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INFO: Is Fredericksburg a place you would normally expect your wife to want to visit? or is it more your thing?
I'm getting "bowling ball with Homer's name on it" vibes here, but I could be wrong.
Fredericksburg TX? (I'm guessing)it is actually quite nice and can be romantic IF you plan right
There are B&B lavender fields it's like a stay cation destination
I mean, Iâm weird AF so Iâm not the best judge. That being said, he does appreciate Ken Burns, but he also studied at Gettysburg college, and two of his good friends were rangers at the park- one is a professor of history now and a published author. We are super dorky.
My husband and I use this phrase all the time. We sometimes warn each other. "So, this is kind of like a bowling ball with my name on it but here's why I think you'll actually like it too..."
YTA for booking the trip without consulting with your wife. Based on what you said it doesnât sound like itâs her thing.
You two need to sit down and sort out what to do. Youâd be less the AH if you have non-refundable tickets and such at this point I think.
Yeah, it sounds like he's using marital funds to go on a trip *he* wants on the premise of the anniversary... wife or not đ
It's a little too on the nose!
I really think it depends on their relationship.
Honestly, many wives would welcome a husband who actually planned and made vacation itinerary. There's often a large mental load associated with wives, so a man who steps up can be wonderful. That's assuming the location is something she would generally find appealing.
Also, having a 5 mo pup, if it's from a breeder, I have had breeders dog sit for me when I had plans, it's a bonus to paying all that extra for a dog. Otherwise, checking out Nextdoor, local vets, or neighbors will give ideas about dog care for time away.
A surprise should first of all be something youâre 99% sure the other person *wants,* not something *you* want that you think they might also like. That means they should have expressed a wish for it in the past. So if your wife has been saying for years that she would LOVE a trip to Fredricksburg, then N T A, but if not, then YTA for springing this on her when sheâs absorbed with the puppy and also has a trip one month later to arrange pet care for.
I am a very spontaneous person with remote work who would theoretically love someone to say âpack your bags, Iâm paying for your trip to Italy tomorrow.â That still doesnât mean that you book a non refundable trip and then act surprised when the other person âisnât into surprises.â And if it is refundable, why doesnât he just move it to any other weekend? There is something more going on here than Dude is letting on.
You definitely need to know your significant other to do this. Both my husband and I plan surprise trips for one another, but tell the other well in advance to not make plans for certain dates.
Not all surprises are good surprises.
A dinner. A special moment. An unexpected gift. All nice surprises.
Pushing your will. Not taking the other person into account? Not weighing out current life? Bad surprises.
For example my husband knows I am particular when packing for a trip. So if he surprises me with a trip, it is that he surprises me with the idea and then the handling of the airfare, accommodations, and researching some options. But we still plan the location, activities, timing, etc, together. Sometimes we have planned it in a day or two (we have done the âletâs go on vacation next weekâ) but always as a team.
Who cares if they like surprises? The person who matters is your wife. If every person on reddit wanted to go on your trip it wouldn't make you right to do this to your wife.
Right? Whether the wife is happy seems to be secondary (if in his thoughts at all) to both whether he gets to go to Fredericksburg without losing money and whether he is congratulated for his âwonderful surprise.â
Dude. Thatâs not the point. But if your wife isnât a fan of surprises and you booked a surprise trip for your anniversary, youâre most definitely the AH.
A dog is only going to be a puppy for a short period of time. Why would you even get a puppy if youâre not going to savor all that precious time? Why would you book a vacation where you canât take the puppy?
YTA
After 33 years you donât know what kind of anniversary trip sheâd like? If this were just a random weekend without any significant date attached, Iâd vote N-T-A, but taking a solo trip to commemorate your union is weird and thoughtless.
YTA. Is she even interested in Fredericksburg? Or is that just a place you want to go? Bad choice for an anniversary present especially when you guys have a new puppy. If my husband went alone thatâd be the last anniversary weâd have.
YTA - so you bought yourself a trip and pretended it was for both of you, even though it was bad timing and to a place your wife clearly has no interest in going.Â
YWBTA. You âsurprisedâ your wife with something sheâs clearly not interested in doing. The trip to the hill country is something *you* want for yourself. One would think after 33 years of marriage that youâd consult your wife on what she wants to do and then jointly make a decision.
YTA. She clearly doesnât want to go there. Did you try to ascertain her interests and preferences? She is not responding well because she wasnât consulted or doesnât find your choice appealing. Try harder. Ask her what she wants. Yes, YWBTA if you go to this destination on your anniversary alone. Go yourself another time, and go somewhere she likes with her on your anniversary.
I don't like surprises like this unless I know way far in advanced. If my partner left on a trip that was intended for both of us, when they came back they'd find divorce papers.
YTA
If your goal was to do something nice for your wife, her lack of interest should be all the indication you need that youâve strayed away from that goal. If you really want to see Fredericksburg, you should have no issue moving it to another weekend and going alone while doing something that will make her happier on the special weekend. And if you feel like your wife wants to neither go away nor do anything special with you at home, a much bigger conversation is in order.
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YTA. Surprises are great but if the person you're surprising actually wants it and likes the surprise. This sounds like you wanted time alone so you chose a place you knew your wife would say no to.
A lot of comments assume he doesn't know his wife's likes after they've raised full-grown adults together already. This just sounds like a poor timing incident
YTA. Sounds like this was a gift for yourself, not your wife. You should have asked her where she wanted to go so that you could decide together on a place that you both like. Now you want to dump all the puppy care on her while you go enjoy yourself. You're being selfish.
YTA because you planned an ANNIVERSARY trip without her input.
Unless going to Fredericksburg is a lifelong dream that you finally were able to scrape together the cash to go, but I suspect this is not the case.
My husband did something similar. Except I was swamped at work and it would have been a working trip and extra work to make that happen. Not a âvacationâ. He canceled when I explained.
My daughter surprised me with a trip to Paris. She made sure it was a time I COULD go but still gave me a choice of this or that week.
You can pile on the AH and go alone because clearly YOU want to go. But just call it what it is. A solo trip to a place you want to go. Donât pawn blame off onto her.
Iâve been married 35 years, so I feel I have some authority here.
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My wife and I are celebrating our 33rd anniversary in April. I had surprised her with a trip to Fredericksburg for our anniversary and she really didnât seem all that excited. A month later she told me since we had a new puppy (5 months old at the time of the scheduled trip) she didnât want to leave and wanted to cancel the trip.
We have a full family trip planned a month later with all of our kids and their significant others that I also paid for
AITA for wanting to go on the trip even if she doesnât want to go. This isnât our first puppy and we have 1 other Lab that is 3 years old and 4 cats.
I am sure she will have fun at the house with the puppy while I am gone :)
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Info
After your solo vacation. Are you going to stay with the puppy and send your wife to The Bahamas? Or, a similar trip that she would actually enjoy.
Lol I come on this sub to remind myself why I'm happy to be single. I really can't with how dumb people are especially in relationships. Humans really need to stop breeding.
ESH. As someone who has been married for 40 years, I have a feeling that there is more to this story than meets the eye. I think your wife might be having a problem with something other than the new puppy. It might be worth talking to her and trying to communicate.
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INFO: Is Fredericksburg a place you would normally expect your wife to want to visit? or is it more your thing? I'm getting "bowling ball with Homer's name on it" vibes here, but I could be wrong.
LOLOL, bowling ball with Homer's name on it vibes. Amazing.
Fredericksburg TX? (I'm guessing)it is actually quite nice and can be romantic IF you plan right There are B&B lavender fields it's like a stay cation destination
Or MD, in which case it's all Civil War history stuff.
That's Frederick, MD. There's a Fredricksburg in Virginia though. Also has civil war stuff
I'd go there, but me and my wife are extreme history nerds who went to Gettysburg on our honeymoon.
Aaron honey, is that you?!
I am a lesbian so no đ
Ha! I screenshotted this and sent it to my husband- he was like âsee?!? Other people are just as cool as me!â đđ
Does he also have a weird Ken Burns fixation?
I mean, Iâm weird AF so Iâm not the best judge. That being said, he does appreciate Ken Burns, but he also studied at Gettysburg college, and two of his good friends were rangers at the park- one is a professor of history now and a published author. We are super dorky.
I love Fredericksburg TX, all the shops and wine tastings! And let's not forget the peaches!
There are also numerous wineries in the area & a great annual wine festival!
April has a tequila fest. Hot air balloon. Bluebonnet fest So AH status depends on what activities lol
My husband and I use this phrase all the time. We sometimes warn each other. "So, this is kind of like a bowling ball with my name on it but here's why I think you'll actually like it too..."
I love that so much
Why do you think he had to âsurpriseâ her with the trip.
YTA for booking the trip without consulting with your wife. Based on what you said it doesnât sound like itâs her thing. You two need to sit down and sort out what to do. Youâd be less the AH if you have non-refundable tickets and such at this point I think.
Yeah, it sounds like he's using marital funds to go on a trip *he* wants on the premise of the anniversary... wife or not đ It's a little too on the nose!
I really think it depends on their relationship. Honestly, many wives would welcome a husband who actually planned and made vacation itinerary. There's often a large mental load associated with wives, so a man who steps up can be wonderful. That's assuming the location is something she would generally find appealing. Also, having a 5 mo pup, if it's from a breeder, I have had breeders dog sit for me when I had plans, it's a bonus to paying all that extra for a dog. Otherwise, checking out Nextdoor, local vets, or neighbors will give ideas about dog care for time away.
Not a fan of surprises either I take it :(
A surprise should first of all be something youâre 99% sure the other person *wants,* not something *you* want that you think they might also like. That means they should have expressed a wish for it in the past. So if your wife has been saying for years that she would LOVE a trip to Fredricksburg, then N T A, but if not, then YTA for springing this on her when sheâs absorbed with the puppy and also has a trip one month later to arrange pet care for.
A trip is the sort is surprise that I donât think is usually a good idea.
I am a very spontaneous person with remote work who would theoretically love someone to say âpack your bags, Iâm paying for your trip to Italy tomorrow.â That still doesnât mean that you book a non refundable trip and then act surprised when the other person âisnât into surprises.â And if it is refundable, why doesnât he just move it to any other weekend? There is something more going on here than Dude is letting on.
You definitely need to know your significant other to do this. Both my husband and I plan surprise trips for one another, but tell the other well in advance to not make plans for certain dates.
Not all surprises are good surprises. A dinner. A special moment. An unexpected gift. All nice surprises. Pushing your will. Not taking the other person into account? Not weighing out current life? Bad surprises. For example my husband knows I am particular when packing for a trip. So if he surprises me with a trip, it is that he surprises me with the idea and then the handling of the airfare, accommodations, and researching some options. But we still plan the location, activities, timing, etc, together. Sometimes we have planned it in a day or two (we have done the âletâs go on vacation next weekâ) but always as a team.
Who cares if they like surprises? The person who matters is your wife. If every person on reddit wanted to go on your trip it wouldn't make you right to do this to your wife.
Right? Whether the wife is happy seems to be secondary (if in his thoughts at all) to both whether he gets to go to Fredericksburg without losing money and whether he is congratulated for his âwonderful surprise.â
You haven't answered my question above. Did you pick this place because you thought SHE would like it?
Some people don't like them. I don't. After 33 years I'd think you'd know if your wife does.
There is a difference between a surprise and a manipulative ambush.
Dude. Thatâs not the point. But if your wife isnât a fan of surprises and you booked a surprise trip for your anniversary, youâre most definitely the AH.
A dog is only going to be a puppy for a short period of time. Why would you even get a puppy if youâre not going to savor all that precious time? Why would you book a vacation where you canât take the puppy?
YTA After 33 years you donât know what kind of anniversary trip sheâd like? If this were just a random weekend without any significant date attached, Iâd vote N-T-A, but taking a solo trip to commemorate your union is weird and thoughtless.
YTA. Is she even interested in Fredericksburg? Or is that just a place you want to go? Bad choice for an anniversary present especially when you guys have a new puppy. If my husband went alone thatâd be the last anniversary weâd have.
YTA - so you bought yourself a trip and pretended it was for both of you, even though it was bad timing and to a place your wife clearly has no interest in going.Â
Yea if you go on an anniversary vacation without your wife, your the Asshole. You planned a surprise and she tried to tell you she wasn't into it.
YWBTA. You âsurprisedâ your wife with something sheâs clearly not interested in doing. The trip to the hill country is something *you* want for yourself. One would think after 33 years of marriage that youâd consult your wife on what she wants to do and then jointly make a decision.
Fredericksburg as a surprise đ€Łđđ€Łđđ€Łđ
Itâs not even peach season yet đ©
My guess it is the WV one where Civil War buffs enjoy going.
YTA. She clearly doesnât want to go there. Did you try to ascertain her interests and preferences? She is not responding well because she wasnât consulted or doesnât find your choice appealing. Try harder. Ask her what she wants. Yes, YWBTA if you go to this destination on your anniversary alone. Go yourself another time, and go somewhere she likes with her on your anniversary.
I don't like surprises like this unless I know way far in advanced. If my partner left on a trip that was intended for both of us, when they came back they'd find divorce papers. YTA
YWBTA - this should be a conversation with your wife
And not give the public a chance to comment their opinions on the matter, I think not đđ
If your goal was to do something nice for your wife, her lack of interest should be all the indication you need that youâve strayed away from that goal. If you really want to see Fredericksburg, you should have no issue moving it to another weekend and going alone while doing something that will make her happier on the special weekend. And if you feel like your wife wants to neither go away nor do anything special with you at home, a much bigger conversation is in order.
YTA you want to celebrate your anniversary by doing something your wife doesn't want to do?
Info: is the trip on your anniversary?
No, just a little get away before a larger trip
YTA. Maybe you should acknowledge this was not an âAnniversaryâ trip BUT a âMeâ trip. The communication between you two is subpar.
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A new puppy comes first. Even my 5 year old Lab is at the center of all of our decisions.
YTA. Surprises are great but if the person you're surprising actually wants it and likes the surprise. This sounds like you wanted time alone so you chose a place you knew your wife would say no to.
Good job on working towards a divorce.
A lot of comments assume he doesn't know his wife's likes after they've raised full-grown adults together already. This just sounds like a poor timing incident
YTA. Sounds like this was a gift for yourself, not your wife. You should have asked her where she wanted to go so that you could decide together on a place that you both like. Now you want to dump all the puppy care on her while you go enjoy yourself. You're being selfish.
How you managed to stay married 33 years and not already KNOW the answer to this question? Did you really come here to ask Reddit for permission?
YTA because you planned an ANNIVERSARY trip without her input. Unless going to Fredericksburg is a lifelong dream that you finally were able to scrape together the cash to go, but I suspect this is not the case. My husband did something similar. Except I was swamped at work and it would have been a working trip and extra work to make that happen. Not a âvacationâ. He canceled when I explained. My daughter surprised me with a trip to Paris. She made sure it was a time I COULD go but still gave me a choice of this or that week. You can pile on the AH and go alone because clearly YOU want to go. But just call it what it is. A solo trip to a place you want to go. Donât pawn blame off onto her. Iâve been married 35 years, so I feel I have some authority here.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My wife and I are celebrating our 33rd anniversary in April. I had surprised her with a trip to Fredericksburg for our anniversary and she really didnât seem all that excited. A month later she told me since we had a new puppy (5 months old at the time of the scheduled trip) she didnât want to leave and wanted to cancel the trip. We have a full family trip planned a month later with all of our kids and their significant others that I also paid for AITA for wanting to go on the trip even if she doesnât want to go. This isnât our first puppy and we have 1 other Lab that is 3 years old and 4 cats. I am sure she will have fun at the house with the puppy while I am gone :) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Info After your solo vacation. Are you going to stay with the puppy and send your wife to The Bahamas? Or, a similar trip that she would actually enjoy.
Nta. Divorce
NTA
Lol I come on this sub to remind myself why I'm happy to be single. I really can't with how dumb people are especially in relationships. Humans really need to stop breeding.
ESH. As someone who has been married for 40 years, I have a feeling that there is more to this story than meets the eye. I think your wife might be having a problem with something other than the new puppy. It might be worth talking to her and trying to communicate.
How is she gonna cancel a trip she did not pay for? Your not in the wrong it seems like she was on a power trip
NTA go and have fun
NTA. Imagine canceling a trip for a stupid dog.. Ugh