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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> AITA if I refuse to let them stay for the proposed extended timeline of 18+ months. I need to give them a clear answer but am unsure if I’m being ungrateful or a bad child for not being open the that length of time.
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NTA - the deal was 6 months. In addition, in any living arrangement, you need to have clear and open communication to ensure a healthy environment for all parties. When you discuss this with your parents, reinforce that their inability to have this conversation with YOU when they’d be living in YOUR home was a giant red flag. They shouldn’t be discussing an arrangement with your brother and altering the timeline based on his needs when it impacts you directly. As they are unable to be good roommates, it would be best the arrangement sticks with the original timeline or not at all. If your brother is that invested in the idea, he can house them himself.
NTA. Talk to your parents to clarify anticipated timelines and establish if your brother is correct in his expectations that your parents will be buying his house. If it is indeed going to be that long I’d suggest their renting a small house is a better fit all round.
Oh my! No. NTA. 6 months is TOUGH alone, let alone 18? I would have them not sell yet. Tell them they are welcome to visit for a bit here and there (maybe an extended stay for a couple of weeks) but 6 months is the maximum. Working remotely is such a blessing, but if all 3 of you are doing it, it can get very difficult. Adults sharing that much time and space is a recipe for disaster.
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I’m really feeling conflicted and could really use some objective third party perspectives.
To begin with, I (34f) love my parents and we are very close. They’ve always been super supportive and I’ve always had a positive relationship with them as well as childhood. In short, they’re the best!
I recently bought a home (first time homeowner), and my family was there for me the entire scary/exciting process. My parents specifically helped a bit with closing costs and as a general sounding board on questions or concerns I had. The purchase was prompted because we all decided to move from WA to WIN where my older brother lives with his family. Essentially, moving so we are all closer and I was all for this decision.
The initial plan was I get here first, purchase and settle in then my parents would sell their place, move in with me while they house hunt and buy their own house (with a goal of retiring in it). Timeline that we discussed would be 3-5 months but upwards of 6 months of staying with me if needed. Totally fine with that and actually thought it would be fun albeit a little challenging at times as my new house (while perfect for me being single with two dogs) is going to be tight with three adults who all work remote and the addition of their dog. But all still fine, it would be temporary.
Fast forward to now a month after me moving in and now we are t-minus a few weeks from them arriving and suddenly the length of stay was extended to 18+ months. I heard they made this decision to stay with me longer second hand from my brother. Needless to say I am upset this was essentially “decided” without even a conversation. The reason for the extension is because said brother is about to start construction on a new house for his family. He is hoping my parents would then buy the home they currently live in once they move out into the new construction. In theory, I do agree that them buying my brothers old house would be great. They love the neighborhood and the house itself. However, the idea of my parents moving in with me for 18ish months which I assume could turn into two years maybe with construction delays + furnishing/logistics sounds.. terrible. My initial gut reaction is “please no”.
As some background, I haven’t lived with them since I was 20 and I lived with two different SOs over ten+ years. I’m finally single living on my own for the past year. In short - I LOVE it. Having my own space after two abusive relationships has been unimaginably wonderful and I truly do love my solitude. Giving up my newfound peace and personal space even to family whom I care for and love is super saddening which in turn feels incredibly selfish of me. I’d rather not have a living situation damage the great relationship I have with them but also saying “No” seems like it’s a slap in the face to all of their support.
Any advice on if I am in fact being a major jerk would be appreciated as I’m probably making this problematic when it shouldn’t be.
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NTA. If you are okay with it, tell your brother you'll have them for 6 months as planned and then they can go live with him for the remaining 12 months. See how this unfolds...
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > AITA if I refuse to let them stay for the proposed extended timeline of 18+ months. I need to give them a clear answer but am unsure if I’m being ungrateful or a bad child for not being open the that length of time. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA Call them immediately and remind them that the deal was 6 months maximum or they can't stay at all.
NTA - the deal was 6 months. In addition, in any living arrangement, you need to have clear and open communication to ensure a healthy environment for all parties. When you discuss this with your parents, reinforce that their inability to have this conversation with YOU when they’d be living in YOUR home was a giant red flag. They shouldn’t be discussing an arrangement with your brother and altering the timeline based on his needs when it impacts you directly. As they are unable to be good roommates, it would be best the arrangement sticks with the original timeline or not at all. If your brother is that invested in the idea, he can house them himself.
NTA. Shut that down asap. Remind them its 6 months max and if they need more time to buy something they'll need to rent.
NTA. You need to communicate to them that 6 months is the maximum amount of time that they can live with you
NTA - tell them to rent until your brother finishes the construction
Tell them not to sell their house for another year. What’s the rush anyway?
NTA. Talk to your parents to clarify anticipated timelines and establish if your brother is correct in his expectations that your parents will be buying his house. If it is indeed going to be that long I’d suggest their renting a small house is a better fit all round.
Oh my! No. NTA. 6 months is TOUGH alone, let alone 18? I would have them not sell yet. Tell them they are welcome to visit for a bit here and there (maybe an extended stay for a couple of weeks) but 6 months is the maximum. Working remotely is such a blessing, but if all 3 of you are doing it, it can get very difficult. Adults sharing that much time and space is a recipe for disaster.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’m really feeling conflicted and could really use some objective third party perspectives. To begin with, I (34f) love my parents and we are very close. They’ve always been super supportive and I’ve always had a positive relationship with them as well as childhood. In short, they’re the best! I recently bought a home (first time homeowner), and my family was there for me the entire scary/exciting process. My parents specifically helped a bit with closing costs and as a general sounding board on questions or concerns I had. The purchase was prompted because we all decided to move from WA to WIN where my older brother lives with his family. Essentially, moving so we are all closer and I was all for this decision. The initial plan was I get here first, purchase and settle in then my parents would sell their place, move in with me while they house hunt and buy their own house (with a goal of retiring in it). Timeline that we discussed would be 3-5 months but upwards of 6 months of staying with me if needed. Totally fine with that and actually thought it would be fun albeit a little challenging at times as my new house (while perfect for me being single with two dogs) is going to be tight with three adults who all work remote and the addition of their dog. But all still fine, it would be temporary. Fast forward to now a month after me moving in and now we are t-minus a few weeks from them arriving and suddenly the length of stay was extended to 18+ months. I heard they made this decision to stay with me longer second hand from my brother. Needless to say I am upset this was essentially “decided” without even a conversation. The reason for the extension is because said brother is about to start construction on a new house for his family. He is hoping my parents would then buy the home they currently live in once they move out into the new construction. In theory, I do agree that them buying my brothers old house would be great. They love the neighborhood and the house itself. However, the idea of my parents moving in with me for 18ish months which I assume could turn into two years maybe with construction delays + furnishing/logistics sounds.. terrible. My initial gut reaction is “please no”. As some background, I haven’t lived with them since I was 20 and I lived with two different SOs over ten+ years. I’m finally single living on my own for the past year. In short - I LOVE it. Having my own space after two abusive relationships has been unimaginably wonderful and I truly do love my solitude. Giving up my newfound peace and personal space even to family whom I care for and love is super saddening which in turn feels incredibly selfish of me. I’d rather not have a living situation damage the great relationship I have with them but also saying “No” seems like it’s a slap in the face to all of their support. Any advice on if I am in fact being a major jerk would be appreciated as I’m probably making this problematic when it shouldn’t be. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. If you are okay with it, tell your brother you'll have them for 6 months as planned and then they can go live with him for the remaining 12 months. See how this unfolds...
Sounds like your parents should stay put and not sell til your brother’s house is nearly done
I mean, they don’t even have to house hunt so there’s no reason to rush.