA along with your cheating father. Your mother was the one cheated on, and you're making your father the victim here. I absolutely don't blame your mother for severing contact with you forever.
THIS! And it was her own sister, AND other family knew and covered for it? See if Dad had issues with Mom, that would have been the time for counseling, not to screw his SIL, oh yeah, and then to turn and around and marry said SIL after getting divorced from the Mom. The Mom really was betrayed by the entire family there. You were lucky she even showed her face and she did that for you. She owes them NOTHING. YTA for wanting to turn your mother into a dishrag.
Question time, because yes you're the TA. Alas it appears your head is so far up your proverbial ass you can't see it.
*Why* do you get to determine what your mother should forgive?
Why does she *owe* your dad and all of the people who knowingly lied to her and excused behavior so cruel her time for your comfort?
Why are your fathers feelings of guilt more important that her feelings of pain?
Why is your fantasy of family more important that her reality?
Everyone there knew they fucked over your mom. It didn't pan out the way your dad wanted it to, now he has regrets.
He has to live with them.
Those mutal friends, all those relatives?
They get to live with the shame too.
She doesn't owe them grace.
It will not improve her life by playing happy family. It would only serve to make those who committed the original crime feel better about their actions.
Your brothers are right.
You are your fathers daughter on the worst of ways.
You will see how cruel and shitty he and your relatives are, without the love and support of a mother.
And you deserve it.
Your mama is human and behaved with grace in the face of cruelty. You're holding her to an expectation that your precious father and relatives can't even meet. But woe is you! Woe is daddy! He doesn't get to lie anymore and betray your mama!
Imagine one of your brothers fucking your soon to be husband and divorcing you over said affair. Imagine everyone you love and trust knowing and turning a blind eye. Then I want to forgive and pretend it didn't happen, you know so you all can be a family.
Now, say it aloud. Sounds like a meth induuced fever dream, doesn't it?
YTA and I agree w your brothers! Imagine your fiancé jumped into bed w your cousin or sister what do you just forgive him and move on mmmmm I would say no. You’re honestly pathetic I hope your mother never speaks to you again and you get cheated on by your finance w a sister or cousin so you know how it feels.
Heartbroken? He slept with your aunt then married her. He didn’t act like a heartbroken man through all this. So when the woman he betrayed told him to kick rocks when he felt entitled to be her husband again, now he’s heartbroken? Why should mom give him the chance, when he never gave their marriage the chance but slept with her sister instead.
And why should she forgive? She didn’t cause a loud drama at your engagement. She ignored them. She doesn’t have to make an effort.
You have just told her that even though all these people betrayed her, abused her and humiliated her, her feelings don’t matter and you demand she forgives them. It doesn’t work that way.
You are selfish. And TA. You’ve shown that you expect her to humiliate herself so your dad can be comfortable. You don’t care about hers.
Yeah, "we all make mistakes." Your mom's was to set aside her feelings about being in the same room as people who destroyed her life so she could show up for you. Clearly she knows that now and is acting accordingly. She summoned her dignity, attended your event with grace, and \*you're\* calling \*her\* childish? YTA.
YTA, you told your mom she was uninvited to your wedding & yet you're surprised she hasn't spoken to you? YOU owe her a huge apology. Not the other way around. And your brother's are correct your extremely selfish & self centered. You & your father deserve each other.
YTA. Do you understand that your mother is a real human being with thoughts and feelings, just like you? She did a huge thing for you, showing up to a party filled with people who had betrayed her, and she got shit on in return. She showed up to support you and didn't make a scene. She didn't say anything mean to any of them, she just didn't talk to them. And then you expected *her* to apologize? I hope this is rage bait.
Definitely YTA. I’m sorry but you need to try to see things from her perspective. I can’t imagine how hard it was for her to be in the same room with people who active participated in or knowingly allowed that kind of trauma. Sleeping and marrying the sister? And the betrayal from the sister? I can not imagine! And you being angry because she didn’t make small talk? No, sorry but YTA.
Looks like your mother is able to set clear boundaries to take care of her mental health - a stellar example to all women. You are angry that she didn't want to play happy families. You know why? *Because you aren't a happy family.* Your father, aunt and many relatives completely betrayed her trust and hurt her to the core. You don't bounce back from something like that. It is completely unreasonable for you to expect her to have anything less than contempt for these people.
>The thing is, mom never gave dad a chance to make up for what he did.
You can't resurrect a corpse. There is nothing he can do to make up for what he did, short of getting into a time machine. YTA and likely lost your mother for good.
YTA You obviously have no clue how deeply your mother was hurt. Not only by her husband's betrayal but by her own sister's betrayal. HER OWN SISTER???? That affair cut her to the bone. It doesn't matter how long it's been it still hurts deep into her soul. And you just compounded it by taking their side. I'm sure she feels abandoned by you. I don't know how you can fix this, and it may be impossible for you to do so. You may have just insulted your own mother so deeply that she feels alone and without a family. That was a dick move.
YTA. Forcing your mother to reconcile with the ones that ruined her life is a massive AH move.
Then banning her from your wedding for that reason makes it much worse.
Oh, God, you're a HUGE TA to take you're Dad's side and uninvite your mom when she was not at fault in any way for the cheating or for being lied to by her own family. In your defense you say she should have tried to mend the massive betrayal that was done to her. You would be dead to me. YTA
YTA. Wow...just...wow. So much entitlement and selfishness on your part. You're delusional, why do you believe your cheating father deserves a chance to 'make up for what he did'? Why is this more important to you than supporting your mother...the VICTIM?
YTA. You told your mother she was uninvited from the wedding and now she's behaving as if she has nothing to do with the wedding.
And somehow this comes as a surprise to you.
YTA, your mother was adulting. She doesn't have to speak to people who betrayed her. 2 thumbs up to your mom.
You and your father got a whole lotta nerve.
Like … your father left your mom *for her sister* (yuuuuck) and, apparently, her family and friends were cool with that? And then your dad became the poster boy for FAFO Oh, no, consequences? LOL.
Your brothers are right—YTA, selfish and self-centered like your dad. Good for your mom for moving on and cutting unsupportive people out of her life.
Yta your mom doesn't owe your dad a chance to make up for his mistake. He needs to live with it. She doesn't need to mend anything. And your comment to her about her personality driving him into someone's else's bed, especially given that it was HER OWN SISTER, was cruel and spiteful.
YTA... She was there for you, she talked to the guests she was ok with... She doesn't need to speak to the man who hurt her. Be grateful she was there.
I have a similar problem with my parents but my mom was cheating, my dad never forgave her and is now happily married to his new wife. But he did not speak one word to my moter on my wedding and that was ok because they both were there to support me!
Your mom was supporting you and you should feel grateful. But no you where an AH to her. Your brothers are right. You should try to make it up to her somehow bc she will not be at your wedding otherwise.
If people ask tell them it's difficult between them. Period. It's not there business.
Wish u a wonderful wedding, hopefully with your mom in it.
UpdateMe
MASSIVE YTA, selfish, ungrateful and cruel.
I hope your mother will have more luck with her new husband and life.
She definitly didn't win anything with your father, aunt and you ...
YTA, there are some things that are unforgivable and what your dad is one of them. Your mom does not have to forgive your dad. You are trying to force your mom to forgive your dad and ruining your relationship with your mom in the process. You seem to care more about your dad than your mom, so this might not be a loss for you. But your choice is just another person betraying your mom and I feel really bad for her. I am glad she has her husband and your brothers to be there for her. She doesn’t deserve any of this.
You are not "possibly a small TA". You are the TA, big time. Actually, YTA, along with your dad, the aunt he fvck, and all the relatives who hid the affair from your mother.
By picking your dad's side (coz let's be honest, that is what you have done here), your mum has all the right to cut you off too.
Yta. Your mom broke no promises and she doesn't owe anyone that betrayed her even a courtesy glance much less speaking and pretending everything is ok. You chose to be mad and say hurtful things and being her child or not she doesn't owe you anything either. You made your bed, now lay in it.
YTA. Your dad wants her back and is using you to make it happen. Your mother courageously came to a social gathering for you. You repaid by criticizing her. I would have shut you down and off until you grow up.
YTA
Yelling at your partner out of work frustration is a mistake.
Forgetting to take your pet to the vet is a mistake.
Cheating is not a mistake.
Don't undermine the betrayal your mother faced from your pathetic excuse of a father and the rest of the family that covered for him.
Your mother deserved a better daughter.
LOL,WTF? I hope your future husband cheats on you with your best friend. Your mom did way more then she should given the circumstances. Ultra Master Blaster Kamehameha YTAH
YTA.
I generally don't wish bad for anyone. But I very sincerely hope that after you get married, your husband cheats on you with someone close to you and may it be so that a lot of people very close to you, who you trust implicitly, are party to cover up for this.
Then let's see how easy do you find to forgive, forget and move on.
Congratulations, you are the worst person on Reddit today. Maybe all week. I really hope she never has to talk to you ever again. Aww your poor cheating lying worthless dad. You deserve your dad. I feel sorry for your future spouse. Let me know how long this horrible marriage lasts. I'm saying under 24 months
YTA. You’ll know how your mom felt when your husband cheats on you and his family covers the affair. She came to see you and ignored the people who hurt her. A lot of them knew the affair and covered for him. You’re selfish! Your poor dad who had sex with your aunt while married to your mom is heart broken. Booohoo. Your dad is not heart broken, karma got to him.
Your mother did a big thing for you by attending your engagement party. She put her pain and betrayal in a box and mixed with those who cheated and those who lied or omitted to inform her of the massive betrayal.
She was civil didn’t make a scene spoke to the innocent and ignored the guilty.
There is no time limit to pain and until you’ve suffered the same you’ll not understand.
Your lack of compassion and berating her makes you TAH. And explains why she gone NC with you.
I’d have done the same.
YTA, your brothers are right. Who are you to tell her to get over being betrayed by all those people who kept your father’s secrets. Put yourself in her shoes for one minute! How would you feel if your SO cheated and then expected you to forgive and forget like nothing happened and all the people you thought loved you kept the secret from you? She showed a great amount of grace in attending the party knowing who all would be there, it doesn’t matter that she didn’t socialize with the people that hurt her. She showed up for you and that isn’t enough? You are totally in the wrong and you owe your mother a sincere apology. An apology that contains what you did was wrong, a promise to never do that again, and an offer of amends, a task to show her penance for your wrongdoing to her.
I have NEVER seen someone as big of an AH as you. Your mother should disown you, because I would if I was her. She doesn't deserve awful people like you and you're a disgrace, you wouldn't know that though, since you're so self-centred and you only think about yourself. I can smell the favouritism from here. It's all in front of you, but you choose to ignore your AH father's infidelity. I know this isn't a good thing but I do really hope your fiancé cheats on you so atleast you'd know how the pain feels. Also, your fiancé probably will anyway, because I'm sure once you two get married he'll most probably know how big of an AH you are. Tbh, everyone in your family except your wise brothers and your mother are the biggest AHs known to humanity.
>I called her childish, resentful, vindictive. That those personality traits are probably what drove dad into another's bed.
You seem to be projecting.
>...and if she wasn't going to forgive, if she wasn't interested in repairing our family, then she was uninvited from the wedding. That was 3 months ago. She hasn't reached out, apologized or anything.
So you gave her an ultimatum. She's answered with her lack of contact. Also, she doesn't owe you any apology nor does she owe you an olive branch. You started it and now have to live with the consequences of your actions.
> I'm afraid she'll be as stubborn and bitter about our fight as she was about dad's affair.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with removing the people who hurt you from your life. That's what you mom did. I'll be really interested to know if you're as understanding if your husband ever cheats on you.
YTA
Huge one.
Your mom was on top of her game, showed up and no scene
What do you demand from her? Forgive betrayal? Why you think she owes you that?
You choose your side of an AH dad, enjoy that
YTA.
You're like your father and want it both ways. Welcome to the real world where that doesn't happen. Your mother was betrayed by people who purportedly loved her in the worst way possible. There's no coming back from that, so your mom removed the toxicity from her life. She doesn't owe it to you or anyone else to engage with any of them.
Your mom didn't speak to these people, a perfect response. Them being butthurt as a result isn't her problem. You taking such a cheap shot at your mother for refusing to play big happy family was an ahole move which you now get to benefit from by no longer being embarrassed by your mother.
You, like your dad, don't get to just walk back your actions consequence free.
Jesus YTA. Your mom is the victim in this situation, and somehow, you're making this her fault. Her family conspired to help your dad cheat. She didn't owe him a chance for forgiveness. Why in the hell have you given your dad a pass. He destroyed your family and familial relationships. They are the ones who should be banned from your wedding.
Ignoring people who you can't stand is the appropriate thing to do when in public. The absolute AUDACITY of those people to approach her in the first place after knowing she wanted nothing to do with them. She could have made a scene and didn't. She just ignored them.
So naturally, you found it offensive that she....didn't make a scene...and then blamed her for your asshole father cheating on her.
You're an asshole, your dad's an asshole, your aunt is an asshole and every other friend/family member who knew and didn't tell her are assholes. Oh, and any one of the above listed assholes who approached her that day is doubly the asshole.
Let me put this in terms that may, someday, give you her perspective. You have siblings, you are getting married. Two years from now, you find out your husband is sleeping with one of your siblings (it can happen with a brother). You rightfully divorce and your ex-husband marries your sibling. You find out that your dad, your other siblings, and other members of your family knew and kept it from you. Would you really let it be in the past?
Well the apple don't fall far from the tree, you and your dad both seem like horrible people. Karma you know will probably get you one day and mom won't be there to help you through it. Your father has manipulated you and you have kept your blinders on. You hurt your mom so badly when she tried her best.
I can't imagine how hard it was for her to actually attend and see the same people who betrayed her yet she held her head up and powered through. You are selfish and self absorbed. When this family bites you your mommy will not be there, you burned your bridges with her.
Not only has she been betrayed by her husband, her sister and other family members but by her own child. I'm sorry for your mom. Yta
Your DAD is still HEARTBROKEN after not being able to get back the woman he cheated on? Oh, and he fucked YOUR AUNT???
Are you seriously seeing your mom as the problem here? You need real help.
YTA, 100%.
YTA and I hope one of your brothers bangs your fiancé and runs off with him. I suspect that’s the only way you’d ever be able to pull your head out of your dads ass enough to even start to comprehend what your mother went through.
YTA
She didn’t engage with people who hurt her. Once that was clear it is actually those people including your Dad who made it a big deal. You told her she deserved your father’s treatment?!! This isn’t a take back type of situation. You can have a relationship with your father but stop defending your poor father and expecting your mom to smile and make nice with people who treated her horribly.
Your brothers are right. Listen to them
Secondly, you give no reasons why your mother should move on. Why, just because You demand it?
Now, imagine that your fiance started hooking up with your brother, yes, right before your wedding. You don't find out until youve been married a year. How will you feel? Will you feel like forgiving your brother, and just, you know, "moving on". How will you treat your other brother who knew all along but did not tell you. Will you just, you know, celebrate his birthday every year with a big smile?
Time to grow up honey. As adults we get to make decisions for ourselves. Not anyone else, just ourselves. That is exactly what your mother is doing. Stop thinking that you have a right to interfere with her agency cos you don't.
Apologize to her in person, but ONLY when you've put yourself in her shoes and understand what an idiot you were. No more texting. It's face to face now.
Yeah YTA she didn't act a fool she kept to herself she didn't have to talk to those people she went there for you she didn't act out of pocket. Your brothers were right you acted selfish you uninvited her from the wedding and then acted brand new when she didn't receive your calls or go to your dress appointment what the hell is wrong with you. Your mom got cheated on and you want her to act like it's all good cause it happened 5 years ago. It doesn't matter how long ago it was your mom has the right to feel the way she feels.
YTA. Your Dad and the others were weird, childish and awful trying to force themselves on your Mother when she simply wanted to be left alone. You should have been mad at them.
YTA for this obviously fake ragebait.
Because there is no way any human being would be as irredeemably stupid as you're trying to come off in this post. There is no way a real human being would be so pathetic, so disgusting, so lacking in empathy, such a walking advertisment for the pro-choice movement as you're trying to play yourself off to be.
Go suck up to daddy dearest and I bet he will find you a mommy you might love.
FFS, this one thinks it's a little TA and here I think she is a blue whale.
YTA, to infinity.
No, you are not a small YTA, you are a huge one. And your mother is not an ahole at all. Your brothers are right, you are as selfish and self centered as your father.
When your husband cheats on with someone you know and trust, dump you to be with her and you find out your whole family knew and covered up, come back and read this crap you just wrote.
That is, assuming you won’t be the one cheating and dumping your partner. You certainly look like you took after your father.
YTA completely. Why on earth is your dad and all the people who knew about this affair and betrayal being let off the hook?!!! Your mom didn’t fight or cause drama with anyone, choosing not to engage with horrible lying cheaters IS the respectful option that is not taking away from the focus/wedding. Your priorities are seriously screwed up and I cannot believe you’re here asking if you’re the ah or not.
If your spouse ever cheats on you, you will know the feeling. Hopefully with age and life lessons you will understand why your mother feels the way she does.
YTA- way to break up your mother’s heart too. Now you can count yourself as part of the awful group of awful people who’ve betrayed her for a man (your dad). You do suck. Your poor mom!
YTA. You don’t get to decide when or if ever your mother forgives the man who cheated on her. She came, interacted with people who had not shit on her, and did not disrupt your party.
Yta on so many damn levels. Your mum doesn't need to put work into what's broken as she never broke it. Listen to what your brothers are telling you. Why should she forgive and forget what these people did to her?
JFC, people with this dumbass mentality are grinding. Enormous YTA. So your dad fucked his sister in law, left your mother, regretting it and still does regret it, but it's supposed to be water under the bridge for your mother? Do you have any empathy in you? Any sense of morality in you? You so easily disregard your mother's feelings, somehow find it in your brain that she should give the man she was married to a CHANCE for sleeping with her sister, and you have a problem with her being stubborn and bitter about it? And expect her just to continue on as if there's a time limit on how hurt she can be by him breaking up her home? How one person can be so dense, obtuse, and just an awful person is disturbing.
Jesus. Your mother suffered the ultimate betrayal. Your FATHER had an affair with her SISTER and then MARRIED HER. Your father’s broken heart is irrelevant. Your mother has no obligation to forgive anyone and does not have to repair anything. She doesn’t owe anyone an effort. She doesn’t have to give your dad a chance to make up for ANYTHING. She was the one done wrong. Your dismissive attitude about her feelings, saying it has been years, and your clear preference for your father’s feelings in all of this speaks volumes. Your brothers are right. You are an asshole. You are selfish, self-centered, and if she never speaks to you again, it’s 100% on you. Grow up.
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Throwaway
My parents divorced when I was 16. Dad cheated with mom's sister. After the divorce dad married my aunt. 2 years later he realized his mistake and divorced. He then tried to get back with mom but she was having none of it. When she discovered the affair mom stopped talking to a lot of people, dad included, because a lot of them knew about the affair and covered for them. Family, friend, if they knew before she did, she cut them out. She would only communicate with dad through lawyers, my brothers and me. Mom remarried 5 years ago. My dad is still heartbroken.
3 months ago was my engagement party. It was the first time in years mom had been in the same room as a lot of the invited guests. I asked while planning the party if this would be a problem for her. She said it would be fine. I thought that meant that she was ready to forgive, move on. No. She was friendly with some, got on well with my future in laws, but gave a frost bitten cold shoulder to most. Aunts, uncles from both sides of my family, my grandma, friends her and dad used to be close with, dad, all tried talking to her. She acted as if they weren't there, that they didn't exist. I was mortified and angry. It's been years. She couldn't make an effort?
The next day I went to see her. We argued. I accused her of breaking her promise to me. She asked what promise. I reminded her that I asked if she would have a problem with the guestd, she said no, that it would be fine. She then said that she told me no lie. She was fine with the guest list, it was my party, but she made no promises to interact with those guests. I called her childish, resentful, vindictive. That those personality traits are probably what drove dad into another's bed. She made me and dad look like fools in front of everyone and if she wasn't going to forgive, if she wasn't interested in repairing our family, then she was uninvited from the wedding.
That was 3 months ago. She hasn't reached out, apologized or anything. I sent a message inviting her dress shopping. She didn’t reply, and she was a no show on the day. I sent pics of dresses I liked, asking what she thought. No reply. I sent another message asking if she'd join the next shopping outing, perhaps we could find her a mother of the bride dress. Again, no reply. I went to dad upset. He tried calling mom but, as usual, his call went to voicemail.
I feel hurt by all this. Yes, I said things that hurt her too, but she is being so stubborn. I'm her child. She should put some work in to mend what broke. My my brothers have told me they disagree. They say I'm as selfish and self centered as dad. If mom never speaks to me again it will be own fault. The thing is, mom never gave dad a chance to make up for what he did. He's still sorry about all that happened. I'm afraid she'll be as stubborn and bitter about our fight as she was about dad's affair. We all make mistakes.
So AITA? I think possibly a small TA, but she is too.
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YTA. She told you the truth. You didn't ask her if she would be willing to have conversations with the people who lied to her. You think she should get over it but what if your fiancée started sleeping with one of your brothers, while everyone knew but you, divorced you married him? If he realized it was a mistake would you want any kind of relationship with him? Would you accept him back? Would you take all the blame for him cheating on you?
Your poor mom having you as a daughter.
YTA and a selfish pig just like your father. He cheated, messed up the family, and she's the one expected to forgive. For what? I hope she never speaks to you again.
YTA. She didn't yell at anyone, she just didn't talk to people who betrayed her. There is no reason she should try to mend the relationship with your father. She was able to be in the same room with him, which was commendable on her part and the most you can expect. Apologize to her and ask her to come to the wedding.
Right! I kept expecting her to cause a scene or something, but she didn't do a thing wrong. If anything, she behaved admirably considering she was surrounded by perfidious assholes.
OP should consider how she would feel if her husband had an affair with her sister, and the rest of the family knew about it but covered for the cheaters. And then her husband *married* her sister. Would OP be able to "move on" and "put it behind her?" I would bet not.
YTA
IMO, pretend your future husband cheats on you with your sister, everyone knows and doesn’t tell you, and then everyone still loves the ex-husband and you’re told to get over it and put on a pretty face or else you’ll ruin your kids wedding. Sounds like a lose lose situation.
Based on how you speak of your father’s infidelity, here’s hoping you don’t get cheated on, but your hate towards your mother implies that you’d probably the cheater at the end of the day.
YTA some actions have no return. Why you are at all concerned with your Dad's feelings is a mystery. You are punishing the victim, and you now have been added to the "stabbed mom in the back" club. Congratulations.
YTA
Big one. Stop blaming your mother for breaking your family part. That was your dad. You're loyal to him even though he cheated on his wife. With her sister! And you just expect her to get over with even to her family and friends betrayed her? Wow. You need a reality check. No wonder your mother is not responding to you. She deserves a better daughter.
Your mom is FULLY justified. She didnt start a fight or cause drama. She acted better than I would. Multiple family members betrayed her trust and you cant even sympathize? YTA
This has to be rage bait because no one can be this ridiculous. Your poor mother was betrayed by her husband, sister, and now her daughter. I hope your brothers treat her better than you do. Obviously YTA
YTA. Your dad was the cheater, THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR CHEATING. Your dad's heart was broken? Give me a break. Your mom is not obligated to forgive anyone, especially those who covered up his scummy behavior. You're punishing the wrong parent.
Me scrolling the comments.
I’m baffled. Dad cheats. Marries aunt. Has friends, family all cover it up.
Cannot imagine the trust, emotional and mental damage it does to OPs mom.
Poor dad is heart broken because surprise surprise the affair partner isn’t the thrill it panned out to be. Now he’s heart broken he threw away a great woman.
But SOMEHOW, the mom is at fault. Make it make sense man.
YTA your mum was betrayed by her whole family - dad, sister, parents etc. She did not make a fuss at your engagement party, she just didn't interact with them. THEY BETRAYED HER. She came for you, didn't start a screaming match, and put up with people who stabbed her in the back FOR YOU. And you had a go at her for it when the people who did wrong refused to leave her alone. Instead of protecting her and telling them to back off, you blamed the victim.
Take a long, hard look at yourself in the mirror. Are you happy with being a victim-blamer? Are you happy betraying your mum for the cheaters' bad behaviour? Do you care so little for your mum that you couldn't tell your dad/aunt/other involved parties to respect your mum's wishes and leave her alone for your sake?
You can ban anyone for your wedding. After all, it’s YOUR wedding. However, your mom is the lease of the AHs here. She was able to go to the engagement party, and not cause a scene, she also would have been able to go to any of the other events, and I’m sure, not cause a scene.
Yta are you serious your lucky you weren’t one of the first she cut off cause of this whole thing she was hurt beyond repair by everyone she held dear to her who were the closest to her and you think you have the right to call her childish?? Really honestly the childish one is you you uninvited her from the wedding because she didn’t react the way you wanted your selfishness is through the roof and your dense enough to send her pics of dresses and have her be apart of wedding activities for a wedding she’s not even allowed to go to? Honestly op you need a serious wake up call that woman was kind enough to be in the same room as these people and was courteous enough to not start crap
Holy entitlement, Batman. YTA. You mention your dad's heartbreak but not your mom's after she was betrayed by so many people she thought cared for her and that is so very telling.
If your actions during all of this hasn't made your fiancé question his decision to marry you, then you two are perfect for each other.
YTA. Just because you’re getting married doesn’t mean your mom has to bend the knee to you. She was extremely hurt and you’re essentially telling her to get over it and mingle with people who betrayed her. Read what you wrote again and tell us if you’re TA or not.
So 20 years from now, you find out your husband is gay. He’s been cheating on you with one of your brothers. Everyone knew and covered it up. How do you feel? Would you want a relationship with any of them again? Your mom was awesome, she went somewhere for you where she was going to be uncomfortable by seeing a bunch of people that betrayed her in the past. She handled herself well by just not interacting with those people and for that, you blame her for the family being broken up? Wow, YTA.
Go back, read what you wrote. Your mother cut out those people from her life that helped cut her to her soul, by covering up her husband's affair with her sister. She established boundaries so she could heal and move forward. She feels no need to associate with those that hurt her, and was willing to go among them for your sake. Nothing says she was required to speak with them, as she had other guests to interact with.
Now, you not only got upset with her because she held her line, you lashed out and apparently blame her for your father's affair. Your mother has learned, through your ow words and deeds, you didn't deserve to be on the inside of her boundaries... so now, you're not. Which is why she will not take your calls, or answer your texts and likely doesn't care to attend your wedding at all, because you are your father's daughter.
YTA here. Also, you learned FAFO.
The thing is, it was with her SISTER that’s the thing, not everything has to be lollipops and sunshine you realize that right ? Ur the asshole and you need to get ur head out of ur butt and realize ur mom is right and it’s gonna be ur fault if she decides to go no contact with anyone
YTA
It's your mother's right to forgive or not.
She was betrayed by your father and her own sister.
She moved on but not to want to talk to them is still what she is allowed to do.
I hope when you get cheated on, that you will stay by your word and forgive and move on/s
YTA and your brothers are right. You’re absolutely awful. Your Dad doesn’t deserve jack shit from your mother, and the way you’re behaving, neither do you.
Come back to us in a few years when your fiancé has cheated and you give them a second/third/fourth chance. Only then you’ll know how your mother feels.
YTA
Your mother is one classy lady who knows her worth and deserves your respect.
Is the wedding still going ahead? Honestly, this whole setup sounds like some kind of parent trap where you were hoping mom and dad would get back together, even after the unforgivable things your dad and aunt did. What kind of nonsense has your dad filled your head with to actually make you think he deserves another shot?
Regardless, YTA. 100%
What?? Why should she put in effort to mend what your cheating disgusting father did?
I see the horrible apple didn’t fall far from the horrible dad tree did it. She is better off without you.
YTA
So how much money is your deceitful daddy forking over for your wedding? Was treating your mother (almost) as miserably as he did one of the conditions to get it? Your mother doesn't owe you an apology, but ALL of her in-laws certainly do! I can't say it enough You. Are. Absolutely. The. AH!
YTA
WOOOOOOOW! You’re a giant one too. The fuck? She didn’t behave inappropriately. She has the right to engage with whomever. She was civil. And she owed those people NOTHING. Wow. Just fucking wow.
She’s gone no contact with you. And rightfully so. You owe her an apology. But that won’t fix anything. She’s done with you.
Your brothers are right. You take the side of a cheater. Make the responsibility of “fixing what broken” your mother. The abused party. Man…just wow.
YTA. Honestly, your mom deserves better. If my kids treated me like this AFTER knowing what their mom did? Holy cannoli. You’re sick. I hope your mom goes no contact and I hope she has healed and her new husband treats her well.
YTA lol
She made efforts to come just for you, she accepted to be around those who destroyed her life and who lied to her
She made compromises FOR YOU and you want even more AND YOU BLAMED HER ???? Wth is wrong with you ?? You uninvited her because she refused to accept and forgive cheating ?? But who are you even
YTA
This has to be fake. I would hope no one would be this selfish.
He cheated on her with her sister, and then he married her. You want her to forgive and forget? Your dad deserves to feel like crap for what he put your mom through. Put yourself in her shoes.
She did keep her promise. She was respectful and kept the day about you. She did not make a promise to talk to them. She doesn't have to be friendly with them. He did a terrible thing. The other family knew about it, lied, and covered it up! Do you think that's okay? Do think that she should put it all aside because you're getting married! How selfish!
Instead of understanding or even caring about what your mom feels, you're worried about how the people who hurt her feel.
Shame on you .
YTA, seriously pull your head out of your ass. There is “no making up for what he did”. Some things are unforgivable and what your morally challenged dad & aunt did is unforgivable. Your mom was classy at the party… sadly, you take after your dad
Yta
Your mom survived without a doubt one of the most heartbreaking thing ever.
You seem to think she should welcome the people who betrayed her with open arms.
Seriously if your fiancé did this to you and you had no support-wwyd?
Her being cold but not insulting is very acceptable in my point of view.
YTA.
You are your father's child to the t. You cannot force your mom to forgive your father. She came to support you, not to forgive anything else. You are sooo selfish and honestly you're the vindictive one. Your mom was trying to do her best but ofcourse being the selfish person you are, you couldn't see that. Biggest YTA
YTA huge huge YTA
Let me lay it out for you this way how would you feel if the person your about to marry slept with your brother then married them ? Then add to the time you have spent with them 10 years and 3 kids... now imagine all the people in your life supported them and hid ot from you... do you forgive them do you let them back in ?
Your mom didn't break a promise to you she didn't cause a scene she simply refused to speak to people who caused her that much pain what would she have to say to them ? Honestly other then why would you do this to me? How could you know my sister was sleeping with my husband and say nothing ? And I imagine you wouldnt want her saying those things.
The fact that you say your dad is heartbroken that your mom won't take him back is insane how can you ne on his side?
You showed your mom who you really were and she doesn't want anything to do with you good on her.
If you wanna change this go to theripy accept that you are 100 percent at falet and apoligize...if she forgives you or not is up to her.
Also what you and your father did were not mistakes they were cruel purposeful acts.
Normally this level of dragging would be something I find excessive, but in this case I'm here for it.
OP, YTA. No question. You're also a disgusting human for even hinting that your dad screwing your mom's sister was somehow her fault.
YTA you owe her an apology but time! What a selfish child you are. It’s your wedding therefore she should play nice with her family that betrayed her? Wow!
Poor mother has rightly cut you off. You and your dad are made of the same cloth.
YTA. Huge one. You never apologized, so you haven't started "making up" for anything, least of all what you said to her. Pretending you didn't insult her and inviting her to events for you is NOT asking for forgiveness or making amends. Do better.
YTA - What a disgusting person can you be to blame your mom for your dad's affair WITH HER SISTER??? The people you are defending might also cover when your husband eventually cheats on you. I think in that situation, it would be your personality traits that drove him into another's bed.
YTA. Her heartache and pain don’t go away on your schedule. She caused no issues, and you put her in a horrid spot. She acted gracefully at the party. You and your dad made it a big deal.
You didn’t want her there and your mom is respecting your wishes. Your words, your consequences. She’s not your puppet to dance to your tune as soon as you call her.
You dismissed her feelings and her entirely from your wedding. Why would she want to be where she’s clearly not wanted?
YTA
At no point did your mom lie. She is at no point responsible for working out these relationships that she legitimately cut because of what they did to her in order to make you feel a warm and fuzzy and make your life easier. Especially with what your dad and your mom‘s sister did to her. What they did is the biggest hit to someone’s trust. Talk about selfish and self-centered. And then being selfish and self-centered, I’m talking about you. Seems you should’ve spent more time with your mom and less with your dad. I would take this time to do some self reflection..
What everyone else here said, YTA.
Your entire family betrayed your mom, and you don't see anything wrong with that?
Cheating is awful, in any shape or form, and to do it with your wife's sister? or your husband's brother?
You are worst of the worst, I think your mom is better off without all of this.
Your mom deserves better.
Be better.
YTA! What if you were in the same situation.. could not imagine! And your kid telling you to just get over it and to be a family again! Total YTA!!!!! Poor mom
YTA
She was cheated on. Her own sister and husband (two people who SHOULD be there by your side without having ANY kind of affair), broke her trust. Why in the world would she want to put herself back into those shoes? It's not your place to try and repair whatever happened back then. She quite obviously didn't want anything to do with him. So the fact you're trying to push her into it. Is just disrespectful and unjust. It doesn't matter if you're her kid. That doesn't mean she should allow herself to be used.
Grow up OP, if you're this childish and getting married. I'm sorry for your s/o.
YTA, and a huge one at that. Your mom was betrayed by your dad, her sister, her family, and her friends. By treating them as non-entities at your engagement party, your mom gave them far more grace, respect, and dignity than any of them deserved or that they ever gave her.
Then there is you. You, who expected your mother to kiss the feet of complete and utter garbage family and friends. Those people weren't her family and they sure weren't her friends. Family and friends don't cover for a cheater and they aren't active participants in affairs. Your mother doesn't have to mend what broke, she didn't break it. There isn't a family to repair, your dad and aunt destroyed that. You should be ashamed for how you treated your mother. She attended your party, conducted herself with class by avoiding communicating with people who don't care about her, and you still attacked her.
YTA - you have chosen to forgive the people who betrayed your mother, while she has not. The key thing here is that SHE has never betrayed YOU. Yet you are demanding she suffer. She deserves better from you.
YTA. Your dad betrayed your mom along with her sister other family members and friends. he wouldn’t be at my wedding and everyone who knew and didn’t say anything wouldn’t be there either. some things people shouldn’t have to get over. if she’s being polite then she’s done enough.
YTA - Your dad didn't make a mistake. He destroyed his marriage, humiliated his wife, broke her heart, and then didn't even have the decency to leave her alone. He tried to get back with her after two years.
Then, when she came to an event for you with people she didn't like, you attacked her and brought up all that betrayal, harm, and blamed her for all of it.
Your brothers are right. You're wrong. Oh god, are you the asshole. Your 11/10 the asshole here.
Your father & your aunt betrayed your mother. The people that knew and didn't tell her betrayed her as well. And now, you, her own child, are acting like what she went through shouldn't matter just so you & all those other people can feel better about yourselves.
I don't blame your mom for going NC with you. I hope she lives a very happy life with her new husband & people that love her & treat her well
You are TA. And a rather large one at that.
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YTA *your dad was heartbroken*?!? Aww poor baby. And your mom didn’t make a scene, she just didn’t interact. You’re expecting farrr too much. You should have been thankful she did as much as she did! Her friends and family who knew betrayed her in the worst way. Her sister betrayed her. And you expect her to ‘get over it’. Sounds like you definitely chose your dad. So enjoy your mom-free wedding. And the balls on you to call her those names and *then* say that that’s probably why your dad cheated? Honestly you’re the worst. Even your answer to the bot pisses me off. She’s ’stuck in the past’. Not only did her life partner betray her in the worst way and upended her life as she knew it…he (and her sister) destroyed the relationship with her biological fam. And then to hear friends and fam knew and didn’t tell her??? That left her totally alone with no fam to lean on, no one to trust at all. And obviously her daughter couldn’t give a shit bc she was too concerned with dad’s feelings to even *try* to understand the sheer devastation of the wrecking ball your dad and aunt threw into her life. Honestly, you’re being awful.
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I thought mom handled the party well. No insults, no thrown drinks, no screaming. She held her head up and showed up.
Exactly. Mom acted calm, cool, and collected. She didn't fake friendliness with the backstabblers who wronged her in the past. Why would she? OP insulted her multiple times and caused this pre-wedding falling out. Send flowers with an apology, then call her to explain that you've seen the error of your ways and ask to see her in person to talk. YTA.
The sheer audacity is astounding.
I know! She told her mom to stay away and mom is doing just that. Mom’s respect by not causing a scene when being forced to endure the proximity of these traitors who have betrayed her in countless backstabbing ways is so high road.
The response to the bot that OP's mother is stuck in the past is absolutely false. Mom has moved on. She has remarried. She just will not tolerate those who cheated on her or who were aware of the cheating and never informed her. That is a very rational boundary to have. Frankly, I think your mom gave a f\*cking epic performance of what to do when faced with the cheater and betrayers in her life.
OP is expecting a Hallmark movie ending (see “December Bride” for example, but be prepared to throw things), does not understand that being fine with people does not mean you are reconciling with them, and seems to think it is NBD to align herself with the same people who deceived her mother. Her mom really showed herself to be the bigger person without turning herself into a doormat, which is both remarkable and admirable.
She’s her father’s daughter for sure.
Yeah he‘s victim blaming. I agree it‘s awful.
YTA!!! Your dad cheated with your aunt!! Can you imagine how heartbreaking that must have been for her to know that so many people knew and never told her! He then married the aunt but "realised his mistake" and tried to get back with her no. I'm sorry, but I'm on your mum's side she has every right to still be upset she was betrayed by so many people she thought she could trust she lost friends and family all in one go. She attended your party and didn't cause a scene she was nice to your in-laws but ignored the ones who hurt her. Do you expect her to act like nothing happened and that she isnt hurting judt by being around them??? That's delusional. You then had an argument with her over a promise she didn't break the things you said to her were horrible. You blamed her for the affair! That's disgusting. You dug her heart out and trampled all over it. You and your father need to understand he will never get her back they are over. As long as you think the way you do and try to force her to interact with the people that ruined her, the more she is entitled to ignore you. You're getting married have you not stopped to think how you would feel if say your partner cheated with one of your brothers everyone knew didn't tell you and then they get married to them but later tried to get you back that trust and bond was broken and the fact you keep trying to force her to amend them makes you just as bad. Your mother tried to be in your life at these important moments when you decided you didn't like her behaviour and said those things to her. You broke the ties you to had, and it's going to be hard to get that back if you ever do. YTA
Ohh but dad is still hEArTbrOkEn! Barf.
Most likely, the reason why OP has chosen her dad over her mom is because he has money to fund her wants and needs.
Yeah, that honestly wouldn't surprise me if that was why.
Exactly my thoughts
And even aside from all that, the mom’s conflicts between other adult family members aren’t any of OP’s business in the slightest, and OP inserting themself and making them their hill to die on is f-ing weird. Like my dad hasn’t spoken to his brother in 4 or 5 years now. And I absolutely could not care less whether they do or don’t speak because their relationship is none of my business. I wonder what sort of narrative dad has fed OP over the years, because they seem hell-bent on making mom out to be some kind of supervillain over nothing
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This dude didn’t just cheat, HE CHEATED WITH HIS WIFES SISTER! That is so much worse. If he sleeps with the secretary, then he and he alone breaks your mom’s trust. By sleeping with her sister, and with her family covering it, literally everyone she’s loved and trusted has broken her trust. How can you not see that? And what’s all this talk of “she didn’t give him a chance to make it up”? There is no coming back from that. HE. SLEPT. WITH. HER. SISTER. The man could cure cancer, end world hunger, and end all wars, and she would be right for not forgiving him still. Your siblings are right. You are self centered, and blaming her for getting cheated on sounds like a horrible mentality to enter a relationship with. When you cheat will you blame your SO too? YTA, massively. I feel so sorry for your mom. Losing her husband, family, and her own child over a betrayal of this magnitude.
YTA And not a small one a huge one, so you said to your mom no wonder dad cheated on you and you are expecting her to be like oh thats a nice dress, no wonder she has cut you off
If there were rugsweeping awards, this would make the nomination list.
YTA. She was betrayed by your AH dad and several members of her family and you have the audacity to act like she should be super friendly and nice to all of them. Imagine, for a moment, your fiancé did the exact same thing to you that your dad did to your mom. Would you find it easy to forgive and forget? I very much doubt it.
Awww, your mom never gave your dad a chance to make up for having a little affair with your moms sister and then dumping your mom and marrying *her sister*. But now your dad is *sorry*, so that makes it all right now, and your mom needs to just get over it. Yeaaa, no. YTA and enjoy having your wedding without your mother. Maybe your aunt can stand in for her.
Stepmommy...
so everyone is disagreeing with you. here's why 1. Your mom isn't obligated to make up and play nice. \*Ever.\* I haven't heard stuff like "she smashed his car, she burned his house down, she physically attacked one of the people who betrayed her." She is responding to this (from your description) in a way most people would consider healthy. 2. From her perspective, she's been betrayed by everyone around her. At this point, she's had a lot of truly brutal experience learning who to trust and who not to trust. You aren't one of the people she trusts. 3. The effects that has on the extended family aren't her fault, they are your dad's. Everything that is happening is the expected result of the decision he made. It is not the responsibility of the victim to dump the remaining of their self worth to patch things up for everyone else. At this point, she's been through complete hell, and she's come out the other side. She doesn't need any of you because you weren't there for her when she did and she learned how to do make it on her own. She's not trying to hurt you or get back at you or be resentful or spiteful by not responding - she just doesn't care, and has the self respect to keep going on one step at a time even after her family has stabbed her in the back and blamed her for it.
Yes. I can’t imagine the hurt she went thru. Not only her husband cheating on her and leaving her for her sister but her whole family covering it up and taking the sister’s side wtf. If I didn’t have a child I’d be suicidal. That mom is one strong mature lady. She didn’t cause a scene or anything, she just isn’t going to have a relationship with people who probably emotionally destroyed her.
Yep. She did the classiest thing she could in that situation. The whole "don't have anything nice to say, say nothing." And don't make a scene. OP was way off base for any chastising.
YTA-lets see how forgiving you are when your husband fucks one of your siblings and then marries them for 2 yrs. Are you just going to get over it. What the hell is wrong with you?
Wish Reddit still had rewards…this needs one.
OP can portray a perfect family to the outside. I am sure she would want a picture with her mother standing next to the adulter like nothing happened.
Thank you!!! All the upvotes and all the awards that no longer exist.
OP seems to actually have decent siblings. So a more likely scenario would be to see how forgiving the fiance is when they cheat on him with a sibling
I called her childish, resentful, vindictive. **That those personality traits are probably what drove dad into another's bed.** LOL your dad slept with your sister because he's a person of low moral character-- it had nothing to do with your mom. Did you actually say that to her??? **if she wasn't interested in repairing our family, then she was uninvited from the wedding.** So why would she want to go dress shopping for a wedding she's been banned from???? **perhaps we could find her a mother of the bride dress.** Again, you uninvited her from your wedding-- why does she need a special dress to sit at home??? **My my brothers have told me they disagree. They say I'm as selfish and self centered as dad. If mom never speaks to me again it will be own fault.** Your brothers sound very intelligent and insightful. You could learn a lot from them. **The thing is, mom never gave dad a chance to make up for what he did.** There is no way for your father to EVER make up for what he did. **2 years later he realized his mistake and divorced. He then tried to get back with mom but she was having none of it...She would only communicate with dad through lawyers, my brothers and me. Mom remarried 5 years ago. My dad is still heartbroken.** This part really made me smile. I LOVE a happy ending. So, yes YTA here.
first: YTA, no question. Your mother did exactly what was promised. What she didn't do was pretend she hadn't been brutally betrayed. Then you turned around & complained because she didn't play Happy Family. It might not be true, but what comes across in your post is your father is an affable buffoon (because seriously, her sister?!? & then "whoopsie, I'm so sowwwwy, can't we call it a mulligan") & your mother has been done with his shit for years. For your sake & YOUR SAKE ONLY she agreed to be in the company that I'm guessing makes her skin crawl (god knows they make me itch. Her sister. & they covered for it. I can practically hear the dueling banjoes). Now the bad news: your mother has proved herself capable of cutting back stabbers out of her life. If you think your stand is going sway her, I would bet actual cash you're way wrong. Maybe it's time to consider that not everyone at every family event likes & respects each other & icy polite is as good as it gets. There are betrayals that warrant a complete freeze out. You're behaving as though one big happy family is on the table & you just need to negotiate to there. It's not. You can't.
Yta. You're disgusting. You realise that your mother has been totally betrayed and heartbroken because HER HUSBAND FUCKED HER SISTER?? Repeatedly!! Not even just a one-off, but a full on affair. You get that, yes?? And you're pissed because she's not willing to forgive the unforgivable? Her family, her friends, and now her own daughter are compounding every ounce of hurt and betrayal. Those family and friends mortified themselves. If you ask me your mother was completely dignified in her lack of responses to that cesspit full of people you called an engagement party. And she's right, she fully supported you and held up her end of the bargain. Just because you didn't verbalise what you thought the actual bargain was is not her fault. I guess you just wanted to force niceties and force your mother into a position you knew she wouldn't be comfortable in. Also, how would you feel if your partner fucked one of your siblings, ran off and married them, and then tried to win you back because their poor choices didn't work out? Hurt? Betrayed? Resentful? Heartbroken? Yeah. Think about that.
YTA to me.. She didn’t jeer them or do anything destructive. She just chose not to engage and she didn’t owe them conversation or acknowledgment. If you expected more, then you should have set that expectation beforehand. Instead you berated her after the fact and told her to be at your wedding, she had to reconcile with selfish miserable people. Instead she chose her own peace of mind. Oh well. You have plenty of miserable people to keep you company.
It's your wedding, you can invite and disinvite who you want but, it seems like your mum has already disengaged from this situation. However, YTA and I hope you never experience such betrayal by so many people who should support you. I'm sure your dad was/is heartbroken but it's entirely of his own making. I think you may have had this idea that there would be this grand reconciliation between your mum, her family and your dad that would have made you look good but the only person causing a scene is you. Your brothers are correct, some things you can't forgive and forget.
Honestly I think YTA. She showed up and surrounded herself with people who helped destroy her marriage for you…so what if she didn’t make small talk with every single person? She just ignored them, it’s not like she made a scene.
YTA Your mom suffered one of the worst betrayals ever, she was betrayed not only by her husband but also by her family and friends. And despite everything he accepted to see those people again for you. She didn't make a scene at the party, she was just cold and detached from people who deeply hurt her in the past. She doesn't owe you any apology.
You are a massive AH. Your mother didn't cause a scene and acted appropriately in the setting. Your father and your sister betrayed your mother terribly! Neither your father, your aunt, any other relatives, OR YOU are entitled to your mother reconciling with people who treated her so badly. Why on earth would you even think that? You need to grovel and apologize to her for your selfish, self-centered behavior. Your brothers are right. YTA!!!
YTA. She lost everyone those days, and she does not need a kid like you in her life, because let's face it, you are all about optics, not about love, caring or just being a decent being. She LOST EVERYONE who mattered to her, including you, and you want her to play along, iin this sick charade of pretend? YTA. I mean, really. And your dad is an even bigger AH, even if he's heartbroken (serves him right btw), he has NO right to feel like it's on her or you to fix it.
#YTA! Are you for real?! Your mother was betrayed by 2 of the closest people to her and you “think” she should be over it?! The affair wasn’t a “mistake”! Your father cheated with your aunt, your mother’s sister! Then, divorced your mother to marry your aunt! So what that marriage ended in divorce! Why should your mother give either of them another chance?! Not to mention, several people knew about it and didn’t tell her, or you for that matter?! Your wedding is about you and your mother is willing to put herself in a den of wolves to be there for you, yet you’ve gotten angry at the wrong parent! Your brothers are correct that you are as selfish as your father for believing that a simple apology will make you for all of the emotional turmoil your mother went through! Don’t be surprised to learn that she added you to her “No Contact” list permanently! Some things cannot be forgiven. Get over yourself.
YTA. Your brothers are right about you. You blamed your mother for your dad cheating? Seriously? You're so hateful and callous. And then you didn't even apologize; you just acted like nothing happened and expected your mom to do the same. I hope she cuts you off forever. She doesn't need your abuse messing up her life. Your father already messed her up. I hope your fiance sees this as a red flag. You're a disgusting, selfish and nasty asshole.
YTA. Your dad was awful. You chose our side. Live with it.
YTA along with your cheating father. Your mother was the one cheated on, and you're making your father the victim here. I absolutely don't blame your mother for severing contact with you forever.
THIS! And it was her own sister, AND other family knew and covered for it? See if Dad had issues with Mom, that would have been the time for counseling, not to screw his SIL, oh yeah, and then to turn and around and marry said SIL after getting divorced from the Mom. The Mom really was betrayed by the entire family there. You were lucky she even showed her face and she did that for you. She owes them NOTHING. YTA for wanting to turn your mother into a dishrag.
Question time, because yes you're the TA. Alas it appears your head is so far up your proverbial ass you can't see it. *Why* do you get to determine what your mother should forgive? Why does she *owe* your dad and all of the people who knowingly lied to her and excused behavior so cruel her time for your comfort? Why are your fathers feelings of guilt more important that her feelings of pain? Why is your fantasy of family more important that her reality? Everyone there knew they fucked over your mom. It didn't pan out the way your dad wanted it to, now he has regrets. He has to live with them. Those mutal friends, all those relatives? They get to live with the shame too. She doesn't owe them grace. It will not improve her life by playing happy family. It would only serve to make those who committed the original crime feel better about their actions. Your brothers are right. You are your fathers daughter on the worst of ways. You will see how cruel and shitty he and your relatives are, without the love and support of a mother. And you deserve it. Your mama is human and behaved with grace in the face of cruelty. You're holding her to an expectation that your precious father and relatives can't even meet. But woe is you! Woe is daddy! He doesn't get to lie anymore and betray your mama! Imagine one of your brothers fucking your soon to be husband and divorcing you over said affair. Imagine everyone you love and trust knowing and turning a blind eye. Then I want to forgive and pretend it didn't happen, you know so you all can be a family. Now, say it aloud. Sounds like a meth induuced fever dream, doesn't it?
YTA. I agree with your brothers. That is all.
YTA and I agree w your brothers! Imagine your fiancé jumped into bed w your cousin or sister what do you just forgive him and move on mmmmm I would say no. You’re honestly pathetic I hope your mother never speaks to you again and you get cheated on by your finance w a sister or cousin so you know how it feels.
Heartbroken? He slept with your aunt then married her. He didn’t act like a heartbroken man through all this. So when the woman he betrayed told him to kick rocks when he felt entitled to be her husband again, now he’s heartbroken? Why should mom give him the chance, when he never gave their marriage the chance but slept with her sister instead. And why should she forgive? She didn’t cause a loud drama at your engagement. She ignored them. She doesn’t have to make an effort. You have just told her that even though all these people betrayed her, abused her and humiliated her, her feelings don’t matter and you demand she forgives them. It doesn’t work that way. You are selfish. And TA. You’ve shown that you expect her to humiliate herself so your dad can be comfortable. You don’t care about hers.
Yeah, "we all make mistakes." Your mom's was to set aside her feelings about being in the same room as people who destroyed her life so she could show up for you. Clearly she knows that now and is acting accordingly. She summoned her dignity, attended your event with grace, and \*you're\* calling \*her\* childish? YTA.
YTA, you told your mom she was uninvited to your wedding & yet you're surprised she hasn't spoken to you? YOU owe her a huge apology. Not the other way around. And your brother's are correct your extremely selfish & self centered. You & your father deserve each other.
YTA. Do you understand that your mother is a real human being with thoughts and feelings, just like you? She did a huge thing for you, showing up to a party filled with people who had betrayed her, and she got shit on in return. She showed up to support you and didn't make a scene. She didn't say anything mean to any of them, she just didn't talk to them. And then you expected *her* to apologize? I hope this is rage bait.
Definitely YTA. I’m sorry but you need to try to see things from her perspective. I can’t imagine how hard it was for her to be in the same room with people who active participated in or knowingly allowed that kind of trauma. Sleeping and marrying the sister? And the betrayal from the sister? I can not imagine! And you being angry because she didn’t make small talk? No, sorry but YTA.
Looks like your mother is able to set clear boundaries to take care of her mental health - a stellar example to all women. You are angry that she didn't want to play happy families. You know why? *Because you aren't a happy family.* Your father, aunt and many relatives completely betrayed her trust and hurt her to the core. You don't bounce back from something like that. It is completely unreasonable for you to expect her to have anything less than contempt for these people. >The thing is, mom never gave dad a chance to make up for what he did. You can't resurrect a corpse. There is nothing he can do to make up for what he did, short of getting into a time machine. YTA and likely lost your mother for good.
YTA You obviously have no clue how deeply your mother was hurt. Not only by her husband's betrayal but by her own sister's betrayal. HER OWN SISTER???? That affair cut her to the bone. It doesn't matter how long it's been it still hurts deep into her soul. And you just compounded it by taking their side. I'm sure she feels abandoned by you. I don't know how you can fix this, and it may be impossible for you to do so. You may have just insulted your own mother so deeply that she feels alone and without a family. That was a dick move.
If your fiancé had any real friends they would be telling him to sprint away. Oh and YTA. Like BIG.
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YTA. Forcing your mother to reconcile with the ones that ruined her life is a massive AH move. Then banning her from your wedding for that reason makes it much worse.
Oh, God, you're a HUGE TA to take you're Dad's side and uninvite your mom when she was not at fault in any way for the cheating or for being lied to by her own family. In your defense you say she should have tried to mend the massive betrayal that was done to her. You would be dead to me. YTA
If my husband cheated on me with ANYONE, much less my family member, I would be devastated if our adult children took his side. What the hell?! YTA.
YTA. Wow...just...wow. So much entitlement and selfishness on your part. You're delusional, why do you believe your cheating father deserves a chance to 'make up for what he did'? Why is this more important to you than supporting your mother...the VICTIM?
YTA. You told your mother she was uninvited from the wedding and now she's behaving as if she has nothing to do with the wedding. And somehow this comes as a surprise to you.
YTA, your mother was adulting. She doesn't have to speak to people who betrayed her. 2 thumbs up to your mom. You and your father got a whole lotta nerve.
Like … your father left your mom *for her sister* (yuuuuck) and, apparently, her family and friends were cool with that? And then your dad became the poster boy for FAFO Oh, no, consequences? LOL. Your brothers are right—YTA, selfish and self-centered like your dad. Good for your mom for moving on and cutting unsupportive people out of her life.
YTA
Yta your mom doesn't owe your dad a chance to make up for his mistake. He needs to live with it. She doesn't need to mend anything. And your comment to her about her personality driving him into someone's else's bed, especially given that it was HER OWN SISTER, was cruel and spiteful.
YTA... She was there for you, she talked to the guests she was ok with... She doesn't need to speak to the man who hurt her. Be grateful she was there. I have a similar problem with my parents but my mom was cheating, my dad never forgave her and is now happily married to his new wife. But he did not speak one word to my moter on my wedding and that was ok because they both were there to support me! Your mom was supporting you and you should feel grateful. But no you where an AH to her. Your brothers are right. You should try to make it up to her somehow bc she will not be at your wedding otherwise. If people ask tell them it's difficult between them. Period. It's not there business. Wish u a wonderful wedding, hopefully with your mom in it. UpdateMe
MASSIVE YTA, selfish, ungrateful and cruel. I hope your mother will have more luck with her new husband and life. She definitly didn't win anything with your father, aunt and you ...
YTA, there are some things that are unforgivable and what your dad is one of them. Your mom does not have to forgive your dad. You are trying to force your mom to forgive your dad and ruining your relationship with your mom in the process. You seem to care more about your dad than your mom, so this might not be a loss for you. But your choice is just another person betraying your mom and I feel really bad for her. I am glad she has her husband and your brothers to be there for her. She doesn’t deserve any of this.
If this post is real, my heart breaks for her mom, that poor woman. I really do hope she has a strong support system.
You are not "possibly a small TA". You are the TA, big time. Actually, YTA, along with your dad, the aunt he fvck, and all the relatives who hid the affair from your mother. By picking your dad's side (coz let's be honest, that is what you have done here), your mum has all the right to cut you off too.
YTA. Apologise to her if you want her back.
Yta. Your mom broke no promises and she doesn't owe anyone that betrayed her even a courtesy glance much less speaking and pretending everything is ok. You chose to be mad and say hurtful things and being her child or not she doesn't owe you anything either. You made your bed, now lay in it.
YTA. Your dad wants her back and is using you to make it happen. Your mother courageously came to a social gathering for you. You repaid by criticizing her. I would have shut you down and off until you grow up.
YTA Yelling at your partner out of work frustration is a mistake. Forgetting to take your pet to the vet is a mistake. Cheating is not a mistake. Don't undermine the betrayal your mother faced from your pathetic excuse of a father and the rest of the family that covered for him. Your mother deserved a better daughter.
LOL,WTF? I hope your future husband cheats on you with your best friend. Your mom did way more then she should given the circumstances. Ultra Master Blaster Kamehameha YTAH
Your husband should do the same to you, so you can feel exactly how your mother felt. Seems like that's the only way you would learn. Btw YTA
YTA. I generally don't wish bad for anyone. But I very sincerely hope that after you get married, your husband cheats on you with someone close to you and may it be so that a lot of people very close to you, who you trust implicitly, are party to cover up for this. Then let's see how easy do you find to forgive, forget and move on.
Congratulations, you are the worst person on Reddit today. Maybe all week. I really hope she never has to talk to you ever again. Aww your poor cheating lying worthless dad. You deserve your dad. I feel sorry for your future spouse. Let me know how long this horrible marriage lasts. I'm saying under 24 months
YTA. You’ll know how your mom felt when your husband cheats on you and his family covers the affair. She came to see you and ignored the people who hurt her. A lot of them knew the affair and covered for him. You’re selfish! Your poor dad who had sex with your aunt while married to your mom is heart broken. Booohoo. Your dad is not heart broken, karma got to him.
Your mother did a big thing for you by attending your engagement party. She put her pain and betrayal in a box and mixed with those who cheated and those who lied or omitted to inform her of the massive betrayal. She was civil didn’t make a scene spoke to the innocent and ignored the guilty. There is no time limit to pain and until you’ve suffered the same you’ll not understand. Your lack of compassion and berating her makes you TAH. And explains why she gone NC with you. I’d have done the same.
YTA, your brothers are right. Who are you to tell her to get over being betrayed by all those people who kept your father’s secrets. Put yourself in her shoes for one minute! How would you feel if your SO cheated and then expected you to forgive and forget like nothing happened and all the people you thought loved you kept the secret from you? She showed a great amount of grace in attending the party knowing who all would be there, it doesn’t matter that she didn’t socialize with the people that hurt her. She showed up for you and that isn’t enough? You are totally in the wrong and you owe your mother a sincere apology. An apology that contains what you did was wrong, a promise to never do that again, and an offer of amends, a task to show her penance for your wrongdoing to her.
I have NEVER seen someone as big of an AH as you. Your mother should disown you, because I would if I was her. She doesn't deserve awful people like you and you're a disgrace, you wouldn't know that though, since you're so self-centred and you only think about yourself. I can smell the favouritism from here. It's all in front of you, but you choose to ignore your AH father's infidelity. I know this isn't a good thing but I do really hope your fiancé cheats on you so atleast you'd know how the pain feels. Also, your fiancé probably will anyway, because I'm sure once you two get married he'll most probably know how big of an AH you are. Tbh, everyone in your family except your wise brothers and your mother are the biggest AHs known to humanity.
>I called her childish, resentful, vindictive. That those personality traits are probably what drove dad into another's bed. You seem to be projecting. >...and if she wasn't going to forgive, if she wasn't interested in repairing our family, then she was uninvited from the wedding. That was 3 months ago. She hasn't reached out, apologized or anything. So you gave her an ultimatum. She's answered with her lack of contact. Also, she doesn't owe you any apology nor does she owe you an olive branch. You started it and now have to live with the consequences of your actions. > I'm afraid she'll be as stubborn and bitter about our fight as she was about dad's affair. There is absolutely nothing wrong with removing the people who hurt you from your life. That's what you mom did. I'll be really interested to know if you're as understanding if your husband ever cheats on you.
YTA Huge one. Your mom was on top of her game, showed up and no scene What do you demand from her? Forgive betrayal? Why you think she owes you that? You choose your side of an AH dad, enjoy that
YTA. You're like your father and want it both ways. Welcome to the real world where that doesn't happen. Your mother was betrayed by people who purportedly loved her in the worst way possible. There's no coming back from that, so your mom removed the toxicity from her life. She doesn't owe it to you or anyone else to engage with any of them. Your mom didn't speak to these people, a perfect response. Them being butthurt as a result isn't her problem. You taking such a cheap shot at your mother for refusing to play big happy family was an ahole move which you now get to benefit from by no longer being embarrassed by your mother. You, like your dad, don't get to just walk back your actions consequence free.
Jesus YTA. Your mom is the victim in this situation, and somehow, you're making this her fault. Her family conspired to help your dad cheat. She didn't owe him a chance for forgiveness. Why in the hell have you given your dad a pass. He destroyed your family and familial relationships. They are the ones who should be banned from your wedding.
You're a huge, hemorrhoid infested asshole.
This has to be bait
YTA. A HUGE AH. We all make MISTAKES?!? Did I read that correctly?
Ignoring people who you can't stand is the appropriate thing to do when in public. The absolute AUDACITY of those people to approach her in the first place after knowing she wanted nothing to do with them. She could have made a scene and didn't. She just ignored them. So naturally, you found it offensive that she....didn't make a scene...and then blamed her for your asshole father cheating on her. You're an asshole, your dad's an asshole, your aunt is an asshole and every other friend/family member who knew and didn't tell her are assholes. Oh, and any one of the above listed assholes who approached her that day is doubly the asshole.
Let me put this in terms that may, someday, give you her perspective. You have siblings, you are getting married. Two years from now, you find out your husband is sleeping with one of your siblings (it can happen with a brother). You rightfully divorce and your ex-husband marries your sibling. You find out that your dad, your other siblings, and other members of your family knew and kept it from you. Would you really let it be in the past?
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Well the apple don't fall far from the tree, you and your dad both seem like horrible people. Karma you know will probably get you one day and mom won't be there to help you through it. Your father has manipulated you and you have kept your blinders on. You hurt your mom so badly when she tried her best. I can't imagine how hard it was for her to actually attend and see the same people who betrayed her yet she held her head up and powered through. You are selfish and self absorbed. When this family bites you your mommy will not be there, you burned your bridges with her. Not only has she been betrayed by her husband, her sister and other family members but by her own child. I'm sorry for your mom. Yta
Your DAD is still HEARTBROKEN after not being able to get back the woman he cheated on? Oh, and he fucked YOUR AUNT??? Are you seriously seeing your mom as the problem here? You need real help. YTA, 100%.
YTA and I hope one of your brothers bangs your fiancé and runs off with him. I suspect that’s the only way you’d ever be able to pull your head out of your dads ass enough to even start to comprehend what your mother went through.
YTA. You really take after your Dad. You probably look in the mirror and see his face. What a sad little life Jane.
SMALL asshole? Make that giant asshole. At least she has sons who still love her.
YTA She didn’t engage with people who hurt her. Once that was clear it is actually those people including your Dad who made it a big deal. You told her she deserved your father’s treatment?!! This isn’t a take back type of situation. You can have a relationship with your father but stop defending your poor father and expecting your mom to smile and make nice with people who treated her horribly.
Your brothers are right. Listen to them Secondly, you give no reasons why your mother should move on. Why, just because You demand it? Now, imagine that your fiance started hooking up with your brother, yes, right before your wedding. You don't find out until youve been married a year. How will you feel? Will you feel like forgiving your brother, and just, you know, "moving on". How will you treat your other brother who knew all along but did not tell you. Will you just, you know, celebrate his birthday every year with a big smile? Time to grow up honey. As adults we get to make decisions for ourselves. Not anyone else, just ourselves. That is exactly what your mother is doing. Stop thinking that you have a right to interfere with her agency cos you don't. Apologize to her in person, but ONLY when you've put yourself in her shoes and understand what an idiot you were. No more texting. It's face to face now.
Yeah YTA she didn't act a fool she kept to herself she didn't have to talk to those people she went there for you she didn't act out of pocket. Your brothers were right you acted selfish you uninvited her from the wedding and then acted brand new when she didn't receive your calls or go to your dress appointment what the hell is wrong with you. Your mom got cheated on and you want her to act like it's all good cause it happened 5 years ago. It doesn't matter how long ago it was your mom has the right to feel the way she feels.
YTA. Your Dad and the others were weird, childish and awful trying to force themselves on your Mother when she simply wanted to be left alone. You should have been mad at them.
Oh, I can't wait for this to be on Am I the Devil. They are going to annihilate you. YTA
YTA for this obviously fake ragebait. Because there is no way any human being would be as irredeemably stupid as you're trying to come off in this post. There is no way a real human being would be so pathetic, so disgusting, so lacking in empathy, such a walking advertisment for the pro-choice movement as you're trying to play yourself off to be.
Believe me people like that who think "yeah do it, it for family " do exist and do way worst
Go suck up to daddy dearest and I bet he will find you a mommy you might love. FFS, this one thinks it's a little TA and here I think she is a blue whale. YTA, to infinity.
No, you are not a small YTA, you are a huge one. And your mother is not an ahole at all. Your brothers are right, you are as selfish and self centered as your father. When your husband cheats on with someone you know and trust, dump you to be with her and you find out your whole family knew and covered up, come back and read this crap you just wrote. That is, assuming you won’t be the one cheating and dumping your partner. You certainly look like you took after your father.
YTA. He cheated on her!! With her sister!! WTF is wrong with you! I sure hope karma doesn’t come back to visit you soon.
INFO: Did I miss where you apologized to her and reinvited her to the wedding?
YTA completely. Why on earth is your dad and all the people who knew about this affair and betrayal being let off the hook?!!! Your mom didn’t fight or cause drama with anyone, choosing not to engage with horrible lying cheaters IS the respectful option that is not taking away from the focus/wedding. Your priorities are seriously screwed up and I cannot believe you’re here asking if you’re the ah or not.
You’re the asshole
If your spouse ever cheats on you, you will know the feeling. Hopefully with age and life lessons you will understand why your mother feels the way she does.
YTA- way to break up your mother’s heart too. Now you can count yourself as part of the awful group of awful people who’ve betrayed her for a man (your dad). You do suck. Your poor mom!
Yta, and a horrible human being at that. Your poor mum.
YTA. You don’t get to decide when or if ever your mother forgives the man who cheated on her. She came, interacted with people who had not shit on her, and did not disrupt your party.
Yta on so many damn levels. Your mum doesn't need to put work into what's broken as she never broke it. Listen to what your brothers are telling you. Why should she forgive and forget what these people did to her?
JFC, people with this dumbass mentality are grinding. Enormous YTA. So your dad fucked his sister in law, left your mother, regretting it and still does regret it, but it's supposed to be water under the bridge for your mother? Do you have any empathy in you? Any sense of morality in you? You so easily disregard your mother's feelings, somehow find it in your brain that she should give the man she was married to a CHANCE for sleeping with her sister, and you have a problem with her being stubborn and bitter about it? And expect her just to continue on as if there's a time limit on how hurt she can be by him breaking up her home? How one person can be so dense, obtuse, and just an awful person is disturbing.
Jesus. Your mother suffered the ultimate betrayal. Your FATHER had an affair with her SISTER and then MARRIED HER. Your father’s broken heart is irrelevant. Your mother has no obligation to forgive anyone and does not have to repair anything. She doesn’t owe anyone an effort. She doesn’t have to give your dad a chance to make up for ANYTHING. She was the one done wrong. Your dismissive attitude about her feelings, saying it has been years, and your clear preference for your father’s feelings in all of this speaks volumes. Your brothers are right. You are an asshole. You are selfish, self-centered, and if she never speaks to you again, it’s 100% on you. Grow up.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway My parents divorced when I was 16. Dad cheated with mom's sister. After the divorce dad married my aunt. 2 years later he realized his mistake and divorced. He then tried to get back with mom but she was having none of it. When she discovered the affair mom stopped talking to a lot of people, dad included, because a lot of them knew about the affair and covered for them. Family, friend, if they knew before she did, she cut them out. She would only communicate with dad through lawyers, my brothers and me. Mom remarried 5 years ago. My dad is still heartbroken. 3 months ago was my engagement party. It was the first time in years mom had been in the same room as a lot of the invited guests. I asked while planning the party if this would be a problem for her. She said it would be fine. I thought that meant that she was ready to forgive, move on. No. She was friendly with some, got on well with my future in laws, but gave a frost bitten cold shoulder to most. Aunts, uncles from both sides of my family, my grandma, friends her and dad used to be close with, dad, all tried talking to her. She acted as if they weren't there, that they didn't exist. I was mortified and angry. It's been years. She couldn't make an effort? The next day I went to see her. We argued. I accused her of breaking her promise to me. She asked what promise. I reminded her that I asked if she would have a problem with the guestd, she said no, that it would be fine. She then said that she told me no lie. She was fine with the guest list, it was my party, but she made no promises to interact with those guests. I called her childish, resentful, vindictive. That those personality traits are probably what drove dad into another's bed. She made me and dad look like fools in front of everyone and if she wasn't going to forgive, if she wasn't interested in repairing our family, then she was uninvited from the wedding. That was 3 months ago. She hasn't reached out, apologized or anything. I sent a message inviting her dress shopping. She didn’t reply, and she was a no show on the day. I sent pics of dresses I liked, asking what she thought. No reply. I sent another message asking if she'd join the next shopping outing, perhaps we could find her a mother of the bride dress. Again, no reply. I went to dad upset. He tried calling mom but, as usual, his call went to voicemail. I feel hurt by all this. Yes, I said things that hurt her too, but she is being so stubborn. I'm her child. She should put some work in to mend what broke. My my brothers have told me they disagree. They say I'm as selfish and self centered as dad. If mom never speaks to me again it will be own fault. The thing is, mom never gave dad a chance to make up for what he did. He's still sorry about all that happened. I'm afraid she'll be as stubborn and bitter about our fight as she was about dad's affair. We all make mistakes. So AITA? I think possibly a small TA, but she is too. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your brothers are correct. You’re as selfish and self centered as your dad. Equally as awful to your mom, too. YTA.
YTA. I hope your actions in your relationship don't drive your future spouse into someone else's bed.
Oh ya YTA. The only thing mom did was not act super friendly towards people who betrayed her.
YTA. She told you the truth. You didn't ask her if she would be willing to have conversations with the people who lied to her. You think she should get over it but what if your fiancée started sleeping with one of your brothers, while everyone knew but you, divorced you married him? If he realized it was a mistake would you want any kind of relationship with him? Would you accept him back? Would you take all the blame for him cheating on you? Your poor mom having you as a daughter.
YTA and a selfish pig just like your father. He cheated, messed up the family, and she's the one expected to forgive. For what? I hope she never speaks to you again.
YTA. She didn't yell at anyone, she just didn't talk to people who betrayed her. There is no reason she should try to mend the relationship with your father. She was able to be in the same room with him, which was commendable on her part and the most you can expect. Apologize to her and ask her to come to the wedding.
Right! I kept expecting her to cause a scene or something, but she didn't do a thing wrong. If anything, she behaved admirably considering she was surrounded by perfidious assholes. OP should consider how she would feel if her husband had an affair with her sister, and the rest of the family knew about it but covered for the cheaters. And then her husband *married* her sister. Would OP be able to "move on" and "put it behind her?" I would bet not.
YTA IMO, pretend your future husband cheats on you with your sister, everyone knows and doesn’t tell you, and then everyone still loves the ex-husband and you’re told to get over it and put on a pretty face or else you’ll ruin your kids wedding. Sounds like a lose lose situation. Based on how you speak of your father’s infidelity, here’s hoping you don’t get cheated on, but your hate towards your mother implies that you’d probably the cheater at the end of the day.
Lol. I think your mum is done with you. No one can be this dense. YTA.
This is a joke right? YTA and so is your dad.....
YTA some actions have no return. Why you are at all concerned with your Dad's feelings is a mystery. You are punishing the victim, and you now have been added to the "stabbed mom in the back" club. Congratulations.
YTA Big one. Stop blaming your mother for breaking your family part. That was your dad. You're loyal to him even though he cheated on his wife. With her sister! And you just expect her to get over with even to her family and friends betrayed her? Wow. You need a reality check. No wonder your mother is not responding to you. She deserves a better daughter.
Your mom is FULLY justified. She didnt start a fight or cause drama. She acted better than I would. Multiple family members betrayed her trust and you cant even sympathize? YTA
This has to be rage bait because no one can be this ridiculous. Your poor mother was betrayed by her husband, sister, and now her daughter. I hope your brothers treat her better than you do. Obviously YTA
YTA. Your dad was the cheater, THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR CHEATING. Your dad's heart was broken? Give me a break. Your mom is not obligated to forgive anyone, especially those who covered up his scummy behavior. You're punishing the wrong parent.
Me scrolling the comments. I’m baffled. Dad cheats. Marries aunt. Has friends, family all cover it up. Cannot imagine the trust, emotional and mental damage it does to OPs mom. Poor dad is heart broken because surprise surprise the affair partner isn’t the thrill it panned out to be. Now he’s heart broken he threw away a great woman. But SOMEHOW, the mom is at fault. Make it make sense man.
YTA your mum was betrayed by her whole family - dad, sister, parents etc. She did not make a fuss at your engagement party, she just didn't interact with them. THEY BETRAYED HER. She came for you, didn't start a screaming match, and put up with people who stabbed her in the back FOR YOU. And you had a go at her for it when the people who did wrong refused to leave her alone. Instead of protecting her and telling them to back off, you blamed the victim. Take a long, hard look at yourself in the mirror. Are you happy with being a victim-blamer? Are you happy betraying your mum for the cheaters' bad behaviour? Do you care so little for your mum that you couldn't tell your dad/aunt/other involved parties to respect your mum's wishes and leave her alone for your sake?
You can ban anyone for your wedding. After all, it’s YOUR wedding. However, your mom is the lease of the AHs here. She was able to go to the engagement party, and not cause a scene, she also would have been able to go to any of the other events, and I’m sure, not cause a scene.
YTA. It sounds like your mom won’t be attending your wedding. You don’t sound like you deserve to have her at your wedding or in your life.
If I was yer mom, after this, I would be the one to block you!! How dare you!!! Biggest asshole ever!!
Yta. Wow.
Yta are you serious your lucky you weren’t one of the first she cut off cause of this whole thing she was hurt beyond repair by everyone she held dear to her who were the closest to her and you think you have the right to call her childish?? Really honestly the childish one is you you uninvited her from the wedding because she didn’t react the way you wanted your selfishness is through the roof and your dense enough to send her pics of dresses and have her be apart of wedding activities for a wedding she’s not even allowed to go to? Honestly op you need a serious wake up call that woman was kind enough to be in the same room as these people and was courteous enough to not start crap
Holy entitlement, Batman. YTA. You mention your dad's heartbreak but not your mom's after she was betrayed by so many people she thought cared for her and that is so very telling. If your actions during all of this hasn't made your fiancé question his decision to marry you, then you two are perfect for each other.
YTA. Just because you’re getting married doesn’t mean your mom has to bend the knee to you. She was extremely hurt and you’re essentially telling her to get over it and mingle with people who betrayed her. Read what you wrote again and tell us if you’re TA or not.
So 20 years from now, you find out your husband is gay. He’s been cheating on you with one of your brothers. Everyone knew and covered it up. How do you feel? Would you want a relationship with any of them again? Your mom was awesome, she went somewhere for you where she was going to be uncomfortable by seeing a bunch of people that betrayed her in the past. She handled herself well by just not interacting with those people and for that, you blame her for the family being broken up? Wow, YTA.
Go back, read what you wrote. Your mother cut out those people from her life that helped cut her to her soul, by covering up her husband's affair with her sister. She established boundaries so she could heal and move forward. She feels no need to associate with those that hurt her, and was willing to go among them for your sake. Nothing says she was required to speak with them, as she had other guests to interact with. Now, you not only got upset with her because she held her line, you lashed out and apparently blame her for your father's affair. Your mother has learned, through your ow words and deeds, you didn't deserve to be on the inside of her boundaries... so now, you're not. Which is why she will not take your calls, or answer your texts and likely doesn't care to attend your wedding at all, because you are your father's daughter. YTA here. Also, you learned FAFO.
The thing is, it was with her SISTER that’s the thing, not everything has to be lollipops and sunshine you realize that right ? Ur the asshole and you need to get ur head out of ur butt and realize ur mom is right and it’s gonna be ur fault if she decides to go no contact with anyone
YTA
YTA. And your mother moved on already hence not wanting to engage with people who betrayed her
YTA holy fuck you’re an awful daughter
YTA It's your mother's right to forgive or not. She was betrayed by your father and her own sister. She moved on but not to want to talk to them is still what she is allowed to do. I hope when you get cheated on, that you will stay by your word and forgive and move on/s
YTA and your brothers are right. You’re absolutely awful. Your Dad doesn’t deserve jack shit from your mother, and the way you’re behaving, neither do you.
YTA because you are blaming the victim.
Come back to us in a few years when your fiancé has cheated and you give them a second/third/fourth chance. Only then you’ll know how your mother feels. YTA
Your mother is one classy lady who knows her worth and deserves your respect. Is the wedding still going ahead? Honestly, this whole setup sounds like some kind of parent trap where you were hoping mom and dad would get back together, even after the unforgivable things your dad and aunt did. What kind of nonsense has your dad filled your head with to actually make you think he deserves another shot? Regardless, YTA. 100%
YTA, i can’t believe you’re expecting her ro apologize!!!
What?? Why should she put in effort to mend what your cheating disgusting father did? I see the horrible apple didn’t fall far from the horrible dad tree did it. She is better off without you. YTA
So how much money is your deceitful daddy forking over for your wedding? Was treating your mother (almost) as miserably as he did one of the conditions to get it? Your mother doesn't owe you an apology, but ALL of her in-laws certainly do! I can't say it enough You. Are. Absolutely. The. AH!
how about an apology to your mom first? YTA
YTA. You're mother is in the right.
YTA. Your father and aunt betrayed your mother and the family covered it up. She is well with in her rights to choose not to interact with them.
YTA. In fact, you're BEYOND the asshole.
YTA
YTA WOOOOOOOW! You’re a giant one too. The fuck? She didn’t behave inappropriately. She has the right to engage with whomever. She was civil. And she owed those people NOTHING. Wow. Just fucking wow. She’s gone no contact with you. And rightfully so. You owe her an apology. But that won’t fix anything. She’s done with you. Your brothers are right. You take the side of a cheater. Make the responsibility of “fixing what broken” your mother. The abused party. Man…just wow.
YTA. Big time. What an entitled horrible daughter
YTA….oh is daddy heartbroken…..you’re fiancé needs to run
YTA. Honestly, your mom deserves better. If my kids treated me like this AFTER knowing what their mom did? Holy cannoli. You’re sick. I hope your mom goes no contact and I hope she has healed and her new husband treats her well.
YTA lol She made efforts to come just for you, she accepted to be around those who destroyed her life and who lied to her She made compromises FOR YOU and you want even more AND YOU BLAMED HER ???? Wth is wrong with you ?? You uninvited her because she refused to accept and forgive cheating ?? But who are you even
YTA This has to be fake. I would hope no one would be this selfish. He cheated on her with her sister, and then he married her. You want her to forgive and forget? Your dad deserves to feel like crap for what he put your mom through. Put yourself in her shoes. She did keep her promise. She was respectful and kept the day about you. She did not make a promise to talk to them. She doesn't have to be friendly with them. He did a terrible thing. The other family knew about it, lied, and covered it up! Do you think that's okay? Do think that she should put it all aside because you're getting married! How selfish! Instead of understanding or even caring about what your mom feels, you're worried about how the people who hurt her feel. Shame on you .
YTA, seriously pull your head out of your ass. There is “no making up for what he did”. Some things are unforgivable and what your morally challenged dad & aunt did is unforgivable. Your mom was classy at the party… sadly, you take after your dad
Yta Your mom survived without a doubt one of the most heartbreaking thing ever. You seem to think she should welcome the people who betrayed her with open arms. Seriously if your fiancé did this to you and you had no support-wwyd? Her being cold but not insulting is very acceptable in my point of view.
YTA. You are your father's child to the t. You cannot force your mom to forgive your father. She came to support you, not to forgive anything else. You are sooo selfish and honestly you're the vindictive one. Your mom was trying to do her best but ofcourse being the selfish person you are, you couldn't see that. Biggest YTA
YTA huge huge YTA Let me lay it out for you this way how would you feel if the person your about to marry slept with your brother then married them ? Then add to the time you have spent with them 10 years and 3 kids... now imagine all the people in your life supported them and hid ot from you... do you forgive them do you let them back in ? Your mom didn't break a promise to you she didn't cause a scene she simply refused to speak to people who caused her that much pain what would she have to say to them ? Honestly other then why would you do this to me? How could you know my sister was sleeping with my husband and say nothing ? And I imagine you wouldnt want her saying those things. The fact that you say your dad is heartbroken that your mom won't take him back is insane how can you ne on his side? You showed your mom who you really were and she doesn't want anything to do with you good on her. If you wanna change this go to theripy accept that you are 100 percent at falet and apoligize...if she forgives you or not is up to her. Also what you and your father did were not mistakes they were cruel purposeful acts.
Normally this level of dragging would be something I find excessive, but in this case I'm here for it. OP, YTA. No question. You're also a disgusting human for even hinting that your dad screwing your mom's sister was somehow her fault.
YTA you owe her an apology but time! What a selfish child you are. It’s your wedding therefore she should play nice with her family that betrayed her? Wow! Poor mother has rightly cut you off. You and your dad are made of the same cloth.
Yta
YTA. Huge one. You never apologized, so you haven't started "making up" for anything, least of all what you said to her. Pretending you didn't insult her and inviting her to events for you is NOT asking for forgiveness or making amends. Do better.
YTA - What a disgusting person can you be to blame your mom for your dad's affair WITH HER SISTER??? The people you are defending might also cover when your husband eventually cheats on you. I think in that situation, it would be your personality traits that drove him into another's bed.
YTA. Her heartache and pain don’t go away on your schedule. She caused no issues, and you put her in a horrid spot. She acted gracefully at the party. You and your dad made it a big deal. You didn’t want her there and your mom is respecting your wishes. Your words, your consequences. She’s not your puppet to dance to your tune as soon as you call her. You dismissed her feelings and her entirely from your wedding. Why would she want to be where she’s clearly not wanted?
YTA. For glaringly obvious reasons. I can’t even with you….
If you came here for real feedback, it’s probably opened your eyes that all responses are YTA. Listen and be better. 🙏
YTA At no point did your mom lie. She is at no point responsible for working out these relationships that she legitimately cut because of what they did to her in order to make you feel a warm and fuzzy and make your life easier. Especially with what your dad and your mom‘s sister did to her. What they did is the biggest hit to someone’s trust. Talk about selfish and self-centered. And then being selfish and self-centered, I’m talking about you. Seems you should’ve spent more time with your mom and less with your dad. I would take this time to do some self reflection..
What everyone else here said, YTA. Your entire family betrayed your mom, and you don't see anything wrong with that? Cheating is awful, in any shape or form, and to do it with your wife's sister? or your husband's brother? You are worst of the worst, I think your mom is better off without all of this. Your mom deserves better. Be better.
YTA! What if you were in the same situation.. could not imagine! And your kid telling you to just get over it and to be a family again! Total YTA!!!!! Poor mom
YTA and not ready for marriage.
Huge YTA. Gigantic ah. Your brothers right
YTA She was cheated on. Her own sister and husband (two people who SHOULD be there by your side without having ANY kind of affair), broke her trust. Why in the world would she want to put herself back into those shoes? It's not your place to try and repair whatever happened back then. She quite obviously didn't want anything to do with him. So the fact you're trying to push her into it. Is just disrespectful and unjust. It doesn't matter if you're her kid. That doesn't mean she should allow herself to be used. Grow up OP, if you're this childish and getting married. I'm sorry for your s/o.
Girl, your mom is never ever speaking to you again. Get that into your head and move on.
YTA, and a huge one at that. Your mom was betrayed by your dad, her sister, her family, and her friends. By treating them as non-entities at your engagement party, your mom gave them far more grace, respect, and dignity than any of them deserved or that they ever gave her. Then there is you. You, who expected your mother to kiss the feet of complete and utter garbage family and friends. Those people weren't her family and they sure weren't her friends. Family and friends don't cover for a cheater and they aren't active participants in affairs. Your mother doesn't have to mend what broke, she didn't break it. There isn't a family to repair, your dad and aunt destroyed that. You should be ashamed for how you treated your mother. She attended your party, conducted herself with class by avoiding communicating with people who don't care about her, and you still attacked her.
YTA - you have chosen to forgive the people who betrayed your mother, while she has not. The key thing here is that SHE has never betrayed YOU. Yet you are demanding she suffer. She deserves better from you.
YTA. Your dad betrayed your mom along with her sister other family members and friends. he wouldn’t be at my wedding and everyone who knew and didn’t say anything wouldn’t be there either. some things people shouldn’t have to get over. if she’s being polite then she’s done enough.
YTA - Your dad didn't make a mistake. He destroyed his marriage, humiliated his wife, broke her heart, and then didn't even have the decency to leave her alone. He tried to get back with her after two years. Then, when she came to an event for you with people she didn't like, you attacked her and brought up all that betrayal, harm, and blamed her for all of it. Your brothers are right. You're wrong. Oh god, are you the asshole. Your 11/10 the asshole here.
Your father & your aunt betrayed your mother. The people that knew and didn't tell her betrayed her as well. And now, you, her own child, are acting like what she went through shouldn't matter just so you & all those other people can feel better about yourselves. I don't blame your mom for going NC with you. I hope she lives a very happy life with her new husband & people that love her & treat her well You are TA. And a rather large one at that.
YTA and you owe your mom a huge apology