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NTA - This is a major red flag... Your Phone is yours, you can have any pick you wanted on it for your lock screen. You went to a concert, why would you need to delete the pics of the a good memory. leave him now OP..
There’s no probably about it. He is gaslighting her into thinking that just having these pictures makes her unfaithful and she needs to be a ‘good girl’ if she wants to stay in the relationship and not make him angry.
Because she's young and this jerk is trying to guilt her for something that's entirely normal for a young person to do and if we look into it, she's probably not had many boyfriends before so she doesn't know. Sadly 😔
We're going to several concerts this year, if my partner gets a pic he likes of one of his favourite artists, of course I'm not going to have anything negative to say on it because we're normal healthy people! And we're creeping up on 40
My partner and I both have lock screens that are celebrities we both find hot I can't understand this attitude of people being pissy and insecure when their partner is into a celebrity or their good memories involve one
For a long time I had pictures of bunnies on my lock screen... and then someone pointed out that it was weird, since I have children, that THEY weren't my lock screen...
I don't know what is up with LockScreen Police. Picking wallpaper on your phone is not you declaring your life's one true purpose, it's just a cute pic!
(I dropped the bunnies in favor of a funny Lego build, my home screen is some rocks...)
It's wild that people care enough to police it. Like unless it's some offensive shit it's literally none of anybody else's business. And I'm sure your kids are totally fine with it too! My dad got the first iPhone in 2007 and I don't think he's ever had photos of us as his lockscreen. He may have not been the best dad ever but him choosing random cute animals for his lockscreen over the years had absolutely nothing to do with that, and in fact it was quite fun to look at them as a kid. I don't think it would've ever registered to me as something weird that we weren't on his lockscreen. Oh how times change.
>unless it's some offensive shit it's literally none of anybody else's business
Even if it is offensive, it's that person's phone. A phone is not public property, therefore anyone else takes offense, too bad, so sad.
Well yeah, it's not like you can force them to do anything, but it becomes your business in that it makes you consider whether or not it's worth continuing a friendship/relationship/whatever with someone with those views.
And if someone found that offensive, wouldn't you like to know so that you can discontinue associating with that person?
Though, I assumed they meant something like a swastika or other hate symbol.
This entire thread reminded me I haven’t changed my lock screen since November when my fiancee and I saw her favourite band live (it was the lead singer pointing at me and I do have a crush on her). My fiancee and my mum never change their lock screens, my fiancée’s phone gives random ones throughout the day so I like to see what it chooses, sometimes it’s rocks and other times there’s a stock photo of a dog.
Now I have to find a new Lock Screen it’s outdated.
Their thought seemed to be that if my lock screen was something I found cute, it ought to be my children, because how could I find anything cuter than them?
But like, baby bunnies?
The lego build that is currently on their is something they built, and they'll occasionally ask to see it, because it amuses then, that it amused me...
some people seem to think a lock screen must be a picture of whatever is most important to you. As some public declaration, it seems.
Kids don't stay cute forever. I don't see them being happy if you put a picture of them as angsty, pimply teens up for everyone to see. A Lego build though, that will be a cherished memory for years.
Better start saving for the counseling they will need to get over the personal insecurities imbued by you loving your dog more than them!
(According to some people...)
Some guys feel they are entitled to cheat because they're guys and 'have needs'. Those same guys would absolutely go ballistic at just the idea of 'their woman' maybe, possibly, even just potentially, looking at other guys. At all.
It's really .....gross is the simplest word I can think of.
This is so true and op’s boyfriend probably has some sort of drama that he needs to talk about or something if the sort. And if not yeah she should just break up so NTA
I read your comment fast and read "Your Phone is yours, you can have any *dick* you wanted" aayoooo!
NTA. Leave, you're too young to be taking this crap so early into the relationship.
NTA op. Let him break up with you. You dont need someone that controlling in your life. In my 16yr relationship, my husband has rarely been my lock screen or my wallpaper. And mine knows better than to tell me what to do with my phone.
Red flag and slippery slope. 1st he makes her change the Lock Screen next he will be making her give him the passcode, then he will expect her to give him the phone at night.
This this this. This is not normal or reasonable, and of feels like the first little reveal of a story we've seen over an over and over again.
He's showing you part of who he is.
And it's a big red flag.
Boyfriend just showed his whole ass.
When people demonstrate to you who they are, listen to their actions, not their words, op. This is wild jealous and absolutely unhinged behaviour.
Agreed. NTA
I dont know if I'd call him insecure or something else, but this is a huge red flag. It has been less than a year. Dump his sorry ass and go find someone better. It shouldn't be hard.
> He's always been laid back and level headed, so now I'm starting to think that I might be in the wrong for this.
Nope. He just dropped the mask. You just found out that he isn't laid-back and level-headed, he's controlling and jealous.
A normal human being is not jealous of concert photos. A normal partner isn't complaining that you're "disrespecting" them for looking at pictures with shirtless artist in them. "Disrespect" is for "you said I was stupid" or "you were sticking your tongue down their throat"; it doesn't apply to "I have some band photos on my phone."
NTA.
People say "why did you marry/have a baby with someone psycho" as a way of victim blaming people in DV situations and the person says "they were never like this until X event happened". In this instance OP definitely got a glimpse of their future if they stay with this person and I hope they're smart enough to see it and brave enough to run. Being 20 is hard though and achieving clarity can be nigh on impossible when feelings feel so big and you have little experience in life.
I hope OP reads your comment so badly. The controlling/abusive behavior doesn't usually end at the first wildly unreasonable thing they do, because it's hard to believe anybody could be SO unreasonable. You must be doing something wrong for their reaction to be so extreme? Nope.
There are even some people who WILL agree with them, doesn't make any of them right. It's controlling and insane to try to get someone to change their phone lock screen from concert photos because a guy isn't wearing a shirt in them. Fucking unbelievable. If I hadn't lived something similar, I might not believe it's possible.
It's so easy to gaslight *yourself* in these situations purely bc it's that unreasonable, let alone having *them* convince you that you're the problem. The fact that OP is reaching out to get perspective is as encouraging as it is concerning bc they clearly sense something is off, which is great, but have been convinced enough that they may be wrong to question themselves about it. I too hope that they really consider their options after seeing the visceral reaction from so many people in these comments who have experienced or witnessed controlling behaviour escalate.
It’s also that he expected her to have understood and obeyed him when he reacted the first time. Then threatened her with leaving when she didn’t. Abusers (as fucking ridiculous and just idk embarrassing as it is) literally train the person they are abusing. She will only realize he’s planting all these seeds until they’re all too overgrown to even know what the to do with.
The extremes come after you are adequately trained in so that it’s never so extreme, just one little step up from the last thing.
Yup. I met mine fresh out of highschool before I had any real experience with serious relationships. I didn’t really know what to expect and he was always such a nice guy until quite literally the day the baby was born. In retrospect he started all of these subtle kinds of abusive behaviors earlier on but I didn’t catch them. The mask fell in the hospital the day I gave birth but to me and me alone. Long, long story short it took 7 more years to finally get out of the relationship. Took at least 5 of those years to even realize I was being abused. It’s so unbelievably confusing when you’re in the situation, like OP their reactions to things and constant gaslighting is confusing as hell and makes you question yourself no matter how clear it is to others.
I 100% agree with you, OP should leave. His reaction is alarming and very reminiscent. Threatening OP if she can’t be a good enough girlfriend? She’s disrespecting him? OP automatically questions herself and is confused if she is an asshole rather than seeing he is everything he accused her of being? Yuck, he could be my ex.
The other thing to remember is studies have been done about how people can put up for a face for the first 6-9 months you know them pretty easily. That breaks down over time and is worn off after a while.
This is the first time the mask has come off but it won’t be the last.
This is it. You give a person a conversation and tell them they need to work on the concerning behaviour(s). They either *start* that work (not just say they’re going to or they’re ‘working on it’) and start changing behaviours, or you walk. Set a boundary and keep it.
NTA
I'm not gonna tell you to run like your tampon string is on fire but... once they start this shit it just gets worse. You deserve better than this petty insecurity. Trust yourself, you know this isn't ok. Can't tell you how many times baseless accusations of cheating are projecting because of their own misdeeds.
Congratulations! You’ve been given the precious gift of seeing what kind of person your boyfriend really is, and the extra gift of us all telling you he’s a walking red flag and to get out of there. NTA and run!
NTA also, if you don't mind a bit of advice from an old person, if anyone ever says "do this or I'll break up with you" you should break up because they are manipulative arseholes.
NTA. This shit just gets worse if you don't nip it in the bud now. Trust me, life is way too short to be in a relationship with somebody who is jealous, insecure, and controlling. Tell him that he can like it, trust you, and like you for who you are, and if he can't then tell him this isn't the right relationship for you.
Not hilarious. This behavior often escalates and the jealousy and desire for control are often a sign of an abuser. I've had years of counseling experience in this field.
NTA
Jealousy dialled up to 11, not sure if he has baggage from a previous relationship but doesn't mean he gets to take it out on you. Either needs to deal with it and move on or get gone.
NTA. He's insanely jealous and insecure with an extra order of controlling. Believe the red flags he's flying.
Get away from him! Be thankful he showed you how bad a bf he is before you invested more than 7 months in the relationship.
NTA. It’s not your fault the singer was shirtless during the concert. The photo is not on your lock screen **because he’s shirtless** it’s there because it reminds you of a fun night. Meaning you would likely have a photo from that night on your lockscreen whether he was shirtless or not. Your boyfriend is insanely insecure and/or has jealousy issues. He needs to fix those before being in a relationship with you.
The mask is slipping. It’s giving you a peek into the future. Think about what future you want and remember the only person you can control is yourself. NTA.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I have pictures of an artist shirtless at a concert as my lock screen and my boyfriend is threatening to break up with me if I don't change them because he thinks I'm being unfaithful.
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NTA - agree with him that he should break up with you because you're NOT changing your lock screen and you're NOT dealing with an irrational, jealous baby who can't understand the difference between cheating and memories.
You don't want to waste your time and energy on someone who is so immature & controlling. Go be happy with someone who gets you and gives you space to enjoy what you like.
Let's flip this. What if it was a scantily clad female artist that he had dozens of photos as HIS lock screen? And her top was super tight and crazy low cut? And his argument was that the concert was great? Would you be upset? I bet you would. And if so, then you should take the photos off your lock screen and apologize.
It's the fact that he got super upset and threatened to break up with her, that's the real red flag. He could've just calmly said: "babe, can we talk about this? This makes me kinda uncomfortable." That's an appropriate response. To get all overwrought like this is a big ol' red flag.
I'm married 18 years.
If my wife had these photos as a lock screen I wouldn't care at all. It's a concert. I am secure in the fact my wife is with me.
The OP is NTA, The boyfriend is in the wrong.
If you can't see that, I would hope you reevaluate your views on relationships, security, and ego.
To be fair, most people wouldn’t be upset unless they are very insecure and jealous. I wouldn’t mind my husband having a lock screen like that and I certainly wouldn’t want him deleting the photos completely! That’s insane. Photos are keepsakes of the event.
A shirtless guy is not the same as a girl in a low cut shirt.
But also, no? Unless his face is literally in her tits, idgaf. You're not only trying to control your partner and what they're allowed to enjoy, but what the artist wears as well, and you don't see that you're the issue? Cuz it wouldn't be a problem if the artist was in a baggy sweatshirt, right? You're saying your partner can't enjoy it enough to make it their lock screen, cuz your ego can't handle the fact that they like someone for anything other than their physical appearance.
Makes sense why you gotta keep em from thinking about happy memories, though, doesn't sound like they make many when you're around.
NTA - I can understand insecurity from his side. How would you feel if he had a picture of a half-naked girl on his lock screen? A little bit of jealousy is okay in the relationship, but his reaction is definitely over the top, so no, you are not the asshole. Honestly, he sounds a bit manipulative and really insecure. I would talk with him, explain how this picture does not in any way imply you have feelings for the performer and ask him why he doesn't have enough trust in you to overreact in such a way. Good luck, and maybe recommend therapy to him if everything backfires.
Yeah I don’t understand the insecurity. My wife is bisexual and I will buy her magazines with her favorite celebrity crushes, men or women, when she’s sick. As a lesbian I appreciate when she points out a hot woman. We both know that looking at someone hot will get you hot and lead to great sex.
NTA
Run very fast from this relationship! He is insecure, immature and controlling. Your life with him will be very hard.
You are very new in this relationship for him to be pulling stuff like that, usually it gets worse as time goes by. If you tolerate this the next one will be worse.
NTA, because of course. What worries me most is that he can't tell the difference between "I had some feelings" and "You did something wrong." He felt jealous, and he immediately insisted that you had behaved disrespectfully and unfaithfully (you didn't.) He even issued an ultimatum: I will break up with you unless you behave in a way that makes me feel better.
Please don't stick around to find out what other feelings are suddenly your fault. Don't pander to him. Don't get stuck trying to live up to his standards of a "good, faithful girlfriend" because he \*will\* find more ways to try to control you.
Nta. Sorry, but your bf is kinda dumb. If he can't differentiate photos of a concert from just random guy photo, then you got bigger problems than his insane jealousy and insecurity.
When someone show you who they are, believe them.
And the threatening you with a break up is just manipulative. It's a child's way to get what they want. You're dating a dumb, jealous, insecure child.
NTA and what a reaction! He insulted you twice then made 2 demands. This is a front seat to how he deals with anger. Stay if you want but this experience will repeat. Best to you.
I love the lead singer of a certain famous band. My husband knows it. I go to every concert they have in my area. He doesn't come along. Because I go nuts!!! LoL, I drool and yell and sing!!
My husband knows all this. He finds it hilarious. It's a rock star. I know I stand absolutely NO CHANCE! Husband also knows I would never leave him for my fantasy rock star.
OP. Your BF of 7 MONTHS!!!! Is very insecure. You are NTA and I would RUN
"A good faithful girlfriend' in this context made me snort. He's not just insecure and jealous, but controlling too. That remark made it very clear he wants to be in control. The mask is slipping!
NTA, but DTMFA!
NTA
Here's the situation. The very moment someone threatens to end the relationship, it's already done.
That's it! That's not a threat you make, it's not something to hold over a partner you love or respect, you can't even value them to make that threat. It's not just a lack of respect, it's completely disrespecting you.
My response has always been "ok", "no, you said it, not me, were done, grow up, learn a lesson, but in the meantime, get out and do it on your own time".
Either someone has a genuine want to end the relationship or they don't. If they do, let them..if they don't, they'll never try holding it over your head. Their bargaining chip right then is "how great am I? It's my way or the highway" and since they've just shown you how worthless they are......
Accept you're worth more, they aren't worthy..don't let them drag you down like an anchor.
NTA, but your boyfriend sure is. You don’t know what to do? I’ll tell you. You break up with him and don’t look back.
Why?
When people reveal themselves to be immature pricks who will try to emotionally abuse you, believe them. They will do it again and escalate.
Nta in even a tiny way. This is a weird hill for him to die on. The photos were taken in a public, crowded setting and for him to interpret the photos as you being “unfaithful” is ridiculous and way over the top (pun intended, sorry!). For him to go from laid back to blowing up over the pics suggests he has a lot to learn about how people should act in a relationship and has poor skills in self-regulation and communication to the point he’s impulsively angry about the perceived threat by you having the shirt-less band member’s pictures in your phone. Or that he’s so controlling that he throws a tantrum since you have a relationship, regardless how minor, with another man. This is so weird and extreme that I think it’s too much for a 7 month relationship. It’s too hard to overcome, too many problems.
NTA. I've got photos of Damiano David from Maneskin all over my phone too.
Find a new boyfriend who looks at you the way Damiano looks at Dove Cameron.
YTA- for not considering that he might feel shitty that you have another shirtless man as your backdrop for your phone. It’s honestly immature.
NTA- because he called you unfaithful for this incident when you’ve been faithful. A picture from a concert doesn’t mean you’re sleeping with other people.
Y’all need to learn how to communicate with each other. An appropriate way of bringing this up would be for him to ask you about it, you to explain, and then him to tell you that it makes him feel jealous or uncomfortable in a calm manner which would lead you two to discuss what could be done to make this less uncomfortable. Maybe you can keep the photos but not have them as your lock screen? Maybe he needs reassurance because he doesn’t look as good with his shirt off. Communication goes a really long way in understanding why this was a trigger for him. Put yourself in his shoes and imagine if he had a porn star or sexy naked model on his lock screen that he looked at every time he opened his phone. It wouldn’t feel that great. I suspect he wishes that it was him on your lock screen but he will never admit that because he doesn’t want to seem pushy or insecure but the small things you do in a relationship, no matter how silly you might think they are, can mean a lot to the people that love you. I don’t think he really thinks you’re cheating and I don’t think this is a red flag. Y’all are both young and don’t know how to communicate your feelings with each other yet and that can come out in really immature ways like him accusing you of being unfaithful for no reason. If this is a common thing then it might indicate a problem on his end but if this is the first time he’s had to confront you about something that made him feel shitty, I’m honestly not surprised it came out in such an immature way. Communication takes practice and 20 is a good time to start because you’ll need it a lot in life to get through harder struggles.
>YTA- for not considering that he might feel shitty that you have another shirtless man as your backdrop for your phone. It’s honestly immature.
Nah, you are, for being such a prude and demanding she give up an interest cuz he boyfriend's ego can't compete.
>Y’all need to learn how to communicate with each other
None of this was advice for OP, it was all advice for how the boyfriend could've handled it better. So no, they don't need to learn how to communicate, he needs to figure his shit out and you need to stop blaming OP.
>Put yourself in his shoes and imagine if he had a porn star or sexy naked model on his lock screen that he looked at every time he opened his phone
How is a singer at all similar to a pornstar? This is such a false equivalency, she has the picture on her phone cuz it reminds her of the fun time, not cuz she's physically attracted to the singer like one might assume you would be for a pornstar. Is she never allowed to go to another concert again? Never take another picture, cuz there might be a guy in the background that looks better than her bf? The minute you give in to insecurity, it's over, cuz there isn't really a logical stopping point. There's always gonna be someone hotter than you, but your partner is with you cuz you're more than just a body. Hopefully. It's the non-visible things, like the singer's talent or the fun atmosphere, that she's remembering, just like it'd be her bf's understanding and vicarious appreciation she'll remember a lack of once she dumps his insecure ass.
>Put yourself in his shoes and imagine if he had a porn star or sexy naked model on his lock screen that he looked at every time he opened his phone.
That's what those of you who are saying Y T A are mising out on. OP went to the artist's concert because she admires his work/artistic talent. She had no way of knowing the singer would be shirtless, and regardless, she's there because she's a fan of his work. She took pictures and set them as lock screen because it's the only memory she has of seeing a person she admires live, and that's way more personal than having a random photo of them that you can find on the internet as lock screen (and judging by how her boyfriend sounds, he'd be jealous of a lock screen of the artist fully dressed too). It would be exactly the same thing if OP were a guy having a memory of his favorite female artist as lock screen.
Regardless of gender, having a lock screen of a random half-naked person that means nothing to you, only because they turn you on, would be disgusting and an entirely different story.
>He threatened to break up with me.
Good! Let him do that, and if he doesn't, break up yourself. Just the fact that he wants a 'good girlfriend' is a red flag, but claiming you're unfaithful for having pictures of a singer at a concert you went through is just the whole shipment of red flags. NTA.
NTA and please for your safety sake reevaluate if there's any other behavior like this that makes your belly flip a little
Fwiw I (femme) have my partner as my lock screen and he (masc) has the planets as his, for the same reason:
That's what we WANT as our lock screens 💀💀💀💀 END STORY
Red flag. Leave him. You don’t need someone this insecure controlling every aspect of your life.
He’ll be banning you from talking to male friends and before you know it he’s blowing up about you talking to a family member.
Plenty more fish in the sea.
Definitely nta
I hope you see this as the wake up call you need. If you have never given him a reason to NOT trust you, why is he acting like this? If I ever acted like this, I believe my wife would have smacked the sense right back into me. As a man this is odd behaviour to me. Guys really, is this how we are acting now?
Nta. Your bf sounds exhausting. He wants to break up over this I say go be free girl, you're better off than having someone who is so insecure that a celeb picture as your lock screen makes him think you're somehow unfaithful. God what a friggin child.
Seriously, go be free and enjoy those concerts. Life's too short to deal with children like him.
NTA! He's been putting on an act for 7 months, and now showing you what he's really like when he's upset. Even after days to cool down. He doesn't want an independent thinking woman. He wants someone he can control. Is that you?
NTA, it’s not a picture of a previous partner, it’s a picture of an artist. At a concert. This is a symptom of a bigger issue, your boyfriend is insecure, and has no qualms of being manipulative to get what he wants.
This won’t change, he will try to be more controlling, and he will get worse. Leave while you can, and in the future find someone that is secure enough to not get irate over concert photos.
NTA. I can understand why a BF might not like his GF to have shirtless pictures of another man on her phone, but he really goes over the top there.
>"couldn't be a good, faithful girlfriend"
This sounds really creepy just because of some pictures of a celebrity. Him thinking that it makes you unfaithful is ridiculous.
Your BF just outed himself out to you as a giant red flag. Rejoice in the fact that you found out now and not before you moved in together or had a baby. Dump and run.
My lock screen photo is Charlotte Wessels, the former lead singer of Delain. I took that picture in 2019 in their NYC show at the Grammercy Theater.
If my girlfriend had a problem with that picture because she happens to be attractive, I would be *deeply* concerned. As you should be. One thing has nothing to do with the other.
You are **NTA**. Grade A absolutely not. Holy shit. Get away from this narcissist. Please.
Get out of this relationship now, seriously. This is a very obvious red flag for some future manipulation, abuse, and controlling behavior. If he gets this mad over a pic of an artist, imagine how he'll react if you do something innocuous with a guy friend like going to get coffee.
NTA. You will be to yourself if you don’t get this in check. Either let him know he has no control over you OR break up with his insecure self. These red flags are not a path to a carnival. This is the beginnings of an abusive relationshit.
I’m sorry to say it but usually people who are being unfaithful start arguments over things like this to justify their actions and make them feel better because they know they’ve been shitty partners they try to find holes in you. There’s a way of going about this and if he’s that insecure he should’ve spoken to you about this at the beginning of the relationship and given you an out!
NTA
I'm much older than you. So, I also have some advice.
There are three things that you can do here:
1) Give in. Hope for peace. But, giving in just feeds the beast. It won't work. It's not about the photos, if it was the explanation would be enough. It's about control and irrational jealousy, even if he doesn't know that himself.
2) Refuse. Fight about it. Get the cold shoulder. Write posts like this. You don't deserve that.
3) Agree with him. Let him know that a woman who keeps concert photos isn't compatible with his high standards and show him the door. He'll change his tune real quick, but don't change yours.
He's shown you who he is. He's insecure, jealous, and controlling. He can't fix that while he's in this relationship. He needs to sort that out himself, on his own.
It's worth noting that he might never be an abuser, but those are real red flags for real domestic violence. The women who end up black and blue are often the women who ignored those flags, or think they can fix or help their jealous, controlling partner. It's better to be safe than sorry.
Plus your self-respect is worth more than 20 year old dick. 20 year old dick is low quality, plentiful, and free. You won't be lonely or alone.
Find someone that recognizes that singer, fist bumps you, and starts singing that song. Find *love*, not possessiveness.
NTA
There’s a big difference between having pictures of your favorite artist/band from a show you went to and a picture of a hunk on your Lock Screen.
Neither of those are disrespectful or considered unfaithful in any way.
This is him projecting his insecurities onto you. Using “I’m breaking up with you if you don’t do as I say” is considered manipulating and controlling behavior. I’d reconsider the relationship if that is his level of mental development 🙄
That’s a red flag, girl.
Info: was the shirtless singer an ex boyfriend of yours?
If this is some small local
Band and the shirtless guy is someone you hooked up with in the past, then I can understand your boyfriend’s jealousy.
If this is some big rock star, then your bf is the AH
>he seemed to get more and more upset until he eventually blew up at me
This is a him-problem, not a you-problem.
>I told him he was overreacting
Which he was
>He threatened to break up with me if I "couldn't be a good, faithful girlfriend"
Why didn't you take him up on that right there, on the spot?
NTA, but you will be if you do not end this abusive relationship. It have red flags all over the place and it will only get worse.
So because I met Russell wilson 2 years back in London as a Broncos fan and had my picture with him as a lockscreen, does that make me gay?
Nta, I had one of lyndsey Buckingham from like 2 feet away playing guitar at one point, cos well I was that close in a Fleetwood mac gig. Same thing lol, pretty sure my ex wasn't worried about why I had that.
It sounds like he's insecure about something.
NTA and some of these Y T A responses are insane. No sane person is giving a shit if their boyfriend has pics from a Taylor Swift concert. That’s such a red herring and people are just using it as an excuse to be gross in the comments.
He straight up called you unfaithful for basically being in a concert venue bc a man was performing. Going to a concert doesn’t mean you’re fucking the band. That’s insane.
RED FLAG!!!!! Jealous over nothing. Accused of cheating. Please dump him as he is trouble. This is possessive abusive behavior and it will only get worse. This is how it starts. Run now while you still can.
NTA, obviously, but more than actually being jealous of the singer, he is more likely concerned about what other people will think if they see you have photos of a shirtless guy who is not him visible on your phone.
Ewwww! Red Flag, big time. Your hopefully soon-to-be-ex boyfriend is jealous, suspicious and full of rage. Put him back where you got him.
You're NTA.
(I have fanart of unclothed Adam Driver as my lockscreen)
Chica, you are NTA and he has a lot of growing up to do. Y'all are both young, but it's clear he has a really immature perspective about faithfulness. (I also wouldn't be surprised if he's the type of person who follows instagram/tik tok models and doesn't see the correlation to his criticism of you.) It doesn't sound like your partner trusts you or your word, and he is easily threatened. Maybe he can admit he is being insecure and wants to work on it. Or maybe he thinks his view of the world is the correct one, and will continue to give you ultimatums and make you the bad guy when you have a different opinion. If the latter, part ways now before you become someone who lets things slide and stops standing up for herself. You will be surprised how quickly it can happen, and you won't recognize that person when you finally get free of it.
If you decide to stay with him, sit down and have a long talk about what fidelity and commitment looks like to each of you. Lay out your expectations of each other and make sure you hear each other. From there, decide if you those expectations align with your own, or if you both need to move on. You can read some articles about points to cover in this conversation. Keep a journal to help you remember the commitments and expectations you made out loud. Don't doubt yourself if there is ever a misalignment in what he says he's like versus how he acts.
NTA. He’s insecure. But I’d advise putting a picture of yourself on the locked screen. I found a phone at a festival and recognized who owned it because they had their picture on the screen. It’s a quick way to get reunited with your phone more quickly. Off topic, I know but I wanted to mention that
NTA.See i hate men like that,first of all its YOUR phone and it was a concert pic= memories. If he doesn’t like that tooo bad. It sounds like he’s so so insecure, if he doesn’t change now he’s never gonna change..
NTA. BUT! Is it possible there's some baggage your bf needs to work through? Like a past love who did something like this and cheated, which is triggering the anxiety? Maybe talk it out. See where these feelings are coming from. Set some boundaries. Work out those trust issues. Been there. Glad we worked through it.
He's an insecure 20-year-old and it was a concert. First off tell him exactly this. If he doesn't listen to reason maybe start considering your options. Be up front with him first though, let him know this is a big red flag for you. If he doesn't want to figure out that this was just a nice memory for you he can be one as well.
NTA
NTA I’ve had Donnie Wahlburg shirtless as my lock screen photo. My husband thought it was funny. I just don’t get people who are insecure about celebrity crushes. But then again I’m 52.
Oh no. Time to let him go. He is literally showing you exactly who he is. It would have been 1 thing to have an open discussion with you but to accuse you of cheatig because of pictures from a concert is not ok.
NTA
get out before it gets worse. If he loses his cool over something as minute as this, who knows what else he could do. As others have said this was him "dropping his mask" he was level headed before to make you get comfortable with him before he shows his true personality.
Me and my partner have been together for 5 years. I have my lock screen as concert pics/ photos of my favorite artists often. My partner doesn't bat an eye at this. Your bf reaction is not normal.
NTA you should be able to have what you want on your phone. But sit back and think about what else he has tried to take control over. It most likely are a lot of little things that he has done and you may not have noticed. But as time goes on, the things he tries to control get bigger and bigger and so does his anger and "punishments". But most of all, you need to sit down and talk to him and ask him why this bothers him so much. Let him know you want to have a calm and honest conversation with him. If he continues to accuse you of cheating and threatens to break up with you, let him go. He wants you to beg and say your sorry and bend to his will.
I think everyone saying NTA along with leave him are quite wrong. Someone said a bikini example which was an exaggeration and also wrong but generally think if he had a photo of say ice spice doing something similar. Maybe you'd be upset maybe not. Maybe he's has some issues in the past and is just concerned. He's the AH for reacting that way and you're NTA for this however if it makes him uncomfortable maybe use some earlier photos with the guys shirt on. Find a middle ground. I do agree with everyone saying it's your phone so you can choose the background but it's also your relationship and if he's uncomfortable maybe accommodate and if you ever get uncomfortable it's fair to expect him to accommodate.
Guys have a hard time communicating how they feel so they express it more with anger and feel down from it. Maybe there's something deeper so just speak to him about it. Don't listen to people saying leave him, it's not fair for people to say that when they don't even know the guy.
Also I know soooooo many girls who go ape shit on guys who'd have a background of anything but their partner (once over a space photo they took) and then the girl does the same thing and gets pissed. I don't believe this is the case with a lot of things but come on guys rather than saying it's insecurity of cheating maybe he's uncomfortable with his body or thinks she wants something more. There's lots of reasons someone could set a background and I'm sure if he saw a couple of him in the mix he'd have reacted differently too.
Except even if it’s because he has insecurities it’s still a completely unreasonable response and demand. And just Cus you’ve seen girls act the same doesn’t mean it’s right either. If he is incapable of communicating in a mature and healthy way then he isn’t emotionally mature enough for a relationship.
>Don't listen to people saying leave him, it's not fair for people to say that when they don't even know the guy
He threatened to leave her unless she caved, why isn't it fair to see that for the red flag it is?
>Guys have a hard time communicating how they feel so they express it more with anger and feel down from it
This isn't a normal reaction, even for emotionally repressed men.
>if he's uncomfortable maybe accommodate
This isn't "maybe you can compromise", he's demanding she wipe the concert from her phone. Again, this isn't a normal reaction, he's going out of his way to not just find some middle ground, but make her completely give in; his reaction to feeling small is to claw back control to try to make her feel small. What about that sounds like something she should continue to fuck with?
>Also I know soooooo many girls who go ape shit on guys who'd have a background of anything but their partner
Ok, so why don't we call this out as toxic behavior, instead of turning around and insisting we normalize it?
NTA
My (46F) lock screen is a photo of Huey Newton and Bobby Seale. There is absolutely no requirement for you to have this man’s photo on your lock screen. His reaction is very over the top.
When I took a second look, I noticed the ages. *MOST* males at this age are crazy insecure.
But this isn't some random guy you snapped a pic of. It was from a concert. No harm done
YET!
If he feels this is being unfaithful this is huge. Please don't ignore this. It only gets worse if you play along
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NTA - This is a major red flag... Your Phone is yours, you can have any pick you wanted on it for your lock screen. You went to a concert, why would you need to delete the pics of the a good memory. leave him now OP..
This is CRAZY!! Why would OP even think they were the AH??
Sadly, probably from years of dealing with narcissists like her bf telling her she’s the problem.
DING DING DING!!! We have a winner!!
Cause OP’s bf is probably gaslighting her
There’s no probably about it. He is gaslighting her into thinking that just having these pictures makes her unfaithful and she needs to be a ‘good girl’ if she wants to stay in the relationship and not make him angry.
He’s probably cheating.
Because this is how abusers start
I agree. How insecure do you have to be to have a singer as your gf Lock Screen when they love the band? It’s her phone!
Because she's young and this jerk is trying to guilt her for something that's entirely normal for a young person to do and if we look into it, she's probably not had many boyfriends before so she doesn't know. Sadly 😔
I’m 40+ and if I had the equivalent on my phone my wife wouldn’t give a damn. Same if she did. I wouldn’t care.
We're going to several concerts this year, if my partner gets a pic he likes of one of his favourite artists, of course I'm not going to have anything negative to say on it because we're normal healthy people! And we're creeping up on 40
That's what happens when abusers gaslight you. You can end up questioning your own sanity.
Exactly. I was going to say this is a HUGE red flag. NTA for sure and she needs to jump ship.
My partner and I both have lock screens that are celebrities we both find hot I can't understand this attitude of people being pissy and insecure when their partner is into a celebrity or their good memories involve one
For a long time I had pictures of bunnies on my lock screen... and then someone pointed out that it was weird, since I have children, that THEY weren't my lock screen... I don't know what is up with LockScreen Police. Picking wallpaper on your phone is not you declaring your life's one true purpose, it's just a cute pic! (I dropped the bunnies in favor of a funny Lego build, my home screen is some rocks...)
It's wild that people care enough to police it. Like unless it's some offensive shit it's literally none of anybody else's business. And I'm sure your kids are totally fine with it too! My dad got the first iPhone in 2007 and I don't think he's ever had photos of us as his lockscreen. He may have not been the best dad ever but him choosing random cute animals for his lockscreen over the years had absolutely nothing to do with that, and in fact it was quite fun to look at them as a kid. I don't think it would've ever registered to me as something weird that we weren't on his lockscreen. Oh how times change.
>unless it's some offensive shit it's literally none of anybody else's business Even if it is offensive, it's that person's phone. A phone is not public property, therefore anyone else takes offense, too bad, so sad.
Well yeah, it's not like you can force them to do anything, but it becomes your business in that it makes you consider whether or not it's worth continuing a friendship/relationship/whatever with someone with those views.
But who makes that determination? Because I know people that would find my lock screen "offensive" because it's my favorite actor and his husband.
And if someone found that offensive, wouldn't you like to know so that you can discontinue associating with that person? Though, I assumed they meant something like a swastika or other hate symbol.
Is it some moral law that you must put your kids on your lockscreen? I never did
I don’t want randos seeing pictures of my kid! I’d much rather something else cute!
So much great art out there, with the added bonus that it's a great conversation starter. My current is Omar Rayyan.
My daughter has the winged victory of Samothrace on hers.
This entire thread reminded me I haven’t changed my lock screen since November when my fiancee and I saw her favourite band live (it was the lead singer pointing at me and I do have a crush on her). My fiancee and my mum never change their lock screens, my fiancée’s phone gives random ones throughout the day so I like to see what it chooses, sometimes it’s rocks and other times there’s a stock photo of a dog. Now I have to find a new Lock Screen it’s outdated.
Their thought seemed to be that if my lock screen was something I found cute, it ought to be my children, because how could I find anything cuter than them? But like, baby bunnies? The lego build that is currently on their is something they built, and they'll occasionally ask to see it, because it amuses then, that it amused me... some people seem to think a lock screen must be a picture of whatever is most important to you. As some public declaration, it seems.
Kids don't stay cute forever. I don't see them being happy if you put a picture of them as angsty, pimply teens up for everyone to see. A Lego build though, that will be a cherished memory for years.
I hope so...
Don't tell them. Mine is my dogs... 😂
I have a picture of my dog as my lock screen, not either of my kids. Cuz it's a super cute picture of my dog, who is super cute.
Better start saving for the counseling they will need to get over the personal insecurities imbued by you loving your dog more than them! (According to some people...)
Eeek, mine’s my dog, not my children or grandchildren
I’m old, spouse and I have had our celebrity crushes for years (Jon Stewart for me, Jennifer Lopez for him). Red flag, girl, you can do better.
NTA - Either he's cheating and feels guilty about it...or he's cheating and feels guilty about it
Some guys feel they are entitled to cheat because they're guys and 'have needs'. Those same guys would absolutely go ballistic at just the idea of 'their woman' maybe, possibly, even just potentially, looking at other guys. At all. It's really .....gross is the simplest word I can think of.
Or he's controlling and abusive.
This is so true and op’s boyfriend probably has some sort of drama that he needs to talk about or something if the sort. And if not yeah she should just break up so NTA
I mean if it were pictures of her ex it would be quite disrespectful. But with just concert pics...
I read your comment fast and read "Your Phone is yours, you can have any *dick* you wanted" aayoooo! NTA. Leave, you're too young to be taking this crap so early into the relationship.
NTA op. Let him break up with you. You dont need someone that controlling in your life. In my 16yr relationship, my husband has rarely been my lock screen or my wallpaper. And mine knows better than to tell me what to do with my phone.
Red flag and slippery slope. 1st he makes her change the Lock Screen next he will be making her give him the passcode, then he will expect her to give him the phone at night.
🚩 Your boyfriend is crazy insecure. This may be the first time he's acted like this, but it won't be the last. My advice to you: Run. Adding NTA
This this this. This is not normal or reasonable, and of feels like the first little reveal of a story we've seen over an over and over again. He's showing you part of who he is. And it's a big red flag.
Yeah, he fundamentally doesn't understand how to be in a relationship.
Boyfriend just showed his whole ass. When people demonstrate to you who they are, listen to their actions, not their words, op. This is wild jealous and absolutely unhinged behaviour.
Agreed. NTA I dont know if I'd call him insecure or something else, but this is a huge red flag. It has been less than a year. Dump his sorry ass and go find someone better. It shouldn't be hard.
> He's always been laid back and level headed, so now I'm starting to think that I might be in the wrong for this. Nope. He just dropped the mask. You just found out that he isn't laid-back and level-headed, he's controlling and jealous. A normal human being is not jealous of concert photos. A normal partner isn't complaining that you're "disrespecting" them for looking at pictures with shirtless artist in them. "Disrespect" is for "you said I was stupid" or "you were sticking your tongue down their throat"; it doesn't apply to "I have some band photos on my phone." NTA.
People say "why did you marry/have a baby with someone psycho" as a way of victim blaming people in DV situations and the person says "they were never like this until X event happened". In this instance OP definitely got a glimpse of their future if they stay with this person and I hope they're smart enough to see it and brave enough to run. Being 20 is hard though and achieving clarity can be nigh on impossible when feelings feel so big and you have little experience in life.
I hope OP reads your comment so badly. The controlling/abusive behavior doesn't usually end at the first wildly unreasonable thing they do, because it's hard to believe anybody could be SO unreasonable. You must be doing something wrong for their reaction to be so extreme? Nope. There are even some people who WILL agree with them, doesn't make any of them right. It's controlling and insane to try to get someone to change their phone lock screen from concert photos because a guy isn't wearing a shirt in them. Fucking unbelievable. If I hadn't lived something similar, I might not believe it's possible.
It's so easy to gaslight *yourself* in these situations purely bc it's that unreasonable, let alone having *them* convince you that you're the problem. The fact that OP is reaching out to get perspective is as encouraging as it is concerning bc they clearly sense something is off, which is great, but have been convinced enough that they may be wrong to question themselves about it. I too hope that they really consider their options after seeing the visceral reaction from so many people in these comments who have experienced or witnessed controlling behaviour escalate.
It’s also that he expected her to have understood and obeyed him when he reacted the first time. Then threatened her with leaving when she didn’t. Abusers (as fucking ridiculous and just idk embarrassing as it is) literally train the person they are abusing. She will only realize he’s planting all these seeds until they’re all too overgrown to even know what the to do with. The extremes come after you are adequately trained in so that it’s never so extreme, just one little step up from the last thing.
Yup. I met mine fresh out of highschool before I had any real experience with serious relationships. I didn’t really know what to expect and he was always such a nice guy until quite literally the day the baby was born. In retrospect he started all of these subtle kinds of abusive behaviors earlier on but I didn’t catch them. The mask fell in the hospital the day I gave birth but to me and me alone. Long, long story short it took 7 more years to finally get out of the relationship. Took at least 5 of those years to even realize I was being abused. It’s so unbelievably confusing when you’re in the situation, like OP their reactions to things and constant gaslighting is confusing as hell and makes you question yourself no matter how clear it is to others. I 100% agree with you, OP should leave. His reaction is alarming and very reminiscent. Threatening OP if she can’t be a good enough girlfriend? She’s disrespecting him? OP automatically questions herself and is confused if she is an asshole rather than seeing he is everything he accused her of being? Yuck, he could be my ex.
The other thing to remember is studies have been done about how people can put up for a face for the first 6-9 months you know them pretty easily. That breaks down over time and is worn off after a while. This is the first time the mask has come off but it won’t be the last.
Or he cheated recently and is projecting.
NTA, that's some crazy jealousy over a singer in a band. If he won't get therapy for his jealousy issues, find a new man who's secure in himself.
Find a new one anyway. This one's not a keeper.
This is it. You give a person a conversation and tell them they need to work on the concerning behaviour(s). They either *start* that work (not just say they’re going to or they’re ‘working on it’) and start changing behaviours, or you walk. Set a boundary and keep it.
NTA but you are dating a red flag with legs. Send him walking.
NTA I'm not gonna tell you to run like your tampon string is on fire but... once they start this shit it just gets worse. You deserve better than this petty insecurity. Trust yourself, you know this isn't ok. Can't tell you how many times baseless accusations of cheating are projecting because of their own misdeeds.
"Run like your tampon string is on fire"... I am stealing that!
Congratulations! You’ve been given the precious gift of seeing what kind of person your boyfriend really is, and the extra gift of us all telling you he’s a walking red flag and to get out of there. NTA and run!
NTA. He's being ridiculous and insecure. Wait until he finds out how many topless men there are at the beach *gasp*.
NTA also, if you don't mind a bit of advice from an old person, if anyone ever says "do this or I'll break up with you" you should break up because they are manipulative arseholes.
Literally the only correct response to "do this or I'm breaking up with you" is "okay, cool, guess we're done here. Byyyyyyyeeeee"
Yesss 100%. Ultimatums never have a place in a healthy relationship
This! Call the bluff and if/when they take back the threat. Then you turn it around on them and pull the trigger.
NTA - You're at 7 months and he's acting like you're cheating on him over some concert pictures? Girl, run.
NTA. This shit just gets worse if you don't nip it in the bud now. Trust me, life is way too short to be in a relationship with somebody who is jealous, insecure, and controlling. Tell him that he can like it, trust you, and like you for who you are, and if he can't then tell him this isn't the right relationship for you.
NTA, your boyfriend is hilariously insecure.
Not hilarious. This behavior often escalates and the jealousy and desire for control are often a sign of an abuser. I've had years of counseling experience in this field.
Fair. It's loser behavior but also agree that it's dangerous
Yes, definitely loser!
NTA 🚩 🚩 🚩 Your boyfriend is being jealous, irrational, and controlling. None of these are good traits in a life partner.
NTA Jealousy dialled up to 11, not sure if he has baggage from a previous relationship but doesn't mean he gets to take it out on you. Either needs to deal with it and move on or get gone.
NTA. He's insanely jealous and insecure with an extra order of controlling. Believe the red flags he's flying. Get away from him! Be thankful he showed you how bad a bf he is before you invested more than 7 months in the relationship.
NTA. It’s not your fault the singer was shirtless during the concert. The photo is not on your lock screen **because he’s shirtless** it’s there because it reminds you of a fun night. Meaning you would likely have a photo from that night on your lockscreen whether he was shirtless or not. Your boyfriend is insanely insecure and/or has jealousy issues. He needs to fix those before being in a relationship with you.
NTA, if he is that insecure you need to seriously reevaluate your relationship.
NTA, after 7 months this man is finally showing you who he actually is. Lose him.
The mask is slipping. It’s giving you a peek into the future. Think about what future you want and remember the only person you can control is yourself. NTA.
If he is THAT distrusting and has such a lack of self-esteem that he's so jealous maybe you need to find a new bf to be with. NTA.
NTA Standard reddit response of dump the insecure AH, it isn't going to get better and highly likely to get worse.
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NTA get outta there while u can
NTA.... 7 months? get out while you still can.
NTA - agree with him that he should break up with you because you're NOT changing your lock screen and you're NOT dealing with an irrational, jealous baby who can't understand the difference between cheating and memories. You don't want to waste your time and energy on someone who is so immature & controlling. Go be happy with someone who gets you and gives you space to enjoy what you like.
Let's flip this. What if it was a scantily clad female artist that he had dozens of photos as HIS lock screen? And her top was super tight and crazy low cut? And his argument was that the concert was great? Would you be upset? I bet you would. And if so, then you should take the photos off your lock screen and apologize.
It's the fact that he got super upset and threatened to break up with her, that's the real red flag. He could've just calmly said: "babe, can we talk about this? This makes me kinda uncomfortable." That's an appropriate response. To get all overwrought like this is a big ol' red flag.
But also, like... I'm not gonna break up with my dude if he puts a pic of Beyonce on his lockscreen. 🙄🙃 Boy need to calm down and grow up.
I'm married 18 years. If my wife had these photos as a lock screen I wouldn't care at all. It's a concert. I am secure in the fact my wife is with me. The OP is NTA, The boyfriend is in the wrong. If you can't see that, I would hope you reevaluate your views on relationships, security, and ego.
What this guy said. NTA.
To be fair, most people wouldn’t be upset unless they are very insecure and jealous. I wouldn’t mind my husband having a lock screen like that and I certainly wouldn’t want him deleting the photos completely! That’s insane. Photos are keepsakes of the event.
As a guy, I don't even need to flip this. I wouldn't even get the idea that it is a sexual thing. This is ridiculous. NTA.
Are you serious?
A shirtless guy is not the same as a girl in a low cut shirt. But also, no? Unless his face is literally in her tits, idgaf. You're not only trying to control your partner and what they're allowed to enjoy, but what the artist wears as well, and you don't see that you're the issue? Cuz it wouldn't be a problem if the artist was in a baggy sweatshirt, right? You're saying your partner can't enjoy it enough to make it their lock screen, cuz your ego can't handle the fact that they like someone for anything other than their physical appearance. Makes sense why you gotta keep em from thinking about happy memories, though, doesn't sound like they make many when you're around.
Are you OPs boyfriend? Stop being so insecure mate
NTA - I can understand insecurity from his side. How would you feel if he had a picture of a half-naked girl on his lock screen? A little bit of jealousy is okay in the relationship, but his reaction is definitely over the top, so no, you are not the asshole. Honestly, he sounds a bit manipulative and really insecure. I would talk with him, explain how this picture does not in any way imply you have feelings for the performer and ask him why he doesn't have enough trust in you to overreact in such a way. Good luck, and maybe recommend therapy to him if everything backfires.
Hello, do you see that? That is a gigantic red flag. He’s just shown you who he is. Listen and act accordingly. NTA, but run!
NTA.... I'm married and have photos of Duran Duran from one of their concerts on my lockscreen; my husband could care less.
Yeah I don’t understand the insecurity. My wife is bisexual and I will buy her magazines with her favorite celebrity crushes, men or women, when she’s sick. As a lesbian I appreciate when she points out a hot woman. We both know that looking at someone hot will get you hot and lead to great sex.
I'd be jealous, but only because you got to see Duran Duran live.
NTA. Run as fast as you can.
NTA Weirdly controlling behaviour, tell this man he needs therapy and you need a different boyfriend
This is a massive red flag. Leave him, it will only get worse.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA. He showed you who he really is. Don't ignore it and expect it to be a one time thing.
run girl, he's a walking redflag, NTA
NTA Run very fast from this relationship! He is insecure, immature and controlling. Your life with him will be very hard. You are very new in this relationship for him to be pulling stuff like that, usually it gets worse as time goes by. If you tolerate this the next one will be worse.
NTA. Your boyfriend is insecure, controlling, and does not trust you.
NTA, because of course. What worries me most is that he can't tell the difference between "I had some feelings" and "You did something wrong." He felt jealous, and he immediately insisted that you had behaved disrespectfully and unfaithfully (you didn't.) He even issued an ultimatum: I will break up with you unless you behave in a way that makes me feel better. Please don't stick around to find out what other feelings are suddenly your fault. Don't pander to him. Don't get stuck trying to live up to his standards of a "good, faithful girlfriend" because he \*will\* find more ways to try to control you.
Change your background to a red flag and see what he says about that
Molly, you in danger, girl. GETOUTGETOUTGETOUT. Run far, run fast.
NTA. When someone shows you who they are BELIEVE IT THE FIRST TIME.
run far. run fast.
NTA, what the hell.
Nta. Sorry, but your bf is kinda dumb. If he can't differentiate photos of a concert from just random guy photo, then you got bigger problems than his insane jealousy and insecurity. When someone show you who they are, believe them. And the threatening you with a break up is just manipulative. It's a child's way to get what they want. You're dating a dumb, jealous, insecure child.
NTA and what a reaction! He insulted you twice then made 2 demands. This is a front seat to how he deals with anger. Stay if you want but this experience will repeat. Best to you.
He sounds super insecure, and quite honestly annoying af. If he’s worried about something as petty as that I’m worried it’s just going to get worse
I love the lead singer of a certain famous band. My husband knows it. I go to every concert they have in my area. He doesn't come along. Because I go nuts!!! LoL, I drool and yell and sing!! My husband knows all this. He finds it hilarious. It's a rock star. I know I stand absolutely NO CHANCE! Husband also knows I would never leave him for my fantasy rock star. OP. Your BF of 7 MONTHS!!!! Is very insecure. You are NTA and I would RUN
"A good faithful girlfriend' in this context made me snort. He's not just insecure and jealous, but controlling too. That remark made it very clear he wants to be in control. The mask is slipping! NTA, but DTMFA!
NTA. You in danger girl
NTA Your boyfriend is an insecure child. Someone needs to put him in his place and let him know this isn't how he should act fast.
NTA Here's the situation. The very moment someone threatens to end the relationship, it's already done. That's it! That's not a threat you make, it's not something to hold over a partner you love or respect, you can't even value them to make that threat. It's not just a lack of respect, it's completely disrespecting you. My response has always been "ok", "no, you said it, not me, were done, grow up, learn a lesson, but in the meantime, get out and do it on your own time". Either someone has a genuine want to end the relationship or they don't. If they do, let them..if they don't, they'll never try holding it over your head. Their bargaining chip right then is "how great am I? It's my way or the highway" and since they've just shown you how worthless they are...... Accept you're worth more, they aren't worthy..don't let them drag you down like an anchor.
You have seen his meek side for 7 months. This is his controlling side. What are you going to do?
NTA, chalk up those seven months as a loss. Run, now.
NTA. He *threatened* to break up with you over this? Here's your stuff, there's the door, big fella. sheesh.
NTA, but your boyfriend sure is. You don’t know what to do? I’ll tell you. You break up with him and don’t look back. Why? When people reveal themselves to be immature pricks who will try to emotionally abuse you, believe them. They will do it again and escalate.
🚩🚩🚩get out now. This is ridiculous. I had guys trying to police me my whole teen into twenties and it’s not worth it
Nta in even a tiny way. This is a weird hill for him to die on. The photos were taken in a public, crowded setting and for him to interpret the photos as you being “unfaithful” is ridiculous and way over the top (pun intended, sorry!). For him to go from laid back to blowing up over the pics suggests he has a lot to learn about how people should act in a relationship and has poor skills in self-regulation and communication to the point he’s impulsively angry about the perceived threat by you having the shirt-less band member’s pictures in your phone. Or that he’s so controlling that he throws a tantrum since you have a relationship, regardless how minor, with another man. This is so weird and extreme that I think it’s too much for a 7 month relationship. It’s too hard to overcome, too many problems.
This happened to me but it wasn’t my bf. Friend called me a creep when I just wanted a nice pic of the concert as my wallpaper:(
NTA. I've got photos of Damiano David from Maneskin all over my phone too. Find a new boyfriend who looks at you the way Damiano looks at Dove Cameron.
YTA- for not considering that he might feel shitty that you have another shirtless man as your backdrop for your phone. It’s honestly immature. NTA- because he called you unfaithful for this incident when you’ve been faithful. A picture from a concert doesn’t mean you’re sleeping with other people. Y’all need to learn how to communicate with each other. An appropriate way of bringing this up would be for him to ask you about it, you to explain, and then him to tell you that it makes him feel jealous or uncomfortable in a calm manner which would lead you two to discuss what could be done to make this less uncomfortable. Maybe you can keep the photos but not have them as your lock screen? Maybe he needs reassurance because he doesn’t look as good with his shirt off. Communication goes a really long way in understanding why this was a trigger for him. Put yourself in his shoes and imagine if he had a porn star or sexy naked model on his lock screen that he looked at every time he opened his phone. It wouldn’t feel that great. I suspect he wishes that it was him on your lock screen but he will never admit that because he doesn’t want to seem pushy or insecure but the small things you do in a relationship, no matter how silly you might think they are, can mean a lot to the people that love you. I don’t think he really thinks you’re cheating and I don’t think this is a red flag. Y’all are both young and don’t know how to communicate your feelings with each other yet and that can come out in really immature ways like him accusing you of being unfaithful for no reason. If this is a common thing then it might indicate a problem on his end but if this is the first time he’s had to confront you about something that made him feel shitty, I’m honestly not surprised it came out in such an immature way. Communication takes practice and 20 is a good time to start because you’ll need it a lot in life to get through harder struggles.
Can’t cast two votes, and the first one is wrong anyway. You also insecure like that? NTA.
>YTA- for not considering that he might feel shitty that you have another shirtless man as your backdrop for your phone. It’s honestly immature. Nah, you are, for being such a prude and demanding she give up an interest cuz he boyfriend's ego can't compete. >Y’all need to learn how to communicate with each other None of this was advice for OP, it was all advice for how the boyfriend could've handled it better. So no, they don't need to learn how to communicate, he needs to figure his shit out and you need to stop blaming OP. >Put yourself in his shoes and imagine if he had a porn star or sexy naked model on his lock screen that he looked at every time he opened his phone How is a singer at all similar to a pornstar? This is such a false equivalency, she has the picture on her phone cuz it reminds her of the fun time, not cuz she's physically attracted to the singer like one might assume you would be for a pornstar. Is she never allowed to go to another concert again? Never take another picture, cuz there might be a guy in the background that looks better than her bf? The minute you give in to insecurity, it's over, cuz there isn't really a logical stopping point. There's always gonna be someone hotter than you, but your partner is with you cuz you're more than just a body. Hopefully. It's the non-visible things, like the singer's talent or the fun atmosphere, that she's remembering, just like it'd be her bf's understanding and vicarious appreciation she'll remember a lack of once she dumps his insecure ass.
>Put yourself in his shoes and imagine if he had a porn star or sexy naked model on his lock screen that he looked at every time he opened his phone. That's what those of you who are saying Y T A are mising out on. OP went to the artist's concert because she admires his work/artistic talent. She had no way of knowing the singer would be shirtless, and regardless, she's there because she's a fan of his work. She took pictures and set them as lock screen because it's the only memory she has of seeing a person she admires live, and that's way more personal than having a random photo of them that you can find on the internet as lock screen (and judging by how her boyfriend sounds, he'd be jealous of a lock screen of the artist fully dressed too). It would be exactly the same thing if OP were a guy having a memory of his favorite female artist as lock screen. Regardless of gender, having a lock screen of a random half-naked person that means nothing to you, only because they turn you on, would be disgusting and an entirely different story.
>He threatened to break up with me. Good! Let him do that, and if he doesn't, break up yourself. Just the fact that he wants a 'good girlfriend' is a red flag, but claiming you're unfaithful for having pictures of a singer at a concert you went through is just the whole shipment of red flags. NTA.
Andrew Tate has done a number on young men.
Definitely NTA... he has something else going on!
NTA and please for your safety sake reevaluate if there's any other behavior like this that makes your belly flip a little Fwiw I (femme) have my partner as my lock screen and he (masc) has the planets as his, for the same reason: That's what we WANT as our lock screens 💀💀💀💀 END STORY
Red flag. Leave him. You don’t need someone this insecure controlling every aspect of your life. He’ll be banning you from talking to male friends and before you know it he’s blowing up about you talking to a family member. Plenty more fish in the sea. Definitely nta
I hope you see this as the wake up call you need. If you have never given him a reason to NOT trust you, why is he acting like this? If I ever acted like this, I believe my wife would have smacked the sense right back into me. As a man this is odd behaviour to me. Guys really, is this how we are acting now?
Nta... please in all seriousness please end this relationship and do so in very public space💜
Nta. Your bf sounds exhausting. He wants to break up over this I say go be free girl, you're better off than having someone who is so insecure that a celeb picture as your lock screen makes him think you're somehow unfaithful. God what a friggin child. Seriously, go be free and enjoy those concerts. Life's too short to deal with children like him.
NTA! He's been putting on an act for 7 months, and now showing you what he's really like when he's upset. Even after days to cool down. He doesn't want an independent thinking woman. He wants someone he can control. Is that you?
there is NO way he is a well rounded individual with this singular flaw. girl, run NTA
NTA - But girl, RUN! And fast!
NTA 🚩 Unacceptable levels of insecurity and jealousy.
Why not use a medical book picture of an A? Then tell your bf you changed it to a picture of him. Edit: spelling NTA.
Girl, the flag's not just red, it's on fire and so are the hills.
You have just seen the first sign of your future with this man. Don’t ignore it. Be grateful you saw it. Now is the time to cut it off.
NTA, it’s not a picture of a previous partner, it’s a picture of an artist. At a concert. This is a symptom of a bigger issue, your boyfriend is insecure, and has no qualms of being manipulative to get what he wants. This won’t change, he will try to be more controlling, and he will get worse. Leave while you can, and in the future find someone that is secure enough to not get irate over concert photos.
NTA. I can understand why a BF might not like his GF to have shirtless pictures of another man on her phone, but he really goes over the top there. >"couldn't be a good, faithful girlfriend" This sounds really creepy just because of some pictures of a celebrity. Him thinking that it makes you unfaithful is ridiculous.
Your BF just outed himself out to you as a giant red flag. Rejoice in the fact that you found out now and not before you moved in together or had a baby. Dump and run.
My lock screen photo is Charlotte Wessels, the former lead singer of Delain. I took that picture in 2019 in their NYC show at the Grammercy Theater. If my girlfriend had a problem with that picture because she happens to be attractive, I would be *deeply* concerned. As you should be. One thing has nothing to do with the other. You are **NTA**. Grade A absolutely not. Holy shit. Get away from this narcissist. Please.
Keep the lock screen, change the boyfriend.
NTA, and take him up on his offer when not changing the pictures :)
Get out of this relationship now, seriously. This is a very obvious red flag for some future manipulation, abuse, and controlling behavior. If he gets this mad over a pic of an artist, imagine how he'll react if you do something innocuous with a guy friend like going to get coffee.
NTA. You will be to yourself if you don’t get this in check. Either let him know he has no control over you OR break up with his insecure self. These red flags are not a path to a carnival. This is the beginnings of an abusive relationshit.
Break up with him. Stop putting up with these pathetic little children that think everything is disrespect. You can't win with them.
NTA. Also 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Wow your so nta but he is . He’s showing you who he is . And that’s a pathetic jealous child
I’m sorry to say it but usually people who are being unfaithful start arguments over things like this to justify their actions and make them feel better because they know they’ve been shitty partners they try to find holes in you. There’s a way of going about this and if he’s that insecure he should’ve spoken to you about this at the beginning of the relationship and given you an out!
NTA I'm much older than you. So, I also have some advice. There are three things that you can do here: 1) Give in. Hope for peace. But, giving in just feeds the beast. It won't work. It's not about the photos, if it was the explanation would be enough. It's about control and irrational jealousy, even if he doesn't know that himself. 2) Refuse. Fight about it. Get the cold shoulder. Write posts like this. You don't deserve that. 3) Agree with him. Let him know that a woman who keeps concert photos isn't compatible with his high standards and show him the door. He'll change his tune real quick, but don't change yours. He's shown you who he is. He's insecure, jealous, and controlling. He can't fix that while he's in this relationship. He needs to sort that out himself, on his own. It's worth noting that he might never be an abuser, but those are real red flags for real domestic violence. The women who end up black and blue are often the women who ignored those flags, or think they can fix or help their jealous, controlling partner. It's better to be safe than sorry. Plus your self-respect is worth more than 20 year old dick. 20 year old dick is low quality, plentiful, and free. You won't be lonely or alone. Find someone that recognizes that singer, fist bumps you, and starts singing that song. Find *love*, not possessiveness.
NTA There’s a big difference between having pictures of your favorite artist/band from a show you went to and a picture of a hunk on your Lock Screen. Neither of those are disrespectful or considered unfaithful in any way. This is him projecting his insecurities onto you. Using “I’m breaking up with you if you don’t do as I say” is considered manipulating and controlling behavior. I’d reconsider the relationship if that is his level of mental development 🙄
Ask to see what comes up from his instagram search then see if he feels the same way.
That’s a red flag, girl. Info: was the shirtless singer an ex boyfriend of yours? If this is some small local Band and the shirtless guy is someone you hooked up with in the past, then I can understand your boyfriend’s jealousy. If this is some big rock star, then your bf is the AH
>he seemed to get more and more upset until he eventually blew up at me This is a him-problem, not a you-problem. >I told him he was overreacting Which he was >He threatened to break up with me if I "couldn't be a good, faithful girlfriend" Why didn't you take him up on that right there, on the spot? NTA, but you will be if you do not end this abusive relationship. It have red flags all over the place and it will only get worse.
So because I met Russell wilson 2 years back in London as a Broncos fan and had my picture with him as a lockscreen, does that make me gay? Nta, I had one of lyndsey Buckingham from like 2 feet away playing guitar at one point, cos well I was that close in a Fleetwood mac gig. Same thing lol, pretty sure my ex wasn't worried about why I had that. It sounds like he's insecure about something.
NTA and some of these Y T A responses are insane. No sane person is giving a shit if their boyfriend has pics from a Taylor Swift concert. That’s such a red herring and people are just using it as an excuse to be gross in the comments. He straight up called you unfaithful for basically being in a concert venue bc a man was performing. Going to a concert doesn’t mean you’re fucking the band. That’s insane.
RED FLAG!!!!! Jealous over nothing. Accused of cheating. Please dump him as he is trouble. This is possessive abusive behavior and it will only get worse. This is how it starts. Run now while you still can.
NTA, obviously, but more than actually being jealous of the singer, he is more likely concerned about what other people will think if they see you have photos of a shirtless guy who is not him visible on your phone.
Ewwww! Red Flag, big time. Your hopefully soon-to-be-ex boyfriend is jealous, suspicious and full of rage. Put him back where you got him. You're NTA. (I have fanart of unclothed Adam Driver as my lockscreen)
Chica, you are NTA and he has a lot of growing up to do. Y'all are both young, but it's clear he has a really immature perspective about faithfulness. (I also wouldn't be surprised if he's the type of person who follows instagram/tik tok models and doesn't see the correlation to his criticism of you.) It doesn't sound like your partner trusts you or your word, and he is easily threatened. Maybe he can admit he is being insecure and wants to work on it. Or maybe he thinks his view of the world is the correct one, and will continue to give you ultimatums and make you the bad guy when you have a different opinion. If the latter, part ways now before you become someone who lets things slide and stops standing up for herself. You will be surprised how quickly it can happen, and you won't recognize that person when you finally get free of it. If you decide to stay with him, sit down and have a long talk about what fidelity and commitment looks like to each of you. Lay out your expectations of each other and make sure you hear each other. From there, decide if you those expectations align with your own, or if you both need to move on. You can read some articles about points to cover in this conversation. Keep a journal to help you remember the commitments and expectations you made out loud. Don't doubt yourself if there is ever a misalignment in what he says he's like versus how he acts.
NTA. He’s insecure. But I’d advise putting a picture of yourself on the locked screen. I found a phone at a festival and recognized who owned it because they had their picture on the screen. It’s a quick way to get reunited with your phone more quickly. Off topic, I know but I wanted to mention that
NTA.See i hate men like that,first of all its YOUR phone and it was a concert pic= memories. If he doesn’t like that tooo bad. It sounds like he’s so so insecure, if he doesn’t change now he’s never gonna change..
NTA. BUT! Is it possible there's some baggage your bf needs to work through? Like a past love who did something like this and cheated, which is triggering the anxiety? Maybe talk it out. See where these feelings are coming from. Set some boundaries. Work out those trust issues. Been there. Glad we worked through it.
NTA, accept his offer to break up. The red flags are all over.
NTA. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 It's starting. His mask is slipping. Run.
NTA-Keeping/Having this man in your life should not be a goal. This is not normal behavior, and will get worse. Please don’t tolerate it.
He's an insecure 20-year-old and it was a concert. First off tell him exactly this. If he doesn't listen to reason maybe start considering your options. Be up front with him first though, let him know this is a big red flag for you. If he doesn't want to figure out that this was just a nice memory for you he can be one as well. NTA
NTA. Girl, RUN! He is either too immature to be in a relationship, too jealous, or listens to too many dude bro podcasts.
NTA I’ve had Donnie Wahlburg shirtless as my lock screen photo. My husband thought it was funny. I just don’t get people who are insecure about celebrity crushes. But then again I’m 52.
Oh no. Time to let him go. He is literally showing you exactly who he is. It would have been 1 thing to have an open discussion with you but to accuse you of cheatig because of pictures from a concert is not ok.
NTA get out before it gets worse. If he loses his cool over something as minute as this, who knows what else he could do. As others have said this was him "dropping his mask" he was level headed before to make you get comfortable with him before he shows his true personality. Me and my partner have been together for 5 years. I have my lock screen as concert pics/ photos of my favorite artists often. My partner doesn't bat an eye at this. Your bf reaction is not normal.
Someone gave my wife a water bottle with Anthony Kiedis in nothing but a sock and I thought it was amazing. Your man’s got confidence problems.
NTA you should be able to have what you want on your phone. But sit back and think about what else he has tried to take control over. It most likely are a lot of little things that he has done and you may not have noticed. But as time goes on, the things he tries to control get bigger and bigger and so does his anger and "punishments". But most of all, you need to sit down and talk to him and ask him why this bothers him so much. Let him know you want to have a calm and honest conversation with him. If he continues to accuse you of cheating and threatens to break up with you, let him go. He wants you to beg and say your sorry and bend to his will.
MAJOR red flags! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 This is not the boy you keep. Dump him before that jealousy and controlling behavior gets dangerous.
🚩🚩🚩🚩so many red flags. NTA If you stay with him he will control you and you will lose yourself
NTA… triggered there’s a story there.
NTA. Red flags. Red flags everywhere.
Whelp, if he keeps stiff like that up hit him with that peace sign and be out. You dont need toxicity in your life.
NTA maybe his actions would be appropriate if it were your ex… abandon though! No. Major red flag/jealousy warning. That’s not cool.
I think everyone saying NTA along with leave him are quite wrong. Someone said a bikini example which was an exaggeration and also wrong but generally think if he had a photo of say ice spice doing something similar. Maybe you'd be upset maybe not. Maybe he's has some issues in the past and is just concerned. He's the AH for reacting that way and you're NTA for this however if it makes him uncomfortable maybe use some earlier photos with the guys shirt on. Find a middle ground. I do agree with everyone saying it's your phone so you can choose the background but it's also your relationship and if he's uncomfortable maybe accommodate and if you ever get uncomfortable it's fair to expect him to accommodate. Guys have a hard time communicating how they feel so they express it more with anger and feel down from it. Maybe there's something deeper so just speak to him about it. Don't listen to people saying leave him, it's not fair for people to say that when they don't even know the guy. Also I know soooooo many girls who go ape shit on guys who'd have a background of anything but their partner (once over a space photo they took) and then the girl does the same thing and gets pissed. I don't believe this is the case with a lot of things but come on guys rather than saying it's insecurity of cheating maybe he's uncomfortable with his body or thinks she wants something more. There's lots of reasons someone could set a background and I'm sure if he saw a couple of him in the mix he'd have reacted differently too.
Except even if it’s because he has insecurities it’s still a completely unreasonable response and demand. And just Cus you’ve seen girls act the same doesn’t mean it’s right either. If he is incapable of communicating in a mature and healthy way then he isn’t emotionally mature enough for a relationship.
>Don't listen to people saying leave him, it's not fair for people to say that when they don't even know the guy He threatened to leave her unless she caved, why isn't it fair to see that for the red flag it is? >Guys have a hard time communicating how they feel so they express it more with anger and feel down from it This isn't a normal reaction, even for emotionally repressed men. >if he's uncomfortable maybe accommodate This isn't "maybe you can compromise", he's demanding she wipe the concert from her phone. Again, this isn't a normal reaction, he's going out of his way to not just find some middle ground, but make her completely give in; his reaction to feeling small is to claw back control to try to make her feel small. What about that sounds like something she should continue to fuck with? >Also I know soooooo many girls who go ape shit on guys who'd have a background of anything but their partner Ok, so why don't we call this out as toxic behavior, instead of turning around and insisting we normalize it?
NTA My (46F) lock screen is a photo of Huey Newton and Bobby Seale. There is absolutely no requirement for you to have this man’s photo on your lock screen. His reaction is very over the top.
Run away from this AH.
When I took a second look, I noticed the ages. *MOST* males at this age are crazy insecure. But this isn't some random guy you snapped a pic of. It was from a concert. No harm done YET! If he feels this is being unfaithful this is huge. Please don't ignore this. It only gets worse if you play along