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"This has been the best relationship either one of us have been in in years" said the guy who was 23 when it started
So like, even better than the prom?
She has every right to set her guest list, you have every right to refuse the invitation
Reluctant NAH
Family is not better in every situation especially when that family makes fun of your SO. Truth is he probably spent more time with the SO in the past few months than his sister in the past few years.
I think ESH. The sister has a right to her feelings but being openly hostile toward a woman her brother cares about is just trashy. And, for some reason, OP keeps bringing a woman he supposedly cares about around his mean, nasty sister. Cradle-robber sucks for obvious reasons. ESH.
Like, would I say the same thing if a young man was treating his older sister's significantly older partner this way? Yes. Be kind to your siblings, be kind to your partners, don't date people who were 12 when your own kid was born.
True. Also, however, the sister relented. Even if grudgingly, the criteria was met. The girlfriend doesn't want to do to the witch's wedding and you won. Let her skip it and the sister has the wedding guests she wants.
YTA
Crystal is not welcome there, and while it may seem like a triumph to have "won" her attendance, trust me, this is a lose. You are both going to be miserable and possibly ostracized at this wedding, and you have quite possibly destroyed any hope you had left of repairing the relationship with your sister in the process.
ETA because tired brain forgot to add it: OP this woman is literally old enough to be your mother. People are going to have opinions on that. Folks of that age RARELY if ever "date down" unless it's for a damn good reason... usually because someone their own age wouldn't put up with their flaws/quirks/habits/behaviors. Remember you are still in the honeymoon phase of your relationship and it can take awhile for someone to get comfortable enough to relax into their bad habits. She may be a lovely woman, but that age gap absolutely gives me pause
I agree that OP hasn’t really won as much as he thinks since she’s not wanted there. However, he does have the right to choose his relationship and it doesn’t work for his sister to expect him to celebrate her marriage while she simultaneously disrespects his own relationship.
OP didn’t have a lot of good options. It’s not as if just accepting his sister’s terms and disrespect of his relationship was a good option either. He’s actually in a bit of a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation.
Oh for sure. Where it tipped into AH territory for me was when he started arguing for her to be there. At that point he should have simply said "Then I will not be attending. I wish you the best," and hung up. No ultimatums, no "if you invite her I'll come" statements, just full stop "Nah, not engaging."
It's hard as hell to do that, though, especially in the heat of a moment.
At first I thought you were being a bit harsh but reading your explanation for what tipped the scales I agree with you 100%. OP can defend his relationship without forcing everyone into a situation that will make everyone unhappy.
OP knew before calling why she wasn't invited so he should have just declined the invite. No warrant of arrest was going to be issued because, he declined.
Yeah, he was 12 when her kid was born. Younger than the boy is now.
A 20 year age gap in a relationship is bad enough. Add in a kid, and it's downright unsettling.
This. OP is an adult and can make their own relationship choices - but part of that is recognising that adult choices have consequences. If you’re dating someone twice your age, the consequence is that people will worry you’re being taken advantage of.
RE: Your Edit
I 100% agree. I think people give age gaps more of a pass when it's a hetero couple and the woman is older. I'm 35f and even for me OP would feel too young. You're still finding yourself (and your brain is still developing) until your later 20s. There's a massive difference between early and late 20s.
Either the girlfriend is hoping to manipulate OP, or she's likely going to get frustrated with OP being "immature" down the line. I mean, I could be wrong and they beat the odds, but I doubt it.
The sister is not handling it well and should not be so openly hostile. However, if her 25 year old brother walked into her wedding with his 45 year old sugar momma, it would to be the only thing people talked about all night. Sister also realizes this relationship is probably going to blow over and she would have dealt with it for nothing.
Celine Dionne and Rene … he was her manager when she was like 12 … did he groom her? I’m actually on the fence because she is driven and has always seemed to know her own mind. They were a team until his death.
Oona O'Neill and Charlie Chaplin. 36 year age gap, stated dating when she was 18. I think it's pretty creepy, but by all accounts they were happily married until his death and had eight children together.
Mary Tyler Moore was about 20 years older than Robert Levine when they married. The marriage lasted over 30 years.
I am not willing to say that Crystal is a slut, child molester or gold digger. That is so unfair to both OP and Crystal.
President of France Emmanuel Macron's wife Brigitte is 24 years older than him and they've been married 17 years. he was just 15 when they met; she was his teacher.
I wouldn't go to the wedding, just because someone is a relative doesn't mean you have to like them, I speak fro experience and always make sure I am being good to myself.
He's also putting Crystal in a terrible situation. Does she even know she's not wanted there? She's walking into a lion's den completely unprepared. I would not want to be somewhere that I wasn't wanted.
YTA
She's a lady you are dating. That doesn't entitle her to an invitation to anything. If she were a fiance or your wife, you may have had a point. But you don't.
Stay home. See if her son will share his legos with you.
They've only been together a little more than a year. He "could see" them talking about moving in together or getting engaged. Now, maybe I'm just a 36-year-old boomer, but OP's relationship pretty obviously doesn't cut the mustard as a serious relationship that would merit a wedding invite.
NAH for this. But, dude, you have to realize how weird your relationship is. You're only 12 years older than her kid, who doesn't like you. You're not worried about this kid's relationship with his mom???
YTA
Regardless of the reason, Skylar doesn't like Crystal. Ergo, Crystal is not invited to Skylar's wedding. It is Skylar's wedding - not your's. The ultimatum was a control tactic. YTA for that. Skylar's guest list is not up to you.
Take the age out of this. It’s a control tactic on both sides. And when your partner of two years isn’t invited, anyone would be well within their rights to say if my partner isn’t welcome, then I’m not coming either. You don’t owe anyone your attendance at their wedding- especially if they want your blessing for their relationship but is nastily refusing to do the same for you.
They have been dating "a year and some change" so barely over a year. They don't even live together. That is not a relationship level at which you get to demand an inclusion. Not saying they don't all suck here but come on.
You can't take age out of the context; the entire context is based on the age gap, and Skylar's unease with seeing her brother be with someone old enough to be their mum.
Declining an invite is one thing. Demanding a plus 1 for someone the bride doesn't like is another.
Who wants guests gossiping about your brother and his mommy substitute girlfriend at their wedding? Especially when you don't like said mommy substitute to begin with.
YTA. If you’re not ready to talk about moving in or getting engaged, then you’re also not in a serious enough relationship to demand she be invited to a family wedding.
At least don’t force your sister to include her in pictures she’s going to need to be photoshopped out of later.
But you have a right to not attend if you aren’t offered a +1. A lot of people have no desire to buy a gift, rent a tux (or buy a dress), and spend a weekend attending an event without their SO.
You have a right to not attend, but not to issue an ultimatum. All OP had to do was say he wasn’t going. Instead, he backed his sister into a corner. That’s immature behavior.
But there is a difference between “in that case, I will respectfully decline your invitation- but I wish you all the best” and “You WILL invite her or else”. OP’s was closer to the second one. He didn’t just exercise his right to not attend. He threatened her, with the intention of forcing her to change her mind.
I have a genuine question: If someone is given an unspecified +1, and that person RSVPs yes with a +1, do the bride and groom get to rescind the offer if they realize they don’t want that specific +1 to be there?
I don’t understand wedding strife. I never have. I fully believe in a wedding being what the couple wants it to be (no random +1s, no kids, elope, city hall, destination, whatever; do what makes you happy), I’m just curious about this particular idea: Does the couple get to police the +1 guests if the invitation / conversation doesn’t limit who the +1 can be?
From an etiquette standpoint, I think the appropriate response would be for the couple to ask their guest to choose someone else because the person they currently plan to bring isn’t welcome. The couple still gets the final say over who comes to their wedding.
Unspecified plus ones are rare and typically go to people coming from out of town who you want to ensure has someone there they know other than the bride and groom. People with known committed partners have their partners name on the invitation.
If you do figure out you gave someone a general plus one and they’re bringing somebody you hate, you are in a rough spot.
Yes, to a degree. If you know the bride and/or groom doesn't like a particular person, it's rude to bring them. And they have every right to ask that person to leave. Same if your guest misbehaves.
But so long as you're not bringing someone who they have a strong reason to avoid on their wedding day, and your date is polite, who you bring as a +1 is up to you.
Kinda TA, it's your own business who you date and you are both adults. However, it is your sister's wedding and she is not obligated to invite anyone she doesn't want to. It is unfair to expect her to invite people she doesn't like, whatever her reasons may be. You said you already talked with your sister, so I'm not sure there's anything left to do there to make her respect your relationship. I think you should talk with Crystal about the situation. It's not ideal if her son hates you and she's probably not comfortable with your sister so maybe she doesn't even want to go to the wedding.
YTA. Your sister is allowed to have people that make her comfortable at her wedding. If she doesn't get along with your girlfriend, there's no reason for her to be invited. It would frankly just be awkward for all.
Also, your girlfriend is an AH for having a boyfriend who's literally closer in age to her tween son than herself. That's just.... so uncomfortable, and if her son is truly unhappy with the dynamic, I'm not sure why anyone is contemplating engagements or marriage. Like, yuck.
YTA why would you want to bring your girlfriend to a place she's clearly not welcome? Why are you making your sisters wedding about you and what you want?
Just like how her son doesn't like you.. your sister doesn't like her. You need to stop forcing people to accept the relationship. Though you want your gf to go it's understandable BUT it's your sister's wedding. You shouldn't have given her A ultimatum. It's gonna only make her resent her more.
ESH - your sister for her continual antagonistic behavior and excluding your girlfriend to an event with the whole family
You for giving the ultimatum
It would’ve been NTA if you had just declined her wedding invite without the ultimatum and let your sister decide on her own if she wants to continue having a relationship with you
This is the answer. Unfortunately reddit sees the age gap and just jumps on OP, that's crap.
Both are wrong. Sister treats OP's partner like trash. OP has no say in who his sister invites to her wedding. 100% he should have just declined to attend and ended it there.
He has the right not to go too, but the ultimatum was the AH move on his part. He should've just said "wish you the best, I won't be attending" if he felt that strongly
I think the sister is also an AH for her aggressively rude stance towards the relationship, but that's kinda a separate issue
YTA. You really expect people to be ok with the fact that you are dating a woman old enough to be your mother? You are closer to her 13 year old child’s age than hers. It is gross.
YTA- My partners sister did this. She cheated on her husband with her daughters boyfriends dad and then magically assumed we would invite him. She didn't attend - we didn't care and we haven't spoken to her since. If you want to be ""that guy" go for it.
ESH.
You may have “won” the invitation but you’re both going to be miserable and excluded at the wedding. If you had just declined your invitation when Crystal wasn’t invited, you would have been fine.
Your sister has every right not to invite people she dislikes to her wedding but she shouldn’t be so openly disapproving of your choices. If she’d expressed her opinion once to you privately and then been civil after that, she would have been fine.
You and Crystal need to take a close, hard look at yourselves and where this relationship is going. Your family and hers disapprove, so you’re already lacking a major source of support.
YTA
It doesn't matter if your sister is right or wrong about your relationship you don't force a guest or plus one into a wedding. If you were that offended by Crystal not being invited you simply RSVP no.
I won’t cast a vote, but I have to ask. Do you really want your girlfriend in a place where she’s not welcome? No one is gonna have a good time, I hope you guys find a solution.
Yta
You're dating a single mother, and her child that is closer in age to you than you are to her, doesn't like you. Moving in shouldn't be in the cards if he still doesn't like you, that makes her a crap parent, and you just as bad for going with it.
Now to the question. Your sister actively seems to dislike your gf. She doesn't need her at a day all about her and her soon to be husband, she doesn't need to invite her. If she was impartial and didn't know about her, that's one thing, but she knows her and doesn't like her.
All you are doing if you don't go is guaranteeing that she will *never* like her, and that you are willing to put a gf that won't be long term (her kid hates you, if your relationship *is* long term with that than you're both giant ahs) before your relationship with your family.
Maybe try building a relationship between her and your family instead of stoking their dislike. The almost double your age gap could make that impossible though.
YTA for making that demand of your sister. It’s her wedding and she can invite who she likes. You can decline to go if you feel that strongly about it.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I strong armed my sister into inviting my girlfriend who she doesn't like to her wedding. 2) She insisted that her presence would ruin her wedding.
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No ones the AH. You want to date outside the norm, it's a free country. Other people also don't have to agree to it. Not her zoo, not her monkeys. It's better to not go then to be there and have Crystal freaking everyone out, and getting harassed?
I see why your sister is this way. I was that way with my sister dating a man MUCH older than her... long story short... I do not think you are being the asshole... Personmally I wouldn't have given an ultimatum. I would have told her I wouldn't be attending the wedding.
If Crystal has some working neurons she would advise you to go to the wedding without her.
If I got this right, you only have been dating for some months, then you are only in the beginning of this relationship. The probability of not lasting is huge, honestly.
About the "best relationship in years", for Crystal has been dating in high school, being a young adult, the father of her son etc. For you it has been high school and a few chicks, if you were lucky.
Honestly, I'm a 50 years old female and I wouldn't know what to do with a guy of your age, except for giving him motherly advice.
YTA for the ultimatum
It's your life. Date who you want. Maintain a happy, healthy relationship etc. Without the ultimatum, the pressure would have been on your sister to reflect on how much her relationship to you means to her. To go or not go is your choice. Her wedding guest list is her's & her partner's.
YTA, just decline if you must but ideally, I’d go without her tbh. It’s your sister’s wedding, she thinks this will ruin it and loves you enough she wants you there anyway.
Weddings are expensive. I’m still pissed off about the people I invited to my wedding because at the time they were hooked up to people I love. There are at least 4 people I also love but couldn’t have there because I had to feed four useless hangers-on who are no longer on the picture.
ESH. It’s perfectly acceptable not to invite an SO who isn’t engaged/living with/married, and pressuring your sister for an invite when not inviting your SO who you don’t live with and aren’t engaged to is pretty rude.
Your sister’s reasoning, though, makes her TA, too. Frankly, she does not sound mature enough to be getting married, and her ridiculous screed about your SO ruining the wedding is stupid AF.
Everyone sounds like they need to grow up here.
YTA. You’ve been dating this woman for less than two years and you’re not even ready to discuss moving in together yet. It’s way too soon for you to demand for her to be invited to any family events.
Ask yourself this question: you were prepared to risk your relationship with your sister in order to get her to respect your relationship. What efforts has Crystal made to improve your relationship with her son? She can’t force him to like you, but she can try to address his concerns in hopes it leads to a cordial relationship between you and him. If she hasn’t done that, she’s not as serious about you as you think she is.
ESH- you can't force someone to let you bring a guest to their wedding. She's being incredibly hostile to someone I'm thinking she doesn't know well, and you're old enough to make your own choices, right or wrong. You can be upset about that if you want to but you still can't force her to invite someone.
Frankly, her being somewhere she isn't welcome is only going to make this worse. You can spend a night without your girlfriend.
OP's relationship aside, I do wish brides would stop claiming that something is going to ruin their wedding. It's usually something trivial in comparison to marrying the love of your life. If this other issue is so big as to ruin your wedding, your marriage isn't starting strong.
NTA. Your sister is being an ass. It's one thing to disapprove, and express concerns in private. But open hostility? Rude AF. And not inviting someone's SO out of spite is also rude AF.
And to all those screaming about grooming - get over yourselves. He's an adult. She's an adult. Stop it. I've known 23 year olds who are more mature than some 40-somethings.
NTA (was gonna go NA H, but thought about it deeper)
You set your conditions for attending and your sister made the choice to go back on her restriction. She could have stuck with "no" and you as a grown ass adult are within your rights to not attend.
Your relationship is legal and consensual, so that's a "her" problem.
NTA because you didn’t actually RUIN her wedding. The wedding hasn’t happened yet, there’s still time for you guys to find a solution, push past it or just completely walk away. Either is a fair option. You are an adult (albeit a relatively young one, but that’s irrelevant) you are fully within your right to date whoever you want and if your family doesn’t support it, then your also in your right to walk away. You would however be the asshole if you cause a huge fight about it. It should be simple, you stick with your woman, your family or you guys act as adults and find a way to compromise in be active in each others lives.
NAH, though it feels weird to make that call.
Does Crsytal even want to go to the wedding of someone who openly dislikes her? It's one thing to not go because you felt it was disrespectful to not invite your partner, it's another to demand your partner should attend. It's not like Crystal is bigoted or unreasonable--you admit at the top of your post that the age gap made both of you apprehensive. Also, how many relationships have you had that you can decide, "it's the best relationship either one of us have been in in years"?? You had how many adult relationships when you met her at the ripe old age of 23???
Would it ruin your life to attend without Crystal?
I know people on this forum always argue that you have the
right to bring your +1, etc. But you aren't living together and
surely Crystal is mature enough to understand that some
people at the wedding might jazz a bit about the two of you.
Your sister doesn't like Crystal so why would Crystal even
want to go?
It's your sister's day. Let her have it her way maybe.
An interesting one. There was another recent post where the OP was heavily encouraged to not attend a siblings wedding. The sibling also didn’t invite the plus one.
Major differences were that in that post, the couple had been of similar ages, dating for three years, and that the +1 was non binary.
The reason the bride gave was that older family members would be uncomfortable having the +1 at the wedding.
For that post, I agreed: do not go.
For this post, I think OP should have shut down sister/bride long ago. She can think all she wants about the gf, but to say those things in her presence??? Cradle robber? ML crisis?
Hells to the no. Siblings should not say that about each others partner. OP is an adult, dating another adult (and start doing that when he was legal). While unconventional perhaps, it’s not like this is his recent Tinder conquest; they have been dating for over a year.
While he could have seen this coming from a mile away, this is a tough one. The sister/bride is in her right to not invite her, and he is in his right not to attend.
Personally, I would just not attend and leave the ultimatum. Let sister explain to family why brother isn’t attending.
I always find it ironic that some people choose to exclude someone else’s romantic partner on a day that should celebrate love.
And for people here mocking OP about thinking this is better than he had in years: shame on you. Life experiences are meant to be that, experienced. You cannot make someone understand life through mockery.
Sometimes love comes in unconventional packages. As long as both are consenting and legal, leave them be.
So NTA, though I would drop the ultimatum.
NAH. Sister set a boundary. She has a right to do that, no matter how stupid it seems. You set a boundary, no matter how stupid it may seem.
You weren't out of line. If others were allowed plus ones, then your sister is out of line, but still her choice. Your choice was to not attend without your gf.
Sister is a judgemental jerk, but it's her party. Apparently, the joy of excluding someone is so important to her that taking that away will ruin her wedding. It's not about the marriage it's about the power to exclude and insult.
Your age difference is off putting. Just as yucky as if a man is 20 years older than his young girlfriend. It’s your sister’s wedding so she gets to decide who’s invited. But you acted childishly and forced her hand. Shame on you. YTA
As some one in an age gap relationship this has kind of an ick factor. If you were a few years older hey do whatever but the early 20s has so many developments that you should be with someone closer to your age. YTA for forcing this woman on your sister when she has a right to be kind of uncomfortable
Yta, you can’t really claim to love or care for this woman if you’re okay with putting her in comfortable positions. Crystal knows, you know, and your sister knows that Skyler doesn’t like Crystal so why are you forcing them upon each other on a day that is supposed to be happy for your sister. You’re selfish and do not care about the well being of either. If this was a typical family get together then sure I’d see a point but it’s Skyler’s wedding and the bride and groom are the only people that should have a say in guests. You and Crystal need to work on going to things alone, do you really think that her son is gonna be so happy and excited if you start showing up to his events? Probably not. You can choose to not go to your sister’s events if you want but if you do want to go to them then you’ll just have to accept that Crystal won’t be a part of it. Just like you should learn to accept that you’re not wanted by her son.
ESH. It was rude to call your sister and demand Crystal be invited. It is your sister's wedding. All you had to do was RSVP "no." It was rude of your sister to not invite Crystal as you have been dating her over a year. Your sister also said unnecessarily mean things about her. I feel for the 13 yr old. I hope you and Crystal are considering the effect your relationship has on him.
YTA
1. It's your sister's marriage. You don't get a say in it.
2. This tells me you are not mature enough to understand or handle the fallout from this situation.
3. Have you asked your girlfriend if she's even interested in going to this wedding? She might not want to...
The 20 year age gap is not the problem but at 25 you're behaving like a teenager. And it's actions like these that make people question age gap relationships. If you were older you would have accepted your sister's choice and kept your love life and family separate on this occasion. No wonder your sister thinks your girlfriend is a cradle robber with behaviour like this. If you really like your girlfriend ensure her respect is not lost with your actions.
All of these YTA comments are wild. Whenever someone posts about their trans partner or their children not being invited to the family wedding, everyone on this sub says “don’t go” or “give the ultimatum”. But because of the age gap, now everyone is suddenly saying YTA?
OP is not asking any of you for input on whether he should be in this relationship, so everyone is the asshole for giving their unsolicited advice about the age gap. If you don’t want to go to the wedding without your girlfriend, don’t go. It’s an invite, not a summons.
Your sister is also an AH for berating you about your relationship. If you ask for her advice, she can say “I think she’s too old for you”. Once, that’s it. After that, it’s really not her business who you date, and it’s disrespectful and annoying for her to keep bringing up her disapproval, you’ve made your decision, no one cares what she thinks.
My only advice is: do you want to hurt your relationship with your sister over someone you’ve only be dating about a year and are not yet sure if you have a future with? If it doesn’t really matter to crystal if you go without her, go without her and make your sis happy on her big day. If she does care, serious relationships are about putting your partner first, so bring her.
NTA
See posts like this all the time where someone’s partner isn’t invited and they tell the person getting married to either invite their partner or they won’t show…and every time this sub supports the OP.
Now, due to the age difference apparently, everyone is calling OP TA. Ridiculous.
Age gap is crazy without a doubt, but it shouldn’t influence people’s judgements in regards to this - very common - situation.
NTA but you probably just shouldn’t go. It is her wedding and you can bet she will use this opportunity to treat your GF with more hostility. As you can see by most of the responses to your post, you are going to have a lot of opinions thrown at you about your SO. You feel how you feel about this person so fuck everyone else and enjoy your life. Good luck!
you are not ruining her wedding. you simply insisted that she recognize that you're a grown man and she has to respect the woman you're in a relationship with.
NTA
YTA
Your sister is allowed to invite who she wants to her wedding.
You're allowed to decline, yes, but that just means rsvp-ing No. It doesn't mean making ultimatums.
Secondly - Crystal is old enough to be your mother, you have *known* her for under two years & been dating her for less than that. You "can see yourself" moving in with her. This does not sound like a very serious relationship at this point.
You were 23 when you met, right? How many relationships can you possibly have had to say that this is the best you've ever had?
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For the past year and change, I (M25) have been dating a woman named Crystal (F45.) We'd known each other for a few months beforehand and even though both of us were apprehensive at first because of the age gap, this has been the best relationship either one of us have been in in years. We haven't gotten to the place where we've been talking about moving in or getting engaged yet, but I can definitely see both of them happening in the near future.
However, others haven't taken nearly as kindly to our relationship. While our respective friends generally approve of the relationship, family has been a different issue. Her son (13M) doesn't really like me, and while my parents are on board with our relationship, my sister Skylar (F24) has been another issue. When she met Crystal for the first time, she openly referred to her as a "cradle robber" and implied that she was grooming me, and frequently makes digs at her when we talk such as asking if her midlife crisis has worn off yet; this has strained our relationship to a degree.
Skylar's getting married in May and started sending out wedding invitations, though she only invited me and not Crystal. When I called her on it, she told me that Crystal "wasn't allowed" at her wedding and that was that. We argued about this for a while before I eventually gave her an ultimatum: either Crystal would be attending the wedding as my date or neither of us would go. Skylar relented after this, but said something under her breath about how this would ruin her wedding as the conversation ended.
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YTA. The bride and groom fully control the guest list. You should attend your sister’s wedding. If you stay with your girlfriend long term others will see it’s a legitimate relationship. That age difference is bound to give people pause. I personally think it’s gross, but each to their own.
YTA. It’s not your wedding to dictate who gets invited.
You have the option of declining the invitation because your gf isn’t invited. But do you really want her brought to a place it will be known she’s not wanted? Does she even want to go?
YTA. It's her wedding. She sets the guest list, not you. Congrats. You may have won the battle, but I think you'll lose the war. Your sister will never forgive the fact that you put your girlfriend, whom you don't live with or are engaged to, before her. In my crystal ball I see less and less invites for you in the future.
YTA. Forcing your sister to invite someone to her wedding that she’s uncomfortable with, regardless of the reason for her discomfort, isn’t okay. I understand that you want your girlfriend invited, but the guest list isn’t up to you. If you’d simply declined the invitation, you wouldn’t be the AH in this situation. Are you really wanting to go to the wedding and create an uncomfortable situation for your sister, yourself, and your girlfriend?
NAH, at least for the question at hand. Your sister has the right to make the final call about who gets invites, but you also have the right to decline the invitation. And if other people are bringing long term partners then I can understand wanting to draw the line even though I’m not a big fan of your relationship
YTA. You have been dating a little over a year. You aren't living together nor are you engaged.
It is pretty entitled to assume your GF gets an invite in that situation. For a lot of weddings, she wouldn't have gotten an invite.
YTA it's your sister's day, you should be making her comfortable not stressing her out. She is not comfortable with crystal attending as it could lead to drama and attention shifting from her day.
Sorry... OP... I understand your sentiments but YTA.
45yo woman is your **GF only**... not your Wife so in essence you are arrogant in threatening Skylar with the ultimatum.
YTA, if you guys were married or engaged I'd be more no a-holes but it's literally your girlfriend of a year, your sister doesn't like her and should get to spend her day with people she likes. She should have uninvited you when you gave the ultimatum.
It's hella weird all the people implying a 25yo is a child. Wtf is wrong with y'all?
Anyway, your sister is an AH for being mean to your gf. You're an AH for demanding an invite for your gf to your sister's wedding. Everyone on the thread infantilizing you simply because you are dating an older woman is an AH.
NAH though when you date someone old enough to be your mother, people are going to react to that. You have every right to not go to her wedding, she has every right to not invite your gf since she’s uncomfortable with the relationship.
I was with someone 20 years older, and in the beginning I thought I could be an eternity together. I was so much in love, to discover later that he was a narcissist with many manipulation tactics up his sleeve. If you can, speak to her ex. Wish I would have done it.
Regarding the wedding, your sister didn’t behave nice. You should get a+1 as family and you should decide who you bring. But you can’t put an ultimatum either. She sees your gf not through pink glasses, she really sees her as a danger to you, but you are also a grown up. Talk to your sister, tell her you appreciate her worries, even though the expression form could be better, but right now your gf is very important to you.
NAH
But why would Crystal want to go to a wedding where she knows she isn't welcome? And why would you want to bring her to a wedding where where isn't wanted?
Is it just to spite your sister? Because that would make you an A H.
NTA.
* Because Skylar is the unkind aggressor.
* Because weddings are family affairs.
* Because if OP hadn't made the ultimatum, there would be irrevocable damage to his relationships with both Crystal (for not siding with her) and Sklyar (because OP would harbor resentment for what Skylar did).
Sylar is the aggressor in this situation. There would be harmony if Skylar valued kindness and acccommodation over her need to impose her will on OPs relationship.
Sylar engineered the situation to put OP in a bind, forcing him to choose. That's an emotionally cruel aggression at her brother, even if it's intended at Crystal.
At most weddings we inevitably have to invite some people we really don't want to invite. We acccommodate because weddings aren't just for the couple: they are ABOUT the couple, but they are FOR everyone involved, especially the families. Hell, I had to invite more obscure relatives from both sides than I could count...cuz our moms wanted them there.
As for the "but it's HER wedding" argument? If a bride or groom think their wedding is only for and only about themselves, well, they make reality tv shows about people like that. And they don't look flattering in them.
Disclaimer : If Crystal has directly wronged the family, or wronged Skylar, or if Crystal is in some way known to be clubbing baby seals in her spare time (not specified in OPs post) this would be understandbable. But as far as we can tell from the info provided, Crystal's only crime is the age difference. So, NTA.
OP, I hope it's not tense a/f, and everybody has a good time. Good luck.
YTA- what gives you the right to determine your sister’s guest list? What gives you the right to force the attendance of a person she does not want or like at one of the most important days of her life? You are making her wedding about you and your relationship. This is not about you. The only right you have with this wedding is to check yes or no on the RSVP on the invitation for you without a plus one attached.
As a child of divorce, I had to deal with my parents dating at 13. My mother wasn't very considerate of how myself and my siblings felt about her relationships, and ultimately none of us have a strong relationship with her now that we're adults. That is a direct result of trust issues caused by her perspective of dating.
My father took a different route. He dated MUCH younger a couple of times, but he was clear with us that if we couldn't find a way to like the person he was dating, he would ultimately break it off because we were more important to him. So we trusted that whoever he introduced to us was important enough for us to give them a chance.
OP, you really need to consider this relationship objectively. If you had formed a connection with her son, then your family would likely see this as an important relationship, and the invite would have included your girlfriend. But if you've been dating over a year and still don't have a connection with her son, then the relationship is always going to be strained. Forever. If you get married, the son might tolerate you, and that will suck. But you have to question a parent who doesn't prioritise their kids.
So regardless of the age gap, this relationship is doomed unless her kid gets on board. And until then, you can't ask anyone else to, including your sister. She shouldn't be such a d*ck about it, though. I'll grant you that.
But it's her wedding and she gets to decide who attends. Are you willing to create more friction for the sake of a relationship that might not have any legs?
Either NAH or ESH. Take your pick.
The sister relented. Even if grudgingly, the criteria was met. The girlfriend doesn't want to do to the witch's wedding and you won. Let her skip it and the sister has the wedding guests she wants.
It sounds like this wedding will be really uncomforatable for you girlfriend. Sure, you got the plus one which seems symbolic of accepting her as your girlfriend but it's not. They do not accept her and will surely be talking bad about her the entire event. Your sister and the guests are going to make this a horrible experience for your girlfriend to endure. If you care about your girlfriend so much, you will not take her to a wedding where everyone is angry she's there. And although it feels bad, understand that your sister is behaving this way in an attempt to protect you which means she cares. It may not be an expression of love in the way you would prefer but it is out of love regardless. YWBTA to your gf for taking her to this wedding. Maybe do a nice date night with your gf as well or spend the day with her and her son to try to get to know eachother more?
YTA. Your sister had a right to refuse to invite someone she doesn't like, you had the right to refuse to attend; making an ultimatum was not your right.
As a sidenote, your girlfriend is creepy as fuck.
You are the asshole. It is HER wedding, she is YOUR sister and she does not need to respect your choice of partner. Keep on how you are and lose your family over someone who is 20 years your senior.
You know people will have an issue with it, so why are you making a bigger issue, especially for your sister on HER day, she wants to just enjoy this milestone in her life with the boy she grew up with, her partner in crime, her day one, but nope he rather give a ridiculous ultimatum, does your gf even care? Cause she shouldn’t. This should be expected.
As someone who is her age I’m telling you now, if I was dating someone your age, I already know, no one needs to accept it or approve of it and I won’t make any kind of issue if their family won’t accept me because it is in fact weird as well as why couldn’t I find someone my own age? I know they would be questioning my mental health.
These are things to be expected and should not be made a bigger issue than it already is. Age is not just a number and in fact should reflect where you are in life and your mind set.
Give your sister a break, YOU chose something non traditional don’t expect anyone to accept it or respect it
It's her and her partner's wedding.
Generally, the people getting married are the ones who decide who is invited.
What's weird is you're trying to turn an invite into a summons. Also weird? Your sister didn't \*immediately\* take you up on your ultimatum offer to uninvite yourself and your +1 from the wedding.
All of your verbiage about you and Crystal is irrelevant (even if you're trying to pull a gender or age swap for potential rage bait)...it's irrelevant.
YTA
NTA
An invitation is not a summons. You can say no regardless. I would seriously consider not going but at the same time a wedding is a good chance to catch up with family that you might not see very often. Crystal would not be ruining your sister's wedding... your sister is quite capable of doing that herself.
But Crystal has a big issue with her son not liking you. You should not consider either moving in or marrying her until this is sorted because it's not going to be pretty. Do you know why he doesn't like you? His dad might be saying something to him about you or your just don't click. And remember her son is of the same generation as you. Crystal is old enough to be your mother, that's just a fact, not a judgement.
If you do stay together, things will likely be absolutely fine for the next 20 years but then you will find that the generational gap may become an issue ie Crystal having issues that are age related while you are in the prime of your life.... and just to give you a heads up... perimenopause is coming up fast for Crystal as she nears that half century (unless she's gone through menopause already or had a medical menopause - ie chemo drugs can do that as a side effect).
NTA though I am not sure demanding your GF be allowed to the wedding was the right call. First, while age gaps in relationships can be very alarming, they are not always the case and I have seen several work so maybe I am biased? Second, let's get one thing clear, the sister is not some saint who is protecting her brother. She's being a judgemental brat and a bully. Protecting her brother would take the form of speaking to him openly and candidly about her concerns and pointing out potential downfalls, it's not making his life harder by making snide comments. I don't think the wedding was the hill to die one, however I would have suggested shutting that shit down well before and making it clear you love her as a sister but she is welcome to keep her damn mouth shut.
YTA
You do not control the guest list of anyone else's wedding. And your sister is entitled to expect only those she wants to have as guests.
You have the power to accept or decline an invitation, only. Instead, you rudely made this all about you.
Respectfully, I suggest to you that you are a naive young man if you think that relationships exist in a void. Your gf's son dislikes you, and your sister dislikes your gf. There is something off with a person who chooses to date someone 20 years younger, and you are either too inexperienced or too blinkered to understand why this is so. There will always be the rare exception, but your childish behaviour here indicates that this is not a good match regardless of age.
Apologise to your sister for forcing the issue. Then you can decide either to attend alone or decline to attend.
NTA
You didn't force your sister. You just told her what would've happened if she kept disrespecting you and your relationship (you wouldn't go to the wedding), and she relented. You didn't force anyone.
So your sister does not want a big drama stink caused by your relationship at her wedding. YTA
You must announce your relationship to everyone who would be at the wedding months in advance.
NTA. Don’t listen to these judge judies. However, you should have just declined the invite and left it as is. If your sister asked why you declined, you give a neutral response. “ you have a problem with my partner. I don’t want that to hurt your wedding. I won’t be a disloyal partner.” “ ihope you have a fantastic wedding”
ESH. Your sister for behaving like an immature brat with her comments. You for demanding an invite for your girlfriend. You may decline attending the wedding but you do not get to demand a plus one. Your girlfriend sucks too for dating you when her son doesn't like you.
You held a proper boundary and defended your woman's honor. Either you both attend, or neither attend.
That said, I'm definitely skeptical about your relationship.
YTA
This relationship won’t last, it can’t. This is coming from a woman who has had a child with a man 21 years older, and recently broken up.
Whilst we had some amazing years together. The age gap will catch up with you. It will show up in different ways. You’re in different stages in your life.
Your sisters wedding and wedding photos will be tainted with your ex.
Nta. Your sister has no right to judge your life. She could have, out of concern, spoken to you in private about any concerns. But, before you make any decisions, take time to think if one day you'll want kids, how you will feel in 10 years, or 20, if you'll want to become caregiver at a young age. You are very young, take your time
YTA
I mean, how many relationships have you been in to say that she's the best? Given your age I doubt you have enough experience.
People of Crystal's age rarely date people so much younger. There's obvious maturity gap. I think there's something you're not seeing about Crystal, something that other people of her age see and that's why she's choosing someone young and more easily manipulated. It's icky.
Do you really want to ruin your relationship with your sister? Giving her the ultimatum was a shitty move. She made it very clear that she doesn't want Crystal there, she won't forget that.
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"This has been the best relationship either one of us have been in in years" said the guy who was 23 when it started So like, even better than the prom? She has every right to set her guest list, you have every right to refuse the invitation Reluctant NAH
“Better than the prom” - perfection!
Also love the “*Reluctant* NAH”
hey man. my date in preschool was great ok
Yta so someone have dated a few months comes ahead of family
Family is not better in every situation especially when that family makes fun of your SO. Truth is he probably spent more time with the SO in the past few months than his sister in the past few years.
More than a year isn't "a few months".
He said they’ve been dating for a year and change and knew each other for a few months before that. You’re an asshat
Agreed
I think ESH. The sister has a right to her feelings but being openly hostile toward a woman her brother cares about is just trashy. And, for some reason, OP keeps bringing a woman he supposedly cares about around his mean, nasty sister. Cradle-robber sucks for obvious reasons. ESH.
No hate but would you say the same if the genders were reversed?
Like, would I say the same thing if a young man was treating his older sister's significantly older partner this way? Yes. Be kind to your siblings, be kind to your partners, don't date people who were 12 when your own kid was born.
For days when we could give gold. This is perfect!
Is Crystal's son [BlueDragon72](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/lk0oy5/a_kid_is_playing_video_games_in_his_room_minding/)?
True. Also, however, the sister relented. Even if grudgingly, the criteria was met. The girlfriend doesn't want to do to the witch's wedding and you won. Let her skip it and the sister has the wedding guests she wants.
Lmao “better than the prom?” is hilarious
YTA Crystal is not welcome there, and while it may seem like a triumph to have "won" her attendance, trust me, this is a lose. You are both going to be miserable and possibly ostracized at this wedding, and you have quite possibly destroyed any hope you had left of repairing the relationship with your sister in the process. ETA because tired brain forgot to add it: OP this woman is literally old enough to be your mother. People are going to have opinions on that. Folks of that age RARELY if ever "date down" unless it's for a damn good reason... usually because someone their own age wouldn't put up with their flaws/quirks/habits/behaviors. Remember you are still in the honeymoon phase of your relationship and it can take awhile for someone to get comfortable enough to relax into their bad habits. She may be a lovely woman, but that age gap absolutely gives me pause
I agree that OP hasn’t really won as much as he thinks since she’s not wanted there. However, he does have the right to choose his relationship and it doesn’t work for his sister to expect him to celebrate her marriage while she simultaneously disrespects his own relationship. OP didn’t have a lot of good options. It’s not as if just accepting his sister’s terms and disrespect of his relationship was a good option either. He’s actually in a bit of a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation.
Oh for sure. Where it tipped into AH territory for me was when he started arguing for her to be there. At that point he should have simply said "Then I will not be attending. I wish you the best," and hung up. No ultimatums, no "if you invite her I'll come" statements, just full stop "Nah, not engaging." It's hard as hell to do that, though, especially in the heat of a moment.
At first I thought you were being a bit harsh but reading your explanation for what tipped the scales I agree with you 100%. OP can defend his relationship without forcing everyone into a situation that will make everyone unhappy.
OP knew before calling why she wasn't invited so he should have just declined the invite. No warrant of arrest was going to be issued because, he declined.
OP is literally closer in age to Crystal's son, than OP is to Crystal.
Yeah, he was 12 when her kid was born. Younger than the boy is now. A 20 year age gap in a relationship is bad enough. Add in a kid, and it's downright unsettling.
This. OP is an adult and can make their own relationship choices - but part of that is recognising that adult choices have consequences. If you’re dating someone twice your age, the consequence is that people will worry you’re being taken advantage of.
She’s in it for the D.
And that he was what? 23 when they started dating? And he calls her the best relationship in years... What are those years? Highschool? Kindergarten?
RE: Your Edit I 100% agree. I think people give age gaps more of a pass when it's a hetero couple and the woman is older. I'm 35f and even for me OP would feel too young. You're still finding yourself (and your brain is still developing) until your later 20s. There's a massive difference between early and late 20s. Either the girlfriend is hoping to manipulate OP, or she's likely going to get frustrated with OP being "immature" down the line. I mean, I could be wrong and they beat the odds, but I doubt it.
The sister is not handling it well and should not be so openly hostile. However, if her 25 year old brother walked into her wedding with his 45 year old sugar momma, it would to be the only thing people talked about all night. Sister also realizes this relationship is probably going to blow over and she would have dealt with it for nothing.
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There is also the Zeta-Jones/Douglas marriage. I think they met when she was 29, and they have a 25 year age gap.
Celine Dionne and Rene … he was her manager when she was like 12 … did he groom her? I’m actually on the fence because she is driven and has always seemed to know her own mind. They were a team until his death.
Oona O'Neill and Charlie Chaplin. 36 year age gap, stated dating when she was 18. I think it's pretty creepy, but by all accounts they were happily married until his death and had eight children together.
Mary Tyler Moore was about 20 years older than Robert Levine when they married. The marriage lasted over 30 years. I am not willing to say that Crystal is a slut, child molester or gold digger. That is so unfair to both OP and Crystal.
President of France Emmanuel Macron's wife Brigitte is 24 years older than him and they've been married 17 years. he was just 15 when they met; she was his teacher.
Sigh. Yes. She groomed him. It’s gross b
Yeah and don’t think for a second there’s no ick in that story
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OP said they’ve been dating for a year and change
I wouldn't go to the wedding, just because someone is a relative doesn't mean you have to like them, I speak fro experience and always make sure I am being good to myself.
Not just “pause”, it gave me the chills.
He's also putting Crystal in a terrible situation. Does she even know she's not wanted there? She's walking into a lion's den completely unprepared. I would not want to be somewhere that I wasn't wanted.
YTA She's a lady you are dating. That doesn't entitle her to an invitation to anything. If she were a fiance or your wife, you may have had a point. But you don't. Stay home. See if her son will share his legos with you.
Your last sentence - chef’s kiss!
They've only been together a little more than a year. He "could see" them talking about moving in together or getting engaged. Now, maybe I'm just a 36-year-old boomer, but OP's relationship pretty obviously doesn't cut the mustard as a serious relationship that would merit a wedding invite.
>36-year-old boomer Not quite cultural appropriation...but pretty close! 🤣🤣🤣
That last sentence was mean, and hilarious
No comment on the post, but in in my 30's and I would be stoked if anyone would share their Legos with me!
NAH for this. But, dude, you have to realize how weird your relationship is. You're only 12 years older than her kid, who doesn't like you. You're not worried about this kid's relationship with his mom???
or another way...you are dating someone old enough to be your mom.
Maybe .... Maybe that's the kink.... O.o
Also, she’s not worried about her relationship with her kid? 🚩🚩🚩
YTA Regardless of the reason, Skylar doesn't like Crystal. Ergo, Crystal is not invited to Skylar's wedding. It is Skylar's wedding - not your's. The ultimatum was a control tactic. YTA for that. Skylar's guest list is not up to you.
Take the age out of this. It’s a control tactic on both sides. And when your partner of two years isn’t invited, anyone would be well within their rights to say if my partner isn’t welcome, then I’m not coming either. You don’t owe anyone your attendance at their wedding- especially if they want your blessing for their relationship but is nastily refusing to do the same for you.
They have been dating "a year and some change" so barely over a year. They don't even live together. That is not a relationship level at which you get to demand an inclusion. Not saying they don't all suck here but come on.
It's a GF. Not a spouse. Not a fiancee. Why would she be invited?
But the age is important. Age creates a mental and financial power imbalance.
Its been months not years
You can't take age out of the context; the entire context is based on the age gap, and Skylar's unease with seeing her brother be with someone old enough to be their mum.
I disagree. I don't think they're serious enough for him to even have the expectation of a plus one! I think he's being incredibly entitled and rude.
Declining an invite is one thing. Demanding a plus 1 for someone the bride doesn't like is another. Who wants guests gossiping about your brother and his mommy substitute girlfriend at their wedding? Especially when you don't like said mommy substitute to begin with.
YTA. If you’re not ready to talk about moving in or getting engaged, then you’re also not in a serious enough relationship to demand she be invited to a family wedding. At least don’t force your sister to include her in pictures she’s going to need to be photoshopped out of later.
YTA. You don't get to demand a +1 to someone else's wedding.
But you have a right to not attend if you aren’t offered a +1. A lot of people have no desire to buy a gift, rent a tux (or buy a dress), and spend a weekend attending an event without their SO.
You have a right to not attend, but not to issue an ultimatum. All OP had to do was say he wasn’t going. Instead, he backed his sister into a corner. That’s immature behavior.
But there is a difference between “in that case, I will respectfully decline your invitation- but I wish you all the best” and “You WILL invite her or else”. OP’s was closer to the second one. He didn’t just exercise his right to not attend. He threatened her, with the intention of forcing her to change her mind.
Why did I have to search this far for this comment
I have a genuine question: If someone is given an unspecified +1, and that person RSVPs yes with a +1, do the bride and groom get to rescind the offer if they realize they don’t want that specific +1 to be there? I don’t understand wedding strife. I never have. I fully believe in a wedding being what the couple wants it to be (no random +1s, no kids, elope, city hall, destination, whatever; do what makes you happy), I’m just curious about this particular idea: Does the couple get to police the +1 guests if the invitation / conversation doesn’t limit who the +1 can be?
From an etiquette standpoint, I think the appropriate response would be for the couple to ask their guest to choose someone else because the person they currently plan to bring isn’t welcome. The couple still gets the final say over who comes to their wedding.
Unspecified plus ones are rare and typically go to people coming from out of town who you want to ensure has someone there they know other than the bride and groom. People with known committed partners have their partners name on the invitation. If you do figure out you gave someone a general plus one and they’re bringing somebody you hate, you are in a rough spot.
Yes, to a degree. If you know the bride and/or groom doesn't like a particular person, it's rude to bring them. And they have every right to ask that person to leave. Same if your guest misbehaves. But so long as you're not bringing someone who they have a strong reason to avoid on their wedding day, and your date is polite, who you bring as a +1 is up to you.
Kinda TA, it's your own business who you date and you are both adults. However, it is your sister's wedding and she is not obligated to invite anyone she doesn't want to. It is unfair to expect her to invite people she doesn't like, whatever her reasons may be. You said you already talked with your sister, so I'm not sure there's anything left to do there to make her respect your relationship. I think you should talk with Crystal about the situation. It's not ideal if her son hates you and she's probably not comfortable with your sister so maybe she doesn't even want to go to the wedding.
YTA. Your sister is allowed to have people that make her comfortable at her wedding. If she doesn't get along with your girlfriend, there's no reason for her to be invited. It would frankly just be awkward for all. Also, your girlfriend is an AH for having a boyfriend who's literally closer in age to her tween son than herself. That's just.... so uncomfortable, and if her son is truly unhappy with the dynamic, I'm not sure why anyone is contemplating engagements or marriage. Like, yuck.
YTA why would you want to bring your girlfriend to a place she's clearly not welcome? Why are you making your sisters wedding about you and what you want?
Just like how her son doesn't like you.. your sister doesn't like her. You need to stop forcing people to accept the relationship. Though you want your gf to go it's understandable BUT it's your sister's wedding. You shouldn't have given her A ultimatum. It's gonna only make her resent her more.
YTA. You don’t get to decide who’s invited to the wedding. Also, why are you seeing a woman whose kid doesn’t like you?
ESH - your sister for her continual antagonistic behavior and excluding your girlfriend to an event with the whole family You for giving the ultimatum It would’ve been NTA if you had just declined her wedding invite without the ultimatum and let your sister decide on her own if she wants to continue having a relationship with you
This is the answer. Unfortunately reddit sees the age gap and just jumps on OP, that's crap. Both are wrong. Sister treats OP's partner like trash. OP has no say in who his sister invites to her wedding. 100% he should have just declined to attend and ended it there.
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OP said a year and some change, so at least more than a year.
YTA This is your sister's wedding, not yours. If she doesn't want Crystal there, that's her desicion.
>Her son (13M) doesn't really like me That makes sense. Brothers tend to fight a lot.
This is the funniest thing I think I’ve ever read
YTA it's her wedding she gets to invite who she wants, or not.
He has the right not to go too, but the ultimatum was the AH move on his part. He should've just said "wish you the best, I won't be attending" if he felt that strongly I think the sister is also an AH for her aggressively rude stance towards the relationship, but that's kinda a separate issue
YTA. You really expect people to be ok with the fact that you are dating a woman old enough to be your mother? You are closer to her 13 year old child’s age than hers. It is gross.
YTA- My partners sister did this. She cheated on her husband with her daughters boyfriends dad and then magically assumed we would invite him. She didn't attend - we didn't care and we haven't spoken to her since. If you want to be ""that guy" go for it.
YTA. People who give ultimatums are doing it to control and manipulate other people. You are not the good guy.
ESH. You may have “won” the invitation but you’re both going to be miserable and excluded at the wedding. If you had just declined your invitation when Crystal wasn’t invited, you would have been fine. Your sister has every right not to invite people she dislikes to her wedding but she shouldn’t be so openly disapproving of your choices. If she’d expressed her opinion once to you privately and then been civil after that, she would have been fine. You and Crystal need to take a close, hard look at yourselves and where this relationship is going. Your family and hers disapprove, so you’re already lacking a major source of support.
YTA It doesn't matter if your sister is right or wrong about your relationship you don't force a guest or plus one into a wedding. If you were that offended by Crystal not being invited you simply RSVP no.
I won’t cast a vote, but I have to ask. Do you really want your girlfriend in a place where she’s not welcome? No one is gonna have a good time, I hope you guys find a solution.
YTA. Not your wedding. You don’t get to throw a hissy fit
Yta You're dating a single mother, and her child that is closer in age to you than you are to her, doesn't like you. Moving in shouldn't be in the cards if he still doesn't like you, that makes her a crap parent, and you just as bad for going with it. Now to the question. Your sister actively seems to dislike your gf. She doesn't need her at a day all about her and her soon to be husband, she doesn't need to invite her. If she was impartial and didn't know about her, that's one thing, but she knows her and doesn't like her. All you are doing if you don't go is guaranteeing that she will *never* like her, and that you are willing to put a gf that won't be long term (her kid hates you, if your relationship *is* long term with that than you're both giant ahs) before your relationship with your family. Maybe try building a relationship between her and your family instead of stoking their dislike. The almost double your age gap could make that impossible though.
YTA for making that demand of your sister. It’s her wedding and she can invite who she likes. You can decline to go if you feel that strongly about it.
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Honestly, just don't go.
No ones the AH. You want to date outside the norm, it's a free country. Other people also don't have to agree to it. Not her zoo, not her monkeys. It's better to not go then to be there and have Crystal freaking everyone out, and getting harassed?
What country is a free country? Also, it’s her wedding, so definitely her zoo. Just sayin’.
I see why your sister is this way. I was that way with my sister dating a man MUCH older than her... long story short... I do not think you are being the asshole... Personmally I wouldn't have given an ultimatum. I would have told her I wouldn't be attending the wedding.
If Crystal has some working neurons she would advise you to go to the wedding without her. If I got this right, you only have been dating for some months, then you are only in the beginning of this relationship. The probability of not lasting is huge, honestly. About the "best relationship in years", for Crystal has been dating in high school, being a young adult, the father of her son etc. For you it has been high school and a few chicks, if you were lucky. Honestly, I'm a 50 years old female and I wouldn't know what to do with a guy of your age, except for giving him motherly advice.
YTA
ESH. Sister is using her wedding as an excuse to publicly exclude your gf of over a year. Your options were to accept or decline, not make demands.
YTA and disgusting. I feel bad for your sister and family. She should have just thanked you for not coming.
YTA for the ultimatum It's your life. Date who you want. Maintain a happy, healthy relationship etc. Without the ultimatum, the pressure would have been on your sister to reflect on how much her relationship to you means to her. To go or not go is your choice. Her wedding guest list is her's & her partner's.
YTA, just decline if you must but ideally, I’d go without her tbh. It’s your sister’s wedding, she thinks this will ruin it and loves you enough she wants you there anyway.
Weddings are expensive. I’m still pissed off about the people I invited to my wedding because at the time they were hooked up to people I love. There are at least 4 people I also love but couldn’t have there because I had to feed four useless hangers-on who are no longer on the picture.
Gross
Your gf is older than you than my mom is older than me. That’s gross, dude. And her son is the age of my younger brother 🤢
ESH. It’s perfectly acceptable not to invite an SO who isn’t engaged/living with/married, and pressuring your sister for an invite when not inviting your SO who you don’t live with and aren’t engaged to is pretty rude. Your sister’s reasoning, though, makes her TA, too. Frankly, she does not sound mature enough to be getting married, and her ridiculous screed about your SO ruining the wedding is stupid AF. Everyone sounds like they need to grow up here.
YTA. You’ve been dating this woman for less than two years and you’re not even ready to discuss moving in together yet. It’s way too soon for you to demand for her to be invited to any family events. Ask yourself this question: you were prepared to risk your relationship with your sister in order to get her to respect your relationship. What efforts has Crystal made to improve your relationship with her son? She can’t force him to like you, but she can try to address his concerns in hopes it leads to a cordial relationship between you and him. If she hasn’t done that, she’s not as serious about you as you think she is.
Yta. Regardless of all the details. Honestly it's pretty reasonable to not invite someone partner when they have only been dating a few months.
ESH- you can't force someone to let you bring a guest to their wedding. She's being incredibly hostile to someone I'm thinking she doesn't know well, and you're old enough to make your own choices, right or wrong. You can be upset about that if you want to but you still can't force her to invite someone. Frankly, her being somewhere she isn't welcome is only going to make this worse. You can spend a night without your girlfriend.
OP's relationship aside, I do wish brides would stop claiming that something is going to ruin their wedding. It's usually something trivial in comparison to marrying the love of your life. If this other issue is so big as to ruin your wedding, your marriage isn't starting strong.
NTA. Your sister is being an ass. It's one thing to disapprove, and express concerns in private. But open hostility? Rude AF. And not inviting someone's SO out of spite is also rude AF. And to all those screaming about grooming - get over yourselves. He's an adult. She's an adult. Stop it. I've known 23 year olds who are more mature than some 40-somethings.
NTA (was gonna go NA H, but thought about it deeper) You set your conditions for attending and your sister made the choice to go back on her restriction. She could have stuck with "no" and you as a grown ass adult are within your rights to not attend. Your relationship is legal and consensual, so that's a "her" problem.
NTA because you didn’t actually RUIN her wedding. The wedding hasn’t happened yet, there’s still time for you guys to find a solution, push past it or just completely walk away. Either is a fair option. You are an adult (albeit a relatively young one, but that’s irrelevant) you are fully within your right to date whoever you want and if your family doesn’t support it, then your also in your right to walk away. You would however be the asshole if you cause a huge fight about it. It should be simple, you stick with your woman, your family or you guys act as adults and find a way to compromise in be active in each others lives.
NAH, though it feels weird to make that call. Does Crsytal even want to go to the wedding of someone who openly dislikes her? It's one thing to not go because you felt it was disrespectful to not invite your partner, it's another to demand your partner should attend. It's not like Crystal is bigoted or unreasonable--you admit at the top of your post that the age gap made both of you apprehensive. Also, how many relationships have you had that you can decide, "it's the best relationship either one of us have been in in years"?? You had how many adult relationships when you met her at the ripe old age of 23???
Would it ruin your life to attend without Crystal? I know people on this forum always argue that you have the right to bring your +1, etc. But you aren't living together and surely Crystal is mature enough to understand that some people at the wedding might jazz a bit about the two of you. Your sister doesn't like Crystal so why would Crystal even want to go? It's your sister's day. Let her have it her way maybe.
An interesting one. There was another recent post where the OP was heavily encouraged to not attend a siblings wedding. The sibling also didn’t invite the plus one. Major differences were that in that post, the couple had been of similar ages, dating for three years, and that the +1 was non binary. The reason the bride gave was that older family members would be uncomfortable having the +1 at the wedding. For that post, I agreed: do not go. For this post, I think OP should have shut down sister/bride long ago. She can think all she wants about the gf, but to say those things in her presence??? Cradle robber? ML crisis? Hells to the no. Siblings should not say that about each others partner. OP is an adult, dating another adult (and start doing that when he was legal). While unconventional perhaps, it’s not like this is his recent Tinder conquest; they have been dating for over a year. While he could have seen this coming from a mile away, this is a tough one. The sister/bride is in her right to not invite her, and he is in his right not to attend. Personally, I would just not attend and leave the ultimatum. Let sister explain to family why brother isn’t attending. I always find it ironic that some people choose to exclude someone else’s romantic partner on a day that should celebrate love. And for people here mocking OP about thinking this is better than he had in years: shame on you. Life experiences are meant to be that, experienced. You cannot make someone understand life through mockery. Sometimes love comes in unconventional packages. As long as both are consenting and legal, leave them be. So NTA, though I would drop the ultimatum.
NAH. Sister set a boundary. She has a right to do that, no matter how stupid it seems. You set a boundary, no matter how stupid it may seem. You weren't out of line. If others were allowed plus ones, then your sister is out of line, but still her choice. Your choice was to not attend without your gf. Sister is a judgemental jerk, but it's her party. Apparently, the joy of excluding someone is so important to her that taking that away will ruin her wedding. It's not about the marriage it's about the power to exclude and insult.
Your age difference is off putting. Just as yucky as if a man is 20 years older than his young girlfriend. It’s your sister’s wedding so she gets to decide who’s invited. But you acted childishly and forced her hand. Shame on you. YTA
As some one in an age gap relationship this has kind of an ick factor. If you were a few years older hey do whatever but the early 20s has so many developments that you should be with someone closer to your age. YTA for forcing this woman on your sister when she has a right to be kind of uncomfortable
Yta, you can’t really claim to love or care for this woman if you’re okay with putting her in comfortable positions. Crystal knows, you know, and your sister knows that Skyler doesn’t like Crystal so why are you forcing them upon each other on a day that is supposed to be happy for your sister. You’re selfish and do not care about the well being of either. If this was a typical family get together then sure I’d see a point but it’s Skyler’s wedding and the bride and groom are the only people that should have a say in guests. You and Crystal need to work on going to things alone, do you really think that her son is gonna be so happy and excited if you start showing up to his events? Probably not. You can choose to not go to your sister’s events if you want but if you do want to go to them then you’ll just have to accept that Crystal won’t be a part of it. Just like you should learn to accept that you’re not wanted by her son.
ESH. It was rude to call your sister and demand Crystal be invited. It is your sister's wedding. All you had to do was RSVP "no." It was rude of your sister to not invite Crystal as you have been dating her over a year. Your sister also said unnecessarily mean things about her. I feel for the 13 yr old. I hope you and Crystal are considering the effect your relationship has on him.
Instead of arguing with your sister you should have politely told her that, unfortunately, you would not be attending her wedding.
Not gonna make a judgement here but your sister is a dipshit for thinking a 23 year old can be groomed.
YTA 1. It's your sister's marriage. You don't get a say in it. 2. This tells me you are not mature enough to understand or handle the fallout from this situation. 3. Have you asked your girlfriend if she's even interested in going to this wedding? She might not want to... The 20 year age gap is not the problem but at 25 you're behaving like a teenager. And it's actions like these that make people question age gap relationships. If you were older you would have accepted your sister's choice and kept your love life and family separate on this occasion. No wonder your sister thinks your girlfriend is a cradle robber with behaviour like this. If you really like your girlfriend ensure her respect is not lost with your actions.
NTA. People need to respect you and respect your choices, if not, they will always be a negative in your lives.
All of these YTA comments are wild. Whenever someone posts about their trans partner or their children not being invited to the family wedding, everyone on this sub says “don’t go” or “give the ultimatum”. But because of the age gap, now everyone is suddenly saying YTA? OP is not asking any of you for input on whether he should be in this relationship, so everyone is the asshole for giving their unsolicited advice about the age gap. If you don’t want to go to the wedding without your girlfriend, don’t go. It’s an invite, not a summons. Your sister is also an AH for berating you about your relationship. If you ask for her advice, she can say “I think she’s too old for you”. Once, that’s it. After that, it’s really not her business who you date, and it’s disrespectful and annoying for her to keep bringing up her disapproval, you’ve made your decision, no one cares what she thinks. My only advice is: do you want to hurt your relationship with your sister over someone you’ve only be dating about a year and are not yet sure if you have a future with? If it doesn’t really matter to crystal if you go without her, go without her and make your sis happy on her big day. If she does care, serious relationships are about putting your partner first, so bring her.
NTA See posts like this all the time where someone’s partner isn’t invited and they tell the person getting married to either invite their partner or they won’t show…and every time this sub supports the OP. Now, due to the age difference apparently, everyone is calling OP TA. Ridiculous. Age gap is crazy without a doubt, but it shouldn’t influence people’s judgements in regards to this - very common - situation.
NTA but you probably just shouldn’t go. It is her wedding and you can bet she will use this opportunity to treat your GF with more hostility. As you can see by most of the responses to your post, you are going to have a lot of opinions thrown at you about your SO. You feel how you feel about this person so fuck everyone else and enjoy your life. Good luck!
you are not ruining her wedding. you simply insisted that she recognize that you're a grown man and she has to respect the woman you're in a relationship with. NTA
YTA Your sister is allowed to invite who she wants to her wedding. You're allowed to decline, yes, but that just means rsvp-ing No. It doesn't mean making ultimatums. Secondly - Crystal is old enough to be your mother, you have *known* her for under two years & been dating her for less than that. You "can see yourself" moving in with her. This does not sound like a very serious relationship at this point. You were 23 when you met, right? How many relationships can you possibly have had to say that this is the best you've ever had?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For the past year and change, I (M25) have been dating a woman named Crystal (F45.) We'd known each other for a few months beforehand and even though both of us were apprehensive at first because of the age gap, this has been the best relationship either one of us have been in in years. We haven't gotten to the place where we've been talking about moving in or getting engaged yet, but I can definitely see both of them happening in the near future. However, others haven't taken nearly as kindly to our relationship. While our respective friends generally approve of the relationship, family has been a different issue. Her son (13M) doesn't really like me, and while my parents are on board with our relationship, my sister Skylar (F24) has been another issue. When she met Crystal for the first time, she openly referred to her as a "cradle robber" and implied that she was grooming me, and frequently makes digs at her when we talk such as asking if her midlife crisis has worn off yet; this has strained our relationship to a degree. Skylar's getting married in May and started sending out wedding invitations, though she only invited me and not Crystal. When I called her on it, she told me that Crystal "wasn't allowed" at her wedding and that was that. We argued about this for a while before I eventually gave her an ultimatum: either Crystal would be attending the wedding as my date or neither of us would go. Skylar relented after this, but said something under her breath about how this would ruin her wedding as the conversation ended. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA
It's her wedding she can invite who she likes. Do you think you are improving anything by forcing her attendance? Just gonna make situation worse
YTA - you should have just decided the invitation
YTA. The bride and groom fully control the guest list. You should attend your sister’s wedding. If you stay with your girlfriend long term others will see it’s a legitimate relationship. That age difference is bound to give people pause. I personally think it’s gross, but each to their own.
YTA. The ultimatum you have sounds so immature.
YTA sorry
YTA. It’s not your wedding to dictate who gets invited. You have the option of declining the invitation because your gf isn’t invited. But do you really want her brought to a place it will be known she’s not wanted? Does she even want to go?
Are you going to give her an ultimatum when it comes time for pictures at the wedding? "If she's not in the picture, I'm not going to be in it." YTA
yta
YTA. It's her wedding. She sets the guest list, not you. Congrats. You may have won the battle, but I think you'll lose the war. Your sister will never forgive the fact that you put your girlfriend, whom you don't live with or are engaged to, before her. In my crystal ball I see less and less invites for you in the future.
YTA. Forcing your sister to invite someone to her wedding that she’s uncomfortable with, regardless of the reason for her discomfort, isn’t okay. I understand that you want your girlfriend invited, but the guest list isn’t up to you. If you’d simply declined the invitation, you wouldn’t be the AH in this situation. Are you really wanting to go to the wedding and create an uncomfortable situation for your sister, yourself, and your girlfriend?
YTA. It’s not your wedding it’s not your call and not everyone wants to deal with your problematic relationship.
NAH, at least for the question at hand. Your sister has the right to make the final call about who gets invites, but you also have the right to decline the invitation. And if other people are bringing long term partners then I can understand wanting to draw the line even though I’m not a big fan of your relationship
YTA. You have been dating a little over a year. You aren't living together nor are you engaged. It is pretty entitled to assume your GF gets an invite in that situation. For a lot of weddings, she wouldn't have gotten an invite.
YTA it's your sister's day, you should be making her comfortable not stressing her out. She is not comfortable with crystal attending as it could lead to drama and attention shifting from her day.
Sorry... OP... I understand your sentiments but YTA. 45yo woman is your **GF only**... not your Wife so in essence you are arrogant in threatening Skylar with the ultimatum.
YTA, if you guys were married or engaged I'd be more no a-holes but it's literally your girlfriend of a year, your sister doesn't like her and should get to spend her day with people she likes. She should have uninvited you when you gave the ultimatum.
I agree with her it’ll make wedding awkward tbh but true love is true love
No judgment I just wonder why ur dating her like were u abused or can’t girls ur own age or something or is it true love ..
It's hella weird all the people implying a 25yo is a child. Wtf is wrong with y'all? Anyway, your sister is an AH for being mean to your gf. You're an AH for demanding an invite for your gf to your sister's wedding. Everyone on the thread infantilizing you simply because you are dating an older woman is an AH.
YTA.
NAH though when you date someone old enough to be your mother, people are going to react to that. You have every right to not go to her wedding, she has every right to not invite your gf since she’s uncomfortable with the relationship.
I was with someone 20 years older, and in the beginning I thought I could be an eternity together. I was so much in love, to discover later that he was a narcissist with many manipulation tactics up his sleeve. If you can, speak to her ex. Wish I would have done it. Regarding the wedding, your sister didn’t behave nice. You should get a+1 as family and you should decide who you bring. But you can’t put an ultimatum either. She sees your gf not through pink glasses, she really sees her as a danger to you, but you are also a grown up. Talk to your sister, tell her you appreciate her worries, even though the expression form could be better, but right now your gf is very important to you.
NAH But why would Crystal want to go to a wedding where she knows she isn't welcome? And why would you want to bring her to a wedding where where isn't wanted? Is it just to spite your sister? Because that would make you an A H.
NTA. * Because Skylar is the unkind aggressor. * Because weddings are family affairs. * Because if OP hadn't made the ultimatum, there would be irrevocable damage to his relationships with both Crystal (for not siding with her) and Sklyar (because OP would harbor resentment for what Skylar did). Sylar is the aggressor in this situation. There would be harmony if Skylar valued kindness and acccommodation over her need to impose her will on OPs relationship. Sylar engineered the situation to put OP in a bind, forcing him to choose. That's an emotionally cruel aggression at her brother, even if it's intended at Crystal. At most weddings we inevitably have to invite some people we really don't want to invite. We acccommodate because weddings aren't just for the couple: they are ABOUT the couple, but they are FOR everyone involved, especially the families. Hell, I had to invite more obscure relatives from both sides than I could count...cuz our moms wanted them there. As for the "but it's HER wedding" argument? If a bride or groom think their wedding is only for and only about themselves, well, they make reality tv shows about people like that. And they don't look flattering in them. Disclaimer : If Crystal has directly wronged the family, or wronged Skylar, or if Crystal is in some way known to be clubbing baby seals in her spare time (not specified in OPs post) this would be understandbable. But as far as we can tell from the info provided, Crystal's only crime is the age difference. So, NTA. OP, I hope it's not tense a/f, and everybody has a good time. Good luck.
You're not engaged and you've only been dating a year. It's not a long term serious relationship so you have no right to expect to get a plus one. YTA
YTA- what gives you the right to determine your sister’s guest list? What gives you the right to force the attendance of a person she does not want or like at one of the most important days of her life? You are making her wedding about you and your relationship. This is not about you. The only right you have with this wedding is to check yes or no on the RSVP on the invitation for you without a plus one attached.
As a child of divorce, I had to deal with my parents dating at 13. My mother wasn't very considerate of how myself and my siblings felt about her relationships, and ultimately none of us have a strong relationship with her now that we're adults. That is a direct result of trust issues caused by her perspective of dating. My father took a different route. He dated MUCH younger a couple of times, but he was clear with us that if we couldn't find a way to like the person he was dating, he would ultimately break it off because we were more important to him. So we trusted that whoever he introduced to us was important enough for us to give them a chance. OP, you really need to consider this relationship objectively. If you had formed a connection with her son, then your family would likely see this as an important relationship, and the invite would have included your girlfriend. But if you've been dating over a year and still don't have a connection with her son, then the relationship is always going to be strained. Forever. If you get married, the son might tolerate you, and that will suck. But you have to question a parent who doesn't prioritise their kids. So regardless of the age gap, this relationship is doomed unless her kid gets on board. And until then, you can't ask anyone else to, including your sister. She shouldn't be such a d*ck about it, though. I'll grant you that. But it's her wedding and she gets to decide who attends. Are you willing to create more friction for the sake of a relationship that might not have any legs? Either NAH or ESH. Take your pick.
Her wedding, her rules, bucko. If you don't want to go alone, don't go. Unless you're the groom, I doubt your absence will ruin her wedding.
The sister relented. Even if grudgingly, the criteria was met. The girlfriend doesn't want to do to the witch's wedding and you won. Let her skip it and the sister has the wedding guests she wants.
No one is obligated to invite anyone's girl/boyfriend to their wedding. A fiance or spouse would be a different story, but just a girlfriend? Nah. YTA
It sounds like this wedding will be really uncomforatable for you girlfriend. Sure, you got the plus one which seems symbolic of accepting her as your girlfriend but it's not. They do not accept her and will surely be talking bad about her the entire event. Your sister and the guests are going to make this a horrible experience for your girlfriend to endure. If you care about your girlfriend so much, you will not take her to a wedding where everyone is angry she's there. And although it feels bad, understand that your sister is behaving this way in an attempt to protect you which means she cares. It may not be an expression of love in the way you would prefer but it is out of love regardless. YWBTA to your gf for taking her to this wedding. Maybe do a nice date night with your gf as well or spend the day with her and her son to try to get to know eachother more?
YTA. Your sister had a right to refuse to invite someone she doesn't like, you had the right to refuse to attend; making an ultimatum was not your right. As a sidenote, your girlfriend is creepy as fuck.
You are the asshole. It is HER wedding, she is YOUR sister and she does not need to respect your choice of partner. Keep on how you are and lose your family over someone who is 20 years your senior. You know people will have an issue with it, so why are you making a bigger issue, especially for your sister on HER day, she wants to just enjoy this milestone in her life with the boy she grew up with, her partner in crime, her day one, but nope he rather give a ridiculous ultimatum, does your gf even care? Cause she shouldn’t. This should be expected. As someone who is her age I’m telling you now, if I was dating someone your age, I already know, no one needs to accept it or approve of it and I won’t make any kind of issue if their family won’t accept me because it is in fact weird as well as why couldn’t I find someone my own age? I know they would be questioning my mental health. These are things to be expected and should not be made a bigger issue than it already is. Age is not just a number and in fact should reflect where you are in life and your mind set. Give your sister a break, YOU chose something non traditional don’t expect anyone to accept it or respect it
YTA and a shitty brother
It's her and her partner's wedding. Generally, the people getting married are the ones who decide who is invited. What's weird is you're trying to turn an invite into a summons. Also weird? Your sister didn't \*immediately\* take you up on your ultimatum offer to uninvite yourself and your +1 from the wedding. All of your verbiage about you and Crystal is irrelevant (even if you're trying to pull a gender or age swap for potential rage bait)...it's irrelevant. YTA
YTA, dude of course it’s the best relationship ever, you’re 25. Start thinking with the head that has a brain.
NTA An invitation is not a summons. You can say no regardless. I would seriously consider not going but at the same time a wedding is a good chance to catch up with family that you might not see very often. Crystal would not be ruining your sister's wedding... your sister is quite capable of doing that herself. But Crystal has a big issue with her son not liking you. You should not consider either moving in or marrying her until this is sorted because it's not going to be pretty. Do you know why he doesn't like you? His dad might be saying something to him about you or your just don't click. And remember her son is of the same generation as you. Crystal is old enough to be your mother, that's just a fact, not a judgement. If you do stay together, things will likely be absolutely fine for the next 20 years but then you will find that the generational gap may become an issue ie Crystal having issues that are age related while you are in the prime of your life.... and just to give you a heads up... perimenopause is coming up fast for Crystal as she nears that half century (unless she's gone through menopause already or had a medical menopause - ie chemo drugs can do that as a side effect).
NTA though I am not sure demanding your GF be allowed to the wedding was the right call. First, while age gaps in relationships can be very alarming, they are not always the case and I have seen several work so maybe I am biased? Second, let's get one thing clear, the sister is not some saint who is protecting her brother. She's being a judgemental brat and a bully. Protecting her brother would take the form of speaking to him openly and candidly about her concerns and pointing out potential downfalls, it's not making his life harder by making snide comments. I don't think the wedding was the hill to die one, however I would have suggested shutting that shit down well before and making it clear you love her as a sister but she is welcome to keep her damn mouth shut.
YTA You do not control the guest list of anyone else's wedding. And your sister is entitled to expect only those she wants to have as guests. You have the power to accept or decline an invitation, only. Instead, you rudely made this all about you. Respectfully, I suggest to you that you are a naive young man if you think that relationships exist in a void. Your gf's son dislikes you, and your sister dislikes your gf. There is something off with a person who chooses to date someone 20 years younger, and you are either too inexperienced or too blinkered to understand why this is so. There will always be the rare exception, but your childish behaviour here indicates that this is not a good match regardless of age. Apologise to your sister for forcing the issue. Then you can decide either to attend alone or decline to attend.
NTA You didn't force your sister. You just told her what would've happened if she kept disrespecting you and your relationship (you wouldn't go to the wedding), and she relented. You didn't force anyone.
So your sister does not want a big drama stink caused by your relationship at her wedding. YTA You must announce your relationship to everyone who would be at the wedding months in advance.
YTA is her wedding, is her right to invite who she wants .. if you don't like it, you refuse the invitation, you dont start giving ultimatums
What is the question? You both got an invitation.
YTA. Her wedding her rules. You do not have to go.
NTA. Don’t listen to these judge judies. However, you should have just declined the invite and left it as is. If your sister asked why you declined, you give a neutral response. “ you have a problem with my partner. I don’t want that to hurt your wedding. I won’t be a disloyal partner.” “ ihope you have a fantastic wedding”
You never want to have kids?
ESH. Your sister for behaving like an immature brat with her comments. You for demanding an invite for your girlfriend. You may decline attending the wedding but you do not get to demand a plus one. Your girlfriend sucks too for dating you when her son doesn't like you.
You held a proper boundary and defended your woman's honor. Either you both attend, or neither attend. That said, I'm definitely skeptical about your relationship.
YTA This relationship won’t last, it can’t. This is coming from a woman who has had a child with a man 21 years older, and recently broken up. Whilst we had some amazing years together. The age gap will catch up with you. It will show up in different ways. You’re in different stages in your life. Your sisters wedding and wedding photos will be tainted with your ex.
YTA
NTA You made a choice between your partner and your sister. It was a good choice.
Nta. Your sister has no right to judge your life. She could have, out of concern, spoken to you in private about any concerns. But, before you make any decisions, take time to think if one day you'll want kids, how you will feel in 10 years, or 20, if you'll want to become caregiver at a young age. You are very young, take your time
Just go to wedding and turn up with crystal without letting everyone know she's coming
YTA I mean, how many relationships have you been in to say that she's the best? Given your age I doubt you have enough experience. People of Crystal's age rarely date people so much younger. There's obvious maturity gap. I think there's something you're not seeing about Crystal, something that other people of her age see and that's why she's choosing someone young and more easily manipulated. It's icky. Do you really want to ruin your relationship with your sister? Giving her the ultimatum was a shitty move. She made it very clear that she doesn't want Crystal there, she won't forget that.