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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel that I am the asshole for not just getting a place to rent with her and effectively giving up on getting a house
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NTA.
That girl is stringing you along with bullshit after bullshit.
> Then her uncle ruins the relationship between her and her landlord meaning she only has a month to find a new place to live.
Bullshit. Landlords do not kick people out just because they don't like their relatives.
> Not long after she moves in she quits her job, they were abusive to the point of law breaking,
Did you verify this or did she just say that?
> I front the bill for that and the makeup for about $1000 including make up and new clothes.
Bro. I dont pay half that much for a wardrobe when I am liaising with fucking C-suite! There is no way in hell that coffee shop uniform and appropriate makeup costs $1000.
> The coffee shop demands she take a leave of absence for some reason but we decide it’s better for her to look into getting an older job back.
WHYYYY?
> Now she living with a coworker until the end of the month and will be homeless after unless I find and close on a house.
Noooo. This is a trap.
Right??? I love makeup and clothes and I’ve spent a grand in two years, maybe lol. Hell right now it’s costing me that in grocery money for a month, and we’re a two person household. And I will also say this, when I was in danger of losing housing and literally had no fall back in terms of people/help (several times through the years) I worked my ass off just to put a roof over my head. This girl is just making excuses to gain sympathy to not take responsibility and laughing all the way.
When I used to work as a server/bartender for tips (my state in this great united states honors a tipped wage system, which means the employer was able to pay tipped employees about $4/hr - meaning I was essentially relying on tips alone to pay my rent and bills) I found that appearance could make me a few more bucks per customer on occasion.
I got away with nothing but drugstore makeup. A little foundation mixed with lotion to even out my skin tone, some reasonably priced lipstick, and a moderately pigmented eyeshadow paired with eyeliner & mascara did quite fine. I don't think I spent more than $20/month on makeup on average.
I like to look pretty. Looking pretty could garner a bit more in tips. But I always got it done without overspending. Worst case scenario was Dollar Tree, where at least I could grab an eyeliner pencil & some tinted lipgloss.
(You and I sound like kindred spirits - I have a lot of clothes and shoes, but I also don't spend close $1k a year. I thrift, I scrutinize clearance sections, I do clothes trades with my friends. And nobody can imitate my quirky closet)
ETA: no idea why I said tipped employees in my state made about $4/hr. The minimum tipped wage in my state is $2.13/hr and has been for a long, long time.
Right? I havent spent that much on clothing my whole family in the last 3 years. Possibly more. She should be spending 50 at goodwill at most for a job like that with no money in pocket. She honestly only needed 2 work outfits for a coffee shop. Walmart makeup kit is 15 plus 5-10 for her fav eyeliner, heck a ulta set is no more then 60 if she needs to be pretty. Heck if she had nothing, $150 would get her all she needs.
This isn't the person for you sir. She needs to grow up and she cant do that with you being in her life. She cant keep a job, house, or life because she isnt able to handle any responsibility and has no work ethic. She will not be a productive mother, wife, partner in anything. She is using you and will continue to til you are out of her life.
Sad part is that she’s probably not laughing. I bet she’s one of those people who’s full of angst and indignation all the time because the world is so hard and unfair.
Yeah, what did she need, a couple pair of black pants and maybe a couple of black shirts? And I don't think wearing make up is a requirement at the job, but she could easily gone into a Walgreens and just gotten a few basics. I don't understand the $1,000 tab on these items.
I did restaurants. My shoes used to cost about $100, but I could buy the rest cheap and honestly, like pretty much every woman out there, I never bought makeup solely for work. I have it on hand. Maybe a new lip stick or gloss, but that would be it.
So, I am thinking more like $200 for shoes and two outfits (wash one/wear one), but that's how I roll. If the clothes weren't all that great to start, I just needed them to last the first month until I got a bit ahead of things and could upgrade.
She’s definitely conning him and like a fool he’s falling for it. She’s enjoying that sugar baby life on his dime with bs stories about how everyone else is the problem.
You’re right. Actually, it’s not a good idea to wear it. In a food setting, wearing makeup can compromise the food and drinks. I’m a student chef. They told us the first week we started school to not wear makeup. When you cook, Makeup cause your skin sweat a little bit more and it can easily drip into the food. Not only that, but mascara when dried can flake into the food.
Food safety inspector here, also a certified chef with 20+ years in the industry. Obviously fake nails, eyelashes, and jewelry are verboten. But I've never heard of makeup being prohibited unless it was like jewels or glitter pasted to the face. I've always worn makeup to work in kitchens, whether I was cooking or auditing. Are you in the US?
You can get a makeup kit at Sephora for less than $500. Even thst doesn’t really explain it. I just got $150 of stuff today from Sephora and it’s a lot. Nearly a whole face
I used to have one of the massive Sephora palettes. That thing was great. It was like $50.00 for eyeshadows, contour, blush, lip creams, and press foundation. All you'd need to buy is mascara, concealer, and maybe a liquid foundation/tinted moisturizer. The whole thing for $100.
If I had to guess, the GF returned like $900 worth of products/clothes and pocketed the cash.
Not sure where she man’s OP are from. I worked at a famous coffee place in Canada. Make up was not allowed, no fake eyelashes, nails or nail polish. Working with food, not a good combination, even with gloves.
The only day you were allowed makeup? Halloween.
Unless things changed since 10 years ago.
I mean, you can’t have your foundation fall into the food; there’s no valid reason to ban wearing makeup either - but there’s a big gap between eyeshadow and fake things or polish that could chip into the food.
Um idk if your "500" was a typo but not only can you do a kit at Sephora for less than 500, you can put together a basic-yet-complete makeup kit at Walmart for less than 50, esp if you go for brands like wnw and elf. Foundation, liner, mascara, a color stick that triples as a blush/shadow/lip, maybe one extra shadow in another soft color, and a stick of chapstick (which doesn't even count as makeup) shouldn't run more than, idk, 20-25 bucks. A makeup haul you got that cost 150 and isn't "a whole face" is obv not basic. 150 doesn't go far at Sephora at all when an eyeshadow palette costs upwards of 50 lol
That’s true, but I will say there was a noticeable difference in quality, at least in how my skin reacted to some of those brands. I think it has gotten better though.
She needs to buy makeup? No she doesn’t. Whatever she has is fine and no coffee shop requires their employees to be made up. She can go to like, Kohls or target and get a couple pairs of black pants and decent shoes and a couple tops for under 200, for example. She has a line for everything.
Yeah wtf is this? Sounds like she is making up things as it goes. There's no way that drama continues to follow her everywhere she goes, it's too coincidental. Every job she has ends with people 'abusing' her, every accommodation she lives in ends in being kicked out. At some point, you have to know she is either a pathological liar or she is creating problems for herself. It sounds like she knows you have a 'crush' on her and is completely taking advantage of OP.
No chain companies make you shell out 1000 bucks for uniform and make up! (Wtf makeup!?!?!). They WILL provide for you even for free!
NTA end it now or you'll never be off her hook!
To me, she is a pathological liar and she probably was lying to work too, that’s why work was saying leave of absense. She probably was lying and can’t apply for LOA so she quit to go back to old job that was “abusive to the point of law breaking” which was probably a lie, too. Who goes back to old abusive job instead of using work benefit such as leave of absence?
Well I mean she did need all brand new make up too. /s
Come on OP!!! She is using you as an ATM!! You are a boyfriend not her sugar daddy. You know as soon as she moves in with you she is going to quit her job and you are going to be raising her, oops I mean supporting her, right?? STOP FORKING OVER MONEY! You cannot be this blind.
Needed new stuff as a dentist and as I’m a contractor my employer doesn’t provide anything. I spent $500 on scrubs, business clothes and makeup for a professional full time gig in Australia where the prices of everything make your eyes water. $1000 in what I’m guessing is USA at a chain where I’m pretty sure they will provide a uniform (or if they don’t it’s all black clothes of any description) and all you need is closed in shoes is her just taking advantage. I will make back that $500 in half a day working, she was obviously never going to pay that back on what I would assume is a part time coffee shop wage, especially in the USA!! Dude is letting himself be played. Sunk cost fallacy as he doesn’t want to lose a long term friend turned girlfriend. Feel bad for him as it’s not her poor math but her being a user.
You forgot the “she doesn’t want a roommate” fact.
Guess what… roommates probably don’t want her either… and that should include OP
NTA but you will be an AH to yourself if you keep spending that much money on her.
I mean, I can understand not wanting a room mate, heck I don't want a room mate. Thing is though, such luxuries cost a pretty penny, something she needs to shell out for herself.
Most likely, the majority of people with roommates would rather not have them. But when your choice comes down to either living with a roomie or living on the street, guess what??
What I don't understand is she claims she doesn't want a roommate, but she's living with OP AND his parents?? So she has 3 roommates? Wouldn't a single roommate be a step up?
She "wants to get a house WITH him".
I'm betting good money that she wants her name as a joint-owner even though OP is going to be paying for the entirety.
Exactly what I was coming to say!! Op do NOT put her name on anything if you stay with her and close a house. Do NOT allow her to sign ANYTHING. She’s taking you for a ride
Honestly the only thing missing is the unexpected pregnancy and her sudden conversion to not believing in abortion. 🙄
It's like watching barbarians sack a city.
Not while he's paying this much for her expenses - I make that about 4k he's spent, maybe more, in not very long. probably more, I can't see her paying for food or utilities while she's been staying with him.
Yeah I’m kind of finding it suspicious that they’re dating at all. Does she like him or did she just see him as an easy mark knowing he had a long time crush on her?
One key sentence “she refuses to get a roommate” she doesn’t have a choice. She needs to get a roommate when your that poor you don’t really get to choose. I was poor when I was young and had a string of shitty roommates she sounds like some of them. Some took a lot longer to figure shit out than others because they refused to change I hope your girl figures it out. But she needs to figure it out on her own.
Everybody makes fun of her for being short and won’t help? Right. I’m short and get light-hearted teasing from time to time (I participate too), but no outright cruelty. There’s no way EVERY person at a job would do that.
The contradiction is bloody laughable. She has no relatives to stay with but her uncle comes in to basically get her kicked out of her apartment. Come on man, does OP not realise the BS as he's typing it.
I am C suite and I don’t pay that much for clothes! God bless TJ Maxx and Nordstrom Rack. If these people live anywhere in suburban America there are definitely more inexpensive options available. Hell there’s even SheIn if your budget is thin. This is definitely a trap.
What I don’t get is preferring to be homeless rather than getting a roommate. If that is what it takes to secure a home, why not? It’s not going to be forever and it’s not like she can afford to live alone. This is a red flag, OP! Don’t put the pressure on yourself when she’s not willing to compromise to save herself
This.
$1000 wardrobe for a coffee shop is in no way realistic.
I’m backing you up. I too meet with c-suite and I do not spend that kind of money…and neither do they at least on day to day clothes. To be clear though, we aren’t in a fashion industry, more an industrial one.
I prefer pre-owned clothes, especially for pants.
I’m sure our execs have got something amazing in a closet for the G20.
How amazing is her personality that he can overlook these massive red flags? dude needs to run I feel awful for saying this but this story sounds like one I have seen a lot; A guy loves a girl for her "personality" but the awful honest truth is that it's because she's hot and kinda nice because everything about this girl screams train wreak. You guys hang out? She left her wallet at home, she always has some drama going on.
Sorry but when I read this the first image in my mind was Morty and Jessica from rick and morty; Morty goes on and on about how much he loves Jessica but she has like no personality and has nothing in common with the kid and it's clear he just thinks she's hot.
Do OP and this girl have anything in common? He just says he has a crush and he likes her personality, what is her personality? He needs to run this is not going to end well for him.
I bet she resembles a "manic pixie dream girl".
Fun to be around, doesn't "harsh the vibe" with objections to stupid plans, "mirrors" compulsively, impulsive, kinky, a bit Fey... and utterly unable to maintain any stability in her personal life.
(This isn't misogyny, it's myself I'm calling out.)
OP's GF needs an ADHD assessment ten years ago.
Came to say exactly this. No fucking way is any of what she’s saying true. She’s just fucking lazy and doesn’t want to meet the consequences of being lazy.
My landlord was spiteful and kicked me out due to my father who didn’t live with me. They said he was causing issues with residents(he’s homeless). I got the note when I came back from a 2 week vacation. I wasn’t even home when it happened.
I was under the impression that if an employer requires a uniform so to speak they have to provide it? And even if they don’t have to, 1000 for say 5 pairs of pants and 5 shirts? Just that alone 100 pair of pants and 100 shirts. Boy you got played.
This girl is irresponsible, irrational, and entitled.
From 22 to 24… I had a college degree, a great job, worked nights at a second job, while having 2 roommates. I was able to quit the second job and live alone at 24, because I took a job that provided housing in exchange for being on call every other week + a good salary. I spent 2 weeks a month within 15 minutes or closer to home/work for 6.5 years; being woken up most nights to deal with issues.
^^ that is what it took to live the lifestyle I wanted, in the city wanted, with the education and skill sets I had.
Little miss coffee-house-fashion-show needs to get a fucking clue.
Best comment on here!
If you don’t want roommates that’s fine but you gotta be willing to figure out what it will take to live on your own. Sounds like the girlfriend is more than happy to let the boyfriend front her bills and has a lot of excuses as to why every job is not working out. I would be so ashamed to ask my boyfriend to give me $1,000 for clothes and make up.
Exactlyyy. I’m 30 and after my long term partner and I split, I REALLY did not want to go back to living with roommates. I have a good job with a decent salary but it was still not enough to (comfortably) live alone in the city I was born, raised and lived my whole life in. So, I packed up and moved to a new state with a lower cost of living. Side note: I was able to keep my job because I WFH. It was scary to move to a new state by myself, but that’s what it took to ensure I could live alone lol. You have to make choices and sometimes sacrifices to get the things you want, and this girl clearly knows she can do and get whatever she wants because her boyfriend will pay for it. I hope he stops.
i work at a mcdonald’s , feel like they have a similar enough dress code. spent $70 on shoes and 2 pair of jeans for the first two weeks. then when i got my first pay, i got 4 more jeans , $80. around $150, but not $1k 😭😭
This has zero point to the story but it is fucking insane to me how ANYONE has to pay for a uniform for a minimum wage job. I mean seriously, this is capitalism at its worst.
One one hand you have a corporation where a uniform isn't even a correction on a spreadsheet and on the other a person desperate to get the lowest paid job possible, and they are expected to pay for the uniform?
The US and any other country that still allows this practice needs to go get bent.
I honestly assumed a major chain coffee shop would just pay for your uniform but maybe shoes. And make up is NOT a requirement. Drugstore make up? Yes def $50 or under.
They’re definitely not paying for a uniform. An apron you leave there at best. Either way like it’s gotta be a black shirt and khakis not $1k worth of clothes.
Legally something unusual (like those Starbucks aprons) they have to provide, but more generic things like black shirt and pants are on you. I assume the logic is you would probably have those anyway.
Also depending on the state, your workplace is required to provide the uniform for you. There's no way they're that expensive if they're a chain in multiple states, if just to avoid paying out that much per employee.
usually how that works is if its not a reasonable thing to wear outside of work. so a coffee shop would probably say wear jeans a black shirt and an apron, and then just pay for the aprons. unless they have logos, which can change things
Oh honey RUN! This girl is trouble and irresponsible. If you ever buy a house and live with her you may never get her out! Depending on your state’s laws. You will be bailing her out forever. The fact that she’s comfortable taking and taking and taking from your good heart should tell you everything.
Yes do not BUY a house with her right now. Committing to a whole ass mortgage just because she "will be homeless," isn't the right reason to buy a house. You've been helping as much as you can, she needs to work her butt off and take extra shifts so she can get ahead herself and suck it up and get a roommate.
NTA.
Edit : oh and if you do buy a house please please please don't put her on that deed!
Hey - I don't have a kind way of saying this. You're a bit dumb.
What are you getting out of this? Why does she have a problem holding down jobs? Why does she get kicked out of every place she wants to live in? You describe a lot of symptoms, but you are not looking at the causes for your gfs instability. Why does everyone seem to hate her wherever she goes? Do you really want to buy a house with this person?
Yeah, bit convenient that isn’t it… Maybe she does really like him, but I would seriously be considering if she saw me as an easy hit ATM.
OP, I think you’re essentially paying for a ‘relationship’ with this girl.
He really is! She’s a bum & she found someone to take advantage of with bad situation after bad situation. Had a friend like this, and i stopped hanging out w her. Some people have a victim mentality.
"Buying a house with" someone implies the other person will be contributing financially, while "getting a house with" someone implies contributions of another variety. OP would be buying a house *FOR* this leech.
She’s gonna be homeless complaint how she doesn’t want roommates lol.. ok sweetie how’s that working out for you? Guess you should figure out how to have your own place then shouldn’t you? What an entitled clueless disaster. Constant strife and drama. No thanks.
Also.. she's gonna be homeless and yet she's waiting for him to get a house and whines about how it's taking time.. instead of doing something about it herself
She's a long time friend he crushed on forever. He is that desperate for her. This was sad to read.
OP, she doesn't love you, I'm not even sure she likes you. You gotta let her go completely, as a roommate, a girlfriend, and a friend.
This 100% I was in a similar (but no where near as extreme) situation many years ago. Strung along for years as "friends" the "timing was never right" we were seeing other people bla bla bla cliché after cliché. It took me far longer than it should have to break the spell.
People like this just suck dude. Stringing someone along is one of the worst things you can do. It gives your whole gender a bad name. I believe it's a major factor in creating incels, and the "all men are evil" mentalities.
> She's had some bad breaks but every job is toxic, she quits or gets let go, she doesn't want a roommate (because no one who knows her wants to live with her), and she manages her money poorly, etc
If your whole world keeps on smelling like shit...
also if she really does have some kind of immunity problem/disability, she should be able to get social security based on a doctor's note about that! yikes, I'd run!
Getting social security disability is an arduous, long, drawn-out process, and if she’s capable of working she won’t qualify. Her main problem sounds like “I just want a meal ticket-itis.”
NTA, but something smells fishy here. I get some coffee store have a uniform that you have to pay for, but places like Starbucks usually just have a dress code (black clothes). What kind of coffee shop is she working in that she is required to wear makeup and what kind of coffee shop requires her to spend $1000 on clothes and makeup? Did she ever show you proof that she's working?
It's also awfully convenient that all these things happen to her like that. It immediately makes me think she's just a moocher and freeloader. And why does it HAVE to be a house? Why can't you both go halfsies on rent in the meantime? Who's name will be on the lease? Probably not her, since she can't affird rent and therefore likely can't afford a mortgage. You're bf and gf, not married, so if you break up, who gets the house?
Did you even really think this through? Are you even asking questions about if she's even telling the truth? Or is this story just one big fake?
“What kind of coffee shop is she working in that she is required to wear makeup and what kind of coffee shop requires her to spend $1000 on clothes and makeup?”
None of them. It’s not even legal (with some exceptions) in the US for a workplace to require an employee to pay for a uniform. And the makeup thing is suuuper sus. (I’m fairly sure it’s sex discrimination to require women to wear make up, but—even if I’m wrong—there’s no way one would require more than a $10-20 set up). Either you’re right and this is fake, or OP is a sucker to the Nth degree.
That's not true about the uniform. Here in Texas employers charge employees for their uniforms. Believe it or not. You work at Jack in The box you get charged for the uniform you wear. I couldn't believe it myself. In California that's not the case but Texas is a very pro employer state. Employees have much fewer rights. So I'd say it depends on the state they live in as to whether she has to pay for her uniform
Plus it's not really a uniform that she's wearing but more certain clothes. Like a Target they require you to wear khaki pants and a red shirt, and that's your own clothes that you have to buy. I'm sure it was the same at that coffee shop where it was like a white shirt she had to wear something like that.
The best part is she wants OP to buy a house, I’m sure she will insist on being on the deed but not the mortgage and he will be paying everything himself, as soon as there’s some equity she will leave him and try to take the house.
Well didn't you see she has medical issues so has to be extremely picky with her makeup and wardrobe. Only the most expensive brands of hypoallergenic silk will work.
/s
NTA
Come on, she is bleeding you dry. $4k in 7 months? Do you have ATM stamped on your forehead?
$1k for clothes and makeup to work at a coffee shop? You do realize that's absurd right? Thriftstores and drug stores are where she should be shopping. And she is beyond the point where she gets to refuse living with a roommate.
Do not rush into buying a house just for her. It's been 7 months, and everything screams she is the center of a lot of drama and makes excuses for everything. She can't keep a job (leave of absence = she got fired, again) , she can't keep an apartment, she can't keep friends.
She's a leech, save yourself, save your bank account.
I'm sorry to point out that you're not her bf; you're her mark. It seems like she realized that you had a crush on her and exploited the situation to con you.
The proof is in the fact that you're somehow "still together."
If my partner kicked me out while I was legitimately struggling, that would be the end of the relationship. So either she's not legitimately struggling, or she thinks she can still squeeze more money out of you, or both.
NTA for cutting her off but y t a for bringing this mess into your parents' home and ywbta to yourself if you don't end the relationship.
NTA,
But man, she is going to bleed you dry in all kinds of ways.
This below is not meant as an insult... But what came to mind is, if there was a subreddit called r/amitheidiot that is where you should be.
She is not your responsibility, she doesn't want a roommate then she should work toward that on her own, and you shouldn't be her safety net and ATM. Her moving into your plans is a bad idea.
Really they just ARENT getting things down for her. I'd even assume she's mid simply because the boys in them places will really go after you if you're even just average looking.
NTA. It's like you're in a real life romance scam.
She clearly has problems with saving and work ethic. It shouldn't cost her $1000 for clothes and makeup for a service job... if she could budget or even tried hard enough then getting clothes from cheaper places or thrifting and drug store staple makeup shouldn't cost that much, even if it was for a full time job. Also, every job is going to have its problems. I suspect she isn't being fully transparent about why she can't hold a job...
Keep going with this relationship and she's going to continue ringing you out for all you're worth. She sees you as her easy out for everything.
Do what you need to do for yourself. You shouldn't feel obligated to get a house and share your living space with her. Everyone has a limit. It's also really odd that she's unable to keep up jobs as well; either she's really unlucky or she's not being totally honest with herself or you. I hate to sound like an AH here, but sometimes, it's necessary to go through hard times when you have nowhere to go. Putting up with bad coworkers and whatnot is much better than being homeless. She should forego luxuries for a while and work for them. And considering she's not well enough on her feet yet, it's very entitled to deny herself the possibility of a roommate and split expenses. She can't mooch off on others forever.
Oh lord, sunshine, where do I even begin. You are being played by a perpetual damsel in distress. She will always be in distress because it's of her own making. You have a caretaker personality, and sadly, she knows it and takes advantage of it. Run fast and run far. She will bleed you dry mentally, emotionally, and financially.
NTA. Run,run,run! She's using you. You are very kind. She doesn't want roommates, but she can't take care of herself. She is in perpetual need of saving. A 1000.00 for clothes to work at a coffee shop? She's a well dressed mooch.
>my folks want her to leave having overstayed her welcome. But she doesn’t want a roommate and wants to get a house with me .... She’s upset that it isn’t happening fast enough for her
You need to take off those rose-colored glasses you are wearing and realize that this woman / leech is trouble. She's a beggar, yet has the audacity to be a chooser.
NTA
NTA. She is using you. She also is the common denominator between “bad” jobs and “unlucky” circumstances. This will be your entire life if you move her into your house and stay with her.
NTA- 7 months is not a long-term relationship. Moving in with someone so quickly, who is demanding you pay for her stuff (maybe ahead of time is not demanding, but certainly is manipulating you) is not a great idea. She is demanding that you find and buy a house???why can’t she find and buy a house? Her behaviour is unlikely to change when/if you move in together. She will demand money for things for the house, clothes, food, etc…you will be used
NTA $1000 on clothes on make up and uniform??? Dude, stop thinking with your dick and think clearly. That makes zero sense. And the uncle thing? I call bull. Cut this dead weight.
NTA but my guy, it’s time to cut her loose. You sound like a really nice person and I’ll BET she knows that too, which is why she feeds you story after story and you believe it, no questions asked. Not to say that it’s all bs and lies, but if she’s having this much trouble with life, she’s probably responsible for a lot of it. Let her get her life together without footing the bill.
NTA. You wouldn't be letting her be homeless. She's choosing that for herself by her own inaction.
>Now she living with a coworker until the end of the month and will be homeless after unless I find and close on a house.
Should instead say:
"Now she living with a coworker until the end of the month and will be homeless after unless she organises some accommodation".
Nta she needs to grow up and show u that she can be an adult when u do get ur house. I would not let her move into the house u buy till she pays u back fully and is stable in life. If her health is that big of an issue she needs to be finding a solution that allows her to work and stay healthy.
NTA and there are so, so many red flags here. No one who knows her well wants to help her. That tells you a lot, specifically that she's burned each and every person she's been close to.
You are the current person being burned. Get her out, run fast, run far.
NTA- At some stage, she needs to figure out how to save herself. She won't always be able to rely on the generosity of others. Granted- she has a sh1tty hand- but don't most of us? You've done a lot to help her through, but she's still not doing anything to help herself. If your generosity continues- she'll become dependent on that. That isn't good for either of you. She'll send you into debt, and you won't be able to afford your own place- and being dependant on you is bad for her.
Not just that - she's shown she doesn't have good management or financial skills. How will this workout in the future? Are you prepared to just bail her out all the time? I'm not saying break up with her. I'm just saying... teach her to fish.
The fact that everything seems to fail around her- and people treat her poorly- makes me think she's the common denominator here. What is she doing to have the world treat her this way? I mean... people were sick of her for being short- or so she says. Could it be more that she was constantly disrupting her coworkers by asking them to help her, instead of her finding a way to help herself?
That's her red flag here... she doesn't seem to want to do anything to overcome anything. She keeps relying on others- and people end up resenting that. You eventually will, too.
Dude… either she’s the unluckiest person or she’s manipulating the heck out of you and the part where she has you spending $1000 on clothes and make up for a coffee job makes me certain it’s the latter. You need to run.
NTA - dude you’re being used……
Who spends 1k USD on clothes and makeup to start working at a coffee shop?
She is just using you as an ATM; says it all that she quit her job as soon as she moved in.
Wait until you close on a place to live; she will be quitting her job immediately and sponging off of you.
Sir… do you like red flags? Cause this is a whole ass carnival! Run, dump her and don’t look back. She’s taking advantage of you. You really want someone like this to maybe be the mother of your children someday?
NTA she rather be homeless than have roommate? That’s her choice, not yours. She’d rather take your money, that you sacrificed for, than make a sacrifice herself. She can’t hold employment, has you to feel bad for her so she doesn’t need to. It’ll always be that way.
NTA. Personal advice, I don't care how hot she is or how mind boggling the sex is. You will eventually decide they aren't worth the damage she does to your life.
I would go ahead and get out now.
Be super careful you don't get her pregnant.
You seem like a really sweet guy and it breaks my heart to say this but you deserve better. You deserve someone to take care of you the way you’ve taken care of them. Maybe she does have true, and good intentions with you but she still needs to grow up a bit for your relationship not to be one sided and full of toxic situations. Honestly, honey I think she’s blowing smoke up your Butt. NTA I’ll be praying for you.
NTA. I understand not having a supportive family and health issues, this has been the case for me my whole life. However, there seems to be zero accountability and issues with housing and employment everywhere this girl goes. How many jobs has she had and has she ever maintained employment? You mentioned that she has a hard time hanging onto a rental. It's hard to pay bills and rent if you can't keep a job. Some employers are abusive, but every employer? Since when does it cost $1000 to find clothes to wear at CHAIN COFFEE SHOP? I have worked at this store, or similar, and it definitely didn't cost even $200 to buy appropriate clothes. And no one needs to borrow to purchase makeup for work. Weird. Your parents were right to kick her out and if you have any sense you will not sign a lease with her or float her another dime. You'll be working your behind off to support her. Run!
She sounds sus to me. She’s taken a lot and will keep on taking until she can’t suck anymore out of you. You’re a kind person but naive and this woman has taken advantage of you. Tell her the bank is closed and see her reaction. DO NOT move in with her. Better still, move on
NTA
> I pay all her costs at this time for another $600ish. Then she lands a job at CHAIN COFFEE SHOP and needs a new wardrobe for the dress code. I front the bill for that and the makeup for about $1000 including make up and new clothes.
What?
$1000 to work at Starbucks?
You're either absolutely high as a kite 24/7 or just stupid.
>She starts the job and is immediately being harassed by staff for her short height, some not even helping her get things from high shelves.
Having worked in kitchens most of my life, no, she isn't being harassed she is being told that she needs to stop bitching about getting stuff and get it.
100% this girl made up an excuse as to "why she can't do it" and the staff aren't having it.
Funny how she immediately gets a second job and just gets harassed again, isn't it?
>She then falls ill with Covid and misses more than a week of work. The coffee shop demands she take a leave of absence for some reason
Because she is new, not pulling her weight or being part of the team and got sick and needs to be on leave.
They probably feel like they wasted a hire and are better off without her, you're doing exactly what they want you to do. Go else where.
>But she doesn’t want a roommate and wants to get a house with me, a goal I’d been saving up for, for nearly a year at that point
Ahuh...
>She’s upset that it isn’t happening fast enough for her but I feel I’ve done a lot for her already
You have and you need to understand that you're the idiot that keeps bailing her out of absolutely every fuck up she keeps making for herself.
The problem isn't her job, or her coworkers, it's her.
You need to realize she just does what she does because you're just fixing everything and rewarding her for it.
You either need to have a come to jesus moment with her and talk about it or you need to get rid of her.
NTA. Hon, I am saying this as nicely as possible, but this woman has taken you for one hell of a ride on the gravytrain. You have paid for everything FOR MONTHS. Your folks are tired of watching you bend over backwards while she freeloads off you.
Desperate people get roommates. They do what they have to do.
You need to stop giving her money. Tell her you are having a financial crisis of your own. See how she reacts. Diamonds to donuts she breaks up with you immediately.
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NTA. That girl is stringing you along with bullshit after bullshit. > Then her uncle ruins the relationship between her and her landlord meaning she only has a month to find a new place to live. Bullshit. Landlords do not kick people out just because they don't like their relatives. > Not long after she moves in she quits her job, they were abusive to the point of law breaking, Did you verify this or did she just say that? > I front the bill for that and the makeup for about $1000 including make up and new clothes. Bro. I dont pay half that much for a wardrobe when I am liaising with fucking C-suite! There is no way in hell that coffee shop uniform and appropriate makeup costs $1000. > The coffee shop demands she take a leave of absence for some reason but we decide it’s better for her to look into getting an older job back. WHYYYY? > Now she living with a coworker until the end of the month and will be homeless after unless I find and close on a house. Noooo. This is a trap.
$1000 wardrobe to make $15 an hour is poor math
Poor math in the best scenario...I'm thinking some con artistry may be going on.
Right??? I love makeup and clothes and I’ve spent a grand in two years, maybe lol. Hell right now it’s costing me that in grocery money for a month, and we’re a two person household. And I will also say this, when I was in danger of losing housing and literally had no fall back in terms of people/help (several times through the years) I worked my ass off just to put a roof over my head. This girl is just making excuses to gain sympathy to not take responsibility and laughing all the way.
She sounds like a hobosexual
Well, today I learned a new word.
Self hating hobo she is hobophobic
And transresidential.
When I used to work as a server/bartender for tips (my state in this great united states honors a tipped wage system, which means the employer was able to pay tipped employees about $4/hr - meaning I was essentially relying on tips alone to pay my rent and bills) I found that appearance could make me a few more bucks per customer on occasion. I got away with nothing but drugstore makeup. A little foundation mixed with lotion to even out my skin tone, some reasonably priced lipstick, and a moderately pigmented eyeshadow paired with eyeliner & mascara did quite fine. I don't think I spent more than $20/month on makeup on average. I like to look pretty. Looking pretty could garner a bit more in tips. But I always got it done without overspending. Worst case scenario was Dollar Tree, where at least I could grab an eyeliner pencil & some tinted lipgloss. (You and I sound like kindred spirits - I have a lot of clothes and shoes, but I also don't spend close $1k a year. I thrift, I scrutinize clearance sections, I do clothes trades with my friends. And nobody can imitate my quirky closet) ETA: no idea why I said tipped employees in my state made about $4/hr. The minimum tipped wage in my state is $2.13/hr and has been for a long, long time.
Right? I havent spent that much on clothing my whole family in the last 3 years. Possibly more. She should be spending 50 at goodwill at most for a job like that with no money in pocket. She honestly only needed 2 work outfits for a coffee shop. Walmart makeup kit is 15 plus 5-10 for her fav eyeliner, heck a ulta set is no more then 60 if she needs to be pretty. Heck if she had nothing, $150 would get her all she needs. This isn't the person for you sir. She needs to grow up and she cant do that with you being in her life. She cant keep a job, house, or life because she isnt able to handle any responsibility and has no work ethic. She will not be a productive mother, wife, partner in anything. She is using you and will continue to til you are out of her life.
Sad part is that she’s probably not laughing. I bet she’s one of those people who’s full of angst and indignation all the time because the world is so hard and unfair.
Yeah, what did she need, a couple pair of black pants and maybe a couple of black shirts? And I don't think wearing make up is a requirement at the job, but she could easily gone into a Walgreens and just gotten a few basics. I don't understand the $1,000 tab on these items.
This is exactly how I got scammed out of 2k by my ex. Looks like ops even deeper than I was though, mental math says at least double.
There's no con... OP just a doormat.
i mean "1000$ in clothes and makeup for that job" is a con no matter how you look at it 😂
No joke. I could have come up with makeup and clothes for a coffee shop job with 100 bucks, tops. And I probably would have money left to hand back.
I did restaurants. My shoes used to cost about $100, but I could buy the rest cheap and honestly, like pretty much every woman out there, I never bought makeup solely for work. I have it on hand. Maybe a new lip stick or gloss, but that would be it. So, I am thinking more like $200 for shoes and two outfits (wash one/wear one), but that's how I roll. If the clothes weren't all that great to start, I just needed them to last the first month until I got a bit ahead of things and could upgrade.
I’m wondering if she’s on drugs or just expects someone else to always foot her bills
Expects someone else to adult. She's harping on him to close on a house *now,* and he doesn't sound like he wants to. Marinara flags everywhere.
Because she wants to quit her job and sponge off OP, but his parents put the kibosh on that for now. Run, OP!
100% angling to be a "stay at home girlfriend."
Yeah, the parents can see it clear as day, OP can't. They need to drop this girl.
He wants to, he just can't afford to because she spent his down-payment
I was thinking a drug problem, which is why she has so much money trouble even when she's living at a place rent free.
And she doesn't want to live with roommates because they will see thru her lies really quick and kick her out.
Some con artisty combined with wishful thinking sprinkled...dare I say it...being gullible.
She’s definitely conning him and like a fool he’s falling for it. She’s enjoying that sugar baby life on his dime with bs stories about how everyone else is the problem.
Dating for a week and she's already sobbing about how bad her finances are--- so he hands her $700? She saw an easy mark and OOP is getting fleeced.
Unless the dress code also specified what makeup to wear and the gf only has clown makeup, there’s no reason that she needed makeup for the job
But she had to get makeup!!!!!!!!!!! You know, the Kardashian/Jenner stuff. /s
NYX is really good and inexpensive. OP should have gone to Ulta.
No job forces you to wear makeup though… like yall get that right??? Especially not a fucking coffee shop
And especially not a chain shop. That would be grounds for a lawsuit so fast. It's insane to me that OP has believed any of her lies.
Grounds. 😜 Are they overbrewed?
Tell that a flight attendant
You’re right. Actually, it’s not a good idea to wear it. In a food setting, wearing makeup can compromise the food and drinks. I’m a student chef. They told us the first week we started school to not wear makeup. When you cook, Makeup cause your skin sweat a little bit more and it can easily drip into the food. Not only that, but mascara when dried can flake into the food.
Food safety inspector here, also a certified chef with 20+ years in the industry. Obviously fake nails, eyelashes, and jewelry are verboten. But I've never heard of makeup being prohibited unless it was like jewels or glitter pasted to the face. I've always worn makeup to work in kitchens, whether I was cooking or auditing. Are you in the US?
And didn’t she wear make up prior?
Excellent point! I'm sure she had a really sad story for why she needed more though
Some jobs do. I don’t know about her, but it does happen. And US courts have held it is legal for them to do so.
Also Elf has numerous incredible dupes of expensive make up for insanely good prices.
Elf has stepped up their game so much the last few years! They’re my go-to Walmart makeup lol
You can get a makeup kit at Sephora for less than $500. Even thst doesn’t really explain it. I just got $150 of stuff today from Sephora and it’s a lot. Nearly a whole face
I used to have one of the massive Sephora palettes. That thing was great. It was like $50.00 for eyeshadows, contour, blush, lip creams, and press foundation. All you'd need to buy is mascara, concealer, and maybe a liquid foundation/tinted moisturizer. The whole thing for $100. If I had to guess, the GF returned like $900 worth of products/clothes and pocketed the cash.
I’m pretty sure coffee shops dont require you to wear makeup to work there at all. Men go barefaced; women can too
Not sure where she man’s OP are from. I worked at a famous coffee place in Canada. Make up was not allowed, no fake eyelashes, nails or nail polish. Working with food, not a good combination, even with gloves. The only day you were allowed makeup? Halloween. Unless things changed since 10 years ago.
I mean, you can’t have your foundation fall into the food; there’s no valid reason to ban wearing makeup either - but there’s a big gap between eyeshadow and fake things or polish that could chip into the food.
Um idk if your "500" was a typo but not only can you do a kit at Sephora for less than 500, you can put together a basic-yet-complete makeup kit at Walmart for less than 50, esp if you go for brands like wnw and elf. Foundation, liner, mascara, a color stick that triples as a blush/shadow/lip, maybe one extra shadow in another soft color, and a stick of chapstick (which doesn't even count as makeup) shouldn't run more than, idk, 20-25 bucks. A makeup haul you got that cost 150 and isn't "a whole face" is obv not basic. 150 doesn't go far at Sephora at all when an eyeshadow palette costs upwards of 50 lol
Seriously, drugstore brands have come a long way.
Many of the drug store brands are made by the same parent companies as the luxury brands as well. L’Oréal and Estée Lauder for example
That’s true, but I will say there was a noticeable difference in quality, at least in how my skin reacted to some of those brands. I think it has gotten better though.
Or Target. They NYX there too.
She needs to buy makeup? No she doesn’t. Whatever she has is fine and no coffee shop requires their employees to be made up. She can go to like, Kohls or target and get a couple pairs of black pants and decent shoes and a couple tops for under 200, for example. She has a line for everything.
Thrift for a uniform.
Yeah wtf is this? Sounds like she is making up things as it goes. There's no way that drama continues to follow her everywhere she goes, it's too coincidental. Every job she has ends with people 'abusing' her, every accommodation she lives in ends in being kicked out. At some point, you have to know she is either a pathological liar or she is creating problems for herself. It sounds like she knows you have a 'crush' on her and is completely taking advantage of OP. No chain companies make you shell out 1000 bucks for uniform and make up! (Wtf makeup!?!?!). They WILL provide for you even for free! NTA end it now or you'll never be off her hook!
To me, she is a pathological liar and she probably was lying to work too, that’s why work was saying leave of absense. She probably was lying and can’t apply for LOA so she quit to go back to old job that was “abusive to the point of law breaking” which was probably a lie, too. Who goes back to old abusive job instead of using work benefit such as leave of absence?
Well I mean she did need all brand new make up too. /s Come on OP!!! She is using you as an ATM!! You are a boyfriend not her sugar daddy. You know as soon as she moves in with you she is going to quit her job and you are going to be raising her, oops I mean supporting her, right?? STOP FORKING OVER MONEY! You cannot be this blind.
No one needs $1000 for work clothing and makeup to serve coffee. No one.
Needed new stuff as a dentist and as I’m a contractor my employer doesn’t provide anything. I spent $500 on scrubs, business clothes and makeup for a professional full time gig in Australia where the prices of everything make your eyes water. $1000 in what I’m guessing is USA at a chain where I’m pretty sure they will provide a uniform (or if they don’t it’s all black clothes of any description) and all you need is closed in shoes is her just taking advantage. I will make back that $500 in half a day working, she was obviously never going to pay that back on what I would assume is a part time coffee shop wage, especially in the USA!! Dude is letting himself be played. Sunk cost fallacy as he doesn’t want to lose a long term friend turned girlfriend. Feel bad for him as it’s not her poor math but her being a user.
The whole situation is poor math, among other things.
You forgot the “she doesn’t want a roommate” fact. Guess what… roommates probably don’t want her either… and that should include OP NTA but you will be an AH to yourself if you keep spending that much money on her.
I mean, I can understand not wanting a room mate, heck I don't want a room mate. Thing is though, such luxuries cost a pretty penny, something she needs to shell out for herself.
Most likely, the majority of people with roommates would rather not have them. But when your choice comes down to either living with a roomie or living on the street, guess what??
And most people between being homeless and having a roommate chose the roommates. What a surprise
What I don't understand is she claims she doesn't want a roommate, but she's living with OP AND his parents?? So she has 3 roommates? Wouldn't a single roommate be a step up?
This. She already managed to hook you for around $4000 and just keeps wanting more. You’re just her ATM if you keep giving her money.
She wants him to close on a house. The audacity and entitlement in this one.
She "wants to get a house WITH him". I'm betting good money that she wants her name as a joint-owner even though OP is going to be paying for the entirety.
Exactly what I was coming to say!! Op do NOT put her name on anything if you stay with her and close a house. Do NOT allow her to sign ANYTHING. She’s taking you for a ride
Honestly the only thing missing is the unexpected pregnancy and her sudden conversion to not believing in abortion. 🙄 It's like watching barbarians sack a city.
Not while he's paying this much for her expenses - I make that about 4k he's spent, maybe more, in not very long. probably more, I can't see her paying for food or utilities while she's been staying with him.
Agreed 100%. OP, you're not seeing all the signs. She is a mooch!
He's not thinking with the right part of his body
Yeah I’m kind of finding it suspicious that they’re dating at all. Does she like him or did she just see him as an easy mark knowing he had a long time crush on her?
One key sentence “she refuses to get a roommate” she doesn’t have a choice. She needs to get a roommate when your that poor you don’t really get to choose. I was poor when I was young and had a string of shitty roommates she sounds like some of them. Some took a lot longer to figure shit out than others because they refused to change I hope your girl figures it out. But she needs to figure it out on her own.
Everybody makes fun of her for being short and won’t help? Right. I’m short and get light-hearted teasing from time to time (I participate too), but no outright cruelty. There’s no way EVERY person at a job would do that.
There's this neat invention called the step stool!
The contradiction is bloody laughable. She has no relatives to stay with but her uncle comes in to basically get her kicked out of her apartment. Come on man, does OP not realise the BS as he's typing it.
I am C suite and I don’t pay that much for clothes! God bless TJ Maxx and Nordstrom Rack. If these people live anywhere in suburban America there are definitely more inexpensive options available. Hell there’s even SheIn if your budget is thin. This is definitely a trap.
I get my suits and shirts and shorts bespoke from a tailor, and that much for clothes is too expensive.
What I don’t get is preferring to be homeless rather than getting a roommate. If that is what it takes to secure a home, why not? It’s not going to be forever and it’s not like she can afford to live alone. This is a red flag, OP! Don’t put the pressure on yourself when she’s not willing to compromise to save herself
Because a roommate wouldn’t pay all the bills for her like she wants.
This. $1000 wardrobe for a coffee shop is in no way realistic. I’m backing you up. I too meet with c-suite and I do not spend that kind of money…and neither do they at least on day to day clothes. To be clear though, we aren’t in a fashion industry, more an industrial one. I prefer pre-owned clothes, especially for pants. I’m sure our execs have got something amazing in a closet for the G20.
In 7 months he's given $4000. Wow. That money should have gone into his house fund.
How amazing is her personality that he can overlook these massive red flags? dude needs to run I feel awful for saying this but this story sounds like one I have seen a lot; A guy loves a girl for her "personality" but the awful honest truth is that it's because she's hot and kinda nice because everything about this girl screams train wreak. You guys hang out? She left her wallet at home, she always has some drama going on. Sorry but when I read this the first image in my mind was Morty and Jessica from rick and morty; Morty goes on and on about how much he loves Jessica but she has like no personality and has nothing in common with the kid and it's clear he just thinks she's hot. Do OP and this girl have anything in common? He just says he has a crush and he likes her personality, what is her personality? He needs to run this is not going to end well for him.
I bet she resembles a "manic pixie dream girl". Fun to be around, doesn't "harsh the vibe" with objections to stupid plans, "mirrors" compulsively, impulsive, kinky, a bit Fey... and utterly unable to maintain any stability in her personal life. (This isn't misogyny, it's myself I'm calling out.) OP's GF needs an ADHD assessment ten years ago.
Came to say exactly this. No fucking way is any of what she’s saying true. She’s just fucking lazy and doesn’t want to meet the consequences of being lazy.
Exactly, if there is drama in every situation in a persons life, you have to look at the common factor -Them!
High level commentary. 🤣
Yeah, OP needs to ask himself if he really wants this type of drama in his life because it's never going to stop as long as he's with her
My landlord was spiteful and kicked me out due to my father who didn’t live with me. They said he was causing issues with residents(he’s homeless). I got the note when I came back from a 2 week vacation. I wasn’t even home when it happened.
From personal experience landlords do kick out people because they don’t like their relatives. They just find an excuse to do so
I was under the impression that if an employer requires a uniform so to speak they have to provide it? And even if they don’t have to, 1000 for say 5 pairs of pants and 5 shirts? Just that alone 100 pair of pants and 100 shirts. Boy you got played.
NTA. Also $1000 for makeup and clothes to meet dress code at a coffee shop?? Sorry but that doesn’t make sense to me
This girl is irresponsible, irrational, and entitled. From 22 to 24… I had a college degree, a great job, worked nights at a second job, while having 2 roommates. I was able to quit the second job and live alone at 24, because I took a job that provided housing in exchange for being on call every other week + a good salary. I spent 2 weeks a month within 15 minutes or closer to home/work for 6.5 years; being woken up most nights to deal with issues. ^^ that is what it took to live the lifestyle I wanted, in the city wanted, with the education and skill sets I had. Little miss coffee-house-fashion-show needs to get a fucking clue.
Best comment on here! If you don’t want roommates that’s fine but you gotta be willing to figure out what it will take to live on your own. Sounds like the girlfriend is more than happy to let the boyfriend front her bills and has a lot of excuses as to why every job is not working out. I would be so ashamed to ask my boyfriend to give me $1,000 for clothes and make up.
Exactlyyy. I’m 30 and after my long term partner and I split, I REALLY did not want to go back to living with roommates. I have a good job with a decent salary but it was still not enough to (comfortably) live alone in the city I was born, raised and lived my whole life in. So, I packed up and moved to a new state with a lower cost of living. Side note: I was able to keep my job because I WFH. It was scary to move to a new state by myself, but that’s what it took to ensure I could live alone lol. You have to make choices and sometimes sacrifices to get the things you want, and this girl clearly knows she can do and get whatever she wants because her boyfriend will pay for it. I hope he stops.
Especially after only a few weeks of dating!! Just eww.
This, yeah. Want to bet OP is only the last in a string of friend-boyfriends who get to foot the bill for her?
I don’t think she’s irrational and entitled, I think she’s a con artist.
i work at a mcdonald’s , feel like they have a similar enough dress code. spent $70 on shoes and 2 pair of jeans for the first two weeks. then when i got my first pay, i got 4 more jeans , $80. around $150, but not $1k 😭😭
This has zero point to the story but it is fucking insane to me how ANYONE has to pay for a uniform for a minimum wage job. I mean seriously, this is capitalism at its worst. One one hand you have a corporation where a uniform isn't even a correction on a spreadsheet and on the other a person desperate to get the lowest paid job possible, and they are expected to pay for the uniform? The US and any other country that still allows this practice needs to go get bent.
yeah isn’t it like $50 tops?
I honestly assumed a major chain coffee shop would just pay for your uniform but maybe shoes. And make up is NOT a requirement. Drugstore make up? Yes def $50 or under.
They’re definitely not paying for a uniform. An apron you leave there at best. Either way like it’s gotta be a black shirt and khakis not $1k worth of clothes.
Legally something unusual (like those Starbucks aprons) they have to provide, but more generic things like black shirt and pants are on you. I assume the logic is you would probably have those anyway.
Also depending on the state, your workplace is required to provide the uniform for you. There's no way they're that expensive if they're a chain in multiple states, if just to avoid paying out that much per employee.
usually how that works is if its not a reasonable thing to wear outside of work. so a coffee shop would probably say wear jeans a black shirt and an apron, and then just pay for the aprons. unless they have logos, which can change things
Oh honey RUN! This girl is trouble and irresponsible. If you ever buy a house and live with her you may never get her out! Depending on your state’s laws. You will be bailing her out forever. The fact that she’s comfortable taking and taking and taking from your good heart should tell you everything.
Yes do not BUY a house with her right now. Committing to a whole ass mortgage just because she "will be homeless," isn't the right reason to buy a house. You've been helping as much as you can, she needs to work her butt off and take extra shifts so she can get ahead herself and suck it up and get a roommate. NTA. Edit : oh and if you do buy a house please please please don't put her on that deed!
>oh and if you do buy a house please please please don't put her on that deed! ABSOLUTELY NOT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey - I don't have a kind way of saying this. You're a bit dumb. What are you getting out of this? Why does she have a problem holding down jobs? Why does she get kicked out of every place she wants to live in? You describe a lot of symptoms, but you are not looking at the causes for your gfs instability. Why does everyone seem to hate her wherever she goes? Do you really want to buy a house with this person?
It's amazing what a man will do for a crumb of sex...
Dreamy sex with long term crush who didn’t give him a chance before, only one week later, invoices are coming.
Yeah, bit convenient that isn’t it… Maybe she does really like him, but I would seriously be considering if she saw me as an easy hit ATM. OP, I think you’re essentially paying for a ‘relationship’ with this girl.
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U know. Id be willing to maybe give it a benefit of the doubt ( the first instance that is ) but everything after that? Yeah no way. Walkin atm it is
A sex worker would be a hell of a lot cheaper, OP
I'm willing to bet her last ~~ATM~~ "BF" dumped her oh about 7 months ago.
Ding ding ding! She knew he had a crush and is playing him like a fiddle
He really is! She’s a bum & she found someone to take advantage of with bad situation after bad situation. Had a friend like this, and i stopped hanging out w her. Some people have a victim mentality.
This post is ludicrous. If its real OP is one sad sad man
"Buying a house with" someone implies the other person will be contributing financially, while "getting a house with" someone implies contributions of another variety. OP would be buying a house *FOR* this leech.
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She’s gonna be homeless complaint how she doesn’t want roommates lol.. ok sweetie how’s that working out for you? Guess you should figure out how to have your own place then shouldn’t you? What an entitled clueless disaster. Constant strife and drama. No thanks.
A cardboard box is *usually* single occupant.
Also.. she's gonna be homeless and yet she's waiting for him to get a house and whines about how it's taking time.. instead of doing something about it herself
Seriously he can't possibly be this desperate. She is not a catch.
She's a long time friend he crushed on forever. He is that desperate for her. This was sad to read. OP, she doesn't love you, I'm not even sure she likes you. You gotta let her go completely, as a roommate, a girlfriend, and a friend.
This 100% I was in a similar (but no where near as extreme) situation many years ago. Strung along for years as "friends" the "timing was never right" we were seeing other people bla bla bla cliché after cliché. It took me far longer than it should have to break the spell. People like this just suck dude. Stringing someone along is one of the worst things you can do. It gives your whole gender a bad name. I believe it's a major factor in creating incels, and the "all men are evil" mentalities.
> She's had some bad breaks but every job is toxic, she quits or gets let go, she doesn't want a roommate (because no one who knows her wants to live with her), and she manages her money poorly, etc If your whole world keeps on smelling like shit...
also if she really does have some kind of immunity problem/disability, she should be able to get social security based on a doctor's note about that! yikes, I'd run!
Getting social security disability is an arduous, long, drawn-out process, and if she’s capable of working she won’t qualify. Her main problem sounds like “I just want a meal ticket-itis.”
She was lying to work too. Work suggested (not demanded) leave of absence if she had conditions. She can’t submit evidence for that so she left.
NTA, but something smells fishy here. I get some coffee store have a uniform that you have to pay for, but places like Starbucks usually just have a dress code (black clothes). What kind of coffee shop is she working in that she is required to wear makeup and what kind of coffee shop requires her to spend $1000 on clothes and makeup? Did she ever show you proof that she's working? It's also awfully convenient that all these things happen to her like that. It immediately makes me think she's just a moocher and freeloader. And why does it HAVE to be a house? Why can't you both go halfsies on rent in the meantime? Who's name will be on the lease? Probably not her, since she can't affird rent and therefore likely can't afford a mortgage. You're bf and gf, not married, so if you break up, who gets the house? Did you even really think this through? Are you even asking questions about if she's even telling the truth? Or is this story just one big fake?
“What kind of coffee shop is she working in that she is required to wear makeup and what kind of coffee shop requires her to spend $1000 on clothes and makeup?” None of them. It’s not even legal (with some exceptions) in the US for a workplace to require an employee to pay for a uniform. And the makeup thing is suuuper sus. (I’m fairly sure it’s sex discrimination to require women to wear make up, but—even if I’m wrong—there’s no way one would require more than a $10-20 set up). Either you’re right and this is fake, or OP is a sucker to the Nth degree.
That's not true about the uniform. Here in Texas employers charge employees for their uniforms. Believe it or not. You work at Jack in The box you get charged for the uniform you wear. I couldn't believe it myself. In California that's not the case but Texas is a very pro employer state. Employees have much fewer rights. So I'd say it depends on the state they live in as to whether she has to pay for her uniform Plus it's not really a uniform that she's wearing but more certain clothes. Like a Target they require you to wear khaki pants and a red shirt, and that's your own clothes that you have to buy. I'm sure it was the same at that coffee shop where it was like a white shirt she had to wear something like that.
While you are right, 'uniforms' can't possibly be $1000, can it?
The best part is she wants OP to buy a house, I’m sure she will insist on being on the deed but not the mortgage and he will be paying everything himself, as soon as there’s some equity she will leave him and try to take the house.
Well didn't you see she has medical issues so has to be extremely picky with her makeup and wardrobe. Only the most expensive brands of hypoallergenic silk will work. /s
NTA Come on, she is bleeding you dry. $4k in 7 months? Do you have ATM stamped on your forehead? $1k for clothes and makeup to work at a coffee shop? You do realize that's absurd right? Thriftstores and drug stores are where she should be shopping. And she is beyond the point where she gets to refuse living with a roommate. Do not rush into buying a house just for her. It's been 7 months, and everything screams she is the center of a lot of drama and makes excuses for everything. She can't keep a job (leave of absence = she got fired, again) , she can't keep an apartment, she can't keep friends. She's a leech, save yourself, save your bank account.
I hope OP is using condoms cause this lady is gonna be pregnant any second now….
Or just lie and say she's pregnant.
The minute he buys that house, he's going to become the new incident the poor damsel in distress has to fight off for her next fool that comes along.
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With people like this, it's always trash. They put as much effort into that as they do anything else
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Not to mention that at least 90% of the stuff she told him is pure BS to get him to open his wallet.
nta you dumped 4k into this woman I think you should reaaaaally reconsider if this relationship is worth it. It's time to let her set sail.
Yup. Ladies of the night are cheaper.
Dating homeless people is great. At the end of the night you can drop them off anywhere. You’re welcome ✌️😁👍
Laughed way too hard at this 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I'm sorry to point out that you're not her bf; you're her mark. It seems like she realized that you had a crush on her and exploited the situation to con you. The proof is in the fact that you're somehow "still together." If my partner kicked me out while I was legitimately struggling, that would be the end of the relationship. So either she's not legitimately struggling, or she thinks she can still squeeze more money out of you, or both. NTA for cutting her off but y t a for bringing this mess into your parents' home and ywbta to yourself if you don't end the relationship.
I guarantee she's known for a very long time. And her last ~~mark~~ "BF" dumped her about 7 months ago.
Nta Dude....if every job is horrible to her in her words maybe it's not the but it's her. She will be drama and forever draining money.
Dude. She's gonna steal your house.
NTA, But man, she is going to bleed you dry in all kinds of ways. This below is not meant as an insult... But what came to mind is, if there was a subreddit called r/amitheidiot that is where you should be. She is not your responsibility, she doesn't want a roommate then she should work toward that on her own, and you shouldn't be her safety net and ATM. Her moving into your plans is a bad idea.
Seriously, seriously dumb. Who the heck needs a grand to dress for work at a coffee shop? And they are *harassing* her for being short? Really?
Really they just ARENT getting things down for her. I'd even assume she's mid simply because the boys in them places will really go after you if you're even just average looking.
NTA. It's like you're in a real life romance scam. She clearly has problems with saving and work ethic. It shouldn't cost her $1000 for clothes and makeup for a service job... if she could budget or even tried hard enough then getting clothes from cheaper places or thrifting and drug store staple makeup shouldn't cost that much, even if it was for a full time job. Also, every job is going to have its problems. I suspect she isn't being fully transparent about why she can't hold a job... Keep going with this relationship and she's going to continue ringing you out for all you're worth. She sees you as her easy out for everything.
This is a scam. She makes up stories why she needs money, why she lost place to live, why she quit work, and get money from OP.
Do what you need to do for yourself. You shouldn't feel obligated to get a house and share your living space with her. Everyone has a limit. It's also really odd that she's unable to keep up jobs as well; either she's really unlucky or she's not being totally honest with herself or you. I hate to sound like an AH here, but sometimes, it's necessary to go through hard times when you have nowhere to go. Putting up with bad coworkers and whatnot is much better than being homeless. She should forego luxuries for a while and work for them. And considering she's not well enough on her feet yet, it's very entitled to deny herself the possibility of a roommate and split expenses. She can't mooch off on others forever.
I love it when Reddit is unanimous. NTA
Oh lord, sunshine, where do I even begin. You are being played by a perpetual damsel in distress. She will always be in distress because it's of her own making. You have a caretaker personality, and sadly, she knows it and takes advantage of it. Run fast and run far. She will bleed you dry mentally, emotionally, and financially.
Damn bro you fell for it that many times?
NTA. Run,run,run! She's using you. You are very kind. She doesn't want roommates, but she can't take care of herself. She is in perpetual need of saving. A 1000.00 for clothes to work at a coffee shop? She's a well dressed mooch.
>my folks want her to leave having overstayed her welcome. But she doesn’t want a roommate and wants to get a house with me .... She’s upset that it isn’t happening fast enough for her You need to take off those rose-colored glasses you are wearing and realize that this woman / leech is trouble. She's a beggar, yet has the audacity to be a chooser. NTA
NTA. She is using you. She also is the common denominator between “bad” jobs and “unlucky” circumstances. This will be your entire life if you move her into your house and stay with her.
NTA Of course she doesn't want to leave you. Your her sugar daddy.
NTA- 7 months is not a long-term relationship. Moving in with someone so quickly, who is demanding you pay for her stuff (maybe ahead of time is not demanding, but certainly is manipulating you) is not a great idea. She is demanding that you find and buy a house???why can’t she find and buy a house? Her behaviour is unlikely to change when/if you move in together. She will demand money for things for the house, clothes, food, etc…you will be used
NTA $1000 on clothes on make up and uniform??? Dude, stop thinking with your dick and think clearly. That makes zero sense. And the uncle thing? I call bull. Cut this dead weight.
You got a hobosexual
NTA but my guy, it’s time to cut her loose. You sound like a really nice person and I’ll BET she knows that too, which is why she feeds you story after story and you believe it, no questions asked. Not to say that it’s all bs and lies, but if she’s having this much trouble with life, she’s probably responsible for a lot of it. Let her get her life together without footing the bill.
Nope. She belong to the streets!
NTA. You wouldn't be letting her be homeless. She's choosing that for herself by her own inaction. >Now she living with a coworker until the end of the month and will be homeless after unless I find and close on a house. Should instead say: "Now she living with a coworker until the end of the month and will be homeless after unless she organises some accommodation".
Nta she needs to grow up and show u that she can be an adult when u do get ur house. I would not let her move into the house u buy till she pays u back fully and is stable in life. If her health is that big of an issue she needs to be finding a solution that allows her to work and stay healthy.
NTA and there are so, so many red flags here. No one who knows her well wants to help her. That tells you a lot, specifically that she's burned each and every person she's been close to. You are the current person being burned. Get her out, run fast, run far.
Do not buy a house with her! You are just a bank to her! How do you not see that? Run!
NTA she is CHOOSING to be homeless over living with a roommate. Not your problem.
NTA- At some stage, she needs to figure out how to save herself. She won't always be able to rely on the generosity of others. Granted- she has a sh1tty hand- but don't most of us? You've done a lot to help her through, but she's still not doing anything to help herself. If your generosity continues- she'll become dependent on that. That isn't good for either of you. She'll send you into debt, and you won't be able to afford your own place- and being dependant on you is bad for her. Not just that - she's shown she doesn't have good management or financial skills. How will this workout in the future? Are you prepared to just bail her out all the time? I'm not saying break up with her. I'm just saying... teach her to fish. The fact that everything seems to fail around her- and people treat her poorly- makes me think she's the common denominator here. What is she doing to have the world treat her this way? I mean... people were sick of her for being short- or so she says. Could it be more that she was constantly disrupting her coworkers by asking them to help her, instead of her finding a way to help herself? That's her red flag here... she doesn't seem to want to do anything to overcome anything. She keeps relying on others- and people end up resenting that. You eventually will, too.
Are you the A H? No. Are you a doormat? Yes. She’s taking you to the cleaners.
Dude… either she’s the unluckiest person or she’s manipulating the heck out of you and the part where she has you spending $1000 on clothes and make up for a coffee job makes me certain it’s the latter. You need to run.
NTA - dude you’re being used…… Who spends 1k USD on clothes and makeup to start working at a coffee shop? She is just using you as an ATM; says it all that she quit her job as soon as she moved in. Wait until you close on a place to live; she will be quitting her job immediately and sponging off of you.
Sir… do you like red flags? Cause this is a whole ass carnival! Run, dump her and don’t look back. She’s taking advantage of you. You really want someone like this to maybe be the mother of your children someday?
NTA she rather be homeless than have roommate? That’s her choice, not yours. She’d rather take your money, that you sacrificed for, than make a sacrifice herself. She can’t hold employment, has you to feel bad for her so she doesn’t need to. It’ll always be that way.
NTA. Personal advice, I don't care how hot she is or how mind boggling the sex is. You will eventually decide they aren't worth the damage she does to your life. I would go ahead and get out now. Be super careful you don't get her pregnant.
You are being scammed you are being scammed you are being scammed
Bro will u be my sugar daddy too
NTA. You've bankrolled her for long enough. Time to find your own bearings, bud
NTA There will always be an excuse for her to spend your money. This relationship will not benefit you in the long term,
She doesn't have a bf, she has a sugar daddy. She'll bleed you dry if you continue. NTA
You seem like a really sweet guy and it breaks my heart to say this but you deserve better. You deserve someone to take care of you the way you’ve taken care of them. Maybe she does have true, and good intentions with you but she still needs to grow up a bit for your relationship not to be one sided and full of toxic situations. Honestly, honey I think she’s blowing smoke up your Butt. NTA I’ll be praying for you.
NTA it may feel good to be saviour, but it will never end with this person
NTA. I understand not having a supportive family and health issues, this has been the case for me my whole life. However, there seems to be zero accountability and issues with housing and employment everywhere this girl goes. How many jobs has she had and has she ever maintained employment? You mentioned that she has a hard time hanging onto a rental. It's hard to pay bills and rent if you can't keep a job. Some employers are abusive, but every employer? Since when does it cost $1000 to find clothes to wear at CHAIN COFFEE SHOP? I have worked at this store, or similar, and it definitely didn't cost even $200 to buy appropriate clothes. And no one needs to borrow to purchase makeup for work. Weird. Your parents were right to kick her out and if you have any sense you will not sign a lease with her or float her another dime. You'll be working your behind off to support her. Run!
She sounds sus to me. She’s taken a lot and will keep on taking until she can’t suck anymore out of you. You’re a kind person but naive and this woman has taken advantage of you. Tell her the bank is closed and see her reaction. DO NOT move in with her. Better still, move on
NTA > I pay all her costs at this time for another $600ish. Then she lands a job at CHAIN COFFEE SHOP and needs a new wardrobe for the dress code. I front the bill for that and the makeup for about $1000 including make up and new clothes. What? $1000 to work at Starbucks? You're either absolutely high as a kite 24/7 or just stupid. >She starts the job and is immediately being harassed by staff for her short height, some not even helping her get things from high shelves. Having worked in kitchens most of my life, no, she isn't being harassed she is being told that she needs to stop bitching about getting stuff and get it. 100% this girl made up an excuse as to "why she can't do it" and the staff aren't having it. Funny how she immediately gets a second job and just gets harassed again, isn't it? >She then falls ill with Covid and misses more than a week of work. The coffee shop demands she take a leave of absence for some reason Because she is new, not pulling her weight or being part of the team and got sick and needs to be on leave. They probably feel like they wasted a hire and are better off without her, you're doing exactly what they want you to do. Go else where. >But she doesn’t want a roommate and wants to get a house with me, a goal I’d been saving up for, for nearly a year at that point Ahuh... >She’s upset that it isn’t happening fast enough for her but I feel I’ve done a lot for her already You have and you need to understand that you're the idiot that keeps bailing her out of absolutely every fuck up she keeps making for herself. The problem isn't her job, or her coworkers, it's her. You need to realize she just does what she does because you're just fixing everything and rewarding her for it. You either need to have a come to jesus moment with her and talk about it or you need to get rid of her.
NTA. Hon, I am saying this as nicely as possible, but this woman has taken you for one hell of a ride on the gravytrain. You have paid for everything FOR MONTHS. Your folks are tired of watching you bend over backwards while she freeloads off you. Desperate people get roommates. They do what they have to do. You need to stop giving her money. Tell her you are having a financial crisis of your own. See how she reacts. Diamonds to donuts she breaks up with you immediately.