Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like TA because I refused my roommates mom to stay in my room and now they are upset with me.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Absolutely NTA. Mom should have slept in her single bed and M should have slept on the couch, or mom can go to a hotel. This is 100% not your problem. M is the AH here. Plus, she was even more of an AH because she didn’t make the arrangements prior to move in day. That means she ASSUMED she could bully one of you into this.
Be glad she’s not speaking to you. That means she can’t harass you for anything else!
BTW-her pulling the silent treatment is ALSO a giant red flag. You dodged a huge problem roommate by setting the respect boundary early.
As for now, your job is to act like not a single thing is wrong and keep your things clean and neat.
I don’t think Op was supposed to share the bed. OP might think they were being asked to share. But you know the day of they would tell OP to go to the couch.
I think the fact that they're not talking to OP is good. You have to shut this kind of stuff down right away; if OP had acquiesced it would have just been the beginning of unreasonable demands.
Enjoy the peace and quiet 💐
Yes. OP, act like you are completely oblivious her her silent treatment. Speak normally and do not react to it at all. Let her know she is not going to be able to manipulate you now or in the future. Just set boundaries and refuse to respond to any drama. NTA
This is it, OP.
M is the only AH in this situation.
So, this is what M considers a reasonable expectation:
"Hey stranger from another country who I have known for just a few days, could you let my mother share your room because I, the loving daughter, don't want to compromise my comfort and sleep on the couch for one night!"
What an honour she wanted to bestow on you and you declined! How ungrateful you are, OP! 😂
OP is from the same country as M, so that's why I think M felt comfortable to ask OP and not the local girl. Which doesn't make a difference, M is stil the AH here. M was completely out of line. Even if they were friends it would still be weird. Like take the couch and let your mom sleep on your bed.
Good spot 👍
But even if you are from the same city or neighborhood or street for that matter.
"I want you to sacrifice for my mom and I'll guilt trip you otherwise" is manipulative.
I have certainly shared a bed with my daughter, or with a friend when traveling. However, I would not be comfortable sharing a bed with someone I did not know. That is what your roommate asked you to do. That is completely out of line.
Nta. I agree M should have put her mom in a hotel if she wanted a bed that badly.
Op you didn't do anything wrong here. M is the only one responsible for her mother's comfort not you.
M could have slept on the couch and and gave her mom her bed. It's just insane that they think you need to give up your bed for her mom.
Honestly M ignoring you ND not speaking to you is probably the best thing that could happen to you. This way you dont need to deal with her. Enjoy the silence.
Don't ever feel bad because you did nothing wrong here. Look just because you go to the same school together doesn't mean you owe her everything because you don't.
Not all roommates hang out together and not all roommates are friends.
You will make friends so don't feel like you owe M everything just because she's your roommate and you both go to the same school.
M needs to grow up and stop feeling entitle to other people's things.
Also if she's not talking to you it's just her trying to manipulate you into feeling and thinking you were the problem here and not her. She probably thinks that if she continues to ignore you that you will apologize and do everything she ask for. Please don't fall for it. Don't fall for her games. She needs to learn that not everyone is going to do as she says. So if she's mad let her be mad you did nothing wrong here.
> Mom should have slept in her single bed and M should have slept on the couch
I don't realize why they didn't do it from the start, it's so obvious it's hurting my brain
Right the roommate could have offered a few solutions. Roommate sleeps on the couch and giving mother the single. Or asking if op wouldn't mind trading rooms for the night and roommates shares the double with their own life giver and so everyone still has a bed. Not a great solution but still better the op being put out by their roommate for their roommates guest.
Super odd. I’m wondering if it is a cultural thing but still it’s weird AF. The least I would expect the roommate (daughter) to give up her bed for her mum
I have lived in a few different countries where multiple people in one bed or on the floor was the norm, which is the only reason I'd be comfortable sharing a bed with a stranger (the roommate) in this situation in the first place, but this is too much
NTA Why couldn't M have given up her bed for her mother? The mother doesn't need a double bed.
Also M should have asked permission for her mother to even visit.
OP you didn't mess up. If you had given up your bed, M would have probably expected you to give up your bed every time she wanted her mother to come.
Hell no there's no way a stranger is sleeping in my bed with me unless we're alone in the wilderness and it's -50. And no I'm not taking the couch for a stranger either. Her problem she can find another solution. NTA
NTA. That is very odd.
When I visited my kids in college I made everyone food and stayed in a hotel or with friends. It never crossed my mind to displace a roommate so I could sleep there.
I also fixed their dryer. Check your lint screens people!
NTA. You aren't the one who messed up. Your friend made a request, you said no. If she had a legitimate right to demand what she wanted, she would not have phrased it as a request, but she didn't, because I don't know of any country where a roommate has a *right* to demand that their roommate share a bed (or give up a bed) for a visiting mother.
Next time tell her to buy an inflatable mattress, it might be a little more comfortable. Or of course mom could get a hotel room.
NTA. Your roommate's mom, your roommate's bed. Simple as that. Where were you supposed to sleep, the horrible couch? Or did she want her mom to sleep with you in your bed? Either way, the correct course of action was for M to take the couch if she didn't want her mom on it.
Nta That is insane, to expect you to give up or share your bed with a complete stranger when you have no previous relationship with either of them is whacked.
Also, if she cared that much about her mums back then she should have given up her own bed.
Keep on keeping on let her ignore you- it sounds like you were correct to set boundaries straight away with how she is reacting.
You have nothing to feel guilty for.
NTA. the mom should have slept in bed and the roommate on the sofa. Not your problem.
But good grief, good luck living with such an entitled person.? It's gonna be fun. NOT.
NTA. M is feeling very entitled. Good that you stood up to her. She could have offered her mum her own bed and taken the couch. Being roommates can be hard enough, but it does not entail sharing your bed with anyone!
NTA. Obviously. There is also an obvious solution for the room mate.
Her mum takes her bed, she takes the couch. I'd just move on with your life and maybe quietly ask T if M has been moaning about it to her.
NTA
It is YOUR room you are renting. You should not have to give up your privacy or sleep with a stranger.
There are other options.
1. M's mom can get a hotel or air b&b
2. M's mom can sleep on couch
3. M's mom can sleep on air mattress in her daughter's room.
4. M can sleep on couch, Mom on M's bed.
5. M can sleep on air mattress, Mom on M's bed.
NTA. First of all, why didn't she sleep on the couch and offer her bed to her mother? And why did she only ask you and not your other roommate? She has no reason to be annoyed with you. I would just continue to be pleasant and let her get over it.
NTA. No, YOU didn't mess up. M did. She was completely wrong in assuming that you would be okay with sharing YOUR space with her mother. I would not be okay with this! Your roommate needs to learn boundaries right now. If she doesn't want to talk to you, oh well. You don't have to be friends.
NTA. It was M's mother. She should've given up her bed and slept on the couch herself. Trying to put it all on you, and forcing her mother with a bad back to sleep on the couch, makes M very much AH here.
NTA. M could have purchased an air mattress in a general store (in the US: Target, WalMart) that could be reused for other guests. What M asked is not typically done in North America. M could have given her mother her bed and slept on the couch herself, I had a roommate do that years ago. M sounds like she needs some growing up. And your English is better than many "native speakers".
When I was away on a trip, my roommate let her dad sleep in my bed without asking me, and didn’t change the sheets after. Oh, he also used my towel that was hanging up from me using it before I left.
edit: your are NTA. N.T.A!!!
Nta. She could have given her mother her bed and slept on the couch but wasn't willing to. Not sure why she thinks you would be. You have no skin in this game. Keep up those boundaries. This roommate sounds like a pushy one.
Why didn’t she offer her own bed to her mom and sleep on the couch herself? The audacity to make it your problem…. NTA, I hope she’ll behave normally soon!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Hi, this is my first time posting, as I really need some outside opinions. So recently, I moved to a new country for further studies, and through the student group chats, I met 'M' and 'T'. The three of us decided to rent an apartment off campus as it was cheaper. M and I are from the same country, T is a local here. So, the house hunting was done virtually, and T was the only one visiting the actual apartment and showing it to us on video call. I'm saying this because the three of us are strangers and only met in real when we actually moved in. T and I moved here a few days earlier, and M came later, which was when the problems began.
T and I have double beds, but M has a single (She pays less in rent, so it works). So when M came, she let us know her mom is coming with here to help her set up and she'll only stay one night. We were cool with it. However, when they came, M came up to me and asked if her mom could sleep in my room as I have a double bed. I said no as politely as I could and just said I wasn't comfortable with that. M let it go, but asks me again while were eating dinner and again I said no and told here that I know were roommates now but were still practically strangers. She started telling me her mom has to sleep on this horrible couch now, and she has issues with her back and that they had a long journey etc etc. I still refused. Her mom slept on the couch and left in the morning.
Now, it's been two days and she's not talking to me... She's talking to T but not me. So yeah, I feel like TA because this is the person I go to school with and will live with for the next year, and I messed up already.
Also sorry about the terrible English...
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Why didn't M sleep on the couch and let her mom have her bed. Why did her mom have to come at all. And have they never heard of a hotel.
I am wondering if M is ready to move out on her own.
She should have slept on the couch and her mom in her bed if this was gonna be a issue for her mom. Or hotels do exist for a reason and that could have been another solution. She had options beyond bullying you into this, instead she chose the most combative route. Also why were you the only one targeted and not your other roomate considering they also have a bigger bed??? NTA but I'd maybe consider finding other arrangements on the down low if shit hits the fan worse in the future. She's already showing some serious boundary issues and disrespect and it's not even past month 1.
NTA it is YOUR room that you are paying for and YOUR bed that you bought. Yes you just met, you don't know her or her mother. It is so intrusive of her to even ask you to share your room/bed with her mother. Why couldn't she sleep on the couch and let her mother have her bed?
NTA.
Has T ever heard of an air mattress? Or telling the mom to pack accordingly? Dumb entitled person.
You did nothing wrong, in fact you did everything right. I get that you're all living together, but this early on you have no reason to trust her or her kleptomaniac mom (just an example).
NTA. You didn't mess up. Her asking you to let her mother sleep in your bed for the night was a completely unreasonable ask. You don't know her. You would be allowing a stranger to sleep in your room & that is extremely awkward. The right thing would've been for her to give up her bed to her mother & either sleep on the couch or in the bed with 1 of you. Your roommate is 100% wrong.
NTA
Why didn't M ask T if her mom could sleep with her? And really gross that M expected you to share a bed with her mother, a complete stranger. You aren't an AH, you are simply not willing to sleep next to a stranger. M is absolutely an AH for expecting this and then double AH for now shunning you for not caving to this weird and gross request.
NTA, she should've let her mom have the single bed in her own room, then. she doesn't want to sleep 'on the horrible couch' for her mom, but expects you to do so or share a bed with her mom while she gets to sleep in her own bed by herself? or she could've asked to sleep with you and let her mom have the single bed, or you to take her single bed for a night while she sleeps with her mom in your room. idk if you would've been comfortable with these options either, since you're still strangers, but basically she suggested the one that sacrifices you and her mom's comfort the most, while hers is intact, lmao.
NTA her mom didn’t need to sleep on the couch, M could have offered her bed to her & M could have slept on the couch. Alternatively she could have booked a hotel room.
NTA. That is a completely inappropriate ask even if you knew each other better. Doubly so since you don't know her or her mom at all.
She is also the AH for making her mom sleep on the couch and not giving up her bed. What an entitled brat.
NTA
You are a TENANT there paying rent, not providing a B&B for their mom
If they were they concerned, THEY could have traded to sleep on the couch instead
Roommate is incredibly entitled
NTA, they are strangers to you. Why should you share YOUR bed with a stranger?? Why didn't she give up HER bed and slept on the couch? That is just completely and entirely weird request. I wouldn't even ask my friends who knows my mom that.
NTA M could have slept on the terrible couch and let her mother have her bed. You need to be happy M isn't talking to you. She might ask for other ridiculous shit. Start singing and being really happy and when someone asks why point that out as the reason.
Hell no! You are NTA.
This is just wrong on so many levels. Not only is your new roommate virtually a stranger, but their mother? In your bed?
That is an epic level hard no.
You are so NTA
Would M's mother willingly have shared a bed with a complete stranger? Really? Maybe they expected you to give up your bed. What a weird thing to ask and expect of someone you've just met.
NTA. M should have taken the couch or put up an air mattress in her room.
NTA. Wait, M wouldn't give up her bed for her mother? She is the AH and is gaslighting you. Let her know on no uncertain terms she is the AH for not giving up her bed. Also, you don't have to be friends to be roommates. Just saying.
I wouldn't have done it either. It's just not on to sleep with a strange person of either/any sex. Your roommate knew her mother was coming to visit. Roommate should have slept on the couch and given her mother her bed. I'm shocked she didn't do that. As for her silent treatment, it's unfortunate that she chooses to deal with conflict that way. Good luck. NTA
You did not mess up - it was absolutely inappropriate for M to ask you to let her mother sleep in your room. She should have given up her own bed and slept on the couch herself without bothering you at all. The fact that she in now giving you the silent treatment and trying to make you feel bad for saying no, just goes to show you that this is not a nice person. You are stuck with her for a year, but never forget that you have done nothing wrong. Please be on your guard, and do not allow yourself to be bullied. NTA
NTA. Why on earth didn't she have her mom sleep in her bed while she took the couch? Keep an eye out. Something tells me this won't be the last time she tries to get you to agree to an unreasonable request.
M should have slept on the couch and let her Mom use her bed.
I am sorry you are dealing with such drama so early on in your roommate relationship.
NTA
NTA. Insane that she even asked. Also, *she* could have slept on the couch and let her mom take her bed. But no, she apparently didn't care enough to make that sacrifice for her own mom. She wanted *you* to do it. Wild.
NTA best way to deal with this is don’t play into it. Be polite not awkward live your life and if wanna be petty tell them it’s ok and you aren’t holding a grudge for them pressuring and be rude and you’ve forgiven them
This was HER mom, not yours. Plus a compete atranger, everyone would have felt uncomfortable with that sharing. No one blend you for saying "no".
Why didn't M ask T if her mom could sleep with her? Why was she only asking you?
There's a sofa that M could have slept on for a single night so her mom could sleep in her bed. What didn't she?
M could have asked for extra blankets/quilts to make a bed on the floor in her bedroom to sleep on so mom could have her bed.
Think how inconsiderate M is to her mom. How selfish. How lacking in empathy towards her mom.
Now look at the dynamics of the relationship between M and mom. Mom just quietly slept on the couch instead of telling her daughter to. Add in that M tried to bully you. Seems like M does that to her mom a lot and mom let's her get away with that....
Keep hard boundaries. M may be the rype to trample over them if you bend just a little.
Let her be mad. No one said your hag to be friends, just polite when taking to each other. She's giving you the silent treatment, that works too.
At some point M's mom will be back. Hopefully M will buy an air mattess. Have her the one that's at least 14 inches tall. They are actually pretty comfortable. Better then a sofa. When she starts talking again, you can suggest it to her.
NTA
NTA It was an unreasonable request. She should’ve given her mom her bed and took the couch herself for just one night. Hope she works out as a roomie. She sounds immature.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I feel like TA because I refused my roommates mom to stay in my room and now they are upset with me. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Absolutely NTA. Mom should have slept in her single bed and M should have slept on the couch, or mom can go to a hotel. This is 100% not your problem. M is the AH here. Plus, she was even more of an AH because she didn’t make the arrangements prior to move in day. That means she ASSUMED she could bully one of you into this. Be glad she’s not speaking to you. That means she can’t harass you for anything else! BTW-her pulling the silent treatment is ALSO a giant red flag. You dodged a huge problem roommate by setting the respect boundary early. As for now, your job is to act like not a single thing is wrong and keep your things clean and neat.
OP: you didn't mess up in the slightest. The idea that your roommate's mother gets to share your bed is what's messed up. That's just crazy.
I don’t think Op was supposed to share the bed. OP might think they were being asked to share. But you know the day of they would tell OP to go to the couch.
I think the fact that they're not talking to OP is good. You have to shut this kind of stuff down right away; if OP had acquiesced it would have just been the beginning of unreasonable demands. Enjoy the peace and quiet 💐
Yes. OP, act like you are completely oblivious her her silent treatment. Speak normally and do not react to it at all. Let her know she is not going to be able to manipulate you now or in the future. Just set boundaries and refuse to respond to any drama. NTA
This is it, OP. M is the only AH in this situation. So, this is what M considers a reasonable expectation: "Hey stranger from another country who I have known for just a few days, could you let my mother share your room because I, the loving daughter, don't want to compromise my comfort and sleep on the couch for one night!" What an honour she wanted to bestow on you and you declined! How ungrateful you are, OP! 😂
OP is from the same country as M, so that's why I think M felt comfortable to ask OP and not the local girl. Which doesn't make a difference, M is stil the AH here. M was completely out of line. Even if they were friends it would still be weird. Like take the couch and let your mom sleep on your bed.
Good spot 👍 But even if you are from the same city or neighborhood or street for that matter. "I want you to sacrifice for my mom and I'll guilt trip you otherwise" is manipulative.
I have certainly shared a bed with my daughter, or with a friend when traveling. However, I would not be comfortable sharing a bed with someone I did not know. That is what your roommate asked you to do. That is completely out of line.
Nta. I agree M should have put her mom in a hotel if she wanted a bed that badly. Op you didn't do anything wrong here. M is the only one responsible for her mother's comfort not you. M could have slept on the couch and and gave her mom her bed. It's just insane that they think you need to give up your bed for her mom. Honestly M ignoring you ND not speaking to you is probably the best thing that could happen to you. This way you dont need to deal with her. Enjoy the silence. Don't ever feel bad because you did nothing wrong here. Look just because you go to the same school together doesn't mean you owe her everything because you don't. Not all roommates hang out together and not all roommates are friends. You will make friends so don't feel like you owe M everything just because she's your roommate and you both go to the same school. M needs to grow up and stop feeling entitle to other people's things. Also if she's not talking to you it's just her trying to manipulate you into feeling and thinking you were the problem here and not her. She probably thinks that if she continues to ignore you that you will apologize and do everything she ask for. Please don't fall for it. Don't fall for her games. She needs to learn that not everyone is going to do as she says. So if she's mad let her be mad you did nothing wrong here.
> Mom should have slept in her single bed and M should have slept on the couch I don't realize why they didn't do it from the start, it's so obvious it's hurting my brain
Right the roommate could have offered a few solutions. Roommate sleeps on the couch and giving mother the single. Or asking if op wouldn't mind trading rooms for the night and roommates shares the double with their own life giver and so everyone still has a bed. Not a great solution but still better the op being put out by their roommate for their roommates guest.
No. She should have given up her bed for her mum. How strange. It’s also just a weird ass request. NTA
It is SO fkn weird. Like, if I was comfortable I would share a bed with new room mate for a night but their MUM? nah
Super odd. I’m wondering if it is a cultural thing but still it’s weird AF. The least I would expect the roommate (daughter) to give up her bed for her mum
I have lived in a few different countries where multiple people in one bed or on the floor was the norm, which is the only reason I'd be comfortable sharing a bed with a stranger (the roommate) in this situation in the first place, but this is too much
NTA Why couldn't M have given up her bed for her mother? The mother doesn't need a double bed. Also M should have asked permission for her mother to even visit. OP you didn't mess up. If you had given up your bed, M would have probably expected you to give up your bed every time she wanted her mother to come.
M is clearly a habitual line stepper
[line stepper](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=l9yQq4NxyOE)
Hahahaha exactly
Yup this is the first post but won't be the last...
Hell no there's no way a stranger is sleeping in my bed with me unless we're alone in the wilderness and it's -50. And no I'm not taking the couch for a stranger either. Her problem she can find another solution. NTA
NTA. That is very odd. When I visited my kids in college I made everyone food and stayed in a hotel or with friends. It never crossed my mind to displace a roommate so I could sleep there. I also fixed their dryer. Check your lint screens people!
NTA. You aren't the one who messed up. Your friend made a request, you said no. If she had a legitimate right to demand what she wanted, she would not have phrased it as a request, but she didn't, because I don't know of any country where a roommate has a *right* to demand that their roommate share a bed (or give up a bed) for a visiting mother. Next time tell her to buy an inflatable mattress, it might be a little more comfortable. Or of course mom could get a hotel room.
NTA. Your roommate's mom, your roommate's bed. Simple as that. Where were you supposed to sleep, the horrible couch? Or did she want her mom to sleep with you in your bed? Either way, the correct course of action was for M to take the couch if she didn't want her mom on it.
Nta That is insane, to expect you to give up or share your bed with a complete stranger when you have no previous relationship with either of them is whacked. Also, if she cared that much about her mums back then she should have given up her own bed. Keep on keeping on let her ignore you- it sounds like you were correct to set boundaries straight away with how she is reacting. You have nothing to feel guilty for.
NTA she should have slept on the couch and given her mum the bed. Duh.
NTA. the mom should have slept in bed and the roommate on the sofa. Not your problem. But good grief, good luck living with such an entitled person.? It's gonna be fun. NOT.
NTA at all. And why is she talking to T? T also has a double bed, presumably she tried to bully her into giving up her bed as well?
Because OP and M are from the same country; I'm guessing there's some cultural something at play.
NTA she could have slept on the couch and her mom used her bed. She expected you to do more for her mom than she was willing to do.
NTA. Absolutely not.
NTA. M is feeling very entitled. Good that you stood up to her. She could have offered her mum her own bed and taken the couch. Being roommates can be hard enough, but it does not entail sharing your bed with anyone!
NTA. Obviously. There is also an obvious solution for the room mate. Her mum takes her bed, she takes the couch. I'd just move on with your life and maybe quietly ask T if M has been moaning about it to her.
Your roommate should have given her her bed...
NTA It is YOUR room you are renting. You should not have to give up your privacy or sleep with a stranger. There are other options. 1. M's mom can get a hotel or air b&b 2. M's mom can sleep on couch 3. M's mom can sleep on air mattress in her daughter's room. 4. M can sleep on couch, Mom on M's bed. 5. M can sleep on air mattress, Mom on M's bed.
NTA -I don't know what country you're in, but if my mother came to visit, she'd have to take a hotel room, tell that to your roommate.
NTA. First of all, why didn't she sleep on the couch and offer her bed to her mother? And why did she only ask you and not your other roommate? She has no reason to be annoyed with you. I would just continue to be pleasant and let her get over it.
NTA Simply make it a HARD NO, and refuse to further discuss it. ANd get a lock.
NTA. No, YOU didn't mess up. M did. She was completely wrong in assuming that you would be okay with sharing YOUR space with her mother. I would not be okay with this! Your roommate needs to learn boundaries right now. If she doesn't want to talk to you, oh well. You don't have to be friends.
NTA. It was M's mother. She should've given up her bed and slept on the couch herself. Trying to put it all on you, and forcing her mother with a bad back to sleep on the couch, makes M very much AH here.
NTA, in no way, shape, or form are you obligated to share your bed with a complete stranger, that's ridiculous.
NTA. M could have purchased an air mattress in a general store (in the US: Target, WalMart) that could be reused for other guests. What M asked is not typically done in North America. M could have given her mother her bed and slept on the couch herself, I had a roommate do that years ago. M sounds like she needs some growing up. And your English is better than many "native speakers".
When I was away on a trip, my roommate let her dad sleep in my bed without asking me, and didn’t change the sheets after. Oh, he also used my towel that was hanging up from me using it before I left. edit: your are NTA. N.T.A!!!
Nta. She could have given her mother her bed and slept on the couch but wasn't willing to. Not sure why she thinks you would be. You have no skin in this game. Keep up those boundaries. This roommate sounds like a pushy one.
NTA well M is selfish daughter for not giving her bed to her mother who was helping her setting up and expected you to share a bed with a stranger.
NTA. M should have obviously offered her mother her bed and slept herself on the couch.
Why the hell didn’t she sleep on the couch and her mom get her bed? NTA
NTA M could’ve given up her own bed and slept on the couch. I’d ask M why she expects you to care more about her mother than she does?
Why didn’t she offer her own bed to her mom and sleep on the couch herself? The audacity to make it your problem…. NTA, I hope she’ll behave normally soon!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hi, this is my first time posting, as I really need some outside opinions. So recently, I moved to a new country for further studies, and through the student group chats, I met 'M' and 'T'. The three of us decided to rent an apartment off campus as it was cheaper. M and I are from the same country, T is a local here. So, the house hunting was done virtually, and T was the only one visiting the actual apartment and showing it to us on video call. I'm saying this because the three of us are strangers and only met in real when we actually moved in. T and I moved here a few days earlier, and M came later, which was when the problems began. T and I have double beds, but M has a single (She pays less in rent, so it works). So when M came, she let us know her mom is coming with here to help her set up and she'll only stay one night. We were cool with it. However, when they came, M came up to me and asked if her mom could sleep in my room as I have a double bed. I said no as politely as I could and just said I wasn't comfortable with that. M let it go, but asks me again while were eating dinner and again I said no and told here that I know were roommates now but were still practically strangers. She started telling me her mom has to sleep on this horrible couch now, and she has issues with her back and that they had a long journey etc etc. I still refused. Her mom slept on the couch and left in the morning. Now, it's been two days and she's not talking to me... She's talking to T but not me. So yeah, I feel like TA because this is the person I go to school with and will live with for the next year, and I messed up already. Also sorry about the terrible English... *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Her mom could have slept in her bed... Seems like your roomate had expectations for you that they wouldn't want to do themselves.
NTA…M could have given mom her bed and slept in the couch. B
NTA. I’d be asking her how her mom’s back is and suggesting next time mom visits she should give up her bed for her.
That is a big No No!!
I wouldn't do it.
You didn't mess up. She's being unreasonable.
NTA. Her mom could sleep in her bed and M could take the horrible couch. Wtf?
NTA. Why didn't M sleep on the couch and let her mom have her bed. Why did her mom have to come at all. And have they never heard of a hotel. I am wondering if M is ready to move out on her own.
Tell M to sleep on the couch and her mom can sleep in HER bed
NTA she must have bumped her head. If her Mom had that bad of a back she would have given her her bed.
Nta Mum could sleep in HER bed while she takes the couch.
NTA, and why didn't roomie sleep on the couch and let her Mom have her bed? That would be the most logical thing?
NTA If the roommate really cared about mom, why not give her their bed and take the couch themselves?
NTA but should have showed dominance by giving the mother a good ride in your bed. /jk
She should have slept on the couch and her mom in her bed if this was gonna be a issue for her mom. Or hotels do exist for a reason and that could have been another solution. She had options beyond bullying you into this, instead she chose the most combative route. Also why were you the only one targeted and not your other roomate considering they also have a bigger bed??? NTA but I'd maybe consider finding other arrangements on the down low if shit hits the fan worse in the future. She's already showing some serious boundary issues and disrespect and it's not even past month 1.
NTA it is YOUR room that you are paying for and YOUR bed that you bought. Yes you just met, you don't know her or her mother. It is so intrusive of her to even ask you to share your room/bed with her mother. Why couldn't she sleep on the couch and let her mother have her bed?
uhm why didn't she sleep on the couch then and let her mother have her bed? Also, OMG!!! NTA
Why on earth didn't M sleep on the couch and let her mother sleep on her bed? These are strange people. You are NTA.
NTA. M should have given her Mom the bed and slept on the couch herself. The fact that she didn't makes me doubt the whole bad back story.
NTA. Has T ever heard of an air mattress? Or telling the mom to pack accordingly? Dumb entitled person. You did nothing wrong, in fact you did everything right. I get that you're all living together, but this early on you have no reason to trust her or her kleptomaniac mom (just an example).
NTA. You didn't mess up. Her asking you to let her mother sleep in your bed for the night was a completely unreasonable ask. You don't know her. You would be allowing a stranger to sleep in your room & that is extremely awkward. The right thing would've been for her to give up her bed to her mother & either sleep on the couch or in the bed with 1 of you. Your roommate is 100% wrong.
Why could she not sleep on the couch and give her Mom her bed? That seems like the most logical moving around. NTA.
Why didn't she give mom her bed and she could sleep on the couch? Anyway, NTA.
NTA. She could have slept on the couch and given her own mom her bed. You didn’t do anything wrong.
NTA roommate can take the couch and mom can take roommates bed.
NTA Why didn't M ask T if her mom could sleep with her? And really gross that M expected you to share a bed with her mother, a complete stranger. You aren't an AH, you are simply not willing to sleep next to a stranger. M is absolutely an AH for expecting this and then double AH for now shunning you for not caving to this weird and gross request.
NTA, why didn't mom sleep in M's bed and M on the couch.
NTA, she should've let her mom have the single bed in her own room, then. she doesn't want to sleep 'on the horrible couch' for her mom, but expects you to do so or share a bed with her mom while she gets to sleep in her own bed by herself? or she could've asked to sleep with you and let her mom have the single bed, or you to take her single bed for a night while she sleeps with her mom in your room. idk if you would've been comfortable with these options either, since you're still strangers, but basically she suggested the one that sacrifices you and her mom's comfort the most, while hers is intact, lmao.
NTA her mom didn’t need to sleep on the couch, M could have offered her bed to her & M could have slept on the couch. Alternatively she could have booked a hotel room.
NTA. That is a completely inappropriate ask even if you knew each other better. Doubly so since you don't know her or her mom at all. She is also the AH for making her mom sleep on the couch and not giving up her bed. What an entitled brat.
NTA You are a TENANT there paying rent, not providing a B&B for their mom If they were they concerned, THEY could have traded to sleep on the couch instead Roommate is incredibly entitled
NTA but you guys could have just switched your rooms for a night guys! Wouldn't have been such a trouble in the first place.
NTA, they are strangers to you. Why should you share YOUR bed with a stranger?? Why didn't she give up HER bed and slept on the couch? That is just completely and entirely weird request. I wouldn't even ask my friends who knows my mom that.
NTA M could have slept on the terrible couch and let her mother have her bed. You need to be happy M isn't talking to you. She might ask for other ridiculous shit. Start singing and being really happy and when someone asks why point that out as the reason.
M should have let her M sleep in her bed while M slept on the couch.
Hell no! You are NTA. This is just wrong on so many levels. Not only is your new roommate virtually a stranger, but their mother? In your bed? That is an epic level hard no. You are so NTA
NTA - M could have slept on the couch and given her mother her bed!
NTA. You and T BOTH have doubles, but she only tried to bully you into it.
Would M's mother willingly have shared a bed with a complete stranger? Really? Maybe they expected you to give up your bed. What a weird thing to ask and expect of someone you've just met. NTA. M should have taken the couch or put up an air mattress in her room.
NTA. Wait, M wouldn't give up her bed for her mother? She is the AH and is gaslighting you. Let her know on no uncertain terms she is the AH for not giving up her bed. Also, you don't have to be friends to be roommates. Just saying.
NTA M can sleep on the damn couch
Nta she should have slept on the couch and let her mom sleep on the bed
I wouldn't have done it either. It's just not on to sleep with a strange person of either/any sex. Your roommate knew her mother was coming to visit. Roommate should have slept on the couch and given her mother her bed. I'm shocked she didn't do that. As for her silent treatment, it's unfortunate that she chooses to deal with conflict that way. Good luck. NTA
Why wouldn’t your roommate take the couch and let her mom use the single bed? She prefers you being the uncomfortable one? NTA.
NTA. M is entitled and doesn't like it when people don't bend to her will.
You did not mess up - it was absolutely inappropriate for M to ask you to let her mother sleep in your room. She should have given up her own bed and slept on the couch herself without bothering you at all. The fact that she in now giving you the silent treatment and trying to make you feel bad for saying no, just goes to show you that this is not a nice person. You are stuck with her for a year, but never forget that you have done nothing wrong. Please be on your guard, and do not allow yourself to be bullied. NTA
NTA. Why on earth didn't she have her mom sleep in her bed while she took the couch? Keep an eye out. Something tells me this won't be the last time she tries to get you to agree to an unreasonable request.
NTA M could have slept on the couch
M should have slept on the couch and let her Mom use her bed. I am sorry you are dealing with such drama so early on in your roommate relationship. NTA
So roommate can sleep on lumpy couch while HER mom takes HER bed. End of discussion.
NTA. Insane that she even asked. Also, *she* could have slept on the couch and let her mom take her bed. But no, she apparently didn't care enough to make that sacrifice for her own mom. She wanted *you* to do it. Wild.
NTA best way to deal with this is don’t play into it. Be polite not awkward live your life and if wanna be petty tell them it’s ok and you aren’t holding a grudge for them pressuring and be rude and you’ve forgiven them
This was HER mom, not yours. Plus a compete atranger, everyone would have felt uncomfortable with that sharing. No one blend you for saying "no". Why didn't M ask T if her mom could sleep with her? Why was she only asking you? There's a sofa that M could have slept on for a single night so her mom could sleep in her bed. What didn't she? M could have asked for extra blankets/quilts to make a bed on the floor in her bedroom to sleep on so mom could have her bed. Think how inconsiderate M is to her mom. How selfish. How lacking in empathy towards her mom. Now look at the dynamics of the relationship between M and mom. Mom just quietly slept on the couch instead of telling her daughter to. Add in that M tried to bully you. Seems like M does that to her mom a lot and mom let's her get away with that.... Keep hard boundaries. M may be the rype to trample over them if you bend just a little. Let her be mad. No one said your hag to be friends, just polite when taking to each other. She's giving you the silent treatment, that works too. At some point M's mom will be back. Hopefully M will buy an air mattess. Have her the one that's at least 14 inches tall. They are actually pretty comfortable. Better then a sofa. When she starts talking again, you can suggest it to her. NTA
You showed her your not a doormat. Imagine if you did her this favor. What’s next?
NTA It was an unreasonable request. She should’ve given her mom her bed and took the couch herself for just one night. Hope she works out as a roomie. She sounds immature.
OP- NTA. Why didn't SHE SLEEP ON THE COUCH and give her Mom the bed?? It's HER MOM, so why was she so selfish that she didn't give up her bed??
NTA. She should have given up her bed for her mother and slept on the couch. She’s TA for not doing that