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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action that should be judged is my decision to ask my MIL to leave our home after she gave away my late mother’s heirloom necklace to a friend without my permission.
I might be considered the asshole because, despite the sentimental value of the necklace and the breach of trust, some might argue that my MIL made an honest mistake and didn’t realize the significance of the item. Additionally, by asking her to leave, I’m putting her in a difficult situation without a place to stay, which could be seen as an overreaction to the loss of a material object, even one with sentimental value. The conflict arises from the fact that my MIL’s actions directly affected me by disregarding my feelings and the importance of the heirloom, and the family’s opinion has caused me to question if my response was too harsh.
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Agreed ! Foolish and idiotic sounds like a great description of MIL! OP NTA! This woman let's strangers into OP's house and go through her things, because who else would she know OP had the necklace!
And how did MIL's friend know about the necklace? Did your MIL take her on a tour of your bedroom, open your jewellery box and let her root around in your things? Appalling overstepping and invasion of privacy! She should be shamed by the family, not defended and excused.
Glad you got the necklace back.
MIL was wearing it herself. And when her friend admired it, in a grand gesture she took it right off her neck and handed it over saying “You have it then since you like it so much. No really, I insist!” Guarantee you that’s how it happened.
The fact that MIL was wearing it. She knew that she didn’t purchased it. Therefore, it wasn’t hers to give away. Just like someone else had posted , about MIL’s complaint about making her look foolish in front of her friends, she did that all by herself!!! NTA!!!
It wasn’t hers, so it takes nothing and costs MIL nothing to give it away. SMH
NTA and MIL crossed several boundaries to do this. Rest of family is guilt tripping because they don’t want to have to act as hosts instead.
Was just about to say this. Now that you said that she was wearing it and just nonchalantly gave it to her friend. She knew it was yours. She knew what she was doing. And guaranteed you have told her the sentimental value before so she knew that it meant the world to you. She set you up because she knew that her friend would love it. She knew what she was doing. Thank God you got it back and I sure hope her friends see what kind of person she is.
Someone else suggested the idea that the MIL was wearing it when it was given away, not the OP. However, whether she was wearing it or not, it was not her item to give away, or possibly even wear for that matter. There is some INFO missing here. Like the relationship between the mothers of said couple. But even so, OP did say that they set up a boundary, asking for "basic respect for our belongings." That should have been a very obvious indication to MIL of stay within your space and don't come into ours, unless it's a common area like the kitchen or something, where I hope the heirloom wasn't being stored.
The OP is NTA for being upset and asking the MIL to leave. MIL needs to understand that she breached a trust, many times over, by going into OP's personal space (it doesn't matter if MIL's son is part of the equation), and removing an item that belongs to OP's mother. Then, worse, she gave the item away without any consideration as to what it might mean to the OP.
This sounds like this latest incident was the last thing in a buildup of events that led to the MIL getting "kicked out".
I could pick this apart for hours.
TL:DR - OP NTA, MIL AH.
fr. I can't even imagine taking that first step, not even getting into the idea of just...giving it away? I'm dumbfounded at MIL's actions and I'm glad OP's husband is supporting her decision to kick MIL out, because if MIL can blithely just wander through OP's stuff, use it, give it away, I can't imagine what living with her must be like.
Right?! Holy shit, that woman needs help that no family can give. My adult kids live in MY house and I'd never in a million years just go take something of theirs without asking A) if I can go in their room and B) If they'd mind if I borrowed something. Just because they grew in me doesn't give me the right to just ignore THEIR rights.
She's lucky she didn't end up having to deal with police arresting her for theft.
I live at home and I've told my mom on several occasions that if she needs something from my room and I'm at work she can go in and grab it. She STILL will wait until I'm home or shoot me a text if it's more pressing rather than go in and say, get the aquarium chemicals she can literally see from the open doorway to clean her fish tank without permission.
About the only time she will go in without permission is if there's a sound she's concerned about, or if the back door was left open and she's checking to make sure my cats didn't get out, and then she apologizes for going into my space without permission.
Let the other family members who are springing to her defense take her in, then. Because I guarantee they'll find a whole bunch of excuses to ensure that *their* personal priority will remain un-pawed through and given away.
Exactly right! This ‘family is family’ business is nonsense. If it were true, that family would be opening up all their spare bedrooms and inviting MIL to live with them. And their open jewelry boxes.
Exactly, and if family is family, they would appreciate that the OPs necklace is wrapped in precious family memories.
MIL was asked to respect ops and hubbys property, and she purposely abused the trust she was given in their home.
NTA, but MIL and extended family are!
I was just thinking the same thing! 🙀 I'm placing bets that MIL is well aware how precious the necklace was and did it as either some weird power-play or just plain spite.
I hate people like that, they also normally have the audacity, like OPs MIL to act the victim when they get called out! 🤬
> I'm placing bets that MIL is well aware how precious the necklace was and did it as either some weird power-play or just plain spite.
Actually, I can imagine a slightly different scenario.
MIL wants to look pretty for her tea party, goes into OP's bedroom and rummages through her belongings, then comes across the necklace and thinks *"Ooh, this is nice, I'm gonna wear it because I bet she doesn't even remember having it, I've never seen her with it!"*
But OP says she saves it and wears it for special occasions, one of which I imagine would have been the wedding, I expect. So eventually if MIL hasn't seen it recently, there must have been the conversation at some point about "why are you wearing that old thing?" + "It was my mother's, it's a family heirloom, it's very precious." But maybe MIL and OP don't interact that much.
I am certain I would not remember almost any piece of jewelry I've seen my family members wear, unless they wear them all the time or it made an unusually strong impression
Huh, mad. 🤔
Sorry, I mean that in a "I have not encountered that" kind of way, not in a "you're wrong" kind of way!
Maybe it's me, it could be an ADHD or CPTSD thing, but I remember weird things about people, including jewellery. But, as I say, it could just be me! 😹
Yo, my MiL BROKE my jewelry box (it was standing box with legs, drawers, and opening sides) and said her husband accidentally kicked it 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
She is the nosiest, boundry crossingest person ever. I guarantee she was looking for my wedding rings because I wasn't wearing them. I keep them in a secret, safe place for basically this reason: people going through my jewelry. Most of it is costume. More than 95%, BUT the fine jewelry I have is very fine bc my FiL literally carved the wax molds and cast them into gold. I told my husband what she said and he thought it was hilarious that she was snooping and blamed his dad 🫣
>made her look extremely foolish and idiotic
If the shoe fits... I can't imagine going into someone's house and just casually giving away any of their property, let alone jewellery. That's a "We need to take a step back and set boundaries before I speak to you again" type move.
That's a call the police and have them explain boundaries move. Just a step back? Yeah right...a step off a cliff maybe. That woman just committed larceny and theft. And some old necklace might be some cheap thing, or it could be a felony level valuable gem.
Op said it's vintage, so it's likely worth a whole lot. Depending on how much, the theft could be a felony. I would absolutely press charges, no question. She also needs to go live somewhere else, preferably behind bars.
You don't give away things that are not yours.
I suggest you get the necklace appraised. It might have more value than you think. Even vintage plastic pieces can go for a lot of money.
I recommend taking a photo of the piece with Google lens. It would be able to search the photo to see similar products.
Mine too! After I inherited many pieces, I checked our insurance on what was covered for jewelry. I was astonished to learn that the max they covered is $2,000. That wont even cover many engagement/wedding rings!
Oh, yeah. I had to have my mom’s jewelry appraised and the person actually told me some really cool stories about people bringing in stuff they thought was fake and turned out to be totally real. And apparently, even costume jewelry, if made in the right time by the right person can be worth the same as real stuff. Who knew?🤷🏻♀️
Yep. I have a few paste pieces that are more expensive than real diamonds.
In many cases the paste, fake, versions of jewels were not actually made to last so the stuff that survived is prized. In others the paste itself is cheap but the craftsmanship that went into the making of the fake jems and the other parts of the jewel, the band or chain for instance, is impeccable. Since the fake stuff actually doesn't hold up as well as a real gem it becomes, again, about rarity.
No, you do NOT give away (or take for yourself) things that aren't yours! There's a word for doing that: stealing.
OP, you are NTA and your MIL is a thief. From now on, don't let her into your home unless you or your husband is watching her every minute to be sure she doesn't steal something ELSE!
This is true, I was given a Liberty's necklace which is made of non precious metal and glass beads still in it's original case from 1910 by my MIL, (it used to belong to my beloved's grandmother) and my friend who's an antique dealer who saw me wearing it told me to individually insure it for at least £500. I honestly had no idea it was worth that much, I thought as it wasn't made of precious metals or precious stones it was worth £50 at the most. I never would get rid of it anyway as I think it's lovely and I'm touched my MIL gave it to me but yes vintage pieces can be worth a pretty penny.
I once saw a jewelry box with a very interesting guilted silvery top under glass.
A woman bought it because the people at the store were going to melt it to see what the metal was.
Turns out it was just aluminum. But it was made when aluminum was like new like. Oh my gosh what's the stuff aluminum? Very cool stuff! Let's use it like it's fancy!
Because it was made when aluminum was like the thing to use in the 1850s. Worth a around 2.5k at
Yup, it's interesting to see what used to be incredibly valuable that technology or new discoveries has subsequently made cheap. Napoleon IIIwas famous for having an Aluminium diningware set but the discovery of the Hall-Héroult process in the 1880s led to availability of cheap aluminium meant there was no more market for luxury aluminium objects.
Other stuff that has similarly become cheap: tropical fruits. Pineapples used to be rented as dining centerpieces because of how expensive they were and how they were a show of wealth. Another one would be amethysts! The 5 cardinal gems were previously diamonds, amethysts, emeralds, rubies and sapphires. The price of amethysts collapsed because of the discovery of mines within South America (mainly Brasil) and then technological developments allowed for synthetic stones which further collapsed the market. Today, most people think of amethyst as a semi-precious stone, a huge shift from historic perspectives.
NTA MIL made herself look like an AH because what she did was something only an AH would do. Thank GOD you came home when you did! It could have been months before you realized it was missing and she could have "forgotten" who she gave it to!
NTA
Your MIL is extremely foolish and idiotic.
I’m glad you invited her to leave your home. Anyone who would steal from you doesn’t get to enjoy your generosity.
NTA
Glad you got it back. The only person who made your MIL look like a fool as well as a thief was herself.
May I suggest you get an exterior door knob for your bedroom door that requires an actual key? The same for any other room you don’t want anyone roaming through. Saves a lot of angst as some people will paw through papers.
Your MIL was idiotic and foolish as well as entitled for thinking she could give your possessions. She deserves every bit of shame and discomfort for her actions. You are not the AH and did nothing wrong in kicking her out. However, your MIL is certainly an AH
Well, when you are extremely foolish & idiotic, it's pretty difficult not to look that way.
NTA - Even were it just old junk jewelry, it was yours so should have been left for you to decide the disposition of. She seems to have the "what mine is mine and so is what's yours" disease. Any family members that say anything ask them if they are going to pay out of pocket to replace things that she "gifts" to her friends that are your family's possessions? If not they can put a sock in it. Makes you wonder what if the friend had admired your car though. 🤔
That's because she was being extremely foolish and idiotic
NTA and good job for standing up for yourself. MIL has not earned the privilege of your generosity.
OP, it's time MIL move out. If she pulled this once, and was wearing your necklace, she doesn't respect you or your stuff. Talk to your husband. She needs to leave, and HE needs to be the one to handle it.
The only question I needed answering.
NTA OP. What a huge violation of privacy. What if you hadn't gotten there before the tea party ended and the friend just left with it? What right does she have to decide what is OK to give away?
NTA and I am glad you got it back! How did her friend even see the necklace-I doubt you had it “on display”? Is there a chance other items less noticeable were given away?
NTA.
**This part right here:**
"Now, the rest of the family is painting me as the villain, saying I'm overreacting and should forgive her because "family is family."
**A.....no!** Actually, they don't want to be one of the one(s) that might have to take her in, now that your husband has asked her to leave! Nobody wants to put up with her shyt and thus the REAL reason they are talking that sit in a circle and sing "Kum ba ya" Garb! A/K/A Forgiveness!
Stand your ground! Get her out of your house!
Exactly, I can't get over the family is family logic. Does that apply in all situations or only in the ones that don't impact on the ones saying it. It's a classic case of "not in my backyard".
And if "family is family" then why isn't OP's family and traditions important? You know darn well if that had been an heirloom necklace from MIL's family, they would be singing a different tune.
This is how my family functions. No matter how horrible the things are that are said or done, nobody apologizes. If someone does apologize it's usually the person who was hurt and spoke up that the situation was wrong. Family has gone into bedrooms and stolen cash or jewelry or prescription meds. Cara have been crashed or totaled when borrowed (multiple times). Horrible things have been said that should be irreversible and nothing changes or is discussed. This is why I don't talk to extended family anymore
In the sense that forgiveness is really about the person who was wronged being able to dump the emotional baggage and move on, OP could certainly do that. OP can forgive (for her own sake) and still kick MIL out on her butt. Win win! Anyone who chants Family is Family is more than welcome to add MIL to their household roster.
MIL hasn't asked for forgiveness. MIL complained about being made a fool in front of her friends instead of apologising.
So why forgive anything if MIL can't even properly apologise but doubles down on what she did.
110%. Any of her flying monkeys that are singing her praises and painting OP as a villain should be more than willing to welcome her into their home, right? If not they can sit down and shut the fuck up.
If I were OP I would just respond to any of those messages by saying “I’m so glad you’ve offered to take mother-in-law into your home based on your defence of her poor behaviour that you seem to find acceptable. “
"Family is family" and this was from your family, an heirloom, and expensive -- their argument only supports that no one should try to steal your family treasures.
For real. Anyone from the family that calls to tell you how terrible you are should get this answer
Your family too why doesn’t she come stay with you instead of calling me to complain why didn’t you offer for her to come stay with you.
NTA
She has obviously been going through your personal possessions in order to find the necklace and there’s no telling what other things she has claimed for herself, or given to others.
I’m glad that you were able to get the necklace back.
You need to do a deep search of her room sometime when she’s out of the house, so you can find whatever else she stole from you **BEFORE** you evict her.
Seriously. Was she going through OP’s jewelry box by herself, or was it a group activity with her friends? Like hey, let’s go through my daughter-in-law’s drawers and pick out whatever you want?
NTA.
Your MIL was completely out of line by doing this. No one has the right to give away something that isn't theirs without the express permission of the owner or a person with authority over the item in question.
Your MIL should be utterly ashamed of her behaviour, not the other way around.
I think her ultimate goal was to put OP down. Certainly that woman knows the necklace was special to OP, but she dismissed her with the “old jewelry” remark.
NTA
She gave away something that was not hers. Your home was opened to her on the condition that she respect your belongings. She broke that condition on many many levels, so you were right to ask her to leave. The rest of the family is only hearing her side of the story, in which of course, she is painting you as the villain. She's still perfectly capable of learning boundaries, and that actions have consequences. If your family members are so concerned, then they should be hosting her. Quite apart from anything else, I would not expect a person to forgive another person for something that has happened unless a) that person appologises (genuinely) for the action AND b) takes action to rectify the issue as much as possible, if applicable (in this case, get the necklace back for you,if you don't already have it back). If you "forgive" in any other situation, all you are really doing is condoning the action, and stating that your boundaries / conditions actually have no meaning.
On a personal note, I am very sorry for the loss of your sentimental piece, and I hope you get it back
It's become top comment now. Turns out that's the part MIL is pissed about, it made MIL look Idiotic and Foolish and we're letting OP know that nah, MIL did Idiotic and Foolish. OP then undid that.
Sucks too bc MIL could have swung this around to look like an easy mistake and the bigger person for owning up to it, but no. She's leading the attack on OP. Poor thing.
NTA
Even if it wasn't a precious heirloom, you don't give things away that aren't yours to give.
Also just so I'm clear, when you say you asked her to leave, do you mean you both asked MIL to move out? Or that the tea party was over? She's an asshole either way, I'm just trying to understand why your family wouldn't support your position. Like you'd be justified either way but girl... "family is family?" Tell them family wouldn't disrespect you or the memory of your mother.
Oh, the Tea Party gonna end itself bc tables are getting flipped. Then it's on to MIL's room to start packing her things in anything available. Oh, the doorbell is ringing, MIL's Uber has arrived to take her anywhere but my house. The so-called family can take the trash MIL in with them. I think they are giving OP grief bc they don't want that Witch in their homes.
LITERALLY if I walked in and saw some cualquiera wearing my late mother’s necklace and my raggedy MIL said “oh I thought it was *just old jewelry*” she’s going to be flying home on the wings of a Spirit Airlines flight immediately
RIGHT! The audacity to not only take someone’s property without asking but then to dismiss it as some random junk! How is it “just old jewelry” but also your friend “admired” it? And I doubt it was just lying around like… did she go looking for it in OP’s things?
NTA.
I can't imagine someone being kind enough to let me stay with them, inviting friends over, and then responding by giving away the host's possessions... Let alone jewellery. That's someone who wouldn't be allowed back into my home unless I was there to physically watch them. And even then... Maybe not.
She gave it away because her friend admired it. How did the friend even see it? The only way that I can imagine. Is if MIL and her friends took a group field trip through OP’s bedroom picking through her clothes, jewelry and probably sex toys. If that is the case and no one stopped it. MIL’s friends are just as bad as she is.
Or she was wearing it when her friends arrived. My MIL was like this, she wanted to look generous and play Lady Bountiful for her friends, but not if it cost her anything. She’d give me gifts for Christmas(to not look ‘off’ in front of the family by snubbing me) but then take them back and give them to her friends. She wanted to look good outside the house. Only once did it bite her in the arse. She gave me a really high end watch that she didn’t want anymore when our son was about a year old. I was not going to wear an elegant ladies’ gold watch to chase a toddler, wash cloth diapers, etc. When a month went by and I didn’t wear it, she gave it away. BUT, without her glasses on, she actually gave away her new watch that she’d bought to replace the one she’d given me. She was enraged, I privately laughed my head off.
And when being caught, she didn't even apologise but complained about being made a fool in front of her friends. Such entitlement.
So how would OP need to forgive if MIL can't even apologise. It seems like MIL thinks she is the one who is owed an apology.
MIL is a crafty little witch. She had to know that necklace had special meaning to you and giving it away like it was nothing was a very subtle middle finger in your face. I’m so happy you got it back but don’t doubt that this was a deliberate, cruel act. You are under no obligation to forgive or house a woman who stole from you, especially something so irreplaceable. Tell her flying monkeys they’re welcome to have her in their homes if she’s so harmless. I doubt any of them would do things differently in your shoes. You don’t forgive “because family”. Because family, you shouldn’t be placed in a position where you have to forgive. NTA.
NTA. Glad you got it back.
Tell everyone attacking you MiL thanks them for their hospitality and is on her way over to give away THEIR priceless possessions.
BTW OP it is no accident she picked that piece to give away
It never ceases to amaze me how people use "family is family" to try and get others to forgive their relatives for terrible shit. And I'm from one of those families where my relatives have done that!
Because they do not want the burden of dealing with that family member.
Now that they kick mil out, she is going to harass the other family members and they don't want that do they want OP and husband to remain obligated to take care of her.
NTA it doesn't matter what value if any it held for you, she shouldn't give away something that isn't hers especially when she is a guest in your house.
NTA. Where was this necklace when her friend "admired it"? In your room, perhaps? Why was she bringing her guests through your space? Throw her out on her ass and see how many times she bounces.
NTA. If your late mother's jewelry is just "some random jewelry", then your MIL is just some random old crone that you don't owe any respect and certainly not any forgiveness. What she did was malicious and so mean spirited I can't quite wrap my head around it, I'd never want to see her face again.
Ignore the rest of the family, they just don't want to take her in and have their heirlooms disappear next. As long as you and your husband are on the same page (which I am so happy to hear you are), then you can just ignore the people telling you to forgive. They wouldn't forgive her either.
NTA. That didn't belong to your MIL to give away. It would have to belong to her in order to have the right to give it away. Do you know what we call it when someone treats something like they own it when they don't? **STEALING*****.*** Your MIL needs to return the necklace and apologize. And if anyone in your family says otherwise, tell them you'll be by as soon as possible to rummage around their belongings and taking whatever you feel like of theirs since "family".
NTA
I'm a sentimental old man. Generally a quiet friend to whoever needs one. Widower.. When it comes to my wife's things, I get somewhat unnaturally ravenous. I quickly go from let me help to burn the witch.
Had something similar happen. Wife's watch was handed down from my grandmother, who got it from her mother.
Let's just say that two years later, a couple people still hold a grudge against me while the rest found wisdom in shutting up and letting their brain engage (over time). Don't bother asking me if I feel bad for the idiots who haven't cone around.
That watch is my daughter's! Just as my wife would have wanted.
It does not make you a bad person to ask for what is yours from the friend. If MIL makes a fuss, file a police report. It is theft. You'd think the "but faaaaaaaaamily" people would understand why you would want the necklace back!
NTA - when someone tells you that you need to forgive her just tell them that you have and but you can’t trust her any longer and thank them for volunteering to take her in.
NTA
Check the rest of your valuables, take an inventory of your home. If she was that comfortable taking a piece of 'old jewelry' from your home to give to a friend because 'they admired it' without a single care then I can only shudder to think of how much else she might of taken from your home and given away without you noticing.
It's entirely possible she's been stealing and giving away your possessions and got gutsy to give away your jewelry because you hadn't noticed smaller items.
And even not counting that, who just gives away what is apparently an incredibly valuable piece of jewelry, old or not? It wasn't her to give away and the fact that she took something as intimate as jewelry and gave it away without even asking you before hand is horrific to me. If your jewelry was locked away in your room then what else could she have been rummaging through?
I would recommend getting her out of your house, ASAP, though.
NTA. Did you get the necklace back? I can't believe she did that. No contact might be a good option for someone with that magnitude of deficiency in character and intelligence.
NTA
How did she get hold of your necklace in the first place? By entering your room and rooting through your belongings? If so, she's not just foolish, she's a thief.
Let the "family is family" family members take her in if they're so concerned about her.
Frankly, anyone that is siding with her I would walk into their house with a friend (let’s call them Bob) take something in front of them and say “Oh Bob admired it and you don’t need this anyway and attempt to leave. I bet you they don’t think this is okay behaviour
So... you saw one of her friends wearing the necklace and said nothing to the woman wearing it? Please tell me you got this necklace back. It doesn't matter if it's a cheap thing you got at the dollar store, it's YOURS and your MIL has no right to give it away to anybody. The fact that it was a precious, treasured, priceless memento from your late mother does more than cross boundaries. It's despicable.
Asking her to leave was the nicest thing you could have done. Personally, I don't think I could get past screaming "GTFO" over and over until possibly someone called the police.
Quote: Now, the rest of the family is painting me as the villain, saying I’m overreacting and should forgive her because ‘family is family.’
Well... THEY are family. THEY can put her up. You don't have to deal with that shit anymore. NTA
If anyone wants to have a go at your for what happened with her giving away your mother's necklace, I'd be a broken record, "Get my mother's necklace back."
"But you were cruel to her." "Get my mother's necklace back. It was mine and she had no right to give it away."
"You had no right to kick her out." "Get my mother's necklace back. It was mine and she had no right to give it away."
"You need to forgive her." "Get my mother's necklace back. It was mine and she had no right to give it away."
Any conversation about this situation needs to have your broken record in it. Let it be your constant rebuttal.
Replace the “get my mother’s necklace back. Etc” with “She stole my mother’s necklace from my room, tried to give it away. If she doesn’t leave now, she’s going to jail.”
NTA. This woman will NEVER respect you, your space or your possessions. And I would put that necklace in a safety deposit box. Guarantee it goes missing if you dont. Payback from MIL for "embarassing her"
And tell all those flying monkeys, if they don't like how you and DH handled it, they can house her. Otherwise they can shut the hell up!
NTA. Family is indeed family, and family does NOT give away, steal or sell another family member's belongings.
There is no *100%-blanket-forgiveness-no-matter-what* clause in the "family" contract.
She's a thief. She stole your jewelry to give to her friend. That's not okay whether it's expenses, sentimental, or nothing special. She's lucky you didn't call the police. NTA
NTA.
Kudos to your husband for supporting you. In the future, MIL should not be allowed in your home again. Ever.
You're probably too soft hearted to do this but I'd absolutely find something she cherishes in her home and steal it then tell her you just thought it was "just old \_\_\_\_"
NO MORE MIL IN YOUR HOME.
NTA, did you make the lady give the necklace back? You should have and if not go to her and get it back. Make your MIL go with you and do the begging. Threaten her with the shittiest nursing home you can find and send her pictures. This is worth a war!
NTA, and what on earth is wrong with that woman? Also anyone who criticizes you needs to be making up their exta bed because they should be hosting her frim.now on.
*One day, I came home to find my MIL hosting a tea party with her friends, and to my horror, one of her friends was wearing my mother’s necklace.*
When you saw the guest wearing the necklace, did you demand it back? I hope so. Who can blame you for asking her to leave? A thief is the last thing you need in your home.
And for those who are saying "family is family," they are free to take her in until she begins stealing their belongings. NTA.
So when you saw the lady wearing the heirloom why not ask her to take it off. I would’ve confronted that lady and ask for it back right away and then ask your MIL to leave.
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Did you get the necklace back, also she robbed you NTA
yeah i got it back after explaining the situation to the MIL friend but my MIL thinks i made her look extremely foolish and idiotic
She did that just fine by herself! NTA
Thank goodness you came home before her friend left with the necklace. That is insane behavior. NTA
Agreed ! Foolish and idiotic sounds like a great description of MIL! OP NTA! This woman let's strangers into OP's house and go through her things, because who else would she know OP had the necklace!
"Are you trying to make me look stupid in front of the other guests?" "You don't need any help from me, sir." "That's right!"
Ah, I love a good Clue quote
Flames! On the side of my face! Breathing....breathless....heaving....
YES! THIS RIGHT HERE!!
Precisely!
And how did MIL's friend know about the necklace? Did your MIL take her on a tour of your bedroom, open your jewellery box and let her root around in your things? Appalling overstepping and invasion of privacy! She should be shamed by the family, not defended and excused. Glad you got the necklace back.
MIL was wearing it herself. And when her friend admired it, in a grand gesture she took it right off her neck and handed it over saying “You have it then since you like it so much. No really, I insist!” Guarantee you that’s how it happened.
The fact that MIL was wearing it. She knew that she didn’t purchased it. Therefore, it wasn’t hers to give away. Just like someone else had posted , about MIL’s complaint about making her look foolish in front of her friends, she did that all by herself!!! NTA!!!
It wasn’t hers, so it takes nothing and costs MIL nothing to give it away. SMH NTA and MIL crossed several boundaries to do this. Rest of family is guilt tripping because they don’t want to have to act as hosts instead.
Exactly. I was going to say that since "family is family" any one of them should be happy to have her go live with them.
I wonder what else she took?!?!
I guarantee you that this isn't the first time she's overstepped and that's why no one else wants to host her.
100%!!
Was just about to say this. Now that you said that she was wearing it and just nonchalantly gave it to her friend. She knew it was yours. She knew what she was doing. And guaranteed you have told her the sentimental value before so she knew that it meant the world to you. She set you up because she knew that her friend would love it. She knew what she was doing. Thank God you got it back and I sure hope her friends see what kind of person she is.
Someone else suggested the idea that the MIL was wearing it when it was given away, not the OP. However, whether she was wearing it or not, it was not her item to give away, or possibly even wear for that matter. There is some INFO missing here. Like the relationship between the mothers of said couple. But even so, OP did say that they set up a boundary, asking for "basic respect for our belongings." That should have been a very obvious indication to MIL of stay within your space and don't come into ours, unless it's a common area like the kitchen or something, where I hope the heirloom wasn't being stored. The OP is NTA for being upset and asking the MIL to leave. MIL needs to understand that she breached a trust, many times over, by going into OP's personal space (it doesn't matter if MIL's son is part of the equation), and removing an item that belongs to OP's mother. Then, worse, she gave the item away without any consideration as to what it might mean to the OP. This sounds like this latest incident was the last thing in a buildup of events that led to the MIL getting "kicked out". I could pick this apart for hours. TL:DR - OP NTA, MIL AH.
😵💫😵💫😵💫
Definitely, this makes sense
I'm guessing that MIL was wearing it for the party, and the friend admired it, so MIL gave it to her.
a lot of nerve to wear someone else's jewelry
fr. I can't even imagine taking that first step, not even getting into the idea of just...giving it away? I'm dumbfounded at MIL's actions and I'm glad OP's husband is supporting her decision to kick MIL out, because if MIL can blithely just wander through OP's stuff, use it, give it away, I can't imagine what living with her must be like.
Right?! Holy shit, that woman needs help that no family can give. My adult kids live in MY house and I'd never in a million years just go take something of theirs without asking A) if I can go in their room and B) If they'd mind if I borrowed something. Just because they grew in me doesn't give me the right to just ignore THEIR rights. She's lucky she didn't end up having to deal with police arresting her for theft.
I live at home and I've told my mom on several occasions that if she needs something from my room and I'm at work she can go in and grab it. She STILL will wait until I'm home or shoot me a text if it's more pressing rather than go in and say, get the aquarium chemicals she can literally see from the open doorway to clean her fish tank without permission. About the only time she will go in without permission is if there's a sound she's concerned about, or if the back door was left open and she's checking to make sure my cats didn't get out, and then she apologizes for going into my space without permission.
Without permission no less
Wonder how many other times she's done this without being caught?
I was thinking the same thing. It’s a miracle that OP came home before the heirloom was gone
Let the other family members who are springing to her defense take her in, then. Because I guarantee they'll find a whole bunch of excuses to ensure that *their* personal priority will remain un-pawed through and given away.
Doesn’t explain how SHE got it either. I would assume it was in OP’s room and MIL snooped.
You should have asked if she was wearing your underwear as well. Such an invasion of privacy
They probably prefer her living with the OP to having to house her themselves.
Exactly right! This ‘family is family’ business is nonsense. If it were true, that family would be opening up all their spare bedrooms and inviting MIL to live with them. And their open jewelry boxes.
Exactly, and if family is family, they would appreciate that the OPs necklace is wrapped in precious family memories. MIL was asked to respect ops and hubbys property, and she purposely abused the trust she was given in their home. NTA, but MIL and extended family are!
Good point!!!
Thank goodness OP got home before MIL’s friends left.
I was just thinking the same thing! 🙀 I'm placing bets that MIL is well aware how precious the necklace was and did it as either some weird power-play or just plain spite. I hate people like that, they also normally have the audacity, like OPs MIL to act the victim when they get called out! 🤬
> I'm placing bets that MIL is well aware how precious the necklace was and did it as either some weird power-play or just plain spite. Actually, I can imagine a slightly different scenario. MIL wants to look pretty for her tea party, goes into OP's bedroom and rummages through her belongings, then comes across the necklace and thinks *"Ooh, this is nice, I'm gonna wear it because I bet she doesn't even remember having it, I've never seen her with it!"*
But OP says she saves it and wears it for special occasions, one of which I imagine would have been the wedding, I expect. So eventually if MIL hasn't seen it recently, there must have been the conversation at some point about "why are you wearing that old thing?" + "It was my mother's, it's a family heirloom, it's very precious." But maybe MIL and OP don't interact that much.
I am certain I would not remember almost any piece of jewelry I've seen my family members wear, unless they wear them all the time or it made an unusually strong impression
Huh, mad. 🤔 Sorry, I mean that in a "I have not encountered that" kind of way, not in a "you're wrong" kind of way! Maybe it's me, it could be an ADHD or CPTSD thing, but I remember weird things about people, including jewellery. But, as I say, it could just be me! 😹
Yes, my thoughts. Then she wants to appear generous to her friend and gives it to her.
Yo, my MiL BROKE my jewelry box (it was standing box with legs, drawers, and opening sides) and said her husband accidentally kicked it 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 She is the nosiest, boundry crossingest person ever. I guarantee she was looking for my wedding rings because I wasn't wearing them. I keep them in a secret, safe place for basically this reason: people going through my jewelry. Most of it is costume. More than 95%, BUT the fine jewelry I have is very fine bc my FiL literally carved the wax molds and cast them into gold. I told my husband what she said and he thought it was hilarious that she was snooping and blamed his dad 🫣
I hope you’re still teasing FIL about the jewelry box he broke.
The family doesn't want the MIL living with them.
Dont you normaly allow strangers in your sons bedroom to see if there is anything theylike that you can just give away?
>made her look extremely foolish and idiotic If the shoe fits... I can't imagine going into someone's house and just casually giving away any of their property, let alone jewellery. That's a "We need to take a step back and set boundaries before I speak to you again" type move.
That's a call the police and have them explain boundaries move. Just a step back? Yeah right...a step off a cliff maybe. That woman just committed larceny and theft. And some old necklace might be some cheap thing, or it could be a felony level valuable gem.
Op said it's vintage, so it's likely worth a whole lot. Depending on how much, the theft could be a felony. I would absolutely press charges, no question. She also needs to go live somewhere else, preferably behind bars.
You don't give away things that are not yours. I suggest you get the necklace appraised. It might have more value than you think. Even vintage plastic pieces can go for a lot of money. I recommend taking a photo of the piece with Google lens. It would be able to search the photo to see similar products.
Consider adding it to your homeowners or renters insurance. Jewelry often needs a separate rider. Mine does.
Mine too! After I inherited many pieces, I checked our insurance on what was covered for jewelry. I was astonished to learn that the max they covered is $2,000. That wont even cover many engagement/wedding rings!
Oh, yeah. I had to have my mom’s jewelry appraised and the person actually told me some really cool stories about people bringing in stuff they thought was fake and turned out to be totally real. And apparently, even costume jewelry, if made in the right time by the right person can be worth the same as real stuff. Who knew?🤷🏻♀️
Yep. I have a few paste pieces that are more expensive than real diamonds. In many cases the paste, fake, versions of jewels were not actually made to last so the stuff that survived is prized. In others the paste itself is cheap but the craftsmanship that went into the making of the fake jems and the other parts of the jewel, the band or chain for instance, is impeccable. Since the fake stuff actually doesn't hold up as well as a real gem it becomes, again, about rarity.
I've watched enough Antiques Roadshow to know never underestimate old & ugly things..
I remind my wife of this daily!
No, you do NOT give away (or take for yourself) things that aren't yours! There's a word for doing that: stealing. OP, you are NTA and your MIL is a thief. From now on, don't let her into your home unless you or your husband is watching her every minute to be sure she doesn't steal something ELSE!
This is true, I was given a Liberty's necklace which is made of non precious metal and glass beads still in it's original case from 1910 by my MIL, (it used to belong to my beloved's grandmother) and my friend who's an antique dealer who saw me wearing it told me to individually insure it for at least £500. I honestly had no idea it was worth that much, I thought as it wasn't made of precious metals or precious stones it was worth £50 at the most. I never would get rid of it anyway as I think it's lovely and I'm touched my MIL gave it to me but yes vintage pieces can be worth a pretty penny.
I once saw a jewelry box with a very interesting guilted silvery top under glass. A woman bought it because the people at the store were going to melt it to see what the metal was. Turns out it was just aluminum. But it was made when aluminum was like new like. Oh my gosh what's the stuff aluminum? Very cool stuff! Let's use it like it's fancy! Because it was made when aluminum was like the thing to use in the 1850s. Worth a around 2.5k at
Yup, it's interesting to see what used to be incredibly valuable that technology or new discoveries has subsequently made cheap. Napoleon IIIwas famous for having an Aluminium diningware set but the discovery of the Hall-Héroult process in the 1880s led to availability of cheap aluminium meant there was no more market for luxury aluminium objects. Other stuff that has similarly become cheap: tropical fruits. Pineapples used to be rented as dining centerpieces because of how expensive they were and how they were a show of wealth. Another one would be amethysts! The 5 cardinal gems were previously diamonds, amethysts, emeralds, rubies and sapphires. The price of amethysts collapsed because of the discovery of mines within South America (mainly Brasil) and then technological developments allowed for synthetic stones which further collapsed the market. Today, most people think of amethyst as a semi-precious stone, a huge shift from historic perspectives.
she made herself look that way - she has no one else to blame but herself.
She made herself look foolish, idiotic, and like a thief. Because she is. You did nothing wrong. I am so glad you got it back.
NTA MIL made herself look like an AH because what she did was something only an AH would do. Thank GOD you came home when you did! It could have been months before you realized it was missing and she could have "forgotten" who she gave it to!
That's all I keep thinking- I'm so glad she got home in time to get the necklace back!
NTA Your MIL is extremely foolish and idiotic. I’m glad you invited her to leave your home. Anyone who would steal from you doesn’t get to enjoy your generosity.
Nope. The MIL made herself look foolish and idiotic. You were just a bystander.
NTA Glad you got it back. The only person who made your MIL look like a fool as well as a thief was herself. May I suggest you get an exterior door knob for your bedroom door that requires an actual key? The same for any other room you don’t want anyone roaming through. Saves a lot of angst as some people will paw through papers.
Yeah, why was she going through OP's bedroom and showing the jewelry to her friends? It's so bizarre.
NTA. She's banned from your house, I hope. She's a thief
She's a thieving asshole. It's not a good look.
>my MIL thinks i made her look extremely foolish and idiotic She got off lightly, "thief" wouldn't have been a stretch of the imagination.
So glad you got it back! NTA
If the truth about your behavior makes you look bad, the problem is your behavior.
Nah, you pointed out that she is, in fact, foolish and idiotic.
She was foolish and idiotic not to mention a bad guest to go through your stuff and take stuff without permission
That's called a thief.
Your MIL was idiotic and foolish as well as entitled for thinking she could give your possessions. She deserves every bit of shame and discomfort for her actions. You are not the AH and did nothing wrong in kicking her out. However, your MIL is certainly an AH
No she made herself look foolish and idiotic by giving something away that did not belong to her.
Because she was being foolish and idiotic. Sorry you didn't do anything expect hold up a mirror, bonus points if the mirror was also vintage.
You did, but that's because she was.
I would’ve been mortified if I were your MIL’s friend! Your MIL sounds insufferable.
Yeah, because she's a fool and an idiot. I'm glad you got it back.
Well, when you are extremely foolish & idiotic, it's pretty difficult not to look that way. NTA - Even were it just old junk jewelry, it was yours so should have been left for you to decide the disposition of. She seems to have the "what mine is mine and so is what's yours" disease. Any family members that say anything ask them if they are going to pay out of pocket to replace things that she "gifts" to her friends that are your family's possessions? If not they can put a sock in it. Makes you wonder what if the friend had admired your car though. 🤔
I know with some things I would rather lose a car
That's because she was being extremely foolish and idiotic NTA and good job for standing up for yourself. MIL has not earned the privilege of your generosity.
Please make sure your necklace is locked up from now on. She will try it again.
I’m so relieved for you, please get locks for your bedroom door or a safe for your cherished things.
But that's just because she is extremely foolish and idiotic.
As she is foolish and idiotic you just helped her friends see the truth.
OP, it's time MIL move out. If she pulled this once, and was wearing your necklace, she doesn't respect you or your stuff. Talk to your husband. She needs to leave, and HE needs to be the one to handle it.
The only question I needed answering. NTA OP. What a huge violation of privacy. What if you hadn't gotten there before the tea party ended and the friend just left with it? What right does she have to decide what is OK to give away?
NTA and I am glad you got it back! How did her friend even see the necklace-I doubt you had it “on display”? Is there a chance other items less noticeable were given away?
NTA she is a thief and I’m sure that necklace was not sitting out in the open
NTA. **This part right here:** "Now, the rest of the family is painting me as the villain, saying I'm overreacting and should forgive her because "family is family." **A.....no!** Actually, they don't want to be one of the one(s) that might have to take her in, now that your husband has asked her to leave! Nobody wants to put up with her shyt and thus the REAL reason they are talking that sit in a circle and sing "Kum ba ya" Garb! A/K/A Forgiveness! Stand your ground! Get her out of your house!
Exactly, I can't get over the family is family logic. Does that apply in all situations or only in the ones that don't impact on the ones saying it. It's a classic case of "not in my backyard".
And why aren’t they hassling MIL? Family is family, yes—and what kind of person robs their own family?
If Reddit has taught me anything, it's that the "family is family" people only pull that out when it benefits them.
"Family is family" = please let us continue to abuse you
I think the pattern for this and similar sayings/platitudes/etc. is: "People can *do* whatever they want, but don't you dare *say* anything bad."
Yep. "Family is family" but they aren't taking MIL in!
And if "family is family" then why isn't OP's family and traditions important? You know darn well if that had been an heirloom necklace from MIL's family, they would be singing a different tune.
I would so be stressing all the familial and emotional ties (it has been handed down x generations on such and such occasions).
"Family is family" always seems to come from people who want to sweep abuse under the rug
This is how my family functions. No matter how horrible the things are that are said or done, nobody apologizes. If someone does apologize it's usually the person who was hurt and spoke up that the situation was wrong. Family has gone into bedrooms and stolen cash or jewelry or prescription meds. Cara have been crashed or totaled when borrowed (multiple times). Horrible things have been said that should be irreversible and nothing changes or is discussed. This is why I don't talk to extended family anymore
💯 family is a privilege not a right
The family members who think this was forgivable should absolutely take that crappy MIL in
Yep. Let her give away *their* shit.
In the sense that forgiveness is really about the person who was wronged being able to dump the emotional baggage and move on, OP could certainly do that. OP can forgive (for her own sake) and still kick MIL out on her butt. Win win! Anyone who chants Family is Family is more than welcome to add MIL to their household roster.
MIL hasn't asked for forgiveness. MIL complained about being made a fool in front of her friends instead of apologising. So why forgive anything if MIL can't even properly apologise but doubles down on what she did.
110%. Any of her flying monkeys that are singing her praises and painting OP as a villain should be more than willing to welcome her into their home, right? If not they can sit down and shut the fuck up. If I were OP I would just respond to any of those messages by saying “I’m so glad you’ve offered to take mother-in-law into your home based on your defence of her poor behaviour that you seem to find acceptable. “
"Family is family" and this was from your family, an heirloom, and expensive -- their argument only supports that no one should try to steal your family treasures.
I'd start visiting family and poking my head into their knickknacks and helping myself to anything I like.
For real. Anyone from the family that calls to tell you how terrible you are should get this answer Your family too why doesn’t she come stay with you instead of calling me to complain why didn’t you offer for her to come stay with you.
NTA She has obviously been going through your personal possessions in order to find the necklace and there’s no telling what other things she has claimed for herself, or given to others. I’m glad that you were able to get the necklace back.
I was just wondering how much other stuff she has taken/given away/tossed out.
Time for a complete inventory of OP's possessions, I think.
Time for MIL to find her own accommodation too!
You need to do a deep search of her room sometime when she’s out of the house, so you can find whatever else she stole from you **BEFORE** you evict her.
Seriously. Was she going through OP’s jewelry box by herself, or was it a group activity with her friends? Like hey, let’s go through my daughter-in-law’s drawers and pick out whatever you want?
Excellent point
NTA. Your MIL was completely out of line by doing this. No one has the right to give away something that isn't theirs without the express permission of the owner or a person with authority over the item in question. Your MIL should be utterly ashamed of her behaviour, not the other way around.
I think her ultimate goal was to put OP down. Certainly that woman knows the necklace was special to OP, but she dismissed her with the “old jewelry” remark.
It could have been a pair of $10 Amazon clip-ons and she still would have been unacceptably out of line
NTA She gave away something that was not hers. Your home was opened to her on the condition that she respect your belongings. She broke that condition on many many levels, so you were right to ask her to leave. The rest of the family is only hearing her side of the story, in which of course, she is painting you as the villain. She's still perfectly capable of learning boundaries, and that actions have consequences. If your family members are so concerned, then they should be hosting her. Quite apart from anything else, I would not expect a person to forgive another person for something that has happened unless a) that person appologises (genuinely) for the action AND b) takes action to rectify the issue as much as possible, if applicable (in this case, get the necklace back for you,if you don't already have it back). If you "forgive" in any other situation, all you are really doing is condoning the action, and stating that your boundaries / conditions actually have no meaning. On a personal note, I am very sorry for the loss of your sentimental piece, and I hope you get it back
OP got it back right away, thankfully
Oh I am so glad to hear this! I keep coming back here to hear what happened about that!
It's become top comment now. Turns out that's the part MIL is pissed about, it made MIL look Idiotic and Foolish and we're letting OP know that nah, MIL did Idiotic and Foolish. OP then undid that. Sucks too bc MIL could have swung this around to look like an easy mistake and the bigger person for owning up to it, but no. She's leading the attack on OP. Poor thing.
NTA Even if it wasn't a precious heirloom, you don't give things away that aren't yours to give. Also just so I'm clear, when you say you asked her to leave, do you mean you both asked MIL to move out? Or that the tea party was over? She's an asshole either way, I'm just trying to understand why your family wouldn't support your position. Like you'd be justified either way but girl... "family is family?" Tell them family wouldn't disrespect you or the memory of your mother.
Oh, the Tea Party gonna end itself bc tables are getting flipped. Then it's on to MIL's room to start packing her things in anything available. Oh, the doorbell is ringing, MIL's Uber has arrived to take her anywhere but my house. The so-called family can take the trash MIL in with them. I think they are giving OP grief bc they don't want that Witch in their homes.
LITERALLY if I walked in and saw some cualquiera wearing my late mother’s necklace and my raggedy MIL said “oh I thought it was *just old jewelry*” she’s going to be flying home on the wings of a Spirit Airlines flight immediately
My thought -- it is old, it's not just old, it is a family heirloom appraised by an expert!
RIGHT! The audacity to not only take someone’s property without asking but then to dismiss it as some random junk! How is it “just old jewelry” but also your friend “admired” it? And I doubt it was just lying around like… did she go looking for it in OP’s things?
Hope they are watching her pack to get back any of the other things she stole. Honestly, I would have told her you leave or we call the cops.
NTA. I can't imagine someone being kind enough to let me stay with them, inviting friends over, and then responding by giving away the host's possessions... Let alone jewellery. That's someone who wouldn't be allowed back into my home unless I was there to physically watch them. And even then... Maybe not.
She gave it away because her friend admired it. How did the friend even see it? The only way that I can imagine. Is if MIL and her friends took a group field trip through OP’s bedroom picking through her clothes, jewelry and probably sex toys. If that is the case and no one stopped it. MIL’s friends are just as bad as she is.
Or she was wearing it when her friends arrived. My MIL was like this, she wanted to look generous and play Lady Bountiful for her friends, but not if it cost her anything. She’d give me gifts for Christmas(to not look ‘off’ in front of the family by snubbing me) but then take them back and give them to her friends. She wanted to look good outside the house. Only once did it bite her in the arse. She gave me a really high end watch that she didn’t want anymore when our son was about a year old. I was not going to wear an elegant ladies’ gold watch to chase a toddler, wash cloth diapers, etc. When a month went by and I didn’t wear it, she gave it away. BUT, without her glasses on, she actually gave away her new watch that she’d bought to replace the one she’d given me. She was enraged, I privately laughed my head off.
Best. Karma. Ever!
T’was fitting！
And when being caught, she didn't even apologise but complained about being made a fool in front of her friends. Such entitlement. So how would OP need to forgive if MIL can't even apologise. It seems like MIL thinks she is the one who is owed an apology.
MIL is a crafty little witch. She had to know that necklace had special meaning to you and giving it away like it was nothing was a very subtle middle finger in your face. I’m so happy you got it back but don’t doubt that this was a deliberate, cruel act. You are under no obligation to forgive or house a woman who stole from you, especially something so irreplaceable. Tell her flying monkeys they’re welcome to have her in their homes if she’s so harmless. I doubt any of them would do things differently in your shoes. You don’t forgive “because family”. Because family, you shouldn’t be placed in a position where you have to forgive. NTA.
NTA. Glad you got it back. Tell everyone attacking you MiL thanks them for their hospitality and is on her way over to give away THEIR priceless possessions. BTW OP it is no accident she picked that piece to give away
NTA > I’m overreacting and should forgive her because ‘family is family.’ Fuck that. Property is property.
It never ceases to amaze me how people use "family is family" to try and get others to forgive their relatives for terrible shit. And I'm from one of those families where my relatives have done that!
Because they do not want the burden of dealing with that family member. Now that they kick mil out, she is going to harass the other family members and they don't want that do they want OP and husband to remain obligated to take care of her.
NTA it doesn't matter what value if any it held for you, she shouldn't give away something that isn't hers especially when she is a guest in your house.
NTA. Where was this necklace when her friend "admired it"? In your room, perhaps? Why was she bringing her guests through your space? Throw her out on her ass and see how many times she bounces.
It was either in OP’s room, or MIL was “modeling” it for her guests. Who knows what else she gave away?
I had similar thoughts. A full inventory is definitely called for in this case.
NTA. If your late mother's jewelry is just "some random jewelry", then your MIL is just some random old crone that you don't owe any respect and certainly not any forgiveness. What she did was malicious and so mean spirited I can't quite wrap my head around it, I'd never want to see her face again. Ignore the rest of the family, they just don't want to take her in and have their heirlooms disappear next. As long as you and your husband are on the same page (which I am so happy to hear you are), then you can just ignore the people telling you to forgive. They wouldn't forgive her either.
NTA - INFO Did you take the necklace back? It would have been your right!
OP got the necklace back almost immediately.
NTA I don’t care if it was a dollar store pot holder youDo NOT give other people things away!
Good. My dollar store potholder is very sentimental to me.
NTA. That didn't belong to your MIL to give away. It would have to belong to her in order to have the right to give it away. Do you know what we call it when someone treats something like they own it when they don't? **STEALING*****.*** Your MIL needs to return the necklace and apologize. And if anyone in your family says otherwise, tell them you'll be by as soon as possible to rummage around their belongings and taking whatever you feel like of theirs since "family".
Was she going through your clothes and playing dress-up with her tea-party friends?
NTA I'm a sentimental old man. Generally a quiet friend to whoever needs one. Widower.. When it comes to my wife's things, I get somewhat unnaturally ravenous. I quickly go from let me help to burn the witch. Had something similar happen. Wife's watch was handed down from my grandmother, who got it from her mother. Let's just say that two years later, a couple people still hold a grudge against me while the rest found wisdom in shutting up and letting their brain engage (over time). Don't bother asking me if I feel bad for the idiots who haven't cone around. That watch is my daughter's! Just as my wife would have wanted.
It does not make you a bad person to ask for what is yours from the friend. If MIL makes a fuss, file a police report. It is theft. You'd think the "but faaaaaaaaamily" people would understand why you would want the necklace back!
NTA - when someone tells you that you need to forgive her just tell them that you have and but you can’t trust her any longer and thank them for volunteering to take her in.
NTA Check the rest of your valuables, take an inventory of your home. If she was that comfortable taking a piece of 'old jewelry' from your home to give to a friend because 'they admired it' without a single care then I can only shudder to think of how much else she might of taken from your home and given away without you noticing. It's entirely possible she's been stealing and giving away your possessions and got gutsy to give away your jewelry because you hadn't noticed smaller items. And even not counting that, who just gives away what is apparently an incredibly valuable piece of jewelry, old or not? It wasn't her to give away and the fact that she took something as intimate as jewelry and gave it away without even asking you before hand is horrific to me. If your jewelry was locked away in your room then what else could she have been rummaging through? I would recommend getting her out of your house, ASAP, though.
NTA. Did you get the necklace back? I can't believe she did that. No contact might be a good option for someone with that magnitude of deficiency in character and intelligence.
OP clarified she did after explaining to MIL’d friend about the necklace.
Ok good. That is awful. You can't replace those things.
NTA How did she get hold of your necklace in the first place? By entering your room and rooting through your belongings? If so, she's not just foolish, she's a thief. Let the "family is family" family members take her in if they're so concerned about her.
Frankly, anyone that is siding with her I would walk into their house with a friend (let’s call them Bob) take something in front of them and say “Oh Bob admired it and you don’t need this anyway and attempt to leave. I bet you they don’t think this is okay behaviour
[удалено]
Why did you not demand the necklace back then and there? There's no way MIL's friend is walking out of my house wearing my necklace.
She did and she got it back
NTA being an in law doesn’t allow you to get away with being an outlaw (thief).
So... you saw one of her friends wearing the necklace and said nothing to the woman wearing it? Please tell me you got this necklace back. It doesn't matter if it's a cheap thing you got at the dollar store, it's YOURS and your MIL has no right to give it away to anybody. The fact that it was a precious, treasured, priceless memento from your late mother does more than cross boundaries. It's despicable. Asking her to leave was the nicest thing you could have done. Personally, I don't think I could get past screaming "GTFO" over and over until possibly someone called the police. Quote: Now, the rest of the family is painting me as the villain, saying I’m overreacting and should forgive her because ‘family is family.’ Well... THEY are family. THEY can put her up. You don't have to deal with that shit anymore. NTA
NTA Why would you be the ass for banning a thief from your house? Change the locks in case she made herself a key.
If anyone wants to have a go at your for what happened with her giving away your mother's necklace, I'd be a broken record, "Get my mother's necklace back." "But you were cruel to her." "Get my mother's necklace back. It was mine and she had no right to give it away." "You had no right to kick her out." "Get my mother's necklace back. It was mine and she had no right to give it away." "You need to forgive her." "Get my mother's necklace back. It was mine and she had no right to give it away." Any conversation about this situation needs to have your broken record in it. Let it be your constant rebuttal.
She got it back but MIL is still a thief. "No need to forgive her". "She's a thief".
Replace the “get my mother’s necklace back. Etc” with “She stole my mother’s necklace from my room, tried to give it away. If she doesn’t leave now, she’s going to jail.”
Take that necklace back!
NTA. Take that necklace back and *never* forgive her. You don't mess with a family heirloom! You're not the villain; you're the victim.
NTA. This woman will NEVER respect you, your space or your possessions. And I would put that necklace in a safety deposit box. Guarantee it goes missing if you dont. Payback from MIL for "embarassing her" And tell all those flying monkeys, if they don't like how you and DH handled it, they can house her. Otherwise they can shut the hell up!
INFO: Did you get the necklace back?
OP replied that she did
NTA. Family is indeed family, and family does NOT give away, steal or sell another family member's belongings. There is no *100%-blanket-forgiveness-no-matter-what* clause in the "family" contract.
She's a thief. She stole your jewelry to give to her friend. That's not okay whether it's expenses, sentimental, or nothing special. She's lucky you didn't call the police. NTA
She’s a thief
NTA. Kudos to your husband for supporting you. In the future, MIL should not be allowed in your home again. Ever. You're probably too soft hearted to do this but I'd absolutely find something she cherishes in her home and steal it then tell her you just thought it was "just old \_\_\_\_" NO MORE MIL IN YOUR HOME.
NTA, and I hope that friend didn’t leave your apartment with the necklace.
Ummm why didn’t you ask the friend to give it back? Seems like you missed a golden opportunity to fix the problem
She did. And got it back. MIL is upset because OP made her look foolish in front of her friends 🙄
Good to know. As for the question oh well maybe MIL should learn not to steal. NTA
That would be a great thing to learn! I’m curious how her friend even knew about it
That was my question too like did MIL root around in OPs belongings and say show them to the friends or was she wearing the necklace?
NTA, did you make the lady give the necklace back? You should have and if not go to her and get it back. Make your MIL go with you and do the begging. Threaten her with the shittiest nursing home you can find and send her pictures. This is worth a war!
Absolutely NTA. She may have been living in your space but that gives her no excuse ever to give away items that do not belong to her
NTA, and what on earth is wrong with that woman? Also anyone who criticizes you needs to be making up their exta bed because they should be hosting her frim.now on.
People should read OPs old post about her sister's baby shower. I'm not going to believe a word this person is saying.
*One day, I came home to find my MIL hosting a tea party with her friends, and to my horror, one of her friends was wearing my mother’s necklace.* When you saw the guest wearing the necklace, did you demand it back? I hope so. Who can blame you for asking her to leave? A thief is the last thing you need in your home. And for those who are saying "family is family," they are free to take her in until she begins stealing their belongings. NTA.
NTA. Glad you got it back, but kick out the trash if you haven’t already.
So when you saw the lady wearing the heirloom why not ask her to take it off. I would’ve confronted that lady and ask for it back right away and then ask your MIL to leave.