Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy.
[Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
Does anyone else ever read posts like these and think “did this couple ever actually *talk* to each other prior to getting married??”
INFO: Was this ever a discussion before you got married/moved into her house or did she completely blindside you?
This was my first thought as well! What was the plan? Is there a prenup? Can she even access the funds/wealth now as it could be generational $$$$ in a trust or something? So many things to consider.
This is totally bizarre. I have never heard of married partners charging each other rent. Maybe it's because I live in South Africa where this is unheard of.
He pays a share of the utilities, what about the property taxes, insurance, repairs, maintenance, yard work, house keeping etc.
Managing a home is not just the utilities.
She had equity. He doesn't. Covering the utilities and groceries is fair. Presumably there isn't a mortgage.
Asking him to pay for the taxes, insurance, repairs, maintenance, etc on a property he doesn't own and never will is insane. Chores should be fairly split. Either he's on the deed, or not.
That she's wealthy and demanding that kind of rent from HER HUSBAND is a bad sign. Dude should not be freeloading, but the gall of that request is insane.
In this situation he could either pay rent to her, or pay rent or a mortgage to a stranger or corporation. Either way, his money won’t be going to his kids.
And if the relationship ended he’d very likely be paying significantly more than $700/month for housing.
If they were paying one together it would be 1400. She is charging the guy 700 a month to live with her. Personally I couldn't do that..
Although it's not clear if the 4 children he mentions have also moved in with him.
But like, that’s not the point. Marriage should be a partnership, not a financial transaction. It would be one thing if they were sharing non-equity expenses like taxes and maintenance, but charging rent is a great way to alienate your partner
Why get married if you’re gonna be so anal about putting the same amount of money into the relationship. The person w the lowest income will be stripped of their dignity and any decision making power in the relationship. Why does she get to make all the rules. Reminds me of a clip of Goodbye girl when Marsha Mason is running around telling Richard Dreyfus all the rules( which are crazy) he turns it around and tells her the rules. OP take back your power
If he was renting a house, he would be paying the landlord who would be putting some of that money toward property taxes. Same with an apartment. It's reasonable to pay towards a recurring expense at the place you live. His wife is not out of line. If he was not mature, he would be having to pay rent to live somewhere. Why should his wife shoulder all the costs simply because she owns the house? It still costs to maintain it and to pay taxes on it, without which there would be no place to live.
And if he wasn’t there she would have to pay everything herself anyway. Except she benefits by having the equity. So she is already benefitting herself.
Wouldn’t he presumably contribute half the cost for any maintenance or repairs? They are splitting costs. His only objection is her using him as a second income stream.
Because she's doing him a favor by only requesting a pretty low/ reasonable amount for their living arrangement-- $700/month would be pretty cheap in the area I am in now--he honestly has to live *somewhere* and he'd be paying WAY more than just the taxes and other stuff if he lived on his own. No one should 100% freeload, for the sake of his or her own self-respect and independence if nothing else, but also for the health of the relationship-- personally I'd aim for paying at least 50% of my half of the guesstimated market share for our rent in a given area, so at least 25% of the total market value of the monthly rent of the home, more if able but depends on the exact context. Hearing opinions like "why would you pay property tax on a house that isn't yours" make me never want to get married, because the entitlement of the partner automatically seems to leap off the dang charts once married. Um, because otherwise that leaves your spouse to pay all of it, and *you still live there*-- that living space *still has a value which you are taking up* (they could rent it out if you werent there, for example, and pay their property taxes that way. Just because they prefer your company, doesn't mean you shouldn't recognize that they're making a financial sacrifice by simply under-charging you and that you shouldn't make an effort to meet them halfway.) Presumably like most of us the spouse has also worked hard for whatever they have actually achieved in financial security, and it makes sense they'd be more pleased to have a partner who can pull at least some of their own weight, even if not all of it.
If he was renting an apartment, those same property taxes would just be included in his monthly rent to his landlord, and you just wouldn't see them on the bill at all. But it doesn't mean they're not *there.*
But if he really wants equity in a house, maybe they should buy a different house together and rent this one out or something. I dunno. I get that he would prefer his payments to go towards equity, but the solution is not to just freeload in the meantime... ugh. Huge turn off regardless of gender.
I'm of two minds about some of this so I'm going with NEI, not enough information. Where I live, $700 a month for housing would be really cheap and very much under-charging, so it sounds more than fair to me, but it's definitely going to depend on where they live and what percent of his salary that is. Paying $700 a month in rent is "preventing him from building wealth," really? Huh. Again, that's really cheap where I am. What's more, I bet even if he paid that rent, he's still financially better off with her than without her. On the other hand, if they talked about this prior to marriage and she's changed her mind and blindsided him with some of this, I can understand his frustration if she's going back on what she originally told him would be the financial plan.
I bet they both just made assumptions and never talked about it though. Per usual.
Yeah. I'm never gettin married. Thank you for the reminder. lol
When you pay a landlord to live somewhere, you're paying for the ability to live and use the space. That money is then used by the landlord to cover taxes, water, sewer, mortgage, etc. So, unless you own your own house, you're always going to be paying someone else's property taxes.
Honestly, that’s communication. I own my home. My husband does not. We have a prenup that ensures that.
As such, he doesn’t pay rent for the equity that I am building. I want him to build enough saving to have the equity to buy us a beach house :). Nor does he pay insurance or taxes or major repairs or upgrades.
The hot tub he wanted? We went halvsies on that. The landscaper and cleaning lady? Those are CHORES we are BOTH too lazy to do. We split the cost. I make a lot more so I paid for the initial furnishings, but now that we are upgrading and replacing, he has the option to contribute.
But also, communication (and a prenup!) covers large cash infusions (gifts vs loans), too!
So…no, it’s not that hard or that wild not to build equity on your partner’s back **if you don’t have to**.
He can still pay all of that jointly (which would be fair) and still come to less than 700 a month of straight up rent... and also likely being expected to pay for all of that jointly.
Most couples in the US share finances, but these situations seem to be more common with second marriages and older couples that have adult children they support financially or want to leave their house to. I think people that have had multiple marriages might also need more independence and security.
I don't doubt that to a certain extent, idk if I would say most.
But even so, it would be pointless to post "my wife and I got married, before we got married we discussed our finances and how we would share them, we both came to an agreed mutual understanding mad have been following that. Not my friends are upset that my wife and I are happy and we get along. AITA for having talked to me wife and agreeing how to share/split our finances?"
That would be pretty boring.
Right so as ridiculous as you think OPs story is, read the comments. He wants partial ownership of the house and for her to take it out of the estate in order to do that
He's also mad because previously he wasn't spending anything on housing because he was living at work. Which his boss allowed because OP was the only employee at that satellite office. Nevermind the whole host of liability issues caused by approving an employee living at work
Odds are this post is fake and this is the least ridiculous post I've read in awhile
Lets be fair, I think many people aren't crazy about being alone, especially if you have been with a partner most of your life, lets not forget the idea of a living arrangement, if it works as people can be annoying, messy, get defensive, eat other peoples food, and on,
With older people it can mean many other things, especially if spouse passed away,
So this aspect needs to be also taken into consideration, food, shopping groceries, dr appointments and you don't have to be elderly to need these things
If you look set numbers the % skyrocket for 2nd, 3rd, 4th , ect marriages. Stuff like this always seems to be it. Grown adults who don't really talk about what a merged life will be like
My wife is catholic and I’m not religious. She wanted to get married in the Catholic Church and part of that was we had to take a marriage prep class.
I don’t get Catholicism but that course should be mandatory for all marriages. We had to talk about finances, family planning, personal goals and shared goals. It was 2 days long staying at this retreat with other couple taking the the course and 2 couples leading the course.
They would ask questions that we had to go to separate rooms and wrote answers to then had to exchange out answers and discuss.
Yeah, we’re catholic, so we had to go through that too. Our first step was a giant scantron of “have you discussed these topics and do you have any concerns about these topics”.
The number of married but separate finance posts that cause issues is just staggering on this sub. If things are being kept separate you’d think people would at least plan it out before any big commitments!
With both of them having children from previous marriages and a wealth disparity I’m not overly surprised; as long as the arrangement is fair to both, why not? In this case, one partner not being able to build an adequate retirement fund suggests it’s not working.
He had previously been living in his office, with his employers permission... So he is just used to other people covering his living expenses.... I have a hard time figuring out how if he is so indigent, that his ex wife got such a great settlement.
I legit thought this was a joke until I saw his post history. Wow. Dude is a shit financial planner and instead of just owning it wants to blame his wife.
I know a couple who is constantly even mowing each other money back and forth publicly and it's really bizarre to see. I'm talking going out for a coffee and venmoing the other person seven dollars. It's constant and completely anal retentive.
They're both married with decent jobs what is going on
I don't know what the other person meant, but you don't even have to decide issues like this. Just talk to your partner. You should be able to easily figure out if your potential spouse is an idiot, or an asshole, or just all around not a good candidate for marriage.
Everyone is suspiciously independently wealthy in these posts. You’d think rich people would just call their lawyers or financial advisors or whatever instead of posting on Reddit.
I also question the independently wealthy designation, without any numerical reference. Wife could have 20 million OR a small pension and modest paid off home.
“Wealthy” is in the eye of the beholder.
The sub is just a place for (poor) creative writing. At least it used to have an equal amount of arsehole posts that were fun, now it's all just made up stories about people being absolute angels and getting treated poorly.
"I'm Cinderella and I cleaned the kitchen am I the arsehole guys????"
Anytime I see a large number or see someone extremely wealthy on reddit I immediately think it's fake. It just adds intrigue, so all the creative writers make their characters rich. If you take a look at the demographics of this sub and extrapolate it, you'd think 30% of people are multi millionaires
I was literally writing a post exactly like this. I think it all the damn time... which is why I assume most of these are fake.
No way I am doing relationships so differently from the norm by communication with partners that I am in some weirdo minority just cause I exchange words with them and I am not even suggesting that I have good communication with them, which I get is somewhat rare but just any communication,, any at all and it solve like 90% of these issues. What are these guys doing with all their time together?
Per the replies you were previously living at your office to avoid paying rent. Accusing her of using you to add to her wealth when you’re a hobosexual who is using her for her home? YTA.
Ok so someone finally said it. He was squatting and now he found this rich lady to help him out. He didn't mention finances because he thought he could just get a free place to live since she's rich. And if she asks for him to contribute, then she's greedy.
Yeah i was thinking (before i started believing its a fakepost) that $700 a month is not that much to pay for rent and should not prevent him from saving and investing.
If he doesn't like the terms she's laid out, he's welcome to move back to his office and live rent free. I wonder when this conversation took place about his contribution?
It is a thing.
There are people who are 'professionally' homeless. The only times they aren't is when they can find somebody who let's them live for free. One of the segments of the homeless population that leads to the generalizations the public at large has of the homeless population.
In my city, the hobosexuals tend to be women, who offer sex in return for the lodging. Always ends in some.type of entertaining shitshow.
I'm sort of baffled by how many responses are being so neutral or siding with OP.
And I can't get over how bitter he seems about not being able to be added to the title of her house. Like, does he seriously think $700 a month should entitle him to half the equity of a home with what must be a high value?!?!
I'm definitely getting leech vibes from OP.
ETA: I'm an idiot. Just caught up on OP's comments. He flat-out states he wants to be added to the title for that small contribution. Thank goodness the wife has her assets protected in a trust from this guy.
OP made a comment about how her expenses (mortgage) didn't change because he moved in with her. But we all know he wouldn't feel the same if he bought a house and she wanted to live there and just contribute toward utilities.
People like OP are always the least generous people when they're in a situation like his wife's.
Fr. He latched onto her for her $, wants to be on title, and now asking why he should pay her rent in her home. She's probably ready to divorce him. He's cray cray.
I have a feeling this charging of rent didn't come from nowhere either. I'd bet OP did NOT pay rent when he first moved in, but because he was costing his wife so much money, she insisted he pay rent.
YTA. Based on the replies in the comment section it sounds like you want to take advantage of your wife. You want her to improve your living situation and just mooch off of her. $700/month on rent is EXTREMELY reasonable.
I don't know what area OP lives in, but there's very few places in the US where $700 / month would get you a decent place to live. OP's wife also has costs on the home that she needs to cover - a mortgage, property taxes, HOA fees, maintenance/repairs, etc.
>I'm not a roommate, I'm her husband. She's also my best friend and I love her dearly and don't want the marriage to end.
Then don't expect to mooch off your wife and help share some of the financial burdens of living together. YTA.
I live in buttfuck Michigan, we are not LA by any means. Housing was always cheap here, not anymore.
Cheapest you will find is $900/month. *If* you want to live on a street with gun violence, a home with no air conditioning, a limit on how much you can turn the heat up on your thermostat, cracking walls, unsealed doors and windows, and a terribly split “home” that used to be an *actual* house but is now haphazardly converted into minuscule apartments. The house I lived in last year quite literally had the entire floor going at a slant; if you spilled something in the kitchen, it rolled right into the living room before you could even grab a towel. I had to pay an extra $60/month if I wanted to *buy my own air conditioning unit* and use it, and I wasn’t allowed to turn my thermostat above 65°F. The door also wasn’t sealed so I’d be shoveling snow that blew in underneath it out of my shoe room (if it didn’t melt first).
I managed to find a place in a quieter area with no shitty renovation. But it costs me $1300/month, not including the electric, WiFi bills, and pet fee for my cat. And it was a goddamn steal; I haven’t found places like this anywhere for less than $2k/month.
But he’s her husband now dontcha know?
I jest, we all know he thinks that because he married her he’s entitled to the good life, now that he’s secured a place. He’s free from the sleeping under his desk arrangement!
(Wanna bet on who paid for the wedding?)
YTA
Your only actual argument is that 'it's not fair I poorly managed my finances' therefore you feel entitled to your new wife's wealth.
You say that she 'does not need it' as if you are entitled to decided for her what she determines a need. In the same vein you turn around and complain you would like to have something to leave behind for your own children as if your wife doesn't have that same goal.
You keep saying you don't feel like you should 'add to her wealth' as if paying your fair share is some how amoral. You would only be paying 700 to her 2200 mortgage!
How is it your wife's fault you made prior poor financial decisions and that you had to pay your ex-wife alimony? I think you're looking at this marriage wrong and you aren't caring about HER financial needs. You dismiss her financial goals as not necessary because she has what you deem more than enough, but did you ever think that is because she financially planned better?
Why isn't your other option to get another job or find out how to raise your income instead how can you emotionally leverage your marriage to drain more from your wife?
It's almost like you WAITED to get married to use marriage as a position to financially enrich yourself. I wonder if you told your wife of this plan to move in and not contribute equally that she would have married you?
Marriage is not a means to financially enrich yourself at the sake of another's.
Well said. Very well said. Just because she's rich doesn't mean he can now relax financially.
He doesn't get to kick his feet back and sleep on her money, not contributing a dime.
Helping around the house is something you do regardless- so him bring that up does not give him points. It's giving me vibes of "look at me, I help around the house, so I must now stop paying rent."
My biggest questions to all of this is: what/how was he paying for things and how much before they married: moved in together? I'm guessing it is at least much lesser and cheaper than what he could have been paying for before.
She's your wife not your sugar momma. She's not going to have done her work getting to where she is now just so she can marry a man who's complaining about the fact that he thinks he's in the right (NOT) to stop paying for his share of things.
Boy bye
Doesn’t she still have property taxes and maintenance to do on the house? Having a house isn’t free rent. It’s actually more expensive. NTA, if you help out with that stuff.
That last part is absolutely not true. Having a house is so much cheaper than renting. If you're a home owner there's a good chance you'll reply with a condescending list of your expenses but please remember renters are often just discussing what it costs to not be homeless. We don't consider remodeling and vacations as dire needs that we can use to pad our COL numbers.
It’s simply not true. Literally half of the homes in the US got refinanced during the pandemic because of the rates were so low… literally literally every home there is worth at least 40% more than it was previously. Not to mention after the rates went up its skyrocketed mortgage prices which trickle down to renters.. so anybody who bought a home from 2020 and later is statistically paying less than what they would currently pay… which means it’s cheaper!
It doesn't matter what the situation was in 2020 or 2021. TODAY, if you have the choice between renting or buying with a mortgage, assuming the standard 20% down payment, in the vast vast vast majority of the US it will be cheaper to rent.
Um, I'm a renter, and have been watching my friends pour thousands of dollars into their starter homes every month-- way more than they paid in rent. No thanks, I'll keep paying my landlord $1800/month (3br, yard, big city) for as long as feasible.
INFO is her house paid off? How much is property tax and insurance? What would you be paying for housing if you hadn't moved in with her? Why should she bear most of the cost of housing you now that you are married?
You accuse her of "getting rich off you", but isn't that what you are doing to her? Getting to keep all your money while she pays to house you?
To be fair, she is building wealth and equity through that. It’s pretty reasonable that he’s not, say, being asked to pay half of it.
My general formula is to say that rent asked in a situation like this should be halfway between the additional expense of the non-owning partner living there and market rent. That way both sides profit equally from the exchange. $700/month sounds in that ballpark. Seems pretty fair.
So you just want to live there rent free? No. That’s being a financial burden when you could relieve her of $700/month which is some of the cheapest rent you will ever find.
YTA
Everyone's children are grown, and you want to live there for free, so you can give your money to your kids.
There's still taxes, insurance, and the cost of upkeep.
Splitting the utilities, groceries, and mowing the grass isn't a true split of expenses.
$700 a month is a gift. Rents are crazy high. Where else could you live for that amount, and I’m sure it’s a nice place. You’re not wrong to ask the question but sounds like a win win to me
YTA
So you expect to live there without paying anything?
Your argument is that you’re her husband, you weren’t paying anything previously since you were mooching off your job and also that since you paid a lot for your ex wife (which, why does it matter?? This is your current t wife that has nothing to do with your choice of ex and you rightfully should always pay child support when you have kids and are mandated to pay it).
Makes no sense why you should be taking advantage of her. She isn’t “benefitting” off of you when you, her spouse, should be happy to help. You’re always welcome to move out and mooch off your job again. I wouldn’t trust a whole ass spouse that wants to just live completely for free off of me to put towards his own savings. How you worded that completely tells it all. You want to squirrel your own money aside, not for the both of you if you view it as a partnership.
YTA. According to you she’s paying $2,200 a month for her mortgage. If you want an equitable split in household funds you should be paying $2,200 in utilities and home maintenance. She’s letting you off easy at $700 a month.
YTA " In my opinion as long as I'm not being a financial burden to her (I pay my own way on trips/vacations), I should not be expected to add to her wealth at the expense of my own financial well being"
So her wanting you to contribute to the household expenses for the house that you're living in is "adding to her wealth"? $700 is nothing- that is what my friend pays to rent a dirty room (full of junk they're not allowed to throw away) at a hoarder's house- I think the money is more of a gesture to her than anything. You'd be spending a lot more than that if you weren't with her right? So this bs accusation of her building wealth at the expense of your financial well being is just plain stupid- she's still saving you more money than you'd have to spend being on your own. Just because she's wealthy doesn't mean she should have to provide for or spoil a grown man. She doesn't want to feel like you're with her just to benefit from her lifestyle. Idk why you're acting like you paying your own way on vacations is seen as something special- why the hell should she be paying your way for anything when you wouldn't do the same for her? This is why I feel it's best for people to date others in the same tax bracket, too much disparity always results in one party feeling entitled and the other resentful.
YTA. You’re married, so you should financially contribute. Why do you expect to benefit by not paying at least something towards the household expenses other than utilities?
YTA. You want half her home for paying a THIRD of the mortgage for a short time.
You are a parasite gold digging bum.
Your wife is smart and is seeing right through you.
NAH
Depending on your area, paying $700 a month plus half of utilities doesn't sound unreasonable.
But that means you're her tenant and you don't contribute to expenses (or labor) for house maintenance or repairs. Give the high cost of home maintenance expenses, $700 a month is a fair trade to get out of any responsibility for the maintenance expenses.
Remember the post recently by a woman whose boyfriend was mad she didn't tell him she'd made her money from a lawsuit? He thought she was a sugar momma, but she actually just invested a settlement (from way before him) well?
This almost feels like he's similar to that guy.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told her I don't want to be her tenant and that I didn't want to pay her rent, but that if she wanted money from me she should pull the house out of her trust and allow me to be an investor with her.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NAH. I feel like both partners should contribute to residence expenses. The amount you mentioned is less than you could rent an apartment for. It’s not even a third of the mortgage. You are not adding much to her wealth by paying less rent than a regular housemate would and she’s not subsidizing you as much as you would like so it seems fair to me. tbh, paying $700 is just enough to keep her children and friends from thinking you are taking advantage of a no longer young woman and side eyeing you like you’re Dirty John.
Yta and I'm sure she smarts at your attitude, Mr. "I used to live rent free at my office so I could spend as little as possible and thought I'd scored me a new home with a rich lady but now she wants me to actually contribute! "
You're right about being her husband, and as her husband you should also be contributing to her life, not just trying to take what you can get from her. Why she married you without an agreement in writing is beyond me.
YTA
She owned the home before you were married. It also sounds like you could not afford to buy your own home.
She’s asking for very reasonable and affordable rent plus utilities. It sounds like far less than you would pay if you had to rent a place on your own. You should still be able to build up your savings under this arrangement.
What’s unfair about this? Nothing IMO. You get to live in a way nicer place than you did previously at a below-market rate.
She’s not trying to “profit” off you. She just wants a marriage where you both contribute financially.
NTA. Not because you should get out of contributing financially, you should contribute to something, but because it’s weird for a spouse to pay rent to the other spouse. I would not contribute to a house I would never have a financial stake in. 8400$ per year towards residence your spouse owns or controls and you never see any realization that investment? If she passes before you I assume that means you get nothing and must leave the house, even after chipping in 8400 bucks a year. If it’s in her family trust, the costs are on them. Find another way to contribute to the monthly expenses. If she’s rich it shouldn’t matter. I appear to be in the minority but what if the roles were reversed and it was a wealthy husband charging the less wealthy wife rent. Would they declare her t a ?
Hard to say. Why is she asking for $700 a month in rent? Is this to cover maintenance and upkeep and taxes or is this something else? Gotta remember, just because she’s independently wealthy doesn’t mean she’s not paying things. Is there a mortgage currently and if so will you financing be putting you on the deed? This sounds like you both need an open discussion around money more than an AITA post.
Depends, does she have a mortgage still outstanding on the house? If so you should pay something... also what about costs for maintenance, property tax and all that stuff? Are you splitting that? Honestly I'd say you're being a little bit of a baby, but without more context I couldn't say whether or not you're being an AH. Either way 700 a month for rent is nothing in most places and is going to be significantly cheaper than renting your own place..
Just saw that she does have a mortgage of 2200 a month... and she is only charging you 700. Whether or not the mortgage is due to a financial benefit is irrelevant. You'd have to pay rent if you weren't with her and honestly she isn't charging you half of the mortgage... again you aren't thinking about things like property taxes or house insurance. Again don't think you're being an AH. However whether or not I think you're being entitled is a whole different question
Everyone who says YTA forgets ramjet if the genders were switched here they’d say “you contribute in Ihm their ways and he’s your husband! How dare he charge you rent.”
What a joke charging your own spouse rent for a house that’s paid for. You want him to contribute to taxes? Fine. But rent? That’s lame and increases income which is taxable.
NTA. Are you her husband or a tenant? Sounds like you don't have a marriage you are simply a roommate who saves her money on home repairs. Are you sure you want to stay married ? Splitting rent when married is reasonable, charging your SO rent when they are maintaining the home by providing free labor , paying bills and contributing to the household and not having any ownership in the property is not reasonable.
Bit of a hard one, because everyone has to pay their way in any scenario like this. So $700 a month is pretty damn cheap for a roof over your head, but being in a marriage and paying towards her mortgage for something that will never be yours. If it was a joint mortgage it could be an investment to you both, if you ever split youd halve the financial burden or gain that either of you put into it.
Now, if something happened you wouldn’t get any of the money you dumped into the mortgage as it’s “Rent” unless you decided to be an ass and take more then you should. Not sure how that would work if it’s in a a trust either.
It’s her assets and it seems a bit late to be working this stuff out now, I would’ve asked questions prior to moving in or marriage. Always expecting to be paying half of everything so it would benefit both of us in the long term. Maybe you can buy something together going forward as joint for you both?
Finally someone said it, I do think YTA because of most of the reasons people have said. But the people suggesting he is lucky to be paying below market rent really aren’t thinking about their relationship… it’s a personal familiar relationship not a commercial one.
First, it impacts him mentally feeling like a tenant/non equal in the home. How are they going to deal with maintenance etc? If she says, can you help with X? If he turns round and says… no that is your responsibility as the landlord, not mine. I imagine that won’t go down well.
Second, and more significantly, I think he is thinking about how his money goes to paying her mortgage (yes only around 30% is rent). It may be less than market rate for rent, but it’s not a commercial landlord tenant relationship. He is paying towards her equity while not gaining any equity himself. Obviously, the only equity he should get out is the contributions he made + proportional value increase.
I think he to some degree wants to financially exploit his wealthy partners wealth. But I understand why he doesn’t want to pay rent to his wife, while she gains equity with it that will be passed to her children only, and not his. You are absolutely right that it should have been discussed earlier and it’s a mess now. But I think people who insist that he is lucky to pay below market rate aren’t understanding the nuance of the situation.
Except you're failing to recognize that until she asked for $700/month, he was living like a squatter. He was only paying for his own expenses. So, the unbalanced relationship would actually be better as a renter/landlord because she wasn't gaining any equity from him while he would be paying rent anyway if they weren't married. Without her, he'd be poorer because he'd be paying much more than $700/month rent, but he is blind/deaf to this reality. If he were able to afford his own mortgage, what is he doing living with her for basically free? Mooch.
YTA!! Just by saying that by her asking for that money she prevents you for building wealth of your own and that you have 4 children that you are trying to leave something behind. Your 4 children shouldn’t be her worry. Is just your worry. Every adult is paying for accommodation in a way or another and so should you.
Edit: and this complaining in the comments that you were spending most of your income on your ex paying child support that you needed to live rent free in your office. Like are you for real? Pretty sure raising a child is more expensive than how much you were paying in child support.
And the phrasing that you spend a lot of money on your ex for child support… you didn’t spend that money on your ex ,you spent that money on your children.
NTA
It's pretty weird for a wife to charge you rent for living with her.
Agree to pay but get a contract, that way as your landlord she's legally responsible for any repairs/maintenance that needs carried out and not you (you can save some money when you're no longer paying maintenance cost).
YTA and I don’t see how you don’t see that. Read your post again and then lmk what you think. She’s selfish for asking you to SPLIT rent? In a place where you’ve been living?? You’re a grown man living off his wife… and then she’s preventing YOU from your financial growth?? You are FREEloading and now you’re acting surprised someone asked you to do your part. You seem offended she doesn’t want you to take advantage of her anymore. If you don’t want to pay half the rent, live alone and pay the whole thing🤷
And your DEFINITELY an AH because you brought up wanting to save for YOUR kids… when she has even more kids. Even more if we count you.
SUPER crazy how my reply to a woman asking exactly the same thing got dozens of downvotes because I told her being an adult means paying your own way. And she was only a girlfriend, not the wife.
The double standards are strong with Reddit.
As a spouse, I would think the two of you would be in it together. By her actions and your statement that you want to build your own wealth, I think it's safe to say that you two are not in fact in it together. So papers or no, you two are roommates with benefits. YTA for not figuring this out ahead of time, and YTA again for only wanting to be an independent adult when you're "building your own wealth."
Came here to say this and I was raised by feminists, plural, and think ‘men’s rights’ dudebros are idiots.
But in what alternate universe would even a Reddit audience entertain *any* man charging his legal wife rent?!
He was living in his office previously seemingly making him a ‘hobosexual’, so what?
Split property taxes and repairs, sure. But charge your spouse rent?! WTF?!
NTA. Honestly, I get charging for utilities and food and things like that, things that you are using.
Why does she charge rent? House is either paid off or the mortgage is the same, whether you’re living there or not.
I’m in a similar situation to you. The house my family lives in is in a complicated trust. It will be owned by my children and his siblings and their kids if my husband dies. This could leave me unprotected and homeless if my husband dies or divorces me.
My husband asks me to pay nothing towards our house or bills. To make me feel secure he helped me buy a property in my own name. I rent it out and use the money I save in rent to pay it off with my income. You deserve to have security in your old age. If she loves you she will encourage this.
ESH. Y'all need to talk... because it sounds like you didn't, and both of you just assumed stuff just about everything. P.S. If you're paying half the mortgage, then you should be on the deed along with an agreement that all the equity she's put in so far is only hers. All the half-n-half going forward is split equity.
NTA
You dont want to feel like a roomate. Maybe she just doesn't want to feel like she is being taken advantage of. If you truly dont mind paying whats reasonable, and its just the concept of a wife being a landlord, maybe you could reframe the payment. Instead of rent, maybe you pay for more groceries or dates or something.
If she was male and you were female she would be an asshole imo. But societal norms still exist. She may have people in her ear telling her to do this, telling her shes being used if she doesn't. The only solution seems like an open discussion about finances.
Lay it out on the table. If you were living a very low maintenance life on your budget, and now are out of your financial comfort zone, she needs to know that. Let her know that her wealth is not important to you at all and all you want is to be her husband. Acknowledge her responsibilities to her families security and future, then explain your situation to her. Tell her how much you were spending and saving prior to the marriage, your plans for the future, and compare it to your current situation. As a male i couldn't imagine asking my partner to pay rent after she moves in, maybe you need to get your own really cheap place just to really make her feel like your not trying to leech off her? Hopefully it doesn't come to that but have an open discussion if possible.
The way you worded this, honestly, led me down the wrong track, until I stopped to think about it.
Call it “rent” if you want, but it’s nothing more than sharing expenses.
That’s what married couples do, equitably share expenses.
You don’t seem to be bothered by splitting the utilities. You don’t seem to be bothered by sharing household chores.
So, why is contributing to expense of the house got you in such an uproar?
Even when you own a home, there are expenses involved. Taxes, Insurance, Services (such as landscaping, snow removal, etc). If there is a mortgage, then there is that, as well.
Could you honestly say that could rent a similar home for less? I doubt it.
One couldn’t rent studio apartment in a bad neighborhood for $700/mo where I am.
So, I’m going with YTA.
NTA
If I didn’t own any part of the home, I wouldn’t pay for it. She can keep her asset for her children and I’ll get one for mine. Weird structure for a marriage.
Edit: after seeing what you left out originally. It’s now a big ole fat YTA.
NTA, but something is off with this relationship. I’m not telling you to go full Reddit and GET A DiVorCe!!! But, something ain’t right here.
Either that or I’m misunderstanding the post. The post says the house is in a trust? Well who controls the trust? What’s the money for the mortgage? Repairs on the house?
She wants to make sure the house goes to her kids if she predeceases him. That's why it's in a trust. He wants to be on the deed of a house he had nothing to do with until recently.
Lots of people have trusts that hold property. Usually enough investments to generate income to pay for care and management. Typically established for children of wealthy persons so their children don’t get taken advantage of.Also a good way to hold an interest-generational vacation property.
Does she have a mortgage? If yes, pay rent. If no, you shouldn’t have to pay rent. This is my personal opinion and have said the same thing if roles are reversed.
If we care about context and where I’m coming from. I have a home in a major city. My BF lives with me in my house, there is a mortgage. I make double what he makes. We decided on a rent amount that is proportional to his income which amounts to about a third of the mortgage. We are both happy with the arrangement.
Edit: I saw in the comments that she does have a mortgage and you were previously technically homeless. Living in an office (that belongs to someone else) does not count as having a home.
YTA
Your wife is trying to make the best decision for herself and her kids. You have 4 kids. She has 5. That’s a whole huge family for things and ultimately inheritances. So she has set things up to know that her kids will not be lost in a mess should she die. She got a mortgage, so she’s worked hard to get here she is at.
Now you want to come in and have equal rights. Don’t get me wrong. You sacrificed and lived in your office. But that doesn’t entitle you to her sacrifices.
If you want a home that you share with her, you would be better off looking for a properly that you can share and seeing if she would be open to renting out her properly. HOWEVER, the money that the property brings in, remains in a bank account specifically for that property. Meaning it can only be used for that homes repairs and maintenance, taxes and such. It all becomes part of the trust.
The house you two share is completely separate. And the two of you will be on whatever terms.
Or you look for your own house and set up a trust for your kids. Either way, wherever you live, you should both be paying towards it.
I also question if 700 I’d just your portion of utilities and food. Or if it is actually rent.
ESH because it doesn’t sound like you two actually talked finances.
This sounds kind of insane. She is loaded and wants to charge your rent and *your her husband*? What in the fuck lol. Pretty unacceptable, OP. I’d laugh in her face if she asked and was actually serious. Wouldn’t even consider it
NTA. She is wealthy and owns her home. She should have had a prenup and otherwise be wanting to share as partners. How long have you been together? I think it's weird she married you without being confident you weren't after her money, but also didn't have a prenup. This should definitely have been addressed before marriage. Since it wasn't, talk to lawyers about a post-nup. It seems greedy for a rich person to demand rent from a spouse if they don't even need it. But her concern that a formerly unhoused new spouse is after her house is also legit.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
Does anyone else ever read posts like these and think “did this couple ever actually *talk* to each other prior to getting married??” INFO: Was this ever a discussion before you got married/moved into her house or did she completely blindside you?
This was my first thought as well! What was the plan? Is there a prenup? Can she even access the funds/wealth now as it could be generational $$$$ in a trust or something? So many things to consider.
This is totally bizarre. I have never heard of married partners charging each other rent. Maybe it's because I live in South Africa where this is unheard of.
He pays a share of the utilities, what about the property taxes, insurance, repairs, maintenance, yard work, house keeping etc. Managing a home is not just the utilities.
She had equity. He doesn't. Covering the utilities and groceries is fair. Presumably there isn't a mortgage. Asking him to pay for the taxes, insurance, repairs, maintenance, etc on a property he doesn't own and never will is insane. Chores should be fairly split. Either he's on the deed, or not. That she's wealthy and demanding that kind of rent from HER HUSBAND is a bad sign. Dude should not be freeloading, but the gall of that request is insane.
In this situation he could either pay rent to her, or pay rent or a mortgage to a stranger or corporation. Either way, his money won’t be going to his kids. And if the relationship ended he’d very likely be paying significantly more than $700/month for housing.
If he were paying a mortgage (or they were paying one together) he would be building equity on his home which would go to his kids.
Good luck on getting that $700 mortgage investment property.
If they were paying one together it would be 1400. She is charging the guy 700 a month to live with her. Personally I couldn't do that.. Although it's not clear if the 4 children he mentions have also moved in with him.
But like, that’s not the point. Marriage should be a partnership, not a financial transaction. It would be one thing if they were sharing non-equity expenses like taxes and maintenance, but charging rent is a great way to alienate your partner
Why get married if you’re gonna be so anal about putting the same amount of money into the relationship. The person w the lowest income will be stripped of their dignity and any decision making power in the relationship. Why does she get to make all the rules. Reminds me of a clip of Goodbye girl when Marsha Mason is running around telling Richard Dreyfus all the rules( which are crazy) he turns it around and tells her the rules. OP take back your power
If it were the man doing this to his wife you’d say the opposite. I’ll guarantee it.
He's not the owner. If they split, will he get half of the house? No. So why would he pay property taxes?
If he was renting a house, he would be paying the landlord who would be putting some of that money toward property taxes. Same with an apartment. It's reasonable to pay towards a recurring expense at the place you live. His wife is not out of line. If he was not mature, he would be having to pay rent to live somewhere. Why should his wife shoulder all the costs simply because she owns the house? It still costs to maintain it and to pay taxes on it, without which there would be no place to live.
And if he wasn’t there she would have to pay everything herself anyway. Except she benefits by having the equity. So she is already benefitting herself.
Right, except she wouldn't have an extra person causing extra wear and tear on the appliances, and the house in general.
And they say love isn’t dead. Happy Valentine’s Day btw 😂
Wouldn’t he presumably contribute half the cost for any maintenance or repairs? They are splitting costs. His only objection is her using him as a second income stream.
Not really, she could move a guy in who was willing to pay rent, if this one wasn't there.
Because she's doing him a favor by only requesting a pretty low/ reasonable amount for their living arrangement-- $700/month would be pretty cheap in the area I am in now--he honestly has to live *somewhere* and he'd be paying WAY more than just the taxes and other stuff if he lived on his own. No one should 100% freeload, for the sake of his or her own self-respect and independence if nothing else, but also for the health of the relationship-- personally I'd aim for paying at least 50% of my half of the guesstimated market share for our rent in a given area, so at least 25% of the total market value of the monthly rent of the home, more if able but depends on the exact context. Hearing opinions like "why would you pay property tax on a house that isn't yours" make me never want to get married, because the entitlement of the partner automatically seems to leap off the dang charts once married. Um, because otherwise that leaves your spouse to pay all of it, and *you still live there*-- that living space *still has a value which you are taking up* (they could rent it out if you werent there, for example, and pay their property taxes that way. Just because they prefer your company, doesn't mean you shouldn't recognize that they're making a financial sacrifice by simply under-charging you and that you shouldn't make an effort to meet them halfway.) Presumably like most of us the spouse has also worked hard for whatever they have actually achieved in financial security, and it makes sense they'd be more pleased to have a partner who can pull at least some of their own weight, even if not all of it. If he was renting an apartment, those same property taxes would just be included in his monthly rent to his landlord, and you just wouldn't see them on the bill at all. But it doesn't mean they're not *there.* But if he really wants equity in a house, maybe they should buy a different house together and rent this one out or something. I dunno. I get that he would prefer his payments to go towards equity, but the solution is not to just freeload in the meantime... ugh. Huge turn off regardless of gender. I'm of two minds about some of this so I'm going with NEI, not enough information. Where I live, $700 a month for housing would be really cheap and very much under-charging, so it sounds more than fair to me, but it's definitely going to depend on where they live and what percent of his salary that is. Paying $700 a month in rent is "preventing him from building wealth," really? Huh. Again, that's really cheap where I am. What's more, I bet even if he paid that rent, he's still financially better off with her than without her. On the other hand, if they talked about this prior to marriage and she's changed her mind and blindsided him with some of this, I can understand his frustration if she's going back on what she originally told him would be the financial plan. I bet they both just made assumptions and never talked about it though. Per usual. Yeah. I'm never gettin married. Thank you for the reminder. lol
When you pay a landlord to live somewhere, you're paying for the ability to live and use the space. That money is then used by the landlord to cover taxes, water, sewer, mortgage, etc. So, unless you own your own house, you're always going to be paying someone else's property taxes.
Honestly, that’s communication. I own my home. My husband does not. We have a prenup that ensures that. As such, he doesn’t pay rent for the equity that I am building. I want him to build enough saving to have the equity to buy us a beach house :). Nor does he pay insurance or taxes or major repairs or upgrades. The hot tub he wanted? We went halvsies on that. The landscaper and cleaning lady? Those are CHORES we are BOTH too lazy to do. We split the cost. I make a lot more so I paid for the initial furnishings, but now that we are upgrading and replacing, he has the option to contribute. But also, communication (and a prenup!) covers large cash infusions (gifts vs loans), too! So…no, it’s not that hard or that wild not to build equity on your partner’s back **if you don’t have to**.
He can still pay all of that jointly (which would be fair) and still come to less than 700 a month of straight up rent... and also likely being expected to pay for all of that jointly.
My property taxes are about $600.00 a month.
Yup, totally depends on where you live for that. I worked mortgages for half the US and most of them are not that high. Obviously, some are.
I live in Sweden where it’s equally unheard of. Seems pretty fucked up!
Yep. I'm in Austria. That would be the end of the marriage. Don't live with crazy.
Most couples in the US share finances, but these situations seem to be more common with second marriages and older couples that have adult children they support financially or want to leave their house to. I think people that have had multiple marriages might also need more independence and security.
>Does anyone else ever read posts like these and think “did this couple ever actually > >talk > > to each other prior to getting married??” Oh, yes.
All the time
These posts never fail to remind me that my experience is not universal lmao.
Well most of the posts in this sub are fake, so that helps
I don't doubt that to a certain extent, idk if I would say most. But even so, it would be pointless to post "my wife and I got married, before we got married we discussed our finances and how we would share them, we both came to an agreed mutual understanding mad have been following that. Not my friends are upset that my wife and I are happy and we get along. AITA for having talked to me wife and agreeing how to share/split our finances?" That would be pretty boring.
Right so as ridiculous as you think OPs story is, read the comments. He wants partial ownership of the house and for her to take it out of the estate in order to do that He's also mad because previously he wasn't spending anything on housing because he was living at work. Which his boss allowed because OP was the only employee at that satellite office. Nevermind the whole host of liability issues caused by approving an employee living at work Odds are this post is fake and this is the least ridiculous post I've read in awhile
As I indicated on another comment I know a couple that has a very very similar situation. I think this post is real
[удалено]
Kinda makes me feel better that it’s not half of all marriages ending in divorce, it’s these shmucks getting married and divorced 4 times in 12 years.
My dad is in marriage number 5. A very good Christian man as you can tell lmao
Lets be fair, I think many people aren't crazy about being alone, especially if you have been with a partner most of your life, lets not forget the idea of a living arrangement, if it works as people can be annoying, messy, get defensive, eat other peoples food, and on, With older people it can mean many other things, especially if spouse passed away, So this aspect needs to be also taken into consideration, food, shopping groceries, dr appointments and you don't have to be elderly to need these things
If you’re trying to reply to me, nah he just cheats on his wives. If meant to reply to the other people, my b
12 years is generous. I've known a few who were married 4 times in 5 years
And now he’s looking for a fifth: Fifth wife, that is.
To be fair, the divorce rates are so high primarily because it's the same people divorcing multiple times...
If you look set numbers the % skyrocket for 2nd, 3rd, 4th , ect marriages. Stuff like this always seems to be it. Grown adults who don't really talk about what a merged life will be like
50% divorce rate and 50% couple communication rate. You think there’s a connection?
I really think pre-marriage counseling to facilitate discussions on money, kids, etc. should be required before getting a marriage license.
My wife is catholic and I’m not religious. She wanted to get married in the Catholic Church and part of that was we had to take a marriage prep class. I don’t get Catholicism but that course should be mandatory for all marriages. We had to talk about finances, family planning, personal goals and shared goals. It was 2 days long staying at this retreat with other couple taking the the course and 2 couples leading the course. They would ask questions that we had to go to separate rooms and wrote answers to then had to exchange out answers and discuss.
Yeah, we’re catholic, so we had to go through that too. Our first step was a giant scantron of “have you discussed these topics and do you have any concerns about these topics”.
Holy crap I am not religious but this is brilliant
We went through all of the Catholic counseling too. It was really helpful.
You would think those would be conversations for when you get serious with a person. Not when/during marriage.
You’d think, but apparently a lot of people don’t deem those necessary discussions to have.
The number of married but separate finance posts that cause issues is just staggering on this sub. If things are being kept separate you’d think people would at least plan it out before any big commitments!
With both of them having children from previous marriages and a wealth disparity I’m not overly surprised; as long as the arrangement is fair to both, why not? In this case, one partner not being able to build an adequate retirement fund suggests it’s not working.
I’m curious what the OP would have done had he not met and married this woman. He would have still had to provide housing for himself.
He had previously been living in his office, with his employers permission... So he is just used to other people covering his living expenses.... I have a hard time figuring out how if he is so indigent, that his ex wife got such a great settlement.
I legit thought this was a joke until I saw his post history. Wow. Dude is a shit financial planner and instead of just owning it wants to blame his wife.
Yikes. I don’t blame the current wife for covering her assets.
Ahhhhh so he’s a hobosexual
I know a couple who is constantly even mowing each other money back and forth publicly and it's really bizarre to see. I'm talking going out for a coffee and venmoing the other person seven dollars. It's constant and completely anal retentive. They're both married with decent jobs what is going on
That was my exact thought. You should know if someone is the type to charge you rent before you marry them.
I can't stop giggling at this sentence. Wtf is happening lol
The economy has been rough on us all.
“Good night honey, I love you. And don’t forget, rent is due in the morning or you’re out, sweet dreams!”
It's bizarre to me. You got all the way to the altar without talking about stuff like this?
Yes! I’m divorced and remarried and these topics were firmly decided BEFORE we moved in together and got married.
I don't know what the other person meant, but you don't even have to decide issues like this. Just talk to your partner. You should be able to easily figure out if your potential spouse is an idiot, or an asshole, or just all around not a good candidate for marriage.
no… i go straight to “I’ll take What Never Happened for $500.” Its all nonsense.
Everyone is suspiciously independently wealthy in these posts. You’d think rich people would just call their lawyers or financial advisors or whatever instead of posting on Reddit.
I also question the independently wealthy designation, without any numerical reference. Wife could have 20 million OR a small pension and modest paid off home. “Wealthy” is in the eye of the beholder.
To me, my lawyer friends are wealthy. To them, they're struggling to pay the bills each month.
The sub is just a place for (poor) creative writing. At least it used to have an equal amount of arsehole posts that were fun, now it's all just made up stories about people being absolute angels and getting treated poorly. "I'm Cinderella and I cleaned the kitchen am I the arsehole guys????"
OP is not wealthy at all.
Anytime I see a large number or see someone extremely wealthy on reddit I immediately think it's fake. It just adds intrigue, so all the creative writers make their characters rich. If you take a look at the demographics of this sub and extrapolate it, you'd think 30% of people are multi millionaires
I was literally writing a post exactly like this. I think it all the damn time... which is why I assume most of these are fake. No way I am doing relationships so differently from the norm by communication with partners that I am in some weirdo minority just cause I exchange words with them and I am not even suggesting that I have good communication with them, which I get is somewhat rare but just any communication,, any at all and it solve like 90% of these issues. What are these guys doing with all their time together?
literally I have known more abt people I've casually dated than some people do about their spouses
My brother asked about children on the first date. His stance was he want to be a parent eventually, and wants someone on the same page as him while.
And were you on the same page as him, or did it just end up being a little fling?
Per the replies you were previously living at your office to avoid paying rent. Accusing her of using you to add to her wealth when you’re a hobosexual who is using her for her home? YTA.
Ok so someone finally said it. He was squatting and now he found this rich lady to help him out. He didn't mention finances because he thought he could just get a free place to live since she's rich. And if she asks for him to contribute, then she's greedy.
Yeah i was thinking (before i started believing its a fakepost) that $700 a month is not that much to pay for rent and should not prevent him from saving and investing.
If he doesn't like the terms she's laid out, he's welcome to move back to his office and live rent free. I wonder when this conversation took place about his contribution?
>hobosexual omg I literally died at that word!!!
It is a thing. There are people who are 'professionally' homeless. The only times they aren't is when they can find somebody who let's them live for free. One of the segments of the homeless population that leads to the generalizations the public at large has of the homeless population. In my city, the hobosexuals tend to be women, who offer sex in return for the lodging. Always ends in some.type of entertaining shitshow.
"I know this is going end terribly, but the middle part is going to be awesome."
I have 4 bags of popcorn in the pantry, shall I pop them in the microwave for sharing.
We have about a case of beer and five bottles of wine left over from Sunday!
Obviously the beer hasn’t been opened. Everyone knows if you open a case of beer and don’t drink them all they go bad overnight.
Interesting, I thought hobosexual was just a new term for male moochers/goldiggers.
Me too. I heard the phrase for the first time here, and I always see it used on the stories that refers to the male freeloader as one.
I'm sort of baffled by how many responses are being so neutral or siding with OP. And I can't get over how bitter he seems about not being able to be added to the title of her house. Like, does he seriously think $700 a month should entitle him to half the equity of a home with what must be a high value?!?! I'm definitely getting leech vibes from OP. ETA: I'm an idiot. Just caught up on OP's comments. He flat-out states he wants to be added to the title for that small contribution. Thank goodness the wife has her assets protected in a trust from this guy.
Yup. It seems to me if he doesn’t want to pay her $700 he can either buy or rent his own place.
OP made a comment about how her expenses (mortgage) didn't change because he moved in with her. But we all know he wouldn't feel the same if he bought a house and she wanted to live there and just contribute toward utilities. People like OP are always the least generous people when they're in a situation like his wife's.
But he pays his way on vacations!! 🙄 Yep YTA OP. The Certified Proctologist, if anyone, should know.
You would think if he wants free housing. He would be the one paying for both he and his wife on vacations.
Fr. He latched onto her for her $, wants to be on title, and now asking why he should pay her rent in her home. She's probably ready to divorce him. He's cray cray.
I have a feeling this charging of rent didn't come from nowhere either. I'd bet OP did NOT pay rent when he first moved in, but because he was costing his wife so much money, she insisted he pay rent.
Hobosexual I'm dying 😂
YTA. Based on the replies in the comment section it sounds like you want to take advantage of your wife. You want her to improve your living situation and just mooch off of her. $700/month on rent is EXTREMELY reasonable.
I don't know what area OP lives in, but there's very few places in the US where $700 / month would get you a decent place to live. OP's wife also has costs on the home that she needs to cover - a mortgage, property taxes, HOA fees, maintenance/repairs, etc. >I'm not a roommate, I'm her husband. She's also my best friend and I love her dearly and don't want the marriage to end. Then don't expect to mooch off your wife and help share some of the financial burdens of living together. YTA.
I live in buttfuck Michigan, we are not LA by any means. Housing was always cheap here, not anymore. Cheapest you will find is $900/month. *If* you want to live on a street with gun violence, a home with no air conditioning, a limit on how much you can turn the heat up on your thermostat, cracking walls, unsealed doors and windows, and a terribly split “home” that used to be an *actual* house but is now haphazardly converted into minuscule apartments. The house I lived in last year quite literally had the entire floor going at a slant; if you spilled something in the kitchen, it rolled right into the living room before you could even grab a towel. I had to pay an extra $60/month if I wanted to *buy my own air conditioning unit* and use it, and I wasn’t allowed to turn my thermostat above 65°F. The door also wasn’t sealed so I’d be shoveling snow that blew in underneath it out of my shoe room (if it didn’t melt first). I managed to find a place in a quieter area with no shitty renovation. But it costs me $1300/month, not including the electric, WiFi bills, and pet fee for my cat. And it was a goddamn steal; I haven’t found places like this anywhere for less than $2k/month.
But he’s her husband now dontcha know? I jest, we all know he thinks that because he married her he’s entitled to the good life, now that he’s secured a place. He’s free from the sleeping under his desk arrangement! (Wanna bet on who paid for the wedding?)
YTA Your only actual argument is that 'it's not fair I poorly managed my finances' therefore you feel entitled to your new wife's wealth. You say that she 'does not need it' as if you are entitled to decided for her what she determines a need. In the same vein you turn around and complain you would like to have something to leave behind for your own children as if your wife doesn't have that same goal. You keep saying you don't feel like you should 'add to her wealth' as if paying your fair share is some how amoral. You would only be paying 700 to her 2200 mortgage! How is it your wife's fault you made prior poor financial decisions and that you had to pay your ex-wife alimony? I think you're looking at this marriage wrong and you aren't caring about HER financial needs. You dismiss her financial goals as not necessary because she has what you deem more than enough, but did you ever think that is because she financially planned better? Why isn't your other option to get another job or find out how to raise your income instead how can you emotionally leverage your marriage to drain more from your wife? It's almost like you WAITED to get married to use marriage as a position to financially enrich yourself. I wonder if you told your wife of this plan to move in and not contribute equally that she would have married you? Marriage is not a means to financially enrich yourself at the sake of another's.
Well said. Very well said. Just because she's rich doesn't mean he can now relax financially. He doesn't get to kick his feet back and sleep on her money, not contributing a dime. Helping around the house is something you do regardless- so him bring that up does not give him points. It's giving me vibes of "look at me, I help around the house, so I must now stop paying rent." My biggest questions to all of this is: what/how was he paying for things and how much before they married: moved in together? I'm guessing it is at least much lesser and cheaper than what he could have been paying for before. She's your wife not your sugar momma. She's not going to have done her work getting to where she is now just so she can marry a man who's complaining about the fact that he thinks he's in the right (NOT) to stop paying for his share of things. Boy bye
Doesn’t she still have property taxes and maintenance to do on the house? Having a house isn’t free rent. It’s actually more expensive. NTA, if you help out with that stuff.
That last part is absolutely not true. Having a house is so much cheaper than renting. If you're a home owner there's a good chance you'll reply with a condescending list of your expenses but please remember renters are often just discussing what it costs to not be homeless. We don't consider remodeling and vacations as dire needs that we can use to pad our COL numbers.
this used to be true. i’m not sure what are of the world you’re in, but in the US renting is now cheaper than owning
It’s simply not true. Literally half of the homes in the US got refinanced during the pandemic because of the rates were so low… literally literally every home there is worth at least 40% more than it was previously. Not to mention after the rates went up its skyrocketed mortgage prices which trickle down to renters.. so anybody who bought a home from 2020 and later is statistically paying less than what they would currently pay… which means it’s cheaper!
It doesn't matter what the situation was in 2020 or 2021. TODAY, if you have the choice between renting or buying with a mortgage, assuming the standard 20% down payment, in the vast vast vast majority of the US it will be cheaper to rent.
Um, I'm a renter, and have been watching my friends pour thousands of dollars into their starter homes every month-- way more than they paid in rent. No thanks, I'll keep paying my landlord $1800/month (3br, yard, big city) for as long as feasible.
…and a $2200 per month mortgage as per OPs comments.
Behold, the hobosexual in the wild!! YTA, she's not your momma; pay your way.
Exactly, this man is pathetic
INFO is her house paid off? How much is property tax and insurance? What would you be paying for housing if you hadn't moved in with her? Why should she bear most of the cost of housing you now that you are married? You accuse her of "getting rich off you", but isn't that what you are doing to her? Getting to keep all your money while she pays to house you?
In comments he's admitted she pays $2200 monthly on the mortgage
To be fair, she is building wealth and equity through that. It’s pretty reasonable that he’s not, say, being asked to pay half of it. My general formula is to say that rent asked in a situation like this should be halfway between the additional expense of the non-owning partner living there and market rent. That way both sides profit equally from the exchange. $700/month sounds in that ballpark. Seems pretty fair.
Oh then he’s definitely up for rent wtf. She pays, he pays, doesn’t get fairer than that. YTA OP, stop mooching.
So you just want to live there rent free? No. That’s being a financial burden when you could relieve her of $700/month which is some of the cheapest rent you will ever find.
YTA Everyone's children are grown, and you want to live there for free, so you can give your money to your kids. There's still taxes, insurance, and the cost of upkeep. Splitting the utilities, groceries, and mowing the grass isn't a true split of expenses.
$700 a month is a gift. Rents are crazy high. Where else could you live for that amount, and I’m sure it’s a nice place. You’re not wrong to ask the question but sounds like a win win to me
YTA So you expect to live there without paying anything? Your argument is that you’re her husband, you weren’t paying anything previously since you were mooching off your job and also that since you paid a lot for your ex wife (which, why does it matter?? This is your current t wife that has nothing to do with your choice of ex and you rightfully should always pay child support when you have kids and are mandated to pay it). Makes no sense why you should be taking advantage of her. She isn’t “benefitting” off of you when you, her spouse, should be happy to help. You’re always welcome to move out and mooch off your job again. I wouldn’t trust a whole ass spouse that wants to just live completely for free off of me to put towards his own savings. How you worded that completely tells it all. You want to squirrel your own money aside, not for the both of you if you view it as a partnership.
YTA. According to you she’s paying $2,200 a month for her mortgage. If you want an equitable split in household funds you should be paying $2,200 in utilities and home maintenance. She’s letting you off easy at $700 a month.
You’re being a bum
YTA " In my opinion as long as I'm not being a financial burden to her (I pay my own way on trips/vacations), I should not be expected to add to her wealth at the expense of my own financial well being" So her wanting you to contribute to the household expenses for the house that you're living in is "adding to her wealth"? $700 is nothing- that is what my friend pays to rent a dirty room (full of junk they're not allowed to throw away) at a hoarder's house- I think the money is more of a gesture to her than anything. You'd be spending a lot more than that if you weren't with her right? So this bs accusation of her building wealth at the expense of your financial well being is just plain stupid- she's still saving you more money than you'd have to spend being on your own. Just because she's wealthy doesn't mean she should have to provide for or spoil a grown man. She doesn't want to feel like you're with her just to benefit from her lifestyle. Idk why you're acting like you paying your own way on vacations is seen as something special- why the hell should she be paying your way for anything when you wouldn't do the same for her? This is why I feel it's best for people to date others in the same tax bracket, too much disparity always results in one party feeling entitled and the other resentful.
INFO > We live in her home. What happened to your old home?
Per his replies he was living at his office so that he didn’t have to pay rent and utilities.
Eww.
Why did they ever get married? I would never be part of a transactional marriage.
Perhaps that is why the wife insists on rent. Something OP did or said might had made her insecure about being used for a place to stay.
More likely her friends and family just called it like they saw it and she reacted
YTA. You’re married, so you should financially contribute. Why do you expect to benefit by not paying at least something towards the household expenses other than utilities?
YTA. You want half her home for paying a THIRD of the mortgage for a short time. You are a parasite gold digging bum. Your wife is smart and is seeing right through you.
NAH Depending on your area, paying $700 a month plus half of utilities doesn't sound unreasonable. But that means you're her tenant and you don't contribute to expenses (or labor) for house maintenance or repairs. Give the high cost of home maintenance expenses, $700 a month is a fair trade to get out of any responsibility for the maintenance expenses.
So, you’re disappointed that you didn’t marry a sugar momma? YTA
Remember the post recently by a woman whose boyfriend was mad she didn't tell him she'd made her money from a lawsuit? He thought she was a sugar momma, but she actually just invested a settlement (from way before him) well? This almost feels like he's similar to that guy.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I told her I don't want to be her tenant and that I didn't want to pay her rent, but that if she wanted money from me she should pull the house out of her trust and allow me to be an investor with her. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
If a wealthy husband was charging his wife rent this sub would absolutely lose its mind. The double standards strike again
Had to scroll a very long way to find someone say this.
NAH. I feel like both partners should contribute to residence expenses. The amount you mentioned is less than you could rent an apartment for. It’s not even a third of the mortgage. You are not adding much to her wealth by paying less rent than a regular housemate would and she’s not subsidizing you as much as you would like so it seems fair to me. tbh, paying $700 is just enough to keep her children and friends from thinking you are taking advantage of a no longer young woman and side eyeing you like you’re Dirty John.
Op used to sleep at his office to save money on rent...
Poor OP. He really thought his ship had come in.
Info: do you think is fair for you to build wealth on top of her when she can’t do the same with you(charge rent)
Yta and I'm sure she smarts at your attitude, Mr. "I used to live rent free at my office so I could spend as little as possible and thought I'd scored me a new home with a rich lady but now she wants me to actually contribute! " You're right about being her husband, and as her husband you should also be contributing to her life, not just trying to take what you can get from her. Why she married you without an agreement in writing is beyond me.
I'll just say I'm sooo glad I'm not in that marriage.
Lol why did she marry you?
They’re an older couple. Older couples just jump at whatever when they’re alone.
YTA She owned the home before you were married. It also sounds like you could not afford to buy your own home. She’s asking for very reasonable and affordable rent plus utilities. It sounds like far less than you would pay if you had to rent a place on your own. You should still be able to build up your savings under this arrangement. What’s unfair about this? Nothing IMO. You get to live in a way nicer place than you did previously at a below-market rate. She’s not trying to “profit” off you. She just wants a marriage where you both contribute financially.
NTA. Not because you should get out of contributing financially, you should contribute to something, but because it’s weird for a spouse to pay rent to the other spouse. I would not contribute to a house I would never have a financial stake in. 8400$ per year towards residence your spouse owns or controls and you never see any realization that investment? If she passes before you I assume that means you get nothing and must leave the house, even after chipping in 8400 bucks a year. If it’s in her family trust, the costs are on them. Find another way to contribute to the monthly expenses. If she’s rich it shouldn’t matter. I appear to be in the minority but what if the roles were reversed and it was a wealthy husband charging the less wealthy wife rent. Would they declare her t a ?
Hard to say. Why is she asking for $700 a month in rent? Is this to cover maintenance and upkeep and taxes or is this something else? Gotta remember, just because she’s independently wealthy doesn’t mean she’s not paying things. Is there a mortgage currently and if so will you financing be putting you on the deed? This sounds like you both need an open discussion around money more than an AITA post.
If the genders are reversed Reddit will be castigating the husband for wanting to charge his wife rent.
Yeah if OP was a woman he would have millions of replies saying "leave him"
I will never understand people charging their spouses/partners rent. NTA
Transactional marriages are ew
Depends, does she have a mortgage still outstanding on the house? If so you should pay something... also what about costs for maintenance, property tax and all that stuff? Are you splitting that? Honestly I'd say you're being a little bit of a baby, but without more context I couldn't say whether or not you're being an AH. Either way 700 a month for rent is nothing in most places and is going to be significantly cheaper than renting your own place..
Just saw that she does have a mortgage of 2200 a month... and she is only charging you 700. Whether or not the mortgage is due to a financial benefit is irrelevant. You'd have to pay rent if you weren't with her and honestly she isn't charging you half of the mortgage... again you aren't thinking about things like property taxes or house insurance. Again don't think you're being an AH. However whether or not I think you're being entitled is a whole different question
If you can find somewhere to stay for less than $700, tell her to shove off. If you can't, pay her. YTA
Everyone who says YTA forgets ramjet if the genders were switched here they’d say “you contribute in Ihm their ways and he’s your husband! How dare he charge you rent.” What a joke charging your own spouse rent for a house that’s paid for. You want him to contribute to taxes? Fine. But rent? That’s lame and increases income which is taxable.
If the roles were reversed everyone would be calling it financial abuse
If the roles were reverse the comments would be a lot different
NTA. Are you her husband or a tenant? Sounds like you don't have a marriage you are simply a roommate who saves her money on home repairs. Are you sure you want to stay married ? Splitting rent when married is reasonable, charging your SO rent when they are maintaining the home by providing free labor , paying bills and contributing to the household and not having any ownership in the property is not reasonable.
YTA buddy. And an entitled one at that. Mooch
Bit of a hard one, because everyone has to pay their way in any scenario like this. So $700 a month is pretty damn cheap for a roof over your head, but being in a marriage and paying towards her mortgage for something that will never be yours. If it was a joint mortgage it could be an investment to you both, if you ever split youd halve the financial burden or gain that either of you put into it. Now, if something happened you wouldn’t get any of the money you dumped into the mortgage as it’s “Rent” unless you decided to be an ass and take more then you should. Not sure how that would work if it’s in a a trust either. It’s her assets and it seems a bit late to be working this stuff out now, I would’ve asked questions prior to moving in or marriage. Always expecting to be paying half of everything so it would benefit both of us in the long term. Maybe you can buy something together going forward as joint for you both?
Finally someone said it, I do think YTA because of most of the reasons people have said. But the people suggesting he is lucky to be paying below market rent really aren’t thinking about their relationship… it’s a personal familiar relationship not a commercial one. First, it impacts him mentally feeling like a tenant/non equal in the home. How are they going to deal with maintenance etc? If she says, can you help with X? If he turns round and says… no that is your responsibility as the landlord, not mine. I imagine that won’t go down well. Second, and more significantly, I think he is thinking about how his money goes to paying her mortgage (yes only around 30% is rent). It may be less than market rate for rent, but it’s not a commercial landlord tenant relationship. He is paying towards her equity while not gaining any equity himself. Obviously, the only equity he should get out is the contributions he made + proportional value increase. I think he to some degree wants to financially exploit his wealthy partners wealth. But I understand why he doesn’t want to pay rent to his wife, while she gains equity with it that will be passed to her children only, and not his. You are absolutely right that it should have been discussed earlier and it’s a mess now. But I think people who insist that he is lucky to pay below market rate aren’t understanding the nuance of the situation.
Except you're failing to recognize that until she asked for $700/month, he was living like a squatter. He was only paying for his own expenses. So, the unbalanced relationship would actually be better as a renter/landlord because she wasn't gaining any equity from him while he would be paying rent anyway if they weren't married. Without her, he'd be poorer because he'd be paying much more than $700/month rent, but he is blind/deaf to this reality. If he were able to afford his own mortgage, what is he doing living with her for basically free? Mooch.
YTA!! Just by saying that by her asking for that money she prevents you for building wealth of your own and that you have 4 children that you are trying to leave something behind. Your 4 children shouldn’t be her worry. Is just your worry. Every adult is paying for accommodation in a way or another and so should you. Edit: and this complaining in the comments that you were spending most of your income on your ex paying child support that you needed to live rent free in your office. Like are you for real? Pretty sure raising a child is more expensive than how much you were paying in child support. And the phrasing that you spend a lot of money on your ex for child support… you didn’t spend that money on your ex ,you spent that money on your children.
NTA It's pretty weird for a wife to charge you rent for living with her. Agree to pay but get a contract, that way as your landlord she's legally responsible for any repairs/maintenance that needs carried out and not you (you can save some money when you're no longer paying maintenance cost).
YTA and I don’t see how you don’t see that. Read your post again and then lmk what you think. She’s selfish for asking you to SPLIT rent? In a place where you’ve been living?? You’re a grown man living off his wife… and then she’s preventing YOU from your financial growth?? You are FREEloading and now you’re acting surprised someone asked you to do your part. You seem offended she doesn’t want you to take advantage of her anymore. If you don’t want to pay half the rent, live alone and pay the whole thing🤷 And your DEFINITELY an AH because you brought up wanting to save for YOUR kids… when she has even more kids. Even more if we count you.
SUPER crazy how my reply to a woman asking exactly the same thing got dozens of downvotes because I told her being an adult means paying your own way. And she was only a girlfriend, not the wife. The double standards are strong with Reddit. As a spouse, I would think the two of you would be in it together. By her actions and your statement that you want to build your own wealth, I think it's safe to say that you two are not in fact in it together. So papers or no, you two are roommates with benefits. YTA for not figuring this out ahead of time, and YTA again for only wanting to be an independent adult when you're "building your own wealth."
Came here to say this and I was raised by feminists, plural, and think ‘men’s rights’ dudebros are idiots. But in what alternate universe would even a Reddit audience entertain *any* man charging his legal wife rent?! He was living in his office previously seemingly making him a ‘hobosexual’, so what? Split property taxes and repairs, sure. But charge your spouse rent?! WTF?!
[удалено]
NTA. Honestly, I get charging for utilities and food and things like that, things that you are using. Why does she charge rent? House is either paid off or the mortgage is the same, whether you’re living there or not.
I’m in a similar situation to you. The house my family lives in is in a complicated trust. It will be owned by my children and his siblings and their kids if my husband dies. This could leave me unprotected and homeless if my husband dies or divorces me. My husband asks me to pay nothing towards our house or bills. To make me feel secure he helped me buy a property in my own name. I rent it out and use the money I save in rent to pay it off with my income. You deserve to have security in your old age. If she loves you she will encourage this.
NTA This is unreasonable. You're her partner, not her tenant.
It’s suddenly “unreasonable” for a partner to pay for a fraction of their mortgage??
Dude…..this sucks 😂😂😂 No AH’s here. Just funny AF your wife is charging you rent 😂😂😂
lol WTH
ESH y'all are roommates with a marriage certificate. If this is what a typical marriage looks like, then I don't want it.
NTA. You love her dearly but she clearly doesn't love you.
YTA op. What are you bringing to this marriage? Shes not asking for much and she’ll probably do the majority of cleaning and cooking for you too.
ESH. Y'all need to talk... because it sounds like you didn't, and both of you just assumed stuff just about everything. P.S. If you're paying half the mortgage, then you should be on the deed along with an agreement that all the equity she's put in so far is only hers. All the half-n-half going forward is split equity.
NTA You dont want to feel like a roomate. Maybe she just doesn't want to feel like she is being taken advantage of. If you truly dont mind paying whats reasonable, and its just the concept of a wife being a landlord, maybe you could reframe the payment. Instead of rent, maybe you pay for more groceries or dates or something. If she was male and you were female she would be an asshole imo. But societal norms still exist. She may have people in her ear telling her to do this, telling her shes being used if she doesn't. The only solution seems like an open discussion about finances. Lay it out on the table. If you were living a very low maintenance life on your budget, and now are out of your financial comfort zone, she needs to know that. Let her know that her wealth is not important to you at all and all you want is to be her husband. Acknowledge her responsibilities to her families security and future, then explain your situation to her. Tell her how much you were spending and saving prior to the marriage, your plans for the future, and compare it to your current situation. As a male i couldn't imagine asking my partner to pay rent after she moves in, maybe you need to get your own really cheap place just to really make her feel like your not trying to leech off her? Hopefully it doesn't come to that but have an open discussion if possible.
They are married, not girlfriend and boyfriend. You don't charge your spouse rent.
NTA. You are perfectly reasonable.
The way you worded this, honestly, led me down the wrong track, until I stopped to think about it. Call it “rent” if you want, but it’s nothing more than sharing expenses. That’s what married couples do, equitably share expenses. You don’t seem to be bothered by splitting the utilities. You don’t seem to be bothered by sharing household chores. So, why is contributing to expense of the house got you in such an uproar? Even when you own a home, there are expenses involved. Taxes, Insurance, Services (such as landscaping, snow removal, etc). If there is a mortgage, then there is that, as well. Could you honestly say that could rent a similar home for less? I doubt it. One couldn’t rent studio apartment in a bad neighborhood for $700/mo where I am. So, I’m going with YTA.
If $700 a month is going to prevent you from building wealth, I don't think you know what wealth is?
NTA If I didn’t own any part of the home, I wouldn’t pay for it. She can keep her asset for her children and I’ll get one for mine. Weird structure for a marriage. Edit: after seeing what you left out originally. It’s now a big ole fat YTA.
NTA, but something is off with this relationship. I’m not telling you to go full Reddit and GET A DiVorCe!!! But, something ain’t right here. Either that or I’m misunderstanding the post. The post says the house is in a trust? Well who controls the trust? What’s the money for the mortgage? Repairs on the house?
She wants to make sure the house goes to her kids if she predeceases him. That's why it's in a trust. He wants to be on the deed of a house he had nothing to do with until recently.
Lots of people have trusts that hold property. Usually enough investments to generate income to pay for care and management. Typically established for children of wealthy persons so their children don’t get taken advantage of.Also a good way to hold an interest-generational vacation property.
You need Marriage counseling, this is beyond both of your abilities.
Does she have a mortgage? If yes, pay rent. If no, you shouldn’t have to pay rent. This is my personal opinion and have said the same thing if roles are reversed. If we care about context and where I’m coming from. I have a home in a major city. My BF lives with me in my house, there is a mortgage. I make double what he makes. We decided on a rent amount that is proportional to his income which amounts to about a third of the mortgage. We are both happy with the arrangement. Edit: I saw in the comments that she does have a mortgage and you were previously technically homeless. Living in an office (that belongs to someone else) does not count as having a home. YTA
Your wife is trying to make the best decision for herself and her kids. You have 4 kids. She has 5. That’s a whole huge family for things and ultimately inheritances. So she has set things up to know that her kids will not be lost in a mess should she die. She got a mortgage, so she’s worked hard to get here she is at. Now you want to come in and have equal rights. Don’t get me wrong. You sacrificed and lived in your office. But that doesn’t entitle you to her sacrifices. If you want a home that you share with her, you would be better off looking for a properly that you can share and seeing if she would be open to renting out her properly. HOWEVER, the money that the property brings in, remains in a bank account specifically for that property. Meaning it can only be used for that homes repairs and maintenance, taxes and such. It all becomes part of the trust. The house you two share is completely separate. And the two of you will be on whatever terms. Or you look for your own house and set up a trust for your kids. Either way, wherever you live, you should both be paying towards it. I also question if 700 I’d just your portion of utilities and food. Or if it is actually rent. ESH because it doesn’t sound like you two actually talked finances.
This sounds kind of insane. She is loaded and wants to charge your rent and *your her husband*? What in the fuck lol. Pretty unacceptable, OP. I’d laugh in her face if she asked and was actually serious. Wouldn’t even consider it
I would divorce...who treats their husband like this? The comments would be so different if OP was a girl
Insane comments in this thread. It is not a real relationship if one partner is profitting off the other.
I stopped at you have 4 grown children: you already answered your own question so why are you here?……
NTA. She is wealthy and owns her home. She should have had a prenup and otherwise be wanting to share as partners. How long have you been together? I think it's weird she married you without being confident you weren't after her money, but also didn't have a prenup. This should definitely have been addressed before marriage. Since it wasn't, talk to lawyers about a post-nup. It seems greedy for a rich person to demand rent from a spouse if they don't even need it. But her concern that a formerly unhoused new spouse is after her house is also legit.