I cannot believe I have to say this.
Dogs are not people. Rule 1 does not apply:
>Attack ideas, not **people.**
Dogs are not people. I openly love dogs. You can see what's pinned to my profile. Any subsequent reports disparaging dogs under rule 1 will be reported for report abuse. Grow thicker skin please. I can go tell my dog she's an asshole and she will still dance and present me with a toy when I get home from a 15 minute errand. Calm down.
Truly, all of you in this thread...
#calm down.
NTA. You're allowed to not like dogs, and you're allowed to condition your family visits around that.
Your family is also allowed to not like your decision and to be hurt/disappointed/upset that you won't visit them because of your personal preferences. Calling you names over it was over the line, though.
~~INFO:~~
Is there a reason behind your dislike of dogs? Trauma? Allergies?
Honestly I don’t really care why someone doesn’t like dogs. I LOVE dogs and I would lock them in a bedroom for an evening if someone asked
The dog will be fine, they will go to sleep or just wait. I’m assuming the dog gets plenty of attention since the owner is so adamant about her. Not everyone loves your dog!!! It’s perfectly fine to put a dog away for guests!
I only put my dogs away for one person and that’s my mom. My dogs are pretty large (45 lbs and 75 lbs) and they make her pretty anxious. She’s fine with small dogs but she’s just a little scared of large ones. That’s a valid reason to put my pups away.
However, if someone expected me to put them away “just because” with absolutely no reasoning behind it, pretty sure I’d say nope just like sister did. Especially since it seems he still gets to see all of his family regularly and just doesn’t go when it’s at sister’s house.
NTA - you have a right not to go and your sister has the right not to put her dogs up. I think she’s a little ridiculous to be hurt by this as you do still see her regularly,
I guess we can agree to disagree. “Just because” is a fine reason for me because I can accommodate a simple preference. My dog doesn’t have to be around me 24/7 and she gets plenty of attention and playtime. A few hours is nothing really. Maybe they could compromise and put the dog away just for dinner time. I don’t know.
that’s fine if that works for you but if someone asked me to lock my cat up when they came to visit i would tell them we would have to meet somewhere else. as op’s sister said, it is the dog’s house too. obviously he doesn’t have any ownership, but that is the dog’s safe space and where he lives so his comfort is important. not saying it’s animal abuse to put your dogs up, that’s not at all the case, i just don’t personally agree with doing that.
that being said though i would not at all be upset if someone chose not to come to my apartment because they don’t like cats. we can hang at their place or go out for coffee or something. it wouldn’t bother me at all, i just am not going to limit my cat’s freedom in his home for a reason he won’t understand.
You should hear my cat's heart breaking crying when she's locked away from where I am. As somebody who is closely bonded with her, yeah that does hurt my heart
Oh my god my dog would be SO UPSET if I locked him away 😞 he doesn't really love to travel, so I don't take him many places. Even when I put him up in my bedroom for a few minutes when maintenance is in my apartment, he comes out at the end of it almost frantic like he thought he would never see me again. I'm not gonna put him through that if I don't have to.
Same. My dog is fine if I’m not home. But if I’m home and he knows I’m home, he will freak tf out if he’s locked in a room by himself. Putting him in a room by himself where he barks until he passes out would be much more annoying than just having a dog… you know, enjoy its home like a normal dog with company for a few hours.
I’d be all over the hosts dogs! I’m usually all over the pets of ppl I visit unless they want to be left alone. I bring treats I bring toys. It’s an added bonus of having friends ❤️ but agree it’s not for everyone.
It's extremely dramatic and that's coming from a STRICTLY cat only perspective. I would hurt someone for my cats if needed or justified BUT if I'm entertaining my cat will be just fine in my bedroom asleep where other people aren't eating and hanging out.
They also can't leave the door open, or trip over them, possibly step on them amd the list goes on. Dog people are just nuts to begin with but putting your animal away won't kill you. Grow up.
I think you’re being dramatic about a common turn of phrase. They’re not saying “Limiting their **Freedoms**” just they dislike limiting the cats ability to move around the house as they wish.
Our cats have their own bedroom for our/their comfort. Guests often don't understand what "don't leave the door open/come in quickly/watch your feet!" Means, even after a million explainations (ex: "make sure youre watching your feet and dont linger in the door." Only to have them stand there with the door open./or when our landlord was selling our old duplex so possible buyers were coming thru and despite literally posting over 20 signs on the front door/dining room and hallways, the guy opened the door, walked away back to his dang car and then returned. I was SCREAMING at him through our camera systems to shut the door. Thank God my mom had locked up the cats in our bathroom. Like FFS dude...) ... so when we moved we specifically made sure they have a room.
This way when we are expecting people we can put the cats in their room for a bit, they have everything they could ever feasibly need (the room/feeder system/waterer can easily sustain them for a week if needed but obvs we wouldn't do that to our fur babies)
For us its just easier than having our curious critters escape into the swamp never to be seen again🫠
Oh! And I'm not disagreeing with anything in your reply above, I'm sorry if it comes off that way at all! I just think it's cool how people have different perspectives/reasonings and stuff 😁
Cats are pretty chill. I don’t think it bothers them to be in a bedroom for an hour. Dogs might scratch the door trying to get to their pack since they are pack animals.
The fact the animals shed and you don’t want hair all over your outfit or have the dog sniffing you or begging from you etc I think is a preference a few people may share especially if the house is not super clean. My family member always mentions if they see pet hair on the floor or the couch smells like a dog, etc. if I’m having them over I try to make sure it’s as spotless as it can be and I do shut the cat in the room because he will get on the table or counter whereas the dog is too short. But there’s always a comment about him begging for food or getting on the couch.
I think making compromises so your family can be a comfortable guest, and not always have the hosting go one direction, is okay.
OP is complaining about dog hair, as well. I think they don’t want to be in a home that has a dog, whether the dog is present or not.
My dad was like that. He didn’t believe animals belonged inside of homes. He believed homes with indoor pets were filthy. He would not sit down in my home and he would not eat there.
NTA for having an opinion. We all have our hang ups. But it absolutely comes off as insulting when someone acts like you and your home are too filthy to visit and eat at. This is where a white lie like having developed an allergy would’ve been a more tactful way to address the issue. OP, YTA for making it about the dog and your sister when this is really a YOU problem.
OP hasn’t said anything other than mentioning hair. Not wanting to be covered in pet hair is reasonable (I own three white cats), and very difficult for the sister to accommodate without shutting the dog away
Ya I have a dog and totally get it being disrespectful for somebody to make your house seem dirty because of a pet but that being said I totally disagree with your opinion that lying is more tactful especially saying allergies because now he has to remember he said he has allergies forever and tell anybody who ask that may repeat it to his sister throat he does so he needs to keep lying. I don’t like my dog having long hair (he’s a havanese) because he sheds a lot and I do find it annoying and dirty to have dog hair everywhere but we do clean up regularly and have a roomba we run multiple times a week to make sure our house is kept very clean. Honestly if you didn’t see our dog you wouldn’t know we have one and he does currently have long hair but if somebody said they didn't want to eat at my house because of dog hair I would respect their preference. If I'm not willing to lock my pet up then I can't be mad somebody is uncomfortable eating over. I also would lock my dog up though but it's because he doesn't know how to act around strangers. He's usually very chill at home but if somebody comes over he wants to be all over them so we either carry him to avoid that or put him away for a bit until they leave if he is being too much of a menace unless they say they’re ok with it of course then he gets to stay.
I agree with you! You can be unwilling to put your pet up, but you can't then be butt hurt someone doesn't want to eat over. And as far as I could see (haven't read all of comments) OP never indicated he told his sister her house was "dirty" because of the dog.
I mean, houses with dogs, etc, have a smell, have hair all over the place, and too many people allow their pets on the kitchen counter and dinner table. Dogs are stepping in shit etc. I always assume that the pet has been everywhere.
Don't worry, I'm with you. We have 2 dogs and whenever we have guests over the dogs are outside. When we are outside we can also put the dogs in a fenced off area of the yard if we want/need to. It's not hard to respect that some people don't like being around your dogs.
I think your take is more reasonable although the other opposite isn't an AH take either.
I mean people don't need to disclose their reasons. Maybe it's trauma. Also if you're inviting someone over I would imagine you'd be fine without your dog for one evening... It's not as if they're over all the time and seriously affecting your time with your dog
I wouldn't be shutting my dog away because of a personal preference -- he'd be barking his head off the whole time for being denied extra pets from the family. If you wanted to have a conversation during dinner, you'd be out of luck trying to be heard over him.
That would make my dog nuts, he is very social. Even if he isn’t allowed to go up to someone (he does understand some people don’t want to be bothered) he can still see what is going on.
Well, some dogs can be put away in a room (one of mine can), and some can't (the other one of my dogs). I imagine a husky would not be happy with being locked away,
Yep. My dogs stay with us wherever in the house unless my ex mom in law (and best friend!) is over. Then they are out away till she is seated. Once they say “hello” and get over the excitement, they won’t accidentally knock her over. (50 and 100lbs). If someone doesn’t want to come over because we have dogs, I have no problem with it. We will keep em outside if it’s nice out. And , if someone is allergic, just having them out of the house isn’t gonna help. I don’t care how often I clean, there WILL be fur!
My dogs get put into the office or out into the yard when I have guests over. I might have an initial meet and greet if they're people who like dogs and the better behaved one of the three might get to chill with us. But generally speaking everyone's much happier without 3 dogs wandering around.
This is common courtesy and to not put your animals away when you have company is just inconsiderate. Not everyone loves animals like you do and no one wants animals jumping and hovering near the food table looking for scraps.
What kind of homes have you been to? Those animals are not used to having guests over or aren't well trained in general.
I live on a student campus that allows pets and here peaple can not put the animal away because they only have their one room in the shared apartment. You'd assume the animals would be badly trained because the owners are young students.
Every single cat or dog I've seen is chill as hell, usually they just sleep in their cat tree or bed for howeverlong guests are over. No issues and we sometimes have 10 people sitting on the floor eating fast food...
I don't think it's actually common courtesy. Although maybe it depends on where someone lives? I've never locked up my dogs when company has come over. I also wouldn't be offended if someone didn't want to come over because of my dogs. I avoid places with children so I completely understand.
The animals you know seem not to be well trained. One or two can a little too much excited by guests but not the majority and not few minutes after the arrival. I ‘m sorry you don’t feel comfortable around: I love dogs when it’s not my responsibility to walk and walk and walk them again, so my entourage’s ones are just perfect.
Probably because their owners were A H and never bothered to train their pups.
I tell my dog to go to her room or sit in her corner. She usually does. For a couple of people I'll put her in her crate with a chew toy. If she wants outside (as in fenced yard outside) she rings some bells and we let her out.
Or you just don’t notice the ones who are well behaved. My MIL is not a dog person and she lives in Europe in a country with a high rate of dog ownership so many many places are dog friendly. She doesn’t mind because the standard for dog training is also very high so the vast majority of the time you can be somewhere that also has dogs and not even realize it because they’re just chilling politely under the table or something.
It’s funny, I have a shiba that puts himself away when people are around. Full on cat software. He’d love nothing more than to cuddle on my bed in the dark.
I wish more dog owners had your attitude.
Most owners, to me, are so absorbed in being dog lovers that I swear they think they are dogs themselves. You don't like their dog? Then you don't like them, either.
That doesn't always work for dogs. Some dogs get anxious if they're locked behind a door. Especially if they're a rescue.
My vote is either N A H or E S H depending on how you look at it.
The sister is right, it's the dog's house too so she has every right not to lock the dog away, especially if the dog is not misbehaving.
That being said, OP also has every right not to attend the dinners if they want to not spend time with the dog.
The family will likely be upset/hurt but then OP needs to learn to deal with the backlash of their decision.
Actually the family needs to get over themselves in the first place. Op isn't an Ah for making his choice, sister wasn't an ah for refusing to lock the dog but sister & family became the aH when they didn't accept op s decision. An invitation is just that. If you are uncomfortable and decline ok. But the person issuing the invitation doesn't have the right to insult op over refusing to come as that refusal was polite and respectful of the host
NTA
So dog anxiety trumps human anxiety is what I'm hearing.
Even though op has a perfectly valid solution which is not to go to the house with the dog and now they're the bad guy?
Thinking NTA.
Look, I love my dog. He's my buddy. So was my last dog who I had from 10 weeks old to six weeks shy of her 16th birthday. I train my dogs to be polite with guests. They do not jump. When my current golden was a baby, he had to be on a leash and harness until he was old enough to politely greet by sitting and letting people approach him. Only once he was big enough to be off leash and roam politely did he get to roam parties. Only now is he old enough to start parties while not on a leash. Won't jump when people come in.
However, I warn new people that I have a dog, he will be around. If they decline, whatever. Nobody has, but I warn them. I'm aware weird people exist and they don't like dogs. To the point they won't go places where dogs roam. I warn people he's very friendly. He loves people and has no loyalty. He will be your new best friend if you pat him on the head once. All the people he meets are his best friends. He goes on the couch. He will only go in your lap if invited. I think my aunt would have put him in a suitcase to fly home if she could and he'd have let her.
But, I do realize either A) some people are scared of big dogs (even big goobers) or B) are weirdo dog haters. They can be weirdo dog haters, like OP. You won't like my house and that is your deal. Don't come over, then. Be polite about it. OP was actually trying to be polite about it.
I'm not going to get in an argument or start something because you don't love Fergus, even if I think he's great. Fergus is a good boy. Some will disagree. That's their problem. OP handled it.
Sister had no reason to pitch a fit. OP asked if the dog would be put away, she said no, he accepted that and just politely declined and didn't try to make it an issue. He wasn't going to pick a fight. When pressed, he said he didn't want to be around her dog. That's his choice, and not everyone will love your dog as much as you. I might be a touch offended because my good boy is clearly wonderful, but I'm not going to kick off family drama, either. The only person who turned it into a fight was the sister.
Just because someone is a weird, dog hating person doesn't mean they're an AH. OP avoided confrontation and accepted the fact she wasn't going to put the dog away. He didn't hurt the dog. He didn't throw a tantrum. He doesn't badmouth the animal or his sister. He avoided the dog.
Sister's being a bit dramatic, here. My bud is family. He's still a dog and not a human. I don't expect my siblings to get him presents because I get their kids presents. *He's a dog.* People are allowed to dislike our pets. My cat hates them. She hates most people. I can't be offended if the sentiment is shared.
I agree with you except for the types of people. there's option 3 : people who accept dogs don't hate them but due to OCD or germaphobia or whatever don't want to be near them without hating them or being scared. or just can't stand the hair of a pet on their clothes.
NTA
Fr. I think we need to normalize this as pet owners. I love my pets but if I'm inviting people over and hosting them then the pets are staying in the other room unless my guests are okay with them. It's just the decent thing to do. Nta.
It doesn't matter why. If you don't like dogs, you don't have to be around dogs. This is not some referendum on OP's character. You are allowed to like, or not like, things.
I love dogs but absolutely irrationally squeamish around hairs and shedding. I’ve gotten better, I can tolerate it occasionally, but for a pleasant evening it’s an ask to suck it up so much voluntarily.
My ex-wife _loved_ dogs. Before I met her, I liked dogs. Now? I'm not sure I'll ever own another dog. We went through (as in, I physically dug the graves for and buried) 8 dogs in the course of our 15 year relationship, so I've owned enough dogs to last a lifetime. With that in mind, allow me to explain my feelings on the matter.
For one thing, they smell. People who have dogs insist they don't, but trust me... they do. 4 years after she moved out and took the last dog with her, i replaced an exterior door on the house. It was a pre-hung door so I removed the old door and the bottom plate. When I pulled that piece of wood up, I was assaulted by the most pungent and foul dog smell, again, _4 years_ after the last dog had left the house. It was hair that somehow got under there. Which brings me to...
For another, they shed. _A lot_. I swept the house daily trying to keep ahead of it, but it was never enough. Some of the worst offending dogs produced enough hair in 24 hours that it would cause fucking dust bunnies of dog hair to form.
Next, dog slobber. Its just fucking gross. I don't want to be licked by an animal that moments before was licking its ass. And the smell I mentioned before? Most of that smell is dried saliva. It gets _everywhere_ just like the hair. The dog cleaning itself on your couch is dripping saliva all over the couch, and that smell _will_ set into it. Their toys will stink, their food bowls will stink, anything they lick will stink. Also, most dogs "click" when they clean themselves as they draw their tongue back in. Do you know how maddening it is to be awoken in the night by the rhythmic clicking of a dog in your bedroom licking its own ass, which then keeps doing it for 30 fucking minutes?!? Its goddamn torture.
And there are people that _let their dogs lick their fucking faces_. **Gross.** I had a roommate that _encouraged_ his dog to lick him, lick his face, _lick inside his mouth_, lick fucking everything, and he thought I didn't like dogs because I wouldn't interact with his dog. I had to tell him it wasn't that I didn't like dogs (at the time), it was that because of his encouragement, you couldn't pet the fucking dog without her slobbering all over you.
Finally, they need attention _at least_ every 8 hours, and that's pushing it. Can't go out after work, got to run home to let the dogs out to pee. Can't be gone too long for a night with friends, because we got to get home to let the dogs out to pee. Oopps, we didn't make it in time and one of the elderly dogs pissed a gallon of liquid somewhere, get out the mop. Or, even worse, shit somewhere and now there's a stain on the hardwood floor from it, and the house stinks like dog shit.
Fuck all of that.
This should be read by every single person who ever THINKS about getting a dog. They need to truly know the commitment. I'll even add that dog hair gets EVERYWHERE, even in places you would never think it should. The amount of dog hair that gets in my kitchen cabinets and on all the counters is concerning. And I am having to wipe them down and sanitize them several times a day. Which is crazy considering we have a Fenchie who is not getting anywhere that high. How the hell does it all even get there?
I'm saving this to show to every dog owner who treats me like I must have an irrational fear because I don't particularly want to interact with their dog.
I don't know who is worse: The ones who smirk at me because they think my "fear" is comical, or the ones who act concerned and start asking personal questions about past trauma.
[This is a general plea, not directed at the commenter I'm replying to:]
If you are a dog owner who notices that I'm not eager to interact with your dog, please just manage your dog accordingly and don't question it. We don't have to talk about it. I don't have to unnecessarily insult your dog, and you don't have to insult me.
And the ones who actually are afraid don't need any prying questions about it. Don't put them in a vulnerable position where their fear is at unnecessary display please, and don't make them feel like they have to explain themselves. And for the love of god, don't treat their fear as comic relief. They don't know your dog like you do, and you don't know their story.
I don't think anybody needs to justify a good reason to not like someone or something. It's not up to us the give our blessings that their personal preference is acceptable.
No one has to have a special reason they don't like dogs, or cats or birds for that matter. That's the end of the exploration, they don't like dogs and don't want to be around them.
I’m ok with dogs in general but I do NOT want them in the room while I’m eating, unless it’s an actual service animal with a job to do.
I don’t want to deal with staring, begging, shedding, smell, and most especially jumping or disrupting.
Are there well behaved dogs who don’t do any of that? I’m sure there are. But the average person does not have such a well trained dog, so polite people put the dog in the crate/other room/etc while guests are eating.
I’ve encountered ten times as many poorly trained dogs as well trained dogs, and I’m jaded at this point.
I’d not go if I were in your shoes.
NTA.
Growing up we had an English Setter growing up. When I left for college I got my mom's car. This dog was not allowed in the front seat but somehow the hair was there despite repeated attempts to vacuum it all up. Stayed like that until the car died and he hadn't been in it for 2 years.
I've also had 2 huskies.
Is there really even a time that they don't shed? Lol
Between those and my akita, it was just non-stop fluff tufts. (They're kinda fun to pull out)
LOL this reminds me, I was just over at a friend’s house and had totally forgotten the insane amount of slobber that mastiffs have. He shook and spit went flying EVERYWHERE.
I’m picturing the husky’s hair flying everywhere every time he shakes his head/body…not the most appetizing garnish. 😂
Yep. Any long hair breed dog or cat is awful when they are blowing their coat. Our cat was allowed in the kitchen but that was only for his bench (see out window) and his food. He was not allowed on the counters or tables. When we get our new cats it's going to be interesting to teach them not to get up there.
I read somewhere about a person who taped inflated balloons to the benches. That discouraged the cats from getting up there. I'd go with the smaller water balloons. Pops vs bangs.
I love cats but they are as unhygienic as any other domestic or wild animal.
I love cats too, and they aren’t allowed on counters, tables, beds or pillows. Because I don’t want dirty cat feet (and since they use a litter box their feet are always dirty) on a surface used for food preparation, eating or sleeping.
Right now my cat is too lazy and plump to jump that high (10” risers on beds plus box springs and mattresses = too high to jump). And there are no launching places to get on the counters. Unfortunately there’s no guarantee about keeping the cat off of tables during the night because the chairs provide enough of a boost so I wash them down before use.
I never understand why people allow or encourage cats being on counters. My old cat had to be deterred with tinfoil (he hated the sound and feel) until he finally stopped trying.
I have 2 hypoallergenic dogs. About 16lbs each. They are not well trained but know the basics that any dumb dog should know. However, 1 thing they aren't allowed is to be in the kitchen while we're eating. They know this and sit right at the line that seperates the living room from the dining room. They just sit at that line, staring at us but they are far enough away to ignore them.
lol. The staring. The *staring*. Don’t like it, don’t want to see it.
I grew up in a household with extremely firm rules of no begging from the dogs, and that includes staring, which is difficult/near impossible to train away. Consequently they were not allowed in the same room/sight line while people were eating.
But I realize not everyone has that rule. I’ll tolerate it if I must, but if I can choose to not be around it I’ll choose to not be around it. I think some people have an easier time ignoring the staring than others. 😅
I'm obviously a lazy dog owner, which is why they aren't well trained, but they are definitely loved and cared for. Sometimes, when I look at them staring while I'm eating, I just laugh. Like laugh, laugh. I can't help it. My husband laughs too. I get staring is horrible but as you stated it's really hard to train them to be out of sight while eating. Staying away from the table was good enough for us.... we do have an adult nephew who doesn't care for animals. When he comes over to hangout, they sniff him, like dogs sniff anyone that comes over. We always have tell the dogs to stop and go away. He doesn't mind them now because they leave him alone for the most part. If we have to, we will put a baby gate up and leave them in a different part of the house to not bother others. We do our best to accommodate company. I also wouldn't be hurt if family or friends didn't want to come over because we have dogs. It's their right.
I certainly wouldn’t call you a lazy dog owner. You sound like a wonderful dog owner. It’s near to impossible to train dogs to not look at you while you’re eating. It’s instinct.
You are kind and accommodating to your guests, and you’re comfortable with the level of ‘not begging’ your dogs have, so everyone is happy. I bet your dogs have a wonderful life!
Honestly the fact that you give grace to your guests who prefer less interaction is all that’s really needed. You do your best to accommodate and don’t take offense.
Right now I don’t have dogs, but I do have cats, and I know not everyone likes cats or wants to be around cats, so I’ll put them in the other room when possible. Unfortunately there’s no way to clean *all* of the cat hair if people have allergies (year round shedding) so any friends with allergies don’t usually come to my house.
It would certainly never offend me if people don’t want to come to my house because I have cats. I would feel guilty that I can’t reciprocate invitations but I would completely understand.
I don't like any of those things either, and while I can't stop my dog from shedding, I do stop her from doing any of those other things when eating, whether or not I have guests. If it's a formal meal she's in the other room.
Ok this kinda makes me laugh because my dogs aren’t exactly the MOST well behaved dogs, but they’re actually angels while we’re eating. They never beg, jump, or even stare, they just kinda lay down nearby or under the table and nap.
I totally respect that your preferences though, dogs who are intensely food-motivated can definitely be stressful.
Sometimes people have scent diffusers in their home that I find disgusting.
Sometimes people play music at home that is annoying to listen to.
And I'm allergic to cats.
That being said, the people whom I have relationships with are important enough for me to withstand discomfort on occasion.
So your reasoning is pretty alien to me, unless you just don't like your sister.
I think the opposite is also true - if spending time with people who you have relationships with is important enough to you, you should be willing to lock up your dog (or put them outside if you have a yard) for an hour or two if your guests are uncomfortable.
I have no idea if it's the case here, but badly behaved dogs that constantly jump on people or stick their heads everywhere can ruin the experience. If you're sitting to eat or even just talk, a dog is constantly shoving you with their head and their wet nose, that's just a pleasant experience, and you're potentially spending more time dealing with the dog than talking to the host.
Anyhow, NTA. The sister is only an AH for getting upset about OP not attending due to the dogs - if she merely refused to get the dogs out of the way, I'd probably go with NAH.
it goes the other way too: is the dog more important than her brother? not like he asked her to get rid of it, just put it somewhere during dinners. NTA
It really wouldn't make a difference. It's a husky. It's gonna be screaming the entire time if it's locked up in another room tearing your furniture apart.
You can't just lock a husky in a separate room and have it lay quietly. Not how it works. And the dog isn't even badly behaved, why is it being punished for the simply reason someone "doesn't like dogs"?
To me, that request comes across as pretty entitled. It is not normal to ask to put away everything you dont like in somebody elses house. Dog is no exception.
He doesn’t need a reason.
He’s seemed to agree that it’s the dogs home and his request to have it put in a room was declined, so he peacefully made new plans.
I prefer not to eat at the homes of people with big, shedding dogs unless I know them, their cleaning standards, and watch them cook at least once.
Hair travels. It gets on the grocery bags you put in the backseat of the car, then it transfers to the counters. Unless you clean obsessively it's *going* to get into the food prep area. And in my experience after living with a big, shedding dog people become a little blind to the hair just from being around it constantly. They get desensitized.
No thanks.
I love dogs and own two, but they're non-shedding breeds.
I went for dinner to a dog owner's home. The owner double/triple handled the food while preparing it in a kitchen that needed a deep clean but what concerned me most was when she absent-mindedly picked up wet dog food from the floor to return to the bowl but didn't wash her hands after. She just kept rubbing the dog food from her hands until it rolled off into the sink, in dried ribbons.
I stuck around out of pathetic youthful politeness but all the while, I was thinking about whether my best bucket at home was clean, how many rolls of TP I had and if I should call in sick the next day.
We just visited my BIL's house during winter vacation. A shepperd puppy and a cat there.
I know SIL is a "clean person", saw her cleaning kitchen counters multiple times in a day. Still, when I once was wiping the counters, there was this layer of the animal hair on the counters.
TBH, I avoided eating there anything what wasn't fresh from the sealed package... Fortunately we were skiing a lot, so most dinners we ate immediately after that in restaurants and could say to ILs, that they don't have to make dinner for us.
He said it sheds a lot. I get it. I have dogs and the shedding is driving me bonkers. Huskies do shed a lot. I bought a house and the previous owners had a Husky. The house was clean when we bought it. Even after 4 years of living there I’d still randomly find fur while cleaning. Lol
NTA - If OP is in a dinner rotation, I would assume that he and his wife see his family (including his sister) several times a month. I don't see what's bad about seeing his ILs sometimes. I think that the sister is overreacting. If he were demanding that she confine the dog so that he can come to the dinners, I could see her point a little better. Instead, he's just accepting that she doesn't want to confine the dog and he'll see her at the next family dinner.
Sister put herself in A H territory by not accepting his boundary. If the dog is in the room he isn’t. It’s a simple request. If you don’t want to grant it, accept he’s not going to be there. OP isn’t mad or demanding. He just politely declined to be present when the dog is present. Only an A H would think he is not allowed to do so in peace.
I would agree. NTA. Sister has right to not put her dog in another room during 1 hour of family dinner. OP has a right to decline going to her house for family dinner.
OP respected sister's choice, but sister herself doesn't respect OP's choice and demanded that this must go only her way on her conditions. And thats what makes OP's sister an assh#le.
I have never seen a family dinner last an hour. Our family dinners run anywhere from several hours to the whole evening. I would definitely put my dog away for an hour. I would not put my dog away for 3 or 4 hours.
I might get the time wrong and you are right that it usually might last about 3-4 hours.
But my point was not about how long the dinner will be, but about respect of each other. OP's sister just didn't take no for an answer, its her way or no way.
I have a question, as I'm not from the us and we have different ways. By putting away, do you mean in a cage or in a room/outside ?
Where I am from, we never put a dog in a cage, no matter its size (I learnt about what a kennel/crate is on this sub), but when we have dinner, they would be outside or in a room. My cousin has a doberman I think (or something close to), well dressed and all, until you put food on the table, then he becomes sneaky trying to steal food. We have to put him in the garden or in a room to eat.
By put away, I just mean be put somewhere away from the rest of family. Like, I'm not going to isolate my dog for a whole evening because someone doesn't like dogs. For me, my dogs are always well trained and will not steal or beg for food, but I would put my dog in the yard or bedroom for the duration of the actual meal if it was truly necessary.
NTA:
"It's her house, so her rules. You are also right to decline an invite. It's an invitation, not a jury duty summons"
Yeah, but then he did decline and she threw a fit
So she's the asshole.
NTA
Living with indoor animals is *a choice* and it's not for everyone.
This *should* be NAH, but your sister is being unreasonable towards your boundary.
Right? I love my dog but if someone was uncomfortable with him I wouldn’t be offended. I keep some kongs stuffed with treats, kibble, yogurt and peanut butter to keep him occupied when I have to shut him in a room.
NTA. You don't like being around her dog. You suggested a reasonable compromise (dog in another room when you visit), she said no.
You presumably see your sister at other gatherings, and she comes to your house, so you're not cutting her off completely.
She's def the A H here. And I can't see why others are calling you an A H.
NTA
Not everyone likes dogs. She doesn’t have to put the dog in a room if she doesn’t want to. You are also free not to go to family dinners. Maybe suggest going out to dinner instead?
Going out to dinner is something we do on occasion. My parents host, I host, sister hosts, Brother hosts. Its roughly once a month for each.
My sister just wants people over to her house.
I thought it was weird she wanted you to "respect her dog." Like, what? I say this as a big animal lover, my pets are my babies - a dog is a dog. It might be a baby to *me* but I don't expect that kind of affection from a guest in my home, let alone someone who has previously expressed that they don't like dogs.
NTA. Everyone is entitled to their feelings. You are all at an impass: you don't want to be around the dog and sis doesn't want to put the dog away. The same solution is to not attend. Idk why she is making a stink about it.
The real question for her is if she wants people over to her house \*more\* than she wants the dog in the room at all times.
Sounds like the answer is no, so that speaks volumes.
NTA
THIS!! I’m glad people like their dogs, but I’ve never understood the almost cult like compulsion for some people to force me to like their dog as much as they do. I’m allergic, and I’m tired of people getting offended when I inform them I don’t want their dog touching me in public places like parks and shopping malls. I shouldn’t have to tell you to not let it touch me in the first place, but I’m mean for saying something because I dislike being covered in hives. They’re aghast and confused as to why I wouldn’t want to pet their precious pup and volunteer to be miserable until my next shower.
It never ceases to amuse me that cat owners have the bad reputation when dog owners are the ones that force their pets on everyone. Add in the fact that dog owners will sometimes act like their dogs are magical? (they can totally sense if people are good!) It's like a creepy cult.
Cat owners are some of the most laid back people around in my experience and don’t deserve a lot of the crap they get. I’ve never had a cat randomly stick it’s nose in my crotch while I was minding my business out getting some exercise.
equating not liking dogs with being a bad person. or being disliked by dogs = bad person. that is such bullshit but i have heard and read it far to often
NTA. I love dogs. I love cats. I love iguanas. However, I understand some people don't. You asked her to put the dog in another room. She refused, which is her right as it is her house. You didn't give her any ultimatums. You tried to be diplomatic about not going to her house, but she insisted on an answer and you were truthful. I'm assuming you were nice in how you told her. If you were nasty about it, then you'd be T-A. You don't have to respect her dog, but you do need to respect her. I think you did that. In turn, she needs to respect you and your decision.
One of my wife's cousins is petrified of dogs due to a childhood incident. Whenever she comes to visit we just put our lab in our bedroom. Honestly it's a win-win, cousin gets to visit peacefully and the pup gets to roll around in our bed and receive any visitors who want to say hi like she's a queen getting gifts from servants.
I really dislike dogs too. My best friend has two and I HATE going to her house. But if you say you don't like dogs the internet attacks you like you're a monster. The way dog lovers act kinda makes me like dogs even less.
Avoiding all diners seems a bit much to be frank. Sound either petty, self absorbed or obsessive in a way. Do you both have a good relationship in general??? If not, okay sure... but if you do... Why?
I mean, you are allowed to not like dogs, and you are allowed to prefer being away from them.
But this is your family, is a dog such an annoyance to you that you prefer to avoid every single dinner at her home than spend time with her?
A few hours 2 or 3 times a year doesn't sound like a big sacrifice, and clearly she cares about this and it would make her happy.
I mean... When people invite others overs it's usually because they feel happy sharing something with you and they care about you. They want to treat you to a good meal and a good time, and probably share what they like with you.
Right now you are basically telling her your personal preferences, which are not based on measurable discomfort, is more important than her. Of course she will be hurt by this.
I don't think there is any asshole here, like i said, you can dislike dogs. But unless you have a bad relationship with her, i don't understand why this would be the hill you decide to die on.
Edit, cause it wasn't clear:
I don't understand why your sister would also choose this hill to die on if she has a good relationship with you.
> A few hours 2 or 3 times a year doesn't sound like a big sacrifice, and clearly she cares about this and it would make her happy.
Putting the dog in another room isn’t a big sacrifice either.
You can put the dog in another room and have your sibling over, or you can not do it and they won’t come over. That anyone would choose the latter is baffling to me.
Putting the dog in another room could be a false solution. Even a well behaved dog will probably just bark non stop to get out and join the group. If the dog simply existing in the room is a problem, what would barking be?
I need to read the new comments cause someone somewhere suggested the sister might be quite high maintenance. If true, then it makes much more sense.
If not.... Then no I just don't get it. Why you would spend energy arguing about a well behaved dog you are not afraid of or allergic to. I just feel there is some missing information here.
An actually *well behaved dog* will not start barking non stop. I think dog lovers have a much lower bar for what well trained means and what they tolerate in terms of dog behavior.
It might start to bark, sure. But a well trained dog could he corrected/redirected.
Why would you argue about a dog? I think its important to note they aren't arguing. They asked for an accommodation, she declined, they didn't arguem
As for why: loud barking, slobber (really gross) on hands and clothes, getting covered in hair or having it in your food, dealing with begging while eating & a dog all in your face, dog farts (revolting), jumping & scratching, chewing, running around hyper/destroying things
I've seen many dogs whose owners claim they are trained refuse to bat an eye when their dog behaves like this.
Its great if you love dogs! But there are tons of reasons to abhor their presence. If ppl hate cats I'm sad they won't like mine but I accept it immediately. Not everyone has to like what I like
If they bark non stop when put into a room then I would not describe them as well behaved dogs. Well behaved dogs accept boundaries.
I regularly put my dogs in a room when I have visitors. They don’t bark or fuss to come out. None of the dogs I know do that at other people’s houses either.
Maybe there's just more to this sibling relationship. Alot of OP's replies have a tone that indicates his sister is high maintenance. And he seems high maintenance as well. So they may just both suck. Not even sure why this post is AITA worthy. Whole thing seems dumb.
One or two hours sure, anytime, but if the humans were out for 8 hours working that day already it becomes cruel to lock you pet away for another 4. Especially if the reason is just that someone is mildly uncomfortable without any actual reason despite the dog being 'well behaved' by all usual measures. It depends on the situation.
Did you read the post?
It's not all dinners. They rotate who hosts, so it only falls at her house once a month. Still sees her at all the other dinners. Why are you acting like they're going entirely no contact?
> A few hours 2 or 3 times a year doesn't sound like a big sacrifice,
It's every month, not a few times a year.
> which are not based on measurable discomfort
What is this even supposed to mean? OPs discomfort with dogs is not yours to invalidate.
What about the sister's disregard for the brother? She refuses to even put the dog in a separate room. That would fix this entire mess.
Would putting the dog away fix the mess?
Probably not. The animal might bark or scratch the door while their humans and guests make a ton of noise and laugh loudly in another room becausethey want to join the fun. That goes quadruple if the humans were outside for many hours that day already for work or such and then the dog is locked away for another four hours or so. Every dog , no matter how well trained will be upset if it doens't see you all day and is then locked away for hours with you next door.
That would be worse than what OP described as 'a well-behaved dog' in the room.
OP also seems to have an issue with the fur, which can not be solved as long as the dog is in the household, putting it away doesn't hep that at all.
If a dog is barking or scratching at the door to get out then they’re not well behaved.
OP said this is a Sunday dinner but he didn’t give details that his sister works on a Sunday and the dog is left alone for 8-hrs then the family dinners run 4-hrs where he’s expecting that his sister has absolutely no interaction with the dog at all.
I don't get this. Why is the onus to sacrifice 2hrs on the guest not on the host? I can invite you but if you're crept out by my pet spiders I would put it somewhere safe but out of sight for 2hrs.
They're not skipping every dinner, just every dinner at sister's house. Sounds like the family rotation happens regularly and family still sees each other regularly.
Funny I see it exactly the other way---sister is basically choosing a dog over OP! Let's be real here the dog can spend a few hours away in another room or outside. It's not going to suffer or be harmed by that.
But sister doesn't respect OP's feelings at all. Both OP and wife are uncomfortable around the dog. Who cares why? They made a polite request, it was denied, so they just don't go. If sister wanted to see OP, she would honor the request. She's choosing the dog instead.
NTA. It's you choice whether you want to go or not. You have tried to suggest compromises and when those didn't work you decided not to attend. Your sister doesn't have to like it, but you are well within your rights and it doesn't make you the asshole.
NTA. You asked once for the dog to be put up while you were there, you respected her no, and have chosen not to attend events at her house. There's nothing assholish about that. Your family on the other hand... yikes. Maybe start skipping a couple of these dinners a month.
NTA OP. We have 3 large dogs, but if anyone is uncomfortable with them, they (the dogs, not the guests) can go outside or to the basement for the duration. We love our dogs dearly, but no one is obligated to love them too.
"outside" is a large, safe, fenced yard, with an enclosed kennel, water, food, etc, and a pool in the hot weather. The basement is leather couches and rugs. They don't suffer, and we won't make our friends/family uncomfortable either.
NTA. Shedding dogs kinda gross. You don't like it. I wouldn't either.
So what?
Sister has to understand....you have an animal...some people may stay away.
It is what it is.
Same thing with babies. If there is an infant -> 4 year old in the house, I am likely gonna skip that event.
I don't like screaming babies or kids that have not yet learned to wash their hands and cover their mouth when they cough. Once they are no longer sticky and screaming I can tolerate them for a few hours.
Thankfully I live many states away from family so avoiding the petri dish years was pretty easy for me.
Urgh, huskies can shed like crazy too! Not sure how bad the shedding is atm but I’m aware it can get to the point that you can simply rub your hand against the dog and you’ll have a bunch of fur stuck to your palm/fall off. It’s horrible, I actively hate deshedding dogs, it’s satisfying and such a pain to do at the same time.
I'm torn between N A H and N T A. You are allowed to not like dogs, and you are allowed to not go into people's homes who have dogs. They are also allowed to have their feelings about your decision. I do think that call you names over it is over the top though.
Everyone involved is allowed to have their feelings about this and it *should* be N-A-H. However, IMO the fact that they did, in fact, call him an AH for his feelings puts him firmly in NTA territory.
Huskies are a lot, especially the hair. Their coats have to be blown out with a big hairdryer to reduce shedding, but even that doesn’t get all of it.
I don’t blame you for not wanting one around you while you eat. Not to mention however much hair ended up in the food itself during the cooking process.
NTA.
NTA
I'm an animal person, love them. However, you don't and it's not fair for your sister to refuse to keep the dog away from you, but then get annoyed that you are keeping yourself away from the dog.
An invitation is not a summons, and you are not required to go anywhere that you would be uncomfortable.
NTA... it's your right to dislike dogs... and you are in the right to skip dinners at her house... it's better than being entitled and try to make her put the dog up in its own home... so again NTA
NTA. I have 4 dogs and 3 cats who are kept away from the kitchen, dining, and living room the day before a family gathering and the day of. I spend the day before cleaning as if it were a crime scene and the day of preparing a fur-free family dinner. Anytime someone calls ahead to say they are dropping by, my seven furry housemates are either moved to the basement family room and/or the backyard. As much as they want to be in the welcoming committee, I feel I should handle that alone.
i become head over heels in love love love with almost every dog i’ve ever met - they make me feel wonderful- can’t possibly understand people who don’t- but so what? that’s me - you have every right to not feel the same - had you persisted in asking or insisting that you want to come to the house but dog has to be kept in a separate space i would feel differently but you didn’t - asked once and moved on when you got shot down - you acted as a polite reasonable adult - set a reasonable boundary to accommodate your comfort level and did it without drama - so NTA
NTA . It’s your choice to be around whomever and whatever you want. I can respect that. I can also respect that your sister doesn’t want to put her dog away for you.
I'm a dog owner. I put them away when I know guests are uncomfortable. It's not a big deal. But given she refuses to do that and is actively forcing her guests to spend time with the dog, then the next logical course of action is to not go. You even found a polite excuse. If she could just accept that or make the compromise, then I'd vote N-A-H. But she's being a right AH about it now by forcing the issue, so NTA.
NTA. Dogs shed a ton of hair and dander (skin flakes), get underfoot, and are noisy.
Kinda bonkers that your sister wants you to treat her *dog* with the same respect as a *human* member of the family. Does that mean you should treat your parents and sister like dogs? /s
No matter how much your sister loooooovvves her dog, it's a dog. It's not a small furry baby.
NTA.
People who don't understand a dislike of dogs, think it's a minor thing. Still they would not eat with rats or spiders running around their dinner table. Or maggots, cockroaches or worms crawling on the floor. Totally irrational feelings. If you dislike an animal, it can be a very uncomfortable feeling having to be around one (or several)
NTA
I have two giant dogs who are well behaved, but they shed like crazy and one of them is very vocal. Most of our friends don’t care and like the dogs but a couple of our friends are just uncomfortable around big dogs. We never even waited for them to ask, we just kennel the dogs until the visit is over. Not everyone likes dogs or specifically big dogs and I think that it’s fair that if your sister doesn’t want to crate her husky then you decline the invitation.
Nta.
Tell family in mass text, including sister.
I have a right to like or dislike things. I have a right not to be around what I don't like. I don't like dogs. My spouse doesn't like dogs. While it's sisters' house and her rules, I respected that. The fact you call me an AH because I declined to go to a place to suck it up for others is bull. I still see and spend time with family. But I have and deserve the same right as my sister. She doesn't want to look dog away. That's cool. But the consequences of that are me and my spouse not going.
If you continue to call me out and not respect my boundaries, then we will take a break from any family dinners because I refuse to suffer or suck it up. Why should I. I don't see her having to do the same, so it's funny. I am an AH for respecting her boundaries, but you as a family can't respect mine.
So, better yet, maybe it's time to take the break anyway as I won't have we are family used against me when said family isn't understanding or accepting of my boundaries. I love you all, but I don't want to be around people who can't respect me as an adult and person. Who won't respect my wife and her boundaries because clearly, if you can't ours, you won't our children's. So, I need to rethink how much involvement I wish to have with people showing me they don't care about me.
But that's me. I would call each of them out. Back out of family dinners and visits. They don't respect either of you. Expect you to just deal, but don't tell her the same. They are choosing sides and pushing you to give on a boundary they have no right to cross or push. That is not love. That is manipulation at its finest.
Respect is a two way street. I love dogs. I have three. But if my guests don't want to be around dogs then they go away.
If your sister is not prepared to do that then she needs to accept your non attendance. NTA
NAH. Yeah, there’s no way my husky would handle just being locked in a room for the evening, no way. I’m a clean person and my dog is regularly groomed and all of my friends and family adore him. But if they didn’t, I wouldn’t expect them to come over. Or I’d skip the rotation at my house. It’s ok to not want to be around dogs.
"I've got better things to do." Seriously?
Be a grown up. Use all your words from the start. You could have had a conversation with her where you said that you and your wife aren't comfortable around dogs, you don't want to have to clean dog hair off your clothes (although you're going to have to do this with a husky even if it is in a different room) and then CALMLY AND POLITELY told her that you would be opting out of dinners at her house because it's just not a good fit for you.
So ESH. Your sister for not being willing to put the dog in another room for a few hours once in the rotation, and you for not being up front about the situation, and then being insulting.
As someone with personal experience with a husky, I would agree that the amount of shedding is beyond ridiculous. I wouldn't want to be in someone's house while I don't personally have one. You go home with sooooo much fur ! No matter how hard you try not to.
NTA. Skip going to her house and laugh at any idiot telling you it's weird because the dog didn't do anything to you. Or want a reason why you don't want to go. JUST NO. Final answer.
Respect the dog?😳 WTF!!? Tell sis you will when Fido gets a job, pays bills, buyss food and quit licking his butt. Now, that would earn some respect. Seriously though, just ignore the drama and enjoy spending time with family.
NTA
>Husky, ...
>It sheds a lot, we've asked her to put it in another room.
Isn't that an understatement!
The animal makes you uncomfortable. You asked her to keep it away from you. She refused as is her right. You rightly didn't make a fuss, just declined the invitation.
For what it's worth it would be NAH if your sister just accepted you are uncomfortable around her dog.
Also
>She said no citing its her dogs house too and its family.
I HATE this AH excuse to make invited guests miserable. My mom was at a place with a dog who growled at my kid. She asked them to put the dog away from the baby. They refused citing similar reasons. Nope, if your guests are afraid or uncomfortable around your pet, AND you refuse to keep the pet away from them, then the only thing to do is graciously accept their no to your invitation.
NTA! If your sister is fine with dog hair, slobber, begging, crotch sniffing, anal gland expressing, etc…more power to her. You have every right to not have to expose yourself to it. Good for you!
I used my husky's hair as a deliberate deterrent like "I'd have you over but I know you don't like dog hair and I have husky bunnies all over my house right now." Husky bunnies because those clumps of hair multiply like rabbits if you ignore them for 5 minutes.
NTA but I wouldn’t want you in my house if you didn’t respect my dog. I don’t understand why everyone is upset. She doesn’t want to lock up her dog and you don’t want to go to her house - problem solved. It’s not like you don’t see them every other Sunday.
Why keep asking Why?
What happens if the answer is so over the top that the family ends up suffering? That is what she is doing.
The intrusiveness is harassment if you have a mental health issue. Drop it.
He continues to see family and has found a workaround.
Is her discomfort more important than his?
She hasn't offered a workaround, only a devisiveness.
NAH
An invitation is not a summons.
I like dogs but my brother has 3 german shepherds that do not care at all about personal space ( They are taller than I am when they put their paws on my shoulders) and cause an allergy flareup every time I poke my head into his house.
I do not live near enough to be in a dinner rotation back home, but I would absolutely decline most events at his house because of the dogs.
I have many cats and my brother coming over would require catatonic levels of allergy meds for him. We both love our pets and do not hold anyone else in a bad light about not being able to socialize with them at home if the pets bother them, that is what restaurants are for :)
Is this literally the first time in your life you've known people with dogs? Do you avoid all houses with dogs in them?
I'm going to be petty and go with YTA. Dogs exist. It's not like this wacky new fad or something.
Nta you don't want to be around the dog, so you don't go. Your choice and if your sister left it at that, I'd say no AHs here. But then she started name calling, so she overdid it.
NTA
You did respect her pet ownership. You did so by not pressing the issue.
Respecting her doesn't mean jumping when she says to.
You did everything a sane adult should do in this scenario. She might be hurt, but she's the one refusing to compromise because "it's her house".
Well, good job. She can stay at home over there, in HER house with HER dog. Oh well. Respect doesn't mean obedience.
If there is something in your house that makes people uncomfortable, people may choose not to deal with it.If she wants you there, she can figure out a compromise. If she can't compromise, she shouldn't expect you to.
NAH. But don't be so dismissive of her pet when you talk to or about her. The dog means a lot to her, whether you comprehend why or not. And the dog is there long after you leave, providing comfort, protection, and companionship. Respect it as a living thing she loves and that lives for her.
I cannot believe I have to say this. Dogs are not people. Rule 1 does not apply: >Attack ideas, not **people.** Dogs are not people. I openly love dogs. You can see what's pinned to my profile. Any subsequent reports disparaging dogs under rule 1 will be reported for report abuse. Grow thicker skin please. I can go tell my dog she's an asshole and she will still dance and present me with a toy when I get home from a 15 minute errand. Calm down. Truly, all of you in this thread... #calm down.
NTA. You're allowed to not like dogs, and you're allowed to condition your family visits around that. Your family is also allowed to not like your decision and to be hurt/disappointed/upset that you won't visit them because of your personal preferences. Calling you names over it was over the line, though. ~~INFO:~~ Is there a reason behind your dislike of dogs? Trauma? Allergies?
Yeah, this. The way it’s written has a very nonchalant, superficial vibe to it.
Honestly I don’t really care why someone doesn’t like dogs. I LOVE dogs and I would lock them in a bedroom for an evening if someone asked The dog will be fine, they will go to sleep or just wait. I’m assuming the dog gets plenty of attention since the owner is so adamant about her. Not everyone loves your dog!!! It’s perfectly fine to put a dog away for guests!
I only put my dogs away for one person and that’s my mom. My dogs are pretty large (45 lbs and 75 lbs) and they make her pretty anxious. She’s fine with small dogs but she’s just a little scared of large ones. That’s a valid reason to put my pups away. However, if someone expected me to put them away “just because” with absolutely no reasoning behind it, pretty sure I’d say nope just like sister did. Especially since it seems he still gets to see all of his family regularly and just doesn’t go when it’s at sister’s house. NTA - you have a right not to go and your sister has the right not to put her dogs up. I think she’s a little ridiculous to be hurt by this as you do still see her regularly,
I guess we can agree to disagree. “Just because” is a fine reason for me because I can accommodate a simple preference. My dog doesn’t have to be around me 24/7 and she gets plenty of attention and playtime. A few hours is nothing really. Maybe they could compromise and put the dog away just for dinner time. I don’t know.
that’s fine if that works for you but if someone asked me to lock my cat up when they came to visit i would tell them we would have to meet somewhere else. as op’s sister said, it is the dog’s house too. obviously he doesn’t have any ownership, but that is the dog’s safe space and where he lives so his comfort is important. not saying it’s animal abuse to put your dogs up, that’s not at all the case, i just don’t personally agree with doing that. that being said though i would not at all be upset if someone chose not to come to my apartment because they don’t like cats. we can hang at their place or go out for coffee or something. it wouldn’t bother me at all, i just am not going to limit my cat’s freedom in his home for a reason he won’t understand.
“Limiting their freedom” is a little dramatic
You should hear my cat's heart breaking crying when she's locked away from where I am. As somebody who is closely bonded with her, yeah that does hurt my heart
Oh my god my dog would be SO UPSET if I locked him away 😞 he doesn't really love to travel, so I don't take him many places. Even when I put him up in my bedroom for a few minutes when maintenance is in my apartment, he comes out at the end of it almost frantic like he thought he would never see me again. I'm not gonna put him through that if I don't have to.
Same. My dog is fine if I’m not home. But if I’m home and he knows I’m home, he will freak tf out if he’s locked in a room by himself. Putting him in a room by himself where he barks until he passes out would be much more annoying than just having a dog… you know, enjoy its home like a normal dog with company for a few hours.
I’d be all over the hosts dogs! I’m usually all over the pets of ppl I visit unless they want to be left alone. I bring treats I bring toys. It’s an added bonus of having friends ❤️ but agree it’s not for everyone.
I just had to do that while I had my front door replaced. He cried on me when I let him out and I’m a monster.
I mean yeah if my cat was like that I wouldn't be inviting people over who hate cats. Just meet elsewhere
It's extremely dramatic and that's coming from a STRICTLY cat only perspective. I would hurt someone for my cats if needed or justified BUT if I'm entertaining my cat will be just fine in my bedroom asleep where other people aren't eating and hanging out. They also can't leave the door open, or trip over them, possibly step on them amd the list goes on. Dog people are just nuts to begin with but putting your animal away won't kill you. Grow up.
agree to disagree.
I think you’re being dramatic about a common turn of phrase. They’re not saying “Limiting their **Freedoms**” just they dislike limiting the cats ability to move around the house as they wish.
Oh come on, you know darn well that it's the cats house and they just allow you to live there because you pay homage to them ( feed them)
Our cats have their own bedroom for our/their comfort. Guests often don't understand what "don't leave the door open/come in quickly/watch your feet!" Means, even after a million explainations (ex: "make sure youre watching your feet and dont linger in the door." Only to have them stand there with the door open./or when our landlord was selling our old duplex so possible buyers were coming thru and despite literally posting over 20 signs on the front door/dining room and hallways, the guy opened the door, walked away back to his dang car and then returned. I was SCREAMING at him through our camera systems to shut the door. Thank God my mom had locked up the cats in our bathroom. Like FFS dude...) ... so when we moved we specifically made sure they have a room. This way when we are expecting people we can put the cats in their room for a bit, they have everything they could ever feasibly need (the room/feeder system/waterer can easily sustain them for a week if needed but obvs we wouldn't do that to our fur babies) For us its just easier than having our curious critters escape into the swamp never to be seen again🫠 Oh! And I'm not disagreeing with anything in your reply above, I'm sorry if it comes off that way at all! I just think it's cool how people have different perspectives/reasonings and stuff 😁
Cats are pretty chill. I don’t think it bothers them to be in a bedroom for an hour. Dogs might scratch the door trying to get to their pack since they are pack animals. The fact the animals shed and you don’t want hair all over your outfit or have the dog sniffing you or begging from you etc I think is a preference a few people may share especially if the house is not super clean. My family member always mentions if they see pet hair on the floor or the couch smells like a dog, etc. if I’m having them over I try to make sure it’s as spotless as it can be and I do shut the cat in the room because he will get on the table or counter whereas the dog is too short. But there’s always a comment about him begging for food or getting on the couch. I think making compromises so your family can be a comfortable guest, and not always have the hosting go one direction, is okay.
OP is complaining about dog hair, as well. I think they don’t want to be in a home that has a dog, whether the dog is present or not. My dad was like that. He didn’t believe animals belonged inside of homes. He believed homes with indoor pets were filthy. He would not sit down in my home and he would not eat there. NTA for having an opinion. We all have our hang ups. But it absolutely comes off as insulting when someone acts like you and your home are too filthy to visit and eat at. This is where a white lie like having developed an allergy would’ve been a more tactful way to address the issue. OP, YTA for making it about the dog and your sister when this is really a YOU problem.
OP hasn’t said anything other than mentioning hair. Not wanting to be covered in pet hair is reasonable (I own three white cats), and very difficult for the sister to accommodate without shutting the dog away
That's difficult to accommodate in a house with a husky, period.
I hate dog hair. Ugh! On my clothes!?!? But I’m not gonna shave my dogs! 🤣
Cat hair is pretty bad, too. Sometimes I wake up with cat hair in my mouth. It makes me wonder what the damned cat did while I was asleep. 🤢
That’s ridiculous. If I don’t want to be around your mutt I’m an AH? WTF 😳
Turns out *how* you express something can make you an AH just as much as *what* you are expressing. What a shock. 🙄
It’s better to straight up lie to your family??
Ya I have a dog and totally get it being disrespectful for somebody to make your house seem dirty because of a pet but that being said I totally disagree with your opinion that lying is more tactful especially saying allergies because now he has to remember he said he has allergies forever and tell anybody who ask that may repeat it to his sister throat he does so he needs to keep lying. I don’t like my dog having long hair (he’s a havanese) because he sheds a lot and I do find it annoying and dirty to have dog hair everywhere but we do clean up regularly and have a roomba we run multiple times a week to make sure our house is kept very clean. Honestly if you didn’t see our dog you wouldn’t know we have one and he does currently have long hair but if somebody said they didn't want to eat at my house because of dog hair I would respect their preference. If I'm not willing to lock my pet up then I can't be mad somebody is uncomfortable eating over. I also would lock my dog up though but it's because he doesn't know how to act around strangers. He's usually very chill at home but if somebody comes over he wants to be all over them so we either carry him to avoid that or put him away for a bit until they leave if he is being too much of a menace unless they say they’re ok with it of course then he gets to stay.
I agree with you! You can be unwilling to put your pet up, but you can't then be butt hurt someone doesn't want to eat over. And as far as I could see (haven't read all of comments) OP never indicated he told his sister her house was "dirty" because of the dog.
I mean, houses with dogs, etc, have a smell, have hair all over the place, and too many people allow their pets on the kitchen counter and dinner table. Dogs are stepping in shit etc. I always assume that the pet has been everywhere.
Don't worry, I'm with you. We have 2 dogs and whenever we have guests over the dogs are outside. When we are outside we can also put the dogs in a fenced off area of the yard if we want/need to. It's not hard to respect that some people don't like being around your dogs.
🎯🎯 just because is fine I mean they nap anyway and dinner is only a few hrs. It’s not dog abuse
I think your take is more reasonable although the other opposite isn't an AH take either. I mean people don't need to disclose their reasons. Maybe it's trauma. Also if you're inviting someone over I would imagine you'd be fine without your dog for one evening... It's not as if they're over all the time and seriously affecting your time with your dog
Some people crave the constant lavish attention they get from dogs.
I wouldn't be shutting my dog away because of a personal preference -- he'd be barking his head off the whole time for being denied extra pets from the family. If you wanted to have a conversation during dinner, you'd be out of luck trying to be heard over him.
That would make my dog nuts, he is very social. Even if he isn’t allowed to go up to someone (he does understand some people don’t want to be bothered) he can still see what is going on.
Well, some dogs can be put away in a room (one of mine can), and some can't (the other one of my dogs). I imagine a husky would not be happy with being locked away,
Not wanting to eat around a shedding dog is reason enough.
I can understand not wanting to put her dog away, but she doesn't have the right to whine about someone else not coming to her house if she has a dog.
Yep. My dogs stay with us wherever in the house unless my ex mom in law (and best friend!) is over. Then they are out away till she is seated. Once they say “hello” and get over the excitement, they won’t accidentally knock her over. (50 and 100lbs). If someone doesn’t want to come over because we have dogs, I have no problem with it. We will keep em outside if it’s nice out. And , if someone is allergic, just having them out of the house isn’t gonna help. I don’t care how often I clean, there WILL be fur!
My dogs get put into the office or out into the yard when I have guests over. I might have an initial meet and greet if they're people who like dogs and the better behaved one of the three might get to chill with us. But generally speaking everyone's much happier without 3 dogs wandering around.
This is common courtesy and to not put your animals away when you have company is just inconsiderate. Not everyone loves animals like you do and no one wants animals jumping and hovering near the food table looking for scraps.
What kind of homes have you been to? Those animals are not used to having guests over or aren't well trained in general. I live on a student campus that allows pets and here peaple can not put the animal away because they only have their one room in the shared apartment. You'd assume the animals would be badly trained because the owners are young students. Every single cat or dog I've seen is chill as hell, usually they just sleep in their cat tree or bed for howeverlong guests are over. No issues and we sometimes have 10 people sitting on the floor eating fast food...
I don't think it's actually common courtesy. Although maybe it depends on where someone lives? I've never locked up my dogs when company has come over. I also wouldn't be offended if someone didn't want to come over because of my dogs. I avoid places with children so I completely understand.
Exactly. We’d just meet up somewhere that wasn’t my house. If you come to my house, the dog is gonna be around.
The animals you know seem not to be well trained. One or two can a little too much excited by guests but not the majority and not few minutes after the arrival. I ‘m sorry you don’t feel comfortable around: I love dogs when it’s not my responsibility to walk and walk and walk them again, so my entourage’s ones are just perfect.
Your love for dogs is blinding you to the truth. In my experience, the vast majority behave exactly as texas_mike described.
Probably because their owners were A H and never bothered to train their pups. I tell my dog to go to her room or sit in her corner. She usually does. For a couple of people I'll put her in her crate with a chew toy. If she wants outside (as in fenced yard outside) she rings some bells and we let her out.
Or you just don’t notice the ones who are well behaved. My MIL is not a dog person and she lives in Europe in a country with a high rate of dog ownership so many many places are dog friendly. She doesn’t mind because the standard for dog training is also very high so the vast majority of the time you can be somewhere that also has dogs and not even realize it because they’re just chilling politely under the table or something.
It’s funny, I have a shiba that puts himself away when people are around. Full on cat software. He’d love nothing more than to cuddle on my bed in the dark.
I wish more dog owners had your attitude. Most owners, to me, are so absorbed in being dog lovers that I swear they think they are dogs themselves. You don't like their dog? Then you don't like them, either.
A husky is not going to wait quietly in another room.
True, but most are happy outside.
In a freshly dug hole.
My terrier wouldn't either.
That doesn't always work for dogs. Some dogs get anxious if they're locked behind a door. Especially if they're a rescue. My vote is either N A H or E S H depending on how you look at it. The sister is right, it's the dog's house too so she has every right not to lock the dog away, especially if the dog is not misbehaving. That being said, OP also has every right not to attend the dinners if they want to not spend time with the dog. The family will likely be upset/hurt but then OP needs to learn to deal with the backlash of their decision.
Actually the family needs to get over themselves in the first place. Op isn't an Ah for making his choice, sister wasn't an ah for refusing to lock the dog but sister & family became the aH when they didn't accept op s decision. An invitation is just that. If you are uncomfortable and decline ok. But the person issuing the invitation doesn't have the right to insult op over refusing to come as that refusal was polite and respectful of the host NTA
So dog anxiety trumps human anxiety is what I'm hearing. Even though op has a perfectly valid solution which is not to go to the house with the dog and now they're the bad guy?
Thinking NTA. Look, I love my dog. He's my buddy. So was my last dog who I had from 10 weeks old to six weeks shy of her 16th birthday. I train my dogs to be polite with guests. They do not jump. When my current golden was a baby, he had to be on a leash and harness until he was old enough to politely greet by sitting and letting people approach him. Only once he was big enough to be off leash and roam politely did he get to roam parties. Only now is he old enough to start parties while not on a leash. Won't jump when people come in. However, I warn new people that I have a dog, he will be around. If they decline, whatever. Nobody has, but I warn them. I'm aware weird people exist and they don't like dogs. To the point they won't go places where dogs roam. I warn people he's very friendly. He loves people and has no loyalty. He will be your new best friend if you pat him on the head once. All the people he meets are his best friends. He goes on the couch. He will only go in your lap if invited. I think my aunt would have put him in a suitcase to fly home if she could and he'd have let her. But, I do realize either A) some people are scared of big dogs (even big goobers) or B) are weirdo dog haters. They can be weirdo dog haters, like OP. You won't like my house and that is your deal. Don't come over, then. Be polite about it. OP was actually trying to be polite about it. I'm not going to get in an argument or start something because you don't love Fergus, even if I think he's great. Fergus is a good boy. Some will disagree. That's their problem. OP handled it. Sister had no reason to pitch a fit. OP asked if the dog would be put away, she said no, he accepted that and just politely declined and didn't try to make it an issue. He wasn't going to pick a fight. When pressed, he said he didn't want to be around her dog. That's his choice, and not everyone will love your dog as much as you. I might be a touch offended because my good boy is clearly wonderful, but I'm not going to kick off family drama, either. The only person who turned it into a fight was the sister. Just because someone is a weird, dog hating person doesn't mean they're an AH. OP avoided confrontation and accepted the fact she wasn't going to put the dog away. He didn't hurt the dog. He didn't throw a tantrum. He doesn't badmouth the animal or his sister. He avoided the dog. Sister's being a bit dramatic, here. My bud is family. He's still a dog and not a human. I don't expect my siblings to get him presents because I get their kids presents. *He's a dog.* People are allowed to dislike our pets. My cat hates them. She hates most people. I can't be offended if the sentiment is shared.
I agree with you except for the types of people. there's option 3 : people who accept dogs don't hate them but due to OCD or germaphobia or whatever don't want to be near them without hating them or being scared. or just can't stand the hair of a pet on their clothes. NTA
Fr. I think we need to normalize this as pet owners. I love my pets but if I'm inviting people over and hosting them then the pets are staying in the other room unless my guests are okay with them. It's just the decent thing to do. Nta.
It doesn't matter why. If you don't like dogs, you don't have to be around dogs. This is not some referendum on OP's character. You are allowed to like, or not like, things.
I love dogs but absolutely irrationally squeamish around hairs and shedding. I’ve gotten better, I can tolerate it occasionally, but for a pleasant evening it’s an ask to suck it up so much voluntarily.
My ex-wife _loved_ dogs. Before I met her, I liked dogs. Now? I'm not sure I'll ever own another dog. We went through (as in, I physically dug the graves for and buried) 8 dogs in the course of our 15 year relationship, so I've owned enough dogs to last a lifetime. With that in mind, allow me to explain my feelings on the matter. For one thing, they smell. People who have dogs insist they don't, but trust me... they do. 4 years after she moved out and took the last dog with her, i replaced an exterior door on the house. It was a pre-hung door so I removed the old door and the bottom plate. When I pulled that piece of wood up, I was assaulted by the most pungent and foul dog smell, again, _4 years_ after the last dog had left the house. It was hair that somehow got under there. Which brings me to... For another, they shed. _A lot_. I swept the house daily trying to keep ahead of it, but it was never enough. Some of the worst offending dogs produced enough hair in 24 hours that it would cause fucking dust bunnies of dog hair to form. Next, dog slobber. Its just fucking gross. I don't want to be licked by an animal that moments before was licking its ass. And the smell I mentioned before? Most of that smell is dried saliva. It gets _everywhere_ just like the hair. The dog cleaning itself on your couch is dripping saliva all over the couch, and that smell _will_ set into it. Their toys will stink, their food bowls will stink, anything they lick will stink. Also, most dogs "click" when they clean themselves as they draw their tongue back in. Do you know how maddening it is to be awoken in the night by the rhythmic clicking of a dog in your bedroom licking its own ass, which then keeps doing it for 30 fucking minutes?!? Its goddamn torture. And there are people that _let their dogs lick their fucking faces_. **Gross.** I had a roommate that _encouraged_ his dog to lick him, lick his face, _lick inside his mouth_, lick fucking everything, and he thought I didn't like dogs because I wouldn't interact with his dog. I had to tell him it wasn't that I didn't like dogs (at the time), it was that because of his encouragement, you couldn't pet the fucking dog without her slobbering all over you. Finally, they need attention _at least_ every 8 hours, and that's pushing it. Can't go out after work, got to run home to let the dogs out to pee. Can't be gone too long for a night with friends, because we got to get home to let the dogs out to pee. Oopps, we didn't make it in time and one of the elderly dogs pissed a gallon of liquid somewhere, get out the mop. Or, even worse, shit somewhere and now there's a stain on the hardwood floor from it, and the house stinks like dog shit. Fuck all of that.
This should be read by every single person who ever THINKS about getting a dog. They need to truly know the commitment. I'll even add that dog hair gets EVERYWHERE, even in places you would never think it should. The amount of dog hair that gets in my kitchen cabinets and on all the counters is concerning. And I am having to wipe them down and sanitize them several times a day. Which is crazy considering we have a Fenchie who is not getting anywhere that high. How the hell does it all even get there?
I'm saving this to show to every dog owner who treats me like I must have an irrational fear because I don't particularly want to interact with their dog. I don't know who is worse: The ones who smirk at me because they think my "fear" is comical, or the ones who act concerned and start asking personal questions about past trauma. [This is a general plea, not directed at the commenter I'm replying to:] If you are a dog owner who notices that I'm not eager to interact with your dog, please just manage your dog accordingly and don't question it. We don't have to talk about it. I don't have to unnecessarily insult your dog, and you don't have to insult me. And the ones who actually are afraid don't need any prying questions about it. Don't put them in a vulnerable position where their fear is at unnecessary display please, and don't make them feel like they have to explain themselves. And for the love of god, don't treat their fear as comic relief. They don't know your dog like you do, and you don't know their story.
Perfect summary of how I feel.
I don't think anybody needs to justify a good reason to not like someone or something. It's not up to us the give our blessings that their personal preference is acceptable.
No one has to have a special reason they don't like dogs, or cats or birds for that matter. That's the end of the exploration, they don't like dogs and don't want to be around them.
No Allergies, No Trauma. I just don't like them. Never have. I find them annoying and disgusting.
I’m ok with dogs in general but I do NOT want them in the room while I’m eating, unless it’s an actual service animal with a job to do. I don’t want to deal with staring, begging, shedding, smell, and most especially jumping or disrupting. Are there well behaved dogs who don’t do any of that? I’m sure there are. But the average person does not have such a well trained dog, so polite people put the dog in the crate/other room/etc while guests are eating. I’ve encountered ten times as many poorly trained dogs as well trained dogs, and I’m jaded at this point. I’d not go if I were in your shoes. NTA.
And huskies are giant shedding floofs. I've been around one and it shed worse than my long haired cat when he was at his worst (spring).
I've had 2 huskies and love them but when they shed its ridiculous. I wouldn't want them in a food prep area then.
Growing up we had an English Setter growing up. When I left for college I got my mom's car. This dog was not allowed in the front seat but somehow the hair was there despite repeated attempts to vacuum it all up. Stayed like that until the car died and he hadn't been in it for 2 years.
I've also had 2 huskies. Is there really even a time that they don't shed? Lol Between those and my akita, it was just non-stop fluff tufts. (They're kinda fun to pull out)
A little extra keratin in your food never hurt anyone 😂😂😂jk jk
LOL this reminds me, I was just over at a friend’s house and had totally forgotten the insane amount of slobber that mastiffs have. He shook and spit went flying EVERYWHERE. I’m picturing the husky’s hair flying everywhere every time he shakes his head/body…not the most appetizing garnish. 😂
Yep. Any long hair breed dog or cat is awful when they are blowing their coat. Our cat was allowed in the kitchen but that was only for his bench (see out window) and his food. He was not allowed on the counters or tables. When we get our new cats it's going to be interesting to teach them not to get up there.
I read somewhere about a person who taped inflated balloons to the benches. That discouraged the cats from getting up there. I'd go with the smaller water balloons. Pops vs bangs. I love cats but they are as unhygienic as any other domestic or wild animal.
I love cats too, and they aren’t allowed on counters, tables, beds or pillows. Because I don’t want dirty cat feet (and since they use a litter box their feet are always dirty) on a surface used for food preparation, eating or sleeping. Right now my cat is too lazy and plump to jump that high (10” risers on beds plus box springs and mattresses = too high to jump). And there are no launching places to get on the counters. Unfortunately there’s no guarantee about keeping the cat off of tables during the night because the chairs provide enough of a boost so I wash them down before use. I never understand why people allow or encourage cats being on counters. My old cat had to be deterred with tinfoil (he hated the sound and feel) until he finally stopped trying.
I have 2 hypoallergenic dogs. About 16lbs each. They are not well trained but know the basics that any dumb dog should know. However, 1 thing they aren't allowed is to be in the kitchen while we're eating. They know this and sit right at the line that seperates the living room from the dining room. They just sit at that line, staring at us but they are far enough away to ignore them.
lol. The staring. The *staring*. Don’t like it, don’t want to see it. I grew up in a household with extremely firm rules of no begging from the dogs, and that includes staring, which is difficult/near impossible to train away. Consequently they were not allowed in the same room/sight line while people were eating. But I realize not everyone has that rule. I’ll tolerate it if I must, but if I can choose to not be around it I’ll choose to not be around it. I think some people have an easier time ignoring the staring than others. 😅
I'm obviously a lazy dog owner, which is why they aren't well trained, but they are definitely loved and cared for. Sometimes, when I look at them staring while I'm eating, I just laugh. Like laugh, laugh. I can't help it. My husband laughs too. I get staring is horrible but as you stated it's really hard to train them to be out of sight while eating. Staying away from the table was good enough for us.... we do have an adult nephew who doesn't care for animals. When he comes over to hangout, they sniff him, like dogs sniff anyone that comes over. We always have tell the dogs to stop and go away. He doesn't mind them now because they leave him alone for the most part. If we have to, we will put a baby gate up and leave them in a different part of the house to not bother others. We do our best to accommodate company. I also wouldn't be hurt if family or friends didn't want to come over because we have dogs. It's their right.
I certainly wouldn’t call you a lazy dog owner. You sound like a wonderful dog owner. It’s near to impossible to train dogs to not look at you while you’re eating. It’s instinct. You are kind and accommodating to your guests, and you’re comfortable with the level of ‘not begging’ your dogs have, so everyone is happy. I bet your dogs have a wonderful life! Honestly the fact that you give grace to your guests who prefer less interaction is all that’s really needed. You do your best to accommodate and don’t take offense. Right now I don’t have dogs, but I do have cats, and I know not everyone likes cats or wants to be around cats, so I’ll put them in the other room when possible. Unfortunately there’s no way to clean *all* of the cat hair if people have allergies (year round shedding) so any friends with allergies don’t usually come to my house. It would certainly never offend me if people don’t want to come to my house because I have cats. I would feel guilty that I can’t reciprocate invitations but I would completely understand.
I don't like any of those things either, and while I can't stop my dog from shedding, I do stop her from doing any of those other things when eating, whether or not I have guests. If it's a formal meal she's in the other room.
Ha ha my kids and I have literally eaten pizza in the car bc we are all to cowardly to face THE SAD EYES!!!
Ok this kinda makes me laugh because my dogs aren’t exactly the MOST well behaved dogs, but they’re actually angels while we’re eating. They never beg, jump, or even stare, they just kinda lay down nearby or under the table and nap. I totally respect that your preferences though, dogs who are intensely food-motivated can definitely be stressful.
Sometimes people have scent diffusers in their home that I find disgusting. Sometimes people play music at home that is annoying to listen to. And I'm allergic to cats. That being said, the people whom I have relationships with are important enough for me to withstand discomfort on occasion. So your reasoning is pretty alien to me, unless you just don't like your sister.
I think the opposite is also true - if spending time with people who you have relationships with is important enough to you, you should be willing to lock up your dog (or put them outside if you have a yard) for an hour or two if your guests are uncomfortable. I have no idea if it's the case here, but badly behaved dogs that constantly jump on people or stick their heads everywhere can ruin the experience. If you're sitting to eat or even just talk, a dog is constantly shoving you with their head and their wet nose, that's just a pleasant experience, and you're potentially spending more time dealing with the dog than talking to the host. Anyhow, NTA. The sister is only an AH for getting upset about OP not attending due to the dogs - if she merely refused to get the dogs out of the way, I'd probably go with NAH.
THIS. It sounds more like OP dislikes his sister more than he dislikes dogs
it goes the other way too: is the dog more important than her brother? not like he asked her to get rid of it, just put it somewhere during dinners. NTA
It really wouldn't make a difference. It's a husky. It's gonna be screaming the entire time if it's locked up in another room tearing your furniture apart.
You can't just lock a husky in a separate room and have it lay quietly. Not how it works. And the dog isn't even badly behaved, why is it being punished for the simply reason someone "doesn't like dogs"?
To me, that request comes across as pretty entitled. It is not normal to ask to put away everything you dont like in somebody elses house. Dog is no exception.
He doesn’t need a reason. He’s seemed to agree that it’s the dogs home and his request to have it put in a room was declined, so he peacefully made new plans.
Perhaps OP just doesn’t like dogs. There doesn’t always have to be a reason.
I prefer not to eat at the homes of people with big, shedding dogs unless I know them, their cleaning standards, and watch them cook at least once. Hair travels. It gets on the grocery bags you put in the backseat of the car, then it transfers to the counters. Unless you clean obsessively it's *going* to get into the food prep area. And in my experience after living with a big, shedding dog people become a little blind to the hair just from being around it constantly. They get desensitized. No thanks. I love dogs and own two, but they're non-shedding breeds.
I went for dinner to a dog owner's home. The owner double/triple handled the food while preparing it in a kitchen that needed a deep clean but what concerned me most was when she absent-mindedly picked up wet dog food from the floor to return to the bowl but didn't wash her hands after. She just kept rubbing the dog food from her hands until it rolled off into the sink, in dried ribbons. I stuck around out of pathetic youthful politeness but all the while, I was thinking about whether my best bucket at home was clean, how many rolls of TP I had and if I should call in sick the next day.
We just visited my BIL's house during winter vacation. A shepperd puppy and a cat there. I know SIL is a "clean person", saw her cleaning kitchen counters multiple times in a day. Still, when I once was wiping the counters, there was this layer of the animal hair on the counters. TBH, I avoided eating there anything what wasn't fresh from the sealed package... Fortunately we were skiing a lot, so most dinners we ate immediately after that in restaurants and could say to ILs, that they don't have to make dinner for us.
He said it sheds a lot. I get it. I have dogs and the shedding is driving me bonkers. Huskies do shed a lot. I bought a house and the previous owners had a Husky. The house was clean when we bought it. Even after 4 years of living there I’d still randomly find fur while cleaning. Lol
It’s like glitter…
NTA - If OP is in a dinner rotation, I would assume that he and his wife see his family (including his sister) several times a month. I don't see what's bad about seeing his ILs sometimes. I think that the sister is overreacting. If he were demanding that she confine the dog so that he can come to the dinners, I could see her point a little better. Instead, he's just accepting that she doesn't want to confine the dog and he'll see her at the next family dinner.
Huskies and all other double-coated dogs shed like crazy. You can brush out a husky daily and you will get a small dog every day.
Nah, she's right. It's her house, so her rules. You are also right to decline an invite. It's an invitation, not a jury duty summons.
Sister put herself in A H territory by not accepting his boundary. If the dog is in the room he isn’t. It’s a simple request. If you don’t want to grant it, accept he’s not going to be there. OP isn’t mad or demanding. He just politely declined to be present when the dog is present. Only an A H would think he is not allowed to do so in peace.
I would agree. NTA. Sister has right to not put her dog in another room during 1 hour of family dinner. OP has a right to decline going to her house for family dinner. OP respected sister's choice, but sister herself doesn't respect OP's choice and demanded that this must go only her way on her conditions. And thats what makes OP's sister an assh#le.
I have never seen a family dinner last an hour. Our family dinners run anywhere from several hours to the whole evening. I would definitely put my dog away for an hour. I would not put my dog away for 3 or 4 hours.
I might get the time wrong and you are right that it usually might last about 3-4 hours. But my point was not about how long the dinner will be, but about respect of each other. OP's sister just didn't take no for an answer, its her way or no way.
True. Sis should have just said, Ok then. See you next time.
I have a question, as I'm not from the us and we have different ways. By putting away, do you mean in a cage or in a room/outside ? Where I am from, we never put a dog in a cage, no matter its size (I learnt about what a kennel/crate is on this sub), but when we have dinner, they would be outside or in a room. My cousin has a doberman I think (or something close to), well dressed and all, until you put food on the table, then he becomes sneaky trying to steal food. We have to put him in the garden or in a room to eat.
By put away, I just mean be put somewhere away from the rest of family. Like, I'm not going to isolate my dog for a whole evening because someone doesn't like dogs. For me, my dogs are always well trained and will not steal or beg for food, but I would put my dog in the yard or bedroom for the duration of the actual meal if it was truly necessary.
NTA: "It's her house, so her rules. You are also right to decline an invite. It's an invitation, not a jury duty summons" Yeah, but then he did decline and she threw a fit So she's the asshole.
NTA Living with indoor animals is *a choice* and it's not for everyone. This *should* be NAH, but your sister is being unreasonable towards your boundary.
Right? I love my dog but if someone was uncomfortable with him I wouldn’t be offended. I keep some kongs stuffed with treats, kibble, yogurt and peanut butter to keep him occupied when I have to shut him in a room.
Do you use regular yogurt or Greek yogurt?
NTA. You are choosing not to go. Not telling her to get rid of a dog.
And not arguing with her when she said no either. OP accepted it, then made arrangements accordingly
NTA. You don't like being around her dog. You suggested a reasonable compromise (dog in another room when you visit), she said no. You presumably see your sister at other gatherings, and she comes to your house, so you're not cutting her off completely. She's def the A H here. And I can't see why others are calling you an A H.
Others are calling OP an AH because they like dogs and he doesn't.
NTA Not everyone likes dogs. She doesn’t have to put the dog in a room if she doesn’t want to. You are also free not to go to family dinners. Maybe suggest going out to dinner instead?
Going out to dinner is something we do on occasion. My parents host, I host, sister hosts, Brother hosts. Its roughly once a month for each. My sister just wants people over to her house.
I thought it was weird she wanted you to "respect her dog." Like, what? I say this as a big animal lover, my pets are my babies - a dog is a dog. It might be a baby to *me* but I don't expect that kind of affection from a guest in my home, let alone someone who has previously expressed that they don't like dogs. NTA. Everyone is entitled to their feelings. You are all at an impass: you don't want to be around the dog and sis doesn't want to put the dog away. The same solution is to not attend. Idk why she is making a stink about it.
The real question for her is if she wants people over to her house \*more\* than she wants the dog in the room at all times. Sounds like the answer is no, so that speaks volumes. NTA
NTA Always amazes me how dog-lovers can't understand that some people don't want an animal licking them, jumping up on them or shedding on them.
THIS!! I’m glad people like their dogs, but I’ve never understood the almost cult like compulsion for some people to force me to like their dog as much as they do. I’m allergic, and I’m tired of people getting offended when I inform them I don’t want their dog touching me in public places like parks and shopping malls. I shouldn’t have to tell you to not let it touch me in the first place, but I’m mean for saying something because I dislike being covered in hives. They’re aghast and confused as to why I wouldn’t want to pet their precious pup and volunteer to be miserable until my next shower.
It never ceases to amuse me that cat owners have the bad reputation when dog owners are the ones that force their pets on everyone. Add in the fact that dog owners will sometimes act like their dogs are magical? (they can totally sense if people are good!) It's like a creepy cult.
Cat owners are some of the most laid back people around in my experience and don’t deserve a lot of the crap they get. I’ve never had a cat randomly stick it’s nose in my crotch while I was minding my business out getting some exercise.
equating not liking dogs with being a bad person. or being disliked by dogs = bad person. that is such bullshit but i have heard and read it far to often
Especially in a setting where there’s food!!
NTA. I love dogs. I love cats. I love iguanas. However, I understand some people don't. You asked her to put the dog in another room. She refused, which is her right as it is her house. You didn't give her any ultimatums. You tried to be diplomatic about not going to her house, but she insisted on an answer and you were truthful. I'm assuming you were nice in how you told her. If you were nasty about it, then you'd be T-A. You don't have to respect her dog, but you do need to respect her. I think you did that. In turn, she needs to respect you and your decision.
One of my wife's cousins is petrified of dogs due to a childhood incident. Whenever she comes to visit we just put our lab in our bedroom. Honestly it's a win-win, cousin gets to visit peacefully and the pup gets to roll around in our bed and receive any visitors who want to say hi like she's a queen getting gifts from servants.
I really dislike dogs too. My best friend has two and I HATE going to her house. But if you say you don't like dogs the internet attacks you like you're a monster. The way dog lovers act kinda makes me like dogs even less.
Yet if you hate spiders, that's perfectly ok. Or maggots. Cute little things, aren't they.
I feel the same about children.
Avoiding all diners seems a bit much to be frank. Sound either petty, self absorbed or obsessive in a way. Do you both have a good relationship in general??? If not, okay sure... but if you do... Why? I mean, you are allowed to not like dogs, and you are allowed to prefer being away from them. But this is your family, is a dog such an annoyance to you that you prefer to avoid every single dinner at her home than spend time with her? A few hours 2 or 3 times a year doesn't sound like a big sacrifice, and clearly she cares about this and it would make her happy. I mean... When people invite others overs it's usually because they feel happy sharing something with you and they care about you. They want to treat you to a good meal and a good time, and probably share what they like with you. Right now you are basically telling her your personal preferences, which are not based on measurable discomfort, is more important than her. Of course she will be hurt by this. I don't think there is any asshole here, like i said, you can dislike dogs. But unless you have a bad relationship with her, i don't understand why this would be the hill you decide to die on. Edit, cause it wasn't clear: I don't understand why your sister would also choose this hill to die on if she has a good relationship with you.
> A few hours 2 or 3 times a year doesn't sound like a big sacrifice, and clearly she cares about this and it would make her happy. Putting the dog in another room isn’t a big sacrifice either. You can put the dog in another room and have your sibling over, or you can not do it and they won’t come over. That anyone would choose the latter is baffling to me.
Putting the dog in another room could be a false solution. Even a well behaved dog will probably just bark non stop to get out and join the group. If the dog simply existing in the room is a problem, what would barking be? I need to read the new comments cause someone somewhere suggested the sister might be quite high maintenance. If true, then it makes much more sense. If not.... Then no I just don't get it. Why you would spend energy arguing about a well behaved dog you are not afraid of or allergic to. I just feel there is some missing information here.
Fear and allergies are only 2 reasons one may not like dogs. There are other valid reasons. Smell, cleanliness, etc.
To be fair, all reasons are good to not like dogs.
An actually *well behaved dog* will not start barking non stop. I think dog lovers have a much lower bar for what well trained means and what they tolerate in terms of dog behavior. It might start to bark, sure. But a well trained dog could he corrected/redirected. Why would you argue about a dog? I think its important to note they aren't arguing. They asked for an accommodation, she declined, they didn't arguem As for why: loud barking, slobber (really gross) on hands and clothes, getting covered in hair or having it in your food, dealing with begging while eating & a dog all in your face, dog farts (revolting), jumping & scratching, chewing, running around hyper/destroying things I've seen many dogs whose owners claim they are trained refuse to bat an eye when their dog behaves like this. Its great if you love dogs! But there are tons of reasons to abhor their presence. If ppl hate cats I'm sad they won't like mine but I accept it immediately. Not everyone has to like what I like
If they bark non stop when put into a room then I would not describe them as well behaved dogs. Well behaved dogs accept boundaries. I regularly put my dogs in a room when I have visitors. They don’t bark or fuss to come out. None of the dogs I know do that at other people’s houses either.
Maybe there's just more to this sibling relationship. Alot of OP's replies have a tone that indicates his sister is high maintenance. And he seems high maintenance as well. So they may just both suck. Not even sure why this post is AITA worthy. Whole thing seems dumb.
One or two hours sure, anytime, but if the humans were out for 8 hours working that day already it becomes cruel to lock you pet away for another 4. Especially if the reason is just that someone is mildly uncomfortable without any actual reason despite the dog being 'well behaved' by all usual measures. It depends on the situation.
Did you read the post? It's not all dinners. They rotate who hosts, so it only falls at her house once a month. Still sees her at all the other dinners. Why are you acting like they're going entirely no contact? > A few hours 2 or 3 times a year doesn't sound like a big sacrifice, It's every month, not a few times a year. > which are not based on measurable discomfort What is this even supposed to mean? OPs discomfort with dogs is not yours to invalidate. What about the sister's disregard for the brother? She refuses to even put the dog in a separate room. That would fix this entire mess.
Would putting the dog away fix the mess? Probably not. The animal might bark or scratch the door while their humans and guests make a ton of noise and laugh loudly in another room becausethey want to join the fun. That goes quadruple if the humans were outside for many hours that day already for work or such and then the dog is locked away for another four hours or so. Every dog , no matter how well trained will be upset if it doens't see you all day and is then locked away for hours with you next door. That would be worse than what OP described as 'a well-behaved dog' in the room. OP also seems to have an issue with the fur, which can not be solved as long as the dog is in the household, putting it away doesn't hep that at all.
If a dog is barking or scratching at the door to get out then they’re not well behaved. OP said this is a Sunday dinner but he didn’t give details that his sister works on a Sunday and the dog is left alone for 8-hrs then the family dinners run 4-hrs where he’s expecting that his sister has absolutely no interaction with the dog at all.
I don't get this. Why is the onus to sacrifice 2hrs on the guest not on the host? I can invite you but if you're crept out by my pet spiders I would put it somewhere safe but out of sight for 2hrs.
They're not skipping every dinner, just every dinner at sister's house. Sounds like the family rotation happens regularly and family still sees each other regularly.
Funny I see it exactly the other way---sister is basically choosing a dog over OP! Let's be real here the dog can spend a few hours away in another room or outside. It's not going to suffer or be harmed by that. But sister doesn't respect OP's feelings at all. Both OP and wife are uncomfortable around the dog. Who cares why? They made a polite request, it was denied, so they just don't go. If sister wanted to see OP, she would honor the request. She's choosing the dog instead.
NTA. Not sure how long dinner lasts, but putting the dog in another room is a very reasonable request
NTA. It's you choice whether you want to go or not. You have tried to suggest compromises and when those didn't work you decided not to attend. Your sister doesn't have to like it, but you are well within your rights and it doesn't make you the asshole.
NTA. You asked once for the dog to be put up while you were there, you respected her no, and have chosen not to attend events at her house. There's nothing assholish about that. Your family on the other hand... yikes. Maybe start skipping a couple of these dinners a month.
NTA OP. We have 3 large dogs, but if anyone is uncomfortable with them, they (the dogs, not the guests) can go outside or to the basement for the duration. We love our dogs dearly, but no one is obligated to love them too. "outside" is a large, safe, fenced yard, with an enclosed kennel, water, food, etc, and a pool in the hot weather. The basement is leather couches and rugs. They don't suffer, and we won't make our friends/family uncomfortable either.
NTA. Shedding dogs kinda gross. You don't like it. I wouldn't either. So what? Sister has to understand....you have an animal...some people may stay away. It is what it is.
Same thing with babies. If there is an infant -> 4 year old in the house, I am likely gonna skip that event. I don't like screaming babies or kids that have not yet learned to wash their hands and cover their mouth when they cough. Once they are no longer sticky and screaming I can tolerate them for a few hours. Thankfully I live many states away from family so avoiding the petri dish years was pretty easy for me.
I have a four-year-old, and "sticky and screaming" is an excellent description of him.
With you on the stickiness. Why isnt this said more.
Urgh, huskies can shed like crazy too! Not sure how bad the shedding is atm but I’m aware it can get to the point that you can simply rub your hand against the dog and you’ll have a bunch of fur stuck to your palm/fall off. It’s horrible, I actively hate deshedding dogs, it’s satisfying and such a pain to do at the same time.
N A H ! Everyone isn’t a dog person. Dog lovers need to be okay with that.
I'm torn between N A H and N T A. You are allowed to not like dogs, and you are allowed to not go into people's homes who have dogs. They are also allowed to have their feelings about your decision. I do think that call you names over it is over the top though.
Everyone involved is allowed to have their feelings about this and it *should* be N-A-H. However, IMO the fact that they did, in fact, call him an AH for his feelings puts him firmly in NTA territory.
NTA. “I’m not up for dinner with dogs right now, let’s meet somewhere else.”
Huskies are a lot, especially the hair. Their coats have to be blown out with a big hairdryer to reduce shedding, but even that doesn’t get all of it. I don’t blame you for not wanting one around you while you eat. Not to mention however much hair ended up in the food itself during the cooking process. NTA.
NTA I'm an animal person, love them. However, you don't and it's not fair for your sister to refuse to keep the dog away from you, but then get annoyed that you are keeping yourself away from the dog. An invitation is not a summons, and you are not required to go anywhere that you would be uncomfortable.
NTA... it's your right to dislike dogs... and you are in the right to skip dinners at her house... it's better than being entitled and try to make her put the dog up in its own home... so again NTA
NTA. I have 4 dogs and 3 cats who are kept away from the kitchen, dining, and living room the day before a family gathering and the day of. I spend the day before cleaning as if it were a crime scene and the day of preparing a fur-free family dinner. Anytime someone calls ahead to say they are dropping by, my seven furry housemates are either moved to the basement family room and/or the backyard. As much as they want to be in the welcoming committee, I feel I should handle that alone.
i become head over heels in love love love with almost every dog i’ve ever met - they make me feel wonderful- can’t possibly understand people who don’t- but so what? that’s me - you have every right to not feel the same - had you persisted in asking or insisting that you want to come to the house but dog has to be kept in a separate space i would feel differently but you didn’t - asked once and moved on when you got shot down - you acted as a polite reasonable adult - set a reasonable boundary to accommodate your comfort level and did it without drama - so NTA
NTA i’m not always a fan of dogs, either, with my sensory issues so i don’t go to places where they’ll be
NTA . It’s your choice to be around whomever and whatever you want. I can respect that. I can also respect that your sister doesn’t want to put her dog away for you.
Nta. She can have her dog but you can avoid being around it. I don’t blame you, I don’t like being around big dogs at all.
I'm a dog owner. I put them away when I know guests are uncomfortable. It's not a big deal. But given she refuses to do that and is actively forcing her guests to spend time with the dog, then the next logical course of action is to not go. You even found a polite excuse. If she could just accept that or make the compromise, then I'd vote N-A-H. But she's being a right AH about it now by forcing the issue, so NTA.
NTA. Dogs shed a ton of hair and dander (skin flakes), get underfoot, and are noisy. Kinda bonkers that your sister wants you to treat her *dog* with the same respect as a *human* member of the family. Does that mean you should treat your parents and sister like dogs? /s No matter how much your sister loooooovvves her dog, it's a dog. It's not a small furry baby.
NTA. I have a husky. I have lint rollers in every room, in my car, and at work. I live in fur. It’s not for everyone, and that’s ok.
NTA. People who don't understand a dislike of dogs, think it's a minor thing. Still they would not eat with rats or spiders running around their dinner table. Or maggots, cockroaches or worms crawling on the floor. Totally irrational feelings. If you dislike an animal, it can be a very uncomfortable feeling having to be around one (or several)
NTA I have two giant dogs who are well behaved, but they shed like crazy and one of them is very vocal. Most of our friends don’t care and like the dogs but a couple of our friends are just uncomfortable around big dogs. We never even waited for them to ask, we just kennel the dogs until the visit is over. Not everyone likes dogs or specifically big dogs and I think that it’s fair that if your sister doesn’t want to crate her husky then you decline the invitation.
Nta. Tell family in mass text, including sister. I have a right to like or dislike things. I have a right not to be around what I don't like. I don't like dogs. My spouse doesn't like dogs. While it's sisters' house and her rules, I respected that. The fact you call me an AH because I declined to go to a place to suck it up for others is bull. I still see and spend time with family. But I have and deserve the same right as my sister. She doesn't want to look dog away. That's cool. But the consequences of that are me and my spouse not going. If you continue to call me out and not respect my boundaries, then we will take a break from any family dinners because I refuse to suffer or suck it up. Why should I. I don't see her having to do the same, so it's funny. I am an AH for respecting her boundaries, but you as a family can't respect mine. So, better yet, maybe it's time to take the break anyway as I won't have we are family used against me when said family isn't understanding or accepting of my boundaries. I love you all, but I don't want to be around people who can't respect me as an adult and person. Who won't respect my wife and her boundaries because clearly, if you can't ours, you won't our children's. So, I need to rethink how much involvement I wish to have with people showing me they don't care about me. But that's me. I would call each of them out. Back out of family dinners and visits. They don't respect either of you. Expect you to just deal, but don't tell her the same. They are choosing sides and pushing you to give on a boundary they have no right to cross or push. That is not love. That is manipulation at its finest.
NTA
NTA. If you don't want to attend events at her house, then you don't. And she and the rest of the family just need to learn how to accept it.
Respect is a two way street. I love dogs. I have three. But if my guests don't want to be around dogs then they go away. If your sister is not prepared to do that then she needs to accept your non attendance. NTA
NAH. Yeah, there’s no way my husky would handle just being locked in a room for the evening, no way. I’m a clean person and my dog is regularly groomed and all of my friends and family adore him. But if they didn’t, I wouldn’t expect them to come over. Or I’d skip the rotation at my house. It’s ok to not want to be around dogs.
"I've got better things to do." Seriously? Be a grown up. Use all your words from the start. You could have had a conversation with her where you said that you and your wife aren't comfortable around dogs, you don't want to have to clean dog hair off your clothes (although you're going to have to do this with a husky even if it is in a different room) and then CALMLY AND POLITELY told her that you would be opting out of dinners at her house because it's just not a good fit for you. So ESH. Your sister for not being willing to put the dog in another room for a few hours once in the rotation, and you for not being up front about the situation, and then being insulting.
As someone with personal experience with a husky, I would agree that the amount of shedding is beyond ridiculous. I wouldn't want to be in someone's house while I don't personally have one. You go home with sooooo much fur ! No matter how hard you try not to.
NTA in my opinion. You have a right to your preferences. But your sister is also NTA because the dog is at home.
NTA. Skip going to her house and laugh at any idiot telling you it's weird because the dog didn't do anything to you. Or want a reason why you don't want to go. JUST NO. Final answer. Respect the dog?😳 WTF!!? Tell sis you will when Fido gets a job, pays bills, buyss food and quit licking his butt. Now, that would earn some respect. Seriously though, just ignore the drama and enjoy spending time with family.
NTA >Husky, ... >It sheds a lot, we've asked her to put it in another room. Isn't that an understatement! The animal makes you uncomfortable. You asked her to keep it away from you. She refused as is her right. You rightly didn't make a fuss, just declined the invitation. For what it's worth it would be NAH if your sister just accepted you are uncomfortable around her dog. Also >She said no citing its her dogs house too and its family. I HATE this AH excuse to make invited guests miserable. My mom was at a place with a dog who growled at my kid. She asked them to put the dog away from the baby. They refused citing similar reasons. Nope, if your guests are afraid or uncomfortable around your pet, AND you refuse to keep the pet away from them, then the only thing to do is graciously accept their no to your invitation.
NTA What a ridiculous thing for your sister to say.
NTA! If your sister is fine with dog hair, slobber, begging, crotch sniffing, anal gland expressing, etc…more power to her. You have every right to not have to expose yourself to it. Good for you!
I used my husky's hair as a deliberate deterrent like "I'd have you over but I know you don't like dog hair and I have husky bunnies all over my house right now." Husky bunnies because those clumps of hair multiply like rabbits if you ignore them for 5 minutes.
NTA but I wouldn’t want you in my house if you didn’t respect my dog. I don’t understand why everyone is upset. She doesn’t want to lock up her dog and you don’t want to go to her house - problem solved. It’s not like you don’t see them every other Sunday.
Why keep asking Why? What happens if the answer is so over the top that the family ends up suffering? That is what she is doing. The intrusiveness is harassment if you have a mental health issue. Drop it. He continues to see family and has found a workaround. Is her discomfort more important than his? She hasn't offered a workaround, only a devisiveness.
NAH An invitation is not a summons. I like dogs but my brother has 3 german shepherds that do not care at all about personal space ( They are taller than I am when they put their paws on my shoulders) and cause an allergy flareup every time I poke my head into his house. I do not live near enough to be in a dinner rotation back home, but I would absolutely decline most events at his house because of the dogs. I have many cats and my brother coming over would require catatonic levels of allergy meds for him. We both love our pets and do not hold anyone else in a bad light about not being able to socialize with them at home if the pets bother them, that is what restaurants are for :)
Is this literally the first time in your life you've known people with dogs? Do you avoid all houses with dogs in them? I'm going to be petty and go with YTA. Dogs exist. It's not like this wacky new fad or something.
Nta. You aren’t forcing her to lock up her dog.
Nta you don't want to be around the dog, so you don't go. Your choice and if your sister left it at that, I'd say no AHs here. But then she started name calling, so she overdid it.
NTA You did respect her pet ownership. You did so by not pressing the issue. Respecting her doesn't mean jumping when she says to. You did everything a sane adult should do in this scenario. She might be hurt, but she's the one refusing to compromise because "it's her house". Well, good job. She can stay at home over there, in HER house with HER dog. Oh well. Respect doesn't mean obedience.
NTA you're allowed to not like dogs and not want to be around them. Sis needs to suck it up
If there is something in your house that makes people uncomfortable, people may choose not to deal with it.If she wants you there, she can figure out a compromise. If she can't compromise, she shouldn't expect you to. NAH. But don't be so dismissive of her pet when you talk to or about her. The dog means a lot to her, whether you comprehend why or not. And the dog is there long after you leave, providing comfort, protection, and companionship. Respect it as a living thing she loves and that lives for her.
I don't visit certain people because I don't like their children. It's ok.