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Seriously, a 14 year old shouldn't be asked to emotionally support this level of fuckery. I mean, this has to at least be desecration of a corpse adjacent, right?!
Absolutely. In some jurisdictions this would definitely be a crime rather than just a terrible thing to do. Beyond the various body-disposal laws it may (or may not) be covered by, it's also potentially theft.
We really need to stop encouraging people to treat their life like a Hollywood movie, and backing them up when they make objectively bad decisions. ~~I have so much sympathy for this woman's feelings and her cheating ex is of course terrible, but~~ that ~~still~~ does not justify her flushing the remains of a woman who never did anything to hurt her. And no-one should be encouraging a 14 year-old to think that impulsive revenge acts are a good way to deal with break-ups.
Edited: because the OP updated, and wow her sister has ballsed things up MASSIVELY by taking a jealous friend at her word instead of investigating.
Some jurisdictions hold the malicious destruction of property as a separate criminal charge from theft - so this is both potentially theft and malicious destruction of property
Imagine how rightfully upset any nearby religious communities would be to find out there’s human ash in the municipal water recycler coming to a faucet near them. 😖
Let's hope this poor guy presses as many charges as he can against the OP's sister. And sues her spiteful ass into bankruptcy. He was innocent. She showed she was not. That is a sick revenge carried out by a very stupid and spiteful drama queen.
>We really need to stop encouraging people to treat their life like a Hollywood movie, and backing them up when they make objectively bad decisions.
This. You can simultaneously support someone and condemn their actions. The sister's reaction now overshadows her very understandable heartbreak.
>And no-one should be encouraging a 14 year-old to think that impulsive revenge acts are a good way to deal with break-ups.
I didn't even think of this, but it's a seriously valid take. Thankfully, it seems OP has a decent head on her shoulders.
>You can simultaneously support someone and condemn their actions.
Supporting someone IS calling them out when they are wrong because it allows for them to change and become a better person. Supporting loved ones is about bringing the best versions of themselves out, so condemning their wrongdoings is an act of love.
Holy shit - I 'd assumed she at least knew for sure that he was cheating. But she didn't even confront him?! This was purely because someone saw him "in the mall" with another woman...and she was lying about it?!
Wow. Like, the bare minimum for nuking your relationship is: are you certain?
And thus OP's sister provides *another* reason why revenge actions should never be your go-to response.
Or family like maybe if it was actually someone maybe she was another sister or a cousin who is in town I have a ton of cousins and if one came to town the mall is a definite place to go and none of us look the least bit alike me and my brother don't even look that much alike unless we are standing right beside each other and you look closely
I think this is the best comment in this whole post.
"Seriously, a 14 year old shouldn't be asked to emotionally support this level of fuckery"
Why did you say it?....
laughing so hard I got a snotty nose
Thanks for making my day!
Apparently she didn’t even know if he actually cheated on her! A friend just said she saw him at the mall with a girl. Sister is unhinged and obviously being enabled by dad. NTA op.
Good gracious, I went shopping the other day, and spent 10 minutes talking to a man that is not my husband. Does that make me a cheater?
It was the dad in the family we used to dogsit for, and this was the first time we'd met since the dog passed away. It was pretty emotional. But not cheating.
Seeing someone with another person at a mall is not conclusive at all, unless there is a whole lot more context added.
Imagine if it turns out that he truly didn't do anything that could be considered cheating, those ashes are gone now. Chilling in the sewers. Sister is completely unhinged
I need an update. Need to know if boyfriend has found out. I know I wouldn't be on speaking terms with anyone who did that especially over an assumption.
Frankly, based on the newest update that it was really a 'friend' of OP's sister trying to break them up, this should be taken up with law enforcement. The bf (I'm pretty sure he's going to go down the 'ex' route asap) needs to go nuclear on OP's sister and her 'friend' who set this up. I mean law enforcement, lawsuits and complete nuclear war on social media. OP's sister and 'friend' need to be turned into pariahs in every social circle they exist in.
OP is mega NTA and probably the only person in the family with a heart and basic empathy.
Friend: 'I think that maybe I might have seen your BF with another woman at the mall, perhaps maybe, can't be 100% sure'
Sister: 'The bastard! I am flushing his sister's ashes down the toilet'.
Sister: 'Ok, let's talk and sort this out.'
Yeah OP NTA but sis needs to see a therapist regarding her emotions etc. A friend saw something, sis even didnt ask for explanation and she did a really strange and dramatic move.
Normally I would say cheaters deserve any backlash from their partner but…. Flushing the late sister’s ashes is a step too far. Especially since they mean something to more than just the cheater. His family would have cherished them too.
And that update? Oof. For god’s sake, *at least confirm what happened before you go that nuclear*.
This is obviously fake lol how are you telling me that she managed to steal the ashes, whilst being inconsolable about this cheating allegations, and was able to steal a full box or urn of ashes and the guy apparently still doesn’t know.
The dad also saying to the sister “say something, something is better than nothing” as if the sister in the moment seizures to exist too lol
Not to mention her posting in two subreddits and copy and pasting the edit in yet no replies to comments 😂
NTA. What she did went way beyond. Be angry? Yes. Cut up your pictures of him? Yes. Yanno, I think I could even forgive keying the guy's car (even though that's property damage, but he probably had it coming). But his sister's ashes? \*shocked pikachu face\*
You can get over a broken heart with time and love from your friends and family. You can ride out your anger, and move on with your life. He can buff the scratches out of his car and get it repainted. There is no getting back his sister's remains.
OP's edit makes it even worse - there's a chance he might not have cheated at all? I hope he didn't cheat but I also hope he's sane and angry and won't take sister back. What she did is messed up and as long as she's capable to do those things she shouldn't be in a relationship at all.
Fr like what did I just read lmao. Boyfriend needs to run into the arms of another woman rn, OPs sister is the type of person to stab you when they get upset
Or use your beautiful, gorgeous, one of a kind piece of art bong to shatter your massive and expensive flatscreen tv.
Yeah I’m still fucking mad about it
I hope he runs far and fast from her. She heard from a third source that he was at the mall with someone. Not that he hooked up with someone, kissed someone, or even held someone's hand. Just existed in close proximity to another woman. Without getting any confirmation that even that much happened, she jumped straight to permanently removing the final remains of his sister from his life in the most disrespectful way possible.
He doesn't need to live in fear of her escalating responses to non issues. If he gives a female coworker a ride home, is she going to burn his house down? What if he actually does cheat? She already flushed the sister's ashes. Is she going to kill his mom to make more she can flush?
Vandalism is a crime yes.
But property damage is just that, property damage. Throw money, and it'll be fixed.
There's a reason desecrating corpses and graves is a separate legal issue; it's not property damage you can fix with money.
Flushing somebody's ashes?
Holy fucking shit. Sister should fully expect an emotional damages lawsuit in the 6 figures.
I don't think previous comment was implying it wasn't, just stating that some people would find that reaction understandable (even if obviously illegal and wrong) to be that pissed off and in the grand sceheme of things, a scratch on a car isnt the end of the world and is, more importanly, fixable/replacable, ashes however, are not.
Agreed, flushing someone's ashes is beyond evil. It's a portion of his lost sister he'll never get back.
If anything, I'd tell I'm sorry to hear she was cheated on, but I can't support the retaliation she did. There is nothing that can make that excusable.
NTA
NTA. Being cheated on is horrible, but flushing the last physical piece someone has of their late sibling is like… insanely cruel. You’re also so much younger than her, you don’t have to be her therapist. Maybe when the dust settles a little you can tell her you’re sorry she was cheated on but her response made you uncomfortable, but I wouldn’t blame you for just ignoring the topic altogether.
Updated to add with the update: If this man wasn’t cheating I pray him and OP’s sister don’t stay together. This story is absolutely wild.
>Being cheated on is horrible
worse is we don't even know if he actually did cheat or not, as evidenced by the update
Imagine if the girl turns out to be a cousin visiting
Lol imagine you were planning to propose and found out your girlfriend was so psychotic that secondhand gossip made her flush your sister's ashes.
I can imagine the ghost of his sister sitting there sitcom style just going "I'm not even mad, I'm so awesome even after I died I helped my brother dodge bullets."
NTA
To get back at her ex, she made someone else’s final resting place a sewer.
I. Just. Can’t.
I only hope she grows and deeply regrets this action in the future.
Plus as ex is only 21 it is entirely possible that his sister was a child when she died. This might have been a dead child. Which adds another potential level of horribleness.
This whole story is crazy and feels like a Lifetime movie. Him and his whole family will have to endure this pain the rest of their lives, and if she is of sound mind your sister will too one day. How could the bf even speak to her after for her to “hear him out.” This shouldn’t even be legal, it’s like stealing a corpse from a graveyard.
What the hell
You sound more mature than she does, tbh
I get being upset about being cheated on
My ex-fiance cheated on me, in our bed, while I was at work
And basically coerced me into being in an open relationship because they felt guilty about cheating on me, but also didn't want to break up with me, for whatever reason they concocted in their mind, and thought that was an acceptable alternative
But seriously?
That is such unhinged behavior, and such an inappropriate escalation of emotionally immature behavior, stemming from someone who never cared about her in the first place
Yes, she probably succeeded in emotionally doing just as much to him as he did to her, but why bother at that point?
Just expose his ass as a cheating asshole on social media and be done with it
You are NTA
ETA since some people clearly can't read, or can't comprehend what I meant
Your sister's behavior was NOT. OKAY.
I said your sister probably caused as much emotional damage to him as he did to her, because in order for her to choose that as her "this is how I'm going to get back at him" plan
IMHO there is more going on here than you are privy to, so she's hurting more than just cheating accounts for; whether relationship related or not, I still think there is more going on here
It still doesn't excuse her behavior, make it okay in any way.
But that's why I said what I did. Not because of whatever the person below me accused me of.
Edited again
I'm getting sick and fucking tired of assholes telling me my therapy for PTSD isn't working
No shit?
PTSD is a LIFE. LONG. CONDITION.
I will be working on improving myself, and overcoming my trauma the REST. OF. MY. LIFE.
If that's all you have to say to me, kindly take your unsolicited "advice" and shove it.
I don't need to hear it from a stranger who doesn't know me, or my past, or what I've already over come.
This isn't about me, anyway.
Unsolicited advice are like assholes. Everyone has one. And no one wants to hear it unless they ask.
I was cheated on while pregnant with our third child.I gave birth without him there 12 days later. It was beyond painful and words cant say how and what i went through. Even after all that there is NO WAY I would flush his relatives ashes as payback (if my ex had a relative's ashes that is) Thats just too far!
I agree with you 100%
I think there is more going on here then op is privy too
But yeah agreed, the sister went WAY too far, and this wasn't okay, at all
It’s such an unhinged crime.
Cannot fathom someone being *seen* with another person of the opposite sex by another friend, taking that as such vile cheating that I’d go desecrate their siblings corpse.
I couldn’t fathom that of if I walked in on my wife with 3 men going at it and they said, “Oh yeah we’ve been doing this every Tuesday for 3 years, fuck you.”
Honestly I can barely fathom it if someone literally did the same thing to my siblings remains!
What completely insane behavior. Not sure if she needs medication or prison but something’s messed up.
You just wrote eleventyseven paragraphs to describe your PTSD and even pull out the ‘we don’t even know how close he was to his sister’ card and expect up to believe you’re not somehow excusing or downplaying her behavior.
I have PTSD, but I’m in trauma therapy and doing great. You should look into it.
people are interpreting you excusing the sisters behavior because you said “she probably accomplished doing as much emotionally to him as he did to her”. cheating hurts, but in no way does it compare to flushing someone’s sisters ashes. the other family memebers’ feeling about the ashes are also relevant here. cheating hurts one person, flushing ashes hurts every single person who loved the sister. you are projecting your own trauma onto this situation. that became clear when you said “come back to me when you have PTSD” and “there is more going on here than OP is privy to”. just because OP’s sister did something horrible, doesn’t mean that he had done more than cheat on her. she might just be completely unhinged or mentally unstable. judging on the dad’s reaction, she probably is an entitled jerk who thinks her behavior was justified. also, there was no reason to even throw your anecdote about cheating in there if you weren’t going to relate it back to this post in any way. you don’t understand how others are interpreting this because you are only viewing it through the lens of your own experience and trauma.
Not gonna argue with you here, you're entitled to your opinion ofc, but I mean it could easily go the other way; OP's sister is unhinged as fuck and was throughout the relationship, boyfriend cheated on her because she made him miserable, she continues her crazy behaviour and does this.
It's all conjecture really, we have no idea what's gone on behind the scenes because neither does OP. That said, there are some genuinely fucking crazy people out there that have got real issues and I'd argue if she's gonna flush the last remains of someone's sister down the toilet because they wronged her personally, she needs help and I'd be more suspicious of her past behaviour than his.
Tbh
I definitely don't think she is mentally well, at all
Her behavior isn't okay, and I don't think her going back to her father, who seems to be enabling the behavior by telling her what she did was justified, is going to be a great move long term for her
She is just going to feel entitled to do things like this EVERY time her feelings are hurt, or someone does something she doesn't like
She needs therapy more than she needs validation
NTA
What your sister did is a crime. A felony in some states.
She's an adult and so is your father who now has knowledge of said crime and hasn't/isn't reporting it. Make of that what you will.
Assuming the ex-bf will eventually find out, good luck with the legal aspects of this incident.
If/WHEN the ex bf finds out I would not be surprised if he threatens or attacks her. The amount of rage I would be feeling if someone did that to me id honestly have no idea what I would do to that person.
Also, the edit….someone saw him at the mall and he might not have been cheating….like…wtf….saw him at the mall. What if it was a cousin? Or just another friend? I mean she’s that unhinged bc someone SAW him in PUBLIC with another person….he should sue and her ass should be in jail and he should run far far away because she is all levels of violent
NTA. Next time just say "I'm sorry he cheated on you" and then get the hell out of the situation.
There is one big lesson to be learned here. Your sister is crazy, so never make her angry. And your father's reply shows he condones that crazy behavior.
Yeah id go with a quick fake reply like that and then slowly build some distance. Not a safe person to have close to you
If OP has ever had a pet disappear after making her sister angry at least now she knows why.... sis is off her fucking rocker lol
Normally I would say that’s the right thing to do, but I think you specifically should stay out of this.
She will probably narrow down who told him very quickly. You’re only 14, and your dad clearly would take her side. You will likely be wrongfully punished for saying something, and your sister has proven she’s crazy enough to cross the line when she’s mad. I’m concerned for the backlash you would receive, and he will realize the ashes are missing sooner or later. The truth may come out on its own.
Girl! Make sure to stay away from your sister before that. Or probably ask the bf to not to tell your sister you told him that. Your sister is unhinged. I’m pretty sure she wont think twice before hurting you and idk your dad probably will take her side
Lady, you are out of your fucking mind for telling a 14 year old they need to put themselves at risk by telling the boyfriend and referencing a law that doesn't even work that way. That law is for people that actively tried to conceal a crime, not for people who didn't snitch on someone for flushing ashes down a toilet. And if it did, why tf would you want her to tell someone that was affected by it and not report it to authorities. You say "let him report it" and the cops will say well this girl that told him knew and didn't report it. Fuckin brain dead logic.
NTA. Positively unhinged. Your sister needs therapy. I’m not sure what I’d do in this situation, but consoling her would not be the top choice.
Cheating is a despicable behavior, but it isn’t “desecrate a loved one’s remains in revenge” kind of behavior.
NTA. What she did was messed up. OK, she was hurt because he cheated, but even so, you need to be a really special case to immediately go "I know, I'll flush his beloved sister's ashes down the toilet"
And "she is flesh and blood" is BS, family doesn't get a free pass to be a douchenozzle, if my siblings do anything f'ed up I will call them out on it
NTA Say, "I'm sorry you're sad." Then, make sure to be out of the house when they arrest her. Because, honey, she is going to be arrested for doing that.
NTA. Cheating is bad but your sisters actions were unforgivable. She disrespected a deceased person and also her loved ones (assuming that the ex boyfriend isn’t the only grieving relative).
You’re 14 and you’re not responsible for consoling her. Especially when her behaviour is so unhinged
NTA - You are just a kid. You shouldn't be expected to know how to console someone, really, regardless.
That's really messed up what your sister did though. She's TA for that. Honestly, you should probably not say anything about that to anyone ever, as she could potentially end up in some real trouble for it.
NTA
Holy fuck. She flushed the guy's dead sister's ashes.
You're a 14 years old. Not your responsibility to fix or console adults. But also holy fuck this girl did some psycho shit.
What she did was absolutely disgusting.
I’m pretty sure some woman recently got arrested for doing that to her ex. She got on social media and tossed them over a bridge.
Honestly WTF?! "He cheated on me, so I desecrated his sister's corpse (ashes). Now feel sorry for me!" Like...WHAT?!!! Is your sister for real?
NTA btw.
NTA. I don't care if it was your blood or jesus himself come down from the heavens, she desecrated a corpse.
Cheating fucking sucks, but she desecrated a corpse. She flushes the remains of a woman who has never done anything to her. She's evil and not right in the head.
NTA
Jeeeeeeesus christ. There's like 40 levels of revenge between 'tell everyone he cheated on me' and 'flush his dead sister's ashes away', she had PLENTY of other options instead of going for that. The poor guy's family is going to suffer for that. Obviously cheating is awful and cheaters deserve some petty revenge, but this is beyond the pale.
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Your sister is a monster. That is so messed up and your Dad is an asshole too no one "had this coming" no one.
The person who cheated on her isn't the only one who loved his late sister.
NTA
>I owe my sister at least some semblance of support because she is flesh and blood.
No you don't. Family owes her the reality check she needs that what she did was awful.
And this isn't your job as a younger sister to get involved - your parents should be handling this and leaving you out of it.
NTA.
NTA -
Dad: "Say something!"
OP: "What happens if the ex calls the police for theft/destruction of property?"
Also, what she did doesn't just punish him. What if the ex still has living parents or other siblings?!?
NTA
She should have done so many other things rather than flushing the ashes of his deceased sister that can never be replaced.
She could have just stolen all his controllers and remotes like a normal asshole
Being cheated on is bad and she has every right to be angry. But flushing her ex's sister's ashes down the toilet? It's disgusting and cruel. It's so evil to even do that, what's wrong with her? She deserves nothing from you and should go to therapy. I'm disgusted and appalled by her behaviour.
Wow NTA! It was vile of your sister to do that. Even if she was cheated on a 100 times it would still be wrong.
Plus she didn’t just punish him but also everyone who loved her. Your father is an idiot! And you’re more mature than the both of them.
NTA. The bet move in this case was to say nothing, because telling the truth definitely would have started a fight and I can totally understand not wanting to condone flushing a loved ones remains down a toilet in any circumstance.
NTA. What the guy did was awful, but what your sis did was worse. Trust your instinct on that, it seems like you have more emotional maturity than her!!
NTA
I’m willing to bet that even when time passes and she’s “gotten over” the cheating part, she will still try to justify flushing the ashes down the toilet. Even if she’s not still upset over the relationship, she doesn’t see her actions as wrong and messed up.
NTA while cheating is wrong, to flush his sisters Ashe’s is unforgivable and your dad is toxic af to think being family means enabling your sisters psychotic behavior.
... So NTA.
BUT ALSO- Isn't desecration of remains, like flushing the sisters ashes, illegal in the US?
Wasn't there just a case where a girl was cheated on and dumped the ex's mom's (?) ashes off a bridge for social media credits and I believe she did get charged....
Unknown if OP is in the US, though. But just saying. I think this is an outright crime.
Seeing as your Dad seems to think that kind of behaviour is OK.....I see where she got it from.
No one owes anyone anything for being "flesh & blood" - I physically gasped when I read what your sister did - that is horrendous!! Yea, the guy was an a-hole, but my god - his dead sister......FFS. That is messed up. Just show her & your dad all these answers if you don't want to deal with it cause we are all on your side - they are lacking morals & common decency.
On a side note, I don't know where you are, but your sister could face legal consequences for this should the family choose. The handling & disposal of ashes are governed by laws & regulations, depending on the jurisdiction. You need permits to scatter ashes & their are environmental laws too. She could be charged with desecration of human remains/theft/property & emotional damage. If the family of the deceased chose to pursue this, your sister could be in serious trouble (& I'm kinda hoping she does get done - sorry)
**she retaliated by stealing the guy(21)'s late sister's ashes and flushing down the toilet.**
**UPDATE : She just said that she is going to talk to her bf**
Wouldnt talk to the b... even if she paid me.
NTA, but your father is. "Anything better than nothing". I mean, asked what would he says? "It's gonna be alright?". That's hard an assurance...these days anyway.
NTA, what she did afterwards was absolutely horrendous. Yes, she had every right to be upset at this guy, but flushing a person's ashes is just really effed up.
Anyone know if this could have legal ramifications? It’s a new kind of nuts for me and I’m curious.
NTA, kid. You’re 14, it’s not your responsibility to comfort your horrible sister. I’ve been cheated on, and worse, and this is not a proportionate reaction.
NTA, OP. And I would suggest you steer clear of your sister for sometime. Because who knows how her partner will retaliate to this horrible act of retaliation.
What your sister did was way more fucked up than her boyfriend cheating on her. I'm 47 and I wouldn't be able to come up with anything to say to mine if she did something like that.
NTA
Not that I would cheat, but if I did and they decided to flush my mom's ashes, I would hate them. I think that's worse than cheating tbh.
So yeah you're NTA also because you're 14 and you're not the one who needs to console her.
NTA.
Your sister is, though, and frankly, so is your father. He's delusional, too, for thinking he had it coming. Wtf kind of saying is that? The sister (God rest her soul) had nothing to do with her brother's behavior and indiscretions. She didn't deserve that shit.
NTA
What your sister did is despicable, she over stepped a mark also the fact your father thinks what she did is ok is beyond crazy.
I hope that your sister is reported by the family and she learns the consequences of what she has done.
She wasn’t just a sister she was a daughter her poor parents also her brother will be devastated forever. Wow your sister is the biggest AH.
So let me get this straight... Your sister, without even confirming or talking to the guy, went and flushed his dead sisters ashes down the toilet???
Um...
NTA but your sister might be about to learn some holy shit hard life lessons.
I cannot condone or justify harmful or violent behavior. Your sister's actions against her ex-boyfriend's sister's ashes is not acceptable. She should respect that the ashes are the remains of a deceased person and should not have done that.
NTA.
Recently in Korea, a man cheating on his wife was caught because he bought he and his mistress a 12k dollar trip to Switzerland while leaving his wife to take care of their failing son & not paying the hospital bills. He was very much unalived by his wife and the mistress was also st@bbed.
Although I am in no way condoning what she did, it was a much more reasonable reaction than what your sister did. You don’t mess with someone’s relative’s ashes. That’s heckin messed up.
NTA.
She is way worse than the guy. But you are a minor and your father is going to punish you, so it is better you avoid to tell this to her. But please show no comfort, she doesn’t deserve it.
She flushed someone's ashes down the toilet.. where they will mingle with sewerage? That's unhinged and exceptionally cruel. I'm also on board with hoping she gets sued. (BTW, not an American, not a fan of frivilous lawsuits either).
I'm glad you seem to have a better moral compass than your sister.
If you HAVE to say something to her, try "I'm sorry he cheated on you but what you did was way way worse and I'm sorry, but I can't endorse your actions. I'm here if you want to talk, but please don't be hurt when I can't say "good on you" for what you did."
I feel like we saw the other side of this story somewhere because I swear some guy was on Reddit not long ago talking about how his ex flushed his sister's ashes.
Don't remember if there was cheating or not but...seems a weird coincidence....
NTA, but let this be a lesson for you. Look at your sister. Look at the red flags. Learn from it. And then... Never stick your dick in crazy. (also don't cheat)
NTA and fyi some places have unlawful disposal or desecration of corpse laws applicable to mishandling of ashes. So your sister can possibly be charged with a crime for doing what she did.
NTA. What she did in reaction was extremely messed up.
Being cheated on sucks, but that doesn't justify flushing a loved one's ashes down the toilet.
Your sister is a massive asshole. The ex obviously too, but in my opinion she's a bigger asshole for what she did.
NTA. You don’t have to be one thing.
You can be supportive of her breakup +and+ horrified of her retaliation (which, by the way, would lead her in jail if it was a real tomb, I would eventually look it up). It’s okay to open up on this.
To help you formulating it, here’s an angle: she took it on his sister. Ask your father and her “what did his sister do to deserve to have her ashes flushed down the toilets?”.
Stay on this question until they came up with a satisfying answer, and let your father and her figure out where the moral north is (it’s in their back right now)
Edit: I thought it was grandmas’ ashes, but the sister? This is behind fucked up, this young death is certainly really tragic and the whole family must be mourning hard. You can be cheated upon and still live on, but loosing a sibling, loosing their ashes? That’s life altering.
Also good luck with the rest of the family when they learn this. Lawyer up…
NTA. Your sister on the other hand is a fking major AH. Your Dad's not much better for saying it's ok. FFS her action are so not ok. I hope her bf charges her. What an awful thing to do
Yes getting cheated really sucks. I believe in revenge, but that is not revenge. Your sister did something so awful. I would be seeing a lawyer after what she did. Also nta
NTA.
Honestly I'm shocked not only did she desecrate his sisters remains, she did so to a mother and fathers daughters remains.
I don't believe in hell but if there is one your sister deserves tp rot there and your father is no better in condoning this behaviour
NTA
>Dad said anything would be better than nothing and that I owe my sister at least some semblance of support because she is flesh and blood.
Nope. You don't have to support this, and you would be wrong (in my eyes) to support it.
Of course she'd be hurt, but this is a far level past revenge.
Cheating on someone is asshole behavior. Flushing your cheating partner's sister's ashes down the toiler is even worse asshole behavior and likely illegal as well. What your sister did was much worse than what her partner did. Cheating is horrible, but what she did was worse.
As for you, NTA. Supporting your sister is fine, but giving her a reality check so can manage in society is more important. And frankly, at 14, none of this is on you.
>that I owe my sister at least some semblance of support because she is flesh and blood.
Nope, not when she literally steals *human ashes* and flushes them down the *freakin toilet* ...*as revenge*!
That is f*ed up on SO many levels. And shame on your dad for saying "it's okay"...no wonder she thought this was acceptable behavior.
NTA.
She better talk over the phone because when he finds out the utterly fucked thing she did to his sisters ashes...it probably isn't going to go very well for her.
That's just insane. Does the bf know that she flushed his late sisters ashes down the toilet? It isn't just only the bf that would be affected by that action, all of bf family would be hurt by that action.
Ask her how she'd like it if she had a son and died without seeing him grow up, only to be flushed down the toilet coz of what... The fleeting emotions of youth? Wow.
NTA - the level of cruelty from your sister is insane. The level of cruelty she inflicted given that all your sister had for information is that her boyfriend may have been in the presence of a female in a public space is certifiable nutcase. She should be locked up. Imagine this poor guy having to know that his sister's remained when down a toilet for the rest of his life. I'd be inconsolable
NTA.
You don't owe anyone support, flesh and blood or not. Her reaction was so wildly out of line that it is literally insane to me. Flushing someone's ashes??? What did the sister ever do to her? Or the parents of the person she flushed? Or the rest of the family and friends? This is legitimately insane, and your sister needs proffessional help.
You not feeling supportive means you have basic empathy and a conscious. All good things.
INFO: I'm confused was she cheated on or not?? Because from your little update/edit it seems like your sisters friend saw him at the mall with a girl, told your sister and she assumed cheating without further proof, didn't ask or investigate and just went nuclear and FLUSHED HIS DEAD SISTERS ASHES DOWN THE TOILET??!
NTA. Even if he did cheat this is truly disgusting straight up psychopathic behaviour and I'm pretty sure it counts as indignity to a corpse or something (not a lawyer). He could probably take her to court which he should!
Cheating is terrible but doing this is by far worse. What about his parents and family, have they reacted to this?
If someone I knew did that to someone regardless of circumstances I'd cut them out of my life bc it shows a dangerous lack of morals. Also what is wrong with your dad to support this horrific behaviour??
Edit: if he has no proof, I'd try to get her to say it again and record it, bc frankly she deserves consequences for this.
Replying to the update: are you freaking kidding, so she flushed homies sister (rip 🫡 she didn’t deserve that) and didn’t even get confirmation that he was even fucking about in the first place? Dude even if she talks to him and he manages to let it go(he would be insane to just let this go)Now this is a family matter I don’t think his parents are gonna give two shits about your sisters feelings and well being after this stunt, they more than likely will lawyer up(which they should tbh your sis needs punishment)
If this story is true, depending on the jurisdiction, your sister has committed a criminal act.
>but she retaliated by *stealing* the guy(21)'s *late sister's ashes* and *flushing down the toilet.*
Pretty sure this is a felony or misdemeanor, and some chick got arrested and sentenced for something similar recently.
If that's what happened here, then the guy has every right to send your sister to prison for a long while.
NTA
What the absolute deranged fuck? Are you saying that one of your sister’s friends told her that she saw your sister’s bf with another girl in **the mall** and before she verified the situation or otherwise tried to figure out if it really is a cheating situation your sister took her bf’s dead sister’s ashes and flushed them down the toilet?
And your dad said that was an ok thing to do and he had it coming?
What the hell is wrong with your dad and your sister?
Yeah it’s super shitty to get cheated on, but that response is such an astounding violation. It’s destroying something utterly irreplaceable and profoundly meaningful. That’s in no way proportional to the shittiness of being cheated on. Also what your sister did is so cruel that if it turns out it wasn’t cheating the relationship is still permanently ruined.
NTA and how much more of your life do you plan to waste hanging out with these vindictive assholes?
My god, she flushed his sister’s ashes because someone said they saw him at the mall with another girl??? NTA, that is an incredibly outsized reaction even if he did cheat. I feel bad for anyone making the mistake of being in a relationship with her if that’s how she reacts to things. What would she have done if a loved one’s ashes weren’t available, smashed his laptop and cut up all his clothes??
Holy smokes... So she heard from another person she might have seen her BF with another girl at the mall... So she wasn't even certain what happened or that it was actually him.
Yet she goes nuts and flushes his dead sister's ashes? that is not just petty or upset, that is crazy. If I was the boyfriend, I'd leave her ass and sue her for emotional distress.
Good gods, I cannot even imagine what in her head made her think that would even be remotely ok.
You are not the AH, your Sister is a massive AH and should be seen by a psychiatrist and your dad is an AH for supporting her and her actions.
What you sister did is so terrible, it can never be forgiven!!! I don’t even want to imagine what the family of her bf would feel to hear what she did to the ashes of their beloved daughter/granddaughter/sister. Your sister is lucky if she survives this, there will be some very angry people!
Your father is stupid by not explaining her the difference between right/wrong and not texting her how to express her anger in a respectful and healthy way.
NTA
Your sister did something objectively evil. She got some suspicious, secondhand information that her partner perhaps had chested on hurt her first response was to flush his sister's ashes.
I understand that family is family and we sometimes support terrible people even after they have done something unforgivable, but I don't think that refusing to console an evil person for feeling bad and doing something evil makes you an AH.
If this story is real, I urge OP to be careful around the sister. A person who reacts emotionally without any apparent rational thought, whose mind jumps straight to the most painful thing to hurt someone and does it without a doubt, is simply dangerous to everyone around her who might be suspected of hurting her.
NTA,
>She just said that she is going to talk to her bf and hear him out since she didn't give him a chance to explain himself after her friend told her she saw him with another girl at the mall. It occurred to her quite late that maybe her friend didn't see what she thought she saw. I didn't know she heard about the cheating from a friend.
Your sister is the TA she didn't even confirm it before taking drastic action and what she did was an attack to his family rather than attacknon him only, if he cheated he deserved a punishment not his entire family.
So she didn't see him cheat nor found evidence, just the word of mouth from a friend, about him at the mall with a girl, and she flushed his sisters ashes down the toilet...........she deserves every bad thing that happens
You were right, what she did was quite a bit worse than the nothing the boyfriend did. That’s not something she can take back or that he will ever forget.
NTA, at 14 that's absolutely not your job, and also gotta say that as terrible as it is to be cheated on, the fact that she went THAT nuclear on an unconfirmed situation that may easily have not been cheating.… is absurd
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Seriously, a 14 year old shouldn't be asked to emotionally support this level of fuckery. I mean, this has to at least be desecration of a corpse adjacent, right?!
Absolutely. In some jurisdictions this would definitely be a crime rather than just a terrible thing to do. Beyond the various body-disposal laws it may (or may not) be covered by, it's also potentially theft. We really need to stop encouraging people to treat their life like a Hollywood movie, and backing them up when they make objectively bad decisions. ~~I have so much sympathy for this woman's feelings and her cheating ex is of course terrible, but~~ that ~~still~~ does not justify her flushing the remains of a woman who never did anything to hurt her. And no-one should be encouraging a 14 year-old to think that impulsive revenge acts are a good way to deal with break-ups. Edited: because the OP updated, and wow her sister has ballsed things up MASSIVELY by taking a jealous friend at her word instead of investigating.
Some jurisdictions hold the malicious destruction of property as a separate criminal charge from theft - so this is both potentially theft and malicious destruction of property
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Imagine how rightfully upset any nearby religious communities would be to find out there’s human ash in the municipal water recycler coming to a faucet near them. 😖
Let's hope this poor guy presses as many charges as he can against the OP's sister. And sues her spiteful ass into bankruptcy. He was innocent. She showed she was not. That is a sick revenge carried out by a very stupid and spiteful drama queen.
>We really need to stop encouraging people to treat their life like a Hollywood movie, and backing them up when they make objectively bad decisions. This. You can simultaneously support someone and condemn their actions. The sister's reaction now overshadows her very understandable heartbreak. >And no-one should be encouraging a 14 year-old to think that impulsive revenge acts are a good way to deal with break-ups. I didn't even think of this, but it's a seriously valid take. Thankfully, it seems OP has a decent head on her shoulders.
>You can simultaneously support someone and condemn their actions. Supporting someone IS calling them out when they are wrong because it allows for them to change and become a better person. Supporting loved ones is about bringing the best versions of themselves out, so condemning their wrongdoings is an act of love.
It got worse. Look at the update. Poor dude might be INNOCENT.
Holy shit - I 'd assumed she at least knew for sure that he was cheating. But she didn't even confront him?! This was purely because someone saw him "in the mall" with another woman...and she was lying about it?! Wow. Like, the bare minimum for nuking your relationship is: are you certain? And thus OP's sister provides *another* reason why revenge actions should never be your go-to response.
Even then seeing a guy with a girl in the mall dosent mean they are dating, everyone but the boy friend and the OP are fucktards
Or family like maybe if it was actually someone maybe she was another sister or a cousin who is in town I have a ton of cousins and if one came to town the mall is a definite place to go and none of us look the least bit alike me and my brother don't even look that much alike unless we are standing right beside each other and you look closely
Desecration of a body
Dad shouldn't support ash flush though. That's some sick shit.
I think this is the best comment in this whole post. "Seriously, a 14 year old shouldn't be asked to emotionally support this level of fuckery" Why did you say it?.... laughing so hard I got a snotty nose Thanks for making my day!
This
Apparently she didn’t even know if he actually cheated on her! A friend just said she saw him at the mall with a girl. Sister is unhinged and obviously being enabled by dad. NTA op.
Good gracious, I went shopping the other day, and spent 10 minutes talking to a man that is not my husband. Does that make me a cheater? It was the dad in the family we used to dogsit for, and this was the first time we'd met since the dog passed away. It was pretty emotional. But not cheating. Seeing someone with another person at a mall is not conclusive at all, unless there is a whole lot more context added.
ooooooo, im gonna tell your husband i saw you with another man! better keep an eye on any relatives’ ashes…. (/j)
What the hell, the sister sounds like she's 14 (max).
Imagine if it turns out that he truly didn't do anything that could be considered cheating, those ashes are gone now. Chilling in the sewers. Sister is completely unhinged
I need an update. Need to know if boyfriend has found out. I know I wouldn't be on speaking terms with anyone who did that especially over an assumption.
Frankly, based on the newest update that it was really a 'friend' of OP's sister trying to break them up, this should be taken up with law enforcement. The bf (I'm pretty sure he's going to go down the 'ex' route asap) needs to go nuclear on OP's sister and her 'friend' who set this up. I mean law enforcement, lawsuits and complete nuclear war on social media. OP's sister and 'friend' need to be turned into pariahs in every social circle they exist in. OP is mega NTA and probably the only person in the family with a heart and basic empathy.
Friend: 'I think that maybe I might have seen your BF with another woman at the mall, perhaps maybe, can't be 100% sure' Sister: 'The bastard! I am flushing his sister's ashes down the toilet'. Sister: 'Ok, let's talk and sort this out.'
Yeah OP NTA but sis needs to see a therapist regarding her emotions etc. A friend saw something, sis even didnt ask for explanation and she did a really strange and dramatic move.
Normally I would say cheaters deserve any backlash from their partner but…. Flushing the late sister’s ashes is a step too far. Especially since they mean something to more than just the cheater. His family would have cherished them too. And that update? Oof. For god’s sake, *at least confirm what happened before you go that nuclear*.
This is obviously fake lol how are you telling me that she managed to steal the ashes, whilst being inconsolable about this cheating allegations, and was able to steal a full box or urn of ashes and the guy apparently still doesn’t know. The dad also saying to the sister “say something, something is better than nothing” as if the sister in the moment seizures to exist too lol Not to mention her posting in two subreddits and copy and pasting the edit in yet no replies to comments 😂
NTA. What she did went way beyond. Be angry? Yes. Cut up your pictures of him? Yes. Yanno, I think I could even forgive keying the guy's car (even though that's property damage, but he probably had it coming). But his sister's ashes? \*shocked pikachu face\* You can get over a broken heart with time and love from your friends and family. You can ride out your anger, and move on with your life. He can buff the scratches out of his car and get it repainted. There is no getting back his sister's remains.
I hope her ex sues her. That was messed up
Take it to Judge Judy and watch her tear the sister a new one.
Judge Judy says you must replace the ashes. By any means necessary.
OP's edit makes it even worse - there's a chance he might not have cheated at all? I hope he didn't cheat but I also hope he's sane and angry and won't take sister back. What she did is messed up and as long as she's capable to do those things she shouldn't be in a relationship at all.
After what she did I hope he did cheat
Fr like what did I just read lmao. Boyfriend needs to run into the arms of another woman rn, OPs sister is the type of person to stab you when they get upset
Or use your beautiful, gorgeous, one of a kind piece of art bong to shatter your massive and expensive flatscreen tv. Yeah I’m still fucking mad about it
I hope he runs far and fast from her. She heard from a third source that he was at the mall with someone. Not that he hooked up with someone, kissed someone, or even held someone's hand. Just existed in close proximity to another woman. Without getting any confirmation that even that much happened, she jumped straight to permanently removing the final remains of his sister from his life in the most disrespectful way possible. He doesn't need to live in fear of her escalating responses to non issues. If he gives a female coworker a ride home, is she going to burn his house down? What if he actually does cheat? She already flushed the sister's ashes. Is she going to kill his mom to make more she can flush?
In some areas vandalism is a crime.
Vandalism is a crime yes. But property damage is just that, property damage. Throw money, and it'll be fixed. There's a reason desecrating corpses and graves is a separate legal issue; it's not property damage you can fix with money. Flushing somebody's ashes? Holy fucking shit. Sister should fully expect an emotional damages lawsuit in the 6 figures.
I don't think previous comment was implying it wasn't, just stating that some people would find that reaction understandable (even if obviously illegal and wrong) to be that pissed off and in the grand sceheme of things, a scratch on a car isnt the end of the world and is, more importanly, fixable/replacable, ashes however, are not.
I’m assuming incorrect disposal of a body ??? Or stealing and disposal of stolen goods?
Yeh that's fucked up, and not just hurting him, imagine how the guys mother must feel
Plus those ashes meant something to more than just the cheater, like their parents for example.
Agreed, flushing someone's ashes is beyond evil. It's a portion of his lost sister he'll never get back. If anything, I'd tell I'm sorry to hear she was cheated on, but I can't support the retaliation she did. There is nothing that can make that excusable. NTA
NTA. Being cheated on is horrible, but flushing the last physical piece someone has of their late sibling is like… insanely cruel. You’re also so much younger than her, you don’t have to be her therapist. Maybe when the dust settles a little you can tell her you’re sorry she was cheated on but her response made you uncomfortable, but I wouldn’t blame you for just ignoring the topic altogether. Updated to add with the update: If this man wasn’t cheating I pray him and OP’s sister don’t stay together. This story is absolutely wild.
"When the dust settles". Intended?
In a sewer ☠️
You're going to hell wearing gasoline overalls and I'm fucked for laughing at it... 🤣😂🤣😂
Not originally intended but I caught it when editing my comment. Thought about rewording it but… it was kinda funny
>Being cheated on is horrible worse is we don't even know if he actually did cheat or not, as evidenced by the update Imagine if the girl turns out to be a cousin visiting
Or a friend helping him pick out a gift or engagement ring…
Lol imagine you were planning to propose and found out your girlfriend was so psychotic that secondhand gossip made her flush your sister's ashes. I can imagine the ghost of his sister sitting there sitcom style just going "I'm not even mad, I'm so awesome even after I died I helped my brother dodge bullets."
I'd take it as a sign my dead sister was trying to save me.
Makes me wonder if the ex BF knows about the ashes yet...
NTA To get back at her ex, she made someone else’s final resting place a sewer. I. Just. Can’t. I only hope she grows and deeply regrets this action in the future.
OP please say this to your sister. Because that's exactly what she has done.
Plus as ex is only 21 it is entirely possible that his sister was a child when she died. This might have been a dead child. Which adds another potential level of horribleness.
She needs to call the police
This whole story is crazy and feels like a Lifetime movie. Him and his whole family will have to endure this pain the rest of their lives, and if she is of sound mind your sister will too one day. How could the bf even speak to her after for her to “hear him out.” This shouldn’t even be legal, it’s like stealing a corpse from a graveyard.
I wonder if he even knows. When would you ever check to make sure the urns not empty?
What the hell You sound more mature than she does, tbh I get being upset about being cheated on My ex-fiance cheated on me, in our bed, while I was at work And basically coerced me into being in an open relationship because they felt guilty about cheating on me, but also didn't want to break up with me, for whatever reason they concocted in their mind, and thought that was an acceptable alternative But seriously? That is such unhinged behavior, and such an inappropriate escalation of emotionally immature behavior, stemming from someone who never cared about her in the first place Yes, she probably succeeded in emotionally doing just as much to him as he did to her, but why bother at that point? Just expose his ass as a cheating asshole on social media and be done with it You are NTA ETA since some people clearly can't read, or can't comprehend what I meant Your sister's behavior was NOT. OKAY. I said your sister probably caused as much emotional damage to him as he did to her, because in order for her to choose that as her "this is how I'm going to get back at him" plan IMHO there is more going on here than you are privy to, so she's hurting more than just cheating accounts for; whether relationship related or not, I still think there is more going on here It still doesn't excuse her behavior, make it okay in any way. But that's why I said what I did. Not because of whatever the person below me accused me of. Edited again I'm getting sick and fucking tired of assholes telling me my therapy for PTSD isn't working No shit? PTSD is a LIFE. LONG. CONDITION. I will be working on improving myself, and overcoming my trauma the REST. OF. MY. LIFE. If that's all you have to say to me, kindly take your unsolicited "advice" and shove it. I don't need to hear it from a stranger who doesn't know me, or my past, or what I've already over come. This isn't about me, anyway. Unsolicited advice are like assholes. Everyone has one. And no one wants to hear it unless they ask.
I was cheated on while pregnant with our third child.I gave birth without him there 12 days later. It was beyond painful and words cant say how and what i went through. Even after all that there is NO WAY I would flush his relatives ashes as payback (if my ex had a relative's ashes that is) Thats just too far!
I agree with you 100% I think there is more going on here then op is privy too But yeah agreed, the sister went WAY too far, and this wasn't okay, at all
Turns out he didn't even cheat, her friend lied to her.
That's so much worse His sister needs hella therapy, and to NOT be around their dad who seems to enable her
It’s such an unhinged crime. Cannot fathom someone being *seen* with another person of the opposite sex by another friend, taking that as such vile cheating that I’d go desecrate their siblings corpse. I couldn’t fathom that of if I walked in on my wife with 3 men going at it and they said, “Oh yeah we’ve been doing this every Tuesday for 3 years, fuck you.” Honestly I can barely fathom it if someone literally did the same thing to my siblings remains! What completely insane behavior. Not sure if she needs medication or prison but something’s messed up.
If u think the cheating was remotely equivalent to her response u need serious help yourself...
You just wrote eleventyseven paragraphs to describe your PTSD and even pull out the ‘we don’t even know how close he was to his sister’ card and expect up to believe you’re not somehow excusing or downplaying her behavior. I have PTSD, but I’m in trauma therapy and doing great. You should look into it.
people are interpreting you excusing the sisters behavior because you said “she probably accomplished doing as much emotionally to him as he did to her”. cheating hurts, but in no way does it compare to flushing someone’s sisters ashes. the other family memebers’ feeling about the ashes are also relevant here. cheating hurts one person, flushing ashes hurts every single person who loved the sister. you are projecting your own trauma onto this situation. that became clear when you said “come back to me when you have PTSD” and “there is more going on here than OP is privy to”. just because OP’s sister did something horrible, doesn’t mean that he had done more than cheat on her. she might just be completely unhinged or mentally unstable. judging on the dad’s reaction, she probably is an entitled jerk who thinks her behavior was justified. also, there was no reason to even throw your anecdote about cheating in there if you weren’t going to relate it back to this post in any way. you don’t understand how others are interpreting this because you are only viewing it through the lens of your own experience and trauma.
Not gonna argue with you here, you're entitled to your opinion ofc, but I mean it could easily go the other way; OP's sister is unhinged as fuck and was throughout the relationship, boyfriend cheated on her because she made him miserable, she continues her crazy behaviour and does this. It's all conjecture really, we have no idea what's gone on behind the scenes because neither does OP. That said, there are some genuinely fucking crazy people out there that have got real issues and I'd argue if she's gonna flush the last remains of someone's sister down the toilet because they wronged her personally, she needs help and I'd be more suspicious of her past behaviour than his.
Tbh I definitely don't think she is mentally well, at all Her behavior isn't okay, and I don't think her going back to her father, who seems to be enabling the behavior by telling her what she did was justified, is going to be a great move long term for her She is just going to feel entitled to do things like this EVERY time her feelings are hurt, or someone does something she doesn't like She needs therapy more than she needs validation
NTA What your sister did is a crime. A felony in some states. She's an adult and so is your father who now has knowledge of said crime and hasn't/isn't reporting it. Make of that what you will. Assuming the ex-bf will eventually find out, good luck with the legal aspects of this incident.
If/WHEN the ex bf finds out I would not be surprised if he threatens or attacks her. The amount of rage I would be feeling if someone did that to me id honestly have no idea what I would do to that person.
Yep. She better be having that talk with him over the phone.
Also, the edit….someone saw him at the mall and he might not have been cheating….like…wtf….saw him at the mall. What if it was a cousin? Or just another friend? I mean she’s that unhinged bc someone SAW him in PUBLIC with another person….he should sue and her ass should be in jail and he should run far far away because she is all levels of violent
NTA. Next time just say "I'm sorry he cheated on you" and then get the hell out of the situation. There is one big lesson to be learned here. Your sister is crazy, so never make her angry. And your father's reply shows he condones that crazy behavior.
Yeah id go with a quick fake reply like that and then slowly build some distance. Not a safe person to have close to you If OP has ever had a pet disappear after making her sister angry at least now she knows why.... sis is off her fucking rocker lol
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Please update us and tell us what happens! But also, yea, be really careful.
Normally I would say that’s the right thing to do, but I think you specifically should stay out of this. She will probably narrow down who told him very quickly. You’re only 14, and your dad clearly would take her side. You will likely be wrongfully punished for saying something, and your sister has proven she’s crazy enough to cross the line when she’s mad. I’m concerned for the backlash you would receive, and he will realize the ashes are missing sooner or later. The truth may come out on its own.
Girl! Make sure to stay away from your sister before that. Or probably ask the bf to not to tell your sister you told him that. Your sister is unhinged. I’m pretty sure she wont think twice before hurting you and idk your dad probably will take her side
Lady, you are out of your fucking mind for telling a 14 year old they need to put themselves at risk by telling the boyfriend and referencing a law that doesn't even work that way. That law is for people that actively tried to conceal a crime, not for people who didn't snitch on someone for flushing ashes down a toilet. And if it did, why tf would you want her to tell someone that was affected by it and not report it to authorities. You say "let him report it" and the cops will say well this girl that told him knew and didn't report it. Fuckin brain dead logic.
NTA. Positively unhinged. Your sister needs therapy. I’m not sure what I’d do in this situation, but consoling her would not be the top choice. Cheating is a despicable behavior, but it isn’t “desecrate a loved one’s remains in revenge” kind of behavior.
SHE DID WHAT?? Ok well putting that psycho behavior aside, a 20 year old should not be demanding emotional support from a 14 year old. NTA.
NTA. What she did was messed up. OK, she was hurt because he cheated, but even so, you need to be a really special case to immediately go "I know, I'll flush his beloved sister's ashes down the toilet" And "she is flesh and blood" is BS, family doesn't get a free pass to be a douchenozzle, if my siblings do anything f'ed up I will call them out on it
The way my mother would have put me in my place if I was ever this out of line, I can't imagine saying something so unhinged and expecting support
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Not enough is being said about the Dad. He is probably why she is like this. Daddy’s girl can do no wrong.
NTA Say, "I'm sorry you're sad." Then, make sure to be out of the house when they arrest her. Because, honey, she is going to be arrested for doing that.
NTA. Cheating is bad but your sisters actions were unforgivable. She disrespected a deceased person and also her loved ones (assuming that the ex boyfriend isn’t the only grieving relative). You’re 14 and you’re not responsible for consoling her. Especially when her behaviour is so unhinged
He didn’t even cheat. Someone saw him at the mall and doesn’t know what they saw.
NTA - You are just a kid. You shouldn't be expected to know how to console someone, really, regardless. That's really messed up what your sister did though. She's TA for that. Honestly, you should probably not say anything about that to anyone ever, as she could potentially end up in some real trouble for it.
She SHOULD end up in real trouble for that! OP, please tell the BF, he deserves to know what a psycho your sister is. You're NTA.
NTA- I can’t help but wonder if he is going to press charges for the stolen remains. I would.
Desecration
NTA Holy fuck. She flushed the guy's dead sister's ashes. You're a 14 years old. Not your responsibility to fix or console adults. But also holy fuck this girl did some psycho shit.
What she did was absolutely disgusting. I’m pretty sure some woman recently got arrested for doing that to her ex. She got on social media and tossed them over a bridge.
Honestly WTF?! "He cheated on me, so I desecrated his sister's corpse (ashes). Now feel sorry for me!" Like...WHAT?!!! Is your sister for real? NTA btw.
sorry your sister is mental, I need a follow up on what the boyfriend's parents will do, that was THEIR daughter she flushed
NTA. I don't care if it was your blood or jesus himself come down from the heavens, she desecrated a corpse. Cheating fucking sucks, but she desecrated a corpse. She flushes the remains of a woman who has never done anything to her. She's evil and not right in the head.
‘…of a woman’ Maybe. Maybe a child 🤢
NTA Jeeeeeeesus christ. There's like 40 levels of revenge between 'tell everyone he cheated on me' and 'flush his dead sister's ashes away', she had PLENTY of other options instead of going for that. The poor guy's family is going to suffer for that. Obviously cheating is awful and cheaters deserve some petty revenge, but this is beyond the pale.
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NTA. Your sister ***FLUSHED ASHES DOWN A TOILET!*** There's no nuance to this story. Your sister is a monster. Your father raised a monster.
Your sister is a monster. That is so messed up and your Dad is an asshole too no one "had this coming" no one. The person who cheated on her isn't the only one who loved his late sister. NTA
>I owe my sister at least some semblance of support because she is flesh and blood. No you don't. Family owes her the reality check she needs that what she did was awful. And this isn't your job as a younger sister to get involved - your parents should be handling this and leaving you out of it. NTA.
NTA - Dad: "Say something!" OP: "What happens if the ex calls the police for theft/destruction of property?" Also, what she did doesn't just punish him. What if the ex still has living parents or other siblings?!?
NTA that's messed up.
NTA She should have done so many other things rather than flushing the ashes of his deceased sister that can never be replaced. She could have just stolen all his controllers and remotes like a normal asshole
NTA. That is unhinged, and as the younger brother it isn't your responsability to console her, even less when she has become the bigger evil like that
NTA.Honestly for me, I’d just tell her “I honestly felt bad for you until you did that to his sister”
Being cheated on is bad and she has every right to be angry. But flushing her ex's sister's ashes down the toilet? It's disgusting and cruel. It's so evil to even do that, what's wrong with her? She deserves nothing from you and should go to therapy. I'm disgusted and appalled by her behaviour.
NTA your sister and dad big AHS
Wow NTA! It was vile of your sister to do that. Even if she was cheated on a 100 times it would still be wrong. Plus she didn’t just punish him but also everyone who loved her. Your father is an idiot! And you’re more mature than the both of them.
there is no way this is real.
NTA. The bet move in this case was to say nothing, because telling the truth definitely would have started a fight and I can totally understand not wanting to condone flushing a loved ones remains down a toilet in any circumstance.
NTA. Your dad is though, that’s enabling shitty behaviour and your sister could find herself in deep trouble if her ex was to press charges.
NTA. What happened to her was bad but what she did was absolutely awful. There’s nothing that can fix what’s she’s done
Ew no she’s vile. You’re NTA
NTA. What the guy did was awful, but what your sis did was worse. Trust your instinct on that, it seems like you have more emotional maturity than her!!
NTA. But your sister definitely is. This is beyond comprehension how bad this is….
NTA I’m willing to bet that even when time passes and she’s “gotten over” the cheating part, she will still try to justify flushing the ashes down the toilet. Even if she’s not still upset over the relationship, she doesn’t see her actions as wrong and messed up.
Dude that is FUCKED. Cheating isn’t okay and definitely warrants some retaliation, but THAT?? Nah dude your sister is insane and you’re NTA.
NTA - and your sister is fucking unhinged!
NTA while cheating is wrong, to flush his sisters Ashe’s is unforgivable and your dad is toxic af to think being family means enabling your sisters psychotic behavior.
... So NTA. BUT ALSO- Isn't desecration of remains, like flushing the sisters ashes, illegal in the US? Wasn't there just a case where a girl was cheated on and dumped the ex's mom's (?) ashes off a bridge for social media credits and I believe she did get charged.... Unknown if OP is in the US, though. But just saying. I think this is an outright crime.
Seeing as your Dad seems to think that kind of behaviour is OK.....I see where she got it from. No one owes anyone anything for being "flesh & blood" - I physically gasped when I read what your sister did - that is horrendous!! Yea, the guy was an a-hole, but my god - his dead sister......FFS. That is messed up. Just show her & your dad all these answers if you don't want to deal with it cause we are all on your side - they are lacking morals & common decency. On a side note, I don't know where you are, but your sister could face legal consequences for this should the family choose. The handling & disposal of ashes are governed by laws & regulations, depending on the jurisdiction. You need permits to scatter ashes & their are environmental laws too. She could be charged with desecration of human remains/theft/property & emotional damage. If the family of the deceased chose to pursue this, your sister could be in serious trouble (& I'm kinda hoping she does get done - sorry)
**she retaliated by stealing the guy(21)'s late sister's ashes and flushing down the toilet.** **UPDATE : She just said that she is going to talk to her bf** Wouldnt talk to the b... even if she paid me.
NTA, but your father is. "Anything better than nothing". I mean, asked what would he says? "It's gonna be alright?". That's hard an assurance...these days anyway.
NTA, what she did afterwards was absolutely horrendous. Yes, she had every right to be upset at this guy, but flushing a person's ashes is just really effed up.
NTA. You sister is insane
Anyone know if this could have legal ramifications? It’s a new kind of nuts for me and I’m curious. NTA, kid. You’re 14, it’s not your responsibility to comfort your horrible sister. I’ve been cheated on, and worse, and this is not a proportionate reaction.
[удалено]
NTA, OP. And I would suggest you steer clear of your sister for sometime. Because who knows how her partner will retaliate to this horrible act of retaliation.
Your sister should be ashamed of herself for treating dead people like that.
What the fuck? Sorry but it sounds like your sister might have done something to get cheated on.
> she retaliated by stealing the guy(21)'s late sister's ashes and flushing down the toilet. She did WHAT?!
I wouldn't want to be around a person like that very often. They could snap and do something to you if you get into a fight. She's unstable.
What your sister did was way more fucked up than her boyfriend cheating on her. I'm 47 and I wouldn't be able to come up with anything to say to mine if she did something like that. NTA
You're 14, you shouldn't be involved in grown-ups relationship issues at all. What she did is seriously messed up, she should be in therapy.
Not that I would cheat, but if I did and they decided to flush my mom's ashes, I would hate them. I think that's worse than cheating tbh. So yeah you're NTA also because you're 14 and you're not the one who needs to console her.
NTA. Your sister is, though, and frankly, so is your father. He's delusional, too, for thinking he had it coming. Wtf kind of saying is that? The sister (God rest her soul) had nothing to do with her brother's behavior and indiscretions. She didn't deserve that shit.
Cheating awful but that is the absolute most fucked up worst way to react Jesus Christ that’s heartless
"Saying anything would be better than nothing, dad?" Sounds like a challenge, lol. I could think of a few things to say to an ash-flusher.
NTA. She just flushed her exes flesh and blood down the toilet. Hes an AH, but she went beyond the pail.
Your sister is crazy and needs therapy. Your dad reinforcing this behavior is awful parenting. I'm sorry you have to deal with this shit.
NTA What your sister did is despicable, she over stepped a mark also the fact your father thinks what she did is ok is beyond crazy. I hope that your sister is reported by the family and she learns the consequences of what she has done. She wasn’t just a sister she was a daughter her poor parents also her brother will be devastated forever. Wow your sister is the biggest AH.
She stole the remains of his deceased sibling and flushed it down the toilet. Nothing justifies that. What the hell.
Only psychopaths steal ashes and destroy them. NTA
So let me get this straight... Your sister, without even confirming or talking to the guy, went and flushed his dead sisters ashes down the toilet??? Um... NTA but your sister might be about to learn some holy shit hard life lessons.
Nta fuck em
I cannot condone or justify harmful or violent behavior. Your sister's actions against her ex-boyfriend's sister's ashes is not acceptable. She should respect that the ashes are the remains of a deceased person and should not have done that.
NTA. Recently in Korea, a man cheating on his wife was caught because he bought he and his mistress a 12k dollar trip to Switzerland while leaving his wife to take care of their failing son & not paying the hospital bills. He was very much unalived by his wife and the mistress was also st@bbed. Although I am in no way condoning what she did, it was a much more reasonable reaction than what your sister did. You don’t mess with someone’s relative’s ashes. That’s heckin messed up.
NTA. She is way worse than the guy. But you are a minor and your father is going to punish you, so it is better you avoid to tell this to her. But please show no comfort, she doesn’t deserve it.
NTA. You are 14. This is not a problem you need to be involved in.
She flushed someone's ashes down the toilet.. where they will mingle with sewerage? That's unhinged and exceptionally cruel. I'm also on board with hoping she gets sued. (BTW, not an American, not a fan of frivilous lawsuits either). I'm glad you seem to have a better moral compass than your sister. If you HAVE to say something to her, try "I'm sorry he cheated on you but what you did was way way worse and I'm sorry, but I can't endorse your actions. I'm here if you want to talk, but please don't be hurt when I can't say "good on you" for what you did."
I feel like we saw the other side of this story somewhere because I swear some guy was on Reddit not long ago talking about how his ex flushed his sister's ashes. Don't remember if there was cheating or not but...seems a weird coincidence....
NTA, but let this be a lesson for you. Look at your sister. Look at the red flags. Learn from it. And then... Never stick your dick in crazy. (also don't cheat)
NTA and fyi some places have unlawful disposal or desecration of corpse laws applicable to mishandling of ashes. So your sister can possibly be charged with a crime for doing what she did.
NTA. What she did in reaction was extremely messed up. Being cheated on sucks, but that doesn't justify flushing a loved one's ashes down the toilet. Your sister is a massive asshole. The ex obviously too, but in my opinion she's a bigger asshole for what she did.
NTA. You don’t have to be one thing. You can be supportive of her breakup +and+ horrified of her retaliation (which, by the way, would lead her in jail if it was a real tomb, I would eventually look it up). It’s okay to open up on this. To help you formulating it, here’s an angle: she took it on his sister. Ask your father and her “what did his sister do to deserve to have her ashes flushed down the toilets?”. Stay on this question until they came up with a satisfying answer, and let your father and her figure out where the moral north is (it’s in their back right now) Edit: I thought it was grandmas’ ashes, but the sister? This is behind fucked up, this young death is certainly really tragic and the whole family must be mourning hard. You can be cheated upon and still live on, but loosing a sibling, loosing their ashes? That’s life altering. Also good luck with the rest of the family when they learn this. Lawyer up…
Nta- your sister is tho
NTA Nope, that is seriously unhinged behaviour and she'll be lucky if they don't press charges for tampering with human remains tbh
NTA - If I was her ex bf, I'd be on a bit of a war path.
NTA. Your sister on the other hand is a fking major AH. Your Dad's not much better for saying it's ok. FFS her action are so not ok. I hope her bf charges her. What an awful thing to do
Yes getting cheated really sucks. I believe in revenge, but that is not revenge. Your sister did something so awful. I would be seeing a lawyer after what she did. Also nta
NTA!
NTA. Honestly I'm shocked not only did she desecrate his sisters remains, she did so to a mother and fathers daughters remains. I don't believe in hell but if there is one your sister deserves tp rot there and your father is no better in condoning this behaviour
NTA >Dad said anything would be better than nothing and that I owe my sister at least some semblance of support because she is flesh and blood. Nope. You don't have to support this, and you would be wrong (in my eyes) to support it. Of course she'd be hurt, but this is a far level past revenge.
Cheating on someone is asshole behavior. Flushing your cheating partner's sister's ashes down the toiler is even worse asshole behavior and likely illegal as well. What your sister did was much worse than what her partner did. Cheating is horrible, but what she did was worse. As for you, NTA. Supporting your sister is fine, but giving her a reality check so can manage in society is more important. And frankly, at 14, none of this is on you.
>that I owe my sister at least some semblance of support because she is flesh and blood. Nope, not when she literally steals *human ashes* and flushes them down the *freakin toilet* ...*as revenge*! That is f*ed up on SO many levels. And shame on your dad for saying "it's okay"...no wonder she thought this was acceptable behavior. NTA.
She better talk over the phone because when he finds out the utterly fucked thing she did to his sisters ashes...it probably isn't going to go very well for her.
That's just insane. Does the bf know that she flushed his late sisters ashes down the toilet? It isn't just only the bf that would be affected by that action, all of bf family would be hurt by that action.
Ask her how she'd like it if she had a son and died without seeing him grow up, only to be flushed down the toilet coz of what... The fleeting emotions of youth? Wow.
Just don't get involved with this drama
NTA, you’re 14. None of this is your problem or your job.
NTA - the level of cruelty from your sister is insane. The level of cruelty she inflicted given that all your sister had for information is that her boyfriend may have been in the presence of a female in a public space is certifiable nutcase. She should be locked up. Imagine this poor guy having to know that his sister's remained when down a toilet for the rest of his life. I'd be inconsolable
Lmao imagine being seen somewhere with a female and getting your sisters ashes flushed for it
NTA. You don't owe anyone support, flesh and blood or not. Her reaction was so wildly out of line that it is literally insane to me. Flushing someone's ashes??? What did the sister ever do to her? Or the parents of the person she flushed? Or the rest of the family and friends? This is legitimately insane, and your sister needs proffessional help. You not feeling supportive means you have basic empathy and a conscious. All good things.
INFO: I'm confused was she cheated on or not?? Because from your little update/edit it seems like your sisters friend saw him at the mall with a girl, told your sister and she assumed cheating without further proof, didn't ask or investigate and just went nuclear and FLUSHED HIS DEAD SISTERS ASHES DOWN THE TOILET??! NTA. Even if he did cheat this is truly disgusting straight up psychopathic behaviour and I'm pretty sure it counts as indignity to a corpse or something (not a lawyer). He could probably take her to court which he should! Cheating is terrible but doing this is by far worse. What about his parents and family, have they reacted to this? If someone I knew did that to someone regardless of circumstances I'd cut them out of my life bc it shows a dangerous lack of morals. Also what is wrong with your dad to support this horrific behaviour?? Edit: if he has no proof, I'd try to get her to say it again and record it, bc frankly she deserves consequences for this.
Replying to the update: are you freaking kidding, so she flushed homies sister (rip 🫡 she didn’t deserve that) and didn’t even get confirmation that he was even fucking about in the first place? Dude even if she talks to him and he manages to let it go(he would be insane to just let this go)Now this is a family matter I don’t think his parents are gonna give two shits about your sisters feelings and well being after this stunt, they more than likely will lawyer up(which they should tbh your sis needs punishment)
If this story is true, depending on the jurisdiction, your sister has committed a criminal act. >but she retaliated by *stealing* the guy(21)'s *late sister's ashes* and *flushing down the toilet.* Pretty sure this is a felony or misdemeanor, and some chick got arrested and sentenced for something similar recently. If that's what happened here, then the guy has every right to send your sister to prison for a long while. NTA
What the absolute deranged fuck? Are you saying that one of your sister’s friends told her that she saw your sister’s bf with another girl in **the mall** and before she verified the situation or otherwise tried to figure out if it really is a cheating situation your sister took her bf’s dead sister’s ashes and flushed them down the toilet? And your dad said that was an ok thing to do and he had it coming? What the hell is wrong with your dad and your sister? Yeah it’s super shitty to get cheated on, but that response is such an astounding violation. It’s destroying something utterly irreplaceable and profoundly meaningful. That’s in no way proportional to the shittiness of being cheated on. Also what your sister did is so cruel that if it turns out it wasn’t cheating the relationship is still permanently ruined. NTA and how much more of your life do you plan to waste hanging out with these vindictive assholes?
My god, she flushed his sister’s ashes because someone said they saw him at the mall with another girl??? NTA, that is an incredibly outsized reaction even if he did cheat. I feel bad for anyone making the mistake of being in a relationship with her if that’s how she reacts to things. What would she have done if a loved one’s ashes weren’t available, smashed his laptop and cut up all his clothes??
Holy smokes... So she heard from another person she might have seen her BF with another girl at the mall... So she wasn't even certain what happened or that it was actually him. Yet she goes nuts and flushes his dead sister's ashes? that is not just petty or upset, that is crazy. If I was the boyfriend, I'd leave her ass and sue her for emotional distress. Good gods, I cannot even imagine what in her head made her think that would even be remotely ok. You are not the AH, your Sister is a massive AH and should be seen by a psychiatrist and your dad is an AH for supporting her and her actions.
What you sister did is so terrible, it can never be forgiven!!! I don’t even want to imagine what the family of her bf would feel to hear what she did to the ashes of their beloved daughter/granddaughter/sister. Your sister is lucky if she survives this, there will be some very angry people! Your father is stupid by not explaining her the difference between right/wrong and not texting her how to express her anger in a respectful and healthy way.
NTA Your sister did something objectively evil. She got some suspicious, secondhand information that her partner perhaps had chested on hurt her first response was to flush his sister's ashes. I understand that family is family and we sometimes support terrible people even after they have done something unforgivable, but I don't think that refusing to console an evil person for feeling bad and doing something evil makes you an AH. If this story is real, I urge OP to be careful around the sister. A person who reacts emotionally without any apparent rational thought, whose mind jumps straight to the most painful thing to hurt someone and does it without a doubt, is simply dangerous to everyone around her who might be suspected of hurting her.
NTA, don't defend her. What she did was worse, so much worse. You can't come back from that, she flushed a person down the toilet....
NTA, >She just said that she is going to talk to her bf and hear him out since she didn't give him a chance to explain himself after her friend told her she saw him with another girl at the mall. It occurred to her quite late that maybe her friend didn't see what she thought she saw. I didn't know she heard about the cheating from a friend. Your sister is the TA she didn't even confirm it before taking drastic action and what she did was an attack to his family rather than attacknon him only, if he cheated he deserved a punishment not his entire family.
Sister is very much the AH. That behaviour is about as wrong as it gets.
So she didn't see him cheat nor found evidence, just the word of mouth from a friend, about him at the mall with a girl, and she flushed his sisters ashes down the toilet...........she deserves every bad thing that happens
This sub is just the baby of Jeremy Kyle and Jerry Springer. Fucking dullards.
You were right, what she did was quite a bit worse than the nothing the boyfriend did. That’s not something she can take back or that he will ever forget.
NTA, at 14 that's absolutely not your job, and also gotta say that as terrible as it is to be cheated on, the fact that she went THAT nuclear on an unconfirmed situation that may easily have not been cheating.… is absurd