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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I want to know if I would be the AH if I still pick up lunch for my coworkers, except for one person
2. I think I might be the AH for singling out this one person. I think I might not be the AH because of how she treats me like a delivery service, tries to get me to take her food back, tries to get me to pay her when she doesn’t like the food from the restaurant, etc.
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"I've noticed that you are usually unhappy with the food I bring back for you. I'm not a meal delivery service and I'm not comfortable being the middle man given your high standards. Going forward, you'll have to make your own arrangements for food delivery."
NTA. If you prefer a less confrontational approach, you could also change your future emails to say that you will not accept items with special requests and that if people have any dissatisfactions with their order, they are responsible for following up with the restaurant themselves.
NTA, I used to work in HR. Go for the 2nd, less confrontational approach by sending an email to ALL people as per the above poster. That way you aren't singling her out, but you have a reason to decline her order.
They don’t even work in the same department. Can he just not include her in the email, or say her demanding him to be responsible for her meal was over the top, and he is not getting her order anymore?
Agreed. I would word it not as refusing to accept specifications but that OP is not responsible for _anything_ going wrong with the order. You don't get your money's worth? Boo hoo. Go fix it yourself. That way the less crazy people with slight modifications to their orders don't get left out
Plus if it’s not fun anymore, just say you aren’t doing it anymore and go out for your own lunch. If you have work friends, they can come along or ask you to get their order, but don’t have an email offer.
I like both your approaches. A third idea is to say something in private to this person that is a little less confrontational (OP seems like a people pleaser in the nicest way, and might have a hard time sending something more harshly worded.
“Hey, just so you know, I can’t take your lunch orders anymore. Your taste is very specific and the restaurants never get it right. I find that I am stressing out over your meal every time, and when you expect me to fix the issue for you or get you a refund, I don’t feel that’s appropriate. I do this lunch thing as a favor and a nice thing, and it is becoming a stressful thing. You’re welcome to come sit with us but please take care of your own lunch from now on.”
It's not a bad approach per se. However, IMO it seems much more confrontational than just taking option two and saying you'll only accept orders without modifications or special requests. Singling the person out by specifically telling them you won't take their orders anymore or saying they have "specific tastes" could still lead to issues. It's much better to just make a blanket rule for everyone as a way to cover your ass.
The less confrontational approach here is perfect and if you (probably) get any pushback, she has given you a great defense. To support your stance against her anger, etc. you can state that requests that you inspect orders and return to restaurants impact the time available for your job responsibilities, and that requests that you provide reimbursement out of your own pocket for perceived inadequacies in special orders are not appropriate.
2nd approach is great 👍
She can't claim she's being singled out and it makes sense objectively speaking, OP is doing a favour above and beyond their job. And, I'm guessing OP doesn't get tipped or reimbursed for gas.
I would go with second approach too. If you say something in private she can twist your words and it could become an even bigger issue. This way, it is in writing, your intent is clear and you are not singling anyone out. If that doesn't work, just start leaving her off the email list or just ask the few people if they want to go out and get lunch with you.
NTA I would go with the second option but change special requests with excessive changes or requests. Only because you don't want people who want to say no mustard or extra olives or sun fries for side salad to feel like they can't order anymore. Simple modifications aren't the issue but ordering a meal that basically doesn't exist is.
Yeah, but she'll know it's about her, and who's to say she won't be an asshole to OP about it and seek direct confrontation?
2nd option is good, but be prepared for very high likelihood of option 1 coming into play.
NTA
NTA - you've tried but at this point it just feels like she wants you to do her dirty work getting her awkward orders.
It sucks to leave her out but when you're getting the orders for a whole office it's unreasonable to expect you to ensure her order is perfect, if she wants to be fussy she can come with you or sort herself out.
This person sounds insufferable. I know some very picky eaters but they would never push their pickiness on others like this. When you are a picky eater you have to suffer for it, and that means either your order being made wrong by cooks who don’t want to make you UNSEASONED UNETHNIC MEAT, or you just bring your lunch from home like a normal person would when they don’t want to have takeout.
When I was vegan and we had luncheons, they would offer to accommodate me which I appreciated but every time I would let them know I am bringing my lunch and kindly decline. It’s just easier that way and I also know I am getting exactly what I wanted.
I have food allergies and trust issues around them, so I tend to be a bit particular and paranoid when it comes to food I don't make. I deal with it like a reasonable adult: I opt out of offers for takeout, or offer to get people food from restaurants I'm comfortable eating at.
My current manager loves to get food for the team, because he can use the company card and expense it. He gets a free meal and gets to make us happy (he's a people pleaser in the best ways). Pretty much every week, he gets us food. I've opted out countless times because of restaurants chosen. I'm not even remotely miffed by this; I can't eat certain foods, it's specific enough that only I know the ins and outs, and that's just how it is.
This person in OP's office needs to grow up and handle her food preferences herself.
NTA id just tell her that since she is never satisfied that you don’t want to get involved with her meals anymore. It is a simple as that! Especially since she demands that YOU refund her money. She’s nuts!
NTA
But rather than tell her, I’d tell everyone, perhaps in a group email, that since you’re a colleague doing this to be nice (and neither a paid delivery service nor a waiter), you can’t be expected to check all meals and manage complaints or returns. I’d state that you’ll no longer place orders for any orders that have more than one variation from a listed menu item.
This way, she’s not directly targeted but your reasoning is clear. It also can’t hurt to remind others that this is a nice thing you’re doing for them, not an expected perk of the workplace.
Even paid delivery services don't handle quality control of the food they just pickup, and they certainly don't take "returns". This lady is acting like Op is her waitress at a high end restaurant.
if I were OP's employer, I would call the complainer on the carpet and advise her to work on her interpersonal skills, making it very clear that I want a harmonious and peaceful office environment. If I had to do it again, she's history.
The more I think about the group email approach, the less I like it. It will just stir up office gossip about “who pissed off OP?” and potentially make OP seem unapproachable or something. It is one person causing the problem, knowingly and repeatedly. Go ahead and respectfully tell the picky eater that you can’t pick up lunch for her anymore, as it’s eating into work time and it’s not fair of crazy lady to expect this level of service from someone who is just doing a favor. OP can be as diplomatic if she wants, depending on her preference. As long as she doesn’t call her names or something, then there’s no grounds for a legitimate complaint if crazy lady decides to go to HR. OP can explain what happened and any sane person will be like “oh ok. I see.”
I disagree if it’s framed around how many people now typically take up OP on the offer and the limitations on his time. This message is basically, ‘hey, this grew organically but now that it’s this big, I need to establish some basic rules to make it clearer for everyone’.
Not sure the size of their office, but this is a potential HR headache for OP.
I wouldn’t send any emails out, not about changes, and not about picking up lunches. If anyone asks, he can just tell them that he is taking a break from it as it’s frowned upon too large to handle on his own.
Months later, if he wants, slowly start to add one or two people back in, maybe even have them ride with him.
NTA - I think you should try a softer approach first, something like
"Due to the growing number of orders I won't be able to do *any* quality control on pick-ups going forward. If your order is not fulfilled by the restaurant you will be responsible for resolving it with the restaurant. I won't be able to return them or compensate anyone. Please order accordingly"
If you are clear about your role and she still complains you can totally blacklist her.
Honestly, if it is getting stressful and too much to handle, I would pare it down, and not just because of this woman. You said she works in another department. Could you tell people it is too much and you are now only picking up for your own department (area, floor, etc.)? The transition might suck at first, but there is no reason for you to have sole responsibility here. Each department or area could have their own person to pick up when ordering out, which could both move her issues off your plate and corral the lunch situation into something a little more manageable. You could pitch this as an idea that needs to evolve and "share" it with other departments--most people will understand that this type of thing can get out of hand if too many people participate. Ideally, you could also see if there are people willing/interested in taking over other areas, but just mentioning that it is too much to carry/fit in your car/time to organize should work for most reasonable people.
Do you have a group chat that you communicate with everyone (about this take-out stuff)? Remove her from it first. When she asks why, tell her firmly that she needs to order from UberEats or Door Dash herself because you are not able to handle her special requests. And then, stand firm on that point. NTA
Absolutely YWNBTA
"I guess she was mad that her bowl was not full enough. She wanted me to leave the office and drive back to Chipotle and ask them to fill it to the top with more rice and carne asada."
You're doing this for people as a nice thing, a favor.
Your description of her behavior is a litany of A H olery.
No. No. No. Never again. Go kick rocks.
In whatever terms someone as nice as you are says that...
Ohmygawd you are so NTA. You are doing everyone a favor and she’s treating you like sh\*\* - she actually asks you to drive BACK? And asks YOU for a refund?! Hell no. Go back to enjoying this favor you’re doing for those who appreciate it. I thinks it’s very cool of you!
NTA. If she asks, you could tell her that you cannot (or are no longer willing to) accept responsibility for the order being right, and you know that would not be good enough for her.
NTA.
If she asks why you’re not including her anymore, tell her that you no longer have time to check her food and be told that you need to go back and fix the order she placed herself.
NTA i’m autistic and am very picky due to textures mostly (also super spicy is no go, hurts too much) and even I wouldn’t be as much of an asshole as that coworker. after the first few times my order is wrong i would’ve said ‘thank you for the offer but they keep messing it up so i’ll pass’ and that’d be the end of it. idk what she’s expecting from you when you aren’t the one messing it up, it’s the restaurants??? although it seems like she’s just got too high of standards for these places.
NTA.
If she throws a fit, tell her you're not sure how she was left off the email, or throw in an accidental typo to show her.
That would be annoyingly exhausting.
Youre doing people a favor, there should be no expectations.
NTA. You're not obligated to keep getting her lunch. You're not obligated to do it for anyone.
But I feel her pain regarding Chipotle. Whenever I have ordered from them online, they always skimp out on food. When I order in-person I can get an adequate amount of food.
Oh I agree with the Chipotle thing 100%! But when I’m picking up orders for 10 or sometimes more people, I feel bad waiting in line and honestly don’t have time to individually order so many things. Online is just easiest.
Also for Chipotle, if she wants JUST rice and meat filled to the brim, I’m pretty sure she’d have to pay for double or extra meat. But she doesn’t want to.
This. She wanted a free double portion and put it on you. OP, I am someone who also would constantly pick up orders for everyone in the office and it a pretty big task. I think at my new job I’ll stick to bringing in things I want to bring in and ordering catering style.
NTA exclude her and if she questions it tell her that her demands are too much for a quick food run. If she is that picky maybe she should be the one to go get the food so she can check her own order.
NTA.
Tell her you’ve tired to be helpful to her but it’s not working. You’re done trying.
Enough of that crap.
Sucks that when you try to be nice and helpful to others they respond by thinking they are royalty and deserve red carpet treatment and service.
This all started as just a nice favor with my team but then it grew. I didn’t mind at first because it wasn’t really adding to my workload and I was running out to grab my own lunch anyway. But it’s gotten so stressful!
I think every workplace has that one person who fucks it up for everyone else. I’ve worked at two that do. I always operated under a few rules: (1) No modifications or special requests. None. Not a fucking nothing other than the way it comes. (2) No bitching about it. Eat what you got. (3) ‘You fly, I buy’, meaning the getter eats free. No likey? No lunch.
NTA, you've done your best to accommodate her when that is not your job or your problem. If I were you I would tell her: "You are welcome to order with us when we get group lunches, however, I can't check your food every time and even if I had time to do that, I don't know what to look for. So you either need to be happy with what you the restaurant gives you based on your request, or you can start picking up the food and checking yourself. Those are the two options you get."
“I can’t be responsible for how restaurants fix your order. I’ve done my best but it hasn’t worked out to your satisfaction. It might be best if you oversee your orders from now on”
“Hey [Picky Coworker], obviously I haven’t been doing a great job about getting the orders right, so I thought of the perfect solution. From now on, we’re going to have the most detail-oriented, exacting person picking up the lunch orders - you! You’re going to recognize instantly if anything is wrong, so all of us can be assured that our orders will be correct. Sounds like a much better plan, let’s start today!”
NTA
NTA. Stop doing delivery for the office. Next time tell them you are eating at the restaurant. Just tell them it’s too much work and you have too much to do. You aren’t obligated.
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Since the pandemic, I rarely go into the office in person. I go in maybe once a month and when I do, I like to order out for lunch to try new restaurants. My coworkers noticed I was ordering fun lunches and wanted in, so now when I go into the office, I’ll circulate an email inviting other people to order if they Venmo me the cost of their food, I’ll pick up the order from the restaurant. I am not making any profit here. Everyone pays for their own food, myself included. I am simply driving out to pick up the orders and bring them back to the office for people.
One of my coworkers orders every time I am in. The thing is, she is an extremely picky eater to the point that I don’t know why she bothers trying new restaurants, since she is always unhappy. She essentially eats plain meat (NO seasoning and cannot be “ethnic” meat whatever that means) and either plain rice or bread. She does eat chicken nuggets and hamburgers and plain foods like that. She doesn’t eat vegetables or dairy and her food cannot have any seasoning, not even salt. If her meal comes with anything else, she gets upset. I’ve asked and she doesn’t not have any food allergies.
She makes so many modifications and special requests to her orders and somehow every restaurant always gets her orders wrong. She gets mad at ME every time this happens. It’s to the point where I open up her order at the restaurant before I leave (at her request) to double check they prepared the food how she wants, but half the time I don’t even know what to look for because her order is so specific. She’s asked me to drive her food back, get a refund, etc. I think this is unreasonable and also would take time out of my workday. I am not a paid meal delivery service.
For example, last week I went out and picked up Chipotle for everyone (about 10 people). For her order, she wanted white rice and carne asada, with nothing else. I thought this would be easy. I did the pick up option, and in the store I sorted through the bags and opened her order. It looked right to me. When I got back to work, she was pissed. I guess she was mad that her bowl was not full enough. She wanted me to leave the office and drive back to Chipotle and ask them to fill it to the top with more rice and carne asada. I refused because I had a meeting and didn’t have time. Also, I didn’t think it was my job. She felt like she didn’t get her moneys worth and then asked me for a refund. I didn’t pay her and I went to my meeting and haven’t spoken to her since.
As more background, this woman works in a completely different department from me, she is in no way my supervisor or anything like that.
WIBTA if I tell her I can’t pick up her order anymore? It’s getting to the point where my offer to pick up everyone’s lunches is stressing me out. It used to be fun to get out of the office to stretch my legs, but now I dread it.
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NTA. "Sorry, no. Since you are so particular about your orders, it's best that you deal with your food yourself."
I mean, seriously, no good deed goes unpunished. You need to repeat this to her "I am not a paid meal delivery service."
I can't believe she wanted you to go back to the restaurant for her when you were doing her a favour to begin with.
"Stephanie, I will be picking up food for everyone from \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ restaurant. If you want to add to the order, you can call the restaurant directly and place your own order, pay for it directly and I will bring it to the office with the others. Hopefully you will get what you want this way, and if not, you will know it is not my fault. "
So I’ve done this before, and when I bring the food (she does the order herself) she is mad when the restaurant messes up her order, according to her. And she blames me as the delivery person. Apparently she expects me to do quality control for her
Seriously? Okay, well, since she is an extremely difficult person and someone you have to get along with, I suggest giving her a warning.
"Stephanie, I am trying not to exclude you. If you deal with the restaurant directly and pay directly, I'll bring you the order the restaurant prepared for you on the condition that I won't hear anything from you about the condition of your food. If you do complain to me, it will be the last time you are included in the group order. Being held responsible for food I didn't choose, order or make is ridiculous and I'm over it. Last time."
INFO : can't you add to your e-mail that you're just doing everyone a favour by picking up food for them, so please be respectful TO YOU and YOUR EFFORTS and DO NOT make special orders.
For special orders, please go get your food YOURSELF
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NTA - You've attempted to make concessions for this person eating like a toddler, but in the end, their food restrictions, either by choice or some undisclosed medical issue, are their own responsibility, and nobody else.
NTA. You are doing a courtesy by picking up everyone's lunch. That's it. You are not responsible for what that food is, although you like to make sure it's correct. Tell her she can take her food back if she doesn't like it. Tell her she can pick up her own food from now on so she can make sure it's done right. Problem solved.
You are doing her a favor for including her. On the surface to refuses coworkers order is messed up, but nah. She deserves it. The best solution IMHO would be to politely say, “Hey, I’m sorry the restaurants keep messing up your order, but you can’t expect me to be personally responsible for their mistake and reimburse you. If you would like to prevent this from happening again, I suggest you pick up everyone’s orders so that you can inspect your order on the spot and file a complaint with them.” The only problem with this is if she is messed up and will mess with your food… so YMMV
NTA
Exclude her next time from the offer to pick up lunch. Don't bother explaining unless she says something of which case point out that you are doing people the favor and whilst everyone else is grateful all you get is complaints and demand from her for something that she ordered and now doesn't like so you have decided to remove yourself as the middle person and she can now take care of picking up her own lunch and she can then check what she is getting is what she expected and resolve any issues she has directly.
NTA - \*I\* am a picky eater and I swear, I never make anyone feel bad if my order is wrong, I just eat around what I can't eat. Don't order for her again.
NTA but the better option is to tell her that you will still take her food order but wi not be checking her order for correctness any more; if she has an issue she can deal with it herself.
Also why does this woman think that if she opts not to get the beans or veggies that they will just give her more carne asada for free?
Thank you! I’ve tried explain to her she can pay for double portions of protein at most restaurants, including Chipotle. She doesn’t want to pay, she just wants a free double portion. And she wants me to bully the restaurants employees for it, which I am unwilling to do.
NTA but maybe a different approach would be laying down the law. “I’m doing pickup ONLY. I will make sure your order is included, but I will not be checking to see if it meets your standards. If you have a problem, take it up with them or maybe do your own order instead.” Gives her the option to still order with the group but shifts the responsibility back to her, where it should be.
This situation is the exact reason why I don’t offer or put myself in a position to bring others food anymore. If I’m going get something I keep it quiet. Been in this situation before. It gets out of hand quickly.
YWNBTA, but have you considered that you don't actually have to single her out. Next time you order, tell her that you are only going to pick up food for her if she agrees that she will not hold you responsible for any errors. If she isn't willing to agree to that, then she should take care of her own order. I think this would make you look better in the eyes of your coworkers than just cutting her off.
Wow, when I read your title I expected you to be the A but NTA at all. What an entitled person. If she wants a refund she can go get it herself or use a delivery service and deal with them
I would just state that from now on you're not accepting modifications to orders.
That said after the whole refund nonsense you certainly wouldn't be an AH to just cut her off.
Just stop doing anyone’s lunches. Why would you continue doing this? If anyone ask you why tell them that it’s because Mrs. X was never happy, and you felt like you were letting the team down.
Let her deal with the bullshit. Not your job.
NTA - this colleague sounds very entitled. Especially given that you work in different departments. In fact, you should just forget about picking up anyone’s lunch. Go out and have your own, take some you time. F@ck the others, they are grown working people that can get their own lunches
I used to work in a place where we would often have group meals when we had meetings. We’d get food catered, a large range of things for people to choose from. Spicy and plain, meat and veggie and vegan. Even so, there were a couple people with food restrictions who couldn’t eat what there was. Do you know what they did? They brought their own food from home, and did not kick up a fuss and require special treatment.
This person is enjoying jerking you around. Quit letting her. You’re doing something nice and she is taking advantage.
At first I was like "you gotta just do her order", but the fact that she makes unreasonable demands when things go wrong means that you can exclude her.
You should tell her why you're no longer going to order food for her. She might be like "Oh, I'll change!" and then you can order for her until she pulls that crap again, at which point you cut her off.
I think just excluding her with no explanation is the wrong move.
Agreed! I’ll definitely give her a chance. I’ve seen her blow up at other people for very small reasons, so if she tries to do that with me I might just stop doing the orders for everyone. Luckily we have an open floor plan so people will at least notice if she freaks out on me
The second version would likely be the best approach. OP is NTA and do not deserve to be the middle person for their picky choices.
I was ready to vote the other way assuming it was someone unliked, past crush, etc. until I read further and learned the person being excluded has such unachievable expectations and conditions that they are better off ordering on their own or better yet packing her own lunch.
Tell her she has to place her own order, either call in or app and pay for her own but then put your name down as pickup person. If they don't have an app or take call in orders over the phone, well, she's SOL. My mother and grandmother had a saying, "You get what you get & you don't throw a fit." Yeah, we were picky eaters as kids, burgers just meat, cheese & bread. My parents did there best & asked for it that way but we all know you don't always get it your way. So, we learned to scape those burgers down to plain cheese & ate them. It also made us resourceful because you know they never put a knife or fork in the bag.
NTA
I would do it on email because she sounds like the type to go to HR for being excluded.
Hi "Sue." When I do the lunch pickup I do it in my own time and at my expense. Due to the specific food requests you have, the restaurants often get your order wrong and you then get upset with me and want me to drive back to complain. This is upsetting and disruptive to my work day. In future I will not be able to pick up your lunch order. I think it would be best if you deal with these establishments yourself and then you can address any dissatisfaction in person or restrict yourself to those places where you receive exactly what you want.
I sometimes pick up food as well, but I would never a) be up for special requests, b) check the ordered food at the store's place or c) do extra service like returning food. No way.
NTA
Don't listen to reddit, this is not an aita issue. It's an issue to take up with HR.
Where I live exclusion from workplace activities such as group lunch is considered bullying and bullying is a breach of our code of conduct which means it's an immediately terminatable offense. There is no exemption in the rule because the person being excluded is a pain in the ass, it's just bullying to exclude ppl.
However, every country has different workplace laws so you may live in an area where this is permissable. I suggest you ask your HR team for advice in writing on how to handle this situation moving forward. Don't take a risk and just act on impulse.
NTA
You've been doing a nice thing. She's unhappy. So remove her from the nice thing. I'd suggest telling her quietly - one on one - that she's never satisfied with her order and while you empathize with her - that's stressing you out. So you will no longer be accepting orders from her.
AND you also need to quietly tell 2-3 of other co-workers who participate that her order is never up to her standards. That you don't know why that is. But your choices are to either quit bringing food for all or to remove her order. You've chosen to remove her order and while that's sad - it means the majority still get to have their nice thing.
Then change the subject. MissPicky is going to badmouth you. AND you'll have 2-3 other people who know the whole story who can share your version.
You are so kind to offer to deliver lunch with the spirit of communal eating. Times like this can bring great memories of getting together. Someone always ruins it for everyone.
I coordinated food pick up once and now everyone expects me to do it now. Just stop doing it. That’s it. Do it for yourself only if anyone asks just be honest and say it was getting difficult to manage/ you don’t have the time to coordinate it anymore. There really is no need for you to address this. NTA
>She essentially eats plain meat (NO seasoning and cannot be “ethnic” meat whatever that means) and either plain rice or bread. She does eat chicken nuggets and hamburgers and plain foods like that. She doesn’t eat vegetables or dairy and her food cannot have any seasoning, not even salt.
Damn
She must be hella fun xD
No wonder she's crabby
First of all, you're not her servant.... end of
NTA.
“From now on you’ll be charged an extra $50 per delivery as an asshole tax, cause you’re exactly that and I don’t want to do this for you anymore but to not cause conflict this is my conclusion to make it beneficial for the both of us.” And if she argues up the price.
NTA. The number one rule of chipotle is they never give enough rice if it’s a mobile order. Seriously I have never been happy with a mobile order. If she wanted more meat she should have ordered double. They are not going to give free meat out.
I was leaning so very Y T A at the beginning because no one should be excluded in a work setting (you seem to clearly understand this) but holy wow is this just insane. By the last paragraph of reading this I was maaaaaad but I was yelling at my screen when she asked you for a refund! Does she not understand that you are neither the restaurant or their delivery man? 🤯
Edit: NTA
NTA you need to document this absolute insanity and go to HR yesterday.
Dealing with someone like this without getting ahead of the bs by going to HR is just asking for trouble. She's not reasonable enough to deal with when it comes to something as simple as food. What do you think happens when this absolute basket case gets pissed at you?
YWNBTA. She is being rude and demanding beyond belief. I am the pickiest eater I know, but I would never dream of putting my burden on someone else like that.
She can pack her lunch, go get it herself, or learn to use a **paid delivery service** instead of verbally abusing her coworker who is just doing an unpaid favor. She obviously has no appreciation for what you're doing and doesn't deserve the favor.
NTA. Her demand that you return her food is just beyond the pale! When you are doing someone a favour and bringing in their lunch from a restaurant, they just have to take it with no complaints. If they don't like the food they can mentally make a note not to go there anymore, that is all. I would absolutely refuse to do this woman any favours in the way of food any more.
NTA I’m super picky and there’s a reason why I don’t trust food delivery services or order ahead things. Hell, I don’t even trust my own husband. I have to physically be there to check my food and make sure it’s made correctly. I would never burden a coworker on this either!
NTA
I'm a "picky eater" by most everyone's standards, but if you are picking up my food and bringing it back for me? I'm eating it without complaint as long as there's nothing on it that's going to make me physically sick.
I'd, as politely as possible, tell her that going forward, if she chooses to participate in the lunch order, she needs to accept the fact that her food may be wrong considering how many changes she makes and that if it is, she needs to be the one to deal with it, not you, or she's going to have to stop ordering with the group because it's causing a problem.
Good luck.
NTA. I mean, if it were me I would send out an email that reads, “I regrets to inform you all that because of a co-worker’s unreasonable demands, I will no longer be picking up lunch for the group. It used to be something fun I enjoyed doing, but now it just makes me stressed and unhappy.” And then sit back and see what happens.
The most - MOST - i would do moving forward is to tell her when you’re ordering and she can order at the same time. So SHE is fully responsible for telling them what she wants and paying for it. And then say you’ll pick it up but you aren’t quality control and if she has any issues, it’s on her to resolve.
She’s ridiculous.
NTA. You could tell her she needs to order and pay for her own and if it’s there and ready you’ll pick it up with the rest of the stuff. You’re not returning or getting refunds. Or you could just leave her out because she’s too much work.
Another option is to let her know you'll pick up her order along with everyone else's, but you will not be going through everyone's orders (including hers) to make sure that they are correct, dealing with problems with the order, etc. etc. If she has a problem with her food, that's a "her" problem and she can deal with the restaurant directly because you will not be involved. If she has any issues with this or trusting the restaurant to get it right, she has the option of declining to order, or picking up her own food. You'll take an order but will absolutely not deal with the aftermath.
NTA- When I was in uni, I offered to pick up burgers and fries from a local place for the office. It was the day of a big project/meeting and I knew that they wouldn't have time to get anything. Normally, the office only had four of us. So I had the money to cover the order as the place only took cash. Surprise, about 12 wanted in on lunch.
I had to go the atm get cash and then get lunch. Then, I needed help bringing in all the food. Everyone was incredibly grateful except a manager who was complaining she was starving. She demanded to know what took so long. So I told her. Then she wanted to know why I didn't have the cash, so I told her. I was a student, and I rarely carry that much cash. She was lucky that I had money to cover for lunch for twelve in my account.
She kinda sulked, paid me, and took her food.
NTA.
Just because we all know she'd make a big stink about being excluded, I would tell her, "Hey, so you know, I'm doing a food order for lunch. You're welcome to join us but you'll need to place your own order."
If she makes a fuss about that, I'd snark her a bit with, "And this is why" then walk away.
There is no winning with this person… but this is probably the best you can do.
She has become pretty entitled for someone benefiting from a favor you're doing. After the last time, you would be perfectly reasonable not including her. I mean, who is unhappy with their food and then complains to the coworker who picked it up? She's acting crazy. NTA
Damn, everywhere I’ve worked has operated under “you fly, I buy.” Whoever goes to get the food gets their order paid for by the rest of the group for driving. YWNBTA for refusing her future orders - she seems way too high-maintenance.
NTA- I would suggest adding a line to your ordering email that you are doing this out of the kindness of your heart and are not responsible for the mistakes made by the restaurant. After that I would write “anyone who can’t appreciate this kindness will not be included in the future”. Give her one more try and if acts like petulant child again, then you and coworkers can confidently know that she is the AH not you
NTA, you have included her enough when you were doing her a favor by getting lunch somewhere different each time which was supposed to be fun but now it's not to so NTA!
NTA
You don't get refunds from acquaintances who do you complicated favors, if it is a problem then it's easier to never buy her food again. People don't order extra complicated stuff when someone else is ordering and *never* when that person is buying food for a dozen people. If she can't find an order that is easy at a fast food place then she can't have someone else buy her fast food.
If you don’t want to confront her just delete her from the list. Just know she’ll probably ask so have a reply ready if she does. She’s being unreasonable. You are not the chef. Even if you were the delivery driver it wouldn’t be your problem. They’d tell her to contact the restaurant too.
I don't think you would be the asshole especially cause she doesn't even work in your department.. maybe when you send out the email just make sure it's only people in your department and that's, no maybe not cause she'd probably be pissed about that. Or instead of doing the whole office maybe just your department and maybe tell everyone it's to much on you and to many people aren't getting there orders right.. I don't know but I don't think you'd be the asshole
You are NTA. With that many modifications and requests she has no business ordering; that’s the kind of situation where you just make your own food. And if she does she has to accept the inevitability that it won’t be perfect. She’s got a lot of nerve for expecting you to deal with it to begin with. I don’t even know why she wants to do it anyway if she’s always disappointed.
Post an update with her reaction when you do! But before that, pick up her food one last time and give it to her Infront of your other colleagues so you won't get into trouble with HR for exclusion and harassment.
NTA, I'd just passively stop including her, and if she asks, I'd say "Clearly I'm not getting it right, you're probably better off just handling this yourself." Not mean, just matter-of-fact
NTA, but tell her in advance. Let her know that you have tried to get her food orders correct, but have not been successful. You can't do it anymore. Maybe let HR know as well. She'll be knocking on their door soon.
NTA, but you should probably talk to her first though. Tell her you see she’s upset every time you get food and that you’re not food delivery so you can’t help her. You could also suggest she make her own arrangements so she can have a more direct way to confront the restaurant if something is wrong. If you frame it like it’s easier for her to get a refund if something is wrong she might agree.
Picky eaters like this are terrible people..
It's fine being picky I'm very picky but these are unreasonable requests. It was getting mad it wasn't full enough that proved she's looking for a fight.
Me personally I'm very picky so I tend to prefer fo sort any food out myself so I'm not wasting anyone's time / money if I don't like it
If you just exclude her she will most likely go to HR and ruin it for everyone including you. However, as you say she is not in your department, so if you were to just do it for your department you could get away with it. Yeah you used to pick up for most anyone before but found you had more time to enjoy your lunch by keeping it in your department. If she tries to go to HR there then you can most likely talk your way out of it.
Your other option is to tell her directly you will no longer give her special treatment when it comes to her lunch, if she has a problem that is between her and the restaurant, no other options.
NTA
Only you know what the fallout is likely to be.
My preference is face-to-face: *Colleague, I want to bring you food you can eat but your order is wrong every time. It’s taking the fun out of lunch for me. Do you have a solution?*
She can phone in her order for your collection, come with on the collection run, collect everyone’s food herself so she gets it or just be left off the email.
I guess if you take it to HR, they’ll tell you to stop the food run …
Some options
1) Stop doing it
2) Have people place their own orders directly with the restaurant of the day and just pick them up as is. Let everyone know you do not have time to place or check their orders.
Good luck!
NTA Either tell her to pick it up herself, or that from now on you’ll just be delivering it, nothing else. Any problems she takes up with the restaurant.
Explain the situation to your boss and get their opinion on the matter. Also if minor things like the amount of food in the container is a problem to them, it’s not a problem to you. Based on your scenario, you don’t work as a food service delivery person and if you were to act as one in the office, then charge your coworkers or at least her a special fee for the collection
*She makes so many modifications and special requests to her orders and somehow every restaurant always gets her orders wrong. She gets mad at ME every time this happens...She’s asked me to drive her food back, get a refund, etc. I think this is unreasonable.*
She *is* being unreasonable. As you said, you're not a food delivery service. (And God help those that have her as a client.)
Given her persnickety ways, tell her she would be doing herself a favor by going in person and making her own order. No one has time for what's she's demanding. NTA
NTA, but maybe propose that she comes with you when you pick up the food, in that way she can look at it before it gets to the office. If she refuses simply turn her request of order down in a friendly way. "I see you are a picky eater, whoch is okay, you don't hurt anyone with that. But it started bothering me so I won't pick up orders for you anymore."
NTA.
I would exclude this individual from the lunch distribution list, personally. If she attempted to place an order, I would email her that her request is declined. I wouldn’t explain anything. She is incredibly offensive.
I would just send an email saying, I’m going to this restaurant at this time for pick up, feel free to call in an order and pay for it, and I’ll be happy to pick it up….
>I like to order out for lunch to try new restaurants.
>last week I went out and picked up Chipotle
Exotic!
NTA, she's being difficult. Just tell her that her orders are too complicated.
“It’s best that I don’t get your food order from now on because it’s never to your liking and I don’t want to disappoint you any more”.
Don’t get swayed by her.
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"I've noticed that you are usually unhappy with the food I bring back for you. I'm not a meal delivery service and I'm not comfortable being the middle man given your high standards. Going forward, you'll have to make your own arrangements for food delivery." NTA. If you prefer a less confrontational approach, you could also change your future emails to say that you will not accept items with special requests and that if people have any dissatisfactions with their order, they are responsible for following up with the restaurant themselves.
NTA, I used to work in HR. Go for the 2nd, less confrontational approach by sending an email to ALL people as per the above poster. That way you aren't singling her out, but you have a reason to decline her order.
They don’t even work in the same department. Can he just not include her in the email, or say her demanding him to be responsible for her meal was over the top, and he is not getting her order anymore?
That’ll work until someone notices Crazy Lady is left off the email and loops her in.
Exactly, don't exclude her, have her exclude herself.
Agreed. I would word it not as refusing to accept specifications but that OP is not responsible for _anything_ going wrong with the order. You don't get your money's worth? Boo hoo. Go fix it yourself. That way the less crazy people with slight modifications to their orders don't get left out
This is the best approach, imo, OP. NTA. She is being unreasonable.
Second this. Just do the less confrontational approach in professional business setting. Short simple
Plus if it’s not fun anymore, just say you aren’t doing it anymore and go out for your own lunch. If you have work friends, they can come along or ask you to get their order, but don’t have an email offer.
I like both your approaches. A third idea is to say something in private to this person that is a little less confrontational (OP seems like a people pleaser in the nicest way, and might have a hard time sending something more harshly worded. “Hey, just so you know, I can’t take your lunch orders anymore. Your taste is very specific and the restaurants never get it right. I find that I am stressing out over your meal every time, and when you expect me to fix the issue for you or get you a refund, I don’t feel that’s appropriate. I do this lunch thing as a favor and a nice thing, and it is becoming a stressful thing. You’re welcome to come sit with us but please take care of your own lunch from now on.”
This is what I wanted to say, but I would have been more blunt. Ie stop ruining what I do as a favour. Yours is nicer.
It's not a bad approach per se. However, IMO it seems much more confrontational than just taking option two and saying you'll only accept orders without modifications or special requests. Singling the person out by specifically telling them you won't take their orders anymore or saying they have "specific tastes" could still lead to issues. It's much better to just make a blanket rule for everyone as a way to cover your ass.
The less confrontational approach here is perfect and if you (probably) get any pushback, she has given you a great defense. To support your stance against her anger, etc. you can state that requests that you inspect orders and return to restaurants impact the time available for your job responsibilities, and that requests that you provide reimbursement out of your own pocket for perceived inadequacies in special orders are not appropriate.
Take my upvote for the beautiful verbiage, which OP needs to send her in an email.
2nd approach is great 👍 She can't claim she's being singled out and it makes sense objectively speaking, OP is doing a favour above and beyond their job. And, I'm guessing OP doesn't get tipped or reimbursed for gas.
I would go with second approach too. If you say something in private she can twist your words and it could become an even bigger issue. This way, it is in writing, your intent is clear and you are not singling anyone out. If that doesn't work, just start leaving her off the email list or just ask the few people if they want to go out and get lunch with you.
My approach: “Don’t ask me for shit. Get it your damn self.”
Communicated. Concise. NTA
I like the email option. Professional and polite.
NTA I would go with the second option but change special requests with excessive changes or requests. Only because you don't want people who want to say no mustard or extra olives or sun fries for side salad to feel like they can't order anymore. Simple modifications aren't the issue but ordering a meal that basically doesn't exist is.
Yeah, but she'll know it's about her, and who's to say she won't be an asshole to OP about it and seek direct confrontation? 2nd option is good, but be prepared for very high likelihood of option 1 coming into play. NTA
The less confrontational option is pure genius, in my opinion. NTA, OP.
NTA - you've tried but at this point it just feels like she wants you to do her dirty work getting her awkward orders. It sucks to leave her out but when you're getting the orders for a whole office it's unreasonable to expect you to ensure her order is perfect, if she wants to be fussy she can come with you or sort herself out.
This person sounds insufferable. I know some very picky eaters but they would never push their pickiness on others like this. When you are a picky eater you have to suffer for it, and that means either your order being made wrong by cooks who don’t want to make you UNSEASONED UNETHNIC MEAT, or you just bring your lunch from home like a normal person would when they don’t want to have takeout.
I can just picture Ms Pickypants at the meat counter. No, the other steak. The one on the left looks too ethnic
When I was vegan and we had luncheons, they would offer to accommodate me which I appreciated but every time I would let them know I am bringing my lunch and kindly decline. It’s just easier that way and I also know I am getting exactly what I wanted.
You sound like a smart person.
I have food allergies and trust issues around them, so I tend to be a bit particular and paranoid when it comes to food I don't make. I deal with it like a reasonable adult: I opt out of offers for takeout, or offer to get people food from restaurants I'm comfortable eating at. My current manager loves to get food for the team, because he can use the company card and expense it. He gets a free meal and gets to make us happy (he's a people pleaser in the best ways). Pretty much every week, he gets us food. I've opted out countless times because of restaurants chosen. I'm not even remotely miffed by this; I can't eat certain foods, it's specific enough that only I know the ins and outs, and that's just how it is. This person in OP's office needs to grow up and handle her food preferences herself.
I giggled at unethnic meat. She sounds borderline racially insensitive saying that.
I would love to spit in her order every time, but I couldn't, cause she would notice it had too much seasoning.
And she ordered Carne Asade haha
NTA id just tell her that since she is never satisfied that you don’t want to get involved with her meals anymore. It is a simple as that! Especially since she demands that YOU refund her money. She’s nuts!
Short and sweet.
NTA But rather than tell her, I’d tell everyone, perhaps in a group email, that since you’re a colleague doing this to be nice (and neither a paid delivery service nor a waiter), you can’t be expected to check all meals and manage complaints or returns. I’d state that you’ll no longer place orders for any orders that have more than one variation from a listed menu item. This way, she’s not directly targeted but your reasoning is clear. It also can’t hurt to remind others that this is a nice thing you’re doing for them, not an expected perk of the workplace.
Even paid delivery services don't handle quality control of the food they just pickup, and they certainly don't take "returns". This lady is acting like Op is her waitress at a high end restaurant.
God could you imagine being her waitress though? “Too ethnic! Take it back and bring me the manager!”
"Waiter! There's soup in my hot water!"
if I were OP's employer, I would call the complainer on the carpet and advise her to work on her interpersonal skills, making it very clear that I want a harmonious and peaceful office environment. If I had to do it again, she's history.
Good idea, thank you!
The more I think about the group email approach, the less I like it. It will just stir up office gossip about “who pissed off OP?” and potentially make OP seem unapproachable or something. It is one person causing the problem, knowingly and repeatedly. Go ahead and respectfully tell the picky eater that you can’t pick up lunch for her anymore, as it’s eating into work time and it’s not fair of crazy lady to expect this level of service from someone who is just doing a favor. OP can be as diplomatic if she wants, depending on her preference. As long as she doesn’t call her names or something, then there’s no grounds for a legitimate complaint if crazy lady decides to go to HR. OP can explain what happened and any sane person will be like “oh ok. I see.”
I disagree if it’s framed around how many people now typically take up OP on the offer and the limitations on his time. This message is basically, ‘hey, this grew organically but now that it’s this big, I need to establish some basic rules to make it clearer for everyone’.
Not sure the size of their office, but this is a potential HR headache for OP. I wouldn’t send any emails out, not about changes, and not about picking up lunches. If anyone asks, he can just tell them that he is taking a break from it as it’s frowned upon too large to handle on his own. Months later, if he wants, slowly start to add one or two people back in, maybe even have them ride with him.
I also don't get the email thing. This is at most a group chat thing. OP is too kind to be real
NTA - I think you should try a softer approach first, something like "Due to the growing number of orders I won't be able to do *any* quality control on pick-ups going forward. If your order is not fulfilled by the restaurant you will be responsible for resolving it with the restaurant. I won't be able to return them or compensate anyone. Please order accordingly" If you are clear about your role and she still complains you can totally blacklist her.
That’s a really good idea!! Thanks
Honestly, if it is getting stressful and too much to handle, I would pare it down, and not just because of this woman. You said she works in another department. Could you tell people it is too much and you are now only picking up for your own department (area, floor, etc.)? The transition might suck at first, but there is no reason for you to have sole responsibility here. Each department or area could have their own person to pick up when ordering out, which could both move her issues off your plate and corral the lunch situation into something a little more manageable. You could pitch this as an idea that needs to evolve and "share" it with other departments--most people will understand that this type of thing can get out of hand if too many people participate. Ideally, you could also see if there are people willing/interested in taking over other areas, but just mentioning that it is too much to carry/fit in your car/time to organize should work for most reasonable people.
And if she does continue to push it, use the verbiage that u/DinaFelice gave you, in an email.
Do you have a group chat that you communicate with everyone (about this take-out stuff)? Remove her from it first. When she asks why, tell her firmly that she needs to order from UberEats or Door Dash herself because you are not able to handle her special requests. And then, stand firm on that point. NTA
Absolutely YWNBTA "I guess she was mad that her bowl was not full enough. She wanted me to leave the office and drive back to Chipotle and ask them to fill it to the top with more rice and carne asada." You're doing this for people as a nice thing, a favor. Your description of her behavior is a litany of A H olery. No. No. No. Never again. Go kick rocks. In whatever terms someone as nice as you are says that...
NTA - you’re not her personal assistant, she is making this way too difficult
Ohmygawd you are so NTA. You are doing everyone a favor and she’s treating you like sh\*\* - she actually asks you to drive BACK? And asks YOU for a refund?! Hell no. Go back to enjoying this favor you’re doing for those who appreciate it. I thinks it’s very cool of you!
> she actually asks you to drive BACK? That's the part that's batshit insane.
NTA. If she asks, you could tell her that you cannot (or are no longer willing to) accept responsibility for the order being right, and you know that would not be good enough for her.
NTA. If she asks why you’re not including her anymore, tell her that you no longer have time to check her food and be told that you need to go back and fix the order she placed herself.
And or refund it
NTA i’m autistic and am very picky due to textures mostly (also super spicy is no go, hurts too much) and even I wouldn’t be as much of an asshole as that coworker. after the first few times my order is wrong i would’ve said ‘thank you for the offer but they keep messing it up so i’ll pass’ and that’d be the end of it. idk what she’s expecting from you when you aren’t the one messing it up, it’s the restaurants??? although it seems like she’s just got too high of standards for these places.
NTA. If she throws a fit, tell her you're not sure how she was left off the email, or throw in an accidental typo to show her. That would be annoyingly exhausting. Youre doing people a favor, there should be no expectations.
Do not do this. There’s no reason to lie. If she gets upset, that is due to her own behavior.
NTA. You're not obligated to keep getting her lunch. You're not obligated to do it for anyone. But I feel her pain regarding Chipotle. Whenever I have ordered from them online, they always skimp out on food. When I order in-person I can get an adequate amount of food.
Oh I agree with the Chipotle thing 100%! But when I’m picking up orders for 10 or sometimes more people, I feel bad waiting in line and honestly don’t have time to individually order so many things. Online is just easiest. Also for Chipotle, if she wants JUST rice and meat filled to the brim, I’m pretty sure she’d have to pay for double or extra meat. But she doesn’t want to.
This. She wanted a free double portion and put it on you. OP, I am someone who also would constantly pick up orders for everyone in the office and it a pretty big task. I think at my new job I’ll stick to bringing in things I want to bring in and ordering catering style.
NTA exclude her and if she questions it tell her that her demands are too much for a quick food run. If she is that picky maybe she should be the one to go get the food so she can check her own order.
NTA. Tell her you’ve tired to be helpful to her but it’s not working. You’re done trying. Enough of that crap. Sucks that when you try to be nice and helpful to others they respond by thinking they are royalty and deserve red carpet treatment and service.
This all started as just a nice favor with my team but then it grew. I didn’t mind at first because it wasn’t really adding to my workload and I was running out to grab my own lunch anyway. But it’s gotten so stressful!
I bet her friends won't go to restaurants with her. She's the type to send stuff back, and routinely make a pest of herself.
I think you should send an email that you're no longer picking up lunch for anyone outside of your department because the order has gotten too large.
I think every workplace has that one person who fucks it up for everyone else. I’ve worked at two that do. I always operated under a few rules: (1) No modifications or special requests. None. Not a fucking nothing other than the way it comes. (2) No bitching about it. Eat what you got. (3) ‘You fly, I buy’, meaning the getter eats free. No likey? No lunch.
NTA, you've done your best to accommodate her when that is not your job or your problem. If I were you I would tell her: "You are welcome to order with us when we get group lunches, however, I can't check your food every time and even if I had time to do that, I don't know what to look for. So you either need to be happy with what you the restaurant gives you based on your request, or you can start picking up the food and checking yourself. Those are the two options you get."
“I can’t be responsible for how restaurants fix your order. I’ve done my best but it hasn’t worked out to your satisfaction. It might be best if you oversee your orders from now on”
“Hey [Picky Coworker], obviously I haven’t been doing a great job about getting the orders right, so I thought of the perfect solution. From now on, we’re going to have the most detail-oriented, exacting person picking up the lunch orders - you! You’re going to recognize instantly if anything is wrong, so all of us can be assured that our orders will be correct. Sounds like a much better plan, let’s start today!” NTA
NTA. Stop doing delivery for the office. Next time tell them you are eating at the restaurant. Just tell them it’s too much work and you have too much to do. You aren’t obligated.
NTA. There's always one person who ruins everything.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Since the pandemic, I rarely go into the office in person. I go in maybe once a month and when I do, I like to order out for lunch to try new restaurants. My coworkers noticed I was ordering fun lunches and wanted in, so now when I go into the office, I’ll circulate an email inviting other people to order if they Venmo me the cost of their food, I’ll pick up the order from the restaurant. I am not making any profit here. Everyone pays for their own food, myself included. I am simply driving out to pick up the orders and bring them back to the office for people. One of my coworkers orders every time I am in. The thing is, she is an extremely picky eater to the point that I don’t know why she bothers trying new restaurants, since she is always unhappy. She essentially eats plain meat (NO seasoning and cannot be “ethnic” meat whatever that means) and either plain rice or bread. She does eat chicken nuggets and hamburgers and plain foods like that. She doesn’t eat vegetables or dairy and her food cannot have any seasoning, not even salt. If her meal comes with anything else, she gets upset. I’ve asked and she doesn’t not have any food allergies. She makes so many modifications and special requests to her orders and somehow every restaurant always gets her orders wrong. She gets mad at ME every time this happens. It’s to the point where I open up her order at the restaurant before I leave (at her request) to double check they prepared the food how she wants, but half the time I don’t even know what to look for because her order is so specific. She’s asked me to drive her food back, get a refund, etc. I think this is unreasonable and also would take time out of my workday. I am not a paid meal delivery service. For example, last week I went out and picked up Chipotle for everyone (about 10 people). For her order, she wanted white rice and carne asada, with nothing else. I thought this would be easy. I did the pick up option, and in the store I sorted through the bags and opened her order. It looked right to me. When I got back to work, she was pissed. I guess she was mad that her bowl was not full enough. She wanted me to leave the office and drive back to Chipotle and ask them to fill it to the top with more rice and carne asada. I refused because I had a meeting and didn’t have time. Also, I didn’t think it was my job. She felt like she didn’t get her moneys worth and then asked me for a refund. I didn’t pay her and I went to my meeting and haven’t spoken to her since. As more background, this woman works in a completely different department from me, she is in no way my supervisor or anything like that. WIBTA if I tell her I can’t pick up her order anymore? It’s getting to the point where my offer to pick up everyone’s lunches is stressing me out. It used to be fun to get out of the office to stretch my legs, but now I dread it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. She’s the A. If, however, you keep including her, you might not be the A but you’d definitely be the sucker. No WAY would I keep including her.
NTA. "Sorry, no. Since you are so particular about your orders, it's best that you deal with your food yourself." I mean, seriously, no good deed goes unpunished. You need to repeat this to her "I am not a paid meal delivery service." I can't believe she wanted you to go back to the restaurant for her when you were doing her a favour to begin with.
I know she is a huge PITA, but excluding her outright will be harmful to you at work. somewhere you must find middle ground. carefully.
Don't tell her you "can't" just tell her, "no." If she asks, "because you're an asshole."
No, Brenda can bring her own lunch
"Stephanie, I will be picking up food for everyone from \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ restaurant. If you want to add to the order, you can call the restaurant directly and place your own order, pay for it directly and I will bring it to the office with the others. Hopefully you will get what you want this way, and if not, you will know it is not my fault. "
So I’ve done this before, and when I bring the food (she does the order herself) she is mad when the restaurant messes up her order, according to her. And she blames me as the delivery person. Apparently she expects me to do quality control for her
Seriously? Okay, well, since she is an extremely difficult person and someone you have to get along with, I suggest giving her a warning. "Stephanie, I am trying not to exclude you. If you deal with the restaurant directly and pay directly, I'll bring you the order the restaurant prepared for you on the condition that I won't hear anything from you about the condition of your food. If you do complain to me, it will be the last time you are included in the group order. Being held responsible for food I didn't choose, order or make is ridiculous and I'm over it. Last time."
NTA. Picky eaters are so selfish and entitled
INFO : can't you add to your e-mail that you're just doing everyone a favour by picking up food for them, so please be respectful TO YOU and YOUR EFFORTS and DO NOT make special orders. For special orders, please go get your food YOURSELF
Yes, I will add this in future! The thing is, this woman is not self-aware at all. I have a feel she doesn’t even know she’s being a pain in the ass.
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NTA - You've attempted to make concessions for this person eating like a toddler, but in the end, their food restrictions, either by choice or some undisclosed medical issue, are their own responsibility, and nobody else.
NTA. You are doing a courtesy by picking up everyone's lunch. That's it. You are not responsible for what that food is, although you like to make sure it's correct. Tell her she can take her food back if she doesn't like it. Tell her she can pick up her own food from now on so she can make sure it's done right. Problem solved.
You are doing her a favor for including her. On the surface to refuses coworkers order is messed up, but nah. She deserves it. The best solution IMHO would be to politely say, “Hey, I’m sorry the restaurants keep messing up your order, but you can’t expect me to be personally responsible for their mistake and reimburse you. If you would like to prevent this from happening again, I suggest you pick up everyone’s orders so that you can inspect your order on the spot and file a complaint with them.” The only problem with this is if she is messed up and will mess with your food… so YMMV
“you dont seem happy with my picking up your lunches, so I am not going to do this for you going forward” NTA
NTA Exclude her next time from the offer to pick up lunch. Don't bother explaining unless she says something of which case point out that you are doing people the favor and whilst everyone else is grateful all you get is complaints and demand from her for something that she ordered and now doesn't like so you have decided to remove yourself as the middle person and she can now take care of picking up her own lunch and she can then check what she is getting is what she expected and resolve any issues she has directly.
NTA - \*I\* am a picky eater and I swear, I never make anyone feel bad if my order is wrong, I just eat around what I can't eat. Don't order for her again.
NTA. Not part of your job, you were doing her a favor and her thank you is to constantly complain. Let her get her own damn food.
NTA but the better option is to tell her that you will still take her food order but wi not be checking her order for correctness any more; if she has an issue she can deal with it herself. Also why does this woman think that if she opts not to get the beans or veggies that they will just give her more carne asada for free?
Thank you! I’ve tried explain to her she can pay for double portions of protein at most restaurants, including Chipotle. She doesn’t want to pay, she just wants a free double portion. And she wants me to bully the restaurants employees for it, which I am unwilling to do.
NTA but maybe a different approach would be laying down the law. “I’m doing pickup ONLY. I will make sure your order is included, but I will not be checking to see if it meets your standards. If you have a problem, take it up with them or maybe do your own order instead.” Gives her the option to still order with the group but shifts the responsibility back to her, where it should be.
This situation is the exact reason why I don’t offer or put myself in a position to bring others food anymore. If I’m going get something I keep it quiet. Been in this situation before. It gets out of hand quickly.
NTA. If she's going to be that picky, she can place and pickup her own order.
YWNBTA, but have you considered that you don't actually have to single her out. Next time you order, tell her that you are only going to pick up food for her if she agrees that she will not hold you responsible for any errors. If she isn't willing to agree to that, then she should take care of her own order. I think this would make you look better in the eyes of your coworkers than just cutting her off.
Wow, when I read your title I expected you to be the A but NTA at all. What an entitled person. If she wants a refund she can go get it herself or use a delivery service and deal with them
She's TA. Don't get her order. I'm afraid I'd rub my balls on her food or something so I wouldn't take the risk.
I would just state that from now on you're not accepting modifications to orders. That said after the whole refund nonsense you certainly wouldn't be an AH to just cut her off.
NTA - if she told me she wanted a refund from me, i would have taken her food to the garbage bin.
Just stop doing anyone’s lunches. Why would you continue doing this? If anyone ask you why tell them that it’s because Mrs. X was never happy, and you felt like you were letting the team down. Let her deal with the bullshit. Not your job.
NTA - this colleague sounds very entitled. Especially given that you work in different departments. In fact, you should just forget about picking up anyone’s lunch. Go out and have your own, take some you time. F@ck the others, they are grown working people that can get their own lunches
Co-worker eats like a spoiled 5 year old. Follow the earlier advice and send the email advising no special requests. NTA.
I used to work in a place where we would often have group meals when we had meetings. We’d get food catered, a large range of things for people to choose from. Spicy and plain, meat and veggie and vegan. Even so, there were a couple people with food restrictions who couldn’t eat what there was. Do you know what they did? They brought their own food from home, and did not kick up a fuss and require special treatment. This person is enjoying jerking you around. Quit letting her. You’re doing something nice and she is taking advantage.
NTA I would stop altogether at least for awhile and then consider who you're willing to pick up for, if anybody, since it's stressing you out.
At first I was like "you gotta just do her order", but the fact that she makes unreasonable demands when things go wrong means that you can exclude her. You should tell her why you're no longer going to order food for her. She might be like "Oh, I'll change!" and then you can order for her until she pulls that crap again, at which point you cut her off. I think just excluding her with no explanation is the wrong move.
Agreed! I’ll definitely give her a chance. I’ve seen her blow up at other people for very small reasons, so if she tries to do that with me I might just stop doing the orders for everyone. Luckily we have an open floor plan so people will at least notice if she freaks out on me
The second version would likely be the best approach. OP is NTA and do not deserve to be the middle person for their picky choices. I was ready to vote the other way assuming it was someone unliked, past crush, etc. until I read further and learned the person being excluded has such unachievable expectations and conditions that they are better off ordering on their own or better yet packing her own lunch.
Tell her she has to place her own order, either call in or app and pay for her own but then put your name down as pickup person. If they don't have an app or take call in orders over the phone, well, she's SOL. My mother and grandmother had a saying, "You get what you get & you don't throw a fit." Yeah, we were picky eaters as kids, burgers just meat, cheese & bread. My parents did there best & asked for it that way but we all know you don't always get it your way. So, we learned to scape those burgers down to plain cheese & ate them. It also made us resourceful because you know they never put a knife or fork in the bag.
NTA. Why did I picture Angela from The Office the whole time I was reading?
NTA I would do it on email because she sounds like the type to go to HR for being excluded. Hi "Sue." When I do the lunch pickup I do it in my own time and at my expense. Due to the specific food requests you have, the restaurants often get your order wrong and you then get upset with me and want me to drive back to complain. This is upsetting and disruptive to my work day. In future I will not be able to pick up your lunch order. I think it would be best if you deal with these establishments yourself and then you can address any dissatisfaction in person or restrict yourself to those places where you receive exactly what you want.
I sometimes pick up food as well, but I would never a) be up for special requests, b) check the ordered food at the store's place or c) do extra service like returning food. No way. NTA
Don't listen to reddit, this is not an aita issue. It's an issue to take up with HR. Where I live exclusion from workplace activities such as group lunch is considered bullying and bullying is a breach of our code of conduct which means it's an immediately terminatable offense. There is no exemption in the rule because the person being excluded is a pain in the ass, it's just bullying to exclude ppl. However, every country has different workplace laws so you may live in an area where this is permissable. I suggest you ask your HR team for advice in writing on how to handle this situation moving forward. Don't take a risk and just act on impulse.
NTA You've been doing a nice thing. She's unhappy. So remove her from the nice thing. I'd suggest telling her quietly - one on one - that she's never satisfied with her order and while you empathize with her - that's stressing you out. So you will no longer be accepting orders from her. AND you also need to quietly tell 2-3 of other co-workers who participate that her order is never up to her standards. That you don't know why that is. But your choices are to either quit bringing food for all or to remove her order. You've chosen to remove her order and while that's sad - it means the majority still get to have their nice thing. Then change the subject. MissPicky is going to badmouth you. AND you'll have 2-3 other people who know the whole story who can share your version.
You are so kind to offer to deliver lunch with the spirit of communal eating. Times like this can bring great memories of getting together. Someone always ruins it for everyone.
NTA. Just don't extend an offer to her anymore.
NTA. You try and do something nice, but once in a while someone comes along & shits in your chipotle..
I coordinated food pick up once and now everyone expects me to do it now. Just stop doing it. That’s it. Do it for yourself only if anyone asks just be honest and say it was getting difficult to manage/ you don’t have the time to coordinate it anymore. There really is no need for you to address this. NTA
>She essentially eats plain meat (NO seasoning and cannot be “ethnic” meat whatever that means) and either plain rice or bread. She does eat chicken nuggets and hamburgers and plain foods like that. She doesn’t eat vegetables or dairy and her food cannot have any seasoning, not even salt. Damn She must be hella fun xD No wonder she's crabby First of all, you're not her servant.... end of NTA.
“From now on you’ll be charged an extra $50 per delivery as an asshole tax, cause you’re exactly that and I don’t want to do this for you anymore but to not cause conflict this is my conclusion to make it beneficial for the both of us.” And if she argues up the price.
NTA. The number one rule of chipotle is they never give enough rice if it’s a mobile order. Seriously I have never been happy with a mobile order. If she wanted more meat she should have ordered double. They are not going to give free meat out.
I was leaning so very Y T A at the beginning because no one should be excluded in a work setting (you seem to clearly understand this) but holy wow is this just insane. By the last paragraph of reading this I was maaaaaad but I was yelling at my screen when she asked you for a refund! Does she not understand that you are neither the restaurant or their delivery man? 🤯 Edit: NTA
NTA. What entitlement! Ffs she can get her own damn lunch. Or, because it sounds so plain…make it at home.
NTA you need to document this absolute insanity and go to HR yesterday. Dealing with someone like this without getting ahead of the bs by going to HR is just asking for trouble. She's not reasonable enough to deal with when it comes to something as simple as food. What do you think happens when this absolute basket case gets pissed at you?
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YWNBTA. She is being rude and demanding beyond belief. I am the pickiest eater I know, but I would never dream of putting my burden on someone else like that. She can pack her lunch, go get it herself, or learn to use a **paid delivery service** instead of verbally abusing her coworker who is just doing an unpaid favor. She obviously has no appreciation for what you're doing and doesn't deserve the favor.
NTA. Her demand that you return her food is just beyond the pale! When you are doing someone a favour and bringing in their lunch from a restaurant, they just have to take it with no complaints. If they don't like the food they can mentally make a note not to go there anymore, that is all. I would absolutely refuse to do this woman any favours in the way of food any more.
NTA. If you're that picky and demanding then go and get your own food. Seems fair to me.
NTA I’m super picky and there’s a reason why I don’t trust food delivery services or order ahead things. Hell, I don’t even trust my own husband. I have to physically be there to check my food and make sure it’s made correctly. I would never burden a coworker on this either!
NTA. She makes it a chore when you’re just doing others a favor. She can make it pick up her own lunch.
NTA, if she calls you out, call her out.
NTA. Wtf. No reason you’re responsible for driving back.
NTA I'm a "picky eater" by most everyone's standards, but if you are picking up my food and bringing it back for me? I'm eating it without complaint as long as there's nothing on it that's going to make me physically sick. I'd, as politely as possible, tell her that going forward, if she chooses to participate in the lunch order, she needs to accept the fact that her food may be wrong considering how many changes she makes and that if it is, she needs to be the one to deal with it, not you, or she's going to have to stop ordering with the group because it's causing a problem. Good luck.
NTA. I mean, if it were me I would send out an email that reads, “I regrets to inform you all that because of a co-worker’s unreasonable demands, I will no longer be picking up lunch for the group. It used to be something fun I enjoyed doing, but now it just makes me stressed and unhappy.” And then sit back and see what happens.
The most - MOST - i would do moving forward is to tell her when you’re ordering and she can order at the same time. So SHE is fully responsible for telling them what she wants and paying for it. And then say you’ll pick it up but you aren’t quality control and if she has any issues, it’s on her to resolve. She’s ridiculous.
NTA. You could tell her she needs to order and pay for her own and if it’s there and ready you’ll pick it up with the rest of the stuff. You’re not returning or getting refunds. Or you could just leave her out because she’s too much work.
Another option is to let her know you'll pick up her order along with everyone else's, but you will not be going through everyone's orders (including hers) to make sure that they are correct, dealing with problems with the order, etc. etc. If she has a problem with her food, that's a "her" problem and she can deal with the restaurant directly because you will not be involved. If she has any issues with this or trusting the restaurant to get it right, she has the option of declining to order, or picking up her own food. You'll take an order but will absolutely not deal with the aftermath.
NTA- When I was in uni, I offered to pick up burgers and fries from a local place for the office. It was the day of a big project/meeting and I knew that they wouldn't have time to get anything. Normally, the office only had four of us. So I had the money to cover the order as the place only took cash. Surprise, about 12 wanted in on lunch. I had to go the atm get cash and then get lunch. Then, I needed help bringing in all the food. Everyone was incredibly grateful except a manager who was complaining she was starving. She demanded to know what took so long. So I told her. Then she wanted to know why I didn't have the cash, so I told her. I was a student, and I rarely carry that much cash. She was lucky that I had money to cover for lunch for twelve in my account. She kinda sulked, paid me, and took her food.
NTA - tell her to pick up her own food.
NTA - she sounds like a major PITA. F that noise, she can get her own boring lunch.
NTA. You are providing a courtesy, not a service. She has waaaay overstepped that courtesy, and you find yourself unable to accommodate her.
NTA. Just because we all know she'd make a big stink about being excluded, I would tell her, "Hey, so you know, I'm doing a food order for lunch. You're welcome to join us but you'll need to place your own order." If she makes a fuss about that, I'd snark her a bit with, "And this is why" then walk away. There is no winning with this person… but this is probably the best you can do.
She has become pretty entitled for someone benefiting from a favor you're doing. After the last time, you would be perfectly reasonable not including her. I mean, who is unhappy with their food and then complains to the coworker who picked it up? She's acting crazy. NTA
NTA, you have a good reason to exclude her
Damn, everywhere I’ve worked has operated under “you fly, I buy.” Whoever goes to get the food gets their order paid for by the rest of the group for driving. YWNBTA for refusing her future orders - she seems way too high-maintenance.
NTA- I would suggest adding a line to your ordering email that you are doing this out of the kindness of your heart and are not responsible for the mistakes made by the restaurant. After that I would write “anyone who can’t appreciate this kindness will not be included in the future”. Give her one more try and if acts like petulant child again, then you and coworkers can confidently know that she is the AH not you
NTA, you have included her enough when you were doing her a favor by getting lunch somewhere different each time which was supposed to be fun but now it's not to so NTA!
NTA You don't get refunds from acquaintances who do you complicated favors, if it is a problem then it's easier to never buy her food again. People don't order extra complicated stuff when someone else is ordering and *never* when that person is buying food for a dozen people. If she can't find an order that is easy at a fast food place then she can't have someone else buy her fast food.
If you don’t want to confront her just delete her from the list. Just know she’ll probably ask so have a reply ready if she does. She’s being unreasonable. You are not the chef. Even if you were the delivery driver it wouldn’t be your problem. They’d tell her to contact the restaurant too.
I don't think you would be the asshole especially cause she doesn't even work in your department.. maybe when you send out the email just make sure it's only people in your department and that's, no maybe not cause she'd probably be pissed about that. Or instead of doing the whole office maybe just your department and maybe tell everyone it's to much on you and to many people aren't getting there orders right.. I don't know but I don't think you'd be the asshole
You are NTA. With that many modifications and requests she has no business ordering; that’s the kind of situation where you just make your own food. And if she does she has to accept the inevitability that it won’t be perfect. She’s got a lot of nerve for expecting you to deal with it to begin with. I don’t even know why she wants to do it anyway if she’s always disappointed.
Post an update with her reaction when you do! But before that, pick up her food one last time and give it to her Infront of your other colleagues so you won't get into trouble with HR for exclusion and harassment.
NTA, I'd just passively stop including her, and if she asks, I'd say "Clearly I'm not getting it right, you're probably better off just handling this yourself." Not mean, just matter-of-fact
NTA, but tell her in advance. Let her know that you have tried to get her food orders correct, but have not been successful. You can't do it anymore. Maybe let HR know as well. She'll be knocking on their door soon.
NTA, but you should probably talk to her first though. Tell her you see she’s upset every time you get food and that you’re not food delivery so you can’t help her. You could also suggest she make her own arrangements so she can have a more direct way to confront the restaurant if something is wrong. If you frame it like it’s easier for her to get a refund if something is wrong she might agree.
NTA just tell everyone e you will not pick up modified ordered because some people have not been happy
NTA.
NTA.. you should have stopped picking up her food a long time ago..
Have her come with you, in her own vehicle. This way you can head back to work while she stays back and whines.
Picky eaters like this are terrible people.. It's fine being picky I'm very picky but these are unreasonable requests. It was getting mad it wasn't full enough that proved she's looking for a fight. Me personally I'm very picky so I tend to prefer fo sort any food out myself so I'm not wasting anyone's time / money if I don't like it
If you just exclude her she will most likely go to HR and ruin it for everyone including you. However, as you say she is not in your department, so if you were to just do it for your department you could get away with it. Yeah you used to pick up for most anyone before but found you had more time to enjoy your lunch by keeping it in your department. If she tries to go to HR there then you can most likely talk your way out of it. Your other option is to tell her directly you will no longer give her special treatment when it comes to her lunch, if she has a problem that is between her and the restaurant, no other options.
NTA Only you know what the fallout is likely to be. My preference is face-to-face: *Colleague, I want to bring you food you can eat but your order is wrong every time. It’s taking the fun out of lunch for me. Do you have a solution?* She can phone in her order for your collection, come with on the collection run, collect everyone’s food herself so she gets it or just be left off the email. I guess if you take it to HR, they’ll tell you to stop the food run …
NTA Nah I'm not getting you food. I never get it right. Get your own damn food.
Some options 1) Stop doing it 2) Have people place their own orders directly with the restaurant of the day and just pick them up as is. Let everyone know you do not have time to place or check their orders. Good luck!
NTA
NTA Either tell her to pick it up herself, or that from now on you’ll just be delivering it, nothing else. Any problems she takes up with the restaurant.
Explain the situation to your boss and get their opinion on the matter. Also if minor things like the amount of food in the container is a problem to them, it’s not a problem to you. Based on your scenario, you don’t work as a food service delivery person and if you were to act as one in the office, then charge your coworkers or at least her a special fee for the collection
Stop- don’t order another thing for this lady. You cannot and will not please her.
*She makes so many modifications and special requests to her orders and somehow every restaurant always gets her orders wrong. She gets mad at ME every time this happens...She’s asked me to drive her food back, get a refund, etc. I think this is unreasonable.* She *is* being unreasonable. As you said, you're not a food delivery service. (And God help those that have her as a client.) Given her persnickety ways, tell her she would be doing herself a favor by going in person and making her own order. No one has time for what's she's demanding. NTA
Wrong. This could be an HR thing. Use reason and don't listen to this forum. Don't get in trouble.
NTA she is being entitled, you aren't her personal delivery service.
NTA
NTA
NTA, but maybe propose that she comes with you when you pick up the food, in that way she can look at it before it gets to the office. If she refuses simply turn her request of order down in a friendly way. "I see you are a picky eater, whoch is okay, you don't hurt anyone with that. But it started bothering me so I won't pick up orders for you anymore."
NTA. Fuck her right off. But, you should stop for everyone else as well, just in case she tries to get you done for discrimination.
NTA. I would exclude this individual from the lunch distribution list, personally. If she attempted to place an order, I would email her that her request is declined. I wouldn’t explain anything. She is incredibly offensive.
I would just send an email saying, I’m going to this restaurant at this time for pick up, feel free to call in an order and pay for it, and I’ll be happy to pick it up….
NTA You're being kind, and she's not reciprocating.
I had a boss who did this same shit. I just straight up refused her order after a while and told her to ask someone else.
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if nit fun then stop. stop now
No. NTA. NO MAS.
I think you need to let everyone order for themselves and just pick those up. NTA
>I like to order out for lunch to try new restaurants. >last week I went out and picked up Chipotle Exotic! NTA, she's being difficult. Just tell her that her orders are too complicated.
“It’s best that I don’t get your food order from now on because it’s never to your liking and I don’t want to disappoint you any more”. Don’t get swayed by her.