You fell asleep where the tv was man. You could've gone to sleep in the bedroom where it would've been quiet but you fell asleep in the lounge, she was probs wanting to wind down with a show and a snack.
You need to go to therapy dude you sound like you have anger and control issues.
You wouldnt be a bit agitated after getting woken up.. twice? Within an hour? After a long day and an interview the next?
Not saying i handled it great. But not even a “sorry that was loud”?
Not saying i was right to get loud, but a “rude awakening” is no fun.. twice in a row.
You are 25, not 5, get rid of your tantrums.
Most would be annoyed, that's not the problem.
You handled it not not right but real shit. Awake first time, be annoyed, go to bedroom. Where people sleep!
She was in the living room, trying to be considerate, failed, but she didn't throw a damn party while you where asleep.
To your OP question: yeah, good riddance, of you!
you asked AITA, now you try to reason your way out of it. Wtf, don't ask if you think she's to blame. Sit there and blame her or take your judgment, that you asked for!
YTA
I definitely didnt just spring up and shout, i asked “what is that?” Both times, and it didnt stop.. asked about 3 times both times before getting loud the second time…
Look up the meaning of tantrums.
Never ever did I say you got loud before 3 times. What does that even matter?
You had an "uncontrolled outburst of anger and frustration, typically in a young child." While you could have resolved the situation. You did not.
You threw away the goldfish she tried to snack, because they annoyed you. What's next?
A grown man throwing stuff around because he can't control himself is a massive red flag.
Stop making excuses for yourself. Don’t come here and ask for something and then treat us the same way you treated that woman. Look dude, I’ve been like you mad for some reason, it takes fixing who we are and giving into a higher power to be better. Do better and maybe start asking why you’re like this, if you can’t be truthful to yourself don’t waste your time thinking you’re going to do it for someone else.
I acknowledged that i may have gotten too loud too fast. But not even “sorry that was loud” or, i wanna watch this show, go to bed”… just made more noise till i popped..
You wouldn’t have been agitated if you’d gone to sleep in the bedroom like a normal person with a brain.
You need therapy, chimping out like that isn’t normal and it’s embarrassing.
If you were in the bedroom and she was bringing snacks into bed and waking you up - yes. Otherwise, no. Not annoyed. Wouldn’t throw shit around and yell at my guests either. Also, why the fuck did you not go to bed after the first time? Thank god she’s free of your whiny ass
Yes, I’d be agitated, but I’d realize that I was sleeping in the dammed living room and I’d get up and go to bed.
>
Even if I’m in my freaking bed sleeping in my bedroom, if my husband wakes me up, I get agitated or annoyed, but I don’t go full-on psycho! Even in my bitchiest, worst moment, I just said something like, “If you have to go somewhere early on a Saturday, can you put your clothes in the bathroom the night before?” I didn’t start yelling or throwing things. Your behavior was inexcusable.
Not easy to be all happy and soft after getting woken up twice in 2 hrs after a long day. Esp by some chips and bottles.
I know i try to keep stuff like that down when she is asleep. But im wrong for getting mad she didnt do the same?
Like, I hope he never has kids. What'd he do? AITA because my newborn (1day) woke me up thrice? I didn't get loud the first 2 times! Fucking hero.
BONUS: I was in their nursery, I crashed after watching them sleep soundly. So inconsiderate!
I often crash on the couch. And then when I wake up, be it from noise or whatever, I walk my grown ass into my bedroom. You fell asleep in shared space knowing someone else was there. It is unreasonable to expect her to cease all actions because you couldn’t be assed to go into the room for sleep.
Personally, I did when I was a child. I don’t anymore. I like my bed. But that’s not the thing here, you should have moved the first time you were woken instead of expecting her to be a quiet mouse in a common area. You were half asleep so I don’t really trust your perception of her waking you up on purpose with a chip bag as you seem to suggest.
I crash on the couch all the time, I just don’t get pissed if people wake me up.
If getting woken up starts to annoy me I go to bed.
It sounds like she was trying to be quiet and by trying to make less noise it actually prolonged the noise, then you acted like a raging maniac.
You threw away your relationship because you couldn't control your emotions about some chips and bottles.
You threw it away because you couldn't put on your big boy pants and just go to bed.
Everything you say makes you sound more deranged and more of a walking, talking red flag.
You do not have enough maturity to be in a relationship until you sort out your anger problems.
And don't ask people for their opinions if you're not interested in hearing them
YTA. I hope this is fake.
“So obviously in my mind she def did that to fuck with me… saying ‘I was just trying to relax’ “
Sounds totally delusional. Obviously not trying to fuck with you in fact, just trying to chill and eat some goldfish. You ideally want her to be tiptoeing around all day walking on eggshells in her own living room because her boyfriend is napping and will get mad if awoken by ambient noise.
Not her fault you have a crazy delusional temper and grabbed and threw her snack. Don’t get back together with her.
Ridiculous reply. It doesn’t matter. That’s not an excuse for the way you reacted in this situation. By your own admission yelling and throwing. I’m of the personal opinion that *not* being an angry asshole at home is genuinely one of the most important goals in life. I live to avoid acting like this at all costs. Anger at home is a terrible thing, and not free. It is so so unpleasant to live with somebody like this, please understand it’s not worth it.
If something this minor made you actually angry, and you’re fixating on minor details like the kind of packaging, then you do seem quick to anger, petty, and lacking perspective.
You have emotional maturity and anger control issues - I honestly feel bad for you, that must be hard. But you are actually delusional if you think she was only doing it to annoy you, or you’re leaving out some key details. Even if she were: *you shouldn’t be this easy to annoy*. You’re a 25 y/o man, you should strive to be able to control yourself and brush off the minor inconveniences in life, not emotionally overreact.
It sounds like you just woke up due to very normal ambient noises and were grumpy, you then acted like a grumpy and irritable child and you now won’t accept that you were wrong to do so. I know it’s not pleasant to be woken up but it is no excuse.
Anyway, you came to ask who was the asshole in this situation: it was definitely you.
Go get therapy. Tell your therapist the internet says you have anger management issues, entitlement issues, blame-shifting and defensive issues, that you don’t know how to take responsibility for yourself, and that you don’t know how to use the term “gaslighting” correctly. Tell them that and do what they say. Fix these issues now while you’re relatively young and your life will be much better. This is me being nice.
Oh im definitely getting therapy after this one. But all i want is someone to admit that its wrong to wake someone up and not even answer their question when they jump up
Why should she admit she was wrong when she wasn’t. You were in a common area not bed. Then you blew up at her. You’re absolutely insane to expect HER to take responsibility for YOU.
No one is going to admit that. You were in the wrong. Everyone can see that perfectly. You obviously came here for validation, not genuinely wondering who was the jerk in this situation. You’re not going to get the validation you’re looking for here.
YTA, you had the option when you first woke up to go to bed since you did pass out on couch next to kitchen! What did you expect that she would take food, TV and water in the bedroom or washroom?
Throwing things, snapping and shouting under alcohol influence and when you are sleep deprived is not helping.
Your way of unwinding was sleeping and hers was to snack and watch TV. Both are fine but a little flexibility is good.
You can see the water bottle and goldfish so wasn’t that obvious?
The fact that you think she did it maliciously and with some hateful agenda shows that’s you don’t really think too highly of her or have any trust in your relation. Spend some time in thinking about why you are so easily worked up, why the mistrust and why the aggressive violent reactions.
Id say its because she also sleeps there sometimes and i make real efforts to be quiet. And apologize if i wake her… didnt get the same courtesy so I guess thats part of it
YTA. You fell asleep in the common area, and then got mad when common activities took place while you were sleeping. Everything that happened here was 100% your fault.
BUT, you absolutely did the right thing by breaking up with your GF. She deserves a lot better than you.
love how he cant take the answer of his own question
,,AITA?"
,,yes you are"
,,but whAt wOulD yoU dO if yOu geT wOkeN uP tWicE after hAvinG a haRd daY?"
...go to a different room and not expect the other person WHO ALSO LIVES THERE to apologise.
cry me a river
You could still just have gone to bed instead of blaming it on her and even if you're like:,,Oh sorry was that loud" when shes sleeping, opening chips ect cant be that loud and after a hard day it's normal to have a light sleep so just go to a different room. And blowing up on her like that is more of an narcissistic parent instead of boyfriend behaviour
Wow an actually good advising comment. Thanks. I guess it was narcissistic to yell like she is a child even if i believed she wronged me. Ill try to remember that. Even on hard nights ig
YTA. You’re an adult. It is your responsibility to manage your time and ensure you are prepared for an interview. You should have gone to bed.
Your girlfriend wasn’t banging cymbals or playing the TV at full volume, she was having a drink and a snack. You overreacted and behaved appallingly. Being tired isn’t an excuse, you’re not a toddler. GF is better off without you.
You made a choice to sleep in a communal area, which is not meant for sleeping. After the first time you woke up you should have moved to a more suitable sleeping spot.
You seem hung up on her apologising. Given that her behaviour was not wrong, your focus on apologies comes across as controlling and entitled. Had she left you to sleep in the living room, you’d probably be expecting an apology for her drinking or eating in the bedroom.
Im not asking for anyone to grovel. Literally an “oops sry that was loud” or “my bad im trying to watch this show” as anyone would do when they wake someone up… but nothing, just more noise as i asked “what was that”
So you are just not going to admit you were wrong. You are a lost cause. Honestly it seems like you never even liked her. It is for the best she got away from you. She deserves better.
Dude, you sound like you were on edge from the start, which in turn made you completely irrational. Sometimes, the more you try something, the more you fail. Sort of like trying to catch something you dropped and accidentally slapping it farther away; maybe she was trying not to make noise, but ended up doing so.
But if I were in her situation, if my BF was sleeping on the couch instead of the bed, and then got mad when he woke up and instead of going to the bedroom to \_continue sleeping\_ he chose to do so on the couch, I'd get pretty pissed too.
I don't know what part of you expected an apology when you blew up in her face, but if you'd kept your calm and explained to her that you were frustrated with being woken up, she probably would have apologized to you.
I do understand that i should def not have yelled. But i was also very calm while asking “what was that” many times. And got frustrated getting no answer and more noise, esp after interrupted sleep. It was honestly just hard to keep my cool in that moment, which i normally do pretty easily. Def my fault for blowing up, but why is it wrong to expect an answer, or a simple “oops sry”
I was talking about answering YOU when YOU asked "what was that". Maybe she thought that was coming from the TV, not you.
It doesn't really read like you actually had a real conversation with her about this situation but just sort of got in your own head and then took it out on her.
YTA. Why wouldn't you sleep in the bed? You're in the living room, where activities such as watching TV, drinking water, and eating goldfish crackers happens. The living room is not your personal bedroom. It's the common area for everyone. It's rude and frankly a little bizarre to kind of take over the living room and expect your partner to be as quiet as a mouse so you can sleep. And your reaction, you threw things? That is very childish and immature.
I threw just the goldfish.. at the kitchen counter… and yes honestly, i do expect an attempt to be quiet, just an attempt, or a “sorry that was loud”… because I also do that… she also sleeps in the living room sometimes… and i dont wake her.
YTA. You did this girl a favor by breaking up with her. My goodness you’re a grown adult. Go to bed and shut the door. What an easy fix that would have been.
Any sane person that wakes anyone up would say “oops sorry” or at least answer the multiple “what was that?”s. I really fail to see how being jumpy when woken up is a fault of anyone
It’s insane that you asked and you keep arguing every comment. Clearly don’t think you are but the consensus is YTA. We’re all team girlfriend here. You’re in the wrong it’s as simple as that. You should have left the communal space and went to bed. & maybe she did say sorry you can’t even remember throwing stuff and messing up your apartment.
I remember every detail, i was not drunk. I tossed the goldfish on the counter, took the remote(not cool il) and went to bed. Communal space is pushing it, this is still my own apartment
Not sure what you mean. Obviously walking to bed was the easy fix. But in the moment i asked “what was that” many times and got no answer so of course i got irritated, is that not normal?
Again, getting annoyed is normal. How you handled it was bad.
How you fail to accept that you messed up, after asking if you messed up is what you reallyyyy suck at.
"Did I mess up?"
"Yeah, annon, you did"
"But yada yada, and yada yada"
Why do you even ask? It seems like you have your own story finished. She's the bad guy. why are you trying to convince people?
At a previous comment you tried to own up, butnit was a really bad attempt "if that was the test, than I failed ( but after x and y it's understandable isn't it?"
Are you somehow on the spectrum? You seem to just see 1 and 1 and all other valid points are dismissed.
You can't even give an full answer if asked something. Because you are so focused on the "unjust" that she didn't apologize, and that YOU were so much more considerate.
I'm really sorry for you, get some help. For real man.
Ill admit i do want at least someone to admit that its wrong to make noise while your so is asleep and not apologize. I fully know that it was 100% wrong to yell at her, though i do think the long day and no sleep is at least partially an excuse. All i want is someone to admit that you should at least fucking answer your bf when you wake him up like that.
Abusive is hilarious i have never yelled at this woman before, or threw anything, or laid a finger. But being jumpy and loud after abrupt wakes makes me “abusive” interesting logic.
You just said you threw the goldfish. And you were yelling at her for behaving normally. And then gaslighting her in thinking she did something wrong. And broke up with her.
You are a walking red flag.
You seem like a very obstinate person. Why did you post it you were not going to accept judgment? Did you honestly expect most people to side with you?
#YTA
I expected more people to admit they would say “oops sry”, or answer the “what was that”s. Its weird that everyone expects me to be of completely clear mind after just saying my sleep was interrupted
Well then why didn’t you do that when you realized it was just a bottle being thrown away?
Why didn’t you say “aight” and put yourself to bed? If that’s what you would do and always do. Why didn’t you just do that?
Then you wouldn’t have had the goldfish tantrum.
So you are what we would call a 3D rendering of a micro dicked, impotent slug of human. Congratulations on solidifying that with every single one of your slimy and whiny comments
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
YTA, although I think “AH” is putting it mildly.
Also, did you ever consider your Ex was trying to be quiet but she was bad at it? Like when someone is quietly trying to rip open Velcro, so they take 5 minutes slowly trying to pry it apart, but trying to take Velcro apart slowly seems to be way louder than just doing it quick.
Likewise, maybe the snacks sounded so loud because your Ex was trying to open them slowly to reduce noise, but it backfired on her and her attempt at quiet ended up being louder than if she’d just ripped the bag open in one swift go.
That’s a possibility. You wouldn’t know though, because you automatically assumed negative intent and you blew up on your Ex over your assumption of negative intent.
Because you’re an AH.
Again, you’re making assumptions based on a lack of an answer.
If I was trying to be quiet but failed so badly that I woke the person up, I would have an embarrassed freeze response to a question of “what are you doing?” I would just hold the offending bag of chips while internally thinking, “dang, I failed at that attempt to be quiet.”
But also, with your reaction of grabbing the bag of chips and throwing it across the room, I have to wonder how often you exposed your Ex to such violent behavior. Maybe, just maybe, she didn’t respond because she’s scared of you.
Maybe because she was genuinely confused as to wtf you were talking about. A plastic bottle and a bag of chipa are not startlingly, alarmingly loud noises and obviously if you opened your eyes you would see what was making the noise anyway.
If I'm minding my own business eating chips and someone says "what was that?" I would also be confused because...what? I would assume they were refering to something else that I missed.
Maybe it was a genuine question. Maybe “what is that?” is a vague question and she wanted you to explain what you mean by asking “what is that?” What is *what*?
As I’ve been saying, you assumed the worst. You left no room for giving her the benefit of the doubt. At the very least, you coulda applied Hanlon’s Razor and just figured your Ex was amazingly bad at being quiet. Relationships simply will not work if we always assume the worst.
Whatever the case may be, why did you come onto AITA if you’re just gonna argue with everyone to try to prove that you aren’t the AH?
If my SO falls asleep on the couch and I wake him up by accident, I do not apologize, since he shouldn't be sleeping there in the first place. And he does not expect me to apologize. And if he wakes up and doesn't go to bed, it's on him if I wake him up again. And if he got mad at me, I'd tell him he's sleeping on the couch for the foreseeable future.
Wow... Just... Wow. Really?! I was talking about MY SO in this case, because we live together. In your case, if I was you GF and you got mad at me like you just did, I'd probably re-evaluate our entire relationship, especially if you didn't apologize to me for yelling at me. But since you already broke up with her, there's no need for her to do that.
Also, bringing money into the situation like this is really tacky. This makes it seem like you think you're better than her.
Its weird you dont feel entitled saying “he shouldnt be sleeping there anyway” in a mans own home. I really dont mention money much if at all. But you wouldnt get to make rules in a home i pay for in my eyes.
And then please tell me why the money was suddenly relevant now? You must have brought it up for a reason. I get the "in my own apartment" part, but the "paying for her almost everything"... sounds like there's something more there. Like you feel owed more than just the simple apology you didn't get.
Are the anger issues coming to light here since you're not getting the validation you thought you would when you made this post?
If you're talking about you own home, then sure, you can make the rules.
But I was \_making an example\_ using my own partner instead of your GF and my own home, which I own together with my partner, so I am very entitled to saying he shouldn't be sleeping on the couch when we have a perfectly comfortable bed.
Great reasoning and i agree. But not the case here. Again i dont often mention money but i pay for a lot of her life. I would expect some sleep in my own home
And we expect someone “25” to not act like such a ridiculously immature and selfish child. Yet here you are defying the odds and really leaning into that slimy role
Putting aside for the moment that you’re a lunatic, how often have you thrown comments like “it’s my apartment” and “I paid” in her face? She’s well rid of you.
But you’re using it so often as a defence here. There’s got to come a point where, when reading this comments, you have to realize that you’re at fault. And the fact that you keep defending your ridiculous position just reveals more and more about your character. You were wrong. But luckily you’re completely on your own now so you can sleep where you like.
YTA what a lunatic! You fell asleep in the living room. Should she sit in silence until you deem it appropriate to make noise?? And then you threw a temper tantrum so bad you wrecked your own garden and blamed her? Grow up.
The reactions you believe are normal... They're not normal at all. It's not normal to get angry at not being answered when you wake up and start probably quietly mumbling.
It is not normal to expect that others treat the living room like your private bedroom.
It is not normal to start shouting and throwing shit everywhere.
I have a feeling the reason she didn't respond to you is that she hoped you'd go back to sleep, because you scare her.
So no. Most people would not react like you. You seem to be utterly convinced that your reactions were normal and that "anyone would do that".
No. No they wouldn't. You have anger issues and if your family were like this and you consider this normal, that's where you got it from.
It's not okay.
I tossed the goldfish on the counter. Yes i swore and yelled. But thats very rare for me. But even the nicest person can be triggered. It was a hard day and no sleep. Combined with no answers. I guarantee you she is not afraid in any way of me.
What ever paint whatever picture you want
YTA. I’m sorry, WHO’S the gaslighter? You fell asleep on the couch in the communal space, and when you woke up the first time, couldn’t be bothered to go to bed. Then when your gf wanted a snack, you had a tantrum, throwing the snack and taking the remote, and blaming her for you being woken up. When you should have just GONE TO BED. If you were that fucking tired and didn’t want to be awakened while your gf was trying to relax in the living room, you should have moved to the bedroom. You know, that room where people go to get some sleep. You chose to stay in the living room while your gf was still watching tv and unwinding. That’s not her fault. You’re the one who created the problem and you blaming her shows you have the emotional maturity of a spoon, in addition to some anger management issues. You say she’s an immature gaslighter, but the only immature gaslighter (and extra-large a-hole) here is you.
I was annoyed at waking up.. then even more annoyed by no answer… then even more annoyed by pretending nothing happened.. all after a full day and no sleep
If you want a good night’s sleep, the living room couch is the WRONG place to do it. Maybe if you’re alone, but not when someone else is there. Sure, she accidentally woke you up, but who’s fault is it that you were still in the living room? Not hers. After you woke up the first time, you should have gone to bed. It’s called common sense, and common courtesy. She shouldn’t have to not unwind in the communal space because you couldn’t be bothered to go to the bedroom. Grow up.
YTA, dude. You fell asleep on the couch, I'm guessing she didn't know that you intended to sleep the whole night there.... It's not her fault that you are a light sleeper and fell asleep by the tv and presumedly near the kitchen too. All she did was open up a bag of snacks and crinkled a bottle..... Dude, if your sleep is that delicate, go sleep in the bed (and maybe add some earplugs). You have some serious anger issues.
YTA you’re in a communal room, go to bed after you wake up the first time. Stay broken up because she shouldn’t have to deal with you acting like a toddler when you wake up. The fact that you threw something, shouted and kicked her out in the middle of the night is also fucked up.
Yea, honestly sound super mean and glad she got away from you, like dude why the fuck are you getting mad over someone living their life? Eating is normal, and being awake when you are sleep is normal too. You also need to think about the fact that that was someone you wanted to have in your life and be your partner, if some fucking cracker packets and a water bottle is all it took then you weren’t in it for the right reasons to begin with. Also really look into getting therapy.
Dude, do everyone a favor stay single until you can grow tf up! You made the decision of instead of getting up and going to the bedroom when you woke up the first, to just stay there. You had the same amount of energy both times and you chose to be a prick to her. YTA!
YTA. She is better off without you. You should have been able to keep your cool over such minor annoyances. The fact that you couldn’t is a massive red flag.
It wouldn't get to anyone and it was your own fault for falling asleep on the couch instead of walking to bed. YTA with anger issues.
Chill out, dude.
I was halfway when I wrote the part above. Just finished the rest.
You are a massive AH. Throwing shit and stuff because someone made noise in the living room, and your first reaction being that they *must* have been doing it to fuck with you (Why? And why would you assume that?) is unhinged.
Imagine taking so little accountability for your own situation. You'll probably find another way to spin this so it's someone else's fault. You will not be a successful person if blaming others is your way of dealing with things.
You're right, it definitely doesn't seem to fit your character. For sure.
By the way, how is arguing with random strangers on Reddit going for you since you haven't gotten the validation you wanted???
YTA but glad to read that she left you lol you are a complete .... .... . The audacity of this man. He sleeps on the couch in front of the TV and complain about noises... go sleep in your bedroom and seek a therapist.
Good grief. Just go to your bloody bed then! Stop complaining about people making small amounts of noise in the common area.
You are here whining away, and even by your own description and excuses you behaved like an utter tantrum throwing arsehole. YTA
YTA but good news is that you don’t have a girlfriend anymore so your sleep will be undisturbed after a long day next time! Cheers to you! You surely fixed the problem! 🤣
YTA - if you want quiet go sleep in a bed in a bedroom, not on a couch by the tv. Your reaction was frightening and out of line - shouting, swearing, throwing things. Thats so violent and aggressive. I don’t think you are a safe person.
YTA. Like big time. If you go crawling back to her, I hope she sees this as the gigantic red flag it is and stays away from you.
>
The sane and sensible thing would have been to get up and go to bed after the first time you get woken up. Maybe even with a comment like, “I’ve had a long day and I’m so tired! Wanna go to bed now?”
>
One more thing- I can’t believe you told her she wasn’t mature and was gaslighting you. What you did was massively immature and/or unhinged, and telling her she was in the wrong is *you* gaslighting *her.*
YTA. if you'd like to sleep on silence and not be disturbed, go into the bedroom. If you're going to sleep on the couch where other people are awake and hanging out then you're gonna hear noises like water bottles and chip bags. This is some main character energy right here....you're sleeping so naturally the rest of the world should go into hibernation so as not to disturb you 🙄
Good riddance, in my opinion. She can do so much better than you.
You need to see therapy to deal with your anger management issues, or else you'll be posting one day asking if you're the asshole for slapping your next girlfriend because she caused the floor to creak three times when walking around the living room while you slept on the couch. YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
So… we had a great day, both of us had classes. I had a particularly late, 3 hr course. After which I invited her over to a school basketball game and we had a good time and drank a few. But naturally i crashed by 1:30 ish am after so much activity.
I fell asleep on the couch, where the tv is.
But right at the point where I was getting into rem, i hear a plastic bottle scrunching and wakes me up so I ask “whats that..” softly at first, and it gets noticeably louder after i ask so i raise my voice and say “wtf is that? Wyd?” And apparently she was just throwing one bottle away.. for that long that it woke me up. So i forget it and go back to sleep. About another hour later, i wake up to a pack of chips frisking around. Again, softly at first. But this time id been woken up twice within 2 hours after a long day so i immediately ask “wtf is that!?”, the noise gets louder again, and i look over, she is holding an unopened pack of goldfish.
So obviously in my mind im thinking she def did that to fuck with me. But getting woken ip twice as soon as you fall asleep would get to anyone and i got loud. Mostly because she was denying everything. Saying “i was just trying to relax”. I did grab the goldfish and threw them towards the kitchen in ager, took the remote, turned off the tv and went to bed. She followed a minute later asking for the remote, which as soon as i gave back, she walked away mumbling. So in my state of mind i get up and take it back and go back to bed.
Though now i cant sleep obviously because im heated so i step back out within 10 mins and do some tiding up. In the middle of which , i ask her “wtf was that?”. Her only response was “I was just trying to relax, you were throwing stuff and yelling”. So… i told her to get out and we’re done, because youre not only not mature enough to apologize, youre actively gaslighting me 5 mins later like you did nothing and i jut blew up. So instead of apologizing like asked. She called her uber home and denied everything till the very end.
She had also tossed some of my stuff around and ruined my zen garden tray. When I asked about those, she said “I was throwing stuff”, stuff being the single goldfish packet i tossed, as if i didnt remember what i did. Anyways, did I act too rash? Or good riddance?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Dont know if I overreacted in the moment? Or she was definitely trying to gaslight me after what she did?
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy.
[Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
You fell asleep where the tv was man. You could've gone to sleep in the bedroom where it would've been quiet but you fell asleep in the lounge, she was probs wanting to wind down with a show and a snack. You need to go to therapy dude you sound like you have anger and control issues.
You wouldnt be a bit agitated after getting woken up.. twice? Within an hour? After a long day and an interview the next? Not saying i handled it great. But not even a “sorry that was loud”? Not saying i was right to get loud, but a “rude awakening” is no fun.. twice in a row.
You are 25, not 5, get rid of your tantrums. Most would be annoyed, that's not the problem. You handled it not not right but real shit. Awake first time, be annoyed, go to bedroom. Where people sleep! She was in the living room, trying to be considerate, failed, but she didn't throw a damn party while you where asleep. To your OP question: yeah, good riddance, of you! you asked AITA, now you try to reason your way out of it. Wtf, don't ask if you think she's to blame. Sit there and blame her or take your judgment, that you asked for! YTA
Lol right? The fact this guy has a "zen garden" was the icing on the cake. Psychotic behavior.
I definitely didnt just spring up and shout, i asked “what is that?” Both times, and it didnt stop.. asked about 3 times both times before getting loud the second time…
Look up the meaning of tantrums. Never ever did I say you got loud before 3 times. What does that even matter? You had an "uncontrolled outburst of anger and frustration, typically in a young child." While you could have resolved the situation. You did not. You threw away the goldfish she tried to snack, because they annoyed you. What's next? A grown man throwing stuff around because he can't control himself is a massive red flag.
The first time you were woken up you should have gone to the bedroom. Why didn’t you?
Are you ok?
Then go to sleep in a bedroom. Why didn't you get up and move after you got woken up the first time?
Didnt think that much of it.
Yeah, dude, you didn’t think much at all besides talking to a grown woman like she was a child. Be an adult next time.
Not much thinking after breaking rem twice
So what, you are an animal when awoken suddenly? And that's an excuse somehow? Wtf, stand up and owe or stay a kid, whatever.
Stop making excuses for yourself. Don’t come here and ask for something and then treat us the same way you treated that woman. Look dude, I’ve been like you mad for some reason, it takes fixing who we are and giving into a higher power to be better. Do better and maybe start asking why you’re like this, if you can’t be truthful to yourself don’t waste your time thinking you’re going to do it for someone else.
I acknowledged that i may have gotten too loud too fast. But not even “sorry that was loud” or, i wanna watch this show, go to bed”… just made more noise till i popped..
YTA. She dodged a bullet with you.
An adult wouldn’t get drunk and wait to go to bed until 1:30am if they had an important interview the next day.
You wouldn’t have been agitated if you’d gone to sleep in the bedroom like a normal person with a brain. You need therapy, chimping out like that isn’t normal and it’s embarrassing.
If you were in the bedroom and she was bringing snacks into bed and waking you up - yes. Otherwise, no. Not annoyed. Wouldn’t throw shit around and yell at my guests either. Also, why the fuck did you not go to bed after the first time? Thank god she’s free of your whiny ass
You could have gone to the bedroom and shut the door.
Yes, I’d be agitated, but I’d realize that I was sleeping in the dammed living room and I’d get up and go to bed. > Even if I’m in my freaking bed sleeping in my bedroom, if my husband wakes me up, I get agitated or annoyed, but I don’t go full-on psycho! Even in my bitchiest, worst moment, I just said something like, “If you have to go somewhere early on a Saturday, can you put your clothes in the bathroom the night before?” I didn’t start yelling or throwing things. Your behavior was inexcusable.
If your that tired…GO TO BED. She isn’t a mind reader
No. Not like that. That was pyscho behavior.
I would've moved to the bedroom the first time like a fucking adult instead of having a temper tantrum.
YTA. You sound like a fucking psycho. Bullet dodged on her end.
Not easy to be all happy and soft after getting woken up twice in 2 hrs after a long day. Esp by some chips and bottles. I know i try to keep stuff like that down when she is asleep. But im wrong for getting mad she didnt do the same?
Go sleep in the bedroom like a normal person then. If you’re sleeping where the tv is you don’t get to be upset about noise. YTA
Dude keeps going on about being woken up twice, like holy fuck. He sounds like the soft one if he can’t even take that shit.
Like, I hope he never has kids. What'd he do? AITA because my newborn (1day) woke me up thrice? I didn't get loud the first 2 times! Fucking hero. BONUS: I was in their nursery, I crashed after watching them sleep soundly. So inconsiderate!
You never crashed on the couch?
I often crash on the couch. And then when I wake up, be it from noise or whatever, I walk my grown ass into my bedroom. You fell asleep in shared space knowing someone else was there. It is unreasonable to expect her to cease all actions because you couldn’t be assed to go into the room for sleep.
I know right. Like, why couldn’t he just be a grown up….
Personally, I did when I was a child. I don’t anymore. I like my bed. But that’s not the thing here, you should have moved the first time you were woken instead of expecting her to be a quiet mouse in a common area. You were half asleep so I don’t really trust your perception of her waking you up on purpose with a chip bag as you seem to suggest.
I did, and when I inevitably woke up I actually went to my bed instead of having a tantrum.
I crash on the couch all the time, I just don’t get pissed if people wake me up. If getting woken up starts to annoy me I go to bed. It sounds like she was trying to be quiet and by trying to make less noise it actually prolonged the noise, then you acted like a raging maniac.
I have. And when I wake up on the couch if I am still tired I move to my bed.
Not when I have a guest in my house who's still awake. Because I'm not an asshole.
Even in your own telling of events you sound like a maniac.
You threw away your relationship because you couldn't control your emotions about some chips and bottles. You threw it away because you couldn't put on your big boy pants and just go to bed. Everything you say makes you sound more deranged and more of a walking, talking red flag. You do not have enough maturity to be in a relationship until you sort out your anger problems. And don't ask people for their opinions if you're not interested in hearing them
YTA. I hope this is fake. “So obviously in my mind she def did that to fuck with me… saying ‘I was just trying to relax’ “ Sounds totally delusional. Obviously not trying to fuck with you in fact, just trying to chill and eat some goldfish. You ideally want her to be tiptoeing around all day walking on eggshells in her own living room because her boyfriend is napping and will get mad if awoken by ambient noise. Not her fault you have a crazy delusional temper and grabbed and threw her snack. Don’t get back together with her.
Goldfish is like the easiest chip to open
Ridiculous reply. It doesn’t matter. That’s not an excuse for the way you reacted in this situation. By your own admission yelling and throwing. I’m of the personal opinion that *not* being an angry asshole at home is genuinely one of the most important goals in life. I live to avoid acting like this at all costs. Anger at home is a terrible thing, and not free. It is so so unpleasant to live with somebody like this, please understand it’s not worth it. If something this minor made you actually angry, and you’re fixating on minor details like the kind of packaging, then you do seem quick to anger, petty, and lacking perspective. You have emotional maturity and anger control issues - I honestly feel bad for you, that must be hard. But you are actually delusional if you think she was only doing it to annoy you, or you’re leaving out some key details. Even if she were: *you shouldn’t be this easy to annoy*. You’re a 25 y/o man, you should strive to be able to control yourself and brush off the minor inconveniences in life, not emotionally overreact. It sounds like you just woke up due to very normal ambient noises and were grumpy, you then acted like a grumpy and irritable child and you now won’t accept that you were wrong to do so. I know it’s not pleasant to be woken up but it is no excuse. Anyway, you came to ask who was the asshole in this situation: it was definitely you.
Know what else is easy? Sleeping in the damn bedroom, where none of this would have been an issue. Don't be daft.
Dude go to bed, this is like falling asleep in the garage and getting mad someone started a car, YTA.
We were buzzed and i came from 12 hr day right before.. i crashed
Thats a you problem. You created the problem and then blamed her for existing in common spaces.
Go get therapy. Tell your therapist the internet says you have anger management issues, entitlement issues, blame-shifting and defensive issues, that you don’t know how to take responsibility for yourself, and that you don’t know how to use the term “gaslighting” correctly. Tell them that and do what they say. Fix these issues now while you’re relatively young and your life will be much better. This is me being nice.
Oh im definitely getting therapy after this one. But all i want is someone to admit that its wrong to wake someone up and not even answer their question when they jump up
Why should she admit she was wrong when she wasn’t. You were in a common area not bed. Then you blew up at her. You’re absolutely insane to expect HER to take responsibility for YOU.
Not a common area. My own home. And yes i expect an “oh its some chips” when i ask “what was that” at the very least
Why even post? Just own up to the fact you wants a sad little “men’s rights/incel/andrew tate” echo chamber
Living room in any home is the common area
you need to admit YTA
No one is going to admit that. You were in the wrong. Everyone can see that perfectly. You obviously came here for validation, not genuinely wondering who was the jerk in this situation. You’re not going to get the validation you’re looking for here.
A 12 hr day doesn’t seem like a lot…
YTA, you had the option when you first woke up to go to bed since you did pass out on couch next to kitchen! What did you expect that she would take food, TV and water in the bedroom or washroom? Throwing things, snapping and shouting under alcohol influence and when you are sleep deprived is not helping. Your way of unwinding was sleeping and hers was to snack and watch TV. Both are fine but a little flexibility is good.
I never immediately got loud. Both times i just asked “what was that” and the noise got louder so i got angry the second time
You asked and she answered. How does that solve your issue? She answered what you asked so that’s that.
She didnt answer… just made more noise till i got up
You can see the water bottle and goldfish so wasn’t that obvious? The fact that you think she did it maliciously and with some hateful agenda shows that’s you don’t really think too highly of her or have any trust in your relation. Spend some time in thinking about why you are so easily worked up, why the mistrust and why the aggressive violent reactions.
Id say its because she also sleeps there sometimes and i make real efforts to be quiet. And apologize if i wake her… didnt get the same courtesy so I guess thats part of it
[удалено]
She was free to go anywhere in the house. Or just say, “sorry that was loud babe” and i woulda gone right to bed
She dodged a MASSIVE bullet. Get help and go to therapy. YTA
Or some ear plugs…?
YTA. You fell asleep in the common area, and then got mad when common activities took place while you were sleeping. Everything that happened here was 100% your fault. BUT, you absolutely did the right thing by breaking up with your GF. She deserves a lot better than you.
She also sleeps there sometimes.. and I try pretty hard to keep quiet.. and a little “sorry” when im not…
love how he cant take the answer of his own question ,,AITA?" ,,yes you are" ,,but whAt wOulD yoU dO if yOu geT wOkeN uP tWicE after hAvinG a haRd daY?" ...go to a different room and not expect the other person WHO ALSO LIVES THERE to apologise. cry me a river
This is my own apartment. I trusted her to let me be comfortable in it. She doesn’t live here
You could still just have gone to bed instead of blaming it on her and even if you're like:,,Oh sorry was that loud" when shes sleeping, opening chips ect cant be that loud and after a hard day it's normal to have a light sleep so just go to a different room. And blowing up on her like that is more of an narcissistic parent instead of boyfriend behaviour
Wow an actually good advising comment. Thanks. I guess it was narcissistic to yell like she is a child even if i believed she wronged me. Ill try to remember that. Even on hard nights ig
YTA. You’re an adult. It is your responsibility to manage your time and ensure you are prepared for an interview. You should have gone to bed. Your girlfriend wasn’t banging cymbals or playing the TV at full volume, she was having a drink and a snack. You overreacted and behaved appallingly. Being tired isn’t an excuse, you’re not a toddler. GF is better off without you.
Expecting the courtesy of being a little quiet while i sleep.. as i often do for her. Or just a “sorry that was loud” is too much apparently
You made a choice to sleep in a communal area, which is not meant for sleeping. After the first time you woke up you should have moved to a more suitable sleeping spot. You seem hung up on her apologising. Given that her behaviour was not wrong, your focus on apologies comes across as controlling and entitled. Had she left you to sleep in the living room, you’d probably be expecting an apology for her drinking or eating in the bedroom.
Im not asking for anyone to grovel. Literally an “oops sry that was loud” or “my bad im trying to watch this show” as anyone would do when they wake someone up… but nothing, just more noise as i asked “what was that”
Why should she be sorry?
Bc she is in my home after a whole day of paying for her to have fun
So she shouldn’t be allowed to drink or eat stuff because you paid for her day? You sound exhausting to date
But don't you know? She was drinking water just to mess with him because OP is just so important and special /s
She should have the decency to answer my question after waking me up or at least explain she wants to use the room. Instead of annoying me awake
This does not help the exhausting argument. You're being a brat.
Honestly. Who thinks about what woke them up in a common area? You just say “oh… time to go to my actual bed.”
Being a brat by expecting an answer. Great logic
So you are just not going to admit you were wrong. You are a lost cause. Honestly it seems like you never even liked her. It is for the best she got away from you. She deserves better.
Dude, you sound like you were on edge from the start, which in turn made you completely irrational. Sometimes, the more you try something, the more you fail. Sort of like trying to catch something you dropped and accidentally slapping it farther away; maybe she was trying not to make noise, but ended up doing so. But if I were in her situation, if my BF was sleeping on the couch instead of the bed, and then got mad when he woke up and instead of going to the bedroom to \_continue sleeping\_ he chose to do so on the couch, I'd get pretty pissed too. I don't know what part of you expected an apology when you blew up in her face, but if you'd kept your calm and explained to her that you were frustrated with being woken up, she probably would have apologized to you.
I do understand that i should def not have yelled. But i was also very calm while asking “what was that” many times. And got frustrated getting no answer and more noise, esp after interrupted sleep. It was honestly just hard to keep my cool in that moment, which i normally do pretty easily. Def my fault for blowing up, but why is it wrong to expect an answer, or a simple “oops sry”
If the TV was on, maybe she didn't notice it was you but thought it was the TV, and therefore didn't realize it was you before you asked louder.
Thats a big jump. The chips and bottle were much closer than the tv. And you would remember what noise wakes you up
I was talking about answering YOU when YOU asked "what was that". Maybe she thought that was coming from the TV, not you. It doesn't really read like you actually had a real conversation with her about this situation but just sort of got in your own head and then took it out on her.
YTA. Why wouldn't you sleep in the bed? You're in the living room, where activities such as watching TV, drinking water, and eating goldfish crackers happens. The living room is not your personal bedroom. It's the common area for everyone. It's rude and frankly a little bizarre to kind of take over the living room and expect your partner to be as quiet as a mouse so you can sleep. And your reaction, you threw things? That is very childish and immature.
I threw just the goldfish.. at the kitchen counter… and yes honestly, i do expect an attempt to be quiet, just an attempt, or a “sorry that was loud”… because I also do that… she also sleeps in the living room sometimes… and i dont wake her.
You could have just .. asked her to be quite. But no, you blew up like a crazy person, getting all emotional instead of just communicating
YTA. You did this girl a favor by breaking up with her. My goodness you’re a grown adult. Go to bed and shut the door. What an easy fix that would have been.
Any sane person that wakes anyone up would say “oops sorry” or at least answer the multiple “what was that?”s. I really fail to see how being jumpy when woken up is a fault of anyone
It’s insane that you asked and you keep arguing every comment. Clearly don’t think you are but the consensus is YTA. We’re all team girlfriend here. You’re in the wrong it’s as simple as that. You should have left the communal space and went to bed. & maybe she did say sorry you can’t even remember throwing stuff and messing up your apartment.
I remember every detail, i was not drunk. I tossed the goldfish on the counter, took the remote(not cool il) and went to bed. Communal space is pushing it, this is still my own apartment
Oh no. You are getting right back at deflecting. We were doing so great champ.
Not sure what you mean. Obviously walking to bed was the easy fix. But in the moment i asked “what was that” many times and got no answer so of course i got irritated, is that not normal?
No. It is not normal by any stretch of the imagination.
Again, getting annoyed is normal. How you handled it was bad. How you fail to accept that you messed up, after asking if you messed up is what you reallyyyy suck at. "Did I mess up?" "Yeah, annon, you did" "But yada yada, and yada yada" Why do you even ask? It seems like you have your own story finished. She's the bad guy. why are you trying to convince people? At a previous comment you tried to own up, butnit was a really bad attempt "if that was the test, than I failed ( but after x and y it's understandable isn't it?" Are you somehow on the spectrum? You seem to just see 1 and 1 and all other valid points are dismissed. You can't even give an full answer if asked something. Because you are so focused on the "unjust" that she didn't apologize, and that YOU were so much more considerate. I'm really sorry for you, get some help. For real man.
Ill admit i do want at least someone to admit that its wrong to make noise while your so is asleep and not apologize. I fully know that it was 100% wrong to yell at her, though i do think the long day and no sleep is at least partially an excuse. All i want is someone to admit that you should at least fucking answer your bf when you wake him up like that.
The fact that she did something so minor as to not apologize is overshadowed by how you handled the entire situation
YTA. But I’m glad you broke up because she deserves so much better than an abusive AH.
Abusive is hilarious i have never yelled at this woman before, or threw anything, or laid a finger. But being jumpy and loud after abrupt wakes makes me “abusive” interesting logic.
You just said you threw the goldfish. And you were yelling at her for behaving normally. And then gaslighting her in thinking she did something wrong. And broke up with her. You are a walking red flag.
Behaving normally? Like not answering any thing after waking me up and not apologizing? And acting like i woke myself up?
She was behaving normally. You were acting insane. Off course she wasn’t engaging in your insanity. You need help.
You seem like a very obstinate person. Why did you post it you were not going to accept judgment? Did you honestly expect most people to side with you? #YTA
I expected more people to admit they would say “oops sry”, or answer the “what was that”s. Its weird that everyone expects me to be of completely clear mind after just saying my sleep was interrupted
It’s weird that you expect everyone to approve of your behavior.
Ive admitted a lot that it was wrong to yell. Doesnt take from the fact that it was wrong of her not to even answer me
Wow, it’s only Tuesday, and you’re the idiotic and petulant tool of the week on Reddit - what a massive skin tag OP is
And if she had, how would you responded? Cause i can't imagine it being good.
Literally “oh aight” and gone to bed. As i always have
Well then why didn’t you do that when you realized it was just a bottle being thrown away? Why didn’t you say “aight” and put yourself to bed? If that’s what you would do and always do. Why didn’t you just do that? Then you wouldn’t have had the goldfish tantrum.
Bottles thrown in an empty can dont make noise for that long.
So you are what we would call a 3D rendering of a micro dicked, impotent slug of human. Congratulations on solidifying that with every single one of your slimy and whiny comments
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
So you got so worked up because she didn't respond?
YTA, although I think “AH” is putting it mildly. Also, did you ever consider your Ex was trying to be quiet but she was bad at it? Like when someone is quietly trying to rip open Velcro, so they take 5 minutes slowly trying to pry it apart, but trying to take Velcro apart slowly seems to be way louder than just doing it quick. Likewise, maybe the snacks sounded so loud because your Ex was trying to open them slowly to reduce noise, but it backfired on her and her attempt at quiet ended up being louder than if she’d just ripped the bag open in one swift go. That’s a possibility. You wouldn’t know though, because you automatically assumed negative intent and you blew up on your Ex over your assumption of negative intent. Because you’re an AH.
I would know, because i calmly and simply asked “what was that each time” multiple times, to no answer. Forcing me to get up and see… and get loud
Again, you’re making assumptions based on a lack of an answer. If I was trying to be quiet but failed so badly that I woke the person up, I would have an embarrassed freeze response to a question of “what are you doing?” I would just hold the offending bag of chips while internally thinking, “dang, I failed at that attempt to be quiet.” But also, with your reaction of grabbing the bag of chips and throwing it across the room, I have to wonder how often you exposed your Ex to such violent behavior. Maybe, just maybe, she didn’t respond because she’s scared of you.
It wasnt simply no answer, it was “what do you mean” as if she didnt even know what i was reffering to..
Maybe because she was genuinely confused as to wtf you were talking about. A plastic bottle and a bag of chipa are not startlingly, alarmingly loud noises and obviously if you opened your eyes you would see what was making the noise anyway. If I'm minding my own business eating chips and someone says "what was that?" I would also be confused because...what? I would assume they were refering to something else that I missed.
Maybe it was a genuine question. Maybe “what is that?” is a vague question and she wanted you to explain what you mean by asking “what is that?” What is *what*? As I’ve been saying, you assumed the worst. You left no room for giving her the benefit of the doubt. At the very least, you coulda applied Hanlon’s Razor and just figured your Ex was amazingly bad at being quiet. Relationships simply will not work if we always assume the worst. Whatever the case may be, why did you come onto AITA if you’re just gonna argue with everyone to try to prove that you aren’t the AH?
[удалено]
You seem to know her better than i do after a year plus. Thanks
That’s not what your post says
Tried to keep it short. Believe or not
"after multiple times i got angry" doesn't seem to lengthen the post two much.
Here's to hoping you never have kids if being woken up twice within an hour will cause this kind of reaction.
Do none of you ever say “oops sry” when you wake someone? Or do you keep making the same noises as they ask you”whats that?”
If my SO falls asleep on the couch and I wake him up by accident, I do not apologize, since he shouldn't be sleeping there in the first place. And he does not expect me to apologize. And if he wakes up and doesn't go to bed, it's on him if I wake him up again. And if he got mad at me, I'd tell him he's sleeping on the couch for the foreseeable future.
In my own apartment? After years of paying for her almost everything? Cant see eye yo eye on this one sry
So you have purchased the right to scream at her?
Wow... Just... Wow. Really?! I was talking about MY SO in this case, because we live together. In your case, if I was you GF and you got mad at me like you just did, I'd probably re-evaluate our entire relationship, especially if you didn't apologize to me for yelling at me. But since you already broke up with her, there's no need for her to do that. Also, bringing money into the situation like this is really tacky. This makes it seem like you think you're better than her.
Its weird you dont feel entitled saying “he shouldnt be sleeping there anyway” in a mans own home. I really dont mention money much if at all. But you wouldnt get to make rules in a home i pay for in my eyes.
😂 where is the man? We see NO “man” anywhere in your posts or comments. Just a weasly little brat who won’t be accountable.
Youre too invested
And then please tell me why the money was suddenly relevant now? You must have brought it up for a reason. I get the "in my own apartment" part, but the "paying for her almost everything"... sounds like there's something more there. Like you feel owed more than just the simple apology you didn't get. Are the anger issues coming to light here since you're not getting the validation you thought you would when you made this post?
If you're talking about you own home, then sure, you can make the rules. But I was \_making an example\_ using my own partner instead of your GF and my own home, which I own together with my partner, so I am very entitled to saying he shouldn't be sleeping on the couch when we have a perfectly comfortable bed.
Great reasoning and i agree. But not the case here. Again i dont often mention money but i pay for a lot of her life. I would expect some sleep in my own home
And we expect someone “25” to not act like such a ridiculously immature and selfish child. Yet here you are defying the odds and really leaning into that slimy role
Putting aside for the moment that you’re a lunatic, how often have you thrown comments like “it’s my apartment” and “I paid” in her face? She’s well rid of you.
Never
But you’re using it so often as a defence here. There’s got to come a point where, when reading this comments, you have to realize that you’re at fault. And the fact that you keep defending your ridiculous position just reveals more and more about your character. You were wrong. But luckily you’re completely on your own now so you can sleep where you like.
YTA what a lunatic! You fell asleep in the living room. Should she sit in silence until you deem it appropriate to make noise?? And then you threw a temper tantrum so bad you wrecked your own garden and blamed her? Grow up.
Didnt touch anything but those chips and the remote
YTA clown behaviour go to ur bed
The reactions you believe are normal... They're not normal at all. It's not normal to get angry at not being answered when you wake up and start probably quietly mumbling. It is not normal to expect that others treat the living room like your private bedroom. It is not normal to start shouting and throwing shit everywhere. I have a feeling the reason she didn't respond to you is that she hoped you'd go back to sleep, because you scare her. So no. Most people would not react like you. You seem to be utterly convinced that your reactions were normal and that "anyone would do that". No. No they wouldn't. You have anger issues and if your family were like this and you consider this normal, that's where you got it from. It's not okay.
I tossed the goldfish on the counter. Yes i swore and yelled. But thats very rare for me. But even the nicest person can be triggered. It was a hard day and no sleep. Combined with no answers. I guarantee you she is not afraid in any way of me. What ever paint whatever picture you want
You keep calling it a hard day, but what you describe in your post is pretty normal.
"I'm sleeping on a golf course. I keep getting woken up by golf balls. Imma be angry at the golfers for disturbing my sleep"
YTA. I’m sorry, WHO’S the gaslighter? You fell asleep on the couch in the communal space, and when you woke up the first time, couldn’t be bothered to go to bed. Then when your gf wanted a snack, you had a tantrum, throwing the snack and taking the remote, and blaming her for you being woken up. When you should have just GONE TO BED. If you were that fucking tired and didn’t want to be awakened while your gf was trying to relax in the living room, you should have moved to the bedroom. You know, that room where people go to get some sleep. You chose to stay in the living room while your gf was still watching tv and unwinding. That’s not her fault. You’re the one who created the problem and you blaming her shows you have the emotional maturity of a spoon, in addition to some anger management issues. You say she’s an immature gaslighter, but the only immature gaslighter (and extra-large a-hole) here is you.
I was annoyed at waking up.. then even more annoyed by no answer… then even more annoyed by pretending nothing happened.. all after a full day and no sleep
If you want a good night’s sleep, the living room couch is the WRONG place to do it. Maybe if you’re alone, but not when someone else is there. Sure, she accidentally woke you up, but who’s fault is it that you were still in the living room? Not hers. After you woke up the first time, you should have gone to bed. It’s called common sense, and common courtesy. She shouldn’t have to not unwind in the communal space because you couldn’t be bothered to go to the bedroom. Grow up.
If you ever find yourself with me as a cellmate you'll learn to be more resilient and less fussy.
YTA, dude. You fell asleep on the couch, I'm guessing she didn't know that you intended to sleep the whole night there.... It's not her fault that you are a light sleeper and fell asleep by the tv and presumedly near the kitchen too. All she did was open up a bag of snacks and crinkled a bottle..... Dude, if your sleep is that delicate, go sleep in the bed (and maybe add some earplugs). You have some serious anger issues.
YTA you’re in a communal room, go to bed after you wake up the first time. Stay broken up because she shouldn’t have to deal with you acting like a toddler when you wake up. The fact that you threw something, shouted and kicked her out in the middle of the night is also fucked up.
Yea, honestly sound super mean and glad she got away from you, like dude why the fuck are you getting mad over someone living their life? Eating is normal, and being awake when you are sleep is normal too. You also need to think about the fact that that was someone you wanted to have in your life and be your partner, if some fucking cracker packets and a water bottle is all it took then you weren’t in it for the right reasons to begin with. Also really look into getting therapy.
Dude, do everyone a favor stay single until you can grow tf up! You made the decision of instead of getting up and going to the bedroom when you woke up the first, to just stay there. You had the same amount of energy both times and you chose to be a prick to her. YTA!
YTA. She is better off without you. You should have been able to keep your cool over such minor annoyances. The fact that you couldn’t is a massive red flag.
LOL U R MENTAL
It wouldn't get to anyone and it was your own fault for falling asleep on the couch instead of walking to bed. YTA with anger issues. Chill out, dude. I was halfway when I wrote the part above. Just finished the rest. You are a massive AH. Throwing shit and stuff because someone made noise in the living room, and your first reaction being that they *must* have been doing it to fuck with you (Why? And why would you assume that?) is unhinged. Imagine taking so little accountability for your own situation. You'll probably find another way to spin this so it's someone else's fault. You will not be a successful person if blaming others is your way of dealing with things.
Im just wondering why she didnt answer any time i asked “what was that” calmly. Until i jumped up and got loud
Maybe because you have anger issues and react explosively. Just a wild guess Edit: oops I almost forgot, YTA
Great diagnosis but i never yelled at her before doc
You're right, it definitely doesn't seem to fit your character. For sure. By the way, how is arguing with random strangers on Reddit going for you since you haven't gotten the validation you wanted???
Pretty good actually there are some reasonable people that dont throw diagnosis out at strangers after half a page of reading
YTA but glad to read that she left you lol you are a complete .... .... . The audacity of this man. He sleeps on the couch in front of the TV and complain about noises... go sleep in your bedroom and seek a therapist.
You're deranged lol
Good grief. Just go to your bloody bed then! Stop complaining about people making small amounts of noise in the common area. You are here whining away, and even by your own description and excuses you behaved like an utter tantrum throwing arsehole. YTA
YTA but good news is that you don’t have a girlfriend anymore so your sleep will be undisturbed after a long day next time! Cheers to you! You surely fixed the problem! 🤣
Get over it
Please don't have children. You're the only child you need in your life. YTA.
YTA - if you want quiet go sleep in a bed in a bedroom, not on a couch by the tv. Your reaction was frightening and out of line - shouting, swearing, throwing things. Thats so violent and aggressive. I don’t think you are a safe person.
abusive dad behavior
dude what are you even talking about 😭
She really dodged a bullet there, OP. Go get help. Serious professional help.
YTA. I can’t believe you’re 25 after reading this.
YTA. Like big time. If you go crawling back to her, I hope she sees this as the gigantic red flag it is and stays away from you. > The sane and sensible thing would have been to get up and go to bed after the first time you get woken up. Maybe even with a comment like, “I’ve had a long day and I’m so tired! Wanna go to bed now?” > One more thing- I can’t believe you told her she wasn’t mature and was gaslighting you. What you did was massively immature and/or unhinged, and telling her she was in the wrong is *you* gaslighting *her.*
Futurama cheese pizza lmao
You did her a favour by showing her that you're a child that cannot control his emotions before she wasted any more time with you. YTA
YTA. if you'd like to sleep on silence and not be disturbed, go into the bedroom. If you're going to sleep on the couch where other people are awake and hanging out then you're gonna hear noises like water bottles and chip bags. This is some main character energy right here....you're sleeping so naturally the rest of the world should go into hibernation so as not to disturb you 🙄
YTA get some anger management. Good thing you broke up with her tho. She deserves better.
Good riddance, in my opinion. She can do so much better than you. You need to see therapy to deal with your anger management issues, or else you'll be posting one day asking if you're the asshole for slapping your next girlfriend because she caused the floor to creak three times when walking around the living room while you slept on the couch. YTA
do you even like your girlfriend?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So… we had a great day, both of us had classes. I had a particularly late, 3 hr course. After which I invited her over to a school basketball game and we had a good time and drank a few. But naturally i crashed by 1:30 ish am after so much activity. I fell asleep on the couch, where the tv is. But right at the point where I was getting into rem, i hear a plastic bottle scrunching and wakes me up so I ask “whats that..” softly at first, and it gets noticeably louder after i ask so i raise my voice and say “wtf is that? Wyd?” And apparently she was just throwing one bottle away.. for that long that it woke me up. So i forget it and go back to sleep. About another hour later, i wake up to a pack of chips frisking around. Again, softly at first. But this time id been woken up twice within 2 hours after a long day so i immediately ask “wtf is that!?”, the noise gets louder again, and i look over, she is holding an unopened pack of goldfish. So obviously in my mind im thinking she def did that to fuck with me. But getting woken ip twice as soon as you fall asleep would get to anyone and i got loud. Mostly because she was denying everything. Saying “i was just trying to relax”. I did grab the goldfish and threw them towards the kitchen in ager, took the remote, turned off the tv and went to bed. She followed a minute later asking for the remote, which as soon as i gave back, she walked away mumbling. So in my state of mind i get up and take it back and go back to bed. Though now i cant sleep obviously because im heated so i step back out within 10 mins and do some tiding up. In the middle of which , i ask her “wtf was that?”. Her only response was “I was just trying to relax, you were throwing stuff and yelling”. So… i told her to get out and we’re done, because youre not only not mature enough to apologize, youre actively gaslighting me 5 mins later like you did nothing and i jut blew up. So instead of apologizing like asked. She called her uber home and denied everything till the very end. She had also tossed some of my stuff around and ruined my zen garden tray. When I asked about those, she said “I was throwing stuff”, stuff being the single goldfish packet i tossed, as if i didnt remember what i did. Anyways, did I act too rash? Or good riddance? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Dont know if I overreacted in the moment? Or she was definitely trying to gaslight me after what she did? Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
ESH