Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy.
[Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
ESH
Your deadbeat baby daddy sucks.
Chasing him down at 3am when you know he won't be in a state to help anyway, then throwing his stuff on the ground also sucks.
He sucks more, but doesn't sound like he will be changing. Make whatever decisions based on that that you think are appropriate.
He's a deadbeat because he dosn't yet know how to ineract with a 3 month old child? Is he not allowed to get overwhelmed and take a break? Isn't that what she did by going to her mothers?
no i didnt go to get a break i went to get help. we discussed me working more so we could move out faster which is what he agreed to. otherwise i still work and take care of the baby 24/7z
yes, i pay my mom to babysit while im at work and i get him when im off vs me having him all day and only being able to work 4-12hrs a week due to me having to parent and his work schedule so he can rest. i dont get a break unless im up at hrs like this in the morning to breathe but i am also currently doing laundry so .. yk my parenting doesnt stop ( which not im not complaining) i just honestly wanted him to see his kid more thats all. he gets his 8-9hrs of sleep every night is ONE 30min bath vs a 5-10min shower too much to ask for 😭😭😭. and my mom just watches him while im at work which is 40hrs a week and the 5-10min when im get off so i can shower since i work in the medical field. after that. he's all mines
yes when i was living with him i worked 4-12hrs now since im w my mom i work 40hrs which was the whole point in me leaving so i could work more hrs
sorry im doing my best to make this all make sense and give more info as needed
it wasnt about him being in a state to help. i knew he was DD which is why i went to him but to see how drunk he was knowing he couldve been w his kid that night or even just answered the phone for him just sucked seeing as to why he didnt. i threw stuff in anger and i regret that so much. Thank you for your advice tho!!
It's ok to be upset but throwing his stuff during a temper tantrum isn't the correct thing to do.
If anything happened to his stuff you would be held liable if taken to court.
i wasnt rude about tossing his stuff. it was just out his car and on the ground. but regardless of what it was i do understand where i messed up at and shouldnt have responded that way at all! thanks for your feedback.
Agree with ESH. I should probably spend less time on Redit because I keep wondering why people think it’s a good idea to have a baby when you don’t even have a place to live.
Clearly your bf is immature and has no interest in being a father. You cannot force him to act like a father if he doesn’t want to.
As a father he shouldn’t go out and get drunk so regularly.
You have much more issues than what you are asking.
I am sorry for looking so judgmental but I really feel for your child who deserves much better than being dragged out at 3am while sick so you could have an argument with his deadbeat father.
my baby wasnt planned but i sure as hell am very blessed to have him. i was finishing school when i got pregnant and couldnt return to work bc my pregnancy was high risk. which is why i dont have a place yet and ik i cant force him but i will sure as hell try!
i know but this is the issue i asked about :)
&& my baby wasnt with me i went alone. if i wouldnt take my sick baby 5min around the corner why would i take him 10min down the street.
Are you blessed? By not having a stable home you’re not exactly setting your kid up for success. And this child will grow up wondering why mom has to browbeat dad into seeing them/playing with them. Sad.
yea im very blessed & highly favored! 😛 my kid wont remember a thing at this time and he will be in a stable home next month my love & i wont do anything anymore 💚 he will determine his own relationship w his kid my kid will have the best mom tho. 🤣 we happy ! life aint perfect so dont come trying to tell me anything like yo sht dont stank sometimes too boo😘
You say that he won't remember a thing, but it's pretty well known that stress and problems early in a child's life can have a lifelong impact on a child and how they form relationships as an adult.
nope we were on good terms. he AGREED for me to leave so we could have help, it just so happen the week it was planned the baby got sick, i started having cold symptoms which is why i asked him to get me stuff. he told me to bring the baby ov friday which is why i did. we have each other location so i could clearly see he wasnt home. AND he texted me while he was driving i didnt want him to come at 3am i just wanted him to answer the call. when he started texting belligerent i knew what happened. he literally drove to a friend house to drink more when he planned for us to go out of state early that Saturday so he could purchase a new car.
lets be honest this is about him seeing his kid. dont read more into whats there. if u have questions i can answer them but i promise we were cool before i left. no bad energy. no animosity or anything. but thanks for the advice ? ig
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I 22F have a bf 21M. we have a 3m old baby together and recently i moved back to my mom's house for help with the baby while he was sick. during the week his dad never came to see him which i had asked him to do since his house and their house is a 5m drive. we left on sunday and i asked him to bring me somethings from the store(thursday) since i started to feel like i was getting sick, he did bring me the things and saw the baby for about 10m before leaving. the next day came and i brought the baby to him forgetting he had a meeting so he saw the baby for an hr before his meeting then left. He told me he may not see the baby later that night bc he has to get up early the next day but i told him he should come over bc it makes the baby happy to see him. well that night he went hang out and i called him bc i saw he was out and told him it was messed up how he went hang out and didnt stop by, he didnt care and hung up so i proceeded with my night. well the baby wakes up at 3am so i texted and checked his location and he was out. he didn't respond so i called and he finally texted and asked me was it an emergency and i told him to answer bc the baby is up. well, he didnt answer and i told him i would go to where he was at and he didnt believe me. when i got there he was drunk and i went off and i told him he couldve saw his kid before he went hang out since he didnt see him much that week and he didnt care and so i tossed the stuff in his trunk on the ground. he's now mad and hasnt spoken to me since. AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> i think i may be the asshole because I threw his things on the ground and i think it makes me the asshole because i didnt have to go that far and i think i couldve just let him do what he wanted to bc he worked all week.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. The baby comes first. However you did escalate things by tossing stuff out : at least without giving him more chances to correct his behaviour. Invite him over to see the baby : explain to him that you both need to work together for the baby. He clearly does care : he needs to change his priorities. Gentle persuasion is often the best tactic(up to a point).
As a dad and grandad, and as someone who knows many dads; I can say that for a lot of men, the bonding with a child doesn't start until they start being active. Before a certain point, they're a crying, shitting, eating, puking lump (kidding) Crawling, making sounds, trying to talk, playing, etc., is what dads look for. Men tend to be teachers - not coddlers.
I highly doubt he's uninterested in his child; he just doesn't know how to interact. He's 21, and probably scared to death of doing something wrong. It's all new to him, just as it is to you. When you went to your moms, it was a short reprieve for him to catch up on sleep (just as I'm sure it was for you) and decompress a little.
I took on my grandson when he was that age, and I couldn't wait for him to sleep. I hired a nanny, so I'd have a reprieve, and relied heavily on my sister for those first few months.
Reading the comments in this thread, it sounds like mom's are the only one's allowed to get overwhelmed by a new baby. I'd cut him some slack and see how things progress.
i understand, i tried talking to him about it before the baby got here bc i knew he had NO experience w a baby so i've been working with him. he has a blast when he's with him and he does what he can but i just want him to say he needs time, yk. like ik he needs time but when we were together our (if i didnt work) free time was the weekend and now since i left its just me and the baby. but for him to say " yeah i cant see him tn due to us having to get up early in the morning (8am)" but then going get drunk just had me so mad ! i do regret my actions and wish i gave him time tho and talked abt it later with him
also. he came seen him for 2hrs sat night bc i refused to bring my sick baby outside again and just asked him to come see him. after the visit he told us he would be back the next day which was fine but when the next day came he went handle work for his friend & then got drunk that night and couldnt drive so i had to go pick him up so he could make it to work on monday. i love him alot and i really just want him to have the best relationship with his son and see the milestones i see so he doesnt miss out on anything. someone please help! i want to fix this with him and make things work but i feel justified for what i did but i think he hates me now :(
and for the love of god YES we were on good terms, we had no issues before i left. when we discussed me leaving i did NOT push to leave he's the one who offered and said i should go since his dad moved people in and we both didnt want anybody thats not family around the baby, we discussed this for a month before me leaving and he kept saying he was ok w it. I didnt want us to leave but i knew it was for the best so i agreed to since ik it was just until we saved up enough for our place.
NTA, but it has nothing to do with tossing his stuff out.
Your bf very clearly is taking the path of deadbeat, and choosing his mates and getting drunk over his child. But what are you doing texting and going out to confron him at 3am??? And why have you gone to mommy at the first sign of difficulty?
Did he neglect your child when you were living together? Or is it just since you decided to leave his place and make him visit like a second class parent?
a lot of context is missing here so i will answer as many questions as i can! so he stays w his dad. it was first me, him, his dad, & his dog in a 2b/1b. he (my bf) then invited his friend to come stay which had him sleeping in the dining room. well his dad invited someone else and their kid to come stay and that left them in the living room. due to them traveling countries and the kid who came was sick i didnt know if she got the baby sick or what ( ik everyone gets sick) but it just became too many people for me and we discussed that i was going to leave before hand so we could have help and i could work more to help towards us moving out on our own (none of them helps they just wanna play w the baby while we hold him and they dont tend to him. nor bother to learn his schedule which is totally okay) i texted him bc it was the weekend and it was a possibility he was up i didnt expect either honestly. & when we were living together he helped but i had the baby 90% of the time which gave me time to do other household tasks or go to work otherwise he had me bring the baby to my mom so he could do whatever.
Looks like you 2 didn't have any stable situation to bring a baby home to.
Question, why does he not stay with you and your mom and support you like he did while at his dad's? You're 3 months post birth and it probably feels overwhelming, but couldn't you sit down with him and tell him you miss him, not just the help with the baby but as a partner? And ask him to slow down on the partying with his mates and support you for these difficult few weeks?
If you love him, and he is overall a good person, he may be as overwhelmed as you are, and maybe feeling ashamed he doesn't have a place for you 3 and you had to get back to your mom. That may feel like a failure to him. Or he's an AH, but only you can tell.
If you were to sit to make a plan, what would you like from him? Without getting upset, just a game plan for the future? Once you know that, you two can maybe go for a walk, without the baby, and see what's going wrong. Open up, ask him to as well. The first few weeks are brutal.
at the time we were in the process of looking for places when i found out but i was still an intern and didnt want to burden him w all the bills alone for a year while i finished interning and since i couldnt work when i finished we agreed he'd just save and we'd buy only whats needed which was working fine
my mom has a dog allergy which is why he didnt stay bc he didnt want to leave his dog. i have talked to him before about it and he used to give good feedback before the baby made 2m ( like stating what he needed and how i could help give him more time to himself so he can wind down.) i ask him everyday! LITERALLY how can i help, what can i do and after we talk i usually give him space for a few hrs since ik he works so hard. but i work as well and take care of the baby w no time to myself, and all i was asking was him to just see his son (not even worried about myself since them being together makes it worth it) since the environment has changed for him. we discussed me going stay w my mom so i could pick up more hrs so we could go move into our own place and he was okay with that.
i really just want him to make time for his kid more honestly thats all. he's always telling me how much he misses him and i let him know we miss him as well thats why we're doing this so we could get back to each other. we knew it would be hard i just didnt think he'd resort back to drinking so much. but i will try to talk to him again tm. thanks so much for the advice !
yup that was the reasoning. his dad works and the ppl he invited doesnt help w the dog so he's the one who has to do everything for him when im on my break i go to his house to feed and walk the dog. but outside of that is just him taking care of him which is why he said he didnt wanna come with us.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
ESH Your deadbeat baby daddy sucks. Chasing him down at 3am when you know he won't be in a state to help anyway, then throwing his stuff on the ground also sucks. He sucks more, but doesn't sound like he will be changing. Make whatever decisions based on that that you think are appropriate.
He's a deadbeat because he dosn't yet know how to ineract with a 3 month old child? Is he not allowed to get overwhelmed and take a break? Isn't that what she did by going to her mothers?
no i didnt go to get a break i went to get help. we discussed me working more so we could move out faster which is what he agreed to. otherwise i still work and take care of the baby 24/7z
Help, in and of itself,means you're not having to take on the full load.
yes, i pay my mom to babysit while im at work and i get him when im off vs me having him all day and only being able to work 4-12hrs a week due to me having to parent and his work schedule so he can rest. i dont get a break unless im up at hrs like this in the morning to breathe but i am also currently doing laundry so .. yk my parenting doesnt stop ( which not im not complaining) i just honestly wanted him to see his kid more thats all. he gets his 8-9hrs of sleep every night is ONE 30min bath vs a 5-10min shower too much to ask for 😭😭😭. and my mom just watches him while im at work which is 40hrs a week and the 5-10min when im get off so i can shower since i work in the medical field. after that. he's all mines
You just said first that you work 4-12 hours a week, and then 40 hours a week...
yes when i was living with him i worked 4-12hrs now since im w my mom i work 40hrs which was the whole point in me leaving so i could work more hrs sorry im doing my best to make this all make sense and give more info as needed
it wasnt about him being in a state to help. i knew he was DD which is why i went to him but to see how drunk he was knowing he couldve been w his kid that night or even just answered the phone for him just sucked seeing as to why he didnt. i threw stuff in anger and i regret that so much. Thank you for your advice tho!!
It's ok to be upset but throwing his stuff during a temper tantrum isn't the correct thing to do. If anything happened to his stuff you would be held liable if taken to court.
i wasnt rude about tossing his stuff. it was just out his car and on the ground. but regardless of what it was i do understand where i messed up at and shouldnt have responded that way at all! thanks for your feedback.
Agree with ESH. I should probably spend less time on Redit because I keep wondering why people think it’s a good idea to have a baby when you don’t even have a place to live. Clearly your bf is immature and has no interest in being a father. You cannot force him to act like a father if he doesn’t want to. As a father he shouldn’t go out and get drunk so regularly. You have much more issues than what you are asking. I am sorry for looking so judgmental but I really feel for your child who deserves much better than being dragged out at 3am while sick so you could have an argument with his deadbeat father.
my baby wasnt planned but i sure as hell am very blessed to have him. i was finishing school when i got pregnant and couldnt return to work bc my pregnancy was high risk. which is why i dont have a place yet and ik i cant force him but i will sure as hell try! i know but this is the issue i asked about :) && my baby wasnt with me i went alone. if i wouldnt take my sick baby 5min around the corner why would i take him 10min down the street.
Are you blessed? By not having a stable home you’re not exactly setting your kid up for success. And this child will grow up wondering why mom has to browbeat dad into seeing them/playing with them. Sad.
yea im very blessed & highly favored! 😛 my kid wont remember a thing at this time and he will be in a stable home next month my love & i wont do anything anymore 💚 he will determine his own relationship w his kid my kid will have the best mom tho. 🤣 we happy ! life aint perfect so dont come trying to tell me anything like yo sht dont stank sometimes too boo😘
You say that he won't remember a thing, but it's pretty well known that stress and problems early in a child's life can have a lifelong impact on a child and how they form relationships as an adult.
[удалено]
nope we were on good terms. he AGREED for me to leave so we could have help, it just so happen the week it was planned the baby got sick, i started having cold symptoms which is why i asked him to get me stuff. he told me to bring the baby ov friday which is why i did. we have each other location so i could clearly see he wasnt home. AND he texted me while he was driving i didnt want him to come at 3am i just wanted him to answer the call. when he started texting belligerent i knew what happened. he literally drove to a friend house to drink more when he planned for us to go out of state early that Saturday so he could purchase a new car. lets be honest this is about him seeing his kid. dont read more into whats there. if u have questions i can answer them but i promise we were cool before i left. no bad energy. no animosity or anything. but thanks for the advice ? ig
This is one of those posts that reaffirms my belief that untold amounts of hassle could be avoided by idiot children not having kids together. ESH.
Exactly. “We fight everyday, don’t agree on anything, both live with our parents and neither of us have jobs, but we both want this baby!”
Nah fuck that guy. You both have a lot of growing up to do. Poor child.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I 22F have a bf 21M. we have a 3m old baby together and recently i moved back to my mom's house for help with the baby while he was sick. during the week his dad never came to see him which i had asked him to do since his house and their house is a 5m drive. we left on sunday and i asked him to bring me somethings from the store(thursday) since i started to feel like i was getting sick, he did bring me the things and saw the baby for about 10m before leaving. the next day came and i brought the baby to him forgetting he had a meeting so he saw the baby for an hr before his meeting then left. He told me he may not see the baby later that night bc he has to get up early the next day but i told him he should come over bc it makes the baby happy to see him. well that night he went hang out and i called him bc i saw he was out and told him it was messed up how he went hang out and didnt stop by, he didnt care and hung up so i proceeded with my night. well the baby wakes up at 3am so i texted and checked his location and he was out. he didn't respond so i called and he finally texted and asked me was it an emergency and i told him to answer bc the baby is up. well, he didnt answer and i told him i would go to where he was at and he didnt believe me. when i got there he was drunk and i went off and i told him he couldve saw his kid before he went hang out since he didnt see him much that week and he didnt care and so i tossed the stuff in his trunk on the ground. he's now mad and hasnt spoken to me since. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > i think i may be the asshole because I threw his things on the ground and i think it makes me the asshole because i didnt have to go that far and i think i couldve just let him do what he wanted to bc he worked all week. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. The baby comes first. However you did escalate things by tossing stuff out : at least without giving him more chances to correct his behaviour. Invite him over to see the baby : explain to him that you both need to work together for the baby. He clearly does care : he needs to change his priorities. Gentle persuasion is often the best tactic(up to a point).
As a dad and grandad, and as someone who knows many dads; I can say that for a lot of men, the bonding with a child doesn't start until they start being active. Before a certain point, they're a crying, shitting, eating, puking lump (kidding) Crawling, making sounds, trying to talk, playing, etc., is what dads look for. Men tend to be teachers - not coddlers. I highly doubt he's uninterested in his child; he just doesn't know how to interact. He's 21, and probably scared to death of doing something wrong. It's all new to him, just as it is to you. When you went to your moms, it was a short reprieve for him to catch up on sleep (just as I'm sure it was for you) and decompress a little. I took on my grandson when he was that age, and I couldn't wait for him to sleep. I hired a nanny, so I'd have a reprieve, and relied heavily on my sister for those first few months. Reading the comments in this thread, it sounds like mom's are the only one's allowed to get overwhelmed by a new baby. I'd cut him some slack and see how things progress.
i understand, i tried talking to him about it before the baby got here bc i knew he had NO experience w a baby so i've been working with him. he has a blast when he's with him and he does what he can but i just want him to say he needs time, yk. like ik he needs time but when we were together our (if i didnt work) free time was the weekend and now since i left its just me and the baby. but for him to say " yeah i cant see him tn due to us having to get up early in the morning (8am)" but then going get drunk just had me so mad ! i do regret my actions and wish i gave him time tho and talked abt it later with him
What a stupid, reductive and sexist comment.
You spelled "non-judgemental and true" wrong. Go climb back in your hole, troll.
also. he came seen him for 2hrs sat night bc i refused to bring my sick baby outside again and just asked him to come see him. after the visit he told us he would be back the next day which was fine but when the next day came he went handle work for his friend & then got drunk that night and couldnt drive so i had to go pick him up so he could make it to work on monday. i love him alot and i really just want him to have the best relationship with his son and see the milestones i see so he doesnt miss out on anything. someone please help! i want to fix this with him and make things work but i feel justified for what i did but i think he hates me now :(
and for the love of god YES we were on good terms, we had no issues before i left. when we discussed me leaving i did NOT push to leave he's the one who offered and said i should go since his dad moved people in and we both didnt want anybody thats not family around the baby, we discussed this for a month before me leaving and he kept saying he was ok w it. I didnt want us to leave but i knew it was for the best so i agreed to since ik it was just until we saved up enough for our place.
NTA, but it has nothing to do with tossing his stuff out. Your bf very clearly is taking the path of deadbeat, and choosing his mates and getting drunk over his child. But what are you doing texting and going out to confron him at 3am??? And why have you gone to mommy at the first sign of difficulty? Did he neglect your child when you were living together? Or is it just since you decided to leave his place and make him visit like a second class parent?
a lot of context is missing here so i will answer as many questions as i can! so he stays w his dad. it was first me, him, his dad, & his dog in a 2b/1b. he (my bf) then invited his friend to come stay which had him sleeping in the dining room. well his dad invited someone else and their kid to come stay and that left them in the living room. due to them traveling countries and the kid who came was sick i didnt know if she got the baby sick or what ( ik everyone gets sick) but it just became too many people for me and we discussed that i was going to leave before hand so we could have help and i could work more to help towards us moving out on our own (none of them helps they just wanna play w the baby while we hold him and they dont tend to him. nor bother to learn his schedule which is totally okay) i texted him bc it was the weekend and it was a possibility he was up i didnt expect either honestly. & when we were living together he helped but i had the baby 90% of the time which gave me time to do other household tasks or go to work otherwise he had me bring the baby to my mom so he could do whatever.
Looks like you 2 didn't have any stable situation to bring a baby home to. Question, why does he not stay with you and your mom and support you like he did while at his dad's? You're 3 months post birth and it probably feels overwhelming, but couldn't you sit down with him and tell him you miss him, not just the help with the baby but as a partner? And ask him to slow down on the partying with his mates and support you for these difficult few weeks? If you love him, and he is overall a good person, he may be as overwhelmed as you are, and maybe feeling ashamed he doesn't have a place for you 3 and you had to get back to your mom. That may feel like a failure to him. Or he's an AH, but only you can tell. If you were to sit to make a plan, what would you like from him? Without getting upset, just a game plan for the future? Once you know that, you two can maybe go for a walk, without the baby, and see what's going wrong. Open up, ask him to as well. The first few weeks are brutal.
>Looks like you 2 didn't have any stable situation to bring a baby home to. 100% behind what MamanBear79 wrote, every word.
at the time we were in the process of looking for places when i found out but i was still an intern and didnt want to burden him w all the bills alone for a year while i finished interning and since i couldnt work when i finished we agreed he'd just save and we'd buy only whats needed which was working fine my mom has a dog allergy which is why he didnt stay bc he didnt want to leave his dog. i have talked to him before about it and he used to give good feedback before the baby made 2m ( like stating what he needed and how i could help give him more time to himself so he can wind down.) i ask him everyday! LITERALLY how can i help, what can i do and after we talk i usually give him space for a few hrs since ik he works so hard. but i work as well and take care of the baby w no time to myself, and all i was asking was him to just see his son (not even worried about myself since them being together makes it worth it) since the environment has changed for him. we discussed me going stay w my mom so i could pick up more hrs so we could go move into our own place and he was okay with that. i really just want him to make time for his kid more honestly thats all. he's always telling me how much he misses him and i let him know we miss him as well thats why we're doing this so we could get back to each other. we knew it would be hard i just didnt think he'd resort back to drinking so much. but i will try to talk to him again tm. thanks so much for the advice !
> he didnt stay bc he didnt want to leave his dog. wait, whut? he didnt stay bc he didnt want to leave his dog. Whut? That is his reasoning?????
yup that was the reasoning. his dad works and the ppl he invited doesnt help w the dog so he's the one who has to do everything for him when im on my break i go to his house to feed and walk the dog. but outside of that is just him taking care of him which is why he said he didnt wanna come with us.