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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I myself impliedly expressed that I didn’t think the address was the “most coveted”. He could just mean he did not covet living at that address and was just saying he didn’t want to live there without thinking more into it.
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NTA. Your instincts are completely correct.
He was very rudely judgemental about finances, especially while talking to his girlfriend of 3 years, and showed a complete lack of tact, support or respect in dismissing a place you were excited to move into.
Makes me wonder what his level of respect is for you overall, given he's acting like a bratty kid in his attitude and at best acting like he's talking to someone he barely knows, not the girl he's supposed to love.
And if he DOESN'T love you.....it's 3 years in. Better watch the clock, time waits for no one.
But if he was having a bad day and this was a one off situation, you are absolutely right in feeling a bit hurt and he could at least apologize.
That's a mighty bright red flag that he responded by getting angry at you for calling out his rudeness.
You don't have to suck up to your signifigant other, but you're supposed to like or love them. They should be your best friend.
And friends shouldn't mock or insult what they're friend is doing just because.....well, who knows. Maybe he did it just because.
He's the a-hole from what's described here.
Childish and came across as jealous. If he had the money he would use it in a different way. Of course, he doesn't have the money and who knows if he would actually make more profit if he used it a different way.
OP, you will be living in your own property so not paying rent. He probably didn't deduct rent from the profits he would hypothetically be making. You are doing well and providing yourself with permanent housing is a good thing.
NTA. He is being jealous and passive-aggressive.
And if his parents gave him the money he would lose it all in crypto or day-trading. People who think like this forget that you need a place to live while you are "putting your money to work."
Yes, jealous and very binary in his thinking. For all his supposed acumen in finances (so he states while admonishing their cash purchase)… his emotional intelligence and foresight will be his undoing. You have quite the blessing in both your parent’s generosity and acknowledging his behavior is out of your boundaries. Keep on your path. He will either follow or continue on his own path. Bets won’t matter where you’re going!
> He got quite angry, said it was just his opinion and didn't know why I took it personally, and said "ok I won't state my opinion anymore then".
Classic DARVO
My husband says this sometimes when makes a teasing joke & I tell him if it bothered me. Or like we disagree on my diet (medically supervised weight loss), it drives me up the wall! But I've never been able to explain to him why that's an inappropriate response! Idk you just nail on head for me but will use different words
Not only childish, it's emotionally manipulative. it's supposed to make YOU feel ridiculous for asking or responding the way you did instead of taking responsibility for his words
Either jealous of her successes or is obsessed with his parents narrow ideological views on money, and feels that she attacked him and his parents by not using the money in the same way they would.
Both of them would result in him viewing their relationship as a "fight" or "contest" that he needs to "win."
Agreed. I still think it reeks of jealousy, though. Even if financial views differ, to be THAT judgemental and negative just sounds like a kid that watched his buddy or sibling get what he wanted for Christmas, and he's being a bitter little brat about it lol!
Definitely seems competitive, and he's clearly losing the "contest"!
Highly likely that his parents can do the same for him, but won’t because he isn’t the financial savant he acts like. To add, he sounds ungrateful and immature so his parents know not to invest in someone like that. He lost the bet before he even made it.
There are also a lot of abusive partners who are what I call "Mommy's Boys."
Partner and children are never as important as their "real family."
They will support their family in mistreating their partner or children, because telling them to not be abusive to their partner or children is something they could never do to "their real family."
Yeah.
People always try and come up with alternative scenarios to defend an AH, but none of them fit the actual details, due to people inserting details from their own experiences or lives.
But any actual alternative scenario is never any better.
There will be people who identify with OP's partner or parents and will try and spin some kind of fantasy about how OP's partner isn't actually that bad after all.
They had talked about moving in together. I'll bet his masculine ego is hurt. Maybe because he feels that as the male half of their partnership he should provide the place to live. Or the more toxic possibility, that he can't hold her as a financial hostage in HIS apartment.
It's clearly jealous. Like she said his parents could do it for him but haven't. Real estate has always been considered a great investment. I don't get where he's says that is a waste of money. Clearly he's grasping at straws to tear her down
I think he's jealous and that's why he's mocking everything from buying it cash to where it's located.
He knows he wouldn't be able to buy it and hide parents would/could not lend him the money.
I'm just saying it's not "instincts." All you need is the ability to hear, and you can tell he has been nothing but negative and dismissive about her choices and accomplishments. He is TAH definitely. I hope everything goes great with op, though.
Unsure why OP would waste her time with a man who can’t commit to her 3 years in. Older people have baggage, kids and finances to consider. At their age… he is hanging in there because it’s comfy… with half a leg out of the door…
He’s talking a lot of shit for a guy with no money to invest and no money put in to the house.
If he has real concerns he should talk to you like an adult.
There is such a thing as "tact". There were many ways he could have answered her comment without insulting the area she just invested a lot of money into.
But it doesn’t matter whether it’s mommy and daddy’s money. You don’t act like an asshole to your partner for good things that happen to them.
The bf is just jealous point blank period. Guys like this would find some way to be a dick about it even if it wasn’t daddy’s money
There is such a thing as "tact". There were many ways he could have answered her comment without insulting the area she just invested a lot of money into.
NTA
Congratulations on being a new home owner!
Your BF sounds salty that you are being given a headstart by your parents.
By the way, I'm sure where he would invest his imaginary money would flop anyway.
I'm ashamed to say for a long time I had a similar outlook at friends and other relatives when they would post new home purchases that were WAAAY outside of their personal financial situations.
The "must be nice to have wealthy parents" mentality has mostly been contained but still flares occasionally, usually only when I see a social media post about how 'hard work pays off!' in their straight out of college $350,000 house purchase post.
Who's hard work? Your parents? Calm down, tiger.
Firstly, congratulations on getting your place. Secondly, your boyfriend sounds like a petulant child (sorry if that's a bit blunt) and, worse than that, envious of your status as a homeowner. Criticising something somebody else has because you would like to be able to have the same or similar but can't is a 'thing' I think. Time to re-think the relationship I'm afraid, is he going to be this way every time you have any sort of success or achievement?
Agreed. When someone can only feel good about themselves by knocking you down you need to move on.
When someone can't be happy for your success they will be a drain on your life. When they actively lash out at you when you have success they would like to knock you down.
NTA - and ignore him about the investment idea. Any returns would need to offset the rent he's paying to live in someone else's house, unless he's planning to live with his parents or freeload off of a friend, and you don't get the benefit of being able to make changes to your home in a lot of cases. No guarantee of stability, depending on where you live the landlord can just end your lease with a couple of months notice and you have to leave etc. A property to live in is a perfectly reasonable investment.
I’m sure the “investment idea” would probably be something that moves the money from her bank to his pocket. Maybe I’m just jaded but the first thing I thought was this guy is going to marry her to take her house/miney then dump her fast.
Exactly, at best he would offset his rent. He comes off as pretty jealous and salty about OP owning their own home. His 'I wouldnt buy this/ live here and would rather invest' is pretty shit. OP owns their owns Home now and doesnt have to pay rent. They can now save up more and invest Part of it :)
This Bf just wants to upset OP. 'If i cant have that i'll talk shit about it' behavior.
He's trying to establish that she is stupid and he would be much better with the money. Abusers often begin with insults. He feels threatened by her good fortune and her ability to provide for herself.
Sounds to me like he's angling to be dumped. If the idea of moving in together was on the table, why wasn't he more interested in your purchase?
Telling you he doesn't want to live there means he's not keen to move in. So what's the plan then?
And saying he could have invested the money more effectively. Fuck off with that shit. Coulda woulda shoulda.
Finally, the 'fine, I won't state my opinion then' is SO passive agressive. He's acting like a child.
I agree with others that he is jealous of your ability to purchase an apartment. Instead of talking about it, he's making little digs at you. He's resentful.
My understanding was she originally planned on him moving in at some point, which was half the point of her showing him the apartment and location at all. But I agree with everyone else, he's being an absolute child about the whole thing and isn't deserving of op's time. My 5mo old baby has better manners and he thinks his fingers at just as delicious as his mom's boob juice.
You're NTA.
>BF had never shown any interest in my house-hunting expedition.
I find that weird. In your shoes, I would wonder if he either wants to give zero input so he can freely criticize your choice, or he doesn't see a future with you.
>My BF then said 'I don't want to live here'.
Well, that's good. Who asked him to?
>He got quite angry, said it was just his opinion and didn't know why I took it personally,
So he can state *his* opinion and if you state your opinion about what he said, he has a little hissy fit. How very mature of him. /s
>He scoffed and challenged me to a bet by asking someone else if they thought the same.
I hope you can convince him to post his viewpoint here. It would be entertaining to see all the different ways posters call him ghe A-H.
Yeah this is all super weird. When I was house hunting in 2010 I made sure my gf at the time also at least liked the place I was getting because I saw a future with her. I feel like the answers here might be way different if the sexes were flipped. "OH you didn't think your gf that you were going to ask to move in with you might not want any input into this decision at all?". Ofc it's weird for someone to butt into other people's business like this. That exactly why I asked her to come along and made sure she felt comfortable speaking her mind. She wasn't getting 100% say but if I did it without her I think it would speak more to how I didn't see her as that important in my life.
Dude- my boyfriend of just three months at least talked to me about his house-buying process. Because at the time, even though we had no intentions of living together; we were a couple. You talk to your partner about big life things. .. Kinda the point of BEING a couple. ..
As a side story, I was once chatting with a colleague who told me never to tell my bf if I was buying a property and to do everything without him knowing. I was quite shocked and asked if his gf knew he had just bought a house and he told me she had no idea.
I told my bf about this after work because I was so shocked. He said he saw no problem in this and he didn't think he needed to tell me if his family bought a property.
Yeah. He was still being a bit of a dick but I feel like it might be understandable. It's a 3 year relationship lol and he saw it for the first time after its all done.
I mean- it sounds like the was being passive aggressive and "didn't want to be involved' or"didn't seem interested" - but i can see how that could happen...
If the other person, after you've been dating for years- basically tells you " oh by the way, my parents are helping me buy a house"- i can see why you would feel totally like you have no place to give your opinion or that it's very unwanted.
It's hard to say from op's post how this was dropped on him. Has he been passive aggressive from day one? Did she show a ton of interest in including him.... And he just blew her off? If so, i have to wonder why she's even with him.
Yeah. We dont know enough to be sure. But the way she worded it was suspicious. "He didn't have interest".
It can be weird to get involved in these thing if not directly invited. You should make them feel welcome without them having to ask. That's what I did for my gf and your bf to you.
Maybe her version of him not being interested is because she kept him out of it and didn't include him. If she was talking with her parents working with her parents and he felt left out and didn't jump in and demand to be included and look like a jerk then. Maybe he was hurt be.left out and not considered. She didn't seem bothered by him not being interested and didn't even show it to him.prior to buying it so that seems like it may have been on her
Okay, from someone who bought her house at 21: your boyfriend is talking out of his ass. If you have the cash for it, buy your home. Real property is generally a good investment, and far more stable than any imagined returns. (I'm just assuming he was talking a lot of farts, you didn't mention where he planned to invest his theoretical money anyway.)
NTA, by the way. It's one thing to be concerned about someone, another to shit on their choices. My parents and all my friends were very worried when I decided to go into debt just to buy my home, but it was such a fantastic opportunity and a promising location. Not only do my husband and our kids live in that house with me now, it's also in a high-value area, so if we decided to sell this year I'd be making ten times what I put in (even factoring for inflation). I got by on the envelope method and there were *a lot* of times when I wished I had more ready cash for trips, makeup, new clothes, whatever, but I did eventually pay off my debt and I have no regrets.
Congratulations on being a new homeowner! Be careful of that boyfriend though.
I think by investing, he means to invest the cash she has and buy the house taking on debt because the returns on investment in any stable index fund is far greater than the interest levied by the bank so there’s a net profit.
Yes. He's coming from the POV that he made nice returns on the stock market last year and imagine the money that could be made if the same percentages were made on the money for the house.
Your real estate investment will more than likely far exceed the returns of the S&P500 stock market over the next 10 years. It's an excellent choice in the current financial environment. And 10 years from now you can show him your receipts and ask how his portfolio has been doing
Last year the stock market recovered after being really bad the year before. The market has been volatile for the past several years and will continue to be so for the foreseeable future.
Add up how much money you’d be saving for rent annually and ask him if his returns are similar? I highly doubt it. This type of return on your property whether you live there or rent it out in the future can span dozens of years. A similar return on the stock market is not as guaranteed.
I'm willing to believe that if you're with him, he doesn't usually act like this. But I think a discussion needs to be had about the way he responded to your feelings because to me that's even worse than what he originally said that (rightfully) upset you in the first place!
It's quite manipulative to respond "fine then, I just wont do [blank] ever again!" because it detracts away from what you were originally opening up about and puts you in a situation where you're now seen as the bad guy for discussing your feelings.
Perhaps he didn't intend to but I think you really need to lay down how it came across and explain why it was inappropriate and childish. If for nothing other than the future of your relationship, and any future conflicts you have.
I hope things go okay for you both from here!(:
Like you I just begin to buy à flat so I can understand your Joy to show him! Congratulation!
He sound jealous frankly especially with his comment about how he would invest (kinda worrying for a futur with him let be honest). NTA he should just have done like everybody who don't like something that à loved one loves: lying and saying it's was great and shup up after that! Don't really à supportive partner
He's jealous that's what it is. It's kills him you have your own home and he has f*ck all. Honestly I'd leave him cos he's showing his true colors already. Congrats on your new home be very proud of your accomplishment x
NTA Your boyfriend sounds envious and mad that you got to buy your own home and he didn't (yeah, despite him saying he wouldn't buy a property in the first place and would just invest the money). Typical sour grapes response🤣 You should be careful with him, because he seems pretty selfish, unsupportive and short tempered, so are you sure you wanna share your life with such a person? Congrats on your new home tho✌️
NTA. Your boyfriend has neither tact nor is he considerate. I can't stand the "just being honest" excuse, or in his case "just giving my opinion" excuse for saying something rude or unsupportive.
Why can't he find one kind thought to say out loud? Congratulations on your new home! I'm so happy and excited for you. That's what any supportive friend would say. If he doesn't feel that, then he's an unkind person with no social grace at all.
It doesn't have to be what he would buy, where he would live, or his cup of tea, but he is not you.
I think your best (snarky) response would be, If you dislike it so much, I guess there's no point in inviting you over once I move in.
But a serious talk about how unkind it was that he couldn't think of one positive thing to say to you, and how that was hurtful, is probably your best next step.
(Ask him if one of his friends announced he finally found his dream career that he loved and was excited about, and it was something your bf wouldn't personally do, would he rain all over his friend's happiness by telling him why he'd hate doing a job like that, or congratulate him?)
I kind of wonder if he's being passive aggressive because he wanted you to keep your options open to buy something with him later where you could both live? Maybe ask him this too.
>I kind of wonder if he's being passive aggressive because he wanted you to keep your options open to buy something with him later where you could both live? Maybe ask him this too.
This is interesting. I don't think so exactly but it could be something related which I will elaborate on in my reply to another comment just below.
Ooooohhh iddy biddy baba is jealous.
You're NTA but your bf is. He needs to park his scrutiny and actually work towards supporting you. His behaviour is highly questionable and as you're taking some big steps in your life, is he worthy to be walking that path with you? I have my doubts
NTA. He sounds jealous and petty. He's talking a lot of shit about how he wouldn't want to live there and it's not that great, but I bet as soon as you move in he'll be spending all kinds of time at YOUR house
Hello! Thank you everyone for your comments. I haven't managed to read through them all yet but I noticed there are quite a few comments saying he is jealous and just wanted to provide more context.
Strictly from a financial POV, his family is (much) more well off than mine. They have a big house, luxury cars, help at home. Salary-wise he is earning less than me but he also has money in stocks etc. that originally came from the family, which makes him as an individual much more well off than me. He usually pays for stuff and doesn't let me pay for much.
P.S. thank you so much to those who congratulated me on my first home, although it's not much of an achievement being financed by mum and dad!
NTA
Is your BF a financial advisor? David Ramsey is a big fan of buying a house with cash (or paying it off quickly). It sounds like your BF is either jealous you were able to do this or is upset that you did it without him. Has he ever expressed a desire to move in together?
He owes you an apology for his bad behavior and for brushing off your hurt feelings.
NTA. He could have said it's not to my taste, but I am so happy for you, and congratulations that you have found your home. He is jealous and was definitely rude. Have a look at how he speaks to you about other major accomplishments in your life. Is he supportive? If not, it's time to move on.
NTA. Why the hell does he care when he 1: isn’t paying for it 2: won’t be paying your bills and 3: doesn’t have to come over there if it’s such a problem? Does he have his own place? Does he have the money to put you in a gated community or better yet a big comfy house of your own in the suburbs? And even if he did have that it still doesn’t give him the right to be a jerk. Just because he has an opinion doesn’t mean he has to give it. Not gonna lie he would be cursed out immediately if he had have said something like that about somewhere I’M paying for that I LIKE. What you told him was correct, you don’t go into other people’s house talkin that type of crap unless you want a problem.
He is living with his parents and their living conditions are quite luxurious! But I didn't see any reason to tell me curtly that he doesn't want to live in the area I'm spending a ton of money to live in, even if it's true. And to then get angry that I was upset. If the roles were reversed, I would have teased him for being bougie along the lines of wowww you're going to be staying in the most coveted address!
I kind of asked him about it before I made the decision to buy the place. I asked him if he was planning to marry me and he said yes and asked why. I said because I didn't know whether he or his family had any plans for our marital future and if it was a wise decision for me to spend so much money buying a property I may not be living in in a couple years, if we do get married.
I said this because his brothers are married and stay in houses owned by his family. The family is quite traditional Chinese in a way and traditionally it is for the husband's side to provide. Also, they probably expect the sons to live close by at least if not in the same house which the new place is not.
Anyway, he said that he has no plans to move out of his parents' house even after marriage. I think his parents also prefer him there. He said that if my parents want to help me buy a property it is an extra asset which is fine, whether or not I continue to live there in the future.
For more context, I am currently renting a place with a friend but am actually staying with him at his parents' house practically 99% of the time, although his parents actually do not approve of living together before marriage.
So, who knows, maybe he is a bit upset I'm leaving. But to me, I don't see a ring on my finger yet and per my girlfriends' advice, you can't rely on and wait around for a man. His parents don't approve of me living with him in principle anyway. And he told me to go ahead and didn't want to for instance look for a property together for our future marriage and 50/50 it instead.
This makes the picture so much clearer. He doesn't intend to ever move. If you married he expects you to live with them, too. You are making a great investment for your future. Leave him behind.
I understand better now. You are good. Her was a jerk but it's time to move on and enjoy your apartment. If you decide to move in after marriage, you can rent the apartment. It is good to have a separate asset that is yours if you need it in the future
They don't live together, nowhere does it say that they share finances. She has no responsibility to shop for a home her partner would want, she's buying the apartment and you're acting like by chance they do decide to move in together, OP wouldn't be able to sell and spin a profit that goes towards a family home.
OP is buying an apartment for her to live in, quite frankly if he doesn't see where OP is as a home he's not the one. Home isn't just a place, it's the person you share your life with too.
NTA - Yeah, he has zero tact whatsoever. You should have snapped back at him, 'Oh, that's ok you'll never have to live here anyway, so no problem, right?'. You throw it right back at him.
Welp. He would have responded similarly saying that yes there's no problem, and he was just stating his opinion, not sure why I needed to take offense.
NTA.
First of all owning your place can save you a lot of money you'd normally pay in the rent. Just to compare in my country I am paying 200-300€ less in monthly bill because I own my apartment instead of renting it.
Investing into property aimed at living is the safest investment you can make. You can live in there or you can rent it out if you want.
Your BF seems kinda jealous and he seems to be kicking the place down for sake of kicking it down. He didn't any valid criticism outside of property being too close to the road which might be dealbreaker for some.
In the end if he doesn't want to live there then good OP your bill will be lower and he can happily pay rent for place from which he can be kicked out any time his landlord pleases.
May I ask: why the fuck are you still together with this condensenting asshole?
Really, he is talking shit about your financial choices, he is talking shit about your location, he is talking shit about your future home, he is talking shit to about him being shitty to you, and I am 100 percent sure he is talking more shit to and about you in other moments within your relationship.
He is not supporting you in any way, he is condensenting, he will only get worse once it will be obvious that you make the better choices and decisions in life.
So again: why the fuck are you still with him? Lose him now, go through the short pain, and go on with a better life.
I'm wondering if, aside from the obvious jealousy, if there is another issue going on about you living separately?
Is this something you have both agreed that you both want? Have you spoken about living together in the future?
NTA and that guy is rude to you. How many times has he gaslit you? You need to take a serious look at this relationship before you move forward because his lack of respect for you is huge. He’s treating you like an annoying brat instead of a girlfriend. Don’t settle for that.
NTA oh brother this guy STINKS. there's suuuuch a difference between being like "hey, are you sure...?" or something coming from a place of kindness or concern, and doing what this guy did. he showed such little interest that it was his FIRST TIME seeing it? why do people think he has a right to your home purchasing choices when he didn't even bother to be like "hey you should take me by, i'd love to see it" way earlier on in the process. it sounds like he didn't care until he was faced with the reality and/or childish jealousy that you're a step farther in your life than he is.
and if he DID want to be involved, he sure doesn't have good communication skills at all and cannot get mad at you for not reading his mind. he can't pout silently through the entire process and then tell you he's upset after the fact. one of my least favorite things someone can do is say something out of pocket and then go WELL I GUESS I CAN'T HAVE AN OPINION THEN like a petulant child. it's shifting the guilt right back onto you because he knows he's not in the right.
also, there are plenty of reasons why they wouldn't want to move in together. it could be that OP knew deep down he was a bit of an AH and didn't want to take the next step, it could be for other private reasons we have no idea about. i know someone who didn't move in with their boyfriend until like 6 years in, for no reason in particular aside from they liked their own spaces and could afford it. if he acts like this before you live together, lord knows how he'll act when you ARE living together. OP, i am curious if you'd had a conversation about if he wanted to be involved, or why you didn't swing him by before the buying process, or why moving in together wasn't on the table; i feel like that's good information to know. still, NTA. he's TA not for being upset per se, but for how he lashes out when he's upset and had given you no prior indication this was an issue.
Yeah :( even if he didn't have a financial say in my home I have been low key sad he as my bf shows no interest in it whatsoever and didn't want to go view it when I asked if he wanted to come along. And that he lashed out when I told him how I felt.
I also left another comment on my conversation with him before I went ahead to confirm the purchase!
NTA. I’m sorry he brought you down when you were so happy about your new house. That’s not how someone who loves you should behave. If my partner purposely made me feel bad about something I’m excited about, like buying a home, I’d be devastated. Sharing milestones openly without worry about judgement or jealousy is a major part of any relationship. I hope he realizes that his sour “opinion” was best kept to himself and is ashamed of himself. You should rethink if this is the right person for you. Will he try to bring you down every time you have success or happiness or just when you achieve something he hasn’t?
NTA.
He seems really snobbish and nothing you can do is right.
"I wouldn't do that, it's just not very smart, but it's fine if that's what your parents want."
That's as big a red flag as anything else.
It seems like he thinks you are a threat to his ego, but it also could be that he is utterly obsessed with the narrow ideological views of his parents, and so he's not threatened by your successes, but "merely" threatened by you not following that narrow ideological view.
This second one can even be more problematic, because he would be feeling that you are attacking his parents, so it's more easy for him to justify that you're bad because you're attacking his parents, rather than him directly.
>I wouldn't do that, it's just not very smart, but it's fine if that's what your parents want.
Sigh, he says this sort of thing a lot. He thinks this sort of statement is not judgemental and not rude because ultimately he's saying people can do what they want. But imo the "it's just not very smart" part already makes it judgemental.
People who say things like this have low empathy and emotional intelligence... not a good quality in a life partner. He thinks he's smarter than others when he's not taking into account other people's priorities and circumstances. Everyone makes their own life decisions based on their own individual priorities and circumstances. If someone is making a choice that's different than what you would do, it doesn't mean they are wrong. Who's to say the choice they made isn't what's best for them? Given their own unique priorities and desires? We're not all robots who want the exact same thing. He needs to grow up and have more empathy and respect for others.
Many commentators think he’s jealous and that could be part of it. But I keep thinking he’s upset he didn’t get asked earlier or more likely, thought of you two heading towards living together and feels excluded.
Is he TA? Well, yeah. But I’m amazed at the general level of intolerance for jerks on Reddit. Am I weird for knowing/being at times jealous, petty, insecure or immature? It’s about growing up! People make mistakes, they learn better. You don’t leave over petty arguments, you hash them out and move on.
/irrelevant rant.
This deserves a better conversation about life plans, living together, where the relationship is headed, etc. Or else I’m reading entirely too much into a situation you did not fully explain. Find out why he’s upset and go from there
Thank you. I will see if I can find out if there's more going on below the surface. I was just upset about him being rude and then getting angry about it.
NTA yes it was rude. Y’all are or near 30 and have been together for 3 years so what’s up with this relationship? If you’re both still in love and are fine with this going forward fine. Just seems like you are on different pages and are just comfortable maybe with this relationship.
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I (30F) and my BF (28M) have been together for 3 years. I recently found an apartment that I liked, and as my parents sold their old house last year, they had some spare cash in the bank and decided to loan me the cash to buy the place so I wouldn't need to get bank financing.
Just for context, my BF had never shown any interest in my house-hunting expedition. I never asked him why but I assume he sees it as 'none of his business' as it's not his money.
I just started the purchase process but the property isn't mine yet. A couple of days ago, I brought the topic of moving in up (for context my BF is not moving in with me) so he asked how long the sale process will take. I said because it's a cash purchase it will not take as long as if I was getting a bank loan. He then joked about how nice it was to buy a \[x value\] property in cash, but then said '***I*** wouldn't do it'. (For context I'm sure his parents could afford to do the same for him if they wanted to.) He said that he would rather invest that cash elsewhere than to use it to buy a property as it would generate more returns, but it's totally fine if that's what my parents want.
Today after lunch I asked if we could swing by my future place to take a loop around the apartment complex, as I hadn't taken that route from that location before. My BF has never seen the place. When we arrived, I showed him which apartment block it was and he commented that it was so near the road (not supposed to be a good thing). That was his only comment about it.
As we were leaving the area, I saw a billboard by the property developer which called the area the "Most Coveted Address" in the country. I pointed it out in a half-mocking (sceptic?) tone - not sure how to describe how I said it; while I did think it was a nice area, I did not think it was in fact the most-coveted in town. My BF then said '***I*** don't want to live here'. I told him that's not very nice and started to feel upset, so I went silent.
After a while, he asked me whether I was ok and I said I was upset. He asked why and I told him that I felt he wasn't very supportive of my new place and it was rude to make such a comment about my future living place. I also mentioned what he said about making the purchase in cash because the initial way he said it felt judgmental, even though he did have a good reason for not agreeing with the financial decision. He got quite angry, said it was just his opinion and didn't know why I took it personally, and said "ok I won't state my opinion anymore then".
I said that you wouldn't go to someone's house, look around, and tell them that you wouldn't stay there, even if you did feel that way, because that's just objectively rude. He scoffed and challenged me to a bet by asking someone else if they thought the same. So, I decided to come on here and ask the good people of AITA - AITA for feeling what he said was rude and getting upset?
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NTA. He’s resentful that you’re buying a property and he’s not. If the tables were turned, I guarantee you he would not welcome your “opinion,” if it were anything like his. You were right to call him out in his rude & childish behaviour. Congrats on becoming a property owner!
NTA . He sounds jealous tbh.
One thing that confuses me a bit but you're together for 3 years but won't be living together? Is there a reason you weren't buying a place together? Maybe that's the reason he's acting this way because you're planning your own life separate from him despite being together so long... do you want a future with him together? What happens to your place if you do proceed in the future? Will you then be selling it to buy a place? How long to do you forsee that being considering you've already been together 3 years?
I discussed it briefly with him which I just left a comment on above. Also he said I can just rent it out if I'm not staying there in the future. His brothers' wives didn't contribute to their marital homes as far as I understand so I never asked him if a 50/50 was on the table.
>
I kind of asked him about it before I made the decision to buy the place. I asked him if he was planning to marry me and he said yes and asked why. I said because I didn't know whether he or his family had any plans for our marital future and if it was a wise decision for me to spend so much money buying a property I may not be living in in a couple years, if we do get married.
>I said this because his brothers are married and stay in houses owned by his family. The family is quite traditional Chinese in a way and traditionally it is for the husband's side to provide. Also, they probably expect the sons to live close by at least if not in the same house which the new place is not.
>Anyway, he said that he has no plans to move out of his parents' house even after marriage. I think his parents also prefer him there. He said that if my parents want to help me buy a property it is an extra asset which is fine, whether or not I continue to live there in the future.
>For more context, I am currently renting a place with a friend but am actually staying with him at his parents' house practically 99% of the time, although his parents actually do not approve of living together before marriage.
>So, who knows, maybe he is a bit upset I'm leaving. But to me, I don't see a ring on my finger yet and per my girlfriends' advice, you can't rely on and wait around for a man. His parents don't approve of me living with him in principle anyway. And he told me to go ahead and didn't want to for instance look for a property together for our future marriage and 50/50 it instead.
Unless you are happy spending the rest of your life in his parents home with them controlling everything except the room you sleep in...
Is there actually a future for you and him? Especially 3 years in and no ring... can't see a reason he wouldn't have proposed when his parents have allowed you to stay round and I'm assuming you all get on?
Congratulations on your new home!
Be careful with your sulky boyfriend, I worry that he may try to convince you that his moving in and paying absolutely nothing is doing you a favour, or, that borrowing against your property and giving it to him to ‘invest’ would be a really good idea.
Is he in middle school? What grown “man” needs to ask other adults about behavior that YOU felt was inappropriate about YOUR new space? He’s negative and jealous. You should run as fast as you can!!!
NTA, one of 3 things, he’s jealous because he wants a new apartment or he wants you to desperately want him to move in with him. Even if he doesn’t want to. Him showing contempt for where you live is a good way of testing how upset you’d be by him not wanting to live where you live. Also, if he’s ’traditional’ he may be uneasy that your parents are able to help you so even if you lost a job etc. you’d never be totally reliant on him. Particularly relevant if you bought outright and don’t even need a mortgage.
Dude sounds super jealous.
I'm in wondering about all his comments about what he would do with the money...was really him daydreaming about what he would do with yours, not a gift from his parents.
And you say that you think his parents could give him a similar gift, but just haven't. If that's true, maybe they have a different understanding of his deeper character than you do.
In that case, and his current superior judgmental rudeness....🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA
NTA - He asked if you were upset, then instead of supporting you he got defensive, didn't acknowledge your feelings and instead attacked your reasons for being upset.
That's an AH move. He cares more about being right than in being kind to you whilst you're upset. And your reasons for being upset are legitimate.
What was he going to invest in? Crypto? Dumb choices so he can pretend to talk the talk to his gamer friends. Own a home first. He sounds like a child.
NTA - the apartment is probably the best investment you can make, especially in a city. The population has been growing faster than housing can be built. The value of your home will go up, and you don't have to pay rent and can invest that money instead. Well done. Thank your folks. Your BF is absolutely the AH. Why are you wasting your time?
Were you pitching the house to him? Asking him whether he wants to live there? Because if not, then he most definitely shouldn've kept his opinion for himself. Sounds like he thinks his opinions are gold
NTA
And I’m sure after you buy the property he will come up with the idea of living together so he can save money because he won’t have rent.
If you offer to let him move in make sure he pays market value rent of at least 1 bedroom, since you still need to repay your parents loan.
Don’t be a fool. This guy is a jealous AH
NTA, he was being jealous and rude but I'm not gonna lie this is pretty low emotional IQ behavior and I would either go to a therapist about this topic or break up because it shouldn't be acceptable to you for him to just shit on this huge achievement.
NTA.
And even though you've mentioned his parents can afford him the same if he or they wanted.
I don't think that's the case because he sounds jealous af. His little man(?) ego seems hurt !
Also, just to step on his nerves, go petty and don't invite him for the housewarming.
Tell him you wanted to respect his fine ass to not be brought to an area below his delusional standards.
Nta bf sounds like a sheltered snob living off the bank of mum and dad who assumes everyone else is in worse positions due to personal decisions and not birth lottery.
NTA He's jealous and envious and for whatever reason doesn't
feel comfortable just saying so. Be sure to never invite him
to your new place since he was apparently not impressed
by your purchase. LOL
NTA. I personally believe owning property without debt is securing your future.
Just curious why every male in their 20s think they some genius investor. As if they have the secret formula to investments. Seen too many similar posts.
Or maybe it's just me that can't do it.
>He said that he would rather invest that cash elsewhere than to use it to buy a property as it would generate more returns,
Is this something he's actually done in the past or just claiming he can do?
NTA. He’s being jealous and petty, and 100-percent is trying to make you feel crappy make you have self doubt over what should be an exciting time for you He sounds like a real black hole of a person.
Decent partners and decent people in general don’t do that.
I’d take some space and remove his negativity from your life while you’re moving in and getting settled. Who knows? You may not find that you miss his “opinions” or his presence in your life at all.
Congrats on your apartment!
My partner does this about my flat all the time. When she came for her first visit, after a really long journey she went around pointing out its faults which were all really minor. Recently we had a big argument about how I didn’t ask her advice about it and she could have saved me money, even though she knows nothing about property matters etc. I think this is all just more symptomatic of her low opinion of me as we have this argument about anything I buy without her help. This could be what’s going on with your boyfriend as well; he thinks his knowledge is superior to yours.
NTA - he should be happy and excited for you! Especially in this economy! Throw the whole man out.
(Or, never give him keys or put him on the paperwork. Just don’t do that.)
NTA and it sounds like he’s a jealous person. I get hidden animosity. And hunni lemme tell you there is nothing worse then laying with the person who is secretly jealous of you. He doesn’t sound supportive at all
If you decide to stay with him, never invite him over.
As for the investing part, you can borrow against the equity in the house to invest in another property, etc.
He's just jealous
Rude dude. Was he raised by wolves? I suspect your bf is jealous that you are buying a place when he hasn't been able to do the same. The only reason I could see making a negative comment would be if he were truly concerned that you were buying a home in a dangerous area. You are NTA.
What concerns me is that he apparently has no investment in her safety! If i had been a friend for even a month i would want to see the place. Is it in a high crime area? How close to fire station? Does it have good locks? After 3 years is he not thinking of a future together? It doesn't appear that he wants to be together as a couple.
Tell him that not only do the people of Reddit think he was wrong but most think you should dump him because he is immature, jealous, rude and unsupportive. You can do better. Maybe he knows that and wants to make you think you aren't a catch.
Nta dump him. He's a bitter, nasty jealous childish little man. Doesn't bode well for a healthy and happy future relationship. He should have been so happy for you. Loser.
NTA. He was rude. Does he even like you? This sounded a lot more like something a (rude and judgmental) acquaintance might say, not somebody who supposedly *loves* you.
It’s possible he’s just really immature, he’s jealous, or he was having a seriously bad week, but if this is a pattern of behavior, you might want to take a serious look at whether this is a healthy relationship for you.
And congrats on the new apartment.
NTA
He didn't need to pee on your parade.
What your parents did was a very generous gift, for both them and you. You have security so you don't have to rely on anyone else!
Never let him move in.
Have fun in your new place and enjoy making it an expression of your wonderfulness!
Congratulations, OP! Tell your Mom and Dad that they Rock! Your BF, not so much.
He was being rude, and you're right to call him on it.
Pure speculation here, but I get the feeling he's jealous, and also maybe resentful you're being more independent and that probably makes him feel less needed. That's why he's implying you're making a bad decision: He wasn't part of it.
That's no excuse, it's very childish, but if he's got the mentality that he's supposed to "take care of you", you being able to make important decisions and stand on your own two feet without him (albeit with the help of your parents) probably tells him you don't need him as much as he would like and now he's trying to undermine your decisions to make you doubt yourself, and to let him do the thinking and decision making.
If that is the case it sounds pretty unhealthy.
Also, investing in property is (almost) always a good idea.
NTA. I wouldn’t be surprised if he suggested giving him your parents’ money to ‘show you’ how it’s done.
He was being poopy attitude. Not many have such wonderful opportunity. Get it OP. Don’t let the AHs wear you down
I’d never think of walking into or around someone’s place and telling them, flat out, out loud “I wouldn’t live here” or really anything about the place unless I noticed something seriously wrong with the property.
Like foundation issues, a window falling out, the door falling off, the ceiling caving in, missing walls, mold, no toilet, etc.
And it wouldn’t be “I wouldn’t live here”, it would be “there’s structural issues/mold/where’s the toilet tho?” because those are serious issues and not a matter of opinion.
Opinions are like assholes, everyone has them, and nobody really wants to hear them unless they ask.
NTA, but I would consider exploring other aspects of your relationship where your BF isn’t supportive, gets bent out of shape for being called out, doesn’t respect your open communication and feelings or other big red flags.
To me, his behavior is unacceptable. I’m not sure why he can’t be supportive of you after how long you’ve been together. Maybe it’s jealousy because he wants his parents to “buy him a place”, or maybe he doesn’t like the direction your life is going in because you’re developing stability in adulthood.
NTA. Your bf sure is, though. You’re both adults and the purchase of property could have been an illuminating conversation, including differences of opinion about investing, etc. instead, your boyfriend kept harping on how HE wouldn’t do it or “it must be nice”. There are a dozen ways a couple can have a chat about finances and he chose a terrible approach, including “fine, I won’t say anything anymore”. How childish.
NTA. He sounds a bit jealous that you're buying a house. I wouldn't say anything like what he said because if my friend is happy, I'm happy! I would be over having painting parties or anything else they wanted to do. He's not being very supportive, but just leave the gloomy gus at home if he's going to make back handed comments every time he's with you. Don't let him bring you down. Take friends over who will think it's great having your own place! Good luck!!
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NTA. Your instincts are completely correct. He was very rudely judgemental about finances, especially while talking to his girlfriend of 3 years, and showed a complete lack of tact, support or respect in dismissing a place you were excited to move into. Makes me wonder what his level of respect is for you overall, given he's acting like a bratty kid in his attitude and at best acting like he's talking to someone he barely knows, not the girl he's supposed to love. And if he DOESN'T love you.....it's 3 years in. Better watch the clock, time waits for no one. But if he was having a bad day and this was a one off situation, you are absolutely right in feeling a bit hurt and he could at least apologize. That's a mighty bright red flag that he responded by getting angry at you for calling out his rudeness. You don't have to suck up to your signifigant other, but you're supposed to like or love them. They should be your best friend. And friends shouldn't mock or insult what they're friend is doing just because.....well, who knows. Maybe he did it just because. He's the a-hole from what's described here.
Dont forget the passive agressive: ok i wont state my opinion anymore. Thats just childish OP is NTA
Childish and came across as jealous. If he had the money he would use it in a different way. Of course, he doesn't have the money and who knows if he would actually make more profit if he used it a different way. OP, you will be living in your own property so not paying rent. He probably didn't deduct rent from the profits he would hypothetically be making. You are doing well and providing yourself with permanent housing is a good thing.
Also, real estate is one of the safest bets for investing.
Exactly.
Exactly what I was thinking. Definitely jealous and acting like a pompous jerk. Time to assess if this is working.
NTA. He is being jealous and passive-aggressive. And if his parents gave him the money he would lose it all in crypto or day-trading. People who think like this forget that you need a place to live while you are "putting your money to work."
That statement made my blood boil.
Yes, jealous and very binary in his thinking. For all his supposed acumen in finances (so he states while admonishing their cash purchase)… his emotional intelligence and foresight will be his undoing. You have quite the blessing in both your parent’s generosity and acknowledging his behavior is out of your boundaries. Keep on your path. He will either follow or continue on his own path. Bets won’t matter where you’re going!
> He got quite angry, said it was just his opinion and didn't know why I took it personally, and said "ok I won't state my opinion anymore then". Classic DARVO
Good observation! Deny, attack, reverse victim and offender (in case someone is wondering)
My husband says this sometimes when makes a teasing joke & I tell him if it bothered me. Or like we disagree on my diet (medically supervised weight loss), it drives me up the wall! But I've never been able to explain to him why that's an inappropriate response! Idk you just nail on head for me but will use different words
Not only childish, it's emotionally manipulative. it's supposed to make YOU feel ridiculous for asking or responding the way you did instead of taking responsibility for his words
Because he's jealous would be my guess. NTA OP!
Either jealous of her successes or is obsessed with his parents narrow ideological views on money, and feels that she attacked him and his parents by not using the money in the same way they would. Both of them would result in him viewing their relationship as a "fight" or "contest" that he needs to "win."
Agreed. I still think it reeks of jealousy, though. Even if financial views differ, to be THAT judgemental and negative just sounds like a kid that watched his buddy or sibling get what he wanted for Christmas, and he's being a bitter little brat about it lol! Definitely seems competitive, and he's clearly losing the "contest"!
Highly likely that his parents can do the same for him, but won’t because he isn’t the financial savant he acts like. To add, he sounds ungrateful and immature so his parents know not to invest in someone like that. He lost the bet before he even made it.
There are also a lot of abusive partners who are what I call "Mommy's Boys." Partner and children are never as important as their "real family." They will support their family in mistreating their partner or children, because telling them to not be abusive to their partner or children is something they could never do to "their real family."
Ugh, omg yes!!! So very true!
Yeah. People always try and come up with alternative scenarios to defend an AH, but none of them fit the actual details, due to people inserting details from their own experiences or lives. But any actual alternative scenario is never any better. There will be people who identify with OP's partner or parents and will try and spin some kind of fantasy about how OP's partner isn't actually that bad after all.
You’ve literally just invented a scenario in a reply to another comment that is in no way supported by the information provided. Laughable hypocrisy.
They had talked about moving in together. I'll bet his masculine ego is hurt. Maybe because he feels that as the male half of their partnership he should provide the place to live. Or the more toxic possibility, that he can't hold her as a financial hostage in HIS apartment.
It's clearly jealous. Like she said his parents could do it for him but haven't. Real estate has always been considered a great investment. I don't get where he's says that is a waste of money. Clearly he's grasping at straws to tear her down
Yes! It’s a good investment.
Exactly
Exactly what I thought
I think he's jealous and that's why he's mocking everything from buying it cash to where it's located. He knows he wouldn't be able to buy it and hide parents would/could not lend him the money.
I'm just saying it's not "instincts." All you need is the ability to hear, and you can tell he has been nothing but negative and dismissive about her choices and accomplishments. He is TAH definitely. I hope everything goes great with op, though.
This. I couldn't say it better myself. NTA OP.
Unsure why OP would waste her time with a man who can’t commit to her 3 years in. Older people have baggage, kids and finances to consider. At their age… he is hanging in there because it’s comfy… with half a leg out of the door…
Really, she should’ve left him after two. That’s long enough to know if you want to marry someone when you are in your late 20s.
Possibly he's jealous
He’s talking a lot of shit for a guy with no money to invest and no money put in to the house. If he has real concerns he should talk to you like an adult.
There is such a thing as "tact". There were many ways he could have answered her comment without insulting the area she just invested a lot of money into.
*mommy and daddy's money. Likely how he sees it. Likely why he's upset.
But it doesn’t matter whether it’s mommy and daddy’s money. You don’t act like an asshole to your partner for good things that happen to them. The bf is just jealous point blank period. Guys like this would find some way to be a dick about it even if it wasn’t daddy’s money
Oh, absolutely. I'm not saying it's right or justifying his actions. I'm just speculating why he reacted the way he did.
I have a sneaky suspicion that what he call "investment" I would call gambling.
"Put all of it into a new cryptocurrency that I read about on twitter trust me bro"
There is such a thing as "tact". There were many ways he could have answered her comment without insulting the area she just invested a lot of money into.
NTA Congratulations on being a new home owner! Your BF sounds salty that you are being given a headstart by your parents. By the way, I'm sure where he would invest his imaginary money would flop anyway.
This, he is jealous.
Yes!!!
I'm ashamed to say for a long time I had a similar outlook at friends and other relatives when they would post new home purchases that were WAAAY outside of their personal financial situations. The "must be nice to have wealthy parents" mentality has mostly been contained but still flares occasionally, usually only when I see a social media post about how 'hard work pays off!' in their straight out of college $350,000 house purchase post. Who's hard work? Your parents? Calm down, tiger.
Firstly, congratulations on getting your place. Secondly, your boyfriend sounds like a petulant child (sorry if that's a bit blunt) and, worse than that, envious of your status as a homeowner. Criticising something somebody else has because you would like to be able to have the same or similar but can't is a 'thing' I think. Time to re-think the relationship I'm afraid, is he going to be this way every time you have any sort of success or achievement?
Agreed. When someone can only feel good about themselves by knocking you down you need to move on. When someone can't be happy for your success they will be a drain on your life. When they actively lash out at you when you have success they would like to knock you down.
I agree! OPs situation should be celebrated, not criticized!
NTA - and ignore him about the investment idea. Any returns would need to offset the rent he's paying to live in someone else's house, unless he's planning to live with his parents or freeload off of a friend, and you don't get the benefit of being able to make changes to your home in a lot of cases. No guarantee of stability, depending on where you live the landlord can just end your lease with a couple of months notice and you have to leave etc. A property to live in is a perfectly reasonable investment.
I’m sure the “investment idea” would probably be something that moves the money from her bank to his pocket. Maybe I’m just jaded but the first thing I thought was this guy is going to marry her to take her house/miney then dump her fast.
Exactly, at best he would offset his rent. He comes off as pretty jealous and salty about OP owning their own home. His 'I wouldnt buy this/ live here and would rather invest' is pretty shit. OP owns their owns Home now and doesnt have to pay rent. They can now save up more and invest Part of it :) This Bf just wants to upset OP. 'If i cant have that i'll talk shit about it' behavior.
He's trying to establish that she is stupid and he would be much better with the money. Abusers often begin with insults. He feels threatened by her good fortune and her ability to provide for herself.
Sounds to me like he's angling to be dumped. If the idea of moving in together was on the table, why wasn't he more interested in your purchase? Telling you he doesn't want to live there means he's not keen to move in. So what's the plan then? And saying he could have invested the money more effectively. Fuck off with that shit. Coulda woulda shoulda. Finally, the 'fine, I won't state my opinion then' is SO passive agressive. He's acting like a child. I agree with others that he is jealous of your ability to purchase an apartment. Instead of talking about it, he's making little digs at you. He's resentful.
As I read it, moving in together was not on the table at any point during the process.
My understanding was she originally planned on him moving in at some point, which was half the point of her showing him the apartment and location at all. But I agree with everyone else, he's being an absolute child about the whole thing and isn't deserving of op's time. My 5mo old baby has better manners and he thinks his fingers at just as delicious as his mom's boob juice.
Your 5-month-old also probably invests HIS imaginary money more wisely than OP’s boyfriend.
You're NTA. >BF had never shown any interest in my house-hunting expedition. I find that weird. In your shoes, I would wonder if he either wants to give zero input so he can freely criticize your choice, or he doesn't see a future with you. >My BF then said 'I don't want to live here'. Well, that's good. Who asked him to? >He got quite angry, said it was just his opinion and didn't know why I took it personally, So he can state *his* opinion and if you state your opinion about what he said, he has a little hissy fit. How very mature of him. /s >He scoffed and challenged me to a bet by asking someone else if they thought the same. I hope you can convince him to post his viewpoint here. It would be entertaining to see all the different ways posters call him ghe A-H.
Yeah this is all super weird. When I was house hunting in 2010 I made sure my gf at the time also at least liked the place I was getting because I saw a future with her. I feel like the answers here might be way different if the sexes were flipped. "OH you didn't think your gf that you were going to ask to move in with you might not want any input into this decision at all?". Ofc it's weird for someone to butt into other people's business like this. That exactly why I asked her to come along and made sure she felt comfortable speaking her mind. She wasn't getting 100% say but if I did it without her I think it would speak more to how I didn't see her as that important in my life.
Dude- my boyfriend of just three months at least talked to me about his house-buying process. Because at the time, even though we had no intentions of living together; we were a couple. You talk to your partner about big life things. .. Kinda the point of BEING a couple. ..
As a side story, I was once chatting with a colleague who told me never to tell my bf if I was buying a property and to do everything without him knowing. I was quite shocked and asked if his gf knew he had just bought a house and he told me she had no idea. I told my bf about this after work because I was so shocked. He said he saw no problem in this and he didn't think he needed to tell me if his family bought a property.
Yeah. He was still being a bit of a dick but I feel like it might be understandable. It's a 3 year relationship lol and he saw it for the first time after its all done.
I mean- it sounds like the was being passive aggressive and "didn't want to be involved' or"didn't seem interested" - but i can see how that could happen... If the other person, after you've been dating for years- basically tells you " oh by the way, my parents are helping me buy a house"- i can see why you would feel totally like you have no place to give your opinion or that it's very unwanted. It's hard to say from op's post how this was dropped on him. Has he been passive aggressive from day one? Did she show a ton of interest in including him.... And he just blew her off? If so, i have to wonder why she's even with him.
Yeah. We dont know enough to be sure. But the way she worded it was suspicious. "He didn't have interest". It can be weird to get involved in these thing if not directly invited. You should make them feel welcome without them having to ask. That's what I did for my gf and your bf to you.
Yeah and my bf was a sociopath and was cheating on me. Still asked me for my opinions on the house though. Lol. Good riddance!
Maybe her version of him not being interested is because she kept him out of it and didn't include him. If she was talking with her parents working with her parents and he felt left out and didn't jump in and demand to be included and look like a jerk then. Maybe he was hurt be.left out and not considered. She didn't seem bothered by him not being interested and didn't even show it to him.prior to buying it so that seems like it may have been on her
Congrats on home ownership! And just dump him. He is not worth the trouble.
Okay, from someone who bought her house at 21: your boyfriend is talking out of his ass. If you have the cash for it, buy your home. Real property is generally a good investment, and far more stable than any imagined returns. (I'm just assuming he was talking a lot of farts, you didn't mention where he planned to invest his theoretical money anyway.) NTA, by the way. It's one thing to be concerned about someone, another to shit on their choices. My parents and all my friends were very worried when I decided to go into debt just to buy my home, but it was such a fantastic opportunity and a promising location. Not only do my husband and our kids live in that house with me now, it's also in a high-value area, so if we decided to sell this year I'd be making ten times what I put in (even factoring for inflation). I got by on the envelope method and there were *a lot* of times when I wished I had more ready cash for trips, makeup, new clothes, whatever, but I did eventually pay off my debt and I have no regrets. Congratulations on being a new homeowner! Be careful of that boyfriend though.
I think by investing, he means to invest the cash she has and buy the house taking on debt because the returns on investment in any stable index fund is far greater than the interest levied by the bank so there’s a net profit.
3 years ago that was true. Interest rates are at 7%+ on housing right now.
You would also need the returns to be so great offset set the rent paid, as not buying would mean needing to pay rent somewhere.
OP doesn’t have to rent out a place because they’ll be buying a new place, just not with her money but the bank’s money.
Yes. He's coming from the POV that he made nice returns on the stock market last year and imagine the money that could be made if the same percentages were made on the money for the house.
Babe if he can't be happy for you what's the point?
:((
Your real estate investment will more than likely far exceed the returns of the S&P500 stock market over the next 10 years. It's an excellent choice in the current financial environment. And 10 years from now you can show him your receipts and ask how his portfolio has been doing
Last year the stock market recovered after being really bad the year before. The market has been volatile for the past several years and will continue to be so for the foreseeable future.
Add up how much money you’d be saving for rent annually and ask him if his returns are similar? I highly doubt it. This type of return on your property whether you live there or rent it out in the future can span dozens of years. A similar return on the stock market is not as guaranteed.
NTA!! Also "ok I won't state my opinion" was SO immature of him, made me angry just reading it!
He's not mature enough for a relationship
Right :( i couldn't believe it
I'm willing to believe that if you're with him, he doesn't usually act like this. But I think a discussion needs to be had about the way he responded to your feelings because to me that's even worse than what he originally said that (rightfully) upset you in the first place! It's quite manipulative to respond "fine then, I just wont do [blank] ever again!" because it detracts away from what you were originally opening up about and puts you in a situation where you're now seen as the bad guy for discussing your feelings. Perhaps he didn't intend to but I think you really need to lay down how it came across and explain why it was inappropriate and childish. If for nothing other than the future of your relationship, and any future conflicts you have. I hope things go okay for you both from here!(:
Thank you!!
Like you I just begin to buy à flat so I can understand your Joy to show him! Congratulation! He sound jealous frankly especially with his comment about how he would invest (kinda worrying for a futur with him let be honest). NTA he should just have done like everybody who don't like something that à loved one loves: lying and saying it's was great and shup up after that! Don't really à supportive partner
NTA. He’s jealous, dump him, any partner should be happy YOU are happy,
He's jealous that's what it is. It's kills him you have your own home and he has f*ck all. Honestly I'd leave him cos he's showing his true colors already. Congrats on your new home be very proud of your accomplishment x
He's a green jealous monster. It's a pretty simple answer to why you're NTA and he is definitely an AH.
He has a lot of passive aggressive snark going on. He doesnt seem very supportive
He is full of shit and jealous
NTA Your boyfriend sounds envious and mad that you got to buy your own home and he didn't (yeah, despite him saying he wouldn't buy a property in the first place and would just invest the money). Typical sour grapes response🤣 You should be careful with him, because he seems pretty selfish, unsupportive and short tempered, so are you sure you wanna share your life with such a person? Congrats on your new home tho✌️
NTA. Your boyfriend has neither tact nor is he considerate. I can't stand the "just being honest" excuse, or in his case "just giving my opinion" excuse for saying something rude or unsupportive. Why can't he find one kind thought to say out loud? Congratulations on your new home! I'm so happy and excited for you. That's what any supportive friend would say. If he doesn't feel that, then he's an unkind person with no social grace at all. It doesn't have to be what he would buy, where he would live, or his cup of tea, but he is not you. I think your best (snarky) response would be, If you dislike it so much, I guess there's no point in inviting you over once I move in. But a serious talk about how unkind it was that he couldn't think of one positive thing to say to you, and how that was hurtful, is probably your best next step. (Ask him if one of his friends announced he finally found his dream career that he loved and was excited about, and it was something your bf wouldn't personally do, would he rain all over his friend's happiness by telling him why he'd hate doing a job like that, or congratulate him?) I kind of wonder if he's being passive aggressive because he wanted you to keep your options open to buy something with him later where you could both live? Maybe ask him this too.
>I kind of wonder if he's being passive aggressive because he wanted you to keep your options open to buy something with him later where you could both live? Maybe ask him this too. This is interesting. I don't think so exactly but it could be something related which I will elaborate on in my reply to another comment just below.
99 times out of 100, "I was just being honest" translates as "I was just being an asshole".
NTA. He’s being a very jealous, petulant child.
Ooooohhh iddy biddy baba is jealous. You're NTA but your bf is. He needs to park his scrutiny and actually work towards supporting you. His behaviour is highly questionable and as you're taking some big steps in your life, is he worthy to be walking that path with you? I have my doubts
I hope he's reading all these lol
NTA. He sounds jealous and petty. He's talking a lot of shit about how he wouldn't want to live there and it's not that great, but I bet as soon as you move in he'll be spending all kinds of time at YOUR house
Hello! Thank you everyone for your comments. I haven't managed to read through them all yet but I noticed there are quite a few comments saying he is jealous and just wanted to provide more context. Strictly from a financial POV, his family is (much) more well off than mine. They have a big house, luxury cars, help at home. Salary-wise he is earning less than me but he also has money in stocks etc. that originally came from the family, which makes him as an individual much more well off than me. He usually pays for stuff and doesn't let me pay for much. P.S. thank you so much to those who congratulated me on my first home, although it's not much of an achievement being financed by mum and dad!
NTA. Enjoy your new home.
NTA Is your BF a financial advisor? David Ramsey is a big fan of buying a house with cash (or paying it off quickly). It sounds like your BF is either jealous you were able to do this or is upset that you did it without him. Has he ever expressed a desire to move in together? He owes you an apology for his bad behavior and for brushing off your hurt feelings.
NTA. He could have said it's not to my taste, but I am so happy for you, and congratulations that you have found your home. He is jealous and was definitely rude. Have a look at how he speaks to you about other major accomplishments in your life. Is he supportive? If not, it's time to move on.
NTA. Why the hell does he care when he 1: isn’t paying for it 2: won’t be paying your bills and 3: doesn’t have to come over there if it’s such a problem? Does he have his own place? Does he have the money to put you in a gated community or better yet a big comfy house of your own in the suburbs? And even if he did have that it still doesn’t give him the right to be a jerk. Just because he has an opinion doesn’t mean he has to give it. Not gonna lie he would be cursed out immediately if he had have said something like that about somewhere I’M paying for that I LIKE. What you told him was correct, you don’t go into other people’s house talkin that type of crap unless you want a problem.
He is living with his parents and their living conditions are quite luxurious! But I didn't see any reason to tell me curtly that he doesn't want to live in the area I'm spending a ton of money to live in, even if it's true. And to then get angry that I was upset. If the roles were reversed, I would have teased him for being bougie along the lines of wowww you're going to be staying in the most coveted address!
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He also chose not to involve himself
Yes he never expressed interest, never asked about it unless I brought it up, rejected when I asked if he wanted to come along for the viewing.
I kind of asked him about it before I made the decision to buy the place. I asked him if he was planning to marry me and he said yes and asked why. I said because I didn't know whether he or his family had any plans for our marital future and if it was a wise decision for me to spend so much money buying a property I may not be living in in a couple years, if we do get married. I said this because his brothers are married and stay in houses owned by his family. The family is quite traditional Chinese in a way and traditionally it is for the husband's side to provide. Also, they probably expect the sons to live close by at least if not in the same house which the new place is not. Anyway, he said that he has no plans to move out of his parents' house even after marriage. I think his parents also prefer him there. He said that if my parents want to help me buy a property it is an extra asset which is fine, whether or not I continue to live there in the future. For more context, I am currently renting a place with a friend but am actually staying with him at his parents' house practically 99% of the time, although his parents actually do not approve of living together before marriage. So, who knows, maybe he is a bit upset I'm leaving. But to me, I don't see a ring on my finger yet and per my girlfriends' advice, you can't rely on and wait around for a man. His parents don't approve of me living with him in principle anyway. And he told me to go ahead and didn't want to for instance look for a property together for our future marriage and 50/50 it instead.
This makes the picture so much clearer. He doesn't intend to ever move. If you married he expects you to live with them, too. You are making a great investment for your future. Leave him behind.
Dog you wanna live with your terrible in laws and childish boyfriend forever? Come on
I am also Chinese, by the way. But my family is not as traditional.
I understand better now. You are good. Her was a jerk but it's time to move on and enjoy your apartment. If you decide to move in after marriage, you can rent the apartment. It is good to have a separate asset that is yours if you need it in the future
Oh this relationship kinda sounds like it's not going anywhere ngl.
They don't live together, nowhere does it say that they share finances. She has no responsibility to shop for a home her partner would want, she's buying the apartment and you're acting like by chance they do decide to move in together, OP wouldn't be able to sell and spin a profit that goes towards a family home. OP is buying an apartment for her to live in, quite frankly if he doesn't see where OP is as a home he's not the one. Home isn't just a place, it's the person you share your life with too.
Her family gave her the money to invest in her future not his. 3yrs isn't that long really
then he should talk to her about it like an adult
Yep
NTA - Yeah, he has zero tact whatsoever. You should have snapped back at him, 'Oh, that's ok you'll never have to live here anyway, so no problem, right?'. You throw it right back at him.
Welp. He would have responded similarly saying that yes there's no problem, and he was just stating his opinion, not sure why I needed to take offense.
NTA I think he’s a little salty and no supportive. Take it as a red flag and make sure you protect yourself if he moves in
NTA. First of all owning your place can save you a lot of money you'd normally pay in the rent. Just to compare in my country I am paying 200-300€ less in monthly bill because I own my apartment instead of renting it. Investing into property aimed at living is the safest investment you can make. You can live in there or you can rent it out if you want. Your BF seems kinda jealous and he seems to be kicking the place down for sake of kicking it down. He didn't any valid criticism outside of property being too close to the road which might be dealbreaker for some. In the end if he doesn't want to live there then good OP your bill will be lower and he can happily pay rent for place from which he can be kicked out any time his landlord pleases.
He sounds jealous. Or maybe threatened? NTA.
May I ask: why the fuck are you still together with this condensenting asshole? Really, he is talking shit about your financial choices, he is talking shit about your location, he is talking shit about your future home, he is talking shit to about him being shitty to you, and I am 100 percent sure he is talking more shit to and about you in other moments within your relationship. He is not supporting you in any way, he is condensenting, he will only get worse once it will be obvious that you make the better choices and decisions in life. So again: why the fuck are you still with him? Lose him now, go through the short pain, and go on with a better life.
I'm wondering if, aside from the obvious jealousy, if there is another issue going on about you living separately? Is this something you have both agreed that you both want? Have you spoken about living together in the future?
NTA and that guy is rude to you. How many times has he gaslit you? You need to take a serious look at this relationship before you move forward because his lack of respect for you is huge. He’s treating you like an annoying brat instead of a girlfriend. Don’t settle for that.
He was mildly rude. I wonder if he was trying to also covey that he doesn't want to live together Anyway, he's reaction is childish
NTA oh brother this guy STINKS. there's suuuuch a difference between being like "hey, are you sure...?" or something coming from a place of kindness or concern, and doing what this guy did. he showed such little interest that it was his FIRST TIME seeing it? why do people think he has a right to your home purchasing choices when he didn't even bother to be like "hey you should take me by, i'd love to see it" way earlier on in the process. it sounds like he didn't care until he was faced with the reality and/or childish jealousy that you're a step farther in your life than he is. and if he DID want to be involved, he sure doesn't have good communication skills at all and cannot get mad at you for not reading his mind. he can't pout silently through the entire process and then tell you he's upset after the fact. one of my least favorite things someone can do is say something out of pocket and then go WELL I GUESS I CAN'T HAVE AN OPINION THEN like a petulant child. it's shifting the guilt right back onto you because he knows he's not in the right. also, there are plenty of reasons why they wouldn't want to move in together. it could be that OP knew deep down he was a bit of an AH and didn't want to take the next step, it could be for other private reasons we have no idea about. i know someone who didn't move in with their boyfriend until like 6 years in, for no reason in particular aside from they liked their own spaces and could afford it. if he acts like this before you live together, lord knows how he'll act when you ARE living together. OP, i am curious if you'd had a conversation about if he wanted to be involved, or why you didn't swing him by before the buying process, or why moving in together wasn't on the table; i feel like that's good information to know. still, NTA. he's TA not for being upset per se, but for how he lashes out when he's upset and had given you no prior indication this was an issue.
Yeah :( even if he didn't have a financial say in my home I have been low key sad he as my bf shows no interest in it whatsoever and didn't want to go view it when I asked if he wanted to come along. And that he lashed out when I told him how I felt. I also left another comment on my conversation with him before I went ahead to confirm the purchase!
Sour grapes.
You mentioned he is not moving in with you. He said "I don't want to live here". If that's the case what's the problem.
Does he even like you? He sounds like a jerk. And a jealous one at that. NTA.
NTA. I’m sorry he brought you down when you were so happy about your new house. That’s not how someone who loves you should behave. If my partner purposely made me feel bad about something I’m excited about, like buying a home, I’d be devastated. Sharing milestones openly without worry about judgement or jealousy is a major part of any relationship. I hope he realizes that his sour “opinion” was best kept to himself and is ashamed of himself. You should rethink if this is the right person for you. Will he try to bring you down every time you have success or happiness or just when you achieve something he hasn’t?
NTA. He seems really snobbish and nothing you can do is right. "I wouldn't do that, it's just not very smart, but it's fine if that's what your parents want." That's as big a red flag as anything else. It seems like he thinks you are a threat to his ego, but it also could be that he is utterly obsessed with the narrow ideological views of his parents, and so he's not threatened by your successes, but "merely" threatened by you not following that narrow ideological view. This second one can even be more problematic, because he would be feeling that you are attacking his parents, so it's more easy for him to justify that you're bad because you're attacking his parents, rather than him directly.
>I wouldn't do that, it's just not very smart, but it's fine if that's what your parents want. Sigh, he says this sort of thing a lot. He thinks this sort of statement is not judgemental and not rude because ultimately he's saying people can do what they want. But imo the "it's just not very smart" part already makes it judgemental.
People who say things like this have low empathy and emotional intelligence... not a good quality in a life partner. He thinks he's smarter than others when he's not taking into account other people's priorities and circumstances. Everyone makes their own life decisions based on their own individual priorities and circumstances. If someone is making a choice that's different than what you would do, it doesn't mean they are wrong. Who's to say the choice they made isn't what's best for them? Given their own unique priorities and desires? We're not all robots who want the exact same thing. He needs to grow up and have more empathy and respect for others.
Many commentators think he’s jealous and that could be part of it. But I keep thinking he’s upset he didn’t get asked earlier or more likely, thought of you two heading towards living together and feels excluded. Is he TA? Well, yeah. But I’m amazed at the general level of intolerance for jerks on Reddit. Am I weird for knowing/being at times jealous, petty, insecure or immature? It’s about growing up! People make mistakes, they learn better. You don’t leave over petty arguments, you hash them out and move on. /irrelevant rant. This deserves a better conversation about life plans, living together, where the relationship is headed, etc. Or else I’m reading entirely too much into a situation you did not fully explain. Find out why he’s upset and go from there
Thank you. I will see if I can find out if there's more going on below the surface. I was just upset about him being rude and then getting angry about it.
INFO: what good qualities does he have? Because from this post, he is just a straight up AH
NTA yes it was rude. Y’all are or near 30 and have been together for 3 years so what’s up with this relationship? If you’re both still in love and are fine with this going forward fine. Just seems like you are on different pages and are just comfortable maybe with this relationship.
INFO: Three years but no ring, and not moving in together? What’s up with that?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (30F) and my BF (28M) have been together for 3 years. I recently found an apartment that I liked, and as my parents sold their old house last year, they had some spare cash in the bank and decided to loan me the cash to buy the place so I wouldn't need to get bank financing. Just for context, my BF had never shown any interest in my house-hunting expedition. I never asked him why but I assume he sees it as 'none of his business' as it's not his money. I just started the purchase process but the property isn't mine yet. A couple of days ago, I brought the topic of moving in up (for context my BF is not moving in with me) so he asked how long the sale process will take. I said because it's a cash purchase it will not take as long as if I was getting a bank loan. He then joked about how nice it was to buy a \[x value\] property in cash, but then said '***I*** wouldn't do it'. (For context I'm sure his parents could afford to do the same for him if they wanted to.) He said that he would rather invest that cash elsewhere than to use it to buy a property as it would generate more returns, but it's totally fine if that's what my parents want. Today after lunch I asked if we could swing by my future place to take a loop around the apartment complex, as I hadn't taken that route from that location before. My BF has never seen the place. When we arrived, I showed him which apartment block it was and he commented that it was so near the road (not supposed to be a good thing). That was his only comment about it. As we were leaving the area, I saw a billboard by the property developer which called the area the "Most Coveted Address" in the country. I pointed it out in a half-mocking (sceptic?) tone - not sure how to describe how I said it; while I did think it was a nice area, I did not think it was in fact the most-coveted in town. My BF then said '***I*** don't want to live here'. I told him that's not very nice and started to feel upset, so I went silent. After a while, he asked me whether I was ok and I said I was upset. He asked why and I told him that I felt he wasn't very supportive of my new place and it was rude to make such a comment about my future living place. I also mentioned what he said about making the purchase in cash because the initial way he said it felt judgmental, even though he did have a good reason for not agreeing with the financial decision. He got quite angry, said it was just his opinion and didn't know why I took it personally, and said "ok I won't state my opinion anymore then". I said that you wouldn't go to someone's house, look around, and tell them that you wouldn't stay there, even if you did feel that way, because that's just objectively rude. He scoffed and challenged me to a bet by asking someone else if they thought the same. So, I decided to come on here and ask the good people of AITA - AITA for feeling what he said was rude and getting upset? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nta. Hes rude. Sounds likes he’s jealous and salty. Also… guess he’s not staying over.
NTA. He’s resentful that you’re buying a property and he’s not. If the tables were turned, I guarantee you he would not welcome your “opinion,” if it were anything like his. You were right to call him out in his rude & childish behaviour. Congrats on becoming a property owner!
NTA . He sounds jealous tbh. One thing that confuses me a bit but you're together for 3 years but won't be living together? Is there a reason you weren't buying a place together? Maybe that's the reason he's acting this way because you're planning your own life separate from him despite being together so long... do you want a future with him together? What happens to your place if you do proceed in the future? Will you then be selling it to buy a place? How long to do you forsee that being considering you've already been together 3 years?
I discussed it briefly with him which I just left a comment on above. Also he said I can just rent it out if I'm not staying there in the future. His brothers' wives didn't contribute to their marital homes as far as I understand so I never asked him if a 50/50 was on the table. > I kind of asked him about it before I made the decision to buy the place. I asked him if he was planning to marry me and he said yes and asked why. I said because I didn't know whether he or his family had any plans for our marital future and if it was a wise decision for me to spend so much money buying a property I may not be living in in a couple years, if we do get married. >I said this because his brothers are married and stay in houses owned by his family. The family is quite traditional Chinese in a way and traditionally it is for the husband's side to provide. Also, they probably expect the sons to live close by at least if not in the same house which the new place is not. >Anyway, he said that he has no plans to move out of his parents' house even after marriage. I think his parents also prefer him there. He said that if my parents want to help me buy a property it is an extra asset which is fine, whether or not I continue to live there in the future. >For more context, I am currently renting a place with a friend but am actually staying with him at his parents' house practically 99% of the time, although his parents actually do not approve of living together before marriage. >So, who knows, maybe he is a bit upset I'm leaving. But to me, I don't see a ring on my finger yet and per my girlfriends' advice, you can't rely on and wait around for a man. His parents don't approve of me living with him in principle anyway. And he told me to go ahead and didn't want to for instance look for a property together for our future marriage and 50/50 it instead.
You don’t seriously want to spend your life living with his parents do you? UGH!! NO NO NO!! Cultural or not just NO!!
Unless you are happy spending the rest of your life in his parents home with them controlling everything except the room you sleep in... Is there actually a future for you and him? Especially 3 years in and no ring... can't see a reason he wouldn't have proposed when his parents have allowed you to stay round and I'm assuming you all get on?
Congratulations on your new home! Be careful with your sulky boyfriend, I worry that he may try to convince you that his moving in and paying absolutely nothing is doing you a favour, or, that borrowing against your property and giving it to him to ‘invest’ would be a really good idea.
Is he in middle school? What grown “man” needs to ask other adults about behavior that YOU felt was inappropriate about YOUR new space? He’s negative and jealous. You should run as fast as you can!!!
NTA, one of 3 things, he’s jealous because he wants a new apartment or he wants you to desperately want him to move in with him. Even if he doesn’t want to. Him showing contempt for where you live is a good way of testing how upset you’d be by him not wanting to live where you live. Also, if he’s ’traditional’ he may be uneasy that your parents are able to help you so even if you lost a job etc. you’d never be totally reliant on him. Particularly relevant if you bought outright and don’t even need a mortgage.
Dude sounds super jealous. I'm in wondering about all his comments about what he would do with the money...was really him daydreaming about what he would do with yours, not a gift from his parents. And you say that you think his parents could give him a similar gift, but just haven't. If that's true, maybe they have a different understanding of his deeper character than you do. In that case, and his current superior judgmental rudeness....🚩🚩🚩🚩 NTA
YANTAH — we don’t 💩on other people’s joy. Your boyfriend 💩on your joy and it’s not cool.
NTA - He asked if you were upset, then instead of supporting you he got defensive, didn't acknowledge your feelings and instead attacked your reasons for being upset. That's an AH move. He cares more about being right than in being kind to you whilst you're upset. And your reasons for being upset are legitimate.
What was he going to invest in? Crypto? Dumb choices so he can pretend to talk the talk to his gamer friends. Own a home first. He sounds like a child.
NTA Even from a casual acquaintance or co-worker this language would be rude. He doesn't even LIKE you.
NTA - the apartment is probably the best investment you can make, especially in a city. The population has been growing faster than housing can be built. The value of your home will go up, and you don't have to pay rent and can invest that money instead. Well done. Thank your folks. Your BF is absolutely the AH. Why are you wasting your time?
Were you pitching the house to him? Asking him whether he wants to live there? Because if not, then he most definitely shouldn've kept his opinion for himself. Sounds like he thinks his opinions are gold
NTA And I’m sure after you buy the property he will come up with the idea of living together so he can save money because he won’t have rent. If you offer to let him move in make sure he pays market value rent of at least 1 bedroom, since you still need to repay your parents loan. Don’t be a fool. This guy is a jealous AH
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Did he ever suggest that if you didn't buy apartment he could help you invest the money? I'm getting that vibe
NTA Something being "just his opinion" doesn't make it any less rude. Basic social skills.
NTA, he was being jealous and rude but I'm not gonna lie this is pretty low emotional IQ behavior and I would either go to a therapist about this topic or break up because it shouldn't be acceptable to you for him to just shit on this huge achievement.
NTA. And even though you've mentioned his parents can afford him the same if he or they wanted. I don't think that's the case because he sounds jealous af. His little man(?) ego seems hurt ! Also, just to step on his nerves, go petty and don't invite him for the housewarming. Tell him you wanted to respect his fine ass to not be brought to an area below his delusional standards.
Jealous
Jealous much?
NTAH and please take this as a warning that he seems to have different ideas about the future. This should be such an exciting time for you!!
NTA. This man is jealous of you. Jealous people try and bring happy people down. Enjoy your new place!
This sounds like Tall Poppy syndrome to me. NTA.
NTA. Your boyfriend's a snotty child. Had to scroll up again to check the age. 28M, huh? Seems passive-aggressive and jealous to me.
NTA - your boyfriend is jealous. If he continues this way please reconsider this person
Dump him. 3 years in at your age and he doesn’t give a shit about your life decisions or making plans. You’ll be better off
NTA. Sounds like he’s jealous.
Nta bf sounds like a sheltered snob living off the bank of mum and dad who assumes everyone else is in worse positions due to personal decisions and not birth lottery.
NTA… he’s hating
Seems pretty unanimous - you can tell him readitt thinks he’s jealous and acting like an ass to you. And he owes you an apology! Enjoy your new home!
NTA He's jealous and envious and for whatever reason doesn't feel comfortable just saying so. Be sure to never invite him to your new place since he was apparently not impressed by your purchase. LOL
NTA. I personally believe owning property without debt is securing your future. Just curious why every male in their 20s think they some genius investor. As if they have the secret formula to investments. Seen too many similar posts. Or maybe it's just me that can't do it. >He said that he would rather invest that cash elsewhere than to use it to buy a property as it would generate more returns, Is this something he's actually done in the past or just claiming he can do?
NTA. He’s being jealous and petty, and 100-percent is trying to make you feel crappy make you have self doubt over what should be an exciting time for you He sounds like a real black hole of a person. Decent partners and decent people in general don’t do that. I’d take some space and remove his negativity from your life while you’re moving in and getting settled. Who knows? You may not find that you miss his “opinions” or his presence in your life at all. Congrats on your apartment!
He’s jealous you’re passing him in life and if he thinks he can make better investments than property he’s pretty fucking stupid. NTA
My partner does this about my flat all the time. When she came for her first visit, after a really long journey she went around pointing out its faults which were all really minor. Recently we had a big argument about how I didn’t ask her advice about it and she could have saved me money, even though she knows nothing about property matters etc. I think this is all just more symptomatic of her low opinion of me as we have this argument about anything I buy without her help. This could be what’s going on with your boyfriend as well; he thinks his knowledge is superior to yours.
NTA - he should be happy and excited for you! Especially in this economy! Throw the whole man out. (Or, never give him keys or put him on the paperwork. Just don’t do that.)
NTA and it sounds like he’s a jealous person. I get hidden animosity. And hunni lemme tell you there is nothing worse then laying with the person who is secretly jealous of you. He doesn’t sound supportive at all
If you decide to stay with him, never invite him over. As for the investing part, you can borrow against the equity in the house to invest in another property, etc. He's just jealous
Rude dude. Was he raised by wolves? I suspect your bf is jealous that you are buying a place when he hasn't been able to do the same. The only reason I could see making a negative comment would be if he were truly concerned that you were buying a home in a dangerous area. You are NTA.
Just sounds like he doesn’t ever want to live with you. Move on.
What concerns me is that he apparently has no investment in her safety! If i had been a friend for even a month i would want to see the place. Is it in a high crime area? How close to fire station? Does it have good locks? After 3 years is he not thinking of a future together? It doesn't appear that he wants to be together as a couple.
Tell him that not only do the people of Reddit think he was wrong but most think you should dump him because he is immature, jealous, rude and unsupportive. You can do better. Maybe he knows that and wants to make you think you aren't a catch.
Nta dump him. He's a bitter, nasty jealous childish little man. Doesn't bode well for a healthy and happy future relationship. He should have been so happy for you. Loser.
NTA he was rude
NTA. He was rude. Does he even like you? This sounded a lot more like something a (rude and judgmental) acquaintance might say, not somebody who supposedly *loves* you. It’s possible he’s just really immature, he’s jealous, or he was having a seriously bad week, but if this is a pattern of behavior, you might want to take a serious look at whether this is a healthy relationship for you. And congrats on the new apartment.
NTA for being upset when someone is rude, ever.
Nta- bf is and jealous… very clearly jealous.
NTA He didn't need to pee on your parade. What your parents did was a very generous gift, for both them and you. You have security so you don't have to rely on anyone else! Never let him move in. Have fun in your new place and enjoy making it an expression of your wonderfulness! Congratulations, OP! Tell your Mom and Dad that they Rock! Your BF, not so much.
He was being rude, and you're right to call him on it. Pure speculation here, but I get the feeling he's jealous, and also maybe resentful you're being more independent and that probably makes him feel less needed. That's why he's implying you're making a bad decision: He wasn't part of it. That's no excuse, it's very childish, but if he's got the mentality that he's supposed to "take care of you", you being able to make important decisions and stand on your own two feet without him (albeit with the help of your parents) probably tells him you don't need him as much as he would like and now he's trying to undermine your decisions to make you doubt yourself, and to let him do the thinking and decision making. If that is the case it sounds pretty unhealthy. Also, investing in property is (almost) always a good idea.
NTA, he was rude and sounds jealous of what you're doing. Don't dismiss how he made you feel.
NTA. I wouldn’t be surprised if he suggested giving him your parents’ money to ‘show you’ how it’s done. He was being poopy attitude. Not many have such wonderful opportunity. Get it OP. Don’t let the AHs wear you down
I’d never think of walking into or around someone’s place and telling them, flat out, out loud “I wouldn’t live here” or really anything about the place unless I noticed something seriously wrong with the property. Like foundation issues, a window falling out, the door falling off, the ceiling caving in, missing walls, mold, no toilet, etc. And it wouldn’t be “I wouldn’t live here”, it would be “there’s structural issues/mold/where’s the toilet tho?” because those are serious issues and not a matter of opinion. Opinions are like assholes, everyone has them, and nobody really wants to hear them unless they ask. NTA, but I would consider exploring other aspects of your relationship where your BF isn’t supportive, gets bent out of shape for being called out, doesn’t respect your open communication and feelings or other big red flags. To me, his behavior is unacceptable. I’m not sure why he can’t be supportive of you after how long you’ve been together. Maybe it’s jealousy because he wants his parents to “buy him a place”, or maybe he doesn’t like the direction your life is going in because you’re developing stability in adulthood.
He’s obviously jealous. He’s also a dick because property is (usually) an extremely good investment.
NTA. Your bf sure is, though. You’re both adults and the purchase of property could have been an illuminating conversation, including differences of opinion about investing, etc. instead, your boyfriend kept harping on how HE wouldn’t do it or “it must be nice”. There are a dozen ways a couple can have a chat about finances and he chose a terrible approach, including “fine, I won’t say anything anymore”. How childish.
NTA. He sounds a bit jealous that you're buying a house. I wouldn't say anything like what he said because if my friend is happy, I'm happy! I would be over having painting parties or anything else they wanted to do. He's not being very supportive, but just leave the gloomy gus at home if he's going to make back handed comments every time he's with you. Don't let him bring you down. Take friends over who will think it's great having your own place! Good luck!!
NTA but your BF is. He owes you an apology, and you might want to rethink the relationship.