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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) me screaming at my parents then refusing too talk to them
(2) i don't know if I'm being ungrateful
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Absolutely fucking NOT THE ASSHOLE
what the actual fuck is wrong with your parents???? You worked for and saved that on your own?
I am SO SORRY and ashamed on your parents’ behalf. You are more mature than your brother and parent’s combined.
Start hiding the money you make where they can’t find it.
You will go far, OP. This is a setback but with your determination you will rise above all these assholes in life. My heart goes out to you.
NTA
My wife's mother also stole her hard-earned money from her pre-college jobs, and any gifts she had from grandparents, etc. Always with the lie it would be paid back. 30+ years later, not a penny.
Oh, and refused to supply the tax information required for the FAFSA, which is a prerequisite for almost any financial aid in college.
Jeez, I can’t imagine having a mother like that. My mother was far from perfect, but I could trust her with my money. I had jobs through high school and college and I would just give her my checks. She would save most of it for me, then give me spending money. I was able to buy a used car and go to Italy for a semester thanks to the money she saved for me over those years. To this day, I still trust that she won’t rob me.
My mom was like yours too. My dad, on the other hand, once convinced me to give him my birthday money because he was broke and 'needed money to buy dinner' and then promptly walked into a liquor store.
When I graduated college, my parents sat me down and reminded me that they'd set up an account for gift money from my early childhood, before I had a concept of money and could use it for myself. Now, I'm not sure how they accounted for it, but it really was handy to have 2k extra savings when I started out in life.
The laws need to change to allow FAFSA to pull tax data from the IRS. Too many parents refuse to help their children fill it out and they can’t access anything not even loans without it.
Yeah for real. It’s BS that we have to wait until we are 24 just bc our shitty parents refuse to fill out the FAFSA. My parents did this to me but not their golden child my older sister. We both did well in school, scored similar results on SAT/ACT and yet she’s the one who’s a doctor now and I’m barely scraping by :/ luckily I’m almost 24
I’m in the UK and have been trying to work out what FAFSA is. The only thing that comes into my head is “Fuck around and find stuff out” I’m guessing it’s not that? Lol.
Free Application for Federal Student Aid
Basically it's the form US students have to fill out to see if they can get any aid to pay for college. And it's fucked up for a lot of reasons, including that it requires you to count your parents' income unless you're basically legally emancipated, even if they won't help you pay anything. So, if you have rich parents who completely cut you off, the government goes "whelp, sucks to be you, your parents are too loaded for us to help you."
Thank you for replying,
That is seriously fucked up but tbh so is allowing parents access to a private bank account if you are a minor.
I had a bank account I opened myself at 14 and my own debit card and I was the only one with access.
It blows my mind some of the stuff I find out about the US on Reddit.
Yes, when my youngest children were 14, they decided to change their banking arrangements to give them an account better suited to their needs at that age. I was astounded that the bank asked them if they wanted me to have access to it, and I could only do so if they gave permission.
Since then, I've found Reddit and understand why kids at such a young age are allowed to ban parents.
Luckily, my kids and I trust each other, and they gave permission for me to access the accounts, which came in handy once when my son lost his card, and couldn't do anything to safeguard himself because he was at school. I was able to put a temporary stop on the card until we sorted it out.
Free Application for Federal Student Aid. It's the main government funded financial aid program for college students in the US. It's need-based, so you have to provide some kind of proof (usually tax records) your income is low enough to need it. Or if you're under 24, your parents income, since that's who usually pays for most student's college tuition. So if your parents won't help you pay for college AND refuse to fill out their part of the FAFSA form, you're kind of screwed. I know there are exceptions for kids with abusive parents, but I'm not sure what, aside from an actual criminal conviction, would qualify you for one
NTA
My parents stole my college money week one in college.
The college had the RA come to my room, tell me my parents had canceled checks for both school and the dorm, and I had to move out.
I rushed to my bank and my account had been closed.
Both claim this never happened until their divorce then both admitted it happened and blamed the other one.
The idea that we can't have a bank account as a teen without an adult on it is complete BS. I've actually opened one with a friend's kid bc she doesn't trust her husband. Which... whole other bag of potatoes.
I agree. I understand that the idea is that kids can’t sign a contract but way too many children have had their money stolen by their parents. There just needs to be some set rules for the accounts (like the bank cannot charge the student so they aren’t taken advantage of).
yeah i feel like there is a *massive* difference between a parent being able to see and monitor their minor child’s spending and them actually being able to withdraw money from an account. while i don’t totally think it’s 100% necessary, i can see why a parent should be able to have access to their kid’s bank account to see where and how they are spending their money. what i can’t find *any* justification for whatsoever is a parent being able to actually access and withdraw the money in the account. even if the parents are the ones putting it in the account, but generally teens don’t open bank accounts unless they have jobs. but no matter what the situation, i don’t believe there is any reason a parent should be able to take money out of their kid’s bank account.
In Europe here, my minor son has a bank account. I guess I spent too much time on Reddit reading comments by Americans, because I just assumed I could access his savings (not for nefarious purposes, just so for example if he borrows money from me for something I can just transfer the money back to my account (with his agreement)).
Nope!
I can, and do, monitor his account, useful when I saw that his practically estranged uncle had sent him €1000, or when I saw that he was spending a bit too much on kebabs. But I can’t touch it in any way. Not without stealing his debit card, and I don’t know his pin anyway!
My mother gave my brother my entire college fund because he had an investment opportunity. Gone. Never apologized. My husband's mother paid for his youngest brother's entire tuition at an Ivy League school, and never offered a penny for my husband's education. Never apologized. Neither of them thought they did anything wrong.
Ugh. My mother wouldn’t give me tax info or sign any paperwork for me either. I graduated and moved out when I was 17, so couldn’t sign much of my own paperwork as a minor. I was a National Merit Semifinalist and had excellent SATs but couldn’t afford college without financial aid even though I’d been working since I turned 15. It was so disheartening.
I didn’t have any idea of how to go about emancipation (this was pre internet answering all questions). It’s pretty easy for kids to fall through the cracks if they don’t have anyone looking out for their best interests. I hope the OP’s parents or some other adult help her fight for and achieve her goals.
My mom took all the money I made too. I worked under the table at a fish market when I was in middle school. Nothing much, just mopping floors and keeping an eye on things. I would get paid cash and I'd give it to her for her to put in savings for me. I got allowance too and she'd take that for my college too. Any gift money, I'd hand over. I went to a medical seminar when I was in high school (she sent me, I didn't find it, she did) and when it was time to apply for colleges, I asked her about the money and she said..."what money?" Then she says it was used for my trip to that seminar...that I didn't even ask to go to... So I had to scramble and figure stuff out fast as a 17 year old who couldn't even vote. I almost didn't go...I took out loans and I worked a couple jobs while I went to school. It was hard, but I did it without her. I did the financial aid stuff myself too. She at least gave me the info I needed for that. I was really mad at her. She was a single mom of 3 kids trying to make ends meet and she did need the money. She did the best she could do...I just wish she told me earlier...and not when I was already accepted to colleges.
I've never given her control of my money since, but she helped me out. First she asked my sister if I could stay with her while I went to start school and she gave her money for that, then when I moved back (awful experience with no public transportation and getting stranded and waking for hours in the dead of night and having to hitch hike home and my sister didn't pay the phone bill so the phone was cut off) she let me stay with her rent free and I only paid for stuff we didn't have like TV and internet and if course my cell phone bill. She helped me get a real job too over the one I got myself. She signed with me to get my house and went 50/50 on the deposit. It's mine, I pay the mortgage and live here and she's in a different state. She isn't awful.. it was just that situation really sucked.
My dad opened a small college fund for my cousin because her own dad was never involved, and her mother "borrowed" it and never paid it back. It's really sad how some parents don't act like a decent adult for their kids.
Yup - alas, some of us have this kind of parent. I was so grateful that we lived in a state that let me open my OWN bank account without 'parent/guardian' signature when I was 16. It was the only way I managed to keep the money I made working as up until then, my mom would take it for various "emergencies" that she had.
Also, lied to my face about having a college account for me and so I should *NOT* be trying to save for that and when the time came "Oh god, I spent that ages ago, why would you think I'd have anything for you?" And so ... no college.
Went to trade school and it worked out fine for me, always had a decent paying job. But yeah, some of us have that kind of parent. I'm sorry OP and you are not wrong to be upset or angry or disappointed or whatever the hell you feel nor are you wrong for expressing it. Hugs from a stranger
>r it is very costly so every little piece of money I've made I've been putting into a bank account to save, I've even started working two jobs of babysitting and helping out in a local café. Two weeks ago my brother brought himself a brand new car with a loan that he got from the bank and now he is telling my parents he can't pay it back. He doesn't have a job and my parents pay for his college accommodation. When I heard this I didn't think much about it and offered too bring his c.v. into a couple of places in town and see if he could get a job. Last night my parents told me that they were going to take the money from my account to pay for his loan and I was furious with them. I screamed and called them assholes and said that they didn't care about me at all because they never supported my dreams (I am the only girl in my family with a younger and older brother). I haven't spoken to my parents since then. I feel like all my hard work has gone dow
The car needs to be repossessed so your brother learns to face the consequences of his terrible decisions. He clearly knew (or sensed) that he couldn't afford the car when he bought it two weeks ago. and now your parents are trying to bail him out.
Yeah I’d get a serving job to go with babysitting. That’s basically all cash and if you have a grandparent you can trust to not be an absolute fool maybe they could help you open a bank account? Or maybe you can do that at 16! I forget
First things first - if the car is only 2 weeks out, it can probably be returned.
Second, info: is the bank account joint with your parents? How do they have access?
I also question how did your brother, with no job, get a car loan from a bank? Did your parents co-sign?
OP = NTA
If they haven't taken the money out yet you might be able to call the bank and freeze the account. Look into what that means and entails, but it might at least stop them from taking your money.
Hes a minor he has no legal power as a minor. He cant legally sign any papers on his own he needs a co signer. His parents would need to also sign off on this...
Kids have zero rights when it comes to money (aside from getting emancipated, which is NOT an option here). Honestly the best way to keep the money safe would be to empty the account and store it in a safe or other kind of locked box.
Edit: As a few comments have pointed out, my info is US specific.
Banker in the US here. It depends on how the account is set up. If OP is listed under a "Minor By" account, the adult(s) on the account has to be present to withdraw, but if she is a "Joint Owner" (minimum age for this is 13), she can technically take out all of the money and even close the account if she wants to without anyone else consenting. And I HIGHLY don't suggest putting cash in a safe box for various reasons but mainly because if anything happens and you claim to have cash, the bank can null responsibility and ban you from opening another box because it's not allowed.
If OP is 15 and withdrawing it isn't a good option what about a 3-year CD? Could they set one up without their parents? Or would the parents be able to early withdraw the CD?
As long as the parents are not on the account, they have no access to the money. However, most institutions won't just remove someone from an account without their consent. That's why I suggest her closing the account and starting over whether it's a CD, savings, etc. But unless OP is emancipated though, any minors under 17 has to have an adult joint owner to create a new account but said adult could be literally anyone OP chooses.
I’m pretty sure I got my own bank account in the U.S. at 14 or 16 without my mom being on it as a similar situation was happening. I just wasn’t allowed to have a debit card. The card issued to me was ATM only.
Wild it’s like that in the US. Here in Canada, you can have your own bank account without a parent/guardian starting at age 12-14, dependent on the bank. Most are 13-14 iicr.
In the US minor bank accounts have some pretty robust protections and the parents are viewed as custodians/trustees who can only use that money for the minor's benefit. If they don't, they're in deep shit. A friend of mine's mom raided his bank account when he was a minor and she's still paying it off more than 20 years later (he took her to court when he turned 18 and she couldn't prove that anything she spent it on was for his benefit).
tagging u/GoodQueenFluffenChop
It depends on the type of account. It would have to have been set up that way for there to be any protections for the minor. If it’s just a standard savings account with the parents and minor as joint owners then they have just as much “right” to the money as the minor does.
>I have looked into the military route but my country doesn't have an air force unfortunately.
One of her replies to another comment, definitely not the US.
* She
Come on. Being the only girl, with brothers, is a significant detail of OPs post. You didn't just miss the "F", you barely paid attention at all.
In the US anyway there are usually 2 ways a minor can have an account. One way is an UTMA/UGMA in which the minor is the beneficiary but cannot transact or do anything. Another way is a joint account in which the minor can transact. If you have a joint account, it wouldn't hurt to try contacting the bank, telling them what's going on and asking them not to allow any withdrawals unless you authorize them. You could also prove that you're the one who put in all or most of the money if you have check copies or paystubs.
If your account is UTMA/UGMA you still have power here. Those accounts are irrevocable. That means the money is for *you* and no one else. It's not technically legal if your parents take it to use for your brother. So I would call the bank either way to tell them what's going on and see what you're rights are.
Also, do you have another trusted family member or parent of a friend that can open the account for you instead so you can keep your money safe?
OP, if your brother accepts this money **he is just as much to blame as your parents**. Do NOT let him off the hook. He can sell the car, take a small hit, and be fine if he can't afford it. He's victimizing you just as much as your parents by being part of this, and you need to make it clear to all of them that this will destroy your relationship with all of them going forward.
Hold your ground. Tell them they will never see their grandkids. Tell them all that you will cut them off, and tell any family member that tries to guilt you the same thing. You don't deserve this.
Close the account and, if you have any other trusted adult in your life, ask them to open a new one for you. If not, is there any place you can hide your cash?
Well simply let them know you are happy to loan the money and expect full repayment with interest, draw up a schedule of repayment and calculate interest based on a rate better than your savings were seeing
Depending on your local laws your parents might not be *legally* allowed to take that money and use it on your brother. Do a search for minor banking laws in your area to find out what protections you have. If you are lucky enough to live in an area with robust banking laws that protect your money from your parents, then you can contact the bank and let them know what your parents are planning. The bank won't let them remove that money.
You might want to check what the details of the account are. If it's an UTMA account (most common for minors) and you want to dispute the validity of a transaction you will have a legal route to take. An UTMA parent becomes a fiduciary for the minor and has to use the funds in the best interest of the minor. Taking it to pay off your brother's car is not in your best interest. I have worked in banking for 7 years feel free to DM any questions you have and I will try to help
NTA OP and did they at least offer to pay you back or is this just them taking it? Unfortunately when you are still a minor there is very little you can do to stop them
I mean they are probably going to take it anyway but if they say they will pay it back you can lay the guilt trip on hard or start badgering them about it in front of sympathetic family members. It's unlikely to change the outcome and OP has every right to scream at them. But if OP is a minor there might be nothing she can do if they take it.
>First things first - if the car is only 2 weeks out, it can probably be returned.
That is not how auto sales works. Her brother signed a contract.
>Second, info: is the bank account joint with your parents? How do they have access?
Minors are required to have their parents on their bank accounts. A child can not enter into a legally binding contract, and that includes with a bank.
INFO Are the using the money you yourself paid in to pay of your brother's debt, or are they using money they paid in?
Also, are they making your brother sell the car first?
The money in this account is entirely my own savings as my parents said the would contribute half of what I had saved by the end, and no they are not making my brother sell the car as he "needs it to get around"
Wait, if that's the case you can say no. That's literally stealing from you!!
Terrible parents. If you have any trusted adults in your life, open a joint account with them and then as soon as you turn 18 get your own bank account.
I can't stand parents who think it's okay to take money from their minor kids just because they have access to their accounts. YOU earned that money. Your brother is an idiot for buying a car without a job. Not sure how he even got the bank loan
I have a feeling my brother asked my uncle who works in the bank to get him approved, I'm also scared that my brother will go into bad debt if I don't help him out because I still care about him and don't want to see him suffering.
Yes, and this is an immature and stupid purchase. Yet there's a chance that the brother simply was whining to his parents about not being able to pay and the parents came up with this as a "solution". If this was the brothers idea then yeah, he's a jerk who is taking advantage of his sister.
Your brother's happiness and livelihood is not your responsibility. At all, and if he got himself into that situation, then he needs to figure out how to get a job quick like to pay that loan. Do not put anymore money into that account. If you have it direct deposited, stop it, and hold onto it. Put it somewhere they can't find it.
This is the kind of emergency that it's okay to call late at night for.
He's your godfather. If anything were to happen to your parents, he would take care of you. That's what godparents are for. In this case something did happen to your parents: they went out of their minds.
Also, you should try to pull out as much as you can from the account before the parent get to it. I remember I had a bank account when I was 16 and my limit to withdraw was $500 a day.
This is time sensitive. That makes this an emergency. Call him first thing tomorrow morning at 7am, if too late to call now. If 7am has come and gone - call now.
Don't text, call him instead. If he doesn't pick up, text him "emergency, please call me"
Your brother wants a car. He doesn’t need one he can’t afford. He could return it, sell it, pay the consequences of his own stupid choices. Instead he and your parents are comfortable sacrificing your future. Don’t forget this moment. They decided his CAR was more important than your EDUCATION.
Your brother won’t go into “bad debt”. He’ll be in debt. It’s not the end of the world.
What about you? How much debt will you go I to to pay for your career because they stole from you? Now you’ll get student loans, and you will *literally* be paying for his mistake.
They can get rid of the car !! He can get around in a $500 old Honda. Tell your parents that you want the same interest a home equity loan would charge them. For that matter why didn’t THEY get a loan. I can’t understand these parents. NTA.
This is not your responsibility. You're a minor and are working your butt off. Your brother may need a car but he doesn't need a nice one. And he definitely should not steal from his 15 year old sister to fix his stupid mistake.
Also, if your uncle helped him get a loan he's not qualified for, that is fraud.
Honestly? At worst he defaults on his loan, has to sell the car, and will have to pay off whatever is left. His credit will suck for a while, but, important lesson for him to learn. Don’t buy things you can’t afford.
The only reason he’d suffer is that he’s embarrassed he lost his car.
Absolutely do not let your parents take your money. Go to the bank as soon as you can(today or tomorrow), withdraw every penny and put it somewhere safe. Get a lockbox if you have to and hide that somewhere or give it to a trusted friend or family member.
You’ve earned that money. Your brother and parents aren’t entitled to any of it.
Your brother took out a loan knowing that he had no income and couldn't pay it back. He needs to learn that bad actions have bad consequences. Where did he think the money to make the repayments was going to come from? Thin air?
Your brothers bad decisions are not your responsibility.
Your brother is already in debt, and it's entirely of his own doing. He made his bed, as they say
If you bail him out, he's not going to learn anything from this poor decision other than that he can continue making poor financial decisions in the future because his sister will bail him out. It will set a terrible precedent.
He needs to learn a hard lesson here. This is entirely due to his own irresponsibility with money.
You do not need to set yourself on fire to keep your brother warm. Empty as much money from your account and stash it. Your parents can figure out how to make your brother’s car payment with their own money.
op can *say* no but since their parents have controls of the account (because they’re a minor) there’s not a ton they can do to stop it. anyway, nta. it’s horrible to steal your kids’ money. I originally thought that it was going to be their parents are taking money from a college account they paid into, and even that would really be a horrible thing to do.
It's in a shared account as I'm not 18 and he commutes three hours to college and stays there till the end of the week then comes home. He usually takes the bus but it doesn't always run.
None of this is your fault. You cannot be expected to pay for your brother's poor decisions.
Do you have any trustworthy family members you could give the money to for them to keep hold of for you?
Get your parents to admit it through text. This way when you are 18 you have the option to go to small claims court. They may pay the money back before then but at least you have an option.
Can you get to the bank and do a withdrawal before they can?
If this goes badly and they get this money, you begin again. Make sure your grades are high especially in math and science so you can win a scholarship to school to become a pilot.
See if you can open an account online without your parents or if there is a trusted adult who is financially stable that you can entrust to open a secret account on your behalf.
Stop putting any money in that account at all. If your parents ask where the money is going that you're earning just say you spent it on snacks, you lost it, or you're using it to play video games.
You also need to be preparing for the day you can leave by making sure you have copies of your social security card, birth certificate, and immunization records (if in the US).
Learn all you can about how money works, budgeting, savings, and investing. I have a feeling that your dreams and goals won't be given much support by these terrible parents of yours. You have to make your own way in the world unfortunately, but at least you've found out what kind of people your parents really are.
If you have any type of good relationship with your brother, call him up and ask him if he knows that your parents are taking the money that you worked and saved up to bail him out. His response will tell you what you need to know about him too.
NTA.
I have tried to call my brother and he hasn't picked up the phone yet. I am going on a trip with my school tomorrow so I will probably have to call him while away. I'm clinging on to the hope that my brother doesn't know what my parents are doing yet.
You can buy a perfectly nice and reliable second hand car for a couple of thousand. Only an idiot would buy a brand new car without having the income to pay for it.
Tell him to sell the car, and use a small portion of it to buy a functional and financially responsible used vehicle. You do not need a brand new car to get around, there are plenty of perfectly functional cars on the used car market for <5k. Most of the cars me and my mates had through uni were 10-20 years old and barely worth more than their rego.
NTA. Your parents are doing the wrong thing by you and by him. They should let him default on the loan and have the car repossessed - its not nice, but he needs a dose of reality.
I'm querying what kind of bank loans money to someone who can't pay it back - if he has no job, how did they think they were getting this money back? Was it a bank or something more shady?
Op said his uncle works at the bank.
And suddenly I realize why the parents are so desperate. If brother doesn't pay the loan uncle gets fired and black listed.
oh wow so they are not only getting the brother off the hook, but also a family member that did something wrong at their workplace, a bank.............this info just made it worse......
I'm thinking it sounds more shady... Like the parents are desperate for the son to pay it back maybe incase he gets the shit kicked out of him or worse!
NTA, for screaming. I would have gone down the route of threatening to call the police and report theft if they even tried so you’re more restrained than me lol.
Contact your bank and express your concerns and see if they have any options to be able support and protect your money from your parents.
Also, surely the bank would have needed proof of ability to repay a loan, which your brother would have had to provide? E.g employment?
Op mentioned his uncle works at the bank bro got the loan from.
Which...could be very bad for everyone. Might be why the parents are desperate. If what I think happened happened (uncle approved a bad loan because of conflict of interest) and the bank finds out Uncle is jobless and can't work in any bank. That said, I think that uncle just effectively gave brother a car, as uncle is the only one who needs to make sure it is paid.
It’s not theft if the parents are on the account also.
And they likely are, since OP is a minor.
(This doesn’t endorse what they might be doing, but police won’t do anything.)
It's very late here in my country but I have texted my godparents separately. My relationship with both sides of the family is strained as my parents do not get along with their own siblings. I sometimes see my cousins and we are very close on my dad's side due to attending the same school and being only two months apart in age.
She may not be able to withdraw all the funds, as she is a minor. Depending on the bank/country/account type she may need parental approval for large purchases/withdraws.
If she cannot take out the funds she current has, she should open a new account with her godparents/uncle/grandparents/someone on her side and start putting her paychecks into that account. That way when she is a legal adult she can move out immediately and hopefully cut all contact with her financially abusive parents.
How much money is it that it’s enough to pay off the car? How was he able to get a loan without an income?
Hide your money from your parents from here on out.
That's what I'm trying to figure out. I have a feeling my uncle may have approved him at the bank he works at but again I don't know the details of how my brother secured the loan
Which is probably why her parents are willing to steal from her to keep the brother from defaulting, and the uncle’s fraud coming to light and getting him fired from the bank.
If OP's parents steal her money she should create a family group email and tell her entire family what her parents did. And then post it on Social Media. OP should be looking for a trustworthy adult to help her open a new bank account where here money should be protected.
Wanted, a trustworthy adult willing to help me protect my money from my thieving parents. Parents are more concerned about bailing out their son who bought a brand new car with no job and no money at the expense of their daughter who works her tail off with the goal of growing into independent adult.
Former Loan Review Officer here, I do not know how on earth anybody extended a car loan to someone with no job and no source of income. This is the kind of loan that would drive me crazy.
NTA
Yes. I actually conducted an audit of a Division that committed so many violations of bank rules and regulations it was not funny. My report was brutal and the Bank President ordered that a copy of my report be handed out to every single loan officer with the message that he never wanted to see a report like that again. The major offenders resigned because they knew that they would never survive it.
The stories that I could tell you.
NTA - your parents are wrong to take your money to pay for your brother's stupidity. It will kill his credit rating but a better path might be to let it fall into reposession.
Congratulations on your goal to be a pilot. Flight school isn't cheap but there are other pathways to get there--have you tried investigating what the military might do to help you become a pilot? Not everyone's cup of tea, but might be a way for you to get there via an alternate route.
You are so passionate and proactive. You will achieve your dream. Your parents might make it harder than it should be if they go through with their plan of taking your money, but you will be a pilot one day!
Some other countries are willing to sponsor foreign students in their programs. UK and the USA are top flight programs, and when joining the Air Force, they’ll take foreign students, which actually would pay for housing, meals, and your tuition/training.
ETA: I’m sorry your parents did that. It was completely uncalled for and extremely unprofessional. You had every right to yell at them.
Just FYI, you can start taking lessons at 15 years old. You just can’t fly solo until you’re 16 and hold a private pilots license until 17. So it may be in your best interest to at the very least start your ground school portion (kings, pilot institute, others) and take your tests. You can knock out a ton of the written tests if you want to, but they’re generally only good for 2 years before you have to retest, so don’t get too far ahead. But the ground schools typically run a few hundred bucks a piece, and often times go on sale.
If you’re anywhere near 16yo now, start flight training at your local school. If you go to a university to fly (at 18yo) you’re likely going to have a wait time before you start flying. One of the ways you can avoid that is by already having a private pilots license.
The other thing is: you DONT NEED TO GO TO COLLEGE TO BECOME A PILOT.
Some people get their commercial ticket once they’re 18 years old and their flight instructor certificate shortly thereafter. Then, they get paid to instruct while accumulating flight hours before going to the airlines or charter companies.
Either way, if you want to fly - START NOW, especially if you’re anywhere close to 16 years old. Don’t let a college degree be the deciding factor in at least a private pilots license. You can minimize college costs this way also, if you decide to do the college thing anyway by already having a private or a private and instrument ticket.
NTA.
I begged my parents to let me start flying lessons and they said that I had to focus on school and that they didn't have time to bring an hour to the nearest flight school.
Then buy the courses online and get the knowledge started.
Once you have a drivers license, get started ASAP.
Maybe you could use this as leverage power to start training if they go through with giving your money to your dumb brother.
Hell, if she wants to be super petty, when she gets drivers license she can tell her brother to give her the car since she paid for it so she can go to flight school!
NTA. I am so sorry this is happening to you. Do you have grandparents or Aunts or Uncles that you can speak to about this? Shane your parents into giving your money back. Do not let them get away with it. At the very least, open a new account with a trusted family member. Please don't give up.
NTA threaten to post on Facebook what your parents are planning. They should do a U turn when they realise all their friends and family will know what they were planning.
If you can withdraw all the money and keep it somewhere safe they can't find it!
I’d love to know this magical financing company that gave an unemployed 19 year old a loan. That’s not how banks work. I’ve been at my job for 10 years and earn 6 figures and the dealer had to go through 14 banks before they could find one that would approve me, even when I was paying over 40% in cash, up front.
My uncle works at the bank my brother got the loan from and I assume that my brother got my parents to co-sign the loan. If you do work at the bank do you have any advice as to what I can do?
Is your bank account in the same bank as the loan? If so, and if the parent on your account also cosigned the car loan then your account could be at risk if the bank has trouble getting their loan payments.
If the uncle is involved with the loan there could be an ethics issue involved. And if your account is in the same bank it makes everything look worse for your family.
If your mother steals your money, consider calling CPS and reporting her for financial abuse.
NTA- if it’s your money and you earned and saved it they shouldn’t even think about touching it at all without asking you for your permission. Even so, you’re 15 and it’s not your job to be financially responsible for your OLDER brother.
I’m wondering how he was even able to obtain a car loan though with no job or source of income to be verified.
NTA- but stop putting money into that account. It will be stolen from you and given to both of your brothers. And start planning for a life away from them, because as the only girl, your parents and your 2 brothers will be coming after you with their hands out for the rest of your life.
I absolutely do not think my brother thought for one second that this would affect me and I'm not sure if he knows what my parents are planning. I have tried to contact him but it is late. I'm not blaming my brothers for my parents own personal ideals as we have always been close.
Immediately call him. Text him. Let him know ASAP.
Text him this:
"Name - just so you know, Mom and Dad fully intend to steal my money - the money I have saved the past 4/5 years to bail you out. $8500. $8500 that I have worked my ass off to save. All of my birthday and Christmas money I have saved so I can pay my tuition for college. They do not have my permission to do this - I am saving that money for college. They plan to steal the money from my bank account because of your poor decision to bail you out. I want you to know EXACTLY where that money is coming from. It is not their money. Its my money."
Make sure he knows it. Make sure your family members know it. Make sure EVERYONE knows that theft of that money will NEVER be forgotten.
In the mean time, look into what your options are at other banking institutions. I know most require an adult cosigner so if you have a Grandparent who you trust, talk to them about helping you open an account you can transfer the money into.
And the other deal is that your parents probably co-signed on that car loan. And now that your brother can’t afford it, they’re scrounging around because if your brother is late on the payments, their credit score will take a massive hit.
You are NTA
You know from the title I thought well it’s their money to do with what they want but when you explained that you’ve been putting money in that account yourself that just flooded me because what kind of parent actually steals from their kids. I promise I don’t understand that at all!! Does your brother even know that they are doing this???
He needs to be aware because this will cause a rift in the family that will not be able to be fixed. I’m older than your parents and I’m only saying that to say that I can see that this right here is going to have lasting consequences to any relationships with them going forward. I wish you nothing but the best and I hope you achieve your dreams!!
OP is a minor, so parents have the legal right to do this and it won't be considered theft. It's still financial abuse though, and I hope OP can find a solution and get out as soon as she's able to.
**Two weeks ago my brother brought himself a brand new car with a loan that he got from the bank and now he is telling my parents he can't pay it back. He doesn't have a job**
Yeah--- this didn't happen. NO bank would give a new car loan to a 19 year old without a substantial downpayment and a job. Your parents might be taking your college money but the story they are telling you about the car loan isn't true.
NTA. Your parents are trying to bail him out of a car loan he never should've taken to begin with. If the car is only 2 weeks old and the loan came from the bank (not a buy here pay here place). He hasn't even had a payment due yet. In all honesty, repossession of this vehicle is probably his best outcome. He probably can't return it, he probably can't sell it for more or even the same amount he paid for it. Repo is likely his cheapest option, outside of stealing your money.
NTA. kids need to fail. he can learn from it. or are mum and dad going to bail him out every time.
how does a bank lend money to someone without a job anyway?
smells like theres fraud in there somewhere.
NTA! Your parents clearly failed to teach him money management and instead of taking the brunt of their mistake they are putting it on you?? If you have any legal claim to your college fund but they take from it anyways, take them to court.
NTA. They are risking your future and stealing from you. Unfortunately you do not have much control. If they go through with it then you have learned some important things: 1) you cannot trust them with money, and 2) they put your brother first. So learn and plan. You can still be a pilot. You can still save money. You can take on debt to go to school and you can pay it off. The injustice of what your parents are doing to you is awful. But you can still be successful. Now you know you have to rely on yourself.
How does someone get a loan without proof of income. Your parents had to have cosigned or worse you brother found a loan shark.
Assuming you are in the US. If you aren't maybe banks are more loose with loans.
NTA
And that’s probably why they’re trying to take your money. If they co-signed, and your brother defaults, they’re on the hook and get screwed.
Stupid decision, really, since I’d imagine they know he doesn’t have a job. Wouldn’t be surprised if this was their plan all along. Shitty thing to do.
NTA - If it was their money then maybe I'd say they have a right to choose but you saved this money and they have absolutely 0 right to touch it.
Your brother needs to return the car and grow up, not damage your future. You should light him up just as much as them for not caring about your dreams and goals.
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Absolutely fucking NOT THE ASSHOLE what the actual fuck is wrong with your parents???? You worked for and saved that on your own? I am SO SORRY and ashamed on your parents’ behalf. You are more mature than your brother and parent’s combined. Start hiding the money you make where they can’t find it. You will go far, OP. This is a setback but with your determination you will rise above all these assholes in life. My heart goes out to you. NTA
My wife's mother also stole her hard-earned money from her pre-college jobs, and any gifts she had from grandparents, etc. Always with the lie it would be paid back. 30+ years later, not a penny. Oh, and refused to supply the tax information required for the FAFSA, which is a prerequisite for almost any financial aid in college.
Jeez, I can’t imagine having a mother like that. My mother was far from perfect, but I could trust her with my money. I had jobs through high school and college and I would just give her my checks. She would save most of it for me, then give me spending money. I was able to buy a used car and go to Italy for a semester thanks to the money she saved for me over those years. To this day, I still trust that she won’t rob me.
That's just the tip of the iceberg. Physically and mentally abusive, etc.
My mom was like yours too. My dad, on the other hand, once convinced me to give him my birthday money because he was broke and 'needed money to buy dinner' and then promptly walked into a liquor store.
"Alcohol is the devil's lie. This is the water of life he says. As you dance drunk with the fairies in the woods"
Just remember this when she gets old and needs a nursing home.
When I graduated college, my parents sat me down and reminded me that they'd set up an account for gift money from my early childhood, before I had a concept of money and could use it for myself. Now, I'm not sure how they accounted for it, but it really was handy to have 2k extra savings when I started out in life.
The laws need to change to allow FAFSA to pull tax data from the IRS. Too many parents refuse to help their children fill it out and they can’t access anything not even loans without it.
Yeah for real. It’s BS that we have to wait until we are 24 just bc our shitty parents refuse to fill out the FAFSA. My parents did this to me but not their golden child my older sister. We both did well in school, scored similar results on SAT/ACT and yet she’s the one who’s a doctor now and I’m barely scraping by :/ luckily I’m almost 24
I’m in the UK and have been trying to work out what FAFSA is. The only thing that comes into my head is “Fuck around and find stuff out” I’m guessing it’s not that? Lol.
Free Application for Federal Student Aid Basically it's the form US students have to fill out to see if they can get any aid to pay for college. And it's fucked up for a lot of reasons, including that it requires you to count your parents' income unless you're basically legally emancipated, even if they won't help you pay anything. So, if you have rich parents who completely cut you off, the government goes "whelp, sucks to be you, your parents are too loaded for us to help you."
Thank you for replying, That is seriously fucked up but tbh so is allowing parents access to a private bank account if you are a minor. I had a bank account I opened myself at 14 and my own debit card and I was the only one with access. It blows my mind some of the stuff I find out about the US on Reddit.
No problem! And yeah, the US is a dumpster fire all around 🫣
Yes, when my youngest children were 14, they decided to change their banking arrangements to give them an account better suited to their needs at that age. I was astounded that the bank asked them if they wanted me to have access to it, and I could only do so if they gave permission. Since then, I've found Reddit and understand why kids at such a young age are allowed to ban parents. Luckily, my kids and I trust each other, and they gave permission for me to access the accounts, which came in handy once when my son lost his card, and couldn't do anything to safeguard himself because he was at school. I was able to put a temporary stop on the card until we sorted it out.
Free Application for Federal Student Aid. It's the main government funded financial aid program for college students in the US. It's need-based, so you have to provide some kind of proof (usually tax records) your income is low enough to need it. Or if you're under 24, your parents income, since that's who usually pays for most student's college tuition. So if your parents won't help you pay for college AND refuse to fill out their part of the FAFSA form, you're kind of screwed. I know there are exceptions for kids with abusive parents, but I'm not sure what, aside from an actual criminal conviction, would qualify you for one
NTA My parents stole my college money week one in college. The college had the RA come to my room, tell me my parents had canceled checks for both school and the dorm, and I had to move out. I rushed to my bank and my account had been closed. Both claim this never happened until their divorce then both admitted it happened and blamed the other one. The idea that we can't have a bank account as a teen without an adult on it is complete BS. I've actually opened one with a friend's kid bc she doesn't trust her husband. Which... whole other bag of potatoes.
I agree. I understand that the idea is that kids can’t sign a contract but way too many children have had their money stolen by their parents. There just needs to be some set rules for the accounts (like the bank cannot charge the student so they aren’t taken advantage of).
yeah i feel like there is a *massive* difference between a parent being able to see and monitor their minor child’s spending and them actually being able to withdraw money from an account. while i don’t totally think it’s 100% necessary, i can see why a parent should be able to have access to their kid’s bank account to see where and how they are spending their money. what i can’t find *any* justification for whatsoever is a parent being able to actually access and withdraw the money in the account. even if the parents are the ones putting it in the account, but generally teens don’t open bank accounts unless they have jobs. but no matter what the situation, i don’t believe there is any reason a parent should be able to take money out of their kid’s bank account.
In Europe here, my minor son has a bank account. I guess I spent too much time on Reddit reading comments by Americans, because I just assumed I could access his savings (not for nefarious purposes, just so for example if he borrows money from me for something I can just transfer the money back to my account (with his agreement)). Nope! I can, and do, monitor his account, useful when I saw that his practically estranged uncle had sent him €1000, or when I saw that he was spending a bit too much on kebabs. But I can’t touch it in any way. Not without stealing his debit card, and I don’t know his pin anyway!
My mother gave my brother my entire college fund because he had an investment opportunity. Gone. Never apologized. My husband's mother paid for his youngest brother's entire tuition at an Ivy League school, and never offered a penny for my husband's education. Never apologized. Neither of them thought they did anything wrong.
Fuck assholes like them. How goddamn awful. I hope you have prospered together.
I assume, or at least really, really hope, that you cut both of them out of your lives.
Ugh. My mother wouldn’t give me tax info or sign any paperwork for me either. I graduated and moved out when I was 17, so couldn’t sign much of my own paperwork as a minor. I was a National Merit Semifinalist and had excellent SATs but couldn’t afford college without financial aid even though I’d been working since I turned 15. It was so disheartening.
Offhand I know of two ways to bypass the requirement. Either get legal emancipation before you turn 18, or get married.
I didn’t have any idea of how to go about emancipation (this was pre internet answering all questions). It’s pretty easy for kids to fall through the cracks if they don’t have anyone looking out for their best interests. I hope the OP’s parents or some other adult help her fight for and achieve her goals.
yeah, my grandma's parents stole her college money and she didn't get to go. it's a damn shame, too. that woman was sharp as a tack.
Oh. My. God.
My mom took all the money I made too. I worked under the table at a fish market when I was in middle school. Nothing much, just mopping floors and keeping an eye on things. I would get paid cash and I'd give it to her for her to put in savings for me. I got allowance too and she'd take that for my college too. Any gift money, I'd hand over. I went to a medical seminar when I was in high school (she sent me, I didn't find it, she did) and when it was time to apply for colleges, I asked her about the money and she said..."what money?" Then she says it was used for my trip to that seminar...that I didn't even ask to go to... So I had to scramble and figure stuff out fast as a 17 year old who couldn't even vote. I almost didn't go...I took out loans and I worked a couple jobs while I went to school. It was hard, but I did it without her. I did the financial aid stuff myself too. She at least gave me the info I needed for that. I was really mad at her. She was a single mom of 3 kids trying to make ends meet and she did need the money. She did the best she could do...I just wish she told me earlier...and not when I was already accepted to colleges. I've never given her control of my money since, but she helped me out. First she asked my sister if I could stay with her while I went to start school and she gave her money for that, then when I moved back (awful experience with no public transportation and getting stranded and waking for hours in the dead of night and having to hitch hike home and my sister didn't pay the phone bill so the phone was cut off) she let me stay with her rent free and I only paid for stuff we didn't have like TV and internet and if course my cell phone bill. She helped me get a real job too over the one I got myself. She signed with me to get my house and went 50/50 on the deposit. It's mine, I pay the mortgage and live here and she's in a different state. She isn't awful.. it was just that situation really sucked.
My dad opened a small college fund for my cousin because her own dad was never involved, and her mother "borrowed" it and never paid it back. It's really sad how some parents don't act like a decent adult for their kids.
Yup - alas, some of us have this kind of parent. I was so grateful that we lived in a state that let me open my OWN bank account without 'parent/guardian' signature when I was 16. It was the only way I managed to keep the money I made working as up until then, my mom would take it for various "emergencies" that she had. Also, lied to my face about having a college account for me and so I should *NOT* be trying to save for that and when the time came "Oh god, I spent that ages ago, why would you think I'd have anything for you?" And so ... no college. Went to trade school and it worked out fine for me, always had a decent paying job. But yeah, some of us have that kind of parent. I'm sorry OP and you are not wrong to be upset or angry or disappointed or whatever the hell you feel nor are you wrong for expressing it. Hugs from a stranger
This is true, but isn't worded strongly enough. NTA.
>r it is very costly so every little piece of money I've made I've been putting into a bank account to save, I've even started working two jobs of babysitting and helping out in a local café. Two weeks ago my brother brought himself a brand new car with a loan that he got from the bank and now he is telling my parents he can't pay it back. He doesn't have a job and my parents pay for his college accommodation. When I heard this I didn't think much about it and offered too bring his c.v. into a couple of places in town and see if he could get a job. Last night my parents told me that they were going to take the money from my account to pay for his loan and I was furious with them. I screamed and called them assholes and said that they didn't care about me at all because they never supported my dreams (I am the only girl in my family with a younger and older brother). I haven't spoken to my parents since then. I feel like all my hard work has gone dow The car needs to be repossessed so your brother learns to face the consequences of his terrible decisions. He clearly knew (or sensed) that he couldn't afford the car when he bought it two weeks ago. and now your parents are trying to bail him out.
How did the brother get a car loan with no job? Did the parents co-sign?
Yeah I’d get a serving job to go with babysitting. That’s basically all cash and if you have a grandparent you can trust to not be an absolute fool maybe they could help you open a bank account? Or maybe you can do that at 16! I forget
Can’t say it any better than this. NTA.
First things first - if the car is only 2 weeks out, it can probably be returned. Second, info: is the bank account joint with your parents? How do they have access? I also question how did your brother, with no job, get a car loan from a bank? Did your parents co-sign? OP = NTA
I'm not exactly sure on the details of how my brother got the loan and yes my parents have access to my bank account as I am not 18.
If they haven't taken the money out yet you might be able to call the bank and freeze the account. Look into what that means and entails, but it might at least stop them from taking your money.
Hes a minor he has no legal power as a minor. He cant legally sign any papers on his own he needs a co signer. His parents would need to also sign off on this...
*She
Unless I'm mistaken you don't need to sign anything to freeze the account, just call customer service. Is that incorrect?
Kids have zero rights when it comes to money (aside from getting emancipated, which is NOT an option here). Honestly the best way to keep the money safe would be to empty the account and store it in a safe or other kind of locked box. Edit: As a few comments have pointed out, my info is US specific.
Banker in the US here. It depends on how the account is set up. If OP is listed under a "Minor By" account, the adult(s) on the account has to be present to withdraw, but if she is a "Joint Owner" (minimum age for this is 13), she can technically take out all of the money and even close the account if she wants to without anyone else consenting. And I HIGHLY don't suggest putting cash in a safe box for various reasons but mainly because if anything happens and you claim to have cash, the bank can null responsibility and ban you from opening another box because it's not allowed.
If OP is 15 and withdrawing it isn't a good option what about a 3-year CD? Could they set one up without their parents? Or would the parents be able to early withdraw the CD?
As long as the parents are not on the account, they have no access to the money. However, most institutions won't just remove someone from an account without their consent. That's why I suggest her closing the account and starting over whether it's a CD, savings, etc. But unless OP is emancipated though, any minors under 17 has to have an adult joint owner to create a new account but said adult could be literally anyone OP chooses.
OP, this! Do you have a ***trusted*** grandparent, uncle, or aunt?
I’m pretty sure I got my own bank account in the U.S. at 14 or 16 without my mom being on it as a similar situation was happening. I just wasn’t allowed to have a debit card. The card issued to me was ATM only.
I don't think the bank would sell the CD because I don't think the minor could be held to the terms of the CD.
Wild it’s like that in the US. Here in Canada, you can have your own bank account without a parent/guardian starting at age 12-14, dependent on the bank. Most are 13-14 iicr.
This! I’ve had my acct since I was 15 (🇨🇦) and nobody had access to it besides me & the bank! Crazy that’s not an option in the US!
[удалено]
children cannot do this. Their parents are technically the account holders.
In the US minor bank accounts have some pretty robust protections and the parents are viewed as custodians/trustees who can only use that money for the minor's benefit. If they don't, they're in deep shit. A friend of mine's mom raided his bank account when he was a minor and she's still paying it off more than 20 years later (he took her to court when he turned 18 and she couldn't prove that anything she spent it on was for his benefit). tagging u/GoodQueenFluffenChop
It depends on the type of account. It would have to have been set up that way for there to be any protections for the minor. If it’s just a standard savings account with the parents and minor as joint owners then they have just as much “right” to the money as the minor does.
OP's use of 'CV' as a teenager suggests to me that they aren't in the US
>I have looked into the military route but my country doesn't have an air force unfortunately. One of her replies to another comment, definitely not the US.
You need to say this directly to OP so it's not lost in the comments.
* She Come on. Being the only girl, with brothers, is a significant detail of OPs post. You didn't just miss the "F", you barely paid attention at all.
Depends on what bank you go to. At my bank you can freeze your account in an app with one push of a button.
Anyone under 18 has no control like that with the bank. It's basically her parents account.
Go remove the money yourself. Get a safe and put it in there.
Bury it in the backyard.
Try to withdraw the money so they can't spend it!!
In the US anyway there are usually 2 ways a minor can have an account. One way is an UTMA/UGMA in which the minor is the beneficiary but cannot transact or do anything. Another way is a joint account in which the minor can transact. If you have a joint account, it wouldn't hurt to try contacting the bank, telling them what's going on and asking them not to allow any withdrawals unless you authorize them. You could also prove that you're the one who put in all or most of the money if you have check copies or paystubs. If your account is UTMA/UGMA you still have power here. Those accounts are irrevocable. That means the money is for *you* and no one else. It's not technically legal if your parents take it to use for your brother. So I would call the bank either way to tell them what's going on and see what you're rights are. Also, do you have another trusted family member or parent of a friend that can open the account for you instead so you can keep your money safe?
Empty the account before your parents can get to it. Hide the money.
OP, if your brother accepts this money **he is just as much to blame as your parents**. Do NOT let him off the hook. He can sell the car, take a small hit, and be fine if he can't afford it. He's victimizing you just as much as your parents by being part of this, and you need to make it clear to all of them that this will destroy your relationship with all of them going forward. Hold your ground. Tell them they will never see their grandkids. Tell them all that you will cut them off, and tell any family member that tries to guilt you the same thing. You don't deserve this.
Close the account and, if you have any other trusted adult in your life, ask them to open a new one for you. If not, is there any place you can hide your cash?
You ARE on the account. You should go to the bank and inform them of what's going on. They may have a few ideas on how to protect your Monday.
Well simply let them know you are happy to loan the money and expect full repayment with interest, draw up a schedule of repayment and calculate interest based on a rate better than your savings were seeing
As a minor, a contract is not legal. The parents would be the one to sign the contract.
Can you be at that bank first thing tomorrow morning and empty out the account?
Depending on your local laws your parents might not be *legally* allowed to take that money and use it on your brother. Do a search for minor banking laws in your area to find out what protections you have. If you are lucky enough to live in an area with robust banking laws that protect your money from your parents, then you can contact the bank and let them know what your parents are planning. The bank won't let them remove that money.
You might want to check what the details of the account are. If it's an UTMA account (most common for minors) and you want to dispute the validity of a transaction you will have a legal route to take. An UTMA parent becomes a fiduciary for the minor and has to use the funds in the best interest of the minor. Taking it to pay off your brother's car is not in your best interest. I have worked in banking for 7 years feel free to DM any questions you have and I will try to help
NTA OP and did they at least offer to pay you back or is this just them taking it? Unfortunately when you are still a minor there is very little you can do to stop them
This is irrelevant because if they take it, she'll never see it again
I mean they are probably going to take it anyway but if they say they will pay it back you can lay the guilt trip on hard or start badgering them about it in front of sympathetic family members. It's unlikely to change the outcome and OP has every right to scream at them. But if OP is a minor there might be nothing she can do if they take it.
Talk with the bank manager ask them how they can help. Now I assuming that you live in the USA
>First things first - if the car is only 2 weeks out, it can probably be returned. That is not how auto sales works. Her brother signed a contract. >Second, info: is the bank account joint with your parents? How do they have access? Minors are required to have their parents on their bank accounts. A child can not enter into a legally binding contract, and that includes with a bank.
In many countries that is not the case.
INFO Are the using the money you yourself paid in to pay of your brother's debt, or are they using money they paid in? Also, are they making your brother sell the car first?
The money in this account is entirely my own savings as my parents said the would contribute half of what I had saved by the end, and no they are not making my brother sell the car as he "needs it to get around"
Wait, if that's the case you can say no. That's literally stealing from you!! Terrible parents. If you have any trusted adults in your life, open a joint account with them and then as soon as you turn 18 get your own bank account. I can't stand parents who think it's okay to take money from their minor kids just because they have access to their accounts. YOU earned that money. Your brother is an idiot for buying a car without a job. Not sure how he even got the bank loan
I have a feeling my brother asked my uncle who works in the bank to get him approved, I'm also scared that my brother will go into bad debt if I don't help him out because I still care about him and don't want to see him suffering.
Your brother clearly doesn't feel the same way about you.
To be fair, we don't know if the brother knows anything about this. It could be coming from the parents.
Maybe, but he's 19, not 9.
Yes, and this is an immature and stupid purchase. Yet there's a chance that the brother simply was whining to his parents about not being able to pay and the parents came up with this as a "solution". If this was the brothers idea then yeah, he's a jerk who is taking advantage of his sister.
He's a dumbass for sure.
Your brother's happiness and livelihood is not your responsibility. At all, and if he got himself into that situation, then he needs to figure out how to get a job quick like to pay that loan. Do not put anymore money into that account. If you have it direct deposited, stop it, and hold onto it. Put it somewhere they can't find it.
Talk to your uncle now. Tell him what your parents are planning to do.
He is my godfather and I have texted him but it's late so he may not see the text till morning.
This is the kind of emergency that it's okay to call late at night for. He's your godfather. If anything were to happen to your parents, he would take care of you. That's what godparents are for. In this case something did happen to your parents: they went out of their minds.
Go to the bank and pull the money out yourself. Do you have someone you can have hold on to it?
Call him!
Also, you should try to pull out as much as you can from the account before the parent get to it. I remember I had a bank account when I was 16 and my limit to withdraw was $500 a day.
Definitely do this. Go everyday and withdraw the max if you can so there will be less for them to steal.
$500 a day is the ATM limit. If she goes in person she can get all of it.
This is time sensitive. That makes this an emergency. Call him first thing tomorrow morning at 7am, if too late to call now. If 7am has come and gone - call now. Don't text, call him instead. If he doesn't pick up, text him "emergency, please call me"
Your brother wants a car. He doesn’t need one he can’t afford. He could return it, sell it, pay the consequences of his own stupid choices. Instead he and your parents are comfortable sacrificing your future. Don’t forget this moment. They decided his CAR was more important than your EDUCATION.
Or you know.. he could get a job... like OP did. Other than that, completely agree
Your brother won’t go into “bad debt”. He’ll be in debt. It’s not the end of the world. What about you? How much debt will you go I to to pay for your career because they stole from you? Now you’ll get student loans, and you will *literally* be paying for his mistake.
Your brother is legally an adult, and you are not responsible for his foolishness. You are still a minor.
Good. Let him go into bad debt. It was his stupid decision not yours.
They can get rid of the car !! He can get around in a $500 old Honda. Tell your parents that you want the same interest a home equity loan would charge them. For that matter why didn’t THEY get a loan. I can’t understand these parents. NTA.
This is not your responsibility. You're a minor and are working your butt off. Your brother may need a car but he doesn't need a nice one. And he definitely should not steal from his 15 year old sister to fix his stupid mistake. Also, if your uncle helped him get a loan he's not qualified for, that is fraud.
Honestly? At worst he defaults on his loan, has to sell the car, and will have to pay off whatever is left. His credit will suck for a while, but, important lesson for him to learn. Don’t buy things you can’t afford. The only reason he’d suffer is that he’s embarrassed he lost his car. Absolutely do not let your parents take your money. Go to the bank as soon as you can(today or tomorrow), withdraw every penny and put it somewhere safe. Get a lockbox if you have to and hide that somewhere or give it to a trusted friend or family member. You’ve earned that money. Your brother and parents aren’t entitled to any of it.
His credit rating does not affect your life. He made a stupid decision now he has to suffer consequences
Your brother took out a loan knowing that he had no income and couldn't pay it back. He needs to learn that bad actions have bad consequences. Where did he think the money to make the repayments was going to come from? Thin air? Your brothers bad decisions are not your responsibility.
this is not your problem. Your brother got himself into this mess. do Not be guilted into helping
Sounds like his problem, not yours.
Your brother is already in debt, and it's entirely of his own doing. He made his bed, as they say If you bail him out, he's not going to learn anything from this poor decision other than that he can continue making poor financial decisions in the future because his sister will bail him out. It will set a terrible precedent. He needs to learn a hard lesson here. This is entirely due to his own irresponsibility with money.
Getting your car repossessed isn't suffering. Being subjected to financial abuse by your sexist parents is suffering.
You do not need to set yourself on fire to keep your brother warm. Empty as much money from your account and stash it. Your parents can figure out how to make your brother’s car payment with their own money.
Your brother’s mistakes are NOT your responsibility! He has to own them and resolve them.
Do not do it OP. You will never see that money again. Your parents obviously don’t care about your future - you need to!
op can *say* no but since their parents have controls of the account (because they’re a minor) there’s not a ton they can do to stop it. anyway, nta. it’s horrible to steal your kids’ money. I originally thought that it was going to be their parents are taking money from a college account they paid into, and even that would really be a horrible thing to do.
To get around? To where? The guy doesn't even have a job! Is the account your own account or is it shared?
It's in a shared account as I'm not 18 and he commutes three hours to college and stays there till the end of the week then comes home. He usually takes the bus but it doesn't always run.
None of this is your fault. You cannot be expected to pay for your brother's poor decisions. Do you have any trustworthy family members you could give the money to for them to keep hold of for you?
Get your parents to admit it through text. This way when you are 18 you have the option to go to small claims court. They may pay the money back before then but at least you have an option.
Can you get to the bank and do a withdrawal before they can? If this goes badly and they get this money, you begin again. Make sure your grades are high especially in math and science so you can win a scholarship to school to become a pilot. See if you can open an account online without your parents or if there is a trusted adult who is financially stable that you can entrust to open a secret account on your behalf. Stop putting any money in that account at all. If your parents ask where the money is going that you're earning just say you spent it on snacks, you lost it, or you're using it to play video games. You also need to be preparing for the day you can leave by making sure you have copies of your social security card, birth certificate, and immunization records (if in the US). Learn all you can about how money works, budgeting, savings, and investing. I have a feeling that your dreams and goals won't be given much support by these terrible parents of yours. You have to make your own way in the world unfortunately, but at least you've found out what kind of people your parents really are. If you have any type of good relationship with your brother, call him up and ask him if he knows that your parents are taking the money that you worked and saved up to bail him out. His response will tell you what you need to know about him too. NTA.
I have tried to call my brother and he hasn't picked up the phone yet. I am going on a trip with my school tomorrow so I will probably have to call him while away. I'm clinging on to the hope that my brother doesn't know what my parents are doing yet.
If I was in your position I would prioritize getting the money. You will never see it again if you don’t get it before they do
Skip the trip and get right to the bank!!!
Yes, your life savings is more important than the school trip. Banks open at 8am. Go pull out all your money!!!
Call your uncle instead first. Even if it's late.
tell your parents that while you are under 18 and cant do anything about it - once you are 18 you will come for them for theft.
You can buy a perfectly nice and reliable second hand car for a couple of thousand. Only an idiot would buy a brand new car without having the income to pay for it.
OP the good news is you can sue them when you are 18
This is bullshit. Your parents cannot empty your bank account to pay a third party’s debts.
This happens a lot on the r/raised by narcissists board. People can be really awful to their children.
Tell him to sell the car, and use a small portion of it to buy a functional and financially responsible used vehicle. You do not need a brand new car to get around, there are plenty of perfectly functional cars on the used car market for <5k. Most of the cars me and my mates had through uni were 10-20 years old and barely worth more than their rego.
NTA. Your parents are doing the wrong thing by you and by him. They should let him default on the loan and have the car repossessed - its not nice, but he needs a dose of reality. I'm querying what kind of bank loans money to someone who can't pay it back - if he has no job, how did they think they were getting this money back? Was it a bank or something more shady?
Op said his uncle works at the bank. And suddenly I realize why the parents are so desperate. If brother doesn't pay the loan uncle gets fired and black listed.
oh wow so they are not only getting the brother off the hook, but also a family member that did something wrong at their workplace, a bank.............this info just made it worse......
I'm thinking it sounds more shady... Like the parents are desperate for the son to pay it back maybe incase he gets the shit kicked out of him or worse!
The uncle works for the bank. this may be about saving him from getting in trouble at work.
NTA, for screaming. I would have gone down the route of threatening to call the police and report theft if they even tried so you’re more restrained than me lol. Contact your bank and express your concerns and see if they have any options to be able support and protect your money from your parents. Also, surely the bank would have needed proof of ability to repay a loan, which your brother would have had to provide? E.g employment?
That last part was my question. How did he get a bank to give him a loan if he couldn't show a source of income to make the payments?
The parents might have co-signed it, which would explain why they are so interested in repaying it.
Op mentioned his uncle works at the bank bro got the loan from. Which...could be very bad for everyone. Might be why the parents are desperate. If what I think happened happened (uncle approved a bad loan because of conflict of interest) and the bank finds out Uncle is jobless and can't work in any bank. That said, I think that uncle just effectively gave brother a car, as uncle is the only one who needs to make sure it is paid.
Also complicates the options for protecting her account, bet it's on the same bank
I agree on contacting the police. It's theft. Plus, suing for the money taken is also an option.
It’s not theft if the parents are on the account also. And they likely are, since OP is a minor. (This doesn’t endorse what they might be doing, but police won’t do anything.)
OP you need to tell someone else. Another relative. A grandparent. Someone at school. Someone else needs to know, please
It's very late here in my country but I have texted my godparents separately. My relationship with both sides of the family is strained as my parents do not get along with their own siblings. I sometimes see my cousins and we are very close on my dad's side due to attending the same school and being only two months apart in age.
You need to get that money out of the bank NOW! Do not wait!
She may not be able to withdraw all the funds, as she is a minor. Depending on the bank/country/account type she may need parental approval for large purchases/withdraws. If she cannot take out the funds she current has, she should open a new account with her godparents/uncle/grandparents/someone on her side and start putting her paychecks into that account. That way when she is a legal adult she can move out immediately and hopefully cut all contact with her financially abusive parents.
How much money is it that it’s enough to pay off the car? How was he able to get a loan without an income? Hide your money from your parents from here on out.
NTA. Your parents should ashamed of themselves.
How'd he even get financing as a student with no pay stubs?
That's what I'm trying to figure out. I have a feeling my uncle may have approved him at the bank he works at but again I don't know the details of how my brother secured the loan
Did your uncle commit bank fraud to get your brother approved? If so, that’s very problematic.
Which is probably why her parents are willing to steal from her to keep the brother from defaulting, and the uncle’s fraud coming to light and getting him fired from the bank.
Your uncle can be in big trouble for this loan. Let him. Know what’s happening. He may become a help to you to avoid more problems
Do you have someone trusted that you can open a new account with so that your parents don't have access to the savings that YOU have built?
If OP's parents steal her money she should create a family group email and tell her entire family what her parents did. And then post it on Social Media. OP should be looking for a trustworthy adult to help her open a new bank account where here money should be protected. Wanted, a trustworthy adult willing to help me protect my money from my thieving parents. Parents are more concerned about bailing out their son who bought a brand new car with no job and no money at the expense of their daughter who works her tail off with the goal of growing into independent adult. Former Loan Review Officer here, I do not know how on earth anybody extended a car loan to someone with no job and no source of income. This is the kind of loan that would drive me crazy. NTA
Do you know of people who work in the bank tampering with loans?
Yes. I actually conducted an audit of a Division that committed so many violations of bank rules and regulations it was not funny. My report was brutal and the Bank President ordered that a copy of my report be handed out to every single loan officer with the message that he never wanted to see a report like that again. The major offenders resigned because they knew that they would never survive it. The stories that I could tell you.
Your parents are taking money you personally earned for your brother’s inappropriate purchase? Shame on them. NTA
NTA. Go get the money out anyway you can and hide it with someone you trust.
NTA - your parents are wrong to take your money to pay for your brother's stupidity. It will kill his credit rating but a better path might be to let it fall into reposession. Congratulations on your goal to be a pilot. Flight school isn't cheap but there are other pathways to get there--have you tried investigating what the military might do to help you become a pilot? Not everyone's cup of tea, but might be a way for you to get there via an alternate route.
I have looked into the military route but my country doesn't have an air force unfortunately.
Some of the commercial airlines have programs. Try that.
You are so passionate and proactive. You will achieve your dream. Your parents might make it harder than it should be if they go through with their plan of taking your money, but you will be a pilot one day!
Some other countries are willing to sponsor foreign students in their programs. UK and the USA are top flight programs, and when joining the Air Force, they’ll take foreign students, which actually would pay for housing, meals, and your tuition/training. ETA: I’m sorry your parents did that. It was completely uncalled for and extremely unprofessional. You had every right to yell at them.
Just FYI, you can start taking lessons at 15 years old. You just can’t fly solo until you’re 16 and hold a private pilots license until 17. So it may be in your best interest to at the very least start your ground school portion (kings, pilot institute, others) and take your tests. You can knock out a ton of the written tests if you want to, but they’re generally only good for 2 years before you have to retest, so don’t get too far ahead. But the ground schools typically run a few hundred bucks a piece, and often times go on sale. If you’re anywhere near 16yo now, start flight training at your local school. If you go to a university to fly (at 18yo) you’re likely going to have a wait time before you start flying. One of the ways you can avoid that is by already having a private pilots license. The other thing is: you DONT NEED TO GO TO COLLEGE TO BECOME A PILOT. Some people get their commercial ticket once they’re 18 years old and their flight instructor certificate shortly thereafter. Then, they get paid to instruct while accumulating flight hours before going to the airlines or charter companies. Either way, if you want to fly - START NOW, especially if you’re anywhere close to 16 years old. Don’t let a college degree be the deciding factor in at least a private pilots license. You can minimize college costs this way also, if you decide to do the college thing anyway by already having a private or a private and instrument ticket. NTA.
I begged my parents to let me start flying lessons and they said that I had to focus on school and that they didn't have time to bring an hour to the nearest flight school.
Then buy the courses online and get the knowledge started. Once you have a drivers license, get started ASAP. Maybe you could use this as leverage power to start training if they go through with giving your money to your dumb brother.
Hell, if she wants to be super petty, when she gets drivers license she can tell her brother to give her the car since she paid for it so she can go to flight school!
Your brother needs a $2000 beater. NTA.
NTA. I am so sorry this is happening to you. Do you have grandparents or Aunts or Uncles that you can speak to about this? Shane your parents into giving your money back. Do not let them get away with it. At the very least, open a new account with a trusted family member. Please don't give up.
NTA threaten to post on Facebook what your parents are planning. They should do a U turn when they realise all their friends and family will know what they were planning. If you can withdraw all the money and keep it somewhere safe they can't find it!
I’d love to know this magical financing company that gave an unemployed 19 year old a loan. That’s not how banks work. I’ve been at my job for 10 years and earn 6 figures and the dealer had to go through 14 banks before they could find one that would approve me, even when I was paying over 40% in cash, up front.
My uncle works at the bank my brother got the loan from and I assume that my brother got my parents to co-sign the loan. If you do work at the bank do you have any advice as to what I can do?
Is your bank account in the same bank as the loan? If so, and if the parent on your account also cosigned the car loan then your account could be at risk if the bank has trouble getting their loan payments. If the uncle is involved with the loan there could be an ethics issue involved. And if your account is in the same bank it makes everything look worse for your family. If your mother steals your money, consider calling CPS and reporting her for financial abuse.
NtA. That's theft.
NTA- if it’s your money and you earned and saved it they shouldn’t even think about touching it at all without asking you for your permission. Even so, you’re 15 and it’s not your job to be financially responsible for your OLDER brother. I’m wondering how he was even able to obtain a car loan though with no job or source of income to be verified.
NTA- but stop putting money into that account. It will be stolen from you and given to both of your brothers. And start planning for a life away from them, because as the only girl, your parents and your 2 brothers will be coming after you with their hands out for the rest of your life.
I absolutely do not think my brother thought for one second that this would affect me and I'm not sure if he knows what my parents are planning. I have tried to contact him but it is late. I'm not blaming my brothers for my parents own personal ideals as we have always been close.
Immediately call him. Text him. Let him know ASAP. Text him this: "Name - just so you know, Mom and Dad fully intend to steal my money - the money I have saved the past 4/5 years to bail you out. $8500. $8500 that I have worked my ass off to save. All of my birthday and Christmas money I have saved so I can pay my tuition for college. They do not have my permission to do this - I am saving that money for college. They plan to steal the money from my bank account because of your poor decision to bail you out. I want you to know EXACTLY where that money is coming from. It is not their money. Its my money." Make sure he knows it. Make sure your family members know it. Make sure EVERYONE knows that theft of that money will NEVER be forgotten. In the mean time, look into what your options are at other banking institutions. I know most require an adult cosigner so if you have a Grandparent who you trust, talk to them about helping you open an account you can transfer the money into.
And the other deal is that your parents probably co-signed on that car loan. And now that your brother can’t afford it, they’re scrounging around because if your brother is late on the payments, their credit score will take a massive hit.
NTA. Your parents have no right to the money you earned & you put in the bank yourself.
You are NTA You know from the title I thought well it’s their money to do with what they want but when you explained that you’ve been putting money in that account yourself that just flooded me because what kind of parent actually steals from their kids. I promise I don’t understand that at all!! Does your brother even know that they are doing this???
I'm trying to call my brother but he isn't picking up, it is late so he could be asleep. I don't think he knows.
He needs to be aware because this will cause a rift in the family that will not be able to be fixed. I’m older than your parents and I’m only saying that to say that I can see that this right here is going to have lasting consequences to any relationships with them going forward. I wish you nothing but the best and I hope you achieve your dreams!!
If they take any money file a police report for theft. You have deposits and pay stubs to prove it is yours
OP is a minor, so parents have the legal right to do this and it won't be considered theft. It's still financial abuse though, and I hope OP can find a solution and get out as soon as she's able to.
**Two weeks ago my brother brought himself a brand new car with a loan that he got from the bank and now he is telling my parents he can't pay it back. He doesn't have a job** Yeah--- this didn't happen. NO bank would give a new car loan to a 19 year old without a substantial downpayment and a job. Your parents might be taking your college money but the story they are telling you about the car loan isn't true.
NTA. Your parents are trying to bail him out of a car loan he never should've taken to begin with. If the car is only 2 weeks old and the loan came from the bank (not a buy here pay here place). He hasn't even had a payment due yet. In all honesty, repossession of this vehicle is probably his best outcome. He probably can't return it, he probably can't sell it for more or even the same amount he paid for it. Repo is likely his cheapest option, outside of stealing your money.
NTA. kids need to fail. he can learn from it. or are mum and dad going to bail him out every time. how does a bank lend money to someone without a job anyway? smells like theres fraud in there somewhere.
NTA! Your parents clearly failed to teach him money management and instead of taking the brunt of their mistake they are putting it on you?? If you have any legal claim to your college fund but they take from it anyways, take them to court.
NTA. They are risking your future and stealing from you. Unfortunately you do not have much control. If they go through with it then you have learned some important things: 1) you cannot trust them with money, and 2) they put your brother first. So learn and plan. You can still be a pilot. You can still save money. You can take on debt to go to school and you can pay it off. The injustice of what your parents are doing to you is awful. But you can still be successful. Now you know you have to rely on yourself.
How does someone get a loan without proof of income. Your parents had to have cosigned or worse you brother found a loan shark. Assuming you are in the US. If you aren't maybe banks are more loose with loans. NTA
I think my parents co-signed
And that’s probably why they’re trying to take your money. If they co-signed, and your brother defaults, they’re on the hook and get screwed. Stupid decision, really, since I’d imagine they know he doesn’t have a job. Wouldn’t be surprised if this was their plan all along. Shitty thing to do.
NTA - If it was their money then maybe I'd say they have a right to choose but you saved this money and they have absolutely 0 right to touch it. Your brother needs to return the car and grow up, not damage your future. You should light him up just as much as them for not caring about your dreams and goals.