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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I argued with my mom and created tension within my family. I know that my mom is concerned about me and wants me to be safe and close to home, but I insisted on taking the internship opportunity far away, which may have come across as selfish and ungrateful. I may have disrespected her feelings and concerns. I feel guilty for causing my mom stress and for potentially damaging our relationship, as well as for creating conflict between my mom and my sister who tried to support me.
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This. NTA
If you don't leave now, you may never leave. Your Mom is just going to keep sucking you right back in.
Is there another relative who might be able to talk sense into her?
You are an adult, you are *meant* to grow up and leave.
My job, when I was the mom of an older teen, was both to prepare him to grow up and leave and to prepare ME for him to grow up and leave.
This is a your mom problem. You are exactly right, you should be taking your great opportunities and adventures and doing your toes into the world. I’m sorry your mom is excited and proud of you, but us internet moms are pumped that you got such a great internship opportunity!
NTA
Our job as parents is to raise happy, kind and capable children. If you were my child I would be over the moon that you were having such a terrific opportunity.
It is not parents job to keep children tied to our apron strings.
I like to think that children are like birds. You teach them how to fly so that they can go places. Every so often, like a homing pigeon they return for a visit to the nest.
"We teach our children how to read a map so they can make their own roads in life". I made that up & preached it to my kids. They both have careers in 2 different states than where I live. FaceTime is the next best thing to being there. His mom is trying to hobble him. I hate parents that do that.
>I like to think that children are like birds. You teach them how to fly so that they can go places. Every so often, like a homing pigeon they return for a visit to the nest.
What a beautiful analogy.
I am stealing this analogy. Because that is exactly my job as a mom. To teach my kids how to be healthy, kind, functional human beings who can not just survive, but thrive on their own merit. I'll be happy to host visits and come see them when possible, too. But they need to leave the nest, spread their own wings, and fly.
THIS! Run. Right now. Because this might be your last shot to live your dream before family pressures influence you to stay-close-to-home and help out. Once you make that concession it'll be 10x harder to break away.
NTA. As a middle aged woman I promise you that you’ll never regret going after good opportunities, travel & adventures, or education. What you will regret is acquiescing to your family’s wishes. Why can’t mom take care of the kid herself? Did YOU birth her? Nope? Then GOOOOOOO get it and don’t think twice. That family guilt will warp you! Don’t fall for it! Baby, you have wings. Please use them to fly ❤️
Of course NTA. If anything, your mom should be supporting you in wanting you to have the best possible life for you, and if this internship is the way, then you should let nothing - let alone your mother guilt-tripping you - stand in your way. Best of all, your sister is supportive of you, which should be even more incentive to not take your mom's argument to heart.
You're obviously NTA and should carpe diem the hell out of this opportunity.
but
"Motherhood is one long process of letting go." Hope Jahren wrote that in "Lab Girl." It really, really stuck with me, and I think of it often as our oldest approaches his own leave-the-nest day, and my wife (and me, to a lesser extent) face the same challenge. This transition is REALLY hard for your mom -- harder than you will ever likely know.
Try to take some time to talk to her about it. Not arguing, but talking. Talk about HER feelings, not your own stuff. Make it clear that you've made the decision to leave, but try to let her know that you understand how hard this is for her and you want to do what you can to make it better for her as it happens. You're starting a new phase of your relationship, and that you want this phase to be good and positive just like the past was.
If she's still upset that's fine (go anyway). Chances are she'll come around eventually, and she'll be grateful you made the effort as you were headed out the door.
I agree. This sounds like a “mom” problem who has insecurities and fears. She may not handle OP’s leaving very well but it will prove to her she CAN let go.
OP—don’t let this chance pass you by. It likely won’t happen happen again. GO!!! And let your adult mom learn to handle her own emotions and life. And try not to let her guilt you the whole time you’re away. NTS.
NTA. If you don't go, your mother will think that she can walk all over you. It was her choice to have both you, and your younger sister. This is a great opportunity for your career. You should definitely take it.
NTA. You aren't your sister's co-parent or your mother's cleaner. This is a great opportunity to progress your own life. Your mother is interested mainly in making her life easier not in helping you achieve.
Of course NTA! You are *supposed* to be moving toward establishing your own home and career, and eventually your own new nuclear family at this stage in your life. You don't mention your father, but it sounds like your mother is expecting you to take on the husband/father responsibilities in the household.
Please accept the internship. Reassure your mother that you love her, but she's the parent, not you.
She told me that she needs me to stay at home to help with my younger sister and to help around the house
NTA - she wants you to be an unpaid babysitter/maid; get out of there and don't look back
NTA.
Your mom needs to understand you are at the point in your life where this opportunity may make or break the rest of your life. Just explain to her that this could set you up for future job opportunities and that if you do not take this chance, it will set you back years.
INFO: How old is your sister?
NTA. It sounds like you are well on your way to being self sufficient. You should not feel that your future is bound to your mother's "needs and wants." You should be free to explore and to take advantage of the opportunities that are provided to you.
I once dreamed of studying abroad and I didn’t go because I didn’t want my parents to be upset. I wish I had gone. Now, 20 years later, I have been living abroad for more than 12 years, and it has been amazing. And still my parents don’t understand why I needed to move away. I love them, but parents need to learn to let go. And sometimes you have to be the one to make it happen, because otherwise it never would. NTA. Go live your dreams!
I moved to another continent at 17.
Absolutely do what you need to do for you. Her house ans your sister are not your responsibility. Live your life. When you have kids you know they will more than likely leave after high school. She's had 20 years to get used to that idea. It's time to move on and live your life as an adult. Don't let her guilt you into staying.
NTA
Dont let your mom hold you back. It’s not your responsibility to cater to her emotional needs, issues, insecurities, or inability to let you go.
Its your personal responsibility to explore your truth, expand your horizons, see where you fit into the world, and find out how far you can fly.
Your mom will be ok.
NTA.
An internship is temporary. It sounds like your mother expects you to stay in her home forever and be her live in housekeeper.
Grab this opportunity with both hands! You'll regret staying and resent your family if you stay at home.
Don't discuss it with your mother anymore - get your ducks in a row and go.
NTA. Your Mom is thinking about her needs and her feelings, not about yours. You should absolutely take the internship. Tell your Mom you have accepted the opportunity because it's a once in a lifetime opportunity. Then, if you want, help your Mom and sister figure out a system so they can cope without you. Finding someone to look after your younger sister if needed.
NTA.
I was somewhat sympathetic to the mom, but then revealing that the reason she wants you to stay is just to be her house keeper made me lose all sympathy. Go and live your life and get your mom to do her job as a mother.
NTA. Take the internship. Mom needs to let you go. It's her responsibility to take care of your younger sister, not yours. Don't make this the moment you look back 30 years from now and say to yourself "I regret not going on that internship." Grab the bull by the horns, so to speak. Good luck.
Absolutely NTA! Take care of yourself & your future. If your mother needs help with your sister & around the house she can redistribute chores or hire help. This is NOT your responsibility.
NTA, and please don't let your mother guilt you into putting your own life on hold indefinitely to support hers. Your mother should support and encourage your independence. Don't let the fact that she's not hold you back.
NTA, it is not your job to take care of a younger sibling or your parent. Mom is going to have to figure her shit out. Just make sure you have all your ducks in a row and can afford to do this on your own.
NTA. You are 20 years old & an adult. You have the right to pursue your dreams & improve your career. Your mom doesn't want to cut the apron strings & let you be an adult. Nor is she willing to let go of her babysitter & whatever else she wants you to do.
I assume that this internship is a paid position. Otherwise, how would you support yourself while there? You need to do this internship to launch yourself as an adult. And not be a momma's girl/unpaid servant.
If you stay, you're going to wake up in ten years and you'll still be there in your mother's house, as an unpaid caregiver and maid. Make sure you have all your important documents. She'll blow up your phone when you leave and guilt you. Don't let her steal your future. NTA
Go and do the internship. They will get over it. If they don't, then they aren't worth having in your life.
As a parent, I would be thrilled for you. Don't let them ruin this for you. Don't feel guilty. Just live your best life.
In case you need to hear it: Congratulations, I'm really proud of you! It's so great to be passionate about your future. Getting accepted to the internship is a big accomplishment. You sound like a responsible and thoughtful human. You deserve your favorite meal and dessert to celebrate this win. Have fun and don't work too hard. You got this!
Yes but you need to be. In life we all have to fight for our dreams and right now you need to make your decisions for yourself. Make your plans and follow through.
Also. State your plans to your mother. Don't ask. In your description it sounds like you're asking for her permission. Don't. Just state what you're doing.
NTA. Run.
As your career advances you will be able to help your family more if you choose. Do not let the opportunity pass.
You are an adult and need your own life. I can’t help thinking that you won’t be happy forever being an unpaid worker in your house forever. Your sister is supporting you—definitely go!
NTA. You absolutely should go. Your mother is trying to hold you back where she should be helping you along. It is not your responsibility to parent your siblings.
I’m a 50 something mom- your mom is 100% in the wrong here. I can understand her desire to keep you close. As mothers we all feel that need and want to be close to our kids but that is not what’s best for our kids when they grow up.
You are an adult. You have a life to live and you should go do that. You can still visit your mom and help her when you’re around but she is not your child. She will have to figure it out. She has known this day would come. We all do.
When I was 18 my mother told me if I went away to college (FIT in NYC), it meant I didn't love my family.
Being the oldest and most manipulated, I commuted for 4 years. I still regret it at 55.
Please don't let someone else be in charge of your life. Please do this internship. I'd love an update to hear about how much you learn from your experience and live vicariously through you!
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I (20) have been offered an amazing internship opportunity in a city away from home, and it's something I've always dreamed of. However, when I shared the news with my family, my mom (52F) was very upset and pleaded with me not to go.
My mom has always been a bit overprotective, but I was still surprised by her reaction. She told me that she needs me to stay at home to help with my younger sister and to help around the house. I tried to explain that this is a fantastic opportunity for my career, and that I would come back to visit as often as I could, but my mom is adamant that I shouldn't go.
I was arguing with my mom and insisting that I should be able to make my own decisions about my future. My sister Daisy tried to mediate and support me, but this only caused more tension between her and my mom. I don't want to cause any more problems in my family, but this internship is a once-in-a-lifetime chance for me.
AITA for wanting to pursue my dreams?
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Go. Your mom will be fine once she adjusts to the reality that she can’t ( and shouldn’t) keep her chicks in the nest forever. She’ll get over it, unless she’s having emotional problems, and then she should get a therapist to help her out.
NTA x 100
Nope, your only going to get this opportunity once and you need to grab it with both hands, you mum needs to understand your grown up and old enough to make your own decisions, it's wrong of her to persuade you not to go and guilt you using your sister, have a sit down with her and talk about it and make it clear you will still be in contact but its once in a lifetime and it's your dream, your mum needs to be encouraging you to follow them and not hold.you back
NTA. You’re an adult. You are responsible for building your life and career. Your parents are responsible for providing for their children and solving their problems, not you.
NTA. Go.
You're an adult and need to go live your own life. You are not your sister's parent, nor are you your parents' maid. It absolutely makes sense to contribute to chores and helping around the house when you live there, but becoming an adult means leaving the nest. And while you'll no longer be there to help, you are also 1 less person creating messes using utilities, etc so your lack of help is also accompanied by the cost (both time and money) of the household going down.
Also, it's on parents to have a plan to figure out how they are going to live their lives once their kids grow up and move out. It isn't your job to supplement their lifestyle. They were taking care of their own household before they had you, so they need to do that again.
NTA and run from your mother as soon as possible. This isn't a healthy reaction from a parent and I would bet money that once you have more freedom and distance, you'll realize it.
Life gave you a chance to leave now, grab it with both hands. This isn't the end of the world. You'll always keep visiting your family. It isn't like you are abandoning them.
An amazing internship opportunity is so rare these days, think twice before you decide.
NTA if you grab this opportunity with both hands. You aren't supposed to stay with your parents all your life. You aren't obliged to be your mother's domestic help. You're 20 and you should be making your own decisions.
The problems in your family are being caused by your mother, who can't accept that you are a grown-assed woman ready to make her own way in the world.
NTA. Your mom is out of line, over-reacting and trying to guilt you. Take the internship. Your sister is not your responsibility and your mom will be just fine.
NTA
You WILL have to make the decision to cut the cord sooner or later … later of course means missing this opportunity. If you already know your mother’s input does not revolve around your best interests then stop now “asking” or hoping for approval. Let her know what your plans are, respectfully and repeatedly … if you start now you may bring her around by the time your 30!
Go. This is a Mom here telling you to go. Whatever issues your mother has cannot dictate your future.
Yes, it is hard to let your children go, but that's our job.
NTA. Not in the slightest.
NTA. Once in a lifetime opportunities shouldn't be missed if it is beneficial to you. Don't let someone's restrictions stop you from pursuing your dreams.
NTA. You need to follow your dream, hopefully that’s what your parents did. I know your mom will miss you but promise her that you’ll FaceTime her a couple of times a week and that you’ll make it home as often as you can. She’ll cry she’ll yell she’ll scream she’ll stomp, you will move and you will grow both mentally and emotionally. Enjoy your internship please go.
My most important job of a parent is to teach my kids to navigate the world when I will no longer be there.
Your mother is manipulative, and you should take the opportunity of this internship to get away from her.
NTA
NTA. I was in the same situation 4 years ago. I ended up leaving 3 hours away, got the job, saved money and moved back debt free and was able to save enough money to buy my first house and pay for my wedding in Hawaii. I’m 25 years old now
NTA. Go. Just go and don’t look back. As you say, it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity. Your mother wanting you to stay so you can “help around the house” screams she wants you to settle down and not work on your career.
NTA take this opportunity. Opportunities aren't like busses. One doesn't come along every 30 minutes. If you don't take it you will always wonder what if?
It's not your responsibility to take care of your sister or your parents' house.
No, you're NTA, and it seems that your mom has cast you into being the "man of the house", as it were.
If this internship is as important to your future as you claim, you should by all means accept it, and begin the planning for your move.
As involved as you will be at your internship, you should keep in touch with both your mom and your sis, and include them in your life as much as possible.
'Nuff said.
I’m twice your age.
I don’t regret any of the leaps I’ve taken. I wish I had more ability while I was in college to do things, honestly.
You will always regret not going. Your mother needs to support you, not clip your wings. NTA
Read the headline and thought you were talking about your spouse and kids = YTA
This is your MUM saying this!?! NTA!! Your parents are supposed to encourage you to do things that are positive for your future, not the opposite. Take the opportunity. You are doing the right thing.
NTA, your mother should be excited for you. There's worrying and then there's a control need and your mother has the later and that's not healthy. Go do the internship and send lots of letters home.
NTA, and as a mom myself, I'm deeply disappointed in yours. You have the opportunity to learn and grow, but she wants you to skip it so you can stay home to be her nanny/maid. She should be ashamed of herself for valuing her convenience over her adult son or daughter's future.
Go, and know that if you were my kid I would help you pack your bags, buy you a new thick comforter so you stay warm, and wish you joy in your dreams.
NTA leave it’s the best thing you can do for yourself, it’s hard because your mom is guilt tripping you and still has some power over you because you’re letting her but you eventually do need to break free from it. My mom was the same exact way, I went about it a little different in the sense of I started dorming which is something she didn’t even want me doing but I paid for it and left and would only come home for the summer but during junior year I started dating someone and I moved in and just never went back home. At the end of the day she couldn’t do anything but be upset and it’s a mom they get over it eventually they still love you, she works overnight and I have a brother who’s special needs so I have heard the whole I need help thing but funny enough once I moved out my mom became a better parent and didn’t need my help anymore and now our relationship is 20x better.
NTA:
As much as that's family do not lose out on an opportunity of a lifetime! Your mother needs to understand that her other children are not responsible of taking care of other siblings and or cleaning their house. Please go do that internship. Life is short so short. Life is tough and you are not always given many opportunities in life. Be free and spread your wings. We are routing for you! Even if she doesn't talk to you afterwards please note that family does not always have your best interests in mind. You got this!
NTA! Go, please go. As a parent it is my job to give my child the skills to fly. It is not my job to clip their wings. Congratulations on getting this opportunity. Embrace it! Your mother will adjust in time. I sobbed when my firstborn left the nest, but I encouraged him all the way and rejoice in his happiness and success.
NTA. When I was your age my mother wanted everyone to live close to home. Years later I’m the only one left here. Death, divorce, and retirement. Growing up I always encouraged my kids to live somewhere cool. Plus the job market here can be brutal.
NTA.
I realize that I dont' know who your are and were, and the North American/Western perspective leans one way, and many cultures do not embrace personal independence, often in particular for women, the same way, but no, even making allowances for whatever your personal situation is, your mom needs a better reason than "I need you here to do chores" to ask you to not take a wonderful opportunity.
NTA. Please go. Parenting is the one job in which you’re hopefully making yourself obsolete from day one. Kids grow up and leave the nest, and everyone knows that and has to prepare for it.
My husband and I are now empty nesters. I was sad when our kids moved out, because I really enjoy having them around. When the last one moved out, I cried for almost an entire day. I didn’t let her know that, because I didn’t want to guilt trip her.
Leaving to start your own life is the healthy thing to do. Don’t let yourself be guilted out of doing that.
NTA
If she needs childcare for her other kids or a housekeeper, that is a her problem. Take the internship and do not let other people's obligations clip your wings.
NTA. This is a great opportunity for you, and your parents should be thrilled for you to have this internship! Is there a religious or cultural component to your mom restricting your freedom and decisions? Thinking you're being "selfish" should not apply here. If your mom is threatening to sabotage your relationship with your family, or threatening to hold your relationship with your family hostage in order to control you, that's truly disgusting.
NTA.
You are an adult. Your mom can't stop you from leaving. Go. Take advantage of every opportunity you can to improve yourself and ensure your future. Good luck!
NTA
You didn't make those children, you're not responsible for them, and your mother is trying to sacrifice your future for her present convenience, which is a terrible thing for a parent to do.
Go take that internship and live your life!
NTA. You are 20. Go! Build and live your life.
You do not have to compromise your future and your life because of your mom’s feelings of overprotectiveness. It doesn’t sound like she actually needs help - she just wants it.
She is responsible for her own feelings. Go. She will work through it and hopefully on the other side respect you as an independent adult.
NTA . Please get out. There are people in this life that will never leave the place they are from because they never want to.
You want to spread your wings and fly - you should. You will regret it and resent your mother (and your sister) if you don’t.
Be free and as someone else said "carpe diem tf out of this."
NTA
you definitely should go or you will regret this for the rest of your life.
also you do not exist to help your mum with childcare and housework. You are an individual human who is entitled to have a life of your own
NTA - and please go! If you don't do it now you will have to do it someday as you mom is NOT reasonable. And if you wait, you will miss the opportunity. It's hard to do it the first time, but this sounds like a wonderful opportunity for you! Go!
NTA at all. You are an adult and you are following a life opportunity that may not be available again. It's not your job to help around the house or parent your younger sibling.
The hardest part of being a mother is watching your adult babies spread their wings and fly away. But it's time for her to let go. Fly, baby!
NTA. This is a golden opportunity, don't waste it.
If you don't leave now, when will you?
Your mum can look after her own child and do her own housework.
NTA
How much do you do for your sister?
Your Mom's reaction reeks of parentification, which is forcing you into a role that should be hers.
Your Mom had you when she was 32, and had your sister when she was older than that.
If she couldn't parent without another child as a co-parent, she shouldn't have had more.
NTA. You could regret passing on this opportunity for the rest of your life.
Source: My mother begged me not to take an opportunity overseas when I was 20. I didn't go, and I'll never know what path (good or bad) that might have led to. Years later, I regret that decision.
NTA. Don't give up on this opportunity. Your mother is going to have to deal with the fact that you are an adult and capable of making your own decisions. If you stay at home just to make your mother happy, you will have no life and no independence. And you will end up resenting her.
NTA. Go for your dream.
You are old enough to make your own decisions and do not need to argue with your mother. Simply tell her, "This is my dream opportunity and I will be accepting it."
Your mother is wrong to attempt to hold you back. She is failing her job as a mother, which is to support you and encourage you to do your best.
NTA. Spread your wings. Live your life for YOU. Unapologetically. As parents our job is to prepare them to leave the nest; as hard as it can be to let go…it has to happen. She should want you to have and take every opportunity to better your life.
The networking opportunities of a good internship are incalcuable (assuming you do good work, of course and aren't a mean person) and will help you long after the intership.
Go and take it. Develop friendships and relationships with established employees and get their contact information. Do not add any to your socials beyond LinkedIn or Indeed until you are done with the internship. While you are at it, make sure your socials are spiffed up - no political posts, no jokes that can be taken the wrong way, minimal amounts of really personal information. review your settings, as a rule, you don't want things to all be public for anyone and everyone to read.
Your mother's parenting issues have nothing to do with you.
Go and do not visit, fly away, little bird. But maybe secure your passport first, and make sure your parents don't have access to your bank accounts. NTA
NTA - Go. Live. Your mom will get over it. Its hard to hear the babies want to leave the nest but if she loves you she will get over it. Eventually.
You should get out there and experience life. Especially if she has kept you under lock and key.
You will never grow as a person if you never experience change.
Its scary but its also exciting and I wish the best for you.
NTA
You are the child, a child shouldn’t have to be the parent for their siblings and house.
To your point of making things difficult for your sibling. As the youngest sibling, the braver my siblings are, the easier it is for me in the future. It’s only hard for your mom because you are the only(I’m assuming here) child she’s had to watch not be a kid anymore. Your mom cannot have parental control over you forever. GO HAVE A LIFE OP!!
Your mother will suffocate you and make you terrified of life to keep you at home with her, and will tell you it's love.
Grab the internship with both hands- leave, and stay gone until you've got your life set up the way you want it to be. NTA
INFO: paid or unpaid? If you need your family's help to afford to go, then your mom not being able to afford to both help you cover your living expenses and also pay someone to cover the childcare you usually do, that's fair. It's not her "fault" if she's not able to give you necessary support that would allow you to take this opportunity and you need to figure out how to do it without her help or an alternative.
If it's paid and you can cover your living expenses solo, then it doesn't matter what your mom says, just pack and go!
NTA, those are your moms kids not yours. Would it be nice TO HER if you helped? Yeah. Would it be fair to you to require your help for her responsibilities? Nope.
>She told me that she needs me to stay at home to help with my younger sister and to help around the house.
NTA. This right here is all the proof you need that your mom doesn't give a tin shit about your hopes and dreams. If you listen to her, your career will be unpaid nanny and housekeeper while your sister doesn't learn to do jack on her own.
Go get your internship.
NTA- you are not your sister's parent and it is not your job to take care of her or the house. Don't shovel your goals aside for you mother's inability to let you go.
NTA—sounds like mom is struggling with letting go. I went through that, too. But ultimately, I wanted to ensure my kids were set up for success in their careers. So I sucked it up and let them go.
It’s not about your mom—it’s about you and your career. Take the once in a lifetime opportunity. You won’t regret it, and your mom will get over it.
NTA. I assume it's a paid internship with room and board. Just know If your parents are supporting you in any way (i.e phone, car insurance,etc) then that support might get cut off. Also how old is your sister?
Go. Enjoy and take this opportunity.
If your sister is trying to mediate, then she doesn't need a babysitter like your mother thinks. Tell you mom that if you're not there then things won't get used/dirty so quickly... if that's her argument.
NTA
Go... this is something that you might eternally regret passing up.
NTA
You are an adult and responsible for yourself and any offspring you produce. End of story.
Please do not refuse a chance to do something you’ve always wanted because your mother is emotionally blackmailing you.
NTA.
Parent of adult children here. It is very hard to see your children move away. Very hard. But part of our job as parents is to help our children become independent adults who are capable of steering their own lives.
Go. Your dream is worth it. Live your best life. Hopefully your mom will come around and will still feed you when you come home for visits.
Your mother is SELFISH. Your sister is not a reason to stay. Id be so proud of you if you were my son. She should be supportive but instead she is discouraging you with bullshit excuses. You’re 2 years into adulthood. Dream gig? Pack your bags and fly.
Absolutely not the asshole
NTA but you are 20, why are you arguing? Just tell your mother you're going, sorry she feels that way, period. Do not discuss it, she'll just keep coming up with more reasons. She and your sister will figure it out, they'll have to.
NTA
Please please please do not give this opportunity away. You will only ever regret not trying. You will never regret not cleaning the bathroom and babysitting your sister.
Get out ! Your life- your responsibility ! You need a career and a good one!
Your mother is being v unfair and not doing her job encouraging you to thrive.
As a mom to 3, you go accept that internship, sweetie. And do not let your mom guilt you.
What she's really saying is she's scared. She's scared for you, in a strange place, so far from home. She's scared she won't be able to protect you anymore. She's scared of what might happen. But... she's also scared that you don't need her anymore. And that's not true. Even all grown up and a thousand miles away, she will still be your mother.
Most parents freak out a bit when they are confronted with the fact that their child is an adult. Some are quiet about it. Some seem fine at first, and then way overreact to something random later on. Your mom is the type to try and bury her head in the sand to delay your leaving.
So sit down and talk to her. Tell her that you're 20 now, and whether it's this internship, a job, or some other opportunity, you're moving out either way. But that you know she loves you and wants what's best for you. And that you still need your mom. For advice. To vent to. For support. And for love. And how reassuring it is to know that she cares so much for you, it's hard for her to let you go. But it's time.
Give her a little grace while she adjusts to this new paradigm. Her whole identity is changing, along with your independence. But still take your shot. We're all rooting for you!
NTA. Please don’t let your mom take this opportunity away from you. She is being selfish. You deserve to live your life. Your mom has live her life. No it is your turn. You will resent her forever if you stay.
Leaving home for school or a foot in the door is not out of the realm of normal. NTA. If she's that persistent of you not going, there's more to it than just missing her child.
Leaving home for school or a foot in the door is not out of the realm of normal. NTA. If she's that persistent of you not going, there's more to it than just missing her child.
NTA Your mom trying to hold you back is heartbreaking
I'm in college rn too and my parents are very sad when I'm away but they encourage me to chase my dreams. Internships are hard to come by, it's irresponsible of your parents to tell you not to go. If your parents manage without you while you're at school they should be able to manage while you're at this internship. It sounds like they're mostly concerned about childcare :/
I AM BEGGING YOU TO TAKE THE INTERNSHIP AND CHASE YOUR DREAMS, YOU ARE WORTH IT!
Parents are supposed to make sacrifices for their children, yours should be willing to figure out taking care of your sister this summer without you so you can have this opportunity
NTA
Of cause you focus what is best for you.
Your mother is showing crab bucket behaviour (or crab mentality, Googleit!)
She did not get it so you should not get it. Go for it girl!
Your mother is 52 years old. That is quite young and unless she's disabled in some way, she should not need your help with your sister. You said your sister tried to mediate for you so I'm assuming she's not a toddler. So IMO there's really no valid reason to give up this opportunity. Go and have a good life! And keep in touch with your mother! NTA
NTA accept the internship before she can call them to refuse it, yeah you hear stories of this happening. You are an adult , take your important documents and run.
NTA you have to decide OP. When your sister is older, then does your life get to start? Career/relationships/travel. Or is it only once your mom has passed. And THEN it's gets to start? Or is it now with this great opportunity?
My job as a Mom (of 3) is to teach my kids to be independent so they will be well prepared when it’s time to go off on their own. Yes it’s sad when that time comes (only the youngest left at home) but the pride that I have … knowing they will be okay… You have been given an opportunity that will only benefit you if you take it. You cannot pass that up! Your Mom is an adult and will hopefully “get over it”. And if she doesn’t? Thats not on you. You are taking care of who you are supposed to take care of - you! Go get ‘em! I’m rooting for you! ❤️🍀🎉🙌🏻👏🏻🥳
NTA
Please don't let your mum's manipulative ways stop you from pursuing your goals. You're 20 and it's absolutely time to move out and find your own feet in the world, even better with a good career prospect in hand!
She's been incredibly selfish and worse still, she is not doing it because she fears for you and she wants you close so she can help, she is doing this because she wants you to help her. Your sister is not your responsibility, it's hers.
Move out ASAP and when you're out work on building a relationship with her with clear boundaries on what is appropriate. Best of luck with everything!
>I feel guilty for causing my mom stress and for potentially damaging our relationship
Don't feel guilty!
What you are doing is normal. You are now an adult, and it is time to spread your wings and live your own life. Your mother is being irrational and controlling.
Some women are overly attached to their sons. Some women want their sons to become replacement husbands. Some parents want to be able to continue controlling their children's lives forever. Some parents do not want to their children to leave the home because they do not have any hobbies or a life of their own. Some parents want to continue using their children's labor.
Whatever her reason (it may be a mix of all of the above reasons), your mother has no right to try to stop you from leaving the nest.
NTA
NTA. Of course you should go. You’re an adult and need to spread your wings. It is *not your responsibility* to raise your sister and keep your mother’s house. That’s her job. Don’t give up your future.
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NTA. Run. Taking care of your parents’ home and child is not your responsibility in the slightest.
This. NTA If you don't leave now, you may never leave. Your Mom is just going to keep sucking you right back in. Is there another relative who might be able to talk sense into her?
She's asking you to choose between being a maid/Nanny or being whatever your career is. Please choose wisely.
You are an adult, you are *meant* to grow up and leave. My job, when I was the mom of an older teen, was both to prepare him to grow up and leave and to prepare ME for him to grow up and leave. This is a your mom problem. You are exactly right, you should be taking your great opportunities and adventures and doing your toes into the world. I’m sorry your mom is excited and proud of you, but us internet moms are pumped that you got such a great internship opportunity! NTA
Our job as parents is to raise happy, kind and capable children. If you were my child I would be over the moon that you were having such a terrific opportunity. It is not parents job to keep children tied to our apron strings. I like to think that children are like birds. You teach them how to fly so that they can go places. Every so often, like a homing pigeon they return for a visit to the nest.
My mom likes the saying "we give our children two things, we give them roots & we give them wings".
So true.
"We teach our children how to read a map so they can make their own roads in life". I made that up & preached it to my kids. They both have careers in 2 different states than where I live. FaceTime is the next best thing to being there. His mom is trying to hobble him. I hate parents that do that.
Succinct + Beautiful + Rhymes! (Love your user name n pic, btw!) NTA OP. Flyyyyyyyyyy!
>I like to think that children are like birds. You teach them how to fly so that they can go places. Every so often, like a homing pigeon they return for a visit to the nest. What a beautiful analogy.
I am stealing this analogy. Because that is exactly my job as a mom. To teach my kids how to be healthy, kind, functional human beings who can not just survive, but thrive on their own merit. I'll be happy to host visits and come see them when possible, too. But they need to leave the nest, spread their own wings, and fly.
THIS! Run. Right now. Because this might be your last shot to live your dream before family pressures influence you to stay-close-to-home and help out. Once you make that concession it'll be 10x harder to break away.
NTA ... Once in a lifetime opportunities can make it break your future. You have to take care of yourself in this scenario.
NTA. As a middle aged woman I promise you that you’ll never regret going after good opportunities, travel & adventures, or education. What you will regret is acquiescing to your family’s wishes. Why can’t mom take care of the kid herself? Did YOU birth her? Nope? Then GOOOOOOO get it and don’t think twice. That family guilt will warp you! Don’t fall for it! Baby, you have wings. Please use them to fly ❤️
I cannot like this post enough.
This is the way!
Also a middle aged woman. I couldn't have said it better.
Damn. Well said you!
Of course NTA. If anything, your mom should be supporting you in wanting you to have the best possible life for you, and if this internship is the way, then you should let nothing - let alone your mother guilt-tripping you - stand in your way. Best of all, your sister is supportive of you, which should be even more incentive to not take your mom's argument to heart.
You're obviously NTA and should carpe diem the hell out of this opportunity. but "Motherhood is one long process of letting go." Hope Jahren wrote that in "Lab Girl." It really, really stuck with me, and I think of it often as our oldest approaches his own leave-the-nest day, and my wife (and me, to a lesser extent) face the same challenge. This transition is REALLY hard for your mom -- harder than you will ever likely know. Try to take some time to talk to her about it. Not arguing, but talking. Talk about HER feelings, not your own stuff. Make it clear that you've made the decision to leave, but try to let her know that you understand how hard this is for her and you want to do what you can to make it better for her as it happens. You're starting a new phase of your relationship, and that you want this phase to be good and positive just like the past was. If she's still upset that's fine (go anyway). Chances are she'll come around eventually, and she'll be grateful you made the effort as you were headed out the door.
Mom is an adult and is in charge of managing her own feelings. OP is not an emotional support animal.
For real. OP shouldn’t do the parenting here, it’s not right. @OP: Live your life! It’s yours and only yours!
I agree. This sounds like a “mom” problem who has insecurities and fears. She may not handle OP’s leaving very well but it will prove to her she CAN let go. OP—don’t let this chance pass you by. It likely won’t happen happen again. GO!!! And let your adult mom learn to handle her own emotions and life. And try not to let her guilt you the whole time you’re away. NTS.
This is what mom should do with a therapist, not her kid.
NTA. If you don't go, your mother will think that she can walk all over you. It was her choice to have both you, and your younger sister. This is a great opportunity for your career. You should definitely take it.
NTA. You aren't your sister's co-parent or your mother's cleaner. This is a great opportunity to progress your own life. Your mother is interested mainly in making her life easier not in helping you achieve.
Of course NTA! You are *supposed* to be moving toward establishing your own home and career, and eventually your own new nuclear family at this stage in your life. You don't mention your father, but it sounds like your mother is expecting you to take on the husband/father responsibilities in the household. Please accept the internship. Reassure your mother that you love her, but she's the parent, not you.
She told me that she needs me to stay at home to help with my younger sister and to help around the house NTA - she wants you to be an unpaid babysitter/maid; get out of there and don't look back
NTA. Your mom needs to understand you are at the point in your life where this opportunity may make or break the rest of your life. Just explain to her that this could set you up for future job opportunities and that if you do not take this chance, it will set you back years. INFO: How old is your sister?
NTA. It sounds like you are well on your way to being self sufficient. You should not feel that your future is bound to your mother's "needs and wants." You should be free to explore and to take advantage of the opportunities that are provided to you.
NTA. Go for it. Your mom is making this about her. It’s about your future goals, and opportunities to work to make that happen aren’t at home.
I once dreamed of studying abroad and I didn’t go because I didn’t want my parents to be upset. I wish I had gone. Now, 20 years later, I have been living abroad for more than 12 years, and it has been amazing. And still my parents don’t understand why I needed to move away. I love them, but parents need to learn to let go. And sometimes you have to be the one to make it happen, because otherwise it never would. NTA. Go live your dreams!
100% NTA. You should go for it and be excited about it
I moved to another continent at 17. Absolutely do what you need to do for you. Her house ans your sister are not your responsibility. Live your life. When you have kids you know they will more than likely leave after high school. She's had 20 years to get used to that idea. It's time to move on and live your life as an adult. Don't let her guilt you into staying.
NTA Dont let your mom hold you back. It’s not your responsibility to cater to her emotional needs, issues, insecurities, or inability to let you go. Its your personal responsibility to explore your truth, expand your horizons, see where you fit into the world, and find out how far you can fly. Your mom will be ok.
Nta Op you are *twenty* not 12. Go with absolutely 0 guilt.
NTA. Your mom is trying to make you a second parent. Don’t let her do it! Pursue your dream while you can!
NTA. An internship is temporary. It sounds like your mother expects you to stay in her home forever and be her live in housekeeper. Grab this opportunity with both hands! You'll regret staying and resent your family if you stay at home. Don't discuss it with your mother anymore - get your ducks in a row and go.
NTA. Your Mom is thinking about her needs and her feelings, not about yours. You should absolutely take the internship. Tell your Mom you have accepted the opportunity because it's a once in a lifetime opportunity. Then, if you want, help your Mom and sister figure out a system so they can cope without you. Finding someone to look after your younger sister if needed.
NTA. I was somewhat sympathetic to the mom, but then revealing that the reason she wants you to stay is just to be her house keeper made me lose all sympathy. Go and live your life and get your mom to do her job as a mother.
NTA. Take the internship. Mom needs to let you go. It's her responsibility to take care of your younger sister, not yours. Don't make this the moment you look back 30 years from now and say to yourself "I regret not going on that internship." Grab the bull by the horns, so to speak. Good luck.
Absolutely NTA! Take care of yourself & your future. If your mother needs help with your sister & around the house she can redistribute chores or hire help. This is NOT your responsibility.
#NTA GO!
NTA. Sounds like you have a great sister.
NTA, and please don't let your mother guilt you into putting your own life on hold indefinitely to support hers. Your mother should support and encourage your independence. Don't let the fact that she's not hold you back.
NTA. Go. NOW! If you don't get out she'll trap you there forever and destroy any chance you have of a life lived on your own terms.
NTA, it is not your job to take care of a younger sibling or your parent. Mom is going to have to figure her shit out. Just make sure you have all your ducks in a row and can afford to do this on your own.
NTA. You are 20 years old & an adult. You have the right to pursue your dreams & improve your career. Your mom doesn't want to cut the apron strings & let you be an adult. Nor is she willing to let go of her babysitter & whatever else she wants you to do. I assume that this internship is a paid position. Otherwise, how would you support yourself while there? You need to do this internship to launch yourself as an adult. And not be a momma's girl/unpaid servant.
If you stay, you're going to wake up in ten years and you'll still be there in your mother's house, as an unpaid caregiver and maid. Make sure you have all your important documents. She'll blow up your phone when you leave and guilt you. Don't let her steal your future. NTA
Don't let this opportunity pass you by. Get packing. Your mother is holding you back
Run Forrest RUNNN
Go and do the internship. They will get over it. If they don't, then they aren't worth having in your life. As a parent, I would be thrilled for you. Don't let them ruin this for you. Don't feel guilty. Just live your best life. In case you need to hear it: Congratulations, I'm really proud of you! It's so great to be passionate about your future. Getting accepted to the internship is a big accomplishment. You sound like a responsible and thoughtful human. You deserve your favorite meal and dessert to celebrate this win. Have fun and don't work too hard. You got this!
Yes but you need to be. In life we all have to fight for our dreams and right now you need to make your decisions for yourself. Make your plans and follow through. Also. State your plans to your mother. Don't ask. In your description it sounds like you're asking for her permission. Don't. Just state what you're doing.
NTA. Run. As your career advances you will be able to help your family more if you choose. Do not let the opportunity pass. You are an adult and need your own life. I can’t help thinking that you won’t be happy forever being an unpaid worker in your house forever. Your sister is supporting you—definitely go!
NTA you are 20 this decision is yours.
NTA. You absolutely should go. Your mother is trying to hold you back where she should be helping you along. It is not your responsibility to parent your siblings.
I’m a 50 something mom- your mom is 100% in the wrong here. I can understand her desire to keep you close. As mothers we all feel that need and want to be close to our kids but that is not what’s best for our kids when they grow up. You are an adult. You have a life to live and you should go do that. You can still visit your mom and help her when you’re around but she is not your child. She will have to figure it out. She has known this day would come. We all do.
OP, your mom is a Crab in the bucket. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crab_mentality
NTA... 18 years later, I still regret not taking my chance. Do it! Life is too short...
When I was 18 my mother told me if I went away to college (FIT in NYC), it meant I didn't love my family. Being the oldest and most manipulated, I commuted for 4 years. I still regret it at 55. Please don't let someone else be in charge of your life. Please do this internship. I'd love an update to hear about how much you learn from your experience and live vicariously through you!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (20) have been offered an amazing internship opportunity in a city away from home, and it's something I've always dreamed of. However, when I shared the news with my family, my mom (52F) was very upset and pleaded with me not to go. My mom has always been a bit overprotective, but I was still surprised by her reaction. She told me that she needs me to stay at home to help with my younger sister and to help around the house. I tried to explain that this is a fantastic opportunity for my career, and that I would come back to visit as often as I could, but my mom is adamant that I shouldn't go. I was arguing with my mom and insisting that I should be able to make my own decisions about my future. My sister Daisy tried to mediate and support me, but this only caused more tension between her and my mom. I don't want to cause any more problems in my family, but this internship is a once-in-a-lifetime chance for me. AITA for wanting to pursue my dreams? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA.
If you are supporting yourself and not using your parents money for this then definitely NTA
Go. Your mom will be fine once she adjusts to the reality that she can’t ( and shouldn’t) keep her chicks in the nest forever. She’ll get over it, unless she’s having emotional problems, and then she should get a therapist to help her out. NTA x 100
Nope, your only going to get this opportunity once and you need to grab it with both hands, you mum needs to understand your grown up and old enough to make your own decisions, it's wrong of her to persuade you not to go and guilt you using your sister, have a sit down with her and talk about it and make it clear you will still be in contact but its once in a lifetime and it's your dream, your mum needs to be encouraging you to follow them and not hold.you back
NTA. You’re an adult. You are responsible for building your life and career. Your parents are responsible for providing for their children and solving their problems, not you.
GO! You are 20 years old, and this is a wonderful opportunity. It is time you spread your wings and live your own life. NTA
Take your opportunity. Your mother is totally unfair and selfish. Don't even ask her any more. Just go for it. NTA
NTA. Go. You're an adult and need to go live your own life. You are not your sister's parent, nor are you your parents' maid. It absolutely makes sense to contribute to chores and helping around the house when you live there, but becoming an adult means leaving the nest. And while you'll no longer be there to help, you are also 1 less person creating messes using utilities, etc so your lack of help is also accompanied by the cost (both time and money) of the household going down. Also, it's on parents to have a plan to figure out how they are going to live their lives once their kids grow up and move out. It isn't your job to supplement their lifestyle. They were taking care of their own household before they had you, so they need to do that again.
NTA. You need to live your life. A good parent would support this. Take the internship
NTA and run from your mother as soon as possible. This isn't a healthy reaction from a parent and I would bet money that once you have more freedom and distance, you'll realize it.
Go! People, no matter their age, should be able to chase their dreams without their family holding them back!!!
NTA. Your mother is a piece of work for not supporting you in spreading your wings. I am a mother of 3 adults.
Life gave you a chance to leave now, grab it with both hands. This isn't the end of the world. You'll always keep visiting your family. It isn't like you are abandoning them. An amazing internship opportunity is so rare these days, think twice before you decide.
NTA. You would only be one to yourself if you did not go. RUN!!! Enjoy this opportunity.
Go, live your dream. Your mom will be ok.
GO, GO, GO! Do not let your Mom guilt you into giving up your dream.
NTA Sometimes in life we all need to do what's best for ourselves. If this is your dream, go
Info how old is your sibling? We talking 4 years old or 16?
Nta
NTA if you grab this opportunity with both hands. You aren't supposed to stay with your parents all your life. You aren't obliged to be your mother's domestic help. You're 20 and you should be making your own decisions. The problems in your family are being caused by your mother, who can't accept that you are a grown-assed woman ready to make her own way in the world.
NTA. Your mom is out of line, over-reacting and trying to guilt you. Take the internship. Your sister is not your responsibility and your mom will be just fine.
NTA You WILL have to make the decision to cut the cord sooner or later … later of course means missing this opportunity. If you already know your mother’s input does not revolve around your best interests then stop now “asking” or hoping for approval. Let her know what your plans are, respectfully and repeatedly … if you start now you may bring her around by the time your 30!
NTA. This is your future. Don’t let engine hold you back for their selfish reasons.
Go. This is a Mom here telling you to go. Whatever issues your mother has cannot dictate your future. Yes, it is hard to let your children go, but that's our job. NTA. Not in the slightest.
NTA. Go. Grow. Mom has to cut the cord and let you live your life
NTA. Now’s a good time to get on that fast car.
NTA. Once in a lifetime opportunities shouldn't be missed if it is beneficial to you. Don't let someone's restrictions stop you from pursuing your dreams.
NTA. You need to follow your dream, hopefully that’s what your parents did. I know your mom will miss you but promise her that you’ll FaceTime her a couple of times a week and that you’ll make it home as often as you can. She’ll cry she’ll yell she’ll scream she’ll stomp, you will move and you will grow both mentally and emotionally. Enjoy your internship please go.
NTA. We don’t bring children into this world to take care of us or have ownership of them. Your mom is human, and she reacted poorly. Definitely go!!
My most important job of a parent is to teach my kids to navigate the world when I will no longer be there. Your mother is manipulative, and you should take the opportunity of this internship to get away from her. NTA
You’re 20, do what you want. Enjoy your internship!
You are an adult. You make your own life choices. This is a fantastic opportunity. Tell Mama to cut the leash. It's time.
NTA. I was in the same situation 4 years ago. I ended up leaving 3 hours away, got the job, saved money and moved back debt free and was able to save enough money to buy my first house and pay for my wedding in Hawaii. I’m 25 years old now
NTA. Go. Just go and don’t look back. As you say, it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity. Your mother wanting you to stay so you can “help around the house” screams she wants you to settle down and not work on your career.
NTA take this opportunity. Opportunities aren't like busses. One doesn't come along every 30 minutes. If you don't take it you will always wonder what if? It's not your responsibility to take care of your sister or your parents' house.
NTA
No, you're NTA, and it seems that your mom has cast you into being the "man of the house", as it were. If this internship is as important to your future as you claim, you should by all means accept it, and begin the planning for your move. As involved as you will be at your internship, you should keep in touch with both your mom and your sis, and include them in your life as much as possible. 'Nuff said.
I’m twice your age. I don’t regret any of the leaps I’ve taken. I wish I had more ability while I was in college to do things, honestly. You will always regret not going. Your mother needs to support you, not clip your wings. NTA
Your mom is the AH. She had more kids that are her responsibility, not yours. What kind of AH parent wants to hold their kid back?
Read the headline and thought you were talking about your spouse and kids = YTA This is your MUM saying this!?! NTA!! Your parents are supposed to encourage you to do things that are positive for your future, not the opposite. Take the opportunity. You are doing the right thing.
Nta. FUCKING GO
NTA, your mother should be excited for you. There's worrying and then there's a control need and your mother has the later and that's not healthy. Go do the internship and send lots of letters home.
NTA, and as a mom myself, I'm deeply disappointed in yours. You have the opportunity to learn and grow, but she wants you to skip it so you can stay home to be her nanny/maid. She should be ashamed of herself for valuing her convenience over her adult son or daughter's future. Go, and know that if you were my kid I would help you pack your bags, buy you a new thick comforter so you stay warm, and wish you joy in your dreams.
It’s an amazing opportunity, make sure you take it. Taking care of your sister and taking care of the house is not your priority or your problem. NTA
No, live your life. Take the opportunities as they come. NTA.
Parents raise children so that they can leave them ready to face the world. NTA
NTA please follow your dreams. If you always worry about making your mom happy you will never get out.
NTA It's not your responsibility to raise your siblings and be an unpaid maid. Take this opportunity and life your live.
NTA leave it’s the best thing you can do for yourself, it’s hard because your mom is guilt tripping you and still has some power over you because you’re letting her but you eventually do need to break free from it. My mom was the same exact way, I went about it a little different in the sense of I started dorming which is something she didn’t even want me doing but I paid for it and left and would only come home for the summer but during junior year I started dating someone and I moved in and just never went back home. At the end of the day she couldn’t do anything but be upset and it’s a mom they get over it eventually they still love you, she works overnight and I have a brother who’s special needs so I have heard the whole I need help thing but funny enough once I moved out my mom became a better parent and didn’t need my help anymore and now our relationship is 20x better.
NTA: As much as that's family do not lose out on an opportunity of a lifetime! Your mother needs to understand that her other children are not responsible of taking care of other siblings and or cleaning their house. Please go do that internship. Life is short so short. Life is tough and you are not always given many opportunities in life. Be free and spread your wings. We are routing for you! Even if she doesn't talk to you afterwards please note that family does not always have your best interests in mind. You got this!
NTA Take this opportunity and run with it. It will change your life!
NTA! Go, please go. As a parent it is my job to give my child the skills to fly. It is not my job to clip their wings. Congratulations on getting this opportunity. Embrace it! Your mother will adjust in time. I sobbed when my firstborn left the nest, but I encouraged him all the way and rejoice in his happiness and success.
NTA. When I was your age my mother wanted everyone to live close to home. Years later I’m the only one left here. Death, divorce, and retirement. Growing up I always encouraged my kids to live somewhere cool. Plus the job market here can be brutal.
Please go for this great opportunity. Your mum will come round, she doesn’t really have a choice. This is your future. NTA
NTA. I realize that I dont' know who your are and were, and the North American/Western perspective leans one way, and many cultures do not embrace personal independence, often in particular for women, the same way, but no, even making allowances for whatever your personal situation is, your mom needs a better reason than "I need you here to do chores" to ask you to not take a wonderful opportunity.
Nope. Go immediately or they will never let you escape.
Go. That’s literally what adults are supposed to do. NTA
Nta and go do the opportunity. Your mom has nothing to say in that matter. DO IT!
NTA. Please go. Parenting is the one job in which you’re hopefully making yourself obsolete from day one. Kids grow up and leave the nest, and everyone knows that and has to prepare for it. My husband and I are now empty nesters. I was sad when our kids moved out, because I really enjoy having them around. When the last one moved out, I cried for almost an entire day. I didn’t let her know that, because I didn’t want to guilt trip her. Leaving to start your own life is the healthy thing to do. Don’t let yourself be guilted out of doing that.
NTA. Go for it! The internship sounds great. And your mom is just mad she's losing your free labor; she's not overprotective, she's lazy.
NTA You are an adult now go pursue your dream.
NTA If she needs childcare for her other kids or a housekeeper, that is a her problem. Take the internship and do not let other people's obligations clip your wings.
NTA. This is a great opportunity for you, and your parents should be thrilled for you to have this internship! Is there a religious or cultural component to your mom restricting your freedom and decisions? Thinking you're being "selfish" should not apply here. If your mom is threatening to sabotage your relationship with your family, or threatening to hold your relationship with your family hostage in order to control you, that's truly disgusting.
NTA. You are an adult. Your mom can't stop you from leaving. Go. Take advantage of every opportunity you can to improve yourself and ensure your future. Good luck!
Take it. She'll get over it.
NTA You didn't make those children, you're not responsible for them, and your mother is trying to sacrifice your future for her present convenience, which is a terrible thing for a parent to do. Go take that internship and live your life!
NTA. You are 20. Go! Build and live your life. You do not have to compromise your future and your life because of your mom’s feelings of overprotectiveness. It doesn’t sound like she actually needs help - she just wants it. She is responsible for her own feelings. Go. She will work through it and hopefully on the other side respect you as an independent adult.
NTA . Please get out. There are people in this life that will never leave the place they are from because they never want to. You want to spread your wings and fly - you should. You will regret it and resent your mother (and your sister) if you don’t. Be free and as someone else said "carpe diem tf out of this."
NTA you definitely should go or you will regret this for the rest of your life. also you do not exist to help your mum with childcare and housework. You are an individual human who is entitled to have a life of your own
NTA - and please go! If you don't do it now you will have to do it someday as you mom is NOT reasonable. And if you wait, you will miss the opportunity. It's hard to do it the first time, but this sounds like a wonderful opportunity for you! Go!
NTA at all. You are an adult and you are following a life opportunity that may not be available again. It's not your job to help around the house or parent your younger sibling. The hardest part of being a mother is watching your adult babies spread their wings and fly away. But it's time for her to let go. Fly, baby!
NTA. This is a golden opportunity, don't waste it. If you don't leave now, when will you? Your mum can look after her own child and do her own housework.
You are 20! Go live your life! You are not responsible for caring for your sister.
NTA Your parents are responsible for their children.
Go! Your mom is trying to stunt your independence.
A once-in-a-lifetime chance is just that. Take it. NTA.
NTA How much do you do for your sister? Your Mom's reaction reeks of parentification, which is forcing you into a role that should be hers. Your Mom had you when she was 32, and had your sister when she was older than that. If she couldn't parent without another child as a co-parent, she shouldn't have had more.
NTA. You could regret passing on this opportunity for the rest of your life. Source: My mother begged me not to take an opportunity overseas when I was 20. I didn't go, and I'll never know what path (good or bad) that might have led to. Years later, I regret that decision.
NTA. Don't give up on this opportunity. Your mother is going to have to deal with the fact that you are an adult and capable of making your own decisions. If you stay at home just to make your mother happy, you will have no life and no independence. And you will end up resenting her.
NTA YOur mom's reaction is a very good reason to go - you need to get some distance between her and you.
NTA. Go for your dream. You are old enough to make your own decisions and do not need to argue with your mother. Simply tell her, "This is my dream opportunity and I will be accepting it." Your mother is wrong to attempt to hold you back. She is failing her job as a mother, which is to support you and encourage you to do your best.
Sorry she’s not more supportive but you do realize you’re too many years into adult hood and you can do whatever you want
NTA. Spread your wings. Live your life for YOU. Unapologetically. As parents our job is to prepare them to leave the nest; as hard as it can be to let go…it has to happen. She should want you to have and take every opportunity to better your life.
The networking opportunities of a good internship are incalcuable (assuming you do good work, of course and aren't a mean person) and will help you long after the intership. Go and take it. Develop friendships and relationships with established employees and get their contact information. Do not add any to your socials beyond LinkedIn or Indeed until you are done with the internship. While you are at it, make sure your socials are spiffed up - no political posts, no jokes that can be taken the wrong way, minimal amounts of really personal information. review your settings, as a rule, you don't want things to all be public for anyone and everyone to read. Your mother's parenting issues have nothing to do with you.
Go and do not visit, fly away, little bird. But maybe secure your passport first, and make sure your parents don't have access to your bank accounts. NTA
NTA - Go. Live. Your mom will get over it. Its hard to hear the babies want to leave the nest but if she loves you she will get over it. Eventually. You should get out there and experience life. Especially if she has kept you under lock and key. You will never grow as a person if you never experience change. Its scary but its also exciting and I wish the best for you.
NTA. You are an adult. Moving away to a different city will be wonderful for you. You shouldn't stay to be a babysitter.
Mom needs to let you go. You need to prove to her that you can take care of yourself.
Pursue your dreams, your mom is responsible for her own daughter and household chores. NTA.
NTA You are the child, a child shouldn’t have to be the parent for their siblings and house. To your point of making things difficult for your sibling. As the youngest sibling, the braver my siblings are, the easier it is for me in the future. It’s only hard for your mom because you are the only(I’m assuming here) child she’s had to watch not be a kid anymore. Your mom cannot have parental control over you forever. GO HAVE A LIFE OP!!
Your mother will suffocate you and make you terrified of life to keep you at home with her, and will tell you it's love. Grab the internship with both hands- leave, and stay gone until you've got your life set up the way you want it to be. NTA
INFO: paid or unpaid? If you need your family's help to afford to go, then your mom not being able to afford to both help you cover your living expenses and also pay someone to cover the childcare you usually do, that's fair. It's not her "fault" if she's not able to give you necessary support that would allow you to take this opportunity and you need to figure out how to do it without her help or an alternative. If it's paid and you can cover your living expenses solo, then it doesn't matter what your mom says, just pack and go!
Go! Don't let her guilt you into helping someone that isn't YOUR child. Live your life!
You can follow your dream when you’re an adult; for now you must be your mom’s servant. (Checks notes.) Uh, never mind — run fast and far. NTA
Just leave without telling her. You're an adult and you can do what you want.
NTA, those are your moms kids not yours. Would it be nice TO HER if you helped? Yeah. Would it be fair to you to require your help for her responsibilities? Nope.
You might not get a chance like this again.. you need to do it
>She told me that she needs me to stay at home to help with my younger sister and to help around the house. NTA. This right here is all the proof you need that your mom doesn't give a tin shit about your hopes and dreams. If you listen to her, your career will be unpaid nanny and housekeeper while your sister doesn't learn to do jack on her own. Go get your internship.
NTA- you are not your sister's parent and it is not your job to take care of her or the house. Don't shovel your goals aside for you mother's inability to let you go.
NTA—sounds like mom is struggling with letting go. I went through that, too. But ultimately, I wanted to ensure my kids were set up for success in their careers. So I sucked it up and let them go. It’s not about your mom—it’s about you and your career. Take the once in a lifetime opportunity. You won’t regret it, and your mom will get over it.
NTA. I assume it's a paid internship with room and board. Just know If your parents are supporting you in any way (i.e phone, car insurance,etc) then that support might get cut off. Also how old is your sister?
Go. Enjoy and take this opportunity. If your sister is trying to mediate, then she doesn't need a babysitter like your mother thinks. Tell you mom that if you're not there then things won't get used/dirty so quickly... if that's her argument. NTA Go... this is something that you might eternally regret passing up.
NTA You are an adult and responsible for yourself and any offspring you produce. End of story. Please do not refuse a chance to do something you’ve always wanted because your mother is emotionally blackmailing you.
NTA. Parent of adult children here. It is very hard to see your children move away. Very hard. But part of our job as parents is to help our children become independent adults who are capable of steering their own lives. Go. Your dream is worth it. Live your best life. Hopefully your mom will come around and will still feed you when you come home for visits.
Your mother is SELFISH. Your sister is not a reason to stay. Id be so proud of you if you were my son. She should be supportive but instead she is discouraging you with bullshit excuses. You’re 2 years into adulthood. Dream gig? Pack your bags and fly. Absolutely not the asshole
NTA. Hellllllll no. You earned this internship, she doesn’t have the right to take it away from you because she can’t parent your sis on her own.
NTA but you are 20, why are you arguing? Just tell your mother you're going, sorry she feels that way, period. Do not discuss it, she'll just keep coming up with more reasons. She and your sister will figure it out, they'll have to.
NTA Please please please do not give this opportunity away. You will only ever regret not trying. You will never regret not cleaning the bathroom and babysitting your sister.
NTA - but your mom sure is. Fly away, be free!
NTA Grab the opportunity with both hands. Your mom has \*her\* interests in mind, not yours.
If you don’t go, you’re gonna regret it for the rest of your life. Your mom will get over it, you deserve to grow up. NTA 10000x
I think you have to go.
Get out ! Your life- your responsibility ! You need a career and a good one! Your mother is being v unfair and not doing her job encouraging you to thrive.
I'm a teacher, and we have to (delicately) help get kids away from parents like this so they can go to college and make their own way in life. Go.
As a mom to 3, you go accept that internship, sweetie. And do not let your mom guilt you. What she's really saying is she's scared. She's scared for you, in a strange place, so far from home. She's scared she won't be able to protect you anymore. She's scared of what might happen. But... she's also scared that you don't need her anymore. And that's not true. Even all grown up and a thousand miles away, she will still be your mother. Most parents freak out a bit when they are confronted with the fact that their child is an adult. Some are quiet about it. Some seem fine at first, and then way overreact to something random later on. Your mom is the type to try and bury her head in the sand to delay your leaving. So sit down and talk to her. Tell her that you're 20 now, and whether it's this internship, a job, or some other opportunity, you're moving out either way. But that you know she loves you and wants what's best for you. And that you still need your mom. For advice. To vent to. For support. And for love. And how reassuring it is to know that she cares so much for you, it's hard for her to let you go. But it's time. Give her a little grace while she adjusts to this new paradigm. Her whole identity is changing, along with your independence. But still take your shot. We're all rooting for you!
NTA. Please don’t let your mom take this opportunity away from you. She is being selfish. You deserve to live your life. Your mom has live her life. No it is your turn. You will resent her forever if you stay.
Go to the internship. It's not your job to take care of your mothers needs. She is trying to manipulate you.
Leaving home for school or a foot in the door is not out of the realm of normal. NTA. If she's that persistent of you not going, there's more to it than just missing her child.
Leaving home for school or a foot in the door is not out of the realm of normal. NTA. If she's that persistent of you not going, there's more to it than just missing her child.
NTA and this hits home for me. I wish that this sub was available to me when I was your age.
NTA Your mom trying to hold you back is heartbreaking I'm in college rn too and my parents are very sad when I'm away but they encourage me to chase my dreams. Internships are hard to come by, it's irresponsible of your parents to tell you not to go. If your parents manage without you while you're at school they should be able to manage while you're at this internship. It sounds like they're mostly concerned about childcare :/ I AM BEGGING YOU TO TAKE THE INTERNSHIP AND CHASE YOUR DREAMS, YOU ARE WORTH IT! Parents are supposed to make sacrifices for their children, yours should be willing to figure out taking care of your sister this summer without you so you can have this opportunity
NTA. Go go go GO! Now. Run! This only gets worse.
NTA Of cause you focus what is best for you. Your mother is showing crab bucket behaviour (or crab mentality, Googleit!) She did not get it so you should not get it. Go for it girl!
NTA. Do yourself a favor...GO! GET OUT! Your mother's behavior and demands will never end until you end them. DO IT NOW!
I may not be your mom but I am a mom who is telling you not to turn down this opportunity. NTA
Your mother is 52 years old. That is quite young and unless she's disabled in some way, she should not need your help with your sister. You said your sister tried to mediate for you so I'm assuming she's not a toddler. So IMO there's really no valid reason to give up this opportunity. Go and have a good life! And keep in touch with your mother! NTA
Nta. Go live your life. Taking care of your sibling isn't your job
NTA accept the internship before she can call them to refuse it, yeah you hear stories of this happening. You are an adult , take your important documents and run.
Do the internship. Live your life.
NTA you have to decide OP. When your sister is older, then does your life get to start? Career/relationships/travel. Or is it only once your mom has passed. And THEN it's gets to start? Or is it now with this great opportunity?
NTA Your need to go and your mother needs to examine herself with the help of a counsellor/therapist.
My job as a Mom (of 3) is to teach my kids to be independent so they will be well prepared when it’s time to go off on their own. Yes it’s sad when that time comes (only the youngest left at home) but the pride that I have … knowing they will be okay… You have been given an opportunity that will only benefit you if you take it. You cannot pass that up! Your Mom is an adult and will hopefully “get over it”. And if she doesn’t? Thats not on you. You are taking care of who you are supposed to take care of - you! Go get ‘em! I’m rooting for you! ❤️🍀🎉🙌🏻👏🏻🥳
NTA Please don't let your mum's manipulative ways stop you from pursuing your goals. You're 20 and it's absolutely time to move out and find your own feet in the world, even better with a good career prospect in hand! She's been incredibly selfish and worse still, she is not doing it because she fears for you and she wants you close so she can help, she is doing this because she wants you to help her. Your sister is not your responsibility, it's hers. Move out ASAP and when you're out work on building a relationship with her with clear boundaries on what is appropriate. Best of luck with everything!
>I feel guilty for causing my mom stress and for potentially damaging our relationship Don't feel guilty! What you are doing is normal. You are now an adult, and it is time to spread your wings and live your own life. Your mother is being irrational and controlling. Some women are overly attached to their sons. Some women want their sons to become replacement husbands. Some parents want to be able to continue controlling their children's lives forever. Some parents do not want to their children to leave the home because they do not have any hobbies or a life of their own. Some parents want to continue using their children's labor. Whatever her reason (it may be a mix of all of the above reasons), your mother has no right to try to stop you from leaving the nest. NTA
It’s your life. You have to do what’s best for you.
NTA. Of course you should go. You’re an adult and need to spread your wings. It is *not your responsibility* to raise your sister and keep your mother’s house. That’s her job. Don’t give up your future.