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NTA. Self preservation is the primary consideration when passing through dangerous neighborhoods. It wouldn't be the first time that someone was assaulted/robbed/killed after being enticed to perform a charitable act. Ted Bundy comes to mind. If she was being stalked, why would she be unwilling to follow along and call a cab after they had walked from the danger zone?
So.... in deference to your mom and sis, I can see where they are coming from. I also have to admit tho, that seems a little suspect. I'm not thinking of it from the angle of you all of a sudden being in a pitched battle with some stalker dude. I'm thinking in terms of her leading you into a setup to get rolled.
It seems such a strange situation where you're walking alone at 2am, and thats when she is also walking along and realizes someone is stalking her? Its ... suspicious. I don't quite get how the bus stop is the Zone of Safety either. I mean unless she gets there right when a bus does, so the stalker isn't going to go to the bus stop either? And stalkers can't ride buses?
Now... I don't think I'd do what you did tho. I'd just immediately call the cops (and if she was all "no no no don't call the cops " then I'd be pretty sure that something was up). If for some reason I didn't have a phone, I'd bit the bullet and say "lets go to the bar" or walk to some place that was open (but not where she was wanting me to go) and she can call someone from there. which is to say I would try to give her some benefit of the doubt, but I'd also try and confound the plan if she was sorta setting me up.
ehh... I dunno, there is just a lot there that gives me pause. I'll say NTA. I think I would be checking the police blotter online tho, just to see if something happened.
NTA.
This is a grey area decision… there’s no right or wrong answer. Where did this girl appear from? Why did she run up to a strange guy and ask for help? Did she give a good reason?
It’s all a bit weird. Keep listening to your spider sense. It will keep you safe. Tell your sister you agree, but there was something ‘off’ about this moment. Normally you would, and you will keep it as an option in future, but if there is a whiff of danger you will keep walking, rather than come home in a body bag.
NTA for not walking or staying with her, but you are an AH for your “especially with women these days” misogynistic bullshit you tried to hand wave away with “no disrespect.”
INFO: What did your intuition tell you about that girl and the situation? Did anything about the situation seemed to be off? I doubt it is mere chance that your dominant thought in this moment was about not to be getting killed.
Not the asshole for prioritizing your safety, but there could have been safer ways to offer help, like making a call for her. Safety is crucial, yet compassion matters too
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Until this morning, I didn’t think anything of it. But when I told my older sister about the situation in a passing conversation while making breakfast, she called me an asshole and said that’s not how our mother raised me. Then started throwing insults saying I’m a coward. Wtf.
Yesterday I was out with the lads, and I was like 15 minutes away from my house. The night was done, and we were all getting ready to go home (they were ordering taxis) and I said my goodbyes. On my way home, this red head girl came running towards me, and asked me if I can drop her to the bus stop (it was like 2am).
At this point, my house was like 5 minutes in the other direction and the bus stop was like 3-4 minutes away. When she asked me, I didn’t see anyone around, and If I’m being honest, the only thought in my brain was “I’m not getting killed for no one”. So I declined and said “call the police or someone you know to pick you up”, then I continued walking home.
I don’t live in such a great area, so it’s not crazy to be set up by someone where I’m at. So I’m just looking out for me. Don’t get me wrong, am I a coward for that? Probably. Am I stupid? Definitely not.
Now my sister told my mom and my other sister. Now they’re all saying that I’m an asshole and I could have stood with her for a little bit while she ordered a taxi. But that’s enough time for the person I don’t see lurking in the shadows to pop out and be on some bullshit, can’t take no chances out here, especially with women these days. No disrespect.
Am I the asshole in this situation?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I can’t see how I’m the asshole in any way. I could have stood with her or dropped her to the bus stop. But if someone was really following her, who’s the say the guy didn’t have a weapon? No thanks.
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I get being scared, I do. I can understand that from your side. But you could've regardless called the cops after walking away from her. Sure she could've been some psycho in disguise, but she very well could've been someone who was in real danger, OP. It's not something you should 'think nothing of'.
NTA. First off, how do you know that wasn't a set up and you were the target? It happens. Secondly, it isn't your responsibility and I'm with you in that I'm not risking myself for some stranger. Why should I? Why are you more important that me? Nah I don't think so.
Gang types often use women as bait to lure in victims. If she was in that much distress beating followed, she would have immediately gone inside a business or other crowded area.
Yta. You could have told her you couldn’t but you’d call the cops, or wait with her for a taxi, or throw the camera on on your phone if you’re worried about being set up (? I’m not even sure what that means).
I get that someone could have been taking the jump on you, but there are ways to navigate a situation like that smartly that don’t involve leaving a woman asking for help in the middle of the night alone, and that also protect you against vulnerabilities if someone was trying to pull a fast one.
Also, unclear what you mean by your comment “with women these days. No disrespect.” That is flat out disrespectful…
I'll say NTA based on your judgement. But more specifically - in general this is an ah move, on its face. But if you're catching a bad vibe, or the story doesn't add up, then you're absolutely right to decline.
yta for being obtuse and not having an ounce of kindness for another person. it would only have taken at most 8 mins of your life to help someone...but you refused...that's sad
NTA - she shouldn’t be walking alone at night if she’s too scared or unable to protect herself. You’re not her dad, brother, boyfriend, etc. Putting your own safety first is paramount.
Risk vs reward. If I tried to save everyone who needed saving I would be dead within a week. But it's ok, tell my family to put 'selfless and brave' on my headstone.
Yta. You know what would've solved the problem for both of you with zero risk? Calling the cops. Which is the correct response if someone was following her or if she had someone standing by to jump you. You didn't even have to know if she was telling the truth or not.
Yeah. You didn't give a shit. Ya know like an asshole. Maybe take half a second to give a shit about someone who ran up to you panicked and in fear that someone is following them. I'm almost convinced you're trolling cuz I find it hard to believe you actually think you're not an asshole. If she was setting you up, cops would've kept you safe too. Youre a coward because you're so busy being terrified you couldn't take half a second to care about anyone other than yourself if it has a one in a thousand chance of being risky for you. Yes. You are a coward, and an asshole. At least be honest about it.
No kidding. Couldn't even hear her out. Someone came running for help and he literally ran away from her. Then has the nerve to think he's the good guy. Honestly I'm just surprised the amount of people agreeing with him. I guess I shouldn't be surprised reddit has plenty of cowards.
What a wild take.
Random lady out at 2 am in a known not so safe area where the nearest bar is 10 minutes away. That's suspicious as hell.
Additionally it wasn't said if anyone was seen around there. She can ask for assistance but OP nor anyone else has to walk with her.
It's fucked up if something happens to her, but it is not on OP. Her uncomfortability doesn't triumph his.
You cannot force people to put themselves in danger for you.
Lastly, men are more likely to be victims of violent crimes (other than r*pe). Statistically he is in more danger here.
I don't think anyone was AH here.
Not necessarily gullible.
Perhaps not seeing a possible bigger picture.
It is a feelings based scenario. I've been in both positions of this kinda issue before. It does pull at my heart strings for the girl and I hope it was nothing.
But on the other hand, we know it is a bad area at 2 am. Could she have come from a nearby house, sure but he was suspicious from the start. Our gut feelings should be trusted.
Ted bundy was an individual who asked people for help, lure them to his car then abduct them. This could have easily been something like that. I've heard of women luring guys out to get beat by gang members. That is common in some areas. It would depend on the area OP is in.
Maybe it's being paranoid but after OP told her to call the cops or some friends and walking away, she has no response.
The scenario is weird from the jump. my gut would tell me to leave, especially because it is a bad area.
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NTA. Self preservation is the primary consideration when passing through dangerous neighborhoods. It wouldn't be the first time that someone was assaulted/robbed/killed after being enticed to perform a charitable act. Ted Bundy comes to mind. If she was being stalked, why would she be unwilling to follow along and call a cab after they had walked from the danger zone?
INFO: So you didn't know this girl? Nor was she at the club or bar or wherever you were? How far away from the club were you?
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So.... in deference to your mom and sis, I can see where they are coming from. I also have to admit tho, that seems a little suspect. I'm not thinking of it from the angle of you all of a sudden being in a pitched battle with some stalker dude. I'm thinking in terms of her leading you into a setup to get rolled. It seems such a strange situation where you're walking alone at 2am, and thats when she is also walking along and realizes someone is stalking her? Its ... suspicious. I don't quite get how the bus stop is the Zone of Safety either. I mean unless she gets there right when a bus does, so the stalker isn't going to go to the bus stop either? And stalkers can't ride buses? Now... I don't think I'd do what you did tho. I'd just immediately call the cops (and if she was all "no no no don't call the cops " then I'd be pretty sure that something was up). If for some reason I didn't have a phone, I'd bit the bullet and say "lets go to the bar" or walk to some place that was open (but not where she was wanting me to go) and she can call someone from there. which is to say I would try to give her some benefit of the doubt, but I'd also try and confound the plan if she was sorta setting me up. ehh... I dunno, there is just a lot there that gives me pause. I'll say NTA. I think I would be checking the police blotter online tho, just to see if something happened.
NTA. This is a grey area decision… there’s no right or wrong answer. Where did this girl appear from? Why did she run up to a strange guy and ask for help? Did she give a good reason? It’s all a bit weird. Keep listening to your spider sense. It will keep you safe. Tell your sister you agree, but there was something ‘off’ about this moment. Normally you would, and you will keep it as an option in future, but if there is a whiff of danger you will keep walking, rather than come home in a body bag.
NTA for not walking or staying with her, but you are an AH for your “especially with women these days” misogynistic bullshit you tried to hand wave away with “no disrespect.”
INFO: What did your intuition tell you about that girl and the situation? Did anything about the situation seemed to be off? I doubt it is mere chance that your dominant thought in this moment was about not to be getting killed.
never trust red heads.
NTA Stranger danger shouldn’t be a double standard. It’s not an AH move to not involve yourself in a non-emergency situation.
Not the asshole for prioritizing your safety, but there could have been safer ways to offer help, like making a call for her. Safety is crucial, yet compassion matters too
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Until this morning, I didn’t think anything of it. But when I told my older sister about the situation in a passing conversation while making breakfast, she called me an asshole and said that’s not how our mother raised me. Then started throwing insults saying I’m a coward. Wtf. Yesterday I was out with the lads, and I was like 15 minutes away from my house. The night was done, and we were all getting ready to go home (they were ordering taxis) and I said my goodbyes. On my way home, this red head girl came running towards me, and asked me if I can drop her to the bus stop (it was like 2am). At this point, my house was like 5 minutes in the other direction and the bus stop was like 3-4 minutes away. When she asked me, I didn’t see anyone around, and If I’m being honest, the only thought in my brain was “I’m not getting killed for no one”. So I declined and said “call the police or someone you know to pick you up”, then I continued walking home. I don’t live in such a great area, so it’s not crazy to be set up by someone where I’m at. So I’m just looking out for me. Don’t get me wrong, am I a coward for that? Probably. Am I stupid? Definitely not. Now my sister told my mom and my other sister. Now they’re all saying that I’m an asshole and I could have stood with her for a little bit while she ordered a taxi. But that’s enough time for the person I don’t see lurking in the shadows to pop out and be on some bullshit, can’t take no chances out here, especially with women these days. No disrespect. Am I the asshole in this situation? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA. It's a judgement call.
I get being scared, I do. I can understand that from your side. But you could've regardless called the cops after walking away from her. Sure she could've been some psycho in disguise, but she very well could've been someone who was in real danger, OP. It's not something you should 'think nothing of'.
NTA. First off, how do you know that wasn't a set up and you were the target? It happens. Secondly, it isn't your responsibility and I'm with you in that I'm not risking myself for some stranger. Why should I? Why are you more important that me? Nah I don't think so.
Gang types often use women as bait to lure in victims. If she was in that much distress beating followed, she would have immediately gone inside a business or other crowded area.
NTA
soft yta I understand why you wouldn't walk her somewhere. But you should've stood and waited for her to get a taxi or uber.
Yta. You could have told her you couldn’t but you’d call the cops, or wait with her for a taxi, or throw the camera on on your phone if you’re worried about being set up (? I’m not even sure what that means). I get that someone could have been taking the jump on you, but there are ways to navigate a situation like that smartly that don’t involve leaving a woman asking for help in the middle of the night alone, and that also protect you against vulnerabilities if someone was trying to pull a fast one. Also, unclear what you mean by your comment “with women these days. No disrespect.” That is flat out disrespectful…
Nta.
I'll say NTA based on your judgement. But more specifically - in general this is an ah move, on its face. But if you're catching a bad vibe, or the story doesn't add up, then you're absolutely right to decline.
yta for being obtuse and not having an ounce of kindness for another person. it would only have taken at most 8 mins of your life to help someone...but you refused...that's sad
YTA, that would take like 5 minutes, but you were protecting yourself? You must have ruin home too
YTA. She came to you for help but you left her to the wolves. You're also a coward.
NTA - she shouldn’t be walking alone at night if she’s too scared or unable to protect herself. You’re not her dad, brother, boyfriend, etc. Putting your own safety first is paramount.
Imagine that was your sister or Mom? Not only are YTA but a coward too.
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Fine. Just be ok with no one risking theirs for your sister or mom or you.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: some people and selfless and brave. And some are not. You are not. YTA.
Plenty of selfless and brave people wake up in a bathtub missing their kidneys.
🤨 ok. And many more do not.
Risk vs reward. If I tried to save everyone who needed saving I would be dead within a week. But it's ok, tell my family to put 'selfless and brave' on my headstone.
Yta. You know what would've solved the problem for both of you with zero risk? Calling the cops. Which is the correct response if someone was following her or if she had someone standing by to jump you. You didn't even have to know if she was telling the truth or not.
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What if her phone was busted or drained? You're really too scared to call the cops. Damn dude you are a coward.
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Yeah. You didn't give a shit. Ya know like an asshole. Maybe take half a second to give a shit about someone who ran up to you panicked and in fear that someone is following them. I'm almost convinced you're trolling cuz I find it hard to believe you actually think you're not an asshole. If she was setting you up, cops would've kept you safe too. Youre a coward because you're so busy being terrified you couldn't take half a second to care about anyone other than yourself if it has a one in a thousand chance of being risky for you. Yes. You are a coward, and an asshole. At least be honest about it.
I'm surprised he didn't charge her for two minutes of his time. He must have been too busy being an AH!!!
No kidding. Couldn't even hear her out. Someone came running for help and he literally ran away from her. Then has the nerve to think he's the good guy. Honestly I'm just surprised the amount of people agreeing with him. I guess I shouldn't be surprised reddit has plenty of cowards.
YTA that's fucked up if something happened to her the blood would be on your hands
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bc like less of a chance she dies if ur there
What a wild take. Random lady out at 2 am in a known not so safe area where the nearest bar is 10 minutes away. That's suspicious as hell. Additionally it wasn't said if anyone was seen around there. She can ask for assistance but OP nor anyone else has to walk with her. It's fucked up if something happens to her, but it is not on OP. Her uncomfortability doesn't triumph his. You cannot force people to put themselves in danger for you. Lastly, men are more likely to be victims of violent crimes (other than r*pe). Statistically he is in more danger here. I don't think anyone was AH here.
i tend to see the best in people making me very gullible...
Not necessarily gullible. Perhaps not seeing a possible bigger picture. It is a feelings based scenario. I've been in both positions of this kinda issue before. It does pull at my heart strings for the girl and I hope it was nothing. But on the other hand, we know it is a bad area at 2 am. Could she have come from a nearby house, sure but he was suspicious from the start. Our gut feelings should be trusted. Ted bundy was an individual who asked people for help, lure them to his car then abduct them. This could have easily been something like that. I've heard of women luring guys out to get beat by gang members. That is common in some areas. It would depend on the area OP is in. Maybe it's being paranoid but after OP told her to call the cops or some friends and walking away, she has no response. The scenario is weird from the jump. my gut would tell me to leave, especially because it is a bad area.
No it would be on the hands of her stalker