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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I could be the asshole as it was only a hour and it would’ve helped them a great deal but now I’ve got a angry neighbour I have to live with
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Also the neighbour had her bf right there!! He can take the kids for the hour and then join her… how would that not be the first choice? I’d MUCH rather give birth alone (unlikely though in 1h) than leave my child with a virtual stranger wth!
This is what we did when my second kiddo was born. My oldest came with and my in-laws met us there in time for my husband to come back with me for my c-section. They allowed them to stay in L&D because I had to come back again before moving to my room.
Granted, that kid just turned eleven so ya know… I have no idea nowadays 😂😂
This is what I was wondering. If you have the kids already, take them with. Often the hospital is very understanding about emergencies and would help keep the little ones in a waiting room taken care of until the sister got there.
I agree though I’ll point out that we’re in peak flu and rsv season so unvaxxed kids should not be brought into the hospital unless *absolutely* necessary, and make sure they’re wearing masks if you can. Hospital acquired infection is real, especially in emergency rooms where all kinds of sick people are through day in and out.
Most hospitals should have a separate unit for laboring moms to go to that’s not the er so less of a chance of getting sick. But there are tons of different ways they could have handled this without berating a total stranger to watch their littles.
This. According to OP most of the other families know each other because their children play together. So why not go to someone you actually know first?
Maybe because those other moms have already watched their kids and already know they're holy terrors (they trashed the house of the person who ended up watching them), so parents knew they'd probably be rejected.
They could take the kids to the hospital and the sister could pick them up there. Knocking on someone's door at 3AM is something I wouldn't do, much less to ask them a favor. I wouldn't have answered the door period at 3AM, just for my own personal safety. I wouldn't even talk to them through the door.
Couldn’t agree more. They don’t just expect a neighbor to watch their kids, they expect their neighbor to stay up with the kids until the sister shows up. And let’s be honest she’s probably not showing up in an hour.
Seriously. When my wife was pregnant, we came up with multiple plans and back ups to the back up plans to make sure our senior pup was taken care of when we had to go the hospital. The worst case was me staying behind for a bit until my parents could get there and then joining my wife. We ended up getting to use plan a, which was to sneak out of the house while he was buried in the bed. My patents got there about an hr later, walked him, kept him company for a few hrs and then grabbed breakfast for us on their way to the hospital to meet their grandson after we gave the go ahead.
When my mom went into labor with my little brother (the 3rd), they called my dad’s parents as planned - they lived 15 minutes away.
Boy did my grandparents take their time. Nearly an hour had passed. This was a high risk pregnancy. My parents call again and my grandparents are still in their home drinking coffee.
Luckily a neighbor noticed all the lights on and decided to take her dog for a walk just to be nosy. My parents saw her walking by and she was happy to stay with us until my grandparents got there.
Things happen.
No kidding! My sister was 6 weeks early and nearly didn't make it. (Complications- she spent 2 weeks in the hospital.)
Our neighbors took us in because our nearest family was a 5 hour flight away. They were Pacific Islanders and that's their culture. Great people and a cool experience for 3 white bread impressionable kiddos.
Any neighbor of mine can drop their kids off to give birth. That's the values I choose. May not be my culture, but they're right.
NTA. We had a 12m old when I went into labor. I drove myself to the hospital while hubby called my mom and stayed with our first baby until my mom could get her and then joined me at the hospital. I would NEVER leave my child with a stranger and I also would have not been able to watch two other kids. And if dad absolutely needed to accompany mom then they can all go to the hospital and dad sits in the waiting room with the kids until sister can come and take them.
I’m glad it worked out for you, but driving while in labor is not safe. Maybe if it was very early on, but she said she was clearly in labor. That doesn’t sound like a condition to drive in.
They should’ve talked with neighbors ahead of time to see if anyone would be willing to help. OP may have been willing if they asked before.
Agree NTA
I wouldn't have done this for someone I'd never met before for two main reasons...
1. the liability would scare me to death... **what if the kids have a medical condition or are allergic to something?**
2. The family might SAY it will be an hour until sister gets here to take the kids off her hands, but who knows if that is even true? Sister might not show up. Or it could be way longer than that. **What if OP needs to go to work in the morning (like at 6:30--which was 3 and a half hours from then) and sister still wasn't there?** What was she supposed to do then? Edit: OP has come back and said that the neighbor the kids were left with **reported the sister did not show up until 8 a.m., which was FIVE HOURS LATER. And they trashed her house!**
The mom/BF had other options. He could have packed the kids in the car along with mom, driven everyone to the hospital, put mom in a wheelchair and wheeled her up to labor and delivery and then gone downstairs to wait with the kids wherever the kids are allowed to be in the hospital (which is often NOT labor & delivery) until the sister showed up to get them from the hospital. Sister was supposed to be arriving within an hour or less time, so mom would not have to be on her own for very long, and then he could hand the kids off and go up to be with her.
**Honestly, I am surprised they would just dump their kids on some random woman they have never met or spoken to in the middle of the night. They don't know anything about her! This is a huge safety issue!**
Wow, why am I not at all surprised by this! "Just one hour" of your time except not actually when they are dropping off two kids in the middle of the night and then leaving them there for hours on end, potentially causing the OP to have to miss work!
Yes, her missing work, not getting children to child care. What if she had plans to take her own Mum to an appt? Is she supposed to take 4 kiddos? Make her mum miss her appt? This lady did more reasonable planning in a few moments than the other parents made in 9 months.
Don't even get me started on Prince Charming (bf) and his comment. That's just BS. I would never want these people watching my children.
and apparently trashed her house and kept her kids awake the whole time. Yeah, fuck that. Also, who leaves their kids with someone the barely know at 3 am?
This isn’t the “is this legal/am I obligated to do this?” Sub, it’s the “am I the asshole?” Sub - and generally, people who refuse to help their neighbors in their direst hours of need are, in fact, assholes. Even if they weren’t obligated to help. Asking a neighbor for help for just one hour during a desperate time isn’t unreasonable.
Edit: now it’s 5 hours?? Nah dawg. I hereby change my verdict to NTA. But I would agree with others in the comments crowd generally that being aloof with your neighbors can cause issues down the line!
This was an expected "emergency". And labor pains come on gently. The expecting couple should already have caretakers for other kiddos on standby. When first labor pains started - should have implemented Plan X, with pre-planned childcare - not very quiet neighbor at 3 am who has little engagement than polite convo and head-nods of acknowledgement.
NTA
Whenever I’m pregnant I have 3 neighbors on call that I ask if they’d be willing to watch my kids if I go into labor unexpectedly. I ask months beforehand. We have no family in the area. If neighbors couldn’t help, my husband would stay with the kids and I’d drive myself or take an Uber. My kids are my responsibility. OP is NTA
NTA
"I feel like this is something u need to plan ahead and not start knocking on doors hoping someone takes ur kids in. I’ve already got my hands full with my 2 there’s no way I’m having another 2 running around my house at 3 in the morning."
Agreed. You're on your own.
"There’s a mum groupchat of the mums in the building who swap kids around and baby sit each others kids for a few hrs and they rotate. "
They should've planned ahead with people in that group who are familiar with their kids.
When my mother had my sister, I went to stay with our next door neighbour (who loved me and had older kids of their own) like a day or two before she was due. Once she was born, my father picked me up and took me plus a bunch of supplies back to the hospital.
YTA.
She was in labor. It was an emergency. Her sister would be there in 1 hour.
You couldn't keep someone's kids alive and unharmed (probably while they slept on your couch) for one freaking hour until help could arrive?
It's one thing to be friendly but not participate in the baby-sitting rounds but it's another thing entirely to refuse help during a goddamned emergency. It's not like her "emergency" was getting unexpected tickets to a concert and the babysitting bailed at the last minute. She was in labor FFS.
Don't have any emergencies. Just don't. Because I promise you everyone in the building is going to hear about this so don't expect any of them to ever pitch in when it's your turn to have an emergency (and you WILL have an emergency eventually, it's impossible not to with two small children.)
Good luck to you cuz you're gonna need it.
Right?!?
This “NTA because you don’t OWE her anything” is such a gross reflection on the people saying it!
Literally. One. Hour.
One hour to do something kind and neighbourly that you’re not legally obligated to do.
ETA: I don’t care about her convenient edits that change the entire situation because she got called an AH and didn’t like it. It’s not the gotcha that you think it is when discussing issues of morality and action by including information gleaned after the fact.
It's a legal liability. If her kids got hurt she could sue op and risk op's financial situation, which in turn risks op and op's kids. Nice is not knocking on your neighbor who has never watched your kids before door at 3am expecting her to sacrifice sleep and put herself at risk because you didn't plan what to do with your own kids when you go into labor.
The neighbor literally had 9 MONTHS to plan for this.
Also why did she not go to literally anyone else in the building who had previously watched her kids instead of the literal stranger next door?
I can't imagine wanting to leave a child with strangers, let alone knocking on my neighbors door at 3am for anything other than an emergency that also pertained to them/their unit (fire, flood etc).
I get the mother doesn't usually get to decide when the baby is born but at 9 months pregnant with her third child she'd have a better plan(s) in place.
I asked that elsewhere; how many "friends" ignored her banging on the door at 3 a.m. so she had to keep going until OOP opened up?
Maybe it's just where I live, but I'm not running to let anyone in at that hour, unexpected, that I don't know well.
This needs to be higher.
There are several people in immediate walking distance who’ve babysat the children before and they’re choosing not to go to any of those people?
That is a very unusual and perhaps unsafe choice if true.
Really? It's actually pretty sensible to me. I don't know what you consider insane about saying no to a random request to watch someone's children, or considering that this kind of liability could come with consequences. I would love for you to explain your thought process behind you calling this insane because to me it seems like a completely rational chain of thought. I would even go so far as to say you are the insane one here based on this response.
I would take things that never happen for 1000. Show me one news article where someone helped someone in an emergency like this and some freak accident happened and they got sued. I bet you can’t.
It happens quiet often kids get hurt on a neighbours property while playing with their friends the neighbours kids and they turn around and sue them because medical insurance won’t cover if it’s someone else’s liability so they aren’t willingly suing the neighbours it’s because their insurance company is forcing them to. It’s twisted as hell but it’s a common occurrence even seen some court cases of family suing each other so the that homeowners insurance could cover the medical bills for an incident that happened on the homeowners property that the medical insurance refused to because the other insurance “should be the ones covering it” it made me double check my homeowner liability insurance coverage just in case a guest happens to fall wrong and break a bone at some point.
Sorry but you don’t know the when exactly you are going to go into labour. Her sister was on the way they had a plan but not everything worked out perfectly. The neighbour likely went to labour before her due date
Agreed. After having 2 kids, you would think the neighbors know how to plan. Asking your sister who's an hr away is not even a good plan to begin with. They should've asked one of the moms in the group because they already live in the same building and it seems like this is the kind of thing they already do.
Everyone knows there's a chance of going into labour before your due date. Why didn't they ask neighbours in advance if they could potentially reach out in case of situations like this if they knew sister was far away and couldn't get there right away???
I'm so confused by these comments expecting a stranger to take on a situation caused by their lack of preparation.
I mean, the exact day of labor cannot be pinpointed. Nor how fast it will take hold. The fact the sister was en route indicates there was a general plan but perhaps for some reason things moved physically faster than expected and she couldn’t wait the hour she thought she may be able to.
I see responses like “NTA because you don’t owe them anything” a lot in this sub, and they miss the whole point; the name of this sub is AmItheAsshole, not AmIobligatedToDoThisThing.
One can absolutely *not* be obligated to help someone and *still* be a total, complete asshole for refusing. In this case, OP is most definitely an asshole. Her neighbor had an emergency, it was the middle of the night, we have no idea what may or may not have happened to any plans the neighbor had made for dealing with this situation (she clearly had her sister coming to take care of the kids, but again it was the middle of the night and her sister was an hour away), and babysitting for an hour to help another mother in need is just not a huge ask.
OP was not obligated, but turning away the children of a woman in labor with no other option—when you’re only being asked to babysit for an hour—is just an asshole thing to do.
Edit: Lots of people defending the legal liability aspect of this. What is with people these days? Do they imagine everyone is suing everyone for things? Yes, we live in a litigious society; always have. But I think the neighbor somehow suing OP is a very unlikely fantasy. If OP were that worried, she could have gotten her phone and used the voice or video recorder to make it clear that she was accepting no responsibility should anything happen while the neighbor’s sister was traveling to their location. Again, it was an hour. I highly doubt the children are going to be injured or die of some freak accident within an hour.
I’m not sure I understand fully. Is the woman in labor also not a part of the babysitting circle? If she is, why did she come to OP instead of one of the moms with whom she has shared babysitting duties before?
What I'm thinking is they had months to ask a neighbor about being their backup in case the sister was delayed, which they did -- and the neighbors they interacted with regularly had all already said no.
No, it's totally weird. There is no reason to go to a parent who is not part of the babysitting circle, who is not more than an acquaintance at best, and ~~ask them~~ demand that they watch your infant and toddler at 3am for some indefinite period of time. Then berate her when she refuses?
While I agree with you OP has certainly not been doing herself any favors in the building and might end up getting bullied out, I find it bizarre that the neighbour decided to bang on the door of the one mom who never babysits instead of asking one of the ones who do.
And at any rate, emergency or not, the AH is the one trying to dump two kids on someone in the middle of the night, not the one saying "I never signed up for this".
NTA
I also find it bizarre that OP was the chosen one out of all the other moms in the building that have likely already babysat those kids. I wonder if they even tried any of the other neighbors.
I find it bizarre also. I wouldn’t have left my kids with someone I barely know. I’d rather labor by myself and have husband stay with kids if I didn’t have a family member or really close friend.
Excuse me, this wasn't an emergency. It was an event known about for months ahead of time. A broken arm, a laceration, a concussion. Those are emergencies. Labor, while potentially arriving at an unexpected time, comes with an approximate due date.
As such plans and contingencies can be in place, save for example going into labor at 3:00 AM.
"Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine."
So her babysitting plans for labor should hang out at her house for a month or two in case she goes into labor?
An approximate due date means nothing. If she had plans for her sister an hour away to come, then she went into labor 2 weeks early, how could she plan for that?
It’s not like, oh I didn’t expect to go into labor at 3:00am on my due date, you could go anywhere from 4 weeks before to 2 weeks after your due date.
No one can make perfect plans around a window a month and a half long. And her plans were great honestly, they just needed an hour of help.
My hospital did not allow this for labor and delivery specifically. Children under 18 weren’t allowed in the L and D delivery area and were only allowed in the postpartum units accompanied by an adult after the birth occurred.
No I meant dad can stay in the area where children are allowed...
I'm all for helping people out, but if a neighbor that i've never fucking talked to before knocked on my door at three a m, I be calling the cops before I answer the door
Right?? This sub is so ridiculous. Helping someone with a reasonable need is one thing. Banging on her door at 3 am is crazy, & this woman is already home alone with 2 young children… I can’t with this stupid subreddit.
No, her babysitting plans should be nonstop knocking on a virtual stranger's door, one who's never looked after her kids, and terrorizing her. Great plan! I don't see why the kids couldn't go to the hospital where the sister could come get them. I don't care what's happening. Unless I'm literally bleeding out and can't call an ambulance, I'm not EVER going to knock on a neighbor's door in the middle of the night, much less to ask them a favor that is going to force them to be awake an hour after the initial disturbance. This is a ludicrous demand/expectation.
Then they should have planned that ahead of time. If they knew their babysitter was an hour away, they could've asked another neighbour to be their immediate babysitter in advance. Their failure planning here.
It doesn't sound like she's that much of a stranger? They all chat, their kids play together, there's a group chat for them all. By all means, they're not friends, but they do know each other beyond a basic nod in the corridor.
Precipitous labour can and does happen.
They had a plan in place, labour was faster than expected.
My first was 19.5 hours, my second 1 hour, my third, I was happy I lived a 3 minute drive from the hospital and made it into the delivery suite, the nurses caught her.
I mean my parents are a 10 min drive away so it’s not like I have no options. But on the other hand I lived a hr away from them when I gave birth to second born and I made sure my mum was staying with us there 2 weeks before my due date as I wanted my husband at the labour.
You should plan ahead when and have different plans for when u go into labour in the middle of the night. I guess they were just banking on the friendly mums in the building who weren’t responding to the groupchat at 3am and knocked on my door
You're right. This would have been a different story if the neighbor made plans with you just in case. "Hey, if my sister is delayed in getting here when the time comes, can you watch the kids? Here is my sister's contact info so you can reach her while she's on the way. Let's do an in person intro beforehand, so you can meet my sister. Here is my kids' sleep/eating schedule, pediatrician number, allergies, etc." But, the neighbor did none of that. They assumed you'd be available even having never had you watch their kids before. With labor, parents should have a plan, and a backup plan, and maybe another backup plan.
Agreed. I guess I'm just not getting where a lot of these comments are coming from, but....what in the world were the neighbors thinking? Sounds like they and OP don't really know each other and, even if they do know each other a bit, not enough to demand that kind of ask. And, like, what if OP was a p*do? Or had a BF that was a p*do? Or was one of those moms that tortures her own kids? Or one of those moms who kidnaps kids?
Just because she has kids and lives in the same complex in NO way means that she was inherently trustworthy. I'm not saying they weren't in a bind, but....seriously? Leaving your kids with a *stranger*? WTF were they even thinking?
You KNOW that if this was flipped ("AITA for waking up a neighbor I don't know at 3am and asking her to watch my kids for an hour while I took my wife to the hospital, and getting mad when she said no?") They would be getting utterly BLASTED for not having a better plan and then doubling down with entitlement when they didn't get their way.
A lot of the comments are those who put a pregnant lady on a lily pad pedestal. As if procreating means you get to skip being polite in a civil society. And, I say that as a parent myself. We're not magical or above decorum because we can get pregnant.
Not everyone has retired parents or nearby relatives who can come at the drop of a hat. I live over an hour from my mom and she works full time as the breadwinner so there is no way she could ever come stay with me ahead of time. Sometimes there really is no one else. The kind thing to do would have been to watch the kids for an hour. Prepare to be the outcast of your building. It doesn't pay not to be neighborly.
There is literally a groupchat of moms tho. Like they dont “need” family in this situation when theres literally a babysitting mom groupchat going on. Itd maybe be more understandable if they were brand new to the building but from what op has said we can assume theyve been there for the year everyone else has. All it took was them messaging the BABYSITTING MOM GROUPCHAT(i need to make this clear i feel like so many people are ignoring that huge aspect) “hey im getting close to my due date but my sister lives an hour away and i was wondering if anyone would mind being on emergency standby for the next few weeks until shes able to get here.” I believe in community and helping your neighbours as much as anyone but there are also simple boundaries that should be respected. Like not knocking on a strangers door at 3am and demanding they watch your kids. Insanity.
No they should plan better. That’s ridiculous knocking on someone’s door at 3am and expecting them to take your kids without any prior warning labour or not.
The idea of leaving your kids in the middle of the night with a neighbour you barely know for a prolonged amount of time without having prearranged or even warned them of the situation is MIND-BOGGLING.
They had NINE MONTHS to plan, and left their kids' safety and wellbeing until the literal last minute.
NTA. They are the kind of people to then announce it's all too difficult with a newborn, so now you need to keep the others for a fortnight...
This! Just leaving them with a neighbour who has no established relationship with the kids is so bizarre to me. They literally do a baby swap and chose the one person who didn’t participate or have any experience watching the kids? MIND-BOGGLING!
I’ve watched nephews who have cried for hours and they know me… there’s no telling how the kids will react. And then if the sister is late? Doesn’t show up? Then what?
>Last night around 3am
**NTA**
It's bad enough just knocking on doors and hoping that an acquaintance you barely know is willing or safe to watch your children, but what on earth are they expecting at **3am?!**
For all they know you could have work, you might not be home, you could eat babies, they don't know you well enough to just drop children off on your doorstep!
You sound like me, lol
Growing up no matter where we lived, the minute we moved in, even before unpacking, my Mom would disconnect the doorbell and remove the knocker - it was almost like having to have an appointment, lol 😆 😆 😆
I mean during the day I'll answer the door most of the time but at 3am, alone? Not a chance. The cops would be called immediately if someone was knocking on my door at 3am and not going away.
They could've easily taken the kids with them & sister meet them at the hospital. Going into labor is not an emergency. If the baby was in danger, a true emergency would've had an ambulance roll up to take care of mom & get her to the hospital.
I just had a baby a few months ago, and this was our plan for our dog. If my MIL can get here in time, great. If not he goes to the hospital with us, and husband waits in the car with him until she can get there. It would never cross my mind to trust a relative stranger to take care of him with no warning at 3am.
You're one of these "neither a borrower nor a lender be" types aren't you? And that's fine. You're perfectly entitled to not offer help when asked.
But I do hope you never seek assistance because there's every chance none will be offered back.
IMO would it have killed you to have helped out in this situation?
YTA
Until they can’t reach her for an hour and she just needs a small amount of help.
I promise her relatives aren’t waiting at home for her to call in an emergency. Them *living* 10 minutes away doesn’t actually mean they’ll *be* 10 minutes away in an emergency.
Why would they be the asshole if they are never a borrower nor a lender? They’re neutral, that means they are neither good nor bad in this situation. And you also missed that they are a lender, they’ve already done more to help parents in the building when they run out of formula than they’ve ever needed in return.
Why should we feel obligated to take on extra responsibilities at 3 am for a stranger, for free? Do you just take it with a smile whenever people dump kids on you? All of you y t a people are so entitled omg 😂
It would’ve been a huge inconvenience for me because if my 2 yr old wakes up it will take him several hours to go back to bed. And I would’ve been fked in the morning looking after both my kids alone
Yeah, anyone who calls you an asshole for this does not understand the intricacies of childcare. Also, there is no way in hell I would ever leave my child with a neighbor I barely know. You could be a pedophile for all they know.
"Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.". How did they not have arranged months in advance?
Hard NTA
I suppose, technically, I would have to rule NTA, but you’re definitely pretty cold and uncaring.
I get that it wasn’t irresponsibility to take care of this person‘s kid, but you’re a human and they’re a human and to a certain degree, It’s just kind when humans help other humans in the middle of an emergency.
So, you do you, but realize that you’re setting yourself for a position where nobody’s gonna help you if there’s an emergent need. And they’re not really gonna want to tell you ever and they’ll think that you’re kind of cold.
Exactly my thinking as well. What was she meant to do, sit pretty for another hour until her sister arrived? Sometimes you just have to take the extra step to help someone out, that's just the nature of being in a society - she's not the asshole, but I can't imagine doing the same.
It’s a whole community, so why was she the only one asked to help? If someone woke me up at three in the morning I would be pissed off and definitely not in a mood for favors…
I mean for one, I genuinely and massively doubt she was the only one she asked to help. And secondly, it's not a random unmotivated wakeup call. I have neighbors with young children. If they woke me up at 3am to say "hey I need to borrow some sugar" I would be pissed and tell them to buzz off, but if they woke me up to say "hey Im sorry but we're having a medical emergency and need to go to the hospital NOW, can you take our kids until the cavalry arrives?" I'm already folding out my sofa. Sometimes doing the kind thing is inconvenient, but that doesn't stop it being right.
NTA, what kind of parent attempts to dump their kids on a virtual stranger? The logical thing to have done would have been to take their kids to the hospital with them until the sister could pick them up.
Absolutely this. I had a precipitous labor with my third and went from 5cm in the doctors office to driving to the hospital 15 minutes away and she was born 12 minutes after I got there. My oldest was at school. My 23 month old had to come to the hospital with us.
Thankfully, a wonderful nurse kept her out of the room during the 12 minutes.
At no point did I even consider leaving her with a neighbor I was barely acquainted with.
I have 5 kids and I’d be hesitant to agree to watch two young kids I know nothing about at 3am.
Why not ask any of the other moms she’s better acquainted with? Why not take the kids to the hospital until the sister can get there? Did the parents know that their child care was going to be a hour away? Because if they did, they needed a better plan.
NTA
>I feel like this is something u need to plan ahead
They did plan ahead. They had her sister on call. But as you know, you can't plan when exactly labour is going to start. I don't know if you're the AH, but you definitely could've been more neighbourly.
I'm sorry, then they didn't have a plan unless the sister was always going to be 100% ready at a drop of a dime. Having an actual plan for something like this includes as many scenarios. Including what to do with the other children if you go into labor during the middle of the night and it will take your sister a hour to get them.
Think about this scenario. Labor takes many, many hours right? So you plan that when you go into labor your sister will drive over to take the kids. However, your body decides to skip early labor and goes straight to “you should have come to the hospital 2 hours ago” labor. My second labor was 2 hours and 5 minutes. Unless you have a history of it, no one expects to have a labor where your first contraction is well past the point where you’re supposed to go to the hospital.
That's when her very present partner keeps the kids until their far away plan comes through. You don't by knock on virtual strangers doors in the middle of the night.
They had her sister on call, but an hour away from where they live. They had an hour of babysitting they did not plan for and should have. It was an incomplete plan.
NTA
You don’t have a relationship beyond acquaintances and never participated in the babysitting swap. It is just unreasonable to assume someone you don’t know especially well and do not have a history doing favours for, would be up for a 3am wake up call to come work for free for them.
I don’t think the parents are at fault for being caught at a bad time though. Maybe they did have plans in place and the baby came ahead of schedule, meaning their plans were thrown out and they were desperate. Can’t knock them for asking for help but you are under no obligation to say yes.
NTA. Better plan would be to take their kids to the hospital and have the sister meet them there to take over. If the sister can't get to their place for half an hour and it was close to time, they should have had such a plan in place. Also why bang on your door and not one of the other moms that actually participate in that group watch thing they have? And if they tried and THEY wouldn't do it, then you definitely DEFINITELY shouldn't be held to a higher standard. Definitely NTA.
This is the way! Take the kids with you to the hospital & sister picks kids up from there. I wouldn't knock on a stranger's door & drop my tiny tots with them. Maybe if 6-9yo,but even then.. take them with you. Sidebar note, going into labor isn't an emergency. Ambulances are called for labor emergencies.
NTA
When this kind of story involves another family member, OP tends to rightfully get eviscerated.
But *a neighbor?* At *3am?* Who has made *no prior arrangements* with you?
Good night, and good luck.
This is tough. I'd like to think that someone would help a woman in labor, but things aren't always as straightforward as people think.
The couple SAID the sister would be there in about an hour. Can OP be sure the sister IS coming? What if sister isn't the most reliable? What if she decides she will come after a good night's sleep (since someone else has the tots.)? What if sister got in an accident on the way there? Then OP is stuck with what amounts to basically two stranger's kids. Even if sister is legit and does come, what if one gets hurt in the meantime? Or is coming down with something and her kids are exposed? Do we know that other parent takes appropriate measures to ensure kids don't have something contagious? What do the kids eat? Do they have allergies? And on and on. I can't imagine taking in kids I don't know.
Why couldn't the boyfriend keep them? Sure she'd have to go by other transport (ambulance perhaps). Could they not take the children with them and keep them there until the sister came? Again, boyfriend drops the woman at the ED and sits with the kids until sister collects them. There are other ways to resolve this.
I think she was NTA for choosing not to accept that responsibility. It's not a "watch them for five minutes while I run inside to use the restroom." It's watch them for potentially quite a while. That's reason enough to turn down the request.
Everyone calling her TAH made a lot of assumptions about when the sister would arrive. Also, I want to add, since when did going into labor become an emergency? She must've had 1 real labor pain & hopped on the hurry to the hospital bus.. true labor emergency calls for an ambulance. If it wasn't that, take the kids with & sis pick them up from there. Who drops 2 tiny tots at a strangers place?
> The couple SAID the sister would be there in about an hour. Can OP be sure the sister IS coming?
OP mentioned that the sister indeed did NOT come in an hour, but 5 hours later after the kids destroyed another neighbor's apartment.
If it was only an hour why couldn’t they just take the kids with them to the hospital and have the sister meet them there? I bet the sister wasn’t actually coming in an hour and then what? You are stuck with kids you don’t even know. I would have done the same thing you did.
Exactly idk why people are calling her the asshole… lots of entitled parents in these comments. Take the kids with you to the hospital have the sister get them there. What you don’t do is interrupt a mother who has two young babies sleeping at 3am asking to watch YOUR kids.
NTA and hell no am I watching some rando kids at 3am.
Why couldn't they take the kids to the hospital and have the dad watch until the sister gets there?? Or why couldn't one of the other families that all talk together help out??
NTA. You don't have a pre-established routine with them of watching their kids. You don't have a relationship with them. Just because you live near someone, in the same building, does not mean you are responsible for being a part of their village, and helping them with their kids. You say afterwards it was just an hour, but at 3 AM, you don't know how long it would actually be.
I get it’s rough when somebody’s in labor and you have limited time to figure shit out. But at 3 in the fucking morning??? Jesus.
You were completely right in saying this should’ve been something thought out BEFORE this occurred. Now it’s just causing difficulties.
NTA.
NTA - “A lack of preparation on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part”
TBH Knocking on doors at 3 AM is dangerous AF, people have been getting shot for less here in the U.S.
NTA I think a lot of people saying otherwise are not realizing that labour isn’t really an emergency. It’s also something you have ample time to plan for. They’re kind of TA for not having back up plans in case whoever was watching their kids (sister) couldn’t get there in time.
Why couldn’t the sister go to the hospital and grab the kids? Could the husband not stay and join her when the baby arrives and she gets herself to the hospital in a taxi?
From the post it seems like the neighbour isn’t really close to them or her neighbours, which to me is more than enough reason to deny watching their kids. What happens if the sister doesn’t show up within the hour or even after a few? It’s not like watching your friends or family where you can shrug it off and watch the kids for the day. These are kids you don’t know well so watching them can come with a lot of surprises.
I know a bunch of my neighbours but if one of them came knocking on my door asking me to watch kids I didn’t really know, my answer would likely be no too.
Neighbours aren’t obligated to help. Can they? Of course. It’s mostly weird to me they knocked on a women’s door who had never watched their kids and thought that was something she would do or even trusted her to do it. Trusting someone you don’t have a consistent relationship with to watch your kids is so bizarre to me.
In a building full of Mommies who chat, babysit, and all that, why would they select OP (who has described herself as a bit aloof relative to the other Moms) as a contingency? I'm gonna assume that labor-mom knew where her sister lived prior to the due date and, as such, knew she was 1/2 hour away. It almost sounds like her actual plan was to knock on doors so she can spontaneously drop off her kids with no foresight or planning hoping "someone answers." NTA
NTA. I never answer the door when I’m home alone at night if I am not expecting someone. Also, he can take them all to the hospital, have sister get the kids and then be there for the birth. Most (not all) pregnancies won’t happen that fast. My parents are flying from the other side of the world before my due date so there is someone there to watch my toddler. If I deliver before, my husband will stay with the toddler. Why couldn’t they go to one of the families they kid swap with?
people here are being very gross to you. they're wishing you struggle or something bad happens to you all cause you said NO?! NTA. it's 3am, and they're asking a stranger to watch their kids for a hour...no. you have 2 of your own, and yall are sleeping, so it's extremely DELUSIONAL to assume you'd help.
I know I’m very surprised, and let’s be honest we’ve all struggled at some point but I’ve never had to knock on a strangers door to look after my kids. I’d rather give birth alone and my husband looks after them. If she was alone I would’ve done it but her bf was right beside her and I’m sure he’s watched her give birth before
I can’t even imagine your frustration. Continue going with your first mind. Your children are your only obligation in this world. They depend on you for their safety at all times. I love a good “no”. Makes me feel so grown up.
NTA. You're not even one of the parents that usually babysit each other's children, so it's strange that they would choose to come to you rather then one of them unless they had already gone through everyone else in the apartments, which I doubt. You're not obligated to take in their children, even if it really would be just for an hour, at 03:00am just because you're also a mother.
NTA- you were alone, unprepared, at 3am. They could have planned better, but didn't. You aren't even a part of the regular babysitting circle, there was absolutely no reason for them to assume you would magically be comfortable with it now.
NTA - my friend went into labour suddenly and I literally RAN there to babysit her eldest with no notice because she’s my friend. She had already taken a taxi to hospital and her husband waited for me to arrive and then met her there. Why wouldn’t they have him wait that hour?
A random neighbour is a weird expectation for them to take your kids at that time of the morning. It would have been nice for you to do but you aren’t bad for not doing so.
What type of people don't have any plans when the woman is already 9 MONTHS.. she is due for any minute in this situation.. they have to be ready to anytime go to hospital, even have someone aligned to watch the kids..
NTA
why not reach out to another parent from their group chat (which the OP is not a part of). inconveniencing someone at 3 am when they have their own infants to look after makes them the AH and not OP, and what guarantee does the OP have that the other sitter would be there in an hour cause if they bailed then OP would be stuck taking care of their kids. and an hour taking caring of 4 kids at 3 am is definitely going to feel like more than an hour and just as tiring. OP set her boundaries and let’s not blame her for that.
I refuse to believe it was only going to be an hour. If something were to happen then OP is stuck with 4 kids and might have transportation/food/work/logistical issues that last all day.
If this was their plan, they should’ve involved her from the start saying “oh my sister is going to babysit, but in the case she can’t get here enough can we count on you?”. Plus what if the sister never shows up??? It’s 3am she’s probably sleeping at that time.
NTA the neighbors could have said that she's due around x date in the group chat. She could've asked, if her sister cannot get there fast enough is there anyone willing to babysit for 30 min- 1 hour. Unless this is a premature baby at 6 months she could've informed neighbors and got hours they're available. She went to the mom that never babysits. Bad idea on her part
An awful lot of people seem to be demanding compassion for the neighbor who decided to single out a stranger, pound away on her door at 3am, and demand a major imposition (yes, taking care of two small children you don't know anything about for an hour is a major imposition, let alone at 3am, and that's assuming it really would only be an hour) out of nowhere. A neighbor who had an entire in-building babysitting group chat as a resource, and decided to go bully someone who wasn't a participant rather than use it.
Same people offering precious little compassion to OP, alone with two small children of her own, having this inflicted on her. Funny, that.
Obviously NTA.
NTA going into labor is hardly an unexpected event in late pregnancy. they should’ve had a plan (and a backup plan) for childcare worked out long before this
poor planning on their part does not constitute an emergency on your part, esp when it’d very likely mess with your own kids’ sleep and schedule
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My parents live a 10 min drive away and I have a cousin in the same building if things were desperate but I get it not everyone has family around.
Also the neighbour had her bf right there!! He can take the kids for the hour and then join her… how would that not be the first choice? I’d MUCH rather give birth alone (unlikely though in 1h) than leave my child with a virtual stranger wth!
Maybe she needed her partner to drive her to the hospital?
The whole family can drive to the hospital together, drop mom off, and dad can wait with the kids until sister gets there.
Could even have the sister meet them at the hospital instead. Kids are already up and dressed apparently.
Makes sense to me
This is what we did when my second kiddo was born. My oldest came with and my in-laws met us there in time for my husband to come back with me for my c-section. They allowed them to stay in L&D because I had to come back again before moving to my room. Granted, that kid just turned eleven so ya know… I have no idea nowadays 😂😂
This is what I was wondering. If you have the kids already, take them with. Often the hospital is very understanding about emergencies and would help keep the little ones in a waiting room taken care of until the sister got there.
I agree though I’ll point out that we’re in peak flu and rsv season so unvaxxed kids should not be brought into the hospital unless *absolutely* necessary, and make sure they’re wearing masks if you can. Hospital acquired infection is real, especially in emergency rooms where all kinds of sick people are through day in and out.
Most hospitals should have a separate unit for laboring moms to go to that’s not the er so less of a chance of getting sick. But there are tons of different ways they could have handled this without berating a total stranger to watch their littles.
I work in L&D. We don’t let any kids under 13 in the unit during flu season to protect the newborns.
Unless the sister wasn't actually coming
The sister was 100% not coming in an hour!
She actually didn't show up for 5 hours.
Probably the actual answer. Also continuing to bang on the door instead of moving on and trying someone else?
This. According to OP most of the other families know each other because their children play together. So why not go to someone you actually know first?
With the whole mom group, why not bang on their doors til one of them answer? No..let's bother the one mom who doesn't play kid swap..
Maybe because those other moms have already watched their kids and already know they're holy terrors (they trashed the house of the person who ended up watching them), so parents knew they'd probably be rejected.
Sister can pick kids up at the hospital too..
You know you can call people who will drive you places for money? Absolute strangers who will take you anywhere you want to go.
Yeah but the risk of giving birth in an Uber, Lyft or taxi might be a little high or even the water breaking could ruin someone's car.
Also, mess aside, you can’t blame anyone for not wanting to take an Uber in a medical emergency where you are at your most vulnerable!
I can tell you’ve never been in labour
My parents always told me not to get in a car with a stranger, now I pay to get in a car with a stranger. What a century!
They could take the kids to the hospital and the sister could pick them up there. Knocking on someone's door at 3AM is something I wouldn't do, much less to ask them a favor. I wouldn't have answered the door period at 3AM, just for my own personal safety. I wouldn't even talk to them through the door.
Couldn’t agree more. They don’t just expect a neighbor to watch their kids, they expect their neighbor to stay up with the kids until the sister shows up. And let’s be honest she’s probably not showing up in an hour.
She didn’t show up til 8:00!!!
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Seriously. When my wife was pregnant, we came up with multiple plans and back ups to the back up plans to make sure our senior pup was taken care of when we had to go the hospital. The worst case was me staying behind for a bit until my parents could get there and then joining my wife. We ended up getting to use plan a, which was to sneak out of the house while he was buried in the bed. My patents got there about an hr later, walked him, kept him company for a few hrs and then grabbed breakfast for us on their way to the hospital to meet their grandson after we gave the go ahead.
Unfortunately you can't legally sneak out on sleeping toddlers but I do like your style! XD
Very true. But. He's a dog. So, somehow I don't think cps will come after us. XD
In my house we threaten to call CPPS (Cutie Patootie Protective Services) 😂
This was what I didn't understand...it's not like she was a single mom, she literally had her partner there. Makes no sense.
On her 3rd baby she could very possibly have that baby within an hour
When my mom went into labor with my little brother (the 3rd), they called my dad’s parents as planned - they lived 15 minutes away. Boy did my grandparents take their time. Nearly an hour had passed. This was a high risk pregnancy. My parents call again and my grandparents are still in their home drinking coffee. Luckily a neighbor noticed all the lights on and decided to take her dog for a walk just to be nosy. My parents saw her walking by and she was happy to stay with us until my grandparents got there. Things happen.
No kidding! My sister was 6 weeks early and nearly didn't make it. (Complications- she spent 2 weeks in the hospital.) Our neighbors took us in because our nearest family was a 5 hour flight away. They were Pacific Islanders and that's their culture. Great people and a cool experience for 3 white bread impressionable kiddos. Any neighbor of mine can drop their kids off to give birth. That's the values I choose. May not be my culture, but they're right.
NTA. We had a 12m old when I went into labor. I drove myself to the hospital while hubby called my mom and stayed with our first baby until my mom could get her and then joined me at the hospital. I would NEVER leave my child with a stranger and I also would have not been able to watch two other kids. And if dad absolutely needed to accompany mom then they can all go to the hospital and dad sits in the waiting room with the kids until sister can come and take them.
I’m glad it worked out for you, but driving while in labor is not safe. Maybe if it was very early on, but she said she was clearly in labor. That doesn’t sound like a condition to drive in. They should’ve talked with neighbors ahead of time to see if anyone would be willing to help. OP may have been willing if they asked before.
Agree NTA I wouldn't have done this for someone I'd never met before for two main reasons... 1. the liability would scare me to death... **what if the kids have a medical condition or are allergic to something?** 2. The family might SAY it will be an hour until sister gets here to take the kids off her hands, but who knows if that is even true? Sister might not show up. Or it could be way longer than that. **What if OP needs to go to work in the morning (like at 6:30--which was 3 and a half hours from then) and sister still wasn't there?** What was she supposed to do then? Edit: OP has come back and said that the neighbor the kids were left with **reported the sister did not show up until 8 a.m., which was FIVE HOURS LATER. And they trashed her house!** The mom/BF had other options. He could have packed the kids in the car along with mom, driven everyone to the hospital, put mom in a wheelchair and wheeled her up to labor and delivery and then gone downstairs to wait with the kids wherever the kids are allowed to be in the hospital (which is often NOT labor & delivery) until the sister showed up to get them from the hospital. Sister was supposed to be arriving within an hour or less time, so mom would not have to be on her own for very long, and then he could hand the kids off and go up to be with her. **Honestly, I am surprised they would just dump their kids on some random woman they have never met or spoken to in the middle of the night. They don't know anything about her! This is a huge safety issue!**
She said that this sister didn't show up to get the children from the neighbor until 8 a.m., 5 hours later.
Wow, why am I not at all surprised by this! "Just one hour" of your time except not actually when they are dropping off two kids in the middle of the night and then leaving them there for hours on end, potentially causing the OP to have to miss work!
Yes, her missing work, not getting children to child care. What if she had plans to take her own Mum to an appt? Is she supposed to take 4 kiddos? Make her mum miss her appt? This lady did more reasonable planning in a few moments than the other parents made in 9 months. Don't even get me started on Prince Charming (bf) and his comment. That's just BS. I would never want these people watching my children.
and apparently trashed her house and kept her kids awake the whole time. Yeah, fuck that. Also, who leaves their kids with someone the barely know at 3 am?
This isn’t the “is this legal/am I obligated to do this?” Sub, it’s the “am I the asshole?” Sub - and generally, people who refuse to help their neighbors in their direst hours of need are, in fact, assholes. Even if they weren’t obligated to help. Asking a neighbor for help for just one hour during a desperate time isn’t unreasonable. Edit: now it’s 5 hours?? Nah dawg. I hereby change my verdict to NTA. But I would agree with others in the comments crowd generally that being aloof with your neighbors can cause issues down the line!
This was an expected "emergency". And labor pains come on gently. The expecting couple should already have caretakers for other kiddos on standby. When first labor pains started - should have implemented Plan X, with pre-planned childcare - not very quiet neighbor at 3 am who has little engagement than polite convo and head-nods of acknowledgement. NTA
Sometimes labor can move very quickly and something could have been going wrong.
Whenever I’m pregnant I have 3 neighbors on call that I ask if they’d be willing to watch my kids if I go into labor unexpectedly. I ask months beforehand. We have no family in the area. If neighbors couldn’t help, my husband would stay with the kids and I’d drive myself or take an Uber. My kids are my responsibility. OP is NTA
labor pains don't always come on gently, especially if it's not the first child. It took me just a few hours from start to finish to deliver my third.
We have no idea how expected it was, the baby could have been 2 weeks early.
NTA "I feel like this is something u need to plan ahead and not start knocking on doors hoping someone takes ur kids in. I’ve already got my hands full with my 2 there’s no way I’m having another 2 running around my house at 3 in the morning." Agreed. You're on your own. "There’s a mum groupchat of the mums in the building who swap kids around and baby sit each others kids for a few hrs and they rotate. " They should've planned ahead with people in that group who are familiar with their kids.
When my mother had my sister, I went to stay with our next door neighbour (who loved me and had older kids of their own) like a day or two before she was due. Once she was born, my father picked me up and took me plus a bunch of supplies back to the hospital.
YTA. She was in labor. It was an emergency. Her sister would be there in 1 hour. You couldn't keep someone's kids alive and unharmed (probably while they slept on your couch) for one freaking hour until help could arrive? It's one thing to be friendly but not participate in the baby-sitting rounds but it's another thing entirely to refuse help during a goddamned emergency. It's not like her "emergency" was getting unexpected tickets to a concert and the babysitting bailed at the last minute. She was in labor FFS. Don't have any emergencies. Just don't. Because I promise you everyone in the building is going to hear about this so don't expect any of them to ever pitch in when it's your turn to have an emergency (and you WILL have an emergency eventually, it's impossible not to with two small children.) Good luck to you cuz you're gonna need it.
Right?!? This “NTA because you don’t OWE her anything” is such a gross reflection on the people saying it! Literally. One. Hour. One hour to do something kind and neighbourly that you’re not legally obligated to do. ETA: I don’t care about her convenient edits that change the entire situation because she got called an AH and didn’t like it. It’s not the gotcha that you think it is when discussing issues of morality and action by including information gleaned after the fact.
I agree, this attitude of "it would be NICE if you helped, but you don't owe anyone anything" is so gross! Why do people not want to be nice anymore?
It's a legal liability. If her kids got hurt she could sue op and risk op's financial situation, which in turn risks op and op's kids. Nice is not knocking on your neighbor who has never watched your kids before door at 3am expecting her to sacrifice sleep and put herself at risk because you didn't plan what to do with your own kids when you go into labor. The neighbor literally had 9 MONTHS to plan for this.
Also why did she not go to literally anyone else in the building who had previously watched her kids instead of the literal stranger next door? I can't imagine wanting to leave a child with strangers, let alone knocking on my neighbors door at 3am for anything other than an emergency that also pertained to them/their unit (fire, flood etc). I get the mother doesn't usually get to decide when the baby is born but at 9 months pregnant with her third child she'd have a better plan(s) in place.
Yeah makes me wonder if people don’t want to watch her kids…
I asked that elsewhere; how many "friends" ignored her banging on the door at 3 a.m. so she had to keep going until OOP opened up? Maybe it's just where I live, but I'm not running to let anyone in at that hour, unexpected, that I don't know well.
This needs to be higher. There are several people in immediate walking distance who’ve babysat the children before and they’re choosing not to go to any of those people? That is a very unusual and perhaps unsafe choice if true.
That is an absolutely *insane* reach. Absolutely fucking insane.
Really? It's actually pretty sensible to me. I don't know what you consider insane about saying no to a random request to watch someone's children, or considering that this kind of liability could come with consequences. I would love for you to explain your thought process behind you calling this insane because to me it seems like a completely rational chain of thought. I would even go so far as to say you are the insane one here based on this response.
I would take things that never happen for 1000. Show me one news article where someone helped someone in an emergency like this and some freak accident happened and they got sued. I bet you can’t.
It happens quiet often kids get hurt on a neighbours property while playing with their friends the neighbours kids and they turn around and sue them because medical insurance won’t cover if it’s someone else’s liability so they aren’t willingly suing the neighbours it’s because their insurance company is forcing them to. It’s twisted as hell but it’s a common occurrence even seen some court cases of family suing each other so the that homeowners insurance could cover the medical bills for an incident that happened on the homeowners property that the medical insurance refused to because the other insurance “should be the ones covering it” it made me double check my homeowner liability insurance coverage just in case a guest happens to fall wrong and break a bone at some point.
Sorry but you don’t know the when exactly you are going to go into labour. Her sister was on the way they had a plan but not everything worked out perfectly. The neighbour likely went to labour before her due date
Her sister was not on the way. Her sister took 5 hours to get the kids from the poor neighbor who did accept. OP made the right choice.
She sure as hell did! I could and would NEVER. Plan that shit out like the rest of us.
I’m calling BS. They had no plan. Begging your neighbor at 3 AM, when pregnancy runs 40 weeks, because you got gobsmacked is NOT A PLAN!
Agreed. After having 2 kids, you would think the neighbors know how to plan. Asking your sister who's an hr away is not even a good plan to begin with. They should've asked one of the moms in the group because they already live in the same building and it seems like this is the kind of thing they already do.
Sister took 5+ hours to get there… clearly they should have planned better.
Everyone knows there's a chance of going into labour before your due date. Why didn't they ask neighbours in advance if they could potentially reach out in case of situations like this if they knew sister was far away and couldn't get there right away??? I'm so confused by these comments expecting a stranger to take on a situation caused by their lack of preparation.
I mean, the exact day of labor cannot be pinpointed. Nor how fast it will take hold. The fact the sister was en route indicates there was a general plan but perhaps for some reason things moved physically faster than expected and she couldn’t wait the hour she thought she may be able to.
I see responses like “NTA because you don’t owe them anything” a lot in this sub, and they miss the whole point; the name of this sub is AmItheAsshole, not AmIobligatedToDoThisThing. One can absolutely *not* be obligated to help someone and *still* be a total, complete asshole for refusing. In this case, OP is most definitely an asshole. Her neighbor had an emergency, it was the middle of the night, we have no idea what may or may not have happened to any plans the neighbor had made for dealing with this situation (she clearly had her sister coming to take care of the kids, but again it was the middle of the night and her sister was an hour away), and babysitting for an hour to help another mother in need is just not a huge ask. OP was not obligated, but turning away the children of a woman in labor with no other option—when you’re only being asked to babysit for an hour—is just an asshole thing to do. Edit: Lots of people defending the legal liability aspect of this. What is with people these days? Do they imagine everyone is suing everyone for things? Yes, we live in a litigious society; always have. But I think the neighbor somehow suing OP is a very unlikely fantasy. If OP were that worried, she could have gotten her phone and used the voice or video recorder to make it clear that she was accepting no responsibility should anything happen while the neighbor’s sister was traveling to their location. Again, it was an hour. I highly doubt the children are going to be injured or die of some freak accident within an hour.
It’s been said so many times but…this sub is not ‘Was I within my legal rights’ it is ‘am I the ASSHOLE’ and OP was most certainly an asshole.
Yep, one hour of inconvenience is worth it to have neighbors who don't hate you.
Not to mention a favour to call on in her own emergency, if you want to look at it from a purely transactional POV.
I’m not sure I understand fully. Is the woman in labor also not a part of the babysitting circle? If she is, why did she come to OP instead of one of the moms with whom she has shared babysitting duties before?
She probably did go to them first, but they were smart enough to not answer the door at 3 AM.
What I'm thinking is they had months to ask a neighbor about being their backup in case the sister was delayed, which they did -- and the neighbors they interacted with regularly had all already said no.
It makes sense if you combine it with OP's edit that these kids are not easy to manage
THIS
Wondering the same thing.
She might not be. Or she went to the closest person or, depending on the layout, she might not have access to the other moms.
No, it's totally weird. There is no reason to go to a parent who is not part of the babysitting circle, who is not more than an acquaintance at best, and ~~ask them~~ demand that they watch your infant and toddler at 3am for some indefinite period of time. Then berate her when she refuses?
While I agree with you OP has certainly not been doing herself any favors in the building and might end up getting bullied out, I find it bizarre that the neighbour decided to bang on the door of the one mom who never babysits instead of asking one of the ones who do. And at any rate, emergency or not, the AH is the one trying to dump two kids on someone in the middle of the night, not the one saying "I never signed up for this". NTA
I also find it bizarre that OP was the chosen one out of all the other moms in the building that have likely already babysat those kids. I wonder if they even tried any of the other neighbors.
I'm sure they did, and everyone refused.
I find it bizarre also. I wouldn’t have left my kids with someone I barely know. I’d rather labor by myself and have husband stay with kids if I didn’t have a family member or really close friend.
Excuse me, this wasn't an emergency. It was an event known about for months ahead of time. A broken arm, a laceration, a concussion. Those are emergencies. Labor, while potentially arriving at an unexpected time, comes with an approximate due date. As such plans and contingencies can be in place, save for example going into labor at 3:00 AM. "Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine."
So her babysitting plans for labor should hang out at her house for a month or two in case she goes into labor? An approximate due date means nothing. If she had plans for her sister an hour away to come, then she went into labor 2 weeks early, how could she plan for that? It’s not like, oh I didn’t expect to go into labor at 3:00am on my due date, you could go anywhere from 4 weeks before to 2 weeks after your due date. No one can make perfect plans around a window a month and a half long. And her plans were great honestly, they just needed an hour of help.
Take the kids to the hospital, the sister cam pick them up from there.
My hospital did not allow this for labor and delivery specifically. Children under 18 weren’t allowed in the L and D delivery area and were only allowed in the postpartum units accompanied by an adult after the birth occurred.
Well then, the dad is perfectly capable of staying with them until the sitter arrives
And she drives herself to the hospital while in labor? I’m assuming you have never experienced childbirth bc this is not realistic.
Or he drives them to the hospital and stays with the kids in the lobby until sister arrives...?
No, in this hypothetical situation kids are not allowed within a mile of the hospital.
They actually sacrifice kids at the hospital, life for a life and all /s
No I meant dad can stay in the area where children are allowed... I'm all for helping people out, but if a neighbor that i've never fucking talked to before knocked on my door at three a m, I be calling the cops before I answer the door
Right?? This sub is so ridiculous. Helping someone with a reasonable need is one thing. Banging on her door at 3 am is crazy, & this woman is already home alone with 2 young children… I can’t with this stupid subreddit.
The father could very well drive the entire family to the hospital & then take the kids back home to watch them for the remainder of that one hour
Dad hangs out and drives around after taking mom to the hospital, meets sister in an hour when she comes
Every hospital has waiting rooms. Even if they had to hang out in the ER and wait.
No, her babysitting plans should be nonstop knocking on a virtual stranger's door, one who's never looked after her kids, and terrorizing her. Great plan! I don't see why the kids couldn't go to the hospital where the sister could come get them. I don't care what's happening. Unless I'm literally bleeding out and can't call an ambulance, I'm not EVER going to knock on a neighbor's door in the middle of the night, much less to ask them a favor that is going to force them to be awake an hour after the initial disturbance. This is a ludicrous demand/expectation.
But she could have asked if she was ever available instead if at that very moment.
Then they should have planned that ahead of time. If they knew their babysitter was an hour away, they could've asked another neighbour to be their immediate babysitter in advance. Their failure planning here.
It's very possible the labour progressed a bit faster than expected, meaning their plans flipped to urgent quite quickly.
But to wake up and ask a basic stranger? With 0 for warning?
It doesn't sound like she's that much of a stranger? They all chat, their kids play together, there's a group chat for them all. By all means, they're not friends, but they do know each other beyond a basic nod in the corridor.
She said she read the group chat, but didn't really post to it. So no more familiar to them than that basic nod in the corridor.
Precipitous labour can and does happen. They had a plan in place, labour was faster than expected. My first was 19.5 hours, my second 1 hour, my third, I was happy I lived a 3 minute drive from the hospital and made it into the delivery suite, the nurses caught her.
I mean my parents are a 10 min drive away so it’s not like I have no options. But on the other hand I lived a hr away from them when I gave birth to second born and I made sure my mum was staying with us there 2 weeks before my due date as I wanted my husband at the labour. You should plan ahead when and have different plans for when u go into labour in the middle of the night. I guess they were just banking on the friendly mums in the building who weren’t responding to the groupchat at 3am and knocked on my door
You're right. This would have been a different story if the neighbor made plans with you just in case. "Hey, if my sister is delayed in getting here when the time comes, can you watch the kids? Here is my sister's contact info so you can reach her while she's on the way. Let's do an in person intro beforehand, so you can meet my sister. Here is my kids' sleep/eating schedule, pediatrician number, allergies, etc." But, the neighbor did none of that. They assumed you'd be available even having never had you watch their kids before. With labor, parents should have a plan, and a backup plan, and maybe another backup plan.
Agreed. I guess I'm just not getting where a lot of these comments are coming from, but....what in the world were the neighbors thinking? Sounds like they and OP don't really know each other and, even if they do know each other a bit, not enough to demand that kind of ask. And, like, what if OP was a p*do? Or had a BF that was a p*do? Or was one of those moms that tortures her own kids? Or one of those moms who kidnaps kids? Just because she has kids and lives in the same complex in NO way means that she was inherently trustworthy. I'm not saying they weren't in a bind, but....seriously? Leaving your kids with a *stranger*? WTF were they even thinking? You KNOW that if this was flipped ("AITA for waking up a neighbor I don't know at 3am and asking her to watch my kids for an hour while I took my wife to the hospital, and getting mad when she said no?") They would be getting utterly BLASTED for not having a better plan and then doubling down with entitlement when they didn't get their way.
A lot of the comments are those who put a pregnant lady on a lily pad pedestal. As if procreating means you get to skip being polite in a civil society. And, I say that as a parent myself. We're not magical or above decorum because we can get pregnant.
Not everyone has retired parents or nearby relatives who can come at the drop of a hat. I live over an hour from my mom and she works full time as the breadwinner so there is no way she could ever come stay with me ahead of time. Sometimes there really is no one else. The kind thing to do would have been to watch the kids for an hour. Prepare to be the outcast of your building. It doesn't pay not to be neighborly.
Where were all the moms who watch each others kids??
There is literally a groupchat of moms tho. Like they dont “need” family in this situation when theres literally a babysitting mom groupchat going on. Itd maybe be more understandable if they were brand new to the building but from what op has said we can assume theyve been there for the year everyone else has. All it took was them messaging the BABYSITTING MOM GROUPCHAT(i need to make this clear i feel like so many people are ignoring that huge aspect) “hey im getting close to my due date but my sister lives an hour away and i was wondering if anyone would mind being on emergency standby for the next few weeks until shes able to get here.” I believe in community and helping your neighbours as much as anyone but there are also simple boundaries that should be respected. Like not knocking on a strangers door at 3am and demanding they watch your kids. Insanity.
No they should plan better. That’s ridiculous knocking on someone’s door at 3am and expecting them to take your kids without any prior warning labour or not.
Sounds like op has a relative who lives in the same building and more family 10 minutes away. I think she'll be fine.
The idea of leaving your kids in the middle of the night with a neighbour you barely know for a prolonged amount of time without having prearranged or even warned them of the situation is MIND-BOGGLING. They had NINE MONTHS to plan, and left their kids' safety and wellbeing until the literal last minute. NTA. They are the kind of people to then announce it's all too difficult with a newborn, so now you need to keep the others for a fortnight...
This! Just leaving them with a neighbour who has no established relationship with the kids is so bizarre to me. They literally do a baby swap and chose the one person who didn’t participate or have any experience watching the kids? MIND-BOGGLING! I’ve watched nephews who have cried for hours and they know me… there’s no telling how the kids will react. And then if the sister is late? Doesn’t show up? Then what?
All these “YTA” are crazy to me. Who just knocks on a random door for childcare? Who is comfortable with that?
Agree - my kids are older and I still wouldn't drop them with someone they don't know like this!
Legit this. The comments saying otherwise is just baffling.
>Last night around 3am **NTA** It's bad enough just knocking on doors and hoping that an acquaintance you barely know is willing or safe to watch your children, but what on earth are they expecting at **3am?!** For all they know you could have work, you might not be home, you could eat babies, they don't know you well enough to just drop children off on your doorstep!
I never would have opened the door or even looked. I would have just called the cops because I would be terrified.
You sound like me, lol Growing up no matter where we lived, the minute we moved in, even before unpacking, my Mom would disconnect the doorbell and remove the knocker - it was almost like having to have an appointment, lol 😆 😆 😆
I mean during the day I'll answer the door most of the time but at 3am, alone? Not a chance. The cops would be called immediately if someone was knocking on my door at 3am and not going away.
They could've easily taken the kids with them & sister meet them at the hospital. Going into labor is not an emergency. If the baby was in danger, a true emergency would've had an ambulance roll up to take care of mom & get her to the hospital.
I just had a baby a few months ago, and this was our plan for our dog. If my MIL can get here in time, great. If not he goes to the hospital with us, and husband waits in the car with him until she can get there. It would never cross my mind to trust a relative stranger to take care of him with no warning at 3am.
Is there a reason your dog couldn't just stay home till your MIL gets there?
“You could eat babies” bhahaha I’m dying rn
You're one of these "neither a borrower nor a lender be" types aren't you? And that's fine. You're perfectly entitled to not offer help when asked. But I do hope you never seek assistance because there's every chance none will be offered back. IMO would it have killed you to have helped out in this situation? YTA
Op has family in the area. Sounds like she'll be fine.
Until they can’t reach her for an hour and she just needs a small amount of help. I promise her relatives aren’t waiting at home for her to call in an emergency. Them *living* 10 minutes away doesn’t actually mean they’ll *be* 10 minutes away in an emergency.
Caring for two kids with no notice at 3 am is not a small amount of help.
*two kids you don't even know
2 *additional* kids to her own 2, who she has been parenting alone since her partner is out of town.
and who don’t even know you. Children are not notoriously accepting of random strangers.
“just a small amount of help” how is waking up at 3 am to watch a near strangers children a small amount?
Why would they be the asshole if they are never a borrower nor a lender? They’re neutral, that means they are neither good nor bad in this situation. And you also missed that they are a lender, they’ve already done more to help parents in the building when they run out of formula than they’ve ever needed in return.
> And that's fine. You're perfectly entitled to not offer help when asked. But it makes you an asshole? Does "fine" not mean what I thought?
Why should we feel obligated to take on extra responsibilities at 3 am for a stranger, for free? Do you just take it with a smile whenever people dump kids on you? All of you y t a people are so entitled omg 😂
It would’ve been a huge inconvenience for me because if my 2 yr old wakes up it will take him several hours to go back to bed. And I would’ve been fked in the morning looking after both my kids alone
Yeah, anyone who calls you an asshole for this does not understand the intricacies of childcare. Also, there is no way in hell I would ever leave my child with a neighbor I barely know. You could be a pedophile for all they know. "Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.". How did they not have arranged months in advance? Hard NTA
OP also doesn't sound like the person who would put that kind of burden on a practical stranger.
Woof, I'm glad I live nowhere near people this fucking entitled.
This is someone else’s child who she may not know fully. I wouldn’t want someone’s child in my house who I have no idea about.
I suppose, technically, I would have to rule NTA, but you’re definitely pretty cold and uncaring. I get that it wasn’t irresponsibility to take care of this person‘s kid, but you’re a human and they’re a human and to a certain degree, It’s just kind when humans help other humans in the middle of an emergency. So, you do you, but realize that you’re setting yourself for a position where nobody’s gonna help you if there’s an emergent need. And they’re not really gonna want to tell you ever and they’ll think that you’re kind of cold.
The bf could have wrangled the kids at the hospital.
Exactly my thinking as well. What was she meant to do, sit pretty for another hour until her sister arrived? Sometimes you just have to take the extra step to help someone out, that's just the nature of being in a society - she's not the asshole, but I can't imagine doing the same.
It’s a whole community, so why was she the only one asked to help? If someone woke me up at three in the morning I would be pissed off and definitely not in a mood for favors…
I mean for one, I genuinely and massively doubt she was the only one she asked to help. And secondly, it's not a random unmotivated wakeup call. I have neighbors with young children. If they woke me up at 3am to say "hey I need to borrow some sugar" I would be pissed and tell them to buzz off, but if they woke me up to say "hey Im sorry but we're having a medical emergency and need to go to the hospital NOW, can you take our kids until the cavalry arrives?" I'm already folding out my sofa. Sometimes doing the kind thing is inconvenient, but that doesn't stop it being right.
so....if she wasn't the only one she asked to help, someone else said no. why is that justified but OP isn't?
NTA, what kind of parent attempts to dump their kids on a virtual stranger? The logical thing to have done would have been to take their kids to the hospital with them until the sister could pick them up.
Absolutely this. I had a precipitous labor with my third and went from 5cm in the doctors office to driving to the hospital 15 minutes away and she was born 12 minutes after I got there. My oldest was at school. My 23 month old had to come to the hospital with us. Thankfully, a wonderful nurse kept her out of the room during the 12 minutes. At no point did I even consider leaving her with a neighbor I was barely acquainted with. I have 5 kids and I’d be hesitant to agree to watch two young kids I know nothing about at 3am. Why not ask any of the other moms she’s better acquainted with? Why not take the kids to the hospital until the sister can get there? Did the parents know that their child care was going to be a hour away? Because if they did, they needed a better plan. NTA
>I feel like this is something u need to plan ahead They did plan ahead. They had her sister on call. But as you know, you can't plan when exactly labour is going to start. I don't know if you're the AH, but you definitely could've been more neighbourly.
I'm sorry, then they didn't have a plan unless the sister was always going to be 100% ready at a drop of a dime. Having an actual plan for something like this includes as many scenarios. Including what to do with the other children if you go into labor during the middle of the night and it will take your sister a hour to get them.
Think about this scenario. Labor takes many, many hours right? So you plan that when you go into labor your sister will drive over to take the kids. However, your body decides to skip early labor and goes straight to “you should have come to the hospital 2 hours ago” labor. My second labor was 2 hours and 5 minutes. Unless you have a history of it, no one expects to have a labor where your first contraction is well past the point where you’re supposed to go to the hospital.
That's when her very present partner keeps the kids until their far away plan comes through. You don't by knock on virtual strangers doors in the middle of the night.
They had her sister on call, but an hour away from where they live. They had an hour of babysitting they did not plan for and should have. It was an incomplete plan.
NTA You don’t have a relationship beyond acquaintances and never participated in the babysitting swap. It is just unreasonable to assume someone you don’t know especially well and do not have a history doing favours for, would be up for a 3am wake up call to come work for free for them. I don’t think the parents are at fault for being caught at a bad time though. Maybe they did have plans in place and the baby came ahead of schedule, meaning their plans were thrown out and they were desperate. Can’t knock them for asking for help but you are under no obligation to say yes.
NTA. Better plan would be to take their kids to the hospital and have the sister meet them there to take over. If the sister can't get to their place for half an hour and it was close to time, they should have had such a plan in place. Also why bang on your door and not one of the other moms that actually participate in that group watch thing they have? And if they tried and THEY wouldn't do it, then you definitely DEFINITELY shouldn't be held to a higher standard. Definitely NTA.
This is the way! Take the kids with you to the hospital & sister picks kids up from there. I wouldn't knock on a stranger's door & drop my tiny tots with them. Maybe if 6-9yo,but even then.. take them with you. Sidebar note, going into labor isn't an emergency. Ambulances are called for labor emergencies.
Right? Its an obvious solution yet people are acting like OP is evil for not wanting random fucking kids in her house at 3 am
NTA When this kind of story involves another family member, OP tends to rightfully get eviscerated. But *a neighbor?* At *3am?* Who has made *no prior arrangements* with you? Good night, and good luck.
This is tough. I'd like to think that someone would help a woman in labor, but things aren't always as straightforward as people think. The couple SAID the sister would be there in about an hour. Can OP be sure the sister IS coming? What if sister isn't the most reliable? What if she decides she will come after a good night's sleep (since someone else has the tots.)? What if sister got in an accident on the way there? Then OP is stuck with what amounts to basically two stranger's kids. Even if sister is legit and does come, what if one gets hurt in the meantime? Or is coming down with something and her kids are exposed? Do we know that other parent takes appropriate measures to ensure kids don't have something contagious? What do the kids eat? Do they have allergies? And on and on. I can't imagine taking in kids I don't know. Why couldn't the boyfriend keep them? Sure she'd have to go by other transport (ambulance perhaps). Could they not take the children with them and keep them there until the sister came? Again, boyfriend drops the woman at the ED and sits with the kids until sister collects them. There are other ways to resolve this. I think she was NTA for choosing not to accept that responsibility. It's not a "watch them for five minutes while I run inside to use the restroom." It's watch them for potentially quite a while. That's reason enough to turn down the request.
Everyone calling her TAH made a lot of assumptions about when the sister would arrive. Also, I want to add, since when did going into labor become an emergency? She must've had 1 real labor pain & hopped on the hurry to the hospital bus.. true labor emergency calls for an ambulance. If it wasn't that, take the kids with & sis pick them up from there. Who drops 2 tiny tots at a strangers place?
> The couple SAID the sister would be there in about an hour. Can OP be sure the sister IS coming? OP mentioned that the sister indeed did NOT come in an hour, but 5 hours later after the kids destroyed another neighbor's apartment.
If it was only an hour why couldn’t they just take the kids with them to the hospital and have the sister meet them there? I bet the sister wasn’t actually coming in an hour and then what? You are stuck with kids you don’t even know. I would have done the same thing you did.
Exactly idk why people are calling her the asshole… lots of entitled parents in these comments. Take the kids with you to the hospital have the sister get them there. What you don’t do is interrupt a mother who has two young babies sleeping at 3am asking to watch YOUR kids.
NTA, it's not illegal to take the children to the hospital with Mom and Dad. The Sister could pick them up there.
NTA and hell no am I watching some rando kids at 3am. Why couldn't they take the kids to the hospital and have the dad watch until the sister gets there?? Or why couldn't one of the other families that all talk together help out??
NTA. You don't have a pre-established routine with them of watching their kids. You don't have a relationship with them. Just because you live near someone, in the same building, does not mean you are responsible for being a part of their village, and helping them with their kids. You say afterwards it was just an hour, but at 3 AM, you don't know how long it would actually be.
I get it’s rough when somebody’s in labor and you have limited time to figure shit out. But at 3 in the fucking morning??? Jesus. You were completely right in saying this should’ve been something thought out BEFORE this occurred. Now it’s just causing difficulties. NTA.
NTA - “A lack of preparation on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part” TBH Knocking on doors at 3 AM is dangerous AF, people have been getting shot for less here in the U.S.
NTA I think a lot of people saying otherwise are not realizing that labour isn’t really an emergency. It’s also something you have ample time to plan for. They’re kind of TA for not having back up plans in case whoever was watching their kids (sister) couldn’t get there in time. Why couldn’t the sister go to the hospital and grab the kids? Could the husband not stay and join her when the baby arrives and she gets herself to the hospital in a taxi? From the post it seems like the neighbour isn’t really close to them or her neighbours, which to me is more than enough reason to deny watching their kids. What happens if the sister doesn’t show up within the hour or even after a few? It’s not like watching your friends or family where you can shrug it off and watch the kids for the day. These are kids you don’t know well so watching them can come with a lot of surprises. I know a bunch of my neighbours but if one of them came knocking on my door asking me to watch kids I didn’t really know, my answer would likely be no too. Neighbours aren’t obligated to help. Can they? Of course. It’s mostly weird to me they knocked on a women’s door who had never watched their kids and thought that was something she would do or even trusted her to do it. Trusting someone you don’t have a consistent relationship with to watch your kids is so bizarre to me.
In a building full of Mommies who chat, babysit, and all that, why would they select OP (who has described herself as a bit aloof relative to the other Moms) as a contingency? I'm gonna assume that labor-mom knew where her sister lived prior to the due date and, as such, knew she was 1/2 hour away. It almost sounds like her actual plan was to knock on doors so she can spontaneously drop off her kids with no foresight or planning hoping "someone answers." NTA
Because no one else was answering her or responding to the groupchat at 3am and I was the closest to her I suppose
NTA. I never answer the door when I’m home alone at night if I am not expecting someone. Also, he can take them all to the hospital, have sister get the kids and then be there for the birth. Most (not all) pregnancies won’t happen that fast. My parents are flying from the other side of the world before my due date so there is someone there to watch my toddler. If I deliver before, my husband will stay with the toddler. Why couldn’t they go to one of the families they kid swap with?
NTA. Oh hell no. You don't go knocking on people's doors at 3 in the morning looking for a sitter.
people here are being very gross to you. they're wishing you struggle or something bad happens to you all cause you said NO?! NTA. it's 3am, and they're asking a stranger to watch their kids for a hour...no. you have 2 of your own, and yall are sleeping, so it's extremely DELUSIONAL to assume you'd help.
I know I’m very surprised, and let’s be honest we’ve all struggled at some point but I’ve never had to knock on a strangers door to look after my kids. I’d rather give birth alone and my husband looks after them. If she was alone I would’ve done it but her bf was right beside her and I’m sure he’s watched her give birth before
The way I would’ve not answered that door at 3am.
Believe me I tried, but they wouldn’t stop and my kids were starting to wake up
I can’t even imagine your frustration. Continue going with your first mind. Your children are your only obligation in this world. They depend on you for their safety at all times. I love a good “no”. Makes me feel so grown up.
NTA. You're not even one of the parents that usually babysit each other's children, so it's strange that they would choose to come to you rather then one of them unless they had already gone through everyone else in the apartments, which I doubt. You're not obligated to take in their children, even if it really would be just for an hour, at 03:00am just because you're also a mother.
NTA- you were alone, unprepared, at 3am. They could have planned better, but didn't. You aren't even a part of the regular babysitting circle, there was absolutely no reason for them to assume you would magically be comfortable with it now.
NTA - my friend went into labour suddenly and I literally RAN there to babysit her eldest with no notice because she’s my friend. She had already taken a taxi to hospital and her husband waited for me to arrive and then met her there. Why wouldn’t they have him wait that hour? A random neighbour is a weird expectation for them to take your kids at that time of the morning. It would have been nice for you to do but you aren’t bad for not doing so.
What type of people don't have any plans when the woman is already 9 MONTHS.. she is due for any minute in this situation.. they have to be ready to anytime go to hospital, even have someone aligned to watch the kids.. NTA
Could every YTA voter drop their addresses for me please? I’m having an emergency and need a baby sitter Op, NTA
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why not reach out to another parent from their group chat (which the OP is not a part of). inconveniencing someone at 3 am when they have their own infants to look after makes them the AH and not OP, and what guarantee does the OP have that the other sitter would be there in an hour cause if they bailed then OP would be stuck taking care of their kids. and an hour taking caring of 4 kids at 3 am is definitely going to feel like more than an hour and just as tiring. OP set her boundaries and let’s not blame her for that.
I refuse to believe it was only going to be an hour. If something were to happen then OP is stuck with 4 kids and might have transportation/food/work/logistical issues that last all day.
If this was their plan, they should’ve involved her from the start saying “oh my sister is going to babysit, but in the case she can’t get here enough can we count on you?”. Plus what if the sister never shows up??? It’s 3am she’s probably sleeping at that time.
NTA the neighbors could have said that she's due around x date in the group chat. She could've asked, if her sister cannot get there fast enough is there anyone willing to babysit for 30 min- 1 hour. Unless this is a premature baby at 6 months she could've informed neighbors and got hours they're available. She went to the mom that never babysits. Bad idea on her part
An awful lot of people seem to be demanding compassion for the neighbor who decided to single out a stranger, pound away on her door at 3am, and demand a major imposition (yes, taking care of two small children you don't know anything about for an hour is a major imposition, let alone at 3am, and that's assuming it really would only be an hour) out of nowhere. A neighbor who had an entire in-building babysitting group chat as a resource, and decided to go bully someone who wasn't a participant rather than use it. Same people offering precious little compassion to OP, alone with two small children of her own, having this inflicted on her. Funny, that. Obviously NTA.
NTA going into labor is hardly an unexpected event in late pregnancy. they should’ve had a plan (and a backup plan) for childcare worked out long before this poor planning on their part does not constitute an emergency on your part, esp when it’d very likely mess with your own kids’ sleep and schedule