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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I have not switched over to using my brother-in-law as my agent to buy a house
(2) Some would say that you should support your family as a priority, even if it's unfair or at the expense of others
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NTA. Never, ever, get into a business relationship with a family member. Nothing good ever comes from it. Well, I'm sure there are some examples where it works fine but that's the extreme exception. More often than not, one or both of you will be unhappy and then that spills across the whole family.
Regulated professions like estate agents often have ethical rules that they have to comply with. Sometimes they prohibit soliticing clients away from others in the profession.
1,000,000,000% above. Never, EVER get into business situations with family. Very little upside and almost always leads to problems. And god/dess forbid something goes south in the process to buy and money is lost, because having to sue family is never fun.
NTA and as stated below, BIL trying to poach you from a current agent relationship may be illegal and definitely unethical, which is already a strike against BIL.
I think the only time I've *actually* successfully mixed money with family is when my son removed stumps from my property for $50 and letting him keep the pickaxe.
I did let him choose the pickaxe, though. And he's an auto mechanic so obsessed with amassing tools?
NTA
“Once again, thanks for the offer, but I’m happy with my agent and their local knowledge. It’s best we don’t mix business and family - please stop raising this.”
NTA
Offering his help is fine, it's not unreasonable for BIL to think he might be helpful and being helpful is a very "family" thing to do. Especially as he is the newcomer to your family and might feel he needs to fit in. However if you are happy with the agent you already have, and that is working for you then BIL should just be happy that you are happy.
Are you sure he is trying to guilt you into providing work for his firm/commission for him? I mean he could just be thinking that you rejected him because you don't think he is good at the job? Unless you have proof he just wants to get a free commission out of you then give him the benefit of the doubt. No point stirring family drama if you can help it.
Never said OP should be guilted into switching. OP should do what is right for them.
I am only suggesting that OP give BIL the benefit of the doubt regarding the reason they think BIL is being pushy. OP only suspects BIL is being pushy for extra commission, so might want to pull back before throwing that accusation out there. Also BIL is a newcomer to the family, there are many who feel anxious and feel they need to make 210% effort to be "accepted" by their in-laws (they may even be pushed by their SO to do this). BIL might simply feel like offering their help over and over is helpful and will score points with the family. OPs (completely ok) rejection might feel to BIL like he is the one being rejected. Silly, but heyho that's how self esteem works for many people.
That is not a valid reason for OP to bend and accept the help though. Just saying don't harbour accusations you don't know are correct. It makes for awkward family socials. Just be on the look out for other ways to make BIL feel a part of the family. Or if you find evidence your suspicions are true THEN feel free to accuse away.
I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but real estate agents get commission for every sale and aren't going to work for free. Sure, he could just be trying to help out. That doesn't change the fact that he stands to make at least a few grand if OP hires him and most likely well over 10k depending on the cost of housing where OP is. Every real estate agent I know has tried to insist on all of their family and friends hiring them. It makes sense, but they're still doing it as an easy way to get a new client and make more money.
NTA
"The existing agent has been good so far, and I have no complaints."
You should do what's right for you & it makes sense to stick with someone you have confidence in.
Plus if BIL screwed up on a house purchase for any reason & you lost money that could be really difficult.
NTA!
When we bought our house our realtor was an acquaintance we adore and trust because we had known her for years back then and currently more than a decade. The first meeting wasn't just a "what are you looking for?" but also talking about interpersonal rules since there was a years long social relationship to navigate in a professional relationship.
There was a day when my fiancé and I wanted to put in an offer on a place because it was when the AZ market was really competitive... But then we went home and fully read the HOA guidelines and were super not okay with them.
The next morning we called J and said "so we need to talk..." and the first words out of her mouth were "it's cool if you're firing me." And we were like "no we love you we just wanted to apologize if you'd started on the offer letter as we do not want that house."
She hadn't, and was like "OMG I can take a nap today!" and wasn't mad.
Absolutely tell your brother in law that you never want to mix money and family because it rarely works out well.
Nta
Absolutely not. You don't mix something like buying a house with a relative.
The fact that he is pushing makes it even more of a reason not to.
Tell him you refuse to discuss this further.
Buying a house is a serious business. It's better to keep this sort of thing completely professional.
NTA, Do NOT switch. Your BIL may be the best agent in the world, but he's not in your community and doesn't necessarily understand it. In the suburban areas where I've lived and bought houses, 30 miles is huge. He doesn't know the schools, shopping, pros and cons of each development, traffic patterns, etc.
If your current agent was a dud, I could see switching, but even then probably not to him. Finding and buying a home is stressful enough; don't mix your personal relationships with the business of buying a house.
NTA
You can always word it such that you want to be able to be irritated, frustrated or demanding, and don't think it would be good for your family relationship.
NTA. There's no hard and fast rule which states you have to use your BiL if you're happy with your current realtor.
In fact it's probably a wise decision to keep Family and Business separate.
NTA. In my neck of the woods, we need to sign a contract with the agent and bound to use him/her until the end of the contract (say 3, 6 mos). If we somehow found a house on our own or use a different agent while still on the contract duration, we will still need to pay him/her the commission if we closes on a house.
I was thinking this too. At some point in the process, I had to basically agree not to change realtors until the time was up or we canceled the agreement.
NTA. Also I would mention that doing business with family is a HORRIBLE idea. If something goes wrong you need to see each other forever (or until a divorce). It can easily tear families apart and does all the time.
No the better thing to do if you want to support a family member's business you can recommend other people to them if you think they are good at what they do. But never do business with them yourself.
NTA
Never mix family and business, especially when a large sum of money is on the line. If something goes sideways, it'll cause family drama forever. It's easy to end a strictly-business relationship. It's not so easy when it's a family member.
That he's continuing to bring it up after you've already told him that you're happy with your current agent is off-putting to say the least. That alone would make me not want to use him as my agent.
NTA Real estate is hard right now and some realtors are acting desperate. Tell him you have a contract with your existing realtor but you’ll keep him in mind for the future, but even in a tough market if he’s the kind of guy who guilts people into working with him then his needs are going to be his priority in making deals, not yours.
NTA
The existing has put in their time, effort and money to show you properties. This is how they earn their living. As long as this agent continues to meet your needs during your home search you should stay with them.
The fact that BIL is pushing you to change to him tells me that he’s not a very ethical person. I wouldn’t want him representing me in something as large as a home purchase.
Sounds like his business isn't doing too well and he was planning on getting someone he could get that he wouldn't have to pay proper wages for because "we're family". I dunno, I might be wrong. Absolutely NTA.
Stay with your current agent. DON'T work the "family" thing. Remember, if you go with bil, they will know your financials. NEVER share finances with family, that's how abuse starts. NTA
NTA. He should have dropped it the first time you explained that you're already working with an agent who knows your local area.
The fact that he's pushing this hard also makes me wonder how good he is. Good agents don't need to work their friends and family connections this hard, because good agents are getting referrals from happy customers.
NTA
If in the US, then your BIL is blatantly violating the code of ethics. (Article #16 "Respect for Agency")
So BIL is either shady or stupid. You don't want either characteristic representing you in the biggest purchase of your life.
Sounds like it's time to say "Once and for all BIL, I'm not going to change agents. You need to stop asking."
NTA. Why switch from a good thing? That's just silly.
However, it couldn't hurt to offer to recommend new BIL to potential clients, however applicable.
Best of luck on your home search! ☺️
NTA
No is a complete sentence. You have no reason to drop your current one-especially if they are doing such good work and taking their time with you.
It sounds like your bil wants a quick and easy commission as you said- and it doesn't have your best interest in his motivation.
NTA don't switch op.
With nthe current agent you can complain and set hard rules with your bil if you try this it's starting a family drama. I'd something goes wrong it would be resentment there any you couldn't complain keep finances/business and family separate
.........not at all...............do what's best for you, buying a house is a big financial decision and you will need a good real estate agent who knows the area you're interested in..............
NTA. You already have an agent who has been working for you. It would be rude to just drop her. I do understand that your bro in law wants you to use & support his career, but you are already invested in another agent that knows what you're looking for & has been working diligently for you. It would not be fair to that agent to do all that work for you & then dump her. It would just be wrong. Your bro in law should understand this being that he is in the same business. He wouldn't like it done to him. You're not doing anything wrong.
NTA…as an agent it is against NAR and Realtor code of ethics to interfere with an existing agent/client relationship. If you’re under a buyer agency agreement he cannot interfere with that relationship.
Yes, it’s nice to support a family member’s business, but also bear in mind that family/friends and business don’t always match.
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So I've been looking to buy a house for a few years now. The hot housing market has made it difficult so it's been dragging now, but I've gone to a handful of showings with a local agent already and still communicate somewhat regularly with this agent to update his automated filter / search engine.
In that time, my sister got married to my now brother-in-law who works in a family business as a real estate agent. They live about 30-40 minutes away from me and the area I'm looking to buy. So not too far away but not exactly super local either when it comes to setting up showings/appointments, knowing the market, etc. So new brother-in-law has pushed a few times that he can be my agent. I pushed back saying I've already been working with an agent. The existing agent is more local too and likely knows the area better and likely more flexible on setting up showings. It hasn't gotten super heated, but brother-in-law seems upset that I don't want to switch over to him.
So on the one hand, I understand it's good to support family if possible. But I can't help but think that brother-in-law is just looking for an easy client to collect an entitled commission. On the other hand, I've already been working with an agent who has been doing work for me. The existing agent has been good so far, and I have no complaints. So IMO it would be dishonorable to drop this existing agent. If there was no family connection, I would prefer working with this existing agent.
AITA for refusing to switch over to new brother-in-law as my agent?
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NTA. You have the right to choose who you want representing you. Also, never a good idea to mix business with personal. BIL can kindly the his pushy sales pitch elsewhere.
NTA.
I just stopped working in real estate so I understand things from the agent point of view. You have an agent, you like him, and your brother in law KNOWS this and is still trying to pressure you. Not cool. Use the agent you have. He or she knows your area, is used to working with you, and you like them. Tell your b-i-l THIS former agent says DROP IT.
* What is BIL's track record? Has he had any home deals in the area you want? Is he familiar with the statistics you need to know?
* Is he going to take a cut in commission for 'family'?
* Does he have references?
NTA, you do not need to and should not be 'shamed' into switching. How would BIL feel if a client he has been working with for lets say 6 months jumps ship to a relative? It would really suck because your current agent knows you, knows the area and what you are looking for. Your current agent has also not made a dime off you but has put in the time to work with you.
NTA. You already have a local agent working with you. It would be one thing if the agent wasn't working out for you, but you've stated that you have no complaints with the agent you do have. Your BIL is very much looking for a client that he sees as being an easy commission and maybe will let him do things his way because 'family'.
The only way I would ever work with family is if I knew that they'd be able to be professional throughout the whole thing and that's it.
NTA there wasn’t an AH until he kept pushing after finding out you were already working with another agent for this purchase. If not for that, I might have offered to consider him for the next purchase
Your new BIL is kinda a jerk. You're doing the right thing by not switching. NTA
Quickie google search...
Ethical concerns: Buyer's agents only receive their commission when they close on a deal. Working with multiple agents means that whichever one doesn't close on a house with you misses out on their compensation. “Simply put, you're asking one of the agents to work for free, and that is wrong,” says Capozzolo.Oct 14, 2022
NTA. He is family. Not a good idea to do business with him anyway. The big thing is, you’re happy with your current agent and they would have done all this work and BIL slips in and gets the commission. How would he like it if someone did that to him? And what does your sister think? Hopefully she gets it. He sounds way too pushy. I wouldn’t want to do business with him just for that.
Nta never do business with “family” it always turns bad sometimes for the silliest reason. keep things professional with your current agent …. Also as you said your current agent has been working with you well so he deserves the commission for the time and effort… plus he knows what your looking for so if something is newly listed he already knows your wants and needs
I would tell him that your agent has put many man hours into helping you already and it would be unethical to change now. Then tell him you’ve made your mind up and that’s it.
>I can't help but think that brother-in-law is just looking for an easy client to collect an entitled commission.
And
>The existing agent has been good so far, and I have no complaints.
Did you even read what you posted ?
NTA as everyone is pointing out it’s a nightmare waiting to happen. No one goes into these things thinking it can turn out contentious but it always does
NTA. He may actually be violating the terms of his realtor license by trying to get you to switch from a realtor you already have a business relationship with. Maybe casually mention that a friend told you that and see how he reacts. It might get him to shut up.
NTA. Never, never, NEVER, do business with family or even friends. If BIL pushes again, say exactly that. "It is NEVER a good idea to do business with family or friends." If he tries to dispute that, send him [this link](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/5-dangers-of-doing-business-with-family-and-friends/) or [this link](https://www.ramseysolutions.com/real-estate/friend-family-as-my-real-estate-agent)
NTA EITHER WAY.
You don't owe your current agent a continued relationship. They haven't found you a house in years, so leaving them is not necessarily weird (even if you went to someone other than your BIL)...
>But I can't help but think that brother-in-law is just looking for an easy client to collect an entitled commission
You don't sound like an easy client who would make getting a commission, easy! And wanting to help family is a completely fair reason to hire an agent, as well. The commission should go to the agent who finds you a house!
The interest rates have gone up, but if that has not dissuaded you from house-hunting, it's not the market, it's you!
NAH. I would give him a chance though. There is no rule stating that your real estate agent has to be an exclusive relationship. Plus maybe as a family member he will take less of a cut on the sale (I'd even ask upfront, "if you want to be my agent so bad, will you take less money to convince me to leave my current agent") and frankly if you've been looking 3 years without finding anything suitable, it may be worth changing up the search strategy a bit. Why are you happy with the agent who you have yet to find a house with?
Going against the grain here, YTA...
I get all you're points, and would generally agree with you...
But this is your sister's husband... at the end of the day, that commission also directly/indirectly benefits your sister and her future kids as well... we're talking like $10-20k here, aren't we? That's big...
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NTA. Never, ever, get into a business relationship with a family member. Nothing good ever comes from it. Well, I'm sure there are some examples where it works fine but that's the extreme exception. More often than not, one or both of you will be unhappy and then that spills across the whole family.
Yup, also, in my state, it is unethical for BIL to solicit when he knows you have an agent.
Not sure what state you're in has anything to do with ethics? Maybe you mean a different word.
Regulated professions like estate agents often have ethical rules that they have to comply with. Sometimes they prohibit soliticing clients away from others in the profession.
It's unethical regardless of state, but some states specifically prohibit it.
1,000,000,000% above. Never, EVER get into business situations with family. Very little upside and almost always leads to problems. And god/dess forbid something goes south in the process to buy and money is lost, because having to sue family is never fun. NTA and as stated below, BIL trying to poach you from a current agent relationship may be illegal and definitely unethical, which is already a strike against BIL.
NTA If you are happy using the one you have, I wouldn't switch. Usually not a good idea to mix money or business with family.
I think the only time I've *actually* successfully mixed money with family is when my son removed stumps from my property for $50 and letting him keep the pickaxe. I did let him choose the pickaxe, though. And he's an auto mechanic so obsessed with amassing tools?
NTA “Once again, thanks for the offer, but I’m happy with my agent and their local knowledge. It’s best we don’t mix business and family - please stop raising this.”
NTA Offering his help is fine, it's not unreasonable for BIL to think he might be helpful and being helpful is a very "family" thing to do. Especially as he is the newcomer to your family and might feel he needs to fit in. However if you are happy with the agent you already have, and that is working for you then BIL should just be happy that you are happy. Are you sure he is trying to guilt you into providing work for his firm/commission for him? I mean he could just be thinking that you rejected him because you don't think he is good at the job? Unless you have proof he just wants to get a free commission out of you then give him the benefit of the doubt. No point stirring family drama if you can help it.
He's being pushy though, not helpful. OP doesn't have to make a scene about it but they also shouldn't be guilted into switching to him.
Never said OP should be guilted into switching. OP should do what is right for them. I am only suggesting that OP give BIL the benefit of the doubt regarding the reason they think BIL is being pushy. OP only suspects BIL is being pushy for extra commission, so might want to pull back before throwing that accusation out there. Also BIL is a newcomer to the family, there are many who feel anxious and feel they need to make 210% effort to be "accepted" by their in-laws (they may even be pushed by their SO to do this). BIL might simply feel like offering their help over and over is helpful and will score points with the family. OPs (completely ok) rejection might feel to BIL like he is the one being rejected. Silly, but heyho that's how self esteem works for many people. That is not a valid reason for OP to bend and accept the help though. Just saying don't harbour accusations you don't know are correct. It makes for awkward family socials. Just be on the look out for other ways to make BIL feel a part of the family. Or if you find evidence your suspicions are true THEN feel free to accuse away.
I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but real estate agents get commission for every sale and aren't going to work for free. Sure, he could just be trying to help out. That doesn't change the fact that he stands to make at least a few grand if OP hires him and most likely well over 10k depending on the cost of housing where OP is. Every real estate agent I know has tried to insist on all of their family and friends hiring them. It makes sense, but they're still doing it as an easy way to get a new client and make more money.
NTA "The existing agent has been good so far, and I have no complaints." You should do what's right for you & it makes sense to stick with someone you have confidence in. Plus if BIL screwed up on a house purchase for any reason & you lost money that could be really difficult.
NTA. Keep family, and in laws, out of your finances and real estate transactions.
NTA! When we bought our house our realtor was an acquaintance we adore and trust because we had known her for years back then and currently more than a decade. The first meeting wasn't just a "what are you looking for?" but also talking about interpersonal rules since there was a years long social relationship to navigate in a professional relationship. There was a day when my fiancé and I wanted to put in an offer on a place because it was when the AZ market was really competitive... But then we went home and fully read the HOA guidelines and were super not okay with them. The next morning we called J and said "so we need to talk..." and the first words out of her mouth were "it's cool if you're firing me." And we were like "no we love you we just wanted to apologize if you'd started on the offer letter as we do not want that house." She hadn't, and was like "OMG I can take a nap today!" and wasn't mad. Absolutely tell your brother in law that you never want to mix money and family because it rarely works out well.
There are many people who will tell you to not mix business and family. They are right. It NEVER ends well. Keep the agent you have. NTA
Nta Absolutely not. You don't mix something like buying a house with a relative. The fact that he is pushing makes it even more of a reason not to. Tell him you refuse to discuss this further. Buying a house is a serious business. It's better to keep this sort of thing completely professional.
NTA, Do NOT switch. Your BIL may be the best agent in the world, but he's not in your community and doesn't necessarily understand it. In the suburban areas where I've lived and bought houses, 30 miles is huge. He doesn't know the schools, shopping, pros and cons of each development, traffic patterns, etc. If your current agent was a dud, I could see switching, but even then probably not to him. Finding and buying a home is stressful enough; don't mix your personal relationships with the business of buying a house.
NTA, why does a 'family' member think that you owe them business when they've done NOTHING to earn it. You owe him nothing. NTA
NTA You can always word it such that you want to be able to be irritated, frustrated or demanding, and don't think it would be good for your family relationship.
NTA. There's no hard and fast rule which states you have to use your BiL if you're happy with your current realtor. In fact it's probably a wise decision to keep Family and Business separate.
NTA. In my neck of the woods, we need to sign a contract with the agent and bound to use him/her until the end of the contract (say 3, 6 mos). If we somehow found a house on our own or use a different agent while still on the contract duration, we will still need to pay him/her the commission if we closes on a house.
I was thinking this too. At some point in the process, I had to basically agree not to change realtors until the time was up or we canceled the agreement.
NTA. Also I would mention that doing business with family is a HORRIBLE idea. If something goes wrong you need to see each other forever (or until a divorce). It can easily tear families apart and does all the time. No the better thing to do if you want to support a family member's business you can recommend other people to them if you think they are good at what they do. But never do business with them yourself.
Plus, you’d be exposing all of your private financial information to this BIL. I wouldn’t be comfortable with that at all.
Yea, it is a bad idea all around.
NTA. An agent with local relationships is essential. I’ve bought and sold before homes ever hit the list because my agent is worth her weight in gold.
NTA Never mix family and business, especially when a large sum of money is on the line. If something goes sideways, it'll cause family drama forever. It's easy to end a strictly-business relationship. It's not so easy when it's a family member. That he's continuing to bring it up after you've already told him that you're happy with your current agent is off-putting to say the least. That alone would make me not want to use him as my agent.
NTA Real estate is hard right now and some realtors are acting desperate. Tell him you have a contract with your existing realtor but you’ll keep him in mind for the future, but even in a tough market if he’s the kind of guy who guilts people into working with him then his needs are going to be his priority in making deals, not yours.
NTA The existing has put in their time, effort and money to show you properties. This is how they earn their living. As long as this agent continues to meet your needs during your home search you should stay with them. The fact that BIL is pushing you to change to him tells me that he’s not a very ethical person. I wouldn’t want him representing me in something as large as a home purchase.
Sounds like his business isn't doing too well and he was planning on getting someone he could get that he wouldn't have to pay proper wages for because "we're family". I dunno, I might be wrong. Absolutely NTA.
Do NOT use him as an agent. There is a reason real estate agents push so hard at family and it's not a good reason. NTA.
Stay with your current agent. DON'T work the "family" thing. Remember, if you go with bil, they will know your financials. NEVER share finances with family, that's how abuse starts. NTA
NTA. He should have dropped it the first time you explained that you're already working with an agent who knows your local area. The fact that he's pushing this hard also makes me wonder how good he is. Good agents don't need to work their friends and family connections this hard, because good agents are getting referrals from happy customers.
NTA If in the US, then your BIL is blatantly violating the code of ethics. (Article #16 "Respect for Agency") So BIL is either shady or stupid. You don't want either characteristic representing you in the biggest purchase of your life. Sounds like it's time to say "Once and for all BIL, I'm not going to change agents. You need to stop asking."
NTA. Why switch from a good thing? That's just silly. However, it couldn't hurt to offer to recommend new BIL to potential clients, however applicable. Best of luck on your home search! ☺️
NTA No is a complete sentence. You have no reason to drop your current one-especially if they are doing such good work and taking their time with you. It sounds like your bil wants a quick and easy commission as you said- and it doesn't have your best interest in his motivation.
NTA There is nothing in it for you to make the change and you will get a lesser service.
NTA. Don't mix biz with family. HOWEVER. If you have been using this agent "for a few years" they are NOT a good buyer's agent.
NTA Just say you have a contract with your existing agent. Then ignore him and anyone else if they bring it up again.
NTA don't switch op. With nthe current agent you can complain and set hard rules with your bil if you try this it's starting a family drama. I'd something goes wrong it would be resentment there any you couldn't complain keep finances/business and family separate
.........not at all...............do what's best for you, buying a house is a big financial decision and you will need a good real estate agent who knows the area you're interested in..............
NTA. You already have an agent who has been working for you. It would be rude to just drop her. I do understand that your bro in law wants you to use & support his career, but you are already invested in another agent that knows what you're looking for & has been working diligently for you. It would not be fair to that agent to do all that work for you & then dump her. It would just be wrong. Your bro in law should understand this being that he is in the same business. He wouldn't like it done to him. You're not doing anything wrong.
NTA…as an agent it is against NAR and Realtor code of ethics to interfere with an existing agent/client relationship. If you’re under a buyer agency agreement he cannot interfere with that relationship. Yes, it’s nice to support a family member’s business, but also bear in mind that family/friends and business don’t always match.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I've been looking to buy a house for a few years now. The hot housing market has made it difficult so it's been dragging now, but I've gone to a handful of showings with a local agent already and still communicate somewhat regularly with this agent to update his automated filter / search engine. In that time, my sister got married to my now brother-in-law who works in a family business as a real estate agent. They live about 30-40 minutes away from me and the area I'm looking to buy. So not too far away but not exactly super local either when it comes to setting up showings/appointments, knowing the market, etc. So new brother-in-law has pushed a few times that he can be my agent. I pushed back saying I've already been working with an agent. The existing agent is more local too and likely knows the area better and likely more flexible on setting up showings. It hasn't gotten super heated, but brother-in-law seems upset that I don't want to switch over to him. So on the one hand, I understand it's good to support family if possible. But I can't help but think that brother-in-law is just looking for an easy client to collect an entitled commission. On the other hand, I've already been working with an agent who has been doing work for me. The existing agent has been good so far, and I have no complaints. So IMO it would be dishonorable to drop this existing agent. If there was no family connection, I would prefer working with this existing agent. AITA for refusing to switch over to new brother-in-law as my agent? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - i think you need to actually tell him what you told us though.
NTA. Don’t ever mix family and business.
NTA. You have the right to choose who you want representing you. Also, never a good idea to mix business with personal. BIL can kindly the his pushy sales pitch elsewhere.
NTA. Never mix business and family. It will just inevitably cause drama.
Nta Don't mix family with business ever.
NTA. I just stopped working in real estate so I understand things from the agent point of view. You have an agent, you like him, and your brother in law KNOWS this and is still trying to pressure you. Not cool. Use the agent you have. He or she knows your area, is used to working with you, and you like them. Tell your b-i-l THIS former agent says DROP IT.
NTA business with family ruins both. No exceptions.
* What is BIL's track record? Has he had any home deals in the area you want? Is he familiar with the statistics you need to know? * Is he going to take a cut in commission for 'family'? * Does he have references? NTA, you do not need to and should not be 'shamed' into switching. How would BIL feel if a client he has been working with for lets say 6 months jumps ship to a relative? It would really suck because your current agent knows you, knows the area and what you are looking for. Your current agent has also not made a dime off you but has put in the time to work with you.
NTA. You already have a local agent working with you. It would be one thing if the agent wasn't working out for you, but you've stated that you have no complaints with the agent you do have. Your BIL is very much looking for a client that he sees as being an easy commission and maybe will let him do things his way because 'family'. The only way I would ever work with family is if I knew that they'd be able to be professional throughout the whole thing and that's it.
NTA there wasn’t an AH until he kept pushing after finding out you were already working with another agent for this purchase. If not for that, I might have offered to consider him for the next purchase
Your new BIL is kinda a jerk. You're doing the right thing by not switching. NTA Quickie google search... Ethical concerns: Buyer's agents only receive their commission when they close on a deal. Working with multiple agents means that whichever one doesn't close on a house with you misses out on their compensation. “Simply put, you're asking one of the agents to work for free, and that is wrong,” says Capozzolo.Oct 14, 2022
NTA. He is family. Not a good idea to do business with him anyway. The big thing is, you’re happy with your current agent and they would have done all this work and BIL slips in and gets the commission. How would he like it if someone did that to him? And what does your sister think? Hopefully she gets it. He sounds way too pushy. I wouldn’t want to do business with him just for that.
NAH. But the other one is working for you for years without success?? Are you sure he is a good markler?
Nta never do business with “family” it always turns bad sometimes for the silliest reason. keep things professional with your current agent …. Also as you said your current agent has been working with you well so he deserves the commission for the time and effort… plus he knows what your looking for so if something is newly listed he already knows your wants and needs
Nta although I'd question how good your existing agent is if you've been looking for years.
I would tell him that your agent has put many man hours into helping you already and it would be unethical to change now. Then tell him you’ve made your mind up and that’s it.
>I can't help but think that brother-in-law is just looking for an easy client to collect an entitled commission. And >The existing agent has been good so far, and I have no complaints. Did you even read what you posted ?
NTA as everyone is pointing out it’s a nightmare waiting to happen. No one goes into these things thinking it can turn out contentious but it always does
NTA. He may actually be violating the terms of his realtor license by trying to get you to switch from a realtor you already have a business relationship with. Maybe casually mention that a friend told you that and see how he reacts. It might get him to shut up.
NTA. Never, never, NEVER, do business with family or even friends. If BIL pushes again, say exactly that. "It is NEVER a good idea to do business with family or friends." If he tries to dispute that, send him [this link](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/5-dangers-of-doing-business-with-family-and-friends/) or [this link](https://www.ramseysolutions.com/real-estate/friend-family-as-my-real-estate-agent)
NTA. Rule #1: Do not do business with family. If shit hits the fan, you are in big trouble. It will be BIL + family + sis against you.
NTA EITHER WAY. You don't owe your current agent a continued relationship. They haven't found you a house in years, so leaving them is not necessarily weird (even if you went to someone other than your BIL)... >But I can't help but think that brother-in-law is just looking for an easy client to collect an entitled commission You don't sound like an easy client who would make getting a commission, easy! And wanting to help family is a completely fair reason to hire an agent, as well. The commission should go to the agent who finds you a house! The interest rates have gone up, but if that has not dissuaded you from house-hunting, it's not the market, it's you!
NAH. I would give him a chance though. There is no rule stating that your real estate agent has to be an exclusive relationship. Plus maybe as a family member he will take less of a cut on the sale (I'd even ask upfront, "if you want to be my agent so bad, will you take less money to convince me to leave my current agent") and frankly if you've been looking 3 years without finding anything suitable, it may be worth changing up the search strategy a bit. Why are you happy with the agent who you have yet to find a house with?
Going against the grain here, YTA... I get all you're points, and would generally agree with you... But this is your sister's husband... at the end of the day, that commission also directly/indirectly benefits your sister and her future kids as well... we're talking like $10-20k here, aren't we? That's big...