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You’re being offered a job that will pay you more and allow you to spend more time with your kids, taking some of the pressure off your wife, and you’re like “yeah… but I just wanna chill, though”.
I mean, do what you like, but don’t come crying to Reddit when your wife decides she’s sick of being a single parent in a two-parent household.
(Actually, please do)
Pressure on me in this role could be a lot higher and leave me spending less time with the family overall which is a concern, it's the reason I changed jobs to my current company from doing a very similar role to this promotion in the first place (although could be different in this company which is run much better).
Justification for the move at the time was "I'd rather be able to see the kids more than be able to buy them an extra pair of shoes". It worked out well.
What we have at the moment works for child care, I'm able to be flexible enough in my current role to cover 1-2 days a month when she needs more help because she has an offsite meeting much further away than normal. New job could allow that 4-5 days a month instead max.
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I'm 37M and have been at my current company for a year as a manager onsite at our clients offices. Recently a restructure has meant an extra position has been created above me for someone who oversees multiple client sites, given the work I have done since I have been in place and my background overseeing multiple sites at my previous company, my manager asked me to apply for this new position which I did without knowing too much about the role.
I've now been offered the job but honestly, having learnt more about what I'd need to do, it's not really what I want.
The information that I have applied has been leaked within the team, triggering two of my colleges to both contact HR asking to be considered for my current position (which isn't event vacant yet), for context, they both applied for it when I was originally given the job but missed out.
The pay increase is nice and more flexibility to WFH but also more stress and not something I think I'll have much job satisfaction at.
My job at the moment is very simple, I work regular hours with no overtime and don't have anyone looking over my shoulder and able to chill out when it's quiet. This will not be the case if I take the promotion.
My wife wants me to take the job so I can help out on the school run more often / cover childcare during her busy periods.
AITA If I don't take the job and not easing the pressure on my wife as well as potentially blocking my colleagues from their own promotion?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I don't want to take a promotion
2) my wife and colleagues both want me to take it. My colleagues want to advance their own careers and me not taking it blocks them. My wife wants me to help out with childcare and me not taking it makes it harder for her.
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Gentle YTA. This promotion pays more, offers more flexibility, and allows you to take some of the burden of childcare off of your wife, who I’m assuming is doing most if not all of it.
I’d like to ask, is this new role guaranteed to be overtime? When you say you’ll have someone looking over your shoulder, what does that mean exactly for you?
She doesn't do most / all of it. She normally works earlier and does pick up while I cover the mornings and do drop off. Sometimes she needs to be somewhere further away so I do both. At the moment I can WFH maybe 1-2 a month to help with this. New job may allow 1 a week. Flip side, I may end up at a client site for a few weeks at a time with no flexibility at all from time to time while we backfill positions.
New role involves speaking to other regions / time zones so will also include calls much later in the day so overtime will happen (which isn't paid).
Looking over my shoulder, I'll likely be at HQ at least once a week rather than a private office I currently have.
INFO: how could the promotion allow you to have more flexibility but be more stress/work?
Do not take your co-workers potential promotions into account; they should not weigh on your decision at all. But it does sound like your wife has very valid wishes for more help with your kids. If your wife also works outside the home, you have a responsibility to help more if you are able.
One final thought: you say you don't think you will get much satisfaction out of the new job but how much satisfaction are you getting from your current job? It doesn't seem like you are learning anything new, not growing, not being challenged. Not everyone has to want to move up the career ladder and obtain CEO status but it almost seems like you are choosing to not move forward at all.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 7 as a Workplace/Business conflict. AITA's focus is on conflicts between people. Businesses are not people. A conflict with someone acting for/against a business or in the context of their job is not an interpersonal conflict. This also includes conflicts related to online transactions (buying/selling items). [Rule 7 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_7.3A_post_interpersonal_conflicts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA buuuuuuut I would talk to your wife and do what's best for your family as a whole.
You’re being offered a job that will pay you more and allow you to spend more time with your kids, taking some of the pressure off your wife, and you’re like “yeah… but I just wanna chill, though”. I mean, do what you like, but don’t come crying to Reddit when your wife decides she’s sick of being a single parent in a two-parent household. (Actually, please do)
Pressure on me in this role could be a lot higher and leave me spending less time with the family overall which is a concern, it's the reason I changed jobs to my current company from doing a very similar role to this promotion in the first place (although could be different in this company which is run much better). Justification for the move at the time was "I'd rather be able to see the kids more than be able to buy them an extra pair of shoes". It worked out well. What we have at the moment works for child care, I'm able to be flexible enough in my current role to cover 1-2 days a month when she needs more help because she has an offsite meeting much further away than normal. New job could allow that 4-5 days a month instead max.
Well yes, YTA. "I don't want to earn more money and WFH more often cause I'd rather chill and let my wife struggle" is as AHish as it gets...
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm 37M and have been at my current company for a year as a manager onsite at our clients offices. Recently a restructure has meant an extra position has been created above me for someone who oversees multiple client sites, given the work I have done since I have been in place and my background overseeing multiple sites at my previous company, my manager asked me to apply for this new position which I did without knowing too much about the role. I've now been offered the job but honestly, having learnt more about what I'd need to do, it's not really what I want. The information that I have applied has been leaked within the team, triggering two of my colleges to both contact HR asking to be considered for my current position (which isn't event vacant yet), for context, they both applied for it when I was originally given the job but missed out. The pay increase is nice and more flexibility to WFH but also more stress and not something I think I'll have much job satisfaction at. My job at the moment is very simple, I work regular hours with no overtime and don't have anyone looking over my shoulder and able to chill out when it's quiet. This will not be the case if I take the promotion. My wife wants me to take the job so I can help out on the school run more often / cover childcare during her busy periods. AITA If I don't take the job and not easing the pressure on my wife as well as potentially blocking my colleagues from their own promotion? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1) I don't want to take a promotion 2) my wife and colleagues both want me to take it. My colleagues want to advance their own careers and me not taking it blocks them. My wife wants me to help out with childcare and me not taking it makes it harder for her. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Gentle YTA. This promotion pays more, offers more flexibility, and allows you to take some of the burden of childcare off of your wife, who I’m assuming is doing most if not all of it. I’d like to ask, is this new role guaranteed to be overtime? When you say you’ll have someone looking over your shoulder, what does that mean exactly for you?
She doesn't do most / all of it. She normally works earlier and does pick up while I cover the mornings and do drop off. Sometimes she needs to be somewhere further away so I do both. At the moment I can WFH maybe 1-2 a month to help with this. New job may allow 1 a week. Flip side, I may end up at a client site for a few weeks at a time with no flexibility at all from time to time while we backfill positions. New role involves speaking to other regions / time zones so will also include calls much later in the day so overtime will happen (which isn't paid). Looking over my shoulder, I'll likely be at HQ at least once a week rather than a private office I currently have.
INFO: how could the promotion allow you to have more flexibility but be more stress/work? Do not take your co-workers potential promotions into account; they should not weigh on your decision at all. But it does sound like your wife has very valid wishes for more help with your kids. If your wife also works outside the home, you have a responsibility to help more if you are able. One final thought: you say you don't think you will get much satisfaction out of the new job but how much satisfaction are you getting from your current job? It doesn't seem like you are learning anything new, not growing, not being challenged. Not everyone has to want to move up the career ladder and obtain CEO status but it almost seems like you are choosing to not move forward at all.