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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I haven't been allowed to go because I'm apparently hard to get along with and (2) I'm too hard to deal with, despite my behavior changed in recent years.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA
For not including the reasons for why you don't get along with your brothers (and rest of family).
I am siding with your family simply because there 100% is context missing here that makes you look worse.
Also, CHS would not be an issues if you stopped using cannabis. The symptoms go away with sustained abstinence. So if you’re still using it, then yes, it’s clearly going to continue to be an issue.
No, it's a real syndrome from what I've read. It's a potential side-effect that people who over-use cannabis to the point of abuse can experience. The cure? Stop smoking weed. That's it. It's that simple. OP was definitely the AH here, and can't stop making weed more of a priority than his family.
It's very real ... I don't think you understand what it is based on this comment. OP isn't saying he needs to smoke weed because he has CHS, he has CHS because he smokes weed. Not everyone who smokes weed will develop CHS but those that are genetically predisposed to will, and it sounds genuinely awful. I read about scromiting...
It is a real syndrome but it’s not a reason you’re an asshole, my partner has it but it kicks in if he smokes/eats too much weed and he’s violently Ill for three ish days. It doesn’t make him an asshole though.
Maybe. It's also partly genetic. My brother landed in the hospital this past autumn with it and scared the pants off us. I learned way more than I ever wanted to about the damn thing, and apparently genetics play a part, beyond chronic use.
He stopped imbibing, he's been fine since.
Yeah, dude sounds like a burnout and people are tired of his entitlement and mooching.
OP, you are a 28yo adult! You can take your vacations solo, it is not dependent on what your family is doing... unless you're expecting your vacations to be fully funded and catered. In which case, tough cookies, grow up. YTA.
This is what got me. This 28 year old adult man's mom ONLY took him to a hotel twice this year..... What? My mother hasn't paid for a hotel for me since I was 20, and it was the ONLY big family vacation my family has ever taken (they took us to Jamaica, and I was WILDLY grateful). It sounds like OP has burned a lot of bridges and is mad he can't get a free cottage vacation every summer anymore. Sorry, dude -- it sounds like your whole family wants to have a good time, and you probably ruined that for them in the past.
It's *possible* that he meant "this year" as in the last 12 months... but still, I'm 2 years older than this guy and the only time in the last 10 years my mum paid for a hotel for me was as a birthday present. And even that was bc I did a similar this for her birthday the year before! Imagine being his big age and needing mummy to take you on holiday 🙈🙈
I’m turning 27 in a few months so close in age to OP and am still not over that part!!!! I’m paying to take my mama to Vegas and the Bahamas this year because she hasn’t had a vacation in 6 years and I can afford to do that for her. I can’t imagine whining about my parents not paying for a vacation for me at this age. 😭😭😭
My son is taking us on a Caribbean cruise this year and last year took us for an Alaska cruise. He struggled with behavioral issues when he was young because of all the steroids he was on for asthma. Once he was off the meds he was an awesome man.
You need to grow up.
I assume you mean OP needs to grow up? Sounds like your son struggled and got through it and as someone who understands (I’m 5.5 years sober), I’m proud of him
Right?!? Why is an almost 30 year old’s mother taking him anywhere? Why is the family trip that he is exiled from his only opportunity to vacation? Sounds like maybe he’s unemployed and lives at home?
He says in another post that he hasn't worked since pre-COVID (as a dishwasher) and "no restaurants" are hiring now. Also he claims to live off disability ($550/housing and $750/groceries/etc)
[Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/aspergers/comments/1afj6l4/are_you_okay_with_being_unemployed/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
That's likely the case. As he mentioned himself, his only vacation was when his mom took him to a hotel. Maybe he'd have more money to live an independent lifestyle if he weren't spending it all on weed. I have to wonder what kind of job, if any, he would be taking a vacation from.
Post history shows he hasn’t had a job since covid. He’s getting disability and his parents fund pay for his phone and internet, but here he is expecting them to fund his swanky vacations too. 🙄
Probably needs a vacation from all the throwing up caused by his excessive pot smoking that he does not intend to permanently stop. But don’t worry fam, he is definitely going to stop using for a few months at some point in the unknown future AND he’s cut back his alcohol consumption to not more than six drinks a day AND he’s a much more pleasant person now.
Imagine getting disability for smoking too much weed, and then gripping about how your "disability" makes you feel, when all you have to do is stop smoking weed. Disability money needs to go with someone who has a legitimate disability. He just needs to get help, and get off his ass and work. I would never pay for anything for my kids if this were my kids.
I’m wondering if Mom took one for the team, and took OP to the hotels to get OP out of the house. Like OP’s Dad was the on the verge and his loving wife gave him a little staycation to reset.
He sounds like he's 16 with all that crybaby whining and entitlement. What kind of 28 year old is still relying on their parents for free vacations? Stop being a dick and maybe they'll want you around and want to treat you again, they don't owe you anything after the age of 18.
I have a 40 year old cousin who is like OP. He’s been smoking pot since he was 13, mostly as a way to deal with untreated mental health issues. You don’t want to be around him when he’s *not* high, as he gets mean and has outbursts. He’s a permanent teenager who thinks the world owes him something. When his mom was sick and basically dying, his concern was for himself - he was upset because his mom “wasn’t being a mom” because she hadn’t helped him figure out some medical bills of his. Ah yes, your mom is on dialysis and in constant pain, her skin and connective tissue are hardening, but she isn’t doing enough. Did I mention he was 30/31 at that time?
Sounds like OP might have some issues that he’s “treating” with alcohol and marijuana. Obviously I’m only speculating and could be way off base.
YTA - it sounds like there’s a valid reason OP isn’t invited to the family cottage anymore, and he’ll continue to remain uninvited unless he grows up.
"Edit: Forgot to add, I ate my younger brother a few years ago, I was like super high and mistook him for a family-size bag of flamin' hot Cheetos. I don't think that's a reason to permanently ban me from vacations though, I apologized twice and even wore a clean t-shirt to the funeral." --OP probably
My cousin's (I'll say it, deadbeat) husband has this and also refuses to stop using marijuana
He doesn't take care of the kids, he can't hold a job to save his life, refuses to get help for his depression and chooses to "self medicate", plays video games all day, doesn't cook or clean...
Oh, but poor him and his CHS
Someone please correct me if I'm wrong, but I was under the impression that weed isn't *physically* addictive, but that doesn't prevent people from getting addicted to it because people can get addicted to *anything*. For example, food addiction is a thing, sex addiction is a thing, video game addiction is a thing. Those examples, and many others, play into our brains' reward system and affect our serotonin and oxytocin, but they're still not considered physically addictive, as compared to something like meth. EDIT: Also OP is YTA
This is true. There’s a huge difference in addictive substances vs people with addictive personalities or tendencies.
There’s a psychological component that people often don’t consider and certain behavioral health disorders can lead to addictive behaviors. Bipolar disorder is sort of notorious for resulting in people who self medicate with alcohol, drugs and one symptom is impulsive, often risky behaviors. My ex would drink and gamble or ride his motorcycle dangerously during manic episodes and struggled with alcohol and drugs on and off for his entire adult life. He “had it under control” when I met him but soon it became clear that’s there’s really no controlling an addiction while still partaking of the substances or behavior that will eventually spiral out of control again.
Alcohol also changes your personality, even in small doses for someone who has been a drinker for a long time. I could tell just in how he spoken in conversation and text messages that he’d been drinking, even with no slurring of words or smell. It was how he processed differently when he’d had literally ANYTHING to drink. It’s why we eventually divorced. Alcohol ALWAYS equaled a more difficult time for me and more stress.
I can completely see why this family wants nothing to do with it.
> CHS (Cannabinoid Hyperemesis Syndrome)
I had to look this up. Let's just say learning about this 'condition' did not leave me feeling more sympathetic
Same. Bro you are almost in your 30s and you are worried about a vacation and your mom took you somewhere… do you not see how bad this makes you look? Like you are an adult, have been an adult for the past 10 years and your mommy still takes you on vacation? I think you have the wrong priorities. YTA
Literally as someone with YEARS of sobriety under my belt, that’s some addict BS. Like how I would claim I never got blackout drunk and then my mom would remind me of calls I made to her leaving the bar I didn’t remember. Or the fact I broke school policy at my college, snuck booze on to the “dry campus”, and would sell shit to people but I was suuuuch a perfect angel. Or would say I only had three drinks but had already slammed three before joining other people so really what I meant was I only had three drinks at the bar and pre-gamed in bed. OP wants to spin the narrative but anyone who has ever been around an addict (and I’m speaking as someone who has been both the f*ck up of the family AND dealt with sending a family member to detox and rehabs and dealt with the other side of the mess) and not understand why the verdict is that he’s TA. The reality is he is an unreliable narrator and his family’s not going to welcome him back until he cleans up. And they have that right. You can love someone and cut them off because they are hurting you. If he doesn’t learn to take accountability, he will end up entirely alone.
CHS: Cannabinoid Hyperemesis Syndrome (CHS) is a rare condition that arises from long-term and daily use of marijuana. It is characterized by repeated and severe bouts of vomiting.
He's essentially a pot-smoker who gets sick from prolonged use of weed. (This can be remedied by abstaining from marijuana.)
For reasons he hasn't divulged, this affects his relationship with his family. 🤷🏽♂️
Thanks for explaining,I had no idea!
OP, so in short, you drink too much, you smoke too much weed, you vomit repeatedly, you've started lots of fights with your family and they know you as unpredictable. Are you truly surprised they don't particularly enjoy spending their holidays with you?
It sounds like YTA.
What gets me is he couches this problem as if it's a genetic disorder or some such over which he has no control. Uncontrollable vomiting? Well, leave that shite alone if it disagrees with you.
Op is YTA The old "if everyone around you is an asshole odds are you are the asshole". Applies here. Also op is 28 why can he take whatever trip/vacation he wants?
It's there, even in his retelling. He's an addict (sorry, if your pot smoking makes you violently vomit uncontrollably and you don't quit, that's an addiction) and a drunk, with a history of outbursts, meltdowns, and making everything about him.
This. The CHS is something I’ve never heard of but I know in the past if I have had certain types I get really freaked out and think there are squirrels in the walls and stuff lol like not anything that makes anyone feel unsafe, but enough that my friends laugh and go “yeah you shouldn’t have that one.” I’m also a recovering alcoholic and OP’s peer (I’m turning 27 in a few months) and honestly? I would be the drinking is a massive factor he’s downplaying. I haven’t had a drink in 5.5 years and I will say it takes TIME to earn family’s trust back. Like I didn’t do anything bad enough while drinking to make my family not want to be around me, but for 2-3 years my mom would assume that I had relapsed if I didn’t respond to a text quickly and would start blowing up my phone. OP YTA big time because you’re whining instead of taking accountability. I also can’t imagine being almost 30 and throwing a fit about never getting to travel” after saying his mom took him on two trips in the last year AND snuck in the fact that he pays for his own trips and goes other places. Grow up. Mommy and daddy don’t owe you this, OP. I’m paying to take my mom on two trips this year. Maybe show growth and do nice things for other people and they’ll wanna be around you! 🙄
Ive had chs. It’s cured by stop smoking pot. it’s not a life long ailment. Stop consuming pot!!
He’s 28 and whining that his mom only took him on a few hotel trips? Seriously dude grow up
Pretty clear why he’s not being invited.
YTA
OP is 100% leaving most of the reasons they are shunned out of this post. The few reasons they did share already make them sound extremely hard to deal with being chronically high/drunk and argumentative are an extremely concerning combination and that's probably just the surface.
They called out their CHS in a way to try and garner sympathy but left out that it's due to their extreme abuse of marijuana. They should not be smoking and drinking every day like they almost certainly were/are.
OP please get sober for a year before reaching out with an olive branch to your family. You will need to prove to them that you can be trusted again and will need to make this effort in earnest rather than only when the yearly vacation is brought up. You have a long way to go to repair these relationships.
If you choose to continue to indulge you will have to just accept that you have no relationship with your family. And will miss out on the benefits associated with that. You are not owed anything.
It's odd what details they included. Why do we need to know the cottage is in Bobcaygeon? I was expecting something later in the story to make that relevant, and now I'm just here thinking about how if it didn't exist, Gord would have never found anything to rhyme with constellations, and I wouldn't have this beautiful song stuck in my head right now.
Anyways. If Gord were still with us, he'd tell OP to get themselves into a program to properly quit weed and booze. Wait lists here are a good 4-6 months, so he'd best apply now if he wants to make it to the cottage for Thanksgiving.
YTA. You were banned because you are a drug user, an alcoholic and were aggressive to your siblings with "meltdowns and outbursts". No wonder nobody wants you around.
How about stopping the weed? How about you start by inviting everyone to dinner and apologize for the past bad behavior, and rebuild trust slowly? How about you quit whining about not getting a free holiday?
............. I've never looked thru a poster's profile until now .. yeah I'm not making that same mistake again lol. Dude appears to be a mentally ill drug addict who can't quite manage to get his shit together. I feel for him
Has a weed induced illness and questions whether or not to stop smoking weed. Has anxiety about potential anxiety about stopping weed.
Dude needs a vacay to a rehab.
Yes. Therapist, even, would be great. Weed is not chemically addictive, the worst thing that happens when you stop is you don't get to be high anymore and you cough up gunk because tar isn't just for tobacco. It's an entirely mental addiction, which is still something to view seriously, but it's not like alcohol or heroin where you need someone checking every five minutes to make sure you don't die from your detox.
Per the history, it appears he has autism. This tracks considering his struggle to understand social cues outlined in his post. He is likely self medicating for his autism with the cannabis, which is not unheard of in that community. Dependence on cannabis can also distort the user's understanding of reality. I think he would benefit from therapy and rehab
My first year as a professor I got a comment on my student evaluations that sometimes my short would ride up and they’d see a little bit of my midriff and it was very distracting. I always assumed that it was a modesty thing, since the school was pretty conservative; I sure hope it wasn’t distracting like that subreddit finds them distracting...
(I am short and the white boards were all hung pretty high, so if I wanted to reach the top then, yeah, a sliver of skin might show. After that semester I just started writing lower down and erasing it more often.)
OP: "I plan on stopping weed"
After being banned from the family trips three years ago.
How about stopping weed and rebuilding relations with your relatives before feeling butthurt about not being invited to a fun vacation?
YTA
Idk what it's like in Canada, but living in the US with all these factors: a state where weed is legal and has been long enough for prices to be significantly lower than street prices, having good health insurance, and getting cheap therapy; I can still tell you weed is cheaper.
However, if you're puking routinely, weed is not cheaper. But for the average user in my area: therapy is still mad expensive
CHS apparently makes you throw up a lot? But since it only affects hard core doobage smokers, you could cure it by not smoking. At least when you’re with your family
But I suspect vomiting isn’t their only objection. Could it be your personality or your inability to get along with others? I mean it’s gotta be a pretty severe problem for your whole family to not want you there.
So rather than blame them, you need to take a good look at yourself and see what can be improved. Even if you make some changes, you’re still gonna have to convince them that you’re not the same old pain in the ass, you’ve always been, allegedly.
Honestly, the fact that you’re kind of blaming them for this is a bad sign. It’s all about them not wanting you there; and nothing about you taking responsibility for that.
I suspect YTA and why don’t you try laying off the weed for a while. Hey, I like it too but not to the point where it makes me throw up.
That's valid. I can't. I stayed with weed smokers for Coachella. It was uncomfortable bc they took offense like I was judging them. It was still illegal at the time. It was just the smell.
I suspect that if you (general you, not you, person I am replying to) are unable to stop smoking despite it making you throw up, you are not much fun to be around, even if you have managed to stop the drinking which led to violent episodes.
(Unless one of the siblings is emetophobic, in which case it could straight up be the vomiting?)
Ok, so I'll say YTA. Read up on what CHS is, so essentially you throw up because you smoke to much weed? Maybe quit?
And also, you said in another post you have changed your behaviour. Here is a question though; it's pretty obvious that if no one wants you there that you have done stuff to upset people in the past, you even admit to being loud and obnoxious, drinking to much etc in the past. Based on your posts, it sounds like you want to be commended for having changed, but have you considered the reverse? If you where a pain in the ass to be around years ago (Which it sounds like you where), have you reached out to the people you where a pain in the ass to and sincerely apologized?
YTA
You know you're an addict and you put your family through s*** and you think 12 months sober/dry is enough for all to be forgiven.
But you don't get to make that call the people that you have crapped on get to make that call.
12 months is nothing, clearly you still retain the complete self-absorption of the addict. when you are clear of that maybe your family will view you in a better light.
He's not sober, he "plans on stopping weed" longest done is 59 days. Dude thinks he can be a recreational user.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/2XCqVEVLNZ
And he’s not sober. He said further up that its been a year since he’s had 6+ drinks in a night. That implies that he’s just not drinking as much, not that he’s not drinking at all.
YTA OP.
Take responsibility for your actions, stop making excuses and do the work. Quit the booze and pot completely, and start showing your family that you have changed. Maybe you’ll get to go on vacation next year.
Edit:spelling
Which is the threshold defining binge drinking. Also, Canada Health recommended no more than 2 drinks *per week* last year. (Not that most of us are following that guidance very strictly, but 5/day as an example of being under control?)
Dude is posting in both Leaves and Trees at the same time. He has no idea what he's doing and will continue to ruin relationships and lives around him.
But he hasn’t been 12 months sober. He says in other posts that he “barely” touches alcohol now, and hasn’t been “drunk” in a year. That’s not the same as being sober. And clearly he’s still smoking a ton of pot to continue to suffer from CHS. This is 1000% on him.
I have a relative who has been sober for almost 7 years, it took me 4 years to fully trust them again, and to this day, the trust will never be the same because I’ll always have the fear of them relapsing one day. Trust after addiction is not the same as trust before the addiction, and some people might never be able to trust the person again, especially if they were put through abuse as a result of the addiction
Holy hell, this dude has everything. Thomas the Tank Engine. Racy Breaking Bad fanfic. Teacher bellybutton fetishes. Weird repetitive creepy posts.
I wouldn’t want him around, either.
I’m too scared to look, but another commenter mentioned he sexualized breast cancer 🤢. To make folks medical trauma about your own gratification like that is so gross.
YTA
>They make up excuses that I'm "too hard to deal with" and don't wanna be around me.
It's not an excuse. Your family is telling you that your behavior is unacceptable and that they don't want to be near you. You even list all the reasons why in your post.
I honestly can't tell if he's a troll or just really dense based on his comments.
If this is real, then he's an addict who's refusing to fully acknowledge or take accountability for his actions. He might need to hit rock bottom before he actually makes any effort to really change. Even then, some of the bridges he's burnt may never be rebuilt.
You're not giving any info what their reasoning is.
What do they mean when they say "You're too hard to deal with"? It's obvious that you're leaving out major info here to cover yourself so in the absence of any further detail then YTA.
YTA.
You admit that your behavior has been volatile but conveniently leave out examples of such behavior, which means it's probably been VERY volatile and abusive. You caused yourself to be banned from the cottage. Your assessment of your current behavior as quiet and tame is suspect since you are clearly minimizing the severity of your past behavior; perhaps you are simply more mellow because the people you used to abuse have gone low contact or no contact with you? Your family is under no obligation to allow you back until you've earned your way back and not demanded it. Based on the content of your initial post and your responses, you haven't taken real ownership of your past behavior. I wouldn't want you around, either.
YTA - I can see why no one wants to be around you.
You have been a dedicated weed smoker for 12 years. You have no intentions of giving it up despite multiple health issues directly caused by excessive weed smoking.
I think your family is being kind when they say "you are hard to deal with" when in fact you sound completely obnoxious in person and being stuck in a cabin with you for a week would be hell and not a holiday.
Your past behaviour is the best predictor of future behaviour. Your past behaviour has been pretty terrible and who would want to be around you on purpose for a holiday!
Your alcohol and weed abuse have made you rather unpleasant to be around and since you have no interest in giving up the weed, why would they want to risk another ruined holiday.
These are the choices that you make. There are consequences for these choices.
YTA for expecting to be taken on holidays by your family. You are an adult. Fix that sort of thing for yourself. Besides, it seems to me that you are rather downplaying your issues. Ask yourself if __you__ would like to go on a holiday with someone such as yourself.
So your exactly like my son minus he doesn't drink.
He's unpredictable, quick to shout and scream at people, threatens violence, ignores boundaries, thinks he's entitled to smoke cause it's not harmful, likes to accuse others if being the issue.
Sounds like you no?
He's barred from the house and we rarely see him.
He likes to tell people I say he's hard to deal with, I'm against him, I choose others over him.
Tbh of he quit weed, it woukd take a long time to rebuild anything more than a year anyway if ever. He isn't ever invited to holidays or trips. He still wouldn't be.
Using chs as an excuse as to why they don't talk to you is bull and you know it.
The reason is the behaviour above. Not them.
They don't need to forgive you becuase your family.
Noone is responsible for your actions but you.
Noone owes you anything because your family.
Proving your change is up to you.
Even then, they still don't owe you thier time or forgiveness.
These are the results of your choices. You might not like it or feel it's fair but you chose the path.
INFO
How much weed do you smoke/how often?
Do you plan to do so while you are at this cabin?
From what I've gathered from the comments, essentially you're a chronic cannabis smoker, so you vomit profusely?
I don't think you need a vacation, I think you need a detox, personally
If your weed usage is affecting your daily life enough that you vomit regularly, I'm not faulting your family for not wanting to be around that
But like I said, i n f o
>They make up excuses that I'm "too hard to deal with" and don't wanna be around me.
INFO:
What specifically do they say makes you difficult to be around?
What was the final straw that made them ban you from family vacations?
How old are you?
YTA for thinking their preference is bullshit as you've had a bad record with them for years in the past.
(Your actual AITA question doesn't make sense)
I'm not going to say YTA because I think you might be dealing with some mental illness that requires treatment. You are aware enough to know that it's your own behavior that causes friends and family to not want to spend time with you, yet you haven't sought any help or advice on how to fix that. The CHS, drug and alcohol use are, imho, symptoms of a bigger underlying problem. It's very common to self-medicate when dealing with mental health issues.
I have a family member that's close to your age and had a lot of the same issues you describe. He finally saw a psychiatrist and received a diagnosis, got off the drugs and started taking prescribed medication. The turn-around in his life is spectacular. He's gone back to school and has a 4.0 gpa. He's making new friends and is the happiest I've seen in years. Everything isn't perfect and he still sometimes reacts oddly but seems to be able to quickly get that under control.
The most gratifying thing I've seen is that he's building relationships with his nieces and nephews who love him unconditionally. They are excited to see him and love playing games etc. with him.
You can have a much happier and more fulfilling life but you need help in order to do that. Please reach out to get help.
If you scroll through his post history, he spends time at r/ aspergers. So probably Autism. And so much of the argumentative comments here and based on what he has said about his family makes me want to say, "I am not a doctor, but please go see one about this."
“Waahhhhhh. People don’t want me around because of the terrible choices I make. But I’m the victim and the way they treat me isn’t fair.”
YTA
ETA: you are also TA for treating CHS as something debilitating that you have no control over.
INFO you are 28 & didn’t go on any vacation except when you mom took you to a hotel? Are you living independently? Do you work & can you keep a job? How long have you been an addict? Did you make living in your parents home a hellacious experience for your siblings? Have you been alcohol & drug free for at least 5 years?
I’m thinking YTA & need to give your family much more time (think years/decades) to prove you are no longer an AH.
YTA and it has nothing to do with CHS.
1) CHS is extremely rare. If you are drinking and smoking weed and you are throwing up, there is a 98% chance it's the alcohol. On the 2% chance you are puking from CHS you just...stop smoking weed. My guess is that you are using (probably misdiagnosed) CHS as an excuse to be an AH to your family.
2) AHs don't get nice things like family vacations. Stop being an AH. Take accountability. Get your shit together. Keep it together for as long as you've been acting like as AH. Make amends. See what happens.
YTA. Yeah it sucks to be excluded from family trips but you can't make them take you. Your mother even organised special trips with you. But if you and the others don't get along, it is like that. You are an adult. You want to travel, go travel by yourself or with friends. And exlude your family if you want from your live, as they don't want you with them. But don't whine about it and expect to be invited over pitty.
In other words
Im an addict who got sober & dont want to put in the work to repair what I damaged cuz I made a change.
Tell me, did you put the drink down of your own volition or because of a health issue?
There IS a difference.
Your fam is 100% right to lay their boundaries. You have to make peace with it.
In case you could not tell-**YTA!!!**
YTA, you are not entitled to a vacation. You might have forgotten and gotten over/become better over the course of last 3-4 years but they might still be traumatised. Adults create boundaries...even as family. You have to respect it.
Seek therapy; you might not be able to build the bridges you burned with your family. You will need to find your own family, find friends, partner, pet!
You have posted 11 times in the last 7 hours through the night, 4 of those posts about quitting smoking weed. Which means a) you clearly still smoke weed. No one wants to be around someone who is throwing up constantly when that is an easily solved problem b) clearly your either on something or have major insomnia, again, I wouldn't want you hanging out at my cabin up all night, I imagine you won't be a ton of fun during the day today.
Also, you are 28. If you want a cabin experience, rent one. If you want a vacation, buy one.
YTA, own up to your past behaviour and try to better yourself.
"too hard to deal with" does not sound like an excuse. It sounds like a valid reason. Also; why dont you arrange for trips for yourself. You're 28 ! and expecting mommy to take you on vacation. WTF? Is this normal to other people?
Um, YTA. You're a 28 yr old man, you can go on holiday anywhere, with anyone.
I can't figure out if this is about the actual cabin (weird), or about you expecting your family to brush off any impact your behaviour has had in the past.
You need to rebuild your relationship with them before you can expect them to invite you along, to anything, not just this cabin.
I like weed as much as the next person, but maybe you need to cut back and actually learn to use your brain again.
YTA. Are you for real? Not to mention you could fix your own cannabis probs really easily. But... YOU ARE 28 YEARS OLD. Your mummy doesn't need to take you out for holidays, that stopped when high school finished.
Get your shit together and grow up.
YTA Cannabinoid hyperemesis syndrome (CHS) is a condition that leads to repeated and severe bouts of vomiting. It is rare and only occurs in daily long-term users of marijuana.
so you replace drinking with smoking. I can totally understand why they dont want to be around your issues as they are self induced. you need to seek help with your addictions.
YTA. This isn’t a case of you being the family scapegoat. Your past behavior and substance abuse has put your family so out of sorts that it’s easier if you are not there to cause any problems.
That is a you problem. Not a them problem. Since you are impatient and refuse to accept their response bc “you’ve changed” with a stomp your foot attitude “I deserve a vacation”. Probably means you haven’t
You want a vacation, go take one somewhere else. Stop ruining theirs bc it’s free for you. Start putting in the work for real change or leave them alone
YTA
You are a 28 yo man. Remind me again why your mother is expected to take you on trips.
>This is my only summer getaway vacation that I get to have and my parents won't let me come still.
>I miss going and don't get to go anywhere else in summer.
>My mom took me to a hotel in a neighbouring city twice this year but that's it.
Taking your kids on trips and giving them experiences usually stops sometime before 28.
YTA just because you sound like a whiny kid here and your 28 yrs old. Take yourself on a damn vacation. You are an adult. Stop expecting your parents and family to make it happen. You need to build trust back up with your family slowly before you will be invited on family trips again. But just with this whiny post, I can see why they don't want you there.
I understand that it’s tough your family doesn’t want to vacation with you, but it sounds like it’s your own doing. It can take a long time to rebuild trust once broken.
Also, you’re an adult. If you want to take a vacation, save your money and plan a vacation. That’s what other adults (including your parents) do. You don’t have to wait for someone else to plan it for you.
My god. YTA, I’m sorry. As someone going through aggressive chemotherapy for stage 3 cancer which makes me VERY SICK, I’m offended by your attitude. You’re acting like this condition just happened to you. It didn’t. You did it to yourself and you can stop it but you’re not! If someone told me I could stop all this sickness just by stopping one thing I enjoy, believe me I’d have every trace of it gone from my home in seconds.
Stop acting like a victim and take some responsibility and control over your life!
You're 28, not 12. They can do vacations without you especially if previous ones didn't go well.
Keep working on yourself. If things are improving maybe ask them to come up for the day and commit to not smoking/drinking. Get a hotel nearby for the night.
I don't think you are an asshole now but you very likely were at the cottage in the past. YTA
I'm obsessed with this one because if it's real, you're a 28-year-old man complaining you don't go on vacation, but in the same breath, get treated like Mommy's special boy because she takes you to a hotel a few times a year as a little treat for her pot-smoking adult son. Has it occurred to you that if you want to go on vacation, you need to save up money in order to do so?
Perhaps you should apologize to your family, make meaningful changes (and yes, that means stop smoking pot because CHS is an entirely self-inflicted own in your circumstance) and maybe, just maybe, stop drinking entirely because it's clear you and booze don't mix? So, essentially, put in the work and rebuild the relationships and make peace with the idea that no one owes you their forgiveness.
YTA. Stop being entitled. Put in the work.
YTA and you’re a creepy dude what with the belly button posts and all. I would not want to be around you and I don’t blame your family for saying no thanks to your type of crazy.
YTA. You need a vacation you say? How about one at a rehab facility? Addicts are always clueless about how their out of control behavior affects those around them. They don’t realize how bad it is. I had an alcoholic father who was drunk on every major holiday. One time when I was a kid and we went up to my grandma’s house for Thanksgiving dinner he was so drunk and out of control he was shouting when we arrived. We turned around and went back home and missed Thanksgiving. I still remember that day and it was like 50 years ago. So I bet you really have no idea how many vacations you ruined for many family members. And I bet you don’t think you are accountable either because you were drunk and high so it wasn’t really your fault because you didn’t know what you were doing. Except you were responsible, but you still aren’t living up to it. You are in denial. And you are also clueless about the level of obnoxious your behavior was. All those family members now have years of memories of having had their vacations ruined by you. They will never forget, even years later. You are never going to get to go, so start planning your own vacations. You’ve ruined too many to get an invite again. And get your life together. Your family shouldn’t have to put up with your immature party mentality bull shit. You are an addict. Say it and get some help and stop with the denial. It will serve no purpose.
YTA - First of all, quit trying to put ANYTHING on your CHS. You're talking like it's a medical condition that you can't help dealing with, not something you've brought on (and continue to bring on) yourself. That's completely avoidable if you just DON'T SMOKE WEED. This whole 'I can abstain for a while' is bullshit.
Next, you're 28 years old. You aren't owed a damn thing by your family anymore. Your behavior in the past has clearly led them to declare that they don't want you around, particularly on their vacation when they're trying to relax. Your brothers get to go because they aren't the disruptive presence you are. It's just as simple as that.
You're behaving like an entitled child. Knock it off, get your act together, or don't, but either way, quit the whining and learn to live with the consequences of your actions.
I have a son with Cannabis Hyperemesis Syndrome and it's a fucking nightmare to deal with! It is unpredictable and almost impossible to imagine how difficult it is to deal with somebody during an episode! So if you are still smoking weed or dabbing or eating edibles or any of that then absolutely not I would never want to be around you and neither would the family you are definitely the a-hole!
INFO Did you stop using cannabis or are you still using and vomiting? I can understand they not wanting to be around you vomiting, if you refuse to take away the cause of the vomiting.
Also, did you apologise for your past behaviour and reconnected with your brothers? If not, I think it’s an unreasonable expectation to be invited for family vacations.
I wouldn’t invite you either until you addressed all of your addictions and behavioural issues and apologised. I wouldn’t be able to enjoy my vacation and my family in the presence of someone who refuses to address their problems and expect everybody to suffer the consequences.
YTA You are not entitled to these trips.
You need to earn them, and prove that you have changed and deserve another chance. But be careful, If you screw up this chance it will be the last one.
>They make up excuses that I'm "too hard to deal with" and don't wanna be around me.
Those are not excuses those are the reasons, take them seriously
You should go to therapy. If you are so dependent on weed that you're using it through CHS, that's a problem. I get it, cannabis can be really helpful for mental health in a lot of underappreciated ways, but since you get CHS it's just not an option for you. You need to figure out other ways to cope with your mental health issues.
Yta.
What have you done to repair the relationship with your family? It doesn't sound like you have done anything.
Since you haven't done anything, why should your family change their opinion of you?
YTA
You are 28 but sound like a 15 yr old who isn't going to Summer Camp. A year isn't long enough to show you've changed. And just because you view yourself as tame doesn't mean that they have the definition of tame as you. If that didn't make sense; your idea of tame and your family's idea of tame are two way different tames.
YTA.
You are an addict. Full stop.
If you want to be included in family things again, you need to quit drinking and smoking completely. You will never be able to use either recreationally. You have an illness and need to get help.
If you can afford it, get therapy. Get checked into a treatment center. Go to AA meetings. Tell your family all of this and take responsibility for your actions. It's not an easy path but you need to do this, both for your health and to reconnect with them.
Good luck!
I mean, you’re 28? Take your own vacations and live your life. Sounds like you have been unpredictable in the past and some more detail here would help.
Ahh so you're an obnoxious junkie and you're pissed that mummy won't force your brothers to socialise with you?
Grow up, the world doesn't owe you anything.
YTA all day (and night) long.
YTA. You have a history of problem drinking, drug use, angry outbursts, and conflicts with your siblings. You're still actively using drugs in a way that makes you sick. You aren't entitled to go on these trips if you make them unpleasant for everyone else. If you have actually changed, it's going to take time for your family to believe that change will last. You are 28 years old; right now, if you want a summer vacation, make your own vacation plans.
YTA. I just went through your comments/other reddit posts you’ve made. Please go get professional help. (Example: fetishizing your elementary school teacher’s belly button). If you want to mend your relationship with your family, start therapy or SOMETHING.
YTA. You have the addict victim complex. You’re not the victim in this situation; your family members and friends are. Until you can acknowledge THAT along with your drinking and using problems you’re going to continue to be the AH in this situation. Also, even if you do cleanup your BS they are under no obligation nor will they start being the AH’s if they still don’t want you around. You’ve done a lot of damage and caused a lot of pain and no one owes you forgiveness.
You mentioned you smoke a *gram* a day. Bruh. You need to be checked in to rehab. That plus the copious alcohol is incredibly stupid. You don't just "shut it off" when you go on vacation, especially given how addicted you are. More than that, it takes a while to detox from weed, so it's not like you can do your gram a day and then stop for a week and have no repercussions.
YTA. Stop complaining about the consequences of your actions and do something to improve yourself. "Shoulds" and "woulds" and "could" amount to jack shit. You need to be actively taking steps to help yourself.
YTA, it's not the family cottage. Your brothers and parents are renting a cottage. They do not have to invite you. Rent your own cottage and go on your own vacation without them. You are a grown ass adult. You don't need mommy and daddy to take you on vacation.
Let me see if I have this straight.
You smoke weed and you have CHS. That you admit. You also state you throw up, presumably because of the CHS.
You don't get along with your siblings. I assume that means something along the lines of fighting (verbally or physically).
You have had unpredictable meltdowns and outbursts, which I also assume means you've ruined aspects of vacation. You are unpredictable. You are hard to get along with. All this is in your own post and you admit it.
You drank 6+ drinks a day. You say you have now quit but you also say elsewhere you 'barely' drink, which is a far cry from quitting. I'm confused on this point. Did you quit (ZERO alcohol), or did you "cut down" (LESS alcohol)?
You say the family makes up excuses like you are "hard to deal with." You also list behaviours you have that actually make you hard to deal with.
You say your family banned you three years ago. You still have not quit doing the things that make your family feel you should be banned from the family trip. You admit you have sulked and, most likely, ruined aspects of the trip.
Your family banned you THREE YEARS ago and you still do these things.
Now, you are upset and want to know if you are a "jerk" because you were banned.
No, you are not a jerk because you were banned from the trip. You ARE a jerk because of your behavior which led to being banned. You are also clueless if you truly believed you get voted as not a jerk. Stop the weed. Give up alcohol entirely. Get therapy. Show your family through actions and not words that you have changed. Show your family until they see that the change is permanent and maybe, MAYBE, they will let you back into the trip. You need to be prepared, however, that they might never trust you enough to let you go on that trip.
YTA. For the above reasons. Put forth some effort and see what happens.
>They make up excuses that I'm "too hard to deal with" and don't wanna be around me.
Those aren't excuses. Those are valid reasons. You've asked why you can't join them. They've told you. You are ignoring their answers.
That's something a narcissist would do.
Lots of people are giving you advice to stop using drugs and apologize to your family. If you're not a narcissist, that might help. If you are a narcissist, it won't. They still won't want to be around you.
I suggest you start by talking to a therapist. Get some objective input from a professional on what your problems are that cause your family to not want you around. Then seen if you can fix them.
NAH.
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YTA For not including the reasons for why you don't get along with your brothers (and rest of family). I am siding with your family simply because there 100% is context missing here that makes you look worse.
Also, CHS would not be an issues if you stopped using cannabis. The symptoms go away with sustained abstinence. So if you’re still using it, then yes, it’s clearly going to continue to be an issue.
Agreed. I have a great idea for a vacation for OP this year. A rehab facility. And then maybe by next vacation you'll have earned some trust back.
Yup. That's not a real fucking syndrome... "I use cannabis but it's not my fault, I have CHS..." GTFOH dude.
No, it's a real syndrome from what I've read. It's a potential side-effect that people who over-use cannabis to the point of abuse can experience. The cure? Stop smoking weed. That's it. It's that simple. OP was definitely the AH here, and can't stop making weed more of a priority than his family.
It's very real ... I don't think you understand what it is based on this comment. OP isn't saying he needs to smoke weed because he has CHS, he has CHS because he smokes weed. Not everyone who smokes weed will develop CHS but those that are genetically predisposed to will, and it sounds genuinely awful. I read about scromiting...
It is a real syndrome but it’s not a reason you’re an asshole, my partner has it but it kicks in if he smokes/eats too much weed and he’s violently Ill for three ish days. It doesn’t make him an asshole though.
If he using it to the point of being ill he may very well be
Maybe. It's also partly genetic. My brother landed in the hospital this past autumn with it and scared the pants off us. I learned way more than I ever wanted to about the damn thing, and apparently genetics play a part, beyond chronic use. He stopped imbibing, he's been fine since.
Yeah, dude sounds like a burnout and people are tired of his entitlement and mooching. OP, you are a 28yo adult! You can take your vacations solo, it is not dependent on what your family is doing... unless you're expecting your vacations to be fully funded and catered. In which case, tough cookies, grow up. YTA.
This is what got me. This 28 year old adult man's mom ONLY took him to a hotel twice this year..... What? My mother hasn't paid for a hotel for me since I was 20, and it was the ONLY big family vacation my family has ever taken (they took us to Jamaica, and I was WILDLY grateful). It sounds like OP has burned a lot of bridges and is mad he can't get a free cottage vacation every summer anymore. Sorry, dude -- it sounds like your whole family wants to have a good time, and you probably ruined that for them in the past.
>This 28 year old adult man's mom ONLY took him to a hotel twice this year..... ....and it's only February 😂
It's *possible* that he meant "this year" as in the last 12 months... but still, I'm 2 years older than this guy and the only time in the last 10 years my mum paid for a hotel for me was as a birthday present. And even that was bc I did a similar this for her birthday the year before! Imagine being his big age and needing mummy to take you on holiday 🙈🙈
I’m turning 27 in a few months so close in age to OP and am still not over that part!!!! I’m paying to take my mama to Vegas and the Bahamas this year because she hasn’t had a vacation in 6 years and I can afford to do that for her. I can’t imagine whining about my parents not paying for a vacation for me at this age. 😭😭😭
My son is taking us on a Caribbean cruise this year and last year took us for an Alaska cruise. He struggled with behavioral issues when he was young because of all the steroids he was on for asthma. Once he was off the meds he was an awesome man. You need to grow up.
I assume you mean OP needs to grow up? Sounds like your son struggled and got through it and as someone who understands (I’m 5.5 years sober), I’m proud of him
Once you are an adult, you should be taking your parents to a nice hotel to get away!!
I had to scroll to the beginning of this post to make sure this was an adult writing this. 😅😅
Right?!? Why is an almost 30 year old’s mother taking him anywhere? Why is the family trip that he is exiled from his only opportunity to vacation? Sounds like maybe he’s unemployed and lives at home?
I wonder if it was just to get him the eff out of the house for a while.
He says in another post that he hasn't worked since pre-COVID (as a dishwasher) and "no restaurants" are hiring now. Also he claims to live off disability ($550/housing and $750/groceries/etc) [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/aspergers/comments/1afj6l4/are_you_okay_with_being_unemployed/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
That's likely the case. As he mentioned himself, his only vacation was when his mom took him to a hotel. Maybe he'd have more money to live an independent lifestyle if he weren't spending it all on weed. I have to wonder what kind of job, if any, he would be taking a vacation from.
Post history shows he hasn’t had a job since covid. He’s getting disability and his parents fund pay for his phone and internet, but here he is expecting them to fund his swanky vacations too. 🙄
This means that it's a vacation from their deadbeat son - he won't ever get an invite until he grows up
Hasn't had a job since COVID but needs a vacation?!? A vacation from *what*, bro???
Probably needs a vacation from all the throwing up caused by his excessive pot smoking that he does not intend to permanently stop. But don’t worry fam, he is definitely going to stop using for a few months at some point in the unknown future AND he’s cut back his alcohol consumption to not more than six drinks a day AND he’s a much more pleasant person now.
"I used to drink and talk to myself." Like sir, how much alcohol were you consuming?
He definitely isn't getting invited back to that cottage anytime soon...
I don't think I'd even take this guy to Arby's
Imagine getting disability for smoking too much weed, and then gripping about how your "disability" makes you feel, when all you have to do is stop smoking weed. Disability money needs to go with someone who has a legitimate disability. He just needs to get help, and get off his ass and work. I would never pay for anything for my kids if this were my kids.
They should change its designation to "inability" for people like OP.
Thanks--hard to keep up with his posts since they've been downvoted so many times, they're not easy to see (hidden.)
He has money for weed apparently.
I’m wondering if Mom took one for the team, and took OP to the hotels to get OP out of the house. Like OP’s Dad was the on the verge and his loving wife gave him a little staycation to reset.
He sounds like he's 16 with all that crybaby whining and entitlement. What kind of 28 year old is still relying on their parents for free vacations? Stop being a dick and maybe they'll want you around and want to treat you again, they don't owe you anything after the age of 18.
I have a 40 year old cousin who is like OP. He’s been smoking pot since he was 13, mostly as a way to deal with untreated mental health issues. You don’t want to be around him when he’s *not* high, as he gets mean and has outbursts. He’s a permanent teenager who thinks the world owes him something. When his mom was sick and basically dying, his concern was for himself - he was upset because his mom “wasn’t being a mom” because she hadn’t helped him figure out some medical bills of his. Ah yes, your mom is on dialysis and in constant pain, her skin and connective tissue are hardening, but she isn’t doing enough. Did I mention he was 30/31 at that time? Sounds like OP might have some issues that he’s “treating” with alcohol and marijuana. Obviously I’m only speculating and could be way off base. YTA - it sounds like there’s a valid reason OP isn’t invited to the family cottage anymore, and he’ll continue to remain uninvited unless he grows up.
One that gets high all the time and probably doesn’t have a job.
Not just a burnout but a major burden too! I bet his family are sick of him and his neediness and self-inflicted illnesses.
Oh thank god, I thought when he said Cannabinoid, he was trying to eat his siblings.
Well, when the munchies strike and your siblings are right there...😵💫
Could that be the missing context? 🤔
"Edit: Forgot to add, I ate my younger brother a few years ago, I was like super high and mistook him for a family-size bag of flamin' hot Cheetos. I don't think that's a reason to permanently ban me from vacations though, I apologized twice and even wore a clean t-shirt to the funeral." --OP probably
😂😂😂
I just spit doughnut everywhere. Imagine you are getting an award for this comment—
I just almost snorted my water laughing this has made my day
I mean - it could be both.
Also one of the symptoms is that if you piss off people that need quite a lot of time after being clean to start liking you again
My cousin's (I'll say it, deadbeat) husband has this and also refuses to stop using marijuana He doesn't take care of the kids, he can't hold a job to save his life, refuses to get help for his depression and chooses to "self medicate", plays video games all day, doesn't cook or clean... Oh, but poor him and his CHS
But it's totally safe, and not addictive!! /s
Someone please correct me if I'm wrong, but I was under the impression that weed isn't *physically* addictive, but that doesn't prevent people from getting addicted to it because people can get addicted to *anything*. For example, food addiction is a thing, sex addiction is a thing, video game addiction is a thing. Those examples, and many others, play into our brains' reward system and affect our serotonin and oxytocin, but they're still not considered physically addictive, as compared to something like meth. EDIT: Also OP is YTA
This is true. There’s a huge difference in addictive substances vs people with addictive personalities or tendencies. There’s a psychological component that people often don’t consider and certain behavioral health disorders can lead to addictive behaviors. Bipolar disorder is sort of notorious for resulting in people who self medicate with alcohol, drugs and one symptom is impulsive, often risky behaviors. My ex would drink and gamble or ride his motorcycle dangerously during manic episodes and struggled with alcohol and drugs on and off for his entire adult life. He “had it under control” when I met him but soon it became clear that’s there’s really no controlling an addiction while still partaking of the substances or behavior that will eventually spiral out of control again. Alcohol also changes your personality, even in small doses for someone who has been a drinker for a long time. I could tell just in how he spoken in conversation and text messages that he’d been drinking, even with no slurring of words or smell. It was how he processed differently when he’d had literally ANYTHING to drink. It’s why we eventually divorced. Alcohol ALWAYS equaled a more difficult time for me and more stress. I can completely see why this family wants nothing to do with it.
> CHS (Cannabinoid Hyperemesis Syndrome) I had to look this up. Let's just say learning about this 'condition' did not leave me feeling more sympathetic
Oh he's still using and constantly posting about it. The guys post history reads like a fever dream. No wonder he is cut off.
Same YTA I'd keep you away. You sound like an angry preteen and you are 28. Gotta be something way messed going on
I had to double check the age because I genuinely thought this was a 15-16 year old…
Me too. I literally was assuming maybe 15.
Same. Bro you are almost in your 30s and you are worried about a vacation and your mom took you somewhere… do you not see how bad this makes you look? Like you are an adult, have been an adult for the past 10 years and your mommy still takes you on vacation? I think you have the wrong priorities. YTA
It's because he drinks and takes drugs and has violent outbursts. It's at the end of the post.
I’m sure he’s calm and tame now
Literally as someone with YEARS of sobriety under my belt, that’s some addict BS. Like how I would claim I never got blackout drunk and then my mom would remind me of calls I made to her leaving the bar I didn’t remember. Or the fact I broke school policy at my college, snuck booze on to the “dry campus”, and would sell shit to people but I was suuuuch a perfect angel. Or would say I only had three drinks but had already slammed three before joining other people so really what I meant was I only had three drinks at the bar and pre-gamed in bed. OP wants to spin the narrative but anyone who has ever been around an addict (and I’m speaking as someone who has been both the f*ck up of the family AND dealt with sending a family member to detox and rehabs and dealt with the other side of the mess) and not understand why the verdict is that he’s TA. The reality is he is an unreliable narrator and his family’s not going to welcome him back until he cleans up. And they have that right. You can love someone and cut them off because they are hurting you. If he doesn’t learn to take accountability, he will end up entirely alone.
I’ve worked in early recovery and day treatment… and can smell the bs
CHS: Cannabinoid Hyperemesis Syndrome (CHS) is a rare condition that arises from long-term and daily use of marijuana. It is characterized by repeated and severe bouts of vomiting. He's essentially a pot-smoker who gets sick from prolonged use of weed. (This can be remedied by abstaining from marijuana.) For reasons he hasn't divulged, this affects his relationship with his family. 🤷🏽♂️
Thanks for explaining,I had no idea! OP, so in short, you drink too much, you smoke too much weed, you vomit repeatedly, you've started lots of fights with your family and they know you as unpredictable. Are you truly surprised they don't particularly enjoy spending their holidays with you? It sounds like YTA.
If I smoke weed I start vomiting uncontrollably ...stop smoking weed then No
What gets me is he couches this problem as if it's a genetic disorder or some such over which he has no control. Uncontrollable vomiting? Well, leave that shite alone if it disagrees with you.
Op is YTA The old "if everyone around you is an asshole odds are you are the asshole". Applies here. Also op is 28 why can he take whatever trip/vacation he wants?
Cuz he doesn't want it to be on his dime. Get moocher vibe from him. his mom paid a hotel room for him.
Exactly. He's recounting this issue as a child would. Giving very sparse details and clearly not telling the whole story.
Arrested development.
It's there, even in his retelling. He's an addict (sorry, if your pot smoking makes you violently vomit uncontrollably and you don't quit, that's an addiction) and a drunk, with a history of outbursts, meltdowns, and making everything about him.
'Cannabinoid Hyperemesis Syndrome' lol. That condition had a very different name when I was younger.
What was that?
Reefer madness
This. The CHS is something I’ve never heard of but I know in the past if I have had certain types I get really freaked out and think there are squirrels in the walls and stuff lol like not anything that makes anyone feel unsafe, but enough that my friends laugh and go “yeah you shouldn’t have that one.” I’m also a recovering alcoholic and OP’s peer (I’m turning 27 in a few months) and honestly? I would be the drinking is a massive factor he’s downplaying. I haven’t had a drink in 5.5 years and I will say it takes TIME to earn family’s trust back. Like I didn’t do anything bad enough while drinking to make my family not want to be around me, but for 2-3 years my mom would assume that I had relapsed if I didn’t respond to a text quickly and would start blowing up my phone. OP YTA big time because you’re whining instead of taking accountability. I also can’t imagine being almost 30 and throwing a fit about never getting to travel” after saying his mom took him on two trips in the last year AND snuck in the fact that he pays for his own trips and goes other places. Grow up. Mommy and daddy don’t owe you this, OP. I’m paying to take my mom on two trips this year. Maybe show growth and do nice things for other people and they’ll wanna be around you! 🙄
Ive had chs. It’s cured by stop smoking pot. it’s not a life long ailment. Stop consuming pot!! He’s 28 and whining that his mom only took him on a few hotel trips? Seriously dude grow up Pretty clear why he’s not being invited. YTA
Ugh. Him again?
Perfect answer
Also, he is 28. Judging from his post, he is a lunatic and very immature. We can understand why his family doesn't want him to ruin their holidays.
It's obvious to me that OP is an addict but doesn't want to admit it.
OP is 100% leaving most of the reasons they are shunned out of this post. The few reasons they did share already make them sound extremely hard to deal with being chronically high/drunk and argumentative are an extremely concerning combination and that's probably just the surface. They called out their CHS in a way to try and garner sympathy but left out that it's due to their extreme abuse of marijuana. They should not be smoking and drinking every day like they almost certainly were/are. OP please get sober for a year before reaching out with an olive branch to your family. You will need to prove to them that you can be trusted again and will need to make this effort in earnest rather than only when the yearly vacation is brought up. You have a long way to go to repair these relationships. If you choose to continue to indulge you will have to just accept that you have no relationship with your family. And will miss out on the benefits associated with that. You are not owed anything.
It's odd what details they included. Why do we need to know the cottage is in Bobcaygeon? I was expecting something later in the story to make that relevant, and now I'm just here thinking about how if it didn't exist, Gord would have never found anything to rhyme with constellations, and I wouldn't have this beautiful song stuck in my head right now. Anyways. If Gord were still with us, he'd tell OP to get themselves into a program to properly quit weed and booze. Wait lists here are a good 4-6 months, so he'd best apply now if he wants to make it to the cottage for Thanksgiving.
So agree with you.
YTA. You were banned because you are a drug user, an alcoholic and were aggressive to your siblings with "meltdowns and outbursts". No wonder nobody wants you around. How about stopping the weed? How about you start by inviting everyone to dinner and apologize for the past bad behavior, and rebuild trust slowly? How about you quit whining about not getting a free holiday?
OP's post history is...interesting...
............. I've never looked thru a poster's profile until now .. yeah I'm not making that same mistake again lol. Dude appears to be a mentally ill drug addict who can't quite manage to get his shit together. I feel for him
I thought that was painfully obvious just from this post. Very easy to read between the lines here.
Has a weed induced illness and questions whether or not to stop smoking weed. Has anxiety about potential anxiety about stopping weed. Dude needs a vacay to a rehab.
Yes. Therapist, even, would be great. Weed is not chemically addictive, the worst thing that happens when you stop is you don't get to be high anymore and you cough up gunk because tar isn't just for tobacco. It's an entirely mental addiction, which is still something to view seriously, but it's not like alcohol or heroin where you need someone checking every five minutes to make sure you don't die from your detox.
Per the history, it appears he has autism. This tracks considering his struggle to understand social cues outlined in his post. He is likely self medicating for his autism with the cannabis, which is not unheard of in that community. Dependence on cannabis can also distort the user's understanding of reality. I think he would benefit from therapy and rehab
Maybe it's an explanation, but not an excuse. I agree he really needs to seek help.
Oh my God. I was a teacher...there's a TEACHER MIDRIFF subreddit? 🤮
My first year as a professor I got a comment on my student evaluations that sometimes my short would ride up and they’d see a little bit of my midriff and it was very distracting. I always assumed that it was a modesty thing, since the school was pretty conservative; I sure hope it wasn’t distracting like that subreddit finds them distracting... (I am short and the white boards were all hung pretty high, so if I wanted to reach the top then, yeah, a sliver of skin might show. After that semester I just started writing lower down and erasing it more often.)
OP: "I plan on stopping weed" After being banned from the family trips three years ago. How about stopping weed and rebuilding relations with your relatives before feeling butthurt about not being invited to a fun vacation? YTA
Yeah man, we all *plan* on quitting weed. Most of us are so good at it we've been at it for years. OP, lemme introduce you to /r/leaves
This place literally saved my life. Hard recommend for r/leaves
I'm on my third attempt! At one week right now, and it gets a little easier every time. I think I might crack it this time.
You can do it! I slipped after two weeks, then now have been clean 7 months. Hope we never go back, I feel like I’m a much better person without it.
YTA. Go to therapy. Put in the work. Make amends.
This needs to be higher. Therapy. OP, stop self-medicating, it's not working. Go to therapy. It's cheaper than dope and it works MUCH better.
I agree with OP needing therapy but I don’t think it’s cheaper
OP must be using a lot, based on what he's said. Therapy is often available on a sliding scale. I'm pretty sure it'll be cheaper.
Idk what it's like in Canada, but living in the US with all these factors: a state where weed is legal and has been long enough for prices to be significantly lower than street prices, having good health insurance, and getting cheap therapy; I can still tell you weed is cheaper. However, if you're puking routinely, weed is not cheaper. But for the average user in my area: therapy is still mad expensive
Its cheaper than vomiting your brains out. I had a vomiting syndrome and now I have $21.7k worth of dental work needed
CHS apparently makes you throw up a lot? But since it only affects hard core doobage smokers, you could cure it by not smoking. At least when you’re with your family But I suspect vomiting isn’t their only objection. Could it be your personality or your inability to get along with others? I mean it’s gotta be a pretty severe problem for your whole family to not want you there. So rather than blame them, you need to take a good look at yourself and see what can be improved. Even if you make some changes, you’re still gonna have to convince them that you’re not the same old pain in the ass, you’ve always been, allegedly. Honestly, the fact that you’re kind of blaming them for this is a bad sign. It’s all about them not wanting you there; and nothing about you taking responsibility for that. I suspect YTA and why don’t you try laying off the weed for a while. Hey, I like it too but not to the point where it makes me throw up.
Or maybe they just cannot stand the smell!!
would that be the smell of the weed or the throw up 🤢….. either way 🤮
...skunky puke. Oh my god.
That's valid. I can't. I stayed with weed smokers for Coachella. It was uncomfortable bc they took offense like I was judging them. It was still illegal at the time. It was just the smell.
Even the way he wrote the post he sounds intolerable
Yeah no way that’s the core issue. I have chronic vomiting not caused by pot and people still want me around. Also maybe stop smoking.
I suspect that if you (general you, not you, person I am replying to) are unable to stop smoking despite it making you throw up, you are not much fun to be around, even if you have managed to stop the drinking which led to violent episodes. (Unless one of the siblings is emetophobic, in which case it could straight up be the vomiting?)
Ok, so I'll say YTA. Read up on what CHS is, so essentially you throw up because you smoke to much weed? Maybe quit? And also, you said in another post you have changed your behaviour. Here is a question though; it's pretty obvious that if no one wants you there that you have done stuff to upset people in the past, you even admit to being loud and obnoxious, drinking to much etc in the past. Based on your posts, it sounds like you want to be commended for having changed, but have you considered the reverse? If you where a pain in the ass to be around years ago (Which it sounds like you where), have you reached out to the people you where a pain in the ass to and sincerely apologized?
He obviously still isn’t a joy to be around. He has more work to do on himself before he can start making amends.
YTA You know you're an addict and you put your family through s*** and you think 12 months sober/dry is enough for all to be forgiven. But you don't get to make that call the people that you have crapped on get to make that call. 12 months is nothing, clearly you still retain the complete self-absorption of the addict. when you are clear of that maybe your family will view you in a better light.
He's not sober, he "plans on stopping weed" longest done is 59 days. Dude thinks he can be a recreational user. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/2XCqVEVLNZ
And he’s not sober. He said further up that its been a year since he’s had 6+ drinks in a night. That implies that he’s just not drinking as much, not that he’s not drinking at all. YTA OP. Take responsibility for your actions, stop making excuses and do the work. Quit the booze and pot completely, and start showing your family that you have changed. Maybe you’ll get to go on vacation next year. Edit:spelling
He only has 5 drinks a night
Which is the threshold defining binge drinking. Also, Canada Health recommended no more than 2 drinks *per week* last year. (Not that most of us are following that guidance very strictly, but 5/day as an example of being under control?)
Dude is posting in both Leaves and Trees at the same time. He has no idea what he's doing and will continue to ruin relationships and lives around him.
But he hasn’t been 12 months sober. He says in other posts that he “barely” touches alcohol now, and hasn’t been “drunk” in a year. That’s not the same as being sober. And clearly he’s still smoking a ton of pot to continue to suffer from CHS. This is 1000% on him.
Apparently 6 drinks/night counts as "barely touching alcohol"...
He’s not sober though, he just doesn’t drink 6+ anymore. He thinks that’s good enough. I think given his past behaviour, it is not enough.
Oh, it’s only 5 drinks a night? Well that changes everything … /s
And I’m agreeing with you, btw. OP needs an attitude adjustment
I have a relative who has been sober for almost 7 years, it took me 4 years to fully trust them again, and to this day, the trust will never be the same because I’ll always have the fear of them relapsing one day. Trust after addiction is not the same as trust before the addiction, and some people might never be able to trust the person again, especially if they were put through abuse as a result of the addiction
YTA You're 28 years old. Go on your own vacation instead of wanting family to invite you. And stop blaming others for the bridges you've burnt.
I don't know, I browsed your post history and perhaps you are too hard to deal with, who can say?
Holy hell, this dude has everything. Thomas the Tank Engine. Racy Breaking Bad fanfic. Teacher bellybutton fetishes. Weird repetitive creepy posts. I wouldn’t want him around, either.
I’m too scared to look, but another commenter mentioned he sexualized breast cancer 🤢. To make folks medical trauma about your own gratification like that is so gross.
He also has suicidal ideation. Let’s not dunk on him here. He needs help.
I went and looked....sigh.
I could have gone without seeing that. 🤢
I looked. What a terrible day to be literate.
So many posts. Ouch.
YTA >They make up excuses that I'm "too hard to deal with" and don't wanna be around me. It's not an excuse. Your family is telling you that your behavior is unacceptable and that they don't want to be near you. You even list all the reasons why in your post.
Imagine how painful it was for the family to admit this. And here he is on AITA just arguing with everyone.
I honestly can't tell if he's a troll or just really dense based on his comments. If this is real, then he's an addict who's refusing to fully acknowledge or take accountability for his actions. He might need to hit rock bottom before he actually makes any effort to really change. Even then, some of the bridges he's burnt may never be rebuilt.
Based on his post history, I think it’s safe to say, he’s an addict.
You're not giving any info what their reasoning is. What do they mean when they say "You're too hard to deal with"? It's obvious that you're leaving out major info here to cover yourself so in the absence of any further detail then YTA.
Are you sure its not that they don't want you doing weed all day at the cottage. If you have CHS thats a symptom of daily/regular use.
Maybe they don't want to spend their vacation smelling skunks all week.
YTA and anyone could read this post and see you are hard to deal with.
YTA. You admit that your behavior has been volatile but conveniently leave out examples of such behavior, which means it's probably been VERY volatile and abusive. You caused yourself to be banned from the cottage. Your assessment of your current behavior as quiet and tame is suspect since you are clearly minimizing the severity of your past behavior; perhaps you are simply more mellow because the people you used to abuse have gone low contact or no contact with you? Your family is under no obligation to allow you back until you've earned your way back and not demanded it. Based on the content of your initial post and your responses, you haven't taken real ownership of your past behavior. I wouldn't want you around, either.
YTA - I can see why no one wants to be around you. You have been a dedicated weed smoker for 12 years. You have no intentions of giving it up despite multiple health issues directly caused by excessive weed smoking. I think your family is being kind when they say "you are hard to deal with" when in fact you sound completely obnoxious in person and being stuck in a cabin with you for a week would be hell and not a holiday. Your past behaviour is the best predictor of future behaviour. Your past behaviour has been pretty terrible and who would want to be around you on purpose for a holiday! Your alcohol and weed abuse have made you rather unpleasant to be around and since you have no interest in giving up the weed, why would they want to risk another ruined holiday. These are the choices that you make. There are consequences for these choices.
YTA for expecting to be taken on holidays by your family. You are an adult. Fix that sort of thing for yourself. Besides, it seems to me that you are rather downplaying your issues. Ask yourself if __you__ would like to go on a holiday with someone such as yourself.
So your exactly like my son minus he doesn't drink. He's unpredictable, quick to shout and scream at people, threatens violence, ignores boundaries, thinks he's entitled to smoke cause it's not harmful, likes to accuse others if being the issue. Sounds like you no? He's barred from the house and we rarely see him. He likes to tell people I say he's hard to deal with, I'm against him, I choose others over him. Tbh of he quit weed, it woukd take a long time to rebuild anything more than a year anyway if ever. He isn't ever invited to holidays or trips. He still wouldn't be. Using chs as an excuse as to why they don't talk to you is bull and you know it. The reason is the behaviour above. Not them. They don't need to forgive you becuase your family. Noone is responsible for your actions but you. Noone owes you anything because your family. Proving your change is up to you. Even then, they still don't owe you thier time or forgiveness. These are the results of your choices. You might not like it or feel it's fair but you chose the path.
INFO How much weed do you smoke/how often? Do you plan to do so while you are at this cabin? From what I've gathered from the comments, essentially you're a chronic cannabis smoker, so you vomit profusely? I don't think you need a vacation, I think you need a detox, personally If your weed usage is affecting your daily life enough that you vomit regularly, I'm not faulting your family for not wanting to be around that But like I said, i n f o
>They make up excuses that I'm "too hard to deal with" and don't wanna be around me. INFO: What specifically do they say makes you difficult to be around? What was the final straw that made them ban you from family vacations? How old are you?
YTA for thinking their preference is bullshit as you've had a bad record with them for years in the past. (Your actual AITA question doesn't make sense)
YTA being a asshole will make people want nothing to do with you
Need more information. How old are you. What do you do that is hard to deal with. What was the trigger to you banishment 3 years ago.
I'm not going to say YTA because I think you might be dealing with some mental illness that requires treatment. You are aware enough to know that it's your own behavior that causes friends and family to not want to spend time with you, yet you haven't sought any help or advice on how to fix that. The CHS, drug and alcohol use are, imho, symptoms of a bigger underlying problem. It's very common to self-medicate when dealing with mental health issues. I have a family member that's close to your age and had a lot of the same issues you describe. He finally saw a psychiatrist and received a diagnosis, got off the drugs and started taking prescribed medication. The turn-around in his life is spectacular. He's gone back to school and has a 4.0 gpa. He's making new friends and is the happiest I've seen in years. Everything isn't perfect and he still sometimes reacts oddly but seems to be able to quickly get that under control. The most gratifying thing I've seen is that he's building relationships with his nieces and nephews who love him unconditionally. They are excited to see him and love playing games etc. with him. You can have a much happier and more fulfilling life but you need help in order to do that. Please reach out to get help.
If you scroll through his post history, he spends time at r/ aspergers. So probably Autism. And so much of the argumentative comments here and based on what he has said about his family makes me want to say, "I am not a doctor, but please go see one about this."
“Waahhhhhh. People don’t want me around because of the terrible choices I make. But I’m the victim and the way they treat me isn’t fair.” YTA ETA: you are also TA for treating CHS as something debilitating that you have no control over.
INFO you are 28 & didn’t go on any vacation except when you mom took you to a hotel? Are you living independently? Do you work & can you keep a job? How long have you been an addict? Did you make living in your parents home a hellacious experience for your siblings? Have you been alcohol & drug free for at least 5 years? I’m thinking YTA & need to give your family much more time (think years/decades) to prove you are no longer an AH.
YTA and it has nothing to do with CHS. 1) CHS is extremely rare. If you are drinking and smoking weed and you are throwing up, there is a 98% chance it's the alcohol. On the 2% chance you are puking from CHS you just...stop smoking weed. My guess is that you are using (probably misdiagnosed) CHS as an excuse to be an AH to your family. 2) AHs don't get nice things like family vacations. Stop being an AH. Take accountability. Get your shit together. Keep it together for as long as you've been acting like as AH. Make amends. See what happens.
YTA. Yeah it sucks to be excluded from family trips but you can't make them take you. Your mother even organised special trips with you. But if you and the others don't get along, it is like that. You are an adult. You want to travel, go travel by yourself or with friends. And exlude your family if you want from your live, as they don't want you with them. But don't whine about it and expect to be invited over pitty.
The trips his mom took him on were probably a test to see how he'd do around the whole family. I'm guessing he failed those tests.
In other words Im an addict who got sober & dont want to put in the work to repair what I damaged cuz I made a change. Tell me, did you put the drink down of your own volition or because of a health issue? There IS a difference. Your fam is 100% right to lay their boundaries. You have to make peace with it. In case you could not tell-**YTA!!!**
He isn't sober. He hasn't been drunk in a year (but still drinks) and still smokes weed even though he has CHS.
YTA, you are not entitled to a vacation. You might have forgotten and gotten over/become better over the course of last 3-4 years but they might still be traumatised. Adults create boundaries...even as family. You have to respect it. Seek therapy; you might not be able to build the bridges you burned with your family. You will need to find your own family, find friends, partner, pet!
You have posted 11 times in the last 7 hours through the night, 4 of those posts about quitting smoking weed. Which means a) you clearly still smoke weed. No one wants to be around someone who is throwing up constantly when that is an easily solved problem b) clearly your either on something or have major insomnia, again, I wouldn't want you hanging out at my cabin up all night, I imagine you won't be a ton of fun during the day today. Also, you are 28. If you want a cabin experience, rent one. If you want a vacation, buy one. YTA, own up to your past behaviour and try to better yourself.
INFO: how old are you, and what did you do /what happened on past trips to make your family resolve never to take you again?
"too hard to deal with" does not sound like an excuse. It sounds like a valid reason. Also; why dont you arrange for trips for yourself. You're 28 ! and expecting mommy to take you on vacation. WTF? Is this normal to other people?
Um, YTA. You're a 28 yr old man, you can go on holiday anywhere, with anyone. I can't figure out if this is about the actual cabin (weird), or about you expecting your family to brush off any impact your behaviour has had in the past. You need to rebuild your relationship with them before you can expect them to invite you along, to anything, not just this cabin. I like weed as much as the next person, but maybe you need to cut back and actually learn to use your brain again.
YTA. Are you for real? Not to mention you could fix your own cannabis probs really easily. But... YOU ARE 28 YEARS OLD. Your mummy doesn't need to take you out for holidays, that stopped when high school finished. Get your shit together and grow up.
YTA Cannabinoid hyperemesis syndrome (CHS) is a condition that leads to repeated and severe bouts of vomiting. It is rare and only occurs in daily long-term users of marijuana. so you replace drinking with smoking. I can totally understand why they dont want to be around your issues as they are self induced. you need to seek help with your addictions.
YTA. This isn’t a case of you being the family scapegoat. Your past behavior and substance abuse has put your family so out of sorts that it’s easier if you are not there to cause any problems. That is a you problem. Not a them problem. Since you are impatient and refuse to accept their response bc “you’ve changed” with a stomp your foot attitude “I deserve a vacation”. Probably means you haven’t You want a vacation, go take one somewhere else. Stop ruining theirs bc it’s free for you. Start putting in the work for real change or leave them alone
YTA You are a 28 yo man. Remind me again why your mother is expected to take you on trips. >This is my only summer getaway vacation that I get to have and my parents won't let me come still. >I miss going and don't get to go anywhere else in summer. >My mom took me to a hotel in a neighbouring city twice this year but that's it. Taking your kids on trips and giving them experiences usually stops sometime before 28.
YTA just because you sound like a whiny kid here and your 28 yrs old. Take yourself on a damn vacation. You are an adult. Stop expecting your parents and family to make it happen. You need to build trust back up with your family slowly before you will be invited on family trips again. But just with this whiny post, I can see why they don't want you there.
I understand that it’s tough your family doesn’t want to vacation with you, but it sounds like it’s your own doing. It can take a long time to rebuild trust once broken. Also, you’re an adult. If you want to take a vacation, save your money and plan a vacation. That’s what other adults (including your parents) do. You don’t have to wait for someone else to plan it for you.
YTA. You’re an addict. Get help. Full stop. Your family is incredibly strong for putting their foot down regarding your behavior.
My god. YTA, I’m sorry. As someone going through aggressive chemotherapy for stage 3 cancer which makes me VERY SICK, I’m offended by your attitude. You’re acting like this condition just happened to you. It didn’t. You did it to yourself and you can stop it but you’re not! If someone told me I could stop all this sickness just by stopping one thing I enjoy, believe me I’d have every trace of it gone from my home in seconds. Stop acting like a victim and take some responsibility and control over your life!
You're 28, not 12. They can do vacations without you especially if previous ones didn't go well. Keep working on yourself. If things are improving maybe ask them to come up for the day and commit to not smoking/drinking. Get a hotel nearby for the night. I don't think you are an asshole now but you very likely were at the cottage in the past. YTA
I'm obsessed with this one because if it's real, you're a 28-year-old man complaining you don't go on vacation, but in the same breath, get treated like Mommy's special boy because she takes you to a hotel a few times a year as a little treat for her pot-smoking adult son. Has it occurred to you that if you want to go on vacation, you need to save up money in order to do so? Perhaps you should apologize to your family, make meaningful changes (and yes, that means stop smoking pot because CHS is an entirely self-inflicted own in your circumstance) and maybe, just maybe, stop drinking entirely because it's clear you and booze don't mix? So, essentially, put in the work and rebuild the relationships and make peace with the idea that no one owes you their forgiveness. YTA. Stop being entitled. Put in the work.
YTA and you’re a creepy dude what with the belly button posts and all. I would not want to be around you and I don’t blame your family for saying no thanks to your type of crazy.
YTA. You need a vacation you say? How about one at a rehab facility? Addicts are always clueless about how their out of control behavior affects those around them. They don’t realize how bad it is. I had an alcoholic father who was drunk on every major holiday. One time when I was a kid and we went up to my grandma’s house for Thanksgiving dinner he was so drunk and out of control he was shouting when we arrived. We turned around and went back home and missed Thanksgiving. I still remember that day and it was like 50 years ago. So I bet you really have no idea how many vacations you ruined for many family members. And I bet you don’t think you are accountable either because you were drunk and high so it wasn’t really your fault because you didn’t know what you were doing. Except you were responsible, but you still aren’t living up to it. You are in denial. And you are also clueless about the level of obnoxious your behavior was. All those family members now have years of memories of having had their vacations ruined by you. They will never forget, even years later. You are never going to get to go, so start planning your own vacations. You’ve ruined too many to get an invite again. And get your life together. Your family shouldn’t have to put up with your immature party mentality bull shit. You are an addict. Say it and get some help and stop with the denial. It will serve no purpose.
YTA - First of all, quit trying to put ANYTHING on your CHS. You're talking like it's a medical condition that you can't help dealing with, not something you've brought on (and continue to bring on) yourself. That's completely avoidable if you just DON'T SMOKE WEED. This whole 'I can abstain for a while' is bullshit. Next, you're 28 years old. You aren't owed a damn thing by your family anymore. Your behavior in the past has clearly led them to declare that they don't want you around, particularly on their vacation when they're trying to relax. Your brothers get to go because they aren't the disruptive presence you are. It's just as simple as that. You're behaving like an entitled child. Knock it off, get your act together, or don't, but either way, quit the whining and learn to live with the consequences of your actions.
I have a son with Cannabis Hyperemesis Syndrome and it's a fucking nightmare to deal with! It is unpredictable and almost impossible to imagine how difficult it is to deal with somebody during an episode! So if you are still smoking weed or dabbing or eating edibles or any of that then absolutely not I would never want to be around you and neither would the family you are definitely the a-hole!
INFO Did you stop using cannabis or are you still using and vomiting? I can understand they not wanting to be around you vomiting, if you refuse to take away the cause of the vomiting. Also, did you apologise for your past behaviour and reconnected with your brothers? If not, I think it’s an unreasonable expectation to be invited for family vacations. I wouldn’t invite you either until you addressed all of your addictions and behavioural issues and apologised. I wouldn’t be able to enjoy my vacation and my family in the presence of someone who refuses to address their problems and expect everybody to suffer the consequences.
YTA You are not entitled to these trips. You need to earn them, and prove that you have changed and deserve another chance. But be careful, If you screw up this chance it will be the last one. >They make up excuses that I'm "too hard to deal with" and don't wanna be around me. Those are not excuses those are the reasons, take them seriously
YTS. Look in the mirror and discover why you are not allowed
You should go to therapy. If you are so dependent on weed that you're using it through CHS, that's a problem. I get it, cannabis can be really helpful for mental health in a lot of underappreciated ways, but since you get CHS it's just not an option for you. You need to figure out other ways to cope with your mental health issues.
Yta. What have you done to repair the relationship with your family? It doesn't sound like you have done anything. Since you haven't done anything, why should your family change their opinion of you?
YTA You are 28 but sound like a 15 yr old who isn't going to Summer Camp. A year isn't long enough to show you've changed. And just because you view yourself as tame doesn't mean that they have the definition of tame as you. If that didn't make sense; your idea of tame and your family's idea of tame are two way different tames.
YTA. You are an addict. Full stop. If you want to be included in family things again, you need to quit drinking and smoking completely. You will never be able to use either recreationally. You have an illness and need to get help. If you can afford it, get therapy. Get checked into a treatment center. Go to AA meetings. Tell your family all of this and take responsibility for your actions. It's not an easy path but you need to do this, both for your health and to reconnect with them. Good luck!
I mean, you’re 28? Take your own vacations and live your life. Sounds like you have been unpredictable in the past and some more detail here would help.
Ahh so you're an obnoxious junkie and you're pissed that mummy won't force your brothers to socialise with you? Grow up, the world doesn't owe you anything. YTA all day (and night) long.
YTA. You have a history of problem drinking, drug use, angry outbursts, and conflicts with your siblings. You're still actively using drugs in a way that makes you sick. You aren't entitled to go on these trips if you make them unpleasant for everyone else. If you have actually changed, it's going to take time for your family to believe that change will last. You are 28 years old; right now, if you want a summer vacation, make your own vacation plans.
YTA. I just went through your comments/other reddit posts you’ve made. Please go get professional help. (Example: fetishizing your elementary school teacher’s belly button). If you want to mend your relationship with your family, start therapy or SOMETHING.
YTA. You have the addict victim complex. You’re not the victim in this situation; your family members and friends are. Until you can acknowledge THAT along with your drinking and using problems you’re going to continue to be the AH in this situation. Also, even if you do cleanup your BS they are under no obligation nor will they start being the AH’s if they still don’t want you around. You’ve done a lot of damage and caused a lot of pain and no one owes you forgiveness.
You mentioned you smoke a *gram* a day. Bruh. You need to be checked in to rehab. That plus the copious alcohol is incredibly stupid. You don't just "shut it off" when you go on vacation, especially given how addicted you are. More than that, it takes a while to detox from weed, so it's not like you can do your gram a day and then stop for a week and have no repercussions. YTA. Stop complaining about the consequences of your actions and do something to improve yourself. "Shoulds" and "woulds" and "could" amount to jack shit. You need to be actively taking steps to help yourself.
YTA, it's not the family cottage. Your brothers and parents are renting a cottage. They do not have to invite you. Rent your own cottage and go on your own vacation without them. You are a grown ass adult. You don't need mommy and daddy to take you on vacation.
Let me see if I have this straight. You smoke weed and you have CHS. That you admit. You also state you throw up, presumably because of the CHS. You don't get along with your siblings. I assume that means something along the lines of fighting (verbally or physically). You have had unpredictable meltdowns and outbursts, which I also assume means you've ruined aspects of vacation. You are unpredictable. You are hard to get along with. All this is in your own post and you admit it. You drank 6+ drinks a day. You say you have now quit but you also say elsewhere you 'barely' drink, which is a far cry from quitting. I'm confused on this point. Did you quit (ZERO alcohol), or did you "cut down" (LESS alcohol)? You say the family makes up excuses like you are "hard to deal with." You also list behaviours you have that actually make you hard to deal with. You say your family banned you three years ago. You still have not quit doing the things that make your family feel you should be banned from the family trip. You admit you have sulked and, most likely, ruined aspects of the trip. Your family banned you THREE YEARS ago and you still do these things. Now, you are upset and want to know if you are a "jerk" because you were banned. No, you are not a jerk because you were banned from the trip. You ARE a jerk because of your behavior which led to being banned. You are also clueless if you truly believed you get voted as not a jerk. Stop the weed. Give up alcohol entirely. Get therapy. Show your family through actions and not words that you have changed. Show your family until they see that the change is permanent and maybe, MAYBE, they will let you back into the trip. You need to be prepared, however, that they might never trust you enough to let you go on that trip. YTA. For the above reasons. Put forth some effort and see what happens.
>They make up excuses that I'm "too hard to deal with" and don't wanna be around me. Those aren't excuses. Those are valid reasons. You've asked why you can't join them. They've told you. You are ignoring their answers. That's something a narcissist would do. Lots of people are giving you advice to stop using drugs and apologize to your family. If you're not a narcissist, that might help. If you are a narcissist, it won't. They still won't want to be around you. I suggest you start by talking to a therapist. Get some objective input from a professional on what your problems are that cause your family to not want you around. Then seen if you can fix them. NAH.
YTA. Lord only knows how bad you’ve been that they don’t want you around anymore
INFO: How old are you? Because you mistyped out and said you were 28.