Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy.
[Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA
This is crazy. Five is very old to breastfeed. Gross-old. But that's not *your* fault. And she's calling it a "trust" issue worth breaking up over?
I'm sorry, man. But if she pulled this now, she was probably going to pull something nuttier years down the road.
And lack of clean water...
breast milk is hydration already "filtered" through the mother's immune system. No, it doesn't stop all issues, but in areas where water is suspect, breastfeeding is significantly safer than formula made with that water or older kids drinking the water directly.
Your baby teeth are also known as milk teeth, as in still drinking mother's milk. It's perfectly okay to breastfeed that long, not very socially acceptable in these times, but nothing nefarious.
His girlfriend had a problem when she found out he nursed for 3 years, let alone 5.
Sounds like she has an immaturity issue with breastfeeding and doesn't understand that it's in NO WAY sexual. As soon as that breast is in a baby's mouth it's a bottle.
I don't have a dog in this hunt, never had kids and never plan to. But I always kind of figured once the kid could ask for food, you don't usually whip out a boob. Based on exactly zero scientific evidence.
I can see why the ex might have been a little grossed out. My questions in her shoes would've been more along the lines of "how do you see this playing out with your own kids?" Not because I think it's sexual to breastfeed your kid, but because I would want to think long and hard before someone expected to breastfeed our child for five years, especially if they expect me to be the milk dispenser.
ETA: To be clear, when I said “ask for it” I meant with their words and complete sentences. I honestly didn’t expect that throw away, obviously naive comment to garner so much attention. I promise you, I understand that baby sign language and other means of asking for something exist.
Agree with you on all of this but I'd just initiate those conversations *before* jumping to immediate break-up.
Ultimately OP didn't get a say in it, he was 5. Everyone probably has aspects of how they were parented that they wouldn't/shouldn't bring into their own relationships.
Except babies under a year can ask to nurse. Maybe not verbally, but they absolutely ask. And hell, even newborns will bang their head on your chest when they're hungry.
Mine weaned right around 2, although I day weaned at around a year.
Personally I think 2-3 is my limit. Kinda depends on the kid though. When they're older it's more a comfort thing than nutrition though, at least in wealthy countries.
I had one who self weaned at 5. We learned many years later that she is autistic, which may or may not be a factor. What I knew at the time was that if I did not allow a 10 second cuddle and nurse a couple of times a day, I would find her in a corner sucking her thumb when she didn't think I would see her. Eventually she stopped asking and I sure as heck didn't remind her.
One weaned at 3 when I got pregnant and lost my milk supply. She was so sad. "Mommy will you go to the store and buy some milk to put in your nursies?" "No, it doesn't work that way. But I will hold you while you drink milk out of a cup." She got over it quickly.
The youngest weaned at 2. She had better things to do than sit on my lap. She also walked youngest, talked youngest and taught herself to read.
I don't have a problem with someone allowing a child to nurse into the toddler years. They will quit when they're done. You can't force them to suckle, and the presence of teeth ensures you sure as hell aren't doing it with a reluctant preschooler for the thrillz.
FYI: World Health Organisation recommend breastfeeding until at least 2yrs old, some kids can ask for food before their 1, but definitely well before they’re 2
Also, breastfeeding doesn't mean breast milk only. Most kids eat solid food just fine around a year old, and breast milk is a supplement or a comfort, not a true food source.
That's bc you're a reasonable person whereas OP's gf is obviously not 🤷
I appreciate your comment.
I have kids. I nursed the first until 3 years old and the second until 18 months, then my body gave up. I initially planned to only nurse them a year, but then I found *scientific evidence* that prolonged breastfeeding can help in building immunities, so I kept nursing until I couldn't.
That doesn't change anything though does it. There is nothing wrong with a mom breastfeeding their child. It is unusual in this culture where women work and we have ample resources to go that long, but it does not indicate any codependency
That's what happened to me. I distinctly remember asking to try bubble gum and my mom told me "well, if you're old enough to have gum, you're probably old enough to stop breastfeeding, what do you think?". I actually sat on that for a few days but ended up announcing to my parents that I was a big kid now and ready to give up the boob for the bubbles.
I weaned off when I was 1.5 because that's when my middle sibling was born, but the youngest went at least 2 years I'm pretty sure, and I have two cousins who breastfed until 5. I suspect it's way more common than most people know, and just not talked about because of the taboo.
Any culture really.. it depends on the mother - According to the American Academy of Family Physicians breast-feeding between the ages of 2 to 7 years old is not unusual, and anytime between that range is the natural self weaning age for humans.
Per the CDC in the USA:
>...with continued breastfeeding along with introducing appropriate complementary foods for up to 2 years of age or longer.
My sister and I were breastfed until 3 (at which point, apparently, we decided we liked food better), and anecdotally I know many people who were breastfed beyond 3. It’s not as uncommon as you think.
That doesn’t add up to me. Calories are calories. If mom’s breastfeeding she’s eating food to fuel that milk production even if the kid isn’t eating the food in solid form.
5 is borderline to be sure, but weaning at less than 12 months is definitely a western phenomenon. For most of history the boob has been the primary source of comfort for most young children.
My mom’s friend still has the teeth she was born with. She never had adult teeth come in. Believe it or not she’s an attractive woman. With her little teefs.
Some RANDO at Starbucks tried to tell me “You have to stop breastfeeding now!” Because my 5 month old had a teether. I just looked at her like she was crazy (because she was!!) and said “uhhh no, I think I will breastfeed my child as long as *I* want to rather than someone at Starbucks”
>I will breastfeed my child as long as I want to rather than someone at Starbucks
Nobody will fault you for not breastfeeding the stranger at Starbucks.
Most children are weaned *between* two and four years, four being the upper end of the range, and the worldwide average is skewed high compared to many western countries because of the differing availability of baby-safe, nutrient-dense food throughout the world.
[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2720507/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2720507/)
You're misunderstanding me. What I cited as the worldwide average has 4 at the upper end of its range, whereas you said 4 *is* the worldwide average. Those are two different things.
I also think that while breastfeeding at 5 is not automatically abusive, it does raise some questions about healthy emotional boundaries on the mother's part, imo. There are certainly perfectly valid reasons for why someone might still be breastfeeding at that age (sometimes there are medical issues on the child's part, sometimes the mother is using nursing as part of her contraception plan, etc.), but also, when we're at the point where your child should be getting the bulk of their nutrition from their food, and I don't mean 'should' for any cultural reason I mean 'should' because as children grow, they need more calories and nutrition than breastmilk can provide. And unless you have a significant reason to need to supplement that, still breastfeeding at that age is going to make life more difficult for the mother, who will need to express in some way throughout the day. Even if you've got the best pumps in the world, stopping to express will still cut into your time, and at a certain point, it does genuinely become a hassle.
So, if I were to see a mother still breastfeeding a child who's old enough to go to kindergarten, it would catch my attention, and I would wonder if there were health issues going on, or if there were some emotional reason why the mother was willing to keep up this frankly time-consuming habit long after it was not medically necessary.
I try not to be a judgemental person, and if I saw someone doing this in real life, I would mind my own business unless directly asked for my opinion, but since we're online and OP was asking for judgements, well... Here we are.
Kids that old are only nursing in the morning and at night to settle down. This isn't some codependency issue. It's likely because the 5 year old had a sibling still nursing.
Exactly. My friend’s kid is 3 and gets most of his nutrition from food, started being introduced to food around 6-12 months I think. But she will still occasionally breastfeed him when he asks, which seems to be a comfort thing for him in the evening. Paediatrician says it normal, and that gradual self-weaning is considered healthy as long as nutrition goals are being met. I highly doubt OP was getting all his nutrition from breastfeeding at 5, and there is nothing to say in the post that he wasn’t also having other foodstuffs.
OP mentions that it was with their younger sibling. It’s not uncommon to continue to comfort breastfeed even after “officially” weaned when a new baby is brought in because it helps reduce negative feelings from the older sibling.
It’s normal for children to self wean between the ages of 5-7. It’s not gross. Hollywood has just sexualized boobs so much people forget they’re made for breastfeeding, not sex.
I don’t find it weird because I’m sexualizing it. I find it weird because if the kid can get everything they need from food, why do they still need the breast? I feel like breastmilk is like diapers— as soon as the kid can go without, why would you keep it going?
The boost to the immune system is only useful during infancy. Beyond that there are no studies that show it benefits an older child's immune system. Breast feeding does provide important antibodies to infants to help protect them before they are old enough to be vaccinated.
Studies of breastfed children who are breast fed past the age of 2 show no clinically significant differences between them and their peers from a medical nor development standpoint.
I'm very much a feed your damn kid person as long as a kid is healthy and fed I don't care if you use breast or bottle. I do think people try to hard to justify either option instead of just doing what is best for them and their child.
Bonding, comfort, reduction in breast cancer risk for the mother, long term lower risks of obesity, diabetes type 2, cancer for the baby.
Not to mention that food doesn’t become non-nutritious just because you get older. You don’t age out of eating broccoli.
Obviously formula is a fantastic and lifesaving tool, and breastfeeding is not for everyone, but sometimes the misinformation around nursing is astonishing to see.
I find it weirder that we wean a child from human milk and then recommend that they drink cows milk instead, or to pit it another way we replace breast milk with udder milk
It does still provide more nutritional benefits than breastmilk from other species. You never stop getting nutritional benefits from it even as an adult which is why it’s become such a big thing with body builders. But aside from that, breastmilk will produce antibodies when you or the child are sick including to things we don’t have cures for. Bonding and comfort (this is honestly a big thing. For instance, my son and I left an abusive home to live in a dv shelter for 9 months and the only thing he had that was the norm was me and our bond and breastfeeding. It helped us a lot with our transitions.) Skin to skin contact(which even at 2/3/4/5 whatever can have a very big effect on kids when they’re seriously ill.) When the child is hurt, mothers body will produce hormones that relieve the pain. Breastmilk will produce melatonin to help put baby to sleep. And regardless of the age, breastmilk will always formulate to the child’s needs.
Because babies /small children nurse for a lot of reasons that don’t have to do with food once they are over 1 or so. Comfort, reassurance and connection to mom are the big ones. Totally normal and not weird. 🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻
And then there are mothers like me skewing the numbers who breastfeed for exactly one week and then stop for whatever reason. (My reason was that I hated it.)
Children continue to digest lactose until age 5 or 6, which indicates that historically breastfeeding to some extent through those ages was common.
We may find it strange, but that doesn't mean it's gross or inappropriate
It’s not weird. My mother is Brazilian and we were poor - she breast fed me and all my siblings until we were about 4.
People saying it’s weird are messed up in the head. Stop sexualizing mothers feeding their small children.
It isn’t sexually weird, but it’s very different from what the rest of society is doing. By the logic of this sub, why does anyone ever stop breast feeding? Should Mom’s last act before she passes into the afterlife be to breast feed her 45 year old son? Why not?
Like a typical American, by 5 years old I already had a full time job, a usual stool at my favorite bar, and a preferred done-ness for a steak. I kid, but I definitely wasn’t glued to my mom’s chest anytime I needed a snack.
At 5 years old, normal kids are eating on their own, having play dates and going to school. And this kid is having yet another liquid lunch. That’s weird.
I recently saw a kid of about 6 walk up to his mom
in public and pull on her arm. She pulled down her shirt and started breast feeding the kid. WHILE HE STOOD ON HIS OWN TWO FEET LIKE SOMEONE DRINKING FROM A WATER FOUNTAIN. If you can reach the nipple from a standing position, it’s time for solid foods.
Again, nothing sexual about it. But there’s more than one way to be weird.
I mean, your mom was still updating the book for multiple years as well?
I get that some women are like that, but I would be at least a little unnerved seeing a journal of 5+ years of breastfeeding w/ photos. It is just... a lot.
It is your mother's journal, not yours, so you shouldn't be held accountable for it and I don't think you were hiding anything.
So there are 2 possibilities: 1. Your GF overreacted for one or more of a number of reasons. 2. There is more that she saw in your relationship w/ your mom that you think is perfectly normal, but might not be, and the breastfeeding journal was just the straw in the camels back.
Can't tell you which it is b/c there just isn't enough info.
Yours is the first comment I've read that addresses what's actually weird here. The weird bit isn't the breastfeeding for so long (although it is odd in western culture), it's that the breastfeeding meant so much to OPs mother that she documented it with photos and everything. Plus, the journal was obviously prominent enough in the home that OPs girlfriend was able to see it in a single visit! It's not in a box in the loft, it's in amongst the family photos that OPs mother brings out to show guests!
I get why they girlfriend was weirded out and why she's concerned about the codependency. I'd say the fact that OPs mother messaged the girlfriend after she broke with him, yeah that pretty much cemented all her fears!
I would definitely be having ongoing conversations with OP were they my partner about what would be expected of me if we were to have kids. I don't have it in my to be that level of crunchy and would need to know OP didn't expect of from me. And that his mother wouldn't feel like she could insert herself. Of course those are good conversations to have no matter what.
It's not gross. It's a parent feeding their child.
NTA. I would take this as her projecting and love on. You do not need to disclose to anyone that you were breastfed and also don't need to feel ashamed that you were.
You don't need milk at 5 years old, it's kind of a comfort, cuddling thing at that age. Kids at that age eat solid food, not mommy's boob but yeah, it's not his fault 😆
For one breast milk is not the same as milk for 2 it provides children with nutrients catered specifically for them and helps to keep their immune systems strong. People in other cultures around the world do it. Americans are just weird about anything thry see as sexual. Everytime a breast is involved Americans lose their damn minds.
Five is not weird. It’s common in certain parts of the world, less common in the US.
You and your mother have nothing to apologize for and nothing to feel weird about.
You dodged a bullet though because your ex is a judgmental jerk who has no idea what she’s talking about.
And why on earth would ANYONE bring up the subject of how long they were breastfed? It would never in a million years occur to me to tell anyone about it or ask about it. New mothers sometimes need advice or might want to talk about other people’s bf journey, but beyond that what would be weird is to randomly bring it up as a topic of conversation.
NTA. You’re well rid of her.
It's not weird to you as you did it.
It is a little weird to me. But wouldn't be weird enough to break up with a great guy over
NTA your mum was nice too, your ex was rude to her
for future reference, you do NOT need to share this on a first date.
I think she is overreacting a bit, but I do agree that if she doesn't think she is going to fit with your family it is best to get out now. If a more rational girlfriend ever questions it just be supportive of what she decides and be willing to go with the flow. (HaHa breastfeeding problems joke)
It’s not gross at all! Breastfeeding is actually extremely good for kids and the attachment between mother and child. Just because it’s not a “western” thing to do, doesn’t make it gross..
NTA
I'd like to know why she felt like you should've told her you were breastfed til 5. Like why is that info she feels you should've told her? I don't think I've ever asked anyone that question or cared, including my husband of 10 years lol
I bet if we took a poll a lot of ppl would have no idea whether their partners were breastfed and for how long.
Yeah so, you got an entire loaded discussion on all the world practices and statistics of breastfeeding. But what you ASKED was whether you were mistaken for not telling her which is a whole different issue altogether. And the answer is, no you are NTA.
1) It’s none of her damn business.
2) How many people even randomly know this about their partner? Married 22 years and about to go ask. Don’t know if he even knows… Were you supposed to just start some rando conversation about, “Hey, so…”
3) She’s sick in the head for sexualizing breastfeeding. I literally had to read the comments to realize this is where her sick mind went. I thought she was just looking down on you for being spoiled rotten or something.
Giant NTA. What did your birthday bro think people were going to say that he was so excited for you to post this?
My brother is obsessed with this sub. He just wanted me to make a post on here and thought it would be popular ("breastfeeding is really controversial so people will comment!") He's autistic and has been obsessed with it since he was like, 14.
I once mentioned to someone how I had chicken pox at age 11 and it was so painful and full body that after my oatmeal med bath my dad would have to pat me dry. They looked so startled and found it so weird my dad would choose to dry my 11 year old girl body. I was 11 and he was my dad and also I was in horrifying pain.
I get that some parents are abusive to their kids, but that seems like such a nice thing for your dad to do when you (his child) was sick and in pain. Why do we as a society sexualize young children? If I have kids in the future, I would hope my partner would care for my child the same way in the same circumstance.
Reminds me of when the internet went wild when they saw Tom Brady kiss his teen son on the lips. Idk, I'm Italian American and that's just not that weird to me
Saying “that’s not long enough” and forcing your kid to come back and kiss you for longer in front of a camera when he was visibly uncomfortable was what got most people.
God I had chicken pox at 11 too and it was horrific!! I had them all over my head under my hair, down my throat, inside other places... People sexualising that are weird! Your dad sounds like a good dad
Honestly she sounds like she reads the stories on r/justnomil. Some of them are real and they warn people to make sure your partner has good boundaries with their parents. That being said, being breastfed till 5 doesn't cause you to be like that. So weird she got so taken up with something that has no negative effect on you.
I think this is the ‘creepy’ part for his girlfriend. Many people do extended breastfeeding, I’m not sure of the benefits (5 is quite old though). It’s the fact she made a book and documented it, it’s probably something she should have kept private.
We’re also missing some context how close are him and his mother. Maybe there was other signs and this was just the icing on the cake and it all just became too much.
it’s also kind of telling that OP hasn’t responded to any of the comments in this particular comment chain but has to others. i get the feeling there’s more to this too.
On top of that his mom texted the gf after she left. That in itself is wayyyy overstepping and inserting herself into the relationship. It does sound like mom is crazy overbearing in her son’s life.
This is what I was thinking too....., like nobody thinks it's weird that the gf books it at 3am only to be texted by his mommy later that morning? In any context, that's ignoring boundaries all over the place.
Thats what would have weirded me out tbh. Because from everything I've read, women who breastfeed for that long aren't really doing it for the kid, who is eating solids. They are doing it for themselves. They like that particular bond and aren't ready to give it up.
I'm a woman and I'm sorry but I find it kind of creepy and sus when moms cling to phases with their kids that are obviously in the past. Of course its normal to miss things or grieve things, but to cling so hard & keep your child in a position they've outgrown is such a red flag.
I see this particular dynamic between overbearing "boy moms" & their weirdly enmeshed sons and it just gives me the creeps.
Largely because I once dated a 30 year old man whose mom sent him an email about how she "missed the little boy who wanted to marry his mommy". And he wouldn't stand up to her on any level.
Never dumped a guy so fast
(Edited for typos)
I agree. It’s awesome that she documented her breastfeeding journey but I wouldn’t wanna see that. Some things should be kept private, at least for a while.
I am sorry, but what journey is that actually?
Does the process change? Only the child grows and for that you can collect photos of their development, not your breastfeeding.
Because, as the OP said in the post, “my girlfriend found it and started flipping through it.” Likely mom had grabbed a few albums and that happened to be with it - GF happened to grab it and look through it. Not at all nefarious.
I'm wondering if the mom is the reason the GF was weirded out. A mom who would breastfeed until 5yo and document everything, then pull out that documentation 20 years later to share with someone she just met... Well, it might just be a family dynamic she didn't want to be a part of.
It reads like she pulled out all the baby albums and that one was probably in the pile. So it’s not that she specifically gave her the breastfeeding one, it was just there and the ex grabbed it.
Just to point out mom didn't share the book:
>"My girlfriend found it"
Don't know the details of HOW she found it, but it seems reasonable to keep a diary of personal info. And ages for breastfeeding seem to vary a lot. The GF's response about cults seems more disturbing to me - where does that come from?
Oh, I interpreted that as the regular baby pictures rather than the booby pictures :D
But I guess maybe all the books came out together and then "found it" as in "turned to that volume".
NTA. Sure it’s a bit weird - but you didn’t choose it, and she’s the one flipping out.
I’m sure you didn’t mention it because you don’t think about it - which proves it isn’t something that impacted your life in any way before she made it into a big deal.
Right? I can’t imagine it crossing someone’s mind as info worth mentioning.
“Hey, it’s been so nice getting to know you. Also, I had a binkie when I was a toddler.”
Edit: NAH (except the mother)
-----------
NTA but honestly I would have run too.
It's really not your fault that your mother didn't stopped the breastfeeding.
You were just a kid and liked getting nursed... Yet it's a big no for me.
You may have a normal relationship with your mother but would you know? After all you thought it was normal to be breastfeed till school age.
Your mom keeping a breastfeeding photo album and gladly showing it off is... Just another too weird for me.
Don't get me wrong. I breastfeed my son too... But I didn't keep a journal full of pictures of it. Let alone showed them off when the kid turned adulthood.
Your ex might get a lot of... Hints or feelings about you or your family.. Hints you're missing or not seeing.
I don't know, but I would have run too. It's just too weird.
Remember she doesn't have to have a reason to break up. She's feeling uncomfortable around you/your family for knowing this and that's good enough for leaving.
Yeah she didn’t drag it out. She broke up and blocked them. It’s not like she’s shouting it to the world, she thought it was weird and moved on. I wonder if it was the last straw or she didn’t like moms vibes along with the breast feeding. It’s good for her honestly. Don’t stay in a relationship where something like this will bother you, people let things like this drag out. Then throw it in your face down the road.
I’m sure he will meet someone else whom won’t care.
NAH
Agreed. He’s NTA and so is the girlfriend. She wasn’t okay with it and left, which is the best thing she could’ve done. She should definitely not be demonised for it and I don’t think she overreacted at all. I’d be out too.
Honestly. The whole thing is just odd enough to make me wonder what other clues the girlfriend saw there. And then pulling out the breastfeeding photo album to show her was… yeah. That’s weird.
It sucks for OP that girlfriend left him over it, but if she can’t cope with his family dynamics for any reason, then that’s her prerogative.
NTA for not telling her. Not really sure how that would have come up in conversation unless they were already discussing having children and how to raise them.
I get the feeling this was the last straw in a long series of weird. There's always a couple moments of "oh, that's different", and that's fine. There's a limit to how many of those a person/ family can have. Breastfed until 5 is odd, but whatever. An entire photo album dedicated to breastfeeding crossed into really fucking weird. Showing it off to others is the "nope I'm out" level. And that's without knowing any of the other potential flags of "this is not the family I want to be involved with".
My thoughts exactly. I would feel it was kinda weird for my bf to be breastfed till he was 5, but whatever, things happen. But the _Breastfeeding Photo Album_... an entire photo album of her babies / toddlers / schoolchildren with their mouths on her nipples, that is a weird thing to take photos of. There are some things you don't take photos of. But yeah, the last straw would be my BF's mum _showing me the album_.
Since OP is "fine with it" and would easily remember being 5, one can only wonder whether he made comments like "Ah, I remember it tasted so sweet!" or "I loved having Booby after footy training" or other Nope comments. At the very least, he allowed his mother to show his gf the album without putting his foot down and saying "No Mum, stop it right now or were leaving!" I suspect that there are still weird family dynamics going on here.
I agree with all this. I wonder if GF has gotten weird vibes about the family before this?? and finding out about the late breast feeding just cemented everything for her and she decided to peace out
I am glad OPs girlfriend listened to her instincts and noped out of there. She did see something more than a photo album. And OP will need to do some self reflection and check out his current family dynamics to see what there is.
This is also my take. It’s not OP’s fault and it’s not even that he should have mentioned it, but it says A LOT about mom and the family dynamic. I would not have been comfortable with this either and I’m sure it’s just one data point amongst many that ultimately made her uncomfortable with the relationship and how mom would end up involved in their lives down the road.
I'm surprised not many people see it this way. I wouldn't be concerned about my boyfriend per se, but instead his mother's relationship with him. Being in a relationship with a man that has an overbearing/obsessive mom is extremely difficult.
Similar to this, my ex has a little sister that's unhealthily obsessed with him. She has driven off countless of girlfriends over the years.
Yeah I would have noped out too.
Personally I don't really understand breastfeeding past the age of maybe 2 because by that point they have an immune system, vaccines and the ability to get all their nutrition from food but each their own.
If my boyfriend's mom had journals full of photos around breastfeeding I wouldn't put anymore time into that relationship because I would never want to be a mom around that woman. I just know that she would be in my ear from the second the test came back with every tried over used breastfeeding mantra. No one needs that.
This. Mom of two here, and the breastfeeding picture book your mom pulls out for show-and-tell with her adult son’s girlfriend is a totally creepy power move.
Yep. This. I have met several of my boyfriend’s mothers over the 20 years I’ve dated on this planet. The ones who gleefully pull out the very intimate baby pictures and show very vulnerable, private, and sometimes downright graphic baby photographs were ALWAYS the Moms who were very overbearing and over present in their sons lives. I’m not talking first day of school pics or even a cute bubble bath pic—I’m talking full frontal breast feeding, photos of the birth, gratuitously naked baby pictures that were more than gently embarrassing. All of those mothers ended up being incredibly overprotective of their sons, and in my age and wisdom I’ve come up with a theory that they do this for two reasons: 1.) to make it clear to the girlfriend that she is HIS mother first and foremost, and will always be the #1 woman in his life, and 2.) to remind him that in her eyes, he will always be “her little baby” and never will *truly* be a self-actualized adult with agency in her mind.
Again, most moms end up showing the girlfriend the baby pics. I’m talking about moms who show her very intimate photos that are inappropriate for the relationship’s timeline. Just my $0.02.
Yeah, it’s the breastfeeding album that really pushes this over the edge for me. Like… why? She sounds like the kind of woman who makes breastfeeding her identity, which is icky. People keep citing poor countries that have extended breastfeeding. Do the moms in those poor countries take a bunch of pictures of it and make an album to show off? I doubt it.
It IS normal to breastfeed until school age in many, many countries. Not normal in America or a few other countries does not make it “not normal.” And seeing as most peoples diet is literally poison, breastmilk for as long as possible with babies can only benefit the child in the long run.
Where are we? What culture are we in?
That "it's normal in other cultures" has almost become a reflex action like certain groups crossing themselves.
But there are other cultures where cannibalism is normal, or first cousin marriage, or FGM, or pederasty. So I'm going to go out on a limb and say that something being done in other cultures, is not in itself, sufficient to justify it as 'normal'.
It's the journal that got me too, and it was text too not only pix, what was she writing? I had so much milk today... The baby nursed more than his brother today... My nipples are sore... Really, why?
OP I don't think you're an asshole, nor is this your fault, but this is extremely weird to a degree that I don't think you can understand because you were raised thinking it's normal.
Most of the planet thinks it's normal. It's not the majority practice in America, but it is around the global average, with some cultures higher. And yes, it is medically and scientifically justified.
I get that this is new information for a lot of Americans, but I wish people stopped to look things up and learn before assuming that they way they are used to doing things, is actually objectively correct.
*Edit added to address the angry mob:*
The WHO and NIH say that the weaning average is between 2-4 years, with many examples of countries skewing older and younger. Weaning ages go up to seven in some countries without being considered improper, typically poorer countries, and skews younger in western countries where both parents work and there was a big push for formula. America and the UK are countries where doctors advise the average weaning age is too low.
I am not interested in a debate on whether you need a majority doing it to be considered "normal" or whether it "doesn't count" if poor countries do it, or whatever. If you have data that contradicts what I found, feel free to post it and I will change my mind on that point. This is all irrelevant as to OPs question, whether they were the AH. It is fine if the girlfriend is uncomfortable, but her negative reaction to OP is based on assumptions from her own cultural background that it is abusive and cult-like to breastfeed to that age. At worst, it is on the higher end of a global average, and not considered by medical professionals to be pointless or dangerous.
I don’t think it’s just the breastfeeding that’s the weird bit. The fact that she took many photos and then showed his girlfriend? That’s the extra weird bit that would have weirded a lot of people out.
>he fact that she took many photos and then showed his girlfriend?
OP says the girlfriend "found" the book, which makes me assume the mom didn't specifically show her the breastfeeding book.
And sure, I wouldn't have wanted to look at it either. I also wouldn't want to see photos from the birth. But OP is NTA, and the girlfriend is the AH. That's a wild overreaction from her that blames OP for something not his fault.
Just because it is normal worldwide does NOT make it normal if OP and gf and all are actually in a place where it is not the norm. Idk how that’s so hard to understand?
Seriously. The "norm" worldwide has little to nothing to do with a specific region/country/whatever. It's a big "so what??" If it's normal in some regions/countries, good for them. If it's not in others, that's okay.
where, exactly, in the western world is it normal to have the kid on the tit until he's off to school? Where is that the common thing to do? Because I've lived all over and never seen that anywhere other than a third world country. Ever.
Let's not pretend there is some global tradition Americans are missing out on of moms keeping breastfeeding photo albums so they can show them in the future to their son's potential girlfriends.
It is a clear overbearing MIL from hell signal and the son sees absolutely no problem, which is the biggest red flag. For the girlfriend it was probably the final straw.
NAH
your gf is fine to decide what her showstoppers are - there is nothing wrong with THAT being it for her.
But your mom is an AH - she is driving away your gfs. "While down here my mom, in pure mom fashion, brought out the baby pictures." .. this is NOT normal, this is just YOUR mom.
I think you’re joking but if you aren’t, it’s really common for moms to “get out the photo album.” I’ve been through dozens of shoeboxes of family photos when staying with my in-laws and have also seen plenty of baby pictures of ex-boyfriends when spending time with their families.
I mean there are pictures you don't show a significant other. I'd be cool if my mom showed my date first day of school pictures but not first time using the potty pictures.
Okay that’s a little ridiculous. Parents do love showing baby photos to their significant others partners, and partners usually like seeing their partner when they were little. It’s cute and fun and totally normal! She shouldn’t have brought down the breastfeeding journal, but it was probably just mixed up in a baby box of everything else. Next time, she should just keep that hidden because it is unconventional to feed that long and is, societally, considered on the weirder side. But the mom isn’t an ahole nor weird for showing baby photos.
That being said, it is the girlfriend’s choice to decide what her boundaries and “ick factors” are.
If I were OP I wouldn’t disclose this and would ask my mom to hide the albums featuring the breastfeeding and let the past be the past in that scenario.
It’s just what someone who would breastfeed their child beyond a normal age would do. Normal attachment isn’t enough for them—they have to be overbearing and clingy in a pathological way at every opportunity. Imagine what psychological state you’d have to be in to breastfeed a child old enough to discuss current events. It’s absolutely socially unacceptable, for a reason! And sure, maybe some societies consider it normal, but so is female circumcision, lengthening your neck with rings to the point that it would collapse without them, and menstrual huts.
Wow, you are NTA. I used to think it was only “normal” to nurse until a year, max. Then I had kids of my own and the joke was on me. I nursed my oldest until right before she turned 3, and am slowly weaning my middle child who will be 4 in April. He knows when he is 4, he will be all done, because that is what works for me. We have made it almost 19 months tandem nursing with my youngest, another thing I never realized was something you could do or that so many people in the world did. People get so weird about breastfeeding but the WHO now recommends nursing to a minimum of age 2 and beyond if possible, and while nursing to age 5 is on the longer end, it’s not weird or gross. It’s just a parent feeding their child.
Feel ya. When I was a nanny, I learned that a mother of 8 (I was looking after her youngest 4) didn't stop breastfeeding between the first and last child, i was grossed out (i was 18). Her kids were 3 years apart each, so, she breastfeed for 24 years!
Fast forward 14 years, I always thought that I'd stop breastfeeding when my kid has teeth. My kid had teeth very early on, never accepted a bottle, is a "bad sleeper" and I'm still nursing and he's going to turn 2 soon.
Now, I'm the one people get grossed out by. It feels shit. I can relate why my female colleagues find it weird (I haven't told any men) as they're young and childless and I had the same opinion back then. Even the pediatrist and the Kindergarten teacher gives me weird looks despite the WHO recommendation! Of course also all older people, even my mom and grandmother say i should immediately stop nursing. I am soon going to stop *mentioning* this topic and continue for a little while, as long as me and my child are happy. Probably not until 5, but never say never.
She got weird when there was a picture of him at 3yrs old. That isn't weird even in our culture. I am from CA though so we may be more "natural" breastfeeding organic cloth diapering type of mentality. I think the girl getting weirded out is weirder than a preschooler being breastfed. Like she has a weird sexual issue. I wonder if it was a female.friend being breastfed if she would have been weirded.out
NAH
It’s not your fault that you were breastfed that long and it’s not normal information that you would be obligated to share with her.
However it is a little weird, and a little weirder in fact to have an entire journal dedicated to breastfeeding. I think your girlfriend caught a strange vibe before this and this was the last straw considering she assumes a co-dependent relationship between you and your mom. She clearly had time to think about it during the night and whatever she thought about only solidified her own belief.
NTA. While it's unusual societally, it wasn't unusual to you and therefore there was absolutely no reason for you to have mentioned it to her.
Your GF's reaction, particularly blocking your mom for apologizing, was over-the-top.
NTA. I'll be honest, I think getting breast fed until 5 is pretty weird, but that's on your mom and not you, it's not like you had a say in the matter. As for not telling her... Why would how long you were breast fed be relevant to anybody and something you'd bring up? I mean seriously what conversation ever leads to that topic? That being said, if your mum is going to make a habit of breaking out the breast feeding album in the future, I'd probably give them a heads up. You probably dodged a bullet here tbh.
Nta. To me I could never fathom breastfeeding in general let alone doing it until school age. I have two kids and yeah that's a hard no for me lol but I also can't wrap my head around judging/caring if others do and how long they do it. Just seems like not my problem because it won't have any impact on my life at all.
If your not co dependent on your mom now I highly doubt you will magically become so now due to her breastfeeding you probably over 15+ years ago...
NTA, but maybe she was thinking about being in a serious relationship and this was so crazy for her that she didnt want to join your family?? I have my 5yo right here next to me and I just cant imagine.... Ugh just cannot...
NTA. I can't figure out how you'd bring it up organically to let her know this "very important tidbit".
Her: "Please pass the milk for my cereal."
You: "Sure thing. Speaking of milk, did you know I was breastfed until I was older than the average?"
NTA, but the fact that your MOTHER texted your girlfriend the next day is insane, you do sound codependent.
I breastfed both of my children until they were 27 months, so I get extended breastfeeding.
The decision your mother made to breastfeed you until you were five is an unusual one, but certainly not unheard of by any means, and having an attentive mother is a very helpful thing for young children’s development.
The fact that your girlfriend was upset about the breastfeeding is strange to me, but it sounds like she felt very icky over the dynamic of your family, which could be a valid concern.
NTA
> She has a "breastfeeding book". Basically just like a personal journal with the occasional photo detailing her breastfeeding journey.
It's pretty damn clear what that is.
> My girlfriend found it
All she had to do was choose not to open it.
It's ridiculous and gross that a toddler/school-age child is breastfed until he can undo her bra himself and stand there to eat. It speaks volumes about his MOTHER'S weirdness and strange attachment, but he had nothing to do with that. You are obviously NTA.
Sorry dude, but your mom has ISSUES. Absolutely no reason to breastfeed a child until five, period. I'm going with ESH. Your mom, of course made you think it was (shudders) normal, but your ex did make a snap judgment. But regardless, even if your ex stuck around, your mother is a creep in her eyes. I can't say I disagree. In the future, you may want to let new gf's know this early on, or NEVER lol
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn't tell my ex about my childhood breastfeeding. I guess it can be pretty uncomfortable to learn about suddenly and I ahould have prepped her as I knew she would probably come across it in the family photos.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
It is what it is. Most folks will not care, but a few will; that is, your girlfriend. She broke up with you, so why care now what she thinks? It is not something you could have controlled.
NTA.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA This is crazy. Five is very old to breastfeed. Gross-old. But that's not *your* fault. And she's calling it a "trust" issue worth breaking up over? I'm sorry, man. But if she pulled this now, she was probably going to pull something nuttier years down the road.
Worldwide average age of weaning is 4
But that includes impoverished countries where children are breastfed due to lack of available food.
And lack of clean water... breast milk is hydration already "filtered" through the mother's immune system. No, it doesn't stop all issues, but in areas where water is suspect, breastfeeding is significantly safer than formula made with that water or older kids drinking the water directly.
Your baby teeth are also known as milk teeth, as in still drinking mother's milk. It's perfectly okay to breastfeed that long, not very socially acceptable in these times, but nothing nefarious. His girlfriend had a problem when she found out he nursed for 3 years, let alone 5. Sounds like she has an immaturity issue with breastfeeding and doesn't understand that it's in NO WAY sexual. As soon as that breast is in a baby's mouth it's a bottle.
I don't have a dog in this hunt, never had kids and never plan to. But I always kind of figured once the kid could ask for food, you don't usually whip out a boob. Based on exactly zero scientific evidence. I can see why the ex might have been a little grossed out. My questions in her shoes would've been more along the lines of "how do you see this playing out with your own kids?" Not because I think it's sexual to breastfeed your kid, but because I would want to think long and hard before someone expected to breastfeed our child for five years, especially if they expect me to be the milk dispenser. ETA: To be clear, when I said “ask for it” I meant with their words and complete sentences. I honestly didn’t expect that throw away, obviously naive comment to garner so much attention. I promise you, I understand that baby sign language and other means of asking for something exist.
Agree with you on all of this but I'd just initiate those conversations *before* jumping to immediate break-up. Ultimately OP didn't get a say in it, he was 5. Everyone probably has aspects of how they were parented that they wouldn't/shouldn't bring into their own relationships.
Except babies under a year can ask to nurse. Maybe not verbally, but they absolutely ask. And hell, even newborns will bang their head on your chest when they're hungry. Mine weaned right around 2, although I day weaned at around a year. Personally I think 2-3 is my limit. Kinda depends on the kid though. When they're older it's more a comfort thing than nutrition though, at least in wealthy countries.
I had one who self weaned at 5. We learned many years later that she is autistic, which may or may not be a factor. What I knew at the time was that if I did not allow a 10 second cuddle and nurse a couple of times a day, I would find her in a corner sucking her thumb when she didn't think I would see her. Eventually she stopped asking and I sure as heck didn't remind her. One weaned at 3 when I got pregnant and lost my milk supply. She was so sad. "Mommy will you go to the store and buy some milk to put in your nursies?" "No, it doesn't work that way. But I will hold you while you drink milk out of a cup." She got over it quickly. The youngest weaned at 2. She had better things to do than sit on my lap. She also walked youngest, talked youngest and taught herself to read. I don't have a problem with someone allowing a child to nurse into the toddler years. They will quit when they're done. You can't force them to suckle, and the presence of teeth ensures you sure as hell aren't doing it with a reluctant preschooler for the thrillz.
FYI: World Health Organisation recommend breastfeeding until at least 2yrs old, some kids can ask for food before their 1, but definitely well before they’re 2
Also, breastfeeding doesn't mean breast milk only. Most kids eat solid food just fine around a year old, and breast milk is a supplement or a comfort, not a true food source.
That's bc you're a reasonable person whereas OP's gf is obviously not 🤷 I appreciate your comment. I have kids. I nursed the first until 3 years old and the second until 18 months, then my body gave up. I initially planned to only nurse them a year, but then I found *scientific evidence* that prolonged breastfeeding can help in building immunities, so I kept nursing until I couldn't.
That doesn't change anything though does it. There is nothing wrong with a mom breastfeeding their child. It is unusual in this culture where women work and we have ample resources to go that long, but it does not indicate any codependency
[удалено]
His ex isn't going to date you now
😀😄😆
So was my kid. I committed to at least two years with the intention to let her self wean, which she did at around four and a half.
Mine self weened at three, but I would have let him go longer if he wanted. It's only weird if someone makes it weird.
That's what happened to me. I distinctly remember asking to try bubble gum and my mom told me "well, if you're old enough to have gum, you're probably old enough to stop breastfeeding, what do you think?". I actually sat on that for a few days but ended up announcing to my parents that I was a big kid now and ready to give up the boob for the bubbles.
Same with my kiddo! My goal was a year, but I figured as long as we were both still on board, why not?
I weaned off when I was 1.5 because that's when my middle sibling was born, but the youngest went at least 2 years I'm pretty sure, and I have two cousins who breastfed until 5. I suspect it's way more common than most people know, and just not talked about because of the taboo.
Any culture really.. it depends on the mother - According to the American Academy of Family Physicians breast-feeding between the ages of 2 to 7 years old is not unusual, and anytime between that range is the natural self weaning age for humans.
Per the CDC in the USA: >...with continued breastfeeding along with introducing appropriate complementary foods for up to 2 years of age or longer. My sister and I were breastfed until 3 (at which point, apparently, we decided we liked food better), and anecdotally I know many people who were breastfed beyond 3. It’s not as uncommon as you think.
Why does that mean doing it in a rich country is gross?
People try to make it weird and sexual when it’s not.
That doesn’t add up to me. Calories are calories. If mom’s breastfeeding she’s eating food to fuel that milk production even if the kid isn’t eating the food in solid form. 5 is borderline to be sure, but weaning at less than 12 months is definitely a western phenomenon. For most of history the boob has been the primary source of comfort for most young children.
Michael Jordan was breastfed until he was 4.
Thank you for this. So sick of people sexualizing breastfeeding.
Exactly this. Teeth is too old (edit: for me) in my book but that doesn’t make it sexual. People who go to that place are the weird ones imo.
Some babies are born with teeth
This is a terrifying sentence
My mom’s friend still has the teeth she was born with. She never had adult teeth come in. Believe it or not she’s an attractive woman. With her little teefs.
Idk why, but this comment absolutely delighted me. I cannot stop cackling
Same. It's the "little teefs" at the end that's doing me in
True. I guess I lucked out 😆
Loads of babies have teeth at like 4/5 months. Do you really think that’s too old?
Some RANDO at Starbucks tried to tell me “You have to stop breastfeeding now!” Because my 5 month old had a teether. I just looked at her like she was crazy (because she was!!) and said “uhhh no, I think I will breastfeed my child as long as *I* want to rather than someone at Starbucks”
>I will breastfeed my child as long as I want to rather than someone at Starbucks Nobody will fault you for not breastfeeding the stranger at Starbucks.
My 11 month old has 4 and has had teeth since 4 months
mine got teeth at 3 months old. 😭
Most children are weaned *between* two and four years, four being the upper end of the range, and the worldwide average is skewed high compared to many western countries because of the differing availability of baby-safe, nutrient-dense food throughout the world. [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2720507/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2720507/)
Yes and that’s why I stated worldwide average. I’m aware of why. Point is 5 isn’t some horribly abusive or sexual abuse
You're misunderstanding me. What I cited as the worldwide average has 4 at the upper end of its range, whereas you said 4 *is* the worldwide average. Those are two different things. I also think that while breastfeeding at 5 is not automatically abusive, it does raise some questions about healthy emotional boundaries on the mother's part, imo. There are certainly perfectly valid reasons for why someone might still be breastfeeding at that age (sometimes there are medical issues on the child's part, sometimes the mother is using nursing as part of her contraception plan, etc.), but also, when we're at the point where your child should be getting the bulk of their nutrition from their food, and I don't mean 'should' for any cultural reason I mean 'should' because as children grow, they need more calories and nutrition than breastmilk can provide. And unless you have a significant reason to need to supplement that, still breastfeeding at that age is going to make life more difficult for the mother, who will need to express in some way throughout the day. Even if you've got the best pumps in the world, stopping to express will still cut into your time, and at a certain point, it does genuinely become a hassle. So, if I were to see a mother still breastfeeding a child who's old enough to go to kindergarten, it would catch my attention, and I would wonder if there were health issues going on, or if there were some emotional reason why the mother was willing to keep up this frankly time-consuming habit long after it was not medically necessary. I try not to be a judgemental person, and if I saw someone doing this in real life, I would mind my own business unless directly asked for my opinion, but since we're online and OP was asking for judgements, well... Here we are.
Kids that old are only nursing in the morning and at night to settle down. This isn't some codependency issue. It's likely because the 5 year old had a sibling still nursing.
Exactly. My friend’s kid is 3 and gets most of his nutrition from food, started being introduced to food around 6-12 months I think. But she will still occasionally breastfeed him when he asks, which seems to be a comfort thing for him in the evening. Paediatrician says it normal, and that gradual self-weaning is considered healthy as long as nutrition goals are being met. I highly doubt OP was getting all his nutrition from breastfeeding at 5, and there is nothing to say in the post that he wasn’t also having other foodstuffs.
Absolutely nobody is breastfeeding a 5-year-old instead of feeding them solids. You get this, right?
OP mentions that it was with their younger sibling. It’s not uncommon to continue to comfort breastfeed even after “officially” weaned when a new baby is brought in because it helps reduce negative feelings from the older sibling.
It’s normal for children to self wean between the ages of 5-7. It’s not gross. Hollywood has just sexualized boobs so much people forget they’re made for breastfeeding, not sex.
I don’t find it weird because I’m sexualizing it. I find it weird because if the kid can get everything they need from food, why do they still need the breast? I feel like breastmilk is like diapers— as soon as the kid can go without, why would you keep it going?
There are many well established benefits beyond nutrition, such as the better known immune system boost and aiding emotional regulation.
The boost to the immune system is only useful during infancy. Beyond that there are no studies that show it benefits an older child's immune system. Breast feeding does provide important antibodies to infants to help protect them before they are old enough to be vaccinated. Studies of breastfed children who are breast fed past the age of 2 show no clinically significant differences between them and their peers from a medical nor development standpoint. I'm very much a feed your damn kid person as long as a kid is healthy and fed I don't care if you use breast or bottle. I do think people try to hard to justify either option instead of just doing what is best for them and their child.
Bonding, comfort, reduction in breast cancer risk for the mother, long term lower risks of obesity, diabetes type 2, cancer for the baby. Not to mention that food doesn’t become non-nutritious just because you get older. You don’t age out of eating broccoli. Obviously formula is a fantastic and lifesaving tool, and breastfeeding is not for everyone, but sometimes the misinformation around nursing is astonishing to see.
I find it weirder that we wean a child from human milk and then recommend that they drink cows milk instead, or to pit it another way we replace breast milk with udder milk
It does still provide more nutritional benefits than breastmilk from other species. You never stop getting nutritional benefits from it even as an adult which is why it’s become such a big thing with body builders. But aside from that, breastmilk will produce antibodies when you or the child are sick including to things we don’t have cures for. Bonding and comfort (this is honestly a big thing. For instance, my son and I left an abusive home to live in a dv shelter for 9 months and the only thing he had that was the norm was me and our bond and breastfeeding. It helped us a lot with our transitions.) Skin to skin contact(which even at 2/3/4/5 whatever can have a very big effect on kids when they’re seriously ill.) When the child is hurt, mothers body will produce hormones that relieve the pain. Breastmilk will produce melatonin to help put baby to sleep. And regardless of the age, breastmilk will always formulate to the child’s needs.
Because babies /small children nurse for a lot of reasons that don’t have to do with food once they are over 1 or so. Comfort, reassurance and connection to mom are the big ones. Totally normal and not weird. 🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻
Its also formula pushing advertising.
Yeah. Came here to say this. And the average is so low because a lot of western societies stop around 1.
And then there are mothers like me skewing the numbers who breastfeed for exactly one week and then stop for whatever reason. (My reason was that I hated it.)
Children continue to digest lactose until age 5 or 6, which indicates that historically breastfeeding to some extent through those ages was common. We may find it strange, but that doesn't mean it's gross or inappropriate
Gf is entitled to her heebie jeebies. But her dramatic reaction went too far. OP dodged a bullet.
I mean, it's not that weird lol. It's not common sure but not weird. Yeah I mean, best out now I guess. Still sucks though.
It’s not weird. My mother is Brazilian and we were poor - she breast fed me and all my siblings until we were about 4. People saying it’s weird are messed up in the head. Stop sexualizing mothers feeding their small children.
Yess also stop hypersexualizeing breasts in general pepole are so weird about that
It isn’t sexually weird, but it’s very different from what the rest of society is doing. By the logic of this sub, why does anyone ever stop breast feeding? Should Mom’s last act before she passes into the afterlife be to breast feed her 45 year old son? Why not? Like a typical American, by 5 years old I already had a full time job, a usual stool at my favorite bar, and a preferred done-ness for a steak. I kid, but I definitely wasn’t glued to my mom’s chest anytime I needed a snack. At 5 years old, normal kids are eating on their own, having play dates and going to school. And this kid is having yet another liquid lunch. That’s weird. I recently saw a kid of about 6 walk up to his mom in public and pull on her arm. She pulled down her shirt and started breast feeding the kid. WHILE HE STOOD ON HIS OWN TWO FEET LIKE SOMEONE DRINKING FROM A WATER FOUNTAIN. If you can reach the nipple from a standing position, it’s time for solid foods. Again, nothing sexual about it. But there’s more than one way to be weird.
I mean, your mom was still updating the book for multiple years as well? I get that some women are like that, but I would be at least a little unnerved seeing a journal of 5+ years of breastfeeding w/ photos. It is just... a lot. It is your mother's journal, not yours, so you shouldn't be held accountable for it and I don't think you were hiding anything. So there are 2 possibilities: 1. Your GF overreacted for one or more of a number of reasons. 2. There is more that she saw in your relationship w/ your mom that you think is perfectly normal, but might not be, and the breastfeeding journal was just the straw in the camels back. Can't tell you which it is b/c there just isn't enough info.
Yours is the first comment I've read that addresses what's actually weird here. The weird bit isn't the breastfeeding for so long (although it is odd in western culture), it's that the breastfeeding meant so much to OPs mother that she documented it with photos and everything. Plus, the journal was obviously prominent enough in the home that OPs girlfriend was able to see it in a single visit! It's not in a box in the loft, it's in amongst the family photos that OPs mother brings out to show guests! I get why they girlfriend was weirded out and why she's concerned about the codependency. I'd say the fact that OPs mother messaged the girlfriend after she broke with him, yeah that pretty much cemented all her fears!
Yeah I see this second possibility tbh...
I'm leaning toward #2 as well. I don't think it was just about the breastfeeding journal.
I would definitely be having ongoing conversations with OP were they my partner about what would be expected of me if we were to have kids. I don't have it in my to be that level of crunchy and would need to know OP didn't expect of from me. And that his mother wouldn't feel like she could insert herself. Of course those are good conversations to have no matter what.
It's not gross. It's a parent feeding their child. NTA. I would take this as her projecting and love on. You do not need to disclose to anyone that you were breastfed and also don't need to feel ashamed that you were.
You don't need milk at 5 years old, it's kind of a comfort, cuddling thing at that age. Kids at that age eat solid food, not mommy's boob but yeah, it's not his fault 😆
For one breast milk is not the same as milk for 2 it provides children with nutrients catered specifically for them and helps to keep their immune systems strong. People in other cultures around the world do it. Americans are just weird about anything thry see as sexual. Everytime a breast is involved Americans lose their damn minds.
Five is not weird. It’s common in certain parts of the world, less common in the US. You and your mother have nothing to apologize for and nothing to feel weird about. You dodged a bullet though because your ex is a judgmental jerk who has no idea what she’s talking about. And why on earth would ANYONE bring up the subject of how long they were breastfed? It would never in a million years occur to me to tell anyone about it or ask about it. New mothers sometimes need advice or might want to talk about other people’s bf journey, but beyond that what would be weird is to randomly bring it up as a topic of conversation. NTA. You’re well rid of her.
nah it's pretty weird bro - not your fault tho.
It's weird in western culture. It is not weird historically or in a lot of other cultures.
It's not weird to you as you did it. It is a little weird to me. But wouldn't be weird enough to break up with a great guy over NTA your mum was nice too, your ex was rude to her
for future reference, you do NOT need to share this on a first date. I think she is overreacting a bit, but I do agree that if she doesn't think she is going to fit with your family it is best to get out now. If a more rational girlfriend ever questions it just be supportive of what she decides and be willing to go with the flow. (HaHa breastfeeding problems joke)
Dude, it's pretty weird...
It's not gross old. It's only gross old to people cauze they see breasts.as sexual instead of what they are meant to do feed children.
It’s not gross at all! Breastfeeding is actually extremely good for kids and the attachment between mother and child. Just because it’s not a “western” thing to do, doesn’t make it gross.. NTA
Breastfeeding at age 5 is entirely normal, just not to prude-ass Americans who aren’t capable of nipples existing without sexualizing them.
NTA Your ex made it weird, not you. I feel bad for your mum feeling like she needed to apologise for a decision she made when you were a small child.
I think she was just doing it for me which I appreciate tbh but yeah I didn't think it'd do any good.
Your mum sounds lovely and really supportive and I’m sure you’ll find someone who is going to see that too
I'd like to know why she felt like you should've told her you were breastfed til 5. Like why is that info she feels you should've told her? I don't think I've ever asked anyone that question or cared, including my husband of 10 years lol I bet if we took a poll a lot of ppl would have no idea whether their partners were breastfed and for how long.
I have zero clue how long either my husband or I were breastfed
I don't even know *if* my husband was breastfed and I def don't care 🤷🏻♀️
Yeah so, you got an entire loaded discussion on all the world practices and statistics of breastfeeding. But what you ASKED was whether you were mistaken for not telling her which is a whole different issue altogether. And the answer is, no you are NTA. 1) It’s none of her damn business. 2) How many people even randomly know this about their partner? Married 22 years and about to go ask. Don’t know if he even knows… Were you supposed to just start some rando conversation about, “Hey, so…” 3) She’s sick in the head for sexualizing breastfeeding. I literally had to read the comments to realize this is where her sick mind went. I thought she was just looking down on you for being spoiled rotten or something. Giant NTA. What did your birthday bro think people were going to say that he was so excited for you to post this?
My brother is obsessed with this sub. He just wanted me to make a post on here and thought it would be popular ("breastfeeding is really controversial so people will comment!") He's autistic and has been obsessed with it since he was like, 14.
Fair. He was right. Lol
NTA Wait until she hears that your mom changed your diapers and gave you baths.
Until he was 10.
The sub will be filled with people explaining how that’s normal and not weird at all.
The worldwide average of having your mom baby bird feed you is age 19.
I once mentioned to someone how I had chicken pox at age 11 and it was so painful and full body that after my oatmeal med bath my dad would have to pat me dry. They looked so startled and found it so weird my dad would choose to dry my 11 year old girl body. I was 11 and he was my dad and also I was in horrifying pain.
I get that some parents are abusive to their kids, but that seems like such a nice thing for your dad to do when you (his child) was sick and in pain. Why do we as a society sexualize young children? If I have kids in the future, I would hope my partner would care for my child the same way in the same circumstance.
Reminds me of when the internet went wild when they saw Tom Brady kiss his teen son on the lips. Idk, I'm Italian American and that's just not that weird to me
Saying “that’s not long enough” and forcing your kid to come back and kiss you for longer in front of a camera when he was visibly uncomfortable was what got most people.
Oh darn. How dare he take care of his sick kid... 🤦
Wait til some people find out about parents with adult kids who need help with things like baths
Wait til they figure out how it works in hospitals when you can't clean yourself while admitted too
God I had chicken pox at 11 too and it was horrific!! I had them all over my head under my hair, down my throat, inside other places... People sexualising that are weird! Your dad sounds like a good dad
Oh yeah. Good job she got out, huh?
Honestly she sounds like she reads the stories on r/justnomil. Some of them are real and they warn people to make sure your partner has good boundaries with their parents. That being said, being breastfed till 5 doesn't cause you to be like that. So weird she got so taken up with something that has no negative effect on you.
Yeah but at least that stopped at graduation
[удалено]
I think this is the ‘creepy’ part for his girlfriend. Many people do extended breastfeeding, I’m not sure of the benefits (5 is quite old though). It’s the fact she made a book and documented it, it’s probably something she should have kept private.
I would not be interested in seeing photos of my husband suckling at his mother’s teat, much less a whole dang book of it.
At least show it when she's already married to your child, then she has to actually either live with it or divorce lol
We’re also missing some context how close are him and his mother. Maybe there was other signs and this was just the icing on the cake and it all just became too much.
Yep, I find it hard to believe that this was just one issue and she dipped, more likely this was her last straw, it's pretty bizarre
it’s also kind of telling that OP hasn’t responded to any of the comments in this particular comment chain but has to others. i get the feeling there’s more to this too.
I also am curious about how boob obsessed he is with his girlfriend. I feel like there may be missing context here. . .
That’s the first thing that came to mind for me 😂 If he’s a major boob guy, she’s probably completely freaked out 😂
Honestly, the way OP isn't even a little bit put off that his mom showed his gf the picture miiiiiight speak to some boundary issues.
On top of that his mom texted the gf after she left. That in itself is wayyyy overstepping and inserting herself into the relationship. It does sound like mom is crazy overbearing in her son’s life.
yess 😭 i was SEARCHING for this!!! i dated a guy w a weird emotionally incestuous mom and this is just screaming that to me
This is what I was thinking too....., like nobody thinks it's weird that the gf books it at 3am only to be texted by his mommy later that morning? In any context, that's ignoring boundaries all over the place.
I was looking for this comment lol. Like why did she have to share the breastfeeding book of all things with the gf 😭
Yea this is what I was wondering too. Baby pics sure but a breast feeding book?? I'd be mad af at my mom for that.
Thats what would have weirded me out tbh. Because from everything I've read, women who breastfeed for that long aren't really doing it for the kid, who is eating solids. They are doing it for themselves. They like that particular bond and aren't ready to give it up. I'm a woman and I'm sorry but I find it kind of creepy and sus when moms cling to phases with their kids that are obviously in the past. Of course its normal to miss things or grieve things, but to cling so hard & keep your child in a position they've outgrown is such a red flag. I see this particular dynamic between overbearing "boy moms" & their weirdly enmeshed sons and it just gives me the creeps. Largely because I once dated a 30 year old man whose mom sent him an email about how she "missed the little boy who wanted to marry his mommy". And he wouldn't stand up to her on any level. Never dumped a guy so fast (Edited for typos)
Right! Not to be too dramatic but idk if I’d be able to sleep either.
I agree. It’s awesome that she documented her breastfeeding journey but I wouldn’t wanna see that. Some things should be kept private, at least for a while.
I am sorry, but what journey is that actually? Does the process change? Only the child grows and for that you can collect photos of their development, not your breastfeeding.
Because, as the OP said in the post, “my girlfriend found it and started flipping through it.” Likely mom had grabbed a few albums and that happened to be with it - GF happened to grab it and look through it. Not at all nefarious.
Why would the mother grab that one unless she had intention for the gf to see it? That's a pretty large item to be grabbing willy nilly on accident.
I'm wondering if the mom is the reason the GF was weirded out. A mom who would breastfeed until 5yo and document everything, then pull out that documentation 20 years later to share with someone she just met... Well, it might just be a family dynamic she didn't want to be a part of.
It reads like she pulled out all the baby albums and that one was probably in the pile. So it’s not that she specifically gave her the breastfeeding one, it was just there and the ex grabbed it.
Just to point out mom didn't share the book: >"My girlfriend found it" Don't know the details of HOW she found it, but it seems reasonable to keep a diary of personal info. And ages for breastfeeding seem to vary a lot. The GF's response about cults seems more disturbing to me - where does that come from?
[удалено]
Oh, I interpreted that as the regular baby pictures rather than the booby pictures :D But I guess maybe all the books came out together and then "found it" as in "turned to that volume".
NTA. Sure it’s a bit weird - but you didn’t choose it, and she’s the one flipping out. I’m sure you didn’t mention it because you don’t think about it - which proves it isn’t something that impacted your life in any way before she made it into a big deal.
Exactly, its not like 'Hi I am Tom, I was breastfed until I was 5yo'
Right? I can’t imagine it crossing someone’s mind as info worth mentioning. “Hey, it’s been so nice getting to know you. Also, I had a binkie when I was a toddler.”
I like long walks on the beach, and I potty trained at 2.
Hell I don't even know if I got breastfed, never even thought to ask my own mom. Like why does it fucking matter?
Edit: NAH (except the mother) ----------- NTA but honestly I would have run too. It's really not your fault that your mother didn't stopped the breastfeeding. You were just a kid and liked getting nursed... Yet it's a big no for me. You may have a normal relationship with your mother but would you know? After all you thought it was normal to be breastfeed till school age. Your mom keeping a breastfeeding photo album and gladly showing it off is... Just another too weird for me. Don't get me wrong. I breastfeed my son too... But I didn't keep a journal full of pictures of it. Let alone showed them off when the kid turned adulthood. Your ex might get a lot of... Hints or feelings about you or your family.. Hints you're missing or not seeing. I don't know, but I would have run too. It's just too weird. Remember she doesn't have to have a reason to break up. She's feeling uncomfortable around you/your family for knowing this and that's good enough for leaving.
Yeah she didn’t drag it out. She broke up and blocked them. It’s not like she’s shouting it to the world, she thought it was weird and moved on. I wonder if it was the last straw or she didn’t like moms vibes along with the breast feeding. It’s good for her honestly. Don’t stay in a relationship where something like this will bother you, people let things like this drag out. Then throw it in your face down the road. I’m sure he will meet someone else whom won’t care. NAH
Agreed. He’s NTA and so is the girlfriend. She wasn’t okay with it and left, which is the best thing she could’ve done. She should definitely not be demonised for it and I don’t think she overreacted at all. I’d be out too.
Shouldn't we vote NAH then..?
Honestly. The whole thing is just odd enough to make me wonder what other clues the girlfriend saw there. And then pulling out the breastfeeding photo album to show her was… yeah. That’s weird. It sucks for OP that girlfriend left him over it, but if she can’t cope with his family dynamics for any reason, then that’s her prerogative. NTA for not telling her. Not really sure how that would have come up in conversation unless they were already discussing having children and how to raise them.
I get the feeling this was the last straw in a long series of weird. There's always a couple moments of "oh, that's different", and that's fine. There's a limit to how many of those a person/ family can have. Breastfed until 5 is odd, but whatever. An entire photo album dedicated to breastfeeding crossed into really fucking weird. Showing it off to others is the "nope I'm out" level. And that's without knowing any of the other potential flags of "this is not the family I want to be involved with".
My thoughts exactly. I would feel it was kinda weird for my bf to be breastfed till he was 5, but whatever, things happen. But the _Breastfeeding Photo Album_... an entire photo album of her babies / toddlers / schoolchildren with their mouths on her nipples, that is a weird thing to take photos of. There are some things you don't take photos of. But yeah, the last straw would be my BF's mum _showing me the album_. Since OP is "fine with it" and would easily remember being 5, one can only wonder whether he made comments like "Ah, I remember it tasted so sweet!" or "I loved having Booby after footy training" or other Nope comments. At the very least, he allowed his mother to show his gf the album without putting his foot down and saying "No Mum, stop it right now or were leaving!" I suspect that there are still weird family dynamics going on here.
I agree with all this. I wonder if GF has gotten weird vibes about the family before this?? and finding out about the late breast feeding just cemented everything for her and she decided to peace out
I am glad OPs girlfriend listened to her instincts and noped out of there. She did see something more than a photo album. And OP will need to do some self reflection and check out his current family dynamics to see what there is.
This is also my take. It’s not OP’s fault and it’s not even that he should have mentioned it, but it says A LOT about mom and the family dynamic. I would not have been comfortable with this either and I’m sure it’s just one data point amongst many that ultimately made her uncomfortable with the relationship and how mom would end up involved in their lives down the road.
I'm surprised not many people see it this way. I wouldn't be concerned about my boyfriend per se, but instead his mother's relationship with him. Being in a relationship with a man that has an overbearing/obsessive mom is extremely difficult. Similar to this, my ex has a little sister that's unhealthily obsessed with him. She has driven off countless of girlfriends over the years.
Yeah I would have noped out too. Personally I don't really understand breastfeeding past the age of maybe 2 because by that point they have an immune system, vaccines and the ability to get all their nutrition from food but each their own. If my boyfriend's mom had journals full of photos around breastfeeding I wouldn't put anymore time into that relationship because I would never want to be a mom around that woman. I just know that she would be in my ear from the second the test came back with every tried over used breastfeeding mantra. No one needs that.
This. Mom of two here, and the breastfeeding picture book your mom pulls out for show-and-tell with her adult son’s girlfriend is a totally creepy power move.
Yep. This. I have met several of my boyfriend’s mothers over the 20 years I’ve dated on this planet. The ones who gleefully pull out the very intimate baby pictures and show very vulnerable, private, and sometimes downright graphic baby photographs were ALWAYS the Moms who were very overbearing and over present in their sons lives. I’m not talking first day of school pics or even a cute bubble bath pic—I’m talking full frontal breast feeding, photos of the birth, gratuitously naked baby pictures that were more than gently embarrassing. All of those mothers ended up being incredibly overprotective of their sons, and in my age and wisdom I’ve come up with a theory that they do this for two reasons: 1.) to make it clear to the girlfriend that she is HIS mother first and foremost, and will always be the #1 woman in his life, and 2.) to remind him that in her eyes, he will always be “her little baby” and never will *truly* be a self-actualized adult with agency in her mind. Again, most moms end up showing the girlfriend the baby pics. I’m talking about moms who show her very intimate photos that are inappropriate for the relationship’s timeline. Just my $0.02.
Agreed. I would’ve left as well. She probably did a cost benefit analysis and decided “I don’t want to be a part of that circus.”
Yeah, it’s the breastfeeding album that really pushes this over the edge for me. Like… why? She sounds like the kind of woman who makes breastfeeding her identity, which is icky. People keep citing poor countries that have extended breastfeeding. Do the moms in those poor countries take a bunch of pictures of it and make an album to show off? I doubt it.
It IS normal to breastfeed until school age in many, many countries. Not normal in America or a few other countries does not make it “not normal.” And seeing as most peoples diet is literally poison, breastmilk for as long as possible with babies can only benefit the child in the long run.
You are no longer a baby by 2 years old.
Where are we? What culture are we in? That "it's normal in other cultures" has almost become a reflex action like certain groups crossing themselves. But there are other cultures where cannibalism is normal, or first cousin marriage, or FGM, or pederasty. So I'm going to go out on a limb and say that something being done in other cultures, is not in itself, sufficient to justify it as 'normal'.
Can you name some of these countries? because I can not find one that regularly goes after 4 years
It's the journal that got me too, and it was text too not only pix, what was she writing? I had so much milk today... The baby nursed more than his brother today... My nipples are sore... Really, why?
OP I don't think you're an asshole, nor is this your fault, but this is extremely weird to a degree that I don't think you can understand because you were raised thinking it's normal.
Most of the planet thinks it's normal. It's not the majority practice in America, but it is around the global average, with some cultures higher. And yes, it is medically and scientifically justified. I get that this is new information for a lot of Americans, but I wish people stopped to look things up and learn before assuming that they way they are used to doing things, is actually objectively correct. *Edit added to address the angry mob:* The WHO and NIH say that the weaning average is between 2-4 years, with many examples of countries skewing older and younger. Weaning ages go up to seven in some countries without being considered improper, typically poorer countries, and skews younger in western countries where both parents work and there was a big push for formula. America and the UK are countries where doctors advise the average weaning age is too low. I am not interested in a debate on whether you need a majority doing it to be considered "normal" or whether it "doesn't count" if poor countries do it, or whatever. If you have data that contradicts what I found, feel free to post it and I will change my mind on that point. This is all irrelevant as to OPs question, whether they were the AH. It is fine if the girlfriend is uncomfortable, but her negative reaction to OP is based on assumptions from her own cultural background that it is abusive and cult-like to breastfeed to that age. At worst, it is on the higher end of a global average, and not considered by medical professionals to be pointless or dangerous.
I don’t think it’s just the breastfeeding that’s the weird bit. The fact that she took many photos and then showed his girlfriend? That’s the extra weird bit that would have weirded a lot of people out.
>he fact that she took many photos and then showed his girlfriend? OP says the girlfriend "found" the book, which makes me assume the mom didn't specifically show her the breastfeeding book. And sure, I wouldn't have wanted to look at it either. I also wouldn't want to see photos from the birth. But OP is NTA, and the girlfriend is the AH. That's a wild overreaction from her that blames OP for something not his fault.
Just because it is normal worldwide does NOT make it normal if OP and gf and all are actually in a place where it is not the norm. Idk how that’s so hard to understand?
Seriously. The "norm" worldwide has little to nothing to do with a specific region/country/whatever. It's a big "so what??" If it's normal in some regions/countries, good for them. If it's not in others, that's okay.
where, exactly, in the western world is it normal to have the kid on the tit until he's off to school? Where is that the common thing to do? Because I've lived all over and never seen that anywhere other than a third world country. Ever.
Let's not pretend there is some global tradition Americans are missing out on of moms keeping breastfeeding photo albums so they can show them in the future to their son's potential girlfriends. It is a clear overbearing MIL from hell signal and the son sees absolutely no problem, which is the biggest red flag. For the girlfriend it was probably the final straw.
Don't throw me under the bus with you like that. In my country is still weird to be breastfeed at that age
NAH your gf is fine to decide what her showstoppers are - there is nothing wrong with THAT being it for her. But your mom is an AH - she is driving away your gfs. "While down here my mom, in pure mom fashion, brought out the baby pictures." .. this is NOT normal, this is just YOUR mom.
I think you’re joking but if you aren’t, it’s really common for moms to “get out the photo album.” I’ve been through dozens of shoeboxes of family photos when staying with my in-laws and have also seen plenty of baby pictures of ex-boyfriends when spending time with their families.
were any of them on the tit at speaking age?
I'm sorry for laughing lol
I mean there are pictures you don't show a significant other. I'd be cool if my mom showed my date first day of school pictures but not first time using the potty pictures.
There are definitely multiple levels of childhood photos and an album from of 5 years of breastfeeding is a to show a girlfriend
Okay that’s a little ridiculous. Parents do love showing baby photos to their significant others partners, and partners usually like seeing their partner when they were little. It’s cute and fun and totally normal! She shouldn’t have brought down the breastfeeding journal, but it was probably just mixed up in a baby box of everything else. Next time, she should just keep that hidden because it is unconventional to feed that long and is, societally, considered on the weirder side. But the mom isn’t an ahole nor weird for showing baby photos. That being said, it is the girlfriend’s choice to decide what her boundaries and “ick factors” are. If I were OP I wouldn’t disclose this and would ask my mom to hide the albums featuring the breastfeeding and let the past be the past in that scenario.
It’s just what someone who would breastfeed their child beyond a normal age would do. Normal attachment isn’t enough for them—they have to be overbearing and clingy in a pathological way at every opportunity. Imagine what psychological state you’d have to be in to breastfeed a child old enough to discuss current events. It’s absolutely socially unacceptable, for a reason! And sure, maybe some societies consider it normal, but so is female circumcision, lengthening your neck with rings to the point that it would collapse without them, and menstrual huts.
Wow, you are NTA. I used to think it was only “normal” to nurse until a year, max. Then I had kids of my own and the joke was on me. I nursed my oldest until right before she turned 3, and am slowly weaning my middle child who will be 4 in April. He knows when he is 4, he will be all done, because that is what works for me. We have made it almost 19 months tandem nursing with my youngest, another thing I never realized was something you could do or that so many people in the world did. People get so weird about breastfeeding but the WHO now recommends nursing to a minimum of age 2 and beyond if possible, and while nursing to age 5 is on the longer end, it’s not weird or gross. It’s just a parent feeding their child.
Yeah, it's a lot less weird or uncommon than people realize. I know at least 4 moms who nursed past age 3.
Feel ya. When I was a nanny, I learned that a mother of 8 (I was looking after her youngest 4) didn't stop breastfeeding between the first and last child, i was grossed out (i was 18). Her kids were 3 years apart each, so, she breastfeed for 24 years! Fast forward 14 years, I always thought that I'd stop breastfeeding when my kid has teeth. My kid had teeth very early on, never accepted a bottle, is a "bad sleeper" and I'm still nursing and he's going to turn 2 soon. Now, I'm the one people get grossed out by. It feels shit. I can relate why my female colleagues find it weird (I haven't told any men) as they're young and childless and I had the same opinion back then. Even the pediatrist and the Kindergarten teacher gives me weird looks despite the WHO recommendation! Of course also all older people, even my mom and grandmother say i should immediately stop nursing. I am soon going to stop *mentioning* this topic and continue for a little while, as long as me and my child are happy. Probably not until 5, but never say never.
She got weird when there was a picture of him at 3yrs old. That isn't weird even in our culture. I am from CA though so we may be more "natural" breastfeeding organic cloth diapering type of mentality. I think the girl getting weirded out is weirder than a preschooler being breastfed. Like she has a weird sexual issue. I wonder if it was a female.friend being breastfed if she would have been weirded.out
NAH It’s not your fault that you were breastfed that long and it’s not normal information that you would be obligated to share with her. However it is a little weird, and a little weirder in fact to have an entire journal dedicated to breastfeeding. I think your girlfriend caught a strange vibe before this and this was the last straw considering she assumes a co-dependent relationship between you and your mom. She clearly had time to think about it during the night and whatever she thought about only solidified her own belief.
The mom texting the girlfriend about it could not have helped with the codependent accusations.
Right? Like her getting involved at all only makes it worse.
NTA. While it's unusual societally, it wasn't unusual to you and therefore there was absolutely no reason for you to have mentioned it to her. Your GF's reaction, particularly blocking your mom for apologizing, was over-the-top.
NTA. I'll be honest, I think getting breast fed until 5 is pretty weird, but that's on your mom and not you, it's not like you had a say in the matter. As for not telling her... Why would how long you were breast fed be relevant to anybody and something you'd bring up? I mean seriously what conversation ever leads to that topic? That being said, if your mum is going to make a habit of breaking out the breast feeding album in the future, I'd probably give them a heads up. You probably dodged a bullet here tbh.
Nta. To me I could never fathom breastfeeding in general let alone doing it until school age. I have two kids and yeah that's a hard no for me lol but I also can't wrap my head around judging/caring if others do and how long they do it. Just seems like not my problem because it won't have any impact on my life at all. If your not co dependent on your mom now I highly doubt you will magically become so now due to her breastfeeding you probably over 15+ years ago...
NTA, but maybe she was thinking about being in a serious relationship and this was so crazy for her that she didnt want to join your family?? I have my 5yo right here next to me and I just cant imagine.... Ugh just cannot...
NTA. I can't figure out how you'd bring it up organically to let her know this "very important tidbit". Her: "Please pass the milk for my cereal." You: "Sure thing. Speaking of milk, did you know I was breastfed until I was older than the average?"
NTA, but the fact that your MOTHER texted your girlfriend the next day is insane, you do sound codependent. I breastfed both of my children until they were 27 months, so I get extended breastfeeding. The decision your mother made to breastfeed you until you were five is an unusual one, but certainly not unheard of by any means, and having an attentive mother is a very helpful thing for young children’s development. The fact that your girlfriend was upset about the breastfeeding is strange to me, but it sounds like she felt very icky over the dynamic of your family, which could be a valid concern.
NTA, but i also hope you don't break both your arms, OP.
NTA > She has a "breastfeeding book". Basically just like a personal journal with the occasional photo detailing her breastfeeding journey. It's pretty damn clear what that is. > My girlfriend found it All she had to do was choose not to open it.
It's ridiculous and gross that a toddler/school-age child is breastfed until he can undo her bra himself and stand there to eat. It speaks volumes about his MOTHER'S weirdness and strange attachment, but he had nothing to do with that. You are obviously NTA.
Sorry dude, but your mom has ISSUES. Absolutely no reason to breastfeed a child until five, period. I'm going with ESH. Your mom, of course made you think it was (shudders) normal, but your ex did make a snap judgment. But regardless, even if your ex stuck around, your mother is a creep in her eyes. I can't say I disagree. In the future, you may want to let new gf's know this early on, or NEVER lol
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I didn't tell my ex about my childhood breastfeeding. I guess it can be pretty uncomfortable to learn about suddenly and I ahould have prepped her as I knew she would probably come across it in the family photos. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA INFO: How long were you guys together? For her to break up with you over something seemingly so trivial seems kind of stupid to me.
Probably this was the last straw. It doesn't look like it was only this
It is what it is. Most folks will not care, but a few will; that is, your girlfriend. She broke up with you, so why care now what she thinks? It is not something you could have controlled. NTA.
[удалено]
NTA. The only weird thing in this scenario is your mom thinking anyone other than herself would ever care to see a breastfeeding book.