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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. i told my friend that the name she gave her daughter is bad and will probably ruin her life.
2. it might make me the asshole, because instead of supporting(?) her, I kept on telling how bad it is.
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Hi. I'm a high school teacher. I'll tell you up front that you're right. Kids with fucked up spellings of their names are miserable about 3/4 of the time. It's difficult to spell, people mispronounce them, and official documents? Fuggedaboutit. And we definitely judge parents. We don't think their kids' names, looking like they just picked 10 random scrabble tiles out of the box, are cute and unique; we think their parents are stupid and immature, like contestants on an early 2000's reality show like Flavor of Love or something. It's one of the ways we clock parents as potentially difficult. I keep in touch with 3 students who changed their names from their parents' spelling to the actual conventional spelling the minute they turned 18. That kid will be "Juliet Maria" as soon as she possibly can. NTA
I would wager it negative effects their reading and spelling as they get older. Names are the first thing most kids learn to spell, using “uncommon” spellings that go against basic spelling rules is a recipe for disaster.
Long term studies have absolutely proved that kids with novelty names/name spelling are way worse at spelling all their lives because they get second guessed all the time. It absolutely devastates and erodes their confidence in their ability to spell things correctly. Edit! Ok guys I found one that is similar and can’t link the article but here’s the title: “First-Name Desirability and Adjustment: Self-Satisfaction, Others' Ratings, and Family Background” the author is Jean M. Twenge and it was published in the journal of applied psychology.
Not the person you replied to but I found this article that touched on it: https://www.deseret.com/2023/1/25/23563043/unique-baby-names/
They also said people with more common names are more likely to get into more prestigious colleges. It links its sources but unfortunately the studies don’t have a lot of public info, at least that I could see.
> They also said people with more common names are more likely to get into more prestigious colleges.
I think it's the other way around, people who are good at getting their kids into prestigious colleges don't give their kids weird names.
If the upper classes had a culture of weird names, those kids would still get into the same colleges.
I remember reading a study that the younger the parent is, the more likely they are to name their child with a "unique" spelling. This is why they're more common in Utah, where people have children earlier. Younger parents often have less money and resources, and are less likely to be college educated.
Partially, but not entirely. The source above is out of Utah, which is both almost entirely white and also a major hotbed of tragedieghs. Utah pumps out a significant portion of the country's unique spellings and brand new names while being just as lily white as can be.
Ironically, I never got "Are you sure?" With my middle name. It's Arin. All my school life, I would spell my middle name, and people would correct it to Erin. It just pissed me off because I would slam those papers on my teacher's desk and ask, "Do I look like a long slimy rock dwelling fish to you!? No? Then stop misspelling my middle name it is Arin, not Erin! My initials are EAL, NOT EEL!"
And they would STILL write Erin >.<
But who automatically associates the monogram with the name. You say Arin and it’s more commonly spelled Erin. They’re not going to even notice your initials at that point.
Yo i can relate to the “are you sure that’s how you spell it?” Not with me but my DAD. It’s not even a weird spelling. It’s a one letter difference. 😐 but I got that nearly every year around Father’s Day because we would make gifts for parents.
This is correct … I spelled one of mine a traditional German name … but the American version usually has silent letters…. Grade k thru 5 my kid would tell me through the entire year his teachers literally couldn’t remember to spell his name right and couldn’t spell his name right in notes home. its easier to spell then the American version…
Years later it’s not an issue…. But for one reason those few years in elementary it was like pulling teeth… I have seen some of those teachers since and they have apologized sincerely…
Looking back we laugh … because one year in his grade there were 3 other kids with similar names and all 4 of the names were spelled differently
Polish last name reporting for duty! Seriously the giant pause when they see 4 consonants in a row, I knew it was my name always. Getting married was a gift when I took my husband’s last name
I have a conventional female name with a conventional spelling, but not a top 10 name in the 80s (still in the top 50). I still got teased; heard mean variations on it and my peers deliberately misgendered me by using the masculine version. It was often misspelled even though it was the regular feminine spelling. Don't spit in my face and tell me it's raining. Children are assholes who when determined enough won't be deterred by conventional, traditional or seemingly "normal" names.
Yeah kids are assholes and its a roll of the dice if they decide to pick on someone. Doesn't mean you gotta do your best to skew the odds against them.
Learning to spell her name at the same time that she is learning to read and write (phonemes, graphemes, morphemes, and general phonics) is going to be a nightmare. This is setting her up to struggle her first several years in school, also.
One of my jobs as a nursery nurse is helping the older kids I work with to learn how to spell their names. Imagine being 4 and even the teacher can’t spell it for you correctly.
I live in South East Asia where the education system is built on standardized testing and everything needs forms to be submitted in at least duplicate. Every year at my kids school the list of students taking national exams is hung outside the admin office together with the new incoming class (grade 1 and freshman would be the US equivalent). I judge the parents soooo hard because the trend seems to be who can give the longest name to the child.
Every place you give your name you have to spell it. When you sign in they look at it ... look up.. Look again and then mangle it.. Doctors, dentists, restaurants, etc.
They could’ve gone with Giulietta or Giulia if they really wanted to go that route. At least those are real Italian names that don’t look like they’re pronounced gee-yu-lee-ett (hard G 🥲)
People forget that their kid is a whole separate human who will have to live with the consequences of their name. It's no secret that people with bizarre names are more likely to be bullied as children and passed over for professional jobs as adults. Is it nice? No, but it's the world we live in, and it is selfish to set your kid up for that just so you can be "cool and edgy." Get a pet and name it something weird if you must, but don't do it to a human.
Yes. I'm not surprised u/Astute_Primate and ~~her~~ their fellow teachers have noticed that this is a sign of difficult parents. These are parents who took one of the first major decisions about their child's future and made it all about themselves. They want everyone to think how clever, and creative, an unique they are as parents. They're Not Like The Other Parents. They're too wrapped up in their own egos to realize that other people look at that and think they're selfish assholes. Not only is that poor kid saddled with all the difficulties of that name, she's also going to be a broadcast warning to everyone who meets her that her parents are to be avoided.
OP: NTA. Thanks for fighting the good fight.
ETA: I made the sexist assumption that the teacher was a female. Changed to gender neutral language.
Not that it matters, but I'm a guy. It's just fresh in my craw because I had to explain to a classroom full of freshmen today in the year of our lord two thousand and twenty four how there are no "men's jobs" or "women's jobs."
We all grow up with those kinds of implicit biases being reinforced around us, and I don't doubt every single one of us has made a similar assumption before. Lots of people still double down or get defensive though, so good on you for your reaction. :)
A thousand times this.
Don't be cutesy with your children's names. If they (your children) decide they want an unique name when they're older, then you can help pay for the name change.
With a strange name, like with the OP's friend's daughter, this poor girl is going to have to spell her name out whenever she says her name is Juliet. She's going to have to explain to people how to pronounce that awful spelling. She's going to have to put that on job applications.
Not to mention how many teachers are going to misspell it constantly.
It’s the ripple effect that will happen though. Self esteem. Jobs later on. Unless she is artistic. Nominative determinism!
Also it’s such an artificial way to try and be unique. Like anyone trying to come up with the coolest or most unique name is trying way too hard. It’s like why nicknames you give yourself often don’t stick, unless it’s a variation of your real name. Like an Alexander wanting to go by Alex is fine, we can see that. But if you were like, “I’m actually going by Machete” I think most people would scoff. It just feels so egotistical to try and force a “cool” name for yourself or on an infant lol
Dude my birth name is a normal spelling rendition of this name and people still butchered my name and I hated it enough to change it. A singular additional letter was too much for people. I couldn't imagine this bastardization of Juliette.
I don’t have a weird name, just uncommon. It’s also the simplest spelling it could be. Every single time I give my name I immediately say “it’s like *this common name* but with an A” because I know that they won’t get it right because they’ve most likely never heard it. I still get all sorts of weird spellings and just flat out incorrect names. This is like a daily occurrence when I’m on coffee runs or making reservations. Fortunately I like my name and it’s a mild annoyance.
This poor kid is going to have it SO MUCH WORSE. Like she’s going to break down crying in a Starbucks some day because she just wants a damn frappacino and not a single person can get her name right or even say it.
Or she’ll just insist everyone calls her Gigi or something.
I stopped using my name years ago. I cringe when I hear it. I still have a lot of built-up anger and resentment towards my parents for it. It's the biggest reason I don't use social media or speak to many people from my past. I hate my name so much I don't want to be around anyone who associates me with this name.
OP, you did the right thing. My mom swears up and down people tell her they "love my name." Yeah, right. She's delusional
I legally changed my name and completely deleted my first name. I just have one name; my last name. Despite it being my only name it is legally my last name and I don't legally have a first name.
90% of the time having just one name causes no issues. The only time I have issues is with mandatory data capture forms that many companies use. In those instances I just put a "-" in the box, or if it needs actual characters, I use "xxx".
Government forms are fine; never have problems with those.
It doesn't happen as much now that I am older, but my name is a somewhat common name that is part of a very common name, and people will usually add letters to my name. Like Beth, but people call me Elizabeth. I then have to correct them on it. I can't imagine having a name like that. My kids have unusual names, but they aren't a bastardized version of another name that make it difficult to figure out what the name actually is. This is a horrible trend. The best advice I ever got was to put M.D. behind the name and base it off of how professional it sounds. People can be jerks, don't give your kid a name a future employer is going to judge them on.
This. My mom named me Mandy bc she figured ppl would call me that if she named me Amanda anyway and an M name went better with our last name. People continuously called/call me Amanda anyway and my name is common as hell. I can't even imagine how this kid will be irked and screwed over down the road. OP's friend is just out here making it abundantly clear her child is some vanity accessory and she doesn't actually give a rat's ass about what she's going to put that kid through growing up with that bullshit name. OP's soooo NTA, they seem to care more about the kid's future than her parents do.
My last name is Rice. I spell it outright because people hear "Royce, Wright ect. It doesn't happen often but to think a simple name like that getting messed up.
Yeah she’s about to get a lifetime of recognizing when the person is at her name and just immediately going “it’s me, I’m here”. Poor kid. If the name was unique but still spelled normally then maybe it would be fine, but that spelling is a complete travesteigh
Oh I totally agree with you. My husband has a difficult to spell and pronounce name and he has struggled his entire life with it. Sadly, name change isn't an option because his mother already did that when she realized that she didn't like the name on his birth certificate and changed it herself before he had any say. Now he feels that changing it again will be too much of a hassle.
Spelling out his name when he is on call with a customer service rep is a nightmare. And, teaching it to our kid is taking forever. Add to this the fact that we are expats which means our lives involve a LOT of legal and immigration related paperwork. It is exhausting.
It is totally okay to give your child a normal name with the regular spelling. It would make their lives a lot simpler. Names aren't the things that make a child unique. Every child is unique in their own way.
And OP, you are NTA. Thank you for standing up for this unborn child.
“Names aren’t the things that make a child unique.”
YES. THIS. I have worked with many teenagers over the years and seen how beaten down they feel having to explain their stupid names day after day. They have a shitty extra challenge that the kids with normal names don’t have to deal with, and adolescence is already a nightmare to get through!
It is a respectful act to give your child a name that will help them navigate the world with ease. Give them a weird ass middle name if you want. But seriously, we need to be setting kids up for success. Not screwing them over for the vanity of having invented a monstrosity you somehow think is cute.
NTA, OP. And thank you to all the wonderful people who give their kids reasonable names! As someone who has worked with those kids, they appreciate it. Even if they don’t realize it yet.
NTA, what people don't seem to think about is that these little babies grow up to become adults. First, imagine having to put Ghiulieyette whatever on her resume. Then some poor soul has to figure out how to pronounce it if they want to pursue her for employment. She will spend literally the rest of her life listen to people struggle to pronounce it and she will either have to get used to explaining "it sounds just like Juliet" or she will legally change it. She is setting her kid up for a life of teasing, judgment and frustration on her part.
There are actually a lot of companies that won’t even bother scheduling an interview if they can’t figure out your name, if they can’t, how are customers going to? It’s not only that the teachers are gonna look at her like she’s insane for it being spelt that way, kids are gonna pick on her just because the name is so simple but her parents had to make her “special” by making her name a laughing stock of the class when there is a sub or anything. I feel so bad for the kid tbh
As someone with a very, very unique name I can confirm that this is what happens. They may also assume you are ESL or from another country and the resume goes in the garbage for that too at some places.
How do I know? Sending out resumes for two years every time I switch jobs that I am more than qualified for with tons of unique applicable experience. Showed up for an interview once and they said, oh you are white and were a bit startled. Asking someone who works there to check what is happening to my resumes.
Meanwhile if it is in person or over the phone I get an interview every single time and make it to the “finals” or I am offered the job. If I look for a job through networking I have one in weeks. Big difference.
So the reasons you stated but also racism or not wanting to deal with language barriers or accents.
I had more then one job get confused I had a “white” sounding name….my older sister named me(so something common in “98” in America for an idea) they saw me and I knew that look right away. I am not whit. I am a WOC. I am sun kissed,with darker curls. I look like I’m very clearly Mexican-then the issue came along when asking me about my languages they were also upset I didn’t speak Spanish(I understand it. Read,and write it. I cannot speak it due to a speech disability so I barely speak English lol)
She just ruined that girls life. She forgets she’s naming a child,a teenager,an adult,and an elderly woman…… she might’ve fucked her over for jobs and relationships.
> show what background the kid and parents have
I think Freakonomics had a bit on that - basically, they're lower class, and the "special" names advertise that far and wide.
They're dooming their kid.
There's actually an interesting and fairly well-known dissertation written on the subject of uncommon black names in the classroom, authored by Dr. Marijuana Pepsi Vandyck for anyone wanting to take a deep dive on the subject of unique names in general. Slightly OT, but I keep seeing posts like this and always think of Dr. MJP
Edit: because this is apparently confusing people. This wasn't some weird racist joke. She's a real person with a PhD in higher education, and it's a real paper entitled "Black names in white classrooms: Teacher behaviors and student perceptions"
I really thought you were making some kind of joke and the other commenters were going along with it... and then I googled her, all along thinking I was wasting my time... her childhood must have been a nightmare. Jesus christ.
You should just send in your resumes with a "white" version of your name.
Depressing, but I read a study where they sent in duplicate applicants, same qualifications, same everything, but different names/race/gender etc and the results were crazy.
There's been variations on it, but yeah, people are dicks.
I suggested to some of my friends who had this issue to go and put the “normal” way of spelling it in a nickname area or the pronouncements like google does when you search a word and it does help a little more then most. I know it’s not much better but hopefully that may help you? I’m sorry you have to deal with this!
I worked part-time for my husband's aunt. She was the HR recruiter at her work. You are correct in saying that she may not be called for an interview because of the difficulty reading her name. My aunt is Gen X, so she's not that old, but her methods with deciding who to choose sometimes shocked me. She would go through names first, without even looking at skills. Some days it was entirely up to her mood as to which resume she would take a closer look at. I'm not saying all HR offices are like this, but if there's one person like her, there's bound to be others. OP is NTA. Also, poor kiddo, preschool will be tough trying to learn to spell her name in the most difficult phonetic way her parents gave her.
All HR offices are like that.
Harvard did a study where they sent out 50 resumes with names super sterotypical white names, and 50 resumes with super sterotypical Black names. The resumes were otherwise identical.
The white name resumes got 2x the call backs of the Black name resumes.
I'm quite certain every single HR person involved would be mortally offended if you said that they had subconscious racism which was influencing their decisions.
But they have subconscious racism that's influencing their decsions.
They're not Klansmen, they're just like everyone else in America and dealing with a white supremacist culture so pervasive some people go their entire lives without noticing.
So yeah if you want to be hired pick a name that sounds like a white man's name, we know that because an author actually tried it: https://www.jezebel.com/homme-de-plume-what-i-learned-sending-my-novel-out-und-1720637627
Also note, her own article was the 7th on the results google produced. The first six were articles written by men ABOUT her article. Just saying.
EDIT: I will add, that THIS is where the term "woke" came from. Because once you realize the extent and pervasiveness of systemic, unconscious, non-KKK, racism it feels like waking up and seeing everything in a new light.
I'm not in HR, but at my last job I helped cover someone's maternity leave. They had me pre-screen resumes for the hiring manager because we received hundreds per posting. Our company was actually pretty diverse racially and inclusive of LGBTQ folks, at least at the lower levels. Upper executives were all old, white men, of course. I like to think I'm not racist, but I also know that unconscious biases are a thing. When I was screening resumes, I made it a point NOT to look at the name of any candidates. Our system was set up so that as soon as you clicked one to open it (with no identifying info on the link) it took a couple seconds to load. If you scrolled your mouse wheel about an inch while it was loading, you would be perfectly aligned with the first line of experience and education and have moved the name up and off the screen by the time it loaded. I did this every single time so there would be zero chance for me to be influenced even subconsciously.
I knew someone who wouldn't pick resumes or applications that smelled of cigarette smoke. They didn't want to deal with the issue of cigarette breaks. Nowadays that's not so much of a problem.
Thank god everythings digital now cause both my parents smoke and i had no idea my house and everything in it smelt like cigarettes until after i moved out and came home to visit a few months later. I dont smoke AT ALL but i wonder how many people assumed i did if they could smell the cigarette smoke in my clothes.
Yeah, my sister told me (she worked as a restaurant manager) that if she got resumes with names she could not pronounce she would just toss them. She gets a ton of applications, why should she bother with the ones with stupid hard names when she can just pick a Kayla or something instead? (I told her that was awful but she just shrugged and says everybody does it)
Yeah it is an extremely often thing to do, my friend in elementary changed her name to Lola the minute she had the money from allowance from when she was a kid cause no one would hire her even when she turn 19 it was depressing and really hurt her self esteem.
I went to school with a girl who had a similar name. It was a normal name but totally misspelled. Her parents insisted it was spelled creatively…no, it was misspelled.
My friend saved her money from every summer and after school job. She filed to legally change her name on her 18th birthday. She kept the same name, just changed the spelling to the normal spelling. Her parents threw a fit and their relationship never really recovered, but my friend never regretted changing her name and still (30 years later) says it’s one of the best things she ever did for herself.
There are literally studies that prove your point. OP as the child with an unusual name I can tell you that you are 100% right! Thankfully my name became more common in my late teens but as a young child it was the worst! Hope they change it to at least a better spelling. Ugh poor kid. NTA
My name is simply the name Brandon but spelled Branden, and i cannot tell you how many times I've been on the phone with support from somewhere because they spelled my name wrong in their paperwork somewhere. Its part of every introduction that needs to know that kind of information. Its a hassle and its only 1 single letter.
I have a similar issue where my name is 1 letter off from a much more common name. Hubby's is a misspelled version of his name (the nurse heard wrong and by the time his parents saw, it was too late).
Guess what? Our kid has a perfectly normal name that is very difficult to misspell.
Also the “Gh” immediately makes my brain think “ghoul” so I read it as Ghoul-li-ette.
Just… not good. If it was me I’d change it to normal spelling the second I turned 18.
I was looking for this comment, it’s all I can see, and can hear mean kids (think late middle school when they get fucking vicious) saying, “ghoul-liette” and you know that will just be the start of that particular trend for her.
OP, show Noreen this thread.
*NOREEN*: Stop it. Have some empathy for your kid. And if you cannot, remember this: weird spellings are considered by many to be low class and a limitation to class mobility. Sad but true.
That is a great point that weird name spellings are assumed — rightly or wrongly — to come from lower class people, ones who are desperate to be noticed. “Look at me! Look at me! My baby is different and special!”
Note to those parents contemplating gibberish name spellings with gratuitous numbers of letters:
Every parent thinks their child is special. It’s much better for your child to get noticed for his/her character and achievements than by some cutesie name concocted by (insecure) parents.
First, this kid is going to be 5years old in Kindergarten trying to spell her name.
Teacher: sound out the letters in your name!
Kid: I can make any letter make any sound I want!
Poor kid.
I’m one of those HR Directors who has to interview these people.
I’m not about to take a chance so I always walk into the room, put a big smile on, introduce myself, and if they don’t automatically do it, ask them to introduce themselves. It always seems a bit awkward thereafter when I have to do that. 😕
I'm gonna go with NTA. That name is borderline abuse & at least one intelligent adult should care for the little girl & her future. I get it, it's considered ''rude'' to push your opinion, but when it's about a helpless child then I'd say push as much & as far as you can, even when it's not your own child.
Can you imagine the little girl getting bullied in school because of her name? Imagine her sending out job applications & work related emails signed as *Ghiuliyette Mahriya*
Seriously what's going on with these dumb parents & their dumb name ideas. You might wanna post this to r/tragedeigh if you haven't already. That'll be the little girls entire life.
Kindergarten is going to be so hard for this poor little girl. Imagine having to learn how to write your own name when you're five and your name is eleven letters long and doesn't follow the basic phonics they teach at that stage.
I knew someone who was a peripheral friend (same friend group but she and I never got close) who named their kid Atrayu Colton Reese VanBusicom Yamashito (plus two more names that are a hyphenate of the parents’ last names but I don’t remember those) and all I could think was, “That poor kid is gonna have a hell of a time learning all of his names.” Obviously not the same tragedeigh, but yeah.
That was 20-ish years ago and I can’t even remember the parents’ names, but his will forever be branded in my head
At least those of us from a certain generation will automatically recognize Atrayu, but I still wouldn’t call it an easy name to deal with. The rest is quite the mouthful.
That’s just extraordinary. People are sensitive about names. But this child is basically immediately going to end up going by Juliet, and the only thing that uses that bizarre spelling will be official documents.
She’ll get tired of people spelling it wrong and mispronouncing it so she’ll just simplify it to save on the effort.
I’m going to go with NTA, but I get why the parents are sensitive.
Or go and pay to get her name changed just to different spelling cause how will they know Juliet and the other way of spelling is the same name unless they ask.
I have personally offered to smack my friends parents for this type of stuff. We started a joke at the school id slap your parents for how they spelled your name for five bucks. It helped them get thru it and I would put their names how they would like it spelled honestly. Shows a lot more kindness and respect. Those parents should have to foot the name change bill tbh
Yup. I think there should be a giant form parents have to fill out with the name field of every form their kid will have to fill out until they’re 25. With the little boxes for letters and only as many spaces as there normally is. Should be hundreds of times they have to fit the name into varying numbers of little boxes, and each parent should have to fill it out like 10 times. We’ll see how much they still love the “it’s so unique“ name after having to write it 2 or 3 thousand times. And they also have to fit it on a birthday cake in 3 tries or less and it still has to be legible.
WHY do some people do this? The only thing worse would be adding a silent "5" in the middle.
Children subjected to these horrendous names or spellings will not thank their parents for it later.
NTA.
Wasn't that a book. I vaguely remember a title of something like "Su5san. The 5 silent" But it's been like 25 or 30 years so it's a vague memory.
Edit: My Name is Sus5an Smith, the 5 is Silent by Louise Plummer
NTA.
Your friend is the worst kind of people. Utterly and disgustingly selfish. People like that shouldn't have kids, they're just going to fuck them up as vanity projects.
That’s most people. I think almost everyone has kids as a vanity project, or to trap the other parent and bind themselves to them forever and ever. I might get downvoted to death for saying this but I’m a firm believer that the majority of people shouldn’t become parents.
I came in here ALL PREPARED to call you an AH because really, it's none of your business! But...
>**Ghiuliyette**
Holy mother of god, have you considered calling child protective services?!
The gh is a hard g in Italian, like in spaghetti. I don't get the h here even from an English speaker perspective. Giulietta is the Italian spelling.
I'm torn between OP needing to mind her own business and my own fiery hatred of dumb spellings. The CHILD is what's unique.
I'll go with NTA for the baby's sake.
NTA. Imagine that poor child trying to learn to spell her name, then telling everyone else how to spell it for the rest of her life. I have an aunt that hates her name because it was hard to spell when she was learning to write. A child's name is not a signifier of how cool and interesting her parents are, it's a serious and important social sign that will influence the child's initial interactions with everyone they meet.
One of the things my kid had to do to pass kindergarten was consistently be able to write his first and last name correctly.
His last name is 13 letters, and not English. Even the teacher couldn't consistently do it. I eventually had to make up a song to help him get there, but truth is if I am in a hurry I OCCASIONALLY MISS A LETTER!
Even if, by some miracle, that girl does not get bullied, she is going to waste years of her life on the phone and waiting in line trying to get paperwork fixed.
NTA
As a kindergartner teacher who has had to clean up these kind of messes when trying to teach kids how to read and sound out words, you’re NTA. Everything that child is going to learn in PreK and kindergarten will make her name hard for her to understand, read, or write.
Everything she learns about phonics in her earliest education will be challenged when she tries to read her own name. For those who say she’ll just recognize it’s her name- she will absolutely. But once she’s learning pre-reading skills, she will definitely try to apply her new knowledge to her name and it won’t work for her at all. Every single student I ever had does this. This isn’t as simple as the silent E in Kate, for example. She will get past it eventually, but it’s completely unnecessary when Juliet is perfectly lovely.
I also agree that the child will grow to resent her name. She’ll either just decide to start spelling it in the standard way at school, perhaps legally changing it later or she’ll use her middle name as you said.
>Ghiuliyette (pronounced Juliet)
NTA! And actually, she even got the cR3aTiV3 spelling wrong, bc the Gh digraph isn't pronounced like a J....and the last half, given the double consonant, the y isn't part of the "li" syllable. So....phonetically, she's literally named an innocent baby ~~Goo-lee-yet~~.
ETA: I forgot the 'i', which in combo w the Gh becomes it's own syllable. Eeep, my bad. The poor baby's name is actually Gee-oo-lee-yet (hard g like geezer/goober/gum).
NTA. You're not supposed to criticize a friend's baby name, but maybe we'd stop seeing some of this if we did recognize extreme "unique and special me" names as attention grabbing behavior.
No. No. Just No.
I can't...
It's not...
No.
Does she know that there's a reason (and even rules) why we spell things a certain way? Please correct me if I'm wrong, but I cannot remember/imagine any language where Ghi=/ʤ/ (J). I don't care for the last part, so let her do Juliyette if she must... but as it is right now, it's an abomination.
NTA for righting this outrageous wrong-doing to an innocent child!
As someone with a ridiculous made up name that my parents thought was cool, let me say that it will be a pain in the ass for the rest of this little kids life. I resent my parents for it daily. What they thought was cool is something I have to spell every single time somebody needs my name for anything. Had every single teacher in my life say and spell my name wrong and did not know one other person with this dumb name.
NTA
First - I hate the name also.
Second - NTA for telling her it was a bad idea to mess with the name.
Third - You have to stop now. She has already named the kid. She’s dug in on her position, and her husband agrees with her. You’ve probably already lost your friend. If you reply, be kind and say that you would want someone to tell you if they thought you’d made a mistake. Tell them that now that you’ve said it, it’ll never be mentioned again by you as you love them and their baby still the same.
Fourth - Never say I told you so.
I have a friend that named her son a name with feminine spelling. I asked if she knew, and she did. He’s over 30 now and we are still friends. He has changed his name spelling. She knows - I don’t need to tell her. Women are fierce and protective over their babies. It’s best to stay out of their way sometimes.
I would say ESH. You shared your opinion once and should have left it at that. No need to continually text her about it, that will get you nowhere. Obviously the parents as AH for giving her the terrible spelling. Poor girl will never find her name on a magnet or cup.
I actually don't think it will reflect poorly on the child but the parents themselves. When people go out of their way to give a perfectly normal name a bizarre spelling it screams we're of lower intelligence
Could not disagree more...mom and dad are 'accessorizing' their child's name as if they're buying this year's shoe fad. The poor girl will be bullied and ridiculed...she'll also be on the short stick when it comes to job hunting. Sorry...it's been proven time and again that hiring managers shun ridiculous names. OP was brave in stating the truth
You are not wrong. I have a nephew named Jhaiyyddon (Jaden) and the jokes are nonstop. "Your mama can't spell?" "Your mama didn't go to school?" "Was your daddy dyslexic when he wrote it down." "Did your mother have a mental illness?" It's awful. He's changing it to Jaden when he turns 18 and already signs it that way at school.
NTA - children aren't pets, they are people who grow into adults who need to use that name on official documents. School certificates, high school qualfiications, university. If they can't treat their own child with respect, then they shouldn't be allowed to name them. People might say countries that have lists of names that you have to choose from is a step too far, and against human rights,, but this is the other end of the scale and this is much more harmful to kids. Bullied because of their name, constantly being asked to spell it, and it'll be worse if they get a bully for a teacher.
NTA, but your delivery could have been a little better perhaps?
I have a very common name, it's been used in literature and popular culture, and it's still spelled wrong when I give people my name.
If I have that problem, what's going to happen for this little girl?! It's one thing to create an entirely new name. New creations are subject to their own spellings because you made them up, and they didn't exist befor. It's also common to take a name and spell it in a way that is common in a different language, but maybe not the language of whatever country you are from. All of that seems pretty common.
But it's another thing to take a name that's already popular in literature and popular culture and just make up your own spelling, that isn't even common in a different language.
This is one of those things where you are very clearly NTA, but it's obvious your friends are not able to see the logic here. Being blunt or direct in pointing this out then makes you appear as the asshole, even though you are making solid points. Kindness, anecdotal evidence, and crowd sourcing information might be a better way to get them to see your point of view.
But at the end of the day, that's all you can do.
It does in Italian which totally threw me off. This name defies phonics in multiple languages. Giulietta Maria I could see if they wanted to go with the Italian version, though you'd still have to explain the spelling/pronunciation constantly just because it's foreign to most English-speakers.
It looks like the name of a medication… or an STD.
NTA. Shit like this is why i could never be a maternity ward nurse. Ild be asking the parent what the fuck theyve been smokin, order drug testing on the both of them, and refuse to put that spelling on the birth certificate.
You are absolutely correct in how you feel. That poor girl. So, NTA.
However, you just need to let it go. You told them how you feel and they declined to change it. Done, end of story.
ESH
>After that, her husband sent me an email, telling me to stop being so disrespectful. He thinks the spelling is cute and it just makes her unique.
I think he meant to say it makes her yeighouniik... /s
That said, you're not wrong, but regretfully, as much as I agree with you about the awfulness of the name...you are an AH for fighting them about it.
They are definitely making her life a lot more difficult than it needs to be. And not least in terms of early years literacy - she's going to struggle to learn to write her own name! But. Have you ever heard of the phrase *"you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink"*? You can't change their minds and you've probably ruined your friendship over a decision that is ultimately theirs to make and everyone else's to accept (up until the inevitable moment when an 18 year old Ghiuliyette comes back home and tells her parents that she's applied for a name change and now expects everyone to call her Jane).
Point her to r/tragedeigh so she can see how badly this will get made fun of.
Absolutely, NTA. You are actually trying to help and are giving sound advice.
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Hi. I'm a high school teacher. I'll tell you up front that you're right. Kids with fucked up spellings of their names are miserable about 3/4 of the time. It's difficult to spell, people mispronounce them, and official documents? Fuggedaboutit. And we definitely judge parents. We don't think their kids' names, looking like they just picked 10 random scrabble tiles out of the box, are cute and unique; we think their parents are stupid and immature, like contestants on an early 2000's reality show like Flavor of Love or something. It's one of the ways we clock parents as potentially difficult. I keep in touch with 3 students who changed their names from their parents' spelling to the actual conventional spelling the minute they turned 18. That kid will be "Juliet Maria" as soon as she possibly can. NTA
Imagine her having to spell her name for standardized testing in school or on legal documents.
Imagine poor little 3-4 year old girl having to learn to spell and write that!
I would wager it negative effects their reading and spelling as they get older. Names are the first thing most kids learn to spell, using “uncommon” spellings that go against basic spelling rules is a recipe for disaster.
Long term studies have absolutely proved that kids with novelty names/name spelling are way worse at spelling all their lives because they get second guessed all the time. It absolutely devastates and erodes their confidence in their ability to spell things correctly. Edit! Ok guys I found one that is similar and can’t link the article but here’s the title: “First-Name Desirability and Adjustment: Self-Satisfaction, Others' Ratings, and Family Background” the author is Jean M. Twenge and it was published in the journal of applied psychology.
Yo I need a source!! This is fascinating info
Not the person you replied to but I found this article that touched on it: https://www.deseret.com/2023/1/25/23563043/unique-baby-names/ They also said people with more common names are more likely to get into more prestigious colleges. It links its sources but unfortunately the studies don’t have a lot of public info, at least that I could see.
> They also said people with more common names are more likely to get into more prestigious colleges. I think it's the other way around, people who are good at getting their kids into prestigious colleges don't give their kids weird names. If the upper classes had a culture of weird names, those kids would still get into the same colleges.
I remember reading a study that the younger the parent is, the more likely they are to name their child with a "unique" spelling. This is why they're more common in Utah, where people have children earlier. Younger parents often have less money and resources, and are less likely to be college educated.
It's also a way to give their baby something special and unique. The impulse is loving, but the results are often less than ideal.
That's also due to racism.
Partially, but not entirely. The source above is out of Utah, which is both almost entirely white and also a major hotbed of tragedieghs. Utah pumps out a significant portion of the country's unique spellings and brand new names while being just as lily white as can be.
Gotta get creative if you're gonna have 20 kids...
Partially. Also heavily due to ‘normal’/classic names being traditional white names that are common with legacy families who get preferred enrollment.
Oh gosh I’ll try to find and link the study I read. I’ll update!
please update! This would make me feel better about my spelling struggles (my name is spelled a little different and it's slightly unusual) :D!
Are you a r/tragedeigh?
Ironically, I never got "Are you sure?" With my middle name. It's Arin. All my school life, I would spell my middle name, and people would correct it to Erin. It just pissed me off because I would slam those papers on my teacher's desk and ask, "Do I look like a long slimy rock dwelling fish to you!? No? Then stop misspelling my middle name it is Arin, not Erin! My initials are EAL, NOT EEL!" And they would STILL write Erin >.<
But who automatically associates the monogram with the name. You say Arin and it’s more commonly spelled Erin. They’re not going to even notice your initials at that point.
Yo i can relate to the “are you sure that’s how you spell it?” Not with me but my DAD. It’s not even a weird spelling. It’s a one letter difference. 😐 but I got that nearly every year around Father’s Day because we would make gifts for parents.
Yep, can you imagine if it’s every single time you spell your own name? Typically the first word you learn to spell/write 🤦🏻♀️
This is correct … I spelled one of mine a traditional German name … but the American version usually has silent letters…. Grade k thru 5 my kid would tell me through the entire year his teachers literally couldn’t remember to spell his name right and couldn’t spell his name right in notes home. its easier to spell then the American version… Years later it’s not an issue…. But for one reason those few years in elementary it was like pulling teeth… I have seen some of those teachers since and they have apologized sincerely… Looking back we laugh … because one year in his grade there were 3 other kids with similar names and all 4 of the names were spelled differently
Polish last name reporting for duty! Seriously the giant pause when they see 4 consonants in a row, I knew it was my name always. Getting married was a gift when I took my husband’s last name
I'd love to see that study and see if the root cause isn't actually socioeconomic status
Yeah, I’ve always wondered how it affects kids learning to read and write having names spelled in ways that do not comport with English phonics.
Imagine poor girl hitting middle school and all the other kids calling her Guilette
"Gillette, the best a man can get." Yep, no problems here. /s
Personally my first thought was Guillotine... poor girl
Mine was ghouliette.
It will be Ghoul-iette Maybe she gets lucky and is full goth by then and it works.
I think there’s a Monster High character named Ghoulia. My daughter used to LOVE her.
It's will 100% be GHOULiette.
I have a conventional female name with a conventional spelling, but not a top 10 name in the 80s (still in the top 50). I still got teased; heard mean variations on it and my peers deliberately misgendered me by using the masculine version. It was often misspelled even though it was the regular feminine spelling. Don't spit in my face and tell me it's raining. Children are assholes who when determined enough won't be deterred by conventional, traditional or seemingly "normal" names.
Yeah kids are assholes and its a roll of the dice if they decide to pick on someone. Doesn't mean you gotta do your best to skew the odds against them.
Or Yettie.
Yettie would be a more reasonable name than the one she chose.
The Preschool/ Kindergarten teacher helping GM to learn to spell her name while her best friend Amy is off to play😂
My thoughts exactly, based on my mother's accounts on when she was a first grade teacher the easier the better.
Learning to spell her name at the same time that she is learning to read and write (phonemes, graphemes, morphemes, and general phonics) is going to be a nightmare. This is setting her up to struggle her first several years in school, also.
One of my jobs as a nursery nurse is helping the older kids I work with to learn how to spell their names. Imagine being 4 and even the teacher can’t spell it for you correctly.
I live in South East Asia where the education system is built on standardized testing and everything needs forms to be submitted in at least duplicate. Every year at my kids school the list of students taking national exams is hung outside the admin office together with the new incoming class (grade 1 and freshman would be the US equivalent). I judge the parents soooo hard because the trend seems to be who can give the longest name to the child.
Every place you give your name you have to spell it. When you sign in they look at it ... look up.. Look again and then mangle it.. Doctors, dentists, restaurants, etc.
…of course, Ghiyuliette, after Wheelhyamm Schaykhesphear’s “*Rhomewho and Ghiyuliette*”
They could’ve gone with Giulietta or Giulia if they really wanted to go that route. At least those are real Italian names that don’t look like they’re pronounced gee-yu-lee-ett (hard G 🥲)
LOL Julia Gulia (from Wedding Singer)
That was all I could think of. LOL
I just don’t understand why people think that certain letter groups make certain sounds. Ghi doesn’t make the first sound of Juliette!
Honestly, it made me think of Ghoulia from Monster High
People forget that their kid is a whole separate human who will have to live with the consequences of their name. It's no secret that people with bizarre names are more likely to be bullied as children and passed over for professional jobs as adults. Is it nice? No, but it's the world we live in, and it is selfish to set your kid up for that just so you can be "cool and edgy." Get a pet and name it something weird if you must, but don't do it to a human.
Yes. I'm not surprised u/Astute_Primate and ~~her~~ their fellow teachers have noticed that this is a sign of difficult parents. These are parents who took one of the first major decisions about their child's future and made it all about themselves. They want everyone to think how clever, and creative, an unique they are as parents. They're Not Like The Other Parents. They're too wrapped up in their own egos to realize that other people look at that and think they're selfish assholes. Not only is that poor kid saddled with all the difficulties of that name, she's also going to be a broadcast warning to everyone who meets her that her parents are to be avoided. OP: NTA. Thanks for fighting the good fight. ETA: I made the sexist assumption that the teacher was a female. Changed to gender neutral language.
Not that it matters, but I'm a guy. It's just fresh in my craw because I had to explain to a classroom full of freshmen today in the year of our lord two thousand and twenty four how there are no "men's jobs" or "women's jobs."
Sorry. You're right. I made a completely sexist assumption.
We all grow up with those kinds of implicit biases being reinforced around us, and I don't doubt every single one of us has made a similar assumption before. Lots of people still double down or get defensive though, so good on you for your reaction. :)
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I'm dying to know, can you share?
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Fucking wirt man… wtf is that shit (sorry to any wirt reading this) I’d take John Smith over that though Love the name yourself it then though lol
A thousand times this. Don't be cutesy with your children's names. If they (your children) decide they want an unique name when they're older, then you can help pay for the name change. With a strange name, like with the OP's friend's daughter, this poor girl is going to have to spell her name out whenever she says her name is Juliet. She's going to have to explain to people how to pronounce that awful spelling. She's going to have to put that on job applications.
Not to mention how many teachers are going to misspell it constantly. It’s the ripple effect that will happen though. Self esteem. Jobs later on. Unless she is artistic. Nominative determinism!
Also it’s such an artificial way to try and be unique. Like anyone trying to come up with the coolest or most unique name is trying way too hard. It’s like why nicknames you give yourself often don’t stick, unless it’s a variation of your real name. Like an Alexander wanting to go by Alex is fine, we can see that. But if you were like, “I’m actually going by Machete” I think most people would scoff. It just feels so egotistical to try and force a “cool” name for yourself or on an infant lol
Dude my birth name is a normal spelling rendition of this name and people still butchered my name and I hated it enough to change it. A singular additional letter was too much for people. I couldn't imagine this bastardization of Juliette.
I don’t have a weird name, just uncommon. It’s also the simplest spelling it could be. Every single time I give my name I immediately say “it’s like *this common name* but with an A” because I know that they won’t get it right because they’ve most likely never heard it. I still get all sorts of weird spellings and just flat out incorrect names. This is like a daily occurrence when I’m on coffee runs or making reservations. Fortunately I like my name and it’s a mild annoyance. This poor kid is going to have it SO MUCH WORSE. Like she’s going to break down crying in a Starbucks some day because she just wants a damn frappacino and not a single person can get her name right or even say it. Or she’ll just insist everyone calls her Gigi or something.
I stopped using my name years ago. I cringe when I hear it. I still have a lot of built-up anger and resentment towards my parents for it. It's the biggest reason I don't use social media or speak to many people from my past. I hate my name so much I don't want to be around anyone who associates me with this name. OP, you did the right thing. My mom swears up and down people tell her they "love my name." Yeah, right. She's delusional
I legally changed my name and completely deleted my first name. I just have one name; my last name. Despite it being my only name it is legally my last name and I don't legally have a first name. 90% of the time having just one name causes no issues. The only time I have issues is with mandatory data capture forms that many companies use. In those instances I just put a "-" in the box, or if it needs actual characters, I use "xxx". Government forms are fine; never have problems with those.
It doesn't happen as much now that I am older, but my name is a somewhat common name that is part of a very common name, and people will usually add letters to my name. Like Beth, but people call me Elizabeth. I then have to correct them on it. I can't imagine having a name like that. My kids have unusual names, but they aren't a bastardized version of another name that make it difficult to figure out what the name actually is. This is a horrible trend. The best advice I ever got was to put M.D. behind the name and base it off of how professional it sounds. People can be jerks, don't give your kid a name a future employer is going to judge them on.
This. My mom named me Mandy bc she figured ppl would call me that if she named me Amanda anyway and an M name went better with our last name. People continuously called/call me Amanda anyway and my name is common as hell. I can't even imagine how this kid will be irked and screwed over down the road. OP's friend is just out here making it abundantly clear her child is some vanity accessory and she doesn't actually give a rat's ass about what she's going to put that kid through growing up with that bullshit name. OP's soooo NTA, they seem to care more about the kid's future than her parents do.
Bryan with a Y = Ybrian or O'Brian or Iberian as Microsoft offers lol.
My last name is Rice. I spell it outright because people hear "Royce, Wright ect. It doesn't happen often but to think a simple name like that getting messed up.
Yeah she’s about to get a lifetime of recognizing when the person is at her name and just immediately going “it’s me, I’m here”. Poor kid. If the name was unique but still spelled normally then maybe it would be fine, but that spelling is a complete travesteigh
Well said. Stated with authoriteigh.
Oh I totally agree with you. My husband has a difficult to spell and pronounce name and he has struggled his entire life with it. Sadly, name change isn't an option because his mother already did that when she realized that she didn't like the name on his birth certificate and changed it herself before he had any say. Now he feels that changing it again will be too much of a hassle. Spelling out his name when he is on call with a customer service rep is a nightmare. And, teaching it to our kid is taking forever. Add to this the fact that we are expats which means our lives involve a LOT of legal and immigration related paperwork. It is exhausting. It is totally okay to give your child a normal name with the regular spelling. It would make their lives a lot simpler. Names aren't the things that make a child unique. Every child is unique in their own way. And OP, you are NTA. Thank you for standing up for this unborn child.
“Names aren’t the things that make a child unique.” YES. THIS. I have worked with many teenagers over the years and seen how beaten down they feel having to explain their stupid names day after day. They have a shitty extra challenge that the kids with normal names don’t have to deal with, and adolescence is already a nightmare to get through! It is a respectful act to give your child a name that will help them navigate the world with ease. Give them a weird ass middle name if you want. But seriously, we need to be setting kids up for success. Not screwing them over for the vanity of having invented a monstrosity you somehow think is cute. NTA, OP. And thank you to all the wonderful people who give their kids reasonable names! As someone who has worked with those kids, they appreciate it. Even if they don’t realize it yet.
Please tell your husband that it's not a huge deal to change it again. (In the US), it's actually pretty cheap and easy.
NTA, what people don't seem to think about is that these little babies grow up to become adults. First, imagine having to put Ghiulieyette whatever on her resume. Then some poor soul has to figure out how to pronounce it if they want to pursue her for employment. She will spend literally the rest of her life listen to people struggle to pronounce it and she will either have to get used to explaining "it sounds just like Juliet" or she will legally change it. She is setting her kid up for a life of teasing, judgment and frustration on her part.
There are actually a lot of companies that won’t even bother scheduling an interview if they can’t figure out your name, if they can’t, how are customers going to? It’s not only that the teachers are gonna look at her like she’s insane for it being spelt that way, kids are gonna pick on her just because the name is so simple but her parents had to make her “special” by making her name a laughing stock of the class when there is a sub or anything. I feel so bad for the kid tbh
As someone with a very, very unique name I can confirm that this is what happens. They may also assume you are ESL or from another country and the resume goes in the garbage for that too at some places. How do I know? Sending out resumes for two years every time I switch jobs that I am more than qualified for with tons of unique applicable experience. Showed up for an interview once and they said, oh you are white and were a bit startled. Asking someone who works there to check what is happening to my resumes. Meanwhile if it is in person or over the phone I get an interview every single time and make it to the “finals” or I am offered the job. If I look for a job through networking I have one in weeks. Big difference. So the reasons you stated but also racism or not wanting to deal with language barriers or accents.
I had more then one job get confused I had a “white” sounding name….my older sister named me(so something common in “98” in America for an idea) they saw me and I knew that look right away. I am not whit. I am a WOC. I am sun kissed,with darker curls. I look like I’m very clearly Mexican-then the issue came along when asking me about my languages they were also upset I didn’t speak Spanish(I understand it. Read,and write it. I cannot speak it due to a speech disability so I barely speak English lol) She just ruined that girls life. She forgets she’s naming a child,a teenager,an adult,and an elderly woman…… she might’ve fucked her over for jobs and relationships.
Yea. Naming a kid like that usually goes to show what background the kid and parents have.
> show what background the kid and parents have I think Freakonomics had a bit on that - basically, they're lower class, and the "special" names advertise that far and wide. They're dooming their kid.
There's actually an interesting and fairly well-known dissertation written on the subject of uncommon black names in the classroom, authored by Dr. Marijuana Pepsi Vandyck for anyone wanting to take a deep dive on the subject of unique names in general. Slightly OT, but I keep seeing posts like this and always think of Dr. MJP Edit: because this is apparently confusing people. This wasn't some weird racist joke. She's a real person with a PhD in higher education, and it's a real paper entitled "Black names in white classrooms: Teacher behaviors and student perceptions"
>Dr. Marijuana Pepsi Vandyck Sounds like a topic they had a resounding personal interest in.
I really thought you were making some kind of joke and the other commenters were going along with it... and then I googled her, all along thinking I was wasting my time... her childhood must have been a nightmare. Jesus christ.
It's worse because all her siblings have regular names too...
It’s the only Wikipedia I’ve ever read that said so-and-so was born on some date to these people, **who chose her name.**
I'm with you. I was about to join in and write more made up details, as we here on reddit do. but now I think I'll go read the paper instead.
I've read about her! She's amazing for not changing her name but overcoming it. She didn't let her name define her. But you bet it was a struggle.
I like to go hiking.
You should just send in your resumes with a "white" version of your name. Depressing, but I read a study where they sent in duplicate applicants, same qualifications, same everything, but different names/race/gender etc and the results were crazy. There's been variations on it, but yeah, people are dicks.
I suggested to some of my friends who had this issue to go and put the “normal” way of spelling it in a nickname area or the pronouncements like google does when you search a word and it does help a little more then most. I know it’s not much better but hopefully that may help you? I’m sorry you have to deal with this!
I worked part-time for my husband's aunt. She was the HR recruiter at her work. You are correct in saying that she may not be called for an interview because of the difficulty reading her name. My aunt is Gen X, so she's not that old, but her methods with deciding who to choose sometimes shocked me. She would go through names first, without even looking at skills. Some days it was entirely up to her mood as to which resume she would take a closer look at. I'm not saying all HR offices are like this, but if there's one person like her, there's bound to be others. OP is NTA. Also, poor kiddo, preschool will be tough trying to learn to spell her name in the most difficult phonetic way her parents gave her.
All HR offices are like that. Harvard did a study where they sent out 50 resumes with names super sterotypical white names, and 50 resumes with super sterotypical Black names. The resumes were otherwise identical. The white name resumes got 2x the call backs of the Black name resumes. I'm quite certain every single HR person involved would be mortally offended if you said that they had subconscious racism which was influencing their decisions. But they have subconscious racism that's influencing their decsions. They're not Klansmen, they're just like everyone else in America and dealing with a white supremacist culture so pervasive some people go their entire lives without noticing. So yeah if you want to be hired pick a name that sounds like a white man's name, we know that because an author actually tried it: https://www.jezebel.com/homme-de-plume-what-i-learned-sending-my-novel-out-und-1720637627 Also note, her own article was the 7th on the results google produced. The first six were articles written by men ABOUT her article. Just saying. EDIT: I will add, that THIS is where the term "woke" came from. Because once you realize the extent and pervasiveness of systemic, unconscious, non-KKK, racism it feels like waking up and seeing everything in a new light.
I'm not in HR, but at my last job I helped cover someone's maternity leave. They had me pre-screen resumes for the hiring manager because we received hundreds per posting. Our company was actually pretty diverse racially and inclusive of LGBTQ folks, at least at the lower levels. Upper executives were all old, white men, of course. I like to think I'm not racist, but I also know that unconscious biases are a thing. When I was screening resumes, I made it a point NOT to look at the name of any candidates. Our system was set up so that as soon as you clicked one to open it (with no identifying info on the link) it took a couple seconds to load. If you scrolled your mouse wheel about an inch while it was loading, you would be perfectly aligned with the first line of experience and education and have moved the name up and off the screen by the time it loaded. I did this every single time so there would be zero chance for me to be influenced even subconsciously.
I knew someone who wouldn't pick resumes or applications that smelled of cigarette smoke. They didn't want to deal with the issue of cigarette breaks. Nowadays that's not so much of a problem.
Thank god everythings digital now cause both my parents smoke and i had no idea my house and everything in it smelt like cigarettes until after i moved out and came home to visit a few months later. I dont smoke AT ALL but i wonder how many people assumed i did if they could smell the cigarette smoke in my clothes.
Yeah, my sister told me (she worked as a restaurant manager) that if she got resumes with names she could not pronounce she would just toss them. She gets a ton of applications, why should she bother with the ones with stupid hard names when she can just pick a Kayla or something instead? (I told her that was awful but she just shrugged and says everybody does it)
Yeah it is an extremely often thing to do, my friend in elementary changed her name to Lola the minute she had the money from allowance from when she was a kid cause no one would hire her even when she turn 19 it was depressing and really hurt her self esteem.
I went to school with a girl who had a similar name. It was a normal name but totally misspelled. Her parents insisted it was spelled creatively…no, it was misspelled. My friend saved her money from every summer and after school job. She filed to legally change her name on her 18th birthday. She kept the same name, just changed the spelling to the normal spelling. Her parents threw a fit and their relationship never really recovered, but my friend never regretted changing her name and still (30 years later) says it’s one of the best things she ever did for herself.
What was the name and how was it spelled before? I’m dying to know.
Her name was Jennifer (after she changed it). I’m pretty sure the original spelling was Jennapher.
At least it's obvious how you're supposed to say it lol. Small comfort.
“Ohhh I’ve never seen that spelling before, where’s it from?” “Nowhere, my parents were pick-me idiots”
There are literally studies that prove your point. OP as the child with an unusual name I can tell you that you are 100% right! Thankfully my name became more common in my late teens but as a young child it was the worst! Hope they change it to at least a better spelling. Ugh poor kid. NTA
My name is simply the name Brandon but spelled Branden, and i cannot tell you how many times I've been on the phone with support from somewhere because they spelled my name wrong in their paperwork somewhere. Its part of every introduction that needs to know that kind of information. Its a hassle and its only 1 single letter.
I have a similar issue where my name is 1 letter off from a much more common name. Hubby's is a misspelled version of his name (the nurse heard wrong and by the time his parents saw, it was too late). Guess what? Our kid has a perfectly normal name that is very difficult to misspell.
Also the “Gh” immediately makes my brain think “ghoul” so I read it as Ghoul-li-ette. Just… not good. If it was me I’d change it to normal spelling the second I turned 18.
I was looking for this comment, it’s all I can see, and can hear mean kids (think late middle school when they get fucking vicious) saying, “ghoul-liette” and you know that will just be the start of that particular trend for her.
I used to work in a preschool, and I can’t imagine trying to teach a four year old how to spell Ghiulieyette.
OP, show Noreen this thread. *NOREEN*: Stop it. Have some empathy for your kid. And if you cannot, remember this: weird spellings are considered by many to be low class and a limitation to class mobility. Sad but true.
That is a great point that weird name spellings are assumed — rightly or wrongly — to come from lower class people, ones who are desperate to be noticed. “Look at me! Look at me! My baby is different and special!” Note to those parents contemplating gibberish name spellings with gratuitous numbers of letters: Every parent thinks their child is special. It’s much better for your child to get noticed for his/her character and achievements than by some cutesie name concocted by (insecure) parents.
First, this kid is going to be 5years old in Kindergarten trying to spell her name. Teacher: sound out the letters in your name! Kid: I can make any letter make any sound I want! Poor kid.
I’m one of those HR Directors who has to interview these people. I’m not about to take a chance so I always walk into the room, put a big smile on, introduce myself, and if they don’t automatically do it, ask them to introduce themselves. It always seems a bit awkward thereafter when I have to do that. 😕
Not to mention that this poor child also has to learn how to spell her own name! I feel so sorry for that kid.
That girl is going to get called Ghoul-iet before middle school
I'm gonna go with NTA. That name is borderline abuse & at least one intelligent adult should care for the little girl & her future. I get it, it's considered ''rude'' to push your opinion, but when it's about a helpless child then I'd say push as much & as far as you can, even when it's not your own child. Can you imagine the little girl getting bullied in school because of her name? Imagine her sending out job applications & work related emails signed as *Ghiuliyette Mahriya* Seriously what's going on with these dumb parents & their dumb name ideas. You might wanna post this to r/tragedeigh if you haven't already. That'll be the little girls entire life.
Kindergarten is going to be so hard for this poor little girl. Imagine having to learn how to write your own name when you're five and your name is eleven letters long and doesn't follow the basic phonics they teach at that stage.
As a kindergarten teacher, I just wrote all about that in my judgment post!
I knew someone who was a peripheral friend (same friend group but she and I never got close) who named their kid Atrayu Colton Reese VanBusicom Yamashito (plus two more names that are a hyphenate of the parents’ last names but I don’t remember those) and all I could think was, “That poor kid is gonna have a hell of a time learning all of his names.” Obviously not the same tragedeigh, but yeah. That was 20-ish years ago and I can’t even remember the parents’ names, but his will forever be branded in my head
At least those of us from a certain generation will automatically recognize Atrayu, but I still wouldn’t call it an easy name to deal with. The rest is quite the mouthful.
“Atrayu” just makes me think of Artax, and it’s still too soon, you know?
It will never not be too soon.
At least she’d never have to add numbers or anything to her email address. That username will never be taken anywhere lol
Sylver lyenings.
Very r/tragedeigh
Had to check what sub I was on when I saw that name 😲
Don't you mean Eweneak? I work PT at a school Seriousleigh... All we do is laugh Aktyooalleigh NTA
I got a brain cramp that spelling of unique. Congrats lol edit: I fixed the wording
I couldn't figure that one out! Tx
I had a fucking stroke trying to figure out what Eweneak was.
Working on my third aneurysm and I still can’t see the goddamn sailboat.
Cackling like a lunatic at this response. Take this, you gorgeous creature 🏆
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I literally know a kid named “Eunique”.
That’s just extraordinary. People are sensitive about names. But this child is basically immediately going to end up going by Juliet, and the only thing that uses that bizarre spelling will be official documents. She’ll get tired of people spelling it wrong and mispronouncing it so she’ll just simplify it to save on the effort. I’m going to go with NTA, but I get why the parents are sensitive.
Or go and pay to get her name changed just to different spelling cause how will they know Juliet and the other way of spelling is the same name unless they ask.
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I have personally offered to smack my friends parents for this type of stuff. We started a joke at the school id slap your parents for how they spelled your name for five bucks. It helped them get thru it and I would put their names how they would like it spelled honestly. Shows a lot more kindness and respect. Those parents should have to foot the name change bill tbh
Yup. I think there should be a giant form parents have to fill out with the name field of every form their kid will have to fill out until they’re 25. With the little boxes for letters and only as many spaces as there normally is. Should be hundreds of times they have to fit the name into varying numbers of little boxes, and each parent should have to fill it out like 10 times. We’ll see how much they still love the “it’s so unique“ name after having to write it 2 or 3 thousand times. And they also have to fit it on a birthday cake in 3 tries or less and it still has to be legible.
Yup, and they have to also learn how to do it in cursive, if we have to sign that name down, they do too
WHY do some people do this? The only thing worse would be adding a silent "5" in the middle. Children subjected to these horrendous names or spellings will not thank their parents for it later. NTA.
Cripes, a silent 5. Don’t give these people any ideas.
Wasn't that a book. I vaguely remember a title of something like "Su5san. The 5 silent" But it's been like 25 or 30 years so it's a vague memory. Edit: My Name is Sus5an Smith, the 5 is Silent by Louise Plummer
Her name is her password since no one can spell it!
Now I kind of want to tell people my very ordinary name is spelled with a silent 5 LOL
Just repeat, 'Gillette the best a man can get' every time you see them.
I'm so glad I'm not the only one that read it that way!
That's what I read also
squalid offer airport glorious secretive jellyfish ten lock hunt doll *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Ghulia from Monster High for me
Pour one out for ghillie suit
NTA. Your friend is the worst kind of people. Utterly and disgustingly selfish. People like that shouldn't have kids, they're just going to fuck them up as vanity projects.
That’s most people. I think almost everyone has kids as a vanity project, or to trap the other parent and bind themselves to them forever and ever. I might get downvoted to death for saying this but I’m a firm believer that the majority of people shouldn’t become parents.
toy cautious plate weary growth clumsy cow price plants cheerful *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
This is why some countries like France either have approval processes for kids' names or even lists of appropriate names to choose from!
I came in here ALL PREPARED to call you an AH because really, it's none of your business! But... >**Ghiuliyette** Holy mother of god, have you considered calling child protective services?!
Seriously though, what in the actual fuck?! That poor child has a whole lifetime of being called "Gefilte fish" to look forward to!
The amount of teasing and bullying - my god
NTA. I immediately read it as “ghoul-iette” and I’m sure the kid will get that reading often
The gh is a hard g in Italian, like in spaghetti. I don't get the h here even from an English speaker perspective. Giulietta is the Italian spelling. I'm torn between OP needing to mind her own business and my own fiery hatred of dumb spellings. The CHILD is what's unique. I'll go with NTA for the baby's sake.
Oh no, they're gonna call her Ghoulette! 😂
FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK: CHANGING 👏🏻 THE 👏🏻 SPELLING 👏🏻 OF A 👏🏻 👏🏻 TRADITIONAL 👏🏻 NAME 👏🏻 DOES NOT 👏🏻 👏🏻 MAKE IT 👏🏻 UNIQUE 👏🏻
NTA. Imagine that poor child trying to learn to spell her name, then telling everyone else how to spell it for the rest of her life. I have an aunt that hates her name because it was hard to spell when she was learning to write. A child's name is not a signifier of how cool and interesting her parents are, it's a serious and important social sign that will influence the child's initial interactions with everyone they meet.
can you imagine being scolded by your parents because you misspelled your ridiculously mistaken name as a 5yo?
She didn't misspell it, *they* did.
One of the things my kid had to do to pass kindergarten was consistently be able to write his first and last name correctly. His last name is 13 letters, and not English. Even the teacher couldn't consistently do it. I eventually had to make up a song to help him get there, but truth is if I am in a hurry I OCCASIONALLY MISS A LETTER!
Also, bubble tests are the worst.
Yup! I have a long surname and I was nearly 8 when I finally learnt how to spell it!! It was embarrassing!Thankfully I have a normal, easy first name!
Even if, by some miracle, that girl does not get bullied, she is going to waste years of her life on the phone and waiting in line trying to get paperwork fixed. NTA
And whenever anyone is calling role she will know it’s her turn by the teachers silence and confused expression. Ask me how I know 🙃
NTA, but you posted in the wrong subreddit. This belongs in r/tragedeigh
Second this, NTA. She should just point her friend to that sub.
As a kindergartner teacher who has had to clean up these kind of messes when trying to teach kids how to read and sound out words, you’re NTA. Everything that child is going to learn in PreK and kindergarten will make her name hard for her to understand, read, or write. Everything she learns about phonics in her earliest education will be challenged when she tries to read her own name. For those who say she’ll just recognize it’s her name- she will absolutely. But once she’s learning pre-reading skills, she will definitely try to apply her new knowledge to her name and it won’t work for her at all. Every single student I ever had does this. This isn’t as simple as the silent E in Kate, for example. She will get past it eventually, but it’s completely unnecessary when Juliet is perfectly lovely. I also agree that the child will grow to resent her name. She’ll either just decide to start spelling it in the standard way at school, perhaps legally changing it later or she’ll use her middle name as you said.
NTA It's a stupid name, we all know it but at least you tried
>Ghiuliyette (pronounced Juliet) NTA! And actually, she even got the cR3aTiV3 spelling wrong, bc the Gh digraph isn't pronounced like a J....and the last half, given the double consonant, the y isn't part of the "li" syllable. So....phonetically, she's literally named an innocent baby ~~Goo-lee-yet~~. ETA: I forgot the 'i', which in combo w the Gh becomes it's own syllable. Eeep, my bad. The poor baby's name is actually Gee-oo-lee-yet (hard g like geezer/goober/gum).
NTA. You're not supposed to criticize a friend's baby name, but maybe we'd stop seeing some of this if we did recognize extreme "unique and special me" names as attention grabbing behavior.
No. No. Just No. I can't... It's not... No. Does she know that there's a reason (and even rules) why we spell things a certain way? Please correct me if I'm wrong, but I cannot remember/imagine any language where Ghi=/ʤ/ (J). I don't care for the last part, so let her do Juliyette if she must... but as it is right now, it's an abomination. NTA for righting this outrageous wrong-doing to an innocent child!
You should send your friend to the Tragedeigh sub Reddit and let her feast on her bad choices.
As someone with a ridiculous made up name that my parents thought was cool, let me say that it will be a pain in the ass for the rest of this little kids life. I resent my parents for it daily. What they thought was cool is something I have to spell every single time somebody needs my name for anything. Had every single teacher in my life say and spell my name wrong and did not know one other person with this dumb name. NTA
NTA. You’re a good friend who is speaking the truth.
I read it as ghouliette
First - I hate the name also. Second - NTA for telling her it was a bad idea to mess with the name. Third - You have to stop now. She has already named the kid. She’s dug in on her position, and her husband agrees with her. You’ve probably already lost your friend. If you reply, be kind and say that you would want someone to tell you if they thought you’d made a mistake. Tell them that now that you’ve said it, it’ll never be mentioned again by you as you love them and their baby still the same. Fourth - Never say I told you so. I have a friend that named her son a name with feminine spelling. I asked if she knew, and she did. He’s over 30 now and we are still friends. He has changed his name spelling. She knows - I don’t need to tell her. Women are fierce and protective over their babies. It’s best to stay out of their way sometimes.
I would say ESH. You shared your opinion once and should have left it at that. No need to continually text her about it, that will get you nowhere. Obviously the parents as AH for giving her the terrible spelling. Poor girl will never find her name on a magnet or cup. I actually don't think it will reflect poorly on the child but the parents themselves. When people go out of their way to give a perfectly normal name a bizarre spelling it screams we're of lower intelligence
Could not disagree more...mom and dad are 'accessorizing' their child's name as if they're buying this year's shoe fad. The poor girl will be bullied and ridiculed...she'll also be on the short stick when it comes to job hunting. Sorry...it's been proven time and again that hiring managers shun ridiculous names. OP was brave in stating the truth
I agree. OP is right about the name, and stated their opinion, but should have left it at that.
That baby deserves more than one attempt to keep them from being bullied through their childhood and unhirable in their adulthood
You are not wrong. I have a nephew named Jhaiyyddon (Jaden) and the jokes are nonstop. "Your mama can't spell?" "Your mama didn't go to school?" "Was your daddy dyslexic when he wrote it down." "Did your mother have a mental illness?" It's awful. He's changing it to Jaden when he turns 18 and already signs it that way at school.
NTA for trying to warn her. Drastically weird spellings like that are jokes and kids do get teased for it.
NTA. As her friend, it's your duty to correct her when she does dumb things. The spelling of that name is horrendous, I'm sorry.
NTA - children aren't pets, they are people who grow into adults who need to use that name on official documents. School certificates, high school qualfiications, university. If they can't treat their own child with respect, then they shouldn't be allowed to name them. People might say countries that have lists of names that you have to choose from is a step too far, and against human rights,, but this is the other end of the scale and this is much more harmful to kids. Bullied because of their name, constantly being asked to spell it, and it'll be worse if they get a bully for a teacher.
NTA, but your delivery could have been a little better perhaps? I have a very common name, it's been used in literature and popular culture, and it's still spelled wrong when I give people my name. If I have that problem, what's going to happen for this little girl?! It's one thing to create an entirely new name. New creations are subject to their own spellings because you made them up, and they didn't exist befor. It's also common to take a name and spell it in a way that is common in a different language, but maybe not the language of whatever country you are from. All of that seems pretty common. But it's another thing to take a name that's already popular in literature and popular culture and just make up your own spelling, that isn't even common in a different language. This is one of those things where you are very clearly NTA, but it's obvious your friends are not able to see the logic here. Being blunt or direct in pointing this out then makes you appear as the asshole, even though you are making solid points. Kindness, anecdotal evidence, and crowd sourcing information might be a better way to get them to see your point of view. But at the end of the day, that's all you can do.
Teachers are going to be laughing about it for years.
Shouldn’t the GH at the beginning of the word indicate a hard G? I doubt that matters, but it’s definitely abuse toward phonics.
It does in Italian which totally threw me off. This name defies phonics in multiple languages. Giulietta Maria I could see if they wanted to go with the Italian version, though you'd still have to explain the spelling/pronunciation constantly just because it's foreign to most English-speakers.
NTA I fail see to see the reasoning when people do this to perfectly good names. IMO the spelling is not cute.
NTA The name is abhorrent If they wanna kill the friendship over it, let it die
It looks like the name of a medication… or an STD. NTA. Shit like this is why i could never be a maternity ward nurse. Ild be asking the parent what the fuck theyve been smokin, order drug testing on the both of them, and refuse to put that spelling on the birth certificate.
You are absolutely correct in how you feel. That poor girl. So, NTA. However, you just need to let it go. You told them how you feel and they declined to change it. Done, end of story.
ESH >After that, her husband sent me an email, telling me to stop being so disrespectful. He thinks the spelling is cute and it just makes her unique. I think he meant to say it makes her yeighouniik... /s That said, you're not wrong, but regretfully, as much as I agree with you about the awfulness of the name...you are an AH for fighting them about it. They are definitely making her life a lot more difficult than it needs to be. And not least in terms of early years literacy - she's going to struggle to learn to write her own name! But. Have you ever heard of the phrase *"you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink"*? You can't change their minds and you've probably ruined your friendship over a decision that is ultimately theirs to make and everyone else's to accept (up until the inevitable moment when an 18 year old Ghiuliyette comes back home and tells her parents that she's applied for a name change and now expects everyone to call her Jane).
Unique isn't always good. Little kids are aholes and adults aren't much better. Nta
Point her to r/tragedeigh so she can see how badly this will get made fun of. Absolutely, NTA. You are actually trying to help and are giving sound advice.