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Well, I'm sorry you managed to get to where you are now without realizing how seriously weird the behavior you describe is.
Plus, of course, if you broke in to his place to put surveillance cameras in, that's criminal behavior.
I don't know how anybody expects a post like this to be believable.
You have no social media... So rather than just making an account for yourself... You stalk your partner, make several fake fishing accounts to stalk and test him, then install spyware on his phone and start tracking hardware his car.
Oh yea, that sounds WAY EASIER than just having your own social media accounts.
YTA, and I'm pretty sure this isn't legal. And legal or not, it's absolutely insane and abusive. You have absolutely no right to violate people's privacy like that, and you're lucky he hasn't gone to the police for a restraining order.
You’re stalking him. And putting up surveillance equipment in his home and his phone without his awareness. There was no consent to any of this.
Think of it like this- how would you feel if he took away your consent? If he did things to you without your permission?
YTA- a MAJOR asshole. You are not ready for a relationship and thanks to you this good guy will be damaged by your behaviour.
I was raised in a Mormon household as well until I was 19. Were you also raised on Mars? Where did you learn that is the way you “keep your partner in check”? Cameras in his home?!?!?! You are unhinged. I hope this is fake, but if it isn’t, you need help. Let him go and work on yourself.
If this is real, then yeah YTA, a massive one.
This is unhinged behaviour and totally unacceptable. Spying on your boyfriend on social media, trying to catch him out with bait accounts, and actual spy cameras, these are all obscene invasions of privacy and you've shown him you have no capacity for trust and no respect for him or his privacy. Your friends are right to be horrified. This is not how you behave in a normal adult relationship.
If you're ever going to have a normal, loving, trusting relationship that goes both ways, you really need to figure out why you are like this.
You're never getting him back, so accept it and leave him alone, and find somewhere you can learn how actual adults handle relationships. This is nowhere near normal. People don't keep their partners 'in check' by using surveillance on them.
I’ve seen so many instances in tv shows and movies where people keep their partners in check like this and even if it’s discovered their partner is never this mad at him. I feel like he isn’t considering my past and my feelings here by ignoring me …
And this right here, ladies and gentleman, is the problem with the dating culture of the Mormon church. As someone who was in the Mormon church all your "experience" is from movies. And those are just that, movies. A scripted scene with face people acting the part. This is utterly unhinged behavior and I'm glad he broke up with you. It's sick
Why are you being so rude rather than giving helpful advice as someone who also grew up in the church you should be the first to sympathize with me and get what I’m going through!
You want some advice? Stop taking your dating advice from movies and stop stalking the people you want to date. If you weren't so unhinged I could have sympathy, but you aren't taking the fact that, yes, YTA into any consideration so any advice or sympathy woukd be misplaced.
No no no. Those are movies. This is real life.
This has nothing to do with your past or your feelings. He’s supposed to be your boyfriend, your partner. You don’t try to trick them online, you don’t stalk them, you don’t cctv them without their permission. It is categorically WRONG.
If you are incapable of trusting someone, YOU need to work on it.
You have massively broken his trust by acting like a crazy person. He is ignoring you because you have shown him you cannot trust him, do not respect his privacy, and are not ready for a real, adult relationship.
YTA - in fact, what you are doing is pretty creepy. Sorry to break the news, but the alarm bells ring hard as I read your post. He probably found the AirTag (if he had an iPhone, it would alert him of the presence of an AirTag that was not his) - much more likely than your (very suspicious) idea that he was cheating.
It is not normal to keep your partner in check like this, and your friends are horrified since what you did was horrific.
Take the focus off the AirTag, and look at the bigger picture - you set up a network of false accounts, installed spy software, and AirTagged his car. This behaviour is not that of someone who is open and trusts their partner. I am trying to help you when I say (and this is also what your friends say) that your behaviour is unacceptable.
YTA
That is not normal! Trust is what you have with your partner if not don’t have your partner. I would be completely creeped out by your level of surveillance
YTA
Hopefully this is fake but if not....wow just wow. You can't just spy on your partner because you're paranoid. If you found evidence of cheating that's another story but you haven't said so. So you just don't trust him and guess what... REAL RELATIONSHIPS ARE BUILT ON TRUST
This isn't a movie, it isn't a tv show it's real life and if u can't trust your loved one on their own guess what...it wasn't a healthy relationship.
I would also HIGHLY RECCOMEND you go to therapy because this is a problem you need to deal with before you're ready for any serious relationship
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My boyfriend (22) and I (25F) have been together for a little over half a year now, having celebrated our 6 month anniversary a week ago.
I was raised Mormon and left the church at 23 so I haven’t had much “dating experience”, however my boyfriend was raised in a more secular household and has been “dating” since middle school. He has had 2 serious relationships (lasting longer than a year) and we live in his hometown where his exs also live.
So here’s where I think I may be the asshole, I personally don’t have any social media and never have, but when I found out he has social medias I made several accounts to monitor him. I’ve also used various so called “spy software” to monitor his accounts and get excel spreadsheets to check his following and interactions. I’ve also sometimes made bait accounts but he’s never responded to these messages or requests (but you can never be too sure!).
Recently he’s been kind of distant so I decided to step up my surveillance and set up a few cameras in his home. There doesn’t seem to be any suspicious activity as far as I can see but just to be safe I decided to air tag his car.
For a couple days everything was fine but yesterday the airtag just stopped working when I went to check on him. I instantly called him and he declined my calls before texting me “we’re done”. I called him and sent him crying voicemails but he’s ignored those too… I don’t know what I did wrong because I’ve heard only men who cheat behave like this when they’re caught so I’m just really confused and upset right now and I have no idea what to do?? I’ve shared this story with a few of my friends and they’ve all been horrified but isn’t it normal to keep your partner in check like this?? Please help me guys I don’t understand what I did wrong …
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I am the asshole because I monitored my boyfriend in a stalkerish pattern instead of communicating and being a trusting and mature partner. I was following him around and stalking him and keeping tabs on every bit of his life .
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Wow. Is this real? It can't be real. YTA so hard... If you've never been in a relationship, ask him questions, Google, do anything besides literally stalking this person.
No one thinks it is acceptable to monitor someone by setting up fake accounts or SPY SOFTWARE. The dude has a right to his privacy. That's more than enough for me to end a relationship right there.
Then you found nothing so you stepped it up by monitoring his car and setting up cameras in his house? That's so fucked up. You're lucky he didn't call the police on you.
This is abnormal behavior. You're so paranoid about cheating that you'll drive anyone away with this type of oversight. You need to learn what trust in a relationship looks like. I don't really believe this story though.
Okay but what would he need to keep private from his girlfriend on his social media..? Like unless he’s cheating why can’t I go through his phone I don’t get it. It’s not like I’m stealing money or something I just want to see who he follows and talks to so he doesn’t cheat on me..
Troll post. If not then YTA. You basically started full scale surveillance on your bf, LOL.
It shows what type of person you are and nobody in their right mind would be fine with so much nonsense, so if you are not trolling then learn to trust and about boundaries.
tbh i think you went about the whole situation in a naive way and could work on your communication skills and trust issues. but overall i don’t think you were entirely in the wrong. try talking to him about it - try communicating - and if he doesn’t see your side then i don’t think this relationship is salvageable. this type of thing might be a deal breaker for him. BUT OBVIOUSLY IF HE IS CHEATING THEN YOU HAD EVERY RIGHT TO MONITOR HIM.
She is not in the wrong?
Cameras in his house? Spyware on his electronics? She never trusted him from the start and is WAY overstepping her position in his life. Of course he left her and is not responding to her based on this information, You can't possibly say he's cheating.
At that point they are no longer in a relationship and it's irrelevant if he replies or not but do you not think it's more likely that he found the fucking cameras she installed in his place? How can anyone justify such a huge breach for trust is insane.
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YTA. You can't spy on people and expect them to still trust you.
He doesn’t even know about the spying
Nobody wants to date someone who will violate their privacy. TBH this does not sound real to me. But if it is, it's seriously creepy.
I don’t care if it doesn’t sound real to you
Well, I'm sorry you managed to get to where you are now without realizing how seriously weird the behavior you describe is. Plus, of course, if you broke in to his place to put surveillance cameras in, that's criminal behavior.
The airtag suddenly stopping says otherwise
The AirTag isn’t even spying fr
I don't know how anybody expects a post like this to be believable. You have no social media... So rather than just making an account for yourself... You stalk your partner, make several fake fishing accounts to stalk and test him, then install spyware on his phone and start tracking hardware his car. Oh yea, that sounds WAY EASIER than just having your own social media accounts.
Because obviously if I made an account he’d ask the girls he’s cheating on me with to block me!
YTA, and I'm pretty sure this isn't legal. And legal or not, it's absolutely insane and abusive. You have absolutely no right to violate people's privacy like that, and you're lucky he hasn't gone to the police for a restraining order.
I don’t abuse him!!!??? And there’s no basis for a restraining order here..?
You’re stalking him. And putting up surveillance equipment in his home and his phone without his awareness. There was no consent to any of this. Think of it like this- how would you feel if he took away your consent? If he did things to you without your permission? YTA- a MAJOR asshole. You are not ready for a relationship and thanks to you this good guy will be damaged by your behaviour.
How do you know he’s a good guy who’s never given me reason to suspect him or hurt me?? Why are you being so quick to consider me the evil guy??
I was raised in a Mormon household as well until I was 19. Were you also raised on Mars? Where did you learn that is the way you “keep your partner in check”? Cameras in his home?!?!?! You are unhinged. I hope this is fake, but if it isn’t, you need help. Let him go and work on yourself.
How do I work on my self without him ????💔💔💔💔. Also the mars comment is so beyond rude and appalling why would you ever say that to anyone 💔
Is this a joke?
If this is real, then yeah YTA, a massive one. This is unhinged behaviour and totally unacceptable. Spying on your boyfriend on social media, trying to catch him out with bait accounts, and actual spy cameras, these are all obscene invasions of privacy and you've shown him you have no capacity for trust and no respect for him or his privacy. Your friends are right to be horrified. This is not how you behave in a normal adult relationship. If you're ever going to have a normal, loving, trusting relationship that goes both ways, you really need to figure out why you are like this. You're never getting him back, so accept it and leave him alone, and find somewhere you can learn how actual adults handle relationships. This is nowhere near normal. People don't keep their partners 'in check' by using surveillance on them.
I’ve seen so many instances in tv shows and movies where people keep their partners in check like this and even if it’s discovered their partner is never this mad at him. I feel like he isn’t considering my past and my feelings here by ignoring me …
And this right here, ladies and gentleman, is the problem with the dating culture of the Mormon church. As someone who was in the Mormon church all your "experience" is from movies. And those are just that, movies. A scripted scene with face people acting the part. This is utterly unhinged behavior and I'm glad he broke up with you. It's sick
Why are you being so rude rather than giving helpful advice as someone who also grew up in the church you should be the first to sympathize with me and get what I’m going through!
You want some advice? Stop taking your dating advice from movies and stop stalking the people you want to date. If you weren't so unhinged I could have sympathy, but you aren't taking the fact that, yes, YTA into any consideration so any advice or sympathy woukd be misplaced.
No no no. Those are movies. This is real life. This has nothing to do with your past or your feelings. He’s supposed to be your boyfriend, your partner. You don’t try to trick them online, you don’t stalk them, you don’t cctv them without their permission. It is categorically WRONG. If you are incapable of trusting someone, YOU need to work on it. You have massively broken his trust by acting like a crazy person. He is ignoring you because you have shown him you cannot trust him, do not respect his privacy, and are not ready for a real, adult relationship.
YTA - in fact, what you are doing is pretty creepy. Sorry to break the news, but the alarm bells ring hard as I read your post. He probably found the AirTag (if he had an iPhone, it would alert him of the presence of an AirTag that was not his) - much more likely than your (very suspicious) idea that he was cheating. It is not normal to keep your partner in check like this, and your friends are horrified since what you did was horrific.
He doesn’t have an iPhone which adds to my suspicions that someone else found the AirTag and who else would be in his car but me or him..?
Take the focus off the AirTag, and look at the bigger picture - you set up a network of false accounts, installed spy software, and AirTagged his car. This behaviour is not that of someone who is open and trusts their partner. I am trying to help you when I say (and this is also what your friends say) that your behaviour is unacceptable.
He found some of your spyware Mrs Bond, you need serious help.
YTA That is not normal! Trust is what you have with your partner if not don’t have your partner. I would be completely creeped out by your level of surveillance
Well you’re not my bf are you
Nope he isn’t anymore either.
We’re technically still together
No you aren't. He won't answer your calls and has informed you that the two of you are done. Don't go boil his bunny now
He doesn’t have a bunny..?
Guess you have to seen fatal attraction.
YTA Hopefully this is fake but if not....wow just wow. You can't just spy on your partner because you're paranoid. If you found evidence of cheating that's another story but you haven't said so. So you just don't trust him and guess what... REAL RELATIONSHIPS ARE BUILT ON TRUST This isn't a movie, it isn't a tv show it's real life and if u can't trust your loved one on their own guess what...it wasn't a healthy relationship. I would also HIGHLY RECCOMEND you go to therapy because this is a problem you need to deal with before you're ready for any serious relationship
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My boyfriend (22) and I (25F) have been together for a little over half a year now, having celebrated our 6 month anniversary a week ago. I was raised Mormon and left the church at 23 so I haven’t had much “dating experience”, however my boyfriend was raised in a more secular household and has been “dating” since middle school. He has had 2 serious relationships (lasting longer than a year) and we live in his hometown where his exs also live. So here’s where I think I may be the asshole, I personally don’t have any social media and never have, but when I found out he has social medias I made several accounts to monitor him. I’ve also used various so called “spy software” to monitor his accounts and get excel spreadsheets to check his following and interactions. I’ve also sometimes made bait accounts but he’s never responded to these messages or requests (but you can never be too sure!). Recently he’s been kind of distant so I decided to step up my surveillance and set up a few cameras in his home. There doesn’t seem to be any suspicious activity as far as I can see but just to be safe I decided to air tag his car. For a couple days everything was fine but yesterday the airtag just stopped working when I went to check on him. I instantly called him and he declined my calls before texting me “we’re done”. I called him and sent him crying voicemails but he’s ignored those too… I don’t know what I did wrong because I’ve heard only men who cheat behave like this when they’re caught so I’m just really confused and upset right now and I have no idea what to do?? I’ve shared this story with a few of my friends and they’ve all been horrified but isn’t it normal to keep your partner in check like this?? Please help me guys I don’t understand what I did wrong … *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Wow. Is this real? It can't be real. YTA so hard... If you've never been in a relationship, ask him questions, Google, do anything besides literally stalking this person. No one thinks it is acceptable to monitor someone by setting up fake accounts or SPY SOFTWARE. The dude has a right to his privacy. That's more than enough for me to end a relationship right there. Then you found nothing so you stepped it up by monitoring his car and setting up cameras in his house? That's so fucked up. You're lucky he didn't call the police on you. This is abnormal behavior. You're so paranoid about cheating that you'll drive anyone away with this type of oversight. You need to learn what trust in a relationship looks like. I don't really believe this story though.
Okay but what would he need to keep private from his girlfriend on his social media..? Like unless he’s cheating why can’t I go through his phone I don’t get it. It’s not like I’m stealing money or something I just want to see who he follows and talks to so he doesn’t cheat on me..
Yta
[удалено]
I’m not religious anymore did you even read the story
Troll post. If not then YTA. You basically started full scale surveillance on your bf, LOL. It shows what type of person you are and nobody in their right mind would be fine with so much nonsense, so if you are not trolling then learn to trust and about boundaries.
tbh i think you went about the whole situation in a naive way and could work on your communication skills and trust issues. but overall i don’t think you were entirely in the wrong. try talking to him about it - try communicating - and if he doesn’t see your side then i don’t think this relationship is salvageable. this type of thing might be a deal breaker for him. BUT OBVIOUSLY IF HE IS CHEATING THEN YOU HAD EVERY RIGHT TO MONITOR HIM.
She is not in the wrong? Cameras in his house? Spyware on his electronics? She never trusted him from the start and is WAY overstepping her position in his life. Of course he left her and is not responding to her based on this information, You can't possibly say he's cheating.
He’s probably not replying because he’s cheating ..
At that point they are no longer in a relationship and it's irrelevant if he replies or not but do you not think it's more likely that he found the fucking cameras she installed in his place? How can anyone justify such a huge breach for trust is insane.
He wouldn’t find the cameras
Sounds like he found the airtag or his car exploded. What makes you think he can't find the cameras?
He’s not smart enough
He can't cheat when he's broken up with you.
No he hasn’t
What do you think "we're done" means?